Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 5, Episode 11 - Elliott Gould/Gary Numan - full transcript

Announcer: SATURDAY NIGHT

LIVE WILL BE DELAYED SO THAT

WE MAY BRING YOU THIS
EXCLUSIVE REPORT.

EXCLUSIVE REPORT.
GOOD EVENING.

GOOD EVENING.
TONIGHT WE HAVE NOTHING BUT
GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.

TONIGHT WE HAVE NOTHING BUT
GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
FIRST OF ALL, FATHER GUIDO

GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
FIRST OF ALL, FATHER GUIDO
SARDUCCI IS OUT OF JAIL.

FIRST OF ALL, FATHER GUIDO
SARDUCCI IS OUT OF JAIL.
HE WAS RELEASED THIS MORNING

SARDUCCI IS OUT OF JAIL.
HE WAS RELEASED THIS MORNING
FROM A TOKYO PRISON WHERE

HE WAS RELEASED THIS MORNING
FROM A TOKYO PRISON WHERE
HE'S BEEN HELD FOR THE LAST

FROM A TOKYO PRISON WHERE
HE'S BEEN HELD FOR THE LAST
THREE WEEKS ON A DRUG-SMUGGLING



HE'S BEEN HELD FOR THE LAST
THREE WEEKS ON A DRUG-SMUGGLING
CHARGE.

THREE WEEKS ON A DRUG-SMUGGLING
CHARGE.
THROUGH THE GOOD GRACES OF

CHARGE.
THROUGH THE GOOD GRACES OF
SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE

THROUGH THE GOOD GRACES OF
SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE
UNITED NATIONS KURT WALDHEIM,

SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE
UNITED NATIONS KURT WALDHEIM,
AND P.L.O. LEADER YASSER ARAFAT,

UNITED NATIONS KURT WALDHEIM,
AND P.L.O. LEADER YASSER ARAFAT,
SARDUCCI WAS FLOWN OUT OF JAPAN

AND P.L.O. LEADER YASSER ARAFAT,
SARDUCCI WAS FLOWN OUT OF JAPAN
THIS MORNING AND ARRIVED AT

SARDUCCI WAS FLOWN OUT OF JAPAN
THIS MORNING AND ARRIVED AT
KENNEDY AIRPORT JUST

THIS MORNING AND ARRIVED AT
KENNEDY AIRPORT JUST
ONE HOUR AGO.

KENNEDY AIRPORT JUST
ONE HOUR AGO.
HE WAS IMMEDIATELY SENT BACK

ONE HOUR AGO.
HE WAS IMMEDIATELY SENT BACK
OUT INTO THE FIELD TO COVER

HE WAS IMMEDIATELY SENT BACK
OUT INTO THE FIELD TO COVER
TONIGHT'S BIG STORY.

OUT INTO THE FIELD TO COVER
TONIGHT'S BIG STORY.
NOW WITH MORE,

TONIGHT'S BIG STORY.
NOW WITH MORE,
HERE'S BILL MURRAY.



NOW WITH MORE,
HERE'S BILL MURRAY.
BILL?

HERE'S BILL MURRAY.
BILL?
THANK YOU, JANE.

BILL?
THANK YOU, JANE.
AND IT IS A BIG STORY.

THANK YOU, JANE.
AND IT IS A BIG STORY.
AS YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW,

AND IT IS A BIG STORY.
AS YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW,
FORMER PRESIDENT RICHARD M.

AS YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW,
FORMER PRESIDENT RICHARD M.
NIXON MOVED INTO A NEW TOWNHOUSE

FORMER PRESIDENT RICHARD M.
NIXON MOVED INTO A NEW TOWNHOUSE
ON EAST 65th STREET YESTERDAY.

NIXON MOVED INTO A NEW TOWNHOUSE
ON EAST 65th STREET YESTERDAY.
RIGHT NOW STANDING BY WITH THE

ON EAST 65th STREET YESTERDAY.
RIGHT NOW STANDING BY WITH THE
FIRST LIVE INTERVIEW WITH

RIGHT NOW STANDING BY WITH THE
FIRST LIVE INTERVIEW WITH
MR. NIXON IN NEW YORK,

FIRST LIVE INTERVIEW WITH
MR. NIXON IN NEW YORK,
WEEKEND UPDATE HAS SENT IT'S

MR. NIXON IN NEW YORK,
WEEKEND UPDATE HAS SENT IT'S
CORRESPONDENT AND A LIVE

WEEKEND UPDATE HAS SENT IT'S
CORRESPONDENT AND A LIVE
MINI-CAM TO THE NEW NIXON

CORRESPONDENT AND A LIVE
MINI-CAM TO THE NEW NIXON
RESIDENCE.

MINI-CAM TO THE NEW NIXON
RESIDENCE.
SO IF WE'RE READY, LET'S GO

RESIDENCE.
SO IF WE'RE READY, LET'S GO
TO FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI

SO IF WE'RE READY, LET'S GO
TO FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI
ON EAST 65th STREET.

TO FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI
ON EAST 65th STREET.
FATHER SARDUCCI?

ON EAST 65th STREET.
FATHER SARDUCCI?
[APPLAUSE]

FATHER SARDUCCI?
[APPLAUSE]
Father Guido: HELLO, BILL.

[APPLAUSE]
Father Guido: HELLO, BILL.
HELLO, FATHER.

Father Guido: HELLO, BILL.
HELLO, FATHER.
WELCOME BACK, PADRE.

HELLO, FATHER.
WELCOME BACK, PADRE.
THAT WAS QUITE AN ORDEAL THAT

WELCOME BACK, PADRE.
THAT WAS QUITE AN ORDEAL THAT
YOU WENT THROUGH.

THAT WAS QUITE AN ORDEAL THAT
YOU WENT THROUGH.
YOU MUST BE AWFULLY GLAD

YOU WENT THROUGH.
YOU MUST BE AWFULLY GLAD
IT'S OVER.

YOU MUST BE AWFULLY GLAD
IT'S OVER.
YES, BILL, BUT I CAN'T

IT'S OVER.
YES, BILL, BUT I CAN'T
TALK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.

YES, BILL, BUT I CAN'T
TALK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT NOW, I'M ONLY INTERESTED

TALK ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT NOW, I'M ONLY INTERESTED
IN TALKING TO THE FORMER

RIGHT NOW, I'M ONLY INTERESTED
IN TALKING TO THE FORMER
PRESIDENT.

IN TALKING TO THE FORMER
PRESIDENT.
THAT'S HIS HOUSE

PRESIDENT.
THAT'S HIS HOUSE
RIGHT BACK THERE...

THAT'S HIS HOUSE
RIGHT BACK THERE...
THAT GREY ONE THERE.

RIGHT BACK THERE...
THAT GREY ONE THERE.
JUST PERFECT COLOR FOR HIM.

THAT GREY ONE THERE.
JUST PERFECT COLOR FOR HIM.
JUST PERFECT.

JUST PERFECT COLOR FOR HIM.
JUST PERFECT.
Bill: FATHER, IS PRESIDENT

JUST PERFECT.
Bill: FATHER, IS PRESIDENT
NIXON WITH YOU THERE RIGHT NOW?

Bill: FATHER, IS PRESIDENT
NIXON WITH YOU THERE RIGHT NOW?
WELL, NOT RIGHT AT THE

NIXON WITH YOU THERE RIGHT NOW?
WELL, NOT RIGHT AT THE
MOMENT, BILL.

WELL, NOT RIGHT AT THE
MOMENT, BILL.
BUT I'M EXPECTING HIM HOME

MOMENT, BILL.
BUT I'M EXPECTING HIM HOME
ANY MINUTE.

BUT I'M EXPECTING HIM HOME
ANY MINUTE.
AFTER TALKING TO RELIABLE

ANY MINUTE.
AFTER TALKING TO RELIABLE
SOURCES CLOSE TO THE NIXON

AFTER TALKING TO RELIABLE
SOURCES CLOSE TO THE NIXON
FAMILY, I'VE LEARNED THAT

SOURCES CLOSE TO THE NIXON
FAMILY, I'VE LEARNED THAT
HE AND HIS WIFE, PAT NIXON,

FAMILY, I'VE LEARNED THAT
HE AND HIS WIFE, PAT NIXON,
THEY WENT TO A MOVIE.

HE AND HIS WIFE, PAT NIXON,
THEY WENT TO A MOVIE.
THE F.B.I. WOULD NOT REVEAL

THEY WENT TO A MOVIE.
THE F.B.I. WOULD NOT REVEAL
THE EXACT MOVIE THEY WENT TO

THE F.B.I. WOULD NOT REVEAL
THE EXACT MOVIE THEY WENT TO
BUT FROM MY KNOWLEDGE OF NIXON

THE EXACT MOVIE THEY WENT TO
BUT FROM MY KNOWLEDGE OF NIXON
AND BY THE RESEARCH I'VE DONE

BUT FROM MY KNOWLEDGE OF NIXON
AND BY THE RESEARCH I'VE DONE
BY LOOKING IN THE NEWSPAPER

AND BY THE RESEARCH I'VE DONE
BY LOOKING IN THE NEWSPAPER
TO SEE WHAT TO PLAN, I FIGURED

BY LOOKING IN THE NEWSPAPER
TO SEE WHAT TO PLAN, I FIGURED
THEY WENT TO SEE GUYANA:

TO SEE WHAT TO PLAN, I FIGURED
THEY WENT TO SEE GUYANA:
CULT OF THE DAMNED.

THEY WENT TO SEE GUYANA:
CULT OF THE DAMNED.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

CULT OF THE DAMNED.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
IT GOT OUT ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO,

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
IT GOT OUT ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO,
SO THEY SHOULD BE HERE

IT GOT OUT ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO,
SO THEY SHOULD BE HERE
ANY MINUTE NOW.

SO THEY SHOULD BE HERE
ANY MINUTE NOW.
ANY MINUTE.

ANY MINUTE NOW.
ANY MINUTE.
I WAS HOPING HE WOULD BE HERE

ANY MINUTE.
I WAS HOPING HE WOULD BE HERE
TO SAY: LIVE FROM NEW YORK,

I WAS HOPING HE WOULD BE HERE
TO SAY: LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
ET CETERA, ET CETERA,

TO SAY: LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
ET CETERA, ET CETERA,
BUT I GUESS IT'S NOT

ET CETERA, ET CETERA,
BUT I GUESS IT'S NOT
GONNA HAPPEN.

BUT I GUESS IT'S NOT
GONNA HAPPEN.
I WAS EVEN WILLING TO HAVE

GONNA HAPPEN.
I WAS EVEN WILLING TO HAVE
PAT SAY IT.

I WAS EVEN WILLING TO HAVE
PAT SAY IT.
OR EVEN TRICIA, JULIE, ANY OF

PAT SAY IT.
OR EVEN TRICIA, JULIE, ANY OF
THEM WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST FINE,

OR EVEN TRICIA, JULIE, ANY OF
THEM WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST FINE,
YOU KNOW, BUT THEY'RE ALL LATE,

THEM WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST FINE,
YOU KNOW, BUT THEY'RE ALL LATE,
SO, I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE

YOU KNOW, BUT THEY'RE ALL LATE,
SO, I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE
TO DO IT.

SO, I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE
TO DO IT.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK,

TO DO IT.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
HOME OF RICHARD NIXON,

LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
HOME OF RICHARD NIXON,
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

HOME OF RICHARD NIXON,
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!
[♪..., APPLAUSE]

Announcer: IT'S SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE!
WITH ELLIOTT GOULD!

STARRING JANE CURTIN,
GARRETT MORRIS,
BILL MURRAY,

GARRETT MORRIS,
BILL MURRAY,
LARAINE NEWMAN,

BILL MURRAY,
LARAINE NEWMAN,
GILDA RADNER,

LARAINE NEWMAN,
GILDA RADNER,
AND HARRY SHEARER!

WITH MUSICAL GUEST GARY NUMAN!
[♪...]
AND FEATURING PETER AYKROYD,

[♪...]
AND FEATURING PETER AYKROYD,
TOM DAVIS,

AND FEATURING PETER AYKROYD,
TOM DAVIS,
BRIAN DOYLE-MURRAY,

TOM DAVIS,
BRIAN DOYLE-MURRAY,
AL FRANKEN,

BRIAN DOYLE-MURRAY,
AL FRANKEN,
AND FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI.

AL FRANKEN,
AND FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI.
[♪...]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ELLIOTT GOULD!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, REALLY.
YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE THIS SHOW
MANY TIMES AND A LOT OF MY

YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE THIS SHOW
MANY TIMES AND A LOT OF MY
FRIENDS HAVE BEEN ASKING ME

MANY TIMES AND A LOT OF MY
FRIENDS HAVE BEEN ASKING ME
WHY I KEEP COMING BACK.

FRIENDS HAVE BEEN ASKING ME
WHY I KEEP COMING BACK.
AND THE FACT IS I'M HERE

WHY I KEEP COMING BACK.
AND THE FACT IS I'M HERE
BECAUSE I LOVE IT.

AND THE FACT IS I'M HERE
BECAUSE I LOVE IT.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

BECAUSE I LOVE IT.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE IN A

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE IN A
POSITION WHERE I CAN DO MOST OF

I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE IN A
POSITION WHERE I CAN DO MOST OF
THE THINGS I WANNA DO AND WHAT I

POSITION WHERE I CAN DO MOST OF
THE THINGS I WANNA DO AND WHAT I
WANNA DO IS SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

THE THINGS I WANNA DO AND WHAT I
WANNA DO IS SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
BECAUSE IT'S DIFFERENT

WANNA DO IS SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
BECAUSE IT'S DIFFERENT
AND IT'S GOT BALLS.

BECAUSE IT'S DIFFERENT
AND IT'S GOT BALLS.
[APPLAUSE]

AND IT'S GOT BALLS.
[APPLAUSE]
AND IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO DO

[APPLAUSE]
AND IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO DO
THINGS THAT I CAN'T DO

AND IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO DO
THINGS THAT I CAN'T DO
ANYWHERE ELSE.

THINGS THAT I CAN'T DO
ANYWHERE ELSE.
NOW I KNOW SOME PEOPLE...

ANYWHERE ELSE.
NOW I KNOW SOME PEOPLE...
ACCUSE THE SHOW OF NOT ALWAYS

NOW I KNOW SOME PEOPLE...
ACCUSE THE SHOW OF NOT ALWAYS
BEING IN THE BEST TASTE BUT

ACCUSE THE SHOW OF NOT ALWAYS
BEING IN THE BEST TASTE BUT
THAT'S BECAUSE THE SHOW IS

BEING IN THE BEST TASTE BUT
THAT'S BECAUSE THE SHOW IS
ALWAYS TAKING CHANCES,

THAT'S BECAUSE THE SHOW IS
ALWAYS TAKING CHANCES,
WHICH I THINK IS IMPORTANT.

ALWAYS TAKING CHANCES,
WHICH I THINK IS IMPORTANT.
I GUESS THAT'S WHAT MAKES

WHICH I THINK IS IMPORTANT.
I GUESS THAT'S WHAT MAKES
APPEARING ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

I GUESS THAT'S WHAT MAKES
APPEARING ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
SO SPECIAL FOR ME.

APPEARING ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
SO SPECIAL FOR ME.
WELL, THERE'S NOT REALLY VERY

SO SPECIAL FOR ME.
WELL, THERE'S NOT REALLY VERY
MUCH MORE THAT I CAN SAY.

WELL, THERE'S NOT REALLY VERY
MUCH MORE THAT I CAN SAY.
I THINK YOU'RE REALLY GONNA LIKE

MUCH MORE THAT I CAN SAY.
I THINK YOU'RE REALLY GONNA LIKE
TONIGHT'S SHOW SO...

I THINK YOU'RE REALLY GONNA LIKE
TONIGHT'S SHOW SO...
OH, YEAH, ONE MORE THING:

TONIGHT'S SHOW SO...
OH, YEAH, ONE MORE THING:
I SHOULD MENTION THAT LATER THIS

OH, YEAH, ONE MORE THING:
I SHOULD MENTION THAT LATER THIS
MONTH I WILL BE CO-HOSTING

I SHOULD MENTION THAT LATER THIS
MONTH I WILL BE CO-HOSTING
THE MIKE DOUGLAS SHOW.

MONTH I WILL BE CO-HOSTING
THE MIKE DOUGLAS SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]

THE MIKE DOUGLAS SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[LAUGHTER]
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪
♪ THEY'RE SKIN-TIGHT,
THEY'RE OUTTA SIGHT ♪

♪ THEY'RE SKIN-TIGHT,
THEY'RE OUTTA SIGHT ♪
♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪

THEY'RE OUTTA SIGHT ♪
♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪
♪ SHE'S GOT A LIFESTYLE

♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪
♪ SHE'S GOT A LIFESTYLE
UNIQUELY HERS ♪

♪ SHE'S GOT A LIFESTYLE
UNIQUELY HERS ♪
♪ EUROPE, NASSAU,

UNIQUELY HERS ♪
♪ EUROPE, NASSAU,
WHOLESALE FURS ♪

♪ EUROPE, NASSAU,
WHOLESALE FURS ♪
♪ SHE'S READ EVERY

WHOLESALE FURS ♪
♪ SHE'S READ EVERY
BEST-SELLING BOOK ♪

♪ SHE'S READ EVERY
BEST-SELLING BOOK ♪
♪ SHE'S A GOURMET BLENDER COOK ♪

BEST-SELLING BOOK ♪
♪ SHE'S A GOURMET BLENDER COOK ♪
♪ SHE'S GOT THAT JEWESS LOOK ♪

♪ SHE'S A GOURMET BLENDER COOK ♪
♪ SHE'S GOT THAT JEWESS LOOK ♪
♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪

♪ SHE'S GOT THAT JEWESS LOOK ♪
♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪
♪ THEY'RE UPTIGHT, ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪
♪ THEY'RE UPTIGHT, ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪

♪ THEY'RE UPTIGHT, ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪
♪ SHE SHOPS THE SALES

♪ JEWESS JEANS ♪
♪ SHE SHOPS THE SALES
FOR DESIGNER CLOTHES ♪

♪ SHE SHOPS THE SALES
FOR DESIGNER CLOTHES ♪
♪ SHE'S GOT DESIGNER NAILS

FOR DESIGNER CLOTHES ♪
♪ SHE'S GOT DESIGNER NAILS
AND A DESIGNER NOSE ♪

♪ SHE'S GOT DESIGNER NAILS
AND A DESIGNER NOSE ♪
♪ SHE'S AN AMERICAN PRINCESS

AND A DESIGNER NOSE ♪
♪ SHE'S AN AMERICAN PRINCESS
AND A DISCO QUEEN ♪

♪ SHE'S AN AMERICAN PRINCESS
AND A DISCO QUEEN ♪
♪ SHE'S THE JEWESS

AND A DISCO QUEEN ♪
♪ SHE'S THE JEWESS
IN JEWESS JEANS ♪

♪ SHE'S THE JEWESS
IN JEWESS JEANS ♪
♪ SHE'S THE JEWESS

IN JEWESS JEANS ♪
♪ SHE'S THE JEWESS
IN JEWESS JEANS ♪

♪ SHE'S THE JEWESS
IN JEWESS JEANS ♪
Announcer: YOU DON'T HAVE

IN JEWESS JEANS ♪
Announcer: YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE JEWISH.

Announcer: YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE JEWISH.
BUT IT WOULDN'T HURT.

TO BE JEWISH.
BUT IT WOULDN'T HURT.
Announcer: JEWESS JEANS...

GUARANTEED TO RIDE UP.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HI, WELCOME TO THE ISRAEL
PUTNAM HALL HERE IN BARNSTEAD,
NEW HAMPSHIRE FOR TONIGHT'S

PUTNAM HALL HERE IN BARNSTEAD,
NEW HAMPSHIRE FOR TONIGHT'S
KENNEDY-CARTER DEBATE.

NEW HAMPSHIRE FOR TONIGHT'S
KENNEDY-CARTER DEBATE.
UP UNTIL NOW, WE THOUGHT WE

KENNEDY-CARTER DEBATE.
UP UNTIL NOW, WE THOUGHT WE
ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE A KENNEDY -

UP UNTIL NOW, WE THOUGHT WE
ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE A KENNEDY -
CARTER DEBATE AS WE PROMISED.

ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE A KENNEDY -
CARTER DEBATE AS WE PROMISED.
WE JUST RECEIVED WORD THAT

CARTER DEBATE AS WE PROMISED.
WE JUST RECEIVED WORD THAT
HODDING CARTER CAN'T MAKE IT.

WE JUST RECEIVED WORD THAT
HODDING CARTER CAN'T MAKE IT.
I'M SORRY.

HODDING CARTER CAN'T MAKE IT.
I'M SORRY.
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,

I'M SORRY.
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU
AND SENATOR KENNEDY BUT IN HIS

I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU
AND SENATOR KENNEDY BUT IN HIS
PLACE WE'D LIKE TO THANK HIM NOW

AND SENATOR KENNEDY BUT IN HIS
PLACE WE'D LIKE TO THANK HIM NOW
FOR FILLING IN AT THE LAST

PLACE WE'D LIKE TO THANK HIM NOW
FOR FILLING IN AT THE LAST
MINUTE IS THE PRESIDENT'S PRESS

FOR FILLING IN AT THE LAST
MINUTE IS THE PRESIDENT'S PRESS
SECRETARY, JODY POWELL.

MINUTE IS THE PRESIDENT'S PRESS
SECRETARY, JODY POWELL.
[APPLAUSE]

SECRETARY, JODY POWELL.
[APPLAUSE]
GIMME A BREAK, WILL YOU?

[APPLAUSE]
GIMME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
EACH PARTICIPANT WILL HAVE A

GIMME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
EACH PARTICIPANT WILL HAVE A
BRIEF OPENING STATEMENT AND THEN

EACH PARTICIPANT WILL HAVE A
BRIEF OPENING STATEMENT AND THEN
HE WILL TAKE QUESTIONS FROM

BRIEF OPENING STATEMENT AND THEN
HE WILL TAKE QUESTIONS FROM
THE FLOOR.

HE WILL TAKE QUESTIONS FROM
THE FLOOR.
SENATOR KENNEDY WILL SPEAK

THE FLOOR.
SENATOR KENNEDY WILL SPEAK
FIRST.

SENATOR KENNEDY WILL SPEAK
FIRST.
SENATOR?

FIRST.
SENATOR?
[APPLAUSE]

SENATOR?
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
IT'S WONDERFUL TO BE HERE

THANK YOU.
IT'S WONDERFUL TO BE HERE
IN THE BEAUTIFUL STATE

IT'S WONDERFUL TO BE HERE
IN THE BEAUTIFUL STATE
OF NEW HAMPSHIRE.

IN THE BEAUTIFUL STATE
OF NEW HAMPSHIRE.
PRESIDENT CARTER SHOULD SEE IT

OF NEW HAMPSHIRE.
PRESIDENT CARTER SHOULD SEE IT
SOMETIME, EH?

PRESIDENT CARTER SHOULD SEE IT
SOMETIME, EH?
I UNDERSTAND PRESIDENT CARTER

SOMETIME, EH?
I UNDERSTAND PRESIDENT CARTER
COULD NOT BE HERE TODAY BECAUSE

I UNDERSTAND PRESIDENT CARTER
COULD NOT BE HERE TODAY BECAUSE
HE WAS RECORDING A NEW SINGLE

COULD NOT BE HERE TODAY BECAUSE
HE WAS RECORDING A NEW SINGLE
ENTITLED "I BEG YOUR PARDON,

HE WAS RECORDING A NEW SINGLE
ENTITLED "I BEG YOUR PARDON,
I NEVER PROMISED YOU I'D

ENTITLED "I BEG YOUR PARDON,
I NEVER PROMISED YOU I'D
COME OUT OF THE ROSE GARDEN."

I NEVER PROMISED YOU I'D
COME OUT OF THE ROSE GARDEN."
[LAUGHTER]

COME OUT OF THE ROSE GARDEN."
[LAUGHTER]
THANK YOU.

[LAUGHTER]
THANK YOU.
THE PEOPLE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE

THANK YOU.
THE PEOPLE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE
HERE KNOW ME.

THE PEOPLE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE
HERE KNOW ME.
I'M FROM NEW ENGLAND.

HERE KNOW ME.
I'M FROM NEW ENGLAND.
I TALK LIKE YOU.

I'M FROM NEW ENGLAND.
I TALK LIKE YOU.
I BEEN COMING UP TO NEW

I TALK LIKE YOU.
I BEEN COMING UP TO NEW
HAMPSHIRE SINCE I WAS 16

I BEEN COMING UP TO NEW
HAMPSHIRE SINCE I WAS 16
WHEN WE USED TO DRIVE UP HERE

HAMPSHIRE SINCE I WAS 16
WHEN WE USED TO DRIVE UP HERE
TO BUY LIQUOR.

WHEN WE USED TO DRIVE UP HERE
TO BUY LIQUOR.
WE HAVE MANY, MANY FOND MEMORIES

TO BUY LIQUOR.
WE HAVE MANY, MANY FOND MEMORIES
OF YOUR STATE.

WE HAVE MANY, MANY FOND MEMORIES
OF YOUR STATE.
AND I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY

OF YOUR STATE.
AND I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY
TO COME BACK AND VISIT NEW

AND I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY
TO COME BACK AND VISIT NEW
HAMPSHIRE AS THE NEXT PRESIDENT.

TO COME BACK AND VISIT NEW
HAMPSHIRE AS THE NEXT PRESIDENT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HAMPSHIRE AS THE NEXT PRESIDENT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[APPLAUSE]
UH, MR. POWELL WILL

[APPLAUSE]
UH, MR. POWELL WILL
SPEAK NEXT.

UH, MR. POWELL WILL
SPEAK NEXT.
MR. POWELL?

SPEAK NEXT.
MR. POWELL?
THANK YOU.

MR. POWELL?
THANK YOU.
FIRST OF ALL, LET ME SAY THAT

THANK YOU.
FIRST OF ALL, LET ME SAY THAT
PRESIDENT CARTER LOVES

FIRST OF ALL, LET ME SAY THAT
PRESIDENT CARTER LOVES
NEW HAMPSHIRE.

PRESIDENT CARTER LOVES
NEW HAMPSHIRE.
IN FACT, HE ASKED ME BEFORE I

NEW HAMPSHIRE.
IN FACT, HE ASKED ME BEFORE I
LEFT TO CONVEY HIS WARMEST

IN FACT, HE ASKED ME BEFORE I
LEFT TO CONVEY HIS WARMEST
REGARDS AND TO SAY, FOR ME TO

LEFT TO CONVEY HIS WARMEST
REGARDS AND TO SAY, FOR ME TO
TELL YOU THAT HE HAS JUST

REGARDS AND TO SAY, FOR ME TO
TELL YOU THAT HE HAS JUST
APPROVED A $45 MILLION DOLLAR

TELL YOU THAT HE HAS JUST
APPROVED A $45 MILLION DOLLAR
GRANT THAT WILL ENABLE

APPROVED A $45 MILLION DOLLAR
GRANT THAT WILL ENABLE
THE TOWNSHIP OF BARNSTEAD,

GRANT THAT WILL ENABLE
THE TOWNSHIP OF BARNSTEAD,
NEW HAMPSHIRE TO HAVE THE MOST

THE TOWNSHIP OF BARNSTEAD,
NEW HAMPSHIRE TO HAVE THE MOST
SOPHISTICATED MASS TRANSIT

NEW HAMPSHIRE TO HAVE THE MOST
SOPHISTICATED MASS TRANSIT
SYSTEM IN THE WORLD.

SOPHISTICATED MASS TRANSIT
SYSTEM IN THE WORLD.
[APPLAUSE]

SYSTEM IN THE WORLD.
[APPLAUSE]
WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT A MASS

[APPLAUSE]
WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT A MASS
TRANSIT SYSTEM, YOU CAN USE THE

WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT A MASS
TRANSIT SYSTEM, YOU CAN USE THE
MONEY FOR ANYTHING YOU WANT.

TRANSIT SYSTEM, YOU CAN USE THE
MONEY FOR ANYTHING YOU WANT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MONEY FOR ANYTHING YOU WANT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU WANNA GIVE ME A BREAK

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU WANNA GIVE ME A BREAK
ON THIS, PLEASE?

YOU WANNA GIVE ME A BREAK
ON THIS, PLEASE?
SOMEBODY GIVE ME A BREAK.

ON THIS, PLEASE?
SOMEBODY GIVE ME A BREAK.
DUE TO THE DELICATE NATURE OF

SOMEBODY GIVE ME A BREAK.
DUE TO THE DELICATE NATURE OF
NEGOTIATIONS NOW IN PROGRESS,

DUE TO THE DELICATE NATURE OF
NEGOTIATIONS NOW IN PROGRESS,
CERTAIN TOPICS WILL HAVE TO

NEGOTIATIONS NOW IN PROGRESS,
CERTAIN TOPICS WILL HAVE TO
BE... OFF LIMITS IN TONIGHT'S

CERTAIN TOPICS WILL HAVE TO
BE... OFF LIMITS IN TONIGHT'S
DEBATE BECAUSE OF THE CRISIS

BE... OFF LIMITS IN TONIGHT'S
DEBATE BECAUSE OF THE CRISIS
IN IRAN AND THE IMPENDING WAR

DEBATE BECAUSE OF THE CRISIS
IN IRAN AND THE IMPENDING WAR
IN THE PERSIAN GULF.

IN IRAN AND THE IMPENDING WAR
IN THE PERSIAN GULF.
THEY ARE AFGHANISTAN AND

IN THE PERSIAN GULF.
THEY ARE AFGHANISTAN AND
OF COURSE, IRAN, FOREIGN POLICY,

THEY ARE AFGHANISTAN AND
OF COURSE, IRAN, FOREIGN POLICY,
THE DRAFT AND DOMESTIC POLICY.

OF COURSE, IRAN, FOREIGN POLICY,
THE DRAFT AND DOMESTIC POLICY.
[LAUGHTER]

THE DRAFT AND DOMESTIC POLICY.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT REALLY, UH, DOESN'T

[LAUGHTER]
THAT REALLY, UH, DOESN'T
LEAVE US MUCH.

THAT REALLY, UH, DOESN'T
LEAVE US MUCH.
WHAT CAN WE TALK ABOUT, SIR?

LEAVE US MUCH.
WHAT CAN WE TALK ABOUT, SIR?
WELL, THAT LEAVES US A LOT.

WHAT CAN WE TALK ABOUT, SIR?
WELL, THAT LEAVES US A LOT.
WE ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS

WELL, THAT LEAVES US A LOT.
WE ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS
THE CRISIS OF SPIRIT IN THIS

WE ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS
THE CRISIS OF SPIRIT IN THIS
COUNTRY, WE ARE WILLING TO TALK

THE CRISIS OF SPIRIT IN THIS
COUNTRY, WE ARE WILLING TO TALK
ABOUT A GOVERNMENT AS GOOD AS

COUNTRY, WE ARE WILLING TO TALK
ABOUT A GOVERNMENT AS GOOD AS
ITS PEOPLE, YOUR WIFE,

ABOUT A GOVERNMENT AS GOOD AS
ITS PEOPLE, YOUR WIFE,
AND CHAPPAQUIDDICK.

ITS PEOPLE, YOUR WIFE,
AND CHAPPAQUIDDICK.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND CHAPPAQUIDDICK.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S NICE TO BE HERE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S NICE TO BE HERE.
THANK YOU, MR. POWELL.

IT'S NICE TO BE HERE.
THANK YOU, MR. POWELL.
WE WILL NOW TAKE QUESTIONS

THANK YOU, MR. POWELL.
WE WILL NOW TAKE QUESTIONS
FROM THE FLOOR.

WE WILL NOW TAKE QUESTIONS
FROM THE FLOOR.
A QUESTION FOR SENATOR KENNEDY?

FROM THE FLOOR.
A QUESTION FOR SENATOR KENNEDY?
YES, SIR?

A QUESTION FOR SENATOR KENNEDY?
YES, SIR?
UH, SENATOR KENNEDY,

YES, SIR?
UH, SENATOR KENNEDY,
WHEN YOU CRITICIZED THE SHAH,

UH, SENATOR KENNEDY,
WHEN YOU CRITICIZED THE SHAH,
THE CARTER ADMINISTRATION

WHEN YOU CRITICIZED THE SHAH,
THE CARTER ADMINISTRATION
ACCUSED YOU OF BEING

THE CARTER ADMINISTRATION
ACCUSED YOU OF BEING
UNPATRIOTIC.

ACCUSED YOU OF BEING
UNPATRIOTIC.
WELL... WHAT YOU SAY TO THAT?

UNPATRIOTIC.
WELL... WHAT YOU SAY TO THAT?
WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT I

WELL... WHAT YOU SAY TO THAT?
WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT I
OR ANY MEMBER OF MY FAMILY

WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT I
OR ANY MEMBER OF MY FAMILY
NEEDS A LECTURE FROM THE WHITE

OR ANY MEMBER OF MY FAMILY
NEEDS A LECTURE FROM THE WHITE
HOUSE ON PATRIOTISM.

NEEDS A LECTURE FROM THE WHITE
HOUSE ON PATRIOTISM.
UH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

HOUSE ON PATRIOTISM.
UH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, BY THAT I MEAN THAT THE

UH, WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, BY THAT I MEAN THAT THE
KENNEDY FAMILY, AND I'M THINKING

WELL, BY THAT I MEAN THAT THE
KENNEDY FAMILY, AND I'M THINKING
PARTICULARLY OF MY LATE

KENNEDY FAMILY, AND I'M THINKING
PARTICULARLY OF MY LATE
BROTHERS, JOE, JACK, AND BOBBY,

PARTICULARLY OF MY LATE
BROTHERS, JOE, JACK, AND BOBBY,
COULD HARDLY BE ACCUSED OF

BROTHERS, JOE, JACK, AND BOBBY,
COULD HARDLY BE ACCUSED OF
A LACK OF SACRIFICE FOR THIS

COULD HARDLY BE ACCUSED OF
A LACK OF SACRIFICE FOR THIS
COUNTRY.

A LACK OF SACRIFICE FOR THIS
COUNTRY.
WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND

COUNTRY.
WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND
ABOUT, UH, YOUR FAMILY.

WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND
ABOUT, UH, YOUR FAMILY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

ABOUT, UH, YOUR FAMILY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
UH, MR. PRICE,

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
UH, MR. PRICE,
YOUR TIME IS UP.

UH, MR. PRICE,
YOUR TIME IS UP.
I'M SORRY, SENATOR...

YOUR TIME IS UP.
I'M SORRY, SENATOR...
DON'T BOTHER WITH MR. PRICE.

I'M SORRY, SENATOR...
DON'T BOTHER WITH MR. PRICE.
HE CUTS GRASS FOR THE TOWNSHIP.

DON'T BOTHER WITH MR. PRICE.
HE CUTS GRASS FOR THE TOWNSHIP.
HE'S A LITTLE SLOW.

HE CUTS GRASS FOR THE TOWNSHIP.
HE'S A LITTLE SLOW.
EDGAR, WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN

HE'S A LITTLE SLOW.
EDGAR, WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN
AND LET SOME OTHER PEOPLE

EDGAR, WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN
AND LET SOME OTHER PEOPLE
ASK A QUESTION, OKAY.

AND LET SOME OTHER PEOPLE
ASK A QUESTION, OKAY.
SURE, FINE, THAT'D BE GREAT.

ASK A QUESTION, OKAY.
SURE, FINE, THAT'D BE GREAT.
I'D LIKE THAT.

SURE, FINE, THAT'D BE GREAT.
I'D LIKE THAT.
OKAY, EDGAR.

I'D LIKE THAT.
OKAY, EDGAR.
MRS. CAVANAUGH.

OKAY, EDGAR.
MRS. CAVANAUGH.
UH, YES, IN REFERENCE TO

MRS. CAVANAUGH.
UH, YES, IN REFERENCE TO
EDGAR'S FIRST QUESTION,

UH, YES, IN REFERENCE TO
EDGAR'S FIRST QUESTION,
I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT

EDGAR'S FIRST QUESTION,
I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT
IT'S REALLY AN HONOR TO HAVE

I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT
IT'S REALLY AN HONOR TO HAVE
A MEMBER OF THE KENNEDY FAMILY

IT'S REALLY AN HONOR TO HAVE
A MEMBER OF THE KENNEDY FAMILY
HERE IN BARNSTEAD.

A MEMBER OF THE KENNEDY FAMILY
HERE IN BARNSTEAD.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MA'AM.

HERE IN BARNSTEAD.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MA'AM.
IT WAS YOUR OLDER BROTHER,

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MA'AM.
IT WAS YOUR OLDER BROTHER,
JOHN F. KENNEDY, WHO FIRST GOT

IT WAS YOUR OLDER BROTHER,
JOHN F. KENNEDY, WHO FIRST GOT
ME INTERESTED IN GOVERNMENT AND

JOHN F. KENNEDY, WHO FIRST GOT
ME INTERESTED IN GOVERNMENT AND
I THINK IT WAS BOBBY WHO BROUGHT

ME INTERESTED IN GOVERNMENT AND
I THINK IT WAS BOBBY WHO BROUGHT
PASSION INTO POLITICS AND MADE

I THINK IT WAS BOBBY WHO BROUGHT
PASSION INTO POLITICS AND MADE
US REALIZE THAT YOU COULD CARE

PASSION INTO POLITICS AND MADE
US REALIZE THAT YOU COULD CARE
ABOUT POLITICS AND THAT IT ALL

US REALIZE THAT YOU COULD CARE
ABOUT POLITICS AND THAT IT ALL
SOMEHOW MATTERED.

ABOUT POLITICS AND THAT IT ALL
SOMEHOW MATTERED.
AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW

SOMEHOW MATTERED.
AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW
MUCH I ADMIRED THE KENNEDY

AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW
MUCH I ADMIRED THE KENNEDY
FAMILY.

MUCH I ADMIRED THE KENNEDY
FAMILY.
I'M SUPPORTING PRESIDENT CARTER

FAMILY.
I'M SUPPORTING PRESIDENT CARTER
IN THE ELECTION BUT I JUST

I'M SUPPORTING PRESIDENT CARTER
IN THE ELECTION BUT I JUST
WANTED TO SAY THAT I ALWAYS HAVE

IN THE ELECTION BUT I JUST
WANTED TO SAY THAT I ALWAYS HAVE
A SPECIAL FEELING FOR THE

WANTED TO SAY THAT I ALWAYS HAVE
A SPECIAL FEELING FOR THE
KENNEDYS.

A SPECIAL FEELING FOR THE
KENNEDYS.
I DON'T REALLY HAVE A QUESTION,

KENNEDYS.
I DON'T REALLY HAVE A QUESTION,
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT.

I DON'T REALLY HAVE A QUESTION,
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT.
WELL, UH, THANK YOU FOR

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT.
WELL, UH, THANK YOU FOR
YOUR KIND WORDS ABOUT MY FAMILY.

WELL, UH, THANK YOU FOR
YOUR KIND WORDS ABOUT MY FAMILY.
[APPLAUSE]

YOUR KIND WORDS ABOUT MY FAMILY.
[APPLAUSE]
DO WE HAVE A QUESTION

[APPLAUSE]
DO WE HAVE A QUESTION
FOR MR. POWELL?

DO WE HAVE A QUESTION
FOR MR. POWELL?
MR. BURTON.

FOR MR. POWELL?
MR. BURTON.
MR. POWELL, I THINK SENATOR

MR. BURTON.
MR. POWELL, I THINK SENATOR
KENNEDY MADE A VALID POINT.

MR. POWELL, I THINK SENATOR
KENNEDY MADE A VALID POINT.
A LOT OF US ARE WONDERING

KENNEDY MADE A VALID POINT.
A LOT OF US ARE WONDERING
WHAT THE HECK THE PRESIDENT IS

A LOT OF US ARE WONDERING
WHAT THE HECK THE PRESIDENT IS
DOING ABOUT THE INFLATION AND

WHAT THE HECK THE PRESIDENT IS
DOING ABOUT THE INFLATION AND
THE ENERGY CRISIS AND IRAN,

DOING ABOUT THE INFLATION AND
THE ENERGY CRISIS AND IRAN,
AND SO ON.

THE ENERGY CRISIS AND IRAN,
AND SO ON.
AND IF HE IS DOING SOMETHING

AND SO ON.
AND IF HE IS DOING SOMETHING
WHY ISN'T HE UP HERE IN

AND IF HE IS DOING SOMETHING
WHY ISN'T HE UP HERE IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE TELLING US

WHY ISN'T HE UP HERE IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE TELLING US
ABOUT IT?

NEW HAMPSHIRE TELLING US
ABOUT IT?
Kennedy: HEAR, HEAR!

ABOUT IT?
Kennedy: HEAR, HEAR!
[APPLAUSE]

Kennedy: HEAR, HEAR!
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, SIR.

[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU, SIR.
WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU

THANK YOU, SIR.
WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU
THE PRESIDENT IS WORKING VERY

WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU
THE PRESIDENT IS WORKING VERY
HARD AT THIS MOMENT.

THE PRESIDENT IS WORKING VERY
HARD AT THIS MOMENT.
IN FACT, HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE

HARD AT THIS MOMENT.
IN FACT, HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE
PRESIDENT WORKING VERY HARD.

IN FACT, HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE
PRESIDENT WORKING VERY HARD.
[LAUGHTER]

PRESIDENT WORKING VERY HARD.
[LAUGHTER]
SEE, HE'S ROLLING UP

[LAUGHTER]
SEE, HE'S ROLLING UP
HIS SLEEVE THERE.

SEE, HE'S ROLLING UP
HIS SLEEVE THERE.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN SEE

HIS SLEEVE THERE.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN SEE
BUT HIS BROW IS KNIT.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN SEE
BUT HIS BROW IS KNIT.
I WISH THAT I COULD GIVE YOU

BUT HIS BROW IS KNIT.
I WISH THAT I COULD GIVE YOU
MORE DETAILS, BUT UNFORTUNATELY

I WISH THAT I COULD GIVE YOU
MORE DETAILS, BUT UNFORTUNATELY
THAT WOULD GET INTO THE AREA

MORE DETAILS, BUT UNFORTUNATELY
THAT WOULD GET INTO THE AREA
OF THE PRESIDENT'S PERFORMANCE

THAT WOULD GET INTO THE AREA
OF THE PRESIDENT'S PERFORMANCE
IN OFFICE DURING THE LAST

OF THE PRESIDENT'S PERFORMANCE
IN OFFICE DURING THE LAST
FOUR YEARS AND THIS IS ANOTHER

IN OFFICE DURING THE LAST
FOUR YEARS AND THIS IS ANOTHER
SUBJECT I'M NOT AT LIBERTY

FOUR YEARS AND THIS IS ANOTHER
SUBJECT I'M NOT AT LIBERTY
TO DISCUSS AT THIS TIME.

SUBJECT I'M NOT AT LIBERTY
TO DISCUSS AT THIS TIME.
WELL, THAT DOESN'T ANSWER

TO DISCUSS AT THIS TIME.
WELL, THAT DOESN'T ANSWER
MY QUESTION.

WELL, THAT DOESN'T ANSWER
MY QUESTION.
CAN'T YOU TELL ME SOMETHING

MY QUESTION.
CAN'T YOU TELL ME SOMETHING
THAT THE PRESIDENT IS DOING?

CAN'T YOU TELL ME SOMETHING
THAT THE PRESIDENT IS DOING?
WELL... I-I COULD TELL YOU

THAT THE PRESIDENT IS DOING?
WELL... I-I COULD TELL YOU
SOMETHING THAT THE PRESIDENT IS

WELL... I-I COULD TELL YOU
SOMETHING THAT THE PRESIDENT IS
DOING BUT, UH, IT WOULD HAVE

SOMETHING THAT THE PRESIDENT IS
DOING BUT, UH, IT WOULD HAVE
TO BE UNDERSTOOD THAT...

DOING BUT, UH, IT WOULD HAVE
TO BE UNDERSTOOD THAT...
IT COULD NOT BE REPEATED.

OH, I SEE.
Kennedy: WHAT DID HE SAY?
OH, I UNDER... I SEE.

Kennedy: WHAT DID HE SAY?
OH, I UNDER... I SEE.
WELL, THAT'S OKAY.

OH, I UNDER... I SEE.
WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
I SEE, WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
I SEE, WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND.

I SEE, WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND.
WHY CAN'T WE ALL HEAR?

I UNDERSTAND.
WHY CAN'T WE ALL HEAR?
NOW, WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?

WHY CAN'T WE ALL HEAR?
NOW, WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?
WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?

NOW, WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?
WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?
WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?

WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?
WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?
WHY CAN'T I HEAR?

WHAT DID HE TELL YOU?
WHY CAN'T I HEAR?
WHAT IS THE PRESIDENT DOING

WHY CAN'T I HEAR?
WHAT IS THE PRESIDENT DOING
ABOUT THE ECONOMY?

WHAT IS THE PRESIDENT DOING
ABOUT THE ECONOMY?
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

ABOUT THE ECONOMY?
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU KNOW I CANNOT SAY ANYTHING

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU KNOW I CANNOT SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT AN ISSUE AS SENSITIVE

YOU KNOW I CANNOT SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT AN ISSUE AS SENSITIVE
AS THE ECONOMY AND I THINK

ABOUT AN ISSUE AS SENSITIVE
AS THE ECONOMY AND I THINK
YOUR QUESTION IS ONE OF THE MOST

AS THE ECONOMY AND I THINK
YOUR QUESTION IS ONE OF THE MOST
IRRESPONSIBLE, OBNOXIOUS,

YOUR QUESTION IS ONE OF THE MOST
IRRESPONSIBLE, OBNOXIOUS,
OFFENSIVE, IMMATURE THINGS

IRRESPONSIBLE, OBNOXIOUS,
OFFENSIVE, IMMATURE THINGS
I'VE HEARD IN A LONG TIME.

OFFENSIVE, IMMATURE THINGS
I'VE HEARD IN A LONG TIME.
AND I THINK THAT YOU OWE

I'VE HEARD IN A LONG TIME.
AND I THINK THAT YOU OWE
AN APOLOGY TO THE PEOPLE

AND I THINK THAT YOU OWE
AN APOLOGY TO THE PEOPLE
OF NEW HAMPSHIRE.

AN APOLOGY TO THE PEOPLE
OF NEW HAMPSHIRE.
I'M SORRY.

OF NEW HAMPSHIRE.
I'M SORRY.
[LAUGHTER]

I'M SORRY.
[LAUGHTER]
I'M SORRY THAT WE CAN'T DISCUSS

[LAUGHTER]
I'M SORRY THAT WE CAN'T DISCUSS
THE ECONOMY.

I'M SORRY THAT WE CAN'T DISCUSS
THE ECONOMY.
AND I'M SORRY THAT WE CAN'T

THE ECONOMY.
AND I'M SORRY THAT WE CAN'T
DISCUSS IRAN AND THE FACT THAT

AND I'M SORRY THAT WE CAN'T
DISCUSS IRAN AND THE FACT THAT
THE WHOLE IRANIAN CRISIS

DISCUSS IRAN AND THE FACT THAT
THE WHOLE IRANIAN CRISIS
WOULD NOT HAVE ALLOWED IF YOU

THE WHOLE IRANIAN CRISIS
WOULD NOT HAVE ALLOWED IF YOU
HAD NOT ALLOWED THE SHAH

WOULD NOT HAVE ALLOWED IF YOU
HAD NOT ALLOWED THE SHAH
INTO THE COUNTRY, WHICH YOU DID

HAD NOT ALLOWED THE SHAH
INTO THE COUNTRY, WHICH YOU DID
DESPITE WARNINGS FROM THE

INTO THE COUNTRY, WHICH YOU DID
DESPITE WARNINGS FROM THE
IRANIANS THAT THEY WOULD SEIZE

DESPITE WARNINGS FROM THE
IRANIANS THAT THEY WOULD SEIZE
OUR EMBASSY IF WE LET THE SHAH

IRANIANS THAT THEY WOULD SEIZE
OUR EMBASSY IF WE LET THE SHAH
INTO THE COUNTRY.

OUR EMBASSY IF WE LET THE SHAH
INTO THE COUNTRY.
I CANNOT TALK ABOUT IT,

INTO THE COUNTRY.
I CANNOT TALK ABOUT IT,
BUT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LET

I CANNOT TALK ABOUT IT,
BUT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LET
THE SHAH INTO THE COUNTRY.

BUT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LET
THE SHAH INTO THE COUNTRY.
UH, JUST A MINUTE.

THE SHAH INTO THE COUNTRY.
UH, JUST A MINUTE.
I'M NOT THE PRESIDENT.

UH, JUST A MINUTE.
I'M NOT THE PRESIDENT.
I DIDN'T LET THE SHAH IN.

I'M NOT THE PRESIDENT.
I DIDN'T LET THE SHAH IN.
I'M THE PRESS SECRETARY,

I DIDN'T LET THE SHAH IN.
I'M THE PRESS SECRETARY,
NOT THE PRESIDENT.

I'M THE PRESS SECRETARY,
NOT THE PRESIDENT.
GO AHEAD, JUMP ON A PRESS

NOT THE PRESIDENT.
GO AHEAD, JUMP ON A PRESS
SECRETARY IN THE MIDDLE OF

GO AHEAD, JUMP ON A PRESS
SECRETARY IN THE MIDDLE OF
NEW HAMPSHIRE.

SECRETARY IN THE MIDDLE OF
NEW HAMPSHIRE.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY SAYING THAT

NEW HAMPSHIRE.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY SAYING THAT
TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE

WHY DON'T YOU TRY SAYING THAT
TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES?

TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES?
NOT SO EASY, HUH?

UNITED STATES?
NOT SO EASY, HUH?
GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?

NOT SO EASY, HUH?
GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
GIVE ME A BREAK, SIR...

GIVE ME A BREAK, WILL YOU?
GIVE ME A BREAK, SIR...
I'M SORRY BUT WE'VE RUN

GIVE ME A BREAK, SIR...
I'M SORRY BUT WE'VE RUN
OUT OF TIME.

I'M SORRY BUT WE'VE RUN
OUT OF TIME.
WE'D LIKE TO STAY LONGER BUT

OUT OF TIME.
WE'D LIKE TO STAY LONGER BUT
WE HAVE TO TURN OFF THE HEAT

WE'D LIKE TO STAY LONGER BUT
WE HAVE TO TURN OFF THE HEAT
IF WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT

WE HAVE TO TURN OFF THE HEAT
IF WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT
THROUGH THE WINTER.

IF WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT
THROUGH THE WINTER.
BY THE WAY, NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT

THROUGH THE WINTER.
BY THE WAY, NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT
WE'LL BE HOSTING THE REPUBLICAN

BY THE WAY, NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT
WE'LL BE HOSTING THE REPUBLICAN
DEBATE.

WE'LL BE HOSTING THE REPUBLICAN
DEBATE.
JOHN CONNALLY, GEORGE BUSH,

DEBATE.
JOHN CONNALLY, GEORGE BUSH,
JOHN ANDERSON, PHILLIP CRANE,

JOHN CONNALLY, GEORGE BUSH,
JOHN ANDERSON, PHILLIP CRANE,
HOWARD BAKER, AND BOB DOLE

JOHN ANDERSON, PHILLIP CRANE,
HOWARD BAKER, AND BOB DOLE
WILL BE DEBATING RONALD

HOWARD BAKER, AND BOB DOLE
WILL BE DEBATING RONALD
REAGAN'S FRIEND.

WILL BE DEBATING RONALD
REAGAN'S FRIEND.
THANK YOU FOR COMING, EVERYBODY.

REAGAN'S FRIEND.
THANK YOU FOR COMING, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR COMING, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: BECAUSE THE WINE
REMEMBERS, THE SKILLED VINTNERS
AT THE WINERY OF EVERETT

REMEMBERS, THE SKILLED VINTNERS
AT THE WINERY OF EVERETT
AND GIORGIO GALLO PUT A

AT THE WINERY OF EVERETT
AND GIORGIO GALLO PUT A
METICULOUSLY MACHINE-TOOLED

AND GIORGIO GALLO PUT A
METICULOUSLY MACHINE-TOOLED
SIMULATED METAL CAP ON EVERY

METICULOUSLY MACHINE-TOOLED
SIMULATED METAL CAP ON EVERY
BOTTLE OF THEIR REMARKABLE

SIMULATED METAL CAP ON EVERY
BOTTLE OF THEIR REMARKABLE
PINK MUSCATEL.

BOTTLE OF THEIR REMARKABLE
PINK MUSCATEL.
THEY AGE EVERY BOTTLE FOR UP TO

PINK MUSCATEL.
THEY AGE EVERY BOTTLE FOR UP TO
SIX HOURS IN SPECIAL COOLERS,

THEY AGE EVERY BOTTLE FOR UP TO
SIX HOURS IN SPECIAL COOLERS,
JUST LIKE THE ONES IN

SIX HOURS IN SPECIAL COOLERS,
JUST LIKE THE ONES IN
FINE LIQUOR STORES.

JUST LIKE THE ONES IN
FINE LIQUOR STORES.
AND BECAUSE CROWDING COULD HARM

FINE LIQUOR STORES.
AND BECAUSE CROWDING COULD HARM
THE DELICATE BEVERAGE, THE WINE

AND BECAUSE CROWDING COULD HARM
THE DELICATE BEVERAGE, THE WINE
MAKER PUTS ONLY 12 BOTTLES

THE DELICATE BEVERAGE, THE WINE
MAKER PUTS ONLY 12 BOTTLES
OF HIS PINK MUSCATEL INTO

MAKER PUTS ONLY 12 BOTTLES
OF HIS PINK MUSCATEL INTO
EACH CAREFULLY SELECTED

OF HIS PINK MUSCATEL INTO
EACH CAREFULLY SELECTED
CARDBOARD CASE.

EACH CAREFULLY SELECTED
CARDBOARD CASE.
NEVER MORE... NEVER LESS.

CARDBOARD CASE.
NEVER MORE... NEVER LESS.
EVERY STEP WE TAKE,

NEVER MORE... NEVER LESS.
EVERY STEP WE TAKE,
WE TAKE WITH SPECIAL CARE.

BECAUSE THE WINE REMEMBERS,
YOU CAN FORGET.

YOU CAN FORGET.
[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: TONIGHT, THE
MAKERS OF McKENZIE PAPER TOWELS,
SERVICING CANADA'S 10 PROVINCES

MAKERS OF McKENZIE PAPER TOWELS,
SERVICING CANADA'S 10 PROVINCES
FOR OVER 15 YEARS ARE PROUD TO

SERVICING CANADA'S 10 PROVINCES
FOR OVER 15 YEARS ARE PROUD TO
PRESENT CANADA'S ANNUAL

FOR OVER 15 YEARS ARE PROUD TO
PRESENT CANADA'S ANNUAL
TELEVISION CLASSIC:

PRESENT CANADA'S ANNUAL
TELEVISION CLASSIC:
"THE INCREDIBLE MAN".

TELEVISION CLASSIC:
"THE INCREDIBLE MAN".
THE UNFORGETTABLE FAMILY

"THE INCREDIBLE MAN".
THE UNFORGETTABLE FAMILY
CLASSIC OF JENNIFER,

THE UNFORGETTABLE FAMILY
CLASSIC OF JENNIFER,
THE HOCKEY PLAYER,

CLASSIC OF JENNIFER,
THE HOCKEY PLAYER,
THE MOUNTIE,

THE HOCKEY PLAYER,
THE MOUNTIE,
AND THE SLEEPY BEAR.

WELL, IN THAT CASE,
TINKY AND I WILL JUST
STAY IN OUR ROOM.

GEE, TINKY, SOMETIMES IT SEEMS
LIKE THERE'S JUST SO MUCH
TROUBLE IN THE WORLD...

LIKE THERE'S JUST SO MUCH
TROUBLE IN THE WORLD...
AND EVEN RIGHT HERE IN

TROUBLE IN THE WORLD...
AND EVEN RIGHT HERE IN
SASKATCHEWAN.

AND EVEN RIGHT HERE IN
SASKATCHEWAN.
I WISH WE COULD FIND A PLACE

SASKATCHEWAN.
I WISH WE COULD FIND A PLACE
WHERE THINGS WEREN'T

I WISH WE COULD FIND A PLACE
WHERE THINGS WEREN'T
SO MIXED UP.

WHERE THINGS WEREN'T
SO MIXED UP.
[♪...]

SO MIXED UP.
[♪...]
♪ SOMEPLACE OVER THE CLOUD

[♪...]
♪ SOMEPLACE OVER THE CLOUD
THERE'S A PLACE ♪

♪ SOMEPLACE OVER THE CLOUD
THERE'S A PLACE ♪
♪ A PLACE WHERE THERE

THERE'S A PLACE ♪
♪ A PLACE WHERE THERE
AIN'T NO CARE ♪

♪ A PLACE WHERE THERE
AIN'T NO CARE ♪
♪ AND THINGS ARE NOT SO LOUD ♪

AIN'T NO CARE ♪
♪ AND THINGS ARE NOT SO LOUD ♪
♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THAT

♪ AND THINGS ARE NOT SO LOUD ♪
♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THAT
I WAS WHERE WOMEN WHO

♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THAT
I WAS WHERE WOMEN WHO
HAD LEGS HAD NO HAIR ♪

I WAS WHERE WOMEN WHO
HAD LEGS HAD NO HAIR ♪
♪ AND I WAS ONE OF THEM ♪

HAD LEGS HAD NO HAIR ♪
♪ AND I WAS ONE OF THEM ♪
♪ SOMEPLACE OVER THE CLOUD ♪

♪ AND I WAS ONE OF THEM ♪
♪ SOMEPLACE OVER THE CLOUD ♪
OH GOSH, TINKY.

♪ SOMEPLACE OVER THE CLOUD ♪
OH GOSH, TINKY.
DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT

OH GOSH, TINKY.
DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT
THERE IS SUCH A PLACE?

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT
THERE IS SUCH A PLACE?
[THUD]

THERE IS SUCH A PLACE?
[THUD]
[LAUGHTER]

GOSH, TINKY.
THIS SURE DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE SASKATCHEWAN.

THIS SURE DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE SASKATCHEWAN.
WE MUST BE SOMEPLACE

LIKE SASKATCHEWAN.
WE MUST BE SOMEPLACE
OVER THE CLOUD.

WE MUST BE SOMEPLACE
OVER THE CLOUD.
I WONDER WHERE WE ARE!

OVER THE CLOUD.
I WONDER WHERE WE ARE!
YOU'RE IN INCREDIBLE LAND.

I WONDER WHERE WE ARE!
YOU'RE IN INCREDIBLE LAND.
[GASPS]

YOU'RE IN INCREDIBLE LAND.
[GASPS]
WHO ARE YOU?

[GASPS]
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M GILDA.

WHO ARE YOU?
I'M GILDA.
THE GOOD MUNCHKIN FAIRY.

I'M GILDA.
THE GOOD MUNCHKIN FAIRY.
AND WHO ARE YOU?

THE GOOD MUNCHKIN FAIRY.
AND WHO ARE YOU?
OH, I'M JENNIFER

AND WHO ARE YOU?
OH, I'M JENNIFER
AND THIS IS TINKY.

OH, I'M JENNIFER
AND THIS IS TINKY.
THANK YOU FOR KILLING THE

AND THIS IS TINKY.
THANK YOU FOR KILLING THE
BAD LADY OF THE SOUTHWEST.

THANK YOU FOR KILLING THE
BAD LADY OF THE SOUTHWEST.
HER SISTER, THE BAD LADY OF

BAD LADY OF THE SOUTHWEST.
HER SISTER, THE BAD LADY OF
THE NORTHEAST WILL WANT TO KILL

HER SISTER, THE BAD LADY OF
THE NORTHEAST WILL WANT TO KILL
YOU AND YOUR LITTLE CAT TOO.

THE NORTHEAST WILL WANT TO KILL
YOU AND YOUR LITTLE CAT TOO.
TINKY TOO?

YOU AND YOUR LITTLE CAT TOO.
TINKY TOO?
YES, TINKY TOO.

TINKY TOO?
YES, TINKY TOO.
OH, NO!

YES, TINKY TOO.
OH, NO!
THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO

OH, NO!
THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO
IS TO GET BACK TO SASKATCHEWAN.

THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO
IS TO GET BACK TO SASKATCHEWAN.
BUT HOW AM I GOING

IS TO GET BACK TO SASKATCHEWAN.
BUT HOW AM I GOING
TO DO THAT?

BUT HOW AM I GOING
TO DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.

TO DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I KNOW WHO MIGHT KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I KNOW WHO MIGHT KNOW.
WHO?

BUT I KNOW WHO MIGHT KNOW.
WHO?
THE INCREDIBLE MAN.

WHO?
THE INCREDIBLE MAN.
WELL, HOW DO I FIND

THE INCREDIBLE MAN.
WELL, HOW DO I FIND
THE INCREDIBLE MAN?

WELL, HOW DO I FIND
THE INCREDIBLE MAN?
FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE.

THE INCREDIBLE MAN?
FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE.
FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE

FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE.
FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE
IN THE SNOW?

FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE
IN THE SNOW?
[LAUGHTER]

IN THE SNOW?
[LAUGHTER]
YES.

[LAUGHTER]
YES.
♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪

YES.
♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪

♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ DON'T EAT THE YELLOW LINE ♪

♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ DON'T EAT THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪

♪ DON'T EAT THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW

♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW
FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW ♪

♪ FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW
FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪

FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW ♪
♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ YOU'RE GOING TO SEE

♪ FOLLOW THE YELLOW LINE ♪
♪ YOU'RE GOING TO SEE
THE INCREDIBLE MAN ♪

♪ YOU'RE GOING TO SEE
THE INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
♪ HE CAN, HE CAN, HE CAN,

THE INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
♪ HE CAN, HE CAN, HE CAN,
HE CAN, HE CAN ♪

♪ HE CAN, HE CAN, HE CAN,
HE CAN, HE CAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE

HE CAN, HE CAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE
INCREDIBLE MAN ♪

OH, TINKY, IT SEEMS LIKE
WE'VE GONE RIGHT AROUND
IN A CIRCLE AND WE STILL HAVEN'T

WE'VE GONE RIGHT AROUND
IN A CIRCLE AND WE STILL HAVEN'T
FOUND THE INCREDIBLE MAN!

IN A CIRCLE AND WE STILL HAVEN'T
FOUND THE INCREDIBLE MAN!
Man: MAYBE YOU DIDN'T GO

FOUND THE INCREDIBLE MAN!
Man: MAYBE YOU DIDN'T GO
AROUND THE CIRCLE ENOUGH TIMES,

Man: MAYBE YOU DIDN'T GO
AROUND THE CIRCLE ENOUGH TIMES,
EH.

AROUND THE CIRCLE ENOUGH TIMES,
EH.
WHO ARE YOU?

EH.
WHO ARE YOU?
ARE YOU THE INCREDIBLE MAN?

WHO ARE YOU?
ARE YOU THE INCREDIBLE MAN?
NO.

ARE YOU THE INCREDIBLE MAN?
NO.
THE ONLY THING INCREDIBLE ABOUT

NO.
THE ONLY THING INCREDIBLE ABOUT
ME IS HOW LONELY I AM, EH.

THE ONLY THING INCREDIBLE ABOUT
ME IS HOW LONELY I AM, EH.
WHY ARE YOU SO LONELY?

ME IS HOW LONELY I AM, EH.
WHY ARE YOU SO LONELY?
LIKE, BECAUSE I DON'T

WHY ARE YOU SO LONELY?
LIKE, BECAUSE I DON'T
HAVE A WIFE.

LIKE, BECAUSE I DON'T
HAVE A WIFE.
♪ IF I ONLY HAD A WIFE

HAVE A WIFE.
♪ IF I ONLY HAD A WIFE
I WOULDN'T HAVE SUCH STRIFE ♪

♪ IF I ONLY HAD A WIFE
I WOULDN'T HAVE SUCH STRIFE ♪
♪ SOME TENSION

I WOULDN'T HAVE SUCH STRIFE ♪
♪ SOME TENSION
WOULD BE RELEASED ♪

♪ SOME TENSION
WOULD BE RELEASED ♪
♪ SHE'D BE MAKIN' ME A MEAL

WOULD BE RELEASED ♪
♪ SHE'D BE MAKIN' ME A MEAL
AND MY GRAPES SHE WOULD PEEL ♪

♪ SHE'D BE MAKIN' ME A MEAL
AND MY GRAPES SHE WOULD PEEL ♪
♪ IF I ONLY HAD A WIFE ♪

AND MY GRAPES SHE WOULD PEEL ♪
♪ IF I ONLY HAD A WIFE ♪
♪ A WIFE ♪

♪ IF I ONLY HAD A WIFE ♪
♪ A WIFE ♪
♪ A WIFE ♪

♪ A WIFE ♪
♪ A WIFE ♪
♪ TENSION WOULD BE RELEASED ♪

♪ A WIFE ♪
♪ TENSION WOULD BE RELEASED ♪
OH GOSH, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

♪ TENSION WOULD BE RELEASED ♪
OH GOSH, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU

OH GOSH, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU
DON'T HAVE A WIFE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU
DON'T HAVE A WIFE.
I KNOW...

DON'T HAVE A WIFE.
I KNOW...
WHY DON'T YOU MARRY ME, EH?

I KNOW...
WHY DON'T YOU MARRY ME, EH?
OH, I'M TOO YOUNG

WHY DON'T YOU MARRY ME, EH?
OH, I'M TOO YOUNG
TO GET MARRIED.

OH, I'M TOO YOUNG
TO GET MARRIED.
OH, WELL HOW 'BOUT YOUR

TO GET MARRIED.
OH, WELL HOW 'BOUT YOUR
CAT, EH?

OH, WELL HOW 'BOUT YOUR
CAT, EH?
[LAUGHTER]

CAT, EH?
[LAUGHTER]
OH, YOU CAN'T MARRY A CAT!

[LAUGHTER]
OH, YOU CAN'T MARRY A CAT!
WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE

OH, YOU CAN'T MARRY A CAT!
WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE
INCREDIBLE MAN?

WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE
INCREDIBLE MAN?
HE'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

INCREDIBLE MAN?
HE'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.
YOU THINK SO, YOU KNOW?

HE'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.
YOU THINK SO, YOU KNOW?
SURE!

YOU THINK SO, YOU KNOW?
SURE!
WELL, WHAT ARE WE

SURE!
WELL, WHAT ARE WE
WAITING FOR, EH?

WELL, WHAT ARE WE
WAITING FOR, EH?
♪ WE'RE GOING TO SEE

WAITING FOR, EH?
♪ WE'RE GOING TO SEE
THE INCREDIBLE MAN ♪

♪ WE'RE GOING TO SEE
THE INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
♪ INCREDIBLE MAN,

THE INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
♪ INCREDIBLE MAN,
HE CAN, HE CAN ♪

♪ INCREDIBLE MAN,
HE CAN, HE CAN ♪
♪ WE WON'T BELIEVE IT

HE CAN, HE CAN ♪
♪ WE WON'T BELIEVE IT
WHEN WE SEE IT ♪

♪ WE WON'T BELIEVE IT
WHEN WE SEE IT ♪
♪ HE'S INCREDIBLE, AND...

WHEN WE SEE IT ♪
♪ HE'S INCREDIBLE, AND...
HE CAN, YES HE CAN ♪

♪ HE'S INCREDIBLE, AND...
HE CAN, YES HE CAN ♪
♪ HE CAN, YES HE CAN,

HE CAN, YES HE CAN ♪
♪ HE CAN, YES HE CAN,
YES, HE CAN CAN ♪

♪ HE CAN, YES HE CAN,
YES, HE CAN CAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE

YES, HE CAN CAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE
INCREDIBLE MAN ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE
INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
HEAT, HEAT.

INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
HEAT, HEAT.
WAIT A MINUTE.

HEAT, HEAT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
IT'S A FROZEN HOCKEY PLAYER!

WAIT A MINUTE.
IT'S A FROZEN HOCKEY PLAYER!
HEAT, HEAT!

IT'S A FROZEN HOCKEY PLAYER!
HEAT, HEAT!
WHAT'S HE SAYING, YOU KNOW?

HEAT, HEAT!
WHAT'S HE SAYING, YOU KNOW?
HEAT, HEAT!

WHAT'S HE SAYING, YOU KNOW?
HEAT, HEAT!
I THINK HE WANTS SOME HEAT.

HEAT, HEAT!
I THINK HE WANTS SOME HEAT.
HERE, QUICK.

I THINK HE WANTS SOME HEAT.
HERE, QUICK.
I GOT TWO LIGHTERS, EH.

HERE, QUICK.
I GOT TWO LIGHTERS, EH.
HERE.

I GOT TWO LIGHTERS, EH.
HERE.
OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

HERE.
OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I WOULDN'T HAVE FROZE LIKE THAT

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I WOULDN'T HAVE FROZE LIKE THAT
IF PEOPLE KNEW WHO I WAS.

I WOULDN'T HAVE FROZE LIKE THAT
IF PEOPLE KNEW WHO I WAS.
WHO ARE YOU?

IF PEOPLE KNEW WHO I WAS.
WHO ARE YOU?
YOU SEE?

WHO ARE YOU?
YOU SEE?
EVEN YOU DON'T KNOW.

YOU SEE?
EVEN YOU DON'T KNOW.
I PLAY GREAT HOCKEY BUT I'M NOT

EVEN YOU DON'T KNOW.
I PLAY GREAT HOCKEY BUT I'M NOT
FAMOUS SO NOBODY KNOWS.

I PLAY GREAT HOCKEY BUT I'M NOT
FAMOUS SO NOBODY KNOWS.
♪ IF I ONLY HAD SOME FAME

FAMOUS SO NOBODY KNOWS.
♪ IF I ONLY HAD SOME FAME
I WOULDN'T BE SO LAME ♪

♪ IF I ONLY HAD SOME FAME
I WOULDN'T BE SO LAME ♪
♪ AND EVERYONE WOULD KNOW

I WOULDN'T BE SO LAME ♪
♪ AND EVERYONE WOULD KNOW
MY NAME ♪

♪ AND EVERYONE WOULD KNOW
MY NAME ♪
♪ I'D BE KNOWN FROM

MY NAME ♪
♪ I'D BE KNOWN FROM
POLE TO POLE ♪

♪ I'D BE KNOWN FROM
POLE TO POLE ♪
♪ ELEPHANT AND MOLE ♪

POLE TO POLE ♪
♪ ELEPHANT AND MOLE ♪
♪ IF I ONLY HAD SOME FAME ♪

♪ ELEPHANT AND MOLE ♪
♪ IF I ONLY HAD SOME FAME ♪
♪ SOME FAME ♪

♪ IF I ONLY HAD SOME FAME ♪
♪ SOME FAME ♪
♪ SOME FAME ♪

♪ SOME FAME ♪
♪ SOME FAME ♪
♪ KNOWN BY ELEPHANT AND MOLE ♪

♪ SOME FAME ♪
♪ KNOWN BY ELEPHANT AND MOLE ♪
YOU KNOW, MAYBE THE

♪ KNOWN BY ELEPHANT AND MOLE ♪
YOU KNOW, MAYBE THE
INCREDIBLE MAN COULD MAKE THE

YOU KNOW, MAYBE THE
INCREDIBLE MAN COULD MAKE THE
HOCKEY PLAYER SOME FAMOUS, HUH?

INCREDIBLE MAN COULD MAKE THE
HOCKEY PLAYER SOME FAMOUS, HUH?
UH-HUH.

HOCKEY PLAYER SOME FAMOUS, HUH?
UH-HUH.
I CAN'T WAIT!

UH-HUH.
I CAN'T WAIT!
LET'S GO!

I CAN'T WAIT!
LET'S GO!
♪ WE'RE GOING TO SEE

LET'S GO!
♪ WE'RE GOING TO SEE
THE INCREDIBLE MAN ♪

♪ WE'RE GOING TO SEE
THE INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
♪ HE CAN, HE CAN, HE CAN,

THE INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
♪ HE CAN, HE CAN, HE CAN,
HE CAN, HE CAN ♪

♪ HE CAN, HE CAN, HE CAN,
HE CAN, HE CAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE

HE CAN, HE CAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE
INCREDIBLE MAN ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE
INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
[BEAR GROWLS]

INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
[BEAR GROWLS]
OH, MY!

[BEAR GROWLS]
OH, MY!
YIPES, IT'S A BEAR!

OH, MY!
YIPES, IT'S A BEAR!
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT SCARING US

YIPES, IT'S A BEAR!
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT SCARING US
LIKE THAT!

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT SCARING US
LIKE THAT!
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?

LIKE THAT!
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
IT'S WINTER AND YOU SHOULD BE

HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?
IT'S WINTER AND YOU SHOULD BE
HIBERNATING.

IT'S WINTER AND YOU SHOULD BE
HIBERNATING.
WELL, THAT'S MY PROBLEM!

HIBERNATING.
WELL, THAT'S MY PROBLEM!
I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP.

WELL, THAT'S MY PROBLEM!
I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP.
WHY NOT?

I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP.
WHY NOT?
WELL, I'M OVER TIRED.

WHY NOT?
WELL, I'M OVER TIRED.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER BEEN SO TIRED

WELL, I'M OVER TIRED.
HAVEN'T YOU EVER BEEN SO TIRED
THAT YOU COULDN'T GO TO SLEEP?

HAVEN'T YOU EVER BEEN SO TIRED
THAT YOU COULDN'T GO TO SLEEP?
♪ IF I COULD ONLY GO TO SLEEP

THAT YOU COULDN'T GO TO SLEEP?
♪ IF I COULD ONLY GO TO SLEEP
I WOULDN'T BE SUCH A CREEP ♪

♪ IF I COULD ONLY GO TO SLEEP
I WOULDN'T BE SUCH A CREEP ♪
♪ ESPECIALLY IF THE SLEEP

I WOULDN'T BE SUCH A CREEP ♪
♪ ESPECIALLY IF THE SLEEP
WERE DEEP ♪

♪ ESPECIALLY IF THE SLEEP
WERE DEEP ♪
♪ IF I COULD ONLY

WERE DEEP ♪
♪ IF I COULD ONLY
DO SOME SNORING ♪

♪ IF I COULD ONLY
DO SOME SNORING ♪
♪ I WOULDN'T BE SO BORING ♪

DO SOME SNORING ♪
♪ I WOULDN'T BE SO BORING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I HAVE HAD SOME SLEEP ♪

♪ I WOULDN'T BE SO BORING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I HAVE HAD SOME SLEEP ♪
♪ SOME FAME ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I HAVE HAD SOME SLEEP ♪
♪ SOME FAME ♪
♪ SOME SLEEP ♪

♪ SOME FAME ♪
♪ SOME SLEEP ♪
♪ SASKATCHEWAN ♪

♪ SOME SLEEP ♪
♪ SASKATCHEWAN ♪
♪ A WIFE ♪

♪ WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE
INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
♪ HE CAN, HE CAN, HE CAN,

INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
♪ HE CAN, HE CAN, HE CAN,
HE CAN, HE CAN ♪

♪ HE CAN, HE CAN, HE CAN,
HE CAN, HE CAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE

HE CAN, HE CAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE
INCREDIBLE MAN ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE'S THE
INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
I HOPE WE CAN FIND HIM.

INCREDIBLE MAN ♪
I HOPE WE CAN FIND HIM.
I HOPE WE CAN.

I HOPE WE CAN FIND HIM.
I HOPE WE CAN.
AH, SO THERE'S THE LITTLE

I HOPE WE CAN.
AH, SO THERE'S THE LITTLE
BRAT THAT KILLED MY SISTER.

AH, SO THERE'S THE LITTLE
BRAT THAT KILLED MY SISTER.
I'VE GOT PLANS FOR YOU,

BRAT THAT KILLED MY SISTER.
I'VE GOT PLANS FOR YOU,
MY PRETTY!

I'VE GOT PLANS FOR YOU,
MY PRETTY!
[SADISTIC LAUGHTER]

MY PRETTY!
[SADISTIC LAUGHTER]
COME ON, OSWALD.

[SADISTIC LAUGHTER]
COME ON, OSWALD.
LET'S PAY A VISIT TO

COME ON, OSWALD.
LET'S PAY A VISIT TO
OUR FRIENDS.

LET'S PAY A VISIT TO
OUR FRIENDS.
BUT FIRST, HAND ME THAT GLASS

OUR FRIENDS.
BUT FIRST, HAND ME THAT GLASS
OF WATER, I'M THIRSTY.

BUT FIRST, HAND ME THAT GLASS
OF WATER, I'M THIRSTY.
AND BE CAREFUL.

OF WATER, I'M THIRSTY.
AND BE CAREFUL.
YOU KNOW HOW I CAN'T...

AND BE CAREFUL.
YOU KNOW HOW I CAN'T...
[SCREAMS]

YOU KNOW HOW I CAN'T...
[SCREAMS]
YOU FOOL!

[SCREAMS]
YOU FOOL!
I'M MELTING.

YOU FOOL!
I'M MELTING.
I DIDN'T EVEN GET OUT

I'M MELTING.
I DIDN'T EVEN GET OUT
OF THE CASTLE AND I'M MELTING!

I DIDN'T EVEN GET OUT
OF THE CASTLE AND I'M MELTING!
I'M MELTING!

OF THE CASTLE AND I'M MELTING!
I'M MELTING!
GEE, WE'VE BEEN AWFULLY

I'M MELTING!
GEE, WE'VE BEEN AWFULLY
LUCKY THAT THE BAD LADY

GEE, WE'VE BEEN AWFULLY
LUCKY THAT THE BAD LADY
OF THE NORTHEAST HASN'T

LUCKY THAT THE BAD LADY
OF THE NORTHEAST HASN'T
BOTHERED US YET.

OF THE NORTHEAST HASN'T
BOTHERED US YET.
HEY, LOOK.

BOTHERED US YET.
HEY, LOOK.
THIS HERE YELLOW LINE RUNS RIGHT

HEY, LOOK.
THIS HERE YELLOW LINE RUNS RIGHT
OVER TO THAT MOBILE HOME, EH.

THIS HERE YELLOW LINE RUNS RIGHT
OVER TO THAT MOBILE HOME, EH.
HEY, MAYBE THAT'S THE HOME

OVER TO THAT MOBILE HOME, EH.
HEY, MAYBE THAT'S THE HOME
OF THE INCREDIBLE MAN.

I-I HOPE HE'S HOME.

YES?
ARE YOU THE INCREDIBLE MAN?
WHY, YES I AM!

ARE YOU THE INCREDIBLE MAN?
WHY, YES I AM!
OH, I'M JENNIFER AND I WANNA

WHY, YES I AM!
OH, I'M JENNIFER AND I WANNA
GET BACK TO SASKATCHEWAN.

OH, I'M JENNIFER AND I WANNA
GET BACK TO SASKATCHEWAN.
THIS IS THE HOCKEY PLAYER

GET BACK TO SASKATCHEWAN.
THIS IS THE HOCKEY PLAYER
AND HE WANTS SOME FAME AND

THIS IS THE HOCKEY PLAYER
AND HE WANTS SOME FAME AND
THIS THE BEAR AND HE WANTS

AND HE WANTS SOME FAME AND
THIS THE BEAR AND HE WANTS
SOME SLEEP AND THIS IS THE

THIS THE BEAR AND HE WANTS
SOME SLEEP AND THIS IS THE
MOUNTIE AND HE WANTS A WIFE.

SOME SLEEP AND THIS IS THE
MOUNTIE AND HE WANTS A WIFE.
WELL, MR. HOCKEY PLAYER,

MOUNTIE AND HE WANTS A WIFE.
WELL, MR. HOCKEY PLAYER,
I CAN TELL YOU THAT WHERE I COME

WELL, MR. HOCKEY PLAYER,
I CAN TELL YOU THAT WHERE I COME
FROM HOCKEY PLAYERS BECOME

I CAN TELL YOU THAT WHERE I COME
FROM HOCKEY PLAYERS BECOME
FAMOUS BY PLAYING HOCKEY

FROM HOCKEY PLAYERS BECOME
FAMOUS BY PLAYING HOCKEY
AND BY PRACTICING DAY AND NIGHT.

FAMOUS BY PLAYING HOCKEY
AND BY PRACTICING DAY AND NIGHT.
SO YOU SHOULD PLAY ALL THE TIME.

AND BY PRACTICING DAY AND NIGHT.
SO YOU SHOULD PLAY ALL THE TIME.
YOU KNOW, HE'S RIGHT.

SO YOU SHOULD PLAY ALL THE TIME.
YOU KNOW, HE'S RIGHT.
AND THAT'S JUST WHAT

YOU KNOW, HE'S RIGHT.
AND THAT'S JUST WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO!

AND THAT'S JUST WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO!
AND MR. BEAR, IF YOU DIDN'T

I'M GOING TO DO!
AND MR. BEAR, IF YOU DIDN'T
TRY TO GO TO SLEEP SO MUCH,

AND MR. BEAR, IF YOU DIDN'T
TRY TO GO TO SLEEP SO MUCH,
YOU'D GET SOME... BUT...

TRY TO GO TO SLEEP SO MUCH,
YOU'D GET SOME... BUT...
HERE'S A COUPLE OF PILLS

YOU'D GET SOME... BUT...
HERE'S A COUPLE OF PILLS
TO KNOCK YOU OUT IN THE

HERE'S A COUPLE OF PILLS
TO KNOCK YOU OUT IN THE
MEANTIME.

TO KNOCK YOU OUT IN THE
MEANTIME.
THANK YOU, INCREDIBLE MAN.

MEANTIME.
THANK YOU, INCREDIBLE MAN.
AND MR. MOUNTIE... OF COURSE

THANK YOU, INCREDIBLE MAN.
AND MR. MOUNTIE... OF COURSE
I CAN'T GIVE YOU A WIFE.

AND MR. MOUNTIE... OF COURSE
I CAN'T GIVE YOU A WIFE.
THAT'S SOMETHING EVERY MAN MUST

I CAN'T GIVE YOU A WIFE.
THAT'S SOMETHING EVERY MAN MUST
FIND AND CHERISH ON HIS OWN.

THAT'S SOMETHING EVERY MAN MUST
FIND AND CHERISH ON HIS OWN.
Mountie: THAT'S QUITE RIGHT,

FIND AND CHERISH ON HIS OWN.
Mountie: THAT'S QUITE RIGHT,
EH.

Mountie: THAT'S QUITE RIGHT,
EH.
BUT, HERE'S $10 AND AN

EH.
BUT, HERE'S $10 AND AN
ADDRESS TO GIVE YOU

BUT, HERE'S $10 AND AN
ADDRESS TO GIVE YOU
A HEAD START.

ADDRESS TO GIVE YOU
A HEAD START.
OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

A HEAD START.
OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
INCREDIBLE MAN.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
INCREDIBLE MAN.
AND IN ADDITION, HE'S A ROLL

INCREDIBLE MAN.
AND IN ADDITION, HE'S A ROLL
OF McKENZIE PAPER TOWELS

AND IN ADDITION, HE'S A ROLL
OF McKENZIE PAPER TOWELS
FOR EACH ONE OF YOU.

OF McKENZIE PAPER TOWELS
FOR EACH ONE OF YOU.
COMPLIMENTS OF THE

FOR EACH ONE OF YOU.
COMPLIMENTS OF THE
INCREDIBLE MAN.

COMPLIMENTS OF THE
INCREDIBLE MAN.
THEY'RE VERY ABSORBENT.

INCREDIBLE MAN.
THEY'RE VERY ABSORBENT.
HEY, INCREDIBLE MAN,

THEY'RE VERY ABSORBENT.
HEY, INCREDIBLE MAN,
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE VERY NICE...

HEY, INCREDIBLE MAN,
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE VERY NICE...
THE PAPER TOWELS AND

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE VERY NICE...
THE PAPER TOWELS AND
EVERYTHING... BUT...

THE PAPER TOWELS AND
EVERYTHING... BUT...
WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT

EVERYTHING... BUT...
WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT
JENNIFER?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT
JENNIFER?
YEAH, AREN'T YOU GONNA TRY

JENNIFER?
YEAH, AREN'T YOU GONNA TRY
TO GET JENNIFER BACK HOME

YEAH, AREN'T YOU GONNA TRY
TO GET JENNIFER BACK HOME
TO SASKATCHEWAN?

TO GET JENNIFER BACK HOME
TO SASKATCHEWAN?
OH... I DON'T THINK THE

TO SASKATCHEWAN?
OH... I DON'T THINK THE
INCREDIBLE MAN CAN HELP ME.

OH... I DON'T THINK THE
INCREDIBLE MAN CAN HELP ME.
WHY, SURE I CAN.

INCREDIBLE MAN CAN HELP ME.
WHY, SURE I CAN.
REALLY, HOW?

WHY, SURE I CAN.
REALLY, HOW?
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES

REALLY, HOW?
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES
JENNIFER, AND SAY OVER

JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES
JENNIFER, AND SAY OVER
AND OVER AGAIN, THERE'S NO

JENNIFER, AND SAY OVER
AND OVER AGAIN, THERE'S NO
PLACE LIKE MY ROOM.

AND OVER AGAIN, THERE'S NO
PLACE LIKE MY ROOM.
THERE'S NO PLACE

PLACE LIKE MY ROOM.
THERE'S NO PLACE
LIKE MY ROOM.

THERE'S NO PLACE
LIKE MY ROOM.
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE MY ROOM.

LIKE MY ROOM.
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE MY ROOM.
THERE'S NO PLACE...

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE MY ROOM.
THERE'S NO PLACE...
[LAUGHTER]

JENNIFER... HEY, JENNIFER,
YOU LITTLE SCOOT MOUSE,
HOW ARE YA?

YOU LITTLE SCOOT MOUSE,
HOW ARE YA?
HEY, LITTLE RUG RAT.

HOW ARE YA?
HEY, LITTLE RUG RAT.
DAD, DAD!

HEY, LITTLE RUG RAT.
DAD, DAD!
HOW ARE YA?

DAD, DAD!
HOW ARE YA?
OH, BOY, JENNIFER.

HOW ARE YA?
OH, BOY, JENNIFER.
YOU GOT, MUST'VE QUITE A BUMP

OH, BOY, JENNIFER.
YOU GOT, MUST'VE QUITE A BUMP
ON THE HEAD THERE YOU GOT.

YOU GOT, MUST'VE QUITE A BUMP
ON THE HEAD THERE YOU GOT.
GEE, IF YOUR MOTHER WAS STILL

ON THE HEAD THERE YOU GOT.
GEE, IF YOUR MOTHER WAS STILL
ALIVE, SHE WOULD'VE HAD A HEART

GEE, IF YOUR MOTHER WAS STILL
ALIVE, SHE WOULD'VE HAD A HEART
ATTACK FOR THE HI-JINKS

ALIVE, SHE WOULD'VE HAD A HEART
ATTACK FOR THE HI-JINKS
YOU BEEN PULLIN' TODAY,

ATTACK FOR THE HI-JINKS
YOU BEEN PULLIN' TODAY,
YOUR LITTLE ESCAPADE.

YOU BEEN PULLIN' TODAY,
YOUR LITTLE ESCAPADE.
THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR LITTLE ESCAPADE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND I COME HOME FROM HOCKEY

THAT'S RIGHT.
AND I COME HOME FROM HOCKEY
PRACTICE AND I THINK I'VE LOST

AND I COME HOME FROM HOCKEY
PRACTICE AND I THINK I'VE LOST
MY LITTLE FRIEND, WHO'S FATHER

PRACTICE AND I THINK I'VE LOST
MY LITTLE FRIEND, WHO'S FATHER
EMPLOYS ME HERE ON THE FARM.

MY LITTLE FRIEND, WHO'S FATHER
EMPLOYS ME HERE ON THE FARM.
BUT THAT'S IT!

EMPLOYS ME HERE ON THE FARM.
BUT THAT'S IT!
I WAS LOST... IN A FAR AWAY LAND

BUT THAT'S IT!
I WAS LOST... IN A FAR AWAY LAND
OVER THE CLOUDS.

I WAS LOST... IN A FAR AWAY LAND
OVER THE CLOUDS.
AND YOU WERE THERE, DAD.

OVER THE CLOUDS.
AND YOU WERE THERE, DAD.
AND YOU WERE THERE, PIERRE.

AND YOU WERE THERE, DAD.
AND YOU WERE THERE, PIERRE.
AND YOU TOO, UNCLE BARRY.

AND YOU WERE THERE, PIERRE.
AND YOU TOO, UNCLE BARRY.
ARE YOU OKAY, JENNIFER?

AND YOU TOO, UNCLE BARRY.
ARE YOU OKAY, JENNIFER?
I COULDN'T GO TO MY COSTUME

ARE YOU OKAY, JENNIFER?
I COULDN'T GO TO MY COSTUME
PARTY UNLESS I KNEW MY FAVORITE

I COULDN'T GO TO MY COSTUME
PARTY UNLESS I KNEW MY FAVORITE
NIECE WAS ALL RIGHT.

PARTY UNLESS I KNEW MY FAVORITE
NIECE WAS ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I DON'T CARE IF YOU

NIECE WAS ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I DON'T CARE IF YOU
DON'T BELIEVE ME.

WELL, I DON'T CARE IF YOU
DON'T BELIEVE ME.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS

DON'T BELIEVE ME.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS
WE'RE ALL HERE.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS
WE'RE ALL HERE.
TINKY'S HERE AND YOU'RE HERE,

WE'RE ALL HERE.
TINKY'S HERE AND YOU'RE HERE,
AND YOU'RE HERE, AND YOU'RE HERE

TINKY'S HERE AND YOU'RE HERE,
AND YOU'RE HERE, AND YOU'RE HERE
AND I'M HERE AND WE'RE HERE

AND YOU'RE HERE, AND YOU'RE HERE
AND I'M HERE AND WE'RE HERE
IN SASKATCHEWAN.

AND I'M HERE AND WE'RE HERE
IN SASKATCHEWAN.
AND THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE

IN SASKATCHEWAN.
AND THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE
SASKATCHEWAN!

AND THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE
SASKATCHEWAN!
[♪..., APPLAUSE]

Announcer: WE HOPE YOU
ENJOYED TONIGHT'S McKENZIE
PAPER TOWEL THEATRE CLASSIC.

ENJOYED TONIGHT'S McKENZIE
PAPER TOWEL THEATRE CLASSIC.
JOIN US NEXT MONTH FOR

PAPER TOWEL THEATRE CLASSIC.
JOIN US NEXT MONTH FOR
"JEANETTE IN FANTASTIC LAND".

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ALL THE WAY FROM ENGLAND,
GARY NUMAN.

ALL THE WAY FROM ENGLAND,
GARY NUMAN.
[APPLAUSE]

GARY NUMAN.
[APPLAUSE]
[♪...]

♪ HERE IN MY CAR ♪
♪ I FEEL SAFEST OF ALL ♪
♪ I CAN LOCK ALL MY DOORS ♪

♪ I FEEL SAFEST OF ALL ♪
♪ I CAN LOCK ALL MY DOORS ♪
♪ IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO LIVE ♪

♪ I CAN LOCK ALL MY DOORS ♪
♪ IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO LIVE ♪
♪ IN CARS ♪

♪ IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO LIVE ♪
♪ IN CARS ♪
♪ HERE IN MY CAR ♪

♪ IN CARS ♪
♪ HERE IN MY CAR ♪
♪ I CAN LISTEN TO YOU ♪

♪ HERE IN MY CAR ♪
♪ I CAN LISTEN TO YOU ♪
♪ I CAN ONLY RECEIVE ♪

♪ I CAN LISTEN TO YOU ♪
♪ I CAN ONLY RECEIVE ♪
♪ IT KEEPS ME STABLE FOR DAYS ♪

♪ I CAN ONLY RECEIVE ♪
♪ IT KEEPS ME STABLE FOR DAYS ♪
♪ IN CARS ♪

♪ IT KEEPS ME STABLE FOR DAYS ♪
♪ IN CARS ♪
[♪...]

♪ HERE IN MY CAR ♪
♪ WHERE THE IMAGE BREAKS DOWN ♪
♪ WILL YOU VISIT ME PLEASE? ♪

♪ WHERE THE IMAGE BREAKS DOWN ♪
♪ WILL YOU VISIT ME PLEASE? ♪
♪ IF I OPEN MY DOOR ♪

♪ WILL YOU VISIT ME PLEASE? ♪
♪ IF I OPEN MY DOOR ♪
♪ IN CARS ♪

♪ IF I OPEN MY DOOR ♪
♪ IN CARS ♪
♪ HERE IN MY CAR ♪

♪ IN CARS ♪
♪ HERE IN MY CAR ♪
♪ I KNOW I'VE STARTED TO THINK

♪ HERE IN MY CAR ♪
♪ I KNOW I'VE STARTED TO THINK
ABOUT LEAVING TONIGHT ♪

♪ I KNOW I'VE STARTED TO THINK
ABOUT LEAVING TONIGHT ♪
♪ ALTHOUGH NOTHING SEEMS RIGHT ♪

ABOUT LEAVING TONIGHT ♪
♪ ALTHOUGH NOTHING SEEMS RIGHT ♪
♪ IN CARS ♪

♪ ALTHOUGH NOTHING SEEMS RIGHT ♪
♪ IN CARS ♪
[♪...]

[♪...]

[♪...]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW, WEEKEND
UPDATE WITH THE WEEKEND UPDATE
NEWS TEAM.

UPDATE WITH THE WEEKEND UPDATE
NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHOR PERSONS

NEWS TEAM.
HERE ARE ANCHOR PERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.

HERE ARE ANCHOR PERSONS
BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING,

BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.
GOOD EVENING,
I'M JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING,
I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS...

I'M JANE CURTIN.
HERE NOW THE NEWS...
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:

HERE NOW THE NEWS...
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
YUGOSLAVIA'S LEGENDARY STRONG

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT:
YUGOSLAVIA'S LEGENDARY STRONG
MAN, PRESIDENT TITO, HAS SLIPPED

YUGOSLAVIA'S LEGENDARY STRONG
MAN, PRESIDENT TITO, HAS SLIPPED
INTO A COMA AND THE END IS NEAR.

MAN, PRESIDENT TITO, HAS SLIPPED
INTO A COMA AND THE END IS NEAR.
HIS GRAVE IS BEING PREPARED

INTO A COMA AND THE END IS NEAR.
HIS GRAVE IS BEING PREPARED
AND OBITUARY WRITERS ARE

HIS GRAVE IS BEING PREPARED
AND OBITUARY WRITERS ARE
UPDATING THEIR COPY.

AND OBITUARY WRITERS ARE
UPDATING THEIR COPY.
TITO WAS AMONG THE LAST OF THE

UPDATING THEIR COPY.
TITO WAS AMONG THE LAST OF THE
GREAT WORLD WAR II GIANTS

TITO WAS AMONG THE LAST OF THE
GREAT WORLD WAR II GIANTS
AND HIS DEATH NOW LEAVES ONLY

GREAT WORLD WAR II GIANTS
AND HIS DEATH NOW LEAVES ONLY
RUDOLPH HESS, LANGUISHING IN

AND HIS DEATH NOW LEAVES ONLY
RUDOLPH HESS, LANGUISHING IN
SPANDAU PRISON SINCE 1944,

RUDOLPH HESS, LANGUISHING IN
SPANDAU PRISON SINCE 1944,
HOLLYWOOD'S VAN JOHNSON, STILL

SPANDAU PRISON SINCE 1944,
HOLLYWOOD'S VAN JOHNSON, STILL
ACTIVE, HAVING OUTLIVED ALL HIS

HOLLYWOOD'S VAN JOHNSON, STILL
ACTIVE, HAVING OUTLIVED ALL HIS
CO-STARS, AND, OF COURSE,

ACTIVE, HAVING OUTLIVED ALL HIS
CO-STARS, AND, OF COURSE,
PATTY AND MAXINE ANDREWS,

CO-STARS, AND, OF COURSE,
PATTY AND MAXINE ANDREWS,
STILL FIGHTING OVER THE CUSTODY

PATTY AND MAXINE ANDREWS,
STILL FIGHTING OVER THE CUSTODY
OF BETTE MIDLER.

STILL FIGHTING OVER THE CUSTODY
OF BETTE MIDLER.
RONALD REAGAN, WHO 30 YEARS AGO

OF BETTE MIDLER.
RONALD REAGAN, WHO 30 YEARS AGO
WAS QUESTIONED BY THE HOUSE ON

RONALD REAGAN, WHO 30 YEARS AGO
WAS QUESTIONED BY THE HOUSE ON
AMERICAN ACTIVITIES COMMITTEE

WAS QUESTIONED BY THE HOUSE ON
AMERICAN ACTIVITIES COMMITTEE
AS A POSSIBLE COMMUNIST

AMERICAN ACTIVITIES COMMITTEE
AS A POSSIBLE COMMUNIST
SYMPATHIZER, NOW SAYS HE WAS,

AS A POSSIBLE COMMUNIST
SYMPATHIZER, NOW SAYS HE WAS,
IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE

SYMPATHIZER, NOW SAYS HE WAS,
IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE
A COMMUNIST.

IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE
A COMMUNIST.
MAKING THIS STARTLING

A COMMUNIST.
MAKING THIS STARTLING
ANNOUNCEMENT TO REPORTERS THIS

MAKING THIS STARTLING
ANNOUNCEMENT TO REPORTERS THIS
WEEK, REAGAN WENT ON TO

ANNOUNCEMENT TO REPORTERS THIS
WEEK, REAGAN WENT ON TO
REITERATE HIS BELIEF THAT HE

WEEK, REAGAN WENT ON TO
REITERATE HIS BELIEF THAT HE
IS NOT GETTING TOO OLD OR SENILE

REITERATE HIS BELIEF THAT HE
IS NOT GETTING TOO OLD OR SENILE
TO RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY.

IS NOT GETTING TOO OLD OR SENILE
TO RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY.
HE THEN ABRUPTLY ENDED THE PRESS

TO RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY.
HE THEN ABRUPTLY ENDED THE PRESS
CONFERENCE, PUT A BOWL OF RICE

HE THEN ABRUPTLY ENDED THE PRESS
CONFERENCE, PUT A BOWL OF RICE
PUDDING ON HIS HEAD AND TOOK

CONFERENCE, PUT A BOWL OF RICE
PUDDING ON HIS HEAD AND TOOK
THREE UMBRELLA STEPS

PUDDING ON HIS HEAD AND TOOK
THREE UMBRELLA STEPS
OUT OF THE ROOM.

THREE UMBRELLA STEPS
OUT OF THE ROOM.
WELL, THE STALEMATE CONTINUES.

OUT OF THE ROOM.
WELL, THE STALEMATE CONTINUES.
THE ONLY REMAINING OBSTACLE

WELL, THE STALEMATE CONTINUES.
THE ONLY REMAINING OBSTACLE
IN THE WAY OF RELEASING THE

THE ONLY REMAINING OBSTACLE
IN THE WAY OF RELEASING THE
50 HOSTAGES IN IRAN IS AN

IN THE WAY OF RELEASING THE
50 HOSTAGES IN IRAN IS AN
AGREEMENT ON THE MAKE-UP OF THE

50 HOSTAGES IN IRAN IS AN
AGREEMENT ON THE MAKE-UP OF THE
INTERNATIONAL COMMITTEE

AGREEMENT ON THE MAKE-UP OF THE
INTERNATIONAL COMMITTEE
REVIEWING THE CRIMES OF

INTERNATIONAL COMMITTEE
REVIEWING THE CRIMES OF
THE SHAH.

REVIEWING THE CRIMES OF
THE SHAH.
THE IRANIAN REVOLUTIONARY

THE SHAH.
THE IRANIAN REVOLUTIONARY
COUNCIL IS INSISTING ON AN

THE IRANIAN REVOLUTIONARY
COUNCIL IS INSISTING ON AN
IMPARTIAL, NON-ALIGNED

COUNCIL IS INSISTING ON AN
IMPARTIAL, NON-ALIGNED
COMMITTEE, WHILE THE U.S. IS

IMPARTIAL, NON-ALIGNED
COMMITTEE, WHILE THE U.S. IS
REQUESTING THE SAME JUDGES WHO

COMMITTEE, WHILE THE U.S. IS
REQUESTING THE SAME JUDGES WHO
PICKED THE NOMINEES FOR

REQUESTING THE SAME JUDGES WHO
PICKED THE NOMINEES FOR
THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS.

PICKED THE NOMINEES FOR
THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS.
BILL?

THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS.
BILL?
THE FORD PINTO TRIAL MOVED

BILL?
THE FORD PINTO TRIAL MOVED
INTO ITS 6th WEEK IN WINAMAC,

THE FORD PINTO TRIAL MOVED
INTO ITS 6th WEEK IN WINAMAC,
INDIANA WITH FURTHER ALLEGATIONS

INTO ITS 6th WEEK IN WINAMAC,
INDIANA WITH FURTHER ALLEGATIONS
BY THE STATE THAT THE DEATH OF

INDIANA WITH FURTHER ALLEGATIONS
BY THE STATE THAT THE DEATH OF
THREE WOMEN COULD HAVE BEEN

BY THE STATE THAT THE DEATH OF
THREE WOMEN COULD HAVE BEEN
PREVENTED HAD THE FUEL TANK

THREE WOMEN COULD HAVE BEEN
PREVENTED HAD THE FUEL TANK
IN THE FORD PINTO NOT HAVE

PREVENTED HAD THE FUEL TANK
IN THE FORD PINTO NOT HAVE
POSED SUCH A RISK.

IN THE FORD PINTO NOT HAVE
POSED SUCH A RISK.
LAWYERS FOR THE MOTOR COMPANY

POSED SUCH A RISK.
LAWYERS FOR THE MOTOR COMPANY
THIS WEEK OFFERED TO AWARD

LAWYERS FOR THE MOTOR COMPANY
THIS WEEK OFFERED TO AWARD
BRAND NEW FORD PINTOS TO THE

THIS WEEK OFFERED TO AWARD
BRAND NEW FORD PINTOS TO THE
FAMILY OF THE THREE VICTIMS.

BRAND NEW FORD PINTOS TO THE
FAMILY OF THE THREE VICTIMS.
THE RECENT DIFFICULTIES BETWEEN

FAMILY OF THE THREE VICTIMS.
THE RECENT DIFFICULTIES BETWEEN
TAIWAN AND THE INTERNATIONAL

THE RECENT DIFFICULTIES BETWEEN
TAIWAN AND THE INTERNATIONAL
OLYMPIC COMMITTEE HAVE WORSENED.

TAIWAN AND THE INTERNATIONAL
OLYMPIC COMMITTEE HAVE WORSENED.
TAIWAN HAD AGREED TO CHANGE

OLYMPIC COMMITTEE HAVE WORSENED.
TAIWAN HAD AGREED TO CHANGE
ITS DESIGNATION FROM "THE

TAIWAN HAD AGREED TO CHANGE
ITS DESIGNATION FROM "THE
REPUBLIC OF CHINA" TO "THE

ITS DESIGNATION FROM "THE
REPUBLIC OF CHINA" TO "THE
CHINESE TAIWAN OLYMPIC

REPUBLIC OF CHINA" TO "THE
CHINESE TAIWAN OLYMPIC
COMMITTEE" AND ALSO AGREED

CHINESE TAIWAN OLYMPIC
COMMITTEE" AND ALSO AGREED
TO A NEW FLAG, BUT FINALLY

COMMITTEE" AND ALSO AGREED
TO A NEW FLAG, BUT FINALLY
REFUSED TO CHANGE THE TAIWANESE

TO A NEW FLAG, BUT FINALLY
REFUSED TO CHANGE THE TAIWANESE
NATIONAL ANTHEM TO THE THEME

REFUSED TO CHANGE THE TAIWANESE
NATIONAL ANTHEM TO THE THEME
FROM THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW.

NATIONAL ANTHEM TO THE THEME
FROM THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW.
AND TODAY MARKS THE BEGINNING

FROM THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW.
AND TODAY MARKS THE BEGINNING
OF THE CHINESE NEW YEAR, 4678,

AND TODAY MARKS THE BEGINNING
OF THE CHINESE NEW YEAR, 4678,
THE YEAR OF THE MONKEY.

OF THE CHINESE NEW YEAR, 4678,
THE YEAR OF THE MONKEY.
COINCIDENTALLY, THIS IS ALSO

THE YEAR OF THE MONKEY.
COINCIDENTALLY, THIS IS ALSO
THE BEGINNING OF THE MONKEY

COINCIDENTALLY, THIS IS ALSO
THE BEGINNING OF THE MONKEY
NEW YEAR, WHEN MONKEYS CELEBRATE

THE BEGINNING OF THE MONKEY
NEW YEAR, WHEN MONKEYS CELEBRATE
THE START OF THEIR 12 MILLIONTH

NEW YEAR, WHEN MONKEYS CELEBRATE
THE START OF THEIR 12 MILLIONTH
YEAR ON EARTH.

THE START OF THEIR 12 MILLIONTH
YEAR ON EARTH.
EVEN MORE STARTLING IS THE FACT

YEAR ON EARTH.
EVEN MORE STARTLING IS THE FACT
THAT THE MONKEY NEW YEAR,

EVEN MORE STARTLING IS THE FACT
THAT THE MONKEY NEW YEAR,
12 MILLION, IS KNOWN AS

THAT THE MONKEY NEW YEAR,
12 MILLION, IS KNOWN AS
THE YEAR OF THE CHINAMAN.

12 MILLION, IS KNOWN AS
THE YEAR OF THE CHINAMAN.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU.

THE YEAR OF THE CHINAMAN.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU.
JANE?

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU.
JANE?
WE'VE JUST HEARD THAT

JANE?
WE'VE JUST HEARD THAT
SOMETHING MAY BE HAPPENING

WE'VE JUST HEARD THAT
SOMETHING MAY BE HAPPENING
OUT AT THE NIXON RESIDENCE

SOMETHING MAY BE HAPPENING
OUT AT THE NIXON RESIDENCE
WHERE FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI

OUT AT THE NIXON RESIDENCE
WHERE FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI
IS STANDING BY.

WHERE FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI
IS STANDING BY.
FATHER SARDUCCI?

IS STANDING BY.
FATHER SARDUCCI?
YES, JANE.

FATHER SARDUCCI?
YES, JANE.
I THINK THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE

YES, JANE.
I THINK THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE
ANY MINUTE NOW.

I THINK THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE
ANY MINUTE NOW.
I FIGURED OUT WHAT HAPPENED.

ANY MINUTE NOW.
I FIGURED OUT WHAT HAPPENED.
MRS. NIXON PROBABLY DIDN'T WANNA

I FIGURED OUT WHAT HAPPENED.
MRS. NIXON PROBABLY DIDN'T WANNA
SEE THE GUYANA MOVIE BECAUSE,

MRS. NIXON PROBABLY DIDN'T WANNA
SEE THE GUYANA MOVIE BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, MAYBE SHE WAS AFRAID

SEE THE GUYANA MOVIE BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, MAYBE SHE WAS AFRAID
OF THE VIOLENCE OR MAYBE SHE

YOU KNOW, MAYBE SHE WAS AFRAID
OF THE VIOLENCE OR MAYBE SHE
SAW IT BEFORE, I DON'T KNOW,

OF THE VIOLENCE OR MAYBE SHE
SAW IT BEFORE, I DON'T KNOW,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

SAW IT BEFORE, I DON'T KNOW,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
AND WHAT I THINK IS SHE PROBABLY

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
AND WHAT I THINK IS SHE PROBABLY
WENT NEXT DOOR TO THE TWIN MOVIE

AND WHAT I THINK IS SHE PROBABLY
WENT NEXT DOOR TO THE TWIN MOVIE
THEATER WHERE IT'S PLAYING

WENT NEXT DOOR TO THE TWIN MOVIE
THEATER WHERE IT'S PLAYING
BREAKING AWAY.

THEATER WHERE IT'S PLAYING
BREAKING AWAY.
SO I FIGURED, SHE WENT INTO

BREAKING AWAY.
SO I FIGURED, SHE WENT INTO
BREAKING AWAY, HE WENT INTO

SO I FIGURED, SHE WENT INTO
BREAKING AWAY, HE WENT INTO
GUYANA AND THIS BREAKING AWAY

BREAKING AWAY, HE WENT INTO
GUYANA AND THIS BREAKING AWAY
DOESN'T ' GET OUT TILL 11:55

GUYANA AND THIS BREAKING AWAY
DOESN'T ' GET OUT TILL 11:55
SO THAT'S PROBABLY WHY

DOESN'T ' GET OUT TILL 11:55
SO THAT'S PROBABLY WHY
THEY'RE LATE.

SO THAT'S PROBABLY WHY
THEY'RE LATE.
YOU KNOW, HE'S PROBABLY OUTSIDE

THEY'RE LATE.
YOU KNOW, HE'S PROBABLY OUTSIDE
THE THEATER WAITING FOR HER

YOU KNOW, HE'S PROBABLY OUTSIDE
THE THEATER WAITING FOR HER
RIGHT NOW.

THE THEATER WAITING FOR HER
RIGHT NOW.
BUT, HERE'S ANOTHER

RIGHT NOW.
BUT, HERE'S ANOTHER
POSSIBILITY FOR YOU.

BUT, HERE'S ANOTHER
POSSIBILITY FOR YOU.
MAYBE THEY WENT TO SEE

POSSIBILITY FOR YOU.
MAYBE THEY WENT TO SEE
AMERICAN GIGOLO.

MAYBE THEY WENT TO SEE
AMERICAN GIGOLO.
THAT GETS OUT ABOUT SEVEN

AMERICAN GIGOLO.
THAT GETS OUT ABOUT SEVEN
MINUTES FROM NOW.

THAT GETS OUT ABOUT SEVEN
MINUTES FROM NOW.
APOCALYPSE NOW GETS OUT ABOUT

MINUTES FROM NOW.
APOCALYPSE NOW GETS OUT ABOUT
THAT TIME TOO, BUT...

APOCALYPSE NOW GETS OUT ABOUT
THAT TIME TOO, BUT...
I DOUBT THEY WENT TO SEE

THAT TIME TOO, BUT...
I DOUBT THEY WENT TO SEE
APOCALYPSE NOW.

I DOUBT THEY WENT TO SEE
APOCALYPSE NOW.
VERY MUCH, VERY, VERY MUCH.

APOCALYPSE NOW.
VERY MUCH, VERY, VERY MUCH.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST TOO BAD.

VERY MUCH, VERY, VERY MUCH.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST TOO BAD.
I ONLY WANNA ASK HIM ONE

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST TOO BAD.
I ONLY WANNA ASK HIM ONE
QUESTION, ONE LOUSY QUESTION.

I ONLY WANNA ASK HIM ONE
QUESTION, ONE LOUSY QUESTION.
AND IF HE DOESN'T GET HERE SOON,

QUESTION, ONE LOUSY QUESTION.
AND IF HE DOESN'T GET HERE SOON,
I'M GONNA HAVE TO START CALLING

AND IF HE DOESN'T GET HERE SOON,
I'M GONNA HAVE TO START CALLING
ALL THE THEATERS CHECKING UP,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO START CALLING
ALL THE THEATERS CHECKING UP,
SEE WHAT'S KEEPING HIM SO LONG.

ALL THE THEATERS CHECKING UP,
SEE WHAT'S KEEPING HIM SO LONG.
SO, I'M FREEZING, LET ME TELL

SEE WHAT'S KEEPING HIM SO LONG.
SO, I'M FREEZING, LET ME TELL
YOU THAT MUCH.

SO, I'M FREEZING, LET ME TELL
YOU THAT MUCH.
BUT ANYWAY, YOU CAN TAKE IT

YOU THAT MUCH.
BUT ANYWAY, YOU CAN TAKE IT
BACK, PLEASE.

BUT ANYWAY, YOU CAN TAKE IT
BACK, PLEASE.
THANK YOU, FATHER.

BACK, PLEASE.
THANK YOU, FATHER.
AND WE'RE ALL HOPING THAT

THANK YOU, FATHER.
AND WE'RE ALL HOPING THAT
SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN.

AND WE'RE ALL HOPING THAT
SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN.
[APPLAUSE]

SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN.
[APPLAUSE]
THE MOVIE CRUISING WHICH

[APPLAUSE]
THE MOVIE CRUISING WHICH
FEATURES MALE HOMOSEXUALITY AND

THE MOVIE CRUISING WHICH
FEATURES MALE HOMOSEXUALITY AND
SADO-MASOCHISM OPENED AROUND THE

FEATURES MALE HOMOSEXUALITY AND
SADO-MASOCHISM OPENED AROUND THE
COUNTRY THIS WEEK AND HAS BEEN

SADO-MASOCHISM OPENED AROUND THE
COUNTRY THIS WEEK AND HAS BEEN
THE GREAT CAUSE OF CONTROVERSY.

COUNTRY THIS WEEK AND HAS BEEN
THE GREAT CAUSE OF CONTROVERSY.
THE MOTION PICTURE ASSOCIATION

THE GREAT CAUSE OF CONTROVERSY.
THE MOTION PICTURE ASSOCIATION
OF AMERICA WHICH DETERMINES

THE MOTION PICTURE ASSOCIATION
OF AMERICA WHICH DETERMINES
RATINGS SAYS THAT CRUISING

OF AMERICA WHICH DETERMINES
RATINGS SAYS THAT CRUISING
DOESN'T DESERVE AN "X"...

RATINGS SAYS THAT CRUISING
DOESN'T DESERVE AN "X"...
ALTHOUGH MANY OF ITS CRITICS

DOESN'T DESERVE AN "X"...
ALTHOUGH MANY OF ITS CRITICS
THINKS IT DOES.

ALTHOUGH MANY OF ITS CRITICS
THINKS IT DOES.
AND ITS "R" RATING HAS BEEN

THINKS IT DOES.
AND ITS "R" RATING HAS BEEN
QUESTIONED AS IT PERMITS AN

AND ITS "R" RATING HAS BEEN
QUESTIONED AS IT PERMITS AN
ADULT TO BRING YOUNG CHILDREN

QUESTIONED AS IT PERMITS AN
ADULT TO BRING YOUNG CHILDREN
TO THE THEATER.

ADULT TO BRING YOUNG CHILDREN
TO THE THEATER.
BY WAY OF COMPROMISE, THE MPAA

TO THE THEATER.
BY WAY OF COMPROMISE, THE MPAA
HAS DECIDED TO GIVE THE MOVIE

BY WAY OF COMPROMISE, THE MPAA
HAS DECIDED TO GIVE THE MOVIE
A RATING OF "RX" WHICH MEANS

HAS DECIDED TO GIVE THE MOVIE
A RATING OF "RX" WHICH MEANS
THAT A YOUNG CHILD CAN SEE THE

A RATING OF "RX" WHICH MEANS
THAT A YOUNG CHILD CAN SEE THE
PICTURE ONLY IF ACCOMPANIED

THAT A YOUNG CHILD CAN SEE THE
PICTURE ONLY IF ACCOMPANIED
BY A GAY PHARMACIST.

PICTURE ONLY IF ACCOMPANIED
BY A GAY PHARMACIST.
BILL?

BY A GAY PHARMACIST.
BILL?
[LAUGHTER]

BILL?
[LAUGHTER]
IN ANOTHER STING OPERATION

[LAUGHTER]
IN ANOTHER STING OPERATION
THIS WEEK, THE F.B.I. ARRESTED

IN ANOTHER STING OPERATION
THIS WEEK, THE F.B.I. ARRESTED
54 PERSONS ACROSS THE NATION

THIS WEEK, THE F.B.I. ARRESTED
54 PERSONS ACROSS THE NATION
IN AN INVESTIGATION OF

54 PERSONS ACROSS THE NATION
IN AN INVESTIGATION OF
PORNOGRAPHY AND PIRATING OF

IN AN INVESTIGATION OF
PORNOGRAPHY AND PIRATING OF
OBSCENE FILMS.

PORNOGRAPHY AND PIRATING OF
OBSCENE FILMS.
FOLLOWING SO CLOSELY ON THE

OBSCENE FILMS.
FOLLOWING SO CLOSELY ON THE
HEELS OF LAST WEEK'S ABSCAM

FOLLOWING SO CLOSELY ON THE
HEELS OF LAST WEEK'S ABSCAM
OPERATION, THIS ONE WAS

HEELS OF LAST WEEK'S ABSCAM
OPERATION, THIS ONE WAS
CODE-NAMED "SCUMSCAM" WHICH WAS

OPERATION, THIS ONE WAS
CODE-NAMED "SCUMSCAM" WHICH WAS
IMMEDIATELY DROPPED WHEN SOMEONE

CODE-NAMED "SCUMSCAM" WHICH WAS
IMMEDIATELY DROPPED WHEN SOMEONE
REMEMBERED THAT "SCUMSCAM" WAS

IMMEDIATELY DROPPED WHEN SOMEONE
REMEMBERED THAT "SCUMSCAM" WAS
THE OLD CODE NAME FOR THE

REMEMBERED THAT "SCUMSCAM" WAS
THE OLD CODE NAME FOR THE
F.B.I.'S LATE DIRECTOR,

THE OLD CODE NAME FOR THE
F.B.I.'S LATE DIRECTOR,
J. EDGAR HOOVER.

F.B.I.'S LATE DIRECTOR,
J. EDGAR HOOVER.
[LAUGHTER]

J. EDGAR HOOVER.
[LAUGHTER]
ENTENMANN'S OR... ENTENMANN'S

[LAUGHTER]
ENTENMANN'S OR... ENTENMANN'S
THE NEW YORK BAKED GOODS FIRM

ENTENMANN'S OR... ENTENMANN'S
THE NEW YORK BAKED GOODS FIRM
IS RUMORED TO HAVE BEEN TAKEN

THE NEW YORK BAKED GOODS FIRM
IS RUMORED TO HAVE BEEN TAKEN
OVER BY THE REVEREND SUN MYUNG

IS RUMORED TO HAVE BEEN TAKEN
OVER BY THE REVEREND SUN MYUNG
MOON AND HIS UNIFICATION CHURCH.

OVER BY THE REVEREND SUN MYUNG
MOON AND HIS UNIFICATION CHURCH.
A SPOKESMAN FOR ENTENMANN'S HAS

MOON AND HIS UNIFICATION CHURCH.
A SPOKESMAN FOR ENTENMANN'S HAS
LABELED THIS RUMOR AS PURE

A SPOKESMAN FOR ENTENMANN'S HAS
LABELED THIS RUMOR AS PURE
HOGWASH BUT HAD TROUBLE

LABELED THIS RUMOR AS PURE
HOGWASH BUT HAD TROUBLE
EXPLAINING WHY THEIR GINGERBREAD

HOGWASH BUT HAD TROUBLE
EXPLAINING WHY THEIR GINGERBREAD
BOYS HAVE NO COLOR, NO TASTE,

EXPLAINING WHY THEIR GINGERBREAD
BOYS HAVE NO COLOR, NO TASTE,
AND BEG FOR MONEY.

BOYS HAVE NO COLOR, NO TASTE,
AND BEG FOR MONEY.
[LAUGHTER]

AND BEG FOR MONEY.
[LAUGHTER]
POPE JOHN PAUL II TESTED THE NEW

[LAUGHTER]
POPE JOHN PAUL II TESTED THE NEW
VATICAN ELECTRIC CHAIR THIS

POPE JOHN PAUL II TESTED THE NEW
VATICAN ELECTRIC CHAIR THIS
WEEK, AND FOUND IT IN PERFECT

VATICAN ELECTRIC CHAIR THIS
WEEK, AND FOUND IT IN PERFECT
WORKING ORDER.

WEEK, AND FOUND IT IN PERFECT
WORKING ORDER.
USING A CHARGE OF ONLY A FEW

WORKING ORDER.
USING A CHARGE OF ONLY A FEW
HUNDRED VOLTS, THE CHAIR WILL BE

USING A CHARGE OF ONLY A FEW
HUNDRED VOLTS, THE CHAIR WILL BE
USED FOR MINOR DISCIPLINARY

HUNDRED VOLTS, THE CHAIR WILL BE
USED FOR MINOR DISCIPLINARY
ACTIONS, PRACTICAL JOKES,

USED FOR MINOR DISCIPLINARY
ACTIONS, PRACTICAL JOKES,
AND THE POPULAR VATICAN

ACTIONS, PRACTICAL JOKES,
AND THE POPULAR VATICAN
SURPRISE PARTIES.

AND THE POPULAR VATICAN
SURPRISE PARTIES.
AND THIS STORY FROM THE AMERICAN

SURPRISE PARTIES.
AND THIS STORY FROM THE AMERICAN
MEDICAL ASSOCIATION:

AND THIS STORY FROM THE AMERICAN
MEDICAL ASSOCIATION:
DO YOU HAVE A BULGE OF FAT

MEDICAL ASSOCIATION:
DO YOU HAVE A BULGE OF FAT
AROUND YOUR MIDRIFF THAT HANGS

DO YOU HAVE A BULGE OF FAT
AROUND YOUR MIDRIFF THAT HANGS
OVER YOUR BELT?

AROUND YOUR MIDRIFF THAT HANGS
OVER YOUR BELT?
DO YOU HAVE TWO OR EVEN

OVER YOUR BELT?
DO YOU HAVE TWO OR EVEN
THREE CHINS?

DO YOU HAVE TWO OR EVEN
THREE CHINS?
DO THE BACK OF YOUR THIGHS HAVE

THREE CHINS?
DO THE BACK OF YOUR THIGHS HAVE
POCKETS OF CELLULITE ON THEM?

DO THE BACK OF YOUR THIGHS HAVE
POCKETS OF CELLULITE ON THEM?
DO THE INSIDE OF YOUR THIGHS

POCKETS OF CELLULITE ON THEM?
DO THE INSIDE OF YOUR THIGHS
RUB AGAINST EACH OTHER

DO THE INSIDE OF YOUR THIGHS
RUB AGAINST EACH OTHER
WHEN YOU WALK CAUSING THEM

RUB AGAINST EACH OTHER
WHEN YOU WALK CAUSING THEM
TO CHAFE AND TAKE ON A

WHEN YOU WALK CAUSING THEM
TO CHAFE AND TAKE ON A
REDDISH COLOR?

TO CHAFE AND TAKE ON A
REDDISH COLOR?
DOES YOUR SHIRT HAVE BIG WET

REDDISH COLOR?
DOES YOUR SHIRT HAVE BIG WET
SPOTS UNDER YOUR ARMS WHEN YOU

DOES YOUR SHIRT HAVE BIG WET
SPOTS UNDER YOUR ARMS WHEN YOU
EXERT ANY ENERGY AT ALL?

SPOTS UNDER YOUR ARMS WHEN YOU
EXERT ANY ENERGY AT ALL?
AND DO YOU HAVE A TENDENCY

EXERT ANY ENERGY AT ALL?
AND DO YOU HAVE A TENDENCY
TO DROOL OUT OF THE CORNER OF

AND DO YOU HAVE A TENDENCY
TO DROOL OUT OF THE CORNER OF
YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU EAT SOUP?

TO DROOL OUT OF THE CORNER OF
YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU EAT SOUP?
IF THIS IS YOU, THEN ACCORDING

YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU EAT SOUP?
IF THIS IS YOU, THEN ACCORDING
TO A REPORT JUST RELEASED

IF THIS IS YOU, THEN ACCORDING
TO A REPORT JUST RELEASED
BY THE A.M.A, YOU'RE A

TO A REPORT JUST RELEASED
BY THE A.M.A, YOU'RE A
BIG FAT SLOB.

BY THE A.M.A, YOU'RE A
BIG FAT SLOB.
JANE?

BIG FAT SLOB.
JANE?
[APPLAUSE]

JANE?
[APPLAUSE]
WITH THE ONGOING TEACHER'S

[APPLAUSE]
WITH THE ONGOING TEACHER'S
STRIKE IN CHICAGO THERE HAVE

WITH THE ONGOING TEACHER'S
STRIKE IN CHICAGO THERE HAVE
BEEN COMPLAINTS THAT STUDENTS

STRIKE IN CHICAGO THERE HAVE
BEEN COMPLAINTS THAT STUDENTS
WON'T LISTEN TO SUBSTITUTE

BEEN COMPLAINTS THAT STUDENTS
WON'T LISTEN TO SUBSTITUTE
TEACHERS SINCE THEY KNOW

WON'T LISTEN TO SUBSTITUTE
TEACHERS SINCE THEY KNOW
THEY CAN'T GET INTO TROUBLE.

TEACHERS SINCE THEY KNOW
THEY CAN'T GET INTO TROUBLE.
NOW, WITH THE CITY'S

THEY CAN'T GET INTO TROUBLE.
NOW, WITH THE CITY'S
FIREFIGHTERS ON STRIKE,

NOW, WITH THE CITY'S
FIREFIGHTERS ON STRIKE,
CHICAGO MAYOR JANE BYRNE IS

FIREFIGHTERS ON STRIKE,
CHICAGO MAYOR JANE BYRNE IS
WORRIED BECAUSE FIRE VICTIMS

CHICAGO MAYOR JANE BYRNE IS
WORRIED BECAUSE FIRE VICTIMS
TRAPPED IN BURNING BUILDINGS

WORRIED BECAUSE FIRE VICTIMS
TRAPPED IN BURNING BUILDINGS
WON'T LISTEN TO THE SUBSTITUTE

TRAPPED IN BURNING BUILDINGS
WON'T LISTEN TO THE SUBSTITUTE
FIREMEN, AND INSTEAD PASS NOTES

WON'T LISTEN TO THE SUBSTITUTE
FIREMEN, AND INSTEAD PASS NOTES
AND TOSS SPITBALLS.

FIREMEN, AND INSTEAD PASS NOTES
AND TOSS SPITBALLS.
[LAUGHTER]

AND TOSS SPITBALLS.
[LAUGHTER]
EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BRIAN INGRAM

[LAUGHTER]
EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BRIAN INGRAM
OF VANCOUVER, WASHINGTON,

EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BRIAN INGRAM
OF VANCOUVER, WASHINGTON,
DID THIS WEEK WHAT F.B.I. AGENTS

OF VANCOUVER, WASHINGTON,
DID THIS WEEK WHAT F.B.I. AGENTS
HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR THE

DID THIS WEEK WHAT F.B.I. AGENTS
HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR THE
LAST NINE YEARS: FIND HIJACKER

HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR THE
LAST NINE YEARS: FIND HIJACKER
D.B. COOPER'S MONEY.

LAST NINE YEARS: FIND HIJACKER
D.B. COOPER'S MONEY.
BRIAN IS NOW IN CUSTODY AS THE

D.B. COOPER'S MONEY.
BRIAN IS NOW IN CUSTODY AS THE
GOVERNMENT FEELS COOPER MAY HAVE

BRIAN IS NOW IN CUSTODY AS THE
GOVERNMENT FEELS COOPER MAY HAVE
ARRANGED WITH THE INGRAMS NINE

GOVERNMENT FEELS COOPER MAY HAVE
ARRANGED WITH THE INGRAMS NINE
YEARS AGO TO HAVE THEIR YET

ARRANGED WITH THE INGRAMS NINE
YEARS AGO TO HAVE THEIR YET
UNBORN SON PICK UP THE MONEY.

YEARS AGO TO HAVE THEIR YET
UNBORN SON PICK UP THE MONEY.
THE YOUNGSTER, FACING LIFE

UNBORN SON PICK UP THE MONEY.
THE YOUNGSTER, FACING LIFE
IN JAIL, SAYS HE WAS FRAMED.

THE YOUNGSTER, FACING LIFE
IN JAIL, SAYS HE WAS FRAMED.
WELL, DESPITE MY PLEAS AND

IN JAIL, SAYS HE WAS FRAMED.
WELL, DESPITE MY PLEAS AND
PROTESTS, GRAND OLE ANCHOR

WELL, DESPITE MY PLEAS AND
PROTESTS, GRAND OLE ANCHOR
PERSON WALTER CRONKITE WILL

PROTESTS, GRAND OLE ANCHOR
PERSON WALTER CRONKITE WILL
DEFINITELY STEP DOWN NEXT YEAR

PERSON WALTER CRONKITE WILL
DEFINITELY STEP DOWN NEXT YEAR
AND TURN CBS EVENING NEWS OVER

DEFINITELY STEP DOWN NEXT YEAR
AND TURN CBS EVENING NEWS OVER
TO A YOUNGER, LESS INTELLIGENT,

AND TURN CBS EVENING NEWS OVER
TO A YOUNGER, LESS INTELLIGENT,
LESS EXPERIENCED, AND CERTAINLY

TO A YOUNGER, LESS INTELLIGENT,
LESS EXPERIENCED, AND CERTAINLY
LESS ATTRACTIVE SUBSTITUTE,

LESS EXPERIENCED, AND CERTAINLY
LESS ATTRACTIVE SUBSTITUTE,
DON RITTER OR RATHER, OH,

LESS ATTRACTIVE SUBSTITUTE,
DON RITTER OR RATHER, OH,
THERE HE IS, HE'S UP THERE,

DON RITTER OR RATHER, OH,
THERE HE IS, HE'S UP THERE,
WHATEVER HIS NAME IS.

THERE HE IS, HE'S UP THERE,
WHATEVER HIS NAME IS.
IN THE INTERESTS OF...

WHATEVER HIS NAME IS.
IN THE INTERESTS OF...
PROFESSIONALISM AND DECENCY

IN THE INTERESTS OF...
PROFESSIONALISM AND DECENCY
I'LL NOT MALIGN THE CALLOW

PROFESSIONALISM AND DECENCY
I'LL NOT MALIGN THE CALLOW
CUB REPORTER, BUT I KNOW THAT

I'LL NOT MALIGN THE CALLOW
CUB REPORTER, BUT I KNOW THAT
A YEAR FROM NOW I WON'T BELIEVE

CUB REPORTER, BUT I KNOW THAT
A YEAR FROM NOW I WON'T BELIEVE
ANY NEWS I HEAR FROM CBS.

A YEAR FROM NOW I WON'T BELIEVE
ANY NEWS I HEAR FROM CBS.
MR. CRONKITE, IF YOU'RE

ANY NEWS I HEAR FROM CBS.
MR. CRONKITE, IF YOU'RE
WATCHING ME, AND I HOPE YOU ARE,

MR. CRONKITE, IF YOU'RE
WATCHING ME, AND I HOPE YOU ARE,
JUST REMEMBER THAT NO ONE CAN

WATCHING ME, AND I HOPE YOU ARE,
JUST REMEMBER THAT NO ONE CAN
TAKE YOUR PLACE IN MY HEART.

JUST REMEMBER THAT NO ONE CAN
TAKE YOUR PLACE IN MY HEART.
THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.

TAKE YOUR PLACE IN MY HEART.
THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT,
A STUDY ISSUED THIS WEEK BY THE
ST. LOUIS ZOOLOGICAL SOCIETY

A STUDY ISSUED THIS WEEK BY THE
ST. LOUIS ZOOLOGICAL SOCIETY
HAS RUFFLED A FEW FEATHERS

ST. LOUIS ZOOLOGICAL SOCIETY
HAS RUFFLED A FEW FEATHERS
HERE AT NBC.

HAS RUFFLED A FEW FEATHERS
HERE AT NBC.
ACCORDING TO THE STUDY,

HERE AT NBC.
ACCORDING TO THE STUDY,
THE PEACOCK IS ACTUALLY AN

ACCORDING TO THE STUDY,
THE PEACOCK IS ACTUALLY AN
ANIMAL OF FILTHY HABITS

THE PEACOCK IS ACTUALLY AN
ANIMAL OF FILTHY HABITS
AND IS NOT PROUD AT ALL.

ANIMAL OF FILTHY HABITS
AND IS NOT PROUD AT ALL.
THE PEACOCK HAS BEEN KNOWN

AND IS NOT PROUD AT ALL.
THE PEACOCK HAS BEEN KNOWN
TO ENTERTAIN ITSELF ALL DAY

THE PEACOCK HAS BEEN KNOWN
TO ENTERTAIN ITSELF ALL DAY
PLAYING IN ITS OWN EXCREMENT,

TO ENTERTAIN ITSELF ALL DAY
PLAYING IN ITS OWN EXCREMENT,
WHICH IS ITS ONLY RESEMBLANCE

PLAYING IN ITS OWN EXCREMENT,
WHICH IS ITS ONLY RESEMBLANCE
TO THE NBC SYMBOL.

WHICH IS ITS ONLY RESEMBLANCE
TO THE NBC SYMBOL.
THAT'S THE NEWS.

TO THE NBC SYMBOL.
THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOODNIGHT AND HAVE

THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOODNIGHT AND HAVE
A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

GOODNIGHT AND HAVE
A PLEASANT TOMORROW.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

AND THAT'S THE UNIVERSITY
OF WESTERN CALIFORNIA'S NEW
30 MILLION DOLLAR SPORTS

OF WESTERN CALIFORNIA'S NEW
30 MILLION DOLLAR SPORTS
COMPLEX.

30 MILLION DOLLAR SPORTS
COMPLEX.
WELL, MATOOSE, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

COMPLEX.
WELL, MATOOSE, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
ARE YOU GONNA COME PLAY FOR US?

WELL, MATOOSE, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
ARE YOU GONNA COME PLAY FOR US?
WELL, COACH EDWARDS, I DON'T

ARE YOU GONNA COME PLAY FOR US?
WELL, COACH EDWARDS, I DON'T
KNOW IF I WANT TO GO, YOU KNOW,

WELL, COACH EDWARDS, I DON'T
KNOW IF I WANT TO GO, YOU KNOW,
TO COLLEGE WHEN I GET OUTTA

KNOW IF I WANT TO GO, YOU KNOW,
TO COLLEGE WHEN I GET OUTTA
HIGH SCHOOL.

TO COLLEGE WHEN I GET OUTTA
HIGH SCHOOL.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WANNA GO

HIGH SCHOOL.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WANNA GO
BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL WHEN

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I WANNA GO
BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL WHEN
I GET OUT OF JAIL!

BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL WHEN
I GET OUT OF JAIL!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M GONNA

I GET OUT OF JAIL!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M GONNA
GET OUT OF JAIL 'CAUSE OF

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M GONNA
GET OUT OF JAIL 'CAUSE OF
WHAT I DID, MAN.

GET OUT OF JAIL 'CAUSE OF
WHAT I DID, MAN.
DON'T WORRY, MATOOSE.

WHAT I DID, MAN.
DON'T WORRY, MATOOSE.
EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES.

DON'T WORRY, MATOOSE.
EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES.
BUT YOU CAN START PAYING BACK

EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES.
BUT YOU CAN START PAYING BACK
YOUR DEBT TO SOCIETY BY

BUT YOU CAN START PAYING BACK
YOUR DEBT TO SOCIETY BY
PLAYING BALL FOR U.W.C.

YOUR DEBT TO SOCIETY BY
PLAYING BALL FOR U.W.C.
AND SAVE A MAJOR UNIVERSITY

PLAYING BALL FOR U.W.C.
AND SAVE A MAJOR UNIVERSITY
FROM FINANCIAL RUIN.

AND SAVE A MAJOR UNIVERSITY
FROM FINANCIAL RUIN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

FROM FINANCIAL RUIN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LOOK, THE MAJOR SOURCE

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LOOK, THE MAJOR SOURCE
OF THE UNIVERSITY'S INCOME

LOOK, THE MAJOR SOURCE
OF THE UNIVERSITY'S INCOME
COMES FROM A SUCCESSFUL

OF THE UNIVERSITY'S INCOME
COMES FROM A SUCCESSFUL
ATHLETIC PROGRAM.

COMES FROM A SUCCESSFUL
ATHLETIC PROGRAM.
RIGHT NOW OUR BASKETBALL TEAM

ATHLETIC PROGRAM.
RIGHT NOW OUR BASKETBALL TEAM
IS IN LAST PLACE, BUT IF YOU

RIGHT NOW OUR BASKETBALL TEAM
IS IN LAST PLACE, BUT IF YOU
WERE THERE, IT COULD TURN

IS IN LAST PLACE, BUT IF YOU
WERE THERE, IT COULD TURN
THE WHOLE THING AROUND.

WERE THERE, IT COULD TURN
THE WHOLE THING AROUND.
AWW, MAN, I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

THE WHOLE THING AROUND.
AWW, MAN, I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
YOU SURE I'M TALL ENOUGH

AWW, MAN, I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
YOU SURE I'M TALL ENOUGH
TO CUT IT IN THE BIG TIME?

YOU SURE I'M TALL ENOUGH
TO CUT IT IN THE BIG TIME?
MATOOSE, MATOOSE, YOU WERE

TO CUT IT IN THE BIG TIME?
MATOOSE, MATOOSE, YOU WERE
AN ALL-STATE GUARD THREE

MATOOSE, MATOOSE, YOU WERE
AN ALL-STATE GUARD THREE
YEARS IN A ROW!

AN ALL-STATE GUARD THREE
YEARS IN A ROW!
I SEE YOU AS THE NEXT

YEARS IN A ROW!
I SEE YOU AS THE NEXT
TINY ARCHIBALD.

I SEE YOU AS THE NEXT
TINY ARCHIBALD.
WELL, THANKS.

TINY ARCHIBALD.
WELL, THANKS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, WHERE THE HELL

WELL, THANKS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, WHERE THE HELL
AM I GONNA GET, YOU KNOW,

BUT, YOU KNOW, WHERE THE HELL
AM I GONNA GET, YOU KNOW,
THE MONEY, MAN?

AM I GONNA GET, YOU KNOW,
THE MONEY, MAN?
MATOOSE, MATOOSE, YOU DON'T

THE MONEY, MAN?
MATOOSE, MATOOSE, YOU DON'T
PAY FOR A THING.

MATOOSE, MATOOSE, YOU DON'T
PAY FOR A THING.
THE N.C.A.A. LETS US TAKE CARE

PAY FOR A THING.
THE N.C.A.A. LETS US TAKE CARE
OF YOUR ROOM, YOUR BOARD,

THE N.C.A.A. LETS US TAKE CARE
OF YOUR ROOM, YOUR BOARD,
YOUR TUITION, MEDICAL TREATMENT,

OF YOUR ROOM, YOUR BOARD,
YOUR TUITION, MEDICAL TREATMENT,
CLOTHING ALLOWANCE, AND LAUNDRY.

YOUR TUITION, MEDICAL TREATMENT,
CLOTHING ALLOWANCE, AND LAUNDRY.
HELL, MAN, I GET ALL THAT

CLOTHING ALLOWANCE, AND LAUNDRY.
HELL, MAN, I GET ALL THAT
HERE, YOU KNOW?

HELL, MAN, I GET ALL THAT
HERE, YOU KNOW?
AND YOU ONLY TALKING 'BOUT

HERE, YOU KNOW?
AND YOU ONLY TALKING 'BOUT
FOUR YEARS.

AND YOU ONLY TALKING 'BOUT
FOUR YEARS.
THIS PLACE IS GONNA GIVE IT

FOUR YEARS.
THIS PLACE IS GONNA GIVE IT
TO ME FOR SIX CONSECUTIVE

THIS PLACE IS GONNA GIVE IT
TO ME FOR SIX CONSECUTIVE
LIFE TERMS.

TO ME FOR SIX CONSECUTIVE
LIFE TERMS.
YEAH, BUT ARE THEY GONNA BUY

LIFE TERMS.
YEAH, BUT ARE THEY GONNA BUY
YOUR FOLKS A NEW HOUSE AND GET

YEAH, BUT ARE THEY GONNA BUY
YOUR FOLKS A NEW HOUSE AND GET
YOUR SISTERS A RECORDING

YOUR FOLKS A NEW HOUSE AND GET
YOUR SISTERS A RECORDING
CONTRACT?

YOUR SISTERS A RECORDING
CONTRACT?
UH, THAT'S OKAY, BUT HOW

CONTRACT?
UH, THAT'S OKAY, BUT HOW
AM I GONNA HACK IT WITH THE

UH, THAT'S OKAY, BUT HOW
AM I GONNA HACK IT WITH THE
CLASS WORK, MAN?

AM I GONNA HACK IT WITH THE
CLASS WORK, MAN?
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T THE SMARTEST

CLASS WORK, MAN?
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T THE SMARTEST
GUY IN THE WORLD.

YOU KNOW, I AIN'T THE SMARTEST
GUY IN THE WORLD.
WELL, THAT'S NOT WHAT I HEAR

GUY IN THE WORLD.
WELL, THAT'S NOT WHAT I HEAR
FROM PROFESSOR CLOTWORTHY.

WELL, THAT'S NOT WHAT I HEAR
FROM PROFESSOR CLOTWORTHY.
PROFESSOR?

FROM PROFESSOR CLOTWORTHY.
PROFESSOR?
THAT'S RIGHT, MATOOSE.

PROFESSOR?
THAT'S RIGHT, MATOOSE.
I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF TAKING

THAT'S RIGHT, MATOOSE.
I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF TAKING
YOUR FINAL EXAM IN RATIONALISM

I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF TAKING
YOUR FINAL EXAM IN RATIONALISM
IN 18th CENTURY FRANCE 101.

YOUR FINAL EXAM IN RATIONALISM
IN 18th CENTURY FRANCE 101.
CONGRATULATIONS.

IN 18th CENTURY FRANCE 101.
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU CAME OUT ON TOP.

CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU CAME OUT ON TOP.
I DID?

YOU CAME OUT ON TOP.
I DID?
IN RATIONALISM?

I DID?
IN RATIONALISM?
YOU SEE?

IN RATIONALISM?
YOU SEE?
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS

YOU SEE?
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS
CONCENTRATE ON B-BALL.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS
CONCENTRATE ON B-BALL.
YEAH, BUT WHAT DO I DO WHEN,

CONCENTRATE ON B-BALL.
YEAH, BUT WHAT DO I DO WHEN,
UH, PLAYING DAYS ARE OVER, MAN?

YEAH, BUT WHAT DO I DO WHEN,
UH, PLAYING DAYS ARE OVER, MAN?
WHO WOULD WANNA HIRE A,

UH, PLAYING DAYS ARE OVER, MAN?
WHO WOULD WANNA HIRE A,
A DRIED UP OLD BASKETBALL

WHO WOULD WANNA HIRE A,
A DRIED UP OLD BASKETBALL
PLAYER?

A DRIED UP OLD BASKETBALL
PLAYER?
I WOULD.

PLAYER?
I WOULD.
HI, MATOOSE, I'M ROONE ARLEDGE,

I WOULD.
HI, MATOOSE, I'M ROONE ARLEDGE,
PRESIDENT OF ABC SPORTS

HI, MATOOSE, I'M ROONE ARLEDGE,
PRESIDENT OF ABC SPORTS
AND MY JOB IS TO TURN DUMB,

PRESIDENT OF ABC SPORTS
AND MY JOB IS TO TURN DUMB,
INARTICULATE, WASHED UP JOCKS

AND MY JOB IS TO TURN DUMB,
INARTICULATE, WASHED UP JOCKS
AND TURN THEM INTO FAMOUS

INARTICULATE, WASHED UP JOCKS
AND TURN THEM INTO FAMOUS
T.V. SPORTSCASTERS.

AND TURN THEM INTO FAMOUS
T.V. SPORTSCASTERS.
YOU'D BE PERFECT.

T.V. SPORTSCASTERS.
YOU'D BE PERFECT.
COME ON, MATOOSE.

YOU'D BE PERFECT.
COME ON, MATOOSE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

COME ON, MATOOSE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK.

I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK.
WHAT'S HAPPENIN', MATOOSE?

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK.
WHAT'S HAPPENIN', MATOOSE?
UH, WHO'S, WHO'S THAT?

WHAT'S HAPPENIN', MATOOSE?
UH, WHO'S, WHO'S THAT?
THAT'S YVONNE... YOUR ROOMMATE

UH, WHO'S, WHO'S THAT?
THAT'S YVONNE... YOUR ROOMMATE
FOR YOUR ENTIRE FRESHMAN YEAR.

THAT'S YVONNE... YOUR ROOMMATE
FOR YOUR ENTIRE FRESHMAN YEAR.
THAT'S TWO WHOLE SEMESTERS,

FOR YOUR ENTIRE FRESHMAN YEAR.
THAT'S TWO WHOLE SEMESTERS,
BABY.

THAT'S TWO WHOLE SEMESTERS,
BABY.
AND I GOT FRIENDS TOO.

BABY.
AND I GOT FRIENDS TOO.
GIRLS?

AND I GOT FRIENDS TOO.
GIRLS?
ARE YOU READY?

GIRLS?
ARE YOU READY?
HERE WE GO.

ARE YOU READY?
HERE WE GO.
♪ CRUSH A CAMEL ♪

HERE WE GO.
♪ CRUSH A CAMEL ♪
♪ MILK A MOOSE ♪

♪ CRUSH A CAMEL ♪
♪ MILK A MOOSE ♪
♪ WHO DO WE WANT? ♪

♪ MILK A MOOSE ♪
♪ WHO DO WE WANT? ♪
♪ WE WANT MATOOSE ♪

♪ WHO DO WE WANT? ♪
♪ WE WANT MATOOSE ♪
♪ M-A-T-DOUBLE O-S-E ♪

♪ WE WANT MATOOSE ♪
♪ M-A-T-DOUBLE O-S-E ♪
♪ MATOOSE, YAY! ♪

♪ M-A-T-DOUBLE O-S-E ♪
♪ MATOOSE, YAY! ♪
WELL, HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?

♪ MATOOSE, YAY! ♪
WELL, HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?
BAD, MAN.

WELL, HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?
BAD, MAN.
LOOK, I'M A MASS MURDERER, MAN.

BAD, MAN.
LOOK, I'M A MASS MURDERER, MAN.
I-I CAN'T FORGET THOSE NINE

LOOK, I'M A MASS MURDERER, MAN.
I-I CAN'T FORGET THOSE NINE
PEOPLE I KILLED!

I-I CAN'T FORGET THOSE NINE
PEOPLE I KILLED!
LOOK, I WIPED OUT THE ENTIRE

PEOPLE I KILLED!
LOOK, I WIPED OUT THE ENTIRE
SHINDLER FAMILY.

LOOK, I WIPED OUT THE ENTIRE
SHINDLER FAMILY.
WRONG!

SHINDLER FAMILY.
WRONG!
NOT ALL OF 'EM!

WRONG!
NOT ALL OF 'EM!
ALL OF 'EM BUT ME!

NOT ALL OF 'EM!
ALL OF 'EM BUT ME!
I'M LAURIE SHINDLER.

ALL OF 'EM BUT ME!
I'M LAURIE SHINDLER.
I HID UNDER THE BED.

I'M LAURIE SHINDLER.
I HID UNDER THE BED.
LISTEN, DON'T FEEL BAD,

I HID UNDER THE BED.
LISTEN, DON'T FEEL BAD,
MR. MATOOSE.

LISTEN, DON'T FEEL BAD,
MR. MATOOSE.
ALL IS FORGIVEN.

MR. MATOOSE.
ALL IS FORGIVEN.
I MADE NEW FRIENDS

ALL IS FORGIVEN.
I MADE NEW FRIENDS
AT THE FUNERAL.

I MADE NEW FRIENDS
AT THE FUNERAL.
THANK YOU, LAURIE.

AT THE FUNERAL.
THANK YOU, LAURIE.
WELL, MATOOSE, ARE YOU

THANK YOU, LAURIE.
WELL, MATOOSE, ARE YOU
SATISFIED?

WELL, MATOOSE, ARE YOU
SATISFIED?
MAN, WILL YOU GET SERIOUS?

SATISFIED?
MAN, WILL YOU GET SERIOUS?
I'M IN PRISON, MAN.

MAN, WILL YOU GET SERIOUS?
I'M IN PRISON, MAN.
I'M ON ICE.

I'M IN PRISON, MAN.
I'M ON ICE.
I MEAN, HOW CAN I GO TO COLLEGE

I'M ON ICE.
I MEAN, HOW CAN I GO TO COLLEGE
IF I'M IN HERE?

I MEAN, HOW CAN I GO TO COLLEGE
IF I'M IN HERE?
YOU CAN'T.

IF I'M IN HERE?
YOU CAN'T.
BUT IF YOU'RE OUT OF JAIL,

YOU CAN'T.
BUT IF YOU'RE OUT OF JAIL,
YOU CAN, AND HOW DO YOU

BUT IF YOU'RE OUT OF JAIL,
YOU CAN, AND HOW DO YOU
GET OUT OF JAIL?

YOU CAN, AND HOW DO YOU
GET OUT OF JAIL?
IF AN ALUMNUS, WHO ALSO HAPPENS

GET OUT OF JAIL?
IF AN ALUMNUS, WHO ALSO HAPPENS
TO BE A GOVERNOR GIVES YOU

IF AN ALUMNUS, WHO ALSO HAPPENS
TO BE A GOVERNOR GIVES YOU
A PARDON.

TO BE A GOVERNOR GIVES YOU
A PARDON.
GOVERNOR?

THIS AIN'T JERRY BROWN.
OF COURSE NOT.
GOVERNOR BROWN IS ON THE ROAD

OF COURSE NOT.
GOVERNOR BROWN IS ON THE ROAD
WITH THE EAGLES.

GOVERNOR BROWN IS ON THE ROAD
WITH THE EAGLES.
THIS IS LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR

WITH THE EAGLES.
THIS IS LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR
MIKE CURB.

THIS IS LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR
MIKE CURB.
MIKE?

MIKE CURB.
MIKE?
HELLO, MATOOSE.

MIKE?
HELLO, MATOOSE.
I, LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR MIKE

HELLO, MATOOSE.
I, LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR MIKE
CURB, ACTING FOR THE TOURING

I, LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR MIKE
CURB, ACTING FOR THE TOURING
GOVERNOR BROWN, DO HEREBY

CURB, ACTING FOR THE TOURING
GOVERNOR BROWN, DO HEREBY
GRANT YOU, MATOOSE ROSE,

GOVERNOR BROWN, DO HEREBY
GRANT YOU, MATOOSE ROSE,
A FULL AND COMPLETE PARDON.

GRANT YOU, MATOOSE ROSE,
A FULL AND COMPLETE PARDON.
Girls: YAY!

A FULL AND COMPLETE PARDON.
Girls: YAY!
♪ CRUSH A CAMEL ♪

Girls: YAY!
♪ CRUSH A CAMEL ♪
♪ MILK A MOOSE ♪

♪ CRUSH A CAMEL ♪
♪ MILK A MOOSE ♪
♪ WHO DO WE WANT? ♪

♪ MILK A MOOSE ♪
♪ WHO DO WE WANT? ♪
♪ WE WANT MATOOSE ♪

♪ WHO DO WE WANT? ♪
♪ WE WANT MATOOSE ♪
♪ M-A-T-DOUBLE O-S-E ♪

♪ WE WANT MATOOSE ♪
♪ M-A-T-DOUBLE O-S-E ♪
♪ MATOOSE, YAY! ♪

♪ M-A-T-DOUBLE O-S-E ♪
♪ MATOOSE, YAY! ♪
♪ CRUSH A CAMEL ♪

♪ MATOOSE, YAY! ♪
♪ CRUSH A CAMEL ♪
♪ MILK A MOOSE ♪

♪ CRUSH A CAMEL ♪
♪ MILK A MOOSE ♪
♪ WHO DO WE WANT? ♪

♪ MILK A MOOSE ♪
♪ WHO DO WE WANT? ♪
♪ WE WANT MATOOSE ♪

[CELL DOOR SLAMS]
[APPLAUSE]

Group: ♪ ALL TIME RADIO ♪
♪ K-TIM ♪
HEY, IT'S 4:13 IN THE

♪ K-TIM ♪
HEY, IT'S 4:13 IN THE
AFTERNOON.

HEY, IT'S 4:13 IN THE
AFTERNOON.
I'M LOU FOLLETT IN WITH YOU

AFTERNOON.
I'M LOU FOLLETT IN WITH YOU
TILL 6:00.

I'M LOU FOLLETT IN WITH YOU
TILL 6:00.
GOOD AFTERNOON.

TILL 6:00.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING

GOOD AFTERNOON.
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING
AS WELL AS MINE IS.

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING
AS WELL AS MINE IS.
OF COURSE IF YOU'RE IN THE

AS WELL AS MINE IS.
OF COURSE IF YOU'RE IN THE
HARBOR, SANTA ANN, OR SAN

OF COURSE IF YOU'RE IN THE
HARBOR, SANTA ANN, OR SAN
BERNARDINO FREEWAYS RIGHT NOW

HARBOR, SANTA ANN, OR SAN
BERNARDINO FREEWAYS RIGHT NOW
CAN'T BLAME YOU FOR GETTIN'

BERNARDINO FREEWAYS RIGHT NOW
CAN'T BLAME YOU FOR GETTIN'
A LITTLE HOT UNDER THE COLLAR.

CAN'T BLAME YOU FOR GETTIN'
A LITTLE HOT UNDER THE COLLAR.
THERE'S SOME FENDER BENDER

A LITTLE HOT UNDER THE COLLAR.
THERE'S SOME FENDER BENDER
ACTION GOING OUT THERE.

THERE'S SOME FENDER BENDER
ACTION GOING OUT THERE.
BUT NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE

ACTION GOING OUT THERE.
BUT NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE
IN YOUR CAR OR IN YOUR

BUT NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE
IN YOUR CAR OR IN YOUR
FAVORITE EASY CHAIR AT HOME,

IN YOUR CAR OR IN YOUR
FAVORITE EASY CHAIR AT HOME,
WHY DON'T YOU DO ME A FAVOR

FAVORITE EASY CHAIR AT HOME,
WHY DON'T YOU DO ME A FAVOR
AND YOURSELF AS WELL, SPEND SOME

WHY DON'T YOU DO ME A FAVOR
AND YOURSELF AS WELL, SPEND SOME
OF YOUR TIME RIGHT HERE AT THE

AND YOURSELF AS WELL, SPEND SOME
OF YOUR TIME RIGHT HERE AT THE
ALL TIME SPOT ON YOUR RADIO

OF YOUR TIME RIGHT HERE AT THE
ALL TIME SPOT ON YOUR RADIO
DIAL, K-T-I-M.

ALL TIME SPOT ON YOUR RADIO
DIAL, K-T-I-M.
HEY, GREAT THING TO SEE AT THE

DIAL, K-T-I-M.
HEY, GREAT THING TO SEE AT THE
START OF MY SHIFT...

HEY, GREAT THING TO SEE AT THE
START OF MY SHIFT...
THE LINES ARE ALL LIT UP SO,

START OF MY SHIFT...
THE LINES ARE ALL LIT UP SO,
LET'S TAKE OUR FIRST CALL

THE LINES ARE ALL LIT UP SO,
LET'S TAKE OUR FIRST CALL
RIGHT NOW.

LET'S TAKE OUR FIRST CALL
RIGHT NOW.
HI, YOU'RE ON THE AIR!

RIGHT NOW.
HI, YOU'RE ON THE AIR!
Woman on phone: HI LOU,

HI, YOU'RE ON THE AIR!
Woman on phone: HI LOU,
THIS IS MARGARET.

Woman on phone: HI LOU,
THIS IS MARGARET.
MARGARET, YOU HAVE

THIS IS MARGARET.
MARGARET, YOU HAVE
A LOVELY VOICE.

MARGARET, YOU HAVE
A LOVELY VOICE.
YOU KINDA SOUND TOO YOUNG

A LOVELY VOICE.
YOU KINDA SOUND TOO YOUNG
TO BE TALKING ON THE PHONE.

YOU KINDA SOUND TOO YOUNG
TO BE TALKING ON THE PHONE.
Margaret: AWW, YOU'RE SWEET.

TO BE TALKING ON THE PHONE.
Margaret: AWW, YOU'RE SWEET.
WHERE DO YOU LIVE, MARGARET?

Margaret: AWW, YOU'RE SWEET.
WHERE DO YOU LIVE, MARGARET?
Margaret: IN PALMDALE,

WHERE DO YOU LIVE, MARGARET?
Margaret: IN PALMDALE,
THAT'S NEAR LANCASTER.

Margaret: IN PALMDALE,
THAT'S NEAR LANCASTER.
OH, SURE, I KNOW WHERE

THAT'S NEAR LANCASTER.
OH, SURE, I KNOW WHERE
PALMDALE IS.

OH, SURE, I KNOW WHERE
PALMDALE IS.
IT'S HEART OF THE ANTELOPE

PALMDALE IS.
IT'S HEART OF THE ANTELOPE
VALLEY.

IT'S HEART OF THE ANTELOPE
VALLEY.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL UP THERE.

VALLEY.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL UP THERE.
I BET YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW

IT'S BEAUTIFUL UP THERE.
I BET YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS, HUH?

I BET YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS, HUH?
Margaret: I SURE WOULD.

WHAT TIME IT IS, HUH?
Margaret: I SURE WOULD.
WELL, IT'S 4:14.

Margaret: I SURE WOULD.
WELL, IT'S 4:14.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING, MARGARET.

WELL, IT'S 4:14.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING, MARGARET.
YES, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.

THANK YOU FOR CALLING, MARGARET.
YES, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
Man on phone: UH, WHAT TIME

YES, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
Man on phone: UH, WHAT TIME
IS IT?

Man on phone: UH, WHAT TIME
IS IT?
4:14, GLAD TO BE OF HELP.

IS IT?
4:14, GLAD TO BE OF HELP.
HELLO?

4:14, GLAD TO BE OF HELP.
HELLO?
Man #2: WHAT TIME IS IT?

HELLO?
Man #2: WHAT TIME IS IT?
4:14, HAVE A NICE DAY.

Man #2: WHAT TIME IS IT?
4:14, HAVE A NICE DAY.
YES?

4:14, HAVE A NICE DAY.
YES?
Woman #2: WHAT TIME IS IT?

YES?
Woman #2: WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S... IT'S 4:15.

Woman #2: WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S... IT'S 4:15.
LUCKY PHONE CALL.

IT'S... IT'S 4:15.
LUCKY PHONE CALL.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING.

LUCKY PHONE CALL.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING.
YES, WHAT TIME... [CHUCKLES]

THANK YOU FOR CALLING.
YES, WHAT TIME... [CHUCKLES]
Man #3: WHAT TIME IS IT?

YES, WHAT TIME... [CHUCKLES]
Man #3: WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S 4:15.

Man #3: WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S 4:15.
I ALMOST ASKED YOUR QUESTION

IT'S 4:15.
I ALMOST ASKED YOUR QUESTION
FOR YOU.

I ALMOST ASKED YOUR QUESTION
FOR YOU.
YES?

FOR YOU.
YES?
GO AHEAD PLEASE.

YES?
GO AHEAD PLEASE.
Man #4: UH, YEAH, COULD YOU

GO AHEAD PLEASE.
Man #4: UH, YEAH, COULD YOU
TELL, UH, WHAT, UH...

Man #4: UH, YEAH, COULD YOU
TELL, UH, WHAT, UH...
SIR, SIR, HOLD IT.

TELL, UH, WHAT, UH...
SIR, SIR, HOLD IT.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TURN

SIR, SIR, HOLD IT.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TURN
YOUR RADIO DOWN.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TURN
YOUR RADIO DOWN.
WE TELL PEOPLE THIS

YOUR RADIO DOWN.
WE TELL PEOPLE THIS
ALL THE TIME...

WE TELL PEOPLE THIS
ALL THE TIME...
Man #4: OH, YEAH, SORRY.

ALL THE TIME...
Man #4: OH, YEAH, SORRY.
YEAH, WHAT TIME IS IT?

Man #4: OH, YEAH, SORRY.
YEAH, WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S 4:15.

YEAH, WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S 4:15.
Man #4: IS THAT A.M. OR P.M.?

IT'S 4:15.
Man #4: IS THAT A.M. OR P.M.?
A.M. OR P.M.,

Man #4: IS THAT A.M. OR P.M.?
A.M. OR P.M.,
ARE YOU SERIOUS?

A.M. OR P.M.,
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
GEE, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

ARE YOU SERIOUS?
GEE, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
YES, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.

GEE, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
YES, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
Man #5: BOY, LOU, YOU'VE BEEN

YES, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
Man #5: BOY, LOU, YOU'VE BEEN
GETTING SOME STRANGE CALLS

Man #5: BOY, LOU, YOU'VE BEEN
GETTING SOME STRANGE CALLS
LATELY.

GETTING SOME STRANGE CALLS
LATELY.
YOU ARE NOT KIDDING.

LATELY.
YOU ARE NOT KIDDING.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WONDER

YOU ARE NOT KIDDING.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WONDER
WHAT'S GOING ON IN PEOPLE'S

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WONDER
WHAT'S GOING ON IN PEOPLE'S
GREY MATTER UP THERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON IN PEOPLE'S
GREY MATTER UP THERE.
I THINK IT'S THE JUNK FOOD.

GREY MATTER UP THERE.
I THINK IT'S THE JUNK FOOD.
YEAH, GO AHEAD.

I THINK IT'S THE JUNK FOOD.
YEAH, GO AHEAD.
Man #5: WHAT TIME IS IT?

YEAH, GO AHEAD.
Man #5: WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S 4:15.

Man #5: WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S 4:15.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING.

IT'S 4:15.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING.
HEY, WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK NOW

THANK YOU FOR CALLING.
HEY, WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK NOW
FOR JUST A SECOND OR TWO SO

HEY, WE GOTTA TAKE A BREAK NOW
FOR JUST A SECOND OR TWO SO
LET'S CLEAR UP SOME OF THE OTHER

FOR JUST A SECOND OR TWO SO
LET'S CLEAR UP SOME OF THE OTHER
CALLS ON THE BOARD HERE.

LET'S CLEAR UP SOME OF THE OTHER
CALLS ON THE BOARD HERE.
IT'S 4:15.

CALLS ON THE BOARD HERE.
IT'S 4:15.
4:15.

IT'S 4:15.
4:15.
4:15.

4:15.
4:15.
4:15.

4:15.
4:15.
IT'S 4:15.

4:15.
IT'S 4:15.
OKAY, MARY PAP, MY PRODUCER...

IT'S 4:15.
OKAY, MARY PAP, MY PRODUCER...
GAINED A LITTLE... IS TELLING ME

OKAY, MARY PAP, MY PRODUCER...
GAINED A LITTLE... IS TELLING ME
THAT WE GOT A NEWSMAKER CALL

GAINED A LITTLE... IS TELLING ME
THAT WE GOT A NEWSMAKER CALL
COMING UP FROM OVERSEAS

THAT WE GOT A NEWSMAKER CALL
COMING UP FROM OVERSEAS
SO LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR

COMING UP FROM OVERSEAS
SO LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR
EUROPEAN CORRESPONDENT

SO LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR
EUROPEAN CORRESPONDENT
PETER KILLIAN ON THE LINE.

EUROPEAN CORRESPONDENT
PETER KILLIAN ON THE LINE.
PETER, HELLO, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

PETER KILLIAN ON THE LINE.
PETER, HELLO, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Peter on phone: YES, LOU.

PETER, HELLO, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Peter on phone: YES, LOU.
LOUD AND CLEAR.

Peter on phone: YES, LOU.
LOUD AND CLEAR.
PETER, YOU'RE IN LONDON

LOUD AND CLEAR.
PETER, YOU'RE IN LONDON
TODAY, IS THAT CORRECT?

PETER, YOU'RE IN LONDON
TODAY, IS THAT CORRECT?
Peter: THAT'S RIGHT,

TODAY, IS THAT CORRECT?
Peter: THAT'S RIGHT,
JOLLY OLD ENGLAND.

Peter: THAT'S RIGHT,
JOLLY OLD ENGLAND.
OH, IT SWING LIKE A

JOLLY OLD ENGLAND.
OH, IT SWING LIKE A
PENDULUM DO.

OH, IT SWING LIKE A
PENDULUM DO.
I FORGET WHO SAID THAT FIRST.

PENDULUM DO.
I FORGET WHO SAID THAT FIRST.
HEY, WHAT TIME IS IT

I FORGET WHO SAID THAT FIRST.
HEY, WHAT TIME IS IT
OVER THERE, PETER?

HEY, WHAT TIME IS IT
OVER THERE, PETER?
Peter: 1:15 A.M.

OVER THERE, PETER?
Peter: 1:15 A.M.
OKAY, THANK YOU PETER.

Peter: 1:15 A.M.
OKAY, THANK YOU PETER.
WE'LL CHECK WITH YOU AGAIN

OKAY, THANK YOU PETER.
WE'LL CHECK WITH YOU AGAIN
TOMORROW.

WE'LL CHECK WITH YOU AGAIN
TOMORROW.
AND OF COURSE, BACK HERE

TOMORROW.
AND OF COURSE, BACK HERE
IT'S 4:15 P.M..

AND OF COURSE, BACK HERE
IT'S 4:15 P.M..
IT'S LOU FOLLETT ON YOUR

IT'S 4:15 P.M..
IT'S LOU FOLLETT ON YOUR
ALL TIME STATION.

IT'S LOU FOLLETT ON YOUR
ALL TIME STATION.
Group: ♪ ALL TIME RADIO ♪

ALL TIME STATION.
Group: ♪ ALL TIME RADIO ♪
♪ ALL TIME, ALL THE TIME ♪

Group: ♪ ALL TIME RADIO ♪
♪ ALL TIME, ALL THE TIME ♪
LET'S TAKE THAT NEXT CALL.

♪ ALL TIME, ALL THE TIME ♪
LET'S TAKE THAT NEXT CALL.
HI, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.

LET'S TAKE THAT NEXT CALL.
HI, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
Woman #3: I LOVE YOUR SHOW,

HI, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
Woman #3: I LOVE YOUR SHOW,
LOU.

Woman #3: I LOVE YOUR SHOW,
LOU.
WHAT TIME IS IT?

LOU.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WHAT TIME IS IT?
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
IT'S 4:15.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
IT'S 4:15.
THANKS FOR CALLING.

IT'S 4:15.
THANKS FOR CALLING.
CHECK WITH US AGAIN.

THANKS FOR CALLING.
CHECK WITH US AGAIN.
HELLO?

CHECK WITH US AGAIN.
HELLO?
Man #6: YEAH, IS THIS THE

HELLO?
Man #6: YEAH, IS THIS THE
ALL TIME STATION?

Man #6: YEAH, IS THIS THE
ALL TIME STATION?
YES, IT IS.

ALL TIME STATION?
YES, IT IS.
K-TIM, ALL THE TIME.

YES, IT IS.
K-TIM, ALL THE TIME.
Man #6: WELL, I LOST MY JOB

K-TIM, ALL THE TIME.
Man #6: WELL, I LOST MY JOB
TODAY BECAUSE OF YOU, JERK.

Man #6: WELL, I LOST MY JOB
TODAY BECAUSE OF YOU, JERK.
HEY, HEY, HOLD ON THERE

TODAY BECAUSE OF YOU, JERK.
HEY, HEY, HOLD ON THERE
JUST A SECOND.

HEY, HEY, HOLD ON THERE
JUST A SECOND.
Man #6: THIS MORNING I GET UP

JUST A SECOND.
Man #6: THIS MORNING I GET UP
AND THE GUY ON THE RADIO SAID

Man #6: THIS MORNING I GET UP
AND THE GUY ON THE RADIO SAID
IT'S "7:SOMETHING".

AND THE GUY ON THE RADIO SAID
IT'S "7:SOMETHING".
THE NEXT THING I KNOW,

IT'S "7:SOMETHING".
THE NEXT THING I KNOW,
I'M FIRED!

THE NEXT THING I KNOW,
I'M FIRED!
THAT'S A SHAME

I'M FIRED!
THAT'S A SHAME
YOU LOST YOUR JOB, SIR,

THAT'S A SHAME
YOU LOST YOUR JOB, SIR,
BUT DON'T BLAME US.

YOU LOST YOUR JOB, SIR,
BUT DON'T BLAME US.
YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED

BUT DON'T BLAME US.
YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED
TO THE SHOW FROM THE BEGINNING.

YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED
TO THE SHOW FROM THE BEGINNING.
YOU WOULD'VE KNOWN IT WAS

TO THE SHOW FROM THE BEGINNING.
YOU WOULD'VE KNOWN IT WAS
AN OLD SHOW.

YOU WOULD'VE KNOWN IT WAS
AN OLD SHOW.
THAT'S JUST ONE MORE REASON

AN OLD SHOW.
THAT'S JUST ONE MORE REASON
WE DO ASK YOU TO CALL US

THAT'S JUST ONE MORE REASON
WE DO ASK YOU TO CALL US
FOR THE TIME RATHER THAN

WE DO ASK YOU TO CALL US
FOR THE TIME RATHER THAN
FREELOAD.

FOR THE TIME RATHER THAN
FREELOAD.
HELLO, YOU'RE ON THE AIR!

FREELOAD.
HELLO, YOU'RE ON THE AIR!
Margaret: HI, LOU.

HELLO, YOU'RE ON THE AIR!
Margaret: HI, LOU.
THIS IS MARGARET AGAIN.

Margaret: HI, LOU.
THIS IS MARGARET AGAIN.
WHAT TIME IS IT?

THIS IS MARGARET AGAIN.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
MARGARET, IT'S ALWAYS NICE

WHAT TIME IS IT?
MARGARET, IT'S ALWAYS NICE
TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.

MARGARET, IT'S ALWAYS NICE
TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.
IT IS 4:15.

TO HEAR YOUR VOICE.
IT IS 4:15.
HELLO?

IT IS 4:15.
HELLO?
Man #7: LOU, THIS IS FRANK.

HELLO?
Man #7: LOU, THIS IS FRANK.
I CALLED YOU LAST WEEK.

Man #7: LOU, THIS IS FRANK.
I CALLED YOU LAST WEEK.
REMEMBER?

I CALLED YOU LAST WEEK.
REMEMBER?
FRANK?

REMEMBER?
FRANK?
YEAH, YEAH, HOW'S IT GOIN'?

FRANK?
YEAH, YEAH, HOW'S IT GOIN'?
Frank: GREAT, BUT LISTEN,

YEAH, YEAH, HOW'S IT GOIN'?
Frank: GREAT, BUT LISTEN,
I THINK YOUR CLOCK HAS STOPPED

Frank: GREAT, BUT LISTEN,
I THINK YOUR CLOCK HAS STOPPED
OR SOMETHING.

I THINK YOUR CLOCK HAS STOPPED
OR SOMETHING.
IT'S BEEN 4:15 FOR A LOT

OR SOMETHING.
IT'S BEEN 4:15 FOR A LOT
LONGER THAN A MINUTE.

IT'S BEEN 4:15 FOR A LOT
LONGER THAN A MINUTE.
REALLY?

LONGER THAN A MINUTE.
REALLY?
WELL, DARN IT, I THINK

REALLY?
WELL, DARN IT, I THINK
YOU'RE RIGHT, FRANKLIN.

WELL, DARN IT, I THINK
YOU'RE RIGHT, FRANKLIN.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING

YOU'RE RIGHT, FRANKLIN.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING
AND LETTING US KNOW.

THANK YOU FOR CALLING
AND LETTING US KNOW.
UH, I TELL YA SOMETHING...

AND LETTING US KNOW.
UH, I TELL YA SOMETHING...
YOU NEVER CAN TELL WHEN THE

UH, I TELL YA SOMETHING...
YOU NEVER CAN TELL WHEN THE
EQUIPMENT'S GONNA GO ON THE

YOU NEVER CAN TELL WHEN THE
EQUIPMENT'S GONNA GO ON THE
FRITZ HERE ON THE RADIO.

EQUIPMENT'S GONNA GO ON THE
FRITZ HERE ON THE RADIO.
WHILE WE'RE WAITING TO GET

FRITZ HERE ON THE RADIO.
WHILE WE'RE WAITING TO GET
THE CLOCK FIXED, MAY BE A GOOD

WHILE WE'RE WAITING TO GET
THE CLOCK FIXED, MAY BE A GOOD
TIME FOR ME TO MAKE A...

THE CLOCK FIXED, MAY BE A GOOD
TIME FOR ME TO MAKE A...
KIND OF AN IMPORTANT

TIME FOR ME TO MAKE A...
KIND OF AN IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL OF YOU

KIND OF AN IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL OF YOU
K-TIM LISTENERS.

ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL OF YOU
K-TIM LISTENERS.
UH, STARTIN' NEXT WEEK,

K-TIM LISTENERS.
UH, STARTIN' NEXT WEEK,
SOME CHANGE IS GONNA BE MADE.

UH, STARTIN' NEXT WEEK,
SOME CHANGE IS GONNA BE MADE.
WE'RE CHANGING OUR CALL LETTERS,

SOME CHANGE IS GONNA BE MADE.
WE'RE CHANGING OUR CALL LETTERS,
WE'RE GETTING NEW MANAGEMENT.

WE'RE CHANGING OUR CALL LETTERS,
WE'RE GETTING NEW MANAGEMENT.
WE'RE NO LONGER GONNA BE

WE'RE GETTING NEW MANAGEMENT.
WE'RE NO LONGER GONNA BE
AN ALL TIME STATION.

WE'RE NO LONGER GONNA BE
AN ALL TIME STATION.
OUR LETTERS ARE GONNA BE

AN ALL TIME STATION.
OUR LETTERS ARE GONNA BE
K-T-M-P, "K-TEMP"...

OUR LETTERS ARE GONNA BE
K-T-M-P, "K-TEMP"...
WE'RE GONNA BE THE FIRST

K-T-M-P, "K-TEMP"...
WE'RE GONNA BE THE FIRST
ALL TEMPERATURE STATION HERE

WE'RE GONNA BE THE FIRST
ALL TEMPERATURE STATION HERE
IN THE LOS ANGELES AREA.

ALL TEMPERATURE STATION HERE
IN THE LOS ANGELES AREA.
THAT MEANS ME, LARRY McGUIRE,

IN THE LOS ANGELES AREA.
THAT MEANS ME, LARRY McGUIRE,
STAN TONELLI, OSCAR THE GROUCH,

THAT MEANS ME, LARRY McGUIRE,
STAN TONELLI, OSCAR THE GROUCH,
ALL THE GUYS YOU'VE LEARNED

STAN TONELLI, OSCAR THE GROUCH,
ALL THE GUYS YOU'VE LEARNED
TO LOVE AS THE K-TIM GOOD GUYS

ALL THE GUYS YOU'VE LEARNED
TO LOVE AS THE K-TIM GOOD GUYS
ARE GONNA BE THE K-TMP

TO LOVE AS THE K-TIM GOOD GUYS
ARE GONNA BE THE K-TMP
GOOD GUYS.

ARE GONNA BE THE K-TMP
GOOD GUYS.
OR MAYBE WE'LL BE THE HIGH AND

GOOD GUYS.
OR MAYBE WE'LL BE THE HIGH AND
LOW MEN, I DON'T KNOW.

OR MAYBE WE'LL BE THE HIGH AND
LOW MEN, I DON'T KNOW.
PERSONALLY, IF I WANNA FIND OUT

LOW MEN, I DON'T KNOW.
PERSONALLY, IF I WANNA FIND OUT
THE TEMPERATURE, I JUST STICK

PERSONALLY, IF I WANNA FIND OUT
THE TEMPERATURE, I JUST STICK
MY HEAD OUT THE WINDOW, BUT...

THE TEMPERATURE, I JUST STICK
MY HEAD OUT THE WINDOW, BUT...
GUYS HAVE DONE RESEARCH ON THESE

MY HEAD OUT THE WINDOW, BUT...
GUYS HAVE DONE RESEARCH ON THESE
THINGS SO, WHAT DO I KNOW?

GUYS HAVE DONE RESEARCH ON THESE
THINGS SO, WHAT DO I KNOW?
HEY, LET'S GET BACK TO THE

THINGS SO, WHAT DO I KNOW?
HEY, LET'S GET BACK TO THE
PHONES.

HEY, LET'S GET BACK TO THE
PHONES.
HELLO, IT'S LOU FOLLETT.

PHONES.
HELLO, IT'S LOU FOLLETT.
YOU'RE ON THE AIR.

HELLO, IT'S LOU FOLLETT.
YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
Man #8: WHAT TIME IS IT?

YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
Man #8: WHAT TIME IS IT?
WELL, GEE, IT MUST BE

Man #8: WHAT TIME IS IT?
WELL, GEE, IT MUST BE
GETTING PRETTY CLOSE TO 4:20.

WELL, GEE, IT MUST BE
GETTING PRETTY CLOSE TO 4:20.
I HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING

GETTING PRETTY CLOSE TO 4:20.
I HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING
RIGHT NOW, SORRY.

I HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING
RIGHT NOW, SORRY.
UM...

RIGHT NOW, SORRY.
UM...
HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.

UM...
HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.
GOT AN IDEA.

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.
GOT AN IDEA.
MAYBE ONE OF THE FOLKS OUT THERE

GOT AN IDEA.
MAYBE ONE OF THE FOLKS OUT THERE
WHO'S WON ONE OF THOSE LUCKY

MAYBE ONE OF THE FOLKS OUT THERE
WHO'S WON ONE OF THOSE LUCKY
K-TIM WATCHES... MUST BE

WHO'S WON ONE OF THOSE LUCKY
K-TIM WATCHES... MUST BE
THOUSANDS OF YOU BY NOW...

K-TIM WATCHES... MUST BE
THOUSANDS OF YOU BY NOW...
MAYBE JUST ONE OF YOU WOULD LIKE

THOUSANDS OF YOU BY NOW...
MAYBE JUST ONE OF YOU WOULD LIKE
TO HELP OUT YOUR OLD BUDDY LOU

MAYBE JUST ONE OF YOU WOULD LIKE
TO HELP OUT YOUR OLD BUDDY LOU
AND CALL ME WITH THE

TO HELP OUT YOUR OLD BUDDY LOU
AND CALL ME WITH THE
CORRECT TIME.

AND CALL ME WITH THE
CORRECT TIME.
OF COURSE, I GUESS IF YOU'VE WON

CORRECT TIME.
OF COURSE, I GUESS IF YOU'VE WON
A WATCH THERE'S NO REAL REASON

OF COURSE, I GUESS IF YOU'VE WON
A WATCH THERE'S NO REAL REASON
FOR YOU TO BE LISTENING

A WATCH THERE'S NO REAL REASON
FOR YOU TO BE LISTENING
TO K-TIM ANYMORE, BUT LET'S

FOR YOU TO BE LISTENING
TO K-TIM ANYMORE, BUT LET'S
SEE ANYWAY.

TO K-TIM ANYMORE, BUT LET'S
SEE ANYWAY.
WE JUST MIGHT GET LUCKY.

SEE ANYWAY.
WE JUST MIGHT GET LUCKY.
HELLO, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.

WE JUST MIGHT GET LUCKY.
HELLO, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

HELLO, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
Man #9: NO, I DON'T.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
Man #9: NO, I DON'T.
OKAY, THANK YOU.

Man #9: NO, I DON'T.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
HELLO?

OKAY, THANK YOU.
HELLO?
WHAT TIME IS IT?

HELLO?
WHAT TIME IS IT?
Woman #4: I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT TIME IS IT?
Woman #4: I DON'T KNOW.
OKAY.

Woman #4: I DON'T KNOW.
OKAY.
HI, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.

OKAY.
HI, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
WHAT TIME IS IT?

HI, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
Man #10: GOSH... I DON'T...

WHAT TIME IS IT?
Man #10: GOSH... I DON'T...
WHAT TIME IS IT?

Man #10: GOSH... I DON'T...
WHAT TIME IS IT?
[APPLAUSE...]

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
SAY, YOU LOOKIN' REAL GOOD.
NICE LOOKIN' COUPLE HERE

SAY, YOU LOOKIN' REAL GOOD.
NICE LOOKIN' COUPLE HERE
ON THE SUBWAY.

NICE LOOKIN' COUPLE HERE
ON THE SUBWAY.
MM, MM, MM.

ON THE SUBWAY.
MM, MM, MM.
GOD BLESS YA, GOD BLESS YA!

MM, MM, MM.
GOD BLESS YA, GOD BLESS YA!
YOU TAKE CARE NOW.

GOD BLESS YA, GOD BLESS YA!
YOU TAKE CARE NOW.
[CHUCKLES]

YOU TAKE CARE NOW.
[CHUCKLES]
SEE, THIS IS WHAT I LIKE

[CHUCKLES]
SEE, THIS IS WHAT I LIKE
TO SEE, YOU KNOW?

SEE, THIS IS WHAT I LIKE
TO SEE, YOU KNOW?
A BEAUTIFUL LADY HERE ON THE

TO SEE, YOU KNOW?
A BEAUTIFUL LADY HERE ON THE
SUBWAY IN MANHATTAN.

A BEAUTIFUL LADY HERE ON THE
SUBWAY IN MANHATTAN.
[CACKLES]

SUBWAY IN MANHATTAN.
[CACKLES]
SAY, YOU A BEAUTIFUL LADY,

[CACKLES]
SAY, YOU A BEAUTIFUL LADY,
YOU KNOW THAT?

SAY, YOU A BEAUTIFUL LADY,
YOU KNOW THAT?
UH, UH, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT?

YOU KNOW THAT?
UH, UH, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT?
YOU GOT A DIME?

UH, UH, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT?
YOU GOT A DIME?
A QUARTER OR SOMETHING?

YOU GOT A DIME?
A QUARTER OR SOMETHING?
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB,

A QUARTER OR SOMETHING?
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB,
TURKEY!

WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB,
TURKEY!
THANK YOU NOW, THANK YOU NOW.

TURKEY!
THANK YOU NOW, THANK YOU NOW.
GOD BLESS YA.

THANK YOU NOW, THANK YOU NOW.
GOD BLESS YA.
HEY, I LOVE THE LOOK!

GOD BLESS YA.
HEY, I LOVE THE LOOK!
I LOVE THE LOOK, MAN.

HEY, I LOVE THE LOOK!
I LOVE THE LOOK, MAN.
YOU GOT A QUARTER OR

I LOVE THE LOOK, MAN.
YOU GOT A QUARTER OR
SOMETHING, MAN?

YOU GOT A QUARTER OR
SOMETHING, MAN?
NO, HUH?

SOMETHING, MAN?
NO, HUH?
MM, MM, MM, MM, MMM!

NO, HUH?
MM, MM, MM, MM, MMM!
HOW YOU DOING, BEAUTIFUL LADY?

MM, MM, MM, MM, MMM!
HOW YOU DOING, BEAUTIFUL LADY?
SAY, YOU ALL DRESSED UP...

HOW YOU DOING, BEAUTIFUL LADY?
SAY, YOU ALL DRESSED UP...
YOU MUST BE GOING TO ONE OF

SAY, YOU ALL DRESSED UP...
YOU MUST BE GOING TO ONE OF
THEM INTERVIEWS OR SOMETHING

YOU MUST BE GOING TO ONE OF
THEM INTERVIEWS OR SOMETHING
AT SOME FASHION MAGAZINE.

THEM INTERVIEWS OR SOMETHING
AT SOME FASHION MAGAZINE.
YOU A MODEL OR SOMETHING?

AT SOME FASHION MAGAZINE.
YOU A MODEL OR SOMETHING?
HERE, UH, JUST TAKE THE

YOU A MODEL OR SOMETHING?
HERE, UH, JUST TAKE THE
QUARTER AND, UH, LEAVE ME ALONE,

HERE, UH, JUST TAKE THE
QUARTER AND, UH, LEAVE ME ALONE,
ALL RIGHT?

QUARTER AND, UH, LEAVE ME ALONE,
ALL RIGHT?
MMM, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT?
MMM, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

MMM, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOD BLESS YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOD BLESS YOU.
NOW, HERE, HERE.

GOD BLESS YOU.
NOW, HERE, HERE.
I WANNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING

NOW, HERE, HERE.
I WANNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING
TO REMEMBER CURTIS BY.

I WANNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING
TO REMEMBER CURTIS BY.
BUT, I NEEDS MY BAG.

TO REMEMBER CURTIS BY.
BUT, I NEEDS MY BAG.
I SEE YA.

[BOOM]
[GASPS]
[LAUGHS]

[GASPS]
[LAUGHS]
FREE AT LAST!

[LAUGHS]
FREE AT LAST!
AT LAST, WHO SUMMONS ME?

FREE AT LAST!
AT LAST, WHO SUMMONS ME?
OH, HELP, S-SOMEBODY HELP ME!

AT LAST, WHO SUMMONS ME?
OH, HELP, S-SOMEBODY HELP ME!
HELP ME, PLEASE!

OH, HELP, S-SOMEBODY HELP ME!
HELP ME, PLEASE!
LET ME OFF THIS TRAIN!

HELP ME, PLEASE!
LET ME OFF THIS TRAIN!
SOMEBODY HELP ME!

LET ME OFF THIS TRAIN!
SOMEBODY HELP ME!
HELP ME, PLEASE!

SOMEBODY HELP ME!
HELP ME, PLEASE!
MR. CURTIS, MR. CURTIS!

HELP ME, PLEASE!
MR. CURTIS, MR. CURTIS!
YOUR BOTTLE EXPLODED!

MR. CURTIS, MR. CURTIS!
YOUR BOTTLE EXPLODED!
SOMEBODY...

YOUR BOTTLE EXPLODED!
SOMEBODY...
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT

SOMEBODY...
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT
DO YOU WANT?

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT
DO YOU WANT?
WHAT DO I WANT?

DO YOU WANT?
WHAT DO I WANT?
IT WAS YOU WHO SUMMONED ME.

WHAT DO I WANT?
IT WAS YOU WHO SUMMONED ME.
YOU, WHO ARE YOU?

IT WAS YOU WHO SUMMONED ME.
YOU, WHO ARE YOU?
I AM KNOWN BY MANY NAMES.

YOU, WHO ARE YOU?
I AM KNOWN BY MANY NAMES.
TO THE FRENCH I AM "LE GENIE

I AM KNOWN BY MANY NAMES.
TO THE FRENCH I AM "LE GENIE
DU METRO".

TO THE FRENCH I AM "LE GENIE
DU METRO".
TO THE ENGLISH,

DU METRO".
TO THE ENGLISH,
I AM THE TUBE FAIRY.

TO THE ENGLISH,
I AM THE TUBE FAIRY.
IN GERMANY I'M CALLED

I AM THE TUBE FAIRY.
IN GERMANY I'M CALLED
"UN ELFEN DON UNDERBAGEN"

IN GERMANY I'M CALLED
"UN ELFEN DON UNDERBAGEN"
BUT YOU MAY CALL ME

"UN ELFEN DON UNDERBAGEN"
BUT YOU MAY CALL ME
THE SUBWAY GENIE.

BUT YOU MAY CALL ME
THE SUBWAY GENIE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU

THE SUBWAY GENIE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME?
I HAVE APPEARED TO YOU

WANT FROM ME?
I HAVE APPEARED TO YOU
OVER ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE

I HAVE APPEARED TO YOU
OVER ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE
IN THE TRAIN BECAUSE YOU ALONE

OVER ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE
IN THE TRAIN BECAUSE YOU ALONE
ARE PURE OF SPIRIT.

IN THE TRAIN BECAUSE YOU ALONE
ARE PURE OF SPIRIT.
I WAS TAKEN WITH YOUR GENEROSITY

ARE PURE OF SPIRIT.
I WAS TAKEN WITH YOUR GENEROSITY
AND YOUR KINDNESS TO THE

I WAS TAKEN WITH YOUR GENEROSITY
AND YOUR KINDNESS TO THE
UNFORTUNATE MR. CURTIS,

AND YOUR KINDNESS TO THE
UNFORTUNATE MR. CURTIS,
IN WHOSE BAG I HAVE LIVED

UNFORTUNATE MR. CURTIS,
IN WHOSE BAG I HAVE LIVED
FOR THE PAST SIX YEARS.

IN WHOSE BAG I HAVE LIVED
FOR THE PAST SIX YEARS.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

FOR THE PAST SIX YEARS.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
DO?

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
DO?
[LAUGHS]

DO?
[LAUGHS]
I AM HERE TO GRANT YOU

[LAUGHS]
I AM HERE TO GRANT YOU
THREE WISHES.

I AM HERE TO GRANT YOU
THREE WISHES.
[BOTH LAUGH]

THREE WISHES.
[BOTH LAUGH]
THREE WISHES, WOW.

[BOTH LAUGH]
THREE WISHES, WOW.
YES, THREE WISHES.

THREE WISHES, WOW.
YES, THREE WISHES.
AND YOUR FIRST WISH,

YES, THREE WISHES.
AND YOUR FIRST WISH,
SUBWAY TOKENS!

AND YOUR FIRST WISH,
SUBWAY TOKENS!
THE KING'S RANSOM IN

SUBWAY TOKENS!
THE KING'S RANSOM IN
SUBWAY TOKENS.

THE KING'S RANSOM IN
SUBWAY TOKENS.
SUBWAY TOKENS, YES.

SUBWAY TOKENS.
SUBWAY TOKENS, YES.
WAIT A MINUTE.

SUBWAY TOKENS, YES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE A GENIE.

WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE A GENIE.
AREN'T I SUPPOSED TO

YOU'RE A GENIE.
AREN'T I SUPPOSED TO
TELL YOU WHAT I WANT?

AREN'T I SUPPOSED TO
TELL YOU WHAT I WANT?
WHAT?

TELL YOU WHAT I WANT?
WHAT?
I MEAN, UH...

WHAT?
I MEAN, UH...
NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT.

I MEAN, UH...
NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT.
I MEAN, ISN'T THAT THE WAY

NO, NO, OF COURSE NOT.
I MEAN, ISN'T THAT THE WAY
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE?

I MEAN, ISN'T THAT THE WAY
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE?
NO WAY.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE?
NO WAY.
WHY WOULD I LET YOU PICK 'EM?

NO WAY.
WHY WOULD I LET YOU PICK 'EM?
WHAT IF YOU CHOSE SOMETHING

WHY WOULD I LET YOU PICK 'EM?
WHAT IF YOU CHOSE SOMETHING
VERY EXPENSIVE OR HARD TO GET?

WHAT IF YOU CHOSE SOMETHING
VERY EXPENSIVE OR HARD TO GET?
OH, WELL, WHAT DO I GET?

VERY EXPENSIVE OR HARD TO GET?
OH, WELL, WHAT DO I GET?
SUBWAY TOKENS!

OH, WELL, WHAT DO I GET?
SUBWAY TOKENS!
SUBWAY TOKENS BEYOND NUMBERING.

SUBWAY TOKENS!
SUBWAY TOKENS BEYOND NUMBERING.
SUBWAY TOKENS OF EVERY

SUBWAY TOKENS BEYOND NUMBERING.
SUBWAY TOKENS OF EVERY
SIZE AND HUES.

SUBWAY TOKENS OF EVERY
SIZE AND HUES.
COMMEMORATIVE SUBWAY TOKENS.

SIZE AND HUES.
COMMEMORATIVE SUBWAY TOKENS.
SUBWAY TOKENS FROM EVERY LAND

COMMEMORATIVE SUBWAY TOKENS.
SUBWAY TOKENS FROM EVERY LAND
THAT HAS A MASS TRANSIT SYSTEM.

SUBWAY TOKENS FROM EVERY LAND
THAT HAS A MASS TRANSIT SYSTEM.
SUBWAY TOKENS.

THAT HAS A MASS TRANSIT SYSTEM.
SUBWAY TOKENS.
THANKS, UH, WELL,

SUBWAY TOKENS.
THANKS, UH, WELL,
WHAT'S MY SECOND WISH?

THANKS, UH, WELL,
WHAT'S MY SECOND WISH?
YOUR SECOND WISH?

WHAT'S MY SECOND WISH?
YOUR SECOND WISH?
BETTER THAN YOUR FIRST!

YOUR SECOND WISH?
BETTER THAN YOUR FIRST!
TRANSFER COUPONS.

BETTER THAN YOUR FIRST!
TRANSFER COUPONS.
TRANSFER COUPONS IN NUMBERS

TRANSFER COUPONS.
TRANSFER COUPONS IN NUMBERS
TO STAGGER YOUR MIND.

TRANSFER COUPONS IN NUMBERS
TO STAGGER YOUR MIND.
MORE TRANSFER COUPONS THAN

TO STAGGER YOUR MIND.
MORE TRANSFER COUPONS THAN
THERE ARE STARS IN THE HEAVENS.

MORE TRANSFER COUPONS THAN
THERE ARE STARS IN THE HEAVENS.
TRANSFER COUPONS.

THERE ARE STARS IN THE HEAVENS.
TRANSFER COUPONS.
TELL ME, IN YOUR WILDEST

TRANSFER COUPONS.
TELL ME, IN YOUR WILDEST
IMAGININGS, DID YOU EVER

TELL ME, IN YOUR WILDEST
IMAGININGS, DID YOU EVER
THINK YOU'D SEE SO MANY

IMAGININGS, DID YOU EVER
THINK YOU'D SEE SO MANY
CHANGE-A-RIDE COUPONS?

THINK YOU'D SEE SO MANY
CHANGE-A-RIDE COUPONS?
NO, I NEVER DID.

CHANGE-A-RIDE COUPONS?
NO, I NEVER DID.
UH, I DON'T MEAN TO SEEM

NO, I NEVER DID.
UH, I DON'T MEAN TO SEEM
UNGRATEFUL BUT...

UH, I DON'T MEAN TO SEEM
UNGRATEFUL BUT...
WHAT'S MY THIRD WISH?

UNGRATEFUL BUT...
WHAT'S MY THIRD WISH?
GUESS.

WHAT'S MY THIRD WISH?
GUESS.
MONEY?

GUESS.
MONEY?
NO, BETTER THAN THAT.

MONEY?
NO, BETTER THAN THAT.
A REALLY NICE APARTMENT?

NO, BETTER THAN THAT.
A REALLY NICE APARTMENT?
NO, BETTER STILL.

A REALLY NICE APARTMENT?
NO, BETTER STILL.
UH, BEAUTY AND ETERNAL YOUTH?

NO, BETTER STILL.
UH, BEAUTY AND ETERNAL YOUTH?
NO.

UH, BEAUTY AND ETERNAL YOUTH?
NO.
I GIVE UP.

NO.
I GIVE UP.
EXPLICIT SUBWAY DIRECTIONS

I GIVE UP.
EXPLICIT SUBWAY DIRECTIONS
TO ANY ADDRESS IN MANHATTAN.

EXPLICIT SUBWAY DIRECTIONS
TO ANY ADDRESS IN MANHATTAN.
JUST TRY ME.

TO ANY ADDRESS IN MANHATTAN.
JUST TRY ME.
OH.

JUST TRY ME.
OH.
UH, LET ME THINK OF A HARD ONE.

OH.
UH, LET ME THINK OF A HARD ONE.
HOW DO I GET TO 67th STREET

UH, LET ME THINK OF A HARD ONE.
HOW DO I GET TO 67th STREET
AND FIRST AVENUE ON THE SUBWAY?

HOW DO I GET TO 67th STREET
AND FIRST AVENUE ON THE SUBWAY?
CHILD'S PLAY.

AND FIRST AVENUE ON THE SUBWAY?
CHILD'S PLAY.
JUST CATCH THE BROADWAY I.R.T.

CHILD'S PLAY.
JUST CATCH THE BROADWAY I.R.T.
BUT WAIT, WAIT!

JUST CATCH THE BROADWAY I.R.T.
BUT WAIT, WAIT!
I'LL SHOW YOU THAT AND MORE.

BUT WAIT, WAIT!
I'LL SHOW YOU THAT AND MORE.
JUST TAKE MY HAND.

I'LL SHOW YOU THAT AND MORE.
JUST TAKE MY HAND.
TAKE MY HAND AND I'LL TAKE YOU

JUST TAKE MY HAND.
TAKE MY HAND AND I'LL TAKE YOU
ON A MARVELOUS JOURNEY.

TAKE MY HAND AND I'LL TAKE YOU
ON A MARVELOUS JOURNEY.
A MYSTICAL, MARVELOUS JOURNEY

ON A MARVELOUS JOURNEY.
A MYSTICAL, MARVELOUS JOURNEY
THE LIKES OF WHICH NO MORTAL

A MYSTICAL, MARVELOUS JOURNEY
THE LIKES OF WHICH NO MORTAL
BEING HAS EVER GONE BEFORE.

Woman: EVERYTHING THE GENIE
TOLD ME WAS TRUE.
IT WAS WONDERFUL.

TOLD ME WAS TRUE.
IT WAS WONDERFUL.
STARTING AT COLUMBUS CIRCLE,

IT WAS WONDERFUL.
STARTING AT COLUMBUS CIRCLE,
WE TOOK THE DOUBLE A TRAIN DOWN

STARTING AT COLUMBUS CIRCLE,
WE TOOK THE DOUBLE A TRAIN DOWN
TO 14th STREET WHERE WE CAUGHT

WE TOOK THE DOUBLE A TRAIN DOWN
TO 14th STREET WHERE WE CAUGHT
THE CANARSIE LINE ACROSS

TO 14th STREET WHERE WE CAUGHT
THE CANARSIE LINE ACROSS
TO MYRTLE AVENUE IN QUEENS

THE CANARSIE LINE ACROSS
TO MYRTLE AVENUE IN QUEENS
AND BOARDED THE M TRAIN DOWN

TO MYRTLE AVENUE IN QUEENS
AND BOARDED THE M TRAIN DOWN
TO BOROUGH HALL IN BROOKLYN.

AND BOARDED THE M TRAIN DOWN
TO BOROUGH HALL IN BROOKLYN.
CHANGING TO THE F TRAIN,

TO BOROUGH HALL IN BROOKLYN.
CHANGING TO THE F TRAIN,
WE RODE DOWN TO BRIGHTON BEACH

CHANGING TO THE F TRAIN,
WE RODE DOWN TO BRIGHTON BEACH
AND FROM THERE BACK UP ON THE

WE RODE DOWN TO BRIGHTON BEACH
AND FROM THERE BACK UP ON THE
D TRAIN PAST BROADWAY-LAFAYETTE

AND FROM THERE BACK UP ON THE
D TRAIN PAST BROADWAY-LAFAYETTE
TO WEST 4th STREET TO CATCH

D TRAIN PAST BROADWAY-LAFAYETTE
TO WEST 4th STREET TO CATCH
THE TRAIN TO THE PLANE!

TO WEST 4th STREET TO CATCH
THE TRAIN TO THE PLANE!
WE HAD TO PAY EXTRA BUT

THE TRAIN TO THE PLANE!
WE HAD TO PAY EXTRA BUT
IT WAS WORTH IT BECAUSE

WE HAD TO PAY EXTRA BUT
IT WAS WORTH IT BECAUSE
WE GOT TO GO TO KENNEDY AIRPORT

IT WAS WORTH IT BECAUSE
WE GOT TO GO TO KENNEDY AIRPORT
AND RIDE THE BUS PAST ALL THE

WE GOT TO GO TO KENNEDY AIRPORT
AND RIDE THE BUS PAST ALL THE
AIRLINE TERMINALS.

AND RIDE THE BUS PAST ALL THE
AIRLINE TERMINALS.
ALLEGHENY, DELTA, T.W.A., AND

AIRLINE TERMINALS.
ALLEGHENY, DELTA, T.W.A., AND
AMERICAN, JUST TO NAME A FEW.

ALLEGHENY, DELTA, T.W.A., AND
AMERICAN, JUST TO NAME A FEW.
RETURNING TO MANHATTAN, WE RODE

AMERICAN, JUST TO NAME A FEW.
RETURNING TO MANHATTAN, WE RODE
FOR HOURS ON THE UNDERRATED

RETURNING TO MANHATTAN, WE RODE
FOR HOURS ON THE UNDERRATED
B.M.T. LINE WHICH WAS THE

FOR HOURS ON THE UNDERRATED
B.M.T. LINE WHICH WAS THE
GENIE'S FAVORITE.

B.M.T. LINE WHICH WAS THE
GENIE'S FAVORITE.
WE RODE AND RODE UNTIL WE

GENIE'S FAVORITE.
WE RODE AND RODE UNTIL WE
COVERED EVERY INCH OF TRACK

WE RODE AND RODE UNTIL WE
COVERED EVERY INCH OF TRACK
ON THE TRANSIT SYSTEM.

COVERED EVERY INCH OF TRACK
ON THE TRANSIT SYSTEM.
IT WAS WONDERFUL.

ON THE TRANSIT SYSTEM.
IT WAS WONDERFUL.
BUT FINALLY OUR JOURNEY ENDED

IT WAS WONDERFUL.
BUT FINALLY OUR JOURNEY ENDED
WHERE IT BEGAN...

BUT FINALLY OUR JOURNEY ENDED
WHERE IT BEGAN...
AT THE 79th STREET STOP

WHERE IT BEGAN...
AT THE 79th STREET STOP
ON THE BROADWAY I.R.T..

AT THE 79th STREET STOP
ON THE BROADWAY I.R.T..
Officer: YEAH, YEAH WE GOT

ON THE BROADWAY I.R.T..
Officer: YEAH, YEAH WE GOT
THE GENIE.

Officer: YEAH, YEAH WE GOT
THE GENIE.
YEAH, WE'RE ON 79th AND

THE GENIE.
YEAH, WE'RE ON 79th AND
BROADWAY.

YEAH, WE'RE ON 79th AND
BROADWAY.
OKAY, SEND A CAR BY.

BROADWAY.
OKAY, SEND A CAR BY.
WE'LL BRING HIM UP, OKAY.

OKAY, SEND A CAR BY.
WE'LL BRING HIM UP, OKAY.
GOODBYE, LITTLE GIRL.

WE'LL BRING HIM UP, OKAY.
GOODBYE, LITTLE GIRL.
I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW

GOODBYE, LITTLE GIRL.
I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW
FOR I HAVE BEEN ARRESTED.

I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW
FOR I HAVE BEEN ARRESTED.
GOODBYE, GENIE.

FOR I HAVE BEEN ARRESTED.
GOODBYE, GENIE.
I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.

GOODBYE, GENIE.
I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.
NOR I YOU AND REMEMBER

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.
NOR I YOU AND REMEMBER
WHAT I TOLD YOU.

NOR I YOU AND REMEMBER
WHAT I TOLD YOU.
FOR SUBWAY DIRECTIONS

WHAT I TOLD YOU.
FOR SUBWAY DIRECTIONS
IN SPANISH, DIAL 330-1234.

FOR SUBWAY DIRECTIONS
IN SPANISH, DIAL 330-1234.
I'LL REMEMBER.

IN SPANISH, DIAL 330-1234.
I'LL REMEMBER.
GOODBYE!

IS THERE REALLY A SUBWAY GENIE?
WHO KNOWS?
HI, I'M GILDA RADNER.

WHO KNOWS?
HI, I'M GILDA RADNER.
THERE MAY NOT BE A SUBWAY GENIE

HI, I'M GILDA RADNER.
THERE MAY NOT BE A SUBWAY GENIE
BUT SO LONG AS THERE ARE

THERE MAY NOT BE A SUBWAY GENIE
BUT SO LONG AS THERE ARE
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE IN OUR MAJOR

BUT SO LONG AS THERE ARE
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE IN OUR MAJOR
CITIES WHO NEED TO BE MOVED

MILLIONS OF PEOPLE IN OUR MAJOR
CITIES WHO NEED TO BE MOVED
QUICKLY, SAFELY, AND

CITIES WHO NEED TO BE MOVED
QUICKLY, SAFELY, AND
EFFICIENTLY, THERE WILL BE

QUICKLY, SAFELY, AND
EFFICIENTLY, THERE WILL BE
MASS TRANSIT SYSTEMS TO MEET

EFFICIENTLY, THERE WILL BE
MASS TRANSIT SYSTEMS TO MEET
THEIR NEEDS.

MASS TRANSIT SYSTEMS TO MEET
THEIR NEEDS.
WE WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS

THEIR NEEDS.
WE WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS
OPPORTUNITY TO SALUTE THE MASS

WE WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS
OPPORTUNITY TO SALUTE THE MASS
TRANSIT WORKERS OF AMERICA.

OPPORTUNITY TO SALUTE THE MASS
TRANSIT WORKERS OF AMERICA.
FROM THE PEOPLE WHO DRIVE OUR

TRANSIT WORKERS OF AMERICA.
FROM THE PEOPLE WHO DRIVE OUR
SUBWAYS AND KEEP THEM SAFE

FROM THE PEOPLE WHO DRIVE OUR
SUBWAYS AND KEEP THEM SAFE
TO THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THEM

SUBWAYS AND KEEP THEM SAFE
TO THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THEM
THEIR HOMES AND STINK LIKE

TO THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THEM
THEIR HOMES AND STINK LIKE
ROTTEN VEGETABLES.

THEIR HOMES AND STINK LIKE
ROTTEN VEGETABLES.
[LAUGHTER]

ROTTEN VEGETABLES.
[LAUGHTER]
THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]
THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT.

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT.
[APPLAUSE...]

Announcer: AND NOW, FROM THE
NEW HOME OF FORMER PRESIDENT
RICHARD NIXON, HERE'S THE LATEST

NEW HOME OF FORMER PRESIDENT
RICHARD NIXON, HERE'S THE LATEST
REPORT FROM FATHER GUIDO

RICHARD NIXON, HERE'S THE LATEST
REPORT FROM FATHER GUIDO
SARDUCCI.

BELIEVE ME, IF JOHN
CHANCELLOR WAS HERE,
OR IF THEY HAD IRVING R. LEVINE

CHANCELLOR WAS HERE,
OR IF THEY HAD IRVING R. LEVINE
DOING THIS, YOU KNOW, BELIEVE

OR IF THEY HAD IRVING R. LEVINE
DOING THIS, YOU KNOW, BELIEVE
ME, THEY WOULD'VE HAD A TRAILER

DOING THIS, YOU KNOW, BELIEVE
ME, THEY WOULD'VE HAD A TRAILER
FOR HIM TO KEEP WARM IN,

ME, THEY WOULD'VE HAD A TRAILER
FOR HIM TO KEEP WARM IN,
HOT COFFEE, SNACKS, EVERYTHING.

FOR HIM TO KEEP WARM IN,
HOT COFFEE, SNACKS, EVERYTHING.
BUT ME, THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE

HOT COFFEE, SNACKS, EVERYTHING.
BUT ME, THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE
A DUCK BLIND.

BUT ME, THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE
A DUCK BLIND.
IF I GET PNEUMONIA,

A DUCK BLIND.
IF I GET PNEUMONIA,
I'M GONNA SUE HIM.

IF I GET PNEUMONIA,
I'M GONNA SUE HIM.
I'M GONNA DO IT.

I'M GONNA SUE HIM.
I'M GONNA DO IT.
I TELL YA, I'M DOING IT.

I'M GONNA DO IT.
I TELL YA, I'M DOING IT.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT PRETTY SOON?

I TELL YA, I'M DOING IT.
WE'RE GONNA DO IT PRETTY SOON?
NOW?

WE'RE GONNA DO IT PRETTY SOON?
NOW?
WE'RE ON NOW?

NOW?
WE'RE ON NOW?
WELL, UH, THE FORMER PRESIDENT

WE'RE ON NOW?
WELL, UH, THE FORMER PRESIDENT
STILL HASN'T ARRIVED HERE.

WELL, UH, THE FORMER PRESIDENT
STILL HASN'T ARRIVED HERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

STILL HASN'T ARRIVED HERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
ALL I CAN FIGURE IS THAT HE

I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
ALL I CAN FIGURE IS THAT HE
AND PAT, THEY WENT TO THE

ALL I CAN FIGURE IS THAT HE
AND PAT, THEY WENT TO THE
MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF

AND PAT, THEY WENT TO THE
MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF
THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW

MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF
THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW
OR MAYBE THEY STOPPED FOR

THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW
OR MAYBE THEY STOPPED FOR
PIE AND COFFEE, I DON'T KNOW.

OR MAYBE THEY STOPPED FOR
PIE AND COFFEE, I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE

PIE AND COFFEE, I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE
AT THIS POINT.

YOU'RE GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE
AT THIS POINT.
I JUST HOPE HE'S GONNA BE HERE

AT THIS POINT.
I JUST HOPE HE'S GONNA BE HERE
BY THE END OF THE SHOW.

I JUST HOPE HE'S GONNA BE HERE
BY THE END OF THE SHOW.
BUT, I DO HAVE SOME VERY,

BY THE END OF THE SHOW.
BUT, I DO HAVE SOME VERY,
VERY GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.

BUT, I DO HAVE SOME VERY,
VERY GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
COULD YOU COME HERE?

VERY GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
COULD YOU COME HERE?
WITH ME HERE IS A WOMAN

COULD YOU COME HERE?
WITH ME HERE IS A WOMAN
WHO LIVES ONLY A COUPLE

WITH ME HERE IS A WOMAN
WHO LIVES ONLY A COUPLE
OF DOORS AWAY FROM NIXON...

WHO LIVES ONLY A COUPLE
OF DOORS AWAY FROM NIXON...
ONE OF NIXON'S NEW NEIGHBORS.

OF DOORS AWAY FROM NIXON...
ONE OF NIXON'S NEW NEIGHBORS.
AND YOUR NAME IS, PLEASE?

ONE OF NIXON'S NEW NEIGHBORS.
AND YOUR NAME IS, PLEASE?
LAURIE GEVALT.

AND YOUR NAME IS, PLEASE?
LAURIE GEVALT.
LAURIE GEVALT IS HER NAME.

LAURIE GEVALT.
LAURIE GEVALT IS HER NAME.
YOU KNOW, LAURIE, I JUST WANT

LAURIE GEVALT IS HER NAME.
YOU KNOW, LAURIE, I JUST WANT
TO ASK THE FORMER PRESIDENT

YOU KNOW, LAURIE, I JUST WANT
TO ASK THE FORMER PRESIDENT
ONE QUESTION.

TO ASK THE FORMER PRESIDENT
ONE QUESTION.
THAT WAS IT.

ONE QUESTION.
THAT WAS IT.
JUST ONE QUESTION.

THAT WAS IT.
JUST ONE QUESTION.
AND SINCE HE'S NOT HERE YET,

JUST ONE QUESTION.
AND SINCE HE'S NOT HERE YET,
I WAS WONDERING SINCE YOU'RE HIS

AND SINCE HE'S NOT HERE YET,
I WAS WONDERING SINCE YOU'RE HIS
NEIGHBOR, IF I COULD ASK YOU

I WAS WONDERING SINCE YOU'RE HIS
NEIGHBOR, IF I COULD ASK YOU
THE QUESTION.

NEIGHBOR, IF I COULD ASK YOU
THE QUESTION.
SURE.

THE QUESTION.
SURE.
YOU'RE WILLING TO DO THAT?

SURE.
YOU'RE WILLING TO DO THAT?
YEAH.

YOU'RE WILLING TO DO THAT?
YEAH.
LAURIE, IF... JUST IF,

YEAH.
LAURIE, IF... JUST IF,
IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL

LAURIE, IF... JUST IF,
IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL
YOU WANTED TO BE,

IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL
YOU WANTED TO BE,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?

YOU WANTED TO BE,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A HORSE.

WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A HORSE.
HORSE.

A HORSE.
HORSE.
HORSE!

HORSE.
HORSE!
SHE SAID A HORSE.

HORSE!
SHE SAID A HORSE.
WONDERFUL.

SHE SAID A HORSE.
WONDERFUL.
WONDERFUL.

WONDERFUL.
WONDERFUL.
HORSE.

WONDERFUL.
HORSE.
WELL, I'LL BE STAYING HERE

HORSE.
WELL, I'LL BE STAYING HERE
UNTIL RICHARD NIXON DOES ARRIVE.

WELL, I'LL BE STAYING HERE
UNTIL RICHARD NIXON DOES ARRIVE.
SO, UNTIL THEN, THIS IS

UNTIL RICHARD NIXON DOES ARRIVE.
SO, UNTIL THEN, THIS IS
FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI

SO, UNTIL THEN, THIS IS
FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI
ON EAST 65th STREET

FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI
ON EAST 65th STREET
NEW YORK, NEW YORK.

ON EAST 65th STREET
NEW YORK, NEW YORK.
AND NOW YOU CAN GO BACK

NEW YORK, NEW YORK.
AND NOW YOU CAN GO BACK
TO YOUR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING.

AND NOW YOU CAN GO BACK
TO YOUR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING.
[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: COLUMBIA PICTURES
IN COOPERATION WITH YOSHIMURA
STUDIOS OF JAPAN IS PROUD

IN COOPERATION WITH YOSHIMURA
STUDIOS OF JAPAN IS PROUD
TO PRESENT:

KRAMER VS. GODZILLA.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT LAW SAYS

I WANNA KNOW WHAT LAW SAYS
THAT GODZILLA IS A MORE FIT
PARENT FOR MY CHILD SIMPLY BY

THAT GODZILLA IS A MORE FIT
PARENT FOR MY CHILD SIMPLY BY
VIRTUE OF HIS GREAT SIZE AND

PARENT FOR MY CHILD SIMPLY BY
VIRTUE OF HIS GREAT SIZE AND
ADMITTEDLY ENORMOUS STRENGTH.

VIRTUE OF HIS GREAT SIZE AND
ADMITTEDLY ENORMOUS STRENGTH.
MR. KRAMER, YOU ARE

ADMITTEDLY ENORMOUS STRENGTH.
MR. KRAMER, YOU ARE
OUT OF ORDER.

MR. KRAMER, YOU ARE
OUT OF ORDER.
NOW SIT DOWN BEFORE I

OUT OF ORDER.
NOW SIT DOWN BEFORE I
HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT!

NOW SIT DOWN BEFORE I
HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT!
[GROWLS]

HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT!
[GROWLS]
Announcer: REX REED OF

[GROWLS]
Announcer: REX REED OF
THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS HAS

Announcer: REX REED OF
THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS HAS
CALLED "KRAMER VS. GODZILLA"

THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS HAS
CALLED "KRAMER VS. GODZILLA"
"A CONSUMMATE PIECE OF

CALLED "KRAMER VS. GODZILLA"
"A CONSUMMATE PIECE OF
FILMMAKING.

"A CONSUMMATE PIECE OF
FILMMAKING.
IT GETS YOU IN THE GUT."

FILMMAKING.
IT GETS YOU IN THE GUT."
TWO DAYS LATER, RONA BARRETT

IT GETS YOU IN THE GUT."
TWO DAYS LATER, RONA BARRETT
CALLED IT "A PIECE OF

TWO DAYS LATER, RONA BARRETT
CALLED IT "A PIECE OF
CONSUMMATE FILMMAKING.

CALLED IT "A PIECE OF
CONSUMMATE FILMMAKING.
IT GOT ME IN THE GUT."

GENE SHALIT HAS SAID,
"I AM WAITING TO READ

"I AM WAITING TO READ
THE OTHER REVIEWS."

THE OTHER REVIEWS."
BY WHAT RIGHT IS THE COURT

BY WHAT RIGHT IS THE COURT
TAKING AWAY OUR CHILD AND
AWARDING HIM TO GODZILLA?

TAKING AWAY OUR CHILD AND
AWARDING HIM TO GODZILLA?
WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER NOW.

AWARDING HIM TO GODZILLA?
WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER NOW.
IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GETTING

WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER NOW.
IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GETTING
DIVORCED OR ANYTHING.

IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GETTING
DIVORCED OR ANYTHING.
Man: GODZILLA MUST GET

DIVORCED OR ANYTHING.
Man: GODZILLA MUST GET
CUSTODY OF THE CHILD.

Man: GODZILLA MUST GET
CUSTODY OF THE CHILD.
OTHERWISE, HE AND MOTHRA

CUSTODY OF THE CHILD.
OTHERWISE, HE AND MOTHRA
WILL DESTROY THE CITY.

OTHERWISE, HE AND MOTHRA
WILL DESTROY THE CITY.
Man #2: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT

WILL DESTROY THE CITY.
Man #2: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU GUYS, BUT IF THAT OVERGROWN

Man #2: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU GUYS, BUT IF THAT OVERGROWN
LIZARD DOESN'T GET CUSTODY

YOU GUYS, BUT IF THAT OVERGROWN
LIZARD DOESN'T GET CUSTODY
OF THE KID, I'M GETTIN' THE

LIZARD DOESN'T GET CUSTODY
OF THE KID, I'M GETTIN' THE
HECK OUTTA HERE!

OF THE KID, I'M GETTIN' THE
HECK OUTTA HERE!
[LAUGHTER]

HECK OUTTA HERE!
[LAUGHTER]
BUT OUR LITTLE BOY WANTS

[LAUGHTER]
BUT OUR LITTLE BOY WANTS
TO STAY WITH US.

BUT OUR LITTLE BOY WANTS
TO STAY WITH US.
WE'RE HIS PARENTS.

TO STAY WITH US.
WE'RE HIS PARENTS.
SURELY WE CAN GIVE HIM MORE LOVE

WE'RE HIS PARENTS.
SURELY WE CAN GIVE HIM MORE LOVE
THAN A TWO MILLION YEAR OLD

SURELY WE CAN GIVE HIM MORE LOVE
THAN A TWO MILLION YEAR OLD
REPTILE.

THAN A TWO MILLION YEAR OLD
REPTILE.
MR. AND MRS. KRAMER, I WARNED

REPTILE.
MR. AND MRS. KRAMER, I WARNED
YOU BEFORE ABOUT YOUR OUTBURSTS!

MR. AND MRS. KRAMER, I WARNED
YOU BEFORE ABOUT YOUR OUTBURSTS!
NOW, SIT DOWN BEFORE I DECLARE

YOU BEFORE ABOUT YOUR OUTBURSTS!
NOW, SIT DOWN BEFORE I DECLARE
YOU GUILTY OF CONTEMPT!

Announcer: KRAMER VS.

GODZILLA.

[APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[♪...]

♪ BUT I'M PRAYING
TO THE ALIENS ♪
♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪

♪ BUT I'M PRAYING
TO THE ALIENS ♪
♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪

TO THE ALIENS ♪
♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪
[♪...]

[♪...]

♪ BUT I'M PRAYING
TO THE ALIENS ♪
♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪

TO THE ALIENS ♪
♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪
[♪...]

♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪
[♪...]
♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪

[♪...]
♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪
♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪

♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪
♪ I'M PRAYING TO THE ALIENS ♪
[♪...]

[♪...]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, WE GOT THROUGH AGAIN.
AMERICANS WON THE HOCKEY GAME.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

I HOPE WE KICK RUSSIA'S ASS.
[CHEERING]
I HOPE YOU HAVE AS MUCH FUN

[CHEERING]
I HOPE YOU HAVE AS MUCH FUN
AS ME, WATCHING US, AS I DO

I HOPE YOU HAVE AS MUCH FUN
AS ME, WATCHING US, AS I DO
WORKING WITH THESE PEOPLE.

AS ME, WATCHING US, AS I DO
WORKING WITH THESE PEOPLE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WORKING WITH THESE PEOPLE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GOODNIGHT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GOODNIGHT.
[♪..., APPLAUSE]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY
NIGHT OUR HOST WILL BE
KIRK DOUGLAS WITH MUSICAL

NIGHT OUR HOST WILL BE
KIRK DOUGLAS WITH MUSICAL
GUEST, JAMES BROWN.

KIRK DOUGLAS WITH MUSICAL
GUEST, JAMES BROWN.
WATCH THE BEST OF SATURDAY

GUEST, JAMES BROWN.
WATCH THE BEST OF SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE ON WEDNESDAY AT

WATCH THE BEST OF SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE ON WEDNESDAY AT
10 / 9 MOUNTAIN AND CENTRAL.

NIGHT LIVE ON WEDNESDAY AT
10 / 9 MOUNTAIN AND CENTRAL.
THIS IS DON PARDO, A VOICE FOR

10 / 9 MOUNTAIN AND CENTRAL.
THIS IS DON PARDO, A VOICE FOR
ALL SEASONS, SAYING GOODNIGHT.

THIS IS DON PARDO, A VOICE FOR
ALL SEASONS, SAYING GOODNIGHT.
[♪...]

THIS IS IT.
PRESIDENT NIXON IS ARRIVING.
THIS IS WONDERFUL.

PRESIDENT NIXON IS ARRIVING.
THIS IS WONDERFUL.
HE'S HERE!

THIS IS WONDERFUL.
HE'S HERE!
THIS IS IT!

HE'S HERE!
THIS IS IT!
MR. PRESIDENT!

THIS IS IT!
MR. PRESIDENT!
MR. FORMER PRESIDENT.

MR. PRESIDENT!
MR. FORMER PRESIDENT.
IF, IF, JUST IF, YOU COULD BE

MR. FORMER PRESIDENT.
IF, IF, JUST IF, YOU COULD BE
ANY ANIMAL, WHO WOULD IT BE?

IF, IF, JUST IF, YOU COULD BE
ANY ANIMAL, WHO WOULD IT BE?
WHAT WOULD IT BE?

ANY ANIMAL, WHO WOULD IT BE?
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
WHAT, ANY ANIMAL!

WHAT WOULD IT BE?
WHAT, ANY ANIMAL!
ANY ANIMAL!

HE HAS TO THINK IT OVER.
HE PROBABLY WANTS
TO THINK IT OVER.