Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 39, Episode 3 - Bruce Willis/Katy Perry - full transcript

Sketches include NASA Shutdown Cold Open, Bruce Willis Monologue, 24-Hour Energy Drink, Black Ops, The Ol' Barbershop, Boy Dance Party, Lady Gaga Show, Weekend Update with guests Chaplain Barry Black and Brooks Wheelan, Armageddon, Centauri Vodka, Protective Son, and Beer Pong.

You ever see anything that


Besides me, I mean?

Get over yourself, Kazanski.

No, come on.


I think some debris hit the


Oh, my God!

We're detached.

What do we do?

Stay calm.


We've been hit be debris and

you copy?

Houston, come in.

desperately, Houston.




This is Dr. Janet Stone.

We've become detached from the

oxygen and dropping.

Please advise.

Mission control is not here

right now, but can I take a



What do you mean they're not


Well, this is awkward, but

[cheers and applause]

employee in the place.

months ago.

If you can give us

international space station we

may have a small chance for



Let me get a pen here.

I'm going to say that Janet from

And I'm going to say this is

very important.

Okay, all set.

Houston, no.

We need a plan of action to get

back to earth.

might be kind of dumb.

Houston, there are no dumb


In Willy Wonka, Charlie and

That is a dumb idea.

I'm at 2% oxygen.

If that's the case, why don't

we make this asphyxiation an

Hey, guys, I think I see

someone who might know something

about space.

Come on in.

Tell them what you know.

Treks," "Deep Nine Space" and

"Battlegar Galaspartica."

No, we need coordinates for

the ISS.

Yes, but maybe you get him

job, okay?

He need money so we can move

back to Ukraine where government

is more stable.

running out of time.

Neither can congress.

Oh, you funny.

You are funny.

Rover pop some wheelies?


Hello, Houston?

Oh, my God.

If anyone can hear this

transmission, we are lost in


ANNOUNCER: It's "Saturday

Night Live"!

Aidy Bryant

Taran Killam

Kate McKinnon

Seth Meyers

Bobby Moynihan

Jay Pharoah

Mike O'Brien

Noel Wells

Brooks Wheelan

Katy Perry!

Bruce Willis!

Ladies and gentlemen, Bruce

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

It's great to be hosting

"Saturday Night Live."

oh, my goodness.

The last time I hosted the show

If you had told me back then

there were going to be six Die

Hards," I would have said that

seems a little too many.

A lot of change for me in the

I now have three beautiful grown



And last year my wife and I were

blessed with another baby.

My baby Mabel Rae.

And I'm so very happy to have

four daughters.

Hey, Bruce.

Bobby, how you doing?

Bruce, I need to say

I know how bummed you are that

you don't have a son.

I'm not bummed.

I just want you to know that

you have been a hero to me since

the first time we worked


When did we work together?

I was the baby in "Look Who's


It was me.

Yeah, no, it was.

I just want you to know that

ever since then, I have been


I've always loved your

movies, and I know you play


And I myself studied harmonica

for many years.

Neither did I.

Would you mind?

I wouldn't mind at all.

This is the greatest.



[plays harmonica very poorly]


[plays harmonica very poorly]

[plays harmonica very poorly]

We have a great show tonight.

Katy Perry's here.

Stick around.

[cheers and applause]

>Are you exhausted?

Feeling overwhelmed?

Sure, everyone could use a

little extra energy, but you

you're dating an actress.

You're just jealous Mama!

Introducing 24-hour Energy

for dating actresses because for

her all the world's a stage.

I guess mother was right

about me.

Whether she's trying out a

I'm a German woman.

I'm a German woman.

I am a German woman.

the call back.

[bleep] my life!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Or that she did get the call


They want to see me on




Now you'll have the energy

you need to tell her she was

Other blinds are too flimsy.


Or hang out with her actor

tunes in your face.

Or even see her latest Off-

Broadway performance.

I'm scared.

Funny, you don't look scared.


Go ahead, date that actress.

You can handle it.


Yes, yes.

And the award goes to you,


And now for women, 24-hour

Energy for dating comedians.

Hey, anybody need a stool

>Today's the big day,


I hope you got your sleep.

The raid on Al Jafar's compound

Takes place in 3:00 hours.


All right, approach the left

flank, establish a perimeter,


I head to the main power

grid, I get the signal, I cut

the juice.


I walk up to the front door

and kick it in.

Bad guys look at me, I smile,

and I say, "anybody order a



They reach for their guns, I'm


Pop, pop, pop.

Dead just like that.

But there's a fourth guy, I didn't


He's standing behind me.

He tells me to drop the gun.

I do.

up, surprise, I have a knife on

Kick him in the throat.

Falls to the ground.

I turn and say to myself

"Where are you hiding Jafar?"


Your job is to wait in the van

and make sure communications

don't go down.


I'm on extraction.

Two apaches three clicks out.

Night vision goggles on.

We stay quiet.



I go in loud, I let them know

I'm there.

I yell, "the game is up Al


You're like a pebble in my shoe.

But in order to find me you'll

Uh-oh, is the bodyguard big?


Don't encourage him.

He's coming towards me.

He sees something on the floor.

I got a knife.

The end of my boot.

And I kick him in the throat.

You just happened to see

something on the floor?

It doesn't matter.

No, you're not.

You're in the van making sure

I'm running the grab team.

Intelligence put him in the

it was booby-trapped, kaboom.

I drop to the ground and cradle

your head in my hands.

My head?

Then I look at you and I say,

don't you dare die on me.

breath, you say, you were always

my hero.

Yeah, I would not say that.


I look to the heavens and I

scream Jafar.

say, we met again.


Have you met before?

He opens his shirt, bomb

strapped to his chest.


I smirk, of course.

But I have other plans.

Because, surprise, you have a


You have a knife in your


Kick my boot across the room,

the knife goes into his neck but

not before it hits the


I don't have that much time.

I forget my keys.

The bomb goes off and I fall to

my certain death.

driving by.


an ugly one.

I give her a devilish grin


Fade to black.


You want to see what I mean,

you'll all follow me or stay

here with this guy and play it

by the books.


I do want to see that Ferrari.

[cheers and applause]

>Did you see that game last


Did you see that boy

Ellsbury steal that base last


Ain't nobody fast as Lou Brock.


Lou Brock could get a pork chop

past a coyote.

I saw it happen.

It was 1964.

Pork chop day at the ballpark.

A coyote ran out on the field

and Lou Brock didn't let that

coyote get one lick.

Let me tell you something.

He can't run like Ricky,


I once saw Ricky Henderson leave

first base go up in the

down and slide into third.

I mean, pitcher didn't even get

the ball out his glove.

How about Wade Boggs?

He's pretty good.

What was that?

I saw him play one time.

I was, like, are you going to go

1 for 4 tonight?

And he did.


All right.

That's real good, Terry.

Hey, is he okay?

He's fine.

He might not be the best

storyteller in the world, but he

head of hair.

Yeah, Terry just transferred

town, all right?

My old lady wanted to get a


You know who was a ladies' man.

Who is?

Darryl Dawkins.

I know Darryl Dawkins.

Look here, look here, look here.

I met Darryl Dawkins outside an

Isley Brothers concert, right?

It was Ramadan, right?


And Darryl Dawkins gave me a

grilled cheese sandwich.

Come on now!

Man, that boy had a fro so

high, a bird could fly into it

and come out two weeks later


A dozen eggs!

What's that, Terry?

Robin eggs comes out of a


That's a good question,


Stranger than fiction, right?

Me and my girl, you know, we

bird watch sometimes.

We get out there, I saw a bird

looking at me one time.

He looked me right in the eye.



Terry, I seen your woman,


She's fine.

You want to talk fine?

You better start with miss Pam


Miss Foxy Brown.

Man, I saw a movie starring

Pam Grier in 1973 called

The theater got so hot, steam

covered up the whole screen.

Nobody could see a thing.


Man, I dated Pam Grier.

Hand to Jesus.


for smuggling out pumpkins.

You know who's really pretty

in a smart way?

Helen Hunt.

Not a bad actress either.

I met her.

That's all right, Helen.

I'm just saying, we're

telling the stories.

True story.

You know, boys, I'm going to

get out of here early today.

Me and my girl are going to see

a concert.

I'll see you tomorrow.

That's cool.

Sheryl Crow.

sheryl crow.

That's my son.

Looks just like Lenny Kravitz.

He does.

[cheering and jeering]

>Hi, boys.

Okay, we're going out.

Are you sure you don't want to

come dancing with us?


Honey, this is an important


All right.

Go, red team.

Wrong team.


Love you, sweetie.

All right, have fun.

I need to get out of the man



♪ On the floor

♪ Here's some info

That may come

as a surprise ♪

♪ Sometimes we like to dance

♪ It's a boy dance party

it's a boy dance party ♪

♪ Not homoerotic

Just a couple brothers

unity ♪

Stress away without

We don't dance good

but that's just part

of our charm ♪

♪ So bring your taters

And the chicken wings

Huh ♪

♪ It's a boy dance party

It's a boy dance party

it's a boy dance party

boy dance party ♪

♪ In the olden days

The ladies stayed at home

while the men went to work ♪

♪ But now it's time

For the ladies to get out

so the men can twerk ♪

♪ So grab a beer

Throw your remote

and smoke

♪ If you see a girl nearby

then stop ♪

Almost forgot my phone.

Can you imagine?

Earth to Gwen.


Anyway, sorry for interrupting

macho time.

See you later, you studs.

It's a boy dance party

it's a boy dance party ♪

♪ It's a boy dance party

We're about to break it down

boy jam style.

♪ Fellas spread 'em

Shoulder width

then flex your back

ah yeah ♪

♪ Put your hands

Up in the air

♪ Shake that

shake shake

shake that sack ♪

♪ Shake that

♪ It's a boy dance party

no girls allowed ♪

♪ Boy dance party

Boys like dancing, too!

♪ Boy dance party

[cheers and applause]

Who won?

We did.



[cheers and applause]

And hold my breath

and make a mess ♪

♪ So I sat quietly

Agreed politely

I had a choice ♪

♪ I let you push me past

The breaking point

so I fell for everything ♪

♪ You held me down

But I got up

already brushing off the dust

you hear my voice ♪

♪ You hear that sound

Like thunder gonna

shake the ground

you held me down♪

Get ready cause

I've had enough

I seen it all ♪

♪ I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger

a fighter

dancing through the fire ♪

And you're gonna hear me roar

louder louder than a lion

cause I am a champion ♪

Gonna hear me roar

oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me roar

like a butterfly ♪

♪ Stinging like a bee

I earned my stripes

I went from zero

But I got up

you hear my voice ♪

♪ You hear that sound

Like thunder gonna

shake the ground

I've had enough

I see it all ♪

♪ I see it now

a fighter

♪ Cause I am a champion

And you're gonna hear me roar

louder louder than a lion

cause I am a champion ♪

♪ And you're gonna

Hear me roar

oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ You'll hear me roar

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

you're gonna hear me roar

roar-or roar-or ♪

I got the eye of the tiger

a fighter

♪ Cause I am a champion

And you're gonna hear me roar

louder louder than a lion

cause I am a champion ♪

Hear me roar

oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me roar

oh oh oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ You'll hear me roar

you're gonna hear me roar ♪

ANNOUNCER: "Weekend Update"

[cheers and applause]

>Hey there, I'm Seth Meyers.

And I'm Cecily Strong.


press conferences, this week the

shutdown remains in effect.


6,000 medals honoring Pope

Francis after it was discovered

that Jesus had been misspelled.

Kanye West received a shipment

of medals with Yezuz misspelled.

>After 16-year-old Malala who

the Taliban tried to kill for

promoting education for girls

was not given the Nobel peace

prize this week, the Taliban


Taliban is also pretty catty.

>Insiders saying that Prince

Harry may soon propose to his

been using his daily prayer to

admonish members of congress.

Here is Chaplain Barry Black.

Lord, give us strength and

bunch of blubbering knuckleheads

who go on television and spout

Until you want to smack them

across the face with bag full of


Ooh, now that's change I can

believe in.

This we humbly ask in your

blessed name.


Do you think your prayers have

I hope so.

progress being made yesterday

when Republicans and congress

met face to face with those in

the White House.

So I'm optimistic.

Yes, that was definitely


But yesterday senator Ted Cruz

proposed to fight even harder to

keep the government shut down.


Let us pray.

something that makes people want

to pin them on the floor, shove

a sweaty sock in their mouth and

whoop them up and down with a

pillowcase full of skittles.

Make them taste the rainbow.

May they find themselves in a

restroom stall devoid of toilet


With nothing to use but a


A receipt for a small purchase

that they then must tear into

blotting their behinds, grant

them grace to realize that they

are destroying this great


This we humbly ask in your

I have to say, I can see

Oh, Seth, it's not my job to


Only to minister to those who

need it.

I'm still optimistic.

already drafted in the senate

Well, I doubt it makes

everyone happy.

No, I don't think so.

But the half supports it.

But the president supports


Not yet.

Let us pray.

Lord, send a flood to

Washington and just drown


Or at least allow your cleansing

waters to carry them to a place

far, far away.

Let them float down the

Potomac desperately grabbing at

And Lord, if it's not too much

my hand and pull it back real

quick and run it through my hair

not want to be them.

Thank you so much for your


Like you said earlier, maybe I

can come every week.

I'm not sure about that.


>A dog in Georgia named

Norman has set a new record for

being the fastest dog ever on a

scooter clocking in at a record

time of anything.

>A federal judge ruled this

week that a former intern for a

Chinese language broadcasting

company cannot sue the company

for sexual harassment because

unpaid interns are not

technically employees so

Mama's going to be dropping a

lot of pencils.


>The U.S. Postal Service has

announced that it is destroying

an entire run of

activity-oriented stamps after

they were criticized for

depicting unsafe activities such

as skateboarding without pads.

Guys, what were you thinking?

You know kids will do anything

they see on a stamp.

After a physicist harshly

criticized the hit movie

"Gravity" saying that it

contained a number of


For example, there's no way

George Clooney would spend that

much time talking to a woman his

own age.


>Bruce and Kris Jenner

confirmed this week that after

22 years of marriage they're

getting divorced.

that makes perfect sense.

>Bruce and Kris Jenner

getting divorced.

No word yet on who gets to keep

the haircut.

confirmed this week that they

have decided to start looking

>Bruce and Kris Jenner

confirm this week that they're

getting divorced.

"it's sad, but I'm excited to

>It was confirmed this week

masks are getting a divorce.


[cheers and applause]

>Florida police arrested a

man who was caught in a

McDonald's drive-through wearing

He's been charged with one count

of 'Lovin' It."


>Tide has created a new

self-cleaning shirt that infuses

soap into the ink in the logo

which is released when it gets

You lazy piece of garbage.


>A new set of army

soldiers from getting tattoos

below the elbow or knee.

This news has many soldiers

rushing out to get these tattoos

before the looming cutoff date.

Brooks Wheelan.

[cheers and applause]

Good to see you.

everyone out there rushing to

get tattoos to please stop and

think about it for a minute.

Trust me.

I've made some poor decisions in

I've been fired over

I've locked myself in my own car


But none of those mistakes even

come remotely close to this


The Anthony Kiedis tribal stamp.


Those lyrics will never grow


How's that one song go you love

so much?

only tattoo, that's not bad.

After that, I picked up a

nautical star.

I have to ask, what is the

Interesting you should ask,

I'm not into sailing and I don't

I shouldn't be trusted with my

own thoughts.

You would think I'd learn a

lesson from these two things.

But you'd be wrong.

Because immediately after these

boy on my side.

It might make a little bit of

sense had I not grown up in

Having never once seen an ocean


I just walked into a tattoo


Busch Light can floating down.

But no, it's an ocean.

And there's a whale on the

bottom of it.

Oh, high school Brooks, you're

It's gonna be great being

uncomfortable in public pools

for the rest of your life.

How did you even come up with

that design on your side?


Were you an art student?

No, not at all.

sketch book than my human body.

I like it.

Don't say that.

I'm saying put

some thought into your tattoos,

Don't just get one to get one.

Make sure it has some meaning.

Will you get one more tatoo?

The lady from Avatar.

The blue Na'vi?

No, Sigourney Weaver.

>In an interview this week

her husband have sex multiple

times a day.

Her husband confirmed the story

>Dutch police have begun

using rats to detect drugs and

So next time you smoke weed in

paranoid about the

>A school in Long Island, New

York, has banned all footballs,

baseballs and other sports

students would get hurt during

recess, which is pretty much par

for the course over at the oh,

weak children.

>"Weekend Update, I'm Seth

I'm Cecily Strong.

>All right, ladies play time

We've got a giant space rock

bearing down on earth.

A half mile wide.

It's a global killer.

The only thing between that

asteroid and the end of planet

earth is us.

I say we blast this sucker and

go home heroes.

Yeah, well if we pull this

Vegas, whole week, emperor's


I'm going to have the

president take care of all my

old parking tickets.

bedroom of the White House.

I'd like to see them tell me no.

I'm going to see my daughter,

much I love her.

What about you, Kirby?

I'm going to kiss my little

kitty cat.


What the hell did you just


I'm going to kiss my little

I'm going to kiss him on his

I'm going to give him butterfly

kisses like this.


So that way he knows his Papa

loves him.

All right.

before we hit zero barrier.

Let's run it down one more time.

When we touch down, you fire up

the Armadillo.


Stone Dog, you prep the drill


You got it boss.

Chance, you get those

hydraulics online.

Kirby, I'm counting on you to

I miss my little kitty cat.


Sometimes when I come home, he's

him up in the air like a little

Lion King.

♪ I love my kitty cat


Who the hell is this guy?

happens to be the best drill

He's also banging my daughter.

And sometimes my kitty cat will

make a little piddle in the

kitchen and I have to say, no!

Bad kitty.

Piddle in the box like a


Then I feel bad for yelling at


Prepare for landing.

Everybody hold on!

That was a rough one.

Everybody okay?


I miss my little kitty cat.

Dog, give me the stats.

We overshot the landing site

chief, we landed on a damn iron

Boss, there's no way we can

get that drill through that


We're toast.

One of us has to go out there

That means someone ain't

coming home.

It should be Kirby.

Kirby right there.


No, no, I'll do it.

Kirby tell my little girl I love


You can tell her yourself

because I already got someone on

What the hell did you do?


Please tell me you did not give

the nuke to the cat!


knows how to get into little

in the tube.

And the only reason I knew he

If anyone can do the job --


He exploded!

There's a rip in his suit.

the outside.


His teeth are everywhere.

I hate this!

I hate it so much!

Oh, wait.

Give Papa a little kiss before

you save the planet.

This is a fantastic launch


Thanks, man.

I really think this will be big.

Centauri Vodka is a damn good


I am the Centauri Vodka centaur.

Would you like a Centauri shot?

Well, thank you.

A taste of fantasy for the

warrior in all of us.


He's fantastic.

Yeah, nice touch, Rich.

It adds to the ambience,


Let me introduce you to some of

the investors.


I've got a lot of VIPs to deal


Randy the guy playing my back

legs, I'm worried about him.

He has no air holes back there.

He's an actor.

Can you please just check on

him, please?

I'm telling you, Randy is



He loves it.

Randy loves being an actor.

He had a head cold while they

were shaving my chest.

Just concentrate on being a

centaur and serving free vodka.

Vin Diesel so he can stop

staring at that wall.

Sure, thanks.

Centauri Vodka, the taste

of -- hang on, Randy.

A taste of the fantasy for the

warrior in us all.

Is your butt screaming?

A little.


Doug, you've got to stop with

the Randy stuff.


He's all good.

Everybody, I would like to make

a quick announcement.


I just wanted to thank you for

coming here tonight.

By coming here tonight you

showed me that --


Come on.

Centauri Vodka.

Bruce Jenner is horrified!

>And when I got back to my

200 roses.

So I said, "Fine.

Aw, Mom.

Being a florist, I'm just

glad that she said yes.

I know how hard it can be to get

back into the dating scene after

Well, it's just nice to see

Mom smiling again.

Well, we should get going


Mama, I need you to get

more propane, I'm gonna grill.

He's taking me out to dinner.

Very nice to meet you, Eddie.

I actually have a chun --

children of my --

Wait, what did you say?

I have a son, a child.

You said chun.

No, I said chun, just got a

little tongue tied.

A mixture of child and son.

Why should I let you go out with

my mom if you can't even say


You're spitting right in my

mouth, Eddie.


Oh, man.

I got you so good.

Oh, Mama, he wanted to make a

good impression so bad first

word out of his mouth, chun!

And you got me, Eddie.

You got me.

Maybe we should all go out

for dinner.

I like that.

That sounds good to me.

Mr. Phipps maybe you should take

think outside the chun.

I'm messing with you!

He got me again.

You mean I'm chun.

I'm sorry, Mama.

I'm just having a little fun.

Having a little chun.

Oh, I missed one.

You're starting to upset your


Dad left because of you.

He said so specifically in his

Oh, yeah?

Well, guess what, baby sis, I

don't care what you say because

I got a new papa, right, Mr.


much fun together.

We can watch movies like "Top

or maybe Forrest Gump.

Mr. Phipps, question for you.

Is your favorite band chun

Please stop.

your mother, Eddie.

Oh, man, I'm just messing

with you.

Hey, Mama, do you remember when

we were in church and I soiled

my chundewear?

No, I'm mistaken, I didn't do

Because I soiled my underwear,

you moron.

Listen to me, you punk.

But you know what you need a

little discipline.

Just been so hard since my papa


you look like you would take

care of me if I was trapped

inside a Japanese office


Broad shoulders, a strong jaw.

You're so strong, take care of


Your chin looks like it was

My chin disappears into my neck.

It looks like an accordion.

But I just wanted to impress

You know what would impress

me, Eddie, if you would just

settle down.


Yeah, thirty-chun.

Let's go to dinner.

Good talking to you, Papa.

Thank you.

I need boundaries.

[cheers and applause]

big party house.

Yeah, let's check it out.

Welcome to Sigma.

How about some beer pong?

Yeah, sure.

Just so you know, we play

So you get pretty intense.

Better call mom and daddy to

make sure it's okay.

Ha ha.

All right.

So basic rules, you sink it in

the cup, drink once.

Bounce it, drink twice.

Three in a row, you're on

fire, call the cup and knock it

down it's whistles.

Sink it in the same cup, and you

get the balls back.

What's whistles?

Can you guys whistle?


you have to whistle a song.

Just a chance for us to learn

what makes you a very special

and unique person inside of you.

song to whistle?

We'll whistle it for you.

Okay, I guess.

All right, just a few more


swat it and bounce it back, and

it lands inside one of your

cups, you have to design your

ideal rollier coaster.

Grab some markers or some

colored pencils and just start



Disregard the laws of physics

wildest dreams.

If we like it enough we put

it up on the wall.

>All right, listen to this.

The ball goes around the rim and

goes in, pen pals.

Possibly forming friendships

My pen pal is from Australia.

If you throw it in, you get

to choose a lizard.

Put on your pinstripes and

step up to the plate because

we're putting you in a custom

And you get to choose your own


That's just something fun

that we do whenever we want to.

drinking in the game.

We can chug.

You can become the conductor

Science project.

Show them.

but I wanted you to see it.

Can we just start the game?

We don't know how to play.

You just told us the rules.

Yeah, me either.

[cheers and applause]

I'm walking on air

tonight, tonight, tonight

I'm walking on air ♪

♪ You're giving me sweet

Sweet ecstasy

yeah you take me to utopia ♪

♪ You reading me

Like erotica

boy you make me feel

♪ Just when I think

than ever before ♪

♪ We go higher and higher

I feel like I'm already there

I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I'm walking

I'm walking on air tonight

I'm walking on air

I'm walking on air tonight ♪

I'm walking

I'm walking on air tonight

I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I'm walking on air tonight

This is pure paradise

of our love ♪

♪ Yes we make angels cry

Reigning down on earth

from up above ♪

♪ Just when I think

I can't take anymore

we go deeper and harder

than ever before ♪

♪ We go higher and higher

I'm walking on air tonight

I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I'm walking

I'm walking on air tonight

I'm walking on air

I'm walking on air tonight ♪

♪ I'm walking on air

I'm walking

I'm walking on air tonight ♪

♪ I'm walking on air

I'm walking on air

tonight, tonight, tonight

I'm walking on air ♪

I'm walking on air

heaven is jealous

of our love, oh yeah ♪

♪ Angels are crying

From up above, oh yeah


I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I'm walking

I'm walking on air

tonight I'm walking on air

I'm walking on air ♪

♪ Tonight

I'm walking on air

I'm walking

I'm walking on air ♪

I'm walking on air

tonight, tonight, tonight

I'm walking on air ♪

I'm walking on air

I'm walking on air ♪

[cheers and applause]

Like a lot of people, I love

to smoke.

But my friends and family always

make me go outside to do it.

So that's why I now use e-Meth,

it's crystal meth, but



That means I can ride the ice

pony anywhere I want.

Smoking is a social thing

for me.

know what to do with my hands.

But now I do know what to do

Smoke meth.


It's good.

Thanks to e-Meth.

Now I don't need to leave the

Mama can smoke that chunky white

crunch anywhere.

At the office.

At the grocery store.

In a bathtub in the middle of

the road.

Or face down in a big old tire.

e-Meth is healthier because

it doesn't contain anti-freeze.

But it still has that great meth


E-Meth lets me get totally

gacked up whoop-chicken without

yellowing my teeth.

Perfectly white.



Thanks to e-Meth, I can even

smoke Inside my favorite

smoke meth in here.

It's okay, it's electronic.

I don't care, you're in my

living room and you're naked.


e-Meth is not for everyone.

Talk to your doctor if you

experience body rot, face melt,

painful death or fatigue.

it's blue, bitch.

[cheers and applause]

cast and crew.

Thank you so much.

Careful going home.

Walking home.