Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 5, Episode 16 - Burt Reynolds/Anne Murray - full transcript

HEY BURT, HOW'S GOING?
HI LARAINE, TERRIFIC.
BOY, IT'S BEEN A

HI LARAINE, TERRIFIC.
BOY, IT'S BEEN A
GREAT WEEK, HUH?

BOY, IT'S BEEN A
GREAT WEEK, HUH?
OH, YES, IT HAS AND IT'S BEEN

GREAT WEEK, HUH?
OH, YES, IT HAS AND IT'S BEEN
A PLEASURE WORKING WITH YOU.

OH, YES, IT HAS AND IT'S BEEN
A PLEASURE WORKING WITH YOU.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.

A PLEASURE WORKING WITH YOU.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.
I THINK YOUR ATTITUDE HAS

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.
I THINK YOUR ATTITUDE HAS
REALLY BEEN GREAT, ESPECIALLY,

I THINK YOUR ATTITUDE HAS
REALLY BEEN GREAT, ESPECIALLY,
UM... CONSIDERING THAT,

REALLY BEEN GREAT, ESPECIALLY,
UM... CONSIDERING THAT,
YOU KNOW, DISAPPOINTMENT.

UM... CONSIDERING THAT,
YOU KNOW, DISAPPOINTMENT.
DISAPPOINTMENT?

YOU KNOW, DISAPPOINTMENT.
DISAPPOINTMENT?
WELL, YOU KNOW,



DISAPPOINTMENT?
WELL, YOU KNOW,
THE OSCAR NOMINATIONS.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
THE OSCAR NOMINATIONS.
OH, YEAH, I'M NOT UPSET.

THE OSCAR NOMINATIONS.
OH, YEAH, I'M NOT UPSET.
YOU MEAN ABOUT NOT BEING

OH, YEAH, I'M NOT UPSET.
YOU MEAN ABOUT NOT BEING
NOMINATED?

YOU MEAN ABOUT NOT BEING
NOMINATED?
YEAH.

NOMINATED?
YEAH.
AWARDS ARE JUST AWARDS

YEAH.
AWARDS ARE JUST AWARDS
LARAINE, THAT'S ALL.

AWARDS ARE JUST AWARDS
LARAINE, THAT'S ALL.
THAT'S ALL IT MEANS TO ME.

LARAINE, THAT'S ALL.
THAT'S ALL IT MEANS TO ME.
WELL, I THINK YOU WERE

THAT'S ALL IT MEANS TO ME.
WELL, I THINK YOU WERE
FABULOUS IN STARTING OVER

WELL, I THINK YOU WERE
FABULOUS IN STARTING OVER
AND I THOUGHT YOU DESERVED

FABULOUS IN STARTING OVER
AND I THOUGHT YOU DESERVED
TO BE NOMINATED ALONG WITH

AND I THOUGHT YOU DESERVED
TO BE NOMINATED ALONG WITH
CANDY AND JILL.

TO BE NOMINATED ALONG WITH
CANDY AND JILL.
THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT IT.



CANDY AND JILL.
THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT IT.
THAT'S REAL NICE, LARAINE.

THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT IT.
THAT'S REAL NICE, LARAINE.
IT JUST SEEMS KINDA

THAT'S REAL NICE, LARAINE.
IT JUST SEEMS KINDA
STRANGE TO ME THAT THEY KEEP

IT JUST SEEMS KINDA
STRANGE TO ME THAT THEY KEEP
IGNORING YOU.

STRANGE TO ME THAT THEY KEEP
IGNORING YOU.
THE OSCARS CONTINUOUSLY

IGNORING YOU.
THE OSCARS CONTINUOUSLY
YEAR AFTER YEAR.

THE OSCARS CONTINUOUSLY
YEAR AFTER YEAR.
WELL, IF CANDY AND JILL WIN,

YEAR AFTER YEAR.
WELL, IF CANDY AND JILL WIN,
I'LL BE HAPPY, YOU KNOW...

WELL, IF CANDY AND JILL WIN,
I'LL BE HAPPY, YOU KNOW...
I'M GONNA BE FINE.

I'LL BE HAPPY, YOU KNOW...
I'M GONNA BE FINE.
IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.

I'M GONNA BE FINE.
IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.
OKAY, BURT... OKAY.

IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.
OKAY, BURT... OKAY.
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE STILL

OKAY, BURT... OKAY.
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE STILL
NUMBER ONE IN MY BOX OFFICE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE STILL
NUMBER ONE IN MY BOX OFFICE.
[LAUGHTER]

NUMBER ONE IN MY BOX OFFICE.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU'RE ONE HELL OF A TROOPER.

[LAUGHTER]
YOU'RE ONE HELL OF A TROOPER.
HAVE A GOOD SHOW.

YOU'RE ONE HELL OF A TROOPER.
HAVE A GOOD SHOW.
HER BOX OFFICE?

HAVE A GOOD SHOW.
HER BOX OFFICE?
BURT.

HER BOX OFFICE?
BURT.
HEY!

BURT.
HEY!
HOW'S IT GOING?

HEY!
HOW'S IT GOING?
HEY, MAN, LISTEN, I JUST

HOW'S IT GOING?
HEY, MAN, LISTEN, I JUST
WANNA TELL YOU... I'MA TELL YOU

HEY, MAN, LISTEN, I JUST
WANNA TELL YOU... I'MA TELL YOU
SOMETHING BECAUSE IT'S BEEN

WANNA TELL YOU... I'MA TELL YOU
SOMETHING BECAUSE IT'S BEEN
ON MY MIND ALL WEEK.

SOMETHING BECAUSE IT'S BEEN
ON MY MIND ALL WEEK.
SURE.

ON MY MIND ALL WEEK.
SURE.
WELL, I WANTED TO SAY

SURE.
WELL, I WANTED TO SAY
THAT I UNDERSTAND WHAT

WELL, I WANTED TO SAY
THAT I UNDERSTAND WHAT
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH BABY,

THAT I UNDERSTAND WHAT
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH BABY,
AND I THINK YOU'RE HANDLING IT

YOU'RE GOING THROUGH BABY,
AND I THINK YOU'RE HANDLING IT
REAL WELL.

AND I THINK YOU'RE HANDLING IT
REAL WELL.
YOU MEAN THE SHOW?

REAL WELL.
YOU MEAN THE SHOW?
NO, NO, NO, YOU KNOW

YOU MEAN THE SHOW?
NO, NO, NO, YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN, MAN.

NO, NO, NO, YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN, MAN.
THE TRANSIT STRIKE?

WHAT I MEAN, MAN.
THE TRANSIT STRIKE?
NO, MAN!

THE TRANSIT STRIKE?
NO, MAN!
THE OSCARS, MAN.

NO, MAN!
THE OSCARS, MAN.
MONDAY NIGHT THEY'LL BE GIVING

THE OSCARS, MAN.
MONDAY NIGHT THEY'LL BE GIVING
OUT STATUETTES AGAIN.

MONDAY NIGHT THEY'LL BE GIVING
OUT STATUETTES AGAIN.
CANDY BERGEN WILL BE THERE,

OUT STATUETTES AGAIN.
CANDY BERGEN WILL BE THERE,
JILL CLAYBURGH WILL BE THERE

CANDY BERGEN WILL BE THERE,
JILL CLAYBURGH WILL BE THERE
BUT EVERY YEAR MAN,

JILL CLAYBURGH WILL BE THERE
BUT EVERY YEAR MAN,
THEY FORGET YOU.

BUT EVERY YEAR MAN,
THEY FORGET YOU.
IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,

THEY FORGET YOU.
IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,
THE NIGGER OF HOLLYWOOD.

IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,
THE NIGGER OF HOLLYWOOD.
[LAUGHTER]

THE NIGGER OF HOLLYWOOD.
[LAUGHTER]
THE OSCAR THING DOESN'T

[LAUGHTER]
THE OSCAR THING DOESN'T
REALLY AFFECT ME.

THE OSCAR THING DOESN'T
REALLY AFFECT ME.
I'M ROOTIN' FOR JILL AND CANDY.

REALLY AFFECT ME.
I'M ROOTIN' FOR JILL AND CANDY.
WELL MAN, YOU'VE BEEN GREAT

I'M ROOTIN' FOR JILL AND CANDY.
WELL MAN, YOU'VE BEEN GREAT
ABOUT THIS, I MEAN,

WELL MAN, YOU'VE BEEN GREAT
ABOUT THIS, I MEAN,
YOU'VE BEEN GREAT.

ABOUT THIS, I MEAN,
YOU'VE BEEN GREAT.
I GUESS IF IT HASN'T GOTTEN

YOU'VE BEEN GREAT.
I GUESS IF IT HASN'T GOTTEN
TO YOU BY NOW, IT NEVER WILL.

I GUESS IF IT HASN'T GOTTEN
TO YOU BY NOW, IT NEVER WILL.
IT AIN'T GONNA GET TO ME.

TO YOU BY NOW, IT NEVER WILL.
IT AIN'T GONNA GET TO ME.
LOOK, I GOTTA GET READY, MAN.

IT AIN'T GONNA GET TO ME.
LOOK, I GOTTA GET READY, MAN.
KEEP THE FAITH, BABY.

LOOK, I GOTTA GET READY, MAN.
KEEP THE FAITH, BABY.
OKAY.

KEEP THE FAITH, BABY.
OKAY.
HE'S GREAT, ISN'T HE?

OKAY.
HE'S GREAT, ISN'T HE?
NIGGER OF HOLLYWOOD.

HE'S GREAT, ISN'T HE?
NIGGER OF HOLLYWOOD.
[LAUGHTER]

NIGGER OF HOLLYWOOD.
[LAUGHTER]
PERSONALLY, I DON'T THINK

[LAUGHTER]
PERSONALLY, I DON'T THINK
HE'S IN THE SAME LEAGUE AS

PERSONALLY, I DON'T THINK
HE'S IN THE SAME LEAGUE AS
DENIRO, YOU KNOW?

HE'S IN THE SAME LEAGUE AS
DENIRO, YOU KNOW?
WELL, DON'T YOU KNOW JANE,

DENIRO, YOU KNOW?
WELL, DON'T YOU KNOW JANE,
ALL THE GREAT COMICS ARE

WELL, DON'T YOU KNOW JANE,
ALL THE GREAT COMICS ARE
UNDERRATED.

ALL THE GREAT COMICS ARE
UNDERRATED.
I MEAN, LIKE CHAPLIN,

UNDERRATED.
I MEAN, LIKE CHAPLIN,
MARX BROTHERS, STEVE McQUEEN.

I MEAN, LIKE CHAPLIN,
MARX BROTHERS, STEVE McQUEEN.
BUTTERFLY McQUEEN.

MARX BROTHERS, STEVE McQUEEN.
BUTTERFLY McQUEEN.
HI, BURT.

BUTTERFLY McQUEEN.
HI, BURT.
HI, BURT.

HI, BURT.
HI, BURT.
EXCUSE ME.

HI, BURT.
EXCUSE ME.
WELL, BOY, JUST A FEW

EXCUSE ME.
WELL, BOY, JUST A FEW
MINUTES AND WE GO, HUH?

WELL, BOY, JUST A FEW
MINUTES AND WE GO, HUH?
RIGHT, YOU ALL RIGHT?

MINUTES AND WE GO, HUH?
RIGHT, YOU ALL RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, JANE AND I

RIGHT, YOU ALL RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, JANE AND I
WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT

YOU KNOW, JANE AND I
WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT
THE ACADEMY AWARDS.

WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT
THE ACADEMY AWARDS.
I MEAN, ISN'T IT GREAT THAT

THE ACADEMY AWARDS.
I MEAN, ISN'T IT GREAT THAT
JILL AND CANDY ARE BOTH

I MEAN, ISN'T IT GREAT THAT
JILL AND CANDY ARE BOTH
NOMINATED?

JILL AND CANDY ARE BOTH
NOMINATED?
THEY BOTH HOSTED OUR SHOW

NOMINATED?
THEY BOTH HOSTED OUR SHOW
AND NOW THEY'RE NOMINATED

THEY BOTH HOSTED OUR SHOW
AND NOW THEY'RE NOMINATED
FOR ACADEMY AWARDS.

AND NOW THEY'RE NOMINATED
FOR ACADEMY AWARDS.
ISN'T IT GREAT?

FOR ACADEMY AWARDS.
ISN'T IT GREAT?
YEAH.

ISN'T IT GREAT?
YEAH.
ISN'T IT.

YEAH.
ISN'T IT.
YES, YOU KNOW I...

ISN'T IT.
YES, YOU KNOW I...
I WANNA WISH CANDY AND JILL

YES, YOU KNOW I...
I WANNA WISH CANDY AND JILL
ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD!

I WANNA WISH CANDY AND JILL
ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD!
[LAUGHTER]

ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
Gilda: LIVE FROM NEW YORK,

[APPLAUSE]
Gilda: LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

Gilda: LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!
[♪...]

Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE!

WITH BURT REYNOLDS.

STARRING JANE CURTIN,
GARRETT MORRIS,
BILL MURRAY,

GARRETT MORRIS,
BILL MURRAY,
LARAINE NEWMAN,

BILL MURRAY,
LARAINE NEWMAN,
GILDA RADNER,

LARAINE NEWMAN,
GILDA RADNER,
AND HARRY SHEARER!

WITH MUSICAL GUEST
ANNE MURRAY!

FEATURING TOM DAVIS,
BRIAN DOYLE-MURRAY,
AL FRANKEN,

BRIAN DOYLE-MURRAY,
AL FRANKEN,
FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI,

AL FRANKEN,
FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI,
AND PAUL SHAFFER!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BURT REYNOLDS!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE...]

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
I KNOW, I KNOW.

THANK YOU.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT

I KNOW, I KNOW.
I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT
EVERY DAY.

I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT
EVERY DAY.
[LAUGHTER]

EVERY DAY.
[LAUGHTER]
I LIKED... I LIKED THIS WEEK.

[LAUGHTER]
I LIKED... I LIKED THIS WEEK.
I HAD A GREAT TIME AND

I LIKED... I LIKED THIS WEEK.
I HAD A GREAT TIME AND
WORKING WITH THESE PEOPLE

I HAD A GREAT TIME AND
WORKING WITH THESE PEOPLE
WAS TERRIFIC, THE CAST,

WORKING WITH THESE PEOPLE
WAS TERRIFIC, THE CAST,
THE CREW.

WAS TERRIFIC, THE CAST,
THE CREW.
THERE'S NO HANG-UPS BACK STAGE,

THE CREW.
THERE'S NO HANG-UPS BACK STAGE,
THERE'S NO TEMPERAMENT,

THERE'S NO HANG-UPS BACK STAGE,
THERE'S NO TEMPERAMENT,
NO HOSTILITY, NO OPEN

THERE'S NO TEMPERAMENT,
NO HOSTILITY, NO OPEN
NASAL PASSAGES.

NO HOSTILITY, NO OPEN
NASAL PASSAGES.
[LAUGHTER]

NASAL PASSAGES.
[LAUGHTER]
NO OPEN NASAL PASSAGES.

[LAUGHTER]
NO OPEN NASAL PASSAGES.
[LAUGHTER]

NO OPEN NASAL PASSAGES.
[LAUGHTER]
I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES WHEN YOU

[LAUGHTER]
I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES WHEN YOU
SEE A MOVIE STAR, YOU KNOW,

I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES WHEN YOU
SEE A MOVIE STAR, YOU KNOW,
UP CLOSE, IT'S KIND OF

SEE A MOVIE STAR, YOU KNOW,
UP CLOSE, IT'S KIND OF
SHATTERING, YOU KNOW.

UP CLOSE, IT'S KIND OF
SHATTERING, YOU KNOW.
'CAUSE THEY'RE BIGGER THAN LIFE

SHATTERING, YOU KNOW.
'CAUSE THEY'RE BIGGER THAN LIFE
WHEN YOU SEE THEM ON THE SCREEN.

'CAUSE THEY'RE BIGGER THAN LIFE
WHEN YOU SEE THEM ON THE SCREEN.
EVERYTHING'S BIG.

WHEN YOU SEE THEM ON THE SCREEN.
EVERYTHING'S BIG.
THEIR HEAD'S BIG, AND

EVERYTHING'S BIG.
THEIR HEAD'S BIG, AND
EVERYTHING'S BIG, YOU KNOW?

THEIR HEAD'S BIG, AND
EVERYTHING'S BIG, YOU KNOW?
I'M A SMALL PERSON HERE, SEE?

EVERYTHING'S BIG, YOU KNOW?
I'M A SMALL PERSON HERE, SEE?
SO I THOUGHT MAYBE I JUST COME

I'M A SMALL PERSON HERE, SEE?
SO I THOUGHT MAYBE I JUST COME
DOWN HERE AND TALK TO SOMEONE,

SO I THOUGHT MAYBE I JUST COME
DOWN HERE AND TALK TO SOMEONE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

DOWN HERE AND TALK TO SOMEONE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
COME HERE, YEAH, COME HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
COME HERE, YEAH, COME HERE.
HI.

COME HERE, YEAH, COME HERE.
HI.
Man: HI.

HI.
Man: HI.
SIT DOWN.

Man: HI.
SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
HENRY.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
HENRY.
HENRY.

HENRY.
HENRY.
GO GATORS.

HENRY.
GO GATORS.
GO GATORS.

GO GATORS.
GO GATORS.
GO GATORS.

GO GATORS.
GO GATORS.
HENRY, I DIDN'T BRING YOU

GO GATORS.
HENRY, I DIDN'T BRING YOU
UP HERE TO DO ANY OF THAT

HENRY, I DIDN'T BRING YOU
UP HERE TO DO ANY OF THAT
KIND OF CRAP.

UP HERE TO DO ANY OF THAT
KIND OF CRAP.
[LAUGHTER]

KIND OF CRAP.
[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE JUST GONNA TALK A LITTLE

[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE JUST GONNA TALK A LITTLE
BIT, OKAY?

WE'RE JUST GONNA TALK A LITTLE
BIT, OKAY?
WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE STAR?

BIT, OKAY?
WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE STAR?
UM, BURT REYNOLDS.

WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE STAR?
UM, BURT REYNOLDS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY?
WHEN I WAS LOOKING OVER THERE
AT YOU HENRY, YOU DIDN'T HAVE

WHEN I WAS LOOKING OVER THERE
AT YOU HENRY, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A REAL INTELLIGENT LOOK

AT YOU HENRY, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A REAL INTELLIGENT LOOK
ABOUT YOU.

A REAL INTELLIGENT LOOK
ABOUT YOU.
[LAUGHTER]

ABOUT YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT NOW YOU HAVE BRAINS COMING

[LAUGHTER]
BUT NOW YOU HAVE BRAINS COMING
OUT OF YOUR... EVERYTHING.

BUT NOW YOU HAVE BRAINS COMING
OUT OF YOUR... EVERYTHING.
NOW, LET'S GET OFF, YOU KNOW,

OUT OF YOUR... EVERYTHING.
NOW, LET'S GET OFF, YOU KNOW,
STOP TALKING ABOUT ME AND

NOW, LET'S GET OFF, YOU KNOW,
STOP TALKING ABOUT ME AND
LET'S TALK ABOUT MY MOVIES.

STOP TALKING ABOUT ME AND
LET'S TALK ABOUT MY MOVIES.
WHICH ONE DID YOU LIKE THE BEST?

LET'S TALK ABOUT MY MOVIES.
WHICH ONE DID YOU LIKE THE BEST?
UM, I DIDN'T SEE

WHICH ONE DID YOU LIKE THE BEST?
UM, I DIDN'T SEE
TOO MANY OF THEM, BUT...

UM, I DIDN'T SEE
TOO MANY OF THEM, BUT...
[LAUGHTER]

TOO MANY OF THEM, BUT...
[LAUGHTER]
LET ME SEE IF I CAN

[LAUGHTER]
LET ME SEE IF I CAN
HELP YOU OUT.

LET ME SEE IF I CAN
HELP YOU OUT.
CARS... THAT GIVE YOU A HINT?

HELP YOU OUT.
CARS... THAT GIVE YOU A HINT?
CARS JUMPING OVER...

CARS... THAT GIVE YOU A HINT?
CARS JUMPING OVER...
FENCES?

CARS JUMPING OVER...
FENCES?
FENCES, JUMPING OVER FENCES.

FENCES?
FENCES, JUMPING OVER FENCES.
OVER BRIDGES.

FENCES, JUMPING OVER FENCES.
OVER BRIDGES.
TURNSTILES.

OVER BRIDGES.
TURNSTILES.
TURN... HENRY, YOU'RE SICK.

TURNSTILES.
TURN... HENRY, YOU'RE SICK.
LET ME JUST GIVE YA,

TURN... HENRY, YOU'RE SICK.
LET ME JUST GIVE YA,
I'LL GIVE YOU THE FIRST PART

LET ME JUST GIVE YA,
I'LL GIVE YOU THE FIRST PART
OF THE PICTURE.

I'LL GIVE YOU THE FIRST PART
OF THE PICTURE.
SMOKEY AND THE...

OF THE PICTURE.
SMOKEY AND THE...
COWBOY.

SMOKEY AND THE...
COWBOY.
[LAUGHTER]

COWBOY.
[LAUGHTER]
SMOKEY MEANS SOMETHING ELSE

[LAUGHTER]
SMOKEY MEANS SOMETHING ELSE
TO YOU, DOESN'T IT, HENRY.

SMOKEY MEANS SOMETHING ELSE
TO YOU, DOESN'T IT, HENRY.
[LAUGHTER]

TO YOU, DOESN'T IT, HENRY.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, HENRY, YOU DIDN'T

[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, HENRY, YOU DIDN'T
SEE DELIVERANCE?

YOU KNOW, HENRY, YOU DIDN'T
SEE DELIVERANCE?
YOU SEE DELIVERANCE?

SEE DELIVERANCE?
YOU SEE DELIVERANCE?
DUELING BANJOS, YEAH, I DID.

YOU SEE DELIVERANCE?
DUELING BANJOS, YEAH, I DID.
[LAUGHTER]

DUELING BANJOS, YEAH, I DID.
[LAUGHTER]
GUY LIKED THE BANJOS.

[LAUGHTER]
GUY LIKED THE BANJOS.
I WAS IN THE PICTURE.

GUY LIKED THE BANJOS.
I WAS IN THE PICTURE.
I WAS IN THAT... DUELING BANJOS.

I WAS IN THE PICTURE.
I WAS IN THAT... DUELING BANJOS.
ARE YOU MARRIED, HENRY?

I WAS IN THAT... DUELING BANJOS.
ARE YOU MARRIED, HENRY?
NO, NOT YET.

ARE YOU MARRIED, HENRY?
NO, NOT YET.
FOOL AROUND?

NO, NOT YET.
FOOL AROUND?
I CAN'T SAY THAT ON T.V..

FOOL AROUND?
I CAN'T SAY THAT ON T.V..
OH... YEAH, YOU CAN,

I CAN'T SAY THAT ON T.V..
OH... YEAH, YOU CAN,
YOU CAN SAY IT.

OH... YEAH, YOU CAN,
YOU CAN SAY IT.
YOU CAN SAY "FOOLING AROUND"

YOU CAN SAY IT.
YOU CAN SAY "FOOLING AROUND"
ON TELEVISION.

YOU CAN SAY "FOOLING AROUND"
ON TELEVISION.
FOOLING AROUND, YES.

ON TELEVISION.
FOOLING AROUND, YES.
YOU DO FOOL AROUND.

FOOLING AROUND, YES.
YOU DO FOOL AROUND.
A LOT?

YOU DO FOOL AROUND.
A LOT?
NO, I CAN'T DO IT.

A LOT?
NO, I CAN'T DO IT.
THAT'S WHY YOUR FACE

NO, I CAN'T DO IT.
THAT'S WHY YOUR FACE
IS SO CLEAN.

THAT'S WHY YOUR FACE
IS SO CLEAN.
[LAUGHTER]

IS SO CLEAN.
[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE GONNA... WE'RE GONNA

[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE GONNA... WE'RE GONNA
GO ON RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW,

WE'RE GONNA... WE'RE GONNA
GO ON RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW,
WE'RE GONNA GO ON WITH THE

GO ON RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW,
WE'RE GONNA GO ON WITH THE
REST OF THE SHOW BUT I'M GONNA

WE'RE GONNA GO ON WITH THE
REST OF THE SHOW BUT I'M GONNA
KEEP TALKIN' TO YOU FOR A WHILE

REST OF THE SHOW BUT I'M GONNA
KEEP TALKIN' TO YOU FOR A WHILE
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I LIKE YOU,

KEEP TALKIN' TO YOU FOR A WHILE
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I LIKE YOU,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I LIKE YOU,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I GOT INTO SHOW BUSINESS...

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I GOT INTO SHOW BUSINESS...
WELL, I HAD SAW ELIZABETH

I GOT INTO SHOW BUSINESS...
WELL, I HAD SAW ELIZABETH
TAYLOR...

WELL, I HAD SAW ELIZABETH
TAYLOR...
[APPLAUSE]

WELL, IT'S 12:00, GIRLS.
I DON'T ' THINK HE'S COMING.
OH, I KNOW HE'LL COME,

I DON'T ' THINK HE'S COMING.
OH, I KNOW HE'LL COME,
HE PROMISED.

OH, I KNOW HE'LL COME,
HE PROMISED.
HE'LL NEVER BE IN LANSING AGAIN.

HE PROMISED.
HE'LL NEVER BE IN LANSING AGAIN.
HA, HA, I TOLD YOU HE

HE'LL NEVER BE IN LANSING AGAIN.
HA, HA, I TOLD YOU HE
WOULDN'T COME SEE A BIG

HA, HA, I TOLD YOU HE
WOULDN'T COME SEE A BIG
GROSS OUT LIKE YOU.

WOULDN'T COME SEE A BIG
GROSS OUT LIKE YOU.
HEY, STOP THAT.

GROSS OUT LIKE YOU.
HEY, STOP THAT.
NOW, I KNOW THAT THIS IS

HEY, STOP THAT.
NOW, I KNOW THAT THIS IS
HARD FOR ALL OF US.

NOW, I KNOW THAT THIS IS
HARD FOR ALL OF US.
WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING

HARD FOR ALL OF US.
WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING
TO SEE HIM, LEEANN.

WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING
TO SEE HIM, LEEANN.
MAYBE HE WENT TO THAT AWARDS

TO SEE HIM, LEEANN.
MAYBE HE WENT TO THAT AWARDS
DINNER AND GOT TIED UP WITH THE

MAYBE HE WENT TO THAT AWARDS
DINNER AND GOT TIED UP WITH THE
MAYOR AND SOME OF THOSE LOCAL

DINNER AND GOT TIED UP WITH THE
MAYOR AND SOME OF THOSE LOCAL
T.V. CELEBRITIES.

MAYOR AND SOME OF THOSE LOCAL
T.V. CELEBRITIES.
YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT MORE

T.V. CELEBRITIES.
YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT MORE
IMPORTANT PEOPLE THAN US,

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT MORE
IMPORTANT PEOPLE THAN US,
LEEANN.

IMPORTANT PEOPLE THAN US,
LEEANN.
BUT HE'S GOTTA COME.

LEEANN.
BUT HE'S GOTTA COME.
I LOVE HIM!

BUT HE'S GOTTA COME.
I LOVE HIM!
WE ALL DO BUT, UH...

I LOVE HIM!
WE ALL DO BUT, UH...
HIS SECRETARY SAID HE'D COME

WE ALL DO BUT, UH...
HIS SECRETARY SAID HE'D COME
AT 9:00 AND IT'S ALREADY 12:00

HIS SECRETARY SAID HE'D COME
AT 9:00 AND IT'S ALREADY 12:00
WHICH IS WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME

AT 9:00 AND IT'S ALREADY 12:00
WHICH IS WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME
SO I SUGGEST WE ALL GO TO BED.

WHICH IS WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME
SO I SUGGEST WE ALL GO TO BED.
NO!

SO I SUGGEST WE ALL GO TO BED.
NO!
LEEANN, BEDTIME!

NO!
LEEANN, BEDTIME!
I'LL PUT THE HORS D'OEUVRES

LEEANN, BEDTIME!
I'LL PUT THE HORS D'OEUVRES
IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

I'LL PUT THE HORS D'OEUVRES
IN THE REFRIGERATOR.
WE CAN HAVE THEM FOR LUNCH

IN THE REFRIGERATOR.
WE CAN HAVE THEM FOR LUNCH
TOMORROW.

WE CAN HAVE THEM FOR LUNCH
TOMORROW.
[CAR TIRES SCREECH]

TOMORROW.
[CAR TIRES SCREECH]
HE'S HERE, HE'S HERE!

[CAR TIRES SCREECH]
HE'S HERE, HE'S HERE!
Leeann: LOOK AT THAT

HE'S HERE, HE'S HERE!
Leeann: LOOK AT THAT
LIMOUSINE!

Leeann: LOOK AT THAT
LIMOUSINE!
OH, THAT IS A BEAUTY.

LIMOUSINE!
OH, THAT IS A BEAUTY.
HONEY, LOOK AT THE LIMO.

OH, THAT IS A BEAUTY.
HONEY, LOOK AT THE LIMO.
OH, LOOK!

HONEY, LOOK AT THE LIMO.
OH, LOOK!
HE'S GOT A NEGRO DRIVER!

OH, LOOK!
HE'S GOT A NEGRO DRIVER!
MOM, DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!

HE'S GOT A NEGRO DRIVER!
MOM, DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!
PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

MOM, DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!
PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
[CLEARS THROAT]

PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
[CLEARS THROAT]
IS THIS THE BUTLER RESIDENCE?

[CLEARS THROAT]
IS THIS THE BUTLER RESIDENCE?
UH, YES, WE'VE BEEN

IS THIS THE BUTLER RESIDENCE?
UH, YES, WE'VE BEEN
EXPECTING YOU.

UH, YES, WE'VE BEEN
EXPECTING YOU.
YOU HAVE A 16-YEAR-OLD

EXPECTING YOU.
YOU HAVE A 16-YEAR-OLD
DAUGHTER IN GOOD HEALTH

YOU HAVE A 16-YEAR-OLD
DAUGHTER IN GOOD HEALTH
NAMED LEEANN?

DAUGHTER IN GOOD HEALTH
NAMED LEEANN?
YEAH, THAT'S ME.

NAMED LEEANN?
YEAH, THAT'S ME.
AND ME TOO, I'M HER SISTER

YEAH, THAT'S ME.
AND ME TOO, I'M HER SISTER
MARTY, UH, I'M 15.

AND ME TOO, I'M HER SISTER
MARTY, UH, I'M 15.
I'M A FIGURE SKATER.

MARTY, UH, I'M 15.
I'M A FIGURE SKATER.
MM-HMM.

I'M A FIGURE SKATER.
MM-HMM.
BURT!

MM-HMM.
BURT!
Burt: YO?

BURT!
Burt: YO?
THERE'S TWO OF 'EM.

Burt: YO?
THERE'S TWO OF 'EM.
THEY LOOK OKAY.

THERE'S TWO OF 'EM.
THEY LOOK OKAY.
Burt: GREAT.

THEY LOOK OKAY.
Burt: GREAT.
UH, MR. REYNOLDS WILL

Burt: GREAT.
UH, MR. REYNOLDS WILL
BE HERE IN A SECOND.

UH, MR. REYNOLDS WILL
BE HERE IN A SECOND.
OH, THANK YOU.

BE HERE IN A SECOND.
OH, THANK YOU.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME

OH, THANK YOU.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
HORS D'OEUVRES?

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
HORS D'OEUVRES?
MMM, THANKS.

HORS D'OEUVRES?
MMM, THANKS.
GOOD MEETIN' YA.

MMM, THANKS.
GOOD MEETIN' YA.
I'LL BE IN THE CAR, BURT.

GOOD MEETIN' YA.
I'LL BE IN THE CAR, BURT.
THANKS, MORTY.

I'LL BE IN THE CAR, BURT.
THANKS, MORTY.
HI, EVERYBODY.

THANKS, MORTY.
HI, EVERYBODY.
HE'S EVEN HANDSOMER

HI, EVERYBODY.
HE'S EVEN HANDSOMER
THAN I THOUGHT.

HE'S EVEN HANDSOMER
THAN I THOUGHT.
YES, I AM.

THAN I THOUGHT.
YES, I AM.
[LAUGHTER]

YES, I AM.
[LAUGHTER]
MR. REYNOLDS...

[LAUGHTER]
MR. REYNOLDS...
BURT.

MR. REYNOLDS...
BURT.
BURT.

BURT.
BURT.
I'M LEEANN'S FATHER.

BURT.
I'M LEEANN'S FATHER.
COME ON IN HERE, SIT DOWN.

I'M LEEANN'S FATHER.
COME ON IN HERE, SIT DOWN.
THIS IS A REAL THRILL

COME ON IN HERE, SIT DOWN.
THIS IS A REAL THRILL
FOR ALL OF US.

THIS IS A REAL THRILL
FOR ALL OF US.
I'M LEEANN'S MOTHER, JEAN.

FOR ALL OF US.
I'M LEEANN'S MOTHER, JEAN.
HI, JEAN.

I'M LEEANN'S MOTHER, JEAN.
HI, JEAN.
GOSH, I... I WOULD'VE THOUGHT

HI, JEAN.
GOSH, I... I WOULD'VE THOUGHT
YOU WERE ONE OF THE DAUGHTERS.

GOSH, I... I WOULD'VE THOUGHT
YOU WERE ONE OF THE DAUGHTERS.
AND, UH, YOU'RE, UH...

YOU WERE ONE OF THE DAUGHTERS.
AND, UH, YOU'RE, UH...
LEEANN?

AND, UH, YOU'RE, UH...
LEEANN?
YEAH.

LEEANN?
YEAH.
HI, LEEANN, HOW ARE YA?

YEAH.
HI, LEEANN, HOW ARE YA?
FINE.

HI, LEEANN, HOW ARE YA?
FINE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, KID?

FINE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, KID?
I'M MARTY.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, KID?
I'M MARTY.
I NEVER WROTE YOU,

I'M MARTY.
I NEVER WROTE YOU,
BUT I LIKE YOU TOO.

I NEVER WROTE YOU,
BUT I LIKE YOU TOO.
OH, WELL.

BUT I LIKE YOU TOO.
OH, WELL.
GOSH, MR. REYNOLDS.

OH, WELL.
GOSH, MR. REYNOLDS.
BURT.

GOSH, MR. REYNOLDS.
BURT.
BURT.

BURT.
BURT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE

BURT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M CALLING HIM BURT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M CALLING HIM BURT.
LEEANN'S BEEN SO EXCITED.

I'M CALLING HIM BURT.
LEEANN'S BEEN SO EXCITED.
SHE'S JUST BEEN PETRIFIED

LEEANN'S BEEN SO EXCITED.
SHE'S JUST BEEN PETRIFIED
ALL DAY.

SHE'S JUST BEEN PETRIFIED
ALL DAY.
DAD!

ALL DAY.
DAD!
OH, NOW, LEEANN HAS A

DAD!
OH, NOW, LEEANN HAS A
QUESTION SHE'S BEEN WAITING

OH, NOW, LEEANN HAS A
QUESTION SHE'S BEEN WAITING
TO ASK YOU ALL DAY.

QUESTION SHE'S BEEN WAITING
TO ASK YOU ALL DAY.
IT'S SO CUTE.

TO ASK YOU ALL DAY.
IT'S SO CUTE.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S SO CUTE.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
LEEANN?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.
LEEANN?
OKAY.

LEEANN?
OKAY.
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN?

OKAY.
WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN?
[LAUGHTER]

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN?
[LAUGHTER]
A BED.

[LAUGHTER]
A BED.
[ALL LAUGH]

A BED.
[ALL LAUGH]
HE'S FUNNY.

[ALL LAUGH]
HE'S FUNNY.
JUST LIKE ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.

HE'S FUNNY.
JUST LIKE ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.
OH, WE LOVE YOU ON TONIGHT.

JUST LIKE ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.
OH, WE LOVE YOU ON TONIGHT.
YOU'RE GREAT.

OH, WE LOVE YOU ON TONIGHT.
YOU'RE GREAT.
EVERYBODY DOES.

YOU'RE GREAT.
EVERYBODY DOES.
SIT DOWN.

EVERYBODY DOES.
SIT DOWN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STANDING

SIT DOWN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STANDING
HERE WITH BURT REYNOLDS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STANDING
HERE WITH BURT REYNOLDS.
I DON'T EVEN ASK HIM

HERE WITH BURT REYNOLDS.
I DON'T EVEN ASK HIM
TO SIT DOWN.

I DON'T EVEN ASK HIM
TO SIT DOWN.
WELL, I CAN ONLY STAY

TO SIT DOWN.
WELL, I CAN ONLY STAY
A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

WELL, I CAN ONLY STAY
A COUPLE OF MINUTES.
SO, BURT... DO YOU VISIT

A COUPLE OF MINUTES.
SO, BURT... DO YOU VISIT
YOUR FANS OFTEN?

SO, BURT... DO YOU VISIT
YOUR FANS OFTEN?
NO, JUST WHEN I GET INTO A

YOUR FANS OFTEN?
NO, JUST WHEN I GET INTO A
TOWN AND, YOU KNOW, I GET BORED

NO, JUST WHEN I GET INTO A
TOWN AND, YOU KNOW, I GET BORED
AND HORNY.

TOWN AND, YOU KNOW, I GET BORED
AND HORNY.
[LAUGHTER]

AND HORNY.
[LAUGHTER]
I SHOULD BE SO

[LAUGHTER]
I SHOULD BE SO
BORED AND HORNY.

I SHOULD BE SO
BORED AND HORNY.
FUNNY.

BORED AND HORNY.
FUNNY.
YOU KNOW, I WAS, UH, LOOKING

FUNNY.
YOU KNOW, I WAS, UH, LOOKING
THROUGH SOME OF MY FAN MAIL AND

YOU KNOW, I WAS, UH, LOOKING
THROUGH SOME OF MY FAN MAIL AND
I CAME ACROSS LEEANN'S LETTER

THROUGH SOME OF MY FAN MAIL AND
I CAME ACROSS LEEANN'S LETTER
AND SHE WAS KIND ENOUGH TO PUT

I CAME ACROSS LEEANN'S LETTER
AND SHE WAS KIND ENOUGH TO PUT
A COUPLE OF POLAROIDS IN THERE

AND SHE WAS KIND ENOUGH TO PUT
A COUPLE OF POLAROIDS IN THERE
AND I SAW THE ONE WITH YOUR

A COUPLE OF POLAROIDS IN THERE
AND I SAW THE ONE WITH YOUR
CHEERLEADING OUTFIT ON...

AND I SAW THE ONE WITH YOUR
CHEERLEADING OUTFIT ON...
STILL HAVE THAT OUTFIT?

CHEERLEADING OUTFIT ON...
STILL HAVE THAT OUTFIT?
YEAH, YOU WANT ME TO GO

STILL HAVE THAT OUTFIT?
YEAH, YOU WANT ME TO GO
PUT IT ON?

YEAH, YOU WANT ME TO GO
PUT IT ON?
NO, JUST HANG ON TO IT.

PUT IT ON?
NO, JUST HANG ON TO IT.
UH, HEY BOB, CAN I HAVE

NO, JUST HANG ON TO IT.
UH, HEY BOB, CAN I HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU A SECOND?

BOB, I TOOK AN INSTANT LIKING TO
YOU THE MOMENT I CAME IN HERE.
YOU PLAYED HIGH SCHOOL

YOU THE MOMENT I CAME IN HERE.
YOU PLAYED HIGH SCHOOL
FOOTBALL I BET, HUH?

YOU PLAYED HIGH SCHOOL
FOOTBALL I BET, HUH?
A LITTLE BIT.

FOOTBALL I BET, HUH?
A LITTLE BIT.
YEAH, I COULD TELL THAT

A LITTLE BIT.
YEAH, I COULD TELL THAT
RIGHT AWAY.

YEAH, I COULD TELL THAT
RIGHT AWAY.
LISTEN, LET'S JUST TALK

RIGHT AWAY.
LISTEN, LET'S JUST TALK
STRAIGHT HERE.

LISTEN, LET'S JUST TALK
STRAIGHT HERE.
I LIKE YOU, I LIKE YOUR FAMILY,

STRAIGHT HERE.
I LIKE YOU, I LIKE YOUR FAMILY,
I LIKE YOUR KIDS.

I LIKE YOU, I LIKE YOUR FAMILY,
I LIKE YOUR KIDS.
NOW, WHAT I'M GONNA DO,

I LIKE YOUR KIDS.
NOW, WHAT I'M GONNA DO,
I'M GONNA PUT 'EM IN THE CAR,

NOW, WHAT I'M GONNA DO,
I'M GONNA PUT 'EM IN THE CAR,
TAKE THEM OVER TO THE MOTEL

I'M GONNA PUT 'EM IN THE CAR,
TAKE THEM OVER TO THE MOTEL
AND DRILL THEIR BRAINS OUT.

TAKE THEM OVER TO THE MOTEL
AND DRILL THEIR BRAINS OUT.
[LAUGHTER]

AND DRILL THEIR BRAINS OUT.
[LAUGHTER]
WOW, REALLY?

[LAUGHTER]
WOW, REALLY?
HONEY, HONEY.

WOW, REALLY?
HONEY, HONEY.
BURT'S GONNA TAKE THE GIRLS

HONEY, HONEY.
BURT'S GONNA TAKE THE GIRLS
BACK TO THE HOTEL WITH HIM.

BURT'S GONNA TAKE THE GIRLS
BACK TO THE HOTEL WITH HIM.
OH, WELL, GEE, BOB.

BACK TO THE HOTEL WITH HIM.
OH, WELL, GEE, BOB.
IT'S KIND OF LATE.

OH, WELL, GEE, BOB.
IT'S KIND OF LATE.
BUT IF IT'S OKAY WITH THE GIRLS.

IT'S KIND OF LATE.
BUT IF IT'S OKAY WITH THE GIRLS.
GIRLS, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO

BUT IF IT'S OKAY WITH THE GIRLS.
GIRLS, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO
BACK TO BURT'S HOTEL AND

GIRLS, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO
BACK TO BURT'S HOTEL AND
SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HIM?

BACK TO BURT'S HOTEL AND
SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HIM?
Both: YEAH, YEAH!

SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HIM?
Both: YEAH, YEAH!
I... I DON'T WANNA

Both: YEAH, YEAH!
I... I DON'T WANNA
DISAPPOINT YOU.

I... I DON'T WANNA
DISAPPOINT YOU.
THEY WON'T BE SPENDING THE NIGHT

DISAPPOINT YOU.
THEY WON'T BE SPENDING THE NIGHT
WITH ME, YOU SEE.

THEY WON'T BE SPENDING THE NIGHT
WITH ME, YOU SEE.
THAT'S FINE.

WITH ME, YOU SEE.
THAT'S FINE.
ABOUT 2:00 I'LL PUSH 'EM OUT.

THAT'S FINE.
ABOUT 2:00 I'LL PUSH 'EM OUT.
THEY'LL BE STANDING OUT

ABOUT 2:00 I'LL PUSH 'EM OUT.
THEY'LL BE STANDING OUT
IN FRONT OF THE MOTEL THERE.

THEY'LL BE STANDING OUT
IN FRONT OF THE MOTEL THERE.
GREAT, GREAT, OKAY.

IN FRONT OF THE MOTEL THERE.
GREAT, GREAT, OKAY.
WHAT HOTEL?

GREAT, GREAT, OKAY.
WHAT HOTEL?
THE MARRIOT CARRIAGE LODGE.

WHAT HOTEL?
THE MARRIOT CARRIAGE LODGE.
OOH, THAT'S A GOOD HOTEL.

THE MARRIOT CARRIAGE LODGE.
OOH, THAT'S A GOOD HOTEL.
YEAH, I THINK SO.

OOH, THAT'S A GOOD HOTEL.
YEAH, I THINK SO.
UH, LEEANN, YOU WANNA GET

YEAH, I THINK SO.
UH, LEEANN, YOU WANNA GET
YOUR CHEERLEADING OUTFIT?

UH, LEEANN, YOU WANNA GET
YOUR CHEERLEADING OUTFIT?
Marty: I'LL GET IT AND I'LL

YOUR CHEERLEADING OUTFIT?
Marty: I'LL GET IT AND I'LL
BRING MY FIGURE SKATING OUTFIT

Marty: I'LL GET IT AND I'LL
BRING MY FIGURE SKATING OUTFIT
'CAUSE IT'S BETTER ANYWAY.

BRING MY FIGURE SKATING OUTFIT
'CAUSE IT'S BETTER ANYWAY.
Leeann: OH, IT IS NOT!

'CAUSE IT'S BETTER ANYWAY.
Leeann: OH, IT IS NOT!
SHE'S SUCH A BABY.

Leeann: OH, IT IS NOT!
SHE'S SUCH A BABY.
OH, BURT.

SHE'S SUCH A BABY.
OH, BURT.
THIS IS EXCITING.

OH, BURT.
THIS IS EXCITING.
THANK YOU FOR COMING.

THIS IS EXCITING.
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
WELL, YOU ARE KIND OF LUCKY.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.
WELL, YOU ARE KIND OF LUCKY.
SEE, ORDINARILY I'D JUST HAVE

WELL, YOU ARE KIND OF LUCKY.
SEE, ORDINARILY I'D JUST HAVE
MORTY COME BY AND PICK 'EM UP,

SEE, ORDINARILY I'D JUST HAVE
MORTY COME BY AND PICK 'EM UP,
BRING 'EM OVER TO THE MOTEL,

MORTY COME BY AND PICK 'EM UP,
BRING 'EM OVER TO THE MOTEL,
BUT YOUR HOUSE WAS ON THE WAY

BRING 'EM OVER TO THE MOTEL,
BUT YOUR HOUSE WAS ON THE WAY
BY AND SO I STOPPED IN AND...

BUT YOUR HOUSE WAS ON THE WAY
BY AND SO I STOPPED IN AND...
I LIKED MEETING YOU.

BY AND SO I STOPPED IN AND...
I LIKED MEETING YOU.
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO MEET

I LIKED MEETING YOU.
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO MEET
NICE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW WHAT I

IT'S A REAL PLEASURE TO MEET
NICE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?

NICE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?
LET'S GO GIRLS.

MEAN?
LET'S GO GIRLS.
BURT, WOULD YOU MIND IF

LET'S GO GIRLS.
BURT, WOULD YOU MIND IF
WE GOT YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

BURT, WOULD YOU MIND IF
WE GOT YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
NO, I DON'T WANT THAT.

WE GOT YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
NO, I DON'T WANT THAT.
I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE,

NO, I DON'T WANT THAT.
I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
NEWMAN DOESN'T DO IT,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
NEWMAN DOESN'T DO IT,
I DON'T DO IT.

NEWMAN DOESN'T DO IT,
I DON'T DO IT.
HOW ABOUT A PICTURE?

I DON'T DO IT.
HOW ABOUT A PICTURE?
THAT'LL BE GOOD ON THE WAY

HOW ABOUT A PICTURE?
THAT'LL BE GOOD ON THE WAY
OUT.

THAT'LL BE GOOD ON THE WAY
OUT.
JUST TAKE IT WHILE I'M MOVING,

OUT.
JUST TAKE IT WHILE I'M MOVING,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

JUST TAKE IT WHILE I'M MOVING,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WITHOUT THE GIRLS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WITHOUT THE GIRLS.
THERE YOU GO.

WITHOUT THE GIRLS.
THERE YOU GO.
THERE WE GO.

THERE YOU GO.
THERE WE GO.
OH, IT DIDN'T COME OUT.

THERE WE GO.
OH, IT DIDN'T COME OUT.
DIDN'T COME OUT?

OH, IT DIDN'T COME OUT.
DIDN'T COME OUT?
THERE WE GO.

DIDN'T COME OUT?
THERE WE GO.
Bob: OH, NO FILM.

THERE WE GO.
Bob: OH, NO FILM.
THAT'S A CHEAP CAMERA.

Bob: OH, NO FILM.
THAT'S A CHEAP CAMERA.
[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S A CHEAP CAMERA.
[LAUGHTER]
I'LL SEND YOU SOME.

[LAUGHTER]
I'LL SEND YOU SOME.
BYE MOM, BYE DAD.

I'LL SEND YOU SOME.
BYE MOM, BYE DAD.
SWELL MEETING YOU ALL.

BYE MOM, BYE DAD.
SWELL MEETING YOU ALL.
YOU'RE NICE PEOPLE, REALLY ARE.

SWELL MEETING YOU ALL.
YOU'RE NICE PEOPLE, REALLY ARE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS

YOU'RE NICE PEOPLE, REALLY ARE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS
HAPPENING TO ME!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS
HAPPENING TO ME!
CIAO.

HAPPENING TO ME!
CIAO.
BYE, BURT!

CIAO.
BYE, BURT!
[BOTH LAUGH]

OH, LET'S CALL NED AND LUCY!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

OH, NED, SORRY TO WAKE YOU.
IT'S JUST THAT BURT REYNOLDS
WAS JUST HERE.

IT'S JUST THAT BURT REYNOLDS
WAS JUST HERE.
RIGHT.

WAS JUST HERE.
RIGHT.
HE SUCKED ON HONEY'S THUMB.

RIGHT.
HE SUCKED ON HONEY'S THUMB.
YES, BURT REYNOLDS THE ACTOR!

HE SUCKED ON HONEY'S THUMB.
YES, BURT REYNOLDS THE ACTOR!
AND HE LEFT WITH LEEANN AND

YES, BURT REYNOLDS THE ACTOR!
AND HE LEFT WITH LEEANN AND
MARTY AND HE'S TAKING THEM

AND HE LEFT WITH LEEANN AND
MARTY AND HE'S TAKING THEM
BACK TO HIS HOTEL ROOM.

MARTY AND HE'S TAKING THEM
BACK TO HIS HOTEL ROOM.
YES, HE'S GOING TO SLEEP

BACK TO HIS HOTEL ROOM.
YES, HE'S GOING TO SLEEP
WITH THEM!

YES, HE'S GOING TO SLEEP
WITH THEM!
NO, IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE!

WITH THEM!
NO, IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE!
I'M GONNA PICK THEM UP

NO, IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE!
I'M GONNA PICK THEM UP
IN TWO HOURS!

I'M GONNA PICK THEM UP
IN TWO HOURS!
I'LL CALL YOU THEN.

IN TWO HOURS!
I'LL CALL YOU THEN.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS.

I'LL CALL YOU THEN.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS.
ALL RIGHT, BYE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS.
ALL RIGHT, BYE.
HE COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

ALL RIGHT, BYE.
HE COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
LET'S CALL JOYCE.

HE COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
LET'S CALL JOYCE.
SHE LOVES BURT REYNOLDS.

LET'S CALL JOYCE.
SHE LOVES BURT REYNOLDS.
OH, THIS'LL KILL JOYCE!

SHE LOVES BURT REYNOLDS.
OH, THIS'LL KILL JOYCE!
[APPLAUSE]

OH, THIS'LL KILL JOYCE!
[APPLAUSE]
[COUGHING AND VOMITING]

[APPLAUSE]
[COUGHING AND VOMITING]
HI, TWO PLEASE.

[COUGHING AND VOMITING]
HI, TWO PLEASE.
HERE YOU GO, HON.

HI, TWO PLEASE.
HERE YOU GO, HON.
RIGHT AFTER YOU.

WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT
THIS PLACE, UH?
OH, BOY, YOU WERE RIGHT.

THIS PLACE, UH?
OH, BOY, YOU WERE RIGHT.
[WOMAN VOMITS]

OH, BOY, YOU WERE RIGHT.
[WOMAN VOMITS]
THAT SHEPHERD'S PIE WAS AS GOOD

[WOMAN VOMITS]
THAT SHEPHERD'S PIE WAS AS GOOD
COMING UP AS IT WAS GOING DOWN.

THAT SHEPHERD'S PIE WAS AS GOOD
COMING UP AS IT WAS GOING DOWN.
THIS ROUND TRY THE WHOLE

COMING UP AS IT WAS GOING DOWN.
THIS ROUND TRY THE WHOLE
CALF STUFFED WITH SHRIMP.

THIS ROUND TRY THE WHOLE
CALF STUFFED WITH SHRIMP.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING FOR IT.

CALF STUFFED WITH SHRIMP.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING FOR IT.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING FOR IT.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
HA, HA, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
HA, HA, THANK YOU.
GOOD EVENING, MA'AM.

HA, HA, THANK YOU.
GOOD EVENING, MA'AM.
HOW'S IT GOIN'?

GOOD EVENING, MA'AM.
HOW'S IT GOIN'?
IT'S A LITTLE SLOW FOR

HOW'S IT GOIN'?
IT'S A LITTLE SLOW FOR
A WEEKEND, YOU KNOW.

IT'S A LITTLE SLOW FOR
A WEEKEND, YOU KNOW.
HEY, WHO'S THIS LITTLE SWEET

A WEEKEND, YOU KNOW.
HEY, WHO'S THIS LITTLE SWEET
LITTLE NYMPHET OVER THERE?

HEY, WHO'S THIS LITTLE SWEET
LITTLE NYMPHET OVER THERE?
OH, I THINK SHE CAME IN

LITTLE NYMPHET OVER THERE?
OH, I THINK SHE CAME IN
WITH SENATOR CRASUS.

OH, I THINK SHE CAME IN
WITH SENATOR CRASUS.
OH YEAH?

WITH SENATOR CRASUS.
OH YEAH?
[WOMAN SPITS]

OH YEAH?
[WOMAN SPITS]
HI...

[WOMAN SPITS]
HI...
I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE

HI...
I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
YOU VOMITING.

I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
YOU VOMITING.
[LAUGHTER]

YOU VOMITING.
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT'S IT TO YOU?

[LAUGHTER]
WHAT'S IT TO YOU?
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A

WHAT'S IT TO YOU?
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A
BEAUTIFUL WAY WITH YOU

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A
BEAUTIFUL WAY WITH YOU
WHEN YOU PUKE.

BEAUTIFUL WAY WITH YOU
WHEN YOU PUKE.
[LAUGHTER]

WHEN YOU PUKE.
[LAUGHTER]
I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.

[LAUGHTER]
I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.
BESIDES, I'M HERE

I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.
BESIDES, I'M HERE
WITH MY HUSBAND.

BESIDES, I'M HERE
WITH MY HUSBAND.
WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD POISON

WITH MY HUSBAND.
WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD POISON
HIM AND MEET ME LATER.

WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD POISON
HIM AND MEET ME LATER.
DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.

HIM AND MEET ME LATER.
DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.
BOY, DID I EVER STRIKE OUT.

DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH.
BOY, DID I EVER STRIKE OUT.
DON'T WORRY, SHE'LL BE BACK.

BOY, DID I EVER STRIKE OUT.
DON'T WORRY, SHE'LL BE BACK.
SO ANYWAY, WHAT'D YOU HAVE

DON'T WORRY, SHE'LL BE BACK.
SO ANYWAY, WHAT'D YOU HAVE
FOR DINNER?

SO ANYWAY, WHAT'D YOU HAVE
FOR DINNER?
I HAD THE CAT BRAINS

FOR DINNER?
I HAD THE CAT BRAINS
WITH THE ORANGE SAUCE.

I HAD THE CAT BRAINS
WITH THE ORANGE SAUCE.
OOH, YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD

WITH THE ORANGE SAUCE.
OOH, YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD
CHOICE.

OOH, YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD
CHOICE.
THAT'S VERY HARD TO KEEP DOWN.

CHOICE.
THAT'S VERY HARD TO KEEP DOWN.
HOW YOU LIKE WORKING HERE?

THAT'S VERY HARD TO KEEP DOWN.
HOW YOU LIKE WORKING HERE?
WELL, I TELL YOU,

HOW YOU LIKE WORKING HERE?
WELL, I TELL YOU,
I'VE HAD WORSE JOBS.

WELL, I TELL YOU,
I'VE HAD WORSE JOBS.
YOU KNOW...

I'VE HAD WORSE JOBS.
YOU KNOW...
I WAS A GALLEY SLAVE FOR

YOU KNOW...
I WAS A GALLEY SLAVE FOR
SIX YEARS.

I WAS A GALLEY SLAVE FOR
SIX YEARS.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.

SIX YEARS.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.
23C I WAS, AND AISLE SEAT

I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.
23C I WAS, AND AISLE SEAT
AND I GOT THE WHIP.

23C I WAS, AND AISLE SEAT
AND I GOT THE WHIP.
NO WINDOW, NOTHING.

AND I GOT THE WHIP.
NO WINDOW, NOTHING.
[MAN VOMITS]

NO WINDOW, NOTHING.
[MAN VOMITS]
SAY, I GOT A SPOT HERE.

[MAN VOMITS]
SAY, I GOT A SPOT HERE.
YOU MIND GETTIN' IT OFF ME?

SAY, I GOT A SPOT HERE.
YOU MIND GETTIN' IT OFF ME?
CERTAINLY, CERTAINLY.

YOU MIND GETTIN' IT OFF ME?
CERTAINLY, CERTAINLY.
IF YOU WOULD EVER CONSIDER

CERTAINLY, CERTAINLY.
IF YOU WOULD EVER CONSIDER
BUYING ME FROM MY MASTER

IF YOU WOULD EVER CONSIDER
BUYING ME FROM MY MASTER
I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

BUYING ME FROM MY MASTER
I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
I'VE SEEN YOUR ESTATE.

I'D REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
I'VE SEEN YOUR ESTATE.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.

I'VE SEEN YOUR ESTATE.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.
I'VE SEEN IT THROUGH THE

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.
I'VE SEEN IT THROUGH THE
WICKER ON THE OXCART.

I'VE SEEN IT THROUGH THE
WICKER ON THE OXCART.
VERY NICE.

WICKER ON THE OXCART.
VERY NICE.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I-I-I'D NEVER

VERY NICE.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I-I-I'D NEVER
RUN AWAY, I MEAN IT.

BUT, YOU KNOW, I-I-I'D NEVER
RUN AWAY, I MEAN IT.
I WOULDN'T ENJOY IT.

RUN AWAY, I MEAN IT.
I WOULDN'T ENJOY IT.
IF I RAN AWAY FROM THIS PLACE

I WOULDN'T ENJOY IT.
IF I RAN AWAY FROM THIS PLACE
I WOULD RUN TO YOUR PLACE.

IF I RAN AWAY FROM THIS PLACE
I WOULD RUN TO YOUR PLACE.
YOU KNOW, THINK ABOUT IT.

I WOULD RUN TO YOUR PLACE.
YOU KNOW, THINK ABOUT IT.
ONE, PLEASE.

YOU KNOW, THINK ABOUT IT.
ONE, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.

ONE, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
WATCH THIS.

THANK YOU.
WATCH THIS.
HI.

WATCH THIS.
HI.
OH, HELLO.

HI.
OH, HELLO.
I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE

OH, HELLO.
I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
THAT YOU'RE A VERY ATTRACTIVE

I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
THAT YOU'RE A VERY ATTRACTIVE
WOMAN, YOU KNOW.

THAT YOU'RE A VERY ATTRACTIVE
WOMAN, YOU KNOW.
YOU'RE VERY SVELTE, VERY PETITE.

WOMAN, YOU KNOW.
YOU'RE VERY SVELTE, VERY PETITE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

YOU'RE VERY SVELTE, VERY PETITE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
ANOREXIA.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
ANOREXIA.
[LAUGHTER]

ANOREXIA.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANOREXIA.

[LAUGHTER]
YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANOREXIA.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HOLD

YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANOREXIA.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HOLD
YOUR HAIR WHILE YOU BARF?

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HOLD
YOUR HAIR WHILE YOU BARF?
[LAUGHTER]

YOUR HAIR WHILE YOU BARF?
[LAUGHTER]
WHY, YES, THANK YOU.

[LAUGHTER]
WHY, YES, THANK YOU.
IT'S NICE TO SEE THERE'S

WHY, YES, THANK YOU.
IT'S NICE TO SEE THERE'S
STILL SOME GENTLEMEN IN ROME.

IT'S NICE TO SEE THERE'S
STILL SOME GENTLEMEN IN ROME.
[WOMAN VOMITS]

STILL SOME GENTLEMEN IN ROME.
[WOMAN VOMITS]
UH, COULD I USE YOUR

[WOMAN VOMITS]
UH, COULD I USE YOUR
VOMITORIUM?

UH, COULD I USE YOUR
VOMITORIUM?
WELL, SURE, ARE YOU A

VOMITORIUM?
WELL, SURE, ARE YOU A
CUSTOMER?

WELL, SURE, ARE YOU A
CUSTOMER?
NO, NO, I JUST CAME IN

CUSTOMER?
NO, NO, I JUST CAME IN
OFF THE STREET AND I'M,

NO, NO, I JUST CAME IN
OFF THE STREET AND I'M,
I'M REALLY SICK.

OFF THE STREET AND I'M,
I'M REALLY SICK.
WELL, IF YOU'RE SICK,

I'M REALLY SICK.
WELL, IF YOU'RE SICK,
YOU BETTER GET THE HELL

WELL, IF YOU'RE SICK,
YOU BETTER GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.

YOU BETTER GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.
THIS ISN'T A REST STOP.

OUT OF HERE.
THIS ISN'T A REST STOP.
GET A HOSPITAL,

THIS ISN'T A REST STOP.
GET A HOSPITAL,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.

GET A HOSPITAL,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.
GEE, YOU BELIEVE THAT FELLOW?

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.
GEE, YOU BELIEVE THAT FELLOW?
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THE

GEE, YOU BELIEVE THAT FELLOW?
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THE
NEIGHBORHOOD?

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THE
NEIGHBORHOOD?
TWO MORE.

NEIGHBORHOOD?
TWO MORE.
WE'RE GONNA GO A ROUND AGAIN.

TWO MORE.
WE'RE GONNA GO A ROUND AGAIN.
I AM SO STUFFED,

WE'RE GONNA GO A ROUND AGAIN.
I AM SO STUFFED,
I CAN'T EAT ANOTHER THING

I AM SO STUFFED,
I CAN'T EAT ANOTHER THING
UNTIL I VOMIT!

I CAN'T EAT ANOTHER THING
UNTIL I VOMIT!
BIG ONE.

UNTIL I VOMIT!
BIG ONE.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG

BIG ONE.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG
WITH ROME TODAY?

YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG
WITH ROME TODAY?
[MAN GAGGING]

WITH ROME TODAY?
[MAN GAGGING]
[LAUGHTER]

[MAN GAGGING]
[LAUGHTER]
JUST LIKE GREECE, YOU KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]
JUST LIKE GREECE, YOU KNOW.
THE TIME OF THE DOWNFALL.

JUST LIKE GREECE, YOU KNOW.
THE TIME OF THE DOWNFALL.
AH, OUR TRADE ROOTS ARE BEING

THE TIME OF THE DOWNFALL.
AH, OUR TRADE ROOTS ARE BEING
CUT OFF AND WE'RE STANDING OUT

AH, OUR TRADE ROOTS ARE BEING
CUT OFF AND WE'RE STANDING OUT
LIKE A BUNCH OF BARBARIANS.

CUT OFF AND WE'RE STANDING OUT
LIKE A BUNCH OF BARBARIANS.
WE'RE GETTING DECADENT.

LIKE A BUNCH OF BARBARIANS.
WE'RE GETTING DECADENT.
DECADENT?

WE'RE GETTING DECADENT.
DECADENT?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN?

DECADENT?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN?
LOOK AT THE YOUNG KIDS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN?
LOOK AT THE YOUNG KIDS.
NO ONE'S STUDYING THE CLASSICS.

LOOK AT THE YOUNG KIDS.
NO ONE'S STUDYING THE CLASSICS.
NOBODY WANTS TO SERVE IN THE

NO ONE'S STUDYING THE CLASSICS.
NOBODY WANTS TO SERVE IN THE
LEGIONS ANYMORE.

NOBODY WANTS TO SERVE IN THE
LEGIONS ANYMORE.
THEY JUST WANNA PARTY.

LEGIONS ANYMORE.
THEY JUST WANNA PARTY.
TOGA, TOGA, TOGA.

THEY JUST WANNA PARTY.
TOGA, TOGA, TOGA.
UH, HOW YOU DOIN' KID?

TOGA, TOGA, TOGA.
UH, HOW YOU DOIN' KID?
WELL, REAL GOOD, MASTER.

UH, HOW YOU DOIN' KID?
WELL, REAL GOOD, MASTER.
I THINK I COULD HANDLE

WELL, REAL GOOD, MASTER.
I THINK I COULD HANDLE
SOME MORE RESPONSIBILITY.

I THINK I COULD HANDLE
SOME MORE RESPONSIBILITY.
WHENEVER YOU'RE WILLING,

SOME MORE RESPONSIBILITY.
WHENEVER YOU'RE WILLING,
I'M A REAL HUSTLER.

WHENEVER YOU'RE WILLING,
I'M A REAL HUSTLER.
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.

I'M A REAL HUSTLER.
HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
NICE TO SEE YOU.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
YES, YES, YES.

NICE TO SEE YOU.
YES, YES, YES.
ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR MEAL?

YES, YES, YES.
ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR MEAL?
OH, VERY MUCH.

ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR MEAL?
OH, VERY MUCH.
YES MARCUS, VERY MUCH.

OH, VERY MUCH.
YES MARCUS, VERY MUCH.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

YES MARCUS, VERY MUCH.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
[MAN VOMITS]

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
[MAN VOMITS]
AREN'T YOU MARCUS THE NUBIAN?

[MAN VOMITS]
AREN'T YOU MARCUS THE NUBIAN?
YES, I AM, THAT'S ME.

AREN'T YOU MARCUS THE NUBIAN?
YES, I AM, THAT'S ME.
I WANT YOU TO MEET THIS GUY.

YES, I AM, THAT'S ME.
I WANT YOU TO MEET THIS GUY.
HE OWNS THE RESTAURANT.

I WANT YOU TO MEET THIS GUY.
HE OWNS THE RESTAURANT.
I KNOW THIS GUY.

HE OWNS THE RESTAURANT.
I KNOW THIS GUY.
I SAW YOU KILL TORVOL THE SWEDE

I KNOW THIS GUY.
I SAW YOU KILL TORVOL THE SWEDE
AT POMPEII BACK IN '51.

I SAW YOU KILL TORVOL THE SWEDE
AT POMPEII BACK IN '51.
YES, THAT IS.

AT POMPEII BACK IN '51.
YES, THAT IS.
NO KIDDING, YOU SAW THAT?

YES, THAT IS.
NO KIDDING, YOU SAW THAT?
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NO KIDDING, YOU SAW THAT?
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW I HOPE YOU TWO HAVE

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW I HOPE YOU TWO HAVE
MADE ROOM FOR THE DESSERT.

NOW I HOPE YOU TWO HAVE
MADE ROOM FOR THE DESSERT.
OH, WE HAVE, WE HAVE.

MADE ROOM FOR THE DESSERT.
OH, WE HAVE, WE HAVE.
GOOD, GOOD.

OH, WE HAVE, WE HAVE.
GOOD, GOOD.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

GOOD, GOOD.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
ENJOY.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.
ENJOY.
THANK YOU.

ENJOY.
THANK YOU.
GEE, NICE GUY.

THANK YOU.
GEE, NICE GUY.
YEAH, HE'S NO DUMMY.

GEE, NICE GUY.
YEAH, HE'S NO DUMMY.
SOON AS HE WON HIS FREEDOM

YEAH, HE'S NO DUMMY.
SOON AS HE WON HIS FREEDOM
HE OPENED HIS FIRST RESTAURANT

SOON AS HE WON HIS FREEDOM
HE OPENED HIS FIRST RESTAURANT
AND NOW HE OWNS A CHAIN OF 'EM.

HE OPENED HIS FIRST RESTAURANT
AND NOW HE OWNS A CHAIN OF 'EM.
COME ON, LET'S GET SOME DESSERT.

AND NOW HE OWNS A CHAIN OF 'EM.
COME ON, LET'S GET SOME DESSERT.
THAT TROUGH OVER THERE IS

COME ON, LET'S GET SOME DESSERT.
THAT TROUGH OVER THERE IS
GETTING A LITTLE FULL, ISN'T IT?

THAT TROUGH OVER THERE IS
GETTING A LITTLE FULL, ISN'T IT?
YES, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

GETTING A LITTLE FULL, ISN'T IT?
YES, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
I'LL GET ON IT RIGHT AWAY,

YES, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
I'LL GET ON IT RIGHT AWAY,
NO PROBLEM.

I'LL GET ON IT RIGHT AWAY,
NO PROBLEM.
SAY, YOU KNOW, IT'S NASTIER...

NO PROBLEM.
SAY, YOU KNOW, IT'S NASTIER...
[AUDIENCE GROANS]

SAY, YOU KNOW, IT'S NASTIER...
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
IF SOME SORT OF DISHWASHING GIG

[AUDIENCE GROANS]
IF SOME SORT OF DISHWASHING GIG
OPENS UP, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE

IF SOME SORT OF DISHWASHING GIG
OPENS UP, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE
IT, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I CAN

OPENS UP, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE
IT, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I CAN
HANDLE THE RESPONSIBILITY.

IT, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I CAN
HANDLE THE RESPONSIBILITY.
[APPLAUSE...]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
TO ME, THE PUREST, BEST VOICE
IN THE WORLD... ANNE MURRAY.

TO ME, THE PUREST, BEST VOICE
IN THE WORLD... ANNE MURRAY.
[APPLAUSE]

IN THE WORLD... ANNE MURRAY.
[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

♪ THERE MUST BE THOUSANDS
OF PEOPLE OUT THERE ♪
♪ WHO SEARCH FOR LOVE AND FIND

OF PEOPLE OUT THERE ♪
♪ WHO SEARCH FOR LOVE AND FIND
MORE THAN THEIR SHARE ♪

♪ WHO SEARCH FOR LOVE AND FIND
MORE THAN THEIR SHARE ♪
♪ THEY SEEM TO FALL INTO IT

MORE THAN THEIR SHARE ♪
♪ THEY SEEM TO FALL INTO IT
NATURALLY ♪

♪ THEY SEEM TO FALL INTO IT
NATURALLY ♪
♪ BUT YOU KNOW THAT

NATURALLY ♪
♪ BUT YOU KNOW THAT
DOESN'T APPLY

♪ BUT YOU KNOW THAT
DOESN'T APPLY
TO ME ♪

DOESN'T APPLY
TO ME ♪
♪ SOME FOOLS ♪

TO ME ♪
♪ SOME FOOLS ♪
♪ (SOME FOOLS) ♪

♪ SOME FOOLS ♪
♪ (SOME FOOLS) ♪
♪ GET LUCKY ♪

♪ (SOME FOOLS) ♪
♪ GET LUCKY ♪
♪ THE FIRST TIME OUT TAKE

♪ GET LUCKY ♪
♪ THE FIRST TIME OUT TAKE
A CHANCE ON LOVE AND THEY WIN ♪

♪ THE FIRST TIME OUT TAKE
A CHANCE ON LOVE AND THEY WIN ♪
♪ BUT SOME FOOLS LIKE ME,

A CHANCE ON LOVE AND THEY WIN ♪
♪ BUT SOME FOOLS LIKE ME,
THEY NEVER LEARN ♪

♪ BUT SOME FOOLS LIKE ME,
THEY NEVER LEARN ♪
♪ THEY KEEP ON

THEY NEVER LEARN ♪
♪ THEY KEEP ON
PLAYIN' THE GAME ♪

♪ THEY KEEP ON
PLAYIN' THE GAME ♪
♪ THOUGH IT TURNS OUT THE SAME ♪

PLAYIN' THE GAME ♪
♪ THOUGH IT TURNS OUT THE SAME ♪
♪ OH, WHEN WILL IT EVER BE

♪ THOUGH IT TURNS OUT THE SAME ♪
♪ OH, WHEN WILL IT EVER BE
LUCKY ME? ♪

♪ I GOT THAT BUTTERFLY
FEELING INSIDE ♪
♪ WITH YOU I KNEW THAT LOVE

FEELING INSIDE ♪
♪ WITH YOU I KNEW THAT LOVE
HAD FINALLY ARRIVED ♪

♪ WITH YOU I KNEW THAT LOVE
HAD FINALLY ARRIVED ♪
♪ NOW LIKE ALL THE REST

HAD FINALLY ARRIVED ♪
♪ NOW LIKE ALL THE REST
YOU SAY GOODBYE ♪

♪ NOW LIKE ALL THE REST
YOU SAY GOODBYE ♪
♪ LEAVIN' ME ALONE

YOU SAY GOODBYE ♪
♪ LEAVIN' ME ALONE
TO KEEP WONDERING WHY ♪

♪ LEAVIN' ME ALONE
TO KEEP WONDERING WHY ♪
♪ SOME FOOLS ♪

TO KEEP WONDERING WHY ♪
♪ SOME FOOLS ♪
♪ (SOME FOOLS) ♪

♪ SOME FOOLS ♪
♪ (SOME FOOLS) ♪
♪ GET LUCKY ♪

♪ (SOME FOOLS) ♪
♪ GET LUCKY ♪
♪ THE FIRST TIME OUT TAKE

♪ GET LUCKY ♪
♪ THE FIRST TIME OUT TAKE
A CHANCE ON LOVE AND THEY WIN ♪

♪ THE FIRST TIME OUT TAKE
A CHANCE ON LOVE AND THEY WIN ♪
♪ BUT SOME FOOLS LIKE ME,

A CHANCE ON LOVE AND THEY WIN ♪
♪ BUT SOME FOOLS LIKE ME,
THEY NEVER LEARN ♪

♪ BUT SOME FOOLS LIKE ME,
THEY NEVER LEARN ♪
♪ THEY KEEP ON

THEY NEVER LEARN ♪
♪ THEY KEEP ON
PLAYIN' THE GAME ♪

♪ THEY KEEP ON
PLAYIN' THE GAME ♪
♪ THOUGH IT TURNS OUT THE SAME ♪

PLAYIN' THE GAME ♪
♪ THOUGH IT TURNS OUT THE SAME ♪
♪ OH, WHEN WILL IT EVER BE ♪

♪ THOUGH IT TURNS OUT THE SAME ♪
♪ OH, WHEN WILL IT EVER BE ♪
♪ OH, MY HEART ACHES

♪ OH, WHEN WILL IT EVER BE ♪
♪ OH, MY HEART ACHES
IMPATIENTLY ♪

♪ OH, MY HEART ACHES
IMPATIENTLY ♪
♪ OH, WHEN WILL IT EVER BE

IMPATIENTLY ♪
♪ OH, WHEN WILL IT EVER BE
LUCKY ME? ♪

♪ WHEN WILL IT EVER BE
LUCKY ME? ♪

[APPLAUSE...]

Announcer: AND NOW WEEKEND
UPDATE WITH THE WEEKEND UPDATE
NEWS TEAM.

UPDATE WITH THE WEEKEND UPDATE
NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS

NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.

HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING,

BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING,
I'M JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING,
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS...

I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS...
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:

HERE NOW THE NEWS...
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
PRESIDENT CARTER SAID THIS WEEK

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
PRESIDENT CARTER SAID THIS WEEK
THAT A U.S. BOYCOTT OF THE

PRESIDENT CARTER SAID THIS WEEK
THAT A U.S. BOYCOTT OF THE
MOSCOW OLYMPICS IS THE MOST

THAT A U.S. BOYCOTT OF THE
MOSCOW OLYMPICS IS THE MOST
EFFECTIVE REACTION TO THE SOVIET

MOSCOW OLYMPICS IS THE MOST
EFFECTIVE REACTION TO THE SOVIET
INVASION OF AFGHANISTAN.

EFFECTIVE REACTION TO THE SOVIET
INVASION OF AFGHANISTAN.
CARTER, THREATENING HIS

INVASION OF AFGHANISTAN.
CARTER, THREATENING HIS
STRONGEST ACTION TO DATE,

CARTER, THREATENING HIS
STRONGEST ACTION TO DATE,
SAID THAT IF THE SOVIETS SHOULD

STRONGEST ACTION TO DATE,
SAID THAT IF THE SOVIETS SHOULD
INVADE IRAN AND SEIZE THE OIL

SAID THAT IF THE SOVIETS SHOULD
INVADE IRAN AND SEIZE THE OIL
FIELDS THERE, THEN THE U.S. WILL

INVADE IRAN AND SEIZE THE OIL
FIELDS THERE, THEN THE U.S. WILL
ALSO BE FORCED TO BOYCOTT THE

FIELDS THERE, THEN THE U.S. WILL
ALSO BE FORCED TO BOYCOTT THE
1980 MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT

ALSO BE FORCED TO BOYCOTT THE
1980 MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT
THIS JUNE.

1980 MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT
THIS JUNE.
LAST NIGHT, AGAINST HIS DOCTOR'S

THIS JUNE.
LAST NIGHT, AGAINST HIS DOCTOR'S
ADVICE, THE FORMER SHAH OF IRAN

LAST NIGHT, AGAINST HIS DOCTOR'S
ADVICE, THE FORMER SHAH OF IRAN
SNUCK OUT OF HIS CAIRO HOSPITAL

ADVICE, THE FORMER SHAH OF IRAN
SNUCK OUT OF HIS CAIRO HOSPITAL
ROOM, RENTED A CAR, AND DROVE

SNUCK OUT OF HIS CAIRO HOSPITAL
ROOM, RENTED A CAR, AND DROVE
ALL THE WAY TO TEHRAN WHERE HE

ROOM, RENTED A CAR, AND DROVE
ALL THE WAY TO TEHRAN WHERE HE
WEAVED THROUGH THE STREETS

ALL THE WAY TO TEHRAN WHERE HE
WEAVED THROUGH THE STREETS
HONKING HIS HORN WAVING HIS

WEAVED THROUGH THE STREETS
HONKING HIS HORN WAVING HIS
FORMER SPLEEN AND GOING,

HONKING HIS HORN WAVING HIS
FORMER SPLEEN AND GOING,
"NA-NA-NA-NA-NA,

FORMER SPLEEN AND GOING,
"NA-NA-NA-NA-NA,
NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!"

"NA-NA-NA-NA-NA,
NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!"
[LAUGHTER]

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!"
[LAUGHTER]
IRANIAN POLICE WERE POWERLESS

[LAUGHTER]
IRANIAN POLICE WERE POWERLESS
HOWEVER, AS MOSLEM LAW FORBIDS

IRANIAN POLICE WERE POWERLESS
HOWEVER, AS MOSLEM LAW FORBIDS
THE ARREST OF ANYONE WHO

HOWEVER, AS MOSLEM LAW FORBIDS
THE ARREST OF ANYONE WHO
DRIVES THROUGH THE STREETS

THE ARREST OF ANYONE WHO
DRIVES THROUGH THE STREETS
LIKE AN IDIOT.

DRIVES THROUGH THE STREETS
LIKE AN IDIOT.
BILL?

LIKE AN IDIOT.
BILL?
SCIENTISTS NOW SAY THEY ARE

BILL?
SCIENTISTS NOW SAY THEY ARE
CONVINCED THAT INCREASED SUN

SCIENTISTS NOW SAY THEY ARE
CONVINCED THAT INCREASED SUN
SPOT ACTIVITY IN RECENT WEEKS

CONVINCED THAT INCREASED SUN
SPOT ACTIVITY IN RECENT WEEKS
IS THE CAUSE OF ERRATIC RADIO

SPOT ACTIVITY IN RECENT WEEKS
IS THE CAUSE OF ERRATIC RADIO
TRANSMISSIONS, INCONSISTENT

IS THE CAUSE OF ERRATIC RADIO
TRANSMISSIONS, INCONSISTENT
WEATHER REPORTS AND OCCASIONAL

TRANSMISSIONS, INCONSISTENT
WEATHER REPORTS AND OCCASIONAL
LUCID STATEMENTS BY

WEATHER REPORTS AND OCCASIONAL
LUCID STATEMENTS BY
RONALD REAGAN.

LUCID STATEMENTS BY
RONALD REAGAN.
RESEARCHERS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF

RONALD REAGAN.
RESEARCHERS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF
TEXAS REPORT THAT THERE IS A

RESEARCHERS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF
TEXAS REPORT THAT THERE IS A
POSSIBLE CANCER RISK FROM

TEXAS REPORT THAT THERE IS A
POSSIBLE CANCER RISK FROM
EXPOSURE FROM CHEMICALS USED

POSSIBLE CANCER RISK FROM
EXPOSURE FROM CHEMICALS USED
IN XEROX MACHINES.

EXPOSURE FROM CHEMICALS USED
IN XEROX MACHINES.
THE CANCER CELLS REPLICATE

IN XEROX MACHINES.
THE CANCER CELLS REPLICATE
QUICKLY AND COME IN LETTER

THE CANCER CELLS REPLICATE
QUICKLY AND COME IN LETTER
OR LEGAL SIZES.

QUICKLY AND COME IN LETTER
OR LEGAL SIZES.
A DIRECTIVE HAS BEEN

OR LEGAL SIZES.
A DIRECTIVE HAS BEEN
ISSUED FOR OFFICE WORKERS.

A DIRECTIVE HAS BEEN
ISSUED FOR OFFICE WORKERS.
IF YOU OPERATE A XEROX MACHINE

ISSUED FOR OFFICE WORKERS.
IF YOU OPERATE A XEROX MACHINE
AND DEVELOP A TUMOR, YOU SHOULD

IF YOU OPERATE A XEROX MACHINE
AND DEVELOP A TUMOR, YOU SHOULD
CALL IMMEDIATELY THE KEY

AND DEVELOP A TUMOR, YOU SHOULD
CALL IMMEDIATELY THE KEY
OPERATOR.

CALL IMMEDIATELY THE KEY
OPERATOR.
JANE?

OPERATOR.
JANE?
WELL OF COURSE, THE REALLY BIG

JANE?
WELL OF COURSE, THE REALLY BIG
STORY AROUND THE COUNTRY IS THE

WELL OF COURSE, THE REALLY BIG
STORY AROUND THE COUNTRY IS THE
END OF OUR 11-DAY TRANSIT STRIKE

STORY AROUND THE COUNTRY IS THE
END OF OUR 11-DAY TRANSIT STRIKE
HERE IN NEW YORK.

END OF OUR 11-DAY TRANSIT STRIKE
HERE IN NEW YORK.
CELEBRATIONS WERE HELD FROM

HERE IN NEW YORK.
CELEBRATIONS WERE HELD FROM
BANGOR, MAINE TO SAN DIEGO,

CELEBRATIONS WERE HELD FROM
BANGOR, MAINE TO SAN DIEGO,
FROM MIAMI TO SEATTLE.

BANGOR, MAINE TO SAN DIEGO,
FROM MIAMI TO SEATTLE.
THE GENEROUS SETTLEMENTS WHICH

FROM MIAMI TO SEATTLE.
THE GENEROUS SETTLEMENTS WHICH
INCLUDES LIMOUSINE SERVICE FOR

THE GENEROUS SETTLEMENTS WHICH
INCLUDES LIMOUSINE SERVICE FOR
TRANSIT WORKERS TO AND FROM WORK

INCLUDES LIMOUSINE SERVICE FOR
TRANSIT WORKERS TO AND FROM WORK
WILL BE PAID FOR BY TAXES ON

TRANSIT WORKERS TO AND FROM WORK
WILL BE PAID FOR BY TAXES ON
RURAL AREAS ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

WILL BE PAID FOR BY TAXES ON
RURAL AREAS ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
[LAUGHTER]

RURAL AREAS ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
[LAUGHTER]
THANKS, AMERICA.

[LAUGHTER]
THANKS, AMERICA.
THANKS FOR CARING.

THANKS, AMERICA.
THANKS FOR CARING.
INSPIRED BY PRODUCER NORMAN

THANKS FOR CARING.
INSPIRED BY PRODUCER NORMAN
LEAR'S HALF MILLION DOLLAR GIFT

INSPIRED BY PRODUCER NORMAN
LEAR'S HALF MILLION DOLLAR GIFT
TO E.R.A. SUPPORTERS IN THE NAME

LEAR'S HALF MILLION DOLLAR GIFT
TO E.R.A. SUPPORTERS IN THE NAME
OF THE DOOMED EDITH BUNKER,

TO E.R.A. SUPPORTERS IN THE NAME
OF THE DOOMED EDITH BUNKER,
CBS HAS ANNOUNCED THAT ON THE

OF THE DOOMED EDITH BUNKER,
CBS HAS ANNOUNCED THAT ON THE
FALL SEASON'S FIRST EPISODE OF

CBS HAS ANNOUNCED THAT ON THE
FALL SEASON'S FIRST EPISODE OF
THE WALTONS, HE WILL KILL OFF

FALL SEASON'S FIRST EPISODE OF
THE WALTONS, HE WILL KILL OFF
THE ENTIRE FAMILY AND MAKE A

THE WALTONS, HE WILL KILL OFF
THE ENTIRE FAMILY AND MAKE A
SIZEABLE DONATION TO THE

THE ENTIRE FAMILY AND MAKE A
SIZEABLE DONATION TO THE
PLANNED PARENTHOOD ASSOCIATION.

SIZEABLE DONATION TO THE
PLANNED PARENTHOOD ASSOCIATION.
BILL?

PLANNED PARENTHOOD ASSOCIATION.
BILL?
EARLY THIS MORNING, ONE OF

BILL?
EARLY THIS MORNING, ONE OF
THOSE THINGS THAT YOU PUT ON

EARLY THIS MORNING, ONE OF
THOSE THINGS THAT YOU PUT ON
YOUR EYEGLASS FRAMES SO THEY

THOSE THINGS THAT YOU PUT ON
YOUR EYEGLASS FRAMES SO THEY
WON'T SCRAPE YOUR NOSE

YOUR EYEGLASS FRAMES SO THEY
WON'T SCRAPE YOUR NOSE
REPORTEDLY KILLED THE GOVERNOR

WON'T SCRAPE YOUR NOSE
REPORTEDLY KILLED THE GOVERNOR
OF WYOMING AND ATTACKED HIS

REPORTEDLY KILLED THE GOVERNOR
OF WYOMING AND ATTACKED HIS
YOUNG DAUGHTER NANCY.

OF WYOMING AND ATTACKED HIS
YOUNG DAUGHTER NANCY.
THERE WAS NO APPARENT MOTIVE.

YOUNG DAUGHTER NANCY.
THERE WAS NO APPARENT MOTIVE.
AT LEAST A QUARTER OF THE

THERE WAS NO APPARENT MOTIVE.
AT LEAST A QUARTER OF THE
WORLD'S POPULATION OF GIANT

AT LEAST A QUARTER OF THE
WORLD'S POPULATION OF GIANT
PANDA'S APPEARS TO HAVE PERISHED

WORLD'S POPULATION OF GIANT
PANDA'S APPEARS TO HAVE PERISHED
BECAUSE OF THE SHORTAGE OF

PANDA'S APPEARS TO HAVE PERISHED
BECAUSE OF THE SHORTAGE OF
BAMBOO THAT PROVIDES THE MAJOR

BECAUSE OF THE SHORTAGE OF
BAMBOO THAT PROVIDES THE MAJOR
PORTION OF THE ANIMAL'S DIET.

BAMBOO THAT PROVIDES THE MAJOR
PORTION OF THE ANIMAL'S DIET.
HERE WITH A COMMENT ON THE

PORTION OF THE ANIMAL'S DIET.
HERE WITH A COMMENT ON THE
SITUATION IS FATHER GUIDO

HERE WITH A COMMENT ON THE
SITUATION IS FATHER GUIDO
SARDUCCI.

SITUATION IS FATHER GUIDO
SARDUCCI.
FATHER SARDUCCI?

SARDUCCI.
FATHER SARDUCCI?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FATHER SARDUCCI?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, I FEEL VERY, VERY BADLY

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WELL, I FEEL VERY, VERY BADLY
ABOUT THIS PANDA BEAR SITUATION.

WELL, I FEEL VERY, VERY BADLY
ABOUT THIS PANDA BEAR SITUATION.
JUST BREAKS MY HEART.

ABOUT THIS PANDA BEAR SITUATION.
JUST BREAKS MY HEART.
BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

JUST BREAKS MY HEART.
BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT ALL THE TIME

BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT ALL THE TIME
I'M PICKING UP THE NEWSPAPER AND

IT SEEMS TO ME THAT ALL THE TIME
I'M PICKING UP THE NEWSPAPER AND
ALL THE TIME IT'S SAVE THE

I'M PICKING UP THE NEWSPAPER AND
ALL THE TIME IT'S SAVE THE
PANDA, SAVE THIS TUNA FISH,

ALL THE TIME IT'S SAVE THE
PANDA, SAVE THIS TUNA FISH,
SAVE THIS TURTLE, SAVE THIS,

PANDA, SAVE THIS TUNA FISH,
SAVE THIS TURTLE, SAVE THIS,
SAVE THAT.

SAVE THIS TURTLE, SAVE THIS,
SAVE THAT.
IT'S JUST ONE AFTER ANOTHER ONE.

SAVE THAT.
IT'S JUST ONE AFTER ANOTHER ONE.
AND ALL THE TIME, IT'S ALWAYS

IT'S JUST ONE AFTER ANOTHER ONE.
AND ALL THE TIME, IT'S ALWAYS
KNOCKING MAN, YOU KNOW?

AND ALL THE TIME, IT'S ALWAYS
KNOCKING MAN, YOU KNOW?
ALWAYS PICKING ON MAN,

KNOCKING MAN, YOU KNOW?
ALWAYS PICKING ON MAN,
MAKING HIM FEEL LIKE HE'S

ALWAYS PICKING ON MAN,
MAKING HIM FEEL LIKE HE'S
RESPONSIBLE, LIKE IT WAS

MAKING HIM FEEL LIKE HE'S
RESPONSIBLE, LIKE IT WAS
HIS FAULT, YOU KNOW?

RESPONSIBLE, LIKE IT WAS
HIS FAULT, YOU KNOW?
AND ALL I KNOW IS THAT WHILE

HIS FAULT, YOU KNOW?
AND ALL I KNOW IS THAT WHILE
WE'RE OUT WORKING TRYING TO KEEP

AND ALL I KNOW IS THAT WHILE
WE'RE OUT WORKING TRYING TO KEEP
THIS PLANET RUNNING SMOOTH,

WE'RE OUT WORKING TRYING TO KEEP
THIS PLANET RUNNING SMOOTH,
THE ANIMALS, THEY'RE OUT RUNNING

THIS PLANET RUNNING SMOOTH,
THE ANIMALS, THEY'RE OUT RUNNING
AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF KIDS.

THE ANIMALS, THEY'RE OUT RUNNING
AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF KIDS.
[LAUGHTER]

AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF KIDS.
[LAUGHTER]
AND I'M SICK OF HEARING THAT

[LAUGHTER]
AND I'M SICK OF HEARING THAT
IT'S ALWAYS MAN THAT'S MESSING

AND I'M SICK OF HEARING THAT
IT'S ALWAYS MAN THAT'S MESSING
UP THE ECOLOGY WHEN WE'RE THE

IT'S ALWAYS MAN THAT'S MESSING
UP THE ECOLOGY WHEN WE'RE THE
ONLY ONES OUT THERE WITH TRUCKS

UP THE ECOLOGY WHEN WE'RE THE
ONLY ONES OUT THERE WITH TRUCKS
FOLLOWING AROUND THE ANIMALS,

ONLY ONES OUT THERE WITH TRUCKS
FOLLOWING AROUND THE ANIMALS,
PICKING UP ALL THEIR...

FOLLOWING AROUND THE ANIMALS,
PICKING UP ALL THEIR...
YOU KNOW WHAT.

PICKING UP ALL THEIR...
YOU KNOW WHAT.
I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S NOT MAN

YOU KNOW WHAT.
I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S NOT MAN
THAT'S MESSING UP THE STATUES...

I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S NOT MAN
THAT'S MESSING UP THE STATUES...
IT'S THOSE STINKIN' PIGEONS.

THAT'S MESSING UP THE STATUES...
IT'S THOSE STINKIN' PIGEONS.
I WISH THEY WOULD BUILD

IT'S THOSE STINKIN' PIGEONS.
I WISH THEY WOULD BUILD
A BIGGER STATUE OF A PIGEON

I WISH THEY WOULD BUILD
A BIGGER STATUE OF A PIGEON
AND LET ME UP THERE.

A BIGGER STATUE OF A PIGEON
AND LET ME UP THERE.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND LET ME UP THERE.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF
SMUG, SELF-RIGHTEOUS HUMANS

I KNOW THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF
SMUG, SELF-RIGHTEOUS HUMANS
WHO GLOAT THAT THE DOLPHIN

SMUG, SELF-RIGHTEOUS HUMANS
WHO GLOAT THAT THE DOLPHIN
IS SMARTER THAN A MAN.

WHO GLOAT THAT THE DOLPHIN
IS SMARTER THAN A MAN.
WELL, IF THE DOLPHINS ARE SO

IS SMARTER THAN A MAN.
WELL, IF THE DOLPHINS ARE SO
DARN SMART, HOW COME THEY

WELL, IF THE DOLPHINS ARE SO
DARN SMART, HOW COME THEY
CANCELED FLIPPER AFTER FOUR

DARN SMART, HOW COME THEY
CANCELED FLIPPER AFTER FOUR
YEARS BUT DICK CLARK HAS

CANCELED FLIPPER AFTER FOUR
YEARS BUT DICK CLARK HAS
BEEN ON FOR 20 YEARS?

YEARS BUT DICK CLARK HAS
BEEN ON FOR 20 YEARS?
AND HE'S STILL ON.

BEEN ON FOR 20 YEARS?
AND HE'S STILL ON.
AND IF ANTS ARE SO DARN SMART

AND HE'S STILL ON.
AND IF ANTS ARE SO DARN SMART
AND INTELLIGENT, HOW COME THEY

AND IF ANTS ARE SO DARN SMART
AND INTELLIGENT, HOW COME THEY
LIVE IN THE DIRT?

AND INTELLIGENT, HOW COME THEY
LIVE IN THE DIRT?
YOU KNOW, IF WE WANTED TO,

LIVE IN THE DIRT?
YOU KNOW, IF WE WANTED TO,
WE COULD STEP ON THOSE ANTS,

YOU KNOW, IF WE WANTED TO,
WE COULD STEP ON THOSE ANTS,
YOU KNOW?

WE COULD STEP ON THOSE ANTS,
YOU KNOW?
WIPE OUT A WHOLE COLONY

YOU KNOW?
WIPE OUT A WHOLE COLONY
IN ONE FOOTSTEP AND YOU WOULDN'T

WIPE OUT A WHOLE COLONY
IN ONE FOOTSTEP AND YOU WOULDN'T
SEE ANY OF THEIR ANIMAL BUDDIES

IN ONE FOOTSTEP AND YOU WOULDN'T
SEE ANY OF THEIR ANIMAL BUDDIES
COMING AROUND TO HELP EITHER.

SEE ANY OF THEIR ANIMAL BUDDIES
COMING AROUND TO HELP EITHER.
THEY'RE ALL OUT FOR THEMSELVES.

COMING AROUND TO HELP EITHER.
THEY'RE ALL OUT FOR THEMSELVES.
ALL THE THINGS WE'VE DONE FOR

THEY'RE ALL OUT FOR THEMSELVES.
ALL THE THINGS WE'VE DONE FOR
THESE ANIMALS.

ALL THE THINGS WE'VE DONE FOR
THESE ANIMALS.
YOU KNOW, JUST SAVING THEM LEFT

THESE ANIMALS.
YOU KNOW, JUST SAVING THEM LEFT
AND RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, JUST SAVING THEM LEFT
AND RIGHT.
AND NOT ONCE, NOT ONE SINGLE

AND RIGHT.
AND NOT ONCE, NOT ONE SINGLE
TIME HAS ONE OF THEM COME UP

AND NOT ONCE, NOT ONE SINGLE
TIME HAS ONE OF THEM COME UP
TO US AND TRIED TO COMMUNICATE

TIME HAS ONE OF THEM COME UP
TO US AND TRIED TO COMMUNICATE
THE SIMPLE THOUGHT... THANK YOU.

TO US AND TRIED TO COMMUNICATE
THE SIMPLE THOUGHT... THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE A DOG WILL

THE SIMPLE THOUGHT... THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE A DOG WILL
LICK YOUR HAND NOW AND THEN,

YOU KNOW, MAYBE A DOG WILL
LICK YOUR HAND NOW AND THEN,
THAT'S ABOUT IT.

LICK YOUR HAND NOW AND THEN,
THAT'S ABOUT IT.
BUT RECENTLY, HATE TO TELL YOU

THAT'S ABOUT IT.
BUT RECENTLY, HATE TO TELL YOU
THIS, I FOUND OUT... YOU KNOW

BUT RECENTLY, HATE TO TELL YOU
THIS, I FOUND OUT... YOU KNOW
WHY DOG LICKS YOUR HAND?

THIS, I FOUND OUT... YOU KNOW
WHY DOG LICKS YOUR HAND?
IT'S FOR THE SALT.

WHY DOG LICKS YOUR HAND?
IT'S FOR THE SALT.
MAN'S BEST FRIEND, YOU KNOW?

IT'S FOR THE SALT.
MAN'S BEST FRIEND, YOU KNOW?
WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT.

MAN'S BEST FRIEND, YOU KNOW?
WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT.
THEY TALK ABOUT A DOG'S LIFE.

WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT.
THEY TALK ABOUT A DOG'S LIFE.
WHAT'S SO DARN HARD ABOUT

THEY TALK ABOUT A DOG'S LIFE.
WHAT'S SO DARN HARD ABOUT
A DOG'S LIFE?

WHAT'S SO DARN HARD ABOUT
A DOG'S LIFE?
EAT AND SLEEP, EAT AND SLEEP,

A DOG'S LIFE?
EAT AND SLEEP, EAT AND SLEEP,
THAT'S ALL THEY DO.

EAT AND SLEEP, EAT AND SLEEP,
THAT'S ALL THEY DO.
THEN WHEN THEY EAT,

THAT'S ALL THEY DO.
THEN WHEN THEY EAT,
THEY EAT LIKE PIGS.

THEN WHEN THEY EAT,
THEY EAT LIKE PIGS.
I SAW THIS ONE DOG, HE WAS

THEY EAT LIKE PIGS.
I SAW THIS ONE DOG, HE WAS
EATING LIKE THAT,

I SAW THIS ONE DOG, HE WAS
EATING LIKE THAT,
JUST GOBBLING UP, GOBBLING UP.

EATING LIKE THAT,
JUST GOBBLING UP, GOBBLING UP.
I SAYS TO HIM, "WHAT'S THE

JUST GOBBLING UP, GOBBLING UP.
I SAYS TO HIM, "WHAT'S THE
HURRY?"

I SAYS TO HIM, "WHAT'S THE
HURRY?"
"LATE FOR NAP?"

HURRY?"
"LATE FOR NAP?"
[LAUGHTER]

"LATE FOR NAP?"
[LAUGHTER]
WHO COULD BLAME US HUMANS

[LAUGHTER]
WHO COULD BLAME US HUMANS
IF WE SAID TO THESE ANIMALS,

WHO COULD BLAME US HUMANS
IF WE SAID TO THESE ANIMALS,
"LETS SOMEBODY ELSE BUILD

IF WE SAID TO THESE ANIMALS,
"LETS SOMEBODY ELSE BUILD
THOSE ZOOS FOR YOU."

"LETS SOMEBODY ELSE BUILD
THOSE ZOOS FOR YOU."
"LET SOMEBODY ELSE PUT OUT

THOSE ZOOS FOR YOU."
"LET SOMEBODY ELSE PUT OUT
YOUR FOREST FIRES."

"LET SOMEBODY ELSE PUT OUT
YOUR FOREST FIRES."
"LET SOMEBODY ELSE FLOSS

YOUR FOREST FIRES."
"LET SOMEBODY ELSE FLOSS
YOUR TEETH AND GIVE YOU

"LET SOMEBODY ELSE FLOSS
YOUR TEETH AND GIVE YOU
DISTEMPER SHOTS."

YOUR TEETH AND GIVE YOU
DISTEMPER SHOTS."
AND IF THERE ARE ANY ANIMALS OUT

DISTEMPER SHOTS."
AND IF THERE ARE ANY ANIMALS OUT
THERE LISTENING, I KNOW THERE'S

AND IF THERE ARE ANY ANIMALS OUT
THERE LISTENING, I KNOW THERE'S
A LOT OF DOGS OUT THERE...

THERE LISTENING, I KNOW THERE'S
A LOT OF DOGS OUT THERE...
THEY'RE NOT AWAKE ENOUGH,

A LOT OF DOGS OUT THERE...
THEY'RE NOT AWAKE ENOUGH,
OF COURSE.

THEY'RE NOT AWAKE ENOUGH,
OF COURSE.
IT'S AFTER 6:00 P.M..

OF COURSE.
IT'S AFTER 6:00 P.M..
BUT IF YOU HAVE A DOG AND YOU'RE

IT'S AFTER 6:00 P.M..
BUT IF YOU HAVE A DOG AND YOU'RE
HOME, IF YOU WOULD PLEASE GIVE

BUT IF YOU HAVE A DOG AND YOU'RE
HOME, IF YOU WOULD PLEASE GIVE
THEM A LITTLE NUDGE, YOU KNOW.

HOME, IF YOU WOULD PLEASE GIVE
THEM A LITTLE NUDGE, YOU KNOW.
I WANNA TALK TO THE DOGS,

THEM A LITTLE NUDGE, YOU KNOW.
I WANNA TALK TO THE DOGS,
IF I CAN FOR A MOMENT.

I WANNA TALK TO THE DOGS,
IF I CAN FOR A MOMENT.
LISTEN!

IF I CAN FOR A MOMENT.
LISTEN!
THE DAYS OF THE FREE LUNCH

LISTEN!
THE DAYS OF THE FREE LUNCH
ARE OVER!

THE DAYS OF THE FREE LUNCH
ARE OVER!
[LAUGHTER]

ARE OVER!
[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE TIRED OF ALWAYS CARRYING

[LAUGHTER]
WE'RE TIRED OF ALWAYS CARRYING
THE BALL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WE'RE TIRED OF ALWAYS CARRYING
THE BALL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THIS IS THE 1980s.

THE BALL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THIS IS THE 1980s.
I MEAN, TIMES ARE ROUGH,

THIS IS THE 1980s.
I MEAN, TIMES ARE ROUGH,
YOU GOTTA HELP OUT.

I MEAN, TIMES ARE ROUGH,
YOU GOTTA HELP OUT.
AND REMEMBER, IF HUMAN BEINGS

YOU GOTTA HELP OUT.
AND REMEMBER, IF HUMAN BEINGS
CAN BE REPLACED BY MACHINES...

AND REMEMBER, IF HUMAN BEINGS
CAN BE REPLACED BY MACHINES...
SO CAN ANIMALS.

CAN BE REPLACED BY MACHINES...
SO CAN ANIMALS.
THAT'S SOMETHING FOR YOU

SO CAN ANIMALS.
THAT'S SOMETHING FOR YOU
TO SLEEP ON.

THAT'S SOMETHING FOR YOU
TO SLEEP ON.
OKAY, BILL, BACK TO YOU.

TO SLEEP ON.
OKAY, BILL, BACK TO YOU.
WELL PUT.

OKAY, BILL, BACK TO YOU.
WELL PUT.
[APPLAUSE]

WELL PUT.
[APPLAUSE]
STAY OFF THE FURNITURE.

[APPLAUSE]
STAY OFF THE FURNITURE.
JANE?

STAY OFF THE FURNITURE.
JANE?
CHRYSLER CORPORATION ALREADY

JANE?
CHRYSLER CORPORATION ALREADY
SUFFERING FROM GIGANTIC FIRST

CHRYSLER CORPORATION ALREADY
SUFFERING FROM GIGANTIC FIRST
QUARTER LOSSES, NOW HAS TO SPEND

SUFFERING FROM GIGANTIC FIRST
QUARTER LOSSES, NOW HAS TO SPEND
$40 MILLION TO REPLACE RUSTED

QUARTER LOSSES, NOW HAS TO SPEND
$40 MILLION TO REPLACE RUSTED
FENDERS ON MANY OF THEIR

$40 MILLION TO REPLACE RUSTED
FENDERS ON MANY OF THEIR
LATE MODEL CARS.

FENDERS ON MANY OF THEIR
LATE MODEL CARS.
CHRYSLER PRESIDENT, LEE IACOCCA

LATE MODEL CARS.
CHRYSLER PRESIDENT, LEE IACOCCA
DEFENDED HIS COMPANY SAYING,

CHRYSLER PRESIDENT, LEE IACOCCA
DEFENDED HIS COMPANY SAYING,
"WHO KNEW IT WAS GONNA RAIN?"

DEFENDED HIS COMPANY SAYING,
"WHO KNEW IT WAS GONNA RAIN?"
DOCTORS SEEKING TO FERTILIZE

"WHO KNEW IT WAS GONNA RAIN?"
DOCTORS SEEKING TO FERTILIZE
HUMAN REPRODUCTIVE CELLS OUTSIDE

DOCTORS SEEKING TO FERTILIZE
HUMAN REPRODUCTIVE CELLS OUTSIDE
THE WOMB RAN INTO PROBLEMS

HUMAN REPRODUCTIVE CELLS OUTSIDE
THE WOMB RAN INTO PROBLEMS
THIS WEEK.

THE WOMB RAN INTO PROBLEMS
THIS WEEK.
AFTER SURGICALLY REMOVING A

THIS WEEK.
AFTER SURGICALLY REMOVING A
SINGLE EGG FROM A WOMAN'S OVARY,

AFTER SURGICALLY REMOVING A
SINGLE EGG FROM A WOMAN'S OVARY,
THE DOCTOR'S WORKING UNDER

SINGLE EGG FROM A WOMAN'S OVARY,
THE DOCTOR'S WORKING UNDER
EXTREME STRESS CLAIM THEY WERE

THE DOCTOR'S WORKING UNDER
EXTREME STRESS CLAIM THEY WERE
TOO TIRED TO FERTILIZE THE EGG

EXTREME STRESS CLAIM THEY WERE
TOO TIRED TO FERTILIZE THE EGG
IN THE LABORATORY AND ROLLED

TOO TIRED TO FERTILIZE THE EGG
IN THE LABORATORY AND ROLLED
OVER AND WENT TO SLEEP.

IN THE LABORATORY AND ROLLED
OVER AND WENT TO SLEEP.
BILL?

OVER AND WENT TO SLEEP.
BILL?
DO YOU BELIEVE THIS LITTLE

BILL?
DO YOU BELIEVE THIS LITTLE
GUY IS 52 YEARS OLD?

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS LITTLE
GUY IS 52 YEARS OLD?
DO YOU CARE?

GUY IS 52 YEARS OLD?
DO YOU CARE?
I DON'T.

DO YOU CARE?
I DON'T.
IN SPITE OF THAT, THEY'RE GOING

I DON'T.
IN SPITE OF THAT, THEY'RE GOING
TO PRESENT THE ACADEMY AWARDS

IN SPITE OF THAT, THEY'RE GOING
TO PRESENT THE ACADEMY AWARDS
MONDAY NIGHT AND HERE ARE MY

TO PRESENT THE ACADEMY AWARDS
MONDAY NIGHT AND HERE ARE MY
THIRD ANNUAL PREDICTIONS.

MONDAY NIGHT AND HERE ARE MY
THIRD ANNUAL PREDICTIONS.
[APPLAUSE]

THIRD ANNUAL PREDICTIONS.
[APPLAUSE]
FOR THE BEST ACTOR: JACK LEMON

[APPLAUSE]
FOR THE BEST ACTOR: JACK LEMON
MIGHT DESERVE TO WIN FOR

FOR THE BEST ACTOR: JACK LEMON
MIGHT DESERVE TO WIN FOR
THE CHINA SYNDROME BUT HE WON

MIGHT DESERVE TO WIN FOR
THE CHINA SYNDROME BUT HE WON
FOR SAVE THE TIGER WHEN HE

THE CHINA SYNDROME BUT HE WON
FOR SAVE THE TIGER WHEN HE
DIDN'T DESERVE IT SO THAT'LL

FOR SAVE THE TIGER WHEN HE
DIDN'T DESERVE IT SO THAT'LL
EVEN UP THE SCORE THIS TIME.

DIDN'T DESERVE IT SO THAT'LL
EVEN UP THE SCORE THIS TIME.
ROY SCHEIDER PLAYED BOB FOSSE

EVEN UP THE SCORE THIS TIME.
ROY SCHEIDER PLAYED BOB FOSSE
IN THE LIFE STORY OF BOB FOSSE.

ROY SCHEIDER PLAYED BOB FOSSE
IN THE LIFE STORY OF BOB FOSSE.
BOB WANTED TO PLAY THE ROLE

IN THE LIFE STORY OF BOB FOSSE.
BOB WANTED TO PLAY THE ROLE
HIMSELF, ROY WOULDN'T

BOB WANTED TO PLAY THE ROLE
HIMSELF, ROY WOULDN'T
LET HIM DO IT.

HIMSELF, ROY WOULDN'T
LET HIM DO IT.
FOSSE DESERVES THE AWARD

LET HIM DO IT.
FOSSE DESERVES THE AWARD
BUT HE WASN'T NOMINATED,

FOSSE DESERVES THE AWARD
BUT HE WASN'T NOMINATED,
THE ACADEMY KNOWS IT,

BUT HE WASN'T NOMINATED,
THE ACADEMY KNOWS IT,
THEY RESENT ROY,

THE ACADEMY KNOWS IT,
THEY RESENT ROY,
ROY WILL NOT WIN.

THEY RESENT ROY,
ROY WILL NOT WIN.
PETER SELLERS, WELL, I LOVE

ROY WILL NOT WIN.
PETER SELLERS, WELL, I LOVE
PETER BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS NOW

PETER SELLERS, WELL, I LOVE
PETER BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS NOW
WHAT HE DID TO BRITT EKLEN

PETER BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS NOW
WHAT HE DID TO BRITT EKLEN
WHEN HE WAS MARRIED TO HER

WHAT HE DID TO BRITT EKLEN
WHEN HE WAS MARRIED TO HER
AND PERHAPS BRITT DESERVED IT

WHEN HE WAS MARRIED TO HER
AND PERHAPS BRITT DESERVED IT
BUT BRITT HAS MANY POWERFUL

AND PERHAPS BRITT DESERVED IT
BUT BRITT HAS MANY POWERFUL
AND INFLUENTIAL FRIENDS

BUT BRITT HAS MANY POWERFUL
AND INFLUENTIAL FRIENDS
IN THE ACADEMY.

AND INFLUENTIAL FRIENDS
IN THE ACADEMY.
WHICH LEAVES AL PACINO

IN THE ACADEMY.
WHICH LEAVES AL PACINO
AND DUSTIN HOFFMAN,

WHICH LEAVES AL PACINO
AND DUSTIN HOFFMAN,
WHO A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK

AND DUSTIN HOFFMAN,
WHO A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK
ARE THE SAME PERSON.

WHO A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK
ARE THE SAME PERSON.
I THINK THAT KIND OF CONFUSION

ARE THE SAME PERSON.
I THINK THAT KIND OF CONFUSION
IS GONNA BE SOLVED IN FAVOR OF

I THINK THAT KIND OF CONFUSION
IS GONNA BE SOLVED IN FAVOR OF
DUSTIN HOFFMAN, WHO'LL WIN

IS GONNA BE SOLVED IN FAVOR OF
DUSTIN HOFFMAN, WHO'LL WIN
THE AWARD.

DUSTIN HOFFMAN, WHO'LL WIN
THE AWARD.
IN THE BEST ACTRESS CATEGORY,

THE AWARD.
IN THE BEST ACTRESS CATEGORY,
JANE FONDA WON IT LAST YEAR

IN THE BEST ACTRESS CATEGORY,
JANE FONDA WON IT LAST YEAR
AND HER SPEECH WAS NOT GOOD.

JANE FONDA WON IT LAST YEAR
AND HER SPEECH WAS NOT GOOD.
SHE STOLE LOUISE FLETCHER'S

AND HER SPEECH WAS NOT GOOD.
SHE STOLE LOUISE FLETCHER'S
SIGN LANGUAGE SPEECH.

SHE STOLE LOUISE FLETCHER'S
SIGN LANGUAGE SPEECH.
I THINK IT WAS A CHEAP RIP-OFF,

SIGN LANGUAGE SPEECH.
I THINK IT WAS A CHEAP RIP-OFF,
SO DOES THE ACADEMY.

I THINK IT WAS A CHEAP RIP-OFF,
SO DOES THE ACADEMY.
MARCIA MASON PLAYED HERSELF

SO DOES THE ACADEMY.
MARCIA MASON PLAYED HERSELF
IN CHAPTER TWO.

MARCIA MASON PLAYED HERSELF
IN CHAPTER TWO.
SHE DIDN'T ACT, SHE BEHAVED

IN CHAPTER TWO.
SHE DIDN'T ACT, SHE BEHAVED
AND I THINK THAT'S STRANGE

SHE DIDN'T ACT, SHE BEHAVED
AND I THINK THAT'S STRANGE
AND IT'S UNUSUAL AND I THINK

AND I THINK THAT'S STRANGE
AND IT'S UNUSUAL AND I THINK
THE ACADEMY THINKS IT'S VERY

AND IT'S UNUSUAL AND I THINK
THE ACADEMY THINKS IT'S VERY
STRANGE AND UNUSUAL ALSO.

THE ACADEMY THINKS IT'S VERY
STRANGE AND UNUSUAL ALSO.
JILL CLAYBURGH IS A FRIEND

STRANGE AND UNUSUAL ALSO.
JILL CLAYBURGH IS A FRIEND
OF MINE.

JILL CLAYBURGH IS A FRIEND
OF MINE.
I MUST DISQUALIFY MYSELF.

OF MINE.
I MUST DISQUALIFY MYSELF.
WHICH LEAVES US BETTE MIDLER,

I MUST DISQUALIFY MYSELF.
WHICH LEAVES US BETTE MIDLER,
OF COURSE, WHO IN HER FIRST

WHICH LEAVES US BETTE MIDLER,
OF COURSE, WHO IN HER FIRST
MOVIE DID A WONDERFUL,

OF COURSE, WHO IN HER FIRST
MOVIE DID A WONDERFUL,
SENSATIONAL JOB BUT THE ACADEMY

MOVIE DID A WONDERFUL,
SENSATIONAL JOB BUT THE ACADEMY
DOES NOT AWARD OSCARS TO PEOPLE

SENSATIONAL JOB BUT THE ACADEMY
DOES NOT AWARD OSCARS TO PEOPLE
WHO ARE IN THEIR FIRST MOVIE

DOES NOT AWARD OSCARS TO PEOPLE
WHO ARE IN THEIR FIRST MOVIE
BUT I PREDICT THAT BETTE MIDLER

WHO ARE IN THEIR FIRST MOVIE
BUT I PREDICT THAT BETTE MIDLER
WILL DO "THE GIRL WHO ATE

BUT I PREDICT THAT BETTE MIDLER
WILL DO "THE GIRL WHO ATE
PITTSBURGH" AND WIN THE

WILL DO "THE GIRL WHO ATE
PITTSBURGH" AND WIN THE
ACADEMY AWARD.

PITTSBURGH" AND WIN THE
ACADEMY AWARD.
WHICH LEAVES US WITH SALLY FIELD

ACADEMY AWARD.
WHICH LEAVES US WITH SALLY FIELD
WHO OF COURSE, BURT, SALLY,

WHICH LEAVES US WITH SALLY FIELD
WHO OF COURSE, BURT, SALLY,
THEY GO WAY BACK.

WHO OF COURSE, BURT, SALLY,
THEY GO WAY BACK.
SHE'S A WONDERFUL GIRL,

THEY GO WAY BACK.
SHE'S A WONDERFUL GIRL,
GREAT, EXCITING.

SHE'S A WONDERFUL GIRL,
GREAT, EXCITING.
I THINK THE ACADEMY'S GONNA

GREAT, EXCITING.
I THINK THE ACADEMY'S GONNA
REWARD HER FOR HER WORK

I THINK THE ACADEMY'S GONNA
REWARD HER FOR HER WORK
IN THE FLYING NUN.

REWARD HER FOR HER WORK
IN THE FLYING NUN.
[LAUGHTER]

IN THE FLYING NUN.
[LAUGHTER]
FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

[LAUGHTER]
FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
AND BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
AND BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD BUT

AND BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD BUT
I STILL DON'T THINK THAT ANYBODY

I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD BUT
I STILL DON'T THINK THAT ANYBODY
GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ANY OF THESE.

I STILL DON'T THINK THAT ANYBODY
GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ANY OF THESE.
HERE WE GO.

GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ANY OF THESE.
HERE WE GO.
GET OUT OF HERE.

HERE WE GO.
GET OUT OF HERE.
JOHN HENRY, ALL RIGHT.

GET OUT OF HERE.
JOHN HENRY, ALL RIGHT.
NOW, THIS BRINGS US

JOHN HENRY, ALL RIGHT.
NOW, THIS BRINGS US
TO BEST PICTURE.

NOW, THIS BRINGS US
TO BEST PICTURE.
AH, YES, NOW... BREAKING AWAY,

TO BEST PICTURE.
AH, YES, NOW... BREAKING AWAY,
AN EXCITING, WONDERFUL, NEW,

AH, YES, NOW... BREAKING AWAY,
AN EXCITING, WONDERFUL, NEW,
BREATH OF FRESH AIR IN

AN EXCITING, WONDERFUL, NEW,
BREATH OF FRESH AIR IN
HOLLYWOOD, SOMETHING EXCITING

BREATH OF FRESH AIR IN
HOLLYWOOD, SOMETHING EXCITING
AND WONDERFUL...

HOLLYWOOD, SOMETHING EXCITING
AND WONDERFUL...
IT DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE.

AND WONDERFUL...
IT DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE.
NORMA RAE, SALLY FIELD WILL GET

IT DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE.
NORMA RAE, SALLY FIELD WILL GET
THE AWARD FOR NORMA RAE.

NORMA RAE, SALLY FIELD WILL GET
THE AWARD FOR NORMA RAE.
THE ACADEMY HAS A WAY OF

THE AWARD FOR NORMA RAE.
THE ACADEMY HAS A WAY OF
EVENING THESE THINGS OUT.

THE ACADEMY HAS A WAY OF
EVENING THESE THINGS OUT.
THE MOVIE MUST BE DESPISED

EVENING THESE THINGS OUT.
THE MOVIE MUST BE DESPISED
IF THE ACTRESS IS LOVED.

THE MOVIE MUST BE DESPISED
IF THE ACTRESS IS LOVED.
ALL THAT JAZZ, A DIFFICULT,

IF THE ACTRESS IS LOVED.
ALL THAT JAZZ, A DIFFICULT,
DIFFICULT DECISION FOR ME

ALL THAT JAZZ, A DIFFICULT,
DIFFICULT DECISION FOR ME
BECAUSE I DID NOT SEE IT.

DIFFICULT DECISION FOR ME
BECAUSE I DID NOT SEE IT.
I'M SORRY.

BECAUSE I DID NOT SEE IT.
I'M SORRY.
KRAMER VS. KRAMER, OF COURSE

I'M SORRY.
KRAMER VS. KRAMER, OF COURSE
THIS IS THE TOUGH ONE BECAUSE

KRAMER VS. KRAMER, OF COURSE
THIS IS THE TOUGH ONE BECAUSE
AS ALL OF US OUT THERE IN

THIS IS THE TOUGH ONE BECAUSE
AS ALL OF US OUT THERE IN
AMERICA KNOW, EVERYONE IN

AS ALL OF US OUT THERE IN
AMERICA KNOW, EVERYONE IN
HOLLYWOOD HAS BEEN DIVORCED

AMERICA KNOW, EVERYONE IN
HOLLYWOOD HAS BEEN DIVORCED
AT LEAST ONCE.

HOLLYWOOD HAS BEEN DIVORCED
AT LEAST ONCE.
PEOPLE LIKE MICKEY ROONEY

AT LEAST ONCE.
PEOPLE LIKE MICKEY ROONEY
FOR EXAMPLE, MANY TIMES.

PEOPLE LIKE MICKEY ROONEY
FOR EXAMPLE, MANY TIMES.
I THINK THAT KRAMER VS. KRAMER

FOR EXAMPLE, MANY TIMES.
I THINK THAT KRAMER VS. KRAMER
WILL SPLIT THEIR VOTES.

I THINK THAT KRAMER VS. KRAMER
WILL SPLIT THEIR VOTES.
HALF WILL VOTE FOR KRAMER,

WILL SPLIT THEIR VOTES.
HALF WILL VOTE FOR KRAMER,
THE OTHER HALF FOR KRAMER,

HALF WILL VOTE FOR KRAMER,
THE OTHER HALF FOR KRAMER,
THEY WILL CANCEL OUT AND

THE OTHER HALF FOR KRAMER,
THEY WILL CANCEL OUT AND
APOCALYPSE NOW WILL WIN

THEY WILL CANCEL OUT AND
APOCALYPSE NOW WILL WIN
BY DEFAULT.

APOCALYPSE NOW WILL WIN
BY DEFAULT.
THOSE ARE MY PREDICTIONS.

BY DEFAULT.
THOSE ARE MY PREDICTIONS.
LET'S SEE HOW IT TURNS OUT

THOSE ARE MY PREDICTIONS.
LET'S SEE HOW IT TURNS OUT
MONDAY NIGHT.

LET'S SEE HOW IT TURNS OUT
MONDAY NIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MONDAY NIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S THE NEWS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOODNIGHT AND HAVE

THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOODNIGHT AND HAVE
A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

GOODNIGHT AND HAVE
A PLEASANT TOMORROW.
[APPLAUSE]

SO CHIEF, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL
ABOUT THIS ASSIGNMENT YOU HAVE
FOR ME?

ABOUT THIS ASSIGNMENT YOU HAVE
FOR ME?
WELL FIRST, LOUIS, I'D LIKE

FOR ME?
WELL FIRST, LOUIS, I'D LIKE
TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MISS

WELL FIRST, LOUIS, I'D LIKE
TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MISS
ANITA BRYANT.

TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MISS
ANITA BRYANT.
MISS BRYANT, LOUIS CALDWELL.

ANITA BRYANT.
MISS BRYANT, LOUIS CALDWELL.
HOW DO YOU DO, MISS BRYANT.

MISS BRYANT, LOUIS CALDWELL.
HOW DO YOU DO, MISS BRYANT.
I'VE HEARD AN AWFUL LOT

HOW DO YOU DO, MISS BRYANT.
I'VE HEARD AN AWFUL LOT
ABOUT YOU.

I'VE HEARD AN AWFUL LOT
ABOUT YOU.
NICE FIRM HANDSHAKE.

ABOUT YOU.
NICE FIRM HANDSHAKE.
I LIKE THAT IN A MAN.

NICE FIRM HANDSHAKE.
I LIKE THAT IN A MAN.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME

I LIKE THAT IN A MAN.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
ORANGE JUICE?

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
ORANGE JUICE?
NO, THANK YOU, MA'AM.

ORANGE JUICE?
NO, THANK YOU, MA'AM.
I HAD SOME FOR BREAKFAST.

NO, THANK YOU, MA'AM.
I HAD SOME FOR BREAKFAST.
DAMMIT, IT'S NOT JUST

I HAD SOME FOR BREAKFAST.
DAMMIT, IT'S NOT JUST
FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE!

DAMMIT, IT'S NOT JUST
FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE!
[LAUGHTER]

FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE!
[LAUGHTER]
OKAY, OKAY, ANITA,

[LAUGHTER]
OKAY, OKAY, ANITA,
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, OKAY, ANITA,
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
FUNNY, AROUND MY HOUSE

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
FUNNY, AROUND MY HOUSE
WE ONLY DRINK ORANGE JUICE

FUNNY, AROUND MY HOUSE
WE ONLY DRINK ORANGE JUICE
FOR BREAKFAST.

WE ONLY DRINK ORANGE JUICE
FOR BREAKFAST.
WELL, DAMMIT, THAT'S JUST

FOR BREAKFAST.
WELL, DAMMIT, THAT'S JUST
THE POINT!

WELL, DAMMIT, THAT'S JUST
THE POINT!
PLEASE, MISS BRYANT, LOUIS,

THE POINT!
PLEASE, MISS BRYANT, LOUIS,
DON'T EGG HER ON, WOULD YOU

PLEASE, MISS BRYANT, LOUIS,
DON'T EGG HER ON, WOULD YOU
PLEASE?

DON'T EGG HER ON, WOULD YOU
PLEASE?
WE'D LOVE TO HAVE SOME ORANGE

PLEASE?
WE'D LOVE TO HAVE SOME ORANGE
JUICE, MISS BRYANT.

WE'D LOVE TO HAVE SOME ORANGE
JUICE, MISS BRYANT.
IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL TO HAVE

JUICE, MISS BRYANT.
IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL TO HAVE
ORANGE JUICE AT THIS HOUR.

IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL TO HAVE
ORANGE JUICE AT THIS HOUR.
THIS IS ONE OF OUR TOP

ORANGE JUICE AT THIS HOUR.
THIS IS ONE OF OUR TOP
UNDERCOVER MEN.

THIS IS ONE OF OUR TOP
UNDERCOVER MEN.
I DON'T KNOW WHO I HATE MORE.

UNDERCOVER MEN.
I DON'T KNOW WHO I HATE MORE.
HOMOSEXUALS OR THE SCUM WHO

I DON'T KNOW WHO I HATE MORE.
HOMOSEXUALS OR THE SCUM WHO
THINK ORANGE JUICE IS ONLY

HOMOSEXUALS OR THE SCUM WHO
THINK ORANGE JUICE IS ONLY
FOR BREAKFAST.

THINK ORANGE JUICE IS ONLY
FOR BREAKFAST.
I AGREE WITH YOU, MISS

FOR BREAKFAST.
I AGREE WITH YOU, MISS
BRYANT, BUT WE CAN DO ONLY

I AGREE WITH YOU, MISS
BRYANT, BUT WE CAN DO ONLY
ONE THING AT A TIME.

BRYANT, BUT WE CAN DO ONLY
ONE THING AT A TIME.
FIRST WE'LL GO FOR THE

ONE THING AT A TIME.
FIRST WE'LL GO FOR THE
HOMOSEXUALS, THEN WE'LL GO

FIRST WE'LL GO FOR THE
HOMOSEXUALS, THEN WE'LL GO
FOR THOSE NEANDERTHALS THAT

HOMOSEXUALS, THEN WE'LL GO
FOR THOSE NEANDERTHALS THAT
THINK ORANGE JUICE IS ONLY

FOR THOSE NEANDERTHALS THAT
THINK ORANGE JUICE IS ONLY
FOR BREAKFAST.

THINK ORANGE JUICE IS ONLY
FOR BREAKFAST.
MMM.

FOR BREAKFAST.
MMM.
NOW, LOUIS.

MMM.
NOW, LOUIS.
YOU EVER DONE ANY CAMPING?

NOW, LOUIS.
YOU EVER DONE ANY CAMPING?
YES SIR, I'VE DONE

YOU EVER DONE ANY CAMPING?
YES SIR, I'VE DONE
SOME CAMPING.

YES SIR, I'VE DONE
SOME CAMPING.
WELL, WE'VE HAD SOME TROUBLE

SOME CAMPING.
WELL, WE'VE HAD SOME TROUBLE
UP ON THE COHOULAWATCHEE RIVER

WELL, WE'VE HAD SOME TROUBLE
UP ON THE COHOULAWATCHEE RIVER
LATELY.

UP ON THE COHOULAWATCHEE RIVER
LATELY.
WE'VE HAD REPORTS

LATELY.
WE'VE HAD REPORTS
OF SOME CANOEISTS

WE'VE HAD REPORTS
OF SOME CANOEISTS
GETTING HOMOSEXUALLY ASSAULTED

OF SOME CANOEISTS
GETTING HOMOSEXUALLY ASSAULTED
BY GAY CRACKERS.

GETTING HOMOSEXUALLY ASSAULTED
BY GAY CRACKERS.
NOW, YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS TO GO

BY GAY CRACKERS.
NOW, YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS TO GO
TO NEW YORK CITY, GREENWICH

NOW, YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS TO GO
TO NEW YORK CITY, GREENWICH
VILLAGE, INFILTRATE THE GAY

TO NEW YORK CITY, GREENWICH
VILLAGE, INFILTRATE THE GAY
UNDERGROUND, RECRUIT TWO LEATHER

VILLAGE, INFILTRATE THE GAY
UNDERGROUND, RECRUIT TWO LEATHER
BOYS AND TAKE 'EM CAMPING.

UNDERGROUND, RECRUIT TWO LEATHER
BOYS AND TAKE 'EM CAMPING.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT

BOYS AND TAKE 'EM CAMPING.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT
TO DO FROM THERE.

I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT
TO DO FROM THERE.
YOU MEAN ME AND TWO LEATHER

TO DO FROM THERE.
YOU MEAN ME AND TWO LEATHER
BOYS ARE GONNA BE DECOYS,

YOU MEAN ME AND TWO LEATHER
BOYS ARE GONNA BE DECOYS,
IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?

BOYS ARE GONNA BE DECOYS,
IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?
YEAH.

IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?
YEAH.
AND THESE TWO OTHER BOYS

YEAH.
AND THESE TWO OTHER BOYS
AREN'T TO KNOW.

AND THESE TWO OTHER BOYS
AREN'T TO KNOW.
YOU WILL REPORT ONLY TO ME,

AREN'T TO KNOW.
YOU WILL REPORT ONLY TO ME,
MISS BRYANT, OR FLORIDA CITRUS

YOU WILL REPORT ONLY TO ME,
MISS BRYANT, OR FLORIDA CITRUS
GROWERS ASSOCIATION.

MISS BRYANT, OR FLORIDA CITRUS
GROWERS ASSOCIATION.
GOOD LUCK.

GROWERS ASSOCIATION.
GOOD LUCK.
[BANJO MUSIC...]

THIS HAD REALLY BETTER BE
WORTH IT, IF YOU ASK ME.
AT LEAST IF WE'D GONE TO KEY

WORTH IT, IF YOU ASK ME.
AT LEAST IF WE'D GONE TO KEY
WEST WE'D KNOW SOMEBODY.

AT LEAST IF WE'D GONE TO KEY
WEST WE'D KNOW SOMEBODY.
JUST RELAX.

WEST WE'D KNOW SOMEBODY.
JUST RELAX.
I'VE BEEN COMING UP HERE

JUST RELAX.
I'VE BEEN COMING UP HERE
FOR YEARS.

I'VE BEEN COMING UP HERE
FOR YEARS.
I TELL YA SOMETHING.

FOR YEARS.
I TELL YA SOMETHING.
COUPLE OF MY FAVORITE SPOTS

I TELL YA SOMETHING.
COUPLE OF MY FAVORITE SPOTS
UP HERE WERE THEM HILLBILLY

COUPLE OF MY FAVORITE SPOTS
UP HERE WERE THEM HILLBILLY
BOYS ARE INCREDIBLE.

UP HERE WERE THEM HILLBILLY
BOYS ARE INCREDIBLE.
I WANT ONE WHO'S ABSOLUTELY

BOYS ARE INCREDIBLE.
I WANT ONE WHO'S ABSOLUTELY
FILTHY WITH A PIG UGLY

I WANT ONE WHO'S ABSOLUTELY
FILTHY WITH A PIG UGLY
CRACKER FACE.

FILTHY WITH A PIG UGLY
CRACKER FACE.
[LAUGHTER]

CRACKER FACE.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE THEY'LL

[LAUGHTER]
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE THEY'LL
MAKE ME SQUEAL LIKE A PIG,

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE THEY'LL
MAKE ME SQUEAL LIKE A PIG,
DO YOU?

MAKE ME SQUEAL LIKE A PIG,
DO YOU?
I MEAN, I'M FROM THE CITY.

DO YOU?
I MEAN, I'M FROM THE CITY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW PIGS SOUND.

I MEAN, I'M FROM THE CITY.
I DON'T KNOW HOW PIGS SOUND.
OW, MY BACK HURTS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW PIGS SOUND.
OW, MY BACK HURTS.
I'M GONNA BE DEAD ON MY FEET

OW, MY BACK HURTS.
I'M GONNA BE DEAD ON MY FEET
TONIGHT AND I'M SUPPOSED TO

I'M GONNA BE DEAD ON MY FEET
TONIGHT AND I'M SUPPOSED TO
MEET ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE.

TONIGHT AND I'M SUPPOSED TO
MEET ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE.
OH, WILL YOU STOP WHINING,

MEET ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE.
OH, WILL YOU STOP WHINING,
DIANA NYAD?

OH, WILL YOU STOP WHINING,
DIANA NYAD?
I'M DOING ALL THE PADDLING.

DIANA NYAD?
I'M DOING ALL THE PADDLING.
YOU'RE JUST SITTING

I'M DOING ALL THE PADDLING.
YOU'RE JUST SITTING
BACK THERE SUNBATHING...

YOU'RE JUST SITTING
BACK THERE SUNBATHING...
AS IF YOU NEED IT.

BACK THERE SUNBATHING...
AS IF YOU NEED IT.
WILL YOU STOP IT, YOU TWO?

AS IF YOU NEED IT.
WILL YOU STOP IT, YOU TWO?
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT

WILL YOU STOP IT, YOU TWO?
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT
I AM YOUR MASTER AND YOU ARE

I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT
I AM YOUR MASTER AND YOU ARE
MY OBEDIENT SLAVES.

I AM YOUR MASTER AND YOU ARE
MY OBEDIENT SLAVES.
NOW, WE'RE GONNA PULL UP

MY OBEDIENT SLAVES.
NOW, WE'RE GONNA PULL UP
UP HERE AND CAMP, ALL RIGHT?

[BANJO MUSIC]

SO, NO COMMENT?
FRANKLY, LYLE, I THOUGHT
THE SPINACH SALAD WAS

FRANKLY, LYLE, I THOUGHT
THE SPINACH SALAD WAS
A LITTLE SOGGY.

THE SPINACH SALAD WAS
A LITTLE SOGGY.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

A LITTLE SOGGY.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
IT WAS SITTING IN THE BOTTOM

WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
IT WAS SITTING IN THE BOTTOM
OF THE CANOE ALL DAY.

IT WAS SITTING IN THE BOTTOM
OF THE CANOE ALL DAY.
YOU WOULDN'T LET ME BRING

OF THE CANOE ALL DAY.
YOU WOULDN'T LET ME BRING
THE CRISPER.

YOU WOULDN'T LET ME BRING
THE CRISPER.
OH, I HAVE BEEN WALKING

THE CRISPER.
OH, I HAVE BEEN WALKING
UP AND DOWN THAT RIVER BANK

OH, I HAVE BEEN WALKING
UP AND DOWN THAT RIVER BANK
FOR TWO HOURS NOW.

UP AND DOWN THAT RIVER BANK
FOR TWO HOURS NOW.
THERE'S NOBODY THERE!

FOR TWO HOURS NOW.
THERE'S NOBODY THERE!
I MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

THERE'S NOBODY THERE!
I MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
JULIAN, JULIAN,

I MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
JULIAN, JULIAN,
DON'T GET EXCITED NOW.

JULIAN, JULIAN,
DON'T GET EXCITED NOW.
AM I GON...

DON'T GET EXCITED NOW.
AM I GON...
AM I GONNA HAVE TO TIE

AM I GON...
AM I GONNA HAVE TO TIE
YOU UP TONIGHT?

AM I GONNA HAVE TO TIE
YOU UP TONIGHT?
YES, I THINK YOU'D BETTER.

YOU UP TONIGHT?
YES, I THINK YOU'D BETTER.
[LAUGHTER]

YES, I THINK YOU'D BETTER.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I SAY WE ALL GO TO BED.

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I SAY WE ALL GO TO BED.
IF THEY COME, THEY COME.

WELL, I SAY WE ALL GO TO BED.
IF THEY COME, THEY COME.
IF THEY DON'T COME, THEY DON'T.

IF THEY COME, THEY COME.
IF THEY DON'T COME, THEY DON'T.
WE'RE IN THE WILDERNESS.

IF THEY DON'T COME, THEY DON'T.
WE'RE IN THE WILDERNESS.
WHO'RE WE GONNA CALL?

WE'RE IN THE WILDERNESS.
WHO'RE WE GONNA CALL?
I WOULD TURN IT.

WHO'RE WE GONNA CALL?
I WOULD TURN IT.
BELIEVE ME, WE'RE GONNA NEED

I WOULD TURN IT.
BELIEVE ME, WE'RE GONNA NEED
EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH WE GOT

BELIEVE ME, WE'RE GONNA NEED
EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH WE GOT
'CAUSE YOU CAN'T TAME THEM

EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH WE GOT
'CAUSE YOU CAN'T TAME THEM
HILLBILLY BOYS, THEY TAME YOU.

'CAUSE YOU CAN'T TAME THEM
HILLBILLY BOYS, THEY TAME YOU.
THAT IS, THE DOMINANT ONES,

HILLBILLY BOYS, THEY TAME YOU.
THAT IS, THE DOMINANT ONES,
THE DOMINANT HILLBILLIES.

THAT IS, THE DOMINANT ONES,
THE DOMINANT HILLBILLIES.
OF COURSE THE SUBMISSIVE

THE DOMINANT HILLBILLIES.
OF COURSE THE SUBMISSIVE
HILLBILLIES YOU CAN DO ANYTHING

OF COURSE THE SUBMISSIVE
HILLBILLIES YOU CAN DO ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO THEM.

HILLBILLIES YOU CAN DO ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO THEM.
WELL, LET'S GO TO BED.

Lyle: WELL, GOOD NIGHT
JULIAN, GOOD NIGHT LOUIS.
Louis: GOODNIGHT.

JULIAN, GOOD NIGHT LOUIS.
Louis: GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT, JULIAN.

Louis: GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT, JULIAN.
Julian: GOODNIGHT.

GOODNIGHT, JULIAN.
Julian: GOODNIGHT.
[LEAVES RUSTLING...]

Julian: GOODNIGHT.
[LEAVES RUSTLING...]
Lyle: PENNY FOR YOUR

[LEAVES RUSTLING...]
Lyle: PENNY FOR YOUR
THOUGHTS.

Lyle: PENNY FOR YOUR
THOUGHTS.
[LAUGHTER]

Julian: DO, DO YOU HEAR
SOMETHING?

OH, GOD.
IT'S THEM.
OH, I'M SO NERVOUS.

IT'S THEM.
OH, I'M SO NERVOUS.
I'M NERVOUS.

OH, I'M SO NERVOUS.
I'M NERVOUS.
I MUST LOOK LIKE SOMETHING

I'M NERVOUS.
I MUST LOOK LIKE SOMETHING
IN JOEL GREY'S LAUNDRY HAMPER,

I MUST LOOK LIKE SOMETHING
IN JOEL GREY'S LAUNDRY HAMPER,
I DON'T KNOW.

IN JOEL GREY'S LAUNDRY HAMPER,
I DON'T KNOW.
JUST, JUST LET ME

I DON'T KNOW.
JUST, JUST LET ME
HANDLE THIS, ALL RIGHT?

JUST, JUST LET ME
HANDLE THIS, ALL RIGHT?
[MAN LAUGHS]

HANDLE THIS, ALL RIGHT?
[MAN LAUGHS]
WELL, WELL, WELL.

[MAN LAUGHS]
WELL, WELL, WELL.
LOOK AT WHAT WE GOT HERE.

WELL, WELL, WELL.
LOOK AT WHAT WE GOT HERE.
MY NAME IS LOUIS.

LOOK AT WHAT WE GOT HERE.
MY NAME IS LOUIS.
THIS IS JULIAN AND THIS IS LYLE.

MY NAME IS LOUIS.
THIS IS JULIAN AND THIS IS LYLE.
LOOKS LIKE SOME CITY BOYS

THIS IS JULIAN AND THIS IS LYLE.
LOOKS LIKE SOME CITY BOYS
MUST'VE GOT THEMSELVES LOST.

LOOKS LIKE SOME CITY BOYS
MUST'VE GOT THEMSELVES LOST.
[CHUCKLES]

MUST'VE GOT THEMSELVES LOST.
[CHUCKLES]
YES, WE'RE LOST

[CHUCKLES]
YES, WE'RE LOST
AND DEFENSELESS.

YES, WE'RE LOST
AND DEFENSELESS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN'

AND DEFENSELESS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN'
ABOUT, BOY?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN'
ABOUT, BOY?
OH, CUT THE COMEDY.

ABOUT, BOY?
OH, CUT THE COMEDY.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT.

OH, CUT THE COMEDY.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT.
LIFE IS SHORT, DOROTHY.

YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT.
LIFE IS SHORT, DOROTHY.
LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

LIFE IS SHORT, DOROTHY.
LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.
[LAUGHTER]

LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I JUST MIGHT

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, I JUST MIGHT
TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.

WELL, I JUST MIGHT
TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.
ALL RIGHT.

[BANJO MUSIC]
[HUMS]
[BANJO MUSIC]

[HUMS]
[BANJO MUSIC]
[HUMS]

[BANJO MUSIC]
[HUMS]
[BANJO MUSIC]

[HUMS]
[BANJO MUSIC]
[HUMS]

[BANJO MUSIC]
[HUMS]
[BANJO MUSIC]

[HUMS]
[BANJO MUSIC]
[HUMS]

[BANJO MUSIC]
[HUMS]
[BANJO MUSIC]

WELL, I GUESS THAT LEAVES
YOU AND ME...
YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A REAL

YOU AND ME...
YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A REAL
PRETTY MOUTH.

YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A REAL
PRETTY MOUTH.
[LAUGHTER]

PRETTY MOUTH.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, REALLY?

[LAUGHTER]
OH, REALLY?
I KINDA THOUGHT YOU HAD

OH, REALLY?
I KINDA THOUGHT YOU HAD
KIND OF A PRETTY MOUTH TOO.

I KINDA THOUGHT YOU HAD
KIND OF A PRETTY MOUTH TOO.
GEE, THANK YOU.

KIND OF A PRETTY MOUTH TOO.
GEE, THANK YOU.
WELL, LET'S GET TO IT, HUH?

GEE, THANK YOU.
WELL, LET'S GET TO IT, HUH?
OKAY.

WELL, LET'S GET TO IT, HUH?
OKAY.
Both: FREEZE!

OKAY.
Both: FREEZE!
Man: MACON POLICE DEPARTMENT.

Both: FREEZE!
Man: MACON POLICE DEPARTMENT.
ATLANTA POLICE DEPARTMENT.

Man: MACON POLICE DEPARTMENT.
ATLANTA POLICE DEPARTMENT.
WHAT THE HELL...

ATLANTA POLICE DEPARTMENT.
WHAT THE HELL...
WELL, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

WHAT THE HELL...
WELL, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

WELL, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
HEY ED, THESE GUYS ARE

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
HEY ED, THESE GUYS ARE
UNDERCOVER COPS TOO.

HEY ED, THESE GUYS ARE
UNDERCOVER COPS TOO.
NEW YORK POLICE.

UNDERCOVER COPS TOO.
NEW YORK POLICE.
ANYONE HERE WHO IS NOT AN

NEW YORK POLICE.
ANYONE HERE WHO IS NOT AN
UNDERCOVER POLICEMAN

ANYONE HERE WHO IS NOT AN
UNDERCOVER POLICEMAN
IS UNDER ARREST.

UNDERCOVER POLICEMAN
IS UNDER ARREST.
JULIAN, YOU MEAN YOU GUYS

IS UNDER ARREST.
JULIAN, YOU MEAN YOU GUYS
ARE COPS TOO?

JULIAN, YOU MEAN YOU GUYS
ARE COPS TOO?
MM-HMM.

ARE COPS TOO?
MM-HMM.
LYLE, WHAT POLICE FORCE

MM-HMM.
LYLE, WHAT POLICE FORCE
YOU FROM?

LYLE, WHAT POLICE FORCE
YOU FROM?
UM, OH, UH, UH...

YOU FROM?
UM, OH, UH, UH...
SAN FRANCISCO, SAN FRANCISCO.

UM, OH, UH, UH...
SAN FRANCISCO, SAN FRANCISCO.
I FORGOT MY BADGE.

SAN FRANCISCO, SAN FRANCISCO.
I FORGOT MY BADGE.
SURE HAD ME FOOLED.

I FORGOT MY BADGE.
SURE HAD ME FOOLED.
YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE REALLY

SURE HAD ME FOOLED.
YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE REALLY
GETTING INTO IT BACK THERE.

YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE REALLY
GETTING INTO IT BACK THERE.
GO ON.

GETTING INTO IT BACK THERE.
GO ON.
SO WE'RE ALL COPS.

GO ON.
SO WE'RE ALL COPS.
AIN'T THAT A KICK, HUH?

SO WE'RE ALL COPS.
AIN'T THAT A KICK, HUH?
WELL, I GUESS YOU GUYS

AIN'T THAT A KICK, HUH?
WELL, I GUESS YOU GUYS
ARE HUNGRY, HUH?

WELL, I GUESS YOU GUYS
ARE HUNGRY, HUH?
YOU CAN USE A LITTLE FOOD?

ARE HUNGRY, HUH?
YOU CAN USE A LITTLE FOOD?
'FRAID ALL WE GOT'S

YOU CAN USE A LITTLE FOOD?
'FRAID ALL WE GOT'S
A LITTLE QUICHE.

'FRAID ALL WE GOT'S
A LITTLE QUICHE.
I TELL YA, WE BEEN OUT

A LITTLE QUICHE.
I TELL YA, WE BEEN OUT
IN THE WOODS FOR A COUPLE WEEKS.

I TELL YA, WE BEEN OUT
IN THE WOODS FOR A COUPLE WEEKS.
WHAT WE COULD REALLY USE

IN THE WOODS FOR A COUPLE WEEKS.
WHAT WE COULD REALLY USE
IS A PLACE TO STAY.

WHAT WE COULD REALLY USE
IS A PLACE TO STAY.
CAN WE BUNK WITH YOU TONIGHT?

IS A PLACE TO STAY.
CAN WE BUNK WITH YOU TONIGHT?
SURE THING.

CAN WE BUNK WITH YOU TONIGHT?
SURE THING.
JULIAN, WHY DON'T YOU GO

SURE THING.
JULIAN, WHY DON'T YOU GO
IN THERE AND PUT ON

JULIAN, WHY DON'T YOU GO
IN THERE AND PUT ON
ONE OF YOUR TAPES.

IN THERE AND PUT ON
ONE OF YOUR TAPES.
GOTCHA, GOTCHA.

ONE OF YOUR TAPES.
GOTCHA, GOTCHA.
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY ♪

GOTCHA, GOTCHA.
♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
♪ MACHO, MACHO MAN ♪

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
♪ MACHO, MACHO MAN ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO BE

♪ MACHO, MACHO MAN ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO BE
A MACHO MAN ♪

♪ I'VE GOT TO BE
A MACHO MAN ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO BE

A MACHO MAN ♪
♪ I'VE GOT TO BE
A MACHO, MACHO MAN ♪

♪ I'VE GOT TO BE
A MACHO, MACHO MAN ♪
[APPLAUSE...]

YOU WON'T BE BACK
FOR ANOTHER WEEK?
OH.

FOR ANOTHER WEEK?
OH.
ME TOO, HONEY.

OH.
ME TOO, HONEY.
I WISH YOU WERE HERE

ME TOO, HONEY.
I WISH YOU WERE HERE
IN BED WITH ME NOW.

I WISH YOU WERE HERE
IN BED WITH ME NOW.
SWEET DREAMS.

IN BED WITH ME NOW.
SWEET DREAMS.
[BLOWS KISS]

SWEET DREAMS.
[BLOWS KISS]
SOUND FAMILIAR?

[BLOWS KISS]
SOUND FAMILIAR?
WELL, NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE

SOUND FAMILIAR?
WELL, NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
LONELY BECAUSE YOU CAN HAVE

WELL, NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
LONELY BECAUSE YOU CAN HAVE
A GOOD TIME ALL BY YOURSELF...

LONELY BECAUSE YOU CAN HAVE
A GOOD TIME ALL BY YOURSELF...
WITH THE BURT BOOK.

A GOOD TIME ALL BY YOURSELF...
WITH THE BURT BOOK.
[LAUGHTER]

WITH THE BURT BOOK.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S CRAMMED WITH REVEALING

[LAUGHTER]
IT'S CRAMMED WITH REVEALING
INFO AND EXPLICIT PHOTOS

IT'S CRAMMED WITH REVEALING
INFO AND EXPLICIT PHOTOS
THAT WILL MAKE YOU BLUSH,

INFO AND EXPLICIT PHOTOS
THAT WILL MAKE YOU BLUSH,
TINGLE, AND ULTIMATELY RELAX.

THAT WILL MAKE YOU BLUSH,
TINGLE, AND ULTIMATELY RELAX.
I'M AN AQUARIAN.

TINGLE, AND ULTIMATELY RELAX.
I'M AN AQUARIAN.
I ENJOY STUNT DRIVING

I'M AN AQUARIAN.
I ENJOY STUNT DRIVING
AND WATER SKIING.

I ENJOY STUNT DRIVING
AND WATER SKIING.
MY FAVORITE COLOR IS BLUE.

AND WATER SKIING.
MY FAVORITE COLOR IS BLUE.
WOMEN?

MY FAVORITE COLOR IS BLUE.
WOMEN?
WELL, THE FIRST THING

WOMEN?
WELL, THE FIRST THING
I LOOK FOR IS A SENSE OF HUMOR

WELL, THE FIRST THING
I LOOK FOR IS A SENSE OF HUMOR
AND BIG BOOBS.

I LOOK FOR IS A SENSE OF HUMOR
AND BIG BOOBS.
[LAUGHTER]

AND BIG BOOBS.
[LAUGHTER]
EACH TURN OF THE PAGE

[LAUGHTER]
EACH TURN OF THE PAGE
WILL HAVE YOU WRIGGLING

EACH TURN OF THE PAGE
WILL HAVE YOU WRIGGLING
WITH DELIGHT.

WILL HAVE YOU WRIGGLING
WITH DELIGHT.
AND WHEN YOU ALIGHT ON

WITH DELIGHT.
AND WHEN YOU ALIGHT ON
THAT VERY SPECIAL PAGE,

AND WHEN YOU ALIGHT ON
THAT VERY SPECIAL PAGE,
THE ONE YOU DECIDE

THAT VERY SPECIAL PAGE,
THE ONE YOU DECIDE
TO STICK WITH,

THE ONE YOU DECIDE
TO STICK WITH,
I PREDICT THE EARTH WILL MOVE

TO STICK WITH,
I PREDICT THE EARTH WILL MOVE
AND IT WON'T BE SAN ANDREAS'

I PREDICT THE EARTH WILL MOVE
AND IT WON'T BE SAN ANDREAS'
FAULT!

AND IT WON'T BE SAN ANDREAS'
FAULT!
[LAUGHTER]

FAULT!
[LAUGHTER]
I GET TURNED ON BY THE OCEAN,

[LAUGHTER]
I GET TURNED ON BY THE OCEAN,
HAIKU, AND HAIKU ABOUT

I GET TURNED ON BY THE OCEAN,
HAIKU, AND HAIKU ABOUT
THE OCEAN.

HAIKU, AND HAIKU ABOUT
THE OCEAN.
TURNOFFS?

THE OCEAN.
TURNOFFS?
POLLUTION, LITTERBUGS,

TURNOFFS?
POLLUTION, LITTERBUGS,
AND PEOPLE WITH LARGE RUNNY

POLLUTION, LITTERBUGS,
AND PEOPLE WITH LARGE RUNNY
BOILS ON THEIR NECK.

AND PEOPLE WITH LARGE RUNNY
BOILS ON THEIR NECK.
[LAUGHTER]

BOILS ON THEIR NECK.
[LAUGHTER]
THE BURT BOOK.

[LAUGHTER]
THE BURT BOOK.
IT'S A PENETRATING LOOK AT

THE BURT BOOK.
IT'S A PENETRATING LOOK AT
THIS LARGER THAN LIFE MAN

IT'S A PENETRATING LOOK AT
THIS LARGER THAN LIFE MAN
AND HIS HIDDEN TALENT.

THIS LARGER THAN LIFE MAN
AND HIS HIDDEN TALENT.
I DON'T BELIEVE PEOPLE

AND HIS HIDDEN TALENT.
I DON'T BELIEVE PEOPLE
SHOULD BE TIED DOWN...

I DON'T BELIEVE PEOPLE
SHOULD BE TIED DOWN...
UNLESS THEY LIKE THAT

SHOULD BE TIED DOWN...
UNLESS THEY LIKE THAT
SORT OF THING.

UNLESS THEY LIKE THAT
SORT OF THING.
[LAUGHTER]

SORT OF THING.
[LAUGHTER]
I'D LIKE TO FALL IN LOVE

[LAUGHTER]
I'D LIKE TO FALL IN LOVE
SOMEDAY, BUT SOMETIMES JUST

I'D LIKE TO FALL IN LOVE
SOMEDAY, BUT SOMETIMES JUST
GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF

SOMEDAY, BUT SOMETIMES JUST
GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF
CAN BE SATISFYING.

GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF
CAN BE SATISFYING.
[LAUGHTER]

CAN BE SATISFYING.
[LAUGHTER]
THE BURT BOOK.

[LAUGHTER]
THE BURT BOOK.
I URGE YOU TO SEE IT.

THE BURT BOOK.
I URGE YOU TO SEE IT.
[PHONE RINGS]

I URGE YOU TO SEE IT.
[PHONE RINGS]
HELLO?

[PHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
I WAS JUST READING.

HELLO?
I WAS JUST READING.
YOU ARE?

I WAS JUST READING.
YOU ARE?
WELL, DON'T FEEL YOU HAVE TO

YOU ARE?
WELL, DON'T FEEL YOU HAVE TO
HURRY BACK ON MY ACCOUNT.

Announcer: THE BURT BOOK.
NOT NECESSARILY FOR WOMEN ONLY.

NOT NECESSARILY FOR WOMEN ONLY.
[APPLAUSE]

Man: SOUND ROLLING.

Director: PLACES EVERYONE.
YOU LUSHES IN THE BACK,

YOU LUSHES IN THE BACK,
STAY OUT OF THE PICTURE PLEASE!
OKAY, WE'RE GOING FOR A CERTAIN

STAY OUT OF THE PICTURE PLEASE!
OKAY, WE'RE GOING FOR A CERTAIN
KIND OF FEELING HERE.

OKAY, WE'RE GOING FOR A CERTAIN
KIND OF FEELING HERE.
A KIND OF A CASUAL,

KIND OF FEELING HERE.
A KIND OF A CASUAL,
RELAXED FEELING.

A KIND OF A CASUAL,
RELAXED FEELING.
JUST PEOPLE STROLLING DOWNTOWN.

RELAXED FEELING.
JUST PEOPLE STROLLING DOWNTOWN.
OKAY, ROLL CAMERA.

JUST PEOPLE STROLLING DOWNTOWN.
OKAY, ROLL CAMERA.
SLATE.

OKAY, ROLL CAMERA.
SLATE.
Man #2: STREET SCENE,

SLATE.
Man #2: STREET SCENE,
21B, TAKE ONE.

Man #2: STREET SCENE,
21B, TAKE ONE.
Director: ALL RIGHT,

21B, TAKE ONE.
Director: ALL RIGHT,
YOU HARD HATS JUST STAY PUT

Director: ALL RIGHT,
YOU HARD HATS JUST STAY PUT
THERE BY THE WALL.

YOU HARD HATS JUST STAY PUT
THERE BY THE WALL.
UNIT 2, KEEP THOSE

THERE BY THE WALL.
UNIT 2, KEEP THOSE
BACKGROUND PEOPLE MOVING.

UNIT 2, KEEP THOSE
BACKGROUND PEOPLE MOVING.
Man #3: GOTCHA.

BACKGROUND PEOPLE MOVING.
Man #3: GOTCHA.
Director: SUSIE AND ANN,

Man #3: GOTCHA.
Director: SUSIE AND ANN,
GET OUT OF THE CAR NOW.

Director: SUSIE AND ANN,
GET OUT OF THE CAR NOW.
CAN THEY HEAR ME IN THERE?

GET OUT OF THE CAR NOW.
CAN THEY HEAR ME IN THERE?
GIRLS, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

CAN THEY HEAR ME IN THERE?
GIRLS, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
GET OUT OF THE CAR!

GIRLS, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
GET OUT OF THE CAR!
OKAY, GOOD.

GET OUT OF THE CAR!
OKAY, GOOD.
PICK UP YOUR BAG.

OKAY, GOOD.
PICK UP YOUR BAG.
LOCK THE DOOR.

PICK UP YOUR BAG.
LOCK THE DOOR.
LOVE IT.

LOCK THE DOOR.
LOVE IT.
AND PUT A DIME IN THE METER.

LOVE IT.
AND PUT A DIME IN THE METER.
LET'S GET SOME PEOPLE

AND PUT A DIME IN THE METER.
LET'S GET SOME PEOPLE
ON THE RIGHT.

LET'S GET SOME PEOPLE
ON THE RIGHT.
Man #4: MARCHING BAND

ON THE RIGHT.
Man #4: MARCHING BAND
WILL BE READY IN 10 MINUTES.

Man #4: MARCHING BAND
WILL BE READY IN 10 MINUTES.
Director: JUST GIVE ME

WILL BE READY IN 10 MINUTES.
Director: JUST GIVE ME
A BIG SMILE NOW.

Director: JUST GIVE ME
A BIG SMILE NOW.
THAT'S IT, SWEETHEART.

A BIG SMILE NOW.
THAT'S IT, SWEETHEART.
BOBBY, TAKE A SNAP SHOT.

THAT'S IT, SWEETHEART.
BOBBY, TAKE A SNAP SHOT.
KEEP IT MOVING, PEOPLE!

BOBBY, TAKE A SNAP SHOT.
KEEP IT MOVING, PEOPLE!
LITTLE GIRL ON SKATES,

KEEP IT MOVING, PEOPLE!
LITTLE GIRL ON SKATES,
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DARLING?

LITTLE GIRL ON SKATES,
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DARLING?
Girl: KAREN.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DARLING?
Girl: KAREN.
Director: KAREN, WHAT I WANT

Girl: KAREN.
Director: KAREN, WHAT I WANT
YOU TO DO IS...

Director: KAREN, WHAT I WANT
YOU TO DO IS...
DON'T LOOK AT THE CAMERA!

YOU TO DO IS...
DON'T LOOK AT THE CAMERA!
TAKE OFF AND SKATE DOWN THE

DON'T LOOK AT THE CAMERA!
TAKE OFF AND SKATE DOWN THE
STREET TO THOSE BIG BUILDINGS.

TAKE OFF AND SKATE DOWN THE
STREET TO THOSE BIG BUILDINGS.
UH, THAT BUILDING OVER ON THE

STREET TO THOSE BIG BUILDINGS.
UH, THAT BUILDING OVER ON THE
LEFT ISN'T IN THE SHOT, IS IT?

UH, THAT BUILDING OVER ON THE
LEFT ISN'T IN THE SHOT, IS IT?
Man #5: UH, YEAH IT IS.

LEFT ISN'T IN THE SHOT, IS IT?
Man #5: UH, YEAH IT IS.
Director: IT IS.

Man #5: UH, YEAH IT IS.
Director: IT IS.
I TOLD YOU SPECIFICALLY

Director: IT IS.
I TOLD YOU SPECIFICALLY
I NEED MORE PEOPLE IN THE

I TOLD YOU SPECIFICALLY
I NEED MORE PEOPLE IN THE
STREET.

I NEED MORE PEOPLE IN THE
STREET.
THE PEOPLE ON THE LEFT,

STREET.
THE PEOPLE ON THE LEFT,
I WANT THAT OUT!

THE PEOPLE ON THE LEFT,
I WANT THAT OUT!
IT RUINS THE WHOLE FEELING

I WANT THAT OUT!
IT RUINS THE WHOLE FEELING
OF THE SCENE.

IT RUINS THE WHOLE FEELING
OF THE SCENE.
Man #6: WELL, WE JUST

OF THE SCENE.
Man #6: WELL, WE JUST
CAN'T MOVE THE WHOLE...

Man #6: WELL, WE JUST
CAN'T MOVE THE WHOLE...
Director: CAN I GET ANYTHING

CAN'T MOVE THE WHOLE...
Director: CAN I GET ANYTHING
DONE AROUND HERE?

Director: CAN I GET ANYTHING
DONE AROUND HERE?
MARTY, I WANT YOU TO LOSE

DONE AROUND HERE?
MARTY, I WANT YOU TO LOSE
THAT BUILDING TO THE LEFT.

MARTY, I WANT YOU TO LOSE
THAT BUILDING TO THE LEFT.
Marty: THE BRICK ONE?

THAT BUILDING TO THE LEFT.
Marty: THE BRICK ONE?
Director: YES, THE BRICK ONE.

Marty: THE BRICK ONE?
Director: YES, THE BRICK ONE.
Marty: ROGER.

Director: YES, THE BRICK ONE.
Marty: ROGER.
[RUMBLING...]

Director: OKAY, GOOD.
LET'S GET SOME ACTION TO
THE BACKGROUND PEOPLE.

LET'S GET SOME ACTION TO
THE BACKGROUND PEOPLE.
I MEAN, WE'RE TRYING

THE BACKGROUND PEOPLE.
I MEAN, WE'RE TRYING
TO MAKE A MOVIE HERE!

I MEAN, WE'RE TRYING
TO MAKE A MOVIE HERE!
LET'S GET THAT MARCHING BAND

TO MAKE A MOVIE HERE!
LET'S GET THAT MARCHING BAND
HERE NOW.

LET'S GET THAT MARCHING BAND
HERE NOW.
Man #7: THEY'RE NOT HERE YET!

HERE NOW.
Man #7: THEY'RE NOT HERE YET!
Director: UH, THEN WHAT'S

Man #7: THEY'RE NOT HERE YET!
Director: UH, THEN WHAT'S
HIS NAME, DOUG, GET IN HERE

Director: UH, THEN WHAT'S
HIS NAME, DOUG, GET IN HERE
ON THE LEFT.

HIS NAME, DOUG, GET IN HERE
ON THE LEFT.
DOUG?

ON THE LEFT.
DOUG?
IT'S YOUR CUE, HUSTLE!

DOUG?
IT'S YOUR CUE, HUSTLE!
YOU'RE FIRED, PAL!

IT'S YOUR CUE, HUSTLE!
YOU'RE FIRED, PAL!
YOU'LL NEVER WORK

YOU'RE FIRED, PAL!
YOU'LL NEVER WORK
IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.

YOU'LL NEVER WORK
IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.
UH, HELL, LET'S CUT.

IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.
UH, HELL, LET'S CUT.
I MEAN, THERE'S TOO MUCH

UH, HELL, LET'S CUT.
I MEAN, THERE'S TOO MUCH
SMOKE ANYWAY.

I MEAN, THERE'S TOO MUCH
SMOKE ANYWAY.
UH, THANK YOU, PEOPLE.

[APPLAUSE]

HELLO, MRS. JOEL P. SHRIVER?
YES, MY NAME IS JENNIFER KLINE
AND I'M A PEPPER AND I WAS

YES, MY NAME IS JENNIFER KLINE
AND I'M A PEPPER AND I WAS
WONDERING IF YOU WOULDN'T

AND I'M A PEPPER AND I WAS
WONDERING IF YOU WOULDN'T
LIKE TO BE A PEPPER TOO?

WONDERING IF YOU WOULDN'T
LIKE TO BE A PEPPER TOO?
[LAUGHTER]

LIKE TO BE A PEPPER TOO?
[LAUGHTER]
UH-HUH...

[LAUGHTER]
UH-HUH...
WELL, HOW ABOUT IF

UH-HUH...
WELL, HOW ABOUT IF
I SEND YOU SOME LITERATURE?

WELL, HOW ABOUT IF
I SEND YOU SOME LITERATURE?
NO?

I SEND YOU SOME LITERATURE?
NO?
WELL, UH, I THANK YOU

NO?
WELL, UH, I THANK YOU
FOR YOUR TIME AND I HOPE

WELL, UH, I THANK YOU
FOR YOUR TIME AND I HOPE
THAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

FOR YOUR TIME AND I HOPE
THAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
BE SURE TO DRINK PLENTY OF

THAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
BE SURE TO DRINK PLENTY OF
DR. PEPPER AND SUGAR FREE

BE SURE TO DRINK PLENTY OF
DR. PEPPER AND SUGAR FREE
DIET DR. PEPPER.

DR. PEPPER AND SUGAR FREE
DIET DR. PEPPER.
OKAY, THANK YOU.

DIET DR. PEPPER.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
BYE.

OKAY, THANK YOU.
BYE.
BOY, THAT MUST BE THE 200th

BYE.
BOY, THAT MUST BE THE 200th
CALL I'VE MADE TODAY.

BOY, THAT MUST BE THE 200th
CALL I'VE MADE TODAY.
HELLO, MR. JOHN B. SHRIVER?

CALL I'VE MADE TODAY.
HELLO, MR. JOHN B. SHRIVER?
YES, MY NAME IS JENNIFER KLINE

HELLO, MR. JOHN B. SHRIVER?
YES, MY NAME IS JENNIFER KLINE
AND I'M A PEPPER AND I WAS

YES, MY NAME IS JENNIFER KLINE
AND I'M A PEPPER AND I WAS
CALLING TO ASK IF YOU WOULDN'T

AND I'M A PEPPER AND I WAS
CALLING TO ASK IF YOU WOULDN'T
LIKE TO BE A PEPPER TOO?

CALLING TO ASK IF YOU WOULDN'T
LIKE TO BE A PEPPER TOO?
UH-HUH.

LIKE TO BE A PEPPER TOO?
UH-HUH.
WELL, HOW 'BOUT IF

UH-HUH.
WELL, HOW 'BOUT IF
I SEND YOU SOME LITERATURE?

WELL, HOW 'BOUT IF
I SEND YOU SOME LITERATURE?
NO.

I SEND YOU SOME LITERATURE?
NO.
OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU

NO.
OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU
FOR YOUR TIME AND I'D LIKE

OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU
FOR YOUR TIME AND I'D LIKE
TO REMIND YOU TO DRINK

FOR YOUR TIME AND I'D LIKE
TO REMIND YOU TO DRINK
LOTS OF DR. PEPPER AND

TO REMIND YOU TO DRINK
LOTS OF DR. PEPPER AND
SUGAR FREE DIET DR. PEPPER

LOTS OF DR. PEPPER AND
SUGAR FREE DIET DR. PEPPER
AND I HOPE YOU'LL CONSIDER

SUGAR FREE DIET DR. PEPPER
AND I HOPE YOU'LL CONSIDER
TRYING DR. PEPPER HOT

AND I HOPE YOU'LL CONSIDER
TRYING DR. PEPPER HOT
WITH LEMON SOMETIME.

TRYING DR. PEPPER HOT
WITH LEMON SOMETIME.
THANK YOU A LOT, GOODBYE.

WITH LEMON SOMETIME.
THANK YOU A LOT, GOODBYE.
JENNY, HONEY, CAN WE

THANK YOU A LOT, GOODBYE.
JENNY, HONEY, CAN WE
TALK FOR A MINUTE?

JENNY, HONEY, CAN WE
TALK FOR A MINUTE?
JUST ONE SECOND, DAD.

TALK FOR A MINUTE?
JUST ONE SECOND, DAD.
I WANNA MAKE ONE MORE CALL.

JUST ONE SECOND, DAD.
I WANNA MAKE ONE MORE CALL.
BEFORE YOU MAKE THE CALL,

I WANNA MAKE ONE MORE CALL.
BEFORE YOU MAKE THE CALL,
JENNY.

BEFORE YOU MAKE THE CALL,
JENNY.
JENNY, EVER SINCE YOU'VE

JENNY.
JENNY, EVER SINCE YOU'VE
BECOME A PEPPER YOU ACT

JENNY, EVER SINCE YOU'VE
BECOME A PEPPER YOU ACT
DIFFERENTLY.

BECOME A PEPPER YOU ACT
DIFFERENTLY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

DIFFERENTLY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, YOU SEEM TO SPEND

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, YOU SEEM TO SPEND
A LOT OF TIME ON THE PHONE,

WELL, YOU SEEM TO SPEND
A LOT OF TIME ON THE PHONE,
YOU'RE GOING TO THE PEPPER

A LOT OF TIME ON THE PHONE,
YOU'RE GOING TO THE PEPPER
MEETINGS ALL THE TIME,

YOU'RE GOING TO THE PEPPER
MEETINGS ALL THE TIME,
YOU'RE GOING DOOR TO DOOR ASKING

MEETINGS ALL THE TIME,
YOU'RE GOING DOOR TO DOOR ASKING
PEOPLE TO DRINK DR. PEPPER.

YOU'RE GOING DOOR TO DOOR ASKING
PEOPLE TO DRINK DR. PEPPER.
IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT

PEOPLE TO DRINK DR. PEPPER.
IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT
IF YOU GOT PAID FOR IT.

IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT
IF YOU GOT PAID FOR IT.
DAD!

IF YOU GOT PAID FOR IT.
DAD!
A PEPPER WOULD NEVER

DAD!
A PEPPER WOULD NEVER
ACCEPT MONEY FOR THIS.

A PEPPER WOULD NEVER
ACCEPT MONEY FOR THIS.
MY GOD, WE DO IT BECAUSE

ACCEPT MONEY FOR THIS.
MY GOD, WE DO IT BECAUSE
WE BELIEVE IN IT.

MY GOD, WE DO IT BECAUSE
WE BELIEVE IN IT.
MAYBE THAT'S SOMETHING PEOPLE

WE BELIEVE IN IT.
MAYBE THAT'S SOMETHING PEOPLE
OF YOUR GENERATION JUST

MAYBE THAT'S SOMETHING PEOPLE
OF YOUR GENERATION JUST
WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

OF YOUR GENERATION JUST
WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU

WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU
DON'T SEE ANY OF YOUR OLD

WELL, ALL I KNOW IS THAT YOU
DON'T SEE ANY OF YOUR OLD
FRIENDS, YOU'RE OUT MOST OF THE

DON'T SEE ANY OF YOUR OLD
FRIENDS, YOU'RE OUT MOST OF THE
TIME, YOUR GRADES HAVE GONE

FRIENDS, YOU'RE OUT MOST OF THE
TIME, YOUR GRADES HAVE GONE
DOWN, YOU CHANGED.

TIME, YOUR GRADES HAVE GONE
DOWN, YOU CHANGED.
WHERE'S THAT LITTLE JENNY

DOWN, YOU CHANGED.
WHERE'S THAT LITTLE JENNY
WE USED TO KNOW?

WHERE'S THAT LITTLE JENNY
WE USED TO KNOW?
MAYBE FOR THE FIRST TIME

WE USED TO KNOW?
MAYBE FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE, I'M HAPPY!

MAYBE FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE, I'M HAPPY!
[DOORBELL RINGS]

IN MY LIFE, I'M HAPPY!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'LL GET IT.

HI JENNY!
HI MR. AND MRS. KLINE!
JENNY, COME ON!

HI MR. AND MRS. KLINE!
JENNY, COME ON!
HAVEN'T YOU FINISHED

JENNY, COME ON!
HAVEN'T YOU FINISHED
YOUR PHONE CALLS YET?

HAVEN'T YOU FINISHED
YOUR PHONE CALLS YET?
COME ON, WE GOTTA GO DECORATE

YOUR PHONE CALLS YET?
COME ON, WE GOTTA GO DECORATE
THAT DR. PEPPER FLOAT IF WE

COME ON, WE GOTTA GO DECORATE
THAT DR. PEPPER FLOAT IF WE
WANNA GET IT IN THE MEMORIAL DAY

THAT DR. PEPPER FLOAT IF WE
WANNA GET IT IN THE MEMORIAL DAY
PARADE, RIGHT?

WANNA GET IT IN THE MEMORIAL DAY
PARADE, RIGHT?
All: YEAH!

PARADE, RIGHT?
All: YEAH!
STEVE, HOW DO YOUR PARENTS

All: YEAH!
STEVE, HOW DO YOUR PARENTS
FEEL ABOUT YOU BEING ONE OF

STEVE, HOW DO YOUR PARENTS
FEEL ABOUT YOU BEING ONE OF
THOSE PEPPER PEOPLE?

FEEL ABOUT YOU BEING ONE OF
THOSE PEPPER PEOPLE?
OH, MOM.

THOSE PEPPER PEOPLE?
OH, MOM.
YOU'RE SO SQUARE!

OH, MOM.
YOU'RE SO SQUARE!
WE'RE NOT PEPPER PEOPLE,

YOU'RE SO SQUARE!
WE'RE NOT PEPPER PEOPLE,
WE'RE PEPPERS.

WE'RE NOT PEPPER PEOPLE,
WE'RE PEPPERS.
All: YEAH!

WE'RE PEPPERS.
All: YEAH!
WELL, MY FOLKS REALLY DON'T

All: YEAH!
WELL, MY FOLKS REALLY DON'T
UNDERSTAND, MRS. KLINE.

WELL, MY FOLKS REALLY DON'T
UNDERSTAND, MRS. KLINE.
THEY DRINK DR. PEPPER BUT

UNDERSTAND, MRS. KLINE.
THEY DRINK DR. PEPPER BUT
THEY'RE NOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU

THEY DRINK DR. PEPPER BUT
THEY'RE NOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU
CALL PEPPERS.

THEY'RE NOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU
CALL PEPPERS.
STEVE, LET ME ASK YOU

CALL PEPPERS.
STEVE, LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING...

STEVE, LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING...
THESE RAFFLE TICKETS YOU BEEN

SOMETHING...
THESE RAFFLE TICKETS YOU BEEN
SELLING ALL WEEK, WHERE DOES

THESE RAFFLE TICKETS YOU BEEN
SELLING ALL WEEK, WHERE DOES
ALL THIS MONEY GO?

SELLING ALL WEEK, WHERE DOES
ALL THIS MONEY GO?
WE'VE TOLD YOU THAT MONEY

ALL THIS MONEY GO?
WE'VE TOLD YOU THAT MONEY
GOES TO HELP BUILD A DR. PEPPER

WE'VE TOLD YOU THAT MONEY
GOES TO HELP BUILD A DR. PEPPER
BOTTLING PLANT!

GOES TO HELP BUILD A DR. PEPPER
BOTTLING PLANT!
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THAT'S

BOTTLING PLANT!
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THAT'S
SOMETHING THE DR. PEPPER COMPANY

IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THAT'S
SOMETHING THE DR. PEPPER COMPANY
OUGHT TO DO ITSELF.

SOMETHING THE DR. PEPPER COMPANY
OUGHT TO DO ITSELF.
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND,

OUGHT TO DO ITSELF.
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND,
DO YOU, MR. KLINE?

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND,
DO YOU, MR. KLINE?
DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT

DO YOU, MR. KLINE?
DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT
MAYBE WE'RE HELPING THE COMPANY

DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT
MAYBE WE'RE HELPING THE COMPANY
BECAUSE WE CARE?

MAYBE WE'RE HELPING THE COMPANY
BECAUSE WE CARE?
LET'S GO, YOU GUYS.

BECAUSE WE CARE?
LET'S GO, YOU GUYS.
LET'S GO WORK ON THE FLOAT.

LET'S GO, YOU GUYS.
LET'S GO WORK ON THE FLOAT.
NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

LET'S GO WORK ON THE FLOAT.
NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,

NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
MR. KLINE.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,
MR. KLINE.
[LAUGHTER]

MR. KLINE.
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT DO YOU CARE ABOUT, HUH?

[LAUGHTER]
WHAT DO YOU CARE ABOUT, HUH?
YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY PARENTS!

WHAT DO YOU CARE ABOUT, HUH?
YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY PARENTS!
YOU GO TO WORK NINE TO FIVE,

YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY PARENTS!
YOU GO TO WORK NINE TO FIVE,
YOU COME HOME, YOU HAVE A

YOU GO TO WORK NINE TO FIVE,
YOU COME HOME, YOU HAVE A
MARTINI, YOU PLAY A LITTLE GOLF

YOU COME HOME, YOU HAVE A
MARTINI, YOU PLAY A LITTLE GOLF
ON SATURDAY, MAYBE ON SUNDAY

MARTINI, YOU PLAY A LITTLE GOLF
ON SATURDAY, MAYBE ON SUNDAY
TOO, YOU DRINK DR. PEPPER BUT

ON SATURDAY, MAYBE ON SUNDAY
TOO, YOU DRINK DR. PEPPER BUT
DO YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT?

TOO, YOU DRINK DR. PEPPER BUT
DO YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT?
I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW

DO YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT?
I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT DR. PEPPER?

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT DR. PEPPER?
FOR ALL YOU KNOW IT MIGHT

ABOUT DR. PEPPER?
FOR ALL YOU KNOW IT MIGHT
AS WELL BE RC COLA OR TAB.

FOR ALL YOU KNOW IT MIGHT
AS WELL BE RC COLA OR TAB.
NOW, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

AS WELL BE RC COLA OR TAB.
NOW, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE HAD

NOW, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE HAD
PLENTY OF DR. PEPPER.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE HAD
PLENTY OF DR. PEPPER.
IN FACT, I WAS DRINKING

PLENTY OF DR. PEPPER.
IN FACT, I WAS DRINKING
DR. PEPPER BEFORE YOU KIDS

IN FACT, I WAS DRINKING
DR. PEPPER BEFORE YOU KIDS
WERE EVEN BORN.

DR. PEPPER BEFORE YOU KIDS
WERE EVEN BORN.
All: WHAT?

WERE EVEN BORN.
All: WHAT?
YOU DID?

All: WHAT?
YOU DID?
OF COURSE, SURE.

YOU DID?
OF COURSE, SURE.
I LIVED IN ONE OF THE ORIGINAL

OF COURSE, SURE.
I LIVED IN ONE OF THE ORIGINAL
TEST MARKET CITIES.

I LIVED IN ONE OF THE ORIGINAL
TEST MARKET CITIES.
All: YOU DID?

TEST MARKET CITIES.
All: YOU DID?
WOW!

All: YOU DID?
WOW!
OF COURSE, DR. PEPPER

WOW!
OF COURSE, DR. PEPPER
WAS ONLY A NICKEL THEN.

OF COURSE, DR. PEPPER
WAS ONLY A NICKEL THEN.
All: A NICKEL?

WAS ONLY A NICKEL THEN.
All: A NICKEL?
WHY, SURE!

All: A NICKEL?
WHY, SURE!
AND WE DRANK IT OUT OF THOSE

WHY, SURE!
AND WE DRANK IT OUT OF THOSE
OLD-FASHIONED BOTTLES.

AND WE DRANK IT OUT OF THOSE
OLD-FASHIONED BOTTLES.
WE LOVE DR. PEPPER.

OLD-FASHIONED BOTTLES.
WE LOVE DR. PEPPER.
MOM, THIS IS WHAT

WE LOVE DR. PEPPER.
MOM, THIS IS WHAT
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

MOM, THIS IS WHAT
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IF YOU WERE PEPPERS BEFORE,

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IF YOU WERE PEPPERS BEFORE,
WHY DIDN'T YOU STICK WITH IT?

IF YOU WERE PEPPERS BEFORE,
WHY DIDN'T YOU STICK WITH IT?
WELL, YOU KNOW, DR. PEPPER

WHY DIDN'T YOU STICK WITH IT?
WELL, YOU KNOW, DR. PEPPER
WAS A BRAND NEW PRODUCT

WELL, YOU KNOW, DR. PEPPER
WAS A BRAND NEW PRODUCT
AT THE TIME AND I GUESS WE WERE

WAS A BRAND NEW PRODUCT
AT THE TIME AND I GUESS WE WERE
AFRAID TO PUT OUR HEARTS

AT THE TIME AND I GUESS WE WERE
AFRAID TO PUT OUR HEARTS
INTO IT AND THEN YOU KIDS

AFRAID TO PUT OUR HEARTS
INTO IT AND THEN YOU KIDS
CAME ALONG AND RAISING A FAMILY

INTO IT AND THEN YOU KIDS
CAME ALONG AND RAISING A FAMILY
TAKES UP A LOT OF TIME.

CAME ALONG AND RAISING A FAMILY
TAKES UP A LOT OF TIME.
BEING A PEPPER DOESN'T TAKE

TAKES UP A LOT OF TIME.
BEING A PEPPER DOESN'T TAKE
THAT MUCH TIME.

BEING A PEPPER DOESN'T TAKE
THAT MUCH TIME.
THREE NIGHTS A WEEK,

THAT MUCH TIME.
THREE NIGHTS A WEEK,
TWO WEEKENDS OUTTA THE MONTH,

THREE NIGHTS A WEEK,
TWO WEEKENDS OUTTA THE MONTH,
THAT'S NOT A LOT TO ASK.

TWO WEEKENDS OUTTA THE MONTH,
THAT'S NOT A LOT TO ASK.
I GUESS WE DON'T HAVE

THAT'S NOT A LOT TO ASK.
I GUESS WE DON'T HAVE
AN EXCUSE.

I GUESS WE DON'T HAVE
AN EXCUSE.
MAYBE WE'VE JUST BEEN LAZY.

AN EXCUSE.
MAYBE WE'VE JUST BEEN LAZY.
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT TOO LATE.

MAYBE WE'VE JUST BEEN LAZY.
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
YOU COULD BE PEPPERS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
YOU COULD BE PEPPERS.
YOU MEAN, YOU'D

YOU COULD BE PEPPERS.
YOU MEAN, YOU'D
STILL HAVE US?

YOU MEAN, YOU'D
STILL HAVE US?
WELL, SURE!

STILL HAVE US?
WELL, SURE!
ANYONE WHO DRANK DR. PEPPER

WELL, SURE!
ANYONE WHO DRANK DR. PEPPER
IN 1948 CAN BE A PEPPER

ANYONE WHO DRANK DR. PEPPER
IN 1948 CAN BE A PEPPER
IN OUR BOOK!

IN 1948 CAN BE A PEPPER
IN OUR BOOK!
COME ON!

IN OUR BOOK!
COME ON!
♪ I'M A PEPPER,

COME ON!
♪ I'M A PEPPER,
YOU'RE A PEPPER ♪

♪ I'M A PEPPER,
YOU'RE A PEPPER ♪
♪ HE'S A PEPPER,

YOU'RE A PEPPER ♪
♪ HE'S A PEPPER,
SHE'S A PEPPER ♪

♪ HE'S A PEPPER,
SHE'S A PEPPER ♪
♪ WOULDN'T YOU LIKE

SHE'S A PEPPER ♪
♪ WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
TO BE A PEPPER TOO? ♪

♪ WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
TO BE A PEPPER TOO? ♪
♪ BE A PEPPER,

TO BE A PEPPER TOO? ♪
♪ BE A PEPPER,
DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪

♪ BE A PEPPER,
DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪
♪ BE A PEPPER,

DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪
♪ BE A PEPPER,
DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪

♪ BE A PEPPER,
DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪
♪ BE A PEPPER,

DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪
♪ BE A PEPPER,
DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪

♪ BE A PEPPER,
DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪
♪ BE A PEPPER,

DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪
♪ BE A PEPPER,
DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪

♪ BE A PEPPER,
DRINK DR. PEPPER ♪
[APPLAUSE...]

YOU SURE THIS HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH ME?
FOR THE LAST TIME, NO,

NOTHING TO DO WITH ME?
FOR THE LAST TIME, NO,
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

FOR THE LAST TIME, NO,
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
THEN WHY WON'T YOU

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
THEN WHY WON'T YOU
TELL ME WHAT IT IS?

THEN WHY WON'T YOU
TELL ME WHAT IT IS?
'CAUSE YOU WOULDN'T

TELL ME WHAT IT IS?
'CAUSE YOU WOULDN'T
UNDERSTAND.

'CAUSE YOU WOULDN'T
UNDERSTAND.
WHAT DO MEAN, I WOULDN'T

UNDERSTAND.
WHAT DO MEAN, I WOULDN'T
UNDERSTAND?

WHAT DO MEAN, I WOULDN'T
UNDERSTAND?
BECAUSE IT HAS NOTHING

UNDERSTAND?
BECAUSE IT HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU...

BECAUSE IT HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU...
WHICH IS THE ONLY THING

TO DO WITH YOU...
WHICH IS THE ONLY THING
YOU SEEM TO CARE ABOUT.

WHICH IS THE ONLY THING
YOU SEEM TO CARE ABOUT.
HUH.

YOU SEEM TO CARE ABOUT.
HUH.
SO, IT DOES HAVE SOMETHING

HUH.
SO, IT DOES HAVE SOMETHING
TO DO WITH ME.

SO, IT DOES HAVE SOMETHING
TO DO WITH ME.
NO, CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND

TO DO WITH ME.
NO, CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND
ENGLISH?

NO, CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND
ENGLISH?
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

ENGLISH?
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
"IT" IS THE SUBJECT,

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
"IT" IS THE SUBJECT,
"HAS" IS THE VERB,

"IT" IS THE SUBJECT,
"HAS" IS THE VERB,
"NOTHING" IS THE OBJECT,

"HAS" IS THE VERB,
"NOTHING" IS THE OBJECT,
"TO DO WITH YOU" INFINITIVE

"NOTHING" IS THE OBJECT,
"TO DO WITH YOU" INFINITIVE
PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE, PERIOD.

"TO DO WITH YOU" INFINITIVE
PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE, PERIOD.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE, PERIOD.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!
OKAY.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!
OKAY.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INTRODUCE

OKAY.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INTRODUCE
ME TO THE FREDERICKS?

WHY DIDN'T YOU INTRODUCE
ME TO THE FREDERICKS?
AH-HA!

ME TO THE FREDERICKS?
AH-HA!
THAT'S IT, HUH?

AH-HA!
THAT'S IT, HUH?
I DIDN'T INTRODUCE YOU

THAT'S IT, HUH?
I DIDN'T INTRODUCE YOU
TO THE FREDERICKS.

I DIDN'T INTRODUCE YOU
TO THE FREDERICKS.
NO, THAT IS NOT IT.

TO THE FREDERICKS.
NO, THAT IS NOT IT.
GOOD BECAUSE THE REASON I

NO, THAT IS NOT IT.
GOOD BECAUSE THE REASON I
DIDN'T INTRODUCE YOU TO THE

GOOD BECAUSE THE REASON I
DIDN'T INTRODUCE YOU TO THE
FREDERICKS IS I COULDN'T

DIDN'T INTRODUCE YOU TO THE
FREDERICKS IS I COULDN'T
REMEMBER HER FIRST NAME.

FREDERICKS IS I COULDN'T
REMEMBER HER FIRST NAME.
WELL, IT HAPPENS TO BE

REMEMBER HER FIRST NAME.
WELL, IT HAPPENS TO BE
BARBARA.

WELL, IT HAPPENS TO BE
BARBARA.
GOOD, THE NEXT TIME WE'RE

BARBARA.
GOOD, THE NEXT TIME WE'RE
AT A PARTY AND THE FREDERICKS

GOOD, THE NEXT TIME WE'RE
AT A PARTY AND THE FREDERICKS
ARE THERE, YOU REMIND ME AND

AT A PARTY AND THE FREDERICKS
ARE THERE, YOU REMIND ME AND
I'LL INTRODUCE YOU.

ARE THERE, YOU REMIND ME AND
I'LL INTRODUCE YOU.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO

I'LL INTRODUCE YOU.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO
REMIND YOU.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO
REMIND YOU.
NO, BUT JUST IN CASE

REMIND YOU.
NO, BUT JUST IN CASE
YOU REMIND ME.

NO, BUT JUST IN CASE
YOU REMIND ME.
ONCE AGAIN, YOU MISSED

YOU REMIND ME.
ONCE AGAIN, YOU MISSED
THE POINT.

ONCE AGAIN, YOU MISSED
THE POINT.
I'M SORRY, WHAT IS THE POINT?

THE POINT.
I'M SORRY, WHAT IS THE POINT?
THE POINT IS I SHOULDN'T

I'M SORRY, WHAT IS THE POINT?
THE POINT IS I SHOULDN'T
HAVE TO REMIND YOU TO INTRODUCE

THE POINT IS I SHOULDN'T
HAVE TO REMIND YOU TO INTRODUCE
ME TO PEOPLE!

HAVE TO REMIND YOU TO INTRODUCE
ME TO PEOPLE!
OH, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

ME TO PEOPLE!
OH, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
I UNDERSTAND YOU PERFECTLY.

OH, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
I UNDERSTAND YOU PERFECTLY.
IT'S YOU WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.

I UNDERSTAND YOU PERFECTLY.
IT'S YOU WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD

IT'S YOU WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD
REMIND ME TO INTRODUCE YOU...

I DON'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD
REMIND ME TO INTRODUCE YOU...
I KNOW THAT!

REMIND ME TO INTRODUCE YOU...
I KNOW THAT!
THEN WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY

I KNOW THAT!
THEN WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY
ABOUT?

THEN WHAT ARE YOU ANGRY
ABOUT?
I'M ANGRY BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T

ABOUT?
I'M ANGRY BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T
HAVE TO REMIND YOU TO INTRODUCE

I'M ANGRY BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T
HAVE TO REMIND YOU TO INTRODUCE
ME TO PEOPLE!

HAVE TO REMIND YOU TO INTRODUCE
ME TO PEOPLE!
WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

ME TO PEOPLE!
WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
WHEN?

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
WHEN?
JUST NOW.

WHEN?
JUST NOW.
WOULD YOU LISTEN FOR A MINUTE?

JUST NOW.
WOULD YOU LISTEN FOR A MINUTE?
WHAT I SAID WAS, I DIDN'T MEAN

WOULD YOU LISTEN FOR A MINUTE?
WHAT I SAID WAS, I DIDN'T MEAN
THAT YOU HAD TO TELL ME...

WHAT I SAID WAS, I DIDN'T MEAN
THAT YOU HAD TO TELL ME...
I DON'T WANNA TALK

THAT YOU HAD TO TELL ME...
I DON'T WANNA TALK
ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

I DON'T WANNA TALK
ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
JUST LISTEN TO WHAT

ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
JUST LISTEN TO WHAT
I HAVE TO SAY, OKAY?

JUST LISTEN TO WHAT
I HAVE TO SAY, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.

I HAVE TO SAY, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT?

ALL RIGHT.
WHAT?
WHEN I SAID BEFORE THAT THE

WHAT?
WHEN I SAID BEFORE THAT THE
NEXT TIME WE SEE THE FREDERICKS

WHEN I SAID BEFORE THAT THE
NEXT TIME WE SEE THE FREDERICKS
AT A PARTY...

NEXT TIME WE SEE THE FREDERICKS
AT A PARTY...
BUT I DON'T WANT

AT A PARTY...
BUT I DON'T WANT
TO REMIND YOU!

BUT I DON'T WANT
TO REMIND YOU!
WOULD YOU LISTEN?

TO REMIND YOU!
WOULD YOU LISTEN?
JUST LISTEN TO WHAT

WOULD YOU LISTEN?
JUST LISTEN TO WHAT
I HAVE TO SAY!

JUST LISTEN TO WHAT
I HAVE TO SAY!
I AM LISTENING!

I HAVE TO SAY!
I AM LISTENING!
NO, YOU'RE NOT!

I AM LISTENING!
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
THEN FOR GOD'S SAKE,

NO, YOU'RE NOT!
THEN FOR GOD'S SAKE,
SAY WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY!

THEN FOR GOD'S SAKE,
SAY WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY!
WELL, THEN SHUT UP A MINUTE

SAY WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY!
WELL, THEN SHUT UP A MINUTE
AND LET ME SAY IT.

WELL, THEN SHUT UP A MINUTE
AND LET ME SAY IT.
WELL, YOU'RE NOT

AND LET ME SAY IT.
WELL, YOU'RE NOT
SAYING ANYTHING.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT
SAYING ANYTHING.
JUST LISTEN.

SAYING ANYTHING.
JUST LISTEN.
I WAS SAYING THAT WHEN I SAID

JUST LISTEN.
I WAS SAYING THAT WHEN I SAID
THAT THE NEXT TIME WE SEE

I WAS SAYING THAT WHEN I SAID
THAT THE NEXT TIME WE SEE
THE FREDERICKS...

THAT THE NEXT TIME WE SEE
THE FREDERICKS...
YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME THING

THE FREDERICKS...
YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME THING
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME THING
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME?

OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME?
NO, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT

WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME?
NO, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT
SAYING ANYTHING!

NO, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT
SAYING ANYTHING!
LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME,

SAYING ANYTHING!
LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME,
LISTEN TO ME!

LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME,
LISTEN TO ME!
SHUT UP!

LISTEN TO ME!
SHUT UP!
[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]

SHUT UP!
[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP,

[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP,
SHUT UP, SHUT UP!

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP,
SHUT UP, SHUT UP!
NEXT TIME WE'RE AT A PARTY

SHUT UP, SHUT UP!
NEXT TIME WE'RE AT A PARTY
AND THE FREDERICKS ARE THERE

NEXT TIME WE'RE AT A PARTY
AND THE FREDERICKS ARE THERE
YOU REMIND ME THAT HER NAME

AND THE FREDERICKS ARE THERE
YOU REMIND ME THAT HER NAME
IS BARBARA.

YOU REMIND ME THAT HER NAME
IS BARBARA.
I KNOW TO INTRODUCE YOU.

IS BARBARA.
I KNOW TO INTRODUCE YOU.
HAD I KNOWN HER NAME WAS BARBARA

I KNOW TO INTRODUCE YOU.
HAD I KNOWN HER NAME WAS BARBARA
THEN I WOULD'VE OF COURSE,

HAD I KNOWN HER NAME WAS BARBARA
THEN I WOULD'VE OF COURSE,
INTRODUCED YOU.

THEN I WOULD'VE OF COURSE,
INTRODUCED YOU.
[SOBBING...]

I ADMIT THAT THERE ARE
CERTAIN TIMES THAT I AM
SELF-CENTERED AND TIMES I DO

CERTAIN TIMES THAT I AM
SELF-CENTERED AND TIMES I DO
FORGET TO INTRODUCE YOU

SELF-CENTERED AND TIMES I DO
FORGET TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO PEOPLE.

FORGET TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO PEOPLE.
I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOU.

TO PEOPLE.
I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOU.
I'LL TRY TO CHANGE.

I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOU.
I'LL TRY TO CHANGE.
CAN WE GO IN THE BEDROOM NOW

I'LL TRY TO CHANGE.
CAN WE GO IN THE BEDROOM NOW
AND HAVE SEX?

CAN WE GO IN THE BEDROOM NOW
AND HAVE SEX?
[LAUGHTER]

AND HAVE SEX?
[LAUGHTER]
BY THE WAY, IF WE'RE EVER

[LAUGHTER]
BY THE WAY, IF WE'RE EVER
AT A PARTY AND THE FREDERICKS

BY THE WAY, IF WE'RE EVER
AT A PARTY AND THE FREDERICKS
ARE THERE, WOULD YOU JUST

AT A PARTY AND THE FREDERICKS
ARE THERE, WOULD YOU JUST
REMIND ME TO INTRODUCE YOU.

ARE THERE, WOULD YOU JUST
REMIND ME TO INTRODUCE YOU.
[APPLAUSE]

ONCE AGAIN, ANNE MURRAY.
[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

♪ HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE YOU LET ME DOWN? ♪
♪ YOU NEVER STAY

HAVE YOU LET ME DOWN? ♪
♪ YOU NEVER STAY
WHEN YOU COME AROUND ♪

♪ YOU NEVER STAY
WHEN YOU COME AROUND ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY

WHEN YOU COME AROUND ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪

♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ COME ON IN WHILE I

YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ COME ON IN WHILE I
POUR THE WINE ♪

♪ COME ON IN WHILE I
POUR THE WINE ♪
♪ WE'LL DRINK IT SLOW

POUR THE WINE ♪
♪ WE'LL DRINK IT SLOW
AND TAKE OUR TIME ♪

♪ WE'LL DRINK IT SLOW
AND TAKE OUR TIME ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HURRY ♪

AND TAKE OUR TIME ♪
♪ NO NEED TO HURRY ♪
♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪

♪ NO NEED TO HURRY ♪
♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ I LIKE I DRAWN-OUT

♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ I LIKE I DRAWN-OUT
TÊTE-À-TÊTE ♪

♪ I LIKE I DRAWN-OUT
TÊTE-À-TÊTE ♪
♪ I LIKE MY FEET

TÊTE-À-TÊTE ♪
♪ I LIKE MY FEET
RIGHT ON THE GROUND ♪

♪ I LIKE MY FEET
RIGHT ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ I TAKE A LONG TIME GETTING ON

RIGHT ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ I TAKE A LONG TIME GETTING ON
TO MATTERS CLOSE AT HAND ♪

♪ I TAKE A LONG TIME GETTING ON
TO MATTERS CLOSE AT HAND ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU STICK AROUND? ♪

TO MATTERS CLOSE AT HAND ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ (WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU

♪ WHY DON'T YOU STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ (WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND?) ♪

♪ (WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND?) ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU

(STICK AROUND?) ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪

STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY

♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪

♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ TIME IS OURS SO WE'LL

YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ TIME IS OURS SO WE'LL
RAISE A GLASS ♪

♪ TIME IS OURS SO WE'LL
RAISE A GLASS ♪
♪ HERE WE ARE ALONE AT LAST ♪

RAISE A GLASS ♪
♪ HERE WE ARE ALONE AT LAST ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY

♪ HERE WE ARE ALONE AT LAST ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪

♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
[♪...]

♪ I LIKE IT DRAWN-OUT
TÊTE-À-TÊTE ♪
♪ I LIKE MY FEET

TÊTE-À-TÊTE ♪
♪ I LIKE MY FEET
RIGHT ON THE GROUND ♪

♪ I LIKE MY FEET
RIGHT ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ I TAKE A LONG TIME GETTING ON

RIGHT ON THE GROUND ♪
♪ I TAKE A LONG TIME GETTING ON
TO MATTERS CLOSE AT HAND ♪

♪ I TAKE A LONG TIME GETTING ON
TO MATTERS CLOSE AT HAND ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU STICK AROUND? ♪

TO MATTERS CLOSE AT HAND ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ (WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU

♪ WHY DON'T YOU STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ (WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND?) ♪

♪ (WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND?) ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU

(STICK AROUND?) ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU

STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU

STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪

STICK AROUND ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY

♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪

♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU

YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU

STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪

♪ WHY DON'T YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪

STICK AROUND? ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY ♪

♪ WHOO-HOO ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY

♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY ♪
♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪

♪ I SEE NO REASON WHY
YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
[♪...]

YOU HAVE TO SLIP AWAY ♪
[♪...]
[APPLAUSE...]

[WITH ACCENT] HEWWO,
I'M BABA WAWA AT WARGE.
WEWAXING IN A TWOPICAL

I'M BABA WAWA AT WARGE.
WEWAXING IN A TWOPICAL
PAWADISE, I'M WEWAXING HERE

WEWAXING IN A TWOPICAL
PAWADISE, I'M WEWAXING HERE
IN A TWOPICAL PAWADISE WITH A

PAWADISE, I'M WEWAXING HERE
IN A TWOPICAL PAWADISE WITH A
MAN WHO HAS BEEN WABELED

IN A TWOPICAL PAWADISE WITH A
MAN WHO HAS BEEN WABELED
A WECLUSE, A WENEGADE,

MAN WHO HAS BEEN WABELED
A WECLUSE, A WENEGADE,
AND A WEBEL.

A WECLUSE, A WENEGADE,
AND A WEBEL.
I CALL HIM THE GWEATEST WIVING

AND A WEBEL.
I CALL HIM THE GWEATEST WIVING
WEGEND OF THEM ALL...

I CALL HIM THE GWEATEST WIVING
WEGEND OF THEM ALL...
MARWON BWANDO.

WEGEND OF THEM ALL...
MARWON BWANDO.
MARWON, I WANNA GET AS CWOSE

MARWON BWANDO.
MARWON, I WANNA GET AS CWOSE
TO YOU AS I POSSIBWY CAN.

MARWON, I WANNA GET AS CWOSE
TO YOU AS I POSSIBWY CAN.
DO YOU MIND IF I CWIMB ON?

TO YOU AS I POSSIBWY CAN.
DO YOU MIND IF I CWIMB ON?
THANKS.

DO YOU MIND IF I CWIMB ON?
THANKS.
UH, WOULD, UH, YOU GET ME

THANKS.
UH, WOULD, UH, YOU GET ME
SOME BUTTER?

UH, WOULD, UH, YOU GET ME
SOME BUTTER?
NO, SIWEE, I SAW WAST TANGO.

SOME BUTTER?
NO, SIWEE, I SAW WAST TANGO.
DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.

NO, SIWEE, I SAW WAST TANGO.
DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.
IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.
IT'S NOT FOR YOU.
IT'S FOR THE DANISH.

IT'S NOT FOR YOU.
IT'S FOR THE DANISH.
NOW, WAIT.

IT'S FOR THE DANISH.
NOW, WAIT.
WHAT'S NEXT FOR MARWON BWANDO?

NOW, WAIT.
WHAT'S NEXT FOR MARWON BWANDO?
WELL, THE WHITE MAN HAS BEEN

WHAT'S NEXT FOR MARWON BWANDO?
WELL, THE WHITE MAN HAS BEEN
REMAINING A PIG UNTIL HE

WELL, THE WHITE MAN HAS BEEN
REMAINING A PIG UNTIL HE
ACKNOWLEDGES THE DIGNITY

REMAINING A PIG UNTIL HE
ACKNOWLEDGES THE DIGNITY
OF THE AMERICAN INDIAN.

ACKNOWLEDGES THE DIGNITY
OF THE AMERICAN INDIAN.
I MEAN, DO YOU PWAN TO MAKE

OF THE AMERICAN INDIAN.
I MEAN, DO YOU PWAN TO MAKE
ANY MORE PICTURES?

I MEAN, DO YOU PWAN TO MAKE
ANY MORE PICTURES?
YES, I'M DOING A REMAKE

ANY MORE PICTURES?
YES, I'M DOING A REMAKE
OF MOBY DICK.

YES, I'M DOING A REMAKE
OF MOBY DICK.
AH, YOU HAVE THE TITLE WOLE?

OF MOBY DICK.
AH, YOU HAVE THE TITLE WOLE?
[LAUGHTER]

AH, YOU HAVE THE TITLE WOLE?
[LAUGHTER]
ONLY THE EARLY YEARS.

[LAUGHTER]
ONLY THE EARLY YEARS.
NOW WHAT THE HELL...

ONLY THE EARLY YEARS.
NOW WHAT THE HELL...
IT'S 3 MILLION BUCKS FOR

NOW WHAT THE HELL...
IT'S 3 MILLION BUCKS FOR
A COUPLE WEEKS WORK, YOU KNOW?

IT'S 3 MILLION BUCKS FOR
A COUPLE WEEKS WORK, YOU KNOW?
I'M GONNA GIVE A COUPLE

A COUPLE WEEKS WORK, YOU KNOW?
I'M GONNA GIVE A COUPLE
HUNDRED TO THE INDIANS.

I'M GONNA GIVE A COUPLE
HUNDRED TO THE INDIANS.
I'D ALSO LIKE TO HELP

HUNDRED TO THE INDIANS.
I'D ALSO LIKE TO HELP
THE BOAT PEOPLE.

I'D ALSO LIKE TO HELP
THE BOAT PEOPLE.
GIVE THEM MAYBE $150.

THE BOAT PEOPLE.
GIVE THEM MAYBE $150.
THAT IS IF THE INDIANS DON'T

GIVE THEM MAYBE $150.
THAT IS IF THE INDIANS DON'T
MIND ME GIVING IT TO THEM.

THAT IS IF THE INDIANS DON'T
MIND ME GIVING IT TO THEM.
MY WESEARCHERS TELL ME

MIND ME GIVING IT TO THEM.
MY WESEARCHERS TELL ME
YOU EVEN HAVE AN INDIAN NAME.

MY WESEARCHERS TELL ME
YOU EVEN HAVE AN INDIAN NAME.
YES, THEY CALL ME

YOU EVEN HAVE AN INDIAN NAME.
YES, THEY CALL ME
TA-BLO-TA-WANNA.

YES, THEY CALL ME
TA-BLO-TA-WANNA.
WHAT DOES TA-BWO-TA-WANNA

TA-BLO-TA-WANNA.
WHAT DOES TA-BWO-TA-WANNA
MEAN?

WHAT DOES TA-BWO-TA-WANNA
MEAN?
THAT MEANS "BEACHED WHALE".

MEAN?
THAT MEANS "BEACHED WHALE".
OR THE LITERAL TRANSLATION:

THAT MEANS "BEACHED WHALE".
OR THE LITERAL TRANSLATION:
"FLESH BALLOON OF THE DEEP."

OR THE LITERAL TRANSLATION:
"FLESH BALLOON OF THE DEEP."
I GUESS THAT'S WHERE THE IDEA

"FLESH BALLOON OF THE DEEP."
I GUESS THAT'S WHERE THE IDEA
FOR THE WEMAKE CAME FROM.

I GUESS THAT'S WHERE THE IDEA
FOR THE WEMAKE CAME FROM.
UH, DO YOU MIND IF I

FOR THE WEMAKE CAME FROM.
UH, DO YOU MIND IF I
GET UNDER THE COVERS?

UH, DO YOU MIND IF I
GET UNDER THE COVERS?
PLEASE.

GET UNDER THE COVERS?
PLEASE.
I WOVE THE WAY THIS WINEN

PLEASE.
I WOVE THE WAY THIS WINEN
FEEWS ON MY WEGS.

I WOVE THE WAY THIS WINEN
FEEWS ON MY WEGS.
BWANDO, YOU'VE BEEN WINKED

FEEWS ON MY WEGS.
BWANDO, YOU'VE BEEN WINKED
WOMANTICALLY WITH WADIES OF

BWANDO, YOU'VE BEEN WINKED
WOMANTICALLY WITH WADIES OF
VAWIOUS WACIAL OWIGINS.

WOMANTICALLY WITH WADIES OF
VAWIOUS WACIAL OWIGINS.
WHAT'S WONG WITH WHITE WOMEN?

VAWIOUS WACIAL OWIGINS.
WHAT'S WONG WITH WHITE WOMEN?
I DON'T KNOW,

WHAT'S WONG WITH WHITE WOMEN?
I DON'T KNOW,
I JUST LIKE DARK MEAT, YOU KNOW?

I DON'T KNOW,
I JUST LIKE DARK MEAT, YOU KNOW?
[LAUGHTER]

I JUST LIKE DARK MEAT, YOU KNOW?
[LAUGHTER]
MAYBE I HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT

[LAUGHTER]
MAYBE I HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT
LIGHT, WHITE WOMAN.

MAYBE I HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT
LIGHT, WHITE WOMAN.
HMM, THE WIGHT WIGHT,

LIGHT, WHITE WOMAN.
HMM, THE WIGHT WIGHT,
WHITE WOMAN.

HMM, THE WIGHT WIGHT,
WHITE WOMAN.
MARWON, UH, I'VE HEARD ON

WHITE WOMAN.
MARWON, UH, I'VE HEARD ON
THE GWAPEVINE...

MARWON, UH, I'VE HEARD ON
THE GWAPEVINE...
I'VE HEARD ON THE GWAPEVINE

THE GWAPEVINE...
I'VE HEARD ON THE GWAPEVINE
THAT YOU HAVE TWOUBLE

I'VE HEARD ON THE GWAPEVINE
THAT YOU HAVE TWOUBLE
WEMEMBERWING YOUR WINES.

THAT YOU HAVE TWOUBLE
WEMEMBERWING YOUR WINES.
THAT ON WOCATION THEY'RE

WEMEMBERWING YOUR WINES.
THAT ON WOCATION THEY'RE
WITTEN OUT EVEWYWHERE,

THAT ON WOCATION THEY'RE
WITTEN OUT EVEWYWHERE,
ON DWAPES, ON WALLS, EVEN ON

WITTEN OUT EVEWYWHERE,
ON DWAPES, ON WALLS, EVEN ON
YOUR FEWWOW ACTORS.

ON DWAPES, ON WALLS, EVEN ON
YOUR FEWWOW ACTORS.
IS THAT TWUE?

YOUR FEWWOW ACTORS.
IS THAT TWUE?
THAT IS A LOAD OF...

IS THAT TWUE?
THAT IS A LOAD OF...
YOU KNOW WHAT.

THAT IS A LOAD OF...
YOU KNOW WHAT.
CWUD.

YOU KNOW WHAT.
CWUD.
CRUD.

CWUD.
CRUD.
MARWON, I WOVED YOU IN

CRUD.
MARWON, I WOVED YOU IN
STWEET CAR.

MARWON, I WOVED YOU IN
STWEET CAR.
YOU PWOMISED US EAWIER

STWEET CAR.
YOU PWOMISED US EAWIER
YOU'D TWEAT US TO YOUR

YOU PWOMISED US EAWIER
YOU'D TWEAT US TO YOUR
STANLEY KOWALSKI.

YOU'D TWEAT US TO YOUR
STANLEY KOWALSKI.
PWETTY PWEASE.

STANLEY KOWALSKI.
PWETTY PWEASE.
ALL RIGHT.

STELLA!
Audience member: STELLA!
BWAVO, BWANDO, BWAVO.

Audience member: STELLA!
BWAVO, BWANDO, BWAVO.
I WOULD'VE READ MORE

BWAVO, BWANDO, BWAVO.
I WOULD'VE READ MORE
BUT THERE'S NO ROOM.

I WOULD'VE READ MORE
BUT THERE'S NO ROOM.
WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.

BUT THERE'S NO ROOM.
WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.
MARWON BWANDO, OR AS HIS

WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.
MARWON BWANDO, OR AS HIS
BELOVED INDIANS CALL HIM,

MARWON BWANDO, OR AS HIS
BELOVED INDIANS CALL HIM,
TA-BWO-TA-WANNA.

BELOVED INDIANS CALL HIM,
TA-BWO-TA-WANNA.
IS BWANDO STILL GWOWING?

TA-BWO-TA-WANNA.
IS BWANDO STILL GWOWING?
IS HE STWETCHING HIMSELF

IS BWANDO STILL GWOWING?
IS HE STWETCHING HIMSELF
AS AN ACTOR, OR MEWELY,

IS HE STWETCHING HIMSELF
AS AN ACTOR, OR MEWELY,
WITEWAWWY AS A BAG OF FLESH?

AS AN ACTOR, OR MEWELY,
WITEWAWWY AS A BAG OF FLESH?
OR SOMEDAY WILL WE SEE MARWON

WITEWAWWY AS A BAG OF FLESH?
OR SOMEDAY WILL WE SEE MARWON
BWANDO FWOATING WAZIWY OVER

OR SOMEDAY WILL WE SEE MARWON
BWANDO FWOATING WAZIWY OVER
THE SUPER BOWL WITH THE WORDS

BWANDO FWOATING WAZIWY OVER
THE SUPER BOWL WITH THE WORDS
GOOD YEAR PWINTED ON HIS WUMP?

THE SUPER BOWL WITH THE WORDS
GOOD YEAR PWINTED ON HIS WUMP?
BYE BYE FOR NOW FROM

GOOD YEAR PWINTED ON HIS WUMP?
BYE BYE FOR NOW FROM
BABA WAWA IN PAWADISE.

BYE BYE FOR NOW FROM
BABA WAWA IN PAWADISE.
[APPLAUSE...]

THANKS A LOT, IT WAS
A GREAT EVENING.
I HAD A GREAT TIME.

A GREAT EVENING.
I HAD A GREAT TIME.
APPRECIATE IT.

I HAD A GREAT TIME.
APPRECIATE IT.
GOD BLESS!

APPRECIATE IT.
GOD BLESS!
[♪..., APPLAUSE]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT OUR HOST WILL BE
STROTHER MARTIN WITH MUSICAL

NIGHT OUR HOST WILL BE
STROTHER MARTIN WITH MUSICAL
GUEST, THE SPECIALS!

STROTHER MARTIN WITH MUSICAL
GUEST, THE SPECIALS!
THIS IS DON PARDO.

GUEST, THE SPECIALS!
THIS IS DON PARDO.
WELL, WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?

THIS IS DON PARDO.
WELL, WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?
GOODNIGHT.

WELL, WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?
GOODNIGHT.
[♪...]