Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 5, Episode 19 - Steve Martin/Paul & Linda McCartney/3-D - full transcript

Announcer: SATURDAY NIGHT
LIVE WILL BE DELAYED SO THAT WE
MAY BRING YOU THIS EXCLUSIVE

LIVE WILL BE DELAYED SO THAT WE
MAY BRING YOU THIS EXCLUSIVE
REPORT.

MAY BRING YOU THIS EXCLUSIVE
REPORT.
DAY 122: PAUL MCCARTNEY WITHOUT

REPORT.
DAY 122: PAUL MCCARTNEY WITHOUT
MARIJUANA.

DAY 122: PAUL MCCARTNEY WITHOUT
MARIJUANA.
[LAUGHTER]

MARIJUANA.
[LAUGHTER]
FROM THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" DESK

[LAUGHTER]
FROM THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" DESK
IN NEW YORK, HERE'S JANE CURTIN.

FROM THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" DESK
IN NEW YORK, HERE'S JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING!

IN NEW YORK, HERE'S JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING!
IT'S BEEN 122 DAYS SINCE PAUL

GOOD EVENING!
IT'S BEEN 122 DAYS SINCE PAUL
MCCARTNEY WAS ARRESTED IN JAPAN

IT'S BEEN 122 DAYS SINCE PAUL
MCCARTNEY WAS ARRESTED IN JAPAN
FOR POSSESSION OF MARIJUANA.



MCCARTNEY WAS ARRESTED IN JAPAN
FOR POSSESSION OF MARIJUANA.
AND IT'S BEEN 122 DAYS SINCE

FOR POSSESSION OF MARIJUANA.
AND IT'S BEEN 122 DAYS SINCE
PAUL MCCARTNEY LAST SMOKED

AND IT'S BEEN 122 DAYS SINCE
PAUL MCCARTNEY LAST SMOKED
MARIJUANA.

PAUL MCCARTNEY LAST SMOKED
MARIJUANA.
NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE"

MARIJUANA.
NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE"
CONTINUES TO BRING YOU THE MOST

NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE"
CONTINUES TO BRING YOU THE MOST
COMPREHENSIVE COVERAGE OF THIS

CONTINUES TO BRING YOU THE MOST
COMPREHENSIVE COVERAGE OF THIS
CRISIS.

COMPREHENSIVE COVERAGE OF THIS
CRISIS.
WE SENT TO ENGLAND THE

CRISIS.
WE SENT TO ENGLAND THE
SAME CORRESPONDENT WHO ALMOST

WE SENT TO ENGLAND THE
SAME CORRESPONDENT WHO ALMOST
GOT AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH

SAME CORRESPONDENT WHO ALMOST
GOT AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
PAUL IN A TOKYO PRISON.

GOT AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH
PAUL IN A TOKYO PRISON.
OF COURSE, I'M REFERRING TO OUR

PAUL IN A TOKYO PRISON.
OF COURSE, I'M REFERRING TO OUR
OWN FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI.

OF COURSE, I'M REFERRING TO OUR
OWN FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]



OWN FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
EVEN THOUGH IT'S 4:30 IN THE

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
EVEN THOUGH IT'S 4:30 IN THE
MORNING OVER THERE, WE'VE SET UP

EVEN THOUGH IT'S 4:30 IN THE
MORNING OVER THERE, WE'VE SET UP
A LIVE SATELLITE FEED WITH

MORNING OVER THERE, WE'VE SET UP
A LIVE SATELLITE FEED WITH
FATHER SARDUCCI IN LONDON.

A LIVE SATELLITE FEED WITH
FATHER SARDUCCI IN LONDON.
FATHER, ARE YOU THERE?

FATHER SARDUCCI IN LONDON.
FATHER, ARE YOU THERE?
HELLO, JANE.

FATHER, ARE YOU THERE?
HELLO, JANE.
I'M STANDING HERE IN FRONT

HELLO, JANE.
I'M STANDING HERE IN FRONT
OF WHERE PAUL MCCARTNEY IS

I'M STANDING HERE IN FRONT
OF WHERE PAUL MCCARTNEY IS
STAYING IN THE WEST END

OF WHERE PAUL MCCARTNEY IS
STAYING IN THE WEST END
SECTION OF LONDON, ENGLAND.

STAYING IN THE WEST END
SECTION OF LONDON, ENGLAND.
IS PAUL THERE WITH

SECTION OF LONDON, ENGLAND.
IS PAUL THERE WITH
YOU, FATHER?

IS PAUL THERE WITH
YOU, FATHER?
WELL, NOT YET, JANE.

YOU, FATHER?
WELL, NOT YET, JANE.
BUT HE'LL BE DOWN AT ANY

WELL, NOT YET, JANE.
BUT HE'LL BE DOWN AT ANY
MOMENT NOW.

BUT HE'LL BE DOWN AT ANY
MOMENT NOW.
THIS HERE, THIS IS HIS OFFICE.

MOMENT NOW.
THIS HERE, THIS IS HIS OFFICE.
AND UP THERE ON THE SECOND

THIS HERE, THIS IS HIS OFFICE.
AND UP THERE ON THE SECOND
FLOOR, THAT'S HIS APARTMENT.

AND UP THERE ON THE SECOND
FLOOR, THAT'S HIS APARTMENT.
HE'S BEEN HOLED UP THERE SINCE

FLOOR, THAT'S HIS APARTMENT.
HE'S BEEN HOLED UP THERE SINCE
HE WAS PAROLED FROM PRISON.

HE'S BEEN HOLED UP THERE SINCE
HE WAS PAROLED FROM PRISON.
[LAUGHTER]

HE WAS PAROLED FROM PRISON.
[LAUGHTER]
CLOSE.

[LAUGHTER]
CLOSE.
SECOND FLOOR UP THERE.

CLOSE.
SECOND FLOOR UP THERE.
HE SHOULD BE DOWN ANY

SECOND FLOOR UP THERE.
HE SHOULD BE DOWN ANY
MINUTE NOW.

HE SHOULD BE DOWN ANY
MINUTE NOW.
HEY, I BET YOU'RE WONDERING

MINUTE NOW.
HEY, I BET YOU'RE WONDERING
ABOUT MY HAIR, RIGHT?

HEY, I BET YOU'RE WONDERING
ABOUT MY HAIR, RIGHT?
[LAUGHTER]

ABOUT MY HAIR, RIGHT?
[LAUGHTER]
Jane: IT DOES LOOK A

[LAUGHTER]
Jane: IT DOES LOOK A
LITTLE DIFFERENT.

Jane: IT DOES LOOK A
LITTLE DIFFERENT.
THANK YOU!

LITTLE DIFFERENT.
THANK YOU!
THIS IS THE LATEST IN ITALY.

THANK YOU!
THIS IS THE LATEST IN ITALY.
IT'S CALLED A CORN ROLL.

THIS IS THE LATEST IN ITALY.
IT'S CALLED A CORN ROLL.
SOME PEOPLE, THEY CALL IT

IT'S CALLED A CORN ROLL.
SOME PEOPLE, THEY CALL IT
"MAIZE ROLL".

SOME PEOPLE, THEY CALL IT
"MAIZE ROLL".
[LAUGHTER]

"MAIZE ROLL".
[LAUGHTER]
THERE'S A NEW MOVIE JUST COME

[LAUGHTER]
THERE'S A NEW MOVIE JUST COME
OUT ABOUT A MONTH AGO.

THERE'S A NEW MOVIE JUST COME
OUT ABOUT A MONTH AGO.
IT'S CALLED DIEZ,

OUT ABOUT A MONTH AGO.
IT'S CALLED DIEZ,
IT MEANS NUMBER 10.

IT'S CALLED DIEZ,
IT MEANS NUMBER 10.
THERE'S A GIRL IN THE MOVIE,

IT MEANS NUMBER 10.
THERE'S A GIRL IN THE MOVIE,
SHE'S REAL PRETTY, THEY SAY

THERE'S A GIRL IN THE MOVIE,
SHE'S REAL PRETTY, THEY SAY
SHE'S A REAL DIEZ, YOU KNOW?

SHE'S REAL PRETTY, THEY SAY
SHE'S A REAL DIEZ, YOU KNOW?
SHE'S GOT HAIR JUST LIKE THIS.

SHE'S A REAL DIEZ, YOU KNOW?
SHE'S GOT HAIR JUST LIKE THIS.
AND ALL THE WOMEN IN ITALY,

SHE'S GOT HAIR JUST LIKE THIS.
AND ALL THE WOMEN IN ITALY,
THEY WENT AND HAD THIS.

AND ALL THE WOMEN IN ITALY,
THEY WENT AND HAD THIS.
AND THEN THIS ACTOR, HIS NAME IS

THEY WENT AND HAD THIS.
AND THEN THIS ACTOR, HIS NAME IS
VITTORIO GASMANN-VERY FAMOUS,

AND THEN THIS ACTOR, HIS NAME IS
VITTORIO GASMANN-VERY FAMOUS,
WONDERFUL ACTOR-CAME IN WITH

VITTORIO GASMANN-VERY FAMOUS,
WONDERFUL ACTOR-CAME IN WITH
HIS HAIR LIKE THIS, AND NOW MEN

WONDERFUL ACTOR-CAME IN WITH
HIS HAIR LIKE THIS, AND NOW MEN
HAVE IT TOO.

HIS HAIR LIKE THIS, AND NOW MEN
HAVE IT TOO.
COST ME 40,000 LIRA.

HAVE IT TOO.
COST ME 40,000 LIRA.
[LAUGHTER]

COST ME 40,000 LIRA.
[LAUGHTER]
A LOT OF MONEY, BUT I THINK

[LAUGHTER]
A LOT OF MONEY, BUT I THINK
IT'S WORTH IT, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE

A LOT OF MONEY, BUT I THINK
IT'S WORTH IT, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE
THEY SAID YOU COULD LEAVE IT

IT'S WORTH IT, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE
THEY SAID YOU COULD LEAVE IT
LIKE THIS FOR FOUR OR FIVE

THEY SAID YOU COULD LEAVE IT
LIKE THIS FOR FOUR OR FIVE
MONTHS.

LIKE THIS FOR FOUR OR FIVE
MONTHS.
DON'T HAVE TO WASH IT

MONTHS.
DON'T HAVE TO WASH IT
OR NOTHING.

DON'T HAVE TO WASH IT
OR NOTHING.
[LAUGHTER]

OR NOTHING.
[LAUGHTER]
IN THE LONG RUN.

[LAUGHTER]
IN THE LONG RUN.
FATHER, THANKS FOR TELLING

IN THE LONG RUN.
FATHER, THANKS FOR TELLING
US ABOUT YOUR HAIR, BUT IS

FATHER, THANKS FOR TELLING
US ABOUT YOUR HAIR, BUT IS
PAUL MCCARTNEY THERE OR NOT?

US ABOUT YOUR HAIR, BUT IS
PAUL MCCARTNEY THERE OR NOT?
WELL, OF COURSE HE IS!

PAUL MCCARTNEY THERE OR NOT?
WELL, OF COURSE HE IS!
THIS IS WHERE HE'S BEEN

WELL, OF COURSE HE IS!
THIS IS WHERE HE'S BEEN
HIDING EVER SINCE HE WAS

THIS IS WHERE HE'S BEEN
HIDING EVER SINCE HE WAS
PAROLED, I TOLD YOU THAT.

HIDING EVER SINCE HE WAS
PAROLED, I TOLD YOU THAT.
HE'S RIGHT UP THERE, HE'LL BE

PAROLED, I TOLD YOU THAT.
HE'S RIGHT UP THERE, HE'LL BE
DOWN ANY MINUTE NOW.

HE'S RIGHT UP THERE, HE'LL BE
DOWN ANY MINUTE NOW.
IF YOU JUST HOLD YOUR HORSES,

DOWN ANY MINUTE NOW.
IF YOU JUST HOLD YOUR HORSES,
HE'LL BE DOWN.

IF YOU JUST HOLD YOUR HORSES,
HE'LL BE DOWN.
[LAUGHTER]

HE'LL BE DOWN.
[LAUGHTER]
FATHER, YOU TOLD US YOU

[LAUGHTER]
FATHER, YOU TOLD US YOU
HAD A DEFINITE APPOINTMENT

FATHER, YOU TOLD US YOU
HAD A DEFINITE APPOINTMENT
SET UP WITH HIM FOR 11:30.

HAD A DEFINITE APPOINTMENT
SET UP WITH HIM FOR 11:30.
THAT'S RIGHT, I DID.

SET UP WITH HIM FOR 11:30.
THAT'S RIGHT, I DID.
I SENT HIM A REGISTERED LETTER,

THAT'S RIGHT, I DID.
I SENT HIM A REGISTERED LETTER,
AND EVERYTHING.

I SENT HIM A REGISTERED LETTER,
AND EVERYTHING.
BUT YOU KNOW, I THINK WHAT

AND EVERYTHING.
BUT YOU KNOW, I THINK WHAT
HAPPENED WAS, HE GOT THE

BUT YOU KNOW, I THINK WHAT
HAPPENED WAS, HE GOT THE
TIME MIXED UP.

HAPPENED WAS, HE GOT THE
TIME MIXED UP.
YOU SEE, I TOLD HIM 11:30,

TIME MIXED UP.
YOU SEE, I TOLD HIM 11:30,
BUT OVER HERE NOW, IT'S 4:30

YOU SEE, I TOLD HIM 11:30,
BUT OVER HERE NOW, IT'S 4:30
IN THE MORNING.

BUT OVER HERE NOW, IT'S 4:30
IN THE MORNING.
AND I THINK, PROBABLY,

IN THE MORNING.
AND I THINK, PROBABLY,
HE THOUGHT I MEANT 11:30

AND I THINK, PROBABLY,
HE THOUGHT I MEANT 11:30
ENGLAND TIME.

HE THOUGHT I MEANT 11:30
ENGLAND TIME.
IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT WHAT IT

ENGLAND TIME.
IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT WHAT IT
IS, THE TIME CHANGES AS YOU

IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT WHAT IT
IS, THE TIME CHANGES AS YOU
TRAVEL ACROSS THE OCEAN.

IS, THE TIME CHANGES AS YOU
TRAVEL ACROSS THE OCEAN.
IT'S LIKE EVERY 1,000 MILES,

TRAVEL ACROSS THE OCEAN.
IT'S LIKE EVERY 1,000 MILES,
TIME CHANGES ONE HOUR.

IT'S LIKE EVERY 1,000 MILES,
TIME CHANGES ONE HOUR.
YOU KNOW, LIKE, IN NEW YORK NOW,

TIME CHANGES ONE HOUR.
YOU KNOW, LIKE, IN NEW YORK NOW,
IT'S 11:30.

YOU KNOW, LIKE, IN NEW YORK NOW,
IT'S 11:30.
THEN, IN ICELAND, IT'S 12:30.

IT'S 11:30.
THEN, IN ICELAND, IT'S 12:30.
THEN...

THEN, IN ICELAND, IT'S 12:30.
THEN...
FATHER, FATHER, YOU SAID

THEN...
FATHER, FATHER, YOU SAID
YOU HAD IT ALL SET UP, THAT

FATHER, FATHER, YOU SAID
YOU HAD IT ALL SET UP, THAT
PAUL MCCARTNEY WOULD OPEN THE

YOU HAD IT ALL SET UP, THAT
PAUL MCCARTNEY WOULD OPEN THE
SHOW FOR US.

PAUL MCCARTNEY WOULD OPEN THE
SHOW FOR US.
THAT'S WHY WE SPENT SO MUCH

SHOW FOR US.
THAT'S WHY WE SPENT SO MUCH
MONEY TO HOOK UP THIS LIVE

THAT'S WHY WE SPENT SO MUCH
MONEY TO HOOK UP THIS LIVE
REMOTE FROM LONDON.

MONEY TO HOOK UP THIS LIVE
REMOTE FROM LONDON.
WELL, I THINK IT'S JUST A

REMOTE FROM LONDON.
WELL, I THINK IT'S JUST A
MATTER OF MOMENTS, BEFORE HE

WELL, I THINK IT'S JUST A
MATTER OF MOMENTS, BEFORE HE
WAKES UP AND COMES DOWN HERE.

MATTER OF MOMENTS, BEFORE HE
WAKES UP AND COMES DOWN HERE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT, YOU

WAKES UP AND COMES DOWN HERE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT, YOU
KNOW, WITH THESE TRANS-ATLANTIC

YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT, YOU
KNOW, WITH THESE TRANS-ATLANTIC
THINGS LIKE THAT.

KNOW, WITH THESE TRANS-ATLANTIC
THINGS LIKE THAT.
IT'S VERY COMPLICATED.

THINGS LIKE THAT.
IT'S VERY COMPLICATED.
FATHER, I DON'T THINK

IT'S VERY COMPLICATED.
FATHER, I DON'T THINK
WE CAN WAIT ANY LONGER.

FATHER, I DON'T THINK
WE CAN WAIT ANY LONGER.
WE'VE GOT TO START THE SHOW.

WE CAN WAIT ANY LONGER.
WE'VE GOT TO START THE SHOW.
WELL, I GUESS I COULD GET

WE'VE GOT TO START THE SHOW.
WELL, I GUESS I COULD GET
SOMEBODY ELSE TO OPEN THE SHOW.

WELL, I GUESS I COULD GET
SOMEBODY ELSE TO OPEN THE SHOW.
BUT I KNOW PAUL IS GONNA BE

SOMEBODY ELSE TO OPEN THE SHOW.
BUT I KNOW PAUL IS GONNA BE
VERY, VERY DISAPPOINTED.

BUT I KNOW PAUL IS GONNA BE
VERY, VERY DISAPPOINTED.
I'M SURE HE'LL UNDERSTAND.

VERY, VERY DISAPPOINTED.
I'M SURE HE'LL UNDERSTAND.
WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF

I'M SURE HE'LL UNDERSTAND.
WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF
PEOPLE HERE.

WELL, THERE'S A LOT OF
PEOPLE HERE.
HERE'S A FELLOW, A MILKMAN.

PEOPLE HERE.
HERE'S A FELLOW, A MILKMAN.
BUDDY, COULD YOU COME HERE

HERE'S A FELLOW, A MILKMAN.
BUDDY, COULD YOU COME HERE
A MINUTE, PLEASE?

BUDDY, COULD YOU COME HERE
A MINUTE, PLEASE?
DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR?

A MINUTE, PLEASE?
DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR?
YOU GOT A CHOCOLATE?

DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR?
YOU GOT A CHOCOLATE?
IT WAS A JOKE.

YOU GOT A CHOCOLATE?
IT WAS A JOKE.
HEY, LISTEN, IF YOU WOULD,

IT WAS A JOKE.
HEY, LISTEN, IF YOU WOULD,
PLEASE, LOOK INTO THE CAMERA...

HEY, LISTEN, IF YOU WOULD,
PLEASE, LOOK INTO THE CAMERA...
I GOT THIS.

PLEASE, LOOK INTO THE CAMERA...
I GOT THIS.
AND I WANT YOU TO READ IT.

I GOT THIS.
AND I WANT YOU TO READ IT.
LOOK RIGHT IN AND READ IT,

AND I WANT YOU TO READ IT.
LOOK RIGHT IN AND READ IT,
IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE, FOR ME.

LOOK RIGHT IN AND READ IT,
IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE, FOR ME.
"LIVE FROM NEW YORK AND

IF YOU WOULD, PLEASE, FOR ME.
"LIVE FROM NEW YORK AND
LONDON, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT."

"LIVE FROM NEW YORK AND
LONDON, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT."
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

LONDON, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT."
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[♪...]
Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY

[♪...]
Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE!

Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE!
WITH STEVE MARTIN.

NIGHT LIVE!
WITH STEVE MARTIN.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WITH STEVE MARTIN.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
STARRING JANE CURTIN.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
STARRING JANE CURTIN.
GARRETT MORRIS.

STARRING JANE CURTIN.
GARRETT MORRIS.
BILL MURRAY.

GARRETT MORRIS.
BILL MURRAY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.

BILL MURRAY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.
GILDA RADNER.

LARAINE NEWMAN.
GILDA RADNER.
AND HARRY SHEARER.

GILDA RADNER.
AND HARRY SHEARER.
WITH MUSICAL GUESTS PAUL AND

AND HARRY SHEARER.
WITH MUSICAL GUESTS PAUL AND
LINDA MCCARTNEY LIVE FROM

WITH MUSICAL GUESTS PAUL AND
LINDA MCCARTNEY LIVE FROM
LONDON.

LINDA MCCARTNEY LIVE FROM
LONDON.
AND 3-D.

FEATURING FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
STEVE MARTIN!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

STEVE MARTIN!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

[♪...]

THANK YOU.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY, DO I LOOK OKAY?
THAT'S IT, OKAY, THAT'S
BEAUTIFUL.

THAT'S IT, OKAY, THAT'S
BEAUTIFUL.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

BEAUTIFUL.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
YOU'RE SAYING, "HEY...

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
YOU'RE SAYING, "HEY...
WHERE HAS STEVE BEEN?

YOU'RE SAYING, "HEY...
WHERE HAS STEVE BEEN?
HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ON SATURDAY

WHERE HAS STEVE BEEN?
HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ON SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE FOR A WHILE."

HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ON SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE FOR A WHILE."
WELL, THEY WANT ME.

NIGHT LIVE FOR A WHILE."
WELL, THEY WANT ME.
THEY CALL ME EVERY WEEK

WELL, THEY WANT ME.
THEY CALL ME EVERY WEEK
TO DO THE SHOW.

THEY CALL ME EVERY WEEK
TO DO THE SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]

TO DO THE SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT I HAVE BEEN HOLDING OUT FOR

[LAUGHTER]
BUT I HAVE BEEN HOLDING OUT FOR
A LITTLE BIT OF THIS, OKAY?

BUT I HAVE BEEN HOLDING OUT FOR
A LITTLE BIT OF THIS, OKAY?
[LAUGHTER]

A LITTLE BIT OF THIS, OKAY?
[LAUGHTER]
AND SO THE CALLS FLY BACK AND

[LAUGHTER]
AND SO THE CALLS FLY BACK AND
FORTH, AND WE MADE A DEAL,

AND SO THE CALLS FLY BACK AND
FORTH, AND WE MADE A DEAL,
AND I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE

FORTH, AND WE MADE A DEAL,
AND I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE
TONIGHT, SO THANK YOU.

AND I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE
TONIGHT, SO THANK YOU.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

I WISH I'D ASKED FOR MONEY
INSTEAD OF A LITTLE BIT
OF THIS.

INSTEAD OF A LITTLE BIT
OF THIS.
[LAUGHTER]

OF THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
I DIG IT.

[LAUGHTER]
I DIG IT.
YOU PROBABLY HEARD I WAS INTO

I DIG IT.
YOU PROBABLY HEARD I WAS INTO
THE COMEDY THING.

YOU PROBABLY HEARD I WAS INTO
THE COMEDY THING.
KIND OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NOW.

THE COMEDY THING.
KIND OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NOW.
INTO A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS DEAL.

KIND OF GETTING OUT OF THAT NOW.
INTO A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS DEAL.
AND SO THAT'S WHY RIGHT NOW I'D

INTO A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS DEAL.
AND SO THAT'S WHY RIGHT NOW I'D
LIKE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT...

AND SO THAT'S WHY RIGHT NOW I'D
LIKE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT...
I...

LIKE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT...
I...
BELIEVE.

I...
BELIEVE.
[♪...]

"WHAT I BELIEVE."
I BELIEVE IN RAINBOWS AND PUPPY
DOGS AND FAIRY TALES.

I BELIEVE IN RAINBOWS AND PUPPY
DOGS AND FAIRY TALES.
AND I BELIEVE IN THE FAMILY-

DOGS AND FAIRY TALES.
AND I BELIEVE IN THE FAMILY-
MOM AND DAD AND GRANDMA

AND I BELIEVE IN THE FAMILY-
MOM AND DAD AND GRANDMA
AND UNCLE TOM, WHO WAVES HIS

MOM AND DAD AND GRANDMA
AND UNCLE TOM, WHO WAVES HIS
PENIS.

AND UNCLE TOM, WHO WAVES HIS
PENIS.
[LAUGHTER]

PENIS.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE IN 8 OF THE 10

[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE IN 8 OF THE 10
COMMANDMENTS.

AND I BELIEVE IN 8 OF THE 10
COMMANDMENTS.
[LAUGHTER]

COMMANDMENTS.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE IN GOING TO CHURCH

[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE IN GOING TO CHURCH
EVERY SUNDAY, UNLESS THERE'S

AND I BELIEVE IN GOING TO CHURCH
EVERY SUNDAY, UNLESS THERE'S
A GAME ON.

EVERY SUNDAY, UNLESS THERE'S
A GAME ON.
[LAUGHTER]

A GAME ON.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE THAT SEX IS ONE OF

[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE THAT SEX IS ONE OF
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, WHOLESOME

AND I BELIEVE THAT SEX IS ONE OF
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, WHOLESOME
AND NATURAL THINGS...

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, WHOLESOME
AND NATURAL THINGS...
THAT MONEY CAN BUY.

AND NATURAL THINGS...
THAT MONEY CAN BUY.
[LAUGHTER]

THAT MONEY CAN BUY.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE IT'S DEROGATORY TO

[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE IT'S DEROGATORY TO
REFER TO A WOMAN'S BREASTS AS

AND I BELIEVE IT'S DEROGATORY TO
REFER TO A WOMAN'S BREASTS AS
"BOOBS", "JUGS", "WINNEBAGOS" OR

REFER TO A WOMAN'S BREASTS AS
"BOOBS", "JUGS", "WINNEBAGOS" OR
"GOLDEN BOZOS".

"BOOBS", "JUGS", "WINNEBAGOS" OR
"GOLDEN BOZOS".
[LAUGHTER]

"GOLDEN BOZOS".
[LAUGHTER]
AND YOU SHOULD ONLY REFER

[LAUGHTER]
AND YOU SHOULD ONLY REFER
TO THEM AS "HOOTERS".

AND YOU SHOULD ONLY REFER
TO THEM AS "HOOTERS".
[LAUGHTER]

TO THEM AS "HOOTERS".
[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD PUT A

[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD PUT A
WOMAN ON A PEDESTAL...

AND I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD PUT A
WOMAN ON A PEDESTAL...
HIGH ENOUGH SO YOU CAN LOOK

WOMAN ON A PEDESTAL...
HIGH ENOUGH SO YOU CAN LOOK
UP HER DRESS.

HIGH ENOUGH SO YOU CAN LOOK
UP HER DRESS.
[LAUGHTER]

UP HER DRESS.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE IN EQUALITY.

[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE IN EQUALITY.
EQUALITY FOR EVERYONE.

AND I BELIEVE IN EQUALITY.
EQUALITY FOR EVERYONE.
NO MATTER HOW STUPID THEY ARE

EQUALITY FOR EVERYONE.
NO MATTER HOW STUPID THEY ARE
OR HOW MUCH BETTER I AM THAN

NO MATTER HOW STUPID THEY ARE
OR HOW MUCH BETTER I AM THAN
THEY ARE.

OR HOW MUCH BETTER I AM THAN
THEY ARE.
AND PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY FOR

THEY ARE.
AND PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY FOR
BELIEVING THIS, BUT I BELIEVE

AND PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY FOR
BELIEVING THIS, BUT I BELIEVE
THAT ROBOTS ARE STEALING

BELIEVING THIS, BUT I BELIEVE
THAT ROBOTS ARE STEALING
MY LUGGAGE.

THAT ROBOTS ARE STEALING
MY LUGGAGE.
[LAUGHTER]

MY LUGGAGE.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE I MADE A MISTAKE

[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE I MADE A MISTAKE
WHEN I BOUGHT A 30-STORY,

AND I BELIEVE I MADE A MISTAKE
WHEN I BOUGHT A 30-STORY,
ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT.

WHEN I BOUGHT A 30-STORY,
ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT.
[LAUGHTER]

ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE THE BATTLE OF THE

[LAUGHTER]
AND I BELIEVE THE BATTLE OF THE
NETWORK STARS SHOULD BE FOUGHT

AND I BELIEVE THE BATTLE OF THE
NETWORK STARS SHOULD BE FOUGHT
WITH GUNS.

NETWORK STARS SHOULD BE FOUGHT
WITH GUNS.
[LAUGHTER]

WITH GUNS.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
AND I BELIEVE THAT RONALD REAGAN

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
AND I BELIEVE THAT RONALD REAGAN
CAN MAKE THIS COUNTRY WHAT IT

AND I BELIEVE THAT RONALD REAGAN
CAN MAKE THIS COUNTRY WHAT IT
ONCE WAS: AN ARCTIC REGION

CAN MAKE THIS COUNTRY WHAT IT
ONCE WAS: AN ARCTIC REGION
COVERED WITH ICE.

ONCE WAS: AN ARCTIC REGION
COVERED WITH ICE.
[LAUGHTER]

COVERED WITH ICE.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
AND, LASTLY, I BELIEVE THAT OF

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
AND, LASTLY, I BELIEVE THAT OF
ALL THE EVILS ON THIS EARTH,

AND, LASTLY, I BELIEVE THAT OF
ALL THE EVILS ON THIS EARTH,
THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN THE

ALL THE EVILS ON THIS EARTH,
THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN THE
MUSIC YOU'RE LISTENING TO

THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN THE
MUSIC YOU'RE LISTENING TO
RIGHT NOW.

MUSIC YOU'RE LISTENING TO
RIGHT NOW.
[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT NOW.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
STICK AROUND, HEY, KIDS!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
STICK AROUND, HEY, KIDS!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[♪...]
Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR "REAL INCREDIBLE PEOPLE."

Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR "REAL INCREDIBLE PEOPLE."
THE SHOW THAT BELIEVES REAL

FOR "REAL INCREDIBLE PEOPLE."
THE SHOW THAT BELIEVES REAL
PEOPLE ARE INCREDIBLE.

THE SHOW THAT BELIEVES REAL
PEOPLE ARE INCREDIBLE.
AND NOW HERE'S OUR "REAL

PEOPLE ARE INCREDIBLE.
AND NOW HERE'S OUR "REAL
INCREDIBLE PEOPLE" PEOPLE,

AND NOW HERE'S OUR "REAL
INCREDIBLE PEOPLE" PEOPLE,
CHETTON BATES.

INCREDIBLE PEOPLE" PEOPLE,
CHETTON BATES.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

CHETTON BATES.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
EMELIA CANE.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
EMELIA CANE.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

EMELIA CANE.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
BOB LIONEL.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
BOB LIONEL.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

BOB LIONEL.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
BUDDY BISHOP.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
BUDDY BISHOP.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

BUDDY BISHOP.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
MARSHA CRAVEN.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
MARSHA CRAVEN.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

MARSHA CRAVEN.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
TONIGHT, ON "REAL INCREDIBLE

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
TONIGHT, ON "REAL INCREDIBLE
PEOPLE," WE'LL VISIT A MAN WHO

TONIGHT, ON "REAL INCREDIBLE
PEOPLE," WE'LL VISIT A MAN WHO
HAS NEVER OPENED HIS MAIL.

PEOPLE," WE'LL VISIT A MAN WHO
HAS NEVER OPENED HIS MAIL.
[LAUGHTER]

HAS NEVER OPENED HIS MAIL.
[LAUGHTER]
THEN, WE'LL LOOK AT A WOMAN

[LAUGHTER]
THEN, WE'LL LOOK AT A WOMAN
WHO HAD THE SHAPE OF HER NOSE

THEN, WE'LL LOOK AT A WOMAN
WHO HAD THE SHAPE OF HER NOSE
SURGICALLY ALTERED.

WHO HAD THE SHAPE OF HER NOSE
SURGICALLY ALTERED.
[APPLAUSE]

SURGICALLY ALTERED.
[APPLAUSE]
AND WE'LL SHOW YOU A MAN WHO

[APPLAUSE]
AND WE'LL SHOW YOU A MAN WHO
GETS AROUND IN WHAT HE CALLS AN

AND WE'LL SHOW YOU A MAN WHO
GETS AROUND IN WHAT HE CALLS AN
ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR.

GETS AROUND IN WHAT HE CALLS AN
ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THEN, WE'LL BE VISITING A

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THEN, WE'LL BE VISITING A
WOMAN WHO OWNS 14 DOGS.

THEN, WE'LL BE VISITING A
WOMAN WHO OWNS 14 DOGS.
[APPLAUSE]

WOMAN WHO OWNS 14 DOGS.
[APPLAUSE]
AND WE'LL BE TALKING TO A MAN

[APPLAUSE]
AND WE'LL BE TALKING TO A MAN
WHO LIKES TO DRESS UP LIKE A

AND WE'LL BE TALKING TO A MAN
WHO LIKES TO DRESS UP LIKE A
WOMAN AND HAVE SEX WITH OTHER

WHO LIKES TO DRESS UP LIKE A
WOMAN AND HAVE SEX WITH OTHER
MEN.

WOMAN AND HAVE SEX WITH OTHER
MEN.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

MEN.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
BUT BEFORE WE MEET THOSE REAL

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
BUT BEFORE WE MEET THOSE REAL
INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, OUR FIRST

BUT BEFORE WE MEET THOSE REAL
INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, OUR FIRST
INCREDIBLE GUEST IS A MAN WHO

INCREDIBLE PEOPLE, OUR FIRST
INCREDIBLE GUEST IS A MAN WHO
REALLY KNOWS THE MEANING OF

INCREDIBLE GUEST IS A MAN WHO
REALLY KNOWS THE MEANING OF
"STICKTOITIVENESS".

REALLY KNOWS THE MEANING OF
"STICKTOITIVENESS".
THAT'S RIGHT, CHET.

"STICKTOITIVENESS".
THAT'S RIGHT, CHET.
HE'S A MAN WHO TALKS SOFTLY AND

THAT'S RIGHT, CHET.
HE'S A MAN WHO TALKS SOFTLY AND
CARRIES TWO STICKS.

HE'S A MAN WHO TALKS SOFTLY AND
CARRIES TWO STICKS.
BUT THEY AREN'T BIG.

CARRIES TWO STICKS.
BUT THEY AREN'T BIG.
HE USES THEM TO EAT RAW FISH.

BUT THEY AREN'T BIG.
HE USES THEM TO EAT RAW FISH.
DID YOU SAY RAW FISH, MARSHA?

HE USES THEM TO EAT RAW FISH.
DID YOU SAY RAW FISH, MARSHA?
THAT'S RIGHT.

DID YOU SAY RAW FISH, MARSHA?
THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT...

THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT...
[♪...]

BUT DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT...
[♪...]
AKIRA YOSHIMORA EATS RAW FISH

[♪...]
AKIRA YOSHIMORA EATS RAW FISH
USING TWO STICKS MADE FROM A

AKIRA YOSHIMORA EATS RAW FISH
USING TWO STICKS MADE FROM A
TREE.

USING TWO STICKS MADE FROM A
TREE.
THIS FISH ISN'T EVEN COOKED.

TREE.
THIS FISH ISN'T EVEN COOKED.
IT'S RAW!

THIS FISH ISN'T EVEN COOKED.
IT'S RAW!
[GROANING]

IT'S RAW!
[GROANING]
EVEN THOUGH MR. YOSHIMORA CAN

[GROANING]
EVEN THOUGH MR. YOSHIMORA CAN
USE A KNIFE AND A FORK, HE SAYS

EVEN THOUGH MR. YOSHIMORA CAN
USE A KNIFE AND A FORK, HE SAYS
HE PREFERS EATING WITH THE TWO

USE A KNIFE AND A FORK, HE SAYS
HE PREFERS EATING WITH THE TWO
SMALL STICKS.

HE PREFERS EATING WITH THE TWO
SMALL STICKS.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

SMALL STICKS.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THAT IS HARD TO BELIEVE.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THAT IS HARD TO BELIEVE.
GOSH, MARSHA, WHEN YOU WERE

THAT IS HARD TO BELIEVE.
GOSH, MARSHA, WHEN YOU WERE
DOING THIS STORY, DID YOU EAT

GOSH, MARSHA, WHEN YOU WERE
DOING THIS STORY, DID YOU EAT
ANY OF THE RAW FISH WITH THE TWO

DOING THIS STORY, DID YOU EAT
ANY OF THE RAW FISH WITH THE TWO
STICKS?

ANY OF THE RAW FISH WITH THE TWO
STICKS?
WELL, I GOT AS FAR AS

STICKS?
WELL, I GOT AS FAR AS
PICKING UP THE FISH WITH THE TWO

WELL, I GOT AS FAR AS
PICKING UP THE FISH WITH THE TWO
STICKS, BUT I DIDN'T EAT ANY.

PICKING UP THE FISH WITH THE TWO
STICKS, BUT I DIDN'T EAT ANY.
HE WAS A REAL INCREDIBLE

STICKS, BUT I DIDN'T EAT ANY.
HE WAS A REAL INCREDIBLE
PERSON, MARSHA.

HE WAS A REAL INCREDIBLE
PERSON, MARSHA.
BUT PERHAPS NOT AS INCREDIBLE

PERSON, MARSHA.
BUT PERHAPS NOT AS INCREDIBLE
AS OUR NEXT REAL INCREDIBLE

BUT PERHAPS NOT AS INCREDIBLE
AS OUR NEXT REAL INCREDIBLE
PERSON.

AS OUR NEXT REAL INCREDIBLE
PERSON.
SHE DOES SOMETHING EVERY

PERSON.
SHE DOES SOMETHING EVERY
NIGHT...

SHE DOES SOMETHING EVERY
NIGHT...
IN BED...

NIGHT...
IN BED...
BEFORE SHE GOES TO SLEEP...

IN BED...
BEFORE SHE GOES TO SLEEP...
SOMETHING IN BED EVERY NIGHT

BEFORE SHE GOES TO SLEEP...
SOMETHING IN BED EVERY NIGHT
BEFORE SHE GOES TO SLEEP.

SOMETHING IN BED EVERY NIGHT
BEFORE SHE GOES TO SLEEP.
HAVE WE MADE YOU THINK IT'S

BEFORE SHE GOES TO SLEEP.
HAVE WE MADE YOU THINK IT'S
SEX?

HAVE WE MADE YOU THINK IT'S
SEX?
WELL, IT ISN'T.

SEX?
WELL, IT ISN'T.
[LAUGHTER]

WELL, IT ISN'T.
[LAUGHTER]
NO, BUT THIS WOMAN ACTUALLY

[LAUGHTER]
NO, BUT THIS WOMAN ACTUALLY
READS EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE

NO, BUT THIS WOMAN ACTUALLY
READS EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE
GOES TO SLEEP.

READS EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE
GOES TO SLEEP.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GOES TO SLEEP.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
EVERY NIGHT, FOR THE LAST EIGHT

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
EVERY NIGHT, FOR THE LAST EIGHT
YEARS AND EVERY NIGHT EXCEPT ONE

EVERY NIGHT, FOR THE LAST EIGHT
YEARS AND EVERY NIGHT EXCEPT ONE
FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS, LUCIA

YEARS AND EVERY NIGHT EXCEPT ONE
FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS, LUCIA
NEWELL HAS READ AT LEAST ONE

FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS, LUCIA
NEWELL HAS READ AT LEAST ONE
CHAPTER OF A BOOK OR AN ENTIRE

NEWELL HAS READ AT LEAST ONE
CHAPTER OF A BOOK OR AN ENTIRE
MAGAZINE BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP.

CHAPTER OF A BOOK OR AN ENTIRE
MAGAZINE BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP.
EXCUSE ME, MISS NEWELL?

MAGAZINE BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP.
EXCUSE ME, MISS NEWELL?
WHAT BOOK IS THAT YOU'RE

EXCUSE ME, MISS NEWELL?
WHAT BOOK IS THAT YOU'RE
READING?

WHAT BOOK IS THAT YOU'RE
READING?
UH, IT'S CALLED LORD OF THE

READING?
UH, IT'S CALLED LORD OF THE
RINGS BY J.R.R. TOLKIEN.

UH, IT'S CALLED LORD OF THE
RINGS BY J.R.R. TOLKIEN.
AND WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

RINGS BY J.R.R. TOLKIEN.
AND WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
OH, IT'S ABOUT LITTLE, FURRY

AND WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
OH, IT'S ABOUT LITTLE, FURRY
PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THE MIDDLE

OH, IT'S ABOUT LITTLE, FURRY
PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THE MIDDLE
EARTH AND WHO HAVE MAGIC JEWELS

PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THE MIDDLE
EARTH AND WHO HAVE MAGIC JEWELS
AND BATTLES WITH FORCES OF

EARTH AND WHO HAVE MAGIC JEWELS
AND BATTLES WITH FORCES OF
EVIL.

AND BATTLES WITH FORCES OF
EVIL.
WOW, THAT'S REALLY

EVIL.
WOW, THAT'S REALLY
INCREDIBLE.

WOW, THAT'S REALLY
INCREDIBLE.
AND WHAT WAS THAT BOOK YOU TOLD

INCREDIBLE.
AND WHAT WAS THAT BOOK YOU TOLD
ME ABOUT WHEN I CALLED YOU?

AND WHAT WAS THAT BOOK YOU TOLD
ME ABOUT WHEN I CALLED YOU?
OH, TALE OF TWO CITIES.

ME ABOUT WHEN I CALLED YOU?
OH, TALE OF TWO CITIES.
IT'S ABOUT TWO MEN DURING THE

OH, TALE OF TWO CITIES.
IT'S ABOUT TWO MEN DURING THE
FRENCH REVOLUTION.

IT'S ABOUT TWO MEN DURING THE
FRENCH REVOLUTION.
ONE LIVES IN LONDON AND ONE

FRENCH REVOLUTION.
ONE LIVES IN LONDON AND ONE
LIVES IN FRANCE AND THEY LOOK

ONE LIVES IN LONDON AND ONE
LIVES IN FRANCE AND THEY LOOK
EXACTLY ALIKE AND THEY SWITCH

LIVES IN FRANCE AND THEY LOOK
EXACTLY ALIKE AND THEY SWITCH
IDENTITIES.

EXACTLY ALIKE AND THEY SWITCH
IDENTITIES.
[ALL YELLING]

IDENTITIES.
[ALL YELLING]
YOU SAY THEY LOOKED EXACTLY

[ALL YELLING]
YOU SAY THEY LOOKED EXACTLY
ALIKE?

YOU SAY THEY LOOKED EXACTLY
ALIKE?
YES, AND ONE GIVES HIS LIFE

ALIKE?
YES, AND ONE GIVES HIS LIFE
FOR THE OTHER.

YES, AND ONE GIVES HIS LIFE
FOR THE OTHER.
[ALL YELLING]

FOR THE OTHER.
[ALL YELLING]
NOW THIS WAS THE FRENCH

[ALL YELLING]
NOW THIS WAS THE FRENCH
REVOLUTION, YOU SAY?

NOW THIS WAS THE FRENCH
REVOLUTION, YOU SAY?
YES, THERE WAS A REVOLUTION

REVOLUTION, YOU SAY?
YES, THERE WAS A REVOLUTION
IN FRANCE IN 1789 WHEN THE

YES, THERE WAS A REVOLUTION
IN FRANCE IN 1789 WHEN THE
FEUDAL SYSTEM WAS OVERTHROWN BY

IN FRANCE IN 1789 WHEN THE
FEUDAL SYSTEM WAS OVERTHROWN BY
THE FRENCH PEOPLE.

FEUDAL SYSTEM WAS OVERTHROWN BY
THE FRENCH PEOPLE.
WAIT, OVERTHROWN?

THE FRENCH PEOPLE.
WAIT, OVERTHROWN?
COMPLETELY OVERTHROWN?

WAIT, OVERTHROWN?
COMPLETELY OVERTHROWN?
YES.

COMPLETELY OVERTHROWN?
YES.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

YES.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
HEY, HAVE YOU BEEN TO PARIS?

THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
HEY, HAVE YOU BEEN TO PARIS?
YES.

HEY, HAVE YOU BEEN TO PARIS?
YES.
[ALL YELLING]

YES.
[ALL YELLING]
WELL, WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU

[ALL YELLING]
WELL, WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU
BACK ON THE SHOW AGAIN.

WELL, WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU
BACK ON THE SHOW AGAIN.
WOULD YOU HAVE MORE BOOKS TO

BACK ON THE SHOW AGAIN.
WOULD YOU HAVE MORE BOOKS TO
TELL US ABOUT?

WOULD YOU HAVE MORE BOOKS TO
TELL US ABOUT?
CERTAINLY.

TELL US ABOUT?
CERTAINLY.
IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO HEAR

CERTAINLY.
IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO HEAR
STORIES.

IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO HEAR
STORIES.
[APPLAUSE]

STORIES.
[APPLAUSE]
THESE STORIES ARE INCREDIBLE,

[APPLAUSE]
THESE STORIES ARE INCREDIBLE,
CHET, BUT YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOUR

THESE STORIES ARE INCREDIBLE,
CHET, BUT YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOUR
EYES WHEN YOU MEET OUR NEXT

CHET, BUT YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOUR
EYES WHEN YOU MEET OUR NEXT
GUEST.

EYES WHEN YOU MEET OUR NEXT
GUEST.
THAT'S RIGHT, MARSHA.

GUEST.
THAT'S RIGHT, MARSHA.
WE HAVE IN THE STUDIO A GUEST

THAT'S RIGHT, MARSHA.
WE HAVE IN THE STUDIO A GUEST
WHO'S SKIN IS VERY DARK BROWN.

WE HAVE IN THE STUDIO A GUEST
WHO'S SKIN IS VERY DARK BROWN.
WAS HE IN A FIRE?

WHO'S SKIN IS VERY DARK BROWN.
WAS HE IN A FIRE?
LET'S JUST BRING HIM OUT.

WAS HE IN A FIRE?
LET'S JUST BRING HIM OUT.
PLEASE WELCOME WILLIS GASTON!

LET'S JUST BRING HIM OUT.
PLEASE WELCOME WILLIS GASTON!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

PLEASE WELCOME WILLIS GASTON!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

WELL, MR. GASTON, HOW DO YOU DO
IT?
I DON'T DO ANYTHING, MAN.

IT?
I DON'T DO ANYTHING, MAN.
THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.

I DON'T DO ANYTHING, MAN.
THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.
WELL, IT'S INCREDIBLE.

THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.
WELL, IT'S INCREDIBLE.
YEAH.

WELL, IT'S INCREDIBLE.
YEAH.
SHOW THEM YOUR PALMS,

YEAH.
SHOW THEM YOUR PALMS,
LOOK AT THIS.

SHOW THEM YOUR PALMS,
LOOK AT THIS.
OH, WOW, LOOK AT THAT.

LOOK AT THIS.
OH, WOW, LOOK AT THAT.
INCREDIBLE.

OH, WOW, LOOK AT THAT.
INCREDIBLE.
MR. GASTON, DO PEOPLE PAY

INCREDIBLE.
MR. GASTON, DO PEOPLE PAY
MORE ATTENTION TO YOU BECAUSE

MR. GASTON, DO PEOPLE PAY
MORE ATTENTION TO YOU BECAUSE
YOUR SKIN IS SO DARK?

MORE ATTENTION TO YOU BECAUSE
YOUR SKIN IS SO DARK?
WELL, IT DEPENDS WHERE I AM.

YOUR SKIN IS SO DARK?
WELL, IT DEPENDS WHERE I AM.
IF I'M AROUND A LOT OF BLACK

WELL, IT DEPENDS WHERE I AM.
IF I'M AROUND A LOT OF BLACK
FOLKS, IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY

IF I'M AROUND A LOT OF BLACK
FOLKS, IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE.

FOLKS, IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE.
YOU MEAN THERE ARE PEOPLE

DIFFERENCE.
YOU MEAN THERE ARE PEOPLE
WITH BLACK SKIN?

YOU MEAN THERE ARE PEOPLE
WITH BLACK SKIN?
YEAH.

WITH BLACK SKIN?
YEAH.
OH, THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

YEAH.
OH, THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
WOW, MAYBE NEXT TIME WE CAN

OH, THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
WOW, MAYBE NEXT TIME WE CAN
HAVE ONE OF THOSE BLACK PERSONS

WOW, MAYBE NEXT TIME WE CAN
HAVE ONE OF THOSE BLACK PERSONS
ON THE SHOW.

HAVE ONE OF THOSE BLACK PERSONS
ON THE SHOW.
THAT WOULD BE INCREDIBLE!

ON THE SHOW.
THAT WOULD BE INCREDIBLE!
YEAH, LET'S GO, COME ON!

THAT WOULD BE INCREDIBLE!
YEAH, LET'S GO, COME ON!
[APPLAUSE]

YEAH, LET'S GO, COME ON!
[APPLAUSE]
WELL, YOU KNOW, EVERY WEEK, WE

[APPLAUSE]
WELL, YOU KNOW, EVERY WEEK, WE
MEET LOTS OF REAL INCREDIBLE

WELL, YOU KNOW, EVERY WEEK, WE
MEET LOTS OF REAL INCREDIBLE
PEOPLE.

MEET LOTS OF REAL INCREDIBLE
PEOPLE.
AND ONE THING THAT WE FOUND IS

PEOPLE.
AND ONE THING THAT WE FOUND IS
THAT SOME OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE

AND ONE THING THAT WE FOUND IS
THAT SOME OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE
PEOPLE ARE THE REAL PEOPLE IN

THAT SOME OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE
PEOPLE ARE THE REAL PEOPLE IN
OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE.

PEOPLE ARE THE REAL PEOPLE IN
OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE.
SO LET'S MEET SOME OF REALLY

OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE.
SO LET'S MEET SOME OF REALLY
INCREDIBLE PEOPLE WHO ARE HERE

SO LET'S MEET SOME OF REALLY
INCREDIBLE PEOPLE WHO ARE HERE
TODAY.

INCREDIBLE PEOPLE WHO ARE HERE
TODAY.
WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT YOU?

TODAY.
WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT YOU?
I DROVE TO THE TOP OF

WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT YOU?
I DROVE TO THE TOP OF
PIKE'S PEAK.

I DROVE TO THE TOP OF
PIKE'S PEAK.
WOW, THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

PIKE'S PEAK.
WOW, THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
HI, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT

WOW, THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
HI, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT
YOU?

HI, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT
YOU?
REMEMBER THOSE PET ROCKS A

YOU?
REMEMBER THOSE PET ROCKS A
COUPLE OF YEARS AGO?

REMEMBER THOSE PET ROCKS A
COUPLE OF YEARS AGO?
SURE.

COUPLE OF YEARS AGO?
SURE.
I BOUGHT ONE.

SURE.
I BOUGHT ONE.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

I BOUGHT ONE.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
HEY, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
HEY, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT
YOU?

HEY, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT
YOU?
I SAW DEBBIE REYNOLDS IN THE

YOU?
I SAW DEBBIE REYNOLDS IN THE
SUPERMARKET.

I SAW DEBBIE REYNOLDS IN THE
SUPERMARKET.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

SUPERMARKET.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
HEY, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT

THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
HEY, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT
YOU?

HEY, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT
YOU?
MY SISTER USED TO BE A NUN,

YOU?
MY SISTER USED TO BE A NUN,
AND NOW SHE'S NOT ANYMORE.

MY SISTER USED TO BE A NUN,
AND NOW SHE'S NOT ANYMORE.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

AND NOW SHE'S NOT ANYMORE.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
AREN'T YOU THE GUY WITH THE

THAT'S INCREDIBLE!
AREN'T YOU THE GUY WITH THE
PET ROCK?

AREN'T YOU THE GUY WITH THE
PET ROCK?
YES.

PET ROCK?
YES.
THAT IS INCREDIBLE!

YES.
THAT IS INCREDIBLE!
HEY, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE

THAT IS INCREDIBLE!
HEY, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE
ABOUT YOU?

HEY, WHAT'S INCREDIBLE
ABOUT YOU?
WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT ME IS

ABOUT YOU?
WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT ME IS
I'M ON "REAL INCREDIBLE PEOPLE"!

WHAT'S INCREDIBLE ABOUT ME IS
I'M ON "REAL INCREDIBLE PEOPLE"!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

LOOK, I THINK WE'RE STARTING
TO GET LINCOLN'S FACE.
NO, NO, THAT'S NOT HIS FACE.

TO GET LINCOLN'S FACE.
NO, NO, THAT'S NOT HIS FACE.
HIS FACE WOULD BE OVER HERE.

NO, NO, THAT'S NOT HIS FACE.
HIS FACE WOULD BE OVER HERE.
THAT'S A CLOUD.

HIS FACE WOULD BE OVER HERE.
THAT'S A CLOUD.
I DON'T SEE A CLOUD.

THAT'S A CLOUD.
I DON'T SEE A CLOUD.
WELL, LOOK AT THE COVER,

I DON'T SEE A CLOUD.
WELL, LOOK AT THE COVER,
IT'S RIGHT...

WELL, LOOK AT THE COVER,
IT'S RIGHT...
FREEZE!

IT'S RIGHT...
FREEZE!
MAKE A MOVE AND WE BLOW YOUR

FREEZE!
MAKE A MOVE AND WE BLOW YOUR
BRAINS OUT, HONEY!

MAKE A MOVE AND WE BLOW YOUR
BRAINS OUT, HONEY!
ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART, LET'S

BRAINS OUT, HONEY!
ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART, LET'S
JUST DO AS THEY SAY, 'CAUSE I'M

ALL RIGHT, SWEETHEART, LET'S
JUST DO AS THEY SAY, 'CAUSE I'M
COOL TO GET OUT OF THIS ALL

JUST DO AS THEY SAY, 'CAUSE I'M
COOL TO GET OUT OF THIS ALL
RIGHT.

COOL TO GET OUT OF THIS ALL
RIGHT.
YOU GOT IT, MISTER!

RIGHT.
YOU GOT IT, MISTER!
THIS WON'T TAKE VERY LONG.

YOU GOT IT, MISTER!
THIS WON'T TAKE VERY LONG.
FRANKIE, OVER THERE!

THIS WON'T TAKE VERY LONG.
FRANKIE, OVER THERE!
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

FRANKIE, OVER THERE!
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
I'M SCARED.

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
I'M SCARED.
WILL THEY DO ANYTHING TO US?

I'M SCARED.
WILL THEY DO ANYTHING TO US?
I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA

WILL THEY DO ANYTHING TO US?
I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA
DO ANYTHING TO US.

I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA
DO ANYTHING TO US.
ONCE THEY'VE GOTTEN WHAT THEY

DO ANYTHING TO US.
ONCE THEY'VE GOTTEN WHAT THEY
WANT, THEY'RE GONNA LEAVE.

ONCE THEY'VE GOTTEN WHAT THEY
WANT, THEY'RE GONNA LEAVE.
OKAY.

WANT, THEY'RE GONNA LEAVE.
OKAY.
[WOMAN SCREAMING]

OKAY.
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
SHUT UP, YOU GIRL!

[WOMAN SCREAMING]
SHUT UP, YOU GIRL!
I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR TRAP

SHUT UP, YOU GIRL!
I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR TRAP
SHUT!

I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR TRAP
SHUT!
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

SHUT!
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
YOU OKAY, FRANKIE?

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
YOU OKAY, FRANKIE?
YEAH, PHIL, I'M ALL RIGHT.

YOU OKAY, FRANKIE?
YEAH, PHIL, I'M ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

YEAH, PHIL, I'M ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
OKAY, NOW DON'T GET CUTE AND

OKAY, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
OKAY, NOW DON'T GET CUTE AND
TRY CALLING THE COPS.

OKAY, NOW DON'T GET CUTE AND
TRY CALLING THE COPS.
[LAUGHTER]

TRY CALLING THE COPS.
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT A GREAT MESS!

[LAUGHTER]
WHAT A GREAT MESS!
OH... OH, MY GOD.

WHAT A GREAT MESS!
OH... OH, MY GOD.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, DEAR,

OH... OH, MY GOD.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, DEAR,
IT'S ALL OVER.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, DEAR,
IT'S ALL OVER.
THEY'RE GONE NOW.

IT'S ALL OVER.
THEY'RE GONE NOW.
I DIDN'T SEE THEM TAKE

THEY'RE GONE NOW.
I DIDN'T SEE THEM TAKE
ANYTHING, DID YOU?

I DIDN'T SEE THEM TAKE
ANYTHING, DID YOU?
NO, THAT WAS THE ODD THING.

ANYTHING, DID YOU?
NO, THAT WAS THE ODD THING.
THIS PLACE IS A MESS.

NO, THAT WAS THE ODD THING.
THIS PLACE IS A MESS.
ALL RIGHT, FREEZE!

THIS PLACE IS A MESS.
ALL RIGHT, FREEZE!
YEAH, DON'T MOVE OR I'LL BLOW

ALL RIGHT, FREEZE!
YEAH, DON'T MOVE OR I'LL BLOW
YOUR BRAINS OUT!

YEAH, DON'T MOVE OR I'LL BLOW
YOUR BRAINS OUT!
[LAUGHTER]

YOUR BRAINS OUT!
[LAUGHTER]
HONEY...

[LAUGHTER]
HONEY...
SHUT UP, LITTLE LADY, AND NO

HONEY...
SHUT UP, LITTLE LADY, AND NO
ONE WILL GET HURT.

SHUT UP, LITTLE LADY, AND NO
ONE WILL GET HURT.
RIGHT, YOU DROP THAT PHONE

ONE WILL GET HURT.
RIGHT, YOU DROP THAT PHONE
AND SIT DOWN, DROP THE PHONE.

RIGHT, YOU DROP THAT PHONE
AND SIT DOWN, DROP THE PHONE.
OKAY, SIT DOWN!

AND SIT DOWN, DROP THE PHONE.
OKAY, SIT DOWN!
YES, MA'AM.

OKAY, SIT DOWN!
YES, MA'AM.
SIT DOWN, THAT'S RIGHT!

YES, MA'AM.
SIT DOWN, THAT'S RIGHT!
NOW DID TWO YOUNG MEN JUST

SIT DOWN, THAT'S RIGHT!
NOW DID TWO YOUNG MEN JUST
COME IN HERE AND DO THIS TO YOUR

NOW DID TWO YOUNG MEN JUST
COME IN HERE AND DO THIS TO YOUR
APARTMENT?

COME IN HERE AND DO THIS TO YOUR
APARTMENT?
YES, MA'AM.

APARTMENT?
YES, MA'AM.
AND DID THEIR NAMES HAPPEN TO

YES, MA'AM.
AND DID THEIR NAMES HAPPEN TO
BE FRANKLYN AND PHILLIP?

AND DID THEIR NAMES HAPPEN TO
BE FRANKLYN AND PHILLIP?
YES, THEY JUST LEFT.

BE FRANKLYN AND PHILLIP?
YES, THEY JUST LEFT.
WHO ARE YOU?

YES, THEY JUST LEFT.
WHO ARE YOU?
WE'RE THEIR MOTHERS, AND

WHO ARE YOU?
WE'RE THEIR MOTHERS, AND
WE'RE HERE TO CLEAN UP.

WE'RE THEIR MOTHERS, AND
WE'RE HERE TO CLEAN UP.
[LAUGHTER]

WE'RE HERE TO CLEAN UP.
[LAUGHTER]
OKAY, SADIE, YOU TAKE THAT PART

[LAUGHTER]
OKAY, SADIE, YOU TAKE THAT PART
OF THE ROOM, I'LL DO THIS PART.

OKAY, SADIE, YOU TAKE THAT PART
OF THE ROOM, I'LL DO THIS PART.
WELL, MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU

OF THE ROOM, I'LL DO THIS PART.
WELL, MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU
WITH SOMETHING?

WELL, MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU
WITH SOMETHING?
NOT ON YOUR LIFE.

WITH SOMETHING?
NOT ON YOUR LIFE.
YOU BETTER KEEP EYE ON THIS ONE.

NOT ON YOUR LIFE.
YOU BETTER KEEP EYE ON THIS ONE.
HEY, LOOK, SHE WAS ONLY

YOU BETTER KEEP EYE ON THIS ONE.
HEY, LOOK, SHE WAS ONLY
TRYING TO HELP, HUH?

HEY, LOOK, SHE WAS ONLY
TRYING TO HELP, HUH?
DON'T...

TRYING TO HELP, HUH?
DON'T...
AH, AH...

DON'T...
AH, AH...
BUTTON UP, WISE GUY.

AH, AH...
BUTTON UP, WISE GUY.
THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.

BUTTON UP, WISE GUY.
THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.
LOOK AT THIS MESS.

THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.
LOOK AT THIS MESS.
I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW THAT

LOOK AT THIS MESS.
I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW THAT
FRANKLYN RUINED A DAMN GOOD

I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW THAT
FRANKLYN RUINED A DAMN GOOD
COFFEE TABLE BY NOT PUTTING A

FRANKLYN RUINED A DAMN GOOD
COFFEE TABLE BY NOT PUTTING A
COASTER DOWN ON IT.

COFFEE TABLE BY NOT PUTTING A
COASTER DOWN ON IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE KIDS THESE DAYS.

COASTER DOWN ON IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE KIDS THESE DAYS.
WITH THESE KIDS TODAY, IT'S

I CAN'T BELIEVE KIDS THESE DAYS.
WITH THESE KIDS TODAY, IT'S
IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER.

WITH THESE KIDS TODAY, IT'S
IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER.
YEAH, SOMETIMES I THINK THEY

IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER.
YEAH, SOMETIMES I THINK THEY
JUST DO IT FOR SPITE, IF YOU

YEAH, SOMETIMES I THINK THEY
JUST DO IT FOR SPITE, IF YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

JUST DO IT FOR SPITE, IF YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
HEY, YOU TWO HAVE KIDS?

KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
HEY, YOU TWO HAVE KIDS?
NO, WE DON'T.

HEY, YOU TWO HAVE KIDS?
NO, WE DON'T.
OH.

NO, WE DON'T.
OH.
THEY THINK THE WORLD OWES

OH.
THEY THINK THE WORLD OWES
THEM A LIVING.

THEY THINK THE WORLD OWES
THEM A LIVING.
GOD FORBID THEY SHOULD HAVE TO

THEM A LIVING.
GOD FORBID THEY SHOULD HAVE TO
DO SOMETHING FOR THEMSELVES,

GOD FORBID THEY SHOULD HAVE TO
DO SOMETHING FOR THEMSELVES,
YOU KNOW?

DO SOMETHING FOR THEMSELVES,
YOU KNOW?
RIGHT, YOU KNOW, I'D DROP

YOU KNOW?
RIGHT, YOU KNOW, I'D DROP
DEAD IF I SAW FRANKLYN EVER WIPE

RIGHT, YOU KNOW, I'D DROP
DEAD IF I SAW FRANKLYN EVER WIPE
HIS FEET ONCE IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.

DEAD IF I SAW FRANKLYN EVER WIPE
HIS FEET ONCE IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.
HEY, WHERE'S THE FIGURINE FOR

HIS FEET ONCE IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.
HEY, WHERE'S THE FIGURINE FOR
THIS END TABLE OVER HERE.

HEY, WHERE'S THE FIGURINE FOR
THIS END TABLE OVER HERE.
OH, YEAH, THERE IT IS.

THIS END TABLE OVER HERE.
OH, YEAH, THERE IT IS.
OKAY, RIGHT.

OH, YEAH, THERE IT IS.
OKAY, RIGHT.
[SCREAMING]

OKAY, RIGHT.
[SCREAMING]
I SAID KEEP YOUR HANDS TO

[SCREAMING]
I SAID KEEP YOUR HANDS TO
YOURSELF.

I SAID KEEP YOUR HANDS TO
YOURSELF.
[LAUGHTER]

YOURSELF.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, YOU SEE...

[LAUGHTER]
HEY, YOU SEE...
YOU DON'T FOOL WITH RUTH, OR SHE

HEY, YOU SEE...
YOU DON'T FOOL WITH RUTH, OR SHE
SHOOTS THE CAPS OFF YOUR TEETH.

YOU DON'T FOOL WITH RUTH, OR SHE
SHOOTS THE CAPS OFF YOUR TEETH.
[LAUGHTER]

SHOOTS THE CAPS OFF YOUR TEETH.
[LAUGHTER]
HERE WE GO.

[LAUGHTER]
HERE WE GO.
YOU KNOW, WHEN MY PHILLIP

HERE WE GO.
YOU KNOW, WHEN MY PHILLIP
GETS MARRIED, LET'S SEE IF HIS

YOU KNOW, WHEN MY PHILLIP
GETS MARRIED, LET'S SEE IF HIS
WIFE PUTS UP WITH ALL THE THINGS

GETS MARRIED, LET'S SEE IF HIS
WIFE PUTS UP WITH ALL THE THINGS
I HAD TO.

WIFE PUTS UP WITH ALL THE THINGS
I HAD TO.
YEAH, I THINK THEY'RE BOTH IN

I HAD TO.
YEAH, I THINK THEY'RE BOTH IN
FOR A RUDE AWAKENING.

YEAH, I THINK THEY'RE BOTH IN
FOR A RUDE AWAKENING.
I'VE GIVEN UP, I'M TIRED OF

FOR A RUDE AWAKENING.
I'VE GIVEN UP, I'M TIRED OF
BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE

I'VE GIVEN UP, I'M TIRED OF
BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE
WALL.

YOU OKAY?
YEAH, RUTH.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

YEAH, RUTH.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
OKAY, YOU TWO, LEAN FORWARD.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
OKAY, YOU TWO, LEAN FORWARD.
OH...

OKAY, YOU TWO, LEAN FORWARD.
OH...
COME ON!

OH...
COME ON!
OH, MY GOD!

COME ON!
OH, MY GOD!
[LAUGHTER]

OH, MY GOD!
[LAUGHTER]
NOW DON'T GET CUTE AND TRY TO

[LAUGHTER]
NOW DON'T GET CUTE AND TRY TO
CALL THE COPS.

NOW DON'T GET CUTE AND TRY TO
CALL THE COPS.
OKAY.

CALL THE COPS.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, KIDS TODAY, ALL THEY

OKAY.
YOU KNOW, KIDS TODAY, ALL THEY
GIVE YOU IS AGGRAVATION.

YOU KNOW, KIDS TODAY, ALL THEY
GIVE YOU IS AGGRAVATION.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE WAY THEY

GIVE YOU IS AGGRAVATION.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE WAY THEY
DON'T HAVE ANY RESPECT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THE WAY THEY
DON'T HAVE ANY RESPECT.
OH...

DON'T HAVE ANY RESPECT.
OH...
HONEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH...
HONEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
THEY'RE GONE NOW.

HONEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
THEY'RE GONE NOW.
YEAH.

THEY'RE GONE NOW.
YEAH.
GEE, LOOK AT THE PLACE.

YEAH.
GEE, LOOK AT THE PLACE.
I MEAN, THEY DID SOME JOB.

GEE, LOOK AT THE PLACE.
I MEAN, THEY DID SOME JOB.
YEAH.

I MEAN, THEY DID SOME JOB.
YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD

YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD
DO, CALL THE POLICE?

WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD
DO, CALL THE POLICE?
I GUESS SO.

DO, CALL THE POLICE?
I GUESS SO.
IT'S GONNA BE KIND OF TOUGH ONE

I GUESS SO.
IT'S GONNA BE KIND OF TOUGH ONE
TO EXPLAIN.

IT'S GONNA BE KIND OF TOUGH ONE
TO EXPLAIN.
I'LL SAY.

TO EXPLAIN.
I'LL SAY.
FREEZE!

I'LL SAY.
FREEZE!
DON'T MOVE OR WE'LL BLOW YOUR

FREEZE!
DON'T MOVE OR WE'LL BLOW YOUR
BRAINS OUT!

DON'T MOVE OR WE'LL BLOW YOUR
BRAINS OUT!
COME ON OVER HERE.

BRAINS OUT!
COME ON OVER HERE.
FRANKLYN?

COME ON OVER HERE.
FRANKLYN?
ISN'T THERE SOMETHING YOU HAVE

FRANKLYN?
ISN'T THERE SOMETHING YOU HAVE
TO SAY TO THESE NICE PEOPLE?

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING YOU HAVE
TO SAY TO THESE NICE PEOPLE?
I'M SORRY.

TO SAY TO THESE NICE PEOPLE?
I'M SORRY.
[LAUGHTER]

I'M SORRY.
[LAUGHTER]
ANYTHING ELSE?

[LAUGHTER]
ANYTHING ELSE?
I'M SORRY I MESSED UP YOUR

ANYTHING ELSE?
I'M SORRY I MESSED UP YOUR
APARTMENT.

I'M SORRY I MESSED UP YOUR
APARTMENT.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, PHILLIP?

APARTMENT.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, PHILLIP?
I'M SORRY TOO.

AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, PHILLIP?
I'M SORRY TOO.
[LAUGHTER]

I'M SORRY TOO.
[LAUGHTER]
WE MADE A MESS AND WE SHOULDN'T

[LAUGHTER]
WE MADE A MESS AND WE SHOULDN'T
HAVE DONE IT, IT WON'T HAPPEN

WE MADE A MESS AND WE SHOULDN'T
HAVE DONE IT, IT WON'T HAPPEN
AGAIN.

HAVE DONE IT, IT WON'T HAPPEN
AGAIN.
OKAY, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU

AGAIN.
OKAY, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
WE'LL JUST BE ON OUR WAY NOW.

VERY MUCH.
WE'LL JUST BE ON OUR WAY NOW.
SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE.

WE'LL JUST BE ON OUR WAY NOW.
SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE.
IF I'VE TOLD YOU ONCE, FRANKLYN,

SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE.
IF I'VE TOLD YOU ONCE, FRANKLYN,
I'VE TOLD YOU 1,000 TIMES NOT TO

IF I'VE TOLD YOU ONCE, FRANKLYN,
I'VE TOLD YOU 1,000 TIMES NOT TO
DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I'VE TOLD YOU 1,000 TIMES NOT TO
DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BROW

DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BROW
BEAT ME.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BROW
BEAT ME.
YEAH.

BEAT ME.
YEAH.
WELL, NOW WHAT?

YEAH.
WELL, NOW WHAT?
I'LL CALL THE MAID, TELL HER

WELL, NOW WHAT?
I'LL CALL THE MAID, TELL HER
NOT TO COME IN TOMORROW.

I'LL CALL THE MAID, TELL HER
NOT TO COME IN TOMORROW.
[LAUGHTER]

NOT TO COME IN TOMORROW.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

AND NOW, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, 3-D.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

♪ CAN'T SLEEP
I GOT MY EYES WIDE OPEN
I CAN FEEL THE RADIATION ♪

I GOT MY EYES WIDE OPEN
I CAN FEEL THE RADIATION ♪
♪ VERTICAL...

I CAN FEEL THE RADIATION ♪
♪ VERTICAL...
LINES ON VIDEO ♪

♪ VERTICAL...
LINES ON VIDEO ♪
♪ IT'S 3:00 A.M.

LINES ON VIDEO ♪
♪ IT'S 3:00 A.M.
THERE'S NO DISTRACTION ♪

♪ IT'S 3:00 A.M.
THERE'S NO DISTRACTION ♪
♪ I CAN'T SLEEP

THERE'S NO DISTRACTION ♪
♪ I CAN'T SLEEP
CAUSE ALL THE STARS ARE ON NOW ♪

♪ I CAN'T SLEEP
CAUSE ALL THE STARS ARE ON NOW ♪
♪ SHOULD I MOVE

CAUSE ALL THE STARS ARE ON NOW ♪
♪ SHOULD I MOVE
TO CHANGE THE STATION ♪

♪ SHOULD I MOVE
TO CHANGE THE STATION ♪
♪ HAVING FUN

TO CHANGE THE STATION ♪
♪ HAVING FUN
WATCHING MY TV ♪

♪ HAVING FUN
WATCHING MY TV ♪
♪ IT'S A SCENT

WATCHING MY TV ♪
♪ IT'S A SCENT
OF ATTRACTION ♪

♪ IT'S A SCENT
OF ATTRACTION ♪
♪ I'M WATCHING

OF ATTRACTION ♪
♪ I'M WATCHING
ALL NIGHT TELEVISION ♪

♪ I'M WATCHING
ALL NIGHT TELEVISION ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION

ALL NIGHT TELEVISION ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
PICTURES IN MY HEAD ♪

♪ ALWAYS
TALKING TO ME ♪
♪ MY TV GOT PERSONALITY ♪

TALKING TO ME ♪
♪ MY TV GOT PERSONALITY ♪
♪ MAYBE

♪ MY TV GOT PERSONALITY ♪
♪ MAYBE
IT IS WATCHING ME ♪

♪ MAYBE
IT IS WATCHING ME ♪
♪ EYE TO EYE

IT IS WATCHING ME ♪
♪ EYE TO EYE
WITH MY TV ♪

♪ EYE TO EYE
WITH MY TV ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION

WITH MY TV ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION

♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
PICTURES IN MY HEAD ♪

♪ SILVER NIGHTS OF FIRE
I CAN HEAR YOU CALLING ME ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

I CAN HEAR YOU CALLING ME ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WATCHING

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ WATCHING
WATCHING ♪

♪ WATCHING
WATCHING ♪
♪ WATCHING

WATCHING ♪
♪ WATCHING
WATCHING ♪

♪ HOLDING
HORIZONTAL ♪
♪ STANDING LINES

HORIZONTAL ♪
♪ STANDING LINES
IN ONE DIMENSION ♪

♪ STANDING LINES
IN ONE DIMENSION ♪
♪ LATE SHOW

IN ONE DIMENSION ♪
♪ LATE SHOW
REVELATION ♪

♪ LATE SHOW
REVELATION ♪
♪ MY TV

REVELATION ♪
♪ MY TV
STAYS ON FOREVER ♪

♪ MY TV
STAYS ON FOREVER ♪
♪ I'M WATCHING

STAYS ON FOREVER ♪
♪ I'M WATCHING
ALL NIGHT TELEVISION ♪

♪ I'M WATCHING
ALL NIGHT TELEVISION ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION

ALL NIGHT TELEVISION ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP ♪

♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION

I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
STATION TO STATION ♪

♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
STATION TO STATION ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION

STATION TO STATION ♪
♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
GOT THE PICTURES IN MY HEAD ♪

♪ WATCHING ALL NIGHT TELEVISION
GOT THE PICTURES IN MY HEAD ♪
♪ WATCHING

GOT THE PICTURES IN MY HEAD ♪
♪ WATCHING
WATCHING ♪

♪ WATCHING
WATCHING ♪
♪ WATCHING

WATCHING ♪
♪ WATCHING
CHANNEL TWO, CHANNEL THREE,

♪ WATCHING
CHANNEL TWO, CHANNEL THREE,
CHANNEL FOUR, CHANNEL FIVE,

CHANNEL TWO, CHANNEL THREE,
CHANNEL FOUR, CHANNEL FIVE,
CHANNEL SIX, CHANNEL SEVEN,

CHANNEL FOUR, CHANNEL FIVE,
CHANNEL SIX, CHANNEL SEVEN,
CHANNEL EIGHT, NINE, 10, 11... ♪

CHANNEL SIX, CHANNEL SEVEN,
CHANNEL EIGHT, NINE, 10, 11... ♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND
UPDATE", WITH THE "WEEKEND
UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.

UPDATE", WITH THE "WEEKEND
UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS

UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTAIN.

HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTAIN.
GOOD EVENING, I'M JANE

BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTAIN.
GOOD EVENING, I'M JANE
CURTAIN, HERE NOW THE NEWS.

GOOD EVENING, I'M JANE
CURTAIN, HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:

CURTAIN, HERE NOW THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
A SPOKESMAN FOR FORMER PRESIDENT

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
A SPOKESMAN FOR FORMER PRESIDENT
GERALD R. FORD SAYS IT IS HIGHLY

A SPOKESMAN FOR FORMER PRESIDENT
GERALD R. FORD SAYS IT IS HIGHLY
UNLIKELY THAT FORD WILL BE

GERALD R. FORD SAYS IT IS HIGHLY
UNLIKELY THAT FORD WILL BE
RONALD REAGAN'S RUNNING MATE IN

UNLIKELY THAT FORD WILL BE
RONALD REAGAN'S RUNNING MATE IN
NOVEMBER.

RONALD REAGAN'S RUNNING MATE IN
NOVEMBER.
THE IDEA OF A REAGAN/FORD TICKET

NOVEMBER.
THE IDEA OF A REAGAN/FORD TICKET
WAS ORIGINALLY PROPOSED BY THE

THE IDEA OF A REAGAN/FORD TICKET
WAS ORIGINALLY PROPOSED BY THE
SECRET SERVICE, WHO THOUGHT IT

WAS ORIGINALLY PROPOSED BY THE
SECRET SERVICE, WHO THOUGHT IT
WOULD DEFINITELY DISCOURAGE ANY

SECRET SERVICE, WHO THOUGHT IT
WOULD DEFINITELY DISCOURAGE ANY
POSSIBLE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS.

WOULD DEFINITELY DISCOURAGE ANY
POSSIBLE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS.
[LAUGHTER]

POSSIBLE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS.
[LAUGHTER]
IN HIS FIRST MISSION AS

[LAUGHTER]
IN HIS FIRST MISSION AS
SECRETARY OF STATE, EDMUND

IN HIS FIRST MISSION AS
SECRETARY OF STATE, EDMUND
MUSKIE MET WITH SOVIET MINISTER

SECRETARY OF STATE, EDMUND
MUSKIE MET WITH SOVIET MINISTER
GROMYKO IN VIENNA.

MUSKIE MET WITH SOVIET MINISTER
GROMYKO IN VIENNA.
AFTER THE MEETING, MUSKIE

GROMYKO IN VIENNA.
AFTER THE MEETING, MUSKIE
ANNOUNCED THAT IN FUTURE

AFTER THE MEETING, MUSKIE
ANNOUNCED THAT IN FUTURE
CONFERENCES, HE WOULD USE

ANNOUNCED THAT IN FUTURE
CONFERENCES, HE WOULD USE
INTERPRETERS.

CONFERENCES, HE WOULD USE
INTERPRETERS.
"THE MEETING SHOULD GO A LOT

INTERPRETERS.
"THE MEETING SHOULD GO A LOT
FASTER," SAID MUSKIE, AND

"THE MEETING SHOULD GO A LOT
FASTER," SAID MUSKIE, AND
HOPEFULLY, I'LL GET MORE OUT

FASTER," SAID MUSKIE, AND
HOPEFULLY, I'LL GET MORE OUT
OF THEM.

HOPEFULLY, I'LL GET MORE OUT
OF THEM.
[LAUGHTER]

OF THEM.
[LAUGHTER]
LAST MONDAY, PICASSO'S "ACROBAT

[LAUGHTER]
LAST MONDAY, PICASSO'S "ACROBAT
SEATED WITH ARMS CROSSED" WAS

LAST MONDAY, PICASSO'S "ACROBAT
SEATED WITH ARMS CROSSED" WAS
AUCTIONED OFF FOR $3 MILLION,

SEATED WITH ARMS CROSSED" WAS
AUCTIONED OFF FOR $3 MILLION,
SETTING A WORLD'S RECORD FOR A

AUCTIONED OFF FOR $3 MILLION,
SETTING A WORLD'S RECORD FOR A
MODERN ART SALE.

SETTING A WORLD'S RECORD FOR A
MODERN ART SALE.
HOWEVER, THE RECORD WAS BROKEN

MODERN ART SALE.
HOWEVER, THE RECORD WAS BROKEN
THE NEXT DAY WHEN THIS VAN GOGH

HOWEVER, THE RECORD WAS BROKEN
THE NEXT DAY WHEN THIS VAN GOGH
"LES JARDIN" WENT FOR $5.2

THE NEXT DAY WHEN THIS VAN GOGH
"LES JARDIN" WENT FOR $5.2
MILLION, SETTING A NEW RECORD.

"LES JARDIN" WENT FOR $5.2
MILLION, SETTING A NEW RECORD.
BUT RECORDS ARE MADE TO BE

MILLION, SETTING A NEW RECORD.
BUT RECORDS ARE MADE TO BE
BROKEN, AND YESTERDAY IN PARIS,

BUT RECORDS ARE MADE TO BE
BROKEN, AND YESTERDAY IN PARIS,
ONE OF THE GREAT LIVING ARTISTS,

BROKEN, AND YESTERDAY IN PARIS,
ONE OF THE GREAT LIVING ARTISTS,
MARK SEGAL WAS HIMSELF SOLD AT

ONE OF THE GREAT LIVING ARTISTS,
MARK SEGAL WAS HIMSELF SOLD AT
AN AUCTION FOR A WHOPPING $43

MARK SEGAL WAS HIMSELF SOLD AT
AN AUCTION FOR A WHOPPING $43
MILLION.

AN AUCTION FOR A WHOPPING $43
MILLION.
THE BUYER, MR. GLEN LAMONT OF

MILLION.
THE BUYER, MR. GLEN LAMONT OF
CLEARWATER, FLORIDA SAID, "IF

THE BUYER, MR. GLEN LAMONT OF
CLEARWATER, FLORIDA SAID, "IF
SEGAL HAS TWO OR THREE MORE

CLEARWATER, FLORIDA SAID, "IF
SEGAL HAS TWO OR THREE MORE
PAINTINGS IN HIM, I'LL BREAK

SEGAL HAS TWO OR THREE MORE
PAINTINGS IN HIM, I'LL BREAK
EVEN."

PAINTINGS IN HIM, I'LL BREAK
EVEN."
BILL?

EVEN."
BILL?
FINDINGS WERE RELEASED

BILL?
FINDINGS WERE RELEASED
TONIGHT BY THE FOOD AND DRUG

FINDINGS WERE RELEASED
TONIGHT BY THE FOOD AND DRUG
ADMINISTRATION THAT SHOW A LINK

TONIGHT BY THE FOOD AND DRUG
ADMINISTRATION THAT SHOW A LINK
BETWEEN THE COMMON COLD AND USE

ADMINISTRATION THAT SHOW A LINK
BETWEEN THE COMMON COLD AND USE
OF KLEENEX.

BETWEEN THE COMMON COLD AND USE
OF KLEENEX.
APPARENTLY, MOST PEOPLE ARE

OF KLEENEX.
APPARENTLY, MOST PEOPLE ARE
ALLERGIC TO A FIBER USED IN THE

APPARENTLY, MOST PEOPLE ARE
ALLERGIC TO A FIBER USED IN THE
PAPER TISSUES AND SNEEZE WHEN

ALLERGIC TO A FIBER USED IN THE
PAPER TISSUES AND SNEEZE WHEN
THEY COME IN CONTACT WITH IT.

PAPER TISSUES AND SNEEZE WHEN
THEY COME IN CONTACT WITH IT.
[LAUGHTER]

THEY COME IN CONTACT WITH IT.
[LAUGHTER]
THE FDA ADVISES THAT, FOR THE

[LAUGHTER]
THE FDA ADVISES THAT, FOR THE
TIME BEING, YOU SHOULD USE YOUR

THE FDA ADVISES THAT, FOR THE
TIME BEING, YOU SHOULD USE YOUR
SHIRT SLEEVES UNTIL THE SUMMER,

TIME BEING, YOU SHOULD USE YOUR
SHIRT SLEEVES UNTIL THE SUMMER,
WHEN YOU CAN USE YOUR FOREARM.

SHIRT SLEEVES UNTIL THE SUMMER,
WHEN YOU CAN USE YOUR FOREARM.
[LAUGHTER]

WHEN YOU CAN USE YOUR FOREARM.
[LAUGHTER]
THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION

[LAUGHTER]
THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION
AGENCY ANNOUNCED THAT RESIDENTS

THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION
AGENCY ANNOUNCED THAT RESIDENTS
OF THE LOVE CANAL IN NIAGARA

AGENCY ANNOUNCED THAT RESIDENTS
OF THE LOVE CANAL IN NIAGARA
FALLS MAY HAVE ALTERED

OF THE LOVE CANAL IN NIAGARA
FALLS MAY HAVE ALTERED
CHROMOSOMES FROM THE TOXIC

FALLS MAY HAVE ALTERED
CHROMOSOMES FROM THE TOXIC
CHEMICALS BURIED THERE.

CHROMOSOMES FROM THE TOXIC
CHEMICALS BURIED THERE.
SPOKESMAN FOR THE HOOKER

CHEMICALS BURIED THERE.
SPOKESMAN FOR THE HOOKER
CHEMICALS AND PLASTICS

SPOKESMAN FOR THE HOOKER
CHEMICALS AND PLASTICS
CORPORATION, WHICH HAS DUMPED

CHEMICALS AND PLASTICS
CORPORATION, WHICH HAS DUMPED
WASTE INTO THE SITE FOR YEARS,

CORPORATION, WHICH HAS DUMPED
WASTE INTO THE SITE FOR YEARS,
CALMED LOCAL RESIDENTS BY

WASTE INTO THE SITE FOR YEARS,
CALMED LOCAL RESIDENTS BY
EXPLAINING THAT AT LEAST FUTURE

CALMED LOCAL RESIDENTS BY
EXPLAINING THAT AT LEAST FUTURE
GENERATIONS WILL HAVE SOMEONE TO

EXPLAINING THAT AT LEAST FUTURE
GENERATIONS WILL HAVE SOMEONE TO
MAKE FUN OF.

GENERATIONS WILL HAVE SOMEONE TO
MAKE FUN OF.
[LAUGHTER]

MAKE FUN OF.
[LAUGHTER]
AND POPE JOHN PAUL II ORDAINED

[LAUGHTER]
AND POPE JOHN PAUL II ORDAINED
AS A BISHOP STYMIE BEARD OF THE

AND POPE JOHN PAUL II ORDAINED
AS A BISHOP STYMIE BEARD OF THE
OLD "OUR GANG" COMEDIES LAST

AS A BISHOP STYMIE BEARD OF THE
OLD "OUR GANG" COMEDIES LAST
WEEK.

OLD "OUR GANG" COMEDIES LAST
WEEK.
[LAUGHTER]

WEEK.
[LAUGHTER]
STYMIE BECOMES THE ONLY MEMBER

[LAUGHTER]
STYMIE BECOMES THE ONLY MEMBER
OF THE LITTLE RASCALS TO GET AS

STYMIE BECOMES THE ONLY MEMBER
OF THE LITTLE RASCALS TO GET AS
HIGH AS BISHOP IN THE CATHOLIC

OF THE LITTLE RASCALS TO GET AS
HIGH AS BISHOP IN THE CATHOLIC
CHURCH.

HIGH AS BISHOP IN THE CATHOLIC
CHURCH.
[LAUGHTER]

CHURCH.
[LAUGHTER]
JANE?

[LAUGHTER]
JANE?
AT BALTIMORE'S PIMLICO RACE

JANE?
AT BALTIMORE'S PIMLICO RACE
TRACK TODAY, CALIFORNIA'S KODAKS

AT BALTIMORE'S PIMLICO RACE
TRACK TODAY, CALIFORNIA'S KODAKS
BEAT FAVORITE GENUINE RISK IN

TRACK TODAY, CALIFORNIA'S KODAKS
BEAT FAVORITE GENUINE RISK IN
THE 105th RUNNING OF THE

BEAT FAVORITE GENUINE RISK IN
THE 105th RUNNING OF THE
PREAKNESS.

THE 105th RUNNING OF THE
PREAKNESS.
RUNNING OUT OF THE MONEY WAS A

PREAKNESS.
RUNNING OUT OF THE MONEY WAS A
HORSE OWNED BY TV'S QUINCY, JACK

RUNNING OUT OF THE MONEY WAS A
HORSE OWNED BY TV'S QUINCY, JACK
KLUGMAN, WHO IMMEDIATELY AFTER

HORSE OWNED BY TV'S QUINCY, JACK
KLUGMAN, WHO IMMEDIATELY AFTER
THE RACE PERFORMED AN AUTOPSY ON

KLUGMAN, WHO IMMEDIATELY AFTER
THE RACE PERFORMED AN AUTOPSY ON
HIS HORSE TO DETERMINE WHY IT

THE RACE PERFORMED AN AUTOPSY ON
HIS HORSE TO DETERMINE WHY IT
LOST.

HIS HORSE TO DETERMINE WHY IT
LOST.
[LAUGHTER]

LOST.
[LAUGHTER]
IF HE'S NOT SATISFIED WITH THE

[LAUGHTER]
IF HE'S NOT SATISFIED WITH THE
THE RESULTS, KLUGMAN WILL

IF HE'S NOT SATISFIED WITH THE
THE RESULTS, KLUGMAN WILL
PERFORM A SIMILAR POST-MORDEM ON

THE RESULTS, KLUGMAN WILL
PERFORM A SIMILAR POST-MORDEM ON
HIS JOCKEY DARRYL MCHARG.

PERFORM A SIMILAR POST-MORDEM ON
HIS JOCKEY DARRYL MCHARG.
[LAUGHTER]

HIS JOCKEY DARRYL MCHARG.
[LAUGHTER]
AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI WENT DOWN TO

[LAUGHTER]
AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI WENT DOWN TO
HIS LOCAL 7-ELEVEN AND DONATED

AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI WENT DOWN TO
HIS LOCAL 7-ELEVEN AND DONATED
$50 TO JERRY'S KIDS THIS WEEK,

HIS LOCAL 7-ELEVEN AND DONATED
$50 TO JERRY'S KIDS THIS WEEK,
STARTING A DRIVE THE COMEDIAN

$50 TO JERRY'S KIDS THIS WEEK,
STARTING A DRIVE THE COMEDIAN
HOPES WILL RAISE OVER $30

STARTING A DRIVE THE COMEDIAN
HOPES WILL RAISE OVER $30
MILLION.

HOPES WILL RAISE OVER $30
MILLION.
THERE'S A RUMOR THAT JERRY LEWIS

MILLION.
THERE'S A RUMOR THAT JERRY LEWIS
IS ARRANGING TO REUNITE KHOMEINI

THERE'S A RUMOR THAT JERRY LEWIS
IS ARRANGING TO REUNITE KHOMEINI
AND HIS OLD POLITICAL FOE, THE

IS ARRANGING TO REUNITE KHOMEINI
AND HIS OLD POLITICAL FOE, THE
SHAH, DURING NEXT SEPTEMBER'S

AND HIS OLD POLITICAL FOE, THE
SHAH, DURING NEXT SEPTEMBER'S
TELETHON.

SHAH, DURING NEXT SEPTEMBER'S
TELETHON.
[LAUGHTER]

TELETHON.
[LAUGHTER]
AND IN A RELATED STORY, A NEW

[LAUGHTER]
AND IN A RELATED STORY, A NEW
HOSTAGE RESCUE ATTEMPT WAS MADE

AND IN A RELATED STORY, A NEW
HOSTAGE RESCUE ATTEMPT WAS MADE
BY A BUS THIS MORNING, BUT

HOSTAGE RESCUE ATTEMPT WAS MADE
BY A BUS THIS MORNING, BUT
FAILED WHEN THE BUS CRASHED INTO

BY A BUS THIS MORNING, BUT
FAILED WHEN THE BUS CRASHED INTO
A BUILDING IN DOWNTOWN TEHRAN.

FAILED WHEN THE BUS CRASHED INTO
A BUILDING IN DOWNTOWN TEHRAN.
[LAUGHTER]

A BUILDING IN DOWNTOWN TEHRAN.
[LAUGHTER]
THE BUS WAS REPORTEDLY BASED ON

[LAUGHTER]
THE BUS WAS REPORTEDLY BASED ON
THE NAVY VEHICLE CARRIER "THE

THE BUS WAS REPORTEDLY BASED ON
THE NAVY VEHICLE CARRIER "THE
USS JAMES HOFFA", ANCHORED IN

THE NAVY VEHICLE CARRIER "THE
USS JAMES HOFFA", ANCHORED IN
THE PERSIAN GULF.

USS JAMES HOFFA", ANCHORED IN
THE PERSIAN GULF.
[LAUGHTER]

THE PERSIAN GULF.
[LAUGHTER]
BILL?

[LAUGHTER]
BILL?
RENSSELAER POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE

BILL?
RENSSELAER POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE
WAS MINIATURIZED TO THE SIZE OF

RENSSELAER POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE
WAS MINIATURIZED TO THE SIZE OF
A THIMBLE AND DROPPED INTO THE

WAS MINIATURIZED TO THE SIZE OF
A THIMBLE AND DROPPED INTO THE
ATLANTIC OCEAN TODAY.

A THIMBLE AND DROPPED INTO THE
ATLANTIC OCEAN TODAY.
PARENTS OF RENSSELAER STUDENTS

ATLANTIC OCEAN TODAY.
PARENTS OF RENSSELAER STUDENTS
ARE ADVISED TO CHECK THE TIDE

PARENTS OF RENSSELAER STUDENTS
ARE ADVISED TO CHECK THE TIDE
CHARTS IN YOUR LOCAL AREA.

ARE ADVISED TO CHECK THE TIDE
CHARTS IN YOUR LOCAL AREA.
[LAUGHTER]

CHARTS IN YOUR LOCAL AREA.
[LAUGHTER]
AND WITH RECENT POLLS INDICATING

[LAUGHTER]
AND WITH RECENT POLLS INDICATING
THE POSSIBILITY OF A STRONG

AND WITH RECENT POLLS INDICATING
THE POSSIBILITY OF A STRONG
SHOWING BY JOHN ANDERSON THIS

THE POSSIBILITY OF A STRONG
SHOWING BY JOHN ANDERSON THIS
FALL, EXPERTS NOW PREDICT THE

SHOWING BY JOHN ANDERSON THIS
FALL, EXPERTS NOW PREDICT THE
ELECTION COULD BE DECIDED IN THE

FALL, EXPERTS NOW PREDICT THE
ELECTION COULD BE DECIDED IN THE
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.

ELECTION COULD BE DECIDED IN THE
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.
AS THE CONSTITUTION STATES, IF

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.
AS THE CONSTITUTION STATES, IF
THE HOUSE CAN'T COME UP WITH A

AS THE CONSTITUTION STATES, IF
THE HOUSE CAN'T COME UP WITH A
MAJORITY VOTE, THEN THE SPEAKER

THE HOUSE CAN'T COME UP WITH A
MAJORITY VOTE, THEN THE SPEAKER
OF THE HOUSE BECOMES THE NEXT

MAJORITY VOTE, THEN THE SPEAKER
OF THE HOUSE BECOMES THE NEXT
PRESIDENT.

OF THE HOUSE BECOMES THE NEXT
PRESIDENT.
THAT MAN WOULD BE THOMAS P.

PRESIDENT.
THAT MAN WOULD BE THOMAS P.
"TIP" O'NEILL, SEEN HERE

THAT MAN WOULD BE THOMAS P.
"TIP" O'NEILL, SEEN HERE
PERFORMING HIS HILARIOUS "BEAT

"TIP" O'NEILL, SEEN HERE
PERFORMING HIS HILARIOUS "BEAT
ME, HURT ME" BURLESQUE ACT AT

PERFORMING HIS HILARIOUS "BEAT
ME, HURT ME" BURLESQUE ACT AT
GONZAGA UNIVERSITY.

ME, HURT ME" BURLESQUE ACT AT
GONZAGA UNIVERSITY.
[LAUGHTER]

GONZAGA UNIVERSITY.
[LAUGHTER]
AND THE STATE DEPARTMENT HAS

[LAUGHTER]
AND THE STATE DEPARTMENT HAS
ISSUED THE FOLLOWING WARNINGS TO

AND THE STATE DEPARTMENT HAS
ISSUED THE FOLLOWING WARNINGS TO
CUBANS MAKING THE ARDUOUS TRIP

ISSUED THE FOLLOWING WARNINGS TO
CUBANS MAKING THE ARDUOUS TRIP
FROM CUBA TO FLORIDA.

CUBANS MAKING THE ARDUOUS TRIP
FROM CUBA TO FLORIDA.
"DO NOT OVERDUE THE SUN ON THE

FROM CUBA TO FLORIDA.
"DO NOT OVERDUE THE SUN ON THE
FIRST DAY, DO NOT GO SWIMMING

"DO NOT OVERDUE THE SUN ON THE
FIRST DAY, DO NOT GO SWIMMING
FOR AT LEAST A HALF AN HOUR

FIRST DAY, DO NOT GO SWIMMING
FOR AT LEAST A HALF AN HOUR
AFTER EATING AND NO HORSE PLAY

FOR AT LEAST A HALF AN HOUR
AFTER EATING AND NO HORSE PLAY
ON THE DECK, PLEASE, SOMEBODY

AFTER EATING AND NO HORSE PLAY
ON THE DECK, PLEASE, SOMEBODY
COULD GET AN EYE POKED OUT."

ON THE DECK, PLEASE, SOMEBODY
COULD GET AN EYE POKED OUT."
[LAUGHTER]

COULD GET AN EYE POKED OUT."
[LAUGHTER]
JANE?

[LAUGHTER]
JANE?
AS YOU KNOW, WE WERE

JANE?
AS YOU KNOW, WE WERE
SCHEDULED TO HAVE PAUL MCCARTNEY

AS YOU KNOW, WE WERE
SCHEDULED TO HAVE PAUL MCCARTNEY
OPEN TONIGHT'S SHOW, BUT WE RAN

SCHEDULED TO HAVE PAUL MCCARTNEY
OPEN TONIGHT'S SHOW, BUT WE RAN
INTO SOME TECHNICAL PROBLEMS.

OPEN TONIGHT'S SHOW, BUT WE RAN
INTO SOME TECHNICAL PROBLEMS.
BUT WE ARE NOW SWITCHING BACK TO

INTO SOME TECHNICAL PROBLEMS.
BUT WE ARE NOW SWITCHING BACK TO
LONDON, WHERE FATHER GUIDO

BUT WE ARE NOW SWITCHING BACK TO
LONDON, WHERE FATHER GUIDO
SARDUCCI IS STANDING BY WITH

LONDON, WHERE FATHER GUIDO
SARDUCCI IS STANDING BY WITH
PAUL MCCARTNEY AND A VIDEO TAPE

SARDUCCI IS STANDING BY WITH
PAUL MCCARTNEY AND A VIDEO TAPE
OF HIS NEW SONG.

PAUL MCCARTNEY AND A VIDEO TAPE
OF HIS NEW SONG.
COME IN, FATHER SARDUCCI.

OF HIS NEW SONG.
COME IN, FATHER SARDUCCI.
JANE, IT'S GETTING LIGHT

COME IN, FATHER SARDUCCI.
JANE, IT'S GETTING LIGHT
HERE, THE SUN IS COMING UP.

JANE, IT'S GETTING LIGHT
HERE, THE SUN IS COMING UP.
IT'S ONLY A LITTLE BIT AFTER

HERE, THE SUN IS COMING UP.
IT'S ONLY A LITTLE BIT AFTER
12:00 IN NEW YORK, BUT OVER HERE

IT'S ONLY A LITTLE BIT AFTER
12:00 IN NEW YORK, BUT OVER HERE
IN LONDON, ENGLAND, IT'S AFTER

12:00 IN NEW YORK, BUT OVER HERE
IN LONDON, ENGLAND, IT'S AFTER
5:00 IN THE MORNING.

IN LONDON, ENGLAND, IT'S AFTER
5:00 IN THE MORNING.
FATHER, WHERE'S PAUL?

5:00 IN THE MORNING.
FATHER, WHERE'S PAUL?
THAT GUY, YOU KNOW, SLEEP'S

FATHER, WHERE'S PAUL?
THAT GUY, YOU KNOW, SLEEP'S
LIKE A LOG.

THAT GUY, YOU KNOW, SLEEP'S
LIKE A LOG.
[LAUGHTER]

LIKE A LOG.
[LAUGHTER]
I THINK I MUST HAVE THROWN LIKE

[LAUGHTER]
I THINK I MUST HAVE THROWN LIKE
$2 WORTH OF THESE COINS.

I THINK I MUST HAVE THROWN LIKE
$2 WORTH OF THESE COINS.
PENCES, THEY CALL 'EM.

$2 WORTH OF THESE COINS.
PENCES, THEY CALL 'EM.
PENCES...

PENCES, THEY CALL 'EM.
PENCES...
FATHER, I DON'T KNOW IF

PENCES...
FATHER, I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'RE AWARE OF IT, BUT THIS

FATHER, I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'RE AWARE OF IT, BUT THIS
HOOKUP COSTS A LOT OF MONEY,

YOU'RE AWARE OF IT, BUT THIS
HOOKUP COSTS A LOT OF MONEY,
AND IF PAUL MCCARTNEY ISN'T

HOOKUP COSTS A LOT OF MONEY,
AND IF PAUL MCCARTNEY ISN'T
THERE TO INTRODUCE HIS SONG LIKE

AND IF PAUL MCCARTNEY ISN'T
THERE TO INTRODUCE HIS SONG LIKE
YOU PROMISED, IT'S GOING TO COME

THERE TO INTRODUCE HIS SONG LIKE
YOU PROMISED, IT'S GOING TO COME
OUT OF YOUR CHECK.

YOU PROMISED, IT'S GOING TO COME
OUT OF YOUR CHECK.
[LAUGHTER]

OUT OF YOUR CHECK.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK THE

[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK THE
PROBLEM IS?

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK THE
PROBLEM IS?
I THINK THAT MAYBE SINCE ALL OF

PROBLEM IS?
I THINK THAT MAYBE SINCE ALL OF
THESE PEOPLE ARE DOWN HERE, HE

I THINK THAT MAYBE SINCE ALL OF
THESE PEOPLE ARE DOWN HERE, HE
THINKS IT'S A BUST.

THESE PEOPLE ARE DOWN HERE, HE
THINKS IT'S A BUST.
COULD BE, REALLY.

THINKS IT'S A BUST.
COULD BE, REALLY.
BUT I THINK I KNOW HOW TO GET

COULD BE, REALLY.
BUT I THINK I KNOW HOW TO GET
HIM OUT.

BUT I THINK I KNOW HOW TO GET
HIM OUT.
I'M GONNA SING FOR HIM.

HIM OUT.
I'M GONNA SING FOR HIM.
I'M GONNA SING A MEDLEY OF

I'M GONNA SING FOR HIM.
I'M GONNA SING A MEDLEY OF
BEATLE TUNES.

I'M GONNA SING A MEDLEY OF
BEATLE TUNES.
I'M GONNA SERENADE HIM OUT OF

BEATLE TUNES.
I'M GONNA SERENADE HIM OUT OF
THAT PLACE.

I'M GONNA SERENADE HIM OUT OF
THAT PLACE.
THAT'S MY PLAN.

THAT PLACE.
THAT'S MY PLAN.
I GOT A SPEAKER HERE.

THAT'S MY PLAN.
I GOT A SPEAKER HERE.
LOUD SPEAKER.

I GOT A SPEAKER HERE.
LOUD SPEAKER.
♪ WE DON'T WANT A REVOLUTION, NO

LOUD SPEAKER.
♪ WE DON'T WANT A REVOLUTION, NO
WE ALL WANT TO

♪ WE DON'T WANT A REVOLUTION, NO
WE ALL WANT TO
CHANGE THE WORLD ♪

WE ALL WANT TO
CHANGE THE WORLD ♪
♪ BUT IF YOU'RE TALKIN'

CHANGE THE WORLD ♪
♪ BUT IF YOU'RE TALKIN'
ABOUT DESTRUCTION

♪ BUT IF YOU'RE TALKIN'
ABOUT DESTRUCTION
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU

ABOUT DESTRUCTION
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU
CAN COUNT ON ME ♪

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU
CAN COUNT ON ME ♪
♪ IN THE TOWN WHERE I WAS BORN

CAN COUNT ON ME ♪
♪ IN THE TOWN WHERE I WAS BORN
LIVES A MAN WHO SAILS THE SEA ♪

♪ IN THE TOWN WHERE I WAS BORN
LIVES A MAN WHO SAILS THE SEA ♪
♪ AND HE TELLS ME

LIVES A MAN WHO SAILS THE SEA ♪
♪ AND HE TELLS ME
HEY, JUDE ♪

♪ AND HE TELLS ME
HEY, JUDE ♪
♪ DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?

HEY, JUDE ♪
♪ DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?
DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO TELL? ♪

♪ DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?
DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO TELL? ♪
♪ ELEANOR RIGBY,

DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO TELL? ♪
♪ ELEANOR RIGBY,
USED TO BE MAD AT MY SCHOOL ♪

♪ ELEANOR RIGBY,
USED TO BE MAD AT MY SCHOOL ♪
♪ THE TEACHERS THAT TAUGHT ME

USED TO BE MAD AT MY SCHOOL ♪
♪ THE TEACHERS THAT TAUGHT ME
WERE DESMOND, VERA, CHUCK ♪

♪ THE TEACHERS THAT TAUGHT ME
WERE DESMOND, VERA, CHUCK ♪
♪ AND I AM YOU, AND YOU ARE ME

WERE DESMOND, VERA, CHUCK ♪
♪ AND I AM YOU, AND YOU ARE ME
AND WE ARE ALL TOGETHER

♪ AND I AM YOU, AND YOU ARE ME
AND WE ARE ALL TOGETHER
IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE ♪

AND WE ARE ALL TOGETHER
IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE ♪
[LAUGHTER]

IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE ♪
[LAUGHTER]
♪ WELL, I JUST HAD TO LAUGH

[LAUGHTER]
♪ WELL, I JUST HAD TO LAUGH
I SAW LUCY IN THE SKY

♪ WELL, I JUST HAD TO LAUGH
I SAW LUCY IN THE SKY
WITH MICHELLE, MY BELLE ♪

I SAW LUCY IN THE SKY
WITH MICHELLE, MY BELLE ♪
♪ LONG UNDER THE HILL,

WITH MICHELLE, MY BELLE ♪
♪ LONG UNDER THE HILL,
FOLLOW THE CHURCH WHERE THE

♪ LONG UNDER THE HILL,
FOLLOW THE CHURCH WHERE THE
WEDDING HAS BEEN ♪

FOLLOW THE CHURCH WHERE THE
WEDDING HAS BEEN ♪
♪ HARD DAY'S NIGHT,

WEDDING HAS BEEN ♪
♪ HARD DAY'S NIGHT,
SUDDENLY, I WANT TO HOLD YOUR ♪

♪ HARD DAY'S NIGHT,
SUDDENLY, I WANT TO HOLD YOUR ♪
♪ HELP, I WANT TO HOLD YOUR

SUDDENLY, I WANT TO HOLD YOUR ♪
♪ HELP, I WANT TO HOLD YOUR
NEED SOMEBODY

♪ HELP, I WANT TO HOLD YOUR
NEED SOMEBODY
I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HANDLE ♪

NEED SOMEBODY
I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HANDLE ♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HANDLE ♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
EXCUSE ME, FATHER?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
EXCUSE ME, FATHER?
I DON'T THINK THAT WORKED,

EXCUSE ME, FATHER?
I DON'T THINK THAT WORKED,
FATHER, I DON'T SEE ANY LIGHTS

I DON'T THINK THAT WORKED,
FATHER, I DON'T SEE ANY LIGHTS
GOING ON.

FATHER, I DON'T SEE ANY LIGHTS
GOING ON.
WELL, I THINK MAYBE I SHOULD

GOING ON.
WELL, I THINK MAYBE I SHOULD
DO IT AGAIN.

WELL, I THINK MAYBE I SHOULD
DO IT AGAIN.
[LAUGHTER]

DO IT AGAIN.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME

[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME
MIGHT WORK.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME
MIGHT WORK.
YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD DO?

MIGHT WORK.
YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD DO?
SING SOME MEDLEY OF WINGS TUNES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD DO?
SING SOME MEDLEY OF WINGS TUNES.
THAT'S HIS LATEST GROUP.

SING SOME MEDLEY OF WINGS TUNES.
THAT'S HIS LATEST GROUP.
MAYBE THAT WILL DO IT.

THAT'S HIS LATEST GROUP.
MAYBE THAT WILL DO IT.
YEAH, FATHER, YOU KEEP

MAYBE THAT WILL DO IT.
YEAH, FATHER, YOU KEEP
TRYING, WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU

YEAH, FATHER, YOU KEEP
TRYING, WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU
LATER.

TRYING, WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU
LATER.
OKAY.

LATER.
OKAY.
THAT'S THE NEWS, GOOD NIGHT AND

OKAY.
THAT'S THE NEWS, GOOD NIGHT AND
HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

THAT'S THE NEWS, GOOD NIGHT AND
HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[♪...]

[GRUNTING]

IT HAS BEEN A GOOD DAY.
A GOOD DAY!
A GOOD DAY!

A GOOD DAY!
A GOOD DAY!
IT SURE HAS BEEN A GOOD DAY.

A GOOD DAY!
IT SURE HAS BEEN A GOOD DAY.
BOY, I AM FULL!

IT SURE HAS BEEN A GOOD DAY.
BOY, I AM FULL!
I HOPE WE EAT THIS

BOY, I AM FULL!
I HOPE WE EAT THIS
MUCH TOMORROW!

I HOPE WE EAT THIS
MUCH TOMORROW!
WITH OAKNA AS OUR FATHER

MUCH TOMORROW!
WITH OAKNA AS OUR FATHER
HUNTER, WE WILL ALL HAVE

WITH OAKNA AS OUR FATHER
HUNTER, WE WILL ALL HAVE
FULL BELLIES!

HUNTER, WE WILL ALL HAVE
FULL BELLIES!
[GRUNTING]

FULL BELLIES!
[GRUNTING]
UH, SAY...

[GRUNTING]
UH, SAY...
NOT TO TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM

UH, SAY...
NOT TO TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM
OAKNA, BUT YOU KNOW, WE WERE

NOT TO TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM
OAKNA, BUT YOU KNOW, WE WERE
LUCKY TO SCARE OFF THAT LION AND

OAKNA, BUT YOU KNOW, WE WERE
LUCKY TO SCARE OFF THAT LION AND
TAKE ITS PREY.

LUCKY TO SCARE OFF THAT LION AND
TAKE ITS PREY.
THE LION KNEW OAKNA,

TAKE ITS PREY.
THE LION KNEW OAKNA,
AND FLED IN FRIGHT.

THE LION KNEW OAKNA,
AND FLED IN FRIGHT.
I AM SWIFT, AND I AM STRONG.

AND FLED IN FRIGHT.
I AM SWIFT, AND I AM STRONG.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY...

I AM SWIFT, AND I AM STRONG.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY...
[LAUGHTER]

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY...
[LAUGHTER]
NOW IT IS TIME TO HOWL

[LAUGHTER]
NOW IT IS TIME TO HOWL
AT THE MOON!

NOW IT IS TIME TO HOWL
AT THE MOON!
YES, WE HOWL AT MOON.

AT THE MOON!
YES, WE HOWL AT MOON.
YES.

YES, WE HOWL AT MOON.
YES.
I WILL LIKE THAT.

YES.
I WILL LIKE THAT.
[SCREAMING]

I WILL LIKE THAT.
[SCREAMING]
HEY, MOM...

[SCREAMING]
HEY, MOM...
CAN I TALK TO YOU A SECOND?

HEY, MOM...
CAN I TALK TO YOU A SECOND?
WHAT IS IT, MY STRANGE ONE?

CAN I TALK TO YOU A SECOND?
WHAT IS IT, MY STRANGE ONE?
[CAVEMEN HOWLING]

WHAT IS IT, MY STRANGE ONE?
[CAVEMEN HOWLING]
I DON'T KNOW, MOM.

[CAVEMEN HOWLING]
I DON'T KNOW, MOM.
IT'S OAKNA, HE'S DRIVING ME

I DON'T KNOW, MOM.
IT'S OAKNA, HE'S DRIVING ME
CRAZY.

IT'S OAKNA, HE'S DRIVING ME
CRAZY.
BUT HE IS OUR FATHER HUNTER!

CRAZY.
BUT HE IS OUR FATHER HUNTER!
HE IS SWIFT AND STRONG.

BUT HE IS OUR FATHER HUNTER!
HE IS SWIFT AND STRONG.
I KNOW, BUT HE'S SO STUPID,

HE IS SWIFT AND STRONG.
I KNOW, BUT HE'S SO STUPID,
AND HE LIES CONSTANTLY.

I KNOW, BUT HE'S SO STUPID,
AND HE LIES CONSTANTLY.
IT IS DANGEROUS TO

AND HE LIES CONSTANTLY.
IT IS DANGEROUS TO
TALK THAT WAY ABOUT OAKNA.

IT IS DANGEROUS TO
TALK THAT WAY ABOUT OAKNA.
I WILL NOT LISTEN!

TALK THAT WAY ABOUT OAKNA.
I WILL NOT LISTEN!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I WILL NOT LISTEN!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
I'LL JUST DRAW A LITTLE BIT.

[LAUGHTER]
I'LL JUST DRAW A LITTLE BIT.
[WHISTLING]

OH, HI, WEENA.
GLAD TO SEE YOU.
YOU MAKE ME WET.

GLAD TO SEE YOU.
YOU MAKE ME WET.
[LAUGHTER]

YOU MAKE ME WET.
[LAUGHTER]
AH, WELL..

[LAUGHTER]
AH, WELL..
IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO SAY

AH, WELL..
IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO SAY
THAT.

IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO SAY
THAT.
[LAUGHTER]

THAT.
[LAUGHTER]
LISTEN...

[LAUGHTER]
LISTEN...
I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

LISTEN...
I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS BISON?

I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS BISON?
LOOK AT THIS.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS BISON?
LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT BISON?

LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT BISON?
RIGHT HERE.

WHAT BISON?
RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT HERE ON THE WALL.

RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT HERE ON THE WALL.
YOU SEE, IT'S GOT LITTLE EYES,

RIGHT HERE ON THE WALL.
YOU SEE, IT'S GOT LITTLE EYES,
AND THE LEGS HERE, AND THE TAIL.

YOU SEE, IT'S GOT LITTLE EYES,
AND THE LEGS HERE, AND THE TAIL.
A BISON, A BISON!

AND THE LEGS HERE, AND THE TAIL.
A BISON, A BISON!
NO, NO, IT'S JUST THE IMAGE

A BISON, A BISON!
NO, NO, IT'S JUST THE IMAGE
OF A BISON.

NO, NO, IT'S JUST THE IMAGE
OF A BISON.
OH... I WAS SCARED.

OF A BISON.
OH... I WAS SCARED.
[LAUGHTER]

OH... I WAS SCARED.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU WERE BRAVE.

[LAUGHTER]
YOU WERE BRAVE.
WEENA WANT YOU!

YOU WERE BRAVE.
WEENA WANT YOU!
[LAUGHTER]

WEENA WANT YOU!
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, OKAY, I'LL TAKE

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, OKAY, I'LL TAKE
A LITTLE OF THAT.

WELL, OKAY, I'LL TAKE
A LITTLE OF THAT.
THAT WOULD BE NICE.

A LITTLE OF THAT.
THAT WOULD BE NICE.
COME ON OVER.

THAT WOULD BE NICE.
COME ON OVER.
UH-OH.

COME ON OVER.
UH-OH.
YOU DO NOT GET THIS!

UH-OH.
YOU DO NOT GET THIS!
HEY, HEY, HEY!

YOU DO NOT GET THIS!
HEY, HEY, HEY!
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

HEY, HEY, HEY!
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
THE WOMAN IS MINE!

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
THE WOMAN IS MINE!
I AM THE FATHER HUNTER!

THE WOMAN IS MINE!
I AM THE FATHER HUNTER!
I AM SWIFT!

I AM THE FATHER HUNTER!
I AM SWIFT!
I AM STRONG!

I AM SWIFT!
I AM STRONG!
HEY, NO ONE IS

I AM STRONG!
HEY, NO ONE IS
QUESTIONING YOUR SWIFTNESS OR

HEY, NO ONE IS
QUESTIONING YOUR SWIFTNESS OR
YOUR STRENGTH HERE, NOTHING.

QUESTIONING YOUR SWIFTNESS OR
YOUR STRENGTH HERE, NOTHING.
MMM... OAKNA, THE FIRE

YOUR STRENGTH HERE, NOTHING.
MMM... OAKNA, THE FIRE
IS GOOD.

MMM... OAKNA, THE FIRE
IS GOOD.
MMM... I LIKE FIRE!

IS GOOD.
MMM... I LIKE FIRE!
THANK YOU.

MMM... I LIKE FIRE!
THANK YOU.
TOMORROW, THE MEN HUNT.

THANK YOU.
TOMORROW, THE MEN HUNT.
PERHAPS THE BISON WILL DIE

TOMORROW, THE MEN HUNT.
PERHAPS THE BISON WILL DIE
FOR US.

PERHAPS THE BISON WILL DIE
FOR US.
UH, OAKNA...

FOR US.
UH, OAKNA...
SINCE WE'RE ON THAT SUBJECT

UH, OAKNA...
SINCE WE'RE ON THAT SUBJECT
AGAIN, I HAVE A COUPLE OF IDEAS

SINCE WE'RE ON THAT SUBJECT
AGAIN, I HAVE A COUPLE OF IDEAS
ABOUT THE BISON HUNT, I'D KIND

AGAIN, I HAVE A COUPLE OF IDEAS
ABOUT THE BISON HUNT, I'D KIND
OF LIKE TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU.

ABOUT THE BISON HUNT, I'D KIND
OF LIKE TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU.
NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE THE LEADER,

OF LIKE TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU.
NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE THE LEADER,
BUT I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME OUT ON

NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE THE LEADER,
BUT I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME OUT ON
THIS, OKAY?

BUT I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME OUT ON
THIS, OKAY?
NOW, HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW

THIS, OKAY?
NOW, HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW
WE'RE ALWAYS CHASING THE BISON?

NOW, HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW
WE'RE ALWAYS CHASING THE BISON?
THE FACT IS, THE BISON IS

WE'RE ALWAYS CHASING THE BISON?
THE FACT IS, THE BISON IS
SWIFTER THAN WE ARE.

THE FACT IS, THE BISON IS
SWIFTER THAN WE ARE.
SWIFTER EVEN- AND I SAY THIS

SWIFTER THAN WE ARE.
SWIFTER EVEN- AND I SAY THIS
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT-SWIFTER

SWIFTER EVEN- AND I SAY THIS
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT-SWIFTER
EVEN THAN OAKNA.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT-SWIFTER
EVEN THAN OAKNA.
YES?

EVEN THAN OAKNA.
YES?
SO COME OVER HERE AND LOOK AT

YES?
SO COME OVER HERE AND LOOK AT
THIS, NOW LOOK.

SO COME OVER HERE AND LOOK AT
THIS, NOW LOOK.
COME RIGHT DOWN HERE.

THIS, NOW LOOK.
COME RIGHT DOWN HERE.
[OAKNA SCREAMS]

COME RIGHT DOWN HERE.
[OAKNA SCREAMS]
[LAUGHTER]

[OAKNA SCREAMS]
[LAUGHTER]
LET'S SAY THAT WE REPRESENT

[LAUGHTER]
LET'S SAY THAT WE REPRESENT
THE ROCKS-THESE ROCKS ARE US.

LET'S SAY THAT WE REPRESENT
THE ROCKS-THESE ROCKS ARE US.
NOW, WE'LL PUT THEM AROUND IN A

THE ROCKS-THESE ROCKS ARE US.
NOW, WE'LL PUT THEM AROUND IN A
CIRCLE, LIKE THIS, AND THIS

NOW, WE'LL PUT THEM AROUND IN A
CIRCLE, LIKE THIS, AND THIS
WILL BE THE BISON, ALL RIGHT?

CIRCLE, LIKE THIS, AND THIS
WILL BE THE BISON, ALL RIGHT?
NOW, NO MATTER WHICH WAY THE

WILL BE THE BISON, ALL RIGHT?
NOW, NO MATTER WHICH WAY THE
BISON RUNS, HE'LL RUN INTO ONE

NOW, NO MATTER WHICH WAY THE
BISON RUNS, HE'LL RUN INTO ONE
OF US.

BISON RUNS, HE'LL RUN INTO ONE
OF US.
WE ARE NOT ROCKS.

OF US.
WE ARE NOT ROCKS.
OH, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT!

WE ARE NOT ROCKS.
OH, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT!
THIS IS SO SIMPLE!

OH, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT!
THIS IS SO SIMPLE!
OH, WAIT...

THIS IS SO SIMPLE!
OH, WAIT...
DO YOU MEAN THAT WE MAKE A

OH, WAIT...
DO YOU MEAN THAT WE MAKE A
CIRCLE AROUND THE BISON?

DO YOU MEAN THAT WE MAKE A
CIRCLE AROUND THE BISON?
YES, YES!

CIRCLE AROUND THE BISON?
YES, YES!
SO IF THE BISON RUNS AWAY

YES, YES!
SO IF THE BISON RUNS AWAY
FROM ME, HE WILL RUN TO YOU?

SO IF THE BISON RUNS AWAY
FROM ME, HE WILL RUN TO YOU?
YES!

FROM ME, HE WILL RUN TO YOU?
YES!
THAT IS SMART.

YES!
THAT IS SMART.
YOU ARE SMART.

THAT IS SMART.
YOU ARE SMART.
BUT I AM SWIFT.

YOU ARE SMART.
BUT I AM SWIFT.
AND I AM...

BUT I AM SWIFT.
AND I AM...
STRONG.

AND I AM...
STRONG.
YES.

STRONG.
YES.
[LAUGHTER]

YES.
[LAUGHTER]
I AM STRONG, AND I AM SWIFT.

[LAUGHTER]
I AM STRONG, AND I AM SWIFT.
OKAY, YOU ARE SWIFT

I AM STRONG, AND I AM SWIFT.
OKAY, YOU ARE SWIFT
AND STRONG, AND I AM SMART.

OKAY, YOU ARE SWIFT
AND STRONG, AND I AM SMART.
AND TOGETHER, WE CAN IMPROVE

AND STRONG, AND I AM SMART.
AND TOGETHER, WE CAN IMPROVE
OUR LIVES.

AND TOGETHER, WE CAN IMPROVE
OUR LIVES.
PERHAPS WE CAN EVEN STOP

OUR LIVES.
PERHAPS WE CAN EVEN STOP
WANDERING, AND BUILD PERMANENT

PERHAPS WE CAN EVEN STOP
WANDERING, AND BUILD PERMANENT
DWELLINGS AND DOMESTICATE

WANDERING, AND BUILD PERMANENT
DWELLINGS AND DOMESTICATE
ANIMALS?

DWELLINGS AND DOMESTICATE
ANIMALS?
WHY, WE COULD THEN HAVE LEISURE

ANIMALS?
WHY, WE COULD THEN HAVE LEISURE
TIME TO DEVELOP A SYSTEM OF

WHY, WE COULD THEN HAVE LEISURE
TIME TO DEVELOP A SYSTEM OF
SYMBOLS AND TO RECORD EVENTS

TIME TO DEVELOP A SYSTEM OF
SYMBOLS AND TO RECORD EVENTS
AND COMMUNICATE IDEAS, CREATING

SYMBOLS AND TO RECORD EVENTS
AND COMMUNICATE IDEAS, CREATING
A CIVILIZATION BEYOND OUR

AND COMMUNICATE IDEAS, CREATING
A CIVILIZATION BEYOND OUR
WILDEST IMAGINATION.

A CIVILIZATION BEYOND OUR
WILDEST IMAGINATION.
YES.

WILDEST IMAGINATION.
YES.
YOU ARE SMART.

YES.
YOU ARE SMART.
BUT IT IS LATE, AND WE MUST

YOU ARE SMART.
BUT IT IS LATE, AND WE MUST
SLEEP, SO TOMORROW WE CAN BEGIN

BUT IT IS LATE, AND WE MUST
SLEEP, SO TOMORROW WE CAN BEGIN
ON THIS WORK.

SLEEP, SO TOMORROW WE CAN BEGIN
ON THIS WORK.
YES, WE MUST SLEEP.

ON THIS WORK.
YES, WE MUST SLEEP.
YES, LET'S HIT THE DIRT.

YES, WE MUST SLEEP.
YES, LET'S HIT THE DIRT.
SLEEP IS GOOD.

YES, LET'S HIT THE DIRT.
SLEEP IS GOOD.
YES.

I AM STRONG!
[LAUGHTER]

AND NOW, I AM SMART.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: WE INTERRUPT THIS
PROGRAM FOR ANOTHER EXCLUSIVE
REPORT FROM LONDON, ENGLAND.

PROGRAM FOR ANOTHER EXCLUSIVE
REPORT FROM LONDON, ENGLAND.
WELL, THE PENCE HITTING THE

REPORT FROM LONDON, ENGLAND.
WELL, THE PENCE HITTING THE
WINDOW DIDN'T WORK,

WELL, THE PENCE HITTING THE
WINDOW DIDN'T WORK,
MY SERENADE DIDN'T WORK, BUT I

WINDOW DIDN'T WORK,
MY SERENADE DIDN'T WORK, BUT I
KNOW THIS IS GONNA WORK-

MY SERENADE DIDN'T WORK, BUT I
KNOW THIS IS GONNA WORK-
A ROCK!

KNOW THIS IS GONNA WORK-
A ROCK!
[WINDOW PINGS]

THAT'S AN OLD GOSSIP COLUMNIST
TRICK-MISS RONA TAUGHT ME
THAT ONE.

TRICK-MISS RONA TAUGHT ME
THAT ONE.
IT'S WORKS EVERY TIME, HE'LL BE

THAT ONE.
IT'S WORKS EVERY TIME, HE'LL BE
OUT, I KNOW IT.

IT'S WORKS EVERY TIME, HE'LL BE
OUT, I KNOW IT.
YOU CAN BET ON IT.

OUT, I KNOW IT.
YOU CAN BET ON IT.
HE'S COMING, THIS IS IT.

YOU CAN BET ON IT.
HE'S COMING, THIS IS IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

HE'S COMING, THIS IS IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE?
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
THAT ROCK, IT WAS THE

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
THAT ROCK, IT WAS THE
MILKMAN.

THAT ROCK, IT WAS THE
MILKMAN.
HE DID IT AND THEN RAN.

MILKMAN.
HE DID IT AND THEN RAN.
IT WAS HIM.

HE DID IT AND THEN RAN.
IT WAS HIM.
IT WASN'T YOU?

IT WAS HIM.
IT WASN'T YOU?
NO, IT WASN'T ME.

IT WASN'T YOU?
NO, IT WASN'T ME.
I'M HERE TO DO THE INTERVIEW.

NO, IT WASN'T ME.
I'M HERE TO DO THE INTERVIEW.
YOU KNOW, I WROTE YOU ABOUT IT

I'M HERE TO DO THE INTERVIEW.
YOU KNOW, I WROTE YOU ABOUT IT
AND EVERYTHING, A REGISTERED

YOU KNOW, I WROTE YOU ABOUT IT
AND EVERYTHING, A REGISTERED
LETTER.

AND EVERYTHING, A REGISTERED
LETTER.
INTERVIEW?

LETTER.
INTERVIEW?
YEAH, BUT THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO

INTERVIEW?
YEAH, BUT THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO
BE 11:30 LAST NIGHT, THOUGH.

YEAH, BUT THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO
BE 11:30 LAST NIGHT, THOUGH.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW.

BE 11:30 LAST NIGHT, THOUGH.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW.
IT'S 5:00 IN THE MORNING NOW.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW.
IT'S 5:00 IN THE MORNING NOW.
WELL, IT'S A LONG STORY.

IT'S 5:00 IN THE MORNING NOW.
WELL, IT'S A LONG STORY.
THERE WAS A TIME CHANGE,

WELL, IT'S A LONG STORY.
THERE WAS A TIME CHANGE,
YOU DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT IT?

THERE WAS A TIME CHANGE,
YOU DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT IT?
[LAUGHTER]

YOU DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT IT?
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S LIKE, EVERY PIECE OF LAND

[LAUGHTER]
IT'S LIKE, EVERY PIECE OF LAND
IS ONE HOUR LESS THAN ANOTHER

IT'S LIKE, EVERY PIECE OF LAND
IS ONE HOUR LESS THAN ANOTHER
ONE.

IS ONE HOUR LESS THAN ANOTHER
ONE.
IT'S A LONG STORY.

ONE.
IT'S A LONG STORY.
IT'S REALLY INVOLVED, IT GETS A

IT'S A LONG STORY.
IT'S REALLY INVOLVED, IT GETS A
LITTLE TECHNICAL, I DON'T THINK

IT'S REALLY INVOLVED, IT GETS A
LITTLE TECHNICAL, I DON'T THINK
YOU WANT TO GO INTO IT,

LITTLE TECHNICAL, I DON'T THINK
YOU WANT TO GO INTO IT,
BUT THAT'S THE REASON.

YOU WANT TO GO INTO IT,
BUT THAT'S THE REASON.
LISTEN, COULD WE

BUT THAT'S THE REASON.
LISTEN, COULD WE
DO THIS TOMORROW?

LISTEN, COULD WE
DO THIS TOMORROW?
BECAUSE, I MEAN, REALLY,

DO THIS TOMORROW?
BECAUSE, I MEAN, REALLY,
IT'S AWFULLY LATE.

BECAUSE, I MEAN, REALLY,
IT'S AWFULLY LATE.
THIS IS LIVE!

IT'S AWFULLY LATE.
THIS IS LIVE!
LOOK, LIVE TELEVISION.

THIS IS LIVE!
LOOK, LIVE TELEVISION.
THIS IS A HOOK-UP SATELLITE TO

LOOK, LIVE TELEVISION.
THIS IS A HOOK-UP SATELLITE TO
THE UNITED STATES.

THIS IS A HOOK-UP SATELLITE TO
THE UNITED STATES.
THIS IS IT, NOW, LET'S DO IT!

THE UNITED STATES.
THIS IS IT, NOW, LET'S DO IT!
YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO ASK YOU.

THIS IS IT, NOW, LET'S DO IT!
YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO ASK YOU.
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU HAVEN'T HAD

YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO ASK YOU.
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU HAVEN'T HAD
ANY MARIJUANA IN 122 DAYS?

IS IT TRUE THAT YOU HAVEN'T HAD
ANY MARIJUANA IN 122 DAYS?
YES OR NO?

ANY MARIJUANA IN 122 DAYS?
YES OR NO?
IT WAS MY UNDERSTANDING THAT

YES OR NO?
IT WAS MY UNDERSTANDING THAT
WE WERE JUST GOING TO TALK ABOUT

IT WAS MY UNDERSTANDING THAT
WE WERE JUST GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THE VIDEO TAPE, YOU KNOW?

WE WERE JUST GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THE VIDEO TAPE, YOU KNOW?
ARE THEY SHOWING IT YET OR WHAT?

THE VIDEO TAPE, YOU KNOW?
ARE THEY SHOWING IT YET OR WHAT?
NO, IT'S STILL COMING UP.

ARE THEY SHOWING IT YET OR WHAT?
NO, IT'S STILL COMING UP.
BUT I JUST WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU

NO, IT'S STILL COMING UP.
BUT I JUST WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU
A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS FIRST.

BUT I JUST WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU
A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS FIRST.
JUST A COUPLE.

A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS FIRST.
JUST A COUPLE.
OKAY, THAT'S FINE.

JUST A COUPLE.
OKAY, THAT'S FINE.
JUST AS LONG AS THEY ARE

OKAY, THAT'S FINE.
JUST AS LONG AS THEY ARE
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE TAPE.

JUST AS LONG AS THEY ARE
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE TAPE.
JUST THE TAPE, OKAY?

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE TAPE.
JUST THE TAPE, OKAY?
IT HAS TO BE QUESTIONS

JUST THE TAPE, OKAY?
IT HAS TO BE QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE TAPE?

IT HAS TO BE QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE TAPE?
YEAH, RIGHT.

ABOUT THE TAPE?
YEAH, RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, RIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, HOW LONG DID IT

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, HOW LONG DID IT
TAKE TO MAKE THE TAPE?

WELL, HOW LONG DID IT
TAKE TO MAKE THE TAPE?
WELL, IT TOOK A LOT OF TIME,

TAKE TO MAKE THE TAPE?
WELL, IT TOOK A LOT OF TIME,
ACTUALLY, BECAUSE I PLAY A LOT

WELL, IT TOOK A LOT OF TIME,
ACTUALLY, BECAUSE I PLAY A LOT
OF DIFFERENT ROLES ON THE TAPE.

ACTUALLY, BECAUSE I PLAY A LOT
OF DIFFERENT ROLES ON THE TAPE.
IT'S ONLY ABOUT FOUR MINUTES

OF DIFFERENT ROLES ON THE TAPE.
IT'S ONLY ABOUT FOUR MINUTES
LONG ITSELF, BUT IT TOOK OVER A

IT'S ONLY ABOUT FOUR MINUTES
LONG ITSELF, BUT IT TOOK OVER A
WEEK TO SHOOT IT, YOU KNOW?

LONG ITSELF, BUT IT TOOK OVER A
WEEK TO SHOOT IT, YOU KNOW?
IF YOU WAS STILL SMOKING, DO

WEEK TO SHOOT IT, YOU KNOW?
IF YOU WAS STILL SMOKING, DO
YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN

IF YOU WAS STILL SMOKING, DO
YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN
LONGER OR SHORTER?

YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN
LONGER OR SHORTER?
[LAUGHTER]

LONGER OR SHORTER?
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, IT MIGHT HAVE TAKEN

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, IT MIGHT HAVE TAKEN
LONGER, BUT IT MIGHT HAVE SEEMED

WELL, IT MIGHT HAVE TAKEN
LONGER, BUT IT MIGHT HAVE SEEMED
SHORTER THAN THAT.

LONGER, BUT IT MIGHT HAVE SEEMED
SHORTER THAN THAT.
BUT I DON'T SEE HOW THAT

SHORTER THAN THAT.
BUT I DON'T SEE HOW THAT
MATTERS.

BUT I DON'T SEE HOW THAT
MATTERS.
WELL, WOULD HAVE TAKEN

MATTERS.
WELL, WOULD HAVE TAKEN
LONGER, BUT IT WOULD HAVE SEEMED

WELL, WOULD HAVE TAKEN
LONGER, BUT IT WOULD HAVE SEEMED
SHORTER, THAT'S YOUR ANSWER?

LONGER, BUT IT WOULD HAVE SEEMED
SHORTER, THAT'S YOUR ANSWER?
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

SHORTER, THAT'S YOUR ANSWER?
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
WELL...

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
WELL...
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WELL...
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
HOW YOU DOING?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
HOW YOU DOING?
NICE TO MEET YOU.

HOW YOU DOING?
NICE TO MEET YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE COMING AT

NICE TO MEET YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE COMING AT
11:30?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE COMING AT
11:30?
WELL, PAUL GOT THE TIME MIXED

11:30?
WELL, PAUL GOT THE TIME MIXED
UP.

WELL, PAUL GOT THE TIME MIXED
UP.
[LAUGHTER]

UP.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S A LONG, LONG STORY, BUT

[LAUGHTER]
IT'S A LONG, LONG STORY, BUT
IT'S LIKE, EVERY PIECE OF LAND

IT'S A LONG, LONG STORY, BUT
IT'S LIKE, EVERY PIECE OF LAND
IS AN HOUR EARLIER, SEE?

IT'S LIKE, EVERY PIECE OF LAND
IS AN HOUR EARLIER, SEE?
AND NEW YORK IS FAR AWAY,

IS AN HOUR EARLIER, SEE?
AND NEW YORK IS FAR AWAY,
SO IT'S REAL EARLY THERE,

AND NEW YORK IS FAR AWAY,
SO IT'S REAL EARLY THERE,
BUT HERE IT'S LATE.

SO IT'S REAL EARLY THERE,
BUT HERE IT'S LATE.
LINDA'S IN THE TAPE TOO.

BUT HERE IT'S LATE.
LINDA'S IN THE TAPE TOO.
SHE'S IN THERE.

LINDA'S IN THE TAPE TOO.
SHE'S IN THERE.
YEAH, PAUL PLAYS 10 OF THE

SHE'S IN THERE.
YEAH, PAUL PLAYS 10 OF THE
CHARACTERS, AND I PLAY TWO

YEAH, PAUL PLAYS 10 OF THE
CHARACTERS, AND I PLAY TWO
BACKUP SINGERS, ONE'S A FELLA.

CHARACTERS, AND I PLAY TWO
BACKUP SINGERS, ONE'S A FELLA.
YEAH, YOU KNOW MOST OF THE

BACKUP SINGERS, ONE'S A FELLA.
YEAH, YOU KNOW MOST OF THE
CHARACTERS ARE BASED ON CERTAIN

YEAH, YOU KNOW MOST OF THE
CHARACTERS ARE BASED ON CERTAIN
DEFINITE PEOPLE.

CHARACTERS ARE BASED ON CERTAIN
DEFINITE PEOPLE.
I MEAN, FOR INSTANCE, YOU'VE GOT

DEFINITE PEOPLE.
I MEAN, FOR INSTANCE, YOU'VE GOT
THE KEYBOARD PLAYER OF THE

I MEAN, FOR INSTANCE, YOU'VE GOT
THE KEYBOARD PLAYER OF THE
SPARKS, AND YOU'VE GOT HANK

THE KEYBOARD PLAYER OF THE
SPARKS, AND YOU'VE GOT HANK
MARVIN OF THE SHADOWS, YOU

SPARKS, AND YOU'VE GOT HANK
MARVIN OF THE SHADOWS, YOU
PROBABLY KNOW HIM.

MARVIN OF THE SHADOWS, YOU
PROBABLY KNOW HIM.
HANK MARVIN?

PROBABLY KNOW HIM.
HANK MARVIN?
HANK, YEAH.

HANK MARVIN?
HANK, YEAH.
WELL, I'VE HEARD OF HIM, BUT

HANK, YEAH.
WELL, I'VE HEARD OF HIM, BUT
I DON'T KNOW HIM PERSONALLY, BUT

WELL, I'VE HEARD OF HIM, BUT
I DON'T KNOW HIM PERSONALLY, BUT
I HEARD HIM, OF COURSE.

I DON'T KNOW HIM PERSONALLY, BUT
I HEARD HIM, OF COURSE.
WELL, WE HAVE THIS

I HEARD HIM, OF COURSE.
WELL, WE HAVE THIS
SAXOPHONE SECTION THAT WE DO,

WELL, WE HAVE THIS
SAXOPHONE SECTION THAT WE DO,
AND THERE'S THIS HIPPIE GUY AT

SAXOPHONE SECTION THAT WE DO,
AND THERE'S THIS HIPPIE GUY AT
THE END OF IT.

AND THERE'S THIS HIPPIE GUY AT
THE END OF IT.
WELL, HE KIND OF

THE END OF IT.
WELL, HE KIND OF
GETS ALL THE STUFF WRONG...

WELL, HE KIND OF
GETS ALL THE STUFF WRONG...
OH, HE'S MY FAVORITE,

GETS ALL THE STUFF WRONG...
OH, HE'S MY FAVORITE,
THE HIPPIE GUY.

OH, HE'S MY FAVORITE,
THE HIPPIE GUY.
'CAUSE THE SAX SECTION IS REALLY

THE HIPPIE GUY.
'CAUSE THE SAX SECTION IS REALLY
IN TIME.

'CAUSE THE SAX SECTION IS REALLY
IN TIME.
WHILE THEY'RE GOING FORWARD,

IN TIME.
WHILE THEY'RE GOING FORWARD,
THE HIPPIE'S ALWAYS OUT

WHILE THEY'RE GOING FORWARD,
THE HIPPIE'S ALWAYS OUT
OF TUNE AND TIME, HE GOES BACK,

THE HIPPIE'S ALWAYS OUT
OF TUNE AND TIME, HE GOES BACK,
AND IT'S GREAT.

OF TUNE AND TIME, HE GOES BACK,
AND IT'S GREAT.
THE DANCING I HAVE TO DO IS,

AND IT'S GREAT.
THE DANCING I HAVE TO DO IS,
LIKE, REAL COMPLICATED TO DO,

THE DANCING I HAVE TO DO IS,
LIKE, REAL COMPLICATED TO DO,
YOU KNOW?

LIKE, REAL COMPLICATED TO DO,
YOU KNOW?
I HAVE TO IMAGINE THE PEOPLE,

YOU KNOW?
I HAVE TO IMAGINE THE PEOPLE,
IT'S...

I HAVE TO IMAGINE THE PEOPLE,
IT'S...
HEY, I BET IT IS REAL HARD TO

IT'S...
HEY, I BET IT IS REAL HARD TO
DANCE WHEN YOU'RE NOT STONED,

HEY, I BET IT IS REAL HARD TO
DANCE WHEN YOU'RE NOT STONED,
AM I RIGHT?

DANCE WHEN YOU'RE NOT STONED,
AM I RIGHT?
[LAUGHTER]

AM I RIGHT?
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, CAN'T GET INTO IT.

[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, CAN'T GET INTO IT.
IT WASN'T EASY,

YOU KNOW, CAN'T GET INTO IT.
IT WASN'T EASY,
BUT... UH...

IT WASN'T EASY,
BUT... UH...
ARE YOU GONNA SHOW THE TAPE?

BUT... UH...
ARE YOU GONNA SHOW THE TAPE?
YES, WE ARE GONNA SHOW THE

ARE YOU GONNA SHOW THE TAPE?
YES, WE ARE GONNA SHOW THE
TAPE, FOR SURE.

YES, WE ARE GONNA SHOW THE
TAPE, FOR SURE.
BUT I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU ONE

TAPE, FOR SURE.
BUT I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU ONE
MORE QUESTION, IF YOU DON'T

BUT I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU ONE
MORE QUESTION, IF YOU DON'T
MIND.

MORE QUESTION, IF YOU DON'T
MIND.
IT'S PRETTY IMPORTANT, PEOPLE

MIND.
IT'S PRETTY IMPORTANT, PEOPLE
WANT TO KNOW.

IT'S PRETTY IMPORTANT, PEOPLE
WANT TO KNOW.
IT'S NOT ABOUT MARIJUANA,

WANT TO KNOW.
IT'S NOT ABOUT MARIJUANA,
RIGHT?

IT'S NOT ABOUT MARIJUANA,
RIGHT?
NO, THIS IS A QUESTION I

RIGHT?
NO, THIS IS A QUESTION I
REALLY HATE TO ASK YOU, 'CAUSE I

NO, THIS IS A QUESTION I
REALLY HATE TO ASK YOU, 'CAUSE I
KNOW EVERYONE ALWAYS ASKS YOU

REALLY HATE TO ASK YOU, 'CAUSE I
KNOW EVERYONE ALWAYS ASKS YOU
THIS QUESTION.

KNOW EVERYONE ALWAYS ASKS YOU
THIS QUESTION.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST ONE AFTER

THIS QUESTION.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST ONE AFTER
ANOTHER.

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST ONE AFTER
ANOTHER.
BUT I'M A JOURNALIST,

ANOTHER.
BUT I'M A JOURNALIST,
I HAVE TO DO IT, IF YOU DON'T

BUT I'M A JOURNALIST,
I HAVE TO DO IT, IF YOU DON'T
MIND.

I HAVE TO DO IT, IF YOU DON'T
MIND.
PAUL, IF, JUST IF,

MIND.
PAUL, IF, JUST IF,
YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL YOU

PAUL, IF, JUST IF,
YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL YOU
WANTED TO BE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL YOU
WANTED TO BE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
ANY ANIMAL?

WANTED TO BE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
ANY ANIMAL?
ANY ANIMAL, ANY ANIMAL.

ANY ANIMAL?
ANY ANIMAL, ANY ANIMAL.
KOALA BEAR.

ANY ANIMAL, ANY ANIMAL.
KOALA BEAR.
KOALA BEAR!

KOALA BEAR.
KOALA BEAR!
DID YOU HEAR?

KOALA BEAR!
DID YOU HEAR?
KOALA BEAR!

DID YOU HEAR?
KOALA BEAR!
[CHEERING]

KOALA BEAR!
[CHEERING]
IS THAT THE LITTLE ANIMAL ALL

[CHEERING]
IS THAT THE LITTLE ANIMAL ALL
THE TIME, THEY EAT EUCALYPTUS

IS THAT THE LITTLE ANIMAL ALL
THE TIME, THEY EAT EUCALYPTUS
LEAVES, THEY GET STONED ALL

THE TIME, THEY EAT EUCALYPTUS
LEAVES, THEY GET STONED ALL
THE TIME!

LEAVES, THEY GET STONED ALL
THE TIME!
[LAUGHTER]

THE TIME!
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, YOU HEARD IT: KOALA BEAR.

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, YOU HEARD IT: KOALA BEAR.
WELL, THAT'S IT.

WELL, YOU HEARD IT: KOALA BEAR.
WELL, THAT'S IT.
AND YOU CAN TAKE IT BACK,

WELL, THAT'S IT.
AND YOU CAN TAKE IT BACK,
AMERICA!

AND YOU CAN TAKE IT BACK,
AMERICA!
OKAY, PLAY THE TAPE.

AMERICA!
OKAY, PLAY THE TAPE.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY, PLAY THE TAPE.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[♪..]

♪ YOU WANT A LOVE
TO LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ ONE THAT WILL NEVER

TO LAST FOREVER ♪
♪ ONE THAT WILL NEVER
FADE AWAY ♪

♪ ONE THAT WILL NEVER
FADE AWAY ♪
♪ I WANT TO HELP YOU

FADE AWAY ♪
♪ I WANT TO HELP YOU
WITH YOUR PROBLEM ♪

♪ I WANT TO HELP YOU
WITH YOUR PROBLEM ♪
♪ STICK AROUND, I SAY ♪

WITH YOUR PROBLEM ♪
♪ STICK AROUND, I SAY ♪
♪ COMING UP, OOH,

♪ STICK AROUND, I SAY ♪
♪ COMING UP, OOH,
COMING UP, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ COMING UP, OOH,
COMING UP, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER,

COMING UP, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER,
COMING UP, I SAY ♪

♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER,
COMING UP, I SAY ♪
♪ OOH ♪

COMING UP, I SAY ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ YOU WANT A FRIEND

♪ OOH ♪
♪ YOU WANT A FRIEND
YOU CAN RELY ON ♪

♪ YOU WANT A FRIEND
YOU CAN RELY ON ♪
♪ ONE WHO WILL NEVER

YOU CAN RELY ON ♪
♪ ONE WHO WILL NEVER
FADE AWAY ♪

♪ ONE WHO WILL NEVER
FADE AWAY ♪
♪ AND IF YOU'RE SEARCHING

FADE AWAY ♪
♪ AND IF YOU'RE SEARCHING
FOR AN ANSWER ♪

♪ AND IF YOU'RE SEARCHING
FOR AN ANSWER ♪
♪ STICK AROUND, I SAY ♪

FOR AN ANSWER ♪
♪ STICK AROUND, I SAY ♪
♪ COMING UP, OOH

♪ STICK AROUND, I SAY ♪
♪ COMING UP, OOH
COMING UP ♪

♪ COMING UP, OOH
COMING UP ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER

COMING UP ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER
COMING UP, YEAH ♪

♪ YOU WANT SOME PEACE
AND UNDERSTANDING ♪
♪ SO EVERYBODY

AND UNDERSTANDING ♪
♪ SO EVERYBODY
CAN BE FREE ♪

♪ SO EVERYBODY
CAN BE FREE ♪
♪ I KNOW THAT WE CAN

CAN BE FREE ♪
♪ I KNOW THAT WE CAN
GET TOGETHER ♪

♪ I KNOW THAT WE CAN
GET TOGETHER ♪
♪ WE CAN MAKE IT,

GET TOGETHER ♪
♪ WE CAN MAKE IT,
STICK WITH ME ♪

♪ WE CAN MAKE IT,
STICK WITH ME ♪
♪ IT'S COMING UP

STICK WITH ME ♪
♪ IT'S COMING UP
COMING UP, SEE? ♪

♪ IT'S COMING UP
COMING UP, SEE? ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER

COMING UP, SEE? ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER
COMING UP FOR YOU AND ME ♪

♪ COMING UP
COMING UP ♪
♪ COMING UP

COMING UP ♪
♪ COMING UP
FEEL IT IN MY BONES ♪

♪ COMING UP
FEEL IT IN MY BONES ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ YOU WANT A BETTER
KIND OF FUTURE ♪
♪ ONE THAT EVERYONE CAN SHARE ♪

KIND OF FUTURE ♪
♪ ONE THAT EVERYONE CAN SHARE ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT ALONE,

♪ ONE THAT EVERYONE CAN SHARE ♪
♪ YOU'RE NOT ALONE,
WE ALL COULD USE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE NOT ALONE,
WE ALL COULD USE IT ♪
♪ STICK AROUND,

WE ALL COULD USE IT ♪
♪ STICK AROUND,
WE'RE NEARLY THERE ♪

♪ STICK AROUND,
WE'RE NEARLY THERE ♪
♪ IT'S COMING UP, OOH

WE'RE NEARLY THERE ♪
♪ IT'S COMING UP, OOH
COMING UP, EVERYWHERE ♪

♪ IT'S COMING UP, OOH
COMING UP, EVERYWHERE ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER

COMING UP, EVERYWHERE ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER
COMING UP FOR US ALL TO SHARE ♪

♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER
COMING UP FOR US ALL TO SHARE ♪
♪ COMING UP, YEAH

COMING UP FOR US ALL TO SHARE ♪
♪ COMING UP, YEAH
COMING UP ♪

♪ COMING UP, YEAH
COMING UP ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER

COMING UP ♪
♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER
COMING UP ♪

♪ COMING UP, LIKE A FLOWER
COMING UP ♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GOVERNOR, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF PRESIDENT CARTER'S POLICY ON
THE INFLUX OF CUBAN REFUGEES?

OF PRESIDENT CARTER'S POLICY ON
THE INFLUX OF CUBAN REFUGEES?
WELL, I'D SAY THE ANSWER TO

THE INFLUX OF CUBAN REFUGEES?
WELL, I'D SAY THE ANSWER TO
THAT IS MAYBE IT'S TIME WE PUT

WELL, I'D SAY THE ANSWER TO
THAT IS MAYBE IT'S TIME WE PUT
PRESIDENT CARTER ON WELFARE.

THAT IS MAYBE IT'S TIME WE PUT
PRESIDENT CARTER ON WELFARE.
GOVERNOR, THAT'S VERY GLIB,

PRESIDENT CARTER ON WELFARE.
GOVERNOR, THAT'S VERY GLIB,
BUT IF MY PAPER IS GOING TO

GOVERNOR, THAT'S VERY GLIB,
BUT IF MY PAPER IS GOING TO
ENDORSE YOU IN THE PRIMARY,

BUT IF MY PAPER IS GOING TO
ENDORSE YOU IN THE PRIMARY,
WE'LL NEED MORE THAN JUST CUTE

ENDORSE YOU IN THE PRIMARY,
WE'LL NEED MORE THAN JUST CUTE
ONE-LINERS.

WE'LL NEED MORE THAN JUST CUTE
ONE-LINERS.
NOW, NILES, BE FAIR, THE MAN

ONE-LINERS.
NOW, NILES, BE FAIR, THE MAN
HASN'T FINISHED HIS DINNER YET,

NOW, NILES, BE FAIR, THE MAN
HASN'T FINISHED HIS DINNER YET,
AND ALREADY YOU WANT A STATE OF

HASN'T FINISHED HIS DINNER YET,
AND ALREADY YOU WANT A STATE OF
THE UNION ADDRESS.

AND ALREADY YOU WANT A STATE OF
THE UNION ADDRESS.
WELL, I THINK NILES SOMETIMES

THE UNION ADDRESS.
WELL, I THINK NILES SOMETIMES
UNDERESTIMATES THE VALUE OF A

WELL, I THINK NILES SOMETIMES
UNDERESTIMATES THE VALUE OF A
GOOD ONE-LINER.

UNDERESTIMATES THE VALUE OF A
GOOD ONE-LINER.
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT VIEWERS

GOOD ONE-LINER.
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT VIEWERS
SEEM TO REMEMBER MOST ABOUT OUR

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT VIEWERS
SEEM TO REMEMBER MOST ABOUT OUR
NEWSCASTS-THE GOOD KICKER LINE.

SEEM TO REMEMBER MOST ABOUT OUR
NEWSCASTS-THE GOOD KICKER LINE.
I MEAN, WE HAD ONE THE OTHER

NEWSCASTS-THE GOOD KICKER LINE.
I MEAN, WE HAD ONE THE OTHER
NIGHT.

I MEAN, WE HAD ONE THE OTHER
NIGHT.
I THINK IT WAS RATINGS MONTH TOO

NIGHT.
I THINK IT WAS RATINGS MONTH TOO
AND WE WERE DOING A SPECIAL

I THINK IT WAS RATINGS MONTH TOO
AND WE WERE DOING A SPECIAL
SERIES ON HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT.

AND WE WERE DOING A SPECIAL
SERIES ON HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT.
AND MY CO-ANCHOR PERSON BOB

SERIES ON HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT.
AND MY CO-ANCHOR PERSON BOB
HAWKINS JUST AD-LIBBED THIS

AND MY CO-ANCHOR PERSON BOB
HAWKINS JUST AD-LIBBED THIS
LINE: "THE MORE WEIGHT YOU LOSE,

HAWKINS JUST AD-LIBBED THIS
LINE: "THE MORE WEIGHT YOU LOSE,
THE LESS THERE IS OF YOU TO

LINE: "THE MORE WEIGHT YOU LOSE,
THE LESS THERE IS OF YOU TO
SWEAT."

THE LESS THERE IS OF YOU TO
SWEAT."
WELL, I WANT TO TELL YOU, THAT

SWEAT."
WELL, I WANT TO TELL YOU, THAT
SWITCHBOARD WENT CRAZY.

WELL, I WANT TO TELL YOU, THAT
SWITCHBOARD WENT CRAZY.
AND THE CREW, OF COURSE, WELL,

SWITCHBOARD WENT CRAZY.
AND THE CREW, OF COURSE, WELL,
THEY LOVED IT.

AND THE CREW, OF COURSE, WELL,
THEY LOVED IT.
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

THEY LOVED IT.
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
GOVERNOR, I KNOW WE DON'T

WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
GOVERNOR, I KNOW WE DON'T
HAVE YOU VERY MUCH LONGER.

GOVERNOR, I KNOW WE DON'T
HAVE YOU VERY MUCH LONGER.
NO, AND I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

HAVE YOU VERY MUCH LONGER.
NO, AND I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
BUT YOU KNOW HOW TIGHTLY THEY

NO, AND I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
BUT YOU KNOW HOW TIGHTLY THEY
SCHEDULE YOUR TIME ONCE IT

BUT YOU KNOW HOW TIGHTLY THEY
SCHEDULE YOUR TIME ONCE IT
BECOMES PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT

SCHEDULE YOUR TIME ONCE IT
BECOMES PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT
YOU'RE GONNA WIN.

BECOMES PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT
YOU'RE GONNA WIN.
EVERYBODY WANTS A LITTLE PIECE

YOU'RE GONNA WIN.
EVERYBODY WANTS A LITTLE PIECE
OF YOU.

EVERYBODY WANTS A LITTLE PIECE
OF YOU.
I THINK NEXT TIME'S SUPPOSED TO

OF YOU.
I THINK NEXT TIME'S SUPPOSED TO
BE AT A POTATO FESTIVAL IN

I THINK NEXT TIME'S SUPPOSED TO
BE AT A POTATO FESTIVAL IN
BOISE.

BE AT A POTATO FESTIVAL IN
BOISE.
GOVERNOR, FOR YOUR OWN

BOISE.
GOVERNOR, FOR YOUR OWN
REFERENCE, THE NEXT APPEARANCE

GOVERNOR, FOR YOUR OWN
REFERENCE, THE NEXT APPEARANCE
IS AT A LION'S CLUB DINNER IN

REFERENCE, THE NEXT APPEARANCE
IS AT A LION'S CLUB DINNER IN
SEATTLE.

IS AT A LION'S CLUB DINNER IN
SEATTLE.
THE POTATO FESTIVAL WAS LAST

SEATTLE.
THE POTATO FESTIVAL WAS LAST
WEEK.

THE POTATO FESTIVAL WAS LAST
WEEK.
OH, YES, YES, YES.

WEEK.
OH, YES, YES, YES.
THAT'S RIGHT, NANCY, THAT WAS

OH, YES, YES, YES.
THAT'S RIGHT, NANCY, THAT WAS
WHERE YOU SAT ON THAT COTTAGE

THAT'S RIGHT, NANCY, THAT WAS
WHERE YOU SAT ON THAT COTTAGE
FRY, WASN'T IT, MOMMY?

WHERE YOU SAT ON THAT COTTAGE
FRY, WASN'T IT, MOMMY?
NO, DEAR, THAT WAS DENVER.

FRY, WASN'T IT, MOMMY?
NO, DEAR, THAT WAS DENVER.
YES, WELL, THAT'S

NO, DEAR, THAT WAS DENVER.
YES, WELL, THAT'S
SUBSTANTIALLY WHAT I SAID.

YES, WELL, THAT'S
SUBSTANTIALLY WHAT I SAID.
WELL, GOVERNOR, WHAT ABOUT

SUBSTANTIALLY WHAT I SAID.
WELL, GOVERNOR, WHAT ABOUT
THAT HOSTAGES?

WELL, GOVERNOR, WHAT ABOUT
THAT HOSTAGES?
NOW IF WE DON'T BACK DOWN,

THAT HOSTAGES?
NOW IF WE DON'T BACK DOWN,
DO WE BOMB OUR WAY IN?

NOW IF WE DON'T BACK DOWN,
DO WE BOMB OUR WAY IN?
WELL, SIR, I KIND OF LOOK AT

DO WE BOMB OUR WAY IN?
WELL, SIR, I KIND OF LOOK AT
IT THIS WAY:

WELL, SIR, I KIND OF LOOK AT
IT THIS WAY:
MAYBE IT'S TIME WE PUT THE

IT THIS WAY:
MAYBE IT'S TIME WE PUT THE
AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI ON WELFARE.

MAYBE IT'S TIME WE PUT THE
AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI ON WELFARE.
WELL, GOVERNOR, THAT WOULD BE

AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI ON WELFARE.
WELL, GOVERNOR, THAT WOULD BE
ONE WELFARE MOTHER WE JUST COULD

WELL, GOVERNOR, THAT WOULD BE
ONE WELFARE MOTHER WE JUST COULD
DO WITHOUT, HUH?

ONE WELFARE MOTHER WE JUST COULD
DO WITHOUT, HUH?
UH, FOLKS, ON THAT NOTE, I

DO WITHOUT, HUH?
UH, FOLKS, ON THAT NOTE, I
THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BLOW

UH, FOLKS, ON THAT NOTE, I
THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BLOW
THE WHISTLE HERE.

THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BLOW
THE WHISTLE HERE.
BUT PLEASE BE OUR GUESTS FOR

THE WHISTLE HERE.
BUT PLEASE BE OUR GUESTS FOR
DINNER, ALL RIGHT?

BUT PLEASE BE OUR GUESTS FOR
DINNER, ALL RIGHT?
NO, NO, WE WENT OVER THAT

DINNER, ALL RIGHT?
NO, NO, WE WENT OVER THAT
BEFORE, ED.

NO, NO, WE WENT OVER THAT
BEFORE, ED.
OUR PAPER HAS A POLICY THAT WE

BEFORE, ED.
OUR PAPER HAS A POLICY THAT WE
NEVER GO OUT ON ANYBODY'S TAB.

OUR PAPER HAS A POLICY THAT WE
NEVER GO OUT ON ANYBODY'S TAB.
NOW COME ON, EVEN THE NEXT

NEVER GO OUT ON ANYBODY'S TAB.
NOW COME ON, EVEN THE NEXT
PRESIDENT'S?

NOW COME ON, EVEN THE NEXT
PRESIDENT'S?
ANYBODY'S.

PRESIDENT'S?
ANYBODY'S.
LET'S DIVVY UP THE BILL INSTEAD.

ANYBODY'S.
LET'S DIVVY UP THE BILL INSTEAD.
I'M JUST THINKING, I WONDER

LET'S DIVVY UP THE BILL INSTEAD.
I'M JUST THINKING, I WONDER
IF OUR STATION HAS A POLICY ON

I'M JUST THINKING, I WONDER
IF OUR STATION HAS A POLICY ON
THAT?

IF OUR STATION HAS A POLICY ON
THAT?
WELL, I GUESS WE DO.

THAT?
WELL, I GUESS WE DO.
WELL, I HAD THE VEAL CORDON

WELL, I GUESS WE DO.
WELL, I HAD THE VEAL CORDON
BLEU AND MOMMY HAD THE SALMON

WELL, I HAD THE VEAL CORDON
BLEU AND MOMMY HAD THE SALMON
TIPS AND IF WE SPLIT THE WINE,

BLEU AND MOMMY HAD THE SALMON
TIPS AND IF WE SPLIT THE WINE,
THAT WOULD PUT US AT ABOUT $30.

TIPS AND IF WE SPLIT THE WINE,
THAT WOULD PUT US AT ABOUT $30.
SIR, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY,

THAT WOULD PUT US AT ABOUT $30.
SIR, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY,
YOU HAD THE STEAK, STEPHANIE HAD

SIR, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY,
YOU HAD THE STEAK, STEPHANIE HAD
THE VEAL.

YOU HAD THE STEAK, STEPHANIE HAD
THE VEAL.
OH, YES.

THE VEAL.
OH, YES.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

OH, YES.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
THE MAN IS SO CONVINCING, YOU

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
THE MAN IS SO CONVINCING, YOU
KNOW, I FORGOT WHAT I HAD, IT'S

THE MAN IS SO CONVINCING, YOU
KNOW, I FORGOT WHAT I HAD, IT'S
AMAZING.

KNOW, I FORGOT WHAT I HAD, IT'S
AMAZING.
IT REALLY IS A GIFT.

AMAZING.
IT REALLY IS A GIFT.
WELL, THEN, ED, I GUESS AS I

IT REALLY IS A GIFT.
WELL, THEN, ED, I GUESS AS I
RECALL, I HAVE A MIND FOR THESE

WELL, THEN, ED, I GUESS AS I
RECALL, I HAVE A MIND FOR THESE
KIND OF TRIVIAL FIGURES.

RECALL, I HAVE A MIND FOR THESE
KIND OF TRIVIAL FIGURES.
THE STEAK WAS $5.95, WASN'T IT?

KIND OF TRIVIAL FIGURES.
THE STEAK WAS $5.95, WASN'T IT?
SIR, JUST TO ERR ON THE SIDE

THE STEAK WAS $5.95, WASN'T IT?
SIR, JUST TO ERR ON THE SIDE
OF ACCURACY, THE STEAK WAS

SIR, JUST TO ERR ON THE SIDE
OF ACCURACY, THE STEAK WAS
$12.75.

OF ACCURACY, THE STEAK WAS
$12.75.
[LAUGHTER]

$12.75.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, YOU KNOW, IF YOU RUN

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, YOU KNOW, IF YOU RUN
FOR PRESIDENT EVERY FOUR YEARS,

WELL, YOU KNOW, IF YOU RUN
FOR PRESIDENT EVERY FOUR YEARS,
YOU DON'T OFTEN PAY FOR YOUR OWN

FOR PRESIDENT EVERY FOUR YEARS,
YOU DON'T OFTEN PAY FOR YOUR OWN
STEAK.

YOU DON'T OFTEN PAY FOR YOUR OWN
STEAK.
WELL, HERE'S $20, THAT SHOULD

STEAK.
WELL, HERE'S $20, THAT SHOULD
COVER ME.

WELL, HERE'S $20, THAT SHOULD
COVER ME.
YEAH, HERE'S $20 FOR ME,

COVER ME.
YEAH, HERE'S $20 FOR ME,
I SHOULD GET $3 BACK.

YEAH, HERE'S $20 FOR ME,
I SHOULD GET $3 BACK.
HERE YOU GO, ED.

I SHOULD GET $3 BACK.
HERE YOU GO, ED.
THAT'S FOR ME AND MOMMY.

HERE YOU GO, ED.
THAT'S FOR ME AND MOMMY.
$3 BACK... WAITER?

THAT'S FOR ME AND MOMMY.
$3 BACK... WAITER?
I JUST WANT TO

$3 BACK... WAITER?
I JUST WANT TO
RE-EMPHASIZE ONCE AGAIN HOW

I JUST WANT TO
RE-EMPHASIZE ONCE AGAIN HOW
UNJUST IT IS THAT VIETNAM

RE-EMPHASIZE ONCE AGAIN HOW
UNJUST IT IS THAT VIETNAM
VETERANS ARE NOT ELIGIBLE FOR

UNJUST IT IS THAT VIETNAM
VETERANS ARE NOT ELIGIBLE FOR
THE G.I. BILL.

VETERANS ARE NOT ELIGIBLE FOR
THE G.I. BILL.
NOW MR. CARTER HAS HAD FOUR

THE G.I. BILL.
NOW MR. CARTER HAS HAD FOUR
YEARS...

NOW MR. CARTER HAS HAD FOUR
YEARS...
EXCUSE ME FOR EAVESDROPPING,

YEARS...
EXCUSE ME FOR EAVESDROPPING,
BUT MY BROTHER IS A VIETNAM VET

EXCUSE ME FOR EAVESDROPPING,
BUT MY BROTHER IS A VIETNAM VET
AND THE G.I. BILL PUT HIM

BUT MY BROTHER IS A VIETNAM VET
AND THE G.I. BILL PUT HIM
THROUGH MED SCHOOL.

AND THE G.I. BILL PUT HIM
THROUGH MED SCHOOL.
[LAUGHTER]

THROUGH MED SCHOOL.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, MAYBE WE OUGHT TO PUT

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, MAYBE WE OUGHT TO PUT
THE MAITRE DE ON WELFARE.

WELL, MAYBE WE OUGHT TO PUT
THE MAITRE DE ON WELFARE.
[LAUGHTER]

THE MAITRE DE ON WELFARE.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I'M NOT GONNA GIVE YOU

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I'M NOT GONNA GIVE YOU
A LITTLE SPEECH ABOUT HOW YOU

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA GIVE YOU
A LITTLE SPEECH ABOUT HOW YOU
SHOULD ENDORSE ME IN THE

A LITTLE SPEECH ABOUT HOW YOU
SHOULD ENDORSE ME IN THE
PRIMARY, I THINK YOU TWO CAN

SHOULD ENDORSE ME IN THE
PRIMARY, I THINK YOU TWO CAN
MAKE UP YOUR OWN MINDS ABOUT

PRIMARY, I THINK YOU TWO CAN
MAKE UP YOUR OWN MINDS ABOUT
WHAT'S BEST FOR THE PEOPLE OF

MAKE UP YOUR OWN MINDS ABOUT
WHAT'S BEST FOR THE PEOPLE OF
OREGON.

WHAT'S BEST FOR THE PEOPLE OF
OREGON.
YES, SIR.

OREGON.
YES, SIR.
BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING.

YES, SIR.
BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING.
THAT CHECK WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT

BUT I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING.
THAT CHECK WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT
SMALLER IF THIS STATE DIDN'T

THAT CHECK WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT
SMALLER IF THIS STATE DIDN'T
IMPOSE A SALES TAX ON IT'S

SMALLER IF THIS STATE DIDN'T
IMPOSE A SALES TAX ON IT'S
PEOPLE.

IMPOSE A SALES TAX ON IT'S
PEOPLE.
WELL, GOOD MEETING YOU, NILES.

PEOPLE.
WELL, GOOD MEETING YOU, NILES.
ALL MY BEST, STEPHANIE.

WELL, GOOD MEETING YOU, NILES.
ALL MY BEST, STEPHANIE.
THANK YOU.

ALL MY BEST, STEPHANIE.
THANK YOU.
COME ON, MOMMY.

THANK YOU.
COME ON, MOMMY.
WE DON'T WANT TO KEEP THOSE

COME ON, MOMMY.
WE DON'T WANT TO KEEP THOSE
POTATO HEADS WAITING.

WE DON'T WANT TO KEEP THOSE
POTATO HEADS WAITING.
WE'LL CHECK BACK IN A FEW

POTATO HEADS WAITING.
WE'LL CHECK BACK IN A FEW
DAYS, FOLKS.

WE'LL CHECK BACK IN A FEW
DAYS, FOLKS.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO,

DAYS, FOLKS.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO,
PLEASE GIVE US A CALL, ALL

IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO,
PLEASE GIVE US A CALL, ALL
RIGHT?

PLEASE GIVE US A CALL, ALL
RIGHT?
THANK YOU, GOODBYE.

RIGHT?
THANK YOU, GOODBYE.
BYE.

THANK YOU, GOODBYE.
BYE.
GOODBYE AGAIN.

BYE.
GOODBYE AGAIN.
SO OREGON DOESN'T HAVE A

GOODBYE AGAIN.
SO OREGON DOESN'T HAVE A
SALES TAX, DO WE?

SO OREGON DOESN'T HAVE A
SALES TAX, DO WE?
NO.

SALES TAX, DO WE?
NO.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.

NO.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
GOD, IT'S AMAZING.

I DIDN'T THINK SO.
GOD, IT'S AMAZING.
YES, ISN'T IT?

GOD, IT'S AMAZING.
YES, ISN'T IT?
I MEAN, THE MAN LOOKS 10

YES, ISN'T IT?
I MEAN, THE MAN LOOKS 10
YEARS YOUNGER IN PERSON, DON'T

I MEAN, THE MAN LOOKS 10
YEARS YOUNGER IN PERSON, DON'T
YOU THINK?

YEARS YOUNGER IN PERSON, DON'T
YOU THINK?
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

♪ YOU TOOK THE BEST YEARS
OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ YOU TOOK THE BEST YEARS

OF MY LIFE ♪
♪ YOU TOOK THE BEST YEARS
OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ YOU TOOK THE BEST YEARS
OF MY LIFE ♪
Announcer: NOW, AT LAST, AN

OF MY LIFE ♪
Announcer: NOW, AT LAST, AN
ALBUM FOR CAREER WOMEN IN THEIR

Announcer: NOW, AT LAST, AN
ALBUM FOR CAREER WOMEN IN THEIR
LATE 30s, FEATURING THE

ALBUM FOR CAREER WOMEN IN THEIR
LATE 30s, FEATURING THE
EXPRESSIVE, THE MOODY, THE

LATE 30s, FEATURING THE
EXPRESSIVE, THE MOODY, THE
38-YEAR-OLD PATTY CALDWELL.

EXPRESSIVE, THE MOODY, THE
38-YEAR-OLD PATTY CALDWELL.
FINALLY REACHING MATURITY WITH

38-YEAR-OLD PATTY CALDWELL.
FINALLY REACHING MATURITY WITH
HER NEW LP RELEASE,

FINALLY REACHING MATURITY WITH
HER NEW LP RELEASE,
STRETCH MARKS.

HER NEW LP RELEASE,
STRETCH MARKS.
♪ STRETCH MARKS,

STRETCH MARKS.
♪ STRETCH MARKS,
STRETCH MARKS ♪

♪ STRETCH MARKS,
STRETCH MARKS ♪
♪ FOOTPRINTS OF TIME

STRETCH MARKS ♪
♪ FOOTPRINTS OF TIME
ON MY SKIN ♪

♪ FOOTPRINTS OF TIME
ON MY SKIN ♪
Announcer: PATTY CALDWELL

ON MY SKIN ♪
Announcer: PATTY CALDWELL
REACHES BACK INTO HER OWN

Announcer: PATTY CALDWELL
REACHES BACK INTO HER OWN
EXPERIENCE TO BRING BACK TO

REACHES BACK INTO HER OWN
EXPERIENCE TO BRING BACK TO
LIFE TUNES LIKE:

♪ F-U-L-L-F-I-L-L-M-E-N-T,
THAT'S WHAT THIS BOY
DOES TO ME ♪

THAT'S WHAT THIS BOY
DOES TO ME ♪
♪ F-U-L-L-F-I-L-L-M-E-N-T,

DOES TO ME ♪
♪ F-U-L-L-F-I-L-L-M-E-N-T,
THAT'S WHAT LIFE MEANS TO ME ♪

♪ F-U-L-L-F-I-L-L-M-E-N-T,
THAT'S WHAT LIFE MEANS TO ME ♪
Announcer:

♪ I'M MARRIED TO MUSIC,
MY SONGS ARE MY CHILDREN ♪
♪ I'M MARRIED TO MUSIC,

MY SONGS ARE MY CHILDREN ♪
♪ I'M MARRIED TO MUSIC,
MY SONGS ARE MY KIDS ♪

♪ I'M MARRIED TO MUSIC,
MY SONGS ARE MY KIDS ♪
♪ I'M MARRIED TO MUSIC...

MY SONGS ARE MY KIDS ♪
♪ I'M MARRIED TO MUSIC...
Announcer:

PATTY SHARES HER LONELY MOMENTS
WITH YOU, IN SONGS LIKE:

♪ YOU'LL BE SORRY SOMEDAY
WHEN SHE BEGINS TO
LOOK LIKE ME ♪

WHEN SHE BEGINS TO
LOOK LIKE ME ♪
[LAUGHTER]

LOOK LIKE ME ♪
[LAUGHTER]
♪ IS THAT YOUR CAR? ♪

[LAUGHTER]
♪ IS THAT YOUR CAR? ♪
Announcer:

♪ 60 BUCKS IN THE ASHTRAY,
I'VE GOT THOSE VANTAGE BLUES
AGAIN... ♪

I'VE GOT THOSE VANTAGE BLUES
AGAIN... ♪
Announcer:

PATTY CALDWELL LETS IT ALL HANG
OUT, WITH HER NEW STRETCH MARKS.
THIS ALBUM IS NOT AVAILABLE IN

OUT, WITH HER NEW STRETCH MARKS.
THIS ALBUM IS NOT AVAILABLE IN
RECORD STORES.

THIS ALBUM IS NOT AVAILABLE IN
RECORD STORES.
SEND YOUR CHECK OR MONEY ORDER

RECORD STORES.
SEND YOUR CHECK OR MONEY ORDER
TO: STRETCH MARKS, GRAND CENTRAL

SEND YOUR CHECK OR MONEY ORDER
TO: STRETCH MARKS, GRAND CENTRAL
STATION, BOX 202.

TO: STRETCH MARKS, GRAND CENTRAL
STATION, BOX 202.
ONLY $8.75 FOR THE RECORD ALBUM,

STATION, BOX 202.
ONLY $8.75 FOR THE RECORD ALBUM,
OR $11.15 FOR 8-TRACK CASSETTE.

ONLY $8.75 FOR THE RECORD ALBUM,
OR $11.15 FOR 8-TRACK CASSETTE.
♪ STRETCH MARKS,

OR $11.15 FOR 8-TRACK CASSETTE.
♪ STRETCH MARKS,
STRETCH MARKS ♪

♪ STRETCH MARKS,
STRETCH MARKS ♪
♪ FOOTPRINTS OF TIME

STRETCH MARKS ♪
♪ FOOTPRINTS OF TIME
ON MY SKIN ♪

♪ FOOTPRINTS OF TIME
ON MY SKIN ♪
Announcer: HURRY...

ON MY SKIN ♪
Announcer: HURRY...
SHE'S GETTING OLDER.

Announcer: HURRY...
SHE'S GETTING OLDER.
♪ STRETCH MARKS... ♪

SHE'S GETTING OLDER.
♪ STRETCH MARKS... ♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[CARS MOTORING BY]
[LAUGHTER]

[CARS MOTORING BY]
[LAUGHTER]
[CARS MOTORING BY]

[CARS MOTORING BY]

[MOOING]

SAY, EXCUSE ME.
BUT DO YOU KNOW IF THERE MIGHT
A CATTLE CROSSING HERE?

BUT DO YOU KNOW IF THERE MIGHT
A CATTLE CROSSING HERE?
UM, THERE'S ONE ABOUT A MILE

A CATTLE CROSSING HERE?
UM, THERE'S ONE ABOUT A MILE
UP THE ROAD.

UM, THERE'S ONE ABOUT A MILE
UP THE ROAD.
BUT YOU'RE WELCOME TO CROSS HERE

UP THE ROAD.
BUT YOU'RE WELCOME TO CROSS HERE
IF YOU LIKE.

BUT YOU'RE WELCOME TO CROSS HERE
IF YOU LIKE.
NO... THAT'S OKAY.

IF YOU LIKE.
NO... THAT'S OKAY.
THANK YOU.

NO... THAT'S OKAY.
THANK YOU.
TAKE CARE.

THANK YOU.
TAKE CARE.
BOY, WAS HE LOST.

TAKE CARE.
BOY, WAS HE LOST.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?

BOY, WAS HE LOST.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
[CARS MOTORING BY]

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
[CARS MOTORING BY]
NOW NORMALLY I WOULD HAVE

[CARS MOTORING BY]
NOW NORMALLY I WOULD HAVE
CROSSED HERE, BUT SINCE YOU'RE

NOW NORMALLY I WOULD HAVE
CROSSED HERE, BUT SINCE YOU'RE
WITH ME, I'D RATHER NOT.

CROSSED HERE, BUT SINCE YOU'RE
WITH ME, I'D RATHER NOT.
THANK YOU, DEAR.

WITH ME, I'D RATHER NOT.
THANK YOU, DEAR.
[LAUGHTER]

THANK YOU, DEAR.
[LAUGHTER]
BEEN WAITING LONG?

[LAUGHTER]
BEEN WAITING LONG?
YEAH, IT'S PRETTY BAD TODAY.

BEEN WAITING LONG?
YEAH, IT'S PRETTY BAD TODAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY PICKED

YEAH, IT'S PRETTY BAD TODAY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY PICKED
THIS SPOT, IT'S A PRETTY

I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY PICKED
THIS SPOT, IT'S A PRETTY
RIDICULOUS PLACE FOR A DEAR

THIS SPOT, IT'S A PRETTY
RIDICULOUS PLACE FOR A DEAR
CROSSING.

RIDICULOUS PLACE FOR A DEAR
CROSSING.
YEAH, WELL, I CAN'T WAIT ALL

CROSSING.
YEAH, WELL, I CAN'T WAIT ALL
DAY, I'M GOING.

YEAH, WELL, I CAN'T WAIT ALL
DAY, I'M GOING.
DON'T, ARE YOU CRAZY?

DAY, I'M GOING.
DON'T, ARE YOU CRAZY?
LOOK, THEY HAVE TO STOP,

DON'T, ARE YOU CRAZY?
LOOK, THEY HAVE TO STOP,
RIGHT?

LOOK, THEY HAVE TO STOP,
RIGHT?
THIS IS DEER CROSSING.

RIGHT?
THIS IS DEER CROSSING.
I'M OUT OF HERE.

THIS IS DEER CROSSING.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
I DON'T THINK THEY HAVE TO

I'M OUT OF HERE.
I DON'T THINK THEY HAVE TO
STOP.

I DON'T THINK THEY HAVE TO
STOP.
[CAR CRASHING]

STOP.
[CAR CRASHING]
Woman: OH, HONEY, COULDN'T

[CAR CRASHING]
Woman: OH, HONEY, COULDN'T
YOU STOP?

Woman: OH, HONEY, COULDN'T
YOU STOP?
Man: IT SHOT RIGHT OUT IN

YOU STOP?
Man: IT SHOT RIGHT OUT IN
FRONT OF ME.

Man: IT SHOT RIGHT OUT IN
FRONT OF ME.
COME ON, LET'S GO.

FRONT OF ME.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
[CAR DRIVES AWAY]

[CARS MOTORING BY]
WHOA!
[CAR CRASHING]

WHOA!
[CAR CRASHING]
[DEER MOANING]

YOU THINK MAYBE WE OUGHT TO
COME BACK LATER?
LET'S GO FIND A SALT LICK ON

COME BACK LATER?
LET'S GO FIND A SALT LICK ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD.

LET'S GO FIND A SALT LICK ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD.
[APPLAUSE]

[♪...]

WELL, THAT'S IT FOR ANOTHER
SHOW, AND WE'RE STANDING OUT
HERE WITH ONE MINUTE TO KILL.

SHOW, AND WE'RE STANDING OUT
HERE WITH ONE MINUTE TO KILL.
[LAUGHTER]

HERE WITH ONE MINUTE TO KILL.
[LAUGHTER]
SO HEY, THAT REMINDS ME.

[LAUGHTER]
SO HEY, THAT REMINDS ME.
NEXT WEEK'S HOST WILL BE BUCK.

SO HEY, THAT REMINDS ME.
NEXT WEEK'S HOST WILL BE BUCK.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

NEXT WEEK'S HOST WILL BE BUCK.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE BUCK
HENRY, WITH MUSICAL GUEST ANDREW

NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE BUCK
HENRY, WITH MUSICAL GUEST ANDREW
GOLD AND JAMES CLEVELAND.

HENRY, WITH MUSICAL GUEST ANDREW
GOLD AND JAMES CLEVELAND.
TONIGHT'S DON PARDO ANNOUNCER'S

GOLD AND JAMES CLEVELAND.
TONIGHT'S DON PARDO ANNOUNCER'S
COSTUME WAS ENTIRELY HAND MADE.

TONIGHT'S DON PARDO ANNOUNCER'S
COSTUME WAS ENTIRELY HAND MADE.
GOODNIGHT.

COSTUME WAS ENTIRELY HAND MADE.
GOODNIGHT.
[♪...]