Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 5, Episode 17 - Strother Martin/The Specials - full transcript

Announcer: NBC'S SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE WILL BE DELAYED
TONIGHT SO THAT WE MAY BRING YOU

NIGHT LIVE WILL BE DELAYED
TONIGHT SO THAT WE MAY BRING YOU
THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE FROM THE

TONIGHT SO THAT WE MAY BRING YOU
THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE FROM THE
UNITED STATES BUREAU OF THE

THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE FROM THE
UNITED STATES BUREAU OF THE
CENSUS.

UNITED STATES BUREAU OF THE
CENSUS.
HERE FROM THE LINCOLN ROOM OF

CENSUS.
HERE FROM THE LINCOLN ROOM OF
THE WHITE HOUSE IS FIRST LADY

HERE FROM THE LINCOLN ROOM OF
THE WHITE HOUSE IS FIRST LADY
ROSALYN CARTER.

THE WHITE HOUSE IS FIRST LADY
ROSALYN CARTER.
HELLO, I'M ROSALYN CARTER.

ROSALYN CARTER.
HELLO, I'M ROSALYN CARTER.
AS YOU KNOW, OUR GOVERNMENT

HELLO, I'M ROSALYN CARTER.
AS YOU KNOW, OUR GOVERNMENT
RECENTLY BEGAN CONDUCTING THE

AS YOU KNOW, OUR GOVERNMENT
RECENTLY BEGAN CONDUCTING THE
1980 CENSUS.



RECENTLY BEGAN CONDUCTING THE
1980 CENSUS.
NOW, IT APPEARS THAT MANY

1980 CENSUS.
NOW, IT APPEARS THAT MANY
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN RELUCTANT

NOW, IT APPEARS THAT MANY
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN RELUCTANT
TO ANSWER THE CENSUS,

PEOPLE HAVE BEEN RELUCTANT
TO ANSWER THE CENSUS,
PARTICULARLY THOSE WHO ARE

TO ANSWER THE CENSUS,
PARTICULARLY THOSE WHO ARE
UNREGISTERED ALIENS RESIDING IN

PARTICULARLY THOSE WHO ARE
UNREGISTERED ALIENS RESIDING IN
THE U.S.

UNREGISTERED ALIENS RESIDING IN
THE U.S.
LET ME ASSURE YOU, HOWEVER,

THE U.S.
LET ME ASSURE YOU, HOWEVER,
THAT THE INFORMATION

LET ME ASSURE YOU, HOWEVER,
THAT THE INFORMATION
YOU SUBMIT ON THESE FORMS WILL

THAT THE INFORMATION
YOU SUBMIT ON THESE FORMS WILL
BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL.

YOU SUBMIT ON THESE FORMS WILL
BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL.
THAT'S THE LAW.

BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL.
THAT'S THE LAW.
IF YOU ARE AN ILLEGAL ALIEN

THAT'S THE LAW.
IF YOU ARE AN ILLEGAL ALIEN
LIVING IN THE U.S.,

IF YOU ARE AN ILLEGAL ALIEN
LIVING IN THE U.S.,
YOU WILL BE ASKED A SPECIAL SET



LIVING IN THE U.S.,
YOU WILL BE ASKED A SPECIAL SET
OF QUESTIONS ON YOUR FORM.

YOU WILL BE ASKED A SPECIAL SET
OF QUESTIONS ON YOUR FORM.
THEY ARE AS FOLLOWS.

OF QUESTIONS ON YOUR FORM.
THEY ARE AS FOLLOWS.
QUESTION ONE:

[LAUGHTER]
QUESTION TWO:

[LAUGHTER]
LET ME EMPHASIZE
THAT THESE QUESTIONS ARE FOR

LET ME EMPHASIZE
THAT THESE QUESTIONS ARE FOR
STATISTICAL PURPOSES ONLY.

THAT THESE QUESTIONS ARE FOR
STATISTICAL PURPOSES ONLY.
[LAUGHTER]

STATISTICAL PURPOSES ONLY.
[LAUGHTER]
QUESTION THREE:

[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
SEE, MANY PEOPLE DON'T

[LAUGHTER]
SEE, MANY PEOPLE DON'T
REALIZE THAT I CAN'T EVEN...

SEE, MANY PEOPLE DON'T
REALIZE THAT I CAN'T EVEN...
[YELLING IN SPANISH]

REALIZE THAT I CAN'T EVEN...
[YELLING IN SPANISH]
Agent: SORRY, MRS. CARTER,

[YELLING IN SPANISH]
Agent: SORRY, MRS. CARTER,
WE WERE LOADING A BUNCH OF...

Agent: SORRY, MRS. CARTER,
WE WERE LOADING A BUNCH OF...
[MAID YELLING IN SPANISH]

WE WERE LOADING A BUNCH OF...
[MAID YELLING IN SPANISH]
Agent: AND THIS ONE GOT

[MAID YELLING IN SPANISH]
Agent: AND THIS ONE GOT
AWAY.

Agent: AND THIS ONE GOT
AWAY.
THAT WOMAN ACTUALLY

AWAY.
THAT WOMAN ACTUALLY
SPAT ON ME.

THAT WOMAN ACTUALLY
SPAT ON ME.
WELL, NEVER MIND WHAT SHE

SPAT ON ME.
WELL, NEVER MIND WHAT SHE
SAID.

WELL, NEVER MIND WHAT SHE
SAID.
SHE DOESN'T WORK FOR THE

SAID.
SHE DOESN'T WORK FOR THE
GOVERNMENT.

SHE DOESN'T WORK FOR THE
GOVERNMENT.
FINALLY, QUESTION FIVE:

[LAUGHTER]
PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO ANSWER
THESE QUESTIONS CAREFULLY.

PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO ANSWER
THESE QUESTIONS CAREFULLY.
AND REMEMBER THAT YOUR ANSWERS

THESE QUESTIONS CAREFULLY.
AND REMEMBER THAT YOUR ANSWERS
WILL BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL BY

AND REMEMBER THAT YOUR ANSWERS
WILL BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL BY
LAW.

WILL BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL BY
LAW.
THE IMMIGRATION SERVICE

LAW.
THE IMMIGRATION SERVICE
COULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS

THE IMMIGRATION SERVICE
COULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS
GET ACCESS TO THE RECORDS OF

COULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS
GET ACCESS TO THE RECORDS OF
THE CENSUS BUREAU.

GET ACCESS TO THE RECORDS OF
THE CENSUS BUREAU.
HOW COULD IT?

THE CENSUS BUREAU.
HOW COULD IT?
IT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

HOW COULD IT?
IT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
DEPARTMENT AND EVERYTHING.

IT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
DEPARTMENT AND EVERYTHING.
SO REMEMBER, YOU OWE IT TO YOUR

DEPARTMENT AND EVERYTHING.
SO REMEMBER, YOU OWE IT TO YOUR
COMMUNITY.

SO REMEMBER, YOU OWE IT TO YOUR
COMMUNITY.
ANSWER YOUR CENSUS.

COMMUNITY.
ANSWER YOUR CENSUS.
WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU.

ANSWER YOUR CENSUS.
WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU.
[MAID YELLING IN SPANISH]

WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU.
[MAID YELLING IN SPANISH]
VIVE DE NUEVO YORK,

[MAID YELLING IN SPANISH]
VIVE DE NUEVO YORK,
ES SABADO NOCHE!

VIVE DE NUEVO YORK,
ES SABADO NOCHE!
[♪...]

Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE.
WITH STROTHER MARTIN.

STARRING JANE CURTIN.
GARRETT MORRIS.
BILL MURRAY.

GARRETT MORRIS.
BILL MURRAY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.

BILL MURRAY.
LARAINE NEWMAN.
GILDA RADNER.

LARAINE NEWMAN.
GILDA RADNER.
AND HARRY SHEARER.

GILDA RADNER.
AND HARRY SHEARER.
WITH MUSICAL GUESTS,

AND HARRY SHEARER.
WITH MUSICAL GUESTS,
THE SPECIALS.

FEATURING TOM DAVIS.
BRIAN DOYLE MURRAY.
TOM SHEARER.

BRIAN DOYLE MURRAY.
TOM SHEARER.
PAUL SHAFFER.

TOM SHEARER.
PAUL SHAFFER.
AND ALAN ZWEIBEL.

PAUL SHAFFER.
AND ALAN ZWEIBEL.
[♪...]

AND ALAN ZWEIBEL.
[♪...]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

[♪...]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
STROTHER MARTIN!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
STROTHER MARTIN!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

STROTHER MARTIN!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU!
YOU KNOW, I'VE WATCHED THIS SHOW

THANK YOU!
YOU KNOW, I'VE WATCHED THIS SHOW
FOR YEARS, AND I'VE ALWAYS

YOU KNOW, I'VE WATCHED THIS SHOW
FOR YEARS, AND I'VE ALWAYS
WONDERED HOW THEY

FOR YEARS, AND I'VE ALWAYS
WONDERED HOW THEY
PICK THE HOSTS.

WONDERED HOW THEY
PICK THE HOSTS.
WELL, THIS WEEK I FOUND OUT.

PICK THE HOSTS.
WELL, THIS WEEK I FOUND OUT.
I WAS IN A RESTAURANT HERE IN

WELL, THIS WEEK I FOUND OUT.
I WAS IN A RESTAURANT HERE IN
NEW YORK, AND I NOTICED A GROUP

I WAS IN A RESTAURANT HERE IN
NEW YORK, AND I NOTICED A GROUP
OF STRANGERS AT ANOTHER TABLE.

NEW YORK, AND I NOTICED A GROUP
OF STRANGERS AT ANOTHER TABLE.
THEY SEEMED KIND OF ROWDY,

OF STRANGERS AT ANOTHER TABLE.
THEY SEEMED KIND OF ROWDY,
AND THEY KEPT STARING AT ME.

THEY SEEMED KIND OF ROWDY,
AND THEY KEPT STARING AT ME.
WELL, THIS HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE

AND THEY KEPT STARING AT ME.
WELL, THIS HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE
TIME, BECAUSE I'M A CHARACTER

WELL, THIS HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE
TIME, BECAUSE I'M A CHARACTER
ACTOR.

TIME, BECAUSE I'M A CHARACTER
ACTOR.
I'M THE KIND OF PERSON YOU KNOW

ACTOR.
I'M THE KIND OF PERSON YOU KNOW
YOU'VE SEEN BEFORE, BUT YOU

I'M THE KIND OF PERSON YOU KNOW
YOU'VE SEEN BEFORE, BUT YOU
CAN'T ALWAYS REMEMBER WHERE.

YOU'VE SEEN BEFORE, BUT YOU
CAN'T ALWAYS REMEMBER WHERE.
WELL, FINALLY, ONE OF THE

CAN'T ALWAYS REMEMBER WHERE.
WELL, FINALLY, ONE OF THE
STRANGERS CAME OVER TO MY TABLE

WELL, FINALLY, ONE OF THE
STRANGERS CAME OVER TO MY TABLE
AND SAID THAT THEY WERE ALL FROM

STRANGERS CAME OVER TO MY TABLE
AND SAID THAT THEY WERE ALL FROM
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE AND THAT

AND SAID THAT THEY WERE ALL FROM
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE AND THAT
HE WAS THE PRODUCER.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE AND THAT
HE WAS THE PRODUCER.
AND THEN HE TOLD ME HOW MUCH

HE WAS THE PRODUCER.
AND THEN HE TOLD ME HOW MUCH
THEY ALL ADMIRED MY WORK.

AND THEN HE TOLD ME HOW MUCH
THEY ALL ADMIRED MY WORK.
AND THEN HE ASKED ME IF I COULD

THEY ALL ADMIRED MY WORK.
AND THEN HE ASKED ME IF I COULD
HOST THE SHOW SOME TIME,

AND THEN HE ASKED ME IF I COULD
HOST THE SHOW SOME TIME,
AND I SAID "SURE".

HOST THE SHOW SOME TIME,
AND I SAID "SURE".
AND HE TOOK MY NUMBER.

AND I SAID "SURE".
AND HE TOOK MY NUMBER.
WELL, I DIDN'T THINK

AND HE TOOK MY NUMBER.
WELL, I DIDN'T THINK
ANYTHING MORE ABOUT IT UNTIL THE

WELL, I DIDN'T THINK
ANYTHING MORE ABOUT IT UNTIL THE
NEXT MORNING, WHEN I GOT A CALL

ANYTHING MORE ABOUT IT UNTIL THE
NEXT MORNING, WHEN I GOT A CALL
FROM THE PRODUCER AND HE ASKED

NEXT MORNING, WHEN I GOT A CALL
FROM THE PRODUCER AND HE ASKED
ME IF I COULD DO THE SHOW

FROM THE PRODUCER AND HE ASKED
ME IF I COULD DO THE SHOW
THIS WEEK!

ME IF I COULD DO THE SHOW
THIS WEEK!
I SAID, "SURE."

THIS WEEK!
I SAID, "SURE."
AND HE SAID, "THAT'S GREAT,

I SAID, "SURE."
AND HE SAID, "THAT'S GREAT,
TENNESSEE."

AND HE SAID, "THAT'S GREAT,
TENNESSEE."
[LAUGHTER]

TENNESSEE."
[LAUGHTER]
TENNESSEE?

[LAUGHTER]
TENNESSEE?
IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED THAT

TENNESSEE?
IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED THAT
THEY HAD MISTAKEN ME FOR THE

IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED THAT
THEY HAD MISTAKEN ME FOR THE
PLAYWRIGHT TENNESSEE WILLIAMS.

THEY HAD MISTAKEN ME FOR THE
PLAYWRIGHT TENNESSEE WILLIAMS.
YOU KNOW, IN THIS BUSINESS, I'VE

PLAYWRIGHT TENNESSEE WILLIAMS.
YOU KNOW, IN THIS BUSINESS, I'VE
LEARNED THAT WHEN OPPORTUNITY

YOU KNOW, IN THIS BUSINESS, I'VE
LEARNED THAT WHEN OPPORTUNITY
KNOCKS, YOU GRAB IT BY THE

LEARNED THAT WHEN OPPORTUNITY
KNOCKS, YOU GRAB IT BY THE
THROAT.

KNOCKS, YOU GRAB IT BY THE
THROAT.
SO ALL DURING REHEARSALS THIS

THROAT.
SO ALL DURING REHEARSALS THIS
WEEK, I WAS GLAD TO TALK ABOUT

SO ALL DURING REHEARSALS THIS
WEEK, I WAS GLAD TO TALK ABOUT
THE GLASS MENAGERIE.

WEEK, I WAS GLAD TO TALK ABOUT
THE GLASS MENAGERIE.
[LAUGHTER]

THE GLASS MENAGERIE.
[LAUGHTER]
CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF,

[LAUGHTER]
CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF,
WONDERFUL PLAYS,

CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF,
WONDERFUL PLAYS,
EVEN IF I DIDN'T WRITE THEM.

WONDERFUL PLAYS,
EVEN IF I DIDN'T WRITE THEM.
BUT IT HAS BEEN A GREAT WEEK

EVEN IF I DIDN'T WRITE THEM.
BUT IT HAS BEEN A GREAT WEEK
ANYWAY.

BUT IT HAS BEEN A GREAT WEEK
ANYWAY.
AND AS BLANCHE DUBOIS SAID,

ANYWAY.
AND AS BLANCHE DUBOIS SAID,
"I'VE ALWAYS RELIED ON THE

AND AS BLANCHE DUBOIS SAID,
"I'VE ALWAYS RELIED ON THE
KINDNESS OF STRANGERS."

"I'VE ALWAYS RELIED ON THE
KINDNESS OF STRANGERS."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

KINDNESS OF STRANGERS."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Woman: BONJOUR AND WELCOME
TO CAMP BEAU SOLEIL.
MY NAME IS CLAIRE AND I WILL BE

TO CAMP BEAU SOLEIL.
MY NAME IS CLAIRE AND I WILL BE
YOUR HEAD COUNSELOR.

MY NAME IS CLAIRE AND I WILL BE
YOUR HEAD COUNSELOR.
I THINK YOU'LL DISCOVER THAT

YOUR HEAD COUNSELOR.
I THINK YOU'LL DISCOVER THAT
HERE AT CAMP BEAU SOLEIL,

I THINK YOU'LL DISCOVER THAT
HERE AT CAMP BEAU SOLEIL,
LEARNING FRENCH CAN BE FUN.

HERE AT CAMP BEAU SOLEIL,
LEARNING FRENCH CAN BE FUN.
IT MAY BE A LITTLE HARD AT

LEARNING FRENCH CAN BE FUN.
IT MAY BE A LITTLE HARD AT
FIRST, BUT DON'T WORRY.

IT MAY BE A LITTLE HARD AT
FIRST, BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'M SURE THAT BY THE END OF THIS

FIRST, BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'M SURE THAT BY THE END OF THIS
SUMMER, YOU TWO WILL BE

I'M SURE THAT BY THE END OF THIS
SUMMER, YOU TWO WILL BE
SPEAKING FRENCH LIKE NATIVES.

SUMMER, YOU TWO WILL BE
SPEAKING FRENCH LIKE NATIVES.
OH, HERE COMES THE CAMP

SPEAKING FRENCH LIKE NATIVES.
OH, HERE COMES THE CAMP
DIRECTOR.

OH, HERE COMES THE CAMP
DIRECTOR.
WE CALL HIM LE CAPITAN.

DIRECTOR.
WE CALL HIM LE CAPITAN.
LE CAPITAN.

WE CALL HIM LE CAPITAN.
LE CAPITAN.
WELL, A COUPLE OF NEW

LE CAPITAN.
WELL, A COUPLE OF NEW
ARRIVALS.

WELL, A COUPLE OF NEW
ARRIVALS.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.

ARRIVALS.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.
LUKE JOHNSON?

LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.
LUKE JOHNSON?
YEAH, THAT'S ME.

LUKE JOHNSON?
YEAH, THAT'S ME.
WELL, IT SAYS HERE THAT

YEAH, THAT'S ME.
WELL, IT SAYS HERE THAT
YOU LIVED IN SWITZERLAND FOR

WELL, IT SAYS HERE THAT
YOU LIVED IN SWITZERLAND FOR
THREE YEARS.

YOU LIVED IN SWITZERLAND FOR
THREE YEARS.
TELL ME, HOW IS IT THAT YOU

THREE YEARS.
TELL ME, HOW IS IT THAT YOU
DON'T SPEAK FRENCH ALREADY?

TELL ME, HOW IS IT THAT YOU
DON'T SPEAK FRENCH ALREADY?
I HAVE THIS MENTAL BLOCK.

DON'T SPEAK FRENCH ALREADY?
I HAVE THIS MENTAL BLOCK.
I CAN'T LEARN LANGUAGES.

I HAVE THIS MENTAL BLOCK.
I CAN'T LEARN LANGUAGES.
I HAVE A NOTE FROM MY DOCTOR.

I CAN'T LEARN LANGUAGES.
I HAVE A NOTE FROM MY DOCTOR.
[LAUGHTER]

I HAVE A NOTE FROM MY DOCTOR.
[LAUGHTER]
WHEN YOU TALK TO THE

[LAUGHTER]
WHEN YOU TALK TO THE
CAPTAIN, YOU ADDRESS HIM AS

WHEN YOU TALK TO THE
CAPTAIN, YOU ADDRESS HIM AS
LE CAPITAN!

CAPTAIN, YOU ADDRESS HIM AS
LE CAPITAN!
MENTAL BLOCK?

LE CAPITAN!
MENTAL BLOCK?
WELL, THIS SUMMER YOU'RE GOING

MENTAL BLOCK?
WELL, THIS SUMMER YOU'RE GOING
TO BE TOTALLY IMMERSED IN THE

WELL, THIS SUMMER YOU'RE GOING
TO BE TOTALLY IMMERSED IN THE
LANGUAGE OF FRENCH PEOPLE.

TO BE TOTALLY IMMERSED IN THE
LANGUAGE OF FRENCH PEOPLE.
YOU WILL EAT LIKE THEM, YOU WILL

LANGUAGE OF FRENCH PEOPLE.
YOU WILL EAT LIKE THEM, YOU WILL
SLEEP LIKE THEM, AND WHEN YOU

YOU WILL EAT LIKE THEM, YOU WILL
SLEEP LIKE THEM, AND WHEN YOU
LEAVE HERE, YOU'RE GONNA TALK

SLEEP LIKE THEM, AND WHEN YOU
LEAVE HERE, YOU'RE GONNA TALK
LIKE THEM.

LEAVE HERE, YOU'RE GONNA TALK
LIKE THEM.
HOW ABOUT YOU?

LIKE THEM.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
UH... ALVIN WILLIAMS.

HOW ABOUT YOU?
UH... ALVIN WILLIAMS.
HEY, MAN, I... WASN'T

UH... ALVIN WILLIAMS.
HEY, MAN, I... WASN'T
EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, MAN.

HEY, MAN, I... WASN'T
EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, MAN.
UH, I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO

EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, MAN.
UH, I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO
MUSIC CAMP, BUT MY PARENTS, THEY

UH, I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO
MUSIC CAMP, BUT MY PARENTS, THEY
FORGOT TO SIGN ME UP IN TIME.

MUSIC CAMP, BUT MY PARENTS, THEY
FORGOT TO SIGN ME UP IN TIME.
HEY, FERME LE BOUCHE!

FORGOT TO SIGN ME UP IN TIME.
HEY, FERME LE BOUCHE!
HUH?

HEY, FERME LE BOUCHE!
HUH?
THANK YOU, MR. HONEYCUT.

HUH?
THANK YOU, MR. HONEYCUT.
NOW, WHILE YOU'RE AT CAMP BEAU

THANK YOU, MR. HONEYCUT.
NOW, WHILE YOU'RE AT CAMP BEAU
SOLEIL, YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW

NOW, WHILE YOU'RE AT CAMP BEAU
SOLEIL, YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW
OUR RULES.

SOLEIL, YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW
OUR RULES.
RULE NUMBER ONE, ALL BERETS

OUR RULES.
RULE NUMBER ONE, ALL BERETS
MUST BE WORN ON A SLANT.

RULE NUMBER ONE, ALL BERETS
MUST BE WORN ON A SLANT.
IF YOUR BERET IS NOT ON A SLANT,

MUST BE WORN ON A SLANT.
IF YOUR BERET IS NOT ON A SLANT,
YOU SPEND A NIGHT IN THE BOX.

IF YOUR BERET IS NOT ON A SLANT,
YOU SPEND A NIGHT IN THE BOX.
RULE NUMBER TWO: NO SEMI-SOFT

YOU SPEND A NIGHT IN THE BOX.
RULE NUMBER TWO: NO SEMI-SOFT
CHEESE IN THE BUNKS.

RULE NUMBER TWO: NO SEMI-SOFT
CHEESE IN THE BUNKS.
ANYONE EATING BRIE OR CAMEMBERT

CHEESE IN THE BUNKS.
ANYONE EATING BRIE OR CAMEMBERT
OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER SEMI-SOFT

ANYONE EATING BRIE OR CAMEMBERT
OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER SEMI-SOFT
CHEESES SPENDS A NIGHT

OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER SEMI-SOFT
CHEESES SPENDS A NIGHT
IN THE BOX.

CHEESES SPENDS A NIGHT
IN THE BOX.
RULE NUMBER THREE: USE THE

IN THE BOX.
RULE NUMBER THREE: USE THE
FORMAL "VOUS" WHEN ADDRESSING

RULE NUMBER THREE: USE THE
FORMAL "VOUS" WHEN ADDRESSING
YOUR COUNSELORS AND CAMP STAFF.

FORMAL "VOUS" WHEN ADDRESSING
YOUR COUNSELORS AND CAMP STAFF.
ANYONE USING THE FAMILIAR "TU"

YOUR COUNSELORS AND CAMP STAFF.
ANYONE USING THE FAMILIAR "TU"
SPENDS A NIGHT IN THE BOX.

ANYONE USING THE FAMILIAR "TU"
SPENDS A NIGHT IN THE BOX.
A NIGHT IN THE BOX CAN

SPENDS A NIGHT IN THE BOX.
A NIGHT IN THE BOX CAN
BE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

A NIGHT IN THE BOX CAN
BE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
LISTEN: UNE NUIT DANS LA BOÎTE

BE VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
LISTEN: UNE NUIT DANS LA BOÎTE
N'EST PAS COMFORTABLE.

LISTEN: UNE NUIT DANS LA BOÎTE
N'EST PAS COMFORTABLE.
IF YOU FOLLOW THE RULES,

N'EST PAS COMFORTABLE.
IF YOU FOLLOW THE RULES,
WE'LL GET ALONG FINE.

IF YOU FOLLOW THE RULES,
WE'LL GET ALONG FINE.
NOW, I CAN BE A NICE GUY OR

WE'LL GET ALONG FINE.
NOW, I CAN BE A NICE GUY OR
I CAN BE ONE REAL MEAN SON OF

NOW, I CAN BE A NICE GUY OR
I CAN BE ONE REAL MEAN SON OF
A BITCH.

I CAN BE ONE REAL MEAN SON OF
A BITCH.
[LAUGHTER]

A BITCH.
[LAUGHTER]
SON OF A BITCH:

[LAUGHTER]
SON OF A BITCH:
FILS D'UNE CHIENNE.

SON OF A BITCH:
FILS D'UNE CHIENNE.
FROM NOW ON IN,

FILS D'UNE CHIENNE.
FROM NOW ON IN,
YOU WILL SPEAK FRENCH.

FROM NOW ON IN,
YOU WILL SPEAK FRENCH.
HERE AT CAMP BEAU SOLEIL,

YOU WILL SPEAK FRENCH.
HERE AT CAMP BEAU SOLEIL,
ONLY I SPEAK ENGLISH.

HERE AT CAMP BEAU SOLEIL,
ONLY I SPEAK ENGLISH.
HEY, MAN, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

ONLY I SPEAK ENGLISH.
HEY, MAN, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I AIN'T SPEAKING NO FRENCH, MAN.

HEY, MAN, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I AIN'T SPEAKING NO FRENCH, MAN.
I'M HERE FOR, YOU KNOW,

I AIN'T SPEAKING NO FRENCH, MAN.
I'M HERE FOR, YOU KNOW,
THE FRESH AIR.

I'M HERE FOR, YOU KNOW,
THE FRESH AIR.
MR. WILLIAMS, I CAN SEE RIGHT

THE FRESH AIR.
MR. WILLIAMS, I CAN SEE RIGHT
NOW THAT YOUR MIND AIN'T RIGHT.

MR. WILLIAMS, I CAN SEE RIGHT
NOW THAT YOUR MIND AIN'T RIGHT.
AND A MAN CAN'T LEARN A FOREIGN

NOW THAT YOUR MIND AIN'T RIGHT.
AND A MAN CAN'T LEARN A FOREIGN
LANGUAGE WHEN HIS MIND AIN'T

AND A MAN CAN'T LEARN A FOREIGN
LANGUAGE WHEN HIS MIND AIN'T
RIGHT.

LANGUAGE WHEN HIS MIND AIN'T
RIGHT.
MR. HONEYCUT, TAKE HIM TO

RIGHT.
MR. HONEYCUT, TAKE HIM TO
THE BOX.

AND YOU, NEW MEAT,
I HOPE YOU AIN'T GONNA BE ANY
TROUBLE.

I HOPE YOU AIN'T GONNA BE ANY
TROUBLE.
I'LL SEE YOU AT THE MOVIE

TROUBLE.
I'LL SEE YOU AT THE MOVIE
TONIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU AT THE MOVIE
TONIGHT.
MISS CLAIRE HERE WILL LEAD YOU

TONIGHT.
MISS CLAIRE HERE WILL LEAD YOU
TO YOUR BUNK AND SHOW YOU HOW

MISS CLAIRE HERE WILL LEAD YOU
TO YOUR BUNK AND SHOW YOU HOW
TO USE THE BIDET.

TO YOUR BUNK AND SHOW YOU HOW
TO USE THE BIDET.
[LAUGHTER]

TO USE THE BIDET.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU

[LAUGHTER]
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU
TAKING ME, MAN?

HEY, WHERE ARE YOU
TAKING ME, MAN?
YOU BACK SASSED LE CAPITAN.

TAKING ME, MAN?
YOU BACK SASSED LE CAPITAN.
YOU GONNA SPEND A NIGHT

YOU BACK SASSED LE CAPITAN.
YOU GONNA SPEND A NIGHT
IN THE BOX.

YOU GONNA SPEND A NIGHT
IN THE BOX.
OH, NO...

IN THE BOX.
OH, NO...
HERE'S YOUR BUCKET.

OH, NO...
HERE'S YOUR BUCKET.
HERE'S YOUR HEADSET.

HERE'S YOUR BUCKET.
HERE'S YOUR HEADSET.
THE DIALOGUE TAPES ARE IN THERE.

HERE'S YOUR HEADSET.
THE DIALOGUE TAPES ARE IN THERE.
IN THE BOX.

THE DIALOGUE TAPES ARE IN THERE.
IN THE BOX.
[ALVIN GROANING]

IN THE BOX.
[ALVIN GROANING]
Voice on tape: LEVEL ONE:

[ALVIN GROANING]
Voice on tape: LEVEL ONE:
LISTEN AND REPEAT.

Voice on tape: LEVEL ONE:
LISTEN AND REPEAT.
HELLO JEAN, HOW ARE YOU?

LISTEN AND REPEAT.
HELLO JEAN, HOW ARE YOU?
BONJOUR JEAN,

HELLO JEAN, HOW ARE YOU?
BONJOUR JEAN,
COMMENT ALLEZ-VOUS?

BONJOUR JEAN,
COMMENT ALLEZ-VOUS?
[LAUGHTER]

COMMENT ALLEZ-VOUS?
[LAUGHTER]
VERY GOOD, THANK YOU.

[LAUGHTER]
VERY GOOD, THANK YOU.
AND YOU?

VERY GOOD, THANK YOU.
AND YOU?
TRES BIEN, MERCI...

AND YOU?
TRES BIEN, MERCI...
Alvin: OH, NO, OH, NO.

TRES BIEN, MERCI...
Alvin: OH, NO, OH, NO.
[LAUGHTER]

Alvin: OH, NO, OH, NO.
[LAUGHTER]
[VOICE ON TAPE CONTINUES...]

[LAUGHTER]
[VOICE ON TAPE CONTINUES...]
OH, NO.

THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO PUT
HIM IN THE BOX HIS FIRST DAY.
SHH... LE FILM, LE FILM!

HIM IN THE BOX HIS FIRST DAY.
SHH... LE FILM, LE FILM!
AW, FORGET IT.

SHH... LE FILM, LE FILM!
AW, FORGET IT.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT

AW, FORGET IT.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT
JERRY LEWIS, HUH?

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT
JERRY LEWIS, HUH?
I DON'T SEE THE POINT OF THIS.

JERRY LEWIS, HUH?
I DON'T SEE THE POINT OF THIS.
SILENCE... [SPEAKING FRENCH]

THEY'RE NOT GETTING ME
TO SPEAK FRENCH.
IT'S A DYING LANGUAGE.

TO SPEAK FRENCH.
IT'S A DYING LANGUAGE.
I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD

IT'S A DYING LANGUAGE.
I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD
THE SAUCES ARE, THE FOOD STINKS.

I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD
THE SAUCES ARE, THE FOOD STINKS.
I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.

THE SAUCES ARE, THE FOOD STINKS.
I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.
LOOK AT THIS.

I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.
LOOK AT THIS.
NOW HERE'S A CAMP, CAMP MOWAGA.

LOOK AT THIS.
NOW HERE'S A CAMP, CAMP MOWAGA.
LOOK AT THE FACILITIES!

NOW HERE'S A CAMP, CAMP MOWAGA.
LOOK AT THE FACILITIES!
CANOEING, HIKING, HORSEBACK

LOOK AT THE FACILITIES!
CANOEING, HIKING, HORSEBACK
RIDING, ALL THE INSTRUCTIONS

CANOEING, HIKING, HORSEBACK
RIDING, ALL THE INSTRUCTIONS
ARE IN ENGLISH.

RIDING, ALL THE INSTRUCTIONS
ARE IN ENGLISH.
THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING.

ARE IN ENGLISH.
THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING.
I'M RUNNING AWAY TONIGHT.

BONJOUR CAMPERS!
LE CAPITAN WISHES TO HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU ALL.

LE CAPITAN WISHES TO HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU ALL.
GOOD MORNING, CAMPERS.

A WORD WITH YOU ALL.
GOOD MORNING, CAMPERS.
BONJOUR, LE CAPITAN!

GOOD MORNING, CAMPERS.
BONJOUR, LE CAPITAN!
WELL, IT SEEMS THAT

BONJOUR, LE CAPITAN!
WELL, IT SEEMS THAT
LAST NIGHT ONE OF YOU GOT

WELL, IT SEEMS THAT
LAST NIGHT ONE OF YOU GOT
A LITTLE RABBIT IN HIS BLOOD

LAST NIGHT ONE OF YOU GOT
A LITTLE RABBIT IN HIS BLOOD
AND DECIDED TO TAKE OFF.

A LITTLE RABBIT IN HIS BLOOD
AND DECIDED TO TAKE OFF.
DON'T WORRY, HE WON'T GET FAR.

AND DECIDED TO TAKE OFF.
DON'T WORRY, HE WON'T GET FAR.
NO ONE HAS EVER GOTTEN OUT OF

DON'T WORRY, HE WON'T GET FAR.
NO ONE HAS EVER GOTTEN OUT OF
HERE WITHOUT A THOROUGH

NO ONE HAS EVER GOTTEN OUT OF
HERE WITHOUT A THOROUGH
KNOWLEDGE OF CONVERSATIONAL

HERE WITHOUT A THOROUGH
KNOWLEDGE OF CONVERSATIONAL
FRENCH.

KNOWLEDGE OF CONVERSATIONAL
FRENCH.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT,

FRENCH.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT,
MR. WILLIAMS?

AIN'T THAT RIGHT,
MR. WILLIAMS?
[SPEAKING INAUDIBLE FRENCH]

MR. WILLIAMS?
[SPEAKING INAUDIBLE FRENCH]
[LAUGHTER]

[SPEAKING INAUDIBLE FRENCH]
[LAUGHTER]
[FRENCH CONTINUES...]

THEY GOT HIM, CAPTAIN!
THEY'RE BRINGING HIM IN NOW.
[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE BRINGING HIM IN NOW.
[LAUGHTER]
WE GOT HIM, CAPITAN,

[LAUGHTER]
WE GOT HIM, CAPITAN,
WE GOT HIM!

WE GOT HIM, CAPITAN,
WE GOT HIM!
WE GOT HIM!

WE GOT HIM!
WE GOT HIM!
WE FOUND HIM ABOUT

WE GOT HIM!
WE FOUND HIM ABOUT
FIVE MILES DOWN THE ROAD,

WE FOUND HIM ABOUT
FIVE MILES DOWN THE ROAD,
HEADING FOR CAMP MOWAGA.

FIVE MILES DOWN THE ROAD,
HEADING FOR CAMP MOWAGA.
CAMP MOWAGA?

HEADING FOR CAMP MOWAGA.
CAMP MOWAGA?
WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU THINK

CAMP MOWAGA?
WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU THINK
YOU'RE GONNA DO THERE, BOY?

WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU THINK
YOU'RE GONNA DO THERE, BOY?
MAKE A FEW LANYARDS?

YOU'RE GONNA DO THERE, BOY?
MAKE A FEW LANYARDS?
GET A JUNIOR LIFE SAVING BADGE?

MAKE A FEW LANYARDS?
GET A JUNIOR LIFE SAVING BADGE?
THAT'S NOT MUCH TO SHOW FOR YOUR

GET A JUNIOR LIFE SAVING BADGE?
THAT'S NOT MUCH TO SHOW FOR YOUR
WHOLE SUMMER, IS IT?

THAT'S NOT MUCH TO SHOW FOR YOUR
WHOLE SUMMER, IS IT?
MAYBE NOT.

WHOLE SUMMER, IS IT?
MAYBE NOT.
BUT AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO

MAYBE NOT.
BUT AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WEAR THOSE EUROPEAN SWIM TRUNKS

BUT AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WEAR THOSE EUROPEAN SWIM TRUNKS
THAT ARE CUT SO THAT THEY DON'T

WEAR THOSE EUROPEAN SWIM TRUNKS
THAT ARE CUT SO THAT THEY DON'T
LEAVE ANYTHING TO THE

THAT ARE CUT SO THAT THEY DON'T
LEAVE ANYTHING TO THE
IMAGINATION.

LEAVE ANYTHING TO THE
IMAGINATION.
[LAUGHTER]

IMAGINATION.
[LAUGHTER]
LUKE?

[LAUGHTER]
LUKE?
HOW BIG IS THE CAT?

LUKE?
HOW BIG IS THE CAT?
IT'S A LITTLE CAT.

HOW BIG IS THE CAT?
IT'S A LITTLE CAT.
[LAUGHTER]

IT'S A LITTLE CAT.
[LAUGHTER]
LUKE, HOW BIG IS THE CAT?

[LAUGHTER]
LUKE, HOW BIG IS THE CAT?
IT'S A LITTLE, BITTY CAT.

LUKE, HOW BIG IS THE CAT?
IT'S A LITTLE, BITTY CAT.
[LAUGHTER]

IT'S A LITTLE, BITTY CAT.
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT WE GOT HERE IS

[LAUGHTER]
WHAT WE GOT HERE IS
A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

WHAT WE GOT HERE IS
A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE
BILINGUALLY!

A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE
BILINGUALLY!
[APPLAUSE]

BILINGUALLY!
[APPLAUSE]
LE CHAT ES PETITE!

[APPLAUSE]
LE CHAT ES PETITE!
HOW BIG IS THE CAT?

LE CHAT ES PETITE.
AGAIN!
[LAUGHTER]

AGAIN!
[LAUGHTER]
LE CHAT ES PETITE.

[LAUGHTER]
LE CHAT ES PETITE.
THERE NOW.

LE CHAT ES PETITE.
THERE NOW.
THAT WASN'T SO BAD, WAS IT?

THERE NOW.
THAT WASN'T SO BAD, WAS IT?
YOU SEE, EVERYBODY?

THAT WASN'T SO BAD, WAS IT?
YOU SEE, EVERYBODY?
WHAT WE HAD HERE WAS A BOY WHOSE

YOU SEE, EVERYBODY?
WHAT WE HAD HERE WAS A BOY WHOSE
MIND WASN'T RIGHT.

WHAT WE HAD HERE WAS A BOY WHOSE
MIND WASN'T RIGHT.
IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, BUT WE WILL

MIND WASN'T RIGHT.
IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, BUT WE WILL
GET HIS MIND RIGHT.

IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, BUT WE WILL
GET HIS MIND RIGHT.
FIRST HE'LL MASTER THE GRAMMAR,

GET HIS MIND RIGHT.
FIRST HE'LL MASTER THE GRAMMAR,
THEN HE'LL GET THE VOCABULARY,

FIRST HE'LL MASTER THE GRAMMAR,
THEN HE'LL GET THE VOCABULARY,
AND HE'LL COME ALONG GOOD.

THEN HE'LL GET THE VOCABULARY,
AND HE'LL COME ALONG GOOD.
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, HE'LL BE

AND HE'LL COME ALONG GOOD.
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, HE'LL BE
MORE FRENCH THAN THE FRENCH.

AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, HE'LL BE
MORE FRENCH THAN THE FRENCH.
MISS CLAIRE, WHY DON'T YOU LEAD

MORE FRENCH THAN THE FRENCH.
MISS CLAIRE, WHY DON'T YOU LEAD
ALL OF THE CAMPERS IN

MISS CLAIRE, WHY DON'T YOU LEAD
ALL OF THE CAMPERS IN
A LITTLE SONG?

ALL OF THE CAMPERS IN
A LITTLE SONG?
OOH, "FRERE JACQUES,"

A LITTLE SONG?
OOH, "FRERE JACQUES,"
MON FAVORITE.

OOH, "FRERE JACQUES,"
MON FAVORITE.
[HUMMING]

MON FAVORITE.
[HUMMING]
♪ [SINGING "FRERE JACQUES"] ♪

♪ [SINGING CONTINUES...] ♪

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE SPECIALS!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE SPECIALS!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THE SPECIALS!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
BERNIE RHODES KNOWS

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
BERNIE RHODES KNOWS
DON'T ARGUE.

BERNIE RHODES KNOWS
DON'T ARGUE.
[♪...]

DON'T ARGUE.
[♪...]
♪ WHY MUST YOU RECORD

[♪...]
♪ WHY MUST YOU RECORD
MY PHONE CALLS? ♪

♪ WHY MUST YOU RECORD
MY PHONE CALLS? ♪
♪ ARE YOU PLANNING

MY PHONE CALLS? ♪
♪ ARE YOU PLANNING
A BOOTLEG L.P.? ♪

♪ ARE YOU PLANNING
A BOOTLEG L.P.? ♪
♪ SAID YOU'VE BEEN THREATENED

A BOOTLEG L.P.? ♪
♪ SAID YOU'VE BEEN THREATENED
BY GANGSTERS ♪

♪ SAID YOU'VE BEEN THREATENED
BY GANGSTERS ♪
♪ NOW IT'S YOU

BY GANGSTERS ♪
♪ NOW IT'S YOU
THAT'S THREATENING ME ♪

♪ NOW IT'S YOU
THAT'S THREATENING ME ♪
♪ CAN'T FIGHT CORRUPTION

THAT'S THREATENING ME ♪
♪ CAN'T FIGHT CORRUPTION
WITH CON TRICKS ♪

♪ CAN'T FIGHT CORRUPTION
WITH CON TRICKS ♪
♪ THEY USE THE LAW

WITH CON TRICKS ♪
♪ THEY USE THE LAW
TO COMMIT CRIME ♪

♪ THEY USE THE LAW
TO COMMIT CRIME ♪
♪ I DREAD, DREAD TO THINK

TO COMMIT CRIME ♪
♪ I DREAD, DREAD TO THINK
WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING ♪

♪ I DREAD, DREAD TO THINK
WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE LIVING

WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE LIVING
IN REAL GANGSTER TIMES ♪

♪ DON'T INTERRUPT
WHILE I'M TALKING ♪
♪ OR THEY'LL CONFISCATE

WHILE I'M TALKING ♪
♪ OR THEY'LL CONFISCATE
ALL YOUR GUITARS ♪

♪ OR THEY'LL CONFISCATE
ALL YOUR GUITARS ♪
♪ A CATCH-22 SAYS

ALL YOUR GUITARS ♪
♪ A CATCH-22 SAYS
IF I SING THE TRUTH ♪

♪ A CATCH-22 SAYS
IF I SING THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THEY WON'T MAKE ME

IF I SING THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THEY WON'T MAKE ME
AN OVERNIGHT STAR ♪

♪ THEY WON'T MAKE ME
AN OVERNIGHT STAR ♪
♪ DON'T OFFER US

AN OVERNIGHT STAR ♪
♪ DON'T OFFER US
LEGAL PROTECTION ♪

♪ DON'T OFFER US
LEGAL PROTECTION ♪
♪ THEY USE THE LAW

LEGAL PROTECTION ♪
♪ THEY USE THE LAW
TO COMMIT CRIME ♪

♪ THEY USE THE LAW
TO COMMIT CRIME ♪
♪ I DREAD TO THINK

TO COMMIT CRIME ♪
♪ I DREAD TO THINK
WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING ♪

♪ I DREAD TO THINK
WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE LIVING

WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING ♪
♪ WHEN WE'RE LIVING
IN REAL GANGSTER TIMES ♪

♪ [SCATTING...] ♪

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND
UPDATE" WITH THE "WEEKEND
UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.

UPDATE" WITH THE "WEEKEND
UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS BILL

UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS BILL
MURRAY AND JANE CURTAIN.

HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS BILL
MURRAY AND JANE CURTAIN.
GOOD EVENING, I'M JANE

MURRAY AND JANE CURTAIN.
GOOD EVENING, I'M JANE
CURTAIN, HERE NOW, THE NEWS.

GOOD EVENING, I'M JANE
CURTAIN, HERE NOW, THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:

CURTAIN, HERE NOW, THE NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
THE UNITED STATES BECAME THE

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
THE UNITED STATES BECAME THE
FIRST COUNTRY TO OPEN AN EMBASSY

THE UNITED STATES BECAME THE
FIRST COUNTRY TO OPEN AN EMBASSY
IN THE NEWLY INDEPENDENT STATE

FIRST COUNTRY TO OPEN AN EMBASSY
IN THE NEWLY INDEPENDENT STATE
OF ZIMBABWE.

IN THE NEWLY INDEPENDENT STATE
OF ZIMBABWE.
PLANNING AHEAD, PRESIDENT CARTER

OF ZIMBABWE.
PLANNING AHEAD, PRESIDENT CARTER
IS EQUIPPING THE EMBASSY WITH

PLANNING AHEAD, PRESIDENT CARTER
IS EQUIPPING THE EMBASSY WITH
BUNK BEDS, A GYM, AND A

IS EQUIPPING THE EMBASSY WITH
BUNK BEDS, A GYM, AND A
KITCHENETTE FOR THE COMFORT OF

BUNK BEDS, A GYM, AND A
KITCHENETTE FOR THE COMFORT OF
EMPLOYEES HELD HOSTAGE FOR ANY

KITCHENETTE FOR THE COMFORT OF
EMPLOYEES HELD HOSTAGE FOR ANY
LENGTH OF TIME.

EMPLOYEES HELD HOSTAGE FOR ANY
LENGTH OF TIME.
[LAUGHTER]

LENGTH OF TIME.
[LAUGHTER]
IN THE BIGGEST SURPRISE OF THE

[LAUGHTER]
IN THE BIGGEST SURPRISE OF THE
1980 CAMPAIGN, PRESIDENTIAL

IN THE BIGGEST SURPRISE OF THE
1980 CAMPAIGN, PRESIDENTIAL
HOPEFUL JOHN ANDERSON REVEALED

1980 CAMPAIGN, PRESIDENTIAL
HOPEFUL JOHN ANDERSON REVEALED
THAT HE HAS A TWIN BROTHER

HOPEFUL JOHN ANDERSON REVEALED
THAT HE HAS A TWIN BROTHER
JAMES, WHO WILL BE A FOURTH

THAT HE HAS A TWIN BROTHER
JAMES, WHO WILL BE A FOURTH
PARTY CANDIDATE AFTER JOHN

JAMES, WHO WILL BE A FOURTH
PARTY CANDIDATE AFTER JOHN
ANNOUNCES HE'S A THIRD PARTY

PARTY CANDIDATE AFTER JOHN
ANNOUNCES HE'S A THIRD PARTY
CANDIDATE.

ANNOUNCES HE'S A THIRD PARTY
CANDIDATE.
THE ANDERSON TWINS SAY IT

CANDIDATE.
THE ANDERSON TWINS SAY IT
DOESN'T MATTER WHO WINS, SINCE

THE ANDERSON TWINS SAY IT
DOESN'T MATTER WHO WINS, SINCE
THEY STAND EXACTLY THE SAME ON

DOESN'T MATTER WHO WINS, SINCE
THEY STAND EXACTLY THE SAME ON
ALL ISSUES EXCEPT FOR ONE:

THEY STAND EXACTLY THE SAME ON
ALL ISSUES EXCEPT FOR ONE:
JAMES, UNLIKE JOHN, BELIEVES IN

ALL ISSUES EXCEPT FOR ONE:
JAMES, UNLIKE JOHN, BELIEVES IN
RITUAL CANNIBALISM AS A MEANS OF

JAMES, UNLIKE JOHN, BELIEVES IN
RITUAL CANNIBALISM AS A MEANS OF
POPULATION CONTROL.

RITUAL CANNIBALISM AS A MEANS OF
POPULATION CONTROL.
[LAUGHTER]

POPULATION CONTROL.
[LAUGHTER]
WHATEVER HAPPENS, IT SHOULD

[LAUGHTER]
WHATEVER HAPPENS, IT SHOULD
MAKE THE CAMPAIGN MORE

WHATEVER HAPPENS, IT SHOULD
MAKE THE CAMPAIGN MORE
INTERESTING.

MAKE THE CAMPAIGN MORE
INTERESTING.
ON THURSDAY, PRESIDENTIAL

INTERESTING.
ON THURSDAY, PRESIDENTIAL
HOPEFUL RONALD REAGAN WAS

ON THURSDAY, PRESIDENTIAL
HOPEFUL RONALD REAGAN WAS
PRESENTED WITH THE KEY TO THE

HOPEFUL RONALD REAGAN WAS
PRESENTED WITH THE KEY TO THE
CRYOGENICS RESEARCH INSTITUTE

PRESENTED WITH THE KEY TO THE
CRYOGENICS RESEARCH INSTITUTE
IN SANTA CLARA, CALIFORNIA.

CRYOGENICS RESEARCH INSTITUTE
IN SANTA CLARA, CALIFORNIA.
REAGAN SAID THAT IF HE LOSES THE

IN SANTA CLARA, CALIFORNIA.
REAGAN SAID THAT IF HE LOSES THE
ELECTION THIS YEAR, HE WILL BE

REAGAN SAID THAT IF HE LOSES THE
ELECTION THIS YEAR, HE WILL BE
FROZEN AND THAW HIMSELF OUT

ELECTION THIS YEAR, HE WILL BE
FROZEN AND THAW HIMSELF OUT
EVERY FOUR YEARS UNTIL HE WINS.

FROZEN AND THAW HIMSELF OUT
EVERY FOUR YEARS UNTIL HE WINS.
[LAUGHTER]

EVERY FOUR YEARS UNTIL HE WINS.
[LAUGHTER]
BILL?

[LAUGHTER]
BILL?
SEXUAL HARASSMENT ON THE JOB

BILL?
SEXUAL HARASSMENT ON THE JOB
HAS BEEN DECLARED ILLEGAL BY THE

SEXUAL HARASSMENT ON THE JOB
HAS BEEN DECLARED ILLEGAL BY THE
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY COMMISSION.

HAS BEEN DECLARED ILLEGAL BY THE
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY COMMISSION.
AND WOMEN WHO ARE SEXUALLY

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY COMMISSION.
AND WOMEN WHO ARE SEXUALLY
HARASSED WILL SOON BE ABLE TO

AND WOMEN WHO ARE SEXUALLY
HARASSED WILL SOON BE ABLE TO
TAKE THEIR GRIEVANCES TO COURT.

HARASSED WILL SOON BE ABLE TO
TAKE THEIR GRIEVANCES TO COURT.
THE LAW TAKES EFFECT MAY 1st AND

TAKE THEIR GRIEVANCES TO COURT.
THE LAW TAKES EFFECT MAY 1st AND
THERE HAS BEEN A LAST-MINUTE

THE LAW TAKES EFFECT MAY 1st AND
THERE HAS BEEN A LAST-MINUTE
RUSH BY CORPORATE EXECUTIVES

THERE HAS BEEN A LAST-MINUTE
RUSH BY CORPORATE EXECUTIVES
TRYING TO GET THEIR LAST LICKS

RUSH BY CORPORATE EXECUTIVES
TRYING TO GET THEIR LAST LICKS
IN.

TRYING TO GET THEIR LAST LICKS
IN.
[LAUGHTER]

IN.
[LAUGHTER]
TOMORROW, APRIL 20th, MARKS THE

[LAUGHTER]
TOMORROW, APRIL 20th, MARKS THE
91st BIRTHDAY OF ADOLF HITLER.

TOMORROW, APRIL 20th, MARKS THE
91st BIRTHDAY OF ADOLF HITLER.
WE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD

91st BIRTHDAY OF ADOLF HITLER.
WE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD
LIKE TO USE THE OCCASION TO

WE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD
LIKE TO USE THE OCCASION TO
STATE THAT WE HAVE NEVER AGREED

LIKE TO USE THE OCCASION TO
STATE THAT WE HAVE NEVER AGREED
WITH MR. HITLER'S POLICIES AND

STATE THAT WE HAVE NEVER AGREED
WITH MR. HITLER'S POLICIES AND
HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT

WITH MR. HITLER'S POLICIES AND
HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT
HE WAS A VERY BAD PERSON IN

HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT
HE WAS A VERY BAD PERSON IN
ALMOST EVERY WAY.

HE WAS A VERY BAD PERSON IN
ALMOST EVERY WAY.
SO IF ANYONE THOUGHT I WAS GOING

ALMOST EVERY WAY.
SO IF ANYONE THOUGHT I WAS GOING
TO SING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY",

SO IF ANYONE THOUGHT I WAS GOING
TO SING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY",
FORGET IT.

TO SING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY",
FORGET IT.
[LAUGHTER]

FORGET IT.
[LAUGHTER]
DOCTORS AT THE WEIZMANN

[LAUGHTER]
DOCTORS AT THE WEIZMANN
INSTITUTE OF SCIENCE IN ISRAEL

DOCTORS AT THE WEIZMANN
INSTITUTE OF SCIENCE IN ISRAEL
HAVE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY PLAN TO

INSTITUTE OF SCIENCE IN ISRAEL
HAVE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY PLAN TO
MASS PRODUCE THE ANTI-CANCER

HAVE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY PLAN TO
MASS PRODUCE THE ANTI-CANCER
SUBSTANCE INTERFERON FROM THE

MASS PRODUCE THE ANTI-CANCER
SUBSTANCE INTERFERON FROM THE
FORESKINS OF EIGHT-DAY-OLD

SUBSTANCE INTERFERON FROM THE
FORESKINS OF EIGHT-DAY-OLD
CIRCUMCISED MALES.

FORESKINS OF EIGHT-DAY-OLD
CIRCUMCISED MALES.
A SPOKESMAN SAID THE METHOD WAS

CIRCUMCISED MALES.
A SPOKESMAN SAID THE METHOD WAS
NOT DISCOVERED IN ISRAEL, BUT I

A SPOKESMAN SAID THE METHOD WAS
NOT DISCOVERED IN ISRAEL, BUT I
SUPPOSE THE PLACE IS LOADED

NOT DISCOVERED IN ISRAEL, BUT I
SUPPOSE THE PLACE IS LOADED
WITH FORESKINS.

SUPPOSE THE PLACE IS LOADED
WITH FORESKINS.
[LAUGHTER]

WITH FORESKINS.
[LAUGHTER]
PARDON ME FOR ASKING, BILL,

[LAUGHTER]
PARDON ME FOR ASKING, BILL,
BUT WERE YOU CIRCUMCISED?

PARDON ME FOR ASKING, BILL,
BUT WERE YOU CIRCUMCISED?
YES, I WAS.

BUT WERE YOU CIRCUMCISED?
YES, I WAS.
BUT I NO LONGER AM.

YES, I WAS.
BUT I NO LONGER AM.
[LAUGHTER]

BUT I NO LONGER AM.
[LAUGHTER]
POPE JOHN PAUL II VISITED A

[LAUGHTER]
POPE JOHN PAUL II VISITED A
CASINO IN MONTE CARLO THIS WEEK,

POPE JOHN PAUL II VISITED A
CASINO IN MONTE CARLO THIS WEEK,
STOPPED AT A DICE TABLE AND LOST

CASINO IN MONTE CARLO THIS WEEK,
STOPPED AT A DICE TABLE AND LOST
THE ENTIRE VATICAN ART

STOPPED AT A DICE TABLE AND LOST
THE ENTIRE VATICAN ART
COLLECTION...

THE ENTIRE VATICAN ART
COLLECTION...
[LAUGHTER]

COLLECTION...
[LAUGHTER]
WORTH OVER $100 BILLION.

[LAUGHTER]
WORTH OVER $100 BILLION.
JOHN PAUL COULD ONLY COMMENT,

WORTH OVER $100 BILLION.
JOHN PAUL COULD ONLY COMMENT,
"BOY, DID I CRAP OUT."

JOHN PAUL COULD ONLY COMMENT,
"BOY, DID I CRAP OUT."
[LAUGHTER]

"BOY, DID I CRAP OUT."
[LAUGHTER]
AND THIS WEEK, THE TIGHT-LIPPED

[LAUGHTER]
AND THIS WEEK, THE TIGHT-LIPPED
WATERGATE CONSPIRATOR G. GORDON

AND THIS WEEK, THE TIGHT-LIPPED
WATERGATE CONSPIRATOR G. GORDON
LIDDY ENDED HIS SEVEN YEARS OF

WATERGATE CONSPIRATOR G. GORDON
LIDDY ENDED HIS SEVEN YEARS OF
SILENCE WITH THE RELEASE OF A

LIDDY ENDED HIS SEVEN YEARS OF
SILENCE WITH THE RELEASE OF A
NEW BOOK, WILL, IN WHICH HE

SILENCE WITH THE RELEASE OF A
NEW BOOK, WILL, IN WHICH HE
DESCRIBES IN LURID DETAIL HIS

NEW BOOK, WILL, IN WHICH HE
DESCRIBES IN LURID DETAIL HIS
ROLE IN THE NIXON

DESCRIBES IN LURID DETAIL HIS
ROLE IN THE NIXON
ADMINISTRATION.

ROLE IN THE NIXON
ADMINISTRATION.
WITH HIM, IN HIS BACK YARD, IN

ADMINISTRATION.
WITH HIM, IN HIS BACK YARD, IN
MARYLAND AND AN EXCLUSIVE

WITH HIM, IN HIS BACK YARD, IN
MARYLAND AND AN EXCLUSIVE
INTERVIEW IS "WEEKEND UPDATE"

MARYLAND AND AN EXCLUSIVE
INTERVIEW IS "WEEKEND UPDATE"
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.

INTERVIEW IS "WEEKEND UPDATE"
CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
LARAINE?

CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.
LARAINE?
THE PLUMBER'S STONEWALLING

LARAINE?
THE PLUMBER'S STONEWALLING
IT, WATERGATE.

THE PLUMBER'S STONEWALLING
IT, WATERGATE.
ALL PHRASES RECALLING A

IT, WATERGATE.
ALL PHRASES RECALLING A
TERRIFYING PERIOD IN OUR NOT TOO

ALL PHRASES RECALLING A
TERRIFYING PERIOD IN OUR NOT TOO
DISTANT PAST.

TERRIFYING PERIOD IN OUR NOT TOO
DISTANT PAST.
WITH ME IS ONE OF THE KEY

DISTANT PAST.
WITH ME IS ONE OF THE KEY
FIGURES FROM THAT DANGEROUS

WITH ME IS ONE OF THE KEY
FIGURES FROM THAT DANGEROUS
TIME, G. GORDON LIDDY.

FIGURES FROM THAT DANGEROUS
TIME, G. GORDON LIDDY.
MR. LIDDY, YOU DISCLOSED THIS

TIME, G. GORDON LIDDY.
MR. LIDDY, YOU DISCLOSED THIS
WEEK THAT YOU WERE PREPARED TO

MR. LIDDY, YOU DISCLOSED THIS
WEEK THAT YOU WERE PREPARED TO
KILL COLUMNIST JACK ANDERSON AND

WEEK THAT YOU WERE PREPARED TO
KILL COLUMNIST JACK ANDERSON AND
CO-WATERGATE CONSPIRATOR E.

KILL COLUMNIST JACK ANDERSON AND
CO-WATERGATE CONSPIRATOR E.
HOWARD HUNT IF YOU HAD BEEN

CO-WATERGATE CONSPIRATOR E.
HOWARD HUNT IF YOU HAD BEEN
GIVEN THE OKAY FROM YOUR

HOWARD HUNT IF YOU HAD BEEN
GIVEN THE OKAY FROM YOUR
SUPERIORS.

GIVEN THE OKAY FROM YOUR
SUPERIORS.
THAT IS CORRECT, MISS NEWMAN.

SUPERIORS.
THAT IS CORRECT, MISS NEWMAN.
RIGHT NOW, I'D BE WILLING TO

THAT IS CORRECT, MISS NEWMAN.
RIGHT NOW, I'D BE WILLING TO
KILL YOU OR EVEN MYSELF IF GIVEN

RIGHT NOW, I'D BE WILLING TO
KILL YOU OR EVEN MYSELF IF GIVEN
THE ORDERS FROM ONE OF MY

KILL YOU OR EVEN MYSELF IF GIVEN
THE ORDERS FROM ONE OF MY
SUPERIORS.

THE ORDERS FROM ONE OF MY
SUPERIORS.
GLAD TO HEAR IT.

SUPERIORS.
GLAD TO HEAR IT.
NOW ISN'T IT ALSO TRUE THAT YOU

GLAD TO HEAR IT.
NOW ISN'T IT ALSO TRUE THAT YOU
PLAN TO DOES JACK ANDERSON WITH

NOW ISN'T IT ALSO TRUE THAT YOU
PLAN TO DOES JACK ANDERSON WITH
LSD?

PLAN TO DOES JACK ANDERSON WITH
LSD?
WELL, THAT'S TRUE, BUT WE

LSD?
WELL, THAT'S TRUE, BUT WE
FOUND THAT LSD IS REALLY

WELL, THAT'S TRUE, BUT WE
FOUND THAT LSD IS REALLY
UNPREDICTABLE, YOU SEE.

FOUND THAT LSD IS REALLY
UNPREDICTABLE, YOU SEE.
IT WORKS DIFFERENTLY ON

UNPREDICTABLE, YOU SEE.
IT WORKS DIFFERENTLY ON
DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

IT WORKS DIFFERENTLY ON
DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WELL, DID YOU ACTUALLY DOSE

DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WELL, DID YOU ACTUALLY DOSE
ANYBODY?

WELL, DID YOU ACTUALLY DOSE
ANYBODY?
YES.

ANYBODY?
YES.
YES, WE...

YES.
YES, WE...
WHO?

YES, WE...
WHO?
WELL, WE DOSED KEN KESEY,

WHO?
WELL, WE DOSED KEN KESEY,
JERRY GARCIA AND ED MUSKIE.

WELL, WE DOSED KEN KESEY,
JERRY GARCIA AND ED MUSKIE.
[LAUGHTER]

JERRY GARCIA AND ED MUSKIE.
[LAUGHTER]
NOW IN YOUR BOOK, YOU DESCRIBE

[LAUGHTER]
NOW IN YOUR BOOK, YOU DESCRIBE
THE INCIDENT IN WHICH YOU HELD

NOW IN YOUR BOOK, YOU DESCRIBE
THE INCIDENT IN WHICH YOU HELD
YOUR HAND OVER A CANDLE TO PROVE

THE INCIDENT IN WHICH YOU HELD
YOUR HAND OVER A CANDLE TO PROVE
HOW FEARLESS YOU ARE.

YOUR HAND OVER A CANDLE TO PROVE
HOW FEARLESS YOU ARE.
AFTER THE TIME YOU SPENT IN

HOW FEARLESS YOU ARE.
AFTER THE TIME YOU SPENT IN
PRISON, ARE YOU THE SAME

AFTER THE TIME YOU SPENT IN
PRISON, ARE YOU THE SAME
FEARLESS G. GORDON LIDDY?

PRISON, ARE YOU THE SAME
FEARLESS G. GORDON LIDDY?
ABSOLUTELY, LARAINE.

FEARLESS G. GORDON LIDDY?
ABSOLUTELY, LARAINE.
THAT'S WHY I'M BARBECUING MY

ABSOLUTELY, LARAINE.
THAT'S WHY I'M BARBECUING MY
HAND FOR THIS INTERVIEW RIGHT

THAT'S WHY I'M BARBECUING MY
HAND FOR THIS INTERVIEW RIGHT
NOW.

HAND FOR THIS INTERVIEW RIGHT
NOW.
[LAUGHTER]

NOW.
[LAUGHTER]
I MUST SAY, I'M IMPRESSED.

[LAUGHTER]
I MUST SAY, I'M IMPRESSED.
TELL ME, HAVE YOU EVER WORKED

I MUST SAY, I'M IMPRESSED.
TELL ME, HAVE YOU EVER WORKED
WITH ANYONE MORE RUTHLESS THAN

TELL ME, HAVE YOU EVER WORKED
WITH ANYONE MORE RUTHLESS THAN
YOURSELF?

WITH ANYONE MORE RUTHLESS THAN
YOURSELF?
YES, THE PUBLISHERS OF MY NEW

YOURSELF?
YES, THE PUBLISHERS OF MY NEW
BOOK.

YES, THE PUBLISHERS OF MY NEW
BOOK.
[LAUGHTER]

BOOK.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, THIS IS A LITTLE RARE, BUT

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, THIS IS A LITTLE RARE, BUT
I REALIZE HOW VALUABLE

WELL, THIS IS A LITTLE RARE, BUT
I REALIZE HOW VALUABLE
TELEVISION TIME IS.

I REALIZE HOW VALUABLE
TELEVISION TIME IS.
WOULD YOU LIKE A TASTE?

TELEVISION TIME IS.
WOULD YOU LIKE A TASTE?
NO, THANK YOU, I'M A

WOULD YOU LIKE A TASTE?
NO, THANK YOU, I'M A
VEGETARIAN.

NO, THANK YOU, I'M A
VEGETARIAN.
OKAY, SUIT YOURSELF.

VEGETARIAN.
OKAY, SUIT YOURSELF.
OH, MY GOD.

OKAY, SUIT YOURSELF.
OH, MY GOD.
[LAUGHTER]

OH, MY GOD.
[LAUGHTER]
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN WITH NOT

[LAUGHTER]
THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN WITH NOT
TOO MUCH OF AN APPETITE AT THE

THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN WITH NOT
TOO MUCH OF AN APPETITE AT THE
MOMENT, SENDING IT BACK TO YOU.

TOO MUCH OF AN APPETITE AT THE
MOMENT, SENDING IT BACK TO YOU.
THANK YOU, LARAINE, THANK YOU

MOMENT, SENDING IT BACK TO YOU.
THANK YOU, LARAINE, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU, LARAINE, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]

VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW, I'M HUNGRY ALL

[APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW, I'M HUNGRY ALL
OF A SUDDEN?

YOU KNOW, I'M HUNGRY ALL
OF A SUDDEN?
I'M HUNGRY, I REALLY AM ALL

OF A SUDDEN?
I'M HUNGRY, I REALLY AM ALL
OF A SUDDEN.

I'M HUNGRY, I REALLY AM ALL
OF A SUDDEN.
JANE?

OF A SUDDEN.
JANE?
WELL, THE GREAT FRENCH

JANE?
WELL, THE GREAT FRENCH
AUTHOR, PLAYWRIGHT AND

WELL, THE GREAT FRENCH
AUTHOR, PLAYWRIGHT AND
EXISTENTIALIST JEAN-PAUL SARTRE

AUTHOR, PLAYWRIGHT AND
EXISTENTIALIST JEAN-PAUL SARTRE
PASSED FROM BEING TO NOTHINGNESS

EXISTENTIALIST JEAN-PAUL SARTRE
PASSED FROM BEING TO NOTHINGNESS
THIS WEEK.

PASSED FROM BEING TO NOTHINGNESS
THIS WEEK.
[LAUGHTER]

THIS WEEK.
[LAUGHTER]
HE'LL BE JOINING ALBERT CAMUS

[LAUGHTER]
HE'LL BE JOINING ALBERT CAMUS
AND GOD IN A PLACE FROM WHICH

HE'LL BE JOINING ALBERT CAMUS
AND GOD IN A PLACE FROM WHICH
THERE IS NO EXIT.

AND GOD IN A PLACE FROM WHICH
THERE IS NO EXIT.
[LAUGHTER]

THERE IS NO EXIT.
[LAUGHTER]
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]

[LIGHT APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
NOW HERE WITH THE SPORTS IS THE

[LAUGHTER]
NOW HERE WITH THE SPORTS IS THE
FORMER SECOND BASEMAN FOR THE

NOW HERE WITH THE SPORTS IS THE
FORMER SECOND BASEMAN FOR THE
NEW YORK METS, CHICO ESCUELA.

FORMER SECOND BASEMAN FOR THE
NEW YORK METS, CHICO ESCUELA.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

NEW YORK METS, CHICO ESCUELA.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH] THANK

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH] THANK
YOU, JANE.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH] THANK
YOU, JANE.
[LAUGHTER]

YOU, JANE.
[LAUGHTER]
I SAY I'M SURE YOU KNOW BASEBALL

[LAUGHTER]
I SAY I'M SURE YOU KNOW BASEBALL
BEEN VERY, VERY GOOD TO ME.

I SAY I'M SURE YOU KNOW BASEBALL
BEEN VERY, VERY GOOD TO ME.
[LAUGHTER]

BEEN VERY, VERY GOOD TO ME.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I ALSO SURE YOU KNOW

[LAUGHTER]
AND I ALSO SURE YOU KNOW
MUHAMMAD, HOW YOU SAY...

AND I ALSO SURE YOU KNOW
MUHAMMAD, HOW YOU SAY...
ALI WAS VERY, VERY GOOD FOR

MUHAMMAD, HOW YOU SAY...
ALI WAS VERY, VERY GOOD FOR
BOXING.

ALI WAS VERY, VERY GOOD FOR
BOXING.
THE GREATEST?

BOXING.
THE GREATEST?
YOU BET.

THE GREATEST?
YOU BET.
HE WAS GREATEST HEAVYWEIGHT, NOW

YOU BET.
HE WAS GREATEST HEAVYWEIGHT, NOW
HE'S HEAVIEST HEAVYWEIGHT.

HE WAS GREATEST HEAVYWEIGHT, NOW
HE'S HEAVIEST HEAVYWEIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]

HE'S HEAVIEST HEAVYWEIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
LOOK... [SPEAKING GIBBERISH].

[LAUGHTER]
LOOK... [SPEAKING GIBBERISH].
GOOD JOKE, EH?

LOOK... [SPEAKING GIBBERISH].
GOOD JOKE, EH?
[LAUGHTER]

GOOD JOKE, EH?
[LAUGHTER]
WHY DON'T ALI WANT TO FIGHT

[LAUGHTER]
WHY DON'T ALI WANT TO FIGHT
AGAIN?

WHY DON'T ALI WANT TO FIGHT
AGAIN?
LAST YEAR, CHICO TRY TO MAKE

AGAIN?
LAST YEAR, CHICO TRY TO MAKE
COME BACK.

LAST YEAR, CHICO TRY TO MAKE
COME BACK.
DIDN'T WORK OUT.

COME BACK.
DIDN'T WORK OUT.
ALI GET JOB ON TV.

DIDN'T WORK OUT.
ALI GET JOB ON TV.
NEWS WITH WHITE PEOPLE, MAN.

ALI GET JOB ON TV.
NEWS WITH WHITE PEOPLE, MAN.
THEY TREAT YOU GOOD.

NEWS WITH WHITE PEOPLE, MAN.
THEY TREAT YOU GOOD.
NOW, NOW, CHICO WANT TO TALK TO

THEY TREAT YOU GOOD.
NOW, NOW, CHICO WANT TO TALK TO
BASEBALL PLAYERS.

NOW, NOW, CHICO WANT TO TALK TO
BASEBALL PLAYERS.
YOU NO WANT TO STRIKE.

BASEBALL PLAYERS.
YOU NO WANT TO STRIKE.
HMM-MM.

YOU NO WANT TO STRIKE.
HMM-MM.
IN BASEBALL, A STRIKE IS A MISS.

HMM-MM.
IN BASEBALL, A STRIKE IS A MISS.
THREE STRIKES, YOU OUT.

IN BASEBALL, A STRIKE IS A MISS.
THREE STRIKES, YOU OUT.
NOW KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL.

THREE STRIKES, YOU OUT.
NOW KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL.
HIT BALL AND RUN!

NOW KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL.
HIT BALL AND RUN!
RUN TO FIRST!

HIT BALL AND RUN!
RUN TO FIRST!
RUN TO SECOND!

RUN TO FIRST!
RUN TO SECOND!
RUN TO THIRD!

RUN TO SECOND!
RUN TO THIRD!
SLIDE, SLIDE, SLIDE!

RUN TO THIRD!
SLIDE, SLIDE, SLIDE!
HA-HA-HA, YOU WIN, HOME RUN!

SLIDE, SLIDE, SLIDE!
HA-HA-HA, YOU WIN, HOME RUN!
SO DON'T STRIKE.

HA-HA-HA, YOU WIN, HOME RUN!
SO DON'T STRIKE.
DON'T STRIKE AND BASEBALL WILL

SO DON'T STRIKE.
DON'T STRIKE AND BASEBALL WILL
BE VERY, VERY GOOD TO YOU.

DON'T STRIKE AND BASEBALL WILL
BE VERY, VERY GOOD TO YOU.
NOW BACK TO YOU, JANE.

BE VERY, VERY GOOD TO YOU.
NOW BACK TO YOU, JANE.
[APPLAUSE]

NOW BACK TO YOU, JANE.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, CHICO.

[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, CHICO.
WITH THE AID OF NBC'S NEW VIDEO

THANK YOU, CHICO.
WITH THE AID OF NBC'S NEW VIDEO
CAPTIONING EQUIPMENT, I WILL NOW

WITH THE AID OF NBC'S NEW VIDEO
CAPTIONING EQUIPMENT, I WILL NOW
REPEAT TONIGHT'S TOP STORY

CAPTIONING EQUIPMENT, I WILL NOW
REPEAT TONIGHT'S TOP STORY
ELECTRONICALLY CAPTIONED FOR OUR

REPEAT TONIGHT'S TOP STORY
ELECTRONICALLY CAPTIONED FOR OUR
MORE STUPID VIEWERS.

ELECTRONICALLY CAPTIONED FOR OUR
MORE STUPID VIEWERS.
[LAUGHTER]

MORE STUPID VIEWERS.
[LAUGHTER]
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:

[LAUGHTER]
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
THE UNITED STATES BECAME THE

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
THE UNITED STATES BECAME THE
FIRST COUNTRY TO OPEN AN EMBASSY

THE UNITED STATES BECAME THE
FIRST COUNTRY TO OPEN AN EMBASSY
IN THE NEWLY INDEPENDENT STATE

FIRST COUNTRY TO OPEN AN EMBASSY
IN THE NEWLY INDEPENDENT STATE
OF ZIMBABWE.

IN THE NEWLY INDEPENDENT STATE
OF ZIMBABWE.
[LAUGHTER]

OF ZIMBABWE.
[LAUGHTER]
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT

[LAUGHTER]
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WHY THE HELL DON'T WE START
WITHOUT HER, FLOYD?
I STILL DON'T SEE WHY THAT

WITHOUT HER, FLOYD?
I STILL DON'T SEE WHY THAT
WOMAN HAS TO BE HERE.

I STILL DON'T SEE WHY THAT
WOMAN HAS TO BE HERE.
SHE'S NO KIN!

WOMAN HAS TO BE HERE.
SHE'S NO KIN!
HOLD ON, NOW PATIENCE, FOLKS

SHE'S NO KIN!
HOLD ON, NOW PATIENCE, FOLKS
WE'VE BEEN ALL THROUGH THIS.

HOLD ON, NOW PATIENCE, FOLKS
WE'VE BEEN ALL THROUGH THIS.
YOUR FATHER INSISTED THE THREE

WE'VE BEEN ALL THROUGH THIS.
YOUR FATHER INSISTED THE THREE
OF YOU BE IN ATTENDANCE AT THE

YOUR FATHER INSISTED THE THREE
OF YOU BE IN ATTENDANCE AT THE
READING OF HIS WILL.

OF YOU BE IN ATTENDANCE AT THE
READING OF HIS WILL.
SHE GOT HER HOOKS INTO DAD RIGHT

READING OF HIS WILL.
SHE GOT HER HOOKS INTO DAD RIGHT
AFTER HIS FIRST HEART ATTACK,

SHE GOT HER HOOKS INTO DAD RIGHT
AFTER HIS FIRST HEART ATTACK,
AND SHE JUST BIDED HER TIME

AFTER HIS FIRST HEART ATTACK,
AND SHE JUST BIDED HER TIME
UNTIL HE DIED.

AND SHE JUST BIDED HER TIME
UNTIL HE DIED.
SHE'S TRASH.

UNTIL HE DIED.
SHE'S TRASH.
HI, Y'ALL.

SHE'S TRASH.
HI, Y'ALL.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.

HI, Y'ALL.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
I WAS OVER AT NIEMAN MARCUS AND

I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
I WAS OVER AT NIEMAN MARCUS AND
I BROKE DOWN AND STARTED

I WAS OVER AT NIEMAN MARCUS AND
I BROKE DOWN AND STARTED
GRIEVING OVER YOUR DAD AND I

I BROKE DOWN AND STARTED
GRIEVING OVER YOUR DAD AND I
JUST LOST TRACK OF THE TIME.

GRIEVING OVER YOUR DAD AND I
JUST LOST TRACK OF THE TIME.
WELL, LOLLIE, YOU KNOW THE

JUST LOST TRACK OF THE TIME.
WELL, LOLLIE, YOU KNOW THE
MCBAINS.

WELL, LOLLIE, YOU KNOW THE
MCBAINS.
JUNIOR AND VERA.

MCBAINS.
JUNIOR AND VERA.
HI, KIDS.

JUNIOR AND VERA.
HI, KIDS.
PRETTY FROSTY FOR APRIL,

HI, KIDS.
PRETTY FROSTY FOR APRIL,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY, FLOYD?

PRETTY FROSTY FOR APRIL,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY, FLOYD?
WELL, LET'S JUST SIT DOWN AND

WOULDN'T YOU SAY, FLOYD?
WELL, LET'S JUST SIT DOWN AND
GET DOWN TO THE BUSINESS AT

WELL, LET'S JUST SIT DOWN AND
GET DOWN TO THE BUSINESS AT
HAND, SHALL WE?

GET DOWN TO THE BUSINESS AT
HAND, SHALL WE?
NOW IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE LAST

HAND, SHALL WE?
NOW IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE LAST
WISHES OF THE DEPARTED, THE LATE

NOW IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE LAST
WISHES OF THE DEPARTED, THE LATE
RUSSELL MCBAIN, AND AS EXECUTOR

WISHES OF THE DEPARTED, THE LATE
RUSSELL MCBAIN, AND AS EXECUTOR
OF HIS WILL, I AM BOUND TO CARRY

RUSSELL MCBAIN, AND AS EXECUTOR
OF HIS WILL, I AM BOUND TO CARRY
OUT HIS REQUEST AS SET FORTH AND

OF HIS WILL, I AM BOUND TO CARRY
OUT HIS REQUEST AS SET FORTH AND
WITNESSED BY ME, FLOYD KLEIN...

OUT HIS REQUEST AS SET FORTH AND
WITNESSED BY ME, FLOYD KLEIN...
EXCUSE ME.

WITNESSED BY ME, FLOYD KLEIN...
EXCUSE ME.
WE KNOW YOU'RE DOING YOUR JOB,

EXCUSE ME.
WE KNOW YOU'RE DOING YOUR JOB,
JEW BOY, WILL YOU JUST READ THE

WE KNOW YOU'RE DOING YOUR JOB,
JEW BOY, WILL YOU JUST READ THE
WILL?

JEW BOY, WILL YOU JUST READ THE
WILL?
[LAUGHTER]

WILL?
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, IT WAS RUSSELL'S WISH

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, IT WAS RUSSELL'S WISH
TO READ HIS LAST WILL AND

WELL, IT WAS RUSSELL'S WISH
TO READ HIS LAST WILL AND
TESTAMENT HIS SELF.

TO READ HIS LAST WILL AND
TESTAMENT HIS SELF.
WELL, IF HE COULD PULL THAT

TESTAMENT HIS SELF.
WELL, IF HE COULD PULL THAT
OFF, WE'D ALL BE RICH.

WELL, IF HE COULD PULL THAT
OFF, WE'D ALL BE RICH.
THE LAWS OF THIS STATE NOW

OFF, WE'D ALL BE RICH.
THE LAWS OF THIS STATE NOW
RECOGNIZE THE VALIDITY OF A WILL

THE LAWS OF THIS STATE NOW
RECOGNIZE THE VALIDITY OF A WILL
THAT HAS BEEN RECORDED ON VIDEO

RECOGNIZE THE VALIDITY OF A WILL
THAT HAS BEEN RECORDED ON VIDEO
TAPE.

THAT HAS BEEN RECORDED ON VIDEO
TAPE.
NOW RUSSELL GOT IT INTO HIS HEAD

TAPE.
NOW RUSSELL GOT IT INTO HIS HEAD
THAT THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED TO

NOW RUSSELL GOT IT INTO HIS HEAD
THAT THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED TO
DO, AND WELL, THAT'S WHAT HE

THAT THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED TO
DO, AND WELL, THAT'S WHAT HE
DID.

DO, AND WELL, THAT'S WHAT HE
DID.
HE VIDEOTAPED HIS WILL?

DID.
HE VIDEOTAPED HIS WILL?
YEAH, LIKE I SAID, IT'S

HE VIDEOTAPED HIS WILL?
YEAH, LIKE I SAID, IT'S
PERFECTLY LEGAL.

YEAH, LIKE I SAID, IT'S
PERFECTLY LEGAL.
THIS HERE'S THE CASSETTE, AND I

PERFECTLY LEGAL.
THIS HERE'S THE CASSETTE, AND I
SUGGEST THAT WE VIEW IT NOW.

THIS HERE'S THE CASSETTE, AND I
SUGGEST THAT WE VIEW IT NOW.
SO THAT'S WHAT ALL THOSE

SUGGEST THAT WE VIEW IT NOW.
SO THAT'S WHAT ALL THOSE
CABLES WERE FOR.

SO THAT'S WHAT ALL THOSE
CABLES WERE FOR.
I THOUGHT THOSE WERE IV TUBES.

CABLES WERE FOR.
I THOUGHT THOSE WERE IV TUBES.
I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO LOOK,

I THOUGHT THOSE WERE IV TUBES.
I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO LOOK,
YOUR DADDY SUFFERED SO BEFORE HE

I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO LOOK,
YOUR DADDY SUFFERED SO BEFORE HE
DIED, LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT.

YOUR DADDY SUFFERED SO BEFORE HE
DIED, LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT.
WELL, I THINK YOU'LL BE

DIED, LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT.
WELL, I THINK YOU'LL BE
PLEASANTLY SURPRISED, LOLLIE,

WELL, I THINK YOU'LL BE
PLEASANTLY SURPRISED, LOLLIE,
THE CAMERA ADDS 10 POUNDS.

PLEASANTLY SURPRISED, LOLLIE,
THE CAMERA ADDS 10 POUNDS.
HERE WE GO.

THE CAMERA ADDS 10 POUNDS.
HERE WE GO.
THAT'S NOT IT, THAT'S JUST

HERE WE GO.
THAT'S NOT IT, THAT'S JUST
SOMETHING THAT'S ON BEFORE IT.

THAT'S NOT IT, THAT'S JUST
SOMETHING THAT'S ON BEFORE IT.
THAT'S A BONUS.

SOMETHING THAT'S ON BEFORE IT.
THAT'S A BONUS.
IS IT ROLLIN', BOB?

THAT'S A BONUS.
IS IT ROLLIN', BOB?
Bob: YEAH, YOU'RE ON.

IS IT ROLLIN', BOB?
Bob: YEAH, YOU'RE ON.
YEAH?

Bob: YEAH, YOU'RE ON.
YEAH?
WELL, I RUSSELL MCBAIN, BEING

YEAH?
WELL, I RUSSELL MCBAIN, BEING
OF SOUND MIND, DO HEREBY SET

WELL, I RUSSELL MCBAIN, BEING
OF SOUND MIND, DO HEREBY SET
FORTH MY LAST WILL AND

OF SOUND MIND, DO HEREBY SET
FORTH MY LAST WILL AND
TESTAMENT.

FORTH MY LAST WILL AND
TESTAMENT.
HI, JUNIOR.

TESTAMENT.
HI, JUNIOR.
HI, VERA.

HI, JUNIOR.
HI, VERA.
HELLO, LOLLIE.

HI, VERA.
HELLO, LOLLIE.
I GUESS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW

HELLO, LOLLIE.
I GUESS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW
THIS OLD MUG WAS AT MY FUNERAL.

I GUESS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW
THIS OLD MUG WAS AT MY FUNERAL.
I HOPE I DIDN'T GET DRUNK AND

THIS OLD MUG WAS AT MY FUNERAL.
I HOPE I DIDN'T GET DRUNK AND
MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF.

I HOPE I DIDN'T GET DRUNK AND
MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF.
[LAUGHTER]

MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF.
[LAUGHTER]
NOW, FOLKS, THERE'S NO SENSE OR

[LAUGHTER]
NOW, FOLKS, THERE'S NO SENSE OR
NEED FOR TEARS.

NOW, FOLKS, THERE'S NO SENSE OR
NEED FOR TEARS.
I HAVE LIVED A FULL LIFE, AND

NEED FOR TEARS.
I HAVE LIVED A FULL LIFE, AND
WHENEVER THE GOOD LORD KNOCKS

I HAVE LIVED A FULL LIFE, AND
WHENEVER THE GOOD LORD KNOCKS
ON THE DOOR, I'M READY.

WHENEVER THE GOOD LORD KNOCKS
ON THE DOOR, I'M READY.
I RAISED A FAMILY, I RAISED A

ON THE DOOR, I'M READY.
I RAISED A FAMILY, I RAISED A
MALE TOO, DIDN'T I, LOLLIE?

I RAISED A FAMILY, I RAISED A
MALE TOO, DIDN'T I, LOLLIE?
AND NOW LOOK AT ME.

MALE TOO, DIDN'T I, LOLLIE?
AND NOW LOOK AT ME.
I'M HERE.

AND NOW LOOK AT ME.
I'M HERE.
ON TV.

I'M HERE.
ON TV.
HEY, YOU DONE WITH YOUR

ON TV.
HEY, YOU DONE WITH YOUR
JELLO, MR. MCBAIN?

HEY, YOU DONE WITH YOUR
JELLO, MR. MCBAIN?
YEAH, I'M DONE WITH... OH.

JELLO, MR. MCBAIN?
YEAH, I'M DONE WITH... OH.
HEY, MY FIRST GUEST IS A YOUNG

YEAH, I'M DONE WITH... OH.
HEY, MY FIRST GUEST IS A YOUNG
ORDERLY WITH FROM JUST OUTSIDE

HEY, MY FIRST GUEST IS A YOUNG
ORDERLY WITH FROM JUST OUTSIDE
CORPUS CHRISTIE.

ORDERLY WITH FROM JUST OUTSIDE
CORPUS CHRISTIE.
SAY HELLO TO SETH, THE ORDERLY.

CORPUS CHRISTIE.
SAY HELLO TO SETH, THE ORDERLY.
SAY WHAT?

SAY HELLO TO SETH, THE ORDERLY.
SAY WHAT?
SETH.

SAY WHAT?
SETH.
JUST SAY HELLO TO MY BEREAVED

SETH.
JUST SAY HELLO TO MY BEREAVED
FAMILY.

JUST SAY HELLO TO MY BEREAVED
FAMILY.
I DON'T SEE NO BEREAVED

FAMILY.
I DON'T SEE NO BEREAVED
FAMILY, MAN.

I DON'T SEE NO BEREAVED
FAMILY, MAN.
YOU MEAN THAT GUY WITH THE

FAMILY, MAN.
YOU MEAN THAT GUY WITH THE
CAMERA?

YOU MEAN THAT GUY WITH THE
CAMERA?
SETH, I'M VIDEO TAPING MY

CAMERA?
SETH, I'M VIDEO TAPING MY
WILL SO I CAN SHOW IT TO MY

SETH, I'M VIDEO TAPING MY
WILL SO I CAN SHOW IT TO MY
FAMILY AFTER I DIE.

WILL SO I CAN SHOW IT TO MY
FAMILY AFTER I DIE.
YOU MEAN THIS IS GONNA

FAMILY AFTER I DIE.
YOU MEAN THIS IS GONNA
BE ON TV?

YOU MEAN THIS IS GONNA
BE ON TV?
THAT'S RIGHT.

BE ON TV?
THAT'S RIGHT.
HEY, HEY, HEY.

THAT'S RIGHT.
HEY, HEY, HEY.
THERE YOU ARE, LYLE.

HEY, HEY, HEY.
THERE YOU ARE, LYLE.
YOU KNOW THERE'S PATIENTS ALL

THERE YOU ARE, LYLE.
YOU KNOW THERE'S PATIENTS ALL
DOWN THE HALL THAT DIDN'T GET

YOU KNOW THERE'S PATIENTS ALL
DOWN THE HALL THAT DIDN'T GET
THEIR LUNCH YET.

DOWN THE HALL THAT DIDN'T GET
THEIR LUNCH YET.
LOOK WHO JUST DROPPED IN.

THEIR LUNCH YET.
LOOK WHO JUST DROPPED IN.
THIS IS JODY, MY NURSE.

LOOK WHO JUST DROPPED IN.
THIS IS JODY, MY NURSE.
EXCUSE US A SECOND, IT'S TIME

THIS IS JODY, MY NURSE.
EXCUSE US A SECOND, IT'S TIME
FOR MR. MCBAIN TO TRY AND MAKE A

EXCUSE US A SECOND, IT'S TIME
FOR MR. MCBAIN TO TRY AND MAKE A
YOU KNOW WHAT.

FOR MR. MCBAIN TO TRY AND MAKE A
YOU KNOW WHAT.
OH, BUT I'M VIDEO TAPING

YOU KNOW WHAT.
OH, BUT I'M VIDEO TAPING
MY WILL.

OH, BUT I'M VIDEO TAPING
MY WILL.
VIDEO TAPING A WILL'S THE

MY WILL.
VIDEO TAPING A WILL'S THE
MOST HORRIBLE THING I EVER

VIDEO TAPING A WILL'S THE
MOST HORRIBLE THING I EVER
HEARD OF.

MOST HORRIBLE THING I EVER
HEARD OF.
COME ON, MR. MCBAIN, JUST TRY

HEARD OF.
COME ON, MR. MCBAIN, JUST TRY
AND MAKE AN NICE B.N. HERE,

COME ON, MR. MCBAIN, JUST TRY
AND MAKE AN NICE B.N. HERE,
WOULD YA?

AND MAKE AN NICE B.N. HERE,
WOULD YA?
[LAUGHTER]

WOULD YA?
[LAUGHTER]
COULD WE JUST FAST FORWARD TO

[LAUGHTER]
COULD WE JUST FAST FORWARD TO
THE PART WHERE HE SAYS WHO GETS

COULD WE JUST FAST FORWARD TO
THE PART WHERE HE SAYS WHO GETS
WHAT?

THE PART WHERE HE SAYS WHO GETS
WHAT?
AS YOU WISH.

WHAT?
AS YOU WISH.
I'LL GO IN ABOUT 20, 30 SECONDS

AS YOU WISH.
I'LL GO IN ABOUT 20, 30 SECONDS
HERE.

I'LL GO IN ABOUT 20, 30 SECONDS
HERE.
WELL, TOWARDS THE END, HE HAD A

HERE.
WELL, TOWARDS THE END, HE HAD A
LITTLE BIT OF DIFFICULTY...

WELL, TOWARDS THE END, HE HAD A
LITTLE BIT OF DIFFICULTY...
[LAUGHTER]

LITTLE BIT OF DIFFICULTY...
[LAUGHTER]
SNAP A LOG?

[LAUGHTER]
SNAP A LOG?
YEAH, EXACTLY, YEAH.

SNAP A LOG?
YEAH, EXACTLY, YEAH.
WELL, WE'RE BACK.

YEAH, EXACTLY, YEAH.
WELL, WE'RE BACK.
AND GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH US?

WELL, WE'RE BACK.
AND GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH US?
SETH.

AND GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH US?
SETH.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU,

SETH.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
MY MAN.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
MY MAN.
YOU KNOW, SETH AND ME, WE

MY MAN.
YOU KNOW, SETH AND ME, WE
WERE TALKING DURING THE BREAK,

YOU KNOW, SETH AND ME, WE
WERE TALKING DURING THE BREAK,
AND I WAS TELLING HIM THAT I

WERE TALKING DURING THE BREAK,
AND I WAS TELLING HIM THAT I
DON'T WANT YOU ALL GRIEVING

AND I WAS TELLING HIM THAT I
DON'T WANT YOU ALL GRIEVING
AFTER I'M GONE.

DON'T WANT YOU ALL GRIEVING
AFTER I'M GONE.
AND SETH PUT IT IN A WAY THAT

AFTER I'M GONE.
AND SETH PUT IT IN A WAY THAT
TOUCHED ME, AND I KNOW THAT

AND SETH PUT IT IN A WAY THAT
TOUCHED ME, AND I KNOW THAT
IT'S GONNA TOUCH YOU.

TOUCHED ME, AND I KNOW THAT
IT'S GONNA TOUCH YOU.
♪ ONCE THERE WAS

IT'S GONNA TOUCH YOU.
♪ ONCE THERE WAS
A SILLY, OLD ANT ♪

♪ ONCE THERE WAS
A SILLY, OLD ANT ♪
♪ TRIED TO MOVE

A SILLY, OLD ANT ♪
♪ TRIED TO MOVE
A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪

♪ TRIED TO MOVE
A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
♪ EVERYONE KNOWS AN ANT CAN'T

A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
♪ EVERYONE KNOWS AN ANT CAN'T
MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪

♪ EVERYONE KNOWS AN ANT CAN'T
MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
Both: ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S GOT

MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
Both: ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S GOT
HIGH HOPES ♪

Both: ♪ 'CAUSE HE'S GOT
HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪

HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪

♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HIGH IN THE SKY HOPES ♪

♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HIGH IN THE SKY HOPES ♪
♪ SO WHOOPS, THERE GOES

♪ HIGH IN THE SKY HOPES ♪
♪ SO WHOOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪

♪ SO WHOOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪
♪ WHOOPS, THERE GOES

ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪
♪ WHOOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪

♪ WHOOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪
♪ WHOOPS, THERE GOES,

ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪
♪ WHOOPS, THERE GOES,
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪

♪ WHOOPS, THERE GOES,
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪
♪ WHOOPS, THERE GOES

ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪
♪ WHOOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪

♪ WHOOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
HEY... UH-OH.

ANOTHER RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
HEY... UH-OH.
BOB, THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME

HEY... UH-OH.
BOB, THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME
KIND OF COMMOTION OVER THERE.

BOB, THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME
KIND OF COMMOTION OVER THERE.
AROUND MR. COOPER'S BED.

KIND OF COMMOTION OVER THERE.
AROUND MR. COOPER'S BED.
COULD WE GET A CAMERA OVER

AROUND MR. COOPER'S BED.
COULD WE GET A CAMERA OVER
THERE JUST...

COULD WE GET A CAMERA OVER
THERE JUST...
[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER]
THIS JUST IN, VIRGIL COOPER
DEAD AT 74, FILM AT 11:00.

THIS JUST IN, VIRGIL COOPER
DEAD AT 74, FILM AT 11:00.
[LAUGHTER]

DEAD AT 74, FILM AT 11:00.
[LAUGHTER]
NOW BACK TO THE WILL ALREADY

[LAUGHTER]
NOW BACK TO THE WILL ALREADY
IN PROGRESS.

NOW BACK TO THE WILL ALREADY
IN PROGRESS.
SETH, WHAT WILL YOUR SECOND

IN PROGRESS.
SETH, WHAT WILL YOUR SECOND
SONG BE?

SETH, WHAT WILL YOUR SECOND
SONG BE?
♪ FEELINGS,

SONG BE?
♪ FEELINGS,
NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS ♪

♪ FEELINGS,
NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS ♪
WHOA...

NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS ♪
WHOA...
WELL, I THINK IT'S JUST SO

WHOA...
WELL, I THINK IT'S JUST SO
SWEET OF HIM TO TRY AND CHEER US

WELL, I THINK IT'S JUST SO
SWEET OF HIM TO TRY AND CHEER US
UP WHEN HE'S THE ONE WHO'S DEAD.

SWEET OF HIM TO TRY AND CHEER US
UP WHEN HE'S THE ONE WHO'S DEAD.
THERE YOU GO.

♪ [SINGING IN SPANISH...] ♪

"GUANTANAMERA."
JOHN AND JUAN WILL BE BACK WITH
MORE LATIN FAVORITES AFTER THIS

JOHN AND JUAN WILL BE BACK WITH
MORE LATIN FAVORITES AFTER THIS
WORD FROM HOFFMAN'S, THE GINGER

MORE LATIN FAVORITES AFTER THIS
WORD FROM HOFFMAN'S, THE GINGER
ALE PEOPLE.

OH, GOSH, OH, MY...
PUSH THIS ONE, PUSH THIS ONE.
THERE YOU GO.

PUSH THIS ONE, PUSH THIS ONE.
THERE YOU GO.
THAT WAS DAD WE BURIED,

THERE YOU GO.
THAT WAS DAD WE BURIED,
WASN'T IT?

THAT WAS DAD WE BURIED,
WASN'T IT?
YEAH.

WASN'T IT?
YEAH.
FLOYD, DO YOU HAVE ANY

YEAH.
FLOYD, DO YOU HAVE ANY
ASPIRIN OR BOURBON ANYWHERE?

FLOYD, DO YOU HAVE ANY
ASPIRIN OR BOURBON ANYWHERE?
I THINK I KNOW WHERE THERE'S

ASPIRIN OR BOURBON ANYWHERE?
I THINK I KNOW WHERE THERE'S
A BOTTLE OF REBEL YELL.

♪ THE BELLS ARE RINGING
FOR ME AND MY NURSE ♪
♪ THE BED PAN'S WAITING

FOR ME AND MY NURSE ♪
♪ THE BED PAN'S WAITING
FOR ME AND MY NURSE ♪

♪ THE BED PAN'S WAITING
FOR ME AND MY NURSE ♪
OY VEY!

FOR ME AND MY NURSE ♪
OY VEY!
Vera: HOW IN THE WORLD DID

OY VEY!
Vera: HOW IN THE WORLD DID
THEY GET DAD'S BED TO SPIN LIKE

Vera: HOW IN THE WORLD DID
THEY GET DAD'S BED TO SPIN LIKE
THAT?

THEY GET DAD'S BED TO SPIN LIKE
THAT?
WELL, I THINK IT WAS

THAT?
WELL, I THINK IT WAS
POST-PRODUCTION.

WELL, I THINK IT WAS
POST-PRODUCTION.
YOU KNOW, I'M THE ONE IN

POST-PRODUCTION.
YOU KNOW, I'M THE ONE IN
FRONT OF THE CAMERA, BUT THERE

YOU KNOW, I'M THE ONE IN
FRONT OF THE CAMERA, BUT THERE
ARE A LOT OF FOLKS

FRONT OF THE CAMERA, BUT THERE
ARE A LOT OF FOLKS
BEHIND THE SCENES.

ARE A LOT OF FOLKS
BEHIND THE SCENES.
I MEAN, ALL THE LITTLE PEOPLE

BEHIND THE SCENES.
I MEAN, ALL THE LITTLE PEOPLE
WHO WORK VERY HARD TO MAKE ME

I MEAN, ALL THE LITTLE PEOPLE
WHO WORK VERY HARD TO MAKE ME
LOOK GOOD.

WHO WORK VERY HARD TO MAKE ME
LOOK GOOD.
NOW THIS IS BOB, MY DIRECTOR.

LOOK GOOD.
NOW THIS IS BOB, MY DIRECTOR.
WITHOUT HIM, JUST FORGET IT.

NOW THIS IS BOB, MY DIRECTOR.
WITHOUT HIM, JUST FORGET IT.
AND PHIL, MY LIGHTING DIRECTOR

WITHOUT HIM, JUST FORGET IT.
AND PHIL, MY LIGHTING DIRECTOR
AND THE HAIR, THE MAKEUP,

AND PHIL, MY LIGHTING DIRECTOR
AND THE HAIR, THE MAKEUP,
THE OXYGEN AND THE CUE CARDS.

AND THE HAIR, THE MAKEUP,
THE OXYGEN AND THE CUE CARDS.
OH, AND SETH, THE ORDERLY.

THE OXYGEN AND THE CUE CARDS.
OH, AND SETH, THE ORDERLY.
JODY, MY NURSE, AND OF COURSE,

OH, AND SETH, THE ORDERLY.
JODY, MY NURSE, AND OF COURSE,
THE MULTI-TALENTED JOHN AND

JODY, MY NURSE, AND OF COURSE,
THE MULTI-TALENTED JOHN AND
JUAN.

THE MULTI-TALENTED JOHN AND
JUAN.
[LAUGHTER]

JUAN.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, AND GOOD LUCK

[LAUGHTER]
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, AND GOOD LUCK
WITH YOUR GREEN CARDS.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, AND GOOD LUCK
WITH YOUR GREEN CARDS.
GRACIAS, SENOR, GRACIAS.

WITH YOUR GREEN CARDS.
GRACIAS, SENOR, GRACIAS.
WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME

GRACIAS, SENOR, GRACIAS.
WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME
AND MONEY.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME
AND MONEY.
BUT WHAT LITTLE MONEY I DO HAVE

AND MONEY.
BUT WHAT LITTLE MONEY I DO HAVE
LEFT AFTER PAYING JOHN AND JUAN

BUT WHAT LITTLE MONEY I DO HAVE
LEFT AFTER PAYING JOHN AND JUAN
AND AFTER THIS WILL IS EDITED,

LEFT AFTER PAYING JOHN AND JUAN
AND AFTER THIS WILL IS EDITED,
I WANT TO GO TO MY FAMILY.

AND AFTER THIS WILL IS EDITED,
I WANT TO GO TO MY FAMILY.
NOT MY RELATIVES, BUT TO THE

I WANT TO GO TO MY FAMILY.
NOT MY RELATIVES, BUT TO THE
GUYS WHO MADE THIS PRODUCTION

NOT MY RELATIVES, BUT TO THE
GUYS WHO MADE THIS PRODUCTION
POSSIBLE.

GUYS WHO MADE THIS PRODUCTION
POSSIBLE.
'CAUSE IN THE PAST FEW DAYS OF

POSSIBLE.
'CAUSE IN THE PAST FEW DAYS OF
TAPING, WE'VE REALLY BECOME

'CAUSE IN THE PAST FEW DAYS OF
TAPING, WE'VE REALLY BECOME
A FAMILY.

TAPING, WE'VE REALLY BECOME
A FAMILY.
HAVEN'T WE, KIDS?

A FAMILY.
HAVEN'T WE, KIDS?
All: YEAH, YEAH.

HAVEN'T WE, KIDS?
All: YEAH, YEAH.
SO I'M GLAD WE HAD... WE HAD

All: YEAH, YEAH.
SO I'M GLAD WE HAD... WE HAD
THIS TIME TOGETHER.

SO I'M GLAD WE HAD... WE HAD
THIS TIME TOGETHER.
ONE, TWO, THREE...

THIS TIME TOGETHER.
ONE, TWO, THREE...
All: ♪ BYE-BYE, RUSS

ONE, TWO, THREE...
All: ♪ BYE-BYE, RUSS
BYE-BYE, MR. MCBAIN ♪

All: ♪ BYE-BYE, RUSS
BYE-BYE, MR. MCBAIN ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE OUT OF PAIN

BYE-BYE, MR. MCBAIN ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE OUT OF PAIN
BYE-BYE THERE, RUSS, BYE-BYE ♪

♪ NOW YOU'RE OUT OF PAIN
BYE-BYE THERE, RUSS, BYE-BYE ♪
♪ THERE GOES MY PATIENT,

BYE-BYE THERE, RUSS, BYE-BYE ♪
♪ THERE GOES MY PATIENT,
HE HAD THE FLU ♪

♪ THERE GOES MY PATIENT,
HE HAD THE FLU ♪
CORONARY THROMBOSIS,

HE HAD THE FLU ♪
CORONARY THROMBOSIS,
ANGINA TOO ♪

CORONARY THROMBOSIS,
ANGINA TOO ♪
♪ HE WAS MY PATIENT

ANGINA TOO ♪
♪ HE WAS MY PATIENT
TILL COMPLICATIONS SET IN ♪

♪ HE WAS MY PATIENT
TILL COMPLICATIONS SET IN ♪
♪ HE REALLY STUCK IT

TILL COMPLICATIONS SET IN ♪
♪ HE REALLY STUCK IT
TO THE NEXT OF KIN ♪

♪ HE REALLY STUCK IT
TO THE NEXT OF KIN ♪
All: ♪ BYE-BYE, RUSS

TO THE NEXT OF KIN ♪
All: ♪ BYE-BYE, RUSS
BYE-BYE, MR. MCBAIN ♪

All: ♪ BYE-BYE, RUSS
BYE-BYE, MR. MCBAIN ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE OUT OF PAIN,

BYE-BYE, MR. MCBAIN ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE OUT OF PAIN,
BYE-BYE, DEAR RUSS, BYE-BYE ♪

♪ NOW YOU'RE OUT OF PAIN,
BYE-BYE, DEAR RUSS, BYE-BYE ♪
BYE-BYE, DEAR RUSS, BYE-BYE ♪

BYE-BYE, DEAR RUSS, BYE-BYE ♪
BYE-BYE, DEAR RUSS, BYE-BYE ♪
WELL, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT

BYE-BYE, DEAR RUSS, BYE-BYE ♪
WELL, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
ALL ABOUT?

WELL, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
ALL ABOUT?
WELL, I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED

ALL ABOUT?
WELL, I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED
TO GET YOUR DAD'S MONEY?

WELL, I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED
TO GET YOUR DAD'S MONEY?
WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT THIS

TO GET YOUR DAD'S MONEY?
WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT THIS
CASSETTE IS ALL THAT'S LEFT OF

WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT THIS
CASSETTE IS ALL THAT'S LEFT OF
YOUR FATHER'S ESTATE.

CASSETTE IS ALL THAT'S LEFT OF
YOUR FATHER'S ESTATE.
AW, SHOOT!

YOUR FATHER'S ESTATE.
AW, SHOOT!
WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?

AW, SHOOT!
WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?
I PUT SIX YEARS IN UNDER THAT

WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?
I PUT SIX YEARS IN UNDER THAT
OLD FART.

I PUT SIX YEARS IN UNDER THAT
OLD FART.
[LAUGHTER]

OLD FART.
[LAUGHTER]
MAYBE... MAYBE WE COULD SELL

[LAUGHTER]
MAYBE... MAYBE WE COULD SELL
IT TO CABLE TV?

MAYBE... MAYBE WE COULD SELL
IT TO CABLE TV?
HELL, WE COULD SELL IT TO NBC,

IT TO CABLE TV?
HELL, WE COULD SELL IT TO NBC,
THEY'LL BUY ANYTHING.

HELL, WE COULD SELL IT TO NBC,
THEY'LL BUY ANYTHING.
[LAUGHTER]

THEY'LL BUY ANYTHING.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[DOORBELL RINGS]
FINALLY, HUH?
HI, GEORGE.

FINALLY, HUH?
HI, GEORGE.
HELLO, HANK, WE'VE BEEN

HI, GEORGE.
HELLO, HANK, WE'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR YOU.

HELLO, HANK, WE'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR YOU.
GEE, I THOUGHT I WAS EARLY.

WAITING FOR YOU.
GEE, I THOUGHT I WAS EARLY.
WELL, YOU ARE, BUT EVERYONE

GEE, I THOUGHT I WAS EARLY.
WELL, YOU ARE, BUT EVERYONE
ELSE HAS BEEN HERE FOR A LITTLE

WELL, YOU ARE, BUT EVERYONE
ELSE HAS BEEN HERE FOR A LITTLE
WHILE.

ELSE HAS BEEN HERE FOR A LITTLE
WHILE.
HI, EVERYBODY.

WHILE.
HI, EVERYBODY.
All: HI, HANK.

HI, EVERYBODY.
All: HI, HANK.
HELLO.

All: HI, HANK.
HELLO.
HI, HANK.

HELLO.
HI, HANK.
EVERYBODY'S HERE, NOW LET'S

HI, HANK.
EVERYBODY'S HERE, NOW LET'S
GET THE MEETING STARTED.

EVERYBODY'S HERE, NOW LET'S
GET THE MEETING STARTED.
ALL RIGHT, THE CONDUCTOR'S

GET THE MEETING STARTED.
ALL RIGHT, THE CONDUCTOR'S
CLUB, THE WEEKLY CONDUCTOR'S

ALL RIGHT, THE CONDUCTOR'S
CLUB, THE WEEKLY CONDUCTOR'S
CLUB WILL NOW COME TO ORDER.

CLUB, THE WEEKLY CONDUCTOR'S
CLUB WILL NOW COME TO ORDER.
NELSON MORTON, WILL YOU PLEASE

CLUB WILL NOW COME TO ORDER.
NELSON MORTON, WILL YOU PLEASE
READ THE MINUTES FROM THE LAST

NELSON MORTON, WILL YOU PLEASE
READ THE MINUTES FROM THE LAST
MEETING?

READ THE MINUTES FROM THE LAST
MEETING?
THE MEETING STARTED PRECISELY

MEETING?
THE MEETING STARTED PRECISELY
AT 7:00.

THE MEETING STARTED PRECISELY
AT 7:00.
I WAS ASKED BY OUR PRESIDENT TED

AT 7:00.
I WAS ASKED BY OUR PRESIDENT TED
GARVEY TO READ THE MINUTES FROM

I WAS ASKED BY OUR PRESIDENT TED
GARVEY TO READ THE MINUTES FROM
THE LAST MEETING.

GARVEY TO READ THE MINUTES FROM
THE LAST MEETING.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE MINUTES

THE LAST MEETING.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE MINUTES
WERE READ, FRANK AMOL MADE A

IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE MINUTES
WERE READ, FRANK AMOL MADE A
MOTION THAT WE TAKE A 30-SECOND

WERE READ, FRANK AMOL MADE A
MOTION THAT WE TAKE A 30-SECOND
BREAK FROM THE MEETING TO

MOTION THAT WE TAKE A 30-SECOND
BREAK FROM THE MEETING TO
CONDUCT.

BREAK FROM THE MEETING TO
CONDUCT.
EXCUSE ME.

CONDUCT.
EXCUSE ME.
OH...

EXCUSE ME.
OH...
THE VOTE WAS SIX "YES",

OH...
THE VOTE WAS SIX "YES",
ONE "NO".

THE VOTE WAS SIX "YES",
ONE "NO".
WE CONDUCTED FOR 30 SECONDS, AND

ONE "NO".
WE CONDUCTED FOR 30 SECONDS, AND
THEN WE RESUMED THE MEETING.

WE CONDUCTED FOR 30 SECONDS, AND
THEN WE RESUMED THE MEETING.
THERE WAS NO NEW BUSINESS OR OLD

THEN WE RESUMED THE MEETING.
THERE WAS NO NEW BUSINESS OR OLD
BUSINESS.

THERE WAS NO NEW BUSINESS OR OLD
BUSINESS.
AT FIVE PAST 7:00, WE ADJOURNED

BUSINESS.
AT FIVE PAST 7:00, WE ADJOURNED
THE MEETING AND SPENT THE

AT FIVE PAST 7:00, WE ADJOURNED
THE MEETING AND SPENT THE
FOLLOWING THREE HOURS

THE MEETING AND SPENT THE
FOLLOWING THREE HOURS
CONDUCTING.

FOLLOWING THREE HOURS
CONDUCTING.
THANK YOU, NELSON.

CONDUCTING.
THANK YOU, NELSON.
YES, FRANK?

THANK YOU, NELSON.
YES, FRANK?
YEAH, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A

YES, FRANK?
YEAH, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A
MOTION THAT WE TAKE A BREAK FROM

YEAH, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A
MOTION THAT WE TAKE A BREAK FROM
THE MEETING AND CONDUCT FOR 30

MOTION THAT WE TAKE A BREAK FROM
THE MEETING AND CONDUCT FOR 30
SECONDS LIKE WE DID LAST WEEK.

THE MEETING AND CONDUCT FOR 30
SECONDS LIKE WE DID LAST WEEK.
YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

SECONDS LIKE WE DID LAST WEEK.
YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
BEN?

YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
BEN?
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD.

BEN?
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD.
I THINK THE SOONER WE GET THE

I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD.
I THINK THE SOONER WE GET THE
MEETING OVER, THE SOONER WE CAN

I THINK THE SOONER WE GET THE
MEETING OVER, THE SOONER WE CAN
GET TO THE CONDUCTING AFTER THE

MEETING OVER, THE SOONER WE CAN
GET TO THE CONDUCTING AFTER THE
MEETING.

GET TO THE CONDUCTING AFTER THE
MEETING.
[ALL GROANING]

MEETING.
[ALL GROANING]
ALL RIGHT, HOW MANY WANT TO

[ALL GROANING]
ALL RIGHT, HOW MANY WANT TO
TAKE A BREAK AND CONDUCT FOR

ALL RIGHT, HOW MANY WANT TO
TAKE A BREAK AND CONDUCT FOR
30 SECONDS?

TAKE A BREAK AND CONDUCT FOR
30 SECONDS?
ALL THOSE THAT DON'T WANT TO?

30 SECONDS?
ALL THOSE THAT DON'T WANT TO?
WELL, THE VOTE IS SIX TO ONE.

ALL THOSE THAT DON'T WANT TO?
WELL, THE VOTE IS SIX TO ONE.
30 SECONDS, I'LL TIME IT.

WELL, THE VOTE IS SIX TO ONE.
30 SECONDS, I'LL TIME IT.
OOH, HOW ABOUT "WALTZ OF THE

30 SECONDS, I'LL TIME IT.
OOH, HOW ABOUT "WALTZ OF THE
FLOWERS"?

OOH, HOW ABOUT "WALTZ OF THE
FLOWERS"?
WE HAVEN'T DONE THAT FOR A

FLOWERS"?
WE HAVEN'T DONE THAT FOR A
WHILE.

WE HAVEN'T DONE THAT FOR A
WHILE.
THAT'D BE A GOOD ONE TO START

WHILE.
THAT'D BE A GOOD ONE TO START
OUT WITH.

THAT'D BE A GOOD ONE TO START
OUT WITH.
THREE-QUARTER TIME.

[♪...]

STOP!
THE TIME IS UP!
[♪...]

THE TIME IS UP!
[♪...]
[MUSIC STOPS]

[♪...]
[MUSIC STOPS]
THAT'S IT.

[MUSIC STOPS]
THAT'S IT.
30 SECONDS IS UP.

THAT'S IT.
30 SECONDS IS UP.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH,

30 SECONDS IS UP.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH,
IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH,
IT'S NOT ENOUGH.
IT'S NEVER ENOUGH.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH.
IT'S NEVER ENOUGH.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET BACK TO

IT'S NEVER ENOUGH.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET BACK TO
THE MEETING.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET BACK TO
THE MEETING.
ANY OLD BUSINESS?

THE MEETING.
ANY OLD BUSINESS?
ALL RIGHT, ANY NEW BUSINESS?

ANY OLD BUSINESS?
ALL RIGHT, ANY NEW BUSINESS?
YES, HANK?

ALL RIGHT, ANY NEW BUSINESS?
YES, HANK?
I BROUGHT A GUY WITH ME

YES, HANK?
I BROUGHT A GUY WITH ME
TONIGHT WHO WANTS TO GET

I BROUGHT A GUY WITH ME
TONIGHT WHO WANTS TO GET
IN THE CLUB.

TONIGHT WHO WANTS TO GET
IN THE CLUB.
I'VE ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR ABOUT A

IN THE CLUB.
I'VE ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR ABOUT A
YEAR, BUT HE'S BEEN INTERESTED

I'VE ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR ABOUT A
YEAR, BUT HE'S BEEN INTERESTED
IN CONDUCTING FOR A LONG TIME.

YEAR, BUT HE'S BEEN INTERESTED
IN CONDUCTING FOR A LONG TIME.
WELL, IT SEEMS TO ME THAT

IN CONDUCTING FOR A LONG TIME.
WELL, IT SEEMS TO ME THAT
IT'S GETTING PRETTY CROWDED

WELL, IT SEEMS TO ME THAT
IT'S GETTING PRETTY CROWDED
IN HERE.

IT'S GETTING PRETTY CROWDED
IN HERE.
I THINK WE SHOULD THINK TWICE

IN HERE.
I THINK WE SHOULD THINK TWICE
BEFORE ADMITTING ANY NEW

I THINK WE SHOULD THINK TWICE
BEFORE ADMITTING ANY NEW
MEMBERS.

BEFORE ADMITTING ANY NEW
MEMBERS.
HE DOESN'T HAVE LONG ARMS,

MEMBERS.
HE DOESN'T HAVE LONG ARMS,
DOES HE?

HE DOESN'T HAVE LONG ARMS,
DOES HE?
WELL, THEY'RE A LITTLE LONG.

DOES HE?
WELL, THEY'RE A LITTLE LONG.
BUT NOT TOO LONG.

WELL, THEY'RE A LITTLE LONG.
BUT NOT TOO LONG.
WELL, HANK, WHY DON'T YOU

BUT NOT TOO LONG.
WELL, HANK, WHY DON'T YOU
BRING HIM IN, LET'S GET THIS

WELL, HANK, WHY DON'T YOU
BRING HIM IN, LET'S GET THIS
OVER WITH.

BRING HIM IN, LET'S GET THIS
OVER WITH.
I'M SURE WE ALL WANT TO GET TO

OVER WITH.
I'M SURE WE ALL WANT TO GET TO
CONDUCTING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

I'M SURE WE ALL WANT TO GET TO
CONDUCTING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.
BRING HIM IN.

CONDUCTING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.
BRING HIM IN.
DWAYNE?

BRING HIM IN.
DWAYNE?
COME ON.

DWAYNE?
COME ON.
EVERYBODY, THIS IS MY FRIEND

COME ON.
EVERYBODY, THIS IS MY FRIEND
DWAYNE FIEDLER.

EVERYBODY, THIS IS MY FRIEND
DWAYNE FIEDLER.
HI, DWAYNE.

DWAYNE FIEDLER.
HI, DWAYNE.
HELLO, DWAYNE.

HI, DWAYNE.
HELLO, DWAYNE.
DWAYNE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO STEP

HELLO, DWAYNE.
DWAYNE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO STEP
OVER HERE BY ME?

DWAYNE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO STEP
OVER HERE BY ME?
I GUESS WE MIGHT AS WELL START

OVER HERE BY ME?
I GUESS WE MIGHT AS WELL START
THE QUESTIONS FROM OVER HERE.

I GUESS WE MIGHT AS WELL START
THE QUESTIONS FROM OVER HERE.
FRANK?

THE QUESTIONS FROM OVER HERE.
FRANK?
YEAH, ARE YOU ANY RELATION TO

FRANK?
YEAH, ARE YOU ANY RELATION TO
ARTHUR FIEDLER?

YEAH, ARE YOU ANY RELATION TO
ARTHUR FIEDLER?
NO.

ARTHUR FIEDLER?
NO.
EVERYBODY ALWAYS THINKS THAT I

NO.
EVERYBODY ALWAYS THINKS THAT I
MIGHT BE, THEY ASK ME THAT.

EVERYBODY ALWAYS THINKS THAT I
MIGHT BE, THEY ASK ME THAT.
FIEDLER'S NOT A VERY COMMON

MIGHT BE, THEY ASK ME THAT.
FIEDLER'S NOT A VERY COMMON
NAME.

FIEDLER'S NOT A VERY COMMON
NAME.
BUT MAYBE I'M RELATED, BUT I

NAME.
BUT MAYBE I'M RELATED, BUT I
DON'T THINK SO.

BUT MAYBE I'M RELATED, BUT I
DON'T THINK SO.
WELL, WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE

DON'T THINK SO.
WELL, WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE
CONDUCTOR?

WELL, WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE
CONDUCTOR?
WELL, I LIKE A FEW OF THEM.

CONDUCTOR?
WELL, I LIKE A FEW OF THEM.
BUT MOSTLY I GUESS ZUBIN MADER.

WELL, I LIKE A FEW OF THEM.
BUT MOSTLY I GUESS ZUBIN MADER.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF

BUT MOSTLY I GUESS ZUBIN MADER.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
SAGIO ZOWA?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
SAGIO ZOWA?
HE'S OKAY?

SAGIO ZOWA?
HE'S OKAY?
IF YOU GET IN, WILL YOU BE

HE'S OKAY?
IF YOU GET IN, WILL YOU BE
WILLING TO TAKE MINUTES OF THE

IF YOU GET IN, WILL YOU BE
WILLING TO TAKE MINUTES OF THE
MEETING?

WILLING TO TAKE MINUTES OF THE
MEETING?
SURE, YES, YEAH.

MEETING?
SURE, YES, YEAH.
HOW MANY HOURS DO YOU SPEND

SURE, YES, YEAH.
HOW MANY HOURS DO YOU SPEND
CONDUCTING AT HOME PER WEEK?

HOW MANY HOURS DO YOU SPEND
CONDUCTING AT HOME PER WEEK?
APPROXIMATELY.

CONDUCTING AT HOME PER WEEK?
APPROXIMATELY.
OH, I WOULD SAY 70 TO 75

APPROXIMATELY.
OH, I WOULD SAY 70 TO 75
HOURS.

OH, I WOULD SAY 70 TO 75
HOURS.
HOW MANY BATONS DO YOU HAVE?

HOURS.
HOW MANY BATONS DO YOU HAVE?
THREE.

HOW MANY BATONS DO YOU HAVE?
THREE.
THORPES?

THREE.
THORPES?
ONE THORPE, TWO ZINDIES.

THORPES?
ONE THORPE, TWO ZINDIES.
BEN?

ONE THORPE, TWO ZINDIES.
BEN?
THORPES AND ZINDIES.

BEN?
THORPES AND ZINDIES.
DO YOU MIND ME ASKING YOU A

THORPES AND ZINDIES.
DO YOU MIND ME ASKING YOU A
PERSONAL QUESTION?

DO YOU MIND ME ASKING YOU A
PERSONAL QUESTION?
HOW LONG ARE YOUR ARMS?

PERSONAL QUESTION?
HOW LONG ARE YOUR ARMS?
WHAT IS YOUR SLEEVE LENGTH?

HOW LONG ARE YOUR ARMS?
WHAT IS YOUR SLEEVE LENGTH?
35.

WHAT IS YOUR SLEEVE LENGTH?
35.
35...

35.
35...
WHY, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY

35...
WHY, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY
QUESTIONS FOR YOU, DWAYNE.

WHY, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY
QUESTIONS FOR YOU, DWAYNE.
WHY DON'T YOU WAIT OUT IN THE

QUESTIONS FOR YOU, DWAYNE.
WHY DON'T YOU WAIT OUT IN THE
CAR, AND WE'LL LET YOU KNOW IF

WHY DON'T YOU WAIT OUT IN THE
CAR, AND WE'LL LET YOU KNOW IF
YOU GOT IN?

CAR, AND WE'LL LET YOU KNOW IF
YOU GOT IN?
THANK YOU, THANKS.

YOU GOT IN?
THANK YOU, THANKS.
NICE, LONG ARMS.

OKAY, I GUESS WE BETTER VOTE.
HOW MANY WANT HIM IN THE CLUB?
COME ON!

HOW MANY WANT HIM IN THE CLUB?
COME ON!
HOW MANY DON'T WANT HIM?

COME ON!
HOW MANY DON'T WANT HIM?
OKAY, THE "NO" s WIN,

HOW MANY DON'T WANT HIM?
OKAY, THE "NO" s WIN,
FIVE TO TWO.

OKAY, THE "NO" s WIN,
FIVE TO TWO.
ANY OTHER NEW BUSINESS?

FIVE TO TWO.
ANY OTHER NEW BUSINESS?
I MOVE THAT THE MEETING BE

ANY OTHER NEW BUSINESS?
I MOVE THAT THE MEETING BE
ADJOURNED AND THAT WE GET RIGHT

I MOVE THAT THE MEETING BE
ADJOURNED AND THAT WE GET RIGHT
DOWN TO THE BUSINESS OF

ADJOURNED AND THAT WE GET RIGHT
DOWN TO THE BUSINESS OF
CONDUCTING.

DOWN TO THE BUSINESS OF
CONDUCTING.
HERE, HERE.

CONDUCTING.
HERE, HERE.
ALL THOSE WHO WANT THE

HERE, HERE.
ALL THOSE WHO WANT THE
MEETING ADJOURNED, SAY "AYE."

ALL THOSE WHO WANT THE
MEETING ADJOURNED, SAY "AYE."
All: AYE.

MEETING ADJOURNED, SAY "AYE."
All: AYE.
MEETING'S ADJOURNED, LET'S

All: AYE.
MEETING'S ADJOURNED, LET'S
START CONDUCTING.

MEETING'S ADJOURNED, LET'S
START CONDUCTING.
ALL RIGHT!

[♪...]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

TV Announcer: LATEST POLLS
INDICATE THAT THERE'S BEEN A
RECENT SURGE IN FORMER GOVERNOR

INDICATE THAT THERE'S BEEN A
RECENT SURGE IN FORMER GOVERNOR
RONALD REAGAN'S POPULARITY.

RECENT SURGE IN FORMER GOVERNOR
RONALD REAGAN'S POPULARITY.
SO THAT IF THE PRESIDENTIAL

RONALD REAGAN'S POPULARITY.
SO THAT IF THE PRESIDENTIAL
ELECTION WERE HELD TODAY,

SO THAT IF THE PRESIDENTIAL
ELECTION WERE HELD TODAY,
HE WOULD BEAT PRESIDENT CARTER.

ELECTION WERE HELD TODAY,
HE WOULD BEAT PRESIDENT CARTER.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

HE WOULD BEAT PRESIDENT CARTER.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
IN PENNSYLVANIA, REAGAN APPEARS

[DOORBELL RINGS]
IN PENNSYLVANIA, REAGAN APPEARS
TO BE WELL AHEAD OF

IN PENNSYLVANIA, REAGAN APPEARS
TO BE WELL AHEAD OF
THE OTHER...

TO BE WELL AHEAD OF
THE OTHER...
GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM, I HOPE

THE OTHER...
GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM, I HOPE
I HAVEN'T AWAKENED YOU.

GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM, I HOPE
I HAVEN'T AWAKENED YOU.
OH, NO, I JUST HAVE A TOUCH

I HAVEN'T AWAKENED YOU.
OH, NO, I JUST HAVE A TOUCH
OF THE FLU, STAYED HOME

OH, NO, I JUST HAVE A TOUCH
OF THE FLU, STAYED HOME
FROM WORK.

OF THE FLU, STAYED HOME
FROM WORK.
OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

FROM WORK.
OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
THE REASON I'VE COME TO YOUR

OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
THE REASON I'VE COME TO YOUR
DOOR IS THAT I'M A REAGAN FOR

THE REASON I'VE COME TO YOUR
DOOR IS THAT I'M A REAGAN FOR
PRESIDENT VOLUNTEER, AND I WAS

DOOR IS THAT I'M A REAGAN FOR
PRESIDENT VOLUNTEER, AND I WAS
WONDERING IF I COULD TALK TO YOU

PRESIDENT VOLUNTEER, AND I WAS
WONDERING IF I COULD TALK TO YOU
FOR A FEW MINUTES ABOUT WHY YOU

WONDERING IF I COULD TALK TO YOU
FOR A FEW MINUTES ABOUT WHY YOU
SHOULD VOTE FOR RONALD REAGAN.

FOR A FEW MINUTES ABOUT WHY YOU
SHOULD VOTE FOR RONALD REAGAN.
LOOK, I'M AFRAID YOU CAME TO

SHOULD VOTE FOR RONALD REAGAN.
LOOK, I'M AFRAID YOU CAME TO
THE WRONG HOUSE.

LOOK, I'M AFRAID YOU CAME TO
THE WRONG HOUSE.
MY HUSBAND'S FOR ANDERSON AND

THE WRONG HOUSE.
MY HUSBAND'S FOR ANDERSON AND
I'M FOR KENNEDY.

MY HUSBAND'S FOR ANDERSON AND
I'M FOR KENNEDY.
WELL, YOU KNOW, COME

I'M FOR KENNEDY.
WELL, YOU KNOW, COME
NOVEMBER, IT VERY WELL MAY BE A

WELL, YOU KNOW, COME
NOVEMBER, IT VERY WELL MAY BE A
CHOICE BETWEEN CARTER AND

NOVEMBER, IT VERY WELL MAY BE A
CHOICE BETWEEN CARTER AND
REAGAN, AND YOU MAY WANT TO KNOW

CHOICE BETWEEN CARTER AND
REAGAN, AND YOU MAY WANT TO KNOW
MORE ABOUT GOVERNOR REAGAN.

REAGAN, AND YOU MAY WANT TO KNOW
MORE ABOUT GOVERNOR REAGAN.
WELL, I'M AFRAID IN THAT

MORE ABOUT GOVERNOR REAGAN.
WELL, I'M AFRAID IN THAT
CASE, I'LL JUST HAVE TO VOTE FOR

WELL, I'M AFRAID IN THAT
CASE, I'LL JUST HAVE TO VOTE FOR
CARTER, THANKS.

CASE, I'LL JUST HAVE TO VOTE FOR
CARTER, THANKS.
WELL, WELL, ALL RIGHT,

CARTER, THANKS.
WELL, WELL, ALL RIGHT,
FAIR ENOUGH.

WELL, WELL, ALL RIGHT,
FAIR ENOUGH.
BUT ANYWAY, THANKS FOR LETTING

FAIR ENOUGH.
BUT ANYWAY, THANKS FOR LETTING
ME IN THE DOOR.

BUT ANYWAY, THANKS FOR LETTING
ME IN THE DOOR.
OH... I HAVE A LITTLE GIFT FOR

ME IN THE DOOR.
OH... I HAVE A LITTLE GIFT FOR
YOU AND FOR YOUR HUSBAND.

OH... I HAVE A LITTLE GIFT FOR
YOU AND FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
PLEASE ACCEPT THESE ON BEHALF OF

YOU AND FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
PLEASE ACCEPT THESE ON BEHALF OF
THE REAGAN CAMPAIGN.

PLEASE ACCEPT THESE ON BEHALF OF
THE REAGAN CAMPAIGN.
THESE SOUVENIR REAGAN PODS.

THE REAGAN CAMPAIGN.
THESE SOUVENIR REAGAN PODS.
[LAUGHTER]

THESE SOUVENIR REAGAN PODS.
[LAUGHTER]
PODS?

[LAUGHTER]
PODS?
MM-HMM.

PODS?
MM-HMM.
I NEVER HEARD OF SOUVENIR

MM-HMM.
I NEVER HEARD OF SOUVENIR
PODS.

I NEVER HEARD OF SOUVENIR
PODS.
WELL, THEY MAKE VERY GOOD

PODS.
WELL, THEY MAKE VERY GOOD
PILLOWS OR CONVERSATION PIECES.

WELL, THEY MAKE VERY GOOD
PILLOWS OR CONVERSATION PIECES.
WELL, I SUPPOSE NO HARM

PILLOWS OR CONVERSATION PIECES.
WELL, I SUPPOSE NO HARM
COULD COME OUT OF HAVING A

WELL, I SUPPOSE NO HARM
COULD COME OUT OF HAVING A
COUPLE OF PODS AROUND THE HOUSE.

COULD COME OUT OF HAVING A
COUPLE OF PODS AROUND THE HOUSE.
BUT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

COUPLE OF PODS AROUND THE HOUSE.
BUT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
UH-HUH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

BUT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
UH-HUH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND I HOPE YOU GET OVER THE FLU.

UH-HUH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND I HOPE YOU GET OVER THE FLU.
THE BEST THING TO DO IS GET AN

AND I HOPE YOU GET OVER THE FLU.
THE BEST THING TO DO IS GET AN
AWFUL LOT OF SLEEP.

THE BEST THING TO DO IS GET AN
AWFUL LOT OF SLEEP.
YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

AWFUL LOT OF SLEEP.
YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
THANK YOU, GOODBYE.

YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
THANK YOU, GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.

THANK YOU, GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.
[♪...]

GOODBYE.
[♪...]
[APPLAUSE]

HI, HONEY.
HI, HONEY.
HOW YOU FEELING?

HI, HONEY.
HOW YOU FEELING?
OH, GOD, I FEEL A LITTLE

HOW YOU FEELING?
OH, GOD, I FEEL A LITTLE
BETTER, BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN

OH, GOD, I FEEL A LITTLE
BETTER, BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN
GO TO JEAN AND NED'S PARTY

BETTER, BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN
GO TO JEAN AND NED'S PARTY
TONIGHT.

GO TO JEAN AND NED'S PARTY
TONIGHT.
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

TONIGHT.
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T GO EITHER.

OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T GO EITHER.
NO, YOU'RE GONNA BE WITH A

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T GO EITHER.
NO, YOU'RE GONNA BE WITH A
LOT OF YOUR OLD COLLEGE BUDDIES.

NO, YOU'RE GONNA BE WITH A
LOT OF YOUR OLD COLLEGE BUDDIES.
I KNOW YOU WERE LOOKING FORWARD

LOT OF YOUR OLD COLLEGE BUDDIES.
I KNOW YOU WERE LOOKING FORWARD
TO IT.

I KNOW YOU WERE LOOKING FORWARD
TO IT.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND,

TO IT.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'D REALLY LIKE TO GO.

WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'D REALLY LIKE TO GO.
OH, PLEASE.

I'D REALLY LIKE TO GO.
OH, PLEASE.
IF YOU'LL BE OKAY?

OH, PLEASE.
IF YOU'LL BE OKAY?
OF COURSE I WILL.

IF YOU'LL BE OKAY?
OF COURSE I WILL.
YOU KNOW WHO I SAW TODAY?

OF COURSE I WILL.
YOU KNOW WHO I SAW TODAY?
WENDELL DANIELSON.

YOU KNOW WHO I SAW TODAY?
WENDELL DANIELSON.
AND IT WAS THE ODDEST THING.

WENDELL DANIELSON.
AND IT WAS THE ODDEST THING.
HE'S FOR REAGAN.

AND IT WAS THE ODDEST THING.
HE'S FOR REAGAN.
[LAUGHTER]

HE'S FOR REAGAN.
[LAUGHTER]
WENDELL?

[LAUGHTER]
WENDELL?
YEAH.

WENDELL?
YEAH.
THE '60s RADICAL?

YEAH.
THE '60s RADICAL?
HE CAMPAIGNED FOR MCGOVERN AND

THE '60s RADICAL?
HE CAMPAIGNED FOR MCGOVERN AND
MCCARTHY, HE USED TO CALL

HE CAMPAIGNED FOR MCGOVERN AND
MCCARTHY, HE USED TO CALL
HUMPHREY A FASCIST.

MCCARTHY, HE USED TO CALL
HUMPHREY A FASCIST.
MM-HMM.

HUMPHREY A FASCIST.
MM-HMM.
HE'S THE LAST PERSON I WOULD

MM-HMM.
HE'S THE LAST PERSON I WOULD
EXPECT TO SUPPORT REAGAN.

HE'S THE LAST PERSON I WOULD
EXPECT TO SUPPORT REAGAN.
WEIRD.

EXPECT TO SUPPORT REAGAN.
WEIRD.
[LAUGHTER]

WEIRD.
[LAUGHTER]
SAY, WHAT ARE THESE PODS?

[LAUGHTER]
SAY, WHAT ARE THESE PODS?
[LAUGHTER]

SAY, WHAT ARE THESE PODS?
[LAUGHTER]
OH, A REAGAN CAMPAIGN WORKER

[LAUGHTER]
OH, A REAGAN CAMPAIGN WORKER
LEFT THEM HERE.

OH, A REAGAN CAMPAIGN WORKER
LEFT THEM HERE.
I TOLD HIM HE WAS AT THE WRONG

LEFT THEM HERE.
I TOLD HIM HE WAS AT THE WRONG
HOUSE, BUT HE INSISTED.

I TOLD HIM HE WAS AT THE WRONG
HOUSE, BUT HE INSISTED.
HMM... THAT'S ODD.

HOUSE, BUT HE INSISTED.
HMM... THAT'S ODD.
I'VE NEVER SEEN PODS LIKE THIS

HMM... THAT'S ODD.
I'VE NEVER SEEN PODS LIKE THIS
BEFORE.

I'VE NEVER SEEN PODS LIKE THIS
BEFORE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

BEFORE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
WHO'S THAT?

[DOORBELL RINGS]
WHO'S THAT?
OH, THAT'S PROBABLY STEVE

WHO'S THAT?
OH, THAT'S PROBABLY STEVE
AND MARSHA.

OH, THAT'S PROBABLY STEVE
AND MARSHA.
I TOLD THEM TO PICK US UP

AND MARSHA.
I TOLD THEM TO PICK US UP
BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO THE

I TOLD THEM TO PICK US UP
BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO THE
SAME PARTY.

BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO THE
SAME PARTY.
OH.

SAME PARTY.
OH.
HI.

OH.
HI.
[LAUGHTER]

HI.
[LAUGHTER]
HI, BOB.

[LAUGHTER]
HI, BOB.
HI, SUE.

HI, BOB.
HI, SUE.
HI, SUE.

HI, SUE.
HI, SUE.
HI, BOB.

HI, SUE.
HI, BOB.
SUE CAN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT,

HI, BOB.
SUE CAN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT,
SO I GUESS YOU TWO ARE STUCK

SUE CAN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT,
SO I GUESS YOU TWO ARE STUCK
WITH ME.

SO I GUESS YOU TWO ARE STUCK
WITH ME.
THAT'S TOO BAD.

WITH ME.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
BUT WHY DON'T WE GO IN TWO CARS?

THAT'S TOO BAD.
BUT WHY DON'T WE GO IN TWO CARS?
IT MIGHT BE A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE

BUT WHY DON'T WE GO IN TWO CARS?
IT MIGHT BE A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE
IN JUST ONE.

IT MIGHT BE A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE
IN JUST ONE.
WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE

IN JUST ONE.
WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE
WASTEFUL, DON'T YOU THINK?

WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE
WASTEFUL, DON'T YOU THINK?
I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT THE GAS?

WASTEFUL, DON'T YOU THINK?
I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT THE GAS?
OH, THERE'S PLENTY OF GAS.

I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT THE GAS?
OH, THERE'S PLENTY OF GAS.
IF WE JUST TURN THE OIL

OH, THERE'S PLENTY OF GAS.
IF WE JUST TURN THE OIL
COMPANIES LOOSE AND GET THE

IF WE JUST TURN THE OIL
COMPANIES LOOSE AND GET THE
GOVERNMENT OUT OF THE OIL

COMPANIES LOOSE AND GET THE
GOVERNMENT OUT OF THE OIL
BUSINESS.

GOVERNMENT OUT OF THE OIL
BUSINESS.
[LAUGHTER]

BUSINESS.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT MARSHA...

[LAUGHTER]
BUT MARSHA...
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SUSPICIOUS OF

BUT MARSHA...
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SUSPICIOUS OF
BIG OIL COMPANIES.

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SUSPICIOUS OF
BIG OIL COMPANIES.
I WAS WRONG!

BIG OIL COMPANIES.
I WAS WRONG!
[LAUGHTER]

I WAS WRONG!
[LAUGHTER]
GOVERNMENT BEAUROCRACY HAS

[LAUGHTER]
GOVERNMENT BEAUROCRACY HAS
NOT PRODUCED ONE, SINGLE BARREL

GOVERNMENT BEAUROCRACY HAS
NOT PRODUCED ONE, SINGLE BARREL
OF OIL.

NOT PRODUCED ONE, SINGLE BARREL
OF OIL.
SEE YOU AT THE PARTY.

OF OIL.
SEE YOU AT THE PARTY.
BOB?

SEE YOU AT THE PARTY.
BOB?
[LAUGHTER]

GEE, DIDN'T STEVE AND MARSHA
SEEM FUNNY?
YEAH.

SEEM FUNNY?
YEAH.
WELL, MAYBE THEY WERE HAVING A

YEAH.
WELL, MAYBE THEY WERE HAVING A
FIGHT OR SOMETHING?

WELL, MAYBE THEY WERE HAVING A
FIGHT OR SOMETHING?
I GUESS I'LL GO NOW SO I WON'T

FIGHT OR SOMETHING?
I GUESS I'LL GO NOW SO I WON'T
BE LATE.

I GUESS I'LL GO NOW SO I WON'T
BE LATE.
SURE, HONEY.

BE LATE.
SURE, HONEY.
HAVE FUN.

SURE, HONEY.
HAVE FUN.
OKAY.

HAVE FUN.
OKAY.
GET SOME REST, HUH?

OKAY.
GET SOME REST, HUH?
I WILL.

♪ YES, AND HOW MANY TIMES
MUST OUR TAXES BE RAISED
BEFORE THEY'RE FOREVER DONE ♪

MUST OUR TAXES BE RAISED
BEFORE THEY'RE FOREVER DONE ♪
♪ THE ANSWER, MY FRIEND

BEFORE THEY'RE FOREVER DONE ♪
♪ THE ANSWER, MY FRIEND
IS RONALD REAGAN ♪

♪ THE ANSWER, MY FRIEND
IS RONALD REAGAN ♪
♪ THE ANSWER IS RONALD REAGAN ♪

IS RONALD REAGAN ♪
♪ THE ANSWER IS RONALD REAGAN ♪
ALL RIGHT!

♪ THE ANSWER IS RONALD REAGAN ♪
ALL RIGHT!
YEAH!

ALL RIGHT!
YEAH!
[BUZZER RINGS]

YEAH!
[BUZZER RINGS]
HELLO.

[BUZZER RINGS]
HELLO.
HELLO, BOB, WE'VE BEEN

HELLO.
HELLO, BOB, WE'VE BEEN
EXPECTING YOU.

HELLO, BOB, WE'VE BEEN
EXPECTING YOU.
SUE COULDN'T MAKE IT.

EXPECTING YOU.
SUE COULDN'T MAKE IT.
WE KNOW.

SUE COULDN'T MAKE IT.
WE KNOW.
SHE'LL BE FINE AS SOON AS SHE

WE KNOW.
SHE'LL BE FINE AS SOON AS SHE
GETS SOME REST.

SHE'LL BE FINE AS SOON AS SHE
GETS SOME REST.
COME ON IN.

GETS SOME REST.
COME ON IN.
[LAUGHTER]

COME ON IN.
[LAUGHTER]
HEY!

[LAUGHTER]
HEY!
BOB, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HEY!
BOB, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
KARL, HOW'S THAT HEALTH FOOD

BOB, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
KARL, HOW'S THAT HEALTH FOOD
STORE OF YOURS, HUH?

KARL, HOW'S THAT HEALTH FOOD
STORE OF YOURS, HUH?
IT WOULD BE GREAT IF I DIDN'T

STORE OF YOURS, HUH?
IT WOULD BE GREAT IF I DIDN'T
HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON

IT WOULD BE GREAT IF I DIDN'T
HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON
NEEDLESS GOVERNMENT RED TAPE.

HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME ON
NEEDLESS GOVERNMENT RED TAPE.
[LAUGHTER]

NEEDLESS GOVERNMENT RED TAPE.
[LAUGHTER]
YEAH, RIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]
YEAH, RIGHT.
YEAH, WELL, I THINK I'LL FIX

YEAH, RIGHT.
YEAH, WELL, I THINK I'LL FIX
MYSELF A DRINK.

YEAH, WELL, I THINK I'LL FIX
MYSELF A DRINK.
EXCUSE ME.

MYSELF A DRINK.
EXCUSE ME.
HEY, L.C., HOW'S IT GOING?

EXCUSE ME.
HEY, L.C., HOW'S IT GOING?
HEY, MAN, WHAT IS HAPPENING?

HEY, L.C., HOW'S IT GOING?
HEY, MAN, WHAT IS HAPPENING?
HOW ARE YOU?

HEY, MAN, WHAT IS HAPPENING?
HOW ARE YOU?
WELL, YOU KNOW, SUE AND I

HOW ARE YOU?
WELL, YOU KNOW, SUE AND I
FINALLY GOT MARRIED AND I'M A

WELL, YOU KNOW, SUE AND I
FINALLY GOT MARRIED AND I'M A
CONSUMER ADVOCATE NOW.

FINALLY GOT MARRIED AND I'M A
CONSUMER ADVOCATE NOW.
WORKING WITH NADER.

CONSUMER ADVOCATE NOW.
WORKING WITH NADER.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M

WORKING WITH NADER.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M
DOING?

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M
DOING?
YEAH, MAN, WHAT ARE YOU

DOING?
YEAH, MAN, WHAT ARE YOU
UP TO?

YEAH, MAN, WHAT ARE YOU
UP TO?
I'M STATE CHAIRMAN OF BLACKS

UP TO?
I'M STATE CHAIRMAN OF BLACKS
FOR REAGAN.

I'M STATE CHAIRMAN OF BLACKS
FOR REAGAN.
[LAUGHTER]

FOR REAGAN.
[LAUGHTER]
AT LEAST HE DOESN'T MAKE

[LAUGHTER]
AT LEAST HE DOESN'T MAKE
PROMISES HE WON'T KEEP.

AT LEAST HE DOESN'T MAKE
PROMISES HE WON'T KEEP.
WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT

PROMISES HE WON'T KEEP.
WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT
THAT.

WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT
THAT.
HE'S NEVER PROMISED A THING TO

THAT.
HE'S NEVER PROMISED A THING TO
THE BLACK PEOPLE.

HE'S NEVER PROMISED A THING TO
THE BLACK PEOPLE.
EXCUSE ME, I'M GONNA MIX.

THE BLACK PEOPLE.
EXCUSE ME, I'M GONNA MIX.
OH, HELLO, BOB.

EXCUSE ME, I'M GONNA MIX.
OH, HELLO, BOB.
I'M LUSCIOUS KILLROY.

OH, HELLO, BOB.
I'M LUSCIOUS KILLROY.
I'M A FRIEND OF JEAN AND NED'S.

I'M LUSCIOUS KILLROY.
I'M A FRIEND OF JEAN AND NED'S.
I PROVIDED THE LIQUOR AND THE

I'M A FRIEND OF JEAN AND NED'S.
I PROVIDED THE LIQUOR AND THE
HORS D'OEUVRES.

I PROVIDED THE LIQUOR AND THE
HORS D'OEUVRES.
OH, WELL, IT'S A VERY NICE

HORS D'OEUVRES.
OH, WELL, IT'S A VERY NICE
PARTY.

OH, WELL, IT'S A VERY NICE
PARTY.
YES.

PARTY.
YES.
COME ON, YOUNG LADY, IT'S

YES.
COME ON, YOUNG LADY, IT'S
PAST YOUR BEDTIME.

COME ON, YOUNG LADY, IT'S
PAST YOUR BEDTIME.
BUT YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOMMY!

PAST YOUR BEDTIME.
BUT YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOMMY!
YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOMMY!

BUT YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOMMY!
YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOMMY!
YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOMMY!
YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!
UH... SHE'S A LITTLE CRANKY.

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!
UH... SHE'S A LITTLE CRANKY.
SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT ONCE SHE

UH... SHE'S A LITTLE CRANKY.
SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT ONCE SHE
GETS A LITTLE SLEEP.

SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT ONCE SHE
GETS A LITTLE SLEEP.
I MEAN, CARTER PRACTICALLY

GETS A LITTLE SLEEP.
I MEAN, CARTER PRACTICALLY
INVITED THE SOVIETS INTO

I MEAN, CARTER PRACTICALLY
INVITED THE SOVIETS INTO
AFGHANISTAN.

INVITED THE SOVIETS INTO
AFGHANISTAN.
CONSIDERING TODAY'S

AFGHANISTAN.
CONSIDERING TODAY'S
LONGEVITY, MANY PAST PRESIDENTS

CONSIDERING TODAY'S
LONGEVITY, MANY PAST PRESIDENTS
WERE ACTUALLY OLDER THAN REAGAN

LONGEVITY, MANY PAST PRESIDENTS
WERE ACTUALLY OLDER THAN REAGAN
FOR THEIR TIME.

WERE ACTUALLY OLDER THAN REAGAN
FOR THEIR TIME.
I THINK NANCY WOULD MAKE A

FOR THEIR TIME.
I THINK NANCY WOULD MAKE A
GREAT FIRST LADY.

I THINK NANCY WOULD MAKE A
GREAT FIRST LADY.
THE SHAH WAS OUR FRIEND.

GREAT FIRST LADY.
THE SHAH WAS OUR FRIEND.
BEDTIME FOR BONZO WAS AT

THE SHAH WAS OUR FRIEND.
BEDTIME FOR BONZO WAS AT
LEAST A FAMILY FILM.

BEDTIME FOR BONZO WAS AT
LEAST A FAMILY FILM.
WE BUILT IT, WE PAID FOR IT,

LEAST A FAMILY FILM.
WE BUILT IT, WE PAID FOR IT,
IT'S OURS, WE'RE GOING TO

WE BUILT IT, WE PAID FOR IT,
IT'S OURS, WE'RE GOING TO
KEEP IT.

IT'S OURS, WE'RE GOING TO
KEEP IT.
THE PANAMA CANAL?

KEEP IT.
THE PANAMA CANAL?
NO, OUR PATIO.

CARTER IS JUST INEPT.
WE KNOW REAGAN LEFT
CALIFORNIA WITH A SURPLUS.

WE KNOW REAGAN LEFT
CALIFORNIA WITH A SURPLUS.
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

CALIFORNIA WITH A SURPLUS.
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
[LAUGHTER]

CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
[LAUGHTER]
TV Announcer: AND NOW, THESE

[LAUGHTER]
TV Announcer: AND NOW, THESE
HEADLINES:

TV Announcer: AND NOW, THESE
HEADLINES:
A SEMI-TRACTOR TRAILER LADEN

HEADLINES:
A SEMI-TRACTOR TRAILER LADEN
WITH GIANT PODS JACK KNIFED AND

A SEMI-TRACTOR TRAILER LADEN
WITH GIANT PODS JACK KNIFED AND
OVERTURNED ON THE WEST-BOUND

WITH GIANT PODS JACK KNIFED AND
OVERTURNED ON THE WEST-BOUND
LANE OF INTERSTATE 90 TONIGHT,

OVERTURNED ON THE WEST-BOUND
LANE OF INTERSTATE 90 TONIGHT,
TYING UP TRAFFIC IN THAT

LANE OF INTERSTATE 90 TONIGHT,
TYING UP TRAFFIC IN THAT
DIRECTION FOR FOUR HOURS.

TYING UP TRAFFIC IN THAT
DIRECTION FOR FOUR HOURS.
AND BIG NEWS FOR MUSIC LOVERS.

DIRECTION FOR FOUR HOURS.
AND BIG NEWS FOR MUSIC LOVERS.
THE BEATLES WILL PLAY TOGETHER

AND BIG NEWS FOR MUSIC LOVERS.
THE BEATLES WILL PLAY TOGETHER
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER

THE BEATLES WILL PLAY TOGETHER
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER
11 YEARS IN A DRAMATIC REUNION

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER
11 YEARS IN A DRAMATIC REUNION
ON BEHALF OF PRESIDENTIAL

11 YEARS IN A DRAMATIC REUNION
ON BEHALF OF PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATE RONALD REAGAN.

ON BEHALF OF PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATE RONALD REAGAN.
[LAUGHTER]

CANDIDATE RONALD REAGAN.
[LAUGHTER]
PRESIDENT CARTER HELD A PRESS

[LAUGHTER]
PRESIDENT CARTER HELD A PRESS
CONFERENCE TODAY AND OUTLINED

PRESIDENT CARTER HELD A PRESS
CONFERENCE TODAY AND OUTLINED
STERNER DIPLOMATIC MEASURES TO

CONFERENCE TODAY AND OUTLINED
STERNER DIPLOMATIC MEASURES TO
BE TAKEN AGAINST IRAN.

STERNER DIPLOMATIC MEASURES TO
BE TAKEN AGAINST IRAN.
THE PRESIDENT...

BE TAKEN AGAINST IRAN.
THE PRESIDENT...
[HEAVY BREATHING]

THE PRESIDENT...
[HEAVY BREATHING]
HI, HONEY, HOW WAS THE PARTY?

[HEAVY BREATHING]
HI, HONEY, HOW WAS THE PARTY?
IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

HI, HONEY, HOW WAS THE PARTY?
IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.
I'M FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW

IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.
I'M FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW
THAT I GOT SOME SLEEP.

I'M FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW
THAT I GOT SOME SLEEP.
COME HERE AND SIT NEXT TO ME.

THAT I GOT SOME SLEEP.
COME HERE AND SIT NEXT TO ME.
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'RE UP

COME HERE AND SIT NEXT TO ME.
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'RE UP
SO I GOT SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU'RE UP
SO I GOT SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER

SO I GOT SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER
POD?

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER
POD?
OH, I THREW IT AWAY.

POD?
OH, I THREW IT AWAY.
WHY DON'T WE LISTEN TO THE NEWS?

OH, I THREW IT AWAY.
WHY DON'T WE LISTEN TO THE NEWS?
BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT

WHY DON'T WE LISTEN TO THE NEWS?
BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT
THIS PARTY.

BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT
THIS PARTY.
IT WAS SO STRANGE.

THIS PARTY.
IT WAS SO STRANGE.
SO STRANGE.

IT WAS SO STRANGE.
SO STRANGE.
STRANGE?

SO STRANGE.
STRANGE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, STRANGE?

STRANGE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, STRANGE?
WHAT'S THIS, CARTER?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, STRANGE?
WHAT'S THIS, CARTER?
MUST BE HIGHLIGHTS OF HIS PRESS

WHAT'S THIS, CARTER?
MUST BE HIGHLIGHTS OF HIS PRESS
CONFERENCE.

MUST BE HIGHLIGHTS OF HIS PRESS
CONFERENCE.
OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT,

CONFERENCE.
OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT,
LISTEN TO HIM.

OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT,
LISTEN TO HIM.
HE'S SO BORING.

LISTEN TO HIM.
HE'S SO BORING.
GOD, HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING.

HE'S SO BORING.
GOD, HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
AT LEAST... AT LEAST HE'S BETTER

GOD, HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
AT LEAST... AT LEAST HE'S BETTER
THAN REAGAN.

AT LEAST... AT LEAST HE'S BETTER
THAN REAGAN.
Carter: CUTS IN THE

THAN REAGAN.
Carter: CUTS IN THE
EXISTING BUDGET TO ENSURE A

Carter: CUTS IN THE
EXISTING BUDGET TO ENSURE A
BALANCED BUDGET FOR 1981.

EXISTING BUDGET TO ENSURE A
BALANCED BUDGET FOR 1981.
I'M VERY GRATEFUL FOR THIS

BALANCED BUDGET FOR 1981.
I'M VERY GRATEFUL FOR THIS
COOPERATION.

I'M VERY GRATEFUL FOR THIS
COOPERATION.
AND DURING THE SAME AFTERNOON,

COOPERATION.
AND DURING THE SAME AFTERNOON,
THE REPUBLICANS AND THE

AND DURING THE SAME AFTERNOON,
THE REPUBLICANS AND THE
LEADERSHIP THERE PLEDGE THAT IF

THE REPUBLICANS AND THE
LEADERSHIP THERE PLEDGE THAT IF
THE DEMOCRATS WOULD TAKE THE

LEADERSHIP THERE PLEDGE THAT IF
THE DEMOCRATS WOULD TAKE THE
LEADERSHIP, THEY WOULD ALSO

THE DEMOCRATS WOULD TAKE THE
LEADERSHIP, THEY WOULD ALSO
COOPERATE...

LEADERSHIP, THEY WOULD ALSO
COOPERATE...
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

ONCE AGAIN, THE SPECIALS!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH
MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪

♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH
MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID

MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID
WHEN YOU COULD BE HAVING FUN

♪ YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID
WHEN YOU COULD BE HAVING FUN
WITH ME ♪

WHEN YOU COULD BE HAVING FUN
WITH ME ♪
♪ OH, NO

WITH ME ♪
♪ OH, NO
NO GIMME, NO MORE PICNIC ♪

♪ OH, NO
NO GIMME, NO MORE PICNIC ♪
♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH

NO GIMME, NO MORE PICNIC ♪
♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH
MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪

♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH
MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A SON

MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A SON
WHEN YOU SHOULD BE HAVING FUN

♪ NOW YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A SON
WHEN YOU SHOULD BE HAVING FUN
WITH ME ♪

WHEN YOU SHOULD BE HAVING FUN
WITH ME ♪
♪ WE DON'T WANT, WE DON'T

WITH ME ♪
♪ WE DON'T WANT, WE DON'T
WANT, WE DON'T WANT

♪ WE DON'T WANT, WE DON'T
WANT, WE DON'T WANT
NO MORE PICNIC ♪

WANT, WE DON'T WANT
NO MORE PICNIC ♪
♪ AIN'T HE CUTE,

NO MORE PICNIC ♪
♪ AIN'T HE CUTE,
NO, HE AIN'T ♪

♪ AIN'T HE CUTE,
NO, HE AIN'T ♪
♪ HE'S JUST ANOTHER BURDEN

NO, HE AIN'T ♪
♪ HE'S JUST ANOTHER BURDEN
ON THE WELFARE STATE ♪

♪ HE'S JUST ANOTHER BURDEN
ON THE WELFARE STATE ♪
♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH

ON THE WELFARE STATE ♪
♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH
MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪

♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH
MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID

MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID
WHEN YOU COULD BE HAVING FUN

♪ YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID
WHEN YOU COULD BE HAVING FUN
WITH ME ♪

WHEN YOU COULD BE HAVING FUN
WITH ME ♪
NOW GIMME, NOW GIMME, NOW

WITH ME ♪
NOW GIMME, NOW GIMME, NOW
GIMME NO MORE PICNIC ♪

NOW GIMME, NOW GIMME, NOW
GIMME NO MORE PICNIC ♪
♪ CALL ME IMMATURE,

GIMME NO MORE PICNIC ♪
♪ CALL ME IMMATURE,
CALL ME A POSEUR ♪

♪ CALL ME IMMATURE,
CALL ME A POSEUR ♪
♪ I'LL TO SPREAD MANURE

CALL ME A POSEUR ♪
♪ I'LL TO SPREAD MANURE
IN YOUR BED OF ROSES ♪

♪ I'LL TO SPREAD MANURE
IN YOUR BED OF ROSES ♪
♪ DON'T WE WANNA BE RICH

IN YOUR BED OF ROSES ♪
♪ DON'T WE WANNA BE RICH
DON'T WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ DON'T WE WANNA BE RICH
DON'T WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ BUT I'D REALLY HATE TO HAVE

DON'T WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ BUT I'D REALLY HATE TO HAVE
THE SAME NAME AS YOU ♪

♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH
MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID

MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID
WHEN YOU COULD BE HAVING FUN

♪ YOU'RE MARRIED WITH A KID
WHEN YOU COULD BE HAVING FUN
WITH ME ♪

WHEN YOU COULD BE HAVING FUN
WITH ME ♪
♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH

WITH ME ♪
♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH
MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪

♪ YOU DONE TOO MUCH
MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE CHAINED TO THE

MUCH TOO YOUNG ♪
♪ NOW YOU'RE CHAINED TO THE
KITCHEN MAKING CURRANT BUNS

♪ NOW YOU'RE CHAINED TO THE
KITCHEN MAKING CURRANT BUNS
FOR TEA ♪

KITCHEN MAKING CURRANT BUNS
FOR TEA ♪
♪ OH, NO

FOR TEA ♪
♪ OH, NO
NO GIMME NO MORE PICNIC ♪

♪ OH, NO
NO GIMME NO MORE PICNIC ♪
♪ AIN'T YOU HEARD OF

NO GIMME NO MORE PICNIC ♪
♪ AIN'T YOU HEARD OF
THE STARVING MILLIONS ♪

♪ AIN'T YOU HEARD OF
THE STARVING MILLIONS ♪
♪ AIN'T YOU HEARD OF

THE STARVING MILLIONS ♪
♪ AIN'T YOU HEARD OF
CONTRACEPTION ♪

♪ AIN'T YOU HEARD OF
CONTRACEPTION ♪
♪ REALLY WANNA GO WITH

CONTRACEPTION ♪
♪ REALLY WANNA GO WITH
THE STERILIZATION ♪

♪ REALLY WANNA GO WITH
THE STERILIZATION ♪
♪ TAKE CONTROL OF

THE STERILIZATION ♪
♪ TAKE CONTROL OF
THE POPULATION ♪

♪ TAKE CONTROL OF
THE POPULATION ♪
♪ BOOM

THE POPULATION ♪
♪ BOOM
IT'S IN YOUR LIVING ROOM ♪

♪ BOOM
IT'S IN YOUR LIVING ROOM ♪
♪ KEEP A GENERATION GAP

IT'S IN YOUR LIVING ROOM ♪
♪ KEEP A GENERATION GAP
TRY WEARING A CAP ♪

♪ KEEP A GENERATION GAP
TRY WEARING A CAP ♪
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S COACH JOHNSON.
HE'S FROM THE COLLEGE.
NEW IN TOWN, LOOKS LIKE HE'S

HE'S FROM THE COLLEGE.
NEW IN TOWN, LOOKS LIKE HE'S
WORRIED ABOUT HIS PROBLEM

NEW IN TOWN, LOOKS LIKE HE'S
WORRIED ABOUT HIS PROBLEM
DANDRUFF.

WORRIED ABOUT HIS PROBLEM
DANDRUFF.
I WISH HE'D ASK ME, I'D TELL HIM

DANDRUFF.
I WISH HE'D ASK ME, I'D TELL HIM
WHICH SHAMPOO WAS BEST.

I WISH HE'D ASK ME, I'D TELL HIM
WHICH SHAMPOO WAS BEST.
OF COURSE, I DON'T REALLY HAVE

WHICH SHAMPOO WAS BEST.
OF COURSE, I DON'T REALLY HAVE
TO, YOU SEE.

OF COURSE, I DON'T REALLY HAVE
TO, YOU SEE.
THERE IS ONLY ONE SHAMPOO, AND

TO, YOU SEE.
THERE IS ONLY ONE SHAMPOO, AND
THERE'S ONLY ONE KIND OF SOAP

THERE IS ONLY ONE SHAMPOO, AND
THERE'S ONLY ONE KIND OF SOAP
AND ONE KIND OF TOOTHPASTE.

THERE'S ONLY ONE KIND OF SOAP
AND ONE KIND OF TOOTHPASTE.
AND THIS IS THE DRUGSTORE AND

AND ONE KIND OF TOOTHPASTE.
AND THIS IS THE DRUGSTORE AND
I'M THE DRUGGIST AND WE ALL LIVE

AND THIS IS THE DRUGSTORE AND
I'M THE DRUGGIST AND WE ALL LIVE
IN A PLACE CALLED ANY TOWN.

I'M THE DRUGGIST AND WE ALL LIVE
IN A PLACE CALLED ANY TOWN.
[♪...]

YES, THIS IS ANY TOWN.
IT'S UNLIKE ANY PLACE OR
ANYWHERE, BOTH NEIGHBORING

IT'S UNLIKE ANY PLACE OR
ANYWHERE, BOTH NEIGHBORING
TOWNS.

ANYWHERE, BOTH NEIGHBORING
TOWNS.
LET ME SHOW YOU ANY TOWN.

TOWNS.
LET ME SHOW YOU ANY TOWN.
OVER HERE'S THE CHURCH.

LET ME SHOW YOU ANY TOWN.
OVER HERE'S THE CHURCH.
AND THIS HERE'S THE STREET WITH

OVER HERE'S THE CHURCH.
AND THIS HERE'S THE STREET WITH
THE HOUSES AND THE PEOPLE.

AND THIS HERE'S THE STREET WITH
THE HOUSES AND THE PEOPLE.
THAT IS THE CEMETERY UP THERE ON

THE HOUSES AND THE PEOPLE.
THAT IS THE CEMETERY UP THERE ON
THE HILL.

THAT IS THE CEMETERY UP THERE ON
THE HILL.
TOMBSTONES SAY MOSTLY MAN OR

THE HILL.
TOMBSTONES SAY MOSTLY MAN OR
WOMAN.

TOMBSTONES SAY MOSTLY MAN OR
WOMAN.
BUT WE HAVE OUR SHARE OF DOGS

WOMAN.
BUT WE HAVE OUR SHARE OF DOGS
TOO.

BUT WE HAVE OUR SHARE OF DOGS
TOO.
IT'S A FUNNY TOWN, IT'S A

TOO.
IT'S A FUNNY TOWN, IT'S A
STRANGE TOWN, NEVER GOT MUCH OF

IT'S A FUNNY TOWN, IT'S A
STRANGE TOWN, NEVER GOT MUCH OF
A NAME FOR ITSELF.

STRANGE TOWN, NEVER GOT MUCH OF
A NAME FOR ITSELF.
IN FACT, IT NEVER GOT ANY NAME

A NAME FOR ITSELF.
IN FACT, IT NEVER GOT ANY NAME
FOR ITSELF.

IN FACT, IT NEVER GOT ANY NAME
FOR ITSELF.
OH, WELL, NOW WE'RE GOING TO

FOR ITSELF.
OH, WELL, NOW WE'RE GOING TO
MEET TWO OF ANY TOWN'S YOUNG

OH, WELL, NOW WE'RE GOING TO
MEET TWO OF ANY TOWN'S YOUNG
PEOPLE.

MEET TWO OF ANY TOWN'S YOUNG
PEOPLE.
A BOY AND A GIRL.

PEOPLE.
A BOY AND A GIRL.
THEY'VE BEEN TALKING FOR MONTHS

A BOY AND A GIRL.
THEY'VE BEEN TALKING FOR MONTHS
ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, BUT THE

THEY'VE BEEN TALKING FOR MONTHS
ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, BUT THE
SAME PROBLEM ALWAYS ARISES.

ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, BUT THE
SAME PROBLEM ALWAYS ARISES.
LOOK, IT'S SIMPLE, YOU'RE A

SAME PROBLEM ALWAYS ARISES.
LOOK, IT'S SIMPLE, YOU'RE A
BOY AND I'M A GIRL, THAT'S ALL

LOOK, IT'S SIMPLE, YOU'RE A
BOY AND I'M A GIRL, THAT'S ALL
THERE IS TO IT.

BOY AND I'M A GIRL, THAT'S ALL
THERE IS TO IT.
I KNOW THAT'S ALL THERE IS

THERE IS TO IT.
I KNOW THAT'S ALL THERE IS
TO IT, BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

I KNOW THAT'S ALL THERE IS
TO IT, BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
SHOULDN'T WE KNOW A LITTLE BIT

TO IT, BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
SHOULDN'T WE KNOW A LITTLE BIT
MORE ABOUT OURSELVES THAN JUST

SHOULDN'T WE KNOW A LITTLE BIT
MORE ABOUT OURSELVES THAN JUST
I'M A BOY AND YOU'RE A GIRL?

MORE ABOUT OURSELVES THAN JUST
I'M A BOY AND YOU'RE A GIRL?
LIKE WHAT?

I'M A BOY AND YOU'RE A GIRL?
LIKE WHAT?
LIKE NAMES, FOR INSTANCE.

LIKE WHAT?
LIKE NAMES, FOR INSTANCE.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAMES.

LIKE NAMES, FOR INSTANCE.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAMES.
NO ONE IN THIS TOWN DOES.

WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAMES.
NO ONE IN THIS TOWN DOES.
EXCEPT COACH JOHNSON FROM THE

NO ONE IN THIS TOWN DOES.
EXCEPT COACH JOHNSON FROM THE
COLLEGE.

EXCEPT COACH JOHNSON FROM THE
COLLEGE.
HE'S WEIRD.

COLLEGE.
HE'S WEIRD.
THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT

HE'S WEIRD.
THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT
ABOUT HIM.

THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT
ABOUT HIM.
I LIKED THE OLD COACH BETTER.

ABOUT HIM.
I LIKED THE OLD COACH BETTER.
YOU MEAN COACH?

I LIKED THE OLD COACH BETTER.
YOU MEAN COACH?
YEAH, COACH.

YOU MEAN COACH?
YEAH, COACH.
[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, COACH.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU JUST DON'T LIKE ANYTHING

[LAUGHTER]
YOU JUST DON'T LIKE ANYTHING
WITH A NAME ATTACHED TO IT.

YOU JUST DON'T LIKE ANYTHING
WITH A NAME ATTACHED TO IT.
I GUESS WE ALL WENT THROUGH

WITH A NAME ATTACHED TO IT.
I GUESS WE ALL WENT THROUGH
AN IDENTITY CRISIS AT HIS AGE,

I GUESS WE ALL WENT THROUGH
AN IDENTITY CRISIS AT HIS AGE,
BUT HE'LL LEARN.

AN IDENTITY CRISIS AT HIS AGE,
BUT HE'LL LEARN.
HE'S STILL YOUNG, AND THIS COACH

BUT HE'LL LEARN.
HE'S STILL YOUNG, AND THIS COACH
JOHNSON WON'T BE WITH US

HE'S STILL YOUNG, AND THIS COACH
JOHNSON WON'T BE WITH US
FOREVER.

JOHNSON WON'T BE WITH US
FOREVER.
US OLD TIMERS REMEMBER WHEN WE

FOREVER.
US OLD TIMERS REMEMBER WHEN WE
ENGAGED IN NAME CALLING.

US OLD TIMERS REMEMBER WHEN WE
ENGAGED IN NAME CALLING.
BUT THAT WAS A LONG, LONG TIME

ENGAGED IN NAME CALLING.
BUT THAT WAS A LONG, LONG TIME
AGO, AND TIMES ARE CHANGING,

BUT THAT WAS A LONG, LONG TIME
AGO, AND TIMES ARE CHANGING,
JUST LIKE PRICES ARE CHANGING AT

AGO, AND TIMES ARE CHANGING,
JUST LIKE PRICES ARE CHANGING AT
THE DRUG STORE.

JUST LIKE PRICES ARE CHANGING AT
THE DRUG STORE.
IT'S THREE YEARS LATER.

THE DRUG STORE.
IT'S THREE YEARS LATER.
IN ANY TOWN, LIFE IS STILL AN

IT'S THREE YEARS LATER.
IN ANY TOWN, LIFE IS STILL AN
ENIGMA.

IN ANY TOWN, LIFE IS STILL AN
ENIGMA.
WISH I COULD SAY I'D FIGURED IT

ENIGMA.
WISH I COULD SAY I'D FIGURED IT
ALL OUT BY NOW, BUT I HAVEN'T.

WISH I COULD SAY I'D FIGURED IT
ALL OUT BY NOW, BUT I HAVEN'T.
I KNOW TWO CITIZENS WHO THINK

ALL OUT BY NOW, BUT I HAVEN'T.
I KNOW TWO CITIZENS WHO THINK
THEY HAVE.

I KNOW TWO CITIZENS WHO THINK
THEY HAVE.
THE NEWSPAPER EDITOR AND

THEY HAVE.
THE NEWSPAPER EDITOR AND
THE DOCTOR.

THE NEWSPAPER EDITOR AND
THE DOCTOR.
HELLO, DOCTOR.

THE DOCTOR.
HELLO, DOCTOR.
HELLO, NEWSPAPER EDITOR.

HELLO, DOCTOR.
HELLO, NEWSPAPER EDITOR.
I WAS JUST READING YOUR

HELLO, NEWSPAPER EDITOR.
I WAS JUST READING YOUR
EDITORIAL ON COACH JOHNSON.

I WAS JUST READING YOUR
EDITORIAL ON COACH JOHNSON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

EDITORIAL ON COACH JOHNSON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
HMM... WOULDN'T YOU SAY

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
HMM... WOULDN'T YOU SAY
CASTRATION WAS A BIT SEVERE?

HMM... WOULDN'T YOU SAY
CASTRATION WAS A BIT SEVERE?
[LAUGHTER]

CASTRATION WAS A BIT SEVERE?
[LAUGHTER]
NAME A BETTER WAY TO STOP IT

[LAUGHTER]
NAME A BETTER WAY TO STOP IT
FROM SPREADING.

NAME A BETTER WAY TO STOP IT
FROM SPREADING.
MM... PERHAPS YOU'RE RIGHT.

FROM SPREADING.
MM... PERHAPS YOU'RE RIGHT.
EVEN MY SON, THE BOY, AND MY

MM... PERHAPS YOU'RE RIGHT.
EVEN MY SON, THE BOY, AND MY
DAUGHTER, THE GIRL, ARE

EVEN MY SON, THE BOY, AND MY
DAUGHTER, THE GIRL, ARE
PRETENDING TO NAME THINGS WHEN

DAUGHTER, THE GIRL, ARE
PRETENDING TO NAME THINGS WHEN
THEY THINK I'M NOT AROUND.

PRETENDING TO NAME THINGS WHEN
THEY THINK I'M NOT AROUND.
BUT I HEAR THEM UP THERE IN

THEY THINK I'M NOT AROUND.
BUT I HEAR THEM UP THERE IN
THEIR ROOMS.

BUT I HEAR THEM UP THERE IN
THEIR ROOMS.
SOMETHING MUST BE DONE...

THEIR ROOMS.
SOMETHING MUST BE DONE...
AND FAST.

SOMETHING MUST BE DONE...
AND FAST.
I MAY NOT KNOW YOUR NAME OR

AND FAST.
I MAY NOT KNOW YOUR NAME OR
YOUR ADDRESS, BUT I BET YOUR

I MAY NOT KNOW YOUR NAME OR
YOUR ADDRESS, BUT I BET YOUR
TOWN HAS HAD THE SAME KIND OF

YOUR ADDRESS, BUT I BET YOUR
TOWN HAS HAD THE SAME KIND OF
TROUBLE AS ANY TOWN.

TOWN HAS HAD THE SAME KIND OF
TROUBLE AS ANY TOWN.
IT'S BOUND TO HAPPEN SOONER OR

TROUBLE AS ANY TOWN.
IT'S BOUND TO HAPPEN SOONER OR
LATER.

IT'S BOUND TO HAPPEN SOONER OR
LATER.
YOU KNOW, I HAPPEN TO LOVE

LATER.
YOU KNOW, I HAPPEN TO LOVE
MY TOWN.

YOU KNOW, I HAPPEN TO LOVE
MY TOWN.
I GUESS I'VE GROWN USED TO THE

MY TOWN.
I GUESS I'VE GROWN USED TO THE
SAME OLD FACES AND THE SAME OLD

I GUESS I'VE GROWN USED TO THE
SAME OLD FACES AND THE SAME OLD
RHYTHMS.

SAME OLD FACES AND THE SAME OLD
RHYTHMS.
WHEN SOMEONE OR SOMETHING NEW

RHYTHMS.
WHEN SOMEONE OR SOMETHING NEW
COMES ALONG, I DON'T TAKE TO IT

WHEN SOMEONE OR SOMETHING NEW
COMES ALONG, I DON'T TAKE TO IT
VERY FAST.

COMES ALONG, I DON'T TAKE TO IT
VERY FAST.
IN FACT, I CAN'T STAND IT.

VERY FAST.
IN FACT, I CAN'T STAND IT.
THAT'S COACH JOHNSON AGAIN.

IN FACT, I CAN'T STAND IT.
THAT'S COACH JOHNSON AGAIN.
HE'S FROM THE COLLEGE.

THAT'S COACH JOHNSON AGAIN.
HE'S FROM THE COLLEGE.
LOOKS LIKE HE'S WORRIED ABOUT

HE'S FROM THE COLLEGE.
LOOKS LIKE HE'S WORRIED ABOUT
HIS PROBLEM DANDRUFF.

LOOKS LIKE HE'S WORRIED ABOUT
HIS PROBLEM DANDRUFF.
I WISH HE'D ASK ME.

HIS PROBLEM DANDRUFF.
I WISH HE'D ASK ME.
SAY, DRUGGIST?

I WISH HE'D ASK ME.
SAY, DRUGGIST?
YES?

SAY, DRUGGIST?
YES?
WHAT'S THE BEST THING FOR MY

YES?
WHAT'S THE BEST THING FOR MY
DANDRUFF PROBLEM?

WHAT'S THE BEST THING FOR MY
DANDRUFF PROBLEM?
WELL, I HAVE JUST THE THING,

DANDRUFF PROBLEM?
WELL, I HAVE JUST THE THING,
COACH JOHNSON.

WELL, I HAVE JUST THE THING,
COACH JOHNSON.
LYE.

COACH JOHNSON.
LYE.
[LAUGHTER]

LYE.
[LAUGHTER]
LYE?

[LAUGHTER]
LYE?
THAT'S THE NAME OF THE

LYE?
THAT'S THE NAME OF THE
SHAMPOO, YOU KNOW, LIKE JOHNSON.

THAT'S THE NAME OF THE
SHAMPOO, YOU KNOW, LIKE JOHNSON.
OH, I SEE.

SHAMPOO, YOU KNOW, LIKE JOHNSON.
OH, I SEE.
I LIKE THAT.

OH, I SEE.
I LIKE THAT.
PUT THIS ON MY BILL, WILL YOU?

I LIKE THAT.
PUT THIS ON MY BILL, WILL YOU?
I WILL.

PUT THIS ON MY BILL, WILL YOU?
I WILL.
THANK YOU, DRUGGIST.

I WILL.
THANK YOU, DRUGGIST.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

THANK YOU, DRUGGIST.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WELL, IT'S GETTING LATE IN ANY

YOU'RE WELCOME.
WELL, IT'S GETTING LATE IN ANY
TOWN, LATE ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT

WELL, IT'S GETTING LATE IN ANY
TOWN, LATE ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT
ANOTHER DAY'S GONE BY AND I

TOWN, LATE ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT
ANOTHER DAY'S GONE BY AND I
STILL DON'T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST

ANOTHER DAY'S GONE BY AND I
STILL DON'T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST
CLUE OF WHY WE'RE HERE.

STILL DON'T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST
CLUE OF WHY WE'RE HERE.
OH, OCCASIONALLY, THEY COME IN

CLUE OF WHY WE'RE HERE.
OH, OCCASIONALLY, THEY COME IN
WITH THEIR CAMERAS AND PEOPLE

OH, OCCASIONALLY, THEY COME IN
WITH THEIR CAMERAS AND PEOPLE
AND THEY SHOOT ONE OF THOSE

WITH THEIR CAMERAS AND PEOPLE
AND THEY SHOOT ONE OF THOSE
COMMERCIALS, THEY CALL 'EM.

AND THEY SHOOT ONE OF THOSE
COMMERCIALS, THEY CALL 'EM.
NICE WORK, IF YOU CAN GET IT.

COMMERCIALS, THEY CALL 'EM.
NICE WORK, IF YOU CAN GET IT.
COACH JOHNSON SURE GOT ENOUGH

NICE WORK, IF YOU CAN GET IT.
COACH JOHNSON SURE GOT ENOUGH
WORK.

COACH JOHNSON SURE GOT ENOUGH
WORK.
ANYWAY, I'M GOING HOME NOW TO

WORK.
ANYWAY, I'M GOING HOME NOW TO
THE WIFE.

ANYWAY, I'M GOING HOME NOW TO
THE WIFE.
MAYBE SHE KNOWS WHAT WE'RE

THE WIFE.
MAYBE SHE KNOWS WHAT WE'RE
HERE FOR.

MAYBE SHE KNOWS WHAT WE'RE
HERE FOR.
GOODNIGHT.

HERE FOR.
GOODNIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]

GOODNIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

[♪...]
Woman: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN PASTRAMI AND CORNED

Woman: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN PASTRAMI AND CORNED
BEEF?

BETWEEN PASTRAMI AND CORNED
BEEF?
WHERE DO I GET THE HOT DOGS?

BEEF?
WHERE DO I GET THE HOT DOGS?
I'M GONNA STICK WITH THE HOT

WHERE DO I GET THE HOT DOGS?
I'M GONNA STICK WITH THE HOT
DOGS, ALL RIGHT?

I'M GONNA STICK WITH THE HOT
DOGS, ALL RIGHT?
WHERE DO I GET THE FRENCH FRIES,

DOGS, ALL RIGHT?
WHERE DO I GET THE FRENCH FRIES,
HERE OR UP THERE?

WHERE DO I GET THE FRENCH FRIES,
HERE OR UP THERE?
PIECE OF PIZZA.

HERE OR UP THERE?
PIECE OF PIZZA.
Man 1: NEXT!

PIECE OF PIZZA.
Man 1: NEXT!
Man 2: ONE SLICE, EXTRA HOT.

Man 1: NEXT!
Man 2: ONE SLICE, EXTRA HOT.
HOT, I WANT IT RED HOT.

Man 2: ONE SLICE, EXTRA HOT.
HOT, I WANT IT RED HOT.
[♪...]

Woman: A SEEDED BAGEL?
Man: IT'S POPPY SEEDS.
[♪...]

[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]
YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT AUDIENCE!

[♪...]
YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT AUDIENCE!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT AUDIENCE!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME!
I'VE HAD A GREAT TIME ALL

I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME!
I'VE HAD A GREAT TIME ALL
WEEK.

I'VE HAD A GREAT TIME ALL
WEEK.
[♪...]

Announcer: WE'LL RETURN LIVE
THREE WEEKS FROM TONIGHT,
SATURDAY, MAY 10th, WHEN OUR

THREE WEEKS FROM TONIGHT,
SATURDAY, MAY 10th, WHEN OUR
HOST WILL BE BOB NEWHART.

SATURDAY, MAY 10th, WHEN OUR
HOST WILL BE BOB NEWHART.
ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT, WATCH A

HOST WILL BE BOB NEWHART.
ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT, WATCH A
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT, WATCH A
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
ENCORE PERFORMANCE WITH HOST

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
ENCORE PERFORMANCE WITH HOST
SHELLY DUVALL.

ENCORE PERFORMANCE WITH HOST
SHELLY DUVALL.
TONIGHT'S FOOD PHOTO ESSAY BY

SHELLY DUVALL.
TONIGHT'S FOOD PHOTO ESSAY BY
EDIE BASKIN, ANIMATION BY

TONIGHT'S FOOD PHOTO ESSAY BY
EDIE BASKIN, ANIMATION BY
MARY LAFFER.

EDIE BASKIN, ANIMATION BY
MARY LAFFER.
THIS IS DON PARDO.

MARY LAFFER.
THIS IS DON PARDO.
GOOD NIGHT.

THIS IS DON PARDO.
GOOD NIGHT.
[♪...]