Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Lily Tomlin - full transcript

Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES.

GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES.
[APPLAUSE]

MY FELLOW AMERICANS...

I HAVE CALLED UPON THE NETWORKS

TONIGHT TO MAKE TWO PRESSING

ISSUES CLEAR TO THE AMERICAN

PUBLIC.

AH-CHOO!
NUMBER ONE, THE POSSIBLE DEFAULT
OF NEW YORK CITY, AND NUMBER

NUMBER ONE, THE POSSIBLE DEFAULT
OF NEW YORK CITY, AND NUMBER
ONE, MY STAND ON THE

OF NEW YORK CITY, AND NUMBER
ONE, MY STAND ON THE
RONALD REAGAN ANNOUNCEMENT.

ONE, MY STAND ON THE
RONALD REAGAN ANNOUNCEMENT.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]



RONALD REAGAN ANNOUNCEMENT.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
HELLO.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]
HELLO.
HELLO?

HELLO.
HELLO?
HELLO, NESSEN?

HELLO?
HELLO, NESSEN?
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

HELLO, NESSEN?
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
WHAT, ARE YOU IN THE POOL?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
WHAT, ARE YOU IN THE POOL?
WELL, I GUESS THE OTHER PHONE'S

WHAT, ARE YOU IN THE POOL?
WELL, I GUESS THE OTHER PHONE'S
RINGING, I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, I GUESS THE OTHER PHONE'S
RINGING, I DON'T KNOW.
ALL RIGHT.

RINGING, I DON'T KNOW.
ALL RIGHT.
[TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING]

ALL RIGHT.
[TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
FIRSTLY, THE DEFAULT OF

[TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
FIRSTLY, THE DEFAULT OF
NEW YORK CITY.

FIRSTLY, THE DEFAULT OF
NEW YORK CITY.
LET ME BE CLEAR ON MY FEELINGS

NEW YORK CITY.
LET ME BE CLEAR ON MY FEELINGS
ABOUT THIS.

LET ME BE CLEAR ON MY FEELINGS
ABOUT THIS.
AS PRESIDENT, I WILL CHANGE MY



ABOUT THIS.
AS PRESIDENT, I WILL CHANGE MY
MIND WHEREVER I WANT.

AS PRESIDENT, I WILL CHANGE MY
MIND WHEREVER I WANT.
HELLO, HOT LINE.

MIND WHEREVER I WANT.
HELLO, HOT LINE.
ANWAR, UH... JUST A SECOND.

HELLO, HOT LINE.
ANWAR, UH... JUST A SECOND.
I'M ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW.

ANWAR, UH... JUST A SECOND.
I'M ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW.
I'LL GET YOU KISSINGER, OKAY?

I'M ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW.
I'LL GET YOU KISSINGER, OKAY?
HANK?

I'LL GET YOU KISSINGER, OKAY?
HANK?
CAN YOU TALK TO SADAT FOR A

HANK?
CAN YOU TALK TO SADAT FOR A
MINUTE?

CAN YOU TALK TO SADAT FOR A
MINUTE?
THANK YOU.

MINUTE?
THANK YOU.
THE POINT IS... DO I REALLY KNOW

THANK YOU.
THE POINT IS... DO I REALLY KNOW
WHAT THE ISSUE IS?

THE POINT IS... DO I REALLY KNOW
WHAT THE ISSUE IS?
RELEVANT, IRRELEVANT?

WHAT THE ISSUE IS?
RELEVANT, IRRELEVANT?
FAULT, DEFAULT?

RELEVANT, IRRELEVANT?
FAULT, DEFAULT?
THESE ARE JUST HARD WORDS.

FAULT, DEFAULT?
THESE ARE JUST HARD WORDS.
[TELEPHONE BUZZES]

THESE ARE JUST HARD WORDS.
[TELEPHONE BUZZES]
YES, HANK.

[TELEPHONE BUZZES]
YES, HANK.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO ANWAR.

YES, HANK.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO ANWAR.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO ANWAR.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ANWAR... HELLO?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ANWAR... HELLO?
HELLO?

THE BAIL-OUT BILL NOW BEFORE THE
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES DOES
NOT ADDRESS THE CURRENT

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES DOES
NOT ADDRESS THE CURRENT
SITUATION, AND I WOULD VETO IT!

NOT ADDRESS THE CURRENT
SITUATION, AND I WOULD VETO IT!
THE CURRENT SITUATION BEING

SITUATION, AND I WOULD VETO IT!
THE CURRENT SITUATION BEING
THAT, THE LONGER I HOLD OUT ON

THE CURRENT SITUATION BEING
THAT, THE LONGER I HOLD OUT ON
NEW YORK CITY, THE BETTER

THAT, THE LONGER I HOLD OUT ON
NEW YORK CITY, THE BETTER
CHANCES I HAVE WITH THOSE

NEW YORK CITY, THE BETTER
CHANCES I HAVE WITH THOSE
CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS WHO

CHANCES I HAVE WITH THOSE
CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS WHO
MIGHT OTHERWISE SUPPORT

CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS WHO
MIGHT OTHERWISE SUPPORT
RONALD REAGAN.

MIGHT OTHERWISE SUPPORT
RONALD REAGAN.
PRETTY SMART, EH?

RONALD REAGAN.
PRETTY SMART, EH?
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY FIRST

PRETTY SMART, EH?
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY FIRST
POINT.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY FIRST
POINT.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE RECENT

POINT.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE RECENT
POPULARITY POLLS, SHALL WE?

LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE RECENT
POPULARITY POLLS, SHALL WE?
WHOOPS!

POPULARITY POLLS, SHALL WE?
WHOOPS!
NO PROBLEM!

WHOOPS!
NO PROBLEM!
I'M FINE.

NO PROBLEM!
I'M FINE.
NOW, AS WE CAN SEE, THE FORD

I'M FINE.
NOW, AS WE CAN SEE, THE FORD
POPULARITY IS CERTAINLY ON A

NOW, AS WE CAN SEE, THE FORD
POPULARITY IS CERTAINLY ON A
SHARP RISE HERE...

POPULARITY IS CERTAINLY ON A
SHARP RISE HERE...
WHEREAS THE...

SHARP RISE HERE...
WHEREAS THE...
WAIT!

WHEREAS THE...
WAIT!
I...

WAIT!
I...
[LAUGHTER]

I...
[LAUGHTER]
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

[LAUGHTER]
LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: STARRING...

THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
LILY TOMLIN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

STOP!
WELL, THANK YOU ALL A LOT.
[LAUGHTER]

WELL, THANK YOU ALL A LOT.
[LAUGHTER]
AND WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

[LAUGHTER]
AND WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WE'RE EXCITED TONIGHT TO PRESENT

AND WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WE'RE EXCITED TONIGHT TO PRESENT
THIS PAGEANT TO YOU.

WE'RE EXCITED TONIGHT TO PRESENT
THIS PAGEANT TO YOU.
[LAUGHTER]

THIS PAGEANT TO YOU.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S INSIDE OUR

[LAUGHTER]
IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S INSIDE OUR
BODIES, AND IT JUST WANTS TO GET

IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S INSIDE OUR
BODIES, AND IT JUST WANTS TO GET
OUT.

BODIES, AND IT JUST WANTS TO GET
OUT.
I'M ESPECIALLY EXCITED TO BE

OUT.
I'M ESPECIALLY EXCITED TO BE
BACK HERE IN NEW YORK BECAUSE,

I'M ESPECIALLY EXCITED TO BE
BACK HERE IN NEW YORK BECAUSE,
WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU KNOW...

BACK HERE IN NEW YORK BECAUSE,
WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU KNOW...
WELL, THERE'S JUST SO MUCH...

WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU KNOW...
WELL, THERE'S JUST SO MUCH...
THERE'S SO MANY IMPRESSIONS AND

WELL, THERE'S JUST SO MUCH...
THERE'S SO MANY IMPRESSIONS AND
SO MANY IMPULSES THAT GREET YOU

THERE'S SO MANY IMPRESSIONS AND
SO MANY IMPULSES THAT GREET YOU
AND MEET YOU.

SO MANY IMPULSES THAT GREET YOU
AND MEET YOU.
IN FACT, SO MANY, THAT, VERY

AND MEET YOU.
IN FACT, SO MANY, THAT, VERY
OFTEN I JUST FEEL BOUND TO WRITE

IN FACT, SO MANY, THAT, VERY
OFTEN I JUST FEEL BOUND TO WRITE
THEM DOWN IN MY NOTEBOOK, WHICH

OFTEN I JUST FEEL BOUND TO WRITE
THEM DOWN IN MY NOTEBOOK, WHICH
I HAVE CONCEALED HERE VERY

THEM DOWN IN MY NOTEBOOK, WHICH
I HAVE CONCEALED HERE VERY
CLEVERLY IN MY ARMPIT.

I HAVE CONCEALED HERE VERY
CLEVERLY IN MY ARMPIT.
[LAUGHTER]

CLEVERLY IN MY ARMPIT.
[LAUGHTER]
AND, UH...

[LAUGHTER]
AND, UH...
I THOUGHT I'D READ THEM TO YOU.

AND, UH...
I THOUGHT I'D READ THEM TO YOU.
"I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE

I THOUGHT I'D READ THEM TO YOU.
"I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE
IF WE ALL BECAME WHAT WE WANTED

"I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE
IF WE ALL BECAME WHAT WE WANTED
TO BE WHEN WE GREW UP.

IF WE ALL BECAME WHAT WE WANTED
TO BE WHEN WE GREW UP.
I MEAN, IMAGINE A WORLD FILLED

TO BE WHEN WE GREW UP.
I MEAN, IMAGINE A WORLD FILLED
WITH NOTHING BUT FIREMEN,

I MEAN, IMAGINE A WORLD FILLED
WITH NOTHING BUT FIREMEN,
COWBOYS, NURSES, AND

WITH NOTHING BUT FIREMEN,
COWBOYS, NURSES, AND
BALLERINAS."

COWBOYS, NURSES, AND
BALLERINAS."
[LAUGHTER]

BALLERINAS."
[LAUGHTER]
"I'VE DECIDED THAT NEW YORK IS

[LAUGHTER]
"I'VE DECIDED THAT NEW YORK IS
ALWAYS KNOWING WHERE YOUR PURSE

"I'VE DECIDED THAT NEW YORK IS
ALWAYS KNOWING WHERE YOUR PURSE
IS."

ALWAYS KNOWING WHERE YOUR PURSE
IS."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IS."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
"AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
"AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING
ELSE... I RESENT LOSING THE

"AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING
ELSE... I RESENT LOSING THE
OZONE LAYER JUST SO WE CAN HAVE

ELSE... I RESENT LOSING THE
OZONE LAYER JUST SO WE CAN HAVE
PAM."

OZONE LAYER JUST SO WE CAN HAVE
PAM."
[LAUGHTER]

PAM."
[LAUGHTER]
"HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY SEEN

[LAUGHTER]
"HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY SEEN
SOMEONE LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO

"HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY SEEN
SOMEONE LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO
THE BANK?"

SOMEONE LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO
THE BANK?"
[LAUGHTER]

THE BANK?"
[LAUGHTER]
"WHY ISN'T THERE A SPECIAL NAME

[LAUGHTER]
"WHY ISN'T THERE A SPECIAL NAME
FOR THE TOPS OF YOUR FEET?"

"WHY ISN'T THERE A SPECIAL NAME
FOR THE TOPS OF YOUR FEET?"
[LAUGHTER]

FOR THE TOPS OF YOUR FEET?"
[LAUGHTER]
WHY, THIS AUDIENCE IS FILLED

[LAUGHTER]
WHY, THIS AUDIENCE IS FILLED
WITH A LITTLE BUNCH OF FREAKS.

WHY, THIS AUDIENCE IS FILLED
WITH A LITTLE BUNCH OF FREAKS.
[LAUGHTER]

WITH A LITTLE BUNCH OF FREAKS.
[LAUGHTER]
"BEING A NEW YORKER IS NEVER

[LAUGHTER]
"BEING A NEW YORKER IS NEVER
HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY."

"BEING A NEW YORKER IS NEVER
HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
"HOW COME...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
"HOW COME...
HOW COME, WHEN YOU'RE LAST IN A

"HOW COME...
HOW COME, WHEN YOU'RE LAST IN A
LINE THAT ISN'T MOVING, AND

HOW COME, WHEN YOU'RE LAST IN A
LINE THAT ISN'T MOVING, AND
SOMEONE COMES AND STANDS BEHIND

LINE THAT ISN'T MOVING, AND
SOMEONE COMES AND STANDS BEHIND
YOU, YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER?"

SOMEONE COMES AND STANDS BEHIND
YOU, YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER?"
[LAUGHTER]

YOU, YOU FEEL A LOT BETTER?"
[LAUGHTER]
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL,

[LAUGHTER]
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL,
"WOULDN'T IT BE NICE IF ALL

AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL,
"WOULDN'T IT BE NICE IF ALL
THOSE PEOPLE WHO ROAM THE

"WOULDN'T IT BE NICE IF ALL
THOSE PEOPLE WHO ROAM THE
STREETS OF NEW YORK TALKING TO

THOSE PEOPLE WHO ROAM THE
STREETS OF NEW YORK TALKING TO
THEMSELVES WERE PAIRED OFF SO

STREETS OF NEW YORK TALKING TO
THEMSELVES WERE PAIRED OFF SO
THAT THEY COULD WALK AROUND IN

THEMSELVES WERE PAIRED OFF SO
THAT THEY COULD WALK AROUND IN
COUPLES AND LOOK LIKE THEY'RE

THAT THEY COULD WALK AROUND IN
COUPLES AND LOOK LIKE THEY'RE
HAVING A CONVERSATION?"

COUPLES AND LOOK LIKE THEY'RE
HAVING A CONVERSATION?"
[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

I'LL TELL YOU, I WANTED TO DO A
CHEER FOR NEW YORK WHILE I'M
HERE.

CHEER FOR NEW YORK WHILE I'M
HERE.
[FINGERS SNAPPING]

HERE.
[FINGERS SNAPPING]
AND, UH...

[FINGERS SNAPPING]
AND, UH...
THIS IS THE COMPOSITION THAT

AND, UH...
THIS IS THE COMPOSITION THAT
COMES TO MIND.

THIS IS THE COMPOSITION THAT
COMES TO MIND.
♪ CHEER UP, NEW YORK, 'CAUSE

COMES TO MIND.
♪ CHEER UP, NEW YORK, 'CAUSE
YOU'RE OKAY ♪

♪ CHEER UP, NEW YORK, 'CAUSE
YOU'RE OKAY ♪
♪ THOUGH THE PRESIDENT SAYS YOU

YOU'RE OKAY ♪
♪ THOUGH THE PRESIDENT SAYS YOU
WON'T LAST ANOTHER DAY ♪

♪ THOUGH THE PRESIDENT SAYS YOU
WON'T LAST ANOTHER DAY ♪
♪ I'M HERE TO SAY YOU'RE HERE TO

WON'T LAST ANOTHER DAY ♪
♪ I'M HERE TO SAY YOU'RE HERE TO
STAY ♪

♪ I'M HERE TO SAY YOU'RE HERE TO
STAY ♪
♪ AND MENTION, BY THE WAY, IF I

STAY ♪
♪ AND MENTION, BY THE WAY, IF I
MAY ♪

♪ AND MENTION, BY THE WAY, IF I
MAY ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE GREATEST CULTURE,

MAY ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE GREATEST CULTURE,
SYMPHONIES, AND PLAYS ♪

♪ YOU GOT THE GREATEST CULTURE,
SYMPHONIES, AND PLAYS ♪
♪ ALSO SHOPPING, EATING, MEETING

SYMPHONIES, AND PLAYS ♪
♪ ALSO SHOPPING, EATING, MEETING
PLACES, AND SUBWAYS ♪

♪ ALSO SHOPPING, EATING, MEETING
PLACES, AND SUBWAYS ♪
♪ TAKE PRIDE IN YOURSELF ♪

PLACES, AND SUBWAYS ♪
♪ TAKE PRIDE IN YOURSELF ♪
♪ YOU COULD BE PHILADELPHIA ♪

♪ TAKE PRIDE IN YOURSELF ♪
♪ YOU COULD BE PHILADELPHIA ♪
[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

[BEETHOVEN'S "PIANO SONATA
NO. 14" PLAYS]

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
I BROUGHT YOUR HUSBAND'S
DINNER, MRS. BEETHOVEN.

I BROUGHT YOUR HUSBAND'S
DINNER, MRS. BEETHOVEN.
OH, FRIEDA, I'M SO WORRIED

DINNER, MRS. BEETHOVEN.
OH, FRIEDA, I'M SO WORRIED
ABOUT HIM.

OH, FRIEDA, I'M SO WORRIED
ABOUT HIM.
HE'S BEEN WORKING SO HARD.

ABOUT HIM.
HE'S BEEN WORKING SO HARD.
HE HASN'T EATEN FOR DAYS.

HE'S BEEN WORKING SO HARD.
HE HASN'T EATEN FOR DAYS.
LOOK. HE HASN'T EVEN TOUCHED HIS

HE HASN'T EATEN FOR DAYS.
LOOK. HE HASN'T EVEN TOUCHED HIS
BREAKFAST.

LOOK. HE HASN'T EVEN TOUCHED HIS
BREAKFAST.
LUDWIG!

BREAKFAST.
LUDWIG!
YOU MUST EAT!

LUDWIG!
YOU MUST EAT!
[PIANO STOPS]

YOU MUST EAT!
[PIANO STOPS]
GOOD MORNING!

[PIANO STOPS]
GOOD MORNING!
NICE TO SEE YOU!

GOOD MORNING!
NICE TO SEE YOU!
Both: ACH!

NICE TO SEE YOU!
Both: ACH!
[PIANO PLAYING RESUMES]

Both: ACH!
[PIANO PLAYING RESUMES]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[PIANO PLAYING RESUMES]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[LIGHT NOTES PLAYING]

["TIE A YELLOW RIBBON 'ROUND
THE OLE OAK TREE" PLAYS]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO
INTRODUCE, FOR THE FIRST TIME
ANYWHERE, NEVER SEEN ON

INTRODUCE, FOR THE FIRST TIME
ANYWHERE, NEVER SEEN ON
TELEVISION, THE "SATURDAY NIGHT"

ANYWHERE, NEVER SEEN ON
TELEVISION, THE "SATURDAY NIGHT"
ORCHESTRA, HOWARD SHORE AND HIS

TELEVISION, THE "SATURDAY NIGHT"
ORCHESTRA, HOWARD SHORE AND HIS
ALL-NURSE BAND.

ORCHESTRA, HOWARD SHORE AND HIS
ALL-NURSE BAND.
[APPLAUSE]

ALL-NURSE BAND.
[APPLAUSE]
THIS IS HEAD NURSE HOWARD SHORE.

[APPLAUSE]
THIS IS HEAD NURSE HOWARD SHORE.
"ST. JAMES INFIRMARY"?

THIS IS HEAD NURSE HOWARD SHORE.
"ST. JAMES INFIRMARY"?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?

"ST. JAMES INFIRMARY"?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
"ST. JAMES INFIRMARY"?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?
"ST. JAMES INFIRMARY"?
SUITS ME.

"ST. JAMES INFIRMARY"?
SUITS ME.
["ST. JAMES INFIRMARY" PLAYS]

♪ WHEN WILL I EVER STOP
MOANING? ♪
♪ WHEN WILL I EVER SMILE? ♪

MOANING? ♪
♪ WHEN WILL I EVER SMILE? ♪
♪ MY BABY WENT AND LEFT ME ♪

♪ WHEN WILL I EVER SMILE? ♪
♪ MY BABY WENT AND LEFT ME ♪
♪ HE'LL BE GONE A LONG, LONG

♪ MY BABY WENT AND LEFT ME ♪
♪ HE'LL BE GONE A LONG, LONG
WHILE ♪

♪ HE'LL BE GONE A LONG, LONG
WHILE ♪
♪ I FELT SO BLUE AND

WHILE ♪
♪ I FELT SO BLUE AND
HEARTBROKEN ♪

♪ I FELT SO BLUE AND
HEARTBROKEN ♪
♪ WHAT AM I LIVING FOR? ♪

HEARTBROKEN ♪
♪ WHAT AM I LIVING FOR? ♪
♪ MY BABY WENT AND LEFT ME ♪

♪ WHAT AM I LIVING FOR? ♪
♪ MY BABY WENT AND LEFT ME ♪
♪ NEVER TO COME BACK NO MORE ♪

♪ MY BABY WENT AND LEFT ME ♪
♪ NEVER TO COME BACK NO MORE ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪

♪ NEVER TO COME BACK NO MORE ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GOT YOU, PAPPY ♪

♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GOT YOU, PAPPY ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪

♪ GOT YOU, PAPPY ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ MAMMY, TOO ♪

♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ MAMMY, TOO ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪

♪ MAMMY, TOO ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GOT YOUR BABY ♪

♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GOT YOUR BABY ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪

♪ GOT YOUR BABY ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GONNA GET YOU ♪

♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GONNA GET YOU ♪
♪ I WENT DOWN TO ST. JAMES

♪ GONNA GET YOU ♪
♪ I WENT DOWN TO ST. JAMES
INFIRMARY ♪

♪ I WENT DOWN TO ST. JAMES
INFIRMARY ♪
♪ I HEARD MY BABY GROAN ♪

INFIRMARY ♪
♪ I HEARD MY BABY GROAN ♪
♪ I FELT SO BROKENHEARTED ♪

♪ I HEARD MY BABY GROAN ♪
♪ I FELT SO BROKENHEARTED ♪
♪ HE USED TO BE MY OWN ♪

♪ I FELT SO BROKENHEARTED ♪
♪ HE USED TO BE MY OWN ♪
♪ LET HIM GO, LET HIM GO, GOD

♪ HE USED TO BE MY OWN ♪
♪ LET HIM GO, LET HIM GO, GOD
BLESS HIM ♪

♪ LET HIM GO, LET HIM GO, GOD
BLESS HIM ♪
♪ WHATEVER HE MAY DO ♪

BLESS HIM ♪
♪ WHATEVER HE MAY DO ♪
♪ HE CAN LOOK THIS WIDE WORLD

♪ WHATEVER HE MAY DO ♪
♪ HE CAN LOOK THIS WIDE WORLD
OVER ♪

♪ HE CAN LOOK THIS WIDE WORLD
OVER ♪
♪ AND HE WON'T EVER FIND A SWEET

OVER ♪
♪ AND HE WON'T EVER FIND A SWEET
GAL LIKE YOU ♪

♪ AND HE WON'T EVER FIND A SWEET
GAL LIKE YOU ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪

GAL LIKE YOU ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GOT YOU, PAPPY ♪

♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GOT YOU, PAPPY ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪

♪ GOT YOU, PAPPY ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ MAMMY, TOO ♪

♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ MAMMY, TOO ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪

♪ MAMMY, TOO ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GOT YOUR BABY ♪

♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GOT YOUR BABY ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪

♪ GOT YOUR BABY ♪
♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GONNA GET YOU ♪

♪ HEART, HEART, HEART! ♪
♪ GONNA GET YOU ♪
♪ I TRIED TO KEEP FROM

♪ GONNA GET YOU ♪
♪ I TRIED TO KEEP FROM
CRYING ♪

♪ I TRIED TO KEEP FROM
CRYING ♪
♪ MY HEART FELT JUST LIKE LEAD ♪

CRYING ♪
♪ MY HEART FELT JUST LIKE LEAD ♪
♪ HE WAS ALL I HAD TO LIVE FOR ♪

♪ MY HEART FELT JUST LIKE LEAD ♪
♪ HE WAS ALL I HAD TO LIVE FOR ♪
♪ I WISH THAT IT WAS ME

♪ HE WAS ALL I HAD TO LIVE FOR ♪
♪ I WISH THAT IT WAS ME
INSTEAD ♪

♪ I WISH THAT IT WAS ME
INSTEAD ♪
Both: ♪ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ♪

INSTEAD ♪
Both: ♪ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ♪
[SAXOPHONE SOLO]

Both: ♪ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ♪
[SAXOPHONE SOLO]
♪ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ♪

[SAXOPHONE SOLO]
♪ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ♪
[FINALE PLAYS]

♪ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ♪
[FINALE PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[FINALE PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: WE'LL BE BACK

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: WE'LL BE BACK
AFTER THIS FILMED MESSAGE.

Announcer: ARTHRITIS IN THE
ADULT IS PAINFUL, LONELY, AND
SOMETIMES DIFFICULT TO MANAGE.

ADULT IS PAINFUL, LONELY, AND
SOMETIMES DIFFICULT TO MANAGE.
ARTHRITIS IS PARTICULARLY

SOMETIMES DIFFICULT TO MANAGE.
ARTHRITIS IS PARTICULARLY
ANNOYING WHEN COUPLED WITH

ARTHRITIS IS PARTICULARLY
ANNOYING WHEN COUPLED WITH
NEURALGIA AND SEVERE MUSCULAR

ANNOYING WHEN COUPLED WITH
NEURALGIA AND SEVERE MUSCULAR
TENSION.

NEURALGIA AND SEVERE MUSCULAR
TENSION.
ABRUPT WEATHER CHANGES CAN ADD

TENSION.
ABRUPT WEATHER CHANGES CAN ADD
DISCOMFORT, INFLAME TISSUES, AND

ABRUPT WEATHER CHANGES CAN ADD
DISCOMFORT, INFLAME TISSUES, AND
CAUSE LOCAL SWELLING, CALLING

DISCOMFORT, INFLAME TISSUES, AND
CAUSE LOCAL SWELLING, CALLING
FOR SPECIAL RELIEF.

CAUSE LOCAL SWELLING, CALLING
FOR SPECIAL RELIEF.
[DING!]

FOR SPECIAL RELIEF.
[DING!]
TRIOPENIN, A COMPOUND OF

[DING!]
TRIOPENIN, A COMPOUND OF
POWERFUL ANTIARTHRITIC SPANSULES

TRIOPENIN, A COMPOUND OF
POWERFUL ANTIARTHRITIC SPANSULES
AND ANTIHISTAMINES, SPEEDS

POWERFUL ANTIARTHRITIC SPANSULES
AND ANTIHISTAMINES, SPEEDS
SOOTHING RELIEF WHERE NEEDED.

AND ANTIHISTAMINES, SPEEDS
SOOTHING RELIEF WHERE NEEDED.
TRIOPENIN IS GENTLE,

SOOTHING RELIEF WHERE NEEDED.
TRIOPENIN IS GENTLE,
NON-HABIT-FORMING, AIDS IN

TRIOPENIN IS GENTLE,
NON-HABIT-FORMING, AIDS IN
SOOTHING MUSCLES AND LIBERATING

NON-HABIT-FORMING, AIDS IN
SOOTHING MUSCLES AND LIBERATING
STIFF, PAINFUL JOINTS.

SOON, YOU'RE HANDLING LIFE

AGAIN, FEELING BETTER, AND

GETTING A FIRM GRASP ON THE

SITUATION.

TRIOPENIN... GET YOUR HANDS

WORKING AGAIN.

NOW WITH A NEW CHILDPROOF SAFETY

CAP.

MOM, I'M TELLING YOU, I'LL BE
OKAY.
I'LL BE CAREFUL.

OKAY.
I'LL BE CAREFUL.
ALL RIGHT.

I'LL BE CAREFUL.
ALL RIGHT.
GOODBYE.

ALL RIGHT.
GOODBYE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

GOODBYE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]
["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]
YES?

["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]
YES?
MRS. BOWERTON?

YES?
MRS. BOWERTON?
WHO?

MRS. BOWERTON?
WHO?
MRS. HEYAH... HELM...

WHO?
MRS. HEYAH... HELM...
WHAT?

MRS. HEYAH... HELM...
WHAT?
TELEPHONE MAN.

WHAT?
TELEPHONE MAN.
MY TELEPHONE'S OKAY.

TELEPHONE MAN.
MY TELEPHONE'S OKAY.
WHO IS THIS?

MY TELEPHONE'S OKAY.
WHO IS THIS?
ARE YOU DOUBLE-PARKED?

WHO IS THIS?
ARE YOU DOUBLE-PARKED?
I THINK YOU'RE BLOCKING ME,

ARE YOU DOUBLE-PARKED?
I THINK YOU'RE BLOCKING ME,
MA'AM.

I THINK YOU'RE BLOCKING ME,
MA'AM.
I DON'T OWN A CAR.

MA'AM.
I DON'T OWN A CAR.
COME ON, WHO IS THIS?

I DON'T OWN A CAR.
COME ON, WHO IS THIS?
CANDYGRAM.

COME ON, WHO IS THIS?
CANDYGRAM.
A CANDYGRAM!

CANDYGRAM.
A CANDYGRAM!
OH, BOY!

A CANDYGRAM!
OH, BOY!
OH, NO!

OH, BOY!
OH, NO!
[LAUGHTER]

OH, MY GOD!
YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT THIS
WOMAN WAS KILLED BY SLIPPING ON

YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT THIS
WOMAN WAS KILLED BY SLIPPING ON
A BAR OF SOAP!

WOMAN WAS KILLED BY SLIPPING ON
A BAR OF SOAP!
WHAT IS IT, MATT?

A BAR OF SOAP!
WHAT IS IT, MATT?
LAND SHARK.

WHAT IS IT, MATT?
LAND SHARK.
STILL THE CLEVEREST SPECIES OF

LAND SHARK.
STILL THE CLEVEREST SPECIES OF
THEM ALL.

STILL THE CLEVEREST SPECIES OF
THEM ALL.
THAT'S THE THIRD TIME HE'S

THEM ALL.
THAT'S THE THIRD TIME HE'S
HIT THAT BUILDING.

THAT'S THE THIRD TIME HE'S
HIT THAT BUILDING.
WE'D BETTER GET OVER THERE.

HIT THAT BUILDING.
WE'D BETTER GET OVER THERE.
STILL ON THE LOOSE, HE

WE'D BETTER GET OVER THERE.
STILL ON THE LOOSE, HE
DISGUISES HIS VOICE AND ATTACKS

STILL ON THE LOOSE, HE
DISGUISES HIS VOICE AND ATTACKS
SINGLE WOMEN, USUALLY.

DISGUISES HIS VOICE AND ATTACKS
SINGLE WOMEN, USUALLY.
IT IS STILL ADVISED THAT THE

SINGLE WOMEN, USUALLY.
IT IS STILL ADVISED THAT THE
BEST METHOD TO WARD OFF THE LAND

IT IS STILL ADVISED THAT THE
BEST METHOD TO WARD OFF THE LAND
SHARK, IN CASE OF ATTACK, IS TO

BEST METHOD TO WARD OFF THE LAND
SHARK, IN CASE OF ATTACK, IS TO
HIT IT HARD ON THE NOSE WITH A

SHARK, IN CASE OF ATTACK, IS TO
HIT IT HARD ON THE NOSE WITH A
BLUNT INSTRUMENT.

HIT IT HARD ON THE NOSE WITH A
BLUNT INSTRUMENT.
OCEANOGRAPHERS AT THE...

BLUNT INSTRUMENT.
OCEANOGRAPHERS AT THE...
[DOORBELL RINGS]

OCEANOGRAPHERS AT THE...
[DOORBELL RINGS]
["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]
["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]
YES?

["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]
YES?
PATRICIA, IT'S SHERIFF BRADY

YES?
PATRICIA, IT'S SHERIFF BRADY
AND MATT COOPER!

PATRICIA, IT'S SHERIFF BRADY
AND MATT COOPER!
WE'VE GOT TO TALK TO YOU!

AND MATT COOPER!
WE'VE GOT TO TALK TO YOU!
IT'S URGENT!

WE'VE GOT TO TALK TO YOU!
IT'S URGENT!
OKAY, JUST A SEC.

IT'S URGENT!
OKAY, JUST A SEC.
COME RIGHT IN.

OKAY, JUST A SEC.
COME RIGHT IN.
[THUDS]

COME RIGHT IN.
[THUDS]
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

[THUDS]
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN, PATRICIA...

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN, PATRICIA...
PATRICIA, THIS SHARK THING...

LISTEN, PATRICIA...
PATRICIA, THIS SHARK THING...
IT'S COMING TO A HEAD!

PATRICIA, THIS SHARK THING...
IT'S COMING TO A HEAD!
NOW, HE'S SMART.

IT'S COMING TO A HEAD!
NOW, HE'S SMART.
HE'S VERY SMART.

NOW, HE'S SMART.
HE'S VERY SMART.
BUT HE'S KILLED THREE SEPARATE

HE'S VERY SMART.
BUT HE'S KILLED THREE SEPARATE
WOMEN IN THE SAME BUILDING.

BUT HE'S KILLED THREE SEPARATE
WOMEN IN THE SAME BUILDING.
NOW, THAT'S WHERE WE'VE GOT HIM!

WOMEN IN THE SAME BUILDING.
NOW, THAT'S WHERE WE'VE GOT HIM!
AAH!

NOW, THAT'S WHERE WE'VE GOT HIM!
AAH!
OKAY?

AAH!
OKAY?
NOW STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT, AND

OKAY?
NOW STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT, AND
DON'T LEAVE, NO MATTER WHAT!

NOW STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT, AND
DON'T LEAVE, NO MATTER WHAT!
DON'T ANSWER THAT DOOR FOR ANY

DON'T LEAVE, NO MATTER WHAT!
DON'T ANSWER THAT DOOR FOR ANY
REASON, UNLESS YOU KNOW IT'S ME

DON'T ANSWER THAT DOOR FOR ANY
REASON, UNLESS YOU KNOW IT'S ME
OR SHERIFF BRADY.

REASON, UNLESS YOU KNOW IT'S ME
OR SHERIFF BRADY.
IS THAT CLEAR?

OR SHERIFF BRADY.
IS THAT CLEAR?
I THINK SO, YES.

IS THAT CLEAR?
I THINK SO, YES.
YOU GOT IT?

I THINK SO, YES.
YOU GOT IT?
OKAY. NOW, THERE'S A SPECIAL

YOU GOT IT?
OKAY. NOW, THERE'S A SPECIAL
KNOCK THAT ONLY ME OR

OKAY. NOW, THERE'S A SPECIAL
KNOCK THAT ONLY ME OR
SHERIFF BRADY WILL KNOW, OKAY?

KNOCK THAT ONLY ME OR
SHERIFF BRADY WILL KNOW, OKAY?
NOW, DON'T ANSWER THAT DOOR

SHERIFF BRADY WILL KNOW, OKAY?
NOW, DON'T ANSWER THAT DOOR
UNLESS YOU HEAR THAT KNOCK.

NOW, DON'T ANSWER THAT DOOR
UNLESS YOU HEAR THAT KNOCK.
IT GOES LIKE THIS.

UNLESS YOU HEAR THAT KNOCK.
IT GOES LIKE THIS.
YOU GOT IT?

IT GOES LIKE THIS.
YOU GOT IT?
YEAH.

YOU GOT IT?
YEAH.
THAT'S IT.

YEAH.
THAT'S IT.
OKAY?

THAT'S IT.
OKAY?
OKAY, LET'S GO, BRADY.

OKAY?
OKAY, LET'S GO, BRADY.
WE'VE GOT TO ALERT THE OTHERS.

OKAY, LET'S GO, BRADY.
WE'VE GOT TO ALERT THE OTHERS.
COME ON.

WE'VE GOT TO ALERT THE OTHERS.
COME ON.
THANKS, PATRICIA! BYE!

COME ON.
THANKS, PATRICIA! BYE!
AAH!

THANKS, PATRICIA! BYE!
AAH!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

AAH!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT IS IT NOW?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT IS IT NOW?
UH... I LEFT MY GOGGLES THERE,

WHAT IS IT NOW?
UH... I LEFT MY GOGGLES THERE,
UH, PATRICIA.

UH... I LEFT MY GOGGLES THERE,
UH, PATRICIA.
OH, OKAY!

UH, PATRICIA.
OH, OKAY!
COME ON IN... OH, NO!

OH, OKAY!
COME ON IN... OH, NO!
[LAUGHTER]

COME ON IN... OH, NO!
[LAUGHTER]
WHICH ONE IS PATRICIA?

[LAUGHTER]
WHICH ONE IS PATRICIA?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR LEVITY,

WHICH ONE IS PATRICIA?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR LEVITY,
BRADY!

THIS IS NO TIME FOR LEVITY,
BRADY!
LOOK, WE GOT TO THINK OF

BRADY!
LOOK, WE GOT TO THINK OF
SOMETHING...

LOOK, WE GOT TO THINK OF
SOMETHING...
AND THINK OF SOMETHING...

SOMETHING...
AND THINK OF SOMETHING...
VERY FAST.

AND THINK OF SOMETHING...
VERY FAST.
OKAY.

VERY FAST.
OKAY.
I GOT IT.

OKAY.
I GOT IT.
I GOT AN IDEA.

I GOT IT.
I GOT AN IDEA.
OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I GOT AN IDEA.
OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.

OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.
WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.

THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.
WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
I KNOW.

WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
I KNOW.
I KNOW, THAT'S IT.

I KNOW.
I KNOW, THAT'S IT.
I CAN GET SOME PEOPLE.

I KNOW, THAT'S IT.
I CAN GET SOME PEOPLE.
WE'LL POST DEPUTIES AT THE

I CAN GET SOME PEOPLE.
WE'LL POST DEPUTIES AT THE
ENTRANCES AND EXITS OF ALL THE

WE'LL POST DEPUTIES AT THE
ENTRANCES AND EXITS OF ALL THE
BUILDINGS!

ENTRANCES AND EXITS OF ALL THE
BUILDINGS!
I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK.

BUILDINGS!
I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK.
I KNOW JUST HOW TO HANDLE THIS.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK.
I KNOW JUST HOW TO HANDLE THIS.
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS WE'RE

I KNOW JUST HOW TO HANDLE THIS.
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS WE'RE
GONNA GET SOME PEOPLE

WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS WE'RE
GONNA GET SOME PEOPLE
TOGETHER...

GONNA GET SOME PEOPLE
TOGETHER...
GET A POSSE?

TOGETHER...
GET A POSSE?
GET A POSSE, THAT'S RIGHT.

GET A POSSE?
GET A POSSE, THAT'S RIGHT.
SURROUND THE AREA?

GET A POSSE, THAT'S RIGHT.
SURROUND THE AREA?
SURROUND THE AREA, RIGHT.

SURROUND THE AREA?
SURROUND THE AREA, RIGHT.
THAT'S GOOD.

SURROUND THE AREA, RIGHT.
THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD.

THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD.
SURROUND THE AREA.

THAT'S GOOD.
SURROUND THE AREA.
WALKIE-TALKIES?

SURROUND THE AREA.
WALKIE-TALKIES?
WALKIE-TALKIES. GOOD.

WALKIE-TALKIES?
WALKIE-TALKIES. GOOD.
WALKIE-TALKIES.

WALKIE-TALKIES. GOOD.
WALKIE-TALKIES.
MAYBE CARRY SOME HARPOONS?

WALKIE-TALKIES.
MAYBE CARRY SOME HARPOONS?
CARRY SOME HARPOONS?

MAYBE CARRY SOME HARPOONS?
CARRY SOME HARPOONS?
THAT'S A STUPID IDEA... AAH!

CARRY SOME HARPOONS?
THAT'S A STUPID IDEA... AAH!
AND SUGGESTED IN THE PAST

THAT'S A STUPID IDEA... AAH!
AND SUGGESTED IN THE PAST
THAT THERE ARE WAYS TO ESCAPE

AND SUGGESTED IN THE PAST
THAT THERE ARE WAYS TO ESCAPE
INJURY, EVEN FROM THE DEADLIEST

THAT THERE ARE WAYS TO ESCAPE
INJURY, EVEN FROM THE DEADLIEST
OF THE OCEAN SHARKS, THE GREAT

INJURY, EVEN FROM THE DEADLIEST
OF THE OCEAN SHARKS, THE GREAT
WHITE.

OF THE OCEAN SHARKS, THE GREAT
WHITE.
ONE METHOD COMMONLY SPOKEN OF BY

WHITE.
ONE METHOD COMMONLY SPOKEN OF BY
EXPERTS IN THIS AREA... AAH!

ONE METHOD COMMONLY SPOKEN OF BY
EXPERTS IN THIS AREA... AAH!
IS TO GRACIOUSLY INVITE

EXPERTS IN THIS AREA... AAH!
IS TO GRACIOUSLY INVITE
THE, UH... THE FISH INTO YOUR

IS TO GRACIOUSLY INVITE
THE, UH... THE FISH INTO YOUR
LIVING ROOM AND OFFER HIM A SODA

THE, UH... THE FISH INTO YOUR
LIVING ROOM AND OFFER HIM A SODA
POP AND MAYBE SOME OREOS AND

LIVING ROOM AND OFFER HIM A SODA
POP AND MAYBE SOME OREOS AND
COOKIES.

POP AND MAYBE SOME OREOS AND
COOKIES.
JUST MAKE HIM FEEL AT HOME.

COOKIES.
JUST MAKE HIM FEEL AT HOME.
AND, UH, THAT'S THE NEWS.

JUST MAKE HIM FEEL AT HOME.
AND, UH, THAT'S THE NEWS.
UM, STAY TUNED FOR SOMETHING

AND, UH, THAT'S THE NEWS.
UM, STAY TUNED FOR SOMETHING
ELSE.

UM, STAY TUNED FOR SOMETHING
ELSE.
WAIT!

ELSE.
WAIT!
STAY TUNED... STAY TUNED FOR

WAIT!
STAY TUNED... STAY TUNED FOR
MUSIC.

STAY TUNED... STAY TUNED FOR
MUSIC.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

MUSIC.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]
["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]
WHO IS IT?

["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]
WHO IS IT?
LAND SHARK.

WHO IS IT?
LAND SHARK.
OH, LAND SHARK.

LAND SHARK.
OH, LAND SHARK.
COME ON IN AND HAVE A ROOT BEER!

OH, LAND SHARK.
COME ON IN AND HAVE A ROOT BEER!
WE GOT OREOS AND... AAH!

COME ON IN AND HAVE A ROOT BEER!
WE GOT OREOS AND... AAH!
[LAUGHTER]

WE GOT OREOS AND... AAH!
[LAUGHTER]
HELLO, MRS. BRADY?

[LAUGHTER]
HELLO, MRS. BRADY?
YEAH, THIS IS MATT.

HELLO, MRS. BRADY?
YEAH, THIS IS MATT.
THIS IS MATT, RIGHT.

YEAH, THIS IS MATT.
THIS IS MATT, RIGHT.
LOOK, UH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO

THIS IS MATT, RIGHT.
LOOK, UH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
TELL YOU THIS, BUT, UH...

LOOK, UH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
TELL YOU THIS, BUT, UH...
WELL, YOUR HUSBAND'S BEEN EATEN

TELL YOU THIS, BUT, UH...
WELL, YOUR HUSBAND'S BEEN EATEN
BY A SHARK.

WELL, YOUR HUSBAND'S BEEN EATEN
BY A SHARK.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT

BY A SHARK.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT
LATER.

I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT
LATER.
I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

LATER.
I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
YES?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
YES?
IT'S ME, SUE!

YES?
IT'S ME, SUE!
HOW DO I KNOW IT'S REALLY

IT'S ME, SUE!
HOW DO I KNOW IT'S REALLY
YOU?

HOW DO I KNOW IT'S REALLY
YOU?
BECAUSE I DON'T SOUND LIKE A

YOU?
BECAUSE I DON'T SOUND LIKE A
SHARK, DO I?

BECAUSE I DON'T SOUND LIKE A
SHARK, DO I?
COME ON, IT'S ME... MATT!

SHARK, DO I?
COME ON, IT'S ME... MATT!
OH, MATT, I'M GLAD TO SEE

COME ON, IT'S ME... MATT!
OH, MATT, I'M GLAD TO SEE
YOU.

OH, MATT, I'M GLAD TO SEE
YOU.
I FEEL SO BAD THAT...

YOU.
I FEEL SO BAD THAT...
THAT HE HAD TO GO THIS WAY...

I FEEL SO BAD THAT...
THAT HE HAD TO GO THIS WAY...
EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE SO

THAT HE HAD TO GO THIS WAY...
EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE SO
ATTRACTIVE TO ME...

EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE SO
ATTRACTIVE TO ME...
YOU HUNK.

ATTRACTIVE TO ME...
YOU HUNK.
LISTEN, SUE, THERE'S NO TIME

YOU HUNK.
LISTEN, SUE, THERE'S NO TIME
FOR THAT NOW.

LISTEN, SUE, THERE'S NO TIME
FOR THAT NOW.
LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW HOW WE CAN

FOR THAT NOW.
LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW HOW WE CAN
STOP THIS THING.

LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW HOW WE CAN
STOP THIS THING.
HE'S JUST TOO CLEVER!

STOP THIS THING.
HE'S JUST TOO CLEVER!
HE'S TOO SMART!

HE'S JUST TOO CLEVER!
HE'S TOO SMART!
JOHN. JOHN. LILY, CUT IT.

HE'S TOO SMART!
JOHN. JOHN. LILY, CUT IT.
["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]

JOHN. JOHN. LILY, CUT IT.
["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]
WHAT?

["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]
WHAT?
CUT IT, PLEASE. I'M SORRY.

WHAT?
CUT IT, PLEASE. I'M SORRY.
WE'RE RUNNING VERY LONG.

CUT IT, PLEASE. I'M SORRY.
WE'RE RUNNING VERY LONG.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CUT THE

WE'RE RUNNING VERY LONG.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CUT THE
SKETCH SHORT.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CUT THE
SKETCH SHORT.
I'M AFRAID IT'S, UH...

SKETCH SHORT.
I'M AFRAID IT'S, UH...
THE SCENE'S GETTING A LITTLE

I'M AFRAID IT'S, UH...
THE SCENE'S GETTING A LITTLE
SLOW.

THE SCENE'S GETTING A LITTLE
SLOW.
OH, COME ON.

SLOW.
OH, COME ON.
CAN'T WE JUST FINISH THE

OH, COME ON.
CAN'T WE JUST FINISH THE
SCENE?

CAN'T WE JUST FINISH THE
SCENE?
NO, I'M REALLY SORRY, JOHN.

SCENE?
NO, I'M REALLY SORRY, JOHN.
IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW...

NO, I'M REALLY SORRY, JOHN.
IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW...
WELL, LOOK, THE SCENE'S

IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW...
WELL, LOOK, THE SCENE'S
ALMOST OVER.

WELL, LOOK, THE SCENE'S
ALMOST OVER.
LILY, WE'RE RUNNING TOO LONG.

ALMOST OVER.
LILY, WE'RE RUNNING TOO LONG.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY A LINE OR

LILY, WE'RE RUNNING TOO LONG.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY A LINE OR
SOMETHING AND EXIT THROUGH THAT

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY A LINE OR
SOMETHING AND EXIT THROUGH THAT
APARTMENT DOOR THERE ON YOUR

SOMETHING AND EXIT THROUGH THAT
APARTMENT DOOR THERE ON YOUR
RIGHT, OKAY?

APARTMENT DOOR THERE ON YOUR
RIGHT, OKAY?
JUST WHEN I'M ABOUT READY TO

RIGHT, OKAY?
JUST WHEN I'M ABOUT READY TO
CATCH THE SHARK, WE GOT TO CUT

JUST WHEN I'M ABOUT READY TO
CATCH THE SHARK, WE GOT TO CUT
THE SCENE.

CATCH THE SHARK, WE GOT TO CUT
THE SCENE.
FORGET ABOUT CATCHING THE

THE SCENE.
FORGET ABOUT CATCHING THE
SHARK.

FORGET ABOUT CATCHING THE
SHARK.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THEM DOING THIS

SHARK.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THEM DOING THIS
TO YOU, BUT I'M THE HOST.

I CAN UNDERSTAND THEM DOING THIS
TO YOU, BUT I'M THE HOST.
AAH!

TO YOU, BUT I'M THE HOST.
AAH!
I TURNED DOWN A JOB IN

AAH!
I TURNED DOWN A JOB IN
"CUCKOO'S NEST" FOR THIS.

I TURNED DOWN A JOB IN
"CUCKOO'S NEST" FOR THIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
SUNDAY PAPER, MISS GIBSON.
OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

SUNDAY PAPER, MISS GIBSON.
OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
I...

OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
I...
I DIDN'T REALIZE... I'LL COME

I...
I DIDN'T REALIZE... I'LL COME
BACK WITH IT LATER.

I DIDN'T REALIZE... I'LL COME
BACK WITH IT LATER.
NO PROBLEM, THERE.

BACK WITH IT LATER.
NO PROBLEM, THERE.
YOU ENJOYING YOUR STAY HERE AT

NO PROBLEM, THERE.
YOU ENJOYING YOUR STAY HERE AT
THE ATLANTA HOUSE?

YOU ENJOYING YOUR STAY HERE AT
THE ATLANTA HOUSE?
I'LL JUST BRING THIS BACK AROUND

THE ATLANTA HOUSE?
I'LL JUST BRING THIS BACK AROUND
LUNCHTIME.

I'LL JUST BRING THIS BACK AROUND
LUNCHTIME.
WE BRING THE LUNCH UP, AS USUAL,

LUNCHTIME.
WE BRING THE LUNCH UP, AS USUAL,
MISS GIBSON, AND, UH...

WE BRING THE LUNCH UP, AS USUAL,
MISS GIBSON, AND, UH...
YOU'VE SEEN THE STARLIGHT ROOM,

MISS GIBSON, AND, UH...
YOU'VE SEEN THE STARLIGHT ROOM,
I KNOW.

YOU'VE SEEN THE STARLIGHT ROOM,
I KNOW.
YES. I'VE SEEN IT, YES.

I KNOW.
YES. I'VE SEEN IT, YES.
I'M SURE YOU CAN GET HIM IN

YES. I'VE SEEN IT, YES.
I'M SURE YOU CAN GET HIM IN
THERE WITH YOU.

I'M SURE YOU CAN GET HIM IN
THERE WITH YOU.
THIS WON'T BE ANY PROBLEM RIGHT

THERE WITH YOU.
THIS WON'T BE ANY PROBLEM RIGHT
NOW.

THIS WON'T BE ANY PROBLEM RIGHT
NOW.
WE'LL BE GETTING OUT OF HERE...

NOW.
WE'LL BE GETTING OUT OF HERE...
RIGHT OUT OF YOUR WAY, HERE.

WE'LL BE GETTING OUT OF HERE...
RIGHT OUT OF YOUR WAY, HERE.
AND HOPE YOU WILL BE COMING BACK

RIGHT OUT OF YOUR WAY, HERE.
AND HOPE YOU WILL BE COMING BACK
TO THE HOTEL.

AND HOPE YOU WILL BE COMING BACK
TO THE HOTEL.
SORRY. THANK YOU.

TO THE HOTEL.
SORRY. THANK YOU.
NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

SORRY. THANK YOU.
NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
SORRY.

NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
SORRY.
REAL-ESTATE SECTION HERE.

SORRY.
REAL-ESTATE SECTION HERE.
[APPLAUSE]

HELLO.
MY NAME IS EDITH ANN, AND I'M
5 1/2 YEARS OLD.

MY NAME IS EDITH ANN, AND I'M
5 1/2 YEARS OLD.
MAMA SAYS YOU GOT TO BUNDLE UP

5 1/2 YEARS OLD.
MAMA SAYS YOU GOT TO BUNDLE UP
SO YOU DO NOT CATCH A COMMON

MAMA SAYS YOU GOT TO BUNDLE UP
SO YOU DO NOT CATCH A COMMON
COLD.

SO YOU DO NOT CATCH A COMMON
COLD.
I HAVE 2 1/2 PAIRS OF SOCKS ON.

COLD.
I HAVE 2 1/2 PAIRS OF SOCKS ON.
MY RIGHT FOOT IS COLDER THAN MY

I HAVE 2 1/2 PAIRS OF SOCKS ON.
MY RIGHT FOOT IS COLDER THAN MY
LEFT.

MY RIGHT FOOT IS COLDER THAN MY
LEFT.
HERE I GO.

LEFT.
HERE I GO.
IT'S OKAY. I'M JUST FLEXING.

HERE I GO.
IT'S OKAY. I'M JUST FLEXING.
ICE-SKATING IS NOT SO DIFFICULT.

IT'S OKAY. I'M JUST FLEXING.
ICE-SKATING IS NOT SO DIFFICULT.
IT IS JUST LIKE ROLLER-SKATING.

ICE-SKATING IS NOT SO DIFFICULT.
IT IS JUST LIKE ROLLER-SKATING.
ICE-SKATING IS LIKE MAKING

IT IS JUST LIKE ROLLER-SKATING.
ICE-SKATING IS LIKE MAKING
ANGELS IN THE SNOW, ONLY

ICE-SKATING IS LIKE MAKING
ANGELS IN THE SNOW, ONLY
STANDING UP.

ANGELS IN THE SNOW, ONLY
STANDING UP.
THAT'S BUSTER.

STANDING UP.
THAT'S BUSTER.
HE'S NOT ALLOWED ON THE ICE, SO

THAT'S BUSTER.
HE'S NOT ALLOWED ON THE ICE, SO
I PASTED HIS PAWS TO THE FLOOR.

HE'S NOT ALLOWED ON THE ICE, SO
I PASTED HIS PAWS TO THE FLOOR.
ONE TIME, HE WENT SKATING WITH

I PASTED HIS PAWS TO THE FLOOR.
ONE TIME, HE WENT SKATING WITH
ME, AND HE TURNED HIS ANKLE.

ONE TIME, HE WENT SKATING WITH
ME, AND HE TURNED HIS ANKLE.
I HAD TO BRING HIM HOME IN A

ME, AND HE TURNED HIS ANKLE.
I HAD TO BRING HIM HOME IN A
SHOPPING BAG.

YOU NEED VERY STRONG ANKLES TO
ICE-SKATE.
I MUST DO SOME ANKLE EXERCISES.

ICE-SKATE.
I MUST DO SOME ANKLE EXERCISES.
HEY! HEY!

I MUST DO SOME ANKLE EXERCISES.
HEY! HEY!
IT DOESN'T REALLY HURT WHEN YOU

HEY! HEY!
IT DOESN'T REALLY HURT WHEN YOU
FALL DOWN 'CAUSE I PUT SOME POT

IT DOESN'T REALLY HURT WHEN YOU
FALL DOWN 'CAUSE I PUT SOME POT
HOLDERS INSIDE MY PANTS.

FALL DOWN 'CAUSE I PUT SOME POT
HOLDERS INSIDE MY PANTS.
AND, ANYWAYS, I MEANT TO DO

HOLDERS INSIDE MY PANTS.
AND, ANYWAYS, I MEANT TO DO
THAT.

AND, ANYWAYS, I MEANT TO DO
THAT.
AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.

THAT.
AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.
PBHT!

AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.
PBHT!
[APPLAUSE]

[PIANO PLAYING]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
LOOK, FRIEDA.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
LOOK, FRIEDA.
HE HASN'T EVEN TOUCHED HIS FOOD.

LOOK, FRIEDA.
HE HASN'T EVEN TOUCHED HIS FOOD.
LIEBCHEN, YOU MUST BE CAREFUL.

HE HASN'T EVEN TOUCHED HIS FOOD.
LIEBCHEN, YOU MUST BE CAREFUL.
YOU MUST EAT.

LIEBCHEN, YOU MUST BE CAREFUL.
YOU MUST EAT.
YOU MUST EAT!

YOU MUST EAT.
YOU MUST EAT!
GOOD MORNING!

YOU MUST EAT!
GOOD MORNING!
NICE TO SEE YOU!

GOOD MORNING!
NICE TO SEE YOU!
ALL HE EVER ASKS FOR IS HIS

NICE TO SEE YOU!
ALL HE EVER ASKS FOR IS HIS
SNUFFBOX.

ALL HE EVER ASKS FOR IS HIS
SNUFFBOX.
IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE, AND HE

SNUFFBOX.
IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE, AND HE
DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT.

IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE, AND HE
DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT.
Both: ACH!

DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT.
Both: ACH!
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Both: ACH!
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[PIANO TINKLES

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[PIANO TINKLES
"SYMPHONY NO.5"]

[THE TEMPTATIONS' "MY GIRL"
PLAYS]
♪ I GOT SUNSHINE ♪

[PLAYS]
♪ I GOT SUNSHINE ♪
♪ UND A CLOUDY DAY ♪

♪ I GOT SUNSHINE ♪
♪ UND A CLOUDY DAY ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪

♪ UND A CLOUDY DAY ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪
♪ I GOT THE MONTH OF MAY ♪

♪ WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIDE ♪
♪ I GOT THE MONTH OF MAY ♪
♪ I GUESS YOU'LL SAY ♪

♪ I GOT THE MONTH OF MAY ♪
♪ I GUESS YOU'LL SAY ♪
♪ WHAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL THIS

♪ I GUESS YOU'LL SAY ♪
♪ WHAT CAN MAKE ME FEEL THIS
WAY? ♪

♪ MY FRAULEIN ♪

♪ MY FRAULEIN ♪

HI.
HIYA!
I'M GILDA, AND THEY SENT ME OUT

HIYA!
I'M GILDA, AND THEY SENT ME OUT
HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THERE

I'M GILDA, AND THEY SENT ME OUT
HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THERE
WON'T BE ANY "SATURDAY NIGHT"

HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THERE
WON'T BE ANY "SATURDAY NIGHT"
FOR TWO WEEKS.

WON'T BE ANY "SATURDAY NIGHT"
FOR TWO WEEKS.
OR THERE WILL BE SATURDAY NIGHT,

FOR TWO WEEKS.
OR THERE WILL BE SATURDAY NIGHT,
BUT WE WON'T BE HERE, SO YOU CAN

OR THERE WILL BE SATURDAY NIGHT,
BUT WE WON'T BE HERE, SO YOU CAN
GO OUT ON DATES AND STUFF, OR

BUT WE WON'T BE HERE, SO YOU CAN
GO OUT ON DATES AND STUFF, OR
YOU CAN ASK ME OUT ON A DATE.

GO OUT ON DATES AND STUFF, OR
YOU CAN ASK ME OUT ON A DATE.
AND, UH...

YOU CAN ASK ME OUT ON A DATE.
AND, UH...
'CAUSE WE'RE TIRED, AND WE'RE

AND, UH...
'CAUSE WE'RE TIRED, AND WE'RE
GONNA TAKE A LITTLE REST, BUT

'CAUSE WE'RE TIRED, AND WE'RE
GONNA TAKE A LITTLE REST, BUT
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER TWO WEEKS,

GONNA TAKE A LITTLE REST, BUT
WE'LL BE BACK AFTER TWO WEEKS,
ON DECEMBER 13th, AND OUR HOST

WE'LL BE BACK AFTER TWO WEEKS,
ON DECEMBER 13th, AND OUR HOST
WILL BE RICHARD PRYOR.

ON DECEMBER 13th, AND OUR HOST
WILL BE RICHARD PRYOR.
AND, UH...

WILL BE RICHARD PRYOR.
AND, UH...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND, UH...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THEN, ON THE 20th,

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THEN, ON THE 20th,
CANDY BERGEN WILL BE BACK FOR

AND THEN, ON THE 20th,
CANDY BERGEN WILL BE BACK FOR
OUR SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SHOW.

CANDY BERGEN WILL BE BACK FOR
OUR SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SHOW.
SO THANKS!

OUR SPECIAL CHRISTMAS SHOW.
SO THANKS!
WATCH US.

SO THANKS!
WATCH US.
[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.

GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... THE

I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... THE
SENATE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE

THE TOP STORY TONIGHT... THE
SENATE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE
HAS REVEALED THAT THE CIA HAS

SENATE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE
HAS REVEALED THAT THE CIA HAS
BEEN INVOLVED IN NO LESS THAN

HAS REVEALED THAT THE CIA HAS
BEEN INVOLVED IN NO LESS THAN
NINE ASSASSINATION PLOTS AGAINST

BEEN INVOLVED IN NO LESS THAN
NINE ASSASSINATION PLOTS AGAINST
VARIOUS FOREIGN LEADERS.

NINE ASSASSINATION PLOTS AGAINST
VARIOUS FOREIGN LEADERS.
COMMENTED PRESIDENT FORD UPON

VARIOUS FOREIGN LEADERS.
COMMENTED PRESIDENT FORD UPON
READING THE REPORT, "BOY, I'M

COMMENTED PRESIDENT FORD UPON
READING THE REPORT, "BOY, I'M
SURE GLAD I'M NOT FOREIGN."

READING THE REPORT, "BOY, I'M
SURE GLAD I'M NOT FOREIGN."
LATER, MR. FORD PIERCED HIS LEFT

SURE GLAD I'M NOT FOREIGN."
LATER, MR. FORD PIERCED HIS LEFT
HAND WITH A SALAD FORK AT A

LATER, MR. FORD PIERCED HIS LEFT
HAND WITH A SALAD FORK AT A
LUNCHEON CELEBRATING TUNA-SALAD

HAND WITH A SALAD FORK AT A
LUNCHEON CELEBRATING TUNA-SALAD
DAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

LUNCHEON CELEBRATING TUNA-SALAD
DAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
ALERT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS

DAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
ALERT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS
SEIZED THE FORK AND WRESTLED IT

ALERT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS
SEIZED THE FORK AND WRESTLED IT
TO THE GROUND.

SEIZED THE FORK AND WRESTLED IT
TO THE GROUND.
FORMER GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA

TO THE GROUND.
FORMER GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA
RONALD REAGAN FORMALLY ANNOUNCED

FORMER GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA
RONALD REAGAN FORMALLY ANNOUNCED
HIS CANDIDACY FOR THE REPUBLICAN

RONALD REAGAN FORMALLY ANNOUNCED
HIS CANDIDACY FOR THE REPUBLICAN
PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION

HIS CANDIDACY FOR THE REPUBLICAN
PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION
WEDNESDAY.

PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION
WEDNESDAY.
REAGAN STATED, "I HAVEN'T LOST

WEDNESDAY.
REAGAN STATED, "I HAVEN'T LOST
MY LOOKS YET, AND I'M STILL AS

REAGAN STATED, "I HAVEN'T LOST
MY LOOKS YET, AND I'M STILL AS
KNOWLEDGEABLE ON FOREIGN AFFAIRS

MY LOOKS YET, AND I'M STILL AS
KNOWLEDGEABLE ON FOREIGN AFFAIRS
AS I WAS WHEN I WAS NARRATING

KNOWLEDGEABLE ON FOREIGN AFFAIRS
AS I WAS WHEN I WAS NARRATING
'DEATH VALLEY DAYS.'"

AS I WAS WHEN I WAS NARRATING
'DEATH VALLEY DAYS.'"
MEANWHILE, IN MIAMI, A MAN TRIED

'DEATH VALLEY DAYS.'"
MEANWHILE, IN MIAMI, A MAN TRIED
TO ATTACK REAGAN WITH A FAKE

MEANWHILE, IN MIAMI, A MAN TRIED
TO ATTACK REAGAN WITH A FAKE
PISTOL A FEW SHORT HOURS AFTER

TO ATTACK REAGAN WITH A FAKE
PISTOL A FEW SHORT HOURS AFTER
THE ANNOUNCEMENT.

PISTOL A FEW SHORT HOURS AFTER
THE ANNOUNCEMENT.
REAGAN SAID HE WAS NOT SHAKEN,

THE ANNOUNCEMENT.
REAGAN SAID HE WAS NOT SHAKEN,
BUT LATER, HE ABOUT-FACED ON AN

REAGAN SAID HE WAS NOT SHAKEN,
BUT LATER, HE ABOUT-FACED ON AN
ISSUE THAT HE STRONGLY OPPOSED

BUT LATER, HE ABOUT-FACED ON AN
ISSUE THAT HE STRONGLY OPPOSED
FOR YEARS, CALLING FOR STRENUOUS

ISSUE THAT HE STRONGLY OPPOSED
FOR YEARS, CALLING FOR STRENUOUS
TOY-GUN-CONTROL LEGISLATION.

FOR YEARS, CALLING FOR STRENUOUS
TOY-GUN-CONTROL LEGISLATION.
WELL, AFTER A LONG ILLNESS,

TOY-GUN-CONTROL LEGISLATION.
WELL, AFTER A LONG ILLNESS,
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO

WELL, AFTER A LONG ILLNESS,
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
DIED WEDNESDAY.

GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
DIED WEDNESDAY.
REACTIONS FROM WORLD LEADERS

DIED WEDNESDAY.
REACTIONS FROM WORLD LEADERS
WERE VARIED.

REACTIONS FROM WORLD LEADERS
WERE VARIED.
HELD IN CONTEMPT AS THE LAST OF

WERE VARIED.
HELD IN CONTEMPT AS THE LAST OF
THE FASCIST DICTATORS IN THE

HELD IN CONTEMPT AS THE LAST OF
THE FASCIST DICTATORS IN THE
WEST BY SOME, HE WAS ALSO

THE FASCIST DICTATORS IN THE
WEST BY SOME, HE WAS ALSO
EULOGIZED BY OTHERS, AMONG THEM

WEST BY SOME, HE WAS ALSO
EULOGIZED BY OTHERS, AMONG THEM
RICHARD NIXON, WHO SAID,

EULOGIZED BY OTHERS, AMONG THEM
RICHARD NIXON, WHO SAID,
"GENERAL FRANCO WAS A LOYAL

RICHARD NIXON, WHO SAID,
"GENERAL FRANCO WAS A LOYAL
FRIEND AND ALLY OF THE

"GENERAL FRANCO WAS A LOYAL
FRIEND AND ALLY OF THE
UNITED STATES.

FRIEND AND ALLY OF THE
UNITED STATES.
HE EARNED WORLDWIDE RESPECT FOR

UNITED STATES.
HE EARNED WORLDWIDE RESPECT FOR
SPAIN THROUGH FIRMNESS AND

HE EARNED WORLDWIDE RESPECT FOR
SPAIN THROUGH FIRMNESS AND
FAIRNESS."

SPAIN THROUGH FIRMNESS AND
FAIRNESS."
DESPITE FRANCO'S DEATH AND AN

FAIRNESS."
DESPITE FRANCO'S DEATH AND AN
EXPECTED BURIAL TOMORROW,

DESPITE FRANCO'S DEATH AND AN
EXPECTED BURIAL TOMORROW,
DOCTORS SAY THE DICTATOR'S

EXPECTED BURIAL TOMORROW,
DOCTORS SAY THE DICTATOR'S
HEALTH HAS TAKEN A TURN FOR THE

DOCTORS SAY THE DICTATOR'S
HEALTH HAS TAKEN A TURN FOR THE
WORSE.

HEALTH HAS TAKEN A TURN FOR THE
WORSE.
EX-HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION

WORSE.
EX-HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
JOE LOUIS, THE BROWN BOMBER,

EX-HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
JOE LOUIS, THE BROWN BOMBER,
PROVED HE STILL HAS THE FASTEST

JOE LOUIS, THE BROWN BOMBER,
PROVED HE STILL HAS THE FASTEST
HANDS IN THE BUSINESS BY

PROVED HE STILL HAS THE FASTEST
HANDS IN THE BUSINESS BY
CATCHING A LIVE MORTAR ROUND IN

HANDS IN THE BUSINESS BY
CATCHING A LIVE MORTAR ROUND IN
MIDAIR.

CATCHING A LIVE MORTAR ROUND IN
MIDAIR.
THE FCC ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT FOR

MIDAIR.
THE FCC ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT FOR
EVERY FORD COMMERCIAL RUN ON

THE FCC ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT FOR
EVERY FORD COMMERCIAL RUN ON
TELEVISION, A MINUTE OF AN OLD

EVERY FORD COMMERCIAL RUN ON
TELEVISION, A MINUTE OF AN OLD
RONALD REAGAN FILM MUST BE

TELEVISION, A MINUTE OF AN OLD
RONALD REAGAN FILM MUST BE
SHOWN.

RONALD REAGAN FILM MUST BE
SHOWN.
AS A RESULT OF THIS ACTION, A

SHOWN.
AS A RESULT OF THIS ACTION, A
SPOKESMAN FOR GEORGE WALLACE

AS A RESULT OF THIS ACTION, A
SPOKESMAN FOR GEORGE WALLACE
RESPONDED BY DEMANDING EQUAL

SPOKESMAN FOR GEORGE WALLACE
RESPONDED BY DEMANDING EQUAL
TIME BY SHOWING ONE MINUTE OF

RESPONDED BY DEMANDING EQUAL
TIME BY SHOWING ONE MINUTE OF
"IRONSIDES."

TIME BY SHOWING ONE MINUTE OF
"IRONSIDES."
AFTER SEVEN YEARS IN EXILE,

"IRONSIDES."
AFTER SEVEN YEARS IN EXILE,
AUTHOR AND BLACK LEADER

AFTER SEVEN YEARS IN EXILE,
AUTHOR AND BLACK LEADER
ELDRIDGE CLEAVER RETURNED TO THE

AUTHOR AND BLACK LEADER
ELDRIDGE CLEAVER RETURNED TO THE
UNITED STATES THURSDAY TO FACE

ELDRIDGE CLEAVER RETURNED TO THE
UNITED STATES THURSDAY TO FACE
FEDERAL CHARGES.

UNITED STATES THURSDAY TO FACE
FEDERAL CHARGES.
CLEAVER HAS STATED, TO THE

FEDERAL CHARGES.
CLEAVER HAS STATED, TO THE
SURPRISE OF MANY, THAT HE WANTS

CLEAVER HAS STATED, TO THE
SURPRISE OF MANY, THAT HE WANTS
TO CELEBRATE THE BICENTENNIAL OF

SURPRISE OF MANY, THAT HE WANTS
TO CELEBRATE THE BICENTENNIAL OF
HIS COUNTRY.

TO CELEBRATE THE BICENTENNIAL OF
HIS COUNTRY.
CALLING HIS BOOK, "SOUL ON ICE,"

HIS COUNTRY.
CALLING HIS BOOK, "SOUL ON ICE,"
MERELY A PRACTICAL JOKE, THE

CALLING HIS BOOK, "SOUL ON ICE,"
MERELY A PRACTICAL JOKE, THE
AUTHOR SAYS THAT THE FUTURE OF

MERELY A PRACTICAL JOKE, THE
AUTHOR SAYS THAT THE FUTURE OF
AMERICA'S BLACK MOVEMENT IS IN

AUTHOR SAYS THAT THE FUTURE OF
AMERICA'S BLACK MOVEMENT IS IN
THE KIWANIS AND ROTARY CLUBS

AMERICA'S BLACK MOVEMENT IS IN
THE KIWANIS AND ROTARY CLUBS
NOW.

THE KIWANIS AND ROTARY CLUBS
NOW.
STILL TO COME... JERRY FORD HAS

NOW.
STILL TO COME... JERRY FORD HAS
A BARBECUE AFTER THIS FILMED

STILL TO COME... JERRY FORD HAS
A BARBECUE AFTER THIS FILMED
MESSAGE.

Announcer: YOU'VE JUST HAD A
HEAVY SESSION OF ELECTROSHOCK
THERAPY, AND YOU'RE MORE RELAXED

HEAVY SESSION OF ELECTROSHOCK
THERAPY, AND YOU'RE MORE RELAXED
THAN YOU'VE BEEN IN WEEKS.

THERAPY, AND YOU'RE MORE RELAXED
THAN YOU'VE BEEN IN WEEKS.
ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS

THAN YOU'VE BEEN IN WEEKS.
ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
MAGICALLY WIPED AWAY, ALONG WITH

ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
MAGICALLY WIPED AWAY, ALONG WITH
MOST OF YOUR PERSONALITY.

MAGICALLY WIPED AWAY, ALONG WITH
MOST OF YOUR PERSONALITY.
NOW IS THE TIME.

MOST OF YOUR PERSONALITY.
NOW IS THE TIME.
TIME FOR SPUD.

NOW IS THE TIME.
TIME FOR SPUD.
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD! ♪

TIME FOR SPUD.
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD! ♪
Announcer: FILLED WITH THE

♪ OHHHHH, SPUD! ♪
Announcer: FILLED WITH THE
FULL, RICH FLAVOR OF POTATOES.

Announcer: FILLED WITH THE
FULL, RICH FLAVOR OF POTATOES.
SPUD, THE BEER BREWED FOR PEOPLE

FULL, RICH FLAVOR OF POTATOES.
SPUD, THE BEER BREWED FOR PEOPLE
WHO CAN'T TASTE THE DIFFERENCE.

SPUD, THE BEER BREWED FOR PEOPLE
WHO CAN'T TASTE THE DIFFERENCE.
♪ WHEN YOU SAY SPUD ♪

WHO CAN'T TASTE THE DIFFERENCE.
♪ WHEN YOU SAY SPUD ♪
♪ JUST PUT YOUR MIND ON HOLD ♪

♪ WHEN YOU SAY SPUD ♪
♪ JUST PUT YOUR MIND ON HOLD ♪
♪ DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD ♪

♪ JUST PUT YOUR MIND ON HOLD ♪
♪ DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD ♪
♪ AND OPEN A COLD, REFRESHING

♪ DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD ♪
♪ AND OPEN A COLD, REFRESHING
SPUD ♪

♪ AND OPEN A COLD, REFRESHING
SPUD ♪
♪ JUST WATCH YOUR LIFE GO BY ♪

SPUD ♪
♪ JUST WATCH YOUR LIFE GO BY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO TRY ♪

♪ JUST WATCH YOUR LIFE GO BY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO TRY ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'VE GOT SPUD ♪

♪ NO NEED TO TRY ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'VE GOT SPUD ♪
♪ OHHHHH SPUD! ♪

SPUD BEER.
I DRINK IT, AND IT'S VERY
UNUSUAL FOR A NEWSMAN TO MAKE AN

I DRINK IT, AND IT'S VERY
UNUSUAL FOR A NEWSMAN TO MAKE AN
ISSUE OUT OF A GOOD BEER.

UNUSUAL FOR A NEWSMAN TO MAKE AN
ISSUE OUT OF A GOOD BEER.
BUT I DRINK IT, AND I POUR IT ON

ISSUE OUT OF A GOOD BEER.
BUT I DRINK IT, AND I POUR IT ON
MY SUIT.

BUT I DRINK IT, AND I POUR IT ON
MY SUIT.
STRANGE, ISN'T IT?

MY SUIT.
STRANGE, ISN'T IT?
A FINAL HUMOROUS NOTE...

STRANGE, ISN'T IT?
A FINAL HUMOROUS NOTE...
CARTOONIST CHARLES SCHULZ

A FINAL HUMOROUS NOTE...
CARTOONIST CHARLES SCHULZ
ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT HE PLANS TO

CARTOONIST CHARLES SCHULZ
ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT HE PLANS TO
CREATE ANOTHER CHARACTER FOR HIS

ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT HE PLANS TO
CREATE ANOTHER CHARACTER FOR HIS
POPULAR COMIC STRICK, COMIC ST...

CREATE ANOTHER CHARACTER FOR HIS
POPULAR COMIC STRICK, COMIC ST...
TOY BOAT, TOY BOAT... COMIC

POPULAR COMIC STRICK, COMIC ST...
TOY BOAT, TOY BOAT... COMIC
STRIP "PEANUTS," FAMOUS FOR SUCH

TOY BOAT, TOY BOAT... COMIC
STRIP "PEANUTS," FAMOUS FOR SUCH
PERSONALITIES AS SNOOPY AND

STRIP "PEANUTS," FAMOUS FOR SUCH
PERSONALITIES AS SNOOPY AND
WOODSTOCK.

PERSONALITIES AS SNOOPY AND
WOODSTOCK.
ACCORDING TO SCHULZ, HE WILL

WOODSTOCK.
ACCORDING TO SCHULZ, HE WILL
REPLACE WOODSTOCK WITH A BIRD

ACCORDING TO SCHULZ, HE WILL
REPLACE WOODSTOCK WITH A BIRD
NAMED ALTAMONT, WHO WILL BEAT

REPLACE WOODSTOCK WITH A BIRD
NAMED ALTAMONT, WHO WILL BEAT
THE OTHER BIRDS TO DEATH WITH A

NAMED ALTAMONT, WHO WILL BEAT
THE OTHER BIRDS TO DEATH WITH A
POOL CUE.

THE OTHER BIRDS TO DEATH WITH A
POOL CUE.
AND NOW, AS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO

POOL CUE.
AND NOW, AS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO
THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS WHO HAVE

AND NOW, AS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO
THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS WHO HAVE
DIFFICULTY WITH THEIR HEARING, I

THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS WHO HAVE
DIFFICULTY WITH THEIR HEARING, I
WILL REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE

DIFFICULTY WITH THEIR HEARING, I
WILL REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE
DAY AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF

WILL REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE
DAY AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF
THE NEW YORK SCHOOL FOR THE HARD

DAY AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF
THE NEW YORK SCHOOL FOR THE HARD
OF HEARING, GARRETT MORRIS.

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, THE

SENATE HAS REVEALED THAT THE CIA

WAS INVOLVED IN SEVERAL

ASSASSINATION PLOTS AGAINST

FOREIGN LEADERS!

AND THAT'S THE NEWS!
AND THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A

AND THAT'S THE NEWS.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A
PLEASANT...

GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A
PLEASANT...
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A

PLEASANT...
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A
PLEASANT TOMORROW!

"PATTY HEARST.
SAN FRANCISCO.
JAIL."

SAN FRANCISCO.
JAIL."
I COULD JUST BARF.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SUZY?
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE UPSTAIRS
STARCHING YOUR DRESS SHIELDS.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE UPSTAIRS
STARCHING YOUR DRESS SHIELDS.
[SCOFFS]

STARCHING YOUR DRESS SHIELDS.
[SCOFFS]
PLEASE DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WITH

[SCOFFS]
PLEASE DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WITH
THOSE OH-SO-CORNY REMARKS WHEN I

PLEASE DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WITH
THOSE OH-SO-CORNY REMARKS WHEN I
AM IN THE MIDST OF WRITING AN

THOSE OH-SO-CORNY REMARKS WHEN I
AM IN THE MIDST OF WRITING AN
IMPORTANT LETTER TO A CERTAIN

AM IN THE MIDST OF WRITING AN
IMPORTANT LETTER TO A CERTAIN
SISTER OF OURS, WHO IS GIVING

IMPORTANT LETTER TO A CERTAIN
SISTER OF OURS, WHO IS GIVING
THE WHOLE SORORITY A BAD NAME.

SISTER OF OURS, WHO IS GIVING
THE WHOLE SORORITY A BAD NAME.
'NOUGH SAID. OKAY.

THE WHOLE SORORITY A BAD NAME.
'NOUGH SAID. OKAY.
SUZY, WHEN THE S.L.A. CALLS

'NOUGH SAID. OKAY.
SUZY, WHEN THE S.L.A. CALLS
HER THEIR SISTER, THEY DON'T

SUZY, WHEN THE S.L.A. CALLS
HER THEIR SISTER, THEY DON'T
MEAN IT IN THE SAME WAY WE DO.

HER THEIR SISTER, THEY DON'T
MEAN IT IN THE SAME WAY WE DO.
WELL, SHE WAS OUR SISTER

MEAN IT IN THE SAME WAY WE DO.
WELL, SHE WAS OUR SISTER
FIRST.

WELL, SHE WAS OUR SISTER
FIRST.
GOOD NIGHT.

FIRST.
GOOD NIGHT.
AND EXCUSE ME, BUT SOMEONE

GOOD NIGHT.
AND EXCUSE ME, BUT SOMEONE
APPARENTLY SNEAKED INTO MY ROOM

AND EXCUSE ME, BUT SOMEONE
APPARENTLY SNEAKED INTO MY ROOM
AND STOLE MY

APPARENTLY SNEAKED INTO MY ROOM
AND STOLE MY
CARPENTERS GREATEST HITS ALBUM.

AND STOLE MY
CARPENTERS GREATEST HITS ALBUM.
HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

CARPENTERS GREATEST HITS ALBUM.
HAVE YOU SEEN IT?
AND PLEASE, TELL MRS. RUPERT I

HAVE YOU SEEN IT?
AND PLEASE, TELL MRS. RUPERT I
WILL BE UP JUST AS SOON AS I

AND PLEASE, TELL MRS. RUPERT I
WILL BE UP JUST AS SOON AS I
FINISH WRITING THIS LETTER.

WILL BE UP JUST AS SOON AS I
FINISH WRITING THIS LETTER.
OKAY.

FINISH WRITING THIS LETTER.
OKAY.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]

OKAY.
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
"DEAR PATTY...

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
"DEAR PATTY...
I WON'T CALL YOU TANIA, 'CAUSE

"DEAR PATTY...
I WON'T CALL YOU TANIA, 'CAUSE
DEEP INSIDE, I KNOW YOU'RE PATTY

I WON'T CALL YOU TANIA, 'CAUSE
DEEP INSIDE, I KNOW YOU'RE PATTY
STILL.

DEEP INSIDE, I KNOW YOU'RE PATTY
STILL.
I'M WRITING YOU THIS LETTER TO

STILL.
I'M WRITING YOU THIS LETTER TO
KEEP YOU FROM FORGETTING SOME

I'M WRITING YOU THIS LETTER TO
KEEP YOU FROM FORGETTING SOME
THINGS...

KEEP YOU FROM FORGETTING SOME
THINGS...
♪ I HOPE YOU NEVER WILL ♪

THINGS...
♪ I HOPE YOU NEVER WILL ♪
♪ LIKE HOW IT FEELS TO WEAR HIGH

♪ I HOPE YOU NEVER WILL ♪
♪ LIKE HOW IT FEELS TO WEAR HIGH
HEELS AND LIPSTICK ♪

♪ LIKE HOW IT FEELS TO WEAR HIGH
HEELS AND LIPSTICK ♪
♪ TO GET DRESSED UP AND GO OUT

HEELS AND LIPSTICK ♪
♪ TO GET DRESSED UP AND GO OUT
ON A DATE ♪

♪ TO GET DRESSED UP AND GO OUT
ON A DATE ♪
♪ AND HOW IT FEELS TO KNOW YOUR

ON A DATE ♪
♪ AND HOW IT FEELS TO KNOW YOUR
PARENTS LOVE YOU ♪

♪ AND HOW IT FEELS TO KNOW YOUR
PARENTS LOVE YOU ♪
♪ WHEN THEY TELL YOU, 'DARLING,

PARENTS LOVE YOU ♪
♪ WHEN THEY TELL YOU, 'DARLING,
DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE' ♪

♪ WHEN THEY TELL YOU, 'DARLING,
DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE' ♪
♪ LIKE HOW IT FEELS THE DAY THAT

DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE' ♪
♪ LIKE HOW IT FEELS THE DAY THAT
YOUR MAN ASKS YOU ♪

♪ LIKE HOW IT FEELS THE DAY THAT
YOUR MAN ASKS YOU ♪
♪ TO MAKE A HOME FOR HIM AND BE

YOUR MAN ASKS YOU ♪
♪ TO MAKE A HOME FOR HIM AND BE
HIS WIFE ♪

♪ TO MAKE A HOME FOR HIM AND BE
HIS WIFE ♪
♪ AND HOW IT FEELS TO HONOR AND

HIS WIFE ♪
♪ AND HOW IT FEELS TO HONOR AND
OBEY HIM ♪

♪ AND HOW IT FEELS TO HONOR AND
OBEY HIM ♪
♪ AS YOU WALK TOGETHER DOWN THE

OBEY HIM ♪
♪ AS YOU WALK TOGETHER DOWN THE
ROAD OF LIFE ♪

♪ AS YOU WALK TOGETHER DOWN THE
ROAD OF LIFE ♪
♪ PATTY, LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE ♪

ROAD OF LIFE ♪
♪ PATTY, LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU ♪

♪ PATTY, LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE ♪
♪ I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU ♪
♪ TAKE A LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS

♪ I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU ♪
♪ TAKE A LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS
THE GOOD LORD GAVE YOU ♪

♪ TAKE A LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS
THE GOOD LORD GAVE YOU ♪
♪ LIKE FRONT-PORCH ROCKERS,

THE GOOD LORD GAVE YOU ♪
♪ LIKE FRONT-PORCH ROCKERS,
PICKET FENCES, DUSTY ROADS, AND

♪ LIKE FRONT-PORCH ROCKERS,
PICKET FENCES, DUSTY ROADS, AND
HOMEMADE PIES ♪

PICKET FENCES, DUSTY ROADS, AND
HOMEMADE PIES ♪
♪ LIKE LITTLE BOYS WITH FRECKLES

HOMEMADE PIES ♪
♪ LIKE LITTLE BOYS WITH FRECKLES
GOIN' FISHIN', WALKIN' BAREFOOT

♪ LIKE LITTLE BOYS WITH FRECKLES
GOIN' FISHIN', WALKIN' BAREFOOT
DOWN THE RAILROAD TIES ♪

GOIN' FISHIN', WALKIN' BAREFOOT
DOWN THE RAILROAD TIES ♪
♪ THIS COUNTRY FILLED WITH

DOWN THE RAILROAD TIES ♪
♪ THIS COUNTRY FILLED WITH
RICHES AND A HISTORY FILLED WITH

♪ THIS COUNTRY FILLED WITH
RICHES AND A HISTORY FILLED WITH
GLORY ♪

RICHES AND A HISTORY FILLED WITH
GLORY ♪
♪ AND A DREAM ♪

GLORY ♪
♪ AND A DREAM ♪
♪ AND A DREAM THAT NEVER DIES ♪

♪ AND A DREAM ♪
♪ AND A DREAM THAT NEVER DIES ♪
♪ OF MOVING UPWARD, EVER ONWARD,

♪ AND A DREAM THAT NEVER DIES ♪
♪ OF MOVING UPWARD, EVER ONWARD,
EVER WESTWARD, EVER FORWARD ♪

♪ OF MOVING UPWARD, EVER ONWARD,
EVER WESTWARD, EVER FORWARD ♪
♪ TILL WE GET TO WHERE THE

EVER WESTWARD, EVER FORWARD ♪
♪ TILL WE GET TO WHERE THE
MOUNTAIN REACHES THE SKIES ♪

♪ TILL WE GET TO WHERE THE
MOUNTAIN REACHES THE SKIES ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU WANT TO BE

MOUNTAIN REACHES THE SKIES ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU WANT TO BE
FORGIVEN ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU WANT TO BE
FORGIVEN ♪
♪ SO LET THE LAWYERS TELL YOU

FORGIVEN ♪
♪ SO LET THE LAWYERS TELL YOU
WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ SO LET THE LAWYERS TELL YOU
WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ SPEAK OUT YOUR PIECE IN COURT

WHAT TO DO ♪
♪ SPEAK OUT YOUR PIECE IN COURT
ABOUT YOUR COMRADES ♪

♪ SPEAK OUT YOUR PIECE IN COURT
ABOUT YOUR COMRADES ♪
♪ 'CAUSE MOM AND DAD ARE WAITING

ABOUT YOUR COMRADES ♪
♪ 'CAUSE MOM AND DAD ARE WAITING
UP FOR YOU ♪

♪ 'CAUSE MOM AND DAD ARE WAITING
UP FOR YOU ♪
WE FORGIVE YOU, PATTY.

UP FOR YOU ♪
WE FORGIVE YOU, PATTY.
AMERICA FORGIVES YOU.

WE FORGIVE YOU, PATTY.
AMERICA FORGIVES YOU.
COME HOME, PATTY."

AMERICA FORGIVES YOU.
COME HOME, PATTY."
♪ COME HOME ♪

COME HOME, PATTY."
♪ COME HOME ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: COME WITH US NOW,
FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM

FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM
THE ROTTING FOREST TO THE

THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM
THE ROTTING FOREST TO THE
STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND

THE ROTTING FOREST TO THE
STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND
OF GORCH.

STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND
OF GORCH.
[SLURPING]

OF GORCH.
[SLURPING]
MMM!

[SLURPING]
MMM!
SCRED?!

MMM!
SCRED?!
WHERE'S SCRED?

SCRED?!
WHERE'S SCRED?
THERE'S GLITCHES IN MY MILK.

WHERE'S SCRED?
THERE'S GLITCHES IN MY MILK.
HAD TO MILK THE DAMN GORKON

THERE'S GLITCHES IN MY MILK.
HAD TO MILK THE DAMN GORKON
MYSELF.

HAD TO MILK THE DAMN GORKON
MYSELF.
WHERE'S SCRED?!

MYSELF.
WHERE'S SCRED?!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

WHERE'S SCRED?!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR HIM ALL

I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR HIM ALL
MORNING.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR HIM ALL
MORNING.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME AN

MORNING.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME AN
IMPERMANENT, YOU KNOW?

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME AN
IMPERMANENT, YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, DEAR, I WOULDN'T BE AT

IMPERMANENT, YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, DEAR, I WOULDN'T BE AT
ALL SURPRISED IF HE HAD LEFT.

YOU KNOW, DEAR, I WOULDN'T BE AT
ALL SURPRISED IF HE HAD LEFT.
LEFT?

ALL SURPRISED IF HE HAD LEFT.
LEFT?
W-W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

LEFT?
W-W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
WELL, HE'S BEEN GOING AROUND

W-W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
WELL, HE'S BEEN GOING AROUND
ALL WEEK WITH THIS FARAWAY LOOK

WELL, HE'S BEEN GOING AROUND
ALL WEEK WITH THIS FARAWAY LOOK
IN HIS EYES, AND HE KEEPS

ALL WEEK WITH THIS FARAWAY LOOK
IN HIS EYES, AND HE KEEPS
SINGING THE MOST SAPPY,

IN HIS EYES, AND HE KEEPS
SINGING THE MOST SAPPY,
RIDICULOUS SONGS TO HIMSELF!

SINGING THE MOST SAPPY,
RIDICULOUS SONGS TO HIMSELF!
UH, I THINK HE'S IN LOVE.

RIDICULOUS SONGS TO HIMSELF!
UH, I THINK HE'S IN LOVE.
SCRED IN LOVE?

UH, I THINK HE'S IN LOVE.
SCRED IN LOVE?
WELL, THE LAST TIME HE FELL IN

SCRED IN LOVE?
WELL, THE LAST TIME HE FELL IN
LOVE WAS WHEN HE WENT HEAD OVER

WELL, THE LAST TIME HE FELL IN
LOVE WAS WHEN HE WENT HEAD OVER
HEELS FOR FRAN ALLISON.

LOVE WAS WHEN HE WENT HEAD OVER
HEELS FOR FRAN ALLISON.
REMEMBER THAT?

HEELS FOR FRAN ALLISON.
REMEMBER THAT?
HE FORMED A GORCH CHAPTER OF THE

REMEMBER THAT?
HE FORMED A GORCH CHAPTER OF THE
"KUKLA, FRAN AND OLLIE" CLUB.

HE FORMED A GORCH CHAPTER OF THE
"KUKLA, FRAN AND OLLIE" CLUB.
[CHUCKLES]

"KUKLA, FRAN AND OLLIE" CLUB.
[CHUCKLES]
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

[CHUCKLES]
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
HE WAS GONE FOR A WEEK WHEN HE

YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
HE WAS GONE FOR A WEEK WHEN HE
WENT TO NEW YORK TO TRY TO GET

HE WAS GONE FOR A WEEK WHEN HE
WENT TO NEW YORK TO TRY TO GET
ON HER SHOW.

WENT TO NEW YORK TO TRY TO GET
ON HER SHOW.
WAIT A MINUTE.

ON HER SHOW.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE...

WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE...
UH...

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE...
UH...
COME WITH ME.

UH...
COME WITH ME.
WE'LL CHECK OUT HIS PLACE.

COME WITH ME.
WE'LL CHECK OUT HIS PLACE.
IT'S RIGHT OVER HERE.

WE'LL CHECK OUT HIS PLACE.
IT'S RIGHT OVER HERE.
SEE, THIS CRATER RIGHT HERE...

IT'S RIGHT OVER HERE.
SEE, THIS CRATER RIGHT HERE...
THAT'S WHERE HE LIVES.

SEE, THIS CRATER RIGHT HERE...
THAT'S WHERE HE LIVES.
NOW YOU GET DOWN THERE.

THAT'S WHERE HE LIVES.
NOW YOU GET DOWN THERE.
SEE, YOU'RE SMALL ENOUGH.

NOW YOU GET DOWN THERE.
SEE, YOU'RE SMALL ENOUGH.
[GRUNTS]

SEE, YOU'RE SMALL ENOUGH.
[GRUNTS]
THERE WE ARE.

[GRUNTS]
THERE WE ARE.
YOU DOWN THERE?

THERE WE ARE.
YOU DOWN THERE?
YEAH, I'M DOWN HERE, BUT WHAT

YOU DOWN THERE?
YEAH, I'M DOWN HERE, BUT WHAT
A MESS.

YEAH, I'M DOWN HERE, BUT WHAT
A MESS.
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A THING.

A MESS.
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A THING.
[CLATTERING]

I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A THING.
[CLATTERING]
I'M TRYING TO SEE WHAT I CAN

[CLATTERING]
I'M TRYING TO SEE WHAT I CAN
FIND... AHA!

I'M TRYING TO SEE WHAT I CAN
FIND... AHA!
WHAT'S THIS HANGING OVER HIS

FIND... AHA!
WHAT'S THIS HANGING OVER HIS
BED?

WHAT'S THIS HANGING OVER HIS
BED?
WHAT'S THAT?

BED?
WHAT'S THAT?
AH.

WHAT'S THAT?
AH.
IT'S A PICTURE OF LILY TOMLIN.

AH.
IT'S A PICTURE OF LILY TOMLIN.
MM-HMM.

IT'S A PICTURE OF LILY TOMLIN.
MM-HMM.
I'LL SEE WHAT ELSE I CAN FIND.

MM-HMM.
I'LL SEE WHAT ELSE I CAN FIND.
UH-OH.

I'LL SEE WHAT ELSE I CAN FIND.
UH-OH.
AND WHAT'S THIS IN HIS

UH-OH.
AND WHAT'S THIS IN HIS
WASTEBASKET?

AND WHAT'S THIS IN HIS
WASTEBASKET?
WHAT'S THAT?

WASTEBASKET?
WHAT'S THAT?
WHY...

WHAT'S THAT?
WHY...
IT'S HIS OLD PICTURE OF

WHY...
IT'S HIS OLD PICTURE OF
FRAN ALLISON.

IT'S HIS OLD PICTURE OF
FRAN ALLISON.
I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND ANY

FRAN ALLISON.
I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND ANY
MORE CLUES IN THIS RUBBLE.

I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND ANY
MORE CLUES IN THIS RUBBLE.
LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE.

MORE CLUES IN THIS RUBBLE.
LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE.
AHA! PLOOBERT, I THINK I FOUND

LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE.
AHA! PLOOBERT, I THINK I FOUND
IT!

AHA! PLOOBERT, I THINK I FOUND
IT!
LOOK WHAT WAS LYING ON HIS

IT!
LOOK WHAT WAS LYING ON HIS
WRITING DESK.

LOOK WHAT WAS LYING ON HIS
WRITING DESK.
WHY, IT'S A...

WRITING DESK.
WHY, IT'S A...
LOOKS LIKE THE FIRST DRAFT OF A

WHY, IT'S A...
LOOKS LIKE THE FIRST DRAFT OF A
LETTER TO LILY TOMLIN.

LOOKS LIKE THE FIRST DRAFT OF A
LETTER TO LILY TOMLIN.
SAYS, "DEAR LILY, I HAVE WATCHED

LETTER TO LILY TOMLIN.
SAYS, "DEAR LILY, I HAVE WATCHED
WITH ENCHANTMENT YOUR BEAUTIFUL

SAYS, "DEAR LILY, I HAVE WATCHED
WITH ENCHANTMENT YOUR BEAUTIFUL
IMAGE WHEN I CAN SNEAK AWAY FROM

WITH ENCHANTMENT YOUR BEAUTIFUL
IMAGE WHEN I CAN SNEAK AWAY FROM
MY LOATHSOME, DEGRADING, FILTHY

IMAGE WHEN I CAN SNEAK AWAY FROM
MY LOATHSOME, DEGRADING, FILTHY
JOB."

MY LOATHSOME, DEGRADING, FILTHY
JOB."
[GASPS]

JOB."
[GASPS]
[GROANS]

[GASPS]
[GROANS]
READ ON, READ ON.

[GROANS]
READ ON, READ ON.
IT SAYS... IT SAYS, "MI AMORE,

READ ON, READ ON.
IT SAYS... IT SAYS, "MI AMORE,
ENCHANTé, JE T'AIME.

IT SAYS... IT SAYS, "MI AMORE,
ENCHANTé, JE T'AIME.
JE T'AIME."

ENCHANTé, JE T'AIME.
JE T'AIME."
[CLUCKING TONGUE]

JE T'AIME."
[CLUCKING TONGUE]
SCRED?

[CLUCKING TONGUE]
SCRED?
SAYS, "P.S. BE MINE TONIGHT.

SCRED?
SAYS, "P.S. BE MINE TONIGHT.
YOUR SLAVE IN LOVE, SCRED."

SAYS, "P.S. BE MINE TONIGHT.
YOUR SLAVE IN LOVE, SCRED."
AND THEN DOWN AT THE BOTTOM, IT

YOUR SLAVE IN LOVE, SCRED."
AND THEN DOWN AT THE BOTTOM, IT
SAYS, "P.S. XXXX."

AND THEN DOWN AT THE BOTTOM, IT
SAYS, "P.S. XXXX."
OH, HE'S IN LOVE WITH

SAYS, "P.S. XXXX."
OH, HE'S IN LOVE WITH
LILY TOMLIN.

OH, HE'S IN LOVE WITH
LILY TOMLIN.
SHE HAS MY SYMPATHIES.

LILY TOMLIN.
SHE HAS MY SYMPATHIES.
[APPLAUSE]

SHE HAS MY SYMPATHIES.
[APPLAUSE]
LILY.

[APPLAUSE]
LILY.
YES?

LILY.
YES?
I'VE TRIED IN SO MANY LITTLE

YES?
I'VE TRIED IN SO MANY LITTLE
WAYS ALL WEEK TO TELL YOU WHAT A

I'VE TRIED IN SO MANY LITTLE
WAYS ALL WEEK TO TELL YOU WHAT A
GAS IT'S BEEN TO HANG OUT WITH

WAYS ALL WEEK TO TELL YOU WHAT A
GAS IT'S BEEN TO HANG OUT WITH
YOU.

GAS IT'S BEEN TO HANG OUT WITH
YOU.
[Chuckling] YES, YOU HAVE.

YOU.
[Chuckling] YES, YOU HAVE.
AND I...

[Chuckling] YES, YOU HAVE.
AND I...
WELL, I'VE ENJOYED IT MYSELF,

AND I...
WELL, I'VE ENJOYED IT MYSELF,
SCRED.

WELL, I'VE ENJOYED IT MYSELF,
SCRED.
[CHUCKLES]

SCRED.
[CHUCKLES]
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S SOMETHING

[CHUCKLES]
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S SOMETHING
I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU

IT'S JUST THAT IT'S SOMETHING
I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT.

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT.
OH?

ABOUT.
OH?
UH... [CHUCKLES]

OH?
UH... [CHUCKLES]
SPIT IT OUT.

UH... [CHUCKLES]
SPIT IT OUT.
SPIT IT OUT.

SPIT IT OUT.
SPIT IT OUT.
OKAY.

SPIT IT OUT.
OKAY.
NO SECRETS, LILY.

OKAY.
NO SECRETS, LILY.
NO, NO SECRETS.

NO SECRETS, LILY.
NO, NO SECRETS.
UM... I HOPE...

NO, NO SECRETS.
UM... I HOPE...
I-I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND,

UM... I HOPE...
I-I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND,
UM...

I-I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND,
UM...
THAT IT'S... WELL, IT'S

UM...
THAT IT'S... WELL, IT'S
DIFFICULT.

THAT IT'S... WELL, IT'S
DIFFICULT.
I MEAN, NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE

DIFFICULT.
I MEAN, NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE
YOU A LOT, BUT IT'S DIFFICULT

I MEAN, NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE
YOU A LOT, BUT IT'S DIFFICULT
FOR A WOMAN IN MY POSITION...

YOU A LOT, BUT IT'S DIFFICULT
FOR A WOMAN IN MY POSITION...
YES, YES.

FOR A WOMAN IN MY POSITION...
YES, YES.
TO, UM...

YES, YES.
TO, UM...
WELL, TO HAVE MY NAME LINKED

TO, UM...
WELL, TO HAVE MY NAME LINKED
ROMANTICALLY WITH A PUPPET.

WELL, TO HAVE MY NAME LINKED
ROMANTICALLY WITH A PUPPET.
OH.

ROMANTICALLY WITH A PUPPET.
OH.
HEY, THAT'S NO PROBLEM.

OH.
HEY, THAT'S NO PROBLEM.
YEAH, I FEEL THE SAME WAY.

HEY, THAT'S NO PROBLEM.
YEAH, I FEEL THE SAME WAY.
WELL, THANKS.

YEAH, I FEEL THE SAME WAY.
WELL, THANKS.
YEAH, WE SHOULD KEEP IT

WELL, THANKS.
YEAH, WE SHOULD KEEP IT
LIGHT, EASY.

YEAH, WE SHOULD KEEP IT
LIGHT, EASY.
WELL, THANK YOU.

LIGHT, EASY.
WELL, THANK YOU.
[SONNY AND CHER'S

WELL, THANK YOU.
[SONNY AND CHER'S
"I GOT YOU, BABE" PLAYS]

[SONNY AND CHER'S
"I GOT YOU, BABE" PLAYS]
♪ THEY SAY WE'RE YOUNG AND WE

["I GOT YOU, BABE" PLAYS]
♪ THEY SAY WE'RE YOUNG AND WE
DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ THEY SAY WE'RE YOUNG AND WE
DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ WE WON'T FIND OUT UNTIL WE

DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ WE WON'T FIND OUT UNTIL WE
GROW ♪

♪ WE WON'T FIND OUT UNTIL WE
GROW ♪
HEY, YEAH, BUT...

GROW ♪
HEY, YEAH, BUT...
♪ I DON'T KNOW IF ALL THAT'S

HEY, YEAH, BUT...
♪ I DON'T KNOW IF ALL THAT'S
TRUE ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW IF ALL THAT'S
TRUE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT ME, AND, BABY,

TRUE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT ME, AND, BABY,
I GOT YOU ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT ME, AND, BABY,
I GOT YOU ♪
Both: ♪ BABE ♪

I GOT YOU ♪
Both: ♪ BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

Both: ♪ BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT FLOWERS ♪

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT FLOWERS ♪
♪ IN THE SPRING ♪

♪ I GOT FLOWERS ♪
♪ IN THE SPRING ♪
YEAH.

♪ IN THE SPRING ♪
YEAH.
♪ AND I GOT YOU ♪

YEAH.
♪ AND I GOT YOU ♪
♪ TO WEAR MY RING ♪

♪ AND I GOT YOU ♪
♪ TO WEAR MY RING ♪
YES.

♪ TO WEAR MY RING ♪
YES.
♪ AND WHEN I'M SAD ♪

YES.
♪ AND WHEN I'M SAD ♪
♪ YOU'RE A CLOWN ♪

♪ AND WHEN I'M SAD ♪
♪ YOU'RE A CLOWN ♪
♪ AND IF I GET SCARED ♪

♪ YOU'RE A CLOWN ♪
♪ AND IF I GET SCARED ♪
♪ YOU'RE ALWAYS AROUND ♪

♪ AND IF I GET SCARED ♪
♪ YOU'RE ALWAYS AROUND ♪
♪ SO LET THEM SAY YOUR HAIR'S

♪ YOU'RE ALWAYS AROUND ♪
♪ SO LET THEM SAY YOUR HAIR'S
TOO LONG ♪

♪ SO LET THEM SAY YOUR HAIR'S
TOO LONG ♪
♪ I DON'T CARE ♪

TOO LONG ♪
♪ I DON'T CARE ♪
♪ WITH YOU, I CAN'T GO WRONG ♪

♪ I DON'T CARE ♪
♪ WITH YOU, I CAN'T GO WRONG ♪
OH, LILY...

♪ WITH YOU, I CAN'T GO WRONG ♪
OH, LILY...
♪ PUT YOUR LITTLE HAND IN MINE ♪

OH, LILY...
♪ PUT YOUR LITTLE HAND IN MINE ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T NO HILL ♪

♪ PUT YOUR LITTLE HAND IN MINE ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T NO HILL ♪
Both: ♪ OR MOUNTAIN WE CAN'T

♪ THERE AIN'T NO HILL ♪
Both: ♪ OR MOUNTAIN WE CAN'T
CLIMB ♪

Both: ♪ OR MOUNTAIN WE CAN'T
CLIMB ♪
♪ BABE ♪

CLIMB ♪
♪ BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

♪ BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
[GIGGLES]

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
[GIGGLES]
OH!

[GIGGLES]
OH!
SCRED, THANK YOU.

OH!
SCRED, THANK YOU.
OH, LILY...

SCRED, THANK YOU.
OH, LILY...
[SMOOCHES]

OH, LILY...
[SMOOCHES]
THANK YOU.

[SMOOCHES]
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, I LOOK WINSOME WITH
THIS ROSE, DON'T I?
I WANT TO DEDICATE THIS NEXT

THIS ROSE, DON'T I?
I WANT TO DEDICATE THIS NEXT
PORTION OF THE PROGRAM TO

I WANT TO DEDICATE THIS NEXT
PORTION OF THE PROGRAM TO
FRIEDA, TOM, LAURA, TERRY,

PORTION OF THE PROGRAM TO
FRIEDA, TOM, LAURA, TERRY,
PAIGE, AND JOSEPH, WHO ARE

FRIEDA, TOM, LAURA, TERRY,
PAIGE, AND JOSEPH, WHO ARE
SITTING HERE IN THE FRONT.

PAIGE, AND JOSEPH, WHO ARE
SITTING HERE IN THE FRONT.
[APPLAUSE]

SITTING HERE IN THE FRONT.
[APPLAUSE]
AND, AS YOU ALL MAY KNOW, IF

[APPLAUSE]
AND, AS YOU ALL MAY KNOW, IF
YOU'VE WATCHED BEFORE,

AND, AS YOU ALL MAY KNOW, IF
YOU'VE WATCHED BEFORE,
ALBERT BROOKS FILMS ARE A

YOU'VE WATCHED BEFORE,
ALBERT BROOKS FILMS ARE A
REGULAR FEATURE ON NBC's

ALBERT BROOKS FILMS ARE A
REGULAR FEATURE ON NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT."

REGULAR FEATURE ON NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
AND TONIGHT, BECAUSE THIS IS

"SATURDAY NIGHT."
AND TONIGHT, BECAUSE THIS IS
SORT OF A SPECIAL NIGHT 'CAUSE

AND TONIGHT, BECAUSE THIS IS
SORT OF A SPECIAL NIGHT 'CAUSE
WE'RE GOING ON HIATUS FOR TWO

SORT OF A SPECIAL NIGHT 'CAUSE
WE'RE GOING ON HIATUS FOR TWO
WEEKS...

WE'RE GOING ON HIATUS FOR TWO
WEEKS...
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'VE SUDDENLY

WEEKS...
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'VE SUDDENLY
BECOME COLLECTED WITH THE GROUP,

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'VE SUDDENLY
BECOME COLLECTED WITH THE GROUP,
BUT...

BECOME COLLECTED WITH THE GROUP,
BUT...
[LAUGHTER]

BUT...
[LAUGHTER]
HERE I'M JUST A FLY-BY-NIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]
HERE I'M JUST A FLY-BY-NIGHT.
I JUST APPEARED HERE ONE

HERE I'M JUST A FLY-BY-NIGHT.
I JUST APPEARED HERE ONE
EVENING, AND I'VE DECIDED TO

I JUST APPEARED HERE ONE
EVENING, AND I'VE DECIDED TO
STAY.

EVENING, AND I'VE DECIDED TO
STAY.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

STAY.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
NO, NO, NO, WAIT A SECOND.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
NO, NO, NO, WAIT A SECOND.
I LIKE ALL THE TENSION AND THE

NO, NO, NO, WAIT A SECOND.
I LIKE ALL THE TENSION AND THE
TRAUMA...

I LIKE ALL THE TENSION AND THE
TRAUMA...
[SIGHS]

TRAUMA...
[SIGHS]
OF KNOWING THAT YOU MIGHT

[SIGHS]
OF KNOWING THAT YOU MIGHT
SHAME YOURSELF.

OF KNOWING THAT YOU MIGHT
SHAME YOURSELF.
[LAUGHTER]

SHAME YOURSELF.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, ANYWAY, TONIGHT WE

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, ANYWAY, TONIGHT WE
DECIDED, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO

WELL, ANYWAY, TONIGHT WE
DECIDED, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
HAVE MISSED IT, AND FOR THOSE OF

DECIDED, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
HAVE MISSED IT, AND FOR THOSE OF
YOU WHO DID SEE IT, YOU PROBABLY

HAVE MISSED IT, AND FOR THOSE OF
YOU WHO DID SEE IT, YOU PROBABLY
WILL WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN, WE'VE

YOU WHO DID SEE IT, YOU PROBABLY
WILL WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN, WE'VE
DECIDED TO REPLAY ONE OF THE

WILL WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN, WE'VE
DECIDED TO REPLAY ONE OF THE
VERY MOST POPULAR OF ALBERT'S

DECIDED TO REPLAY ONE OF THE
VERY MOST POPULAR OF ALBERT'S
FILMS.

VERY MOST POPULAR OF ALBERT'S
FILMS.
IT'S CALLED

FILMS.
IT'S CALLED
"THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH," AND IT

IT'S CALLED
"THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH," AND IT
WAS WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY

"THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH," AND IT
WAS WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY
ALBERT BROOKS.

WAS WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY
ALBERT BROOKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ALBERT BROOKS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

Announcer: NEW YORK CAB
DRIVER, TEMPORARILY BLINDED,
STILL PUTS IN 45-HOUR WEEK.

DRIVER, TEMPORARILY BLINDED,
STILL PUTS IN 45-HOUR WEEK.
EXCUSE ME!

STILL PUTS IN 45-HOUR WEEK.
EXCUSE ME!
HMM?

EXCUSE ME!
HMM?
SIR?

HMM?
SIR?
YES, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO YOU?

SIR?
YES, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO YOU?
WELL, I WAS TAKING A FARE TO

YES, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO YOU?
WELL, I WAS TAKING A FARE TO
ONE OF THOSE MOVIE PREMIERES,

WELL, I WAS TAKING A FARE TO
ONE OF THOSE MOVIE PREMIERES,
YOU KNOW?

ONE OF THOSE MOVIE PREMIERES,
YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, THEM BIG SPOTLIGHTS?

YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, THEM BIG SPOTLIGHTS?
WHERE THEY HAVE THE LIGHTS IN

YOU KNOW, THEM BIG SPOTLIGHTS?
WHERE THEY HAVE THE LIGHTS IN
THE SKY?

WHERE THEY HAVE THE LIGHTS IN
THE SKY?
YEAH.

THE SKY?
YEAH.
I ALWAYS WONDERED HOW THEY GET

YEAH.
I ALWAYS WONDERED HOW THEY GET
'EM SO BRIGHT, SO I WENT AND

I ALWAYS WONDERED HOW THEY GET
'EM SO BRIGHT, SO I WENT AND
STARED INTO IT.

'EM SO BRIGHT, SO I WENT AND
STARED INTO IT.
YEAH? STARED INTO THE LIGHT?

STARED INTO IT.
YEAH? STARED INTO THE LIGHT?
YEAH.

YEAH? STARED INTO THE LIGHT?
YEAH.
FOR HOW LONG?

YEAH.
FOR HOW LONG?
ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR.

FOR HOW LONG?
ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR.
YEAH?

ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR.
YEAH?
THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S ONLY

YEAH?
THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S ONLY
TEMPORARY.

THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S ONLY
TEMPORARY.
MY SIGHT WILL PROBABLY COME

TEMPORARY.
MY SIGHT WILL PROBABLY COME
BACK.

MY SIGHT WILL PROBABLY COME
BACK.
OH, THAT'S GOOD.

BACK.
OH, THAT'S GOOD.
AND YET YOU STILL DRIVE?

OH, THAT'S GOOD.
AND YET YOU STILL DRIVE?
DAMN RIGHT I STILL DRIVE!

AND YET YOU STILL DRIVE?
DAMN RIGHT I STILL DRIVE!
WHAT SHOULD I DO... SIT HOME AND

DAMN RIGHT I STILL DRIVE!
WHAT SHOULD I DO... SIT HOME AND
COLLECT WELFARE?

WHAT SHOULD I DO... SIT HOME AND
COLLECT WELFARE?
I KNOW THESE STREETS LIKE THE

COLLECT WELFARE?
I KNOW THESE STREETS LIKE THE
BACK OF MY HAND.

I KNOW THESE STREETS LIKE THE
BACK OF MY HAND.
YEAH?

BACK OF MY HAND.
YEAH?
THAT'S RIGHT.

YEAH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU.

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU.
YEAH.

THANK YOU.
YEAH.
56th AND MADISON.

YEAH.
56th AND MADISON.
GOT TO GO NOW, PAL.

56th AND MADISON.
GOT TO GO NOW, PAL.
GOT A FARE.

GOT TO GO NOW, PAL.
GOT A FARE.
OKAY.

GOT A FARE.
OKAY.
ANY CARS IN FRONT OF US?

OKAY.
ANY CARS IN FRONT OF US?
NO.

ANY CARS IN FRONT OF US?
NO.
[HORN HONKS]

NO.
[HORN HONKS]
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

Announcer: IN AN
UNPRECEDENTED MOVE TO EASE WORLD
TENSION, THE COUNTRY OF ISRAEL

UNPRECEDENTED MOVE TO EASE WORLD
TENSION, THE COUNTRY OF ISRAEL
AND THE STATE OF GEORGIA HAVE

TENSION, THE COUNTRY OF ISRAEL
AND THE STATE OF GEORGIA HAVE
AGREED TO CHANGE PLACES.

AND THE STATE OF GEORGIA HAVE
AGREED TO CHANGE PLACES.
THE ENTIRE STATE OF GEORGIA...

AGREED TO CHANGE PLACES.
THE ENTIRE STATE OF GEORGIA...
RESIDENTS, BUSINESSES, ALL FORMS

THE ENTIRE STATE OF GEORGIA...
RESIDENTS, BUSINESSES, ALL FORMS
OF COMMERCE... WILL RELOCATE IN

RESIDENTS, BUSINESSES, ALL FORMS
OF COMMERCE... WILL RELOCATE IN
THE MIDDLE EAST ON JANUARY 1,

OF COMMERCE... WILL RELOCATE IN
THE MIDDLE EAST ON JANUARY 1,
1977.

THE MIDDLE EAST ON JANUARY 1,
1977.
NO BUILDINGS WILL BE MOVED.

1977.
NO BUILDINGS WILL BE MOVED.
IT WILL BE AN EVEN PROPERTY

NO BUILDINGS WILL BE MOVED.
IT WILL BE AN EVEN PROPERTY
EXCHANGE.

IT WILL BE AN EVEN PROPERTY
EXCHANGE.
THIS IS INDEED AN AUSPICIOUS

EXCHANGE.
THIS IS INDEED AN AUSPICIOUS
OCCASION OF THE 20th CENTURY,

THIS IS INDEED AN AUSPICIOUS
OCCASION OF THE 20th CENTURY,
AND I HOPE THAT NEW ORLEANS WILL

OCCASION OF THE 20th CENTURY,
AND I HOPE THAT NEW ORLEANS WILL
BE EASIER TO DEAL WITH THAN

AND I HOPE THAT NEW ORLEANS WILL
BE EASIER TO DEAL WITH THAN
CAIRO.

BE EASIER TO DEAL WITH THAN
CAIRO.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

CAIRO.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW... I KNOW THAT MY

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I KNOW... I KNOW THAT MY
ENTIRE STATE IS LOOKING FORWARD

I KNOW... I KNOW THAT MY
ENTIRE STATE IS LOOKING FORWARD
TO HEAT WITHOUT HUMIDITY.

ENTIRE STATE IS LOOKING FORWARD
TO HEAT WITHOUT HUMIDITY.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

TO HEAT WITHOUT HUMIDITY.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

Announcer: IN A SWEEPING
MAJORITY VOTE, THIS PROGRESSIVE
STATE HAS DECIDED TO LOWER THE

MAJORITY VOTE, THIS PROGRESSIVE
STATE HAS DECIDED TO LOWER THE
AGE OF CONSENT FROM 18 TO 7.

STATE HAS DECIDED TO LOWER THE
AGE OF CONSENT FROM 18 TO 7.
BUSINESSES OF ALL TYPES REPORT A

AGE OF CONSENT FROM 18 TO 7.
BUSINESSES OF ALL TYPES REPORT A
SURGE IN ACTIVITY.

BUSINESSES OF ALL TYPES REPORT A
SURGE IN ACTIVITY.
ACTUALLY, UH, I'M IN... I'M

SURGE IN ACTIVITY.
ACTUALLY, UH, I'M IN... I'M
IN ADVERTISING.

ACTUALLY, UH, I'M IN... I'M
IN ADVERTISING.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.

IN ADVERTISING.
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.
THIS IS MY COMPANY HERE.

HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.
THIS IS MY COMPANY HERE.
I CAN'T READ YET.

THIS IS MY COMPANY HERE.
I CAN'T READ YET.
OH, WELL, THIS SAYS THAT I'M

I CAN'T READ YET.
OH, WELL, THIS SAYS THAT I'M
IN CHARGE OF CASTING.

OH, WELL, THIS SAYS THAT I'M
IN CHARGE OF CASTING.
I CAST A LOT OF PEOPLE, YOU

IN CHARGE OF CASTING.
I CAST A LOT OF PEOPLE, YOU
KNOW, LIKE YOURSELF.

I CAST A LOT OF PEOPLE, YOU
KNOW, LIKE YOURSELF.
MM-HMM.

KNOW, LIKE YOURSELF.
MM-HMM.
YOU HAVE VERY NICE

MM-HMM.
YOU HAVE VERY NICE
CHEEKBONES.

YOU HAVE VERY NICE
CHEEKBONES.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.

CHEEKBONES.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I'M WITH "THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH."

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I'M WITH "THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH."
DO YOU LIVE UP IN THIS AREA?

I'M WITH "THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH."
DO YOU LIVE UP IN THIS AREA?
NO, I'M FROM L.A.

DO YOU LIVE UP IN THIS AREA?
NO, I'M FROM L.A.
AH. WHO'S YOUR DATE?

NO, I'M FROM L.A.
AH. WHO'S YOUR DATE?
IT'S JUST SOMEONE I'M TALKING

AH. WHO'S YOUR DATE?
IT'S JUST SOMEONE I'M TALKING
TO HERE.

IT'S JUST SOMEONE I'M TALKING
TO HERE.
UH, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

TO HERE.
UH, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE US

UH, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE US
FOR A LITTLE WHILE, HUH?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE US
FOR A LITTLE WHILE, HUH?
ALL RIGHT.

FOR A LITTLE WHILE, HUH?
ALL RIGHT.
UH, I'M STAYING, UH, AT THE

ALL RIGHT.
UH, I'M STAYING, UH, AT THE
INN, YOU KNOW, OUT BY THE

UH, I'M STAYING, UH, AT THE
INN, YOU KNOW, OUT BY THE
AIRPORT THERE.

INN, YOU KNOW, OUT BY THE
AIRPORT THERE.
YEAH?

AIRPORT THERE.
YEAH?
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE

YEAH?
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE
TIME...

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE
TIME...
Announcer: ALTHOUGH

TIME...
Announcer: ALTHOUGH
"THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH" AIRS WHAT

Announcer: ALTHOUGH
"THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH" AIRS WHAT
IT MUST, SOME THINGS IT AIRS

"THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH" AIRS WHAT
IT MUST, SOME THINGS IT AIRS
DISGUSTS IT.

IT MUST, SOME THINGS IT AIRS
DISGUSTS IT.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]

DISGUSTS IT.
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
WHILE YOU ARE VIEWING THIS,

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
WHILE YOU ARE VIEWING THIS,
"THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH" CONTINUES

WHILE YOU ARE VIEWING THIS,
"THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH" CONTINUES
TO INVESTIGATE NEW LEADS, LIKE

"THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH" CONTINUES
TO INVESTIGATE NEW LEADS, LIKE
THE WOMAN WHO SWIMS 24 HOURS A

TO INVESTIGATE NEW LEADS, LIKE
THE WOMAN WHO SWIMS 24 HOURS A
DAY EVERY DAY OF HER LIFE...

THE WOMAN WHO SWIMS 24 HOURS A
DAY EVERY DAY OF HER LIFE...
OR THE MAN WHO CAN EAT A

DAY EVERY DAY OF HER LIFE...
OR THE MAN WHO CAN EAT A
THOUSAND EGGS...

OR THE MAN WHO CAN EAT A
THOUSAND EGGS...
OR THE GENIUS, WITH AN I.Q. OF

THOUSAND EGGS...
OR THE GENIUS, WITH AN I.Q. OF
OVER 240.

[PIANO PLAYS]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
LOOK AT HIM, FRIEDA.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
LOOK AT HIM, FRIEDA.
HE HASN'T TOUCHED HIS FOOD.

LOOK AT HIM, FRIEDA.
HE HASN'T TOUCHED HIS FOOD.
OH, AND HE HASN'T EATEN IN

HE HASN'T TOUCHED HIS FOOD.
OH, AND HE HASN'T EATEN IN
WEEKS.

OH, AND HE HASN'T EATEN IN
WEEKS.
HE HAS NO APPETITE.

WEEKS.
HE HAS NO APPETITE.
LUDWIG?

HE HAS NO APPETITE.
LUDWIG?
LUDWIG!

LUDWIG?
LUDWIG!
DUMMKOPF!

LUDWIG!
DUMMKOPF!
GOOD MORNING!

DUMMKOPF!
GOOD MORNING!
NICE TO SEE YOU TWO.

GOOD MORNING!
NICE TO SEE YOU TWO.
CALL IF YOU NEED ME!

NICE TO SEE YOU TWO.
CALL IF YOU NEED ME!
Both: ACH!

CALL IF YOU NEED ME!
Both: ACH!
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[SNIFFS]
[SNIFFS]
AH-CHOO.

[RAY CHARLES' "WHAT'D I SAY"
PLAYS]

♪ OH, MAMA, DON'T YOU TREAT
ME WRONG ♪
♪ COME AND LOVE YOUR DADDY ALL

ME WRONG ♪
♪ COME AND LOVE YOUR DADDY ALL
NIGHT LONG ♪

♪ COME AND LOVE YOUR DADDY ALL
NIGHT LONG ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪

NIGHT LONG ♪
♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ WHAT'D I SAY? ♪

♪ HEY, HEY ♪
♪ WHAT'D I SAY? ♪
♪ WHAT'D I SAY, NOW? ♪

♪ WHAT'D I SAY? ♪
♪ WHAT'D I SAY, NOW? ♪
♪ HEY, BABY, WHAT'D I SAY? ♪

♪ WHAT'D I SAY, NOW? ♪
♪ HEY, BABY, WHAT'D I SAY? ♪
WHAT'D YOU SAY?!

♪ HEY, BABY, WHAT'D I SAY? ♪
WHAT'D YOU SAY?!
♪ I SAID HEY! ♪

WHAT'D YOU SAY?!
♪ I SAID HEY! ♪
♪ HEY? ♪

♪ I SAID HEY! ♪
♪ HEY? ♪
♪ HO! ♪

♪ HEY? ♪
♪ HO! ♪
♪ HO? ♪

♪ HO! ♪
♪ HO? ♪
HEY!

♪ HO? ♪
HEY!
HEY!

HEY!
HEY!
HO!

HEY!
HO!
HO!

HO!
HO!
HEY!

HO!
HEY!
HEY!

HEY!
HEY!
HO!

HEY!
HO!
HO!

HO!
HO!
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

HO!
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ OHHH OHHH ♪

♪ YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ OHHH OHHH ♪
♪ BABY, WHAT'D I SAY? ♪

♪ OHHH OHHH ♪
♪ BABY, WHAT'D I SAY? ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ BABY, WHAT'D I SAY? ♪
♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ TELL YOUR MAMA ♪

♪ BABY, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ TELL YOUR MAMA ♪
♪ TELL YOUR PA ♪

♪ TELL YOUR MAMA ♪
♪ TELL YOUR PA ♪
♪ GONNA SEND YOU BACK TO

♪ TELL YOUR PA ♪
♪ GONNA SEND YOU BACK TO
ARKANSAS, HEY, HEY ♪

♪ GONNA SEND YOU BACK TO
ARKANSAS, HEY, HEY ♪
♪ BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪

ARKANSAS, HEY, HEY ♪
♪ BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪
♪ BOP-BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪

♪ BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪
♪ BOP-BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪
♪ WHAT'D I SAY? ♪

♪ BOP-BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪
♪ WHAT'D I SAY? ♪
♪ BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪

♪ WHAT'D I SAY? ♪
♪ BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪
♪ BOP-BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪

♪ BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪
♪ BOP-BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪
♪ WHAT'D I SAY, NOW? ♪

♪ BOP-BOP-SHOO-BOP ♪
♪ WHAT'D I SAY, NOW? ♪
♪ HEY, BABY, WHAT'D I SAY? ♪

♪ WHAT'D I SAY, NOW? ♪
♪ HEY, BABY, WHAT'D I SAY? ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[JACKHAMMERING]
WELL, THAT'S HOW THE
HYDRAULIC DRILL WORKS.

WELL, THAT'S HOW THE
HYDRAULIC DRILL WORKS.
NOW THAT YOU GOT THE TECHNICAL

HYDRAULIC DRILL WORKS.
NOW THAT YOU GOT THE TECHNICAL
STUFF UNDER YOUR BELTS, I THINK

NOW THAT YOU GOT THE TECHNICAL
STUFF UNDER YOUR BELTS, I THINK
IT'S TIME YOU GOT SOME MOXIE.

STUFF UNDER YOUR BELTS, I THINK
IT'S TIME YOU GOT SOME MOXIE.
WHAT I CALL "STREETSIDE SAVVY."

IT'S TIME YOU GOT SOME MOXIE.
WHAT I CALL "STREETSIDE SAVVY."
NOW, HERE ARE A FEW CHOICE

WHAT I CALL "STREETSIDE SAVVY."
NOW, HERE ARE A FEW CHOICE
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, YOU KNOW,

NOW, HERE ARE A FEW CHOICE
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, YOU KNOW,
FOR WHEN YOU'RE NOT ON THE

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS, YOU KNOW,
FOR WHEN YOU'RE NOT ON THE
CONSTRUCTION SITE, AND THE

FOR WHEN YOU'RE NOT ON THE
CONSTRUCTION SITE, AND THE
NOISES THAT GO WITH 'EM.

CONSTRUCTION SITE, AND THE
NOISES THAT GO WITH 'EM.
FOR INSTANCE... "HEY, HEY, HEY!

NOISES THAT GO WITH 'EM.
FOR INSTANCE... "HEY, HEY, HEY!
CHICKY CHICKY CHICKY CHICKY

FOR INSTANCE... "HEY, HEY, HEY!
CHICKY CHICKY CHICKY CHICKY
CHICKY!

CHICKY CHICKY CHICKY CHICKY
CHICKY!
HEY, HEY, HEY!"

CHICKY!
HEY, HEY, HEY!"
[SMOOCHING]

HEY, HEY, HEY!"
[SMOOCHING]
AND THIS IS A KILLER.

[SMOOCHING]
AND THIS IS A KILLER.
YEAH, IT DRIVES MEN CRAZY!

AND THIS IS A KILLER.
YEAH, IT DRIVES MEN CRAZY!
OKAY, NOW, EXCHANGE STUDENT

YEAH, IT DRIVES MEN CRAZY!
OKAY, NOW, EXCHANGE STUDENT
DANNY OVER HERE... HEY, YOU.

OKAY, NOW, EXCHANGE STUDENT
DANNY OVER HERE... HEY, YOU.
HE HAS KINDLY OFFERED TO AID US

DANNY OVER HERE... HEY, YOU.
HE HAS KINDLY OFFERED TO AID US
IN OUR LIVE DEMONSTRATION.

HE HAS KINDLY OFFERED TO AID US
IN OUR LIVE DEMONSTRATION.
JANE.

IN OUR LIVE DEMONSTRATION.
JANE.
UP HERE.

JANE.
UP HERE.
NOW, WHEN A CUTIE PIE WALKS

UP HERE.
NOW, WHEN A CUTIE PIE WALKS
BY... I WANT YOU TO STRUT YOUR

NOW, WHEN A CUTIE PIE WALKS
BY... I WANT YOU TO STRUT YOUR
STUFF, HONEY.

BY... I WANT YOU TO STRUT YOUR
STUFF, HONEY.
WHEN A CUTIE PIE WALKS BY,

STUFF, HONEY.
WHEN A CUTIE PIE WALKS BY,
HERE'S HOW YOU BREAK THE ICE.

WHEN A CUTIE PIE WALKS BY,
HERE'S HOW YOU BREAK THE ICE.
HEY, HEY, HEY, BEEFCAKES!

HERE'S HOW YOU BREAK THE ICE.
HEY, HEY, HEY, BEEFCAKES!
HEY, HEY, BEEFCAKES!

HEY, HEY, HEY, BEEFCAKES!
HEY, HEY, BEEFCAKES!
YEAH, YOU!

HEY, HEY, BEEFCAKES!
YEAH, YOU!
COME UP HERE, BABY!

YEAH, YOU!
COME UP HERE, BABY!
DO SOME SQUAT JUMPS ON THIS

COME UP HERE, BABY!
DO SOME SQUAT JUMPS ON THIS
GIRDER!

DO SOME SQUAT JUMPS ON THIS
GIRDER!
OKAY, I THINK I GOT HIM WARMED

GIRDER!
OKAY, I THINK I GOT HIM WARMED
UP.

OKAY, I THINK I GOT HIM WARMED
UP.
YOU TAKE OVER.

UP.
YOU TAKE OVER.
HEY, HEY, WAIT A SECOND.

YOU TAKE OVER.
HEY, HEY, WAIT A SECOND.
PERMIT ME, SWEETHEART.

HEY, HEY, WAIT A SECOND.
PERMIT ME, SWEETHEART.
HEY, HEY, DREAMBOAT, WHAT'S

PERMIT ME, SWEETHEART.
HEY, HEY, DREAMBOAT, WHAT'S
THE MATTER?

HEY, HEY, DREAMBOAT, WHAT'S
THE MATTER?
A SMILE ISN'T GONNA COST YOU

THE MATTER?
A SMILE ISN'T GONNA COST YOU
ANYTHING.

A SMILE ISN'T GONNA COST YOU
ANYTHING.
NO, NO, NO, NO.

ANYTHING.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
NOW, YOU SHOULD'VE HAD THAT

NO, NO, NO, NO.
NOW, YOU SHOULD'VE HAD THAT
MEMORIZED, JANE.

NOW, YOU SHOULD'VE HAD THAT
MEMORIZED, JANE.
YOU SHOULD'VE HAD THAT

MEMORIZED, JANE.
YOU SHOULD'VE HAD THAT
MEMORIZED.

YOU SHOULD'VE HAD THAT
MEMORIZED.
OKAY, CLASS, LET'S HAVE A LITTLE

MEMORIZED.
OKAY, CLASS, LET'S HAVE A LITTLE
PARTICIPATION.

OKAY, CLASS, LET'S HAVE A LITTLE
PARTICIPATION.
HERE'S WHERE YOUR BUDDY SUPPORT

PARTICIPATION.
HERE'S WHERE YOUR BUDDY SUPPORT
COMES IN HANDY.

HERE'S WHERE YOUR BUDDY SUPPORT
COMES IN HANDY.
YOU TAKE IT AGAIN, JANE.

COMES IN HANDY.
YOU TAKE IT AGAIN, JANE.
STRUT YOUR STUFF THERE.

YOU TAKE IT AGAIN, JANE.
STRUT YOUR STUFF THERE.
HEY, STUD MUFFINS, WANT TO

STRUT YOUR STUFF THERE.
HEY, STUD MUFFINS, WANT TO
MAKE BOUNCY-BOUNCY?

HEY, STUD MUFFINS, WANT TO
MAKE BOUNCY-BOUNCY?
YEAH!

MAKE BOUNCY-BOUNCY?
YEAH!
HEY, HEY, COME ON, KIDS!

YEAH!
HEY, HEY, COME ON, KIDS!
LET'S GO! COME ON!

HEY, HEY, COME ON, KIDS!
LET'S GO! COME ON!
COME ON, LET'S HAVE IT!

LET'S GO! COME ON!
COME ON, LET'S HAVE IT!
NO, NO, LET'S HAVE SOME

COME ON, LET'S HAVE IT!
NO, NO, LET'S HAVE SOME
PARTICIPATION, SOME BUDDY

NO, NO, LET'S HAVE SOME
PARTICIPATION, SOME BUDDY
SUPPORT!

PARTICIPATION, SOME BUDDY
SUPPORT!
OH, ALL RIGHT!

SUPPORT!
OH, ALL RIGHT!
[WHISTLES]

OH, ALL RIGHT!
[WHISTLES]
YEAH!

[WHISTLES]
YEAH!
THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.

YEAH!
THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.
HEY, "HOO-HAH, HOO-HAH!"

THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.
HEY, "HOO-HAH, HOO-HAH!"
WHOO, WHOO, WHOO!

HEY, "HOO-HAH, HOO-HAH!"
WHOO, WHOO, WHOO!
GET A LOAD OF THAT!

WHOO, WHOO, WHOO!
GET A LOAD OF THAT!
WHOO-HOO!

GET A LOAD OF THAT!
WHOO-HOO!
I WOULDN'T THROW HIM OUT OF BED!

WHOO-HOO!
I WOULDN'T THROW HIM OUT OF BED!
HEY, HEY, HEY!

I WOULDN'T THROW HIM OUT OF BED!
HEY, HEY, HEY!
OKAY, HEY, GILDA, COME ON UP!

HEY, HEY, HEY!
OKAY, HEY, GILDA, COME ON UP!
COME ON UP!

OKAY, HEY, GILDA, COME ON UP!
COME ON UP!
HEY, HONEY, SWEETHEART...

COME ON UP!
HEY, HONEY, SWEETHEART...
HEY, YOU.

HEY, HONEY, SWEETHEART...
HEY, YOU.
STRUT YOUR STUFF IN FRONT OF

HEY, YOU.
STRUT YOUR STUFF IN FRONT OF
GILDA.

STRUT YOUR STUFF IN FRONT OF
GILDA.
THAT'S IT, SWEETHEART.

GILDA.
THAT'S IT, SWEETHEART.
DO IT.

THAT'S IT, SWEETHEART.
DO IT.
BOOM, BA-BA-BOOM, BA-BA BOOM!

DO IT.
BOOM, BA-BA-BOOM, BA-BA BOOM!
THAT WAS A REAL...

BOOM, BA-BA-BOOM, BA-BA BOOM!
THAT WAS A REAL...
THAT WAS A REAL, REAL NICE

THAT WAS A REAL...
THAT WAS A REAL, REAL NICE
SELECTION, GILDA.

THAT WAS A REAL, REAL NICE
SELECTION, GILDA.
NICE SELECTION.

SELECTION, GILDA.
NICE SELECTION.
HONEY, COME ON, KEEP IT UP.

NICE SELECTION.
HONEY, COME ON, KEEP IT UP.
LET'S GO.

HONEY, COME ON, KEEP IT UP.
LET'S GO.
UM... HEY!

LET'S GO.
UM... HEY!
JOY CHUNKS!

UM... HEY!
JOY CHUNKS!
HEY! HEY, YOU, HEY!

JOY CHUNKS!
HEY! HEY, YOU, HEY!
YOU DROPPED SOMETHING!

HEY! HEY, YOU, HEY!
YOU DROPPED SOMETHING!
EH, JUST FOOLING!

YOU DROPPED SOMETHING!
EH, JUST FOOLING!
YOU LOOK LIKE MY EX-HUSBAND.

EH, JUST FOOLING!
YOU LOOK LIKE MY EX-HUSBAND.
[LAUGHS]

YOU LOOK LIKE MY EX-HUSBAND.
[LAUGHS]
[WHISTLES]

[LAUGHS]
[WHISTLES]
UH, I DON'T THINK HE LIKES

[WHISTLES]
UH, I DON'T THINK HE LIKES
THIS.

UH, I DON'T THINK HE LIKES
THIS.
NO, NO, NO, HEY.

THIS.
NO, NO, NO, HEY.
CAN I PUT ON MY COAT NOW,

NO, NO, NO, HEY.
CAN I PUT ON MY COAT NOW,
PLEASE?

CAN I PUT ON MY COAT NOW,
PLEASE?
MAY I PUT ON MY COAT, PLEASE?

PLEASE?
MAY I PUT ON MY COAT, PLEASE?
NO.

MAY I PUT ON MY COAT, PLEASE?
NO.
OKAY, CLASS, HEY!

NO.
OKAY, CLASS, HEY!
YOU ALL SAW HOW DANNY HERE,

OKAY, CLASS, HEY!
YOU ALL SAW HOW DANNY HERE,
UH... HE'S REACTING LIKE HE'S

YOU ALL SAW HOW DANNY HERE,
UH... HE'S REACTING LIKE HE'S
INSULTED?

UH... HE'S REACTING LIKE HE'S
INSULTED?
IT'S ALL AN ACT, BELIEVE ME.

INSULTED?
IT'S ALL AN ACT, BELIEVE ME.
TRUST ME, GILDA.

IT'S ALL AN ACT, BELIEVE ME.
TRUST ME, GILDA.
HE LOVES IT.

TRUST ME, GILDA.
HE LOVES IT.
EVERY MINUTE OF IT, HE LOVES IT.

HE LOVES IT.
EVERY MINUTE OF IT, HE LOVES IT.
YEAH, WHEN YOU STOP

EVERY MINUTE OF IT, HE LOVES IT.
YEAH, WHEN YOU STOP
WHISTLING, HE SURE DOES START

YEAH, WHEN YOU STOP
WHISTLING, HE SURE DOES START
GETTIN' NERVOUS!

WHISTLING, HE SURE DOES START
GETTIN' NERVOUS!
HEY, HEY!

GETTIN' NERVOUS!
HEY, HEY!
OKAY, I'LL TRY AGAIN!

HEY, HEY!
OKAY, I'LL TRY AGAIN!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, COME ON,

OKAY, I'LL TRY AGAIN!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, COME ON,
BABY!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, COME ON,
BABY!
I'M NOT YOUR BABY!

BABY!
I'M NOT YOUR BABY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, CHECK THIS!

I'M NOT YOUR BABY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, CHECK THIS!
HEY, HEY, HEY, CHECK THIS!

HEY, HEY, HEY, CHECK THIS!
HEY, HEY, HEY, CHECK THIS!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

HEY, HEY, HEY, CHECK THIS!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HOLD ON... HEY, HEY, HEY!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HOLD ON... HEY, HEY, HEY!
THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL YOUR

HOLD ON... HEY, HEY, HEY!
THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL YOUR
"RE-PAR-TEE."

THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL YOUR
"RE-PAR-TEE."
NOW, WHEN YOU GET YOUR EXAMPLE

"RE-PAR-TEE."
NOW, WHEN YOU GET YOUR EXAMPLE
OF YOUR RE-PAR-TEE... I MEAN, IF

NOW, WHEN YOU GET YOUR EXAMPLE
OF YOUR RE-PAR-TEE... I MEAN, IF
YOU'RE A HARDHAT WHO'S DONE HER

OF YOUR RE-PAR-TEE... I MEAN, IF
YOU'RE A HARDHAT WHO'S DONE HER
HOMEWORK, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A

YOU'RE A HARDHAT WHO'S DONE HER
HOMEWORK, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A
BATTERY OF WITTY-CISMS AND BON

HOMEWORK, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A
BATTERY OF WITTY-CISMS AND BON
MOTS.

BATTERY OF WITTY-CISMS AND BON
MOTS.
LARAINE.

MOTS.
LARAINE.
HE-E-E-EY, CRAZY PECS.

LARAINE.
HE-E-E-EY, CRAZY PECS.
WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE PECS?

HE-E-E-EY, CRAZY PECS.
WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE PECS?
WHY DON'T YOU FLEX 'EM FOR ME,

WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE PECS?
WHY DON'T YOU FLEX 'EM FOR ME,
BUTCH?

WHY DON'T YOU FLEX 'EM FOR ME,
BUTCH?
YEAH, GIVE ME A CHEAP THRILL.

BUTCH?
YEAH, GIVE ME A CHEAP THRILL.
HOW DO YOU LIKE A STAPLE IN YOUR

YEAH, GIVE ME A CHEAP THRILL.
HOW DO YOU LIKE A STAPLE IN YOUR
NAVEL?

HOW DO YOU LIKE A STAPLE IN YOUR
NAVEL?
[SIGHS]

NAVEL?
[SIGHS]
OKAY, JUST HOLD ON A MINUTE!

[SIGHS]
OKAY, JUST HOLD ON A MINUTE!
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?!

OKAY, JUST HOLD ON A MINUTE!
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?!
MEN HAVE FEELINGS, TOO, YOU

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?!
MEN HAVE FEELINGS, TOO, YOU
KNOW!

MEN HAVE FEELINGS, TOO, YOU
KNOW!
I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS!

KNOW!
I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS!
I THOUGHT I WAS COMING IN TO

I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS!
I THOUGHT I WAS COMING IN TO
HELP!

I THOUGHT I WAS COMING IN TO
HELP!
COME ON, YOU EAT THIS STUFF

HELP!
COME ON, YOU EAT THIS STUFF
UP LIKE A FORK, YOU KNOW?

COME ON, YOU EAT THIS STUFF
UP LIKE A FORK, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, YOU LOVE IT.

UP LIKE A FORK, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, YOU LOVE IT.
DON'T COMPLAIN.

I MEAN, YOU LOVE IT.
DON'T COMPLAIN.
YOU LITTLE TEASE.

DON'T COMPLAIN.
YOU LITTLE TEASE.
YOU LITTLE JUICY BUNS.

YOU LITTLE TEASE.
YOU LITTLE JUICY BUNS.
HEY, HEY!

YOU LITTLE JUICY BUNS.
HEY, HEY!
OKAY.

HEY, HEY!
OKAY.
OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.

OKAY.
OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
KNOCK IT OFF, OKAY?

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
KNOCK IT OFF, OKAY?
OH! HEY, HEY!

KNOCK IT OFF, OKAY?
OH! HEY, HEY!
THEY'RE SO CUTE WHEN THEY'RE

OH! HEY, HEY!
THEY'RE SO CUTE WHEN THEY'RE
MAD.

THEY'RE SO CUTE WHEN THEY'RE
MAD.
THEY ARE SO CUTE WHEN THEY'RE

MAD.
THEY ARE SO CUTE WHEN THEY'RE
MAD!

THEY ARE SO CUTE WHEN THEY'RE
MAD!
YEAH, BABY, WHAT YOU NEED...

MAD!
YEAH, BABY, WHAT YOU NEED...
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

YEAH, BABY, WHAT YOU NEED...
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
UH-OH! HEY, HEY!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]
UH-OH! HEY, HEY!
ONE HOUR... LUNCHTIME.

UH-OH! HEY, HEY!
ONE HOUR... LUNCHTIME.
HERE, PUT THIS ON, SWEETHEART.

ONE HOUR... LUNCHTIME.
HERE, PUT THIS ON, SWEETHEART.
COVER YOURSELF UP.

HERE, PUT THIS ON, SWEETHEART.
COVER YOURSELF UP.
[SIGHS]

COVER YOURSELF UP.
[SIGHS]
[Voice cracking] THEY WERE

[SIGHS]
[Voice cracking] THEY WERE
REAL MEAN TO ME!

[Voice cracking] THEY WERE
REAL MEAN TO ME!
I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP THEM.

REAL MEAN TO ME!
I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP THEM.
HEY, DON'T CRY.

I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP THEM.
HEY, DON'T CRY.
IT'S ONLY SCHOOL.

HEY, DON'T CRY.
IT'S ONLY SCHOOL.
[SIGHS]

IT'S ONLY SCHOOL.
[SIGHS]
[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: WE'LL RETURN AFTER
THIS FILMED MESSAGE.

Announcer: MEET
ELLEN SHERMAN, CLEVELAND
HOUSEWIFE AND MOTHER.

ELLEN SHERMAN, CLEVELAND
HOUSEWIFE AND MOTHER.
HI, I'M A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST

HOUSEWIFE AND MOTHER.
HI, I'M A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST
AND COMMISSIONER OF CONSUMER

HI, I'M A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST
AND COMMISSIONER OF CONSUMER
AFFAIRS.

AND COMMISSIONER OF CONSUMER
AFFAIRS.
IN MY SPARE TIME, I DO

AFFAIRS.
IN MY SPARE TIME, I DO
NEEDLEPOINT, READ, SCULPT, TAKE

IN MY SPARE TIME, I DO
NEEDLEPOINT, READ, SCULPT, TAKE
RIDING LESSONS, AND BRUSH UP ON

NEEDLEPOINT, READ, SCULPT, TAKE
RIDING LESSONS, AND BRUSH UP ON
MY KNOWLEDGE OF CURRENT EVENTS.

RIDING LESSONS, AND BRUSH UP ON
MY KNOWLEDGE OF CURRENT EVENTS.
THURSDAY'S MY DAY AT THE DAYCARE

MY KNOWLEDGE OF CURRENT EVENTS.
THURSDAY'S MY DAY AT THE DAYCARE
CENTER, AND THEN THERE'S MY WORK

THURSDAY'S MY DAY AT THE DAYCARE
CENTER, AND THEN THERE'S MY WORK
WITH THE DEAF, BUT I STILL HAVE

CENTER, AND THEN THERE'S MY WORK
WITH THE DEAF, BUT I STILL HAVE
TIME LEFT OVER TO DO ALL MY OWN

WITH THE DEAF, BUT I STILL HAVE
TIME LEFT OVER TO DO ALL MY OWN
BAKING AND PRACTICE MY BACKHAND

TIME LEFT OVER TO DO ALL MY OWN
BAKING AND PRACTICE MY BACKHAND
EVEN THOUGH I'M ON CALL 24 HOURS

BAKING AND PRACTICE MY BACKHAND
EVEN THOUGH I'M ON CALL 24 HOURS
A DAY AS A LEGAL AIDE...

EVEN THOUGH I'M ON CALL 24 HOURS
A DAY AS A LEGAL AIDE...
Announcer: HOW DOES

A DAY AS A LEGAL AIDE...
Announcer: HOW DOES
ELLEN SHERMAN DO IT ALL?

Announcer: HOW DOES
ELLEN SHERMAN DO IT ALL?
SHE'S SMART.

ELLEN SHERMAN DO IT ALL?
SHE'S SMART.
SHE TAKES SPEED.

SHE'S SMART.
SHE TAKES SPEED.
YES, SPEED, THE TINY BLUE DIET

SHE TAKES SPEED.
YES, SPEED, THE TINY BLUE DIET
PILL YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE

YES, SPEED, THE TINY BLUE DIET
PILL YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
OVERWEIGHT TO NEED.

PILL YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
OVERWEIGHT TO NEED.
AND THEN I COLLECT THESE

OVERWEIGHT TO NEED.
AND THEN I COLLECT THESE
PAPER BAGS, AND I HAVE THEM

AND THEN I COLLECT THESE
PAPER BAGS, AND I HAVE THEM
RIGHT HERE, ALL FOLDED AND

PAPER BAGS, AND I HAVE THEM
RIGHT HERE, ALL FOLDED AND
EVERYTHING.

RIGHT HERE, ALL FOLDED AND
EVERYTHING.
IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS A PAPER

EVERYTHING.
IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS A PAPER
BAG, I HAVE ONE BECAUSE I FOLD

IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS A PAPER
BAG, I HAVE ONE BECAUSE I FOLD
THEM NEATLY, YOU KNOW?

BAG, I HAVE ONE BECAUSE I FOLD
THEM NEATLY, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T FOLD THEM JUST ANY...

THEM NEATLY, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T FOLD THEM JUST ANY...
Announcer: WHY NOT ASK YOUR

I DON'T FOLD THEM JUST ANY...
Announcer: WHY NOT ASK YOUR
FAMILY DOCTOR FOR A PRESCRIPTION

Announcer: WHY NOT ASK YOUR
FAMILY DOCTOR FOR A PRESCRIPTION
TODAY?

FAMILY DOCTOR FOR A PRESCRIPTION
TODAY?
AND WHEN THAT RUNS OUT, YOU CAN

TODAY?
AND WHEN THAT RUNS OUT, YOU CAN
ASK YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOCTOR.

AND WHEN THAT RUNS OUT, YOU CAN
ASK YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOCTOR.
AND YOUR MOTHER'S DOCTOR.

ASK YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOCTOR.
AND YOUR MOTHER'S DOCTOR.
AND YOUR COLLEGE ROOMMATE'S

AND YOUR MOTHER'S DOCTOR.
AND YOUR COLLEGE ROOMMATE'S
DOCTOR.

AND YOUR COLLEGE ROOMMATE'S
DOCTOR.
AND YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM HIGH

DOCTOR.
AND YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM HIGH
SCHOOL'S DOCTOR.

AND YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM HIGH
SCHOOL'S DOCTOR.
AND YOUR BABYSITTER'S DOCTOR...

SCHOOL'S DOCTOR.
AND YOUR BABYSITTER'S DOCTOR...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[FINGERS SNAPPING]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
JEEZ, MARGO, I DON'T THINK

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
JEEZ, MARGO, I DON'T THINK
NONE OF THE CATS IS GONNA ASK US

JEEZ, MARGO, I DON'T THINK
NONE OF THE CATS IS GONNA ASK US
TO DANCE.

NONE OF THE CATS IS GONNA ASK US
TO DANCE.
WANT TO YOU AND I DANCE?

TO DANCE.
WANT TO YOU AND I DANCE?
LET'S WAIT FOR A GOOD BEAT.

WANT TO YOU AND I DANCE?
LET'S WAIT FOR A GOOD BEAT.
OH, KID, I ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL

LET'S WAIT FOR A GOOD BEAT.
OH, KID, I ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL
YOU... KILL MYSELF, I SWEAR TO

OH, KID, I ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL
YOU... KILL MYSELF, I SWEAR TO
GOD!

YOU... KILL MYSELF, I SWEAR TO
GOD!
I WENT OVER TO PATTY'S LAST

GOD!
I WENT OVER TO PATTY'S LAST
NIGHT... SHE BLEACHED HER BANGS.

I WENT OVER TO PATTY'S LAST
NIGHT... SHE BLEACHED HER BANGS.
LOOKS TOUGH.

NIGHT... SHE BLEACHED HER BANGS.
LOOKS TOUGH.
HER OLD LADY DON'T FEATURE IT,

LOOKS TOUGH.
HER OLD LADY DON'T FEATURE IT,
MARGO, BUT THAT AIN'T THE COOL

HER OLD LADY DON'T FEATURE IT,
MARGO, BUT THAT AIN'T THE COOL
PART.

MARGO, BUT THAT AIN'T THE COOL
PART.
I COPPED A LOOK AT PATTY'S

PART.
I COPPED A LOOK AT PATTY'S
DIARY.

I COPPED A LOOK AT PATTY'S
DIARY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?

DIARY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE MADE OUT...

YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE MADE OUT...
WITH RICHIE BONATELLI ON THE

SHE MADE OUT...
WITH RICHIE BONATELLI ON THE
FIRST DATE... NO LIE.

WITH RICHIE BONATELLI ON THE
FIRST DATE... NO LIE.
SURE, WHERE YOU THINK SHE GOT

FIRST DATE... NO LIE.
SURE, WHERE YOU THINK SHE GOT
THAT BIG HICKEY?

SURE, WHERE YOU THINK SHE GOT
THAT BIG HICKEY?
PLUS, MARGO, THAT AIN'T ALL

THAT BIG HICKEY?
PLUS, MARGO, THAT AIN'T ALL
PATTY, HA HA HA.

PLUS, MARGO, THAT AIN'T ALL
PATTY, HA HA HA.
I SEEN HER BRA.

PATTY, HA HA HA.
I SEEN HER BRA.
IT WAS LAYIN' RIGHT ON THE BED.

I SEEN HER BRA.
IT WAS LAYIN' RIGHT ON THE BED.
HONEST TO GOD, THERE WAS TISSUES

IT WAS LAYIN' RIGHT ON THE BED.
HONEST TO GOD, THERE WAS TISSUES
IN IT.

HONEST TO GOD, THERE WAS TISSUES
IN IT.
YEAH, FLATTY PATTY.

IN IT.
YEAH, FLATTY PATTY.
YEAH, I WONDER, WOULD RICHIE

YEAH, FLATTY PATTY.
YEAH, I WONDER, WOULD RICHIE
GIVE HER HIS I.D. BRACELET IF HE

YEAH, I WONDER, WOULD RICHIE
GIVE HER HIS I.D. BRACELET IF HE
KNEW SHE WAS MADE OUT OF

GIVE HER HIS I.D. BRACELET IF HE
KNEW SHE WAS MADE OUT OF
KLEENEX?

KNEW SHE WAS MADE OUT OF
KLEENEX?
YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO?

KLEENEX?
YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO?
OHHHH! WE SHOULD!

YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO?
OHHHH! WE SHOULD!
WE SHOULD!

OHHHH! WE SHOULD!
WE SHOULD!
WE SHOULD TELL ALL THE GUYS TO

WE SHOULD!
WE SHOULD TELL ALL THE GUYS TO
SNEEZE WHEN THEY SEE HER!

WE SHOULD TELL ALL THE GUYS TO
SNEEZE WHEN THEY SEE HER!
THAT WOULD BE SO FAB.

SNEEZE WHEN THEY SEE HER!
THAT WOULD BE SO FAB.
THIS IS A GREAT TUNE.

THAT WOULD BE SO FAB.
THIS IS A GREAT TUNE.
WANT TO YOU AND I DANCE?

THIS IS A GREAT TUNE.
WANT TO YOU AND I DANCE?
[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]

WANT TO YOU AND I DANCE?
[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]
I ALMOST DIDN'T EVEN GET OUT OF

[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]
I ALMOST DIDN'T EVEN GET OUT OF
THE HOUSE TONIGHT... NO LIE.

I ALMOST DIDN'T EVEN GET OUT OF
THE HOUSE TONIGHT... NO LIE.
AH, MY OLD MAN... HE'S ALL SHOOK

THE HOUSE TONIGHT... NO LIE.
AH, MY OLD MAN... HE'S ALL SHOOK
UP.

AH, MY OLD MAN... HE'S ALL SHOOK
UP.
JUST ON ACCOUNT I GOT 8 U's ON

UP.
JUST ON ACCOUNT I GOT 8 U's ON
MY REPORT CARD.

JUST ON ACCOUNT I GOT 8 U's ON
MY REPORT CARD.
HEY, MARGO...

MY REPORT CARD.
HEY, MARGO...
HOW ABOUT FRANKIE?

HEY, MARGO...
HOW ABOUT FRANKIE?
YOU DIDN'T HEAR?

HOW ABOUT FRANKIE?
YOU DIDN'T HEAR?
MARGO, WHERE ARE YOU?

YOU DIDN'T HEAR?
MARGO, WHERE ARE YOU?
FRANKIE SMASHED MR. GILMAN RIGHT

MARGO, WHERE ARE YOU?
FRANKIE SMASHED MR. GILMAN RIGHT
IN THE MOUTH DURING METAL SHOP.

FRANKIE SMASHED MR. GILMAN RIGHT
IN THE MOUTH DURING METAL SHOP.
YEAH, THEY'RE KICKIN' HIM OUT OF

IN THE MOUTH DURING METAL SHOP.
YEAH, THEY'RE KICKIN' HIM OUT OF
SCHOOL FOR A WEEK.

YEAH, THEY'RE KICKIN' HIM OUT OF
SCHOOL FOR A WEEK.
FRANKIE'S SO COOL.

SCHOOL FOR A WEEK.
FRANKIE'S SO COOL.
HE DON'T CARE.

FRANKIE'S SO COOL.
HE DON'T CARE.
GIVE HIM TIME TO SOUP UP HIS

HE DON'T CARE.
GIVE HIM TIME TO SOUP UP HIS
CHEVY.

GIVE HIM TIME TO SOUP UP HIS
CHEVY.
HONEST TO GOD, MARGO, YOU SHOULD

CHEVY.
HONEST TO GOD, MARGO, YOU SHOULD
SEE THAT CAR.

HONEST TO GOD, MARGO, YOU SHOULD
SEE THAT CAR.
THAT CAR IS SO CHERRY.

SEE THAT CAR.
THAT CAR IS SO CHERRY.
IT'S CHOPPED, IT'S CHANNELED,

THAT CAR IS SO CHERRY.
IT'S CHOPPED, IT'S CHANNELED,
IT'S GOT THIS REAL COOL HORN.

IT'S CHOPPED, IT'S CHANNELED,
IT'S GOT THIS REAL COOL HORN.
YOU KNOW, YOU SQUEEZE IT, IT

IT'S GOT THIS REAL COOL HORN.
YOU KNOW, YOU SQUEEZE IT, IT
GOES, "OOGA! OOGA!"

YOU KNOW, YOU SQUEEZE IT, IT
GOES, "OOGA! OOGA!"
"OOGA! OOGA!"

GOES, "OOGA! OOGA!"
"OOGA! OOGA!"
OOGA!

"OOGA! OOGA!"
OOGA!
OOGA OOGA!

OOGA!
OOGA OOGA!
SO WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?!

OOGA OOGA!
SO WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?!
SO WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A

SO WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?!
SO WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A
PICTURE?!

SO WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A
PICTURE?!
IT LASTS LONGER!

PICTURE?!
IT LASTS LONGER!
I CAN'T STAND HER.

IT LASTS LONGER!
I CAN'T STAND HER.
OH, SHE'S ON THE HONOR ROLL.

I CAN'T STAND HER.
OH, SHE'S ON THE HONOR ROLL.
YEAH, I SHOULD HAVE.

OH, SHE'S ON THE HONOR ROLL.
YEAH, I SHOULD HAVE.
I SHOULD HAVE FLIPPED HER THE

YEAH, I SHOULD HAVE.
I SHOULD HAVE FLIPPED HER THE
BIRD.

I SHOULD HAVE FLIPPED HER THE
BIRD.
ANYWAYS...

BIRD.
ANYWAYS...
FORGET HER, MARGO.

ANYWAYS...
FORGET HER, MARGO.
I SAID, FORGET HER.

FORGET HER, MARGO.
I SAID, FORGET HER.
ANYWAYS, THIS IS SO COOL.

I SAID, FORGET HER.
ANYWAYS, THIS IS SO COOL.
SO FRANKIE WAS LAYING RUBBER IN

ANYWAYS, THIS IS SO COOL.
SO FRANKIE WAS LAYING RUBBER IN
FRONT OF THE BOWLING ALLEY, AND

SO FRANKIE WAS LAYING RUBBER IN
FRONT OF THE BOWLING ALLEY, AND
THERE WAS SOME PUNK THERE, FROM

FRONT OF THE BOWLING ALLEY, AND
THERE WAS SOME PUNK THERE, FROM
THE HEIGHTS, YOU KNOW?

THERE WAS SOME PUNK THERE, FROM
THE HEIGHTS, YOU KNOW?
KEPT YELLING FRANKIE'S NAME.

THE HEIGHTS, YOU KNOW?
KEPT YELLING FRANKIE'S NAME.
"HE-E-EY, FRANKIE!"

KEPT YELLING FRANKIE'S NAME.
"HE-E-EY, FRANKIE!"
SO, FRANKIE YELLS BACK, "THAT'S

"HE-E-EY, FRANKIE!"
SO, FRANKIE YELLS BACK, "THAT'S
MY NAME!

SO, FRANKIE YELLS BACK, "THAT'S
MY NAME!
DON'T WEAR IT OUT!"

MY NAME!
DON'T WEAR IT OUT!"
REALLY SHOT THE PUNK DOWN.

DON'T WEAR IT OUT!"
REALLY SHOT THE PUNK DOWN.
THEN, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

REALLY SHOT THE PUNK DOWN.
THEN, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
THIS DUD WANTS TO DRAG FRANKIE

THEN, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
THIS DUD WANTS TO DRAG FRANKIE
FOR PINKS...

THIS DUD WANTS TO DRAG FRANKIE
FOR PINKS...
SO FRANKIE TELLS THE CREEP, HE

FOR PINKS...
SO FRANKIE TELLS THE CREEP, HE
SAYS, "DRY UP AND FLOAT AWAY!"

SO FRANKIE TELLS THE CREEP, HE
SAYS, "DRY UP AND FLOAT AWAY!"
AND, HONEST TO GOD, MARGO, JUST

SAYS, "DRY UP AND FLOAT AWAY!"
AND, HONEST TO GOD, MARGO, JUST
AS WE'RE PEELIN' OUT, FRANKIE

AND, HONEST TO GOD, MARGO, JUST
AS WE'RE PEELIN' OUT, FRANKIE
SHOOTS THE GUY A COUPLE OF REAL

AS WE'RE PEELIN' OUT, FRANKIE
SHOOTS THE GUY A COUPLE OF REAL
LOUD ONES.

SHOOTS THE GUY A COUPLE OF REAL
LOUD ONES.
I AIN'T LYIN', MARGO.

LOUD ONES.
I AIN'T LYIN', MARGO.
FRANKIE'S GOT A GREAT

I AIN'T LYIN', MARGO.
FRANKIE'S GOT A GREAT
PERSONALITY.

FRANKIE'S GOT A GREAT
PERSONALITY.
WAIT, I GOT TO SHOW YOU THE

PERSONALITY.
WAIT, I GOT TO SHOW YOU THE
PICTURE HE GAVE ME FOR MY

WAIT, I GOT TO SHOW YOU THE
PICTURE HE GAVE ME FOR MY
WALLET.

PICTURE HE GAVE ME FOR MY
WALLET.
DON'T HE LOOK TOUGH?

WALLET.
DON'T HE LOOK TOUGH?
THAT CIGARETTE BEHIND HIS EAR...

DON'T HE LOOK TOUGH?
THAT CIGARETTE BEHIND HIS EAR...
THIS GUY'S THE MOST.

THAT CIGARETTE BEHIND HIS EAR...
THIS GUY'S THE MOST.
LOOK, IS THAT CUTE?

THIS GUY'S THE MOST.
LOOK, IS THAT CUTE?
THERE, THAT BIG GREEN SPOT.

LOOK, IS THAT CUTE?
THERE, THAT BIG GREEN SPOT.
THAT'S WHERE HE USUALLY HAS HIS

THERE, THAT BIG GREEN SPOT.
THAT'S WHERE HE USUALLY HAS HIS
CRUCIFIX.

THAT'S WHERE HE USUALLY HAS HIS
CRUCIFIX.
MARGO!

CRUCIFIX.
MARGO!
MARGO, THERE HE IS!

MARGO!
MARGO, THERE HE IS!
I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

MARGO, THERE HE IS!
I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK.
I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA HAVE A

I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK.
I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA HAVE A
HEART ATTACK!

I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA HAVE A
HEART ATTACK!
MARGO, HE IS SO CHOICE!

HEART ATTACK!
MARGO, HE IS SO CHOICE!
I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

MARGO, HE IS SO CHOICE!
I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK.
PROMISE YOU WON'T LEAVE.

I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK.
PROMISE YOU WON'T LEAVE.
MARGO! LOOK AT HIS WHITE SOCKS

PROMISE YOU WON'T LEAVE.
MARGO! LOOK AT HIS WHITE SOCKS
AND HIS POWDER-BLUE TWO-BUTTON

MARGO! LOOK AT HIS WHITE SOCKS
AND HIS POWDER-BLUE TWO-BUTTON
ROLL-UPS!

AND HIS POWDER-BLUE TWO-BUTTON
ROLL-UPS!
WHATEVER YOU DO, PROMISE YOU

ROLL-UPS!
WHATEVER YOU DO, PROMISE YOU
WON'T LEAVE ME 'CAUSE I SWEAR

WHATEVER YOU DO, PROMISE YOU
WON'T LEAVE ME 'CAUSE I SWEAR
TO GOD... MARGO!

WON'T LEAVE ME 'CAUSE I SWEAR
TO GOD... MARGO!
WHATEVER YOU DO, PROMISE YOU

TO GOD... MARGO!
WHATEVER YOU DO, PROMISE YOU
WON'T LEAVE ME 'CAUSE I SWEAR TO

WHATEVER YOU DO, PROMISE YOU
WON'T LEAVE ME 'CAUSE I SWEAR TO
GOD, I'M GONNA FALL DOWN AND

WON'T LEAVE ME 'CAUSE I SWEAR TO
GOD, I'M GONNA FALL DOWN AND
HAVE A HEART ATTACK RIGHT HERE.

GOD, I'M GONNA FALL DOWN AND
HAVE A HEART ATTACK RIGHT HERE.
HE'S COMING RIGHT OVER HERE.

HAVE A HEART ATTACK RIGHT HERE.
HE'S COMING RIGHT OVER HERE.
YEAH, HE'S COMING RIGHT OVER

HE'S COMING RIGHT OVER HERE.
YEAH, HE'S COMING RIGHT OVER
HERE.

NO, HE AIN'T, MARGO.
WHAT'S HE DOING?
COME ON, HONEST TO GOD, I AIN'T

WHAT'S HE DOING?
COME ON, HONEST TO GOD, I AIN'T
LOOKIN'.

COME ON, HONEST TO GOD, I AIN'T
LOOKIN'.
WHAT'S HE DOING?

HE'S DANCIN', AIN'T HE, MARGO?
COME ON, HONEST TO GOD.
HE'S DANCIN'?

COME ON, HONEST TO GOD.
HE'S DANCIN'?
WITH FRANCINE PULI?

HE'S DANCIN'?
WITH FRANCINE PULI?
I'M GONNA HAVE A BREAKDOWN,

WITH FRANCINE PULI?
I'M GONNA HAVE A BREAKDOWN,
MARGO.

I'M GONNA HAVE A BREAKDOWN,
MARGO.
I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA HAVE A

MARGO.
I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA HAVE A
BREAKDOWN RIGHT HERE.

I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GONNA HAVE A
BREAKDOWN RIGHT HERE.
PROMISE YOU WON'T LEAVE ME.

BREAKDOWN RIGHT HERE.
PROMISE YOU WON'T LEAVE ME.
LET'S CUT TO THE JOHN.

PROMISE YOU WON'T LEAVE ME.
LET'S CUT TO THE JOHN.
I GOT TO HAVE A CIGGY BUTT.

LET'S CUT TO THE JOHN.
I GOT TO HAVE A CIGGY BUTT.
OH, WHAT DO I CARE?

I GOT TO HAVE A CIGGY BUTT.
OH, WHAT DO I CARE?
THAT CREEP?

OH, WHAT DO I CARE?
THAT CREEP?
SHE WASHES HER GYM SUIT EVERY

THAT CREEP?
SHE WASHES HER GYM SUIT EVERY
WEEK.

SHE WASHES HER GYM SUIT EVERY
WEEK.
[APPLAUSE]

[BAND PLAYS]

[CHUCKLES]
YOU'RE ON.
OH, I'M... [LAUGHS]

YOU'RE ON.
OH, I'M... [LAUGHS]
LILY TOMLIN, WILL YOU SIGN MY

OH, I'M... [LAUGHS]
LILY TOMLIN, WILL YOU SIGN MY
ALBUM OF YOURS?

LILY TOMLIN, WILL YOU SIGN MY
ALBUM OF YOURS?
WILL YOU SIGN IT FOR ME?

ALBUM OF YOURS?
WILL YOU SIGN IT FOR ME?
WHY, I'D BE ONLY TOO

WILL YOU SIGN IT FOR ME?
WHY, I'D BE ONLY TOO
THRILLED, GILDA.

WHY, I'D BE ONLY TOO
THRILLED, GILDA.
OKAY.

THRILLED, GILDA.
OKAY.
YOU DO "TONI" ON THIS ALBUM,

OKAY.
YOU DO "TONI" ON THIS ALBUM,
DON'T YOU?

YOU DO "TONI" ON THIS ALBUM,
DON'T YOU?
YES, I DO.

DON'T YOU?
YES, I DO.
OH, WELL, I LOVE IT.

YES, I DO.
OH, WELL, I LOVE IT.
WELL, HOW HUMILIATING.

OH, WELL, I LOVE IT.
WELL, HOW HUMILIATING.
UH, LILY, WE'VE GOT

WELL, HOW HUMILIATING.
UH, LILY, WE'VE GOT
SOMETHING... TWO THINGS WE WANT

UH, LILY, WE'VE GOT
SOMETHING... TWO THINGS WE WANT
TO DO, RIGHT?

SOMETHING... TWO THINGS WE WANT
TO DO, RIGHT?
WE WANT TO DO A LITTLE BEE BOP.

TO DO, RIGHT?
WE WANT TO DO A LITTLE BEE BOP.
YES, OF COURSE.

WE WANT TO DO A LITTLE BEE BOP.
YES, OF COURSE.
BECAUSE THIS HAS BEEN A

YES, OF COURSE.
BECAUSE THIS HAS BEEN A
WHOLESOME AND UPLIFTING

BECAUSE THIS HAS BEEN A
WHOLESOME AND UPLIFTING
EXPERIENCE FOR ME.

WHOLESOME AND UPLIFTING
EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
AND THE OTHER THING IS WE

EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
AND THE OTHER THING IS WE
WANTED TO HAVE HOWARD SHORE AND

AND THE OTHER THING IS WE
WANTED TO HAVE HOWARD SHORE AND
HIS ALL-NURSE BAND TO JOIN US...

WANTED TO HAVE HOWARD SHORE AND
HIS ALL-NURSE BAND TO JOIN US...
IN B-FLAT.

HIS ALL-NURSE BAND TO JOIN US...
IN B-FLAT.
TO BEE.

IN B-FLAT.
TO BEE.
[BEE-BOP MUSIC PLAYS]

TO BEE.
[BEE-BOP MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ DOO BEE DUM BA BA ♪

[BEE-BOP MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ DOO BEE DUM BA BA ♪
♪ BA-BA-DA BA DOO DOW DOW ♪

♪ DOO BEE DUM BA BA ♪
♪ BA-BA-DA BA DOO DOW DOW ♪
♪ LILY TOMLIN ♪

♪ BA-BA-DA BA DOO DOW DOW ♪
♪ LILY TOMLIN ♪
♪ WE DONE SOME FUN THINGS WITH

♪ LILY TOMLIN ♪
♪ WE DONE SOME FUN THINGS WITH
YOU TONIGHT ♪

♪ WE DONE SOME FUN THINGS WITH
YOU TONIGHT ♪
♪ MAKE YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT, TALK

YOU TONIGHT ♪
♪ MAKE YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT, TALK
TO GILDA RADNER ♪

♪ MAKE YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT, TALK
TO GILDA RADNER ♪
♪ BOP DOP, DA-DA BOP ♪

TO GILDA RADNER ♪
♪ BOP DOP, DA-DA BOP ♪
♪ DIDDY BOP BA-BA BOP ♪

♪ BOP DOP, DA-DA BOP ♪
♪ DIDDY BOP BA-BA BOP ♪
♪ LILY TOMLIN ♪

♪ DIDDY BOP BA-BA BOP ♪
♪ LILY TOMLIN ♪
♪ BO BO, JUDA BOP ♪

♪ LILY TOMLIN ♪
♪ BO BO, JUDA BOP ♪
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪

♪ BO BO, JUDA BOP ♪
♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ WHA WHA ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ WHA WHA ♪
[COUGHING]

♪ WHA WHA ♪
[COUGHING]
♪ BA DA DA DA ♪

[COUGHING]
♪ BA DA DA DA ♪
♪ CHEVY CHASE ♪

♪ BA DA DA DA ♪
♪ CHEVY CHASE ♪
♪ BA DEE-BOO-DOO, BA

♪ CHEVY CHASE ♪
♪ BA DEE-BOO-DOO, BA
DEE-BOO-DOO BAP BAP ♪

♪ BA DEE-BOO-DOO, BA
DEE-BOO-DOO BAP BAP ♪
♪ BA DA DA BEE BA ♪

DEE-BOO-DOO BAP BAP ♪
♪ BA DA DA BEE BA ♪
♪ BA BEE DOOP BOP BOO-DOO-BOO ♪

♪ BA DA DA BEE BA ♪
♪ BA BEE DOOP BOP BOO-DOO-BOO ♪
♪ BEE DEE BEE-DEE-BOO ♪

♪ BA BEE DOOP BOP BOO-DOO-BOO ♪
♪ BEE DEE BEE-DEE-BOO ♪
♪ BEE BEE DEE BE DEE BOOP ♪

♪ BEE DEE BEE-DEE-BOO ♪
♪ BEE BEE DEE BE DEE BOOP ♪
♪ BEE DEELY BEE BEE ♪

♪ BEE BEE DEE BE DEE BOOP ♪
♪ BEE DEELY BEE BEE ♪
♪ SWEET, SWEET, SWEET

♪ BEE DEELY BEE BEE ♪
♪ SWEET, SWEET, SWEET
LARAINE ♪

♪ SWEET, SWEET, SWEET
LARAINE ♪
♪ BE DOO DOP ♪

LARAINE ♪
♪ BE DOO DOP ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ BE DOO DOP ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ BEE DOP DOO DOO DOW ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ BEE DOP DOO DOO DOW ♪
♪ DA DA DEE DOOO, DA YA DOO ♪

♪ BEE DOP DOO DOO DOW ♪
♪ DA DA DEE DOOO, DA YA DOO ♪
♪ DA YA DOO, DA YA DOO, DA YA

♪ DA DA DEE DOOO, DA YA DOO ♪
♪ DA YA DOO, DA YA DOO, DA YA
DOO, DA YA DOO ♪

♪ DA YA DOO, DA YA DOO, DA YA
DOO, DA YA DOO ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT! ♪

DOO, DA YA DOO ♪
♪ ALL RIGHT! ♪
♪ TIME FOR LILY LILY LILY ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT! ♪
♪ TIME FOR LILY LILY LILY ♪
♪ A TISKET, A TASKET ♪

♪ TIME FOR LILY LILY LILY ♪
♪ A TISKET, A TASKET ♪
♪ I HAD A YELLOW BASKET ♪

♪ A TISKET, A TASKET ♪
♪ I HAD A YELLOW BASKET ♪
THAT'S RIGHT!

♪ I HAD A YELLOW BASKET ♪
THAT'S RIGHT!
♪ THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT,

THAT'S RIGHT!
♪ THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT ♪

♪ THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ BEE DOP BA-DA BOP ♪

THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ BEE DOP BA-DA BOP ♪
♪ GIVE UP ON THIS HARMONY ♪

♪ BEE DOP BA-DA BOP ♪
♪ GIVE UP ON THIS HARMONY ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO BOP ♪

♪ GIVE UP ON THIS HARMONY ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO BOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WA ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO BOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WA ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO BOP ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WA ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO BOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO BOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ OH, OH, OH, BABY ♪

♪ SHOO-BEE-DOO WOP ♪
♪ OH, OH, OH, BABY ♪
♪ AH NAH NAH NAH NAH ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, BABY ♪
♪ AH NAH NAH NAH NAH ♪
[INDISTINCT SINGING]

♪ AH NAH NAH NAH NAH ♪
[INDISTINCT SINGING]
OH!

[INDISTINCT SINGING]
OH!
SAY GOOD NIGHT.

OH!
SAY GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!

SAY GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!
THANKS FOR WATCHING!

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!
THANKS FOR WATCHING!
[APPLAUSE]

Announcer: THE MUPPETS ARE

JERRY NELSON, ALICE TWEEDY,

RICHARD HUNT, AND JIM HENSON.

THIS IS DON PARDO SAYING THEY

TRIED TO GET A WOMAN ANNOUNCER

FOR THE SHOW, BUT I'VE GOT A

CONTRACT.

GOOD NIGHT.