Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983–1987): Season 2, Episode 20 - You Only Die Twice - full transcript

So I just take these files to
the records center in Rockville.

- Right?
- Yes, right.

- You think the Beltway's all right?
- No problem.

Maybe I should take Constitution
Avenue to Chevy Chase to the highway.

Yeah. Amanda, can we just discuss this
at the car? These boxes are killing me.

You still look great, Sylvia.

Seven years haven't
hurt you any either.

Well, a pound or two seem to have
snuck up on me when I wasn't looking.

Success will do that.

This is Miss Samson,
she's on your list. This way.

I'm so proud of you, Billy.



I always knew you'd
make unit head one day.

- Thank you, Syl.
- Nice.

- Is this plush or is this plush?
- Yeah.

Not bad. You're gonna want that.

Letter of courtesy, huh?

Uh-huh.

"Please extend full interagency
cooperation to Agent Samson...

signed, Carl Dunbar,
FSA director."

How is old Dunbar?

Just as charming as ever.

Sorry to hear that.

Well, you know that you can have
anything you want from this agency.

Thanks, Billy. Great.

What's the case?



You've heard of TELDAR?

Like I'm familiar with
Exxon, U.S. Steel, IT&T.

Their international headquarters is right
here. I've got to get into that company.

I don't think I can help you.

They're holding open interviews
for data processors today at 3:00.

Now, I'm pretty handy
with a computer...

- I think the word is wiz.
- Thanks.

- So you need an ID?
- That's right.

I need something very
clean and complete.

We'll get you the shadow file.

- Leon? JUNE [OVER
PHONE]: Yes, sir.

BILLY: Leon?
- I mean, no, sir.

Leon's out with the flu. I'm filling in.
June Phelps, sir, from the temporary pool.

Yes, well, I need the computer
disc for the shadow file.

- Shadow file? BILLY:
Fictional ID file, June.

Never mind. Bring me all the
personnel discs, I'll pick it up myself.

Yes, sir.

Whoa.

Are you all right?

I'm fine, thank you.
I'm just really clumsy.

- June, I need those now, please.
- Yes, sir.

LEE: The bear growls.

This one goes in here.
And this one... Uh...

Uh-huh.

Oh.

- Oh, goes in here.
- Yeah, well, why don't we...? Here.

Oh, thank you so much,
Mr. Stetson, for helping me.

It's quite all
right. Call me Lee.

[LEE CHUCKLES]

Uh...

Yeah.

So Dunbar claimed he didn't
know the combination to the safe.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- Here you are, sir.
BILLY: Thank you, June.

Okay.

Ah.

There you are. The shadow file.

There's nearly 300 made-up
people in there, Sylvia...

complete with personal
statistics, employment records...

family history, the
whole nine yards.

- Terrific.
- Use any of the empty consoles you need.

Okay. Thanks, Billy.

Happy hunting.

- Hello. SYLVIA: Hi.

[LEE CLEARS THROAT]

- New recruit?
- Hardly.

Sylvia Samson, she's been
an agent longer than you have...

from Federal
Security in Houston.

Oh. What's she doing here?

Something to do with
TELDAR Corporation.

[WHISTLES]

- That's pretty high-tech stuff, huh?
- Piece of cake for Sylvia.

Look at the way she
runs that computer.

LEE: Yeah.

- She seems good.
- She's a genuine wiz.

Good.

Good.

Same age, tall, brunette.

Yeah. That'll do nicely.

Documents, please?

Yes, I'd like a full equipment package
on file number 36794D, as in dog, G.

The Amanda King file.

Thank you, I'll be
down in five minutes.

Thanks, pal.

[CHATTERING]

Just a few more minutes, Amanda.

First day is almost done.

Thank goodness.

I can't wait to get home
to a nice, warm bath.

[BUZZER RINGS]

Oh, great.

I know what you mean.

Everybody thinks you need a good head for
computers. What you need is a good back.

Ha, ha. That's for sure.

- Oh, say, do you need a ride home?
- No, thanks. I've got my own car.

Oh, my gosh, I forgot my grocery
list. I think I left it on my desk.

Uh... Go ahead. I'll
see you tomorrow.

- Okay, good night.
- Good night.

MACEY: Does the initial $21 million
investment stand up in the tax area?

Yes, sir, Mr. Macey.

We show a 30 percent
write-down in the first year...

with an amortized 18 percent
for the following four years.

Fine. Profit projections?

Based on our product
acceptability figures...

13 percent rising to 40
percent for the five-year period.

Very good, Cavanaugh.

You have the go-ahead.

You have certainly said very
little about this venture, Craig.

It's really not my area
of expertise, now, is it?

No. No, I suppose it isn't.

[ALARM WAILING]

MACEY: Eiger,
what the hell is that?

EIGER: Someone's operating.

It's level G.

It's a new employee, a Mrs.
King. She's calling for the Red File.

MACEY: Cavanaugh, shut her out.

She's in, sir.

And she's overridden
the lockout.

The Red File is open.

I knew it.

Let's go downstairs,
we'll cut her off.

EIGER: She's going up.

The roof. Get up there and
stop her. I'll contact security.

I'll get her.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

[SCREAMS]

Got her.

Come on.

Where is she?

AMANDA: You'll never believe what
just happened. It was the strangest thing.

I went to the drugstore, I got
my stuff and took it up to the front.

And I gave Mr. Walters my
credit card to pay, like I always do.

He took it into the back and
he put it into that machine...

and the machine
said it was rejected.

I said that's impossible
because the account's all paid up.

He said the account
had been closed down.

That's nice.

You're not listening.
This is serious.

- Serious?
- My card was rejected at the drugstore.

Oh, well, it was probably
a computer error.

- It'll be taken care of.
- Mother, I felt like a criminal.

I mean, really, it
was so embarrassing.

[GROANS]

Mother, I didn't have enough
cash to pay for everything...

so I had to put a
few things back.

I had to put your lipstick back.

- Mother?
- Huh?

You're reading the
obituaries again.

I swear, I really don't
know why you do that.

I read these, Amanda, because
they're interesting little histories.

They're all to themselves.

I mean, look at this.
"Charles Hebler, age 78.

Rachel Jacobs, age 82.

- Amanda King."
- Who?

Oh, dear. Oh, this is sad.

"Died of an apparent suicide."

- Really? Ooh.
- Divorced mother of two children. She...

She lived here.

Amanda...

you passed away two days ago.

This is your obituary.

- But I...
- Ha-ha-ha.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

[PHONE RINGS]

Oh. Hello?

Yes. Oh, yes, Mr. Walston.

Well, yes, I just read
about it in the paper.

Well, no, it isn't
really a tragedy.

No.

I'm not being
insensitive. It's ju...

Hold on a minute.

What are those?

It's for you, Mother,
from Reverend Mills.

"With deepest sympathy."

FRANCINE: So the driver just
found a body on top of his truck?

Yeah. We got the story
from a police report.

I dropped my teeth when
I saw the woman's name.

Lee and I went to the morgue.
The body was Sylvia Samson.

I can't believe she's dead.

I'm sorry, Billy.

Look, what was she doing
carrying Amanda's ID?

Sylvia came here to get an
identification from the shadow file...

but it looks like she got into
the civilian file by mistake.

And used Amanda's ID
for an operational cover.

I'll tell you both something.

Sylvia was one fine agent...

and we're gonna find
out what happened to her.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in, please.

Hello, sir. Hi, Francine. Lee.

Look, does anybody know
anything about this? Hm?

Yeah, sort of.

Well, does this have
something to do with a case?

Amanda, there's been a
foul-up here at the agency.

I'd say there has been.

Sir, excuse me. I know
the regulations and all...

but I think I needed
to know about this one.

Amanda, we all sympathize
with your situation...

but this whole incident has caused problems
that we're still trying to work out.

Yes, sir, and I've got one
of the biggest problems.

According to this, I'm dead.

BILLY: If you'll just print a
retraction in your newspaper.

No. No, no, you
don't understand.

Amanda King is not really dead.

Dead people don't pace.

You see, it was just a
tiny little computer error.

See? It was just a tiny
computer error. That's all it was.

It could've been worse. The
obituary could've been real.

As far as all my friends
are concerned, it is real.

Do you know how many people called
my mother this morning and sent flowers?

It's morbid.

Well, at least you
know you're well liked.

I knew I was well
liked before I was dead.

Okay, okay, you can have that.

We can send it
to you in an hour.

You've been very kind. Thank
you very much and goodbye.

- Bureaucrats. All the same.
- Am I back among the living?

- Define "living."
- Francine...

- Now, hold it. Let's just stay on this.
- Sorry, sir.

Did you place that
call to FSA in Houston?

I was talking with an agent that used to
work with Sylvia. He was uncooperative.

He told me I should speak to
his superior, a man named...

BILLY: Carl Dunbar. I know him.

Call him now and
see what you can get.

I'm going to Legal, see if I can
facilitate Amanda's situation.

Oh, thank you, sir.

BILLY: I'll talk to Dunbar
in more detail later.

- Okay, got it.

I don't mean to make
a big deal out of this...

but my credit cards are
frozen, bank account's closed.

I got $4.23 in my pocket,
no food in the house.

It's really hard to do
things when you're dead.

Look, if it's money you
need, I can lend you some...

No. I don't need any money. I
just want this mess cleared up.

Amanda, it will all be
handled, believe me.

You just sit there and relax and I
will be back in one second, okay?

All right.

FRANCINE: No,
Mr. Dunbar, I didn't.

I'm terribly sorry.

We happen to be a very...

Look, Mr. Dunbar,
if I could just...

[GROANS]

Why do I always get
the choice assignments?

Well?

It looks like Sylvia's letter
of authorization was a phony.

She must have forged it.

Oh, boy. What else
did he say about Sylvia?

Not a great deal. But he did tell me
that she took an extended leave from FSA.

Apparently, she became
obsessed with some case.

- That doesn't sound like Sylvia.
- Did he say what the case was?

He didn't. And when I asked
him, he told me that I could...

I'm sure I know.

It's nice to know
Dunbar hasn't changed.

I'll talk to him later
when he's cooled down.

Obviously not a
very cooperative man.

I guess being promoted to the director of
Federal Security Agency went to his head.

LEE: Why does he think she was killed?
- He doesn't.

He thinks she committed suicide.

I don't buy that. Sylvia
was too levelheaded

a person to do
a thing like that.

- I want you in on this one.
- You got it.

I'm gonna find out what Sylvia was
working on and you find out who killed her.

At least there's one
piece of good news.

In tomorrow's
edition, there'll be a

retraction saying
Amanda King is still alive.

MACEY: Amanda
King is still alive.

It seems we have a
problem, gentlemen.

I saw you shoot her.
She fell five stories.

Seemed that way to me.

There must be some sort
of an explanation to all this.

There is. You missed your shot and she
grabbed onto something to break her fall.

- But what?
- Well, I don't know. A ledge, a wire.

It's a moot point. But the
situation has gotta be remedied.

- I wish we'd gotten a better look at her.
- That's not necessary.

We've got her home
address from the obituary.

I want you to take
care of this matter.

This woman is walking around with
information that could do us harm.

Look, she hasn't acted on it yet or there'd
be feds swarming all over this building.

MACEY: Just take care of it.

I wanna see those Green
Beret skills I hired you for.

You saw them in San Rafin
when I took care of Rojas.

And I want you to be sure that
Amanda King gets the same treatment.

PHILIP: Grandma, do
I like smoked oysters?

Ha, ha. Not if
you're related to me.

I think I've got
almost $2 out of here.

Your mother is going to bring
the groceries. Save your money.

I thought we didn't have
money since everybody thought...

Mom croaked.

We don't say
"croaked," sweetheart.

[PHONE RINGS]

We say "passed on." Hello?

How about "kicked the bucket"...

- or "bit the big one"?
- Very funny.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- Somebody... JAMIE: I got it.

- No, I got it.
- I'm sorry. What did you say?

Who?

Caskets Are Us?

No, no, I'm not upset. No,
there's a... There's been a mistake.

You see, she's not dead.

Why would I kid
about a thing like that?

I know, but there was a
retraction printed in the paper.

I am her mother.

My health is just fine.

No, I don't need one.

And I don't care if
they are on sale. I...

Goodbye.

- Ah.
- A man at the door delivered these.

Oh, I'm getting
so I hate flowers.

[PHONE RINGING]

Shh. No. No.

I've had it. Come on. Get your
jackets. We are going to the park.

All right, Jamie.

There's something here
that just doesn't add up, Billy.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

All right, bye.

Here's your change.

There's more in my hand.

- Here, let me carry those for you.
- Thanks.

I really appreciate this. I
didn't have anything for dinner.

No breakfast. No coffee.

Mother goes crazy
without a coffee.

- How much did you spend here?
- Seventy-eight dollars.

You managed to cram 78 dollars'
worth of groceries into two sacks?

Usually we're a four-bag family, but
I didn't wanna spend all your money.

Well, thank you.

- Just put them in the back seat.
- All right.

- On the seat.
- Mm-hm.

- Be careful not to tip them over, please.
- No problem.

Great. Thanks a lot.

- A penny for your thoughts.
- Huh?

Oh. Cost you a
nickel. Inflation.

- Tough times.
- Yeah.

This thing with Sylvia
doesn't make sense.

Why not?

Well, Billy just talked
to Dunbar in Houston.

Sylvia was on assignment six
months ago in South America.

- Ooh, that sounds dangerous.
- Yeah.

Now, she was convinced that there
was American corporate involvement...

in the internal affairs of a
country called San Rafin.

San Rafin?

Didn't they have a presidential
candidate disappear down there?

Yeah. She thought this company
had something to do with it.

Now, according to Dunbar...

her investigation became
a real political hot potato...

and he ordered her off the case.

And that's when she asked for
an extended leave of absence.

So she could keep on
investigating on her own?

Yeah. I'm gonna
check further into this.

- Uh... Anything else? More money?
- Oh, no, no.

Mm-mm. No, I'm fine. I should open
my closed accounts again and, uh...

Well...

- it feels good not to be dead anymore.
- Well put.

Most people can't say that.

[LAUGHS]

Well, I'll see you later.

Okay, here, let me get that.

Thanks a lot. One
more for the road?

Yeah.

- Drive carefully.
- Careful. Oh, I will.

- All right, see you later.
- Bye.

I don't like this. It's
too out in the open.

Relax. There's
nothing to worry about.

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

EIGER: Excuse me.

Pardon me. I hate to bother you,
but my friend and I seem to be lost.

- Where are you
going? EIGER: Let's see.

Could you tell us how we can
get to Barbara Drive from here?

You're going the wrong
direction. Turn around...

and then go down to the end
of the street and take a left...

One word and it's your last.

Get in the car, lady.

No, no, no, bring the groceries.

We don't want you to litter the lawn.
You know how the neighbors will talk.

Why are you doing this?

We thought you were dead, but the papers
were very helpful with their retraction.

This whole thing
is a terrible mistake.

Why don't you just put the
groceries down on the floor and relax?

I better not do that. They'll
fall over, everything will spill out.

I'll just rearrange them first.

How thoughtful.

Who are you working for?

They gave you a
pretty convincing cover.

You live with your mother and
your two kids, Jamie and Philip.

They really find kids for you or do they
just exist on paper in some computer?

No, they're real children
and that's my real mother.

Well, that's very touching.

Well, the papers
will be right next time.

You only die twice, Mrs. King.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Let's get out of here.

CAVANAUGH: Where is she?
- Forget it, she's gone.

Now, let's get out of here before
some helpful neighbor calls the police.

Thank you.

Billy, I just got a...

BILLY: Over here.

What are you doing?

I lost a microdot, the
Dardanelles microdot.

How did you lose a microdot?

- Scarecrow, did you ever sneeze?
- Yeah.

Then get down here
and help me find it.

All right. Now, which
way did you sneeze?

- Out.
- Out?

Out. It was a big sneeze. I
mean, it could be anywhere.

Hey, listen, you start
looking over there.

Okay.

Have you come up with anything on
that TELDAR thing Sylvia was into?

It looks like she was
into something legitimate.

I just talked to Crandle,
our Argentine contact.

He said he was in San Rafin at the time and
his suspicions are the same as Sylvia's.

Yeah, but nobody in
Houston believed her.

Yeah, that's exactly right.

She was here on
a personal crusade.

Here it is. I got it.

Give me. Give me.

Ha-ha-ha. Oh, jeez.

One smart remark
from you, young lady...

and you will be filling out forms in
Sheboygan from now till Christmas.

I see nothing out
of the ordinary.

- Very well. Very well.
- Mm-hm.

Scarecrow, we've got to find
something to break this case open.

We need to get inside of TELDAR.

I'd love to get the entire
unit into TELDAR...

but I cannot sanction a run on a
major corporation without proof.

But Crandle...

Just had suspicions,
you said so yourself.

All right, then
send me in alone.

They killed Sylvia. She
must've been onto something.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Oh, thank goodness
you're here, I was kidnapped.

- What?
- They were gonna kill me...

- but I got them with whipped cream.
- Whipped cream?

They thought I was
dead, then knew I wasn't.

- Because they read it in the
newspaper. LEE: Sylvia Samson.

They thought you were Sylvia.
That's gotta be it. That's your proof.

They killed Sylvia at TELDAR
under Amanda's identity.

Now, wait a minute. Amanda, did any of
these people say anything about TELDAR?

- I never heard of that.
- That's it.

All right, you get
in but you get out.

Check in every hour so I
can monitor your safety.

And I want a 24-hour
watch on Amanda's home.

- Thank you very much.
LEE: I'll drive you home.

What about my groceries?

Your groceries?

- I don't have any food in my house.
- All right.

Just give me a list and I will have
one of our agents pick them up for you.

Two heads of lettuce, four
tomatoes, a zucchini, whipped cream...

Whipped cream.

CAVANAUGH: Two heads of
lettuce, tomatoes, whipped cream.

We could make a wicked salad, but there's
nothing that tells us what her game is.

Who the hell is this woman?

She's obviously a pro.

She's eluded you twice now.

Why isn't anybody onto us? She must
have seen the data in the computer bank.

No printout was activated,
so all she did was see it.

It's her word against ours.

And since Cavanaugh's taken all
the evidence out of the computer...

We simply become three
respected, successful executives.

And she looks like
she's crying wolf.

She's still a source
of potential danger.

If some proof surfaced later, she'd
make an excellent corroborating witness.

Unless the next time we
meet Mrs. King, it's swift.

No. No, I want her alive.

I want to know who she works
for, what she saw on the screen...

and exactly who she's told,
so we'll know how to operate.

We can be guilty as hell and still
operate if we know who to pay off.

Well, whoever she works for
is bound to have her protected.

- They've gotta know we'll try again.
- But not when or how.

We dictate that... so
we control the game.

DOTTY: I will never
read the obituaries again.

It's like a funeral
parlor in here.

Oh. Did you thank Aunt
Ruth for her arrangement?

Did she send the one with
the bells or the little angels?

The little angels. The bells were
sent by Philip's music teacher.

Yeah. Well, it really is
sort of touching to know...

that these people cared
enough to send all these flowers.

I wish they'd sent
food. We have none.

Well, the groceries I
ordered should be here soon.

Ah, thank goodness.

EIGER: Relax.

I am so hungry, I could
eat one of these flowers.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Yes.

Is it the groceries?

It's Mildred. She's
having a dinner party.

Now that she knows you're not dead,
I think she wants the flowers back.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Tell her thank you all the same.

MACEY: Mrs. King?
- Hello. Yes.

I've been sent to protect you.

But Mother and the children are here.
You're supposed to do that from outside.

But there has been a slight problem
and we'd like you to come with us.

DOTTY: Amanda, can I
help you with the groceries?

Uh, no, Mother, in fact, I may
have to go pick them up myself.

Oh, good. Whatever you
have to do is fine with me.

Uh, oh, I'm sorry. You said
it was a little blue basket.

I really can't come
with you right now.

Reconsider.

[SIGHS]

All right, here we go.

Billy, do you copy? Billy,
come in. Do you read me?

- We read you, Scarecrow. Any
problems? LEE [OVER RADIO]: None.

Came in on whisper mode.

I'm on the roof.

Once I'm by the door to the air
ducts, I'll be free of the alarm sensors.

- You've got one
hour. LEE: In and out.

Keep that chopper
on standby, huh?

Yep.

- Now, show us.
- Show you what?

Demonstrate to Cavanaugh how you
accessed the Red File in our databank.

You've made a mistake. You
must think that I'm somebody else.

No, no. We know
exactly who you are.

It's all in your file from your
one-day employment with us.

Of course, I assume all that information
is false, not that it matters really.

Unfortunately, we haven't met...

but I was in the building that night
you fell to your death from our roof.

AMANDA: Oh, now, listen, this
is gonna sound very strange...

but there was a woman
who took my identity.

And obviously it wasn't
me who fell off the roof. It...

Well, it just wasn't me.

MACEY: I'm tired of your fairytales.
Tell us how you broke into the computers.

Now I know you've
made a mistake.

I couldn't break into a computer
if my life depended on it.

It took me almost a month to encode
and to activate the secret Red File.

You broke in in just a few hours.
That's not the work of a novice.

The only sloppy
part of the break-in...

was not bypassing the security
alarm I attached to the file.

MACEY: But you did
see it, right, Mrs. King?

Before we interrupted you,
you read our security file.

No. I didn't read anything.

And you know that Mr. Eiger here
killed Emanuel Rojas in San Rafin.

You killed the presidential
candidate in San Rafin?

Don't act so ignorant. Do
you know if he were elected...

Rojas was prepared to nationalize all
of TELDAR's holdings in the country?

Land, equipment, currency,
worth over $800 million.

He had to die, and so do you.

- She's not gonna tell us how she broke in.
- Let me persuade her.

MACEY: No, there's no more time.

I'm sure you have an excellent
suggestion of what to do though.

Yeah.

Let's take her on a
tour of TELDAR's quarry.

[AMANDA GROANS]

Excellent.

[AMANDA WHIMPERS]

Don't worry, Mrs. King.
It'll all be over soon.

Harry, come in.

Harry, come in.

- I need immediate pickup.
HARRY [OVER RADIO]: On my way.

Punch it, man.

Amanda's life depends on it.

I've been monitoring.
What's going down?

They've got Amanda. They're
taking her to the TELDAR quarry.

- We're on our way.
LEE: And hurry it up.

Come on.

Tie her up.

This will be perfect.

Bring her over here.

MACEY: Tie her to that
pipe. EIGER: Sit down.

[EIGER GRUNTS]

Goodbye, Mrs. King.

Who the hell is that?

Get me out of here.

Bring her down.

Hold on.

Come on.

Look out, here they come.

I got them.

- How bad? HARRY: Go, go, go.

LEE: Get in.

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOT]

Okay.

Come on, you're gonna be all
right. We'll get you into the car.

Here we go.

Oh...

- You all right?
- A little dizzy.

What's he doing?

- He's not gonna move.
- Pull up!

AMANDA: Mother?

Mother?

Oh, come on. Come on.

She went to Mr. Chicken with
the boys. They were starving.

- Feels like you're feeding an army.
- Yes, well, I am.

- Oh.
- Oh...

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't
find the Crunchy Crawlers...

- so you'll have to do with the Oaties.
- Well, that's...

What's that?

What? It's just a
form I've gotta fill out.

What is it? Am I still dead?

It's for Internal
Affairs, Amanda.

- Why don't you just rip it up?
- Well, uh...

until I process the form, technically
you are still dead. It's agency policy.

Okay, well, if I'm still dead,
could I stay dead until Tuesday?

I think I'll take the boys to the
amusement park on Monday.

I guess so.

Yeah, and could you reincarnate
me at a higher salary? Ha, ha.

[ENGLISH - US -SDH]