Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Robert Klein/ABBA, Loudon Wainwright III - full transcript

AS YOU KNOW, THE PAGEANT RAN
JUST A LITTLE BIT LATE TONIGHT,
AND, OF COURSE, OUR LOVELY

JUST A LITTLE BIT LATE TONIGHT,
AND, OF COURSE, OUR LOVELY
WINNER DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO

AND, OF COURSE, OUR LOVELY
WINNER DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO
MAKE HER ACCEPTANCE SPEECH AND

WINNER DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO
MAKE HER ACCEPTANCE SPEECH AND
TAKE THAT WALK DOWN THAT RUNWAY.

MAKE HER ACCEPTANCE SPEECH AND
TAKE THAT WALK DOWN THAT RUNWAY.
SO HERE SHE IS, A LOVELY,

TAKE THAT WALK DOWN THAT RUNWAY.
SO HERE SHE IS, A LOVELY,
BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY, THE WINNER

SO HERE SHE IS, A LOVELY,
BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY, THE WINNER
OF THE PAGEANT, A LOVELY GIRL

BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY, THE WINNER
OF THE PAGEANT, A LOVELY GIRL
FROM CALIFORNIA,

OF THE PAGEANT, A LOVELY GIRL
FROM CALIFORNIA,
MISS SHERRY PAM NORWALK.

FROM CALIFORNIA,
MISS SHERRY PAM NORWALK.
SHERRY, CONGRATULATIONS.

MISS SHERRY PAM NORWALK.
SHERRY, CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU.



SHERRY, CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HOW DO YOU FEEL?
WELL, I GOT TO TELL YOU THAT
I'M REALLY SUPERSORRY, BUT I

WELL, I GOT TO TELL YOU THAT
I'M REALLY SUPERSORRY, BUT I
CANNOT ACCEPT THIS TITLE.

I'M REALLY SUPERSORRY, BUT I
CANNOT ACCEPT THIS TITLE.
I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT, REALLY.

CANNOT ACCEPT THIS TITLE.
I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT, REALLY.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST PERPETUATING A

I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT, REALLY.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST PERPETUATING A
PLASTIC MORALITY, AND IT'S A

I MEAN, IT'S JUST PERPETUATING A
PLASTIC MORALITY, AND IT'S A
MEAT MARKET, YOU KNOW?

PLASTIC MORALITY, AND IT'S A
MEAT MARKET, YOU KNOW?
AND I KNOW I HAVE A FAR-OUT BOD

MEAT MARKET, YOU KNOW?
AND I KNOW I HAVE A FAR-OUT BOD
AND EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW?

AND I KNOW I HAVE A FAR-OUT BOD
AND EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW IT'S TRUE, BUT I'M NOT

AND EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW IT'S TRUE, BUT I'M NOT
GONNA BE THIS YEAR'S WIENIE.

I KNOW IT'S TRUE, BUT I'M NOT
GONNA BE THIS YEAR'S WIENIE.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, SHERRY...

GONNA BE THIS YEAR'S WIENIE.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, SHERRY...
NO, HERE, TAKE THIS, MAN.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, SHERRY...
NO, HERE, TAKE THIS, MAN.
AND TAKE THAT, YOU KNOW?



NO, HERE, TAKE THIS, MAN.
AND TAKE THAT, YOU KNOW?
AND NOBODY DRESSES THIS WAY

AND TAKE THAT, YOU KNOW?
AND NOBODY DRESSES THIS WAY
ANYMORE.

AND NOBODY DRESSES THIS WAY
ANYMORE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW NOBODY DRESSES

ANYMORE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW NOBODY DRESSES
THIS WAY ANYMORE.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW NOBODY DRESSES
THIS WAY ANYMORE.
AND THERE SHE'S SHOWING US

THIS WAY ANYMORE.
AND THERE SHE'S SHOWING US
HER CAPE NOW.

AND THERE SHE'S SHOWING US
HER CAPE NOW.
A BEAUTIFUL REPRODUCTION OF THE

HER CAPE NOW.
A BEAUTIFUL REPRODUCTION OF THE
CAPE WORN BY QUEEN VICTORIA.

A BEAUTIFUL REPRODUCTION OF THE
CAPE WORN BY QUEEN VICTORIA.
AND THE DRESS, SHE ACTUALLY MADE

CAPE WORN BY QUEEN VICTORIA.
AND THE DRESS, SHE ACTUALLY MADE
HERSELF, OUR WINNER...

AND THE DRESS, SHE ACTUALLY MADE
HERSELF, OUR WINNER...
I AM NOT GONNA HITCHHIKE DOWN

HERSELF, OUR WINNER...
I AM NOT GONNA HITCHHIKE DOWN
TO THE BEACH IN THIS DRESS.

I AM NOT GONNA HITCHHIKE DOWN
TO THE BEACH IN THIS DRESS.
FROM CALIFORNIA... THE, UH...

TO THE BEACH IN THIS DRESS.
FROM CALIFORNIA... THE, UH...
WINNER, SHERRY...

FROM CALIFORNIA... THE, UH...
WINNER, SHERRY...
SO SICKENING, I CAN'T BELIEVE

WINNER, SHERRY...
SO SICKENING, I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT.

SO SICKENING, I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT.
WE'RE SO GLAD THAT YOU...

IT.
WE'RE SO GLAD THAT YOU...
[DRUM ROLL]

WE'RE SO GLAD THAT YOU...
[DRUM ROLL]
TAKE A WALK, BOZO.

[DRUM ROLL]
TAKE A WALK, BOZO.
I CAN'T DO THIS.

TAKE A WALK, BOZO.
I CAN'T DO THIS.
[BAND PLAYS]

I CAN'T DO THIS.
[BAND PLAYS]
♪ THERE SHE IS ♪

[BAND PLAYS]
♪ THERE SHE IS ♪
♪ DEE DA DAA DA-DA ♪

♪ THERE SHE IS ♪
♪ DEE DA DAA DA-DA ♪
♪ THERE SHE... ♪

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: STARRING...

WITH MUSICAL GUESTS...

AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME

PLAYERS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ROBERT KLEIN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU!
WE'RE LIVE HERE, YOU KNOW?
OOH OOOOO OOOH OOO!

WE'RE LIVE HERE, YOU KNOW?
OOH OOOOO OOOH OOO!
IT'S A LITTLE SCARY, BUT WE'RE

OOH OOOOO OOOH OOO!
IT'S A LITTLE SCARY, BUT WE'RE
NOT GONNA MAKE ANY MISTAKES

IT'S A LITTLE SCARY, BUT WE'RE
NOT GONNA MAKE ANY MISTAKES
BECAUSE IF WE DO, THEY'RE OUT ON

NOT GONNA MAKE ANY MISTAKES
BECAUSE IF WE DO, THEY'RE OUT ON
THE AIR THERE.

BECAUSE IF WE DO, THEY'RE OUT ON
THE AIR THERE.
I KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALL

THE AIR THERE.
I KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALL
ROOTING... THERE ARE ALWAYS A

I KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALL
ROOTING... THERE ARE ALWAYS A
FEW FREAKS IN ANY AUDIENCE WHO

ROOTING... THERE ARE ALWAYS A
FEW FREAKS IN ANY AUDIENCE WHO
WANT TO SEE THE GIRL DROP THE

FEW FREAKS IN ANY AUDIENCE WHO
WANT TO SEE THE GIRL DROP THE
BATON IN THE PARADE, YOU KNOW?

WANT TO SEE THE GIRL DROP THE
BATON IN THE PARADE, YOU KNOW?
DROP IT!

BATON IN THE PARADE, YOU KNOW?
DROP IT!
"SHE DID IT AGAIN!"

DROP IT!
"SHE DID IT AGAIN!"
YOU KNOW, THAT TYPE OF THING.

"SHE DID IT AGAIN!"
YOU KNOW, THAT TYPE OF THING.
THIS IS LIKE THE OLD TV, YOU

YOU KNOW, THAT TYPE OF THING.
THIS IS LIKE THE OLD TV, YOU
KNOW?

THIS IS LIKE THE OLD TV, YOU
KNOW?
I REMEMBER THINGS COULD HAPPEN

KNOW?
I REMEMBER THINGS COULD HAPPEN
LIVE.

I REMEMBER THINGS COULD HAPPEN
LIVE.
I REMEMBER MARLIN PERKINS USED

LIVE.
I REMEMBER MARLIN PERKINS USED
TO HAVE AN OLD SHOW CALLED

I REMEMBER MARLIN PERKINS USED
TO HAVE AN OLD SHOW CALLED
"ZOO PARADE," REMEMBER?

TO HAVE AN OLD SHOW CALLED
"ZOO PARADE," REMEMBER?
HE USED TO WORK WITH AN

"ZOO PARADE," REMEMBER?
HE USED TO WORK WITH AN
ANNOUNCER WHO WAS A LITTLE

HE USED TO WORK WITH AN
ANNOUNCER WHO WAS A LITTLE
AFRAID OF ANIMALS, AND, UH...

ANNOUNCER WHO WAS A LITTLE
AFRAID OF ANIMALS, AND, UH...
[High-pitched voice] MARLIN

AFRAID OF ANIMALS, AND, UH...
[High-pitched voice] MARLIN
WOULD BE HANDLING THESE ANIMALS.

[High-pitched voice] MARLIN
WOULD BE HANDLING THESE ANIMALS.
"LOOK AT THIS BOA CONSTRICTOR,

WOULD BE HANDLING THESE ANIMALS.
"LOOK AT THIS BOA CONSTRICTOR,
JIM.

"LOOK AT THIS BOA CONSTRICTOR,
JIM.
IT'S NOT AT ALL SLIMY, AS PEOPLE

JIM.
IT'S NOT AT ALL SLIMY, AS PEOPLE
IMAGINE."

IT'S NOT AT ALL SLIMY, AS PEOPLE
IMAGINE."
[Normal voice] THE GUY GOING,

IMAGINE."
[Normal voice] THE GUY GOING,
"NO, MARLIN."

[Normal voice] THE GUY GOING,
"NO, MARLIN."
UNH, UNH, UNH!

"NO, MARLIN."
UNH, UNH, UNH!
AT LEAST THEY WERE LIVE ANIMALS,

UNH, UNH, UNH!
AT LEAST THEY WERE LIVE ANIMALS,
YOU KNOW?

AT LEAST THEY WERE LIVE ANIMALS,
YOU KNOW?
WE DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT

YOU KNOW?
WE DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT
ANIMALS.

WE DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT
ANIMALS.
MOSTLY WE KNOW FROM CARTOONS.

ANIMALS.
MOSTLY WE KNOW FROM CARTOONS.
PEOPLE REALLY THINK A FOX IS

MOSTLY WE KNOW FROM CARTOONS.
PEOPLE REALLY THINK A FOX IS
LIKE IT IS IN THE DISNEY

PEOPLE REALLY THINK A FOX IS
LIKE IT IS IN THE DISNEY
CARTOONS... SNEAKY, LESS THAN

LIKE IT IS IN THE DISNEY
CARTOONS... SNEAKY, LESS THAN
LEGITIMATE... "HEY, GIVE ME THAT

CARTOONS... SNEAKY, LESS THAN
LEGITIMATE... "HEY, GIVE ME THAT
CHICKEN, PIG!"

LEGITIMATE... "HEY, GIVE ME THAT
CHICKEN, PIG!"
YOU KNOW, LICKING HIS CHOPS.

CHICKEN, PIG!"
YOU KNOW, LICKING HIS CHOPS.
AND A BEAR IS ALWAYS PORTRAYED

YOU KNOW, LICKING HIS CHOPS.
AND A BEAR IS ALWAYS PORTRAYED
AS A BIG, FRIENDLY GUY.

AND A BEAR IS ALWAYS PORTRAYED
AS A BIG, FRIENDLY GUY.
[Dopey voice] "I'M A BEAR

AS A BIG, FRIENDLY GUY.
[Dopey voice] "I'M A BEAR
OVER HERE."

[Dopey voice] "I'M A BEAR
OVER HERE."
WITH A NICE, "HI, BOO BOO!"

OVER HERE."
WITH A NICE, "HI, BOO BOO!"
[Normal voice] KIND OF A

WITH A NICE, "HI, BOO BOO!"
[Normal voice] KIND OF A
RELIABLE SLUG THAT WOULD BE

[Normal voice] KIND OF A
RELIABLE SLUG THAT WOULD BE
HANDY IF YOU GOT STUCK IN AN

RELIABLE SLUG THAT WOULD BE
HANDY IF YOU GOT STUCK IN AN
ELEVATOR OR SOMETHING.

HANDY IF YOU GOT STUCK IN AN
ELEVATOR OR SOMETHING.
HE COULD BE HANDY.

ELEVATOR OR SOMETHING.
HE COULD BE HANDY.
"MR. BEAR, CAN YOU REACH UP

HE COULD BE HANDY.
"MR. BEAR, CAN YOU REACH UP
THERE AND GET THEM?"

"MR. BEAR, CAN YOU REACH UP
THERE AND GET THEM?"
[Dopey voice] "I DON'T KNOW,

THERE AND GET THEM?"
[Dopey voice] "I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I'LL TRY."

[Dopey voice] "I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I'LL TRY."
[Normal voice] KIND OF NICE,

BUT I'LL TRY."
[Normal voice] KIND OF NICE,
WITH A NICE BIG, BLACK, VELVETY

[Normal voice] KIND OF NICE,
WITH A NICE BIG, BLACK, VELVETY
NOSE THAT YOU WANT TO GO ENNH!

WITH A NICE BIG, BLACK, VELVETY
NOSE THAT YOU WANT TO GO ENNH!
"CAN I DO THAT AGAIN, MR. BEAR?"

NOSE THAT YOU WANT TO GO ENNH!
"CAN I DO THAT AGAIN, MR. BEAR?"
"I DON'T MIND, ROBERT.

"CAN I DO THAT AGAIN, MR. BEAR?"
"I DON'T MIND, ROBERT.
GO RIGHT AHEAD."

"I DON'T MIND, ROBERT.
GO RIGHT AHEAD."
OR HE'S PORTRAYED AS A SENSIBLE

GO RIGHT AHEAD."
OR HE'S PORTRAYED AS A SENSIBLE
FELLOW, LIKE SMOKEY THE BEAR,

OR HE'S PORTRAYED AS A SENSIBLE
FELLOW, LIKE SMOKEY THE BEAR,
WHO, FOR YEARS, HAS WORN A BOY

FELLOW, LIKE SMOKEY THE BEAR,
WHO, FOR YEARS, HAS WORN A BOY
SCOUT HAT WITH A CHIN STRAP, AND

WHO, FOR YEARS, HAS WORN A BOY
SCOUT HAT WITH A CHIN STRAP, AND
"REMEMBER, FOLKS, ONLY YOU CAN

SCOUT HAT WITH A CHIN STRAP, AND
"REMEMBER, FOLKS, ONLY YOU CAN
PREVENT FOREST FIRES."

"REMEMBER, FOLKS, ONLY YOU CAN
PREVENT FOREST FIRES."
NOW, I KNOW AN ADULT DOESN'T

PREVENT FOREST FIRES."
NOW, I KNOW AN ADULT DOESN'T
REALLY THINK THAT A BEAR TALKS,

NOW, I KNOW AN ADULT DOESN'T
REALLY THINK THAT A BEAR TALKS,
BUT AT LEAST 40 PEOPLE A YEAR

REALLY THINK THAT A BEAR TALKS,
BUT AT LEAST 40 PEOPLE A YEAR
VISIT YELLOWSTONE PARK AND WALK

BUT AT LEAST 40 PEOPLE A YEAR
VISIT YELLOWSTONE PARK AND WALK
UP TO A BEAR AND GO, "HIYA,

VISIT YELLOWSTONE PARK AND WALK
UP TO A BEAR AND GO, "HIYA,
SMOKEY!" AND SMOKEY BITES HIS

UP TO A BEAR AND GO, "HIYA,
SMOKEY!" AND SMOKEY BITES HIS
HEAD OFF.

SMOKEY!" AND SMOKEY BITES HIS
HEAD OFF.
COURSE, NO ONE TOLD HIM HE'S NOT

HEAD OFF.
COURSE, NO ONE TOLD HIM HE'S NOT
A REGULAR BEAR.

COURSE, NO ONE TOLD HIM HE'S NOT
A REGULAR BEAR.
YOU EVER SEE THOSE TREMENDOUS

A REGULAR BEAR.
YOU EVER SEE THOSE TREMENDOUS
RUSSIAN SKATING-BEAR ACTS?

YOU EVER SEE THOSE TREMENDOUS
RUSSIAN SKATING-BEAR ACTS?
GREAT DIGNITY FOR ALL CONCERNED.

RUSSIAN SKATING-BEAR ACTS?
GREAT DIGNITY FOR ALL CONCERNED.
THE BEARS LOVE TO ROLLER-SKATE.

GREAT DIGNITY FOR ALL CONCERNED.
THE BEARS LOVE TO ROLLER-SKATE.
IT'S THEIR FAVORITE THING.

THE BEARS LOVE TO ROLLER-SKATE.
IT'S THEIR FAVORITE THING.
THERE'S TWO THINGS THEY LOVE...

IT'S THEIR FAVORITE THING.
THERE'S TWO THINGS THEY LOVE...
ROLLER-SKATING AND WEARING A

THERE'S TWO THINGS THEY LOVE...
ROLLER-SKATING AND WEARING A
LITTLE BELLHOP'S HAT WITH A CHIN

ROLLER-SKATING AND WEARING A
LITTLE BELLHOP'S HAT WITH A CHIN
STRAP.

LITTLE BELLHOP'S HAT WITH A CHIN
STRAP.
THEY LOVE TO SKATE.

STRAP.
THEY LOVE TO SKATE.
THEY'RE BORN IN ALASKA.

THEY LOVE TO SKATE.
THEY'RE BORN IN ALASKA.
THAT'S THE FIRST THING THEY

THEY'RE BORN IN ALASKA.
THAT'S THE FIRST THING THEY
SAY... "GIVE ME SKATES!"

THAT'S THE FIRST THING THEY
SAY... "GIVE ME SKATES!"
IT'S EASY TO GET THEM TO SKATE.

SAY... "GIVE ME SKATES!"
IT'S EASY TO GET THEM TO SKATE.
JUST A LITTLE REPETITION,

IT'S EASY TO GET THEM TO SKATE.
JUST A LITTLE REPETITION,
REWARD, HOT COALS ON THEIR FEET,

JUST A LITTLE REPETITION,
REWARD, HOT COALS ON THEIR FEET,
THEY SKATE VERY QUICKLY.

REWARD, HOT COALS ON THEIR FEET,
THEY SKATE VERY QUICKLY.
THEY WEAR A MUZZLE ON THEIR

THEY SKATE VERY QUICKLY.
THEY WEAR A MUZZLE ON THEIR
MOUTH AND NOSE.

THEY WEAR A MUZZLE ON THEIR
MOUTH AND NOSE.
THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY TALK TOO

MOUTH AND NOSE.
THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY TALK TOO
MUCH.

THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY TALK TOO
MUCH.
IF YOU TOOK THAT MUZZLE OFF,

MUCH.
IF YOU TOOK THAT MUZZLE OFF,
THEY'D TELL YOU HOW MUCH THEY

IF YOU TOOK THAT MUZZLE OFF,
THEY'D TELL YOU HOW MUCH THEY
LOVE TO SKATE.

THEY'D TELL YOU HOW MUCH THEY
LOVE TO SKATE.
"PLEASE, JUST TAKE IT OFF!"

LOVE TO SKATE.
"PLEASE, JUST TAKE IT OFF!"
THEY WANT TO TELL YOU MUCH THEY

"PLEASE, JUST TAKE IT OFF!"
THEY WANT TO TELL YOU MUCH THEY
LOVE TO SKATE AND HOW MUCH THEY

THEY WANT TO TELL YOU MUCH THEY
LOVE TO SKATE AND HOW MUCH THEY
LOVE A LITTLE MONKEY DOING FLIPS

LOVE TO SKATE AND HOW MUCH THEY
LOVE A LITTLE MONKEY DOING FLIPS
ON THEIR SHOULDER.

LOVE A LITTLE MONKEY DOING FLIPS
ON THEIR SHOULDER.
AND THE MONKEY WANTS TO TELL YOU

ON THEIR SHOULDER.
AND THE MONKEY WANTS TO TELL YOU
HOW MUCH HE LOVES BEING 5 INCHES

AND THE MONKEY WANTS TO TELL YOU
HOW MUCH HE LOVES BEING 5 INCHES
FROM A BEAR'S MOUTH.

HOW MUCH HE LOVES BEING 5 INCHES
FROM A BEAR'S MOUTH.
[LAUGHTER]

FROM A BEAR'S MOUTH.
[LAUGHTER]
I LOVE READING ABOUT ANIMALS.

[LAUGHTER]
I LOVE READING ABOUT ANIMALS.
I DON'T WANT TO PUT ANYONE OFF

I LOVE READING ABOUT ANIMALS.
I DON'T WANT TO PUT ANYONE OFF
HERE, BUT... HOLD ON TO YOUR

I DON'T WANT TO PUT ANYONE OFF
HERE, BUT... HOLD ON TO YOUR
CHAIRS FOR THIS ONE... THERE ARE

HERE, BUT... HOLD ON TO YOUR
CHAIRS FOR THIS ONE... THERE ARE
CHIMPANZEES IN THE WILD IN

CHAIRS FOR THIS ONE... THERE ARE
CHIMPANZEES IN THE WILD IN
AFRICA...

CHIMPANZEES IN THE WILD IN
AFRICA...
THAT DO NOT SMOKE CIGARS AND

AFRICA...
THAT DO NOT SMOKE CIGARS AND
WEAR TUXEDOS.

THAT DO NOT SMOKE CIGARS AND
WEAR TUXEDOS.
YOU KNOW THAT?

WEAR TUXEDOS.
YOU KNOW THAT?
THEY'RE NOT...

YOU KNOW THAT?
THEY'RE NOT...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THEY'RE NOT...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THEY'RE NOT NAMED ZIPPY AND

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THEY'RE NOT NAMED ZIPPY AND
BIMBO AUTOMATICALLY.

THEY'RE NOT NAMED ZIPPY AND
BIMBO AUTOMATICALLY.
WELL, THEY DO KINKY THINGS.

BIMBO AUTOMATICALLY.
WELL, THEY DO KINKY THINGS.
JANE GOODALL WROTE ABOUT THEM.

WELL, THEY DO KINKY THINGS.
JANE GOODALL WROTE ABOUT THEM.
THEY EAT MEAT.

JANE GOODALL WROTE ABOUT THEM.
THEY EAT MEAT.
WE DIDN'T THINK THEY EAT MUCH

THEY EAT MEAT.
WE DIDN'T THINK THEY EAT MUCH
MEAT.

WE DIDN'T THINK THEY EAT MUCH
MEAT.
THEY STEAL BABOON BABIES.

MEAT.
THEY STEAL BABOON BABIES.
THEY'LL STEAL A HUMAN BABY.

THEY STEAL BABOON BABIES.
THEY'LL STEAL A HUMAN BABY.
IF THAT SOUNDS SICK, WE EAT THE

THEY'LL STEAL A HUMAN BABY.
IF THAT SOUNDS SICK, WE EAT THE
BABIES OF OTHER SPECIES.

IF THAT SOUNDS SICK, WE EAT THE
BABIES OF OTHER SPECIES.
IT'S EVOLUTION.

BABIES OF OTHER SPECIES.
IT'S EVOLUTION.
IT'S NOT RIGHT OR WRONG.

IT'S EVOLUTION.
IT'S NOT RIGHT OR WRONG.
GUESS YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF A

IT'S NOT RIGHT OR WRONG.
GUESS YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF A
CHIMP IN THAT CONTEXT BEFORE.

GUESS YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF A
CHIMP IN THAT CONTEXT BEFORE.
"LOOK AT THAT!

CHIMP IN THAT CONTEXT BEFORE.
"LOOK AT THAT!
HE'S WEARING A DERBY!

"LOOK AT THAT!
HE'S WEARING A DERBY!
HE'S READING

HE'S WEARING A DERBY!
HE'S READING
THE WALL STREET JOURNAL!

HE'S READING
THE WALL STREET JOURNAL!
THEY HAVE FOUR FEET... THEY LOOK

THE WALL STREET JOURNAL!
THEY HAVE FOUR FEET... THEY LOOK
LIKE ALL HANDS, AND IT'S SO

THEY HAVE FOUR FEET... THEY LOOK
LIKE ALL HANDS, AND IT'S SO
CUTE.

LIKE ALL HANDS, AND IT'S SO
CUTE.
LOOK AT THAT!

CUTE.
LOOK AT THAT!
HE'S WEARING SPECTA... HE'S

LOOK AT THAT!
HE'S WEARING SPECTA... HE'S
EATING MY BABY!"

HE'S WEARING SPECTA... HE'S
EATING MY BABY!"
[LAUGHTER]

EATING MY BABY!"
[LAUGHTER]
YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.

[LAUGHTER]
YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
I LIKE A GOOD NATURE FILM.

YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
I LIKE A GOOD NATURE FILM.
I DON'T LIKE THOSE CRUMMY

I LIKE A GOOD NATURE FILM.
I DON'T LIKE THOSE CRUMMY
DOCUMENTARIES WHERE THEY THROW

I DON'T LIKE THOSE CRUMMY
DOCUMENTARIES WHERE THEY THROW
ON ANY MUSIC.

DOCUMENTARIES WHERE THEY THROW
ON ANY MUSIC.
REAL CHEAPOS, YOU KNOW?

ON ANY MUSIC.
REAL CHEAPOS, YOU KNOW?
[SINGS UPBEAT MUSIC]

REAL CHEAPOS, YOU KNOW?
[SINGS UPBEAT MUSIC]
"THESE BLOWFISH CERTAINLY KNOW A

[SINGS UPBEAT MUSIC]
"THESE BLOWFISH CERTAINLY KNOW A
GOOD MEAL WHEN THEY SEE ONE."

"THESE BLOWFISH CERTAINLY KNOW A
GOOD MEAL WHEN THEY SEE ONE."
OH, AND THEY DON'T HAVE THE

GOOD MEAL WHEN THEY SEE ONE."
OH, AND THEY DON'T HAVE THE
PATIENCE TO WAIT FOR A REAL,

OH, AND THEY DON'T HAVE THE
PATIENCE TO WAIT FOR A REAL,
NATURAL ANIMAL THING TO HAPPEN.

PATIENCE TO WAIT FOR A REAL,
NATURAL ANIMAL THING TO HAPPEN.
THEY KIND OF RUSH IT.

NATURAL ANIMAL THING TO HAPPEN.
THEY KIND OF RUSH IT.
THEY WANT TO GET AN ELK LOOKING

THEY KIND OF RUSH IT.
THEY WANT TO GET AN ELK LOOKING
UP FOR THAT INSURANCE

THEY WANT TO GET AN ELK LOOKING
UP FOR THAT INSURANCE
COMMERCIAL, THEY THROW A ROCK AT

UP FOR THAT INSURANCE
COMMERCIAL, THEY THROW A ROCK AT
HIS HEAD.

COMMERCIAL, THEY THROW A ROCK AT
HIS HEAD.
FILM IS AN ILLUSION.

HIS HEAD.
FILM IS AN ILLUSION.
IT'S THE RESULT THAT COUNTS.

FILM IS AN ILLUSION.
IT'S THE RESULT THAT COUNTS.
EVER SEE THOSE REGAL TAKEOFFS

IT'S THE RESULT THAT COUNTS.
EVER SEE THOSE REGAL TAKEOFFS
OF THE CANADIAN GEESE?

EVER SEE THOSE REGAL TAKEOFFS
OF THE CANADIAN GEESE?
THAT'S AN EASY ONE TO GET.

OF THE CANADIAN GEESE?
THAT'S AN EASY ONE TO GET.
THEY JUST SET UP THE CAMERA,

THAT'S AN EASY ONE TO GET.
THEY JUST SET UP THE CAMERA,
RIGHT?

THEY JUST SET UP THE CAMERA,
RIGHT?
THE GEESE ARE OVER THERE.

RIGHT?
THE GEESE ARE OVER THERE.
AND THEY WAIT AND THEY WAIT.

THE GEESE ARE OVER THERE.
AND THEY WAIT AND THEY WAIT.
AND THEY GO...

AND THEY WAIT AND THEY WAIT.
AND THEY GO...
"AAAAAAH!"

AND THEY GO...
"AAAAAAH!"
VERY GOOD TAKEOFF FROM THE...

"AAAAAAH!"
VERY GOOD TAKEOFF FROM THE...
FILMS... YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IN

VERY GOOD TAKEOFF FROM THE...
FILMS... YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IN
A FILM.

FILMS... YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IN
A FILM.
I WAS IN SEVERAL FEATURES.

A FILM.
I WAS IN SEVERAL FEATURES.
THE LAST ONE I DID WAS CALLED

I WAS IN SEVERAL FEATURES.
THE LAST ONE I DID WAS CALLED
"RIVALS," WITH JOAN HACKETT.

THE LAST ONE I DID WAS CALLED
"RIVALS," WITH JOAN HACKETT.
IT DIDN'T DO TOO WELL AT THE BOX

"RIVALS," WITH JOAN HACKETT.
IT DIDN'T DO TOO WELL AT THE BOX
OFFICE... IN FAR ROCKAWAY NOW ON

IT DIDN'T DO TOO WELL AT THE BOX
OFFICE... IN FAR ROCKAWAY NOW ON
A DOUBLE BILL WITH "KILL ME,

OFFICE... IN FAR ROCKAWAY NOW ON
A DOUBLE BILL WITH "KILL ME,
WHIP ME, HURT ME, THRILL ME."

A DOUBLE BILL WITH "KILL ME,
WHIP ME, HURT ME, THRILL ME."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHIP ME, HURT ME, THRILL ME."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
BUT THERE'S A LOVE SCENE...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
BUT THERE'S A LOVE SCENE...
THERE'S A LOVE SCENE IN IT, AND

BUT THERE'S A LOVE SCENE...
THERE'S A LOVE SCENE IN IT, AND
JOAN HACKETT DIDN'T WANT TO WORK

THERE'S A LOVE SCENE IN IT, AND
JOAN HACKETT DIDN'T WANT TO WORK
NUDE.

JOAN HACKETT DIDN'T WANT TO WORK
NUDE.
NOW, I'M NOT GONNA...

NUDE.
NOW, I'M NOT GONNA...
OF COURSE, I'M FAR TOO HIP TO

NOW, I'M NOT GONNA...
OF COURSE, I'M FAR TOO HIP TO
EVEN DISCUSS SUCH A SILLY THING.

OF COURSE, I'M FAR TOO HIP TO
EVEN DISCUSS SUCH A SILLY THING.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST THE HUMAN

EVEN DISCUSS SUCH A SILLY THING.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST THE HUMAN
BODY.

I MEAN, IT'S JUST THE HUMAN
BODY.
IT'S THE 20th CENTURY.

BODY.
IT'S THE 20th CENTURY.
WHAT ABOUT THIS PRUDISH... YOU

IT'S THE 20th CENTURY.
WHAT ABOUT THIS PRUDISH... YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WHAT ABOUT THIS PRUDISH... YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S A HUMAN BODY.

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S A HUMAN BODY.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

IT'S A HUMAN BODY.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
TILL I REALIZED IT WOULD BE MY

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
TILL I REALIZED IT WOULD BE MY
BEHIND 28-FEET TALL IN A

TILL I REALIZED IT WOULD BE MY
BEHIND 28-FEET TALL IN A
DRIVE-IN MOVIE.

BEHIND 28-FEET TALL IN A
DRIVE-IN MOVIE.
[LAUGHTER]

DRIVE-IN MOVIE.
[LAUGHTER]
WHERE A HAIR BECOMES A PINE

[LAUGHTER]
WHERE A HAIR BECOMES A PINE
TREE.

WHERE A HAIR BECOMES A PINE
TREE.
WHERE A MOLE REALLY BECOMES A

TREE.
WHERE A MOLE REALLY BECOMES A
MOUNTAIN, IN THE LITERAL SENSE.

WHERE A MOLE REALLY BECOMES A
MOUNTAIN, IN THE LITERAL SENSE.
SO THEY DID A PRETTY GOOD LOVE

MOUNTAIN, IN THE LITERAL SENSE.
SO THEY DID A PRETTY GOOD LOVE
SCENE THERE JUST BY USING PIECES

SO THEY DID A PRETTY GOOD LOVE
SCENE THERE JUST BY USING PIECES
OF FILM... A HAND ON AN ARM,

SCENE THERE JUST BY USING PIECES
OF FILM... A HAND ON AN ARM,
FACES IN ECSTASY, THE SOUNDS OF

OF FILM... A HAND ON AN ARM,
FACES IN ECSTASY, THE SOUNDS OF
LOVE-MAKING.

FACES IN ECSTASY, THE SOUNDS OF
LOVE-MAKING.
YOU GOT THE IDEA WITHOUT SHOWING

LOVE-MAKING.
YOU GOT THE IDEA WITHOUT SHOWING
ANY OF THE, UH...

YOU GOT THE IDEA WITHOUT SHOWING
ANY OF THE, UH...
OF THE, UH...

ANY OF THE, UH...
OF THE, UH...
GENITALIA!

OF THE, UH...
GENITALIA!
THAT'S A GOOD MARLIN PERKINS

GENITALIA!
THAT'S A GOOD MARLIN PERKINS
WORD, ISN'T IT?

THAT'S A GOOD MARLIN PERKINS
WORD, ISN'T IT?
"THE GENITALIA SOMETIMES FORAGE

WORD, ISN'T IT?
"THE GENITALIA SOMETIMES FORAGE
IN THE WOODS."

"THE GENITALIA SOMETIMES FORAGE
IN THE WOODS."
IT SOUNDS LIKE AN ANIMAL

IN THE WOODS."
IT SOUNDS LIKE AN ANIMAL
SPECIES.

IT SOUNDS LIKE AN ANIMAL
SPECIES.
[APPLAUSE]

SPECIES.
[APPLAUSE]
WELL, ANYWAY, WE DID THIS LOVE

[APPLAUSE]
WELL, ANYWAY, WE DID THIS LOVE
SCENE.

WELL, ANYWAY, WE DID THIS LOVE
SCENE.
WE'RE WEARING UNDERWEAR, IF YOU

SCENE.
WE'RE WEARING UNDERWEAR, IF YOU
WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

WE'RE WEARING UNDERWEAR, IF YOU
WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
WE FELT A LITTLE DUMB.

WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
WE FELT A LITTLE DUMB.
BUT THEY NEEDED A TIGHT CLOSEUP

WE FELT A LITTLE DUMB.
BUT THEY NEEDED A TIGHT CLOSEUP
OF MY FACE IN ECSTASY.

BUT THEY NEEDED A TIGHT CLOSEUP
OF MY FACE IN ECSTASY.
SO... JUST MY FACE.

OF MY FACE IN ECSTASY.
SO... JUST MY FACE.
AND SO THEY DIDN'T EVEN NEED

SO... JUST MY FACE.
AND SO THEY DIDN'T EVEN NEED
JOAN HACKETT IN THE SHOT, SO SHE

AND SO THEY DIDN'T EVEN NEED
JOAN HACKETT IN THE SHOT, SO SHE
WENT OFF AND HAD A COKE, AND I

JOAN HACKETT IN THE SHOT, SO SHE
WENT OFF AND HAD A COKE, AND I
MADE LOVE TO THE SHEET FOR 20

WENT OFF AND HAD A COKE, AND I
MADE LOVE TO THE SHEET FOR 20
MINUTES.

MADE LOVE TO THE SHEET FOR 20
MINUTES.
MY FAVORITE EFFECT IN THE MOVIES

MINUTES.
MY FAVORITE EFFECT IN THE MOVIES
IS THE SCARY ONE.

MY FAVORITE EFFECT IN THE MOVIES
IS THE SCARY ONE.
THEY GO, "OOOOH OOO OOOH OOOH!"

IS THE SCARY ONE.
THEY GO, "OOOOH OOO OOOH OOOH!"
I DO THAT IN MY OWN LIFE ALL THE

THEY GO, "OOOOH OOO OOOH OOOH!"
I DO THAT IN MY OWN LIFE ALL THE
TIME.

I DO THAT IN MY OWN LIFE ALL THE
TIME.
IT'S THAT KIND OF... IT'S THE

TIME.
IT'S THAT KIND OF... IT'S THE
ONLY COMMENT YOU CAN MAKE

IT'S THAT KIND OF... IT'S THE
ONLY COMMENT YOU CAN MAKE
SOMETIME.

ONLY COMMENT YOU CAN MAKE
SOMETIME.
A REAL SURREAL MOMENT IN YOUR

SOMETIME.
A REAL SURREAL MOMENT IN YOUR
LIFE HAPPENS, YOU KNOW?

A REAL SURREAL MOMENT IN YOUR
LIFE HAPPENS, YOU KNOW?
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"

LIFE HAPPENS, YOU KNOW?
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"
OOOOH OOOH!

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"
OOOOH OOOH!
SORT OF FEELS SAFER.

OOOOH OOOH!
SORT OF FEELS SAFER.
IT'S MY WAY OF DEALING WITH

SORT OF FEELS SAFER.
IT'S MY WAY OF DEALING WITH
FRIGHT, YOU KNOW?

IT'S MY WAY OF DEALING WITH
FRIGHT, YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE DOING A, "OOOH

FRIGHT, YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE DOING A, "OOOH
OOO!" YOU'RE COMMENTING ON THE

BECAUSE IF YOU'RE DOING A, "OOOH
OOO!" YOU'RE COMMENTING ON THE
MOMENT.

OOO!" YOU'RE COMMENTING ON THE
MOMENT.
IT'S YOUR MOMENT.

MOMENT.
IT'S YOUR MOMENT.
IT CAN'T HURT YOU, THEN.

IT'S YOUR MOMENT.
IT CAN'T HURT YOU, THEN.
IT'S YOUR MOVIE, YOU KNOW WHAT I

IT CAN'T HURT YOU, THEN.
IT'S YOUR MOVIE, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?

IT'S YOUR MOVIE, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?
LET ME GIVE YOU A MORE RADICAL

MEAN?
LET ME GIVE YOU A MORE RADICAL
EXAMPLE.

LET ME GIVE YOU A MORE RADICAL
EXAMPLE.
LET'S SAY SOMEONE WERE ABOUT TO

EXAMPLE.
LET'S SAY SOMEONE WERE ABOUT TO
MURDER YOU.

LET'S SAY SOMEONE WERE ABOUT TO
MURDER YOU.
I KNOW THIS IS RIDICULOUS, BUT

MURDER YOU.
I KNOW THIS IS RIDICULOUS, BUT
I THINK THE BEST THING YOU COULD

I KNOW THIS IS RIDICULOUS, BUT
I THINK THE BEST THING YOU COULD
DO IS GO, "OOOOOH OOOH!"

I THINK THE BEST THING YOU COULD
DO IS GO, "OOOOOH OOOH!"
FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE NOTHING

DO IS GO, "OOOOOH OOOH!"
FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO LOSE.

FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO LOSE.
[LAUGHTER]

TO LOSE.
[LAUGHTER]
SECOND OF ALL, WHO'S GOING TO

[LAUGHTER]
SECOND OF ALL, WHO'S GOING TO
MURDER YOU WHEN YOU'RE DOING

SECOND OF ALL, WHO'S GOING TO
MURDER YOU WHEN YOU'RE DOING
THAT?

MURDER YOU WHEN YOU'RE DOING
THAT?
AT LEAST YOU GET A SECOND TO

THAT?
AT LEAST YOU GET A SECOND TO
THINK.

AT LEAST YOU GET A SECOND TO
THINK.
YOU GO, "OOOH OOOH!"

THINK.
YOU GO, "OOOH OOOH!"
"HEY, I'M NOT GONNA MURDER THIS

YOU GO, "OOOH OOOH!"
"HEY, I'M NOT GONNA MURDER THIS
GUY!

"HEY, I'M NOT GONNA MURDER THIS
GUY!
HE'S CRAZY!

GUY!
HE'S CRAZY!
I'M GONNA MURDER SOMEBODY ELSE!"

HE'S CRAZY!
I'M GONNA MURDER SOMEBODY ELSE!"
WHATEVER MURDERERS SAY.

I'M GONNA MURDER SOMEBODY ELSE!"
WHATEVER MURDERERS SAY.
I MEAN, THE WORST THING THAT

WHATEVER MURDERERS SAY.
I MEAN, THE WORST THING THAT
COULD HAPPEN TO YOU IS SOMEONE

I MEAN, THE WORST THING THAT
COULD HAPPEN TO YOU IS SOMEONE
DOUBLE-OOHs YOU.

COULD HAPPEN TO YOU IS SOMEONE
DOUBLE-OOHs YOU.
THIS IS VERY RARE, THOUGH.

DOUBLE-OOHs YOU.
THIS IS VERY RARE, THOUGH.
YOU DON'T EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN.

THIS IS VERY RARE, THOUGH.
YOU DON'T EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN.
SOMEONE'S GONNA MURDER YOU, YOU

YOU DON'T EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN.
SOMEONE'S GONNA MURDER YOU, YOU
GO, "OOOOH OOH!"

SOMEONE'S GONNA MURDER YOU, YOU
GO, "OOOOH OOH!"
AND HE GOES, "OOOH OOH OOOH!"

GO, "OOOOH OOH!"
AND HE GOES, "OOOH OOH OOOH!"
YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH HIM.

AND HE GOES, "OOOH OOH OOOH!"
YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH HIM.
HE'S NOT ONLY GONNA MURDER YOU,

YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH HIM.
HE'S NOT ONLY GONNA MURDER YOU,
HE'S GONNA COMMENT ON THE

HE'S NOT ONLY GONNA MURDER YOU,
HE'S GONNA COMMENT ON THE
MURDER.

HE'S GONNA COMMENT ON THE
MURDER.
IT'S HIS MOVIE, AND YOU'RE IN

MURDER.
IT'S HIS MOVIE, AND YOU'RE IN
IT.

IT'S HIS MOVIE, AND YOU'RE IN
IT.
[APPLAUSE]

[CHUCKLING]
MAY I RECOMMEND THE OYSTERS
TITANIC AND THE VERY MARVELOUS

MAY I RECOMMEND THE OYSTERS
TITANIC AND THE VERY MARVELOUS
SALAD MADE OF ICEBERG LETTUCE.

TITANIC AND THE VERY MARVELOUS
SALAD MADE OF ICEBERG LETTUCE.
[ABBA'S "S.O.S." PLAYS]

SALAD MADE OF ICEBERG LETTUCE.
[ABBA'S "S.O.S." PLAYS]
OOH, THE ENTERTAINMENT IS

[ABBA'S "S.O.S." PLAYS]
OOH, THE ENTERTAINMENT IS
BEGINNING.

OOH, THE ENTERTAINMENT IS
BEGINNING.
A VERY WONDERFUL VOCAL GROUP

BEGINNING.
A VERY WONDERFUL VOCAL GROUP
FROM SWEDEN CALLED ABBA.

A VERY WONDERFUL VOCAL GROUP
FROM SWEDEN CALLED ABBA.
YOU'LL LOVE THEM.

FROM SWEDEN CALLED ABBA.
YOU'LL LOVE THEM.
[APPLAUSE]

YOU'LL LOVE THEM.
[APPLAUSE]
♪ WHERE ARE THOSE HAPPY

[APPLAUSE]
♪ WHERE ARE THOSE HAPPY
DAYS? ♪

♪ WHERE ARE THOSE HAPPY
DAYS? ♪
♪ THEY SEEM SO HARD TO FIND ♪

DAYS? ♪
♪ THEY SEEM SO HARD TO FIND ♪
♪ I TRIED TO REACH FOR YOU ♪

♪ THEY SEEM SO HARD TO FIND ♪
♪ I TRIED TO REACH FOR YOU ♪
♪ BUT YOU HAVE CLOSED YOUR

♪ I TRIED TO REACH FOR YOU ♪
♪ BUT YOU HAVE CLOSED YOUR
MIND ♪

♪ BUT YOU HAVE CLOSED YOUR
MIND ♪
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED TO OUR

MIND ♪
♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED TO OUR
LOVE? ♪

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENED TO OUR
LOVE? ♪
♪ I WISH I UNDERSTOOD ♪

LOVE? ♪
♪ I WISH I UNDERSTOOD ♪
♪ IT USED TO BE SO NICE ♪

♪ I WISH I UNDERSTOOD ♪
♪ IT USED TO BE SO NICE ♪
♪ IT USED TO BE SO GOOD ♪

♪ IT USED TO BE SO NICE ♪
♪ IT USED TO BE SO GOOD ♪
♪ SO WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME,

♪ IT USED TO BE SO GOOD ♪
♪ SO WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME,
DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? ♪

♪ SO WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME,
DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪

DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME ♪

♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME ♪
♪ NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME ♪

♪ THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME ♪
♪ NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪

♪ NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪

♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪

♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY

♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY
ON? ♪

♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY
ON? ♪
♪ YOU SEEMED SO FAR AWAY ♪

ON? ♪
♪ YOU SEEMED SO FAR AWAY ♪
♪ THOUGH YOU WERE STANDING

♪ YOU SEEMED SO FAR AWAY ♪
♪ THOUGH YOU WERE STANDING
NEAR ♪

♪ THOUGH YOU WERE STANDING
NEAR ♪
♪ YOU MADE ME FEEL ALIVE ♪

NEAR ♪
♪ YOU MADE ME FEEL ALIVE ♪
♪ BUT SOMETHING DIED, I FEAR ♪

♪ YOU MADE ME FEEL ALIVE ♪
♪ BUT SOMETHING DIED, I FEAR ♪
♪ I REALLY TRIED TO MAKE IT

♪ BUT SOMETHING DIED, I FEAR ♪
♪ I REALLY TRIED TO MAKE IT
OUT ♪

♪ I REALLY TRIED TO MAKE IT
OUT ♪
♪ I WISH I UNDERSTOOD ♪

OUT ♪
♪ I WISH I UNDERSTOOD ♪
♪ WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR LOVE? ♪

♪ I WISH I UNDERSTOOD ♪
♪ WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR LOVE? ♪
♪ IT USED TO BE SO GOOD ♪

♪ WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR LOVE? ♪
♪ IT USED TO BE SO GOOD ♪
♪ SO WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME,

♪ IT USED TO BE SO GOOD ♪
♪ SO WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME,
DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? ♪

♪ SO WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME,
DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪

DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME ♪

♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME ♪
♪ NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME ♪

♪ THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME ♪
♪ NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪

♪ NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪

♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪

♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY

♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY
ON? ♪

♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY
ON? ♪
[PIANO SOLO]

ON? ♪
[PIANO SOLO]
[LAUGHTER]

♪ SO WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME,
DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪

DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ AND THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME ♪

♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ AND THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME ♪
♪ NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME ♪

♪ AND THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME ♪
♪ NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪

♪ NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME ♪
♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪

♪ S.O.S. ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪

♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY

♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY
ON? ♪

♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY
ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪

ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪

♪ HOW CAN I EVEN TRY TO GO ON? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY

♪ WHEN YOU'RE GONE ♪
♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY
ON? ♪

♪ THOUGH I TRY, HOW CAN I CARRY
ON? ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW, I, UH...
I REALLY THINK I ACED THE OLD
HISTORY MIDTERM.

I REALLY THINK I ACED THE OLD
HISTORY MIDTERM.
YEAH, I SAW YOU WERE THE

HISTORY MIDTERM.
YEAH, I SAW YOU WERE THE
FIRST ONE TO LEAVE.

YEAH, I SAW YOU WERE THE
FIRST ONE TO LEAVE.
I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY...

FIRST ONE TO LEAVE.
I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY...
[BUZZER]

I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY...
[BUZZER]
PRETTY HARD.

[BUZZER]
PRETTY HARD.
DID YOU?

PRETTY HARD.
DID YOU?
YEAH.

DID YOU?
YEAH.
WELL, I ACED IT.

YEAH.
WELL, I ACED IT.
I'M SURE OF IT.

WELL, I ACED IT.
I'M SURE OF IT.
WHAT, UH...

I'M SURE OF IT.
WHAT, UH...
WHAT CENTURY DID YOU PUT FOR

WHAT, UH...
WHAT CENTURY DID YOU PUT FOR
McKINLEY SHOT?

WHAT CENTURY DID YOU PUT FOR
McKINLEY SHOT?
UH... LET'S SEE... 19th.

McKINLEY SHOT?
UH... LET'S SEE... 19th.
HE WAS SHOT...

UH... LET'S SEE... 19th.
HE WAS SHOT...
[BUZZER]

HE WAS SHOT...
[BUZZER]
[CHUCKLES] HE WAS SHOT IN

[BUZZER]
[CHUCKLES] HE WAS SHOT IN
1901.

[CHUCKLES] HE WAS SHOT IN
1901.
WELL, THAT'S THE 20th

1901.
WELL, THAT'S THE 20th
CENTURY.

WELL, THAT'S THE 20th
CENTURY.
[BUZZER]

CENTURY.
[BUZZER]
OH, WOW, THAT'S RIGHT.

[BUZZER]
OH, WOW, THAT'S RIGHT.
DUMBO.

OH, WOW, THAT'S RIGHT.
DUMBO.
YOU LIVE IN 1975, BUT IT'S THE

DUMBO.
YOU LIVE IN 1975, BUT IT'S THE
20th CENTURY.

YOU LIVE IN 1975, BUT IT'S THE
20th CENTURY.
OH, THAT'S... OH, NOW...

20th CENTURY.
OH, THAT'S... OH, NOW...
[BUZZER]

OH, THAT'S... OH, NOW...
[BUZZER]
I MISSED THAT WHOLE SECTION!

[BUZZER]
I MISSED THAT WHOLE SECTION!
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.

I MISSED THAT WHOLE SECTION!
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
OH...

WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
OH...
HOW DID YOU DO ON THE

OH...
HOW DID YOU DO ON THE
ALEXANDER HAMILTON ESSAY?

HOW DID YOU DO ON THE
ALEXANDER HAMILTON ESSAY?
[BUZZER]

ALEXANDER HAMILTON ESSAY?
[BUZZER]
WHAT ALEXANDER HAMILTON

[BUZZER]
WHAT ALEXANDER HAMILTON
ESSAY?

WHAT ALEXANDER HAMILTON
ESSAY?
THE LONG ESSAY QUESTION AT

ESSAY?
THE LONG ESSAY QUESTION AT
THE END OF THE EXAM.

THE LONG ESSAY QUESTION AT
THE END OF THE EXAM.
BUT THAT WAS ON AARON BURR.

THE END OF THE EXAM.
BUT THAT WAS ON AARON BURR.
NO, IT WASN'T.

BUT THAT WAS ON AARON BURR.
NO, IT WASN'T.
YEAH, IT WAS.

NO, IT WASN'T.
YEAH, IT WAS.
NO, IT SAID, "WRITE A

YEAH, IT WAS.
NO, IT SAID, "WRITE A
BIOGRAPHY ON THE MAN WHO

NO, IT SAID, "WRITE A
BIOGRAPHY ON THE MAN WHO
INVENTED THE FEDERAL RESERVE

BIOGRAPHY ON THE MAN WHO
INVENTED THE FEDERAL RESERVE
BANKING SYSTEM."

INVENTED THE FEDERAL RESERVE
BANKING SYSTEM."
THAT'S HAMILTON, NOT BURR.

BANKING SYSTEM."
THAT'S HAMILTON, NOT BURR.
OH, WOW.

THAT'S HAMILTON, NOT BURR.
OH, WOW.
[LAUGHTER]

OH, WOW.
[LAUGHTER]
[BUZZER]

[LAUGHTER]
[BUZZER]
I JUST READ A BOOK ABOUT BURR,

[BUZZER]
I JUST READ A BOOK ABOUT BURR,
TOO.

I JUST READ A BOOK ABOUT BURR,
TOO.
OH.

TOO.
OH.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL GET

OH.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL GET
PARTIAL CREDIT.

WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL GET
PARTIAL CREDIT.
I DOUBT IT.

PARTIAL CREDIT.
I DOUBT IT.
SAY, UH...

I DOUBT IT.
SAY, UH...
YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO NOTICE, DID

SAY, UH...
YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO NOTICE, DID
YOU, IF THE, UH...

YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO NOTICE, DID
YOU, IF THE, UH...
[BUZZER]

YOU, IF THE, UH...
[BUZZER]
NUTS.

[BUZZER]
NUTS.
THE TRUE-FALSES KIND OF WENT IN

NUTS.
THE TRUE-FALSES KIND OF WENT IN
A...

THE TRUE-FALSES KIND OF WENT IN
A...
IN A PATTERN?

A...
IN A PATTERN?
YES, IT WAS AMAZING!

IN A PATTERN?
YES, IT WAS AMAZING!
OH, GOOD.

YES, IT WAS AMAZING!
OH, GOOD.
IT WENT TRUE-FALSE,

OH, GOOD.
IT WENT TRUE-FALSE,
TRUE-FALSE, TRUE-FALSE, ALL THE

IT WENT TRUE-FALSE,
TRUE-FALSE, TRUE-FALSE, ALL THE
WAY THROUGH.

TRUE-FALSE, TRUE-FALSE, ALL THE
WAY THROUGH.
[BUZZER]

WAY THROUGH.
[BUZZER]
WAIT A MINUTE, I GOT, UH...

[BUZZER]
WAIT A MINUTE, I GOT, UH...
I GOT FALSE, TRUE...

WAIT A MINUTE, I GOT, UH...
I GOT FALSE, TRUE...
[BUZZER]

I GOT FALSE, TRUE...
[BUZZER]
FALSE, UH... TRUE.

[BUZZER]
FALSE, UH... TRUE.
OH, WELL...

FALSE, UH... TRUE.
OH, WELL...
WANT TO PLAY ANOTHER GAME?

OH, WELL...
WANT TO PLAY ANOTHER GAME?
NO, I GOT A GEOLOGY EXAM IN A

WANT TO PLAY ANOTHER GAME?
NO, I GOT A GEOLOGY EXAM IN A
COUPLE HOURS, UH...

NO, I GOT A GEOLOGY EXAM IN A
COUPLE HOURS, UH...
MAYBE I BETTER BONE UP.

COUPLE HOURS, UH...
MAYBE I BETTER BONE UP.
IT'S "ROCKS FOR JOCKS."

MAYBE I BETTER BONE UP.
IT'S "ROCKS FOR JOCKS."
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOO MUCH

IT'S "ROCKS FOR JOCKS."
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOO MUCH
TROU... I'LL PROBABLY ACE IT.

Announcer: MIKE MENDOZA,
CRIME PHOTOGRAPHER, CHALLENGES
YOU TO SOLVE ANOTHER ACTUAL CASE

CRIME PHOTOGRAPHER, CHALLENGES
YOU TO SOLVE ANOTHER ACTUAL CASE
HISTORY FROM THE FILES OF THE

YOU TO SOLVE ANOTHER ACTUAL CASE
HISTORY FROM THE FILES OF THE
MEXICO CITY POLICE ON TONIGHT'S

HISTORY FROM THE FILES OF THE
MEXICO CITY POLICE ON TONIGHT'S
EPISODE OF...

OKAY, HOLD IT, SWEETHEART.
BEAUTIFUL!
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL!
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
I WANT ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
I WANT ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE
THAT.

I WANT ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE
THAT.
YOU KNOW THE LOOK.

THAT.
YOU KNOW THE LOOK.
THE WIND'S IN YOUR HAIR.

YOU KNOW THE LOOK.
THE WIND'S IN YOUR HAIR.
FEEL IT, SWEETHEART.

THE WIND'S IN YOUR HAIR.
FEEL IT, SWEETHEART.
LET'S SEE THAT MILLION-DOLLAR

FEEL IT, SWEETHEART.
LET'S SEE THAT MILLION-DOLLAR
SMILE.

LET'S SEE THAT MILLION-DOLLAR
SMILE.
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.

SMILE.
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.
ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE THAT.

BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.
ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE THE ONE, BABY.

ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE THE ONE, BABY.
FEELIN' YOUR MAGIC, BABY.

YOU'RE THE ONE, BABY.
FEELIN' YOUR MAGIC, BABY.
YOU'RE THE ONE.

FEELIN' YOUR MAGIC, BABY.
YOU'RE THE ONE.
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE THE ONE.
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.
GOT IT!

BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.
GOT IT!
SEE YOU TOMORROW, FRONT PAGE,

GOT IT!
SEE YOU TOMORROW, FRONT PAGE,
MEXICO CITY GLOBE EXAMINER.

SEE YOU TOMORROW, FRONT PAGE,
MEXICO CITY GLOBE EXAMINER.
STICK AROUND, MIKE.

MEXICO CITY GLOBE EXAMINER.
STICK AROUND, MIKE.
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK BUSTER

STICK AROUND, MIKE.
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK BUSTER
HERE A FEW QUESTIONS.

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK BUSTER
HERE A FEW QUESTIONS.
I'D BE GLAD TO, LOPEZ.

HERE A FEW QUESTIONS.
I'D BE GLAD TO, LOPEZ.
YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON ME.

I'D BE GLAD TO, LOPEZ.
YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON ME.
NOW...

YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON ME.
NOW...
WHERE WERE YOU AT 6:56 THIS

NOW...
WHERE WERE YOU AT 6:56 THIS
EVENING?

WHERE WERE YOU AT 6:56 THIS
EVENING?
6:56?

EVENING?
6:56?
6:56.

6:56?
6:56.
UH...

6:56.
UH...
I WAS, UH...

UH...
I WAS, UH...
I WAS MURDERING THE MISTRESS!

I WAS, UH...
I WAS MURDERING THE MISTRESS!
THAT'S RIGHT!

I WAS MURDERING THE MISTRESS!
THAT'S RIGHT!
I WAS MURDERING... I WAS KILLING

THAT'S RIGHT!
I WAS MURDERING... I WAS KILLING
HER!

I WAS MURDERING... I WAS KILLING
HER!
I REMEMBER NOW!

HER!
I REMEMBER NOW!
AND I SWEAR I WAS KILLING THE

I REMEMBER NOW!
AND I SWEAR I WAS KILLING THE
MISTRESS, AND THEN AFTER THAT,

AND I SWEAR I WAS KILLING THE
MISTRESS, AND THEN AFTER THAT,
I, UH...

MISTRESS, AND THEN AFTER THAT,
I, UH...
I SWEAR, I STOLE HER, UM...

I, UH...
I SWEAR, I STOLE HER, UM...
RUBIES AND DIAMONDS?

I SWEAR, I STOLE HER, UM...
RUBIES AND DIAMONDS?
HER RUBIES AND DIAMONDS...

RUBIES AND DIAMONDS?
HER RUBIES AND DIAMONDS...
YES! YES!

HER RUBIES AND DIAMONDS...
YES! YES!
THAT'S THE TRUTH, I SWEAR!

YES! YES!
THAT'S THE TRUTH, I SWEAR!
I STOLE HER RUBIES AND DIAMONDS!

THAT'S THE TRUTH, I SWEAR!
I STOLE HER RUBIES AND DIAMONDS!
LISTEN, I'M SO DEEPLY IN DEBT TO

I STOLE HER RUBIES AND DIAMONDS!
LISTEN, I'M SO DEEPLY IN DEBT TO
THE, UM...

LISTEN, I'M SO DEEPLY IN DEBT TO
THE, UM...
Both: TO THE SYNDICATE.

THE, UM...
Both: TO THE SYNDICATE.
YES!

Both: TO THE SYNDICATE.
YES!
I SWEAR TO YOU!

YES!
I SWEAR TO YOU!
WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT STORY

I SWEAR TO YOU!
WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT STORY
JUST WON'T HOLD WATER.

WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT STORY
JUST WON'T HOLD WATER.
YOU'RE FREE TO GO, HARTESCOMB.

JUST WON'T HOLD WATER.
YOU'RE FREE TO GO, HARTESCOMB.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY, MIKE?

YOU'RE FREE TO GO, HARTESCOMB.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY, MIKE?
YOU KNOW WHO ICED NOLA SAXON,

WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY, MIKE?
YOU KNOW WHO ICED NOLA SAXON,
THE FLYPAPER HEIRESS?

YOU KNOW WHO ICED NOLA SAXON,
THE FLYPAPER HEIRESS?
OF COURSE I DO, LOPEZ.

THE FLYPAPER HEIRESS?
OF COURSE I DO, LOPEZ.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, DOES OUR

OF COURSE I DO, LOPEZ.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, DOES OUR
VIEWING AND STUDIO AUDIENCE

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, DOES OUR
VIEWING AND STUDIO AUDIENCE
KNOW?

VIEWING AND STUDIO AUDIENCE
KNOW?
I'M GONNA GIVE THEM 15 SECONDS

KNOW?
I'M GONNA GIVE THEM 15 SECONDS
TO COME UP WITH THE RIGHT

I'M GONNA GIVE THEM 15 SECONDS
TO COME UP WITH THE RIGHT
ANSWER, STARTING NOW.

TO COME UP WITH THE RIGHT
ANSWER, STARTING NOW.
[ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS]

TIME'S UP.
I'M SURE THE MORE OBSERVANT OF
YOU NOTICED THAT THE WAY THE

I'M SURE THE MORE OBSERVANT OF
YOU NOTICED THAT THE WAY THE
PAJAMA CORD IS KNOTTED AROUND

YOU NOTICED THAT THE WAY THE
PAJAMA CORD IS KNOTTED AROUND
THE VICTIM'S NECK, IT COULD ONLY

PAJAMA CORD IS KNOTTED AROUND
THE VICTIM'S NECK, IT COULD ONLY
BE DONE IN A SUCH A WAY THAT...

THE VICTIM'S NECK, IT COULD ONLY
BE DONE IN A SUCH A WAY THAT...
WAIT.

BE DONE IN A SUCH A WAY THAT...
WAIT.
I FOUND THE OTHER HALF OF THE

WAIT.
I FOUND THE OTHER HALF OF THE
SWIZZLE STICK.

I FOUND THE OTHER HALF OF THE
SWIZZLE STICK.
YOU FOUND THE OTHER HALF OF

SWIZZLE STICK.
YOU FOUND THE OTHER HALF OF
THE SWIZZLE STICK?

YOU FOUND THE OTHER HALF OF
THE SWIZZLE STICK?
WELL, SAY...

THE SWIZZLE STICK?
WELL, SAY...
THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.

WELL, SAY...
THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.
WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHERE'S MY CAMERA?

WAIT A MINUTE.
WHERE'S MY CAMERA?
WHO TOOK MY CAMERA?!

WHERE'S MY CAMERA?
WHO TOOK MY CAMERA?!
OF COURSE, I KNOW WHO TOOK

WHO TOOK MY CAMERA?!
OF COURSE, I KNOW WHO TOOK
YOUR CAMERA.

OF COURSE, I KNOW WHO TOOK
YOUR CAMERA.
BUT DOES OUR VIEWING AUDIENCE?

YOUR CAMERA.
BUT DOES OUR VIEWING AUDIENCE?
I'LL GIVE THEM JUST 10 SECONDS

BUT DOES OUR VIEWING AUDIENCE?
I'LL GIVE THEM JUST 10 SECONDS
TO FIND OUT WHO THE CULPRIT IS.

I'LL GIVE THEM JUST 10 SECONDS
TO FIND OUT WHO THE CULPRIT IS.
STARTING NOW.

TO FIND OUT WHO THE CULPRIT IS.
STARTING NOW.
[PISTOL FIRES]

STARTING NOW.
[PISTOL FIRES]
[ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS]

[BUZZER SOUNDS]
TIME'S UP.
DON PARDO, WHY DON'T YOU TELL

TIME'S UP.
DON PARDO, WHY DON'T YOU TELL
THE FOLKS WHO THE MURDERER IS?

DON PARDO, WHY DON'T YOU TELL
THE FOLKS WHO THE MURDERER IS?
DON?

THE FOLKS WHO THE MURDERER IS?
DON?
WHERE'S DON PARDO?

DON?
WHERE'S DON PARDO?
OF COURSE, I KNOW WHERE

WHERE'S DON PARDO?
OF COURSE, I KNOW WHERE
DON PARDO IS.

OF COURSE, I KNOW WHERE
DON PARDO IS.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, DOES OUR

DON PARDO IS.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, DOES OUR
VIEWING AND STUDIO AUDIENCE?

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, DOES OUR
VIEWING AND STUDIO AUDIENCE?
I'M GONNA GIVE THEM ONE YEAR TO

VIEWING AND STUDIO AUDIENCE?
I'M GONNA GIVE THEM ONE YEAR TO
FIND OUT, STARTING NOW.

I'M GONNA GIVE THEM ONE YEAR TO
FIND OUT, STARTING NOW.
[ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS]

FIND OUT, STARTING NOW.
[ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[DRUMMING, FIFE MUSIC PLAYS]
HELLO.
200 YEARS AGO TODAY, A BEE NAMED

HELLO.
200 YEARS AGO TODAY, A BEE NAMED
HENRY LEFT HIS HIVE EARLY IN THE

200 YEARS AGO TODAY, A BEE NAMED
HENRY LEFT HIS HIVE EARLY IN THE
MORNING, FLEW A GOOD 2 OR 3

HENRY LEFT HIS HIVE EARLY IN THE
MORNING, FLEW A GOOD 2 OR 3
MILES, LOOKING FOR A NICE QUIET

MORNING, FLEW A GOOD 2 OR 3
MILES, LOOKING FOR A NICE QUIET
CLEARING SOMEWHERE, BECAME

MILES, LOOKING FOR A NICE QUIET
CLEARING SOMEWHERE, BECAME
TOTALLY DISORIENTED AND

CLEARING SOMEWHERE, BECAME
TOTALLY DISORIENTED AND
ULTIMATELY LOST.

TOTALLY DISORIENTED AND
ULTIMATELY LOST.
IN HIS CONFUSION, HE FOUND

ULTIMATELY LOST.
IN HIS CONFUSION, HE FOUND
HIMSELF FLYING INTO THE ACTUAL

IN HIS CONFUSION, HE FOUND
HIMSELF FLYING INTO THE ACTUAL
TENT OF

HIMSELF FLYING INTO THE ACTUAL
TENT OF
GENERAL GEORGE WASHINGTON ON THE

TENT OF
GENERAL GEORGE WASHINGTON ON THE
BATTLEFIELD.

GENERAL GEORGE WASHINGTON ON THE
BATTLEFIELD.
EXHAUSTED, THE BEE SEARCHED FOR

BATTLEFIELD.
EXHAUSTED, THE BEE SEARCHED FOR
A PLACE TO REST HIS WEARY WINGS

EXHAUSTED, THE BEE SEARCHED FOR
A PLACE TO REST HIS WEARY WINGS
AND GET HIS BEARINGS.

A PLACE TO REST HIS WEARY WINGS
AND GET HIS BEARINGS.
BEFORE LONG, HE ALIGHTED ON THE

AND GET HIS BEARINGS.
BEFORE LONG, HE ALIGHTED ON THE
WOODEN BUTT OF A MUSKET, WHICH

BEFORE LONG, HE ALIGHTED ON THE
WOODEN BUTT OF A MUSKET, WHICH
WAS LEFT LYING LENGTHWISE ON A

WOODEN BUTT OF A MUSKET, WHICH
WAS LEFT LYING LENGTHWISE ON A
MAKESHIFT COT IN THE BACK OF THE

WAS LEFT LYING LENGTHWISE ON A
MAKESHIFT COT IN THE BACK OF THE
TENT.

MAKESHIFT COT IN THE BACK OF THE
TENT.
A BATTLE-FATIGUED SOLDIER, ONE

TENT.
A BATTLE-FATIGUED SOLDIER, ONE
OF GENERAL WASHINGTON'S PERSONAL

A BATTLE-FATIGUED SOLDIER, ONE
OF GENERAL WASHINGTON'S PERSONAL
GUARDS, ENTERED THE TENT SECONDS

OF GENERAL WASHINGTON'S PERSONAL
GUARDS, ENTERED THE TENT SECONDS
LATER AND, SEEING THAT THE

GUARDS, ENTERED THE TENT SECONDS
LATER AND, SEEING THAT THE
GENERAL WAS AWAY FOR A MOMENT,

LATER AND, SEEING THAT THE
GENERAL WAS AWAY FOR A MOMENT,
THREW HIMSELF DOWN ON THE COT

GENERAL WAS AWAY FOR A MOMENT,
THREW HIMSELF DOWN ON THE COT
FOR A BRIEF NAP.

THREW HIMSELF DOWN ON THE COT
FOR A BRIEF NAP.
NOT HAVING NOTICED THE MUSKET,

FOR A BRIEF NAP.
NOT HAVING NOTICED THE MUSKET,
HE BADLY BRUISED HIS HIP ON THE

NOT HAVING NOTICED THE MUSKET,
HE BADLY BRUISED HIS HIP ON THE
FIRING MECHANISM AND CRUSHED THE

HE BADLY BRUISED HIS HIP ON THE
FIRING MECHANISM AND CRUSHED THE
BEE.

FIRING MECHANISM AND CRUSHED THE
BEE.
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS 200

BEE.
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS 200
YEARS AGO TODAY.

AND NOW A SONG FROM MY NEW
FRIEND, LOUDON WAINWRIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]

FRIEND, LOUDON WAINWRIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
[LOUDON WAINWRIGHT III's

[APPLAUSE]
[LOUDON WAINWRIGHT III's
"BICENTENNIAL" PLAYS]

♪ HEY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN
ANNIVERSARY ♪
♪ YES, IT'S GONNA BE A

ANNIVERSARY ♪
♪ YES, IT'S GONNA BE A
BICENTENNIAL ♪

♪ YES, IT'S GONNA BE A
BICENTENNIAL ♪
♪ HEY, AMERICA'S HAVING A

BICENTENNIAL ♪
♪ HEY, AMERICA'S HAVING A
BIRTHDAY ♪

♪ HEY, AMERICA'S HAVING A
BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ GONNA BE 200 YEARS OLD ♪

BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ GONNA BE 200 YEARS OLD ♪
♪ ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? ♪

♪ GONNA BE 200 YEARS OLD ♪
♪ ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YOU KNOW IT CERTAINLY IS ♪

♪ ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YOU KNOW IT CERTAINLY IS ♪
♪ GOODNESS, WHAT A WONDERFUL

♪ OH, YOU KNOW IT CERTAINLY IS ♪
♪ GOODNESS, WHAT A WONDERFUL
COUNTRY ♪

♪ GOODNESS, WHAT A WONDERFUL
COUNTRY ♪
♪ WOW, WHAT A NIFTY HISTORY ♪

COUNTRY ♪
♪ WOW, WHAT A NIFTY HISTORY ♪
♪ GEE, IT'S A POWERFUL NATION ♪

♪ WOW, WHAT A NIFTY HISTORY ♪
♪ GEE, IT'S A POWERFUL NATION ♪
♪ AND IT'S BEEN 200 YEARS NOW ♪

♪ GEE, IT'S A POWERFUL NATION ♪
♪ AND IT'S BEEN 200 YEARS NOW ♪
♪ ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? ♪

♪ AND IT'S BEEN 200 YEARS NOW ♪
♪ ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YOU KNOW IT CERTAINLY IS ♪

♪ ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YOU KNOW IT CERTAINLY IS ♪
♪ WELL, I RELIVED MY COUNTRY'S

♪ OH, YOU KNOW IT CERTAINLY IS ♪
♪ WELL, I RELIVED MY COUNTRY'S
HISTORY IN A CLASS CALLED SOCIAL

♪ WELL, I RELIVED MY COUNTRY'S
HISTORY IN A CLASS CALLED SOCIAL
STUDIES ♪

HISTORY IN A CLASS CALLED SOCIAL
STUDIES ♪
♪ AND I LEARNED TO PLEDGE

STUDIES ♪
♪ AND I LEARNED TO PLEDGE
ALLEGIANCE ♪

♪ AND I LEARNED TO PLEDGE
ALLEGIANCE ♪
♪ AND TO SING MY NATIONAL

ALLEGIANCE ♪
♪ AND TO SING MY NATIONAL
ANTHEM ♪

♪ AND TO SING MY NATIONAL
ANTHEM ♪
♪ "MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE" ♪

ANTHEM ♪
♪ "MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE" ♪
♪ YES, YOU KNOW WE HAVE OUR

♪ "MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE" ♪
♪ YES, YOU KNOW WE HAVE OUR
HEROES ♪

♪ YES, YOU KNOW WE HAVE OUR
HEROES ♪
♪ I MEAN WASHINGTON AND

HEROES ♪
♪ I MEAN WASHINGTON AND
LINCOLN ♪

♪ I MEAN WASHINGTON AND
LINCOLN ♪
♪ AND INCLUDING AUDIE MURPHY ♪

LINCOLN ♪
♪ AND INCLUDING AUDIE MURPHY ♪
♪ AND INCLUDING OLD JACK RUBY ♪

♪ AND INCLUDING AUDIE MURPHY ♪
♪ AND INCLUDING OLD JACK RUBY ♪
♪ WASN'T HE WONDERFUL? ♪

♪ AND INCLUDING OLD JACK RUBY ♪
♪ WASN'T HE WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YOU KNOW HE CERTAINLY

♪ WASN'T HE WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YOU KNOW HE CERTAINLY
WAS ♪

♪ OH, YOU KNOW HE CERTAINLY
WAS ♪
♪ SO, LET'S HEAR IT FOR OHIO ♪

WAS ♪
♪ SO, LET'S HEAR IT FOR OHIO ♪
♪ AND THE RIPPLING REDWOOD

♪ SO, LET'S HEAR IT FOR OHIO ♪
♪ AND THE RIPPLING REDWOOD
FORESTS ♪

♪ AND THE RIPPLING REDWOOD
FORESTS ♪
♪ FOR THE SAW MILL RIVER

FORESTS ♪
♪ FOR THE SAW MILL RIVER
PARKWAY ♪

♪ FOR THE SAW MILL RIVER
PARKWAY ♪
[APPLAUSE]

PARKWAY ♪
[APPLAUSE]
♪ OKLAHOMA'S STRANGE PANHANDLE ♪

[APPLAUSE]
♪ OKLAHOMA'S STRANGE PANHANDLE ♪
♪ AREN'T THEY ALL WONDERFUL? ♪

♪ OKLAHOMA'S STRANGE PANHANDLE ♪
♪ AREN'T THEY ALL WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! ♪

♪ AREN'T THEY ALL WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! ♪
♪ YES, WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN

♪ OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! ♪
♪ YES, WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN
ANNIVERSARY ♪

♪ YES, WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN
ANNIVERSARY ♪
♪ YES, IT'S GONNA BE A

ANNIVERSARY ♪
♪ YES, IT'S GONNA BE A
BICENTENNIAL ♪

♪ YES, IT'S GONNA BE A
BICENTENNIAL ♪
♪ HEY, AMERICA'S HAVING A

BICENTENNIAL ♪
♪ HEY, AMERICA'S HAVING A
BIRTHDAY ♪

♪ HEY, AMERICA'S HAVING A
BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ GONNA BE 200 YEARS OLD ♪

BIRTHDAY ♪
♪ GONNA BE 200 YEARS OLD ♪
♪ ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? ♪

♪ GONNA BE 200 YEARS OLD ♪
♪ ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YOU KNOW IT CERTAINLY,

♪ ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? ♪
♪ OH, YOU KNOW IT CERTAINLY,
CERTAINLY IS! ♪

[PIANO PLAYING]
HEY, HOTSHOT ROCK STAR
GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S YOUR LOVE

HEY, HOTSHOT ROCK STAR
GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
LIFE?

GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
LIFE?
HEY, GREAT!

LIFE?
HEY, GREAT!
I GOT A NEW ALBUM COMIN' OUT,

HEY, GREAT!
I GOT A NEW ALBUM COMIN' OUT,
LOTS OF BREAD, LOTS OF GROUPIES,

I GOT A NEW ALBUM COMIN' OUT,
LOTS OF BREAD, LOTS OF GROUPIES,
GREAT BAND, NEW KEYBOARDS.

LOTS OF BREAD, LOTS OF GROUPIES,
GREAT BAND, NEW KEYBOARDS.
IT'S REALLY GREAT.

GREAT BAND, NEW KEYBOARDS.
IT'S REALLY GREAT.
I SAID, "GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S

IT'S REALLY GREAT.
I SAID, "GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S
YOUR LOVE LIFE?"

I SAID, "GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S
YOUR LOVE LIFE?"
OH, IT'S VERY GOOD, I, UH...

YOUR LOVE LIFE?"
OH, IT'S VERY GOOD, I, UH...
GOT NEW KEYBOARDS, GOT A NEW

OH, IT'S VERY GOOD, I, UH...
GOT NEW KEYBOARDS, GOT A NEW
ALBUM, A LOT OF BREAD COMIN' IN.

GOT NEW KEYBOARDS, GOT A NEW
ALBUM, A LOT OF BREAD COMIN' IN.
UH...

ALBUM, A LOT OF BREAD COMIN' IN.
UH...
GOT GROUPIES... GROUPIES

UH...
GOT GROUPIES... GROUPIES
EVERYWHERE, UH...

GOT GROUPIES... GROUPIES
EVERYWHERE, UH...
IT'S COMIN' IN...

EVERYWHERE, UH...
IT'S COMIN' IN...
GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S YOUR LOVE

IT'S COMIN' IN...
GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
LIFE?

GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
LIFE?
IT'S PRETTY GOOD, UH...

LIFE?
IT'S PRETTY GOOD, UH...
NEW ALBUM COMIN' OUT.

IT'S PRETTY GOOD, UH...
NEW ALBUM COMIN' OUT.
LOOKIN' REAL GOOD.

NEW ALBUM COMIN' OUT.
LOOKIN' REAL GOOD.
HEY, GROUPIES ALL OVER, AND

LOOKIN' REAL GOOD.
HEY, GROUPIES ALL OVER, AND
MONEY COMIN' IN ALL THE TIME,

HEY, GROUPIES ALL OVER, AND
MONEY COMIN' IN ALL THE TIME,
AND, UH...

MONEY COMIN' IN ALL THE TIME,
AND, UH...
IT'S LOOKIN'... IT'S LOOKIN'

AND, UH...
IT'S LOOKIN'... IT'S LOOKIN'
PRETTY FINE, YOU KNOW?

IT'S LOOKIN'... IT'S LOOKIN'
PRETTY FINE, YOU KNOW?
GREGG ALLMAN, I SAID, "HOW'S

PRETTY FINE, YOU KNOW?
GREGG ALLMAN, I SAID, "HOW'S
YOUR LOVE LIFE?"

GREGG ALLMAN, I SAID, "HOW'S
YOUR LOVE LIFE?"
IT'S NOT BAD, UH...

YOUR LOVE LIFE?"
IT'S NOT BAD, UH...
CHER AND I, UH...

IT'S NOT BAD, UH...
CHER AND I, UH...
WE SPLIT UP, BUT, UH...

CHER AND I, UH...
WE SPLIT UP, BUT, UH...
THE ALBUM'S FAR OUT, AND GROUPIE

WE SPLIT UP, BUT, UH...
THE ALBUM'S FAR OUT, AND GROUPIE
CHICKS, BREAD, AND, UM, UH...

THE ALBUM'S FAR OUT, AND GROUPIE
CHICKS, BREAD, AND, UM, UH...
YOU KNOW...

CHICKS, BREAD, AND, UM, UH...
YOU KNOW...
GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S YOUR LOVE

YOU KNOW...
GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
LIFE?

GREGG ALLMAN, HOW'S YOUR LOVE
LIFE?
IT'S, UH...

LIFE?
IT'S, UH...
TOILET.

DEBBIE, THIS IS REX.
OH, HOW DO YOU DO, REX?
HELLO, HONEY.

OH, HOW DO YOU DO, REX?
HELLO, HONEY.
I'M GLAD TO MEET YOU.

HELLO, HONEY.
I'M GLAD TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

I'M GLAD TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
WE'LL BEGIN SHOOTING IN

NICE TO MEET YOU.
WE'LL BEGIN SHOOTING IN
JUST A MOMENT, JUST AS SOON AS

WE'LL BEGIN SHOOTING IN
JUST A MOMENT, JUST AS SOON AS
MR. PECKINPAH GETS HERE.

JUST A MOMENT, JUST AS SOON AS
MR. PECKINPAH GETS HERE.
UM... REX, I'M A GREAT FAN OF

MR. PECKINPAH GETS HERE.
UM... REX, I'M A GREAT FAN OF
YOURS.

UM... REX, I'M A GREAT FAN OF
YOURS.
I'VE SEEN ALL YOUR FILMS.

YOURS.
I'VE SEEN ALL YOUR FILMS.
REALLY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.

I'VE SEEN ALL YOUR FILMS.
REALLY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
WELL, THANK YOU.

REALLY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
WELL, THANK YOU.
I'M HAPPY TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.

WELL, THANK YOU.
I'M HAPPY TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
UH, LISTEN, I-I'M A LITTLE

I'M HAPPY TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
UH, LISTEN, I-I'M A LITTLE
NERVOUS.

UH, LISTEN, I-I'M A LITTLE
NERVOUS.
I'VE NEVER WORKED WITH

NERVOUS.
I'VE NEVER WORKED WITH
MR. PECKINPAH BEFORE, AND I HEAR

I'VE NEVER WORKED WITH
MR. PECKINPAH BEFORE, AND I HEAR
HE'S PRETTY TOUGH.

MR. PECKINPAH BEFORE, AND I HEAR
HE'S PRETTY TOUGH.
OH, SAM?

HE'S PRETTY TOUGH.
OH, SAM?
NO, I'VE DONE 14 WESTERNS WITH

OH, SAM?
NO, I'VE DONE 14 WESTERNS WITH
SAM.

NO, I'VE DONE 14 WESTERNS WITH
SAM.
THAT TOUGH THING IS JUST ON THE

SAM.
THAT TOUGH THING IS JUST ON THE
OUTSIDE.

THAT TOUGH THING IS JUST ON THE
OUTSIDE.
THE MAN IS A PUSSYCAT.

OUTSIDE.
THE MAN IS A PUSSYCAT.
BELIEVE ME.

THE MAN IS A PUSSYCAT.
BELIEVE ME.
BUT, UM...

BELIEVE ME.
BUT, UM...
HE'S NEVER REALLY DONE A

BUT, UM...
HE'S NEVER REALLY DONE A
ROMANTIC COMEDY BEFORE, AND...

HE'S NEVER REALLY DONE A
ROMANTIC COMEDY BEFORE, AND...
I WAS WONDERING, DO YOU THINK HE

ROMANTIC COMEDY BEFORE, AND...
I WAS WONDERING, DO YOU THINK HE
CAN HANDLE IT?

I WAS WONDERING, DO YOU THINK HE
CAN HANDLE IT?
SAM? OH, COME ON, NOW.

CAN HANDLE IT?
SAM? OH, COME ON, NOW.
SAM'S A GENIUS.

SAM? OH, COME ON, NOW.
SAM'S A GENIUS.
HE CAN HANDLE ANYTHING.

SAM'S A GENIUS.
HE CAN HANDLE ANYTHING.
I'M SURE HE'LL PULL IT OFF.

HE CAN HANDLE ANYTHING.
I'M SURE HE'LL PULL IT OFF.
ONE MORE MISTAKE, YOU'RE ON

I'M SURE HE'LL PULL IT OFF.
ONE MORE MISTAKE, YOU'RE ON
THE BUS!

ONE MORE MISTAKE, YOU'RE ON
THE BUS!
REX!

THE BUS!
REX!
HEY, REX!

REX!
HEY, REX!
YOU MUST BE DEBBIE.

HEY, REX!
YOU MUST BE DEBBIE.
YES.

YOU MUST BE DEBBIE.
YES.
HOW DO YOU DO, MR. PECKINPAH?

YES.
HOW DO YOU DO, MR. PECKINPAH?
CHARMED.

HOW DO YOU DO, MR. PECKINPAH?
CHARMED.
[CHUCKLES]

CHARMED.
[CHUCKLES]
LOOK, I DON'T LIKE TO WASTE A

[CHUCKLES]
LOOK, I DON'T LIKE TO WASTE A
LOT OF TIME ON REHEARSAL, SO

LOOK, I DON'T LIKE TO WASTE A
LOT OF TIME ON REHEARSAL, SO
LET'S PUT ONE DOWN, ALL RIGHT?

LOT OF TIME ON REHEARSAL, SO
LET'S PUT ONE DOWN, ALL RIGHT?
OH, ALL RIGHT.

LET'S PUT ONE DOWN, ALL RIGHT?
OH, ALL RIGHT.
LET'S FILM IT.

OH, ALL RIGHT.
LET'S FILM IT.
OKAY, LET'S TRY ONE.

LET'S FILM IT.
OKAY, LET'S TRY ONE.
THIS IS A TAKE.

OKAY, LET'S TRY ONE.
THIS IS A TAKE.
OKAY.

THIS IS A TAKE.
OKAY.
AND...

OKAY.
AND...
ACTION!

AND...
ACTION!
JOHN, I HAVE THE FUNNIEST

ACTION!
JOHN, I HAVE THE FUNNIEST
THING TO TELL YOU!

JOHN, I HAVE THE FUNNIEST
THING TO TELL YOU!
CUT!

THING TO TELL YOU!
CUT!
CUT.

CUT!
CUT.
UH...

CUT.
UH...
THAT'S NOT QUITE IT.

UH...
THAT'S NOT QUITE IT.
YOU SEE, IT DOESN'T...

THAT'S NOT QUITE IT.
YOU SEE, IT DOESN'T...
IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME.

YOU SEE, IT DOESN'T...
IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME.
IT DOESN'T...

IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME.
IT DOESN'T...
MAKE ME BELIEVE IT, OKAY?

IT DOESN'T...
MAKE ME BELIEVE IT, OKAY?
I'M SORRY, YES.

MAKE ME BELIEVE IT, OKAY?
I'M SORRY, YES.
MAKE ME BELIEVE IT, OKAY?

I'M SORRY, YES.
MAKE ME BELIEVE IT, OKAY?
OKAY, I'M SORRY.

MAKE ME BELIEVE IT, OKAY?
OKAY, I'M SORRY.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

OKAY, I'M SORRY.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I'M FINE, THANKS.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I'M FINE, THANKS.
GOOD, ALL RIGHT.

I'M FINE, THANKS.
GOOD, ALL RIGHT.
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?

GOOD, ALL RIGHT.
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.

LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S TRY ONE.

ALL RIGHT.
LET'S TRY ONE.
QUIET!

LET'S TRY ONE.
QUIET!
AND...

QUIET!
AND...
ACTION!

AND...
ACTION!
JOHN, I HAVE THE FUNNIEST

ACTION!
JOHN, I HAVE THE FUNNIEST
THING TO TELL YOU!

JOHN, I HAVE THE FUNNIEST
THING TO TELL YOU!
CUT!

THING TO TELL YOU!
CUT!
CUT, CUT, CUT.

CUT!
CUT, CUT, CUT.
UH...

CUT, CUT, CUT.
UH...
YOU'RE PLAYING IT TOO BROAD.

UH...
YOU'RE PLAYING IT TOO BROAD.
WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU HAVE

YOU'RE PLAYING IT TOO BROAD.
WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU HAVE
TO BRING IT DOWN A LITTLE BIT,

WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU HAVE
TO BRING IT DOWN A LITTLE BIT,
OKAY?

TO BRING IT DOWN A LITTLE BIT,
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, HAVE FUN WITH IT.

OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, HAVE FUN WITH IT.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

ALL RIGHT, HAVE FUN WITH IT.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I'M FINE.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I'M FINE.
OOH! AAH!

I'M FINE.
OOH! AAH!
OKAY.

OOH! AAH!
OKAY.
LET'S TRY ONE!

OKAY.
LET'S TRY ONE!
AND...

LET'S TRY ONE!
AND...
ACTION!

AND...
ACTION!
I HAVE THE FUNNIEST THING TO

ACTION!
I HAVE THE FUNNIEST THING TO
TELL YOU, JOHN!

I HAVE THE FUNNIEST THING TO
TELL YOU, JOHN!
CUT!

TELL YOU, JOHN!
CUT!
YOU KNOW...

CUT!
YOU KNOW...
THAT'S NOT QUITE IT, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW...
THAT'S NOT QUITE IT, YOU KNOW?
JUST IS NOT WORKING FOR ME.

THAT'S NOT QUITE IT, YOU KNOW?
JUST IS NOT WORKING FOR ME.
IT'S NOT YOU!

JUST IS NOT WORKING FOR ME.
IT'S NOT YOU!
IT'S ME. IT'S ME.

IT'S NOT YOU!
IT'S ME. IT'S ME.
GIVE ME A SECOND TO THINK, OKAY?

IT'S ME. IT'S ME.
GIVE ME A SECOND TO THINK, OKAY?
JUST GIVE ME A SECOND.

GIVE ME A SECOND TO THINK, OKAY?
JUST GIVE ME A SECOND.
I'VE GOT IT!

JUST GIVE ME A SECOND.
I'VE GOT IT!
AAH!

I'VE GOT IT!
AAH!
VIVACIOUS.

AAH!
VIVACIOUS.
VIVACIOUS.

VIVACIOUS.
VIVACIOUS.
I WANT YOU TO BE VIVACIOUS.

VIVACIOUS.
I WANT YOU TO BE VIVACIOUS.
OH, OKAY.

I WANT YOU TO BE VIVACIOUS.
OH, OKAY.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

OH, OKAY.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I'M GREAT. I'M JUST FINE.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I'M GREAT. I'M JUST FINE.
GOOD.

I'M GREAT. I'M JUST FINE.
GOOD.
IS IT WORKING FOR YOU?

GOOD.
IS IT WORKING FOR YOU?
IT'S GOOD.

IS IT WORKING FOR YOU?
IT'S GOOD.
THERE'S GOOD CONTEXT.

IT'S GOOD.
THERE'S GOOD CONTEXT.
ALL RIGHT.

THERE'S GOOD CONTEXT.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE.

ALL RIGHT.
LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE.
LET'S DO IT THIS TIME.

LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE.
LET'S DO IT THIS TIME.
READY? AND... ACTION!

LET'S DO IT THIS TIME.
READY? AND... ACTION!
I HAVE THE FUNNIEST THING TO

READY? AND... ACTION!
I HAVE THE FUNNIEST THING TO
TELL YOU, JOHN!

I HAVE THE FUNNIEST THING TO
TELL YOU, JOHN!
CUT!

TELL YOU, JOHN!
CUT!
CUT.

CUT!
CUT.
UH...

CUT.
UH...
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.

UH...
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.

GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?
YEAH, WELL...

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?
YEAH, WELL...
ARE YOU RELATING?

YEAH, WELL...
ARE YOU RELATING?
IS THERE GOOD EYE CONTACT THERE?

ARE YOU RELATING?
IS THERE GOOD EYE CONTACT THERE?
THERE IS?

IS THERE GOOD EYE CONTACT THERE?
THERE IS?
I THINK IT'S ME, I DO.

THERE IS?
I THINK IT'S ME, I DO.
I THINK IT'S ME.

I THINK IT'S ME, I DO.
I THINK IT'S ME.
WELL, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, ALL

I THINK IT'S ME.
WELL, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, ALL
RIGHT?

WELL, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, ALL
RIGHT?
OKAY, LET'S TRY IT.

RIGHT?
OKAY, LET'S TRY IT.
LET'S TRY ONE MORE!

OKAY, LET'S TRY IT.
LET'S TRY ONE MORE!
LET'S TRY TO GET IT RIGHT.

LET'S TRY ONE MORE!
LET'S TRY TO GET IT RIGHT.
LET'S GET IT RIGHT.

LET'S TRY TO GET IT RIGHT.
LET'S GET IT RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT!

LET'S GET IT RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT!
SAME PLACE, SAM?

ALL RIGHT!
SAME PLACE, SAM?
SAME PLACE.

SAME PLACE, SAM?
SAME PLACE.
START FROM THE TOP.

SAME PLACE.
START FROM THE TOP.
AND...

START FROM THE TOP.
AND...
ACTION!

AND...
ACTION!
I HAVE THE FUNNIEST THING TO

ACTION!
I HAVE THE FUNNIEST THING TO
TELL YOU, JOHN!

I HAVE THE FUNNIEST THING TO
TELL YOU, JOHN!
REALLY? WHAT?

TELL YOU, JOHN!
REALLY? WHAT?
CUT.

REALLY? WHAT?
CUT.
NOW, REX...

CUT.
NOW, REX...
WHAT I WANT FROM YOU IS I

NOW, REX...
WHAT I WANT FROM YOU IS I
WANT... UNH!

WHAT I WANT FROM YOU IS I
WANT... UNH!
THAT'S IT!

WANT... UNH!
THAT'S IT!
I THINK WE GOT A TAKE!

THAT'S IT!
I THINK WE GOT A TAKE!
PRINT IT!

Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.
I KNOW.

CHEVY CHASE.
I KNOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE?

I KNOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE?
WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR TEETH...

YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE?
WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR TEETH...
I GOT TO GO, HONEY.

WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR TEETH...
I GOT TO GO, HONEY.
GOOD EVENING, I'M

I GOT TO GO, HONEY.
GOOD EVENING, I'M
CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.

GOOD EVENING, I'M
CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
THE TOP STORY TONIGHT...

CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
THE TOP STORY TONIGHT...
PRESIDENT FORD FLEW TO PARIS

THE TOP STORY TONIGHT...
PRESIDENT FORD FLEW TO PARIS
TODAY FOR A JOINT ECONOMIC

PRESIDENT FORD FLEW TO PARIS
TODAY FOR A JOINT ECONOMIC
SUMMIT CONFERENCE.

TODAY FOR A JOINT ECONOMIC
SUMMIT CONFERENCE.
OVERWORKED AND EXHAUSTED FROM

SUMMIT CONFERENCE.
OVERWORKED AND EXHAUSTED FROM
HIS FLIGHT, THE PRESIDENT

OVERWORKED AND EXHAUSTED FROM
HIS FLIGHT, THE PRESIDENT
MISTAKENLY BUMPED HIS HEAD ON

HIS FLIGHT, THE PRESIDENT
MISTAKENLY BUMPED HIS HEAD ON
THE FACE OF A LITTLE GIRL WHO

MISTAKENLY BUMPED HIS HEAD ON
THE FACE OF A LITTLE GIRL WHO
WAS PRESENTING HIM WITH FLOWERS

THE FACE OF A LITTLE GIRL WHO
WAS PRESENTING HIM WITH FLOWERS
AT THE AIRPORT.

WAS PRESENTING HIM WITH FLOWERS
AT THE AIRPORT.
SMILING BUT ALERT SECRET SERVICE

AT THE AIRPORT.
SMILING BUT ALERT SECRET SERVICE
AGENTS SEIZED THE CHILD AND

SMILING BUT ALERT SECRET SERVICE
AGENTS SEIZED THE CHILD AND
WRESTLED HER TO THE GROUND.

AGENTS SEIZED THE CHILD AND
WRESTLED HER TO THE GROUND.
COMMENTED FORD LATER, "IT'S

WRESTLED HER TO THE GROUND.
COMMENTED FORD LATER, "IT'S
OKAY.

COMMENTED FORD LATER, "IT'S
OKAY.
THE KID'S TOO YOUNG TO VOTE

OKAY.
THE KID'S TOO YOUNG TO VOTE
ANYWAY.

THE KID'S TOO YOUNG TO VOTE
ANYWAY.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY FLOWERS?"

ANYWAY.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY FLOWERS?"
FORD WILL VISIT CHINA IN

HAVE YOU SEEN MY FLOWERS?"
FORD WILL VISIT CHINA IN
DECEMBER, MAKING STOPS IN

FORD WILL VISIT CHINA IN
DECEMBER, MAKING STOPS IN
INDONESIA AND THE PHILIPPINES.

DECEMBER, MAKING STOPS IN
INDONESIA AND THE PHILIPPINES.
WHILE IN CHINA, MR. FORD PLANS

INDONESIA AND THE PHILIPPINES.
WHILE IN CHINA, MR. FORD PLANS
TO FALL OFF THE GREAT WALL BY

WHILE IN CHINA, MR. FORD PLANS
TO FALL OFF THE GREAT WALL BY
MISTAKE.

TO FALL OFF THE GREAT WALL BY
MISTAKE.
A FLOCK OF SEA GULLS WAS SUCKED

MISTAKE.
A FLOCK OF SEA GULLS WAS SUCKED
INTO THE JET ENGINES OF A DC-10

A FLOCK OF SEA GULLS WAS SUCKED
INTO THE JET ENGINES OF A DC-10
AIRCRAFT DURING TAKEOFF AT

INTO THE JET ENGINES OF A DC-10
AIRCRAFT DURING TAKEOFF AT
KENNEDY AIRPORT IN NEW YORK.

AIRCRAFT DURING TAKEOFF AT
KENNEDY AIRPORT IN NEW YORK.
THE PLANE CRASHED AND BURNED,

KENNEDY AIRPORT IN NEW YORK.
THE PLANE CRASHED AND BURNED,
BUT NO ONE WAS HURT.

THE PLANE CRASHED AND BURNED,
BUT NO ONE WAS HURT.
HOWEVER, 14 BIRDS WERE INJURED,

BUT NO ONE WAS HURT.
HOWEVER, 14 BIRDS WERE INJURED,
AND 3 WERE KILLED.

HOWEVER, 14 BIRDS WERE INJURED,
AND 3 WERE KILLED.
THE INJURED GULLS WERE TAKEN TO

AND 3 WERE KILLED.
THE INJURED GULLS WERE TAKEN TO
MOUNT SINAI HOSPITAL.

THE INJURED GULLS WERE TAKEN TO
MOUNT SINAI HOSPITAL.
THE NAMES OF THE DEAD ARE BEING

MOUNT SINAI HOSPITAL.
THE NAMES OF THE DEAD ARE BEING
WITHHELD PENDING NOTIFICATION OF

THE NAMES OF THE DEAD ARE BEING
WITHHELD PENDING NOTIFICATION OF
THE NEXT OF KIN.

WITHHELD PENDING NOTIFICATION OF
THE NEXT OF KIN.
THE UNITED STATES...

THE NEXT OF KIN.
THE UNITED STATES...
HOLD IT.

THE UNITED STATES...
HOLD IT.
THE UNITED NATIONS GENERAL

HOLD IT.
THE UNITED NATIONS GENERAL
ASSEMBLY PASSED A RESOLUTION

THE UNITED NATIONS GENERAL
ASSEMBLY PASSED A RESOLUTION
EQUATING ZIONISM WITH RACISM.

ASSEMBLY PASSED A RESOLUTION
EQUATING ZIONISM WITH RACISM.
BLACK ENTERTAINER

EQUATING ZIONISM WITH RACISM.
BLACK ENTERTAINER
SAMMY DAVIS JR., A CONVERT TO

BLACK ENTERTAINER
SAMMY DAVIS JR., A CONVERT TO
JUDAISM, WAS QUOTED AS SAYING,

SAMMY DAVIS JR., A CONVERT TO
JUDAISM, WAS QUOTED AS SAYING,
"WHAT A BREAKTHROUGH!

JUDAISM, WAS QUOTED AS SAYING,
"WHAT A BREAKTHROUGH!
NOW, FINALLY, I CAN HATE

"WHAT A BREAKTHROUGH!
NOW, FINALLY, I CAN HATE
MYSELF!"

NOW, FINALLY, I CAN HATE
MYSELF!"
A NEW BOOK HAS BEEN PUBLISHED

MYSELF!"
A NEW BOOK HAS BEEN PUBLISHED
AND RELEASED, AND IT'S ENTITLED,

A NEW BOOK HAS BEEN PUBLISHED
AND RELEASED, AND IT'S ENTITLED,
"FRIENDS OF RICHARD NIXON."

AND RELEASED, AND IT'S ENTITLED,
"FRIENDS OF RICHARD NIXON."
A SHORT WORK, IT IS ONLY ONE

"FRIENDS OF RICHARD NIXON."
A SHORT WORK, IT IS ONLY ONE
PAGE LONGER THAN THE WORK,

A SHORT WORK, IT IS ONLY ONE
PAGE LONGER THAN THE WORK,
"FAMOUS ANTARCTIC TELEVISION

PAGE LONGER THAN THE WORK,
"FAMOUS ANTARCTIC TELEVISION
PERSONALITIES OF THE 18th

"FAMOUS ANTARCTIC TELEVISION
PERSONALITIES OF THE 18th
CENTURY."

PERSONALITIES OF THE 18th
CENTURY."
OF HIS FORMER BOSS,

CENTURY."
OF HIS FORMER BOSS,
PRESIDENT FORD SAID, "WELL, I

OF HIS FORMER BOSS,
PRESIDENT FORD SAID, "WELL, I
SPENT MOST OF THE WEEK READING

PRESIDENT FORD SAID, "WELL, I
SPENT MOST OF THE WEEK READING
IT, FINDING IT CHALLENGING IN

SPENT MOST OF THE WEEK READING
IT, FINDING IT CHALLENGING IN
ITS SCOPE."

IT, FINDING IT CHALLENGING IN
ITS SCOPE."
DAVID AND JULIE EISENHOWER WERE

ITS SCOPE."
DAVID AND JULIE EISENHOWER WERE
EXECUTED TODAY BY A FIRING

DAVID AND JULIE EISENHOWER WERE
EXECUTED TODAY BY A FIRING
SQUAD...

EXECUTED TODAY BY A FIRING
SQUAD...
TO PAY FOR WHAT THE PENTAGON

SQUAD...
TO PAY FOR WHAT THE PENTAGON
CALLS "UNFORGIVABLE DULLNESS."

SECRETARY OF STATE
HENRY KISSINGER HAS BEEN CITED
FOR CONTEMPT OF CONGRESS.

HENRY KISSINGER HAS BEEN CITED
FOR CONTEMPT OF CONGRESS.
KISSINGER COMMENTED, "SO WHAT?

FOR CONTEMPT OF CONGRESS.
KISSINGER COMMENTED, "SO WHAT?
CONGRESS HAS AT LEAST AS MUCH

KISSINGER COMMENTED, "SO WHAT?
CONGRESS HAS AT LEAST AS MUCH
CONTEMPT FOR ME AS I DO FOR HIM.

CONGRESS HAS AT LEAST AS MUCH
CONTEMPT FOR ME AS I DO FOR HIM.
BESIDES, NIXON LIED, DIDN'T HE?

CONTEMPT FOR ME AS I DO FOR HIM.
BESIDES, NIXON LIED, DIDN'T HE?
AND HE GETS TO SUNBATHE WHILE I

BESIDES, NIXON LIED, DIDN'T HE?
AND HE GETS TO SUNBATHE WHILE I
GET TERMINAL JET LAG."

AND HE GETS TO SUNBATHE WHILE I
GET TERMINAL JET LAG."
GOVERNOR GEORGE WALLACE

GET TERMINAL JET LAG."
GOVERNOR GEORGE WALLACE
ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL ROLL

GOVERNOR GEORGE WALLACE
ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL ROLL
AHEAD FOR THE NOMINATION FOR THE

ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL ROLL
AHEAD FOR THE NOMINATION FOR THE
PRESIDENCY.

AHEAD FOR THE NOMINATION FOR THE
PRESIDENCY.
WALLACE STATED THAT HIS PHYSICAL

PRESIDENCY.
WALLACE STATED THAT HIS PHYSICAL
DISABILITIES HAVE NEVER AND WILL

WALLACE STATED THAT HIS PHYSICAL
DISABILITIES HAVE NEVER AND WILL
NEVER PREVENT HIM FROM

DISABILITIES HAVE NEVER AND WILL
NEVER PREVENT HIM FROM
CONTINUING A DETERMINED POLICY

NEVER PREVENT HIM FROM
CONTINUING A DETERMINED POLICY
OF BIGOTRY AND RIGHT-WING

CONTINUING A DETERMINED POLICY
OF BIGOTRY AND RIGHT-WING
EXTREMISM AT HOME AND UNFLAGGING

OF BIGOTRY AND RIGHT-WING
EXTREMISM AT HOME AND UNFLAGGING
IGNORANCE ON THE FOREIGN FRONT.

EXTREMISM AT HOME AND UNFLAGGING
IGNORANCE ON THE FOREIGN FRONT.
MEANWHILE, MEMBERS OF THE

IGNORANCE ON THE FOREIGN FRONT.
MEANWHILE, MEMBERS OF THE
CONGRESS OF RACIAL EQUALITY ARE

MEANWHILE, MEMBERS OF THE
CONGRESS OF RACIAL EQUALITY ARE
STRONGLY PROTESTING A NEW HOOD

CONGRESS OF RACIAL EQUALITY ARE
STRONGLY PROTESTING A NEW HOOD
ORNAMENT ON WALLACE'S PRIVATE

STRONGLY PROTESTING A NEW HOOD
ORNAMENT ON WALLACE'S PRIVATE
LIMOUSINE.

ORNAMENT ON WALLACE'S PRIVATE
LIMOUSINE.
A SERIOUS NOTE... THE FEDERAL

LIMOUSINE.
A SERIOUS NOTE... THE FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION RULED

A SERIOUS NOTE... THE FEDERAL
COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION RULED
TODAY THAT THE WORDS "SNIFF" AND

COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION RULED
TODAY THAT THE WORDS "SNIFF" AND
"LINGERIE" MAY NOT BE SPOKEN

TODAY THAT THE WORDS "SNIFF" AND
"LINGERIE" MAY NOT BE SPOKEN
OVER THE AIRWAVES, REGARDLESS OF

"LINGERIE" MAY NOT BE SPOKEN
OVER THE AIRWAVES, REGARDLESS OF
THE CONTEXT.

OVER THE AIRWAVES, REGARDLESS OF
THE CONTEXT.
IN SPORTS, "SUPER FIGHT" HAS

THE CONTEXT.
IN SPORTS, "SUPER FIGHT" HAS
BECOME "SUPER WRITE," AS

IN SPORTS, "SUPER FIGHT" HAS
BECOME "SUPER WRITE," AS
MUHAMMAD ALI AND JOE FRAZIER

BECOME "SUPER WRITE," AS
MUHAMMAD ALI AND JOE FRAZIER
MET LAST NIGHT IN A CONTEST TO

MUHAMMAD ALI AND JOE FRAZIER
MET LAST NIGHT IN A CONTEST TO
SEE WHO COULD FILL AN ENTIRE

MET LAST NIGHT IN A CONTEST TO
SEE WHO COULD FILL AN ENTIRE
PAGE OF A BOOK WITH WRITING IN

SEE WHO COULD FILL AN ENTIRE
PAGE OF A BOOK WITH WRITING IN
UNDER 15 ROUNDS.

PAGE OF A BOOK WITH WRITING IN
UNDER 15 ROUNDS.
ALI WON THE COMPETITION IN THREE

UNDER 15 ROUNDS.
ALI WON THE COMPETITION IN THREE
ROUNDS, WRITING HIS NAME EIGHT

ALI WON THE COMPETITION IN THREE
ROUNDS, WRITING HIS NAME EIGHT
TIMES TO FILL THE PAGE.

ROUNDS, WRITING HIS NAME EIGHT
TIMES TO FILL THE PAGE.
SAID THE CHAMP, "ALL MY FIGHT

TIMES TO FILL THE PAGE.
SAID THE CHAMP, "ALL MY FIGHT
FANS, THEY MAY BE BORED, BUT

SAID THE CHAMP, "ALL MY FIGHT
FANS, THEY MAY BE BORED, BUT
THIS PROVES THAT THE PEN IS

FANS, THEY MAY BE BORED, BUT
THIS PROVES THAT THE PEN IS
MIGHTIER THAN THE FLOORED!"

THIS PROVES THAT THE PEN IS
MIGHTIER THAN THE FLOORED!"
STILL TO COME, HUBERT HUMPHREY

MIGHTIER THAN THE FLOORED!"
STILL TO COME, HUBERT HUMPHREY
EXPLAINS WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU

STILL TO COME, HUBERT HUMPHREY
EXPLAINS WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU
SNEEZE TO GERRY FORD AFTER THIS

EXPLAINS WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU
SNEEZE TO GERRY FORD AFTER THIS
FILMED MESSAGE.

SNEEZE TO GERRY FORD AFTER THIS
FILMED MESSAGE.
MY WIFE'S REALLY SOMETHING

FILMED MESSAGE.
MY WIFE'S REALLY SOMETHING
ELSE.

MY WIFE'S REALLY SOMETHING
ELSE.
SHE GOT UP EARLY, COOKED A

ELSE.
SHE GOT UP EARLY, COOKED A
GREAT BREAKFAST, TOOK THE KIDS

SHE GOT UP EARLY, COOKED A
GREAT BREAKFAST, TOOK THE KIDS
TO SCHOOL, CAME HOME, MADE

GREAT BREAKFAST, TOOK THE KIDS
TO SCHOOL, CAME HOME, MADE
ANOTHER GREAT BREAKFAST FOR ME,

TO SCHOOL, CAME HOME, MADE
ANOTHER GREAT BREAKFAST FOR ME,
VACUUMED THE HOUSE ALL MORNING,

ANOTHER GREAT BREAKFAST FOR ME,
VACUUMED THE HOUSE ALL MORNING,
FIXED THE STORM DOORS AND

VACUUMED THE HOUSE ALL MORNING,
FIXED THE STORM DOORS AND
CHANGED THE MASTER CYLINDER ON

FIXED THE STORM DOORS AND
CHANGED THE MASTER CYLINDER ON
THE FIREBIRD, SHOPPED FOR FOOD,

CHANGED THE MASTER CYLINDER ON
THE FIREBIRD, SHOPPED FOR FOOD,
PICKED THE KIDS UP, COOKED A

THE FIREBIRD, SHOPPED FOR FOOD,
PICKED THE KIDS UP, COOKED A
GREAT DINNER, AND EVEN HAD TIME

PICKED THE KIDS UP, COOKED A
GREAT DINNER, AND EVEN HAD TIME
FOR A PTA MEETING, MY GREAT

GREAT DINNER, AND EVEN HAD TIME
FOR A PTA MEETING, MY GREAT
ALCOHOL RUBDOWN, AND A NIGHTCAP.

FOR A PTA MEETING, MY GREAT
ALCOHOL RUBDOWN, AND A NIGHTCAP.
AND LOOK AT HER.

ALCOHOL RUBDOWN, AND A NIGHTCAP.
AND LOOK AT HER.
SHE LOOKS BETTER THAN ANY OF HER

AND LOOK AT HER.
SHE LOOKS BETTER THAN ANY OF HER
FRIENDS.

SHE LOOKS BETTER THAN ANY OF HER
FRIENDS.
I'M CLEANING MY OVEN...

FRIENDS.
I'M CLEANING MY OVEN...
AND LOOK AT HER.

I'M CLEANING MY OVEN...
AND LOOK AT HER.
SHE LOOKS BETTER THAN ANY OF HER

AND LOOK AT HER.
SHE LOOKS BETTER THAN ANY OF HER
FRIENDS.

SHE LOOKS BETTER THAN ANY OF HER
FRIENDS.
WELL, I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF,

FRIENDS.
WELL, I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF,
AND GET PLE...

WELL, I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF,
AND GET PLE...
GETS PLENTY OF REST, DOES HER

AND GET PLE...
GETS PLENTY OF REST, DOES HER
SIT-UPS, AND TO MAKE SURE SHE

GETS PLENTY OF REST, DOES HER
SIT-UPS, AND TO MAKE SURE SHE
GETS ENOUGH IRON AND VITAMINS,

SIT-UPS, AND TO MAKE SURE SHE
GETS ENOUGH IRON AND VITAMINS,
SHE TAKES JAMITOL EVERY DAY.

GETS ENOUGH IRON AND VITAMINS,
SHE TAKES JAMITOL EVERY DAY.
MAKES ME TAKE IT, TOO.

SHE TAKES JAMITOL EVERY DAY.
MAKES ME TAKE IT, TOO.
[BODY THUDS]

MAKES ME TAKE IT, TOO.
[BODY THUDS]
Announcer: JAMITOL.

[BODY THUDS]
Announcer: JAMITOL.
MORE THAN TWICE THE IRON AND

Announcer: JAMITOL.
MORE THAN TWICE THE IRON AND
HIGH-POTENCY VITAMINS FOUND IN

MORE THAN TWICE THE IRON AND
HIGH-POTENCY VITAMINS FOUND IN
OTHER SUPPLEMENTS.

HIGH-POTENCY VITAMINS FOUND IN
OTHER SUPPLEMENTS.
TABLET OR LIQUID.

OTHER SUPPLEMENTS.
TABLET OR LIQUID.
MY WIFE...

TABLET OR LIQUID.
MY WIFE...
I THINK I'LL STUFF HER.

MY WIFE...
I THINK I'LL STUFF HER.
LAST WEEK, "UPDATE" PRESENTED

I THINK I'LL STUFF HER.
LAST WEEK, "UPDATE" PRESENTED
AN EDITORIAL FAVORING THE USE OF

LAST WEEK, "UPDATE" PRESENTED
AN EDITORIAL FAVORING THE USE OF
ELECTRICAL ENERGY, BURNING OF

AN EDITORIAL FAVORING THE USE OF
ELECTRICAL ENERGY, BURNING OF
NATURAL GAS, AND STRIP MINING.

ELECTRICAL ENERGY, BURNING OF
NATURAL GAS, AND STRIP MINING.
HERE IN REPLY TO THAT EDITORIAL

NATURAL GAS, AND STRIP MINING.
HERE IN REPLY TO THAT EDITORIAL
IS FRANK TELINKA, SPOKESMAN FOR

HERE IN REPLY TO THAT EDITORIAL
IS FRANK TELINKA, SPOKESMAN FOR
THE "TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS"

IS FRANK TELINKA, SPOKESMAN FOR
THE "TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS"
DRIVE, 1976.

THE ENERGY CRISIS IS UPON US,

AND YET MOST CITIZENS ARE STILL

UNAWARE OF ITS IMPLICATIONS AND

ULTIMATE IMPACT.

THE AVERAGE JOE READS ABOUT IT

AND HEARS ABOUT IT, YET

CONTINUES TO IGNORE ITS

INEVITABLE PERILOUSNESS.

WE LIVE IN A MECHANIZED AND

ELECTRIC SOCIETY IN THE

UNITED STATES.

WE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT FROM

GENERATION TO GENERATION ABOUT

THE ENDLESS ABUNDANCE OF

AMERICA'S... WEALTH...

BOTH IN HER NATURAL RESOURCES

AND IN HER ABILITY TO TAKE OF

HER OWN...

TAKE CARE OF HER OWN AND OTHERS.

WE KNOW IN OUR COLLECTIVE

SUBCONSCIOUS THAT IT CANNOT

CONTINUE, YET WE GO HOME, TURN

ON THE LIGHTS INSTEAD OF BURNING

A CANDLE, TURN ON RECORD PLAYERS

INSTEAD OF SINGING TO

OURSELVES, BLOW-DRY OUR HAIR

INSTEAD OF USING A TOWEL, AND

SHAVE WITH A MACHINE INSTEAD OF

A BLADE.

WE MUST GET BACK TO BASICS... A

BASIC UNDERSTANDING OF LIFE'S

REAL VALUES AND A BASIC WAY OF

LIVING THAT LIFE.

THIS MEANS ME! THIS MEANS YOU!

LEARN TO CONSERVE!

THE TERM "WASTING ENERGY" IS NO

LONGER A VESTIGIAL,

ANACHRONISTIC CLICHé.

IT IS AN OMINOUS AND INSIDIOUS

PROGNOSIS FOR A NATION SICK WITH

SELF-INDULGENCE AND, ULTIMATELY,

A PORTENTION OF AN AMERICAN

ARMAGEDDON!

THANK YOU!
"WEEKEND UPDATE" RECOGNIZES
ITS OBLIGATION TO PRESENT

"WEEKEND UPDATE" RECOGNIZES
ITS OBLIGATION TO PRESENT
RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS

ITS OBLIGATION TO PRESENT
RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS
TO OUR EDITORIALS.

RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS
TO OUR EDITORIALS.
WELL, LEON, THE GIANT HAMSTER,

TO OUR EDITORIALS.
WELL, LEON, THE GIANT HAMSTER,
ESCAPED FROM THE LENINGRAD ZOO

WELL, LEON, THE GIANT HAMSTER,
ESCAPED FROM THE LENINGRAD ZOO
AGAIN TODAY.

ESCAPED FROM THE LENINGRAD ZOO
AGAIN TODAY.
SAID ZOOKEEPER BORIS BRAUNVICH,

AGAIN TODAY.
SAID ZOOKEEPER BORIS BRAUNVICH,
"WE'RE FOLLOWING HIS DROPPINGS

SAID ZOOKEEPER BORIS BRAUNVICH,
"WE'RE FOLLOWING HIS DROPPINGS
WITH MUCH HOPE OF SUCCESS."

"WE'RE FOLLOWING HIS DROPPINGS
WITH MUCH HOPE OF SUCCESS."
A FINAL NOTE... IT'S MY

WITH MUCH HOPE OF SUCCESS."
A FINAL NOTE... IT'S MY
GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY.

A FINAL NOTE... IT'S MY
GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY.
HI, JACKIE.

GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY.
HI, JACKIE.
HAPPY 17th.

HI, JACKIE.
HAPPY 17th.
ALSO ON THE BIRTHDAY SPOT,

HAPPY 17th.
ALSO ON THE BIRTHDAY SPOT,
LORNE MICHAELS, EXECUTIVE

ALSO ON THE BIRTHDAY SPOT,
LORNE MICHAELS, EXECUTIVE
PRODUCER OF THE NBC "NIGHT"

LORNE MICHAELS, EXECUTIVE
PRODUCER OF THE NBC "NIGHT"
SHOW AND A FUNCTIONING

PRODUCER OF THE NBC "NIGHT"
SHOW AND A FUNCTIONING
SCHIZOPHRENIC.

SHOW AND A FUNCTIONING
SCHIZOPHRENIC.
THE NBC "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW

SCHIZOPHRENIC.
THE NBC "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW
WILL SOON BE REPLACED BY THE

THE NBC "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW
WILL SOON BE REPLACED BY THE
NETWORK WITH THEIR NEW SERIES,

WILL SOON BE REPLACED BY THE
NETWORK WITH THEIR NEW SERIES,
"HILARIOUS TEST PATTERNS OF THE

NETWORK WITH THEIR NEW SERIES,
"HILARIOUS TEST PATTERNS OF THE
1960s."

AND NOW, AS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO

THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS WHO HAVE

DIFFICULTY WITH THEIR HEARING, I

WILL REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE

DAY, AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF

THE NEW YORK SCHOOL FOR THE HARD

OF HEARING, GARRETT MORRIS.

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT!

PRESIDENT FORD FLEW TO PARIS

FOR A SUMMIT CONFERENCE, AND,

BOY, ARE HIS ARMS TIRED!

GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A...
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A
PLEASANT TOMORROW!

THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
YOU MUST BE THE EXTERMINATORS.
THERE ARE COCKROACHES ALL OVER

YOU MUST BE THE EXTERMINATORS.
THERE ARE COCKROACHES ALL OVER
MY BASEMENT!

THERE ARE COCKROACHES ALL OVER
MY BASEMENT!
IT'S DISGUSTING!

MY BASEMENT!
IT'S DISGUSTING!
DON'T WORRY, LADY.

IT'S DISGUSTING!
DON'T WORRY, LADY.
WE'RE VERY GOOD AT WHAT WE DO.

DON'T WORRY, LADY.
WE'RE VERY GOOD AT WHAT WE DO.
[DRUMMING]

WE'RE VERY GOOD AT WHAT WE DO.
[DRUMMING]
YOU ALL RIGHT, KID?

[DRUMMING]
YOU ALL RIGHT, KID?
YEAH, I-I'M ALL RIGHT, BUGS.

YOU ALL RIGHT, KID?
YEAH, I-I'M ALL RIGHT, BUGS.
COME ON, LET'S GO.

YEAH, I-I'M ALL RIGHT, BUGS.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT.

COME ON, LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU CHECK THE MOLDING.

ALL RIGHT.
YOU CHECK THE MOLDING.
I'LL TAKE THE PIPES.

YOU CHECK THE MOLDING.
I'LL TAKE THE PIPES.
OH, BOY.

I'LL TAKE THE PIPES.
OH, BOY.
PLACE IS CLEAN AS A WHISTLE,

OH, BOY.
PLACE IS CLEAN AS A WHISTLE,
BUGS.

PLACE IS CLEAN AS A WHISTLE,
BUGS.
THERE'S NO COCKROACHES HERE.

BUGS.
THERE'S NO COCKROACHES HERE.
LOOK, THEY'RE HERE.

THERE'S NO COCKROACHES HERE.
LOOK, THEY'RE HERE.
I KNOW THEY'RE HERE.

LOOK, THEY'RE HERE.
I KNOW THEY'RE HERE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?

I KNOW THEY'RE HERE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE I CAN SMELL A

HOW DO YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE I CAN SMELL A
COCKROACH A MILE AWAY.

BECAUSE I CAN SMELL A
COCKROACH A MILE AWAY.
FUNNY, I CAN'T SMELL

COCKROACH A MILE AWAY.
FUNNY, I CAN'T SMELL
ANYTHING.

FUNNY, I CAN'T SMELL
ANYTHING.
LISTEN!

ANYTHING.
LISTEN!
THEY'RE DIRTY, STINKING, LITTLE,

LISTEN!
THEY'RE DIRTY, STINKING, LITTLE,
STICKY BUGS!

THEY'RE DIRTY, STINKING, LITTLE,
STICKY BUGS!
THEY ARE NOT!

STICKY BUGS!
THEY ARE NOT!
THEY'RE GOD'S CREATURES, AND WE

THEY ARE NOT!
THEY'RE GOD'S CREATURES, AND WE
HAVE NO RIGHT TO KILL...

THEY'RE GOD'S CREATURES, AND WE
HAVE NO RIGHT TO KILL...
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.

HAVE NO RIGHT TO KILL...
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I'M GONNA FLUSH THEM OUT FROM

NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I'M GONNA FLUSH THEM OUT FROM
OVER HERE, AND WE'RE GONNA CATCH

I'M GONNA FLUSH THEM OUT FROM
OVER HERE, AND WE'RE GONNA CATCH
THEM IN A CROSS FIRE.

OVER HERE, AND WE'RE GONNA CATCH
THEM IN A CROSS FIRE.
ALL RIGHT?

THEM IN A CROSS FIRE.
ALL RIGHT?
NOW, BE VERY, VERY QUIET.

ALL RIGHT?
NOW, BE VERY, VERY QUIET.
[Whispering] I'M GONNA FLUSH

NOW, BE VERY, VERY QUIET.
[Whispering] I'M GONNA FLUSH
THEM OUT.

[Whispering] I'M GONNA FLUSH
THEM OUT.
QUIET?!

THEM OUT.
QUIET?!
Shh!

QUIET?!
Shh!
UH, IS THIS THE RIGHT

Shh!
UH, IS THIS THE RIGHT
POSITION, BUGS?!

UH, IS THIS THE RIGHT
POSITION, BUGS?!
ARE YOU WARNING THEM AGAIN?

POSITION, BUGS?!
ARE YOU WARNING THEM AGAIN?
YOU KNOW THEY'VE GOT INCREDIBLY

ARE YOU WARNING THEM AGAIN?
YOU KNOW THEY'VE GOT INCREDIBLY
SENSITIVE HEARING.

YOU KNOW THEY'VE GOT INCREDIBLY
SENSITIVE HEARING.
WARNING?

SENSITIVE HEARING.
WARNING?
I'M NOT WARN... THAT'S SILLY.

WARNING?
I'M NOT WARN... THAT'S SILLY.
HOW COULD A COCKROACH UNDERSTAND

I'M NOT WARN... THAT'S SILLY.
HOW COULD A COCKROACH UNDERSTAND
THAT WE HAVE POISON HERE!

HOW COULD A COCKROACH UNDERSTAND
THAT WE HAVE POISON HERE!
COULD KILL THEM IN A SECOND!

THAT WE HAVE POISON HERE!
COULD KILL THEM IN A SECOND!
HEY.

COULD KILL THEM IN A SECOND!
HEY.
KID, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, KID?

HEY.
KID, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, KID?
YOU USED TO KILL WITH THE BEST

KID, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, KID?
YOU USED TO KILL WITH THE BEST
OF THEM.

YOU USED TO KILL WITH THE BEST
OF THEM.
I KNOW, BUGS.

OF THEM.
I KNOW, BUGS.
I GUESS IT'S SINCE I SAW THAT

I KNOW, BUGS.
I GUESS IT'S SINCE I SAW THAT
RAID COMMERCIAL WITH THOSE

I GUESS IT'S SINCE I SAW THAT
RAID COMMERCIAL WITH THOSE
LITTLE COCKROACHES BOOGYING IN

RAID COMMERCIAL WITH THOSE
LITTLE COCKROACHES BOOGYING IN
THE KITCHEN, YOU KNOW?

LITTLE COCKROACHES BOOGYING IN
THE KITCHEN, YOU KNOW?
AND THEN IN COMES THIS BIG CAN

THE KITCHEN, YOU KNOW?
AND THEN IN COMES THIS BIG CAN
AND ANNIHILATES THEM.

AND THEN IN COMES THIS BIG CAN
AND ANNIHILATES THEM.
IT WAS DISGUSTING, AND...

AND ANNIHILATES THEM.
IT WAS DISGUSTING, AND...
KID...

IT WAS DISGUSTING, AND...
KID...
KID, I WANT TO TELL YOU A STORY.

KID...
KID, I WANT TO TELL YOU A STORY.
IT HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO.

KID, I WANT TO TELL YOU A STORY.
IT HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO.
I HAD A BROTHER ONE TIME.

IT HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO.
I HAD A BROTHER ONE TIME.
HIS NAME WAS BILLY.

I HAD A BROTHER ONE TIME.
HIS NAME WAS BILLY.
HE LIVED IN A PLACE A LOT LIKE

HIS NAME WAS BILLY.
HE LIVED IN A PLACE A LOT LIKE
THIS.

HE LIVED IN A PLACE A LOT LIKE
THIS.
IT WAS INFESTED WITH

THIS.
IT WAS INFESTED WITH
COCKROACHES.

IT WAS INFESTED WITH
COCKROACHES.
ONE DAY, MY BROTHER BILLY WAS

COCKROACHES.
ONE DAY, MY BROTHER BILLY WAS
AFTER A COCKROACH THAT WAS

ONE DAY, MY BROTHER BILLY WAS
AFTER A COCKROACH THAT WAS
CRAWLING ACROSS THE FLOOR, AND

AFTER A COCKROACH THAT WAS
CRAWLING ACROSS THE FLOOR, AND
HE WENT TO STEP ON IT.

CRAWLING ACROSS THE FLOOR, AND
HE WENT TO STEP ON IT.
AND HE MISSED THE COCKROACH, AND

HE WENT TO STEP ON IT.
AND HE MISSED THE COCKROACH, AND
HE STEPPED ON A LIVE ELECTRICAL

AND HE MISSED THE COCKROACH, AND
HE STEPPED ON A LIVE ELECTRICAL
WIRE.

HE STEPPED ON A LIVE ELECTRICAL
WIRE.
AND SINCE THEN, I'VE KILLED

WIRE.
AND SINCE THEN, I'VE KILLED
MILLIONS OF COCKROACHES, AND

AND SINCE THEN, I'VE KILLED
MILLIONS OF COCKROACHES, AND
EVERY ONE I KILL IS FOR MY

MILLIONS OF COCKROACHES, AND
EVERY ONE I KILL IS FOR MY
BROTHER BILLY!

EVERY ONE I KILL IS FOR MY
BROTHER BILLY!
WELL, MILLIONS OF WRONGS

BROTHER BILLY!
WELL, MILLIONS OF WRONGS
DON'T MAKE A RIGHT.

WELL, MILLIONS OF WRONGS
DON'T MAKE A RIGHT.
YOU LISTEN TO ME, KID.

DON'T MAKE A RIGHT.
YOU LISTEN TO ME, KID.
NOW, I'M GONNA FLUSH THEM OUT

YOU LISTEN TO ME, KID.
NOW, I'M GONNA FLUSH THEM OUT
FROM OVER THERE, ALL RIGHT?

NOW, I'M GONNA FLUSH THEM OUT
FROM OVER THERE, ALL RIGHT?
AND WHEN I FLUSH THEM OUT, YOU

FROM OVER THERE, ALL RIGHT?
AND WHEN I FLUSH THEM OUT, YOU
LET THEM HAVE IT.

AND WHEN I FLUSH THEM OUT, YOU
LET THEM HAVE IT.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TALKING

LET THEM HAVE IT.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT?

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT?
O-O-OKAY, BUGS.

ABOUT?
O-O-OKAY, BUGS.
ALL RIGHT, DON'T LET ME DOWN.

O-O-OKAY, BUGS.
ALL RIGHT, DON'T LET ME DOWN.
COME ON OUT, LITTLE COCKROACHES.

ALL RIGHT, DON'T LET ME DOWN.
COME ON OUT, LITTLE COCKROACHES.
COME ON, IT'S OKAY!

COME ON OUT, LITTLE COCKROACHES.
COME ON, IT'S OKAY!
COME ON!

COME ON, IT'S OKAY!
COME ON!
THEY'RE COMING OUT.

COME ON!
THEY'RE COMING OUT.
COME ON, WE'RE FRIENDS OUT HERE.

THEY'RE COMING OUT.
COME ON, WE'RE FRIENDS OUT HERE.
COME ON.

COME ON, WE'RE FRIENDS OUT HERE.
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, THEY'RE COMING OUT.

COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, THEY'RE COMING OUT.
ALL RIGHT, LET THEM HAVE IT.

ALL RIGHT, THEY'RE COMING OUT.
ALL RIGHT, LET THEM HAVE IT.
NOW!

ALL RIGHT, LET THEM HAVE IT.
NOW!
NOW, DAMN IT, NOW!

NOW!
NOW, DAMN IT, NOW!
I CAN'T!

NOW, DAMN IT, NOW!
I CAN'T!
KID!

I CAN'T!
KID!
KID!

KID!
KID!
KID!

KID!
KID!
[SOBBING]

KID!
[SOBBING]
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, KID?

[SOBBING]
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, KID?
BUGS, YOU KILLED MILLIONS OF

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, KID?
BUGS, YOU KILLED MILLIONS OF
COCKROACHES IN YOUR CAREER, BUT

BUGS, YOU KILLED MILLIONS OF
COCKROACHES IN YOUR CAREER, BUT
YOU NEVER BOTHERED FINDING OUT

COCKROACHES IN YOUR CAREER, BUT
YOU NEVER BOTHERED FINDING OUT
ABOUT THEM.

YOU NEVER BOTHERED FINDING OUT
ABOUT THEM.
I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT THEM.

ABOUT THEM.
I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT THEM.
THEY'RE FANTASTIC CREATURES.

I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT THEM.
THEY'RE FANTASTIC CREATURES.
THEY'VE BEEN ON THE EARTH OVER

THEY'RE FANTASTIC CREATURES.
THEY'VE BEEN ON THE EARTH OVER
300 MILLION YEARS, SINCE THE

THEY'VE BEEN ON THE EARTH OVER
300 MILLION YEARS, SINCE THE
CARBONIFEROUS PERIOD.

300 MILLION YEARS, SINCE THE
CARBONIFEROUS PERIOD.
IT WAS A GREAT BOOK CALLED

CARBONIFEROUS PERIOD.
IT WAS A GREAT BOOK CALLED
"THE ETERNAL CRAWL."

IT WAS A GREAT BOOK CALLED
"THE ETERNAL CRAWL."
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

"THE ETERNAL CRAWL."
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT.
[WIND HOWLING]

THE COCKROACH IS ONE OF THE BEST

EXAMPLES OF SUCCESS AND

SURVIVAL, DUE TO THEIR ABILITY

TO ADAPT TO THEIR ENVIRONMENT.

DURING THE ICE AGE, THE

COCKROACH DID SHOW AN AVERSION

TO THE COLD, BUT ONWARD HE WENT.

IT MARCHED ON THROUGH THE

ANCIENT SOCIETIES OF EGYPT,

UNAFRAID AND UNHARMED.

FOR AS LATE AS THE RENAISSANCE,

THE ONLY KNOWN NATURAL ENEMY OF

THE COCKROACH WAS THE HUMAN

FOOT.

ONWARD THE SPECIES WENT.

WHEN AMERICA WON ITS

INDEPENDENCE, A COCKROACH WAS

THERE.

AMERICANS SOON MOVED TO THE BIG

CITIES, AND SO DID THE

COCKROACH, ONCE AGAIN ADAPTING

BEAUTIFULLY, MAKING THE

ADJUSTMENT FROM THE WILDS OF

NATURE TO THE KITCHENS OF

APARTMENT BUILDINGS.

THROUGH TWO WORLD WARS, EVEN

NOW, THEY'RE INCREDIBLY ADAPTIVE

BEHAVIOR IS WORKING.

SEVERAL NEW SPECIES OF

COCKROACHES HAVE EVOLVED THAT

LOOK EXACTLY LIKE FORMICA

TABLETOPS.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE?

WELL, NO ONE KNOWS FOR SURE

ABOUT THE FUTURE, BUGS.

ONE THING IS FOR SURE.

THE COCKROACH WILL BE THERE TO

EXPLORE IT WITH US.

SO YOU SEE, BUGS, THEY SURVIVED
SO MUCH.
ISN'T IT FUTILE TO THINK THAT WE

SO MUCH.
ISN'T IT FUTILE TO THINK THAT WE
CAN DESTROY THEM WITH THESE?

ISN'T IT FUTILE TO THINK THAT WE
CAN DESTROY THEM WITH THESE?
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, KID.

CAN DESTROY THEM WITH THESE?
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, KID.
I SWEAR TO YOU THAT I WILL NEVER

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, KID.
I SWEAR TO YOU THAT I WILL NEVER
KILL ANOTHER COCKROACH AGAIN!

I SWEAR TO YOU THAT I WILL NEVER
KILL ANOTHER COCKROACH AGAIN!
["BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC"

KILL ANOTHER COCKROACH AGAIN!
["BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC"
PLAYS]

I'M A FIREMAN.
AND I THINK BEING A FIREMAN IS
THE MOST NOBLE AND UNSELFISH JOB

AND I THINK BEING A FIREMAN IS
THE MOST NOBLE AND UNSELFISH JOB
IN THE WORLD.

THE MOST NOBLE AND UNSELFISH JOB
IN THE WORLD.
YOU'RE ALWAYS IN DANGER, AND

IN THE WORLD.
YOU'RE ALWAYS IN DANGER, AND
YOU'RE ALWAYS TAKING A RISK.

YOU'RE ALWAYS IN DANGER, AND
YOU'RE ALWAYS TAKING A RISK.
BUT YOU GET A DOG, AND YOU GET

YOU'RE ALWAYS TAKING A RISK.
BUT YOU GET A DOG, AND YOU GET
TO PLAY A LOT OF BOARD GAMES.

BUT YOU GET A DOG, AND YOU GET
TO PLAY A LOT OF BOARD GAMES.
KIDS LOVE YOU, AND YOU GET TO

TO PLAY A LOT OF BOARD GAMES.
KIDS LOVE YOU, AND YOU GET TO
SEE PEOPLE IN THEIR UNDERWEAR IF

KIDS LOVE YOU, AND YOU GET TO
SEE PEOPLE IN THEIR UNDERWEAR IF
THEIR HOUSES BURN DOWN AT NIGHT.

SEE PEOPLE IN THEIR UNDERWEAR IF
THEIR HOUSES BURN DOWN AT NIGHT.
ON THE JOB, ALL THE GUYS CALL ME

THEIR HOUSES BURN DOWN AT NIGHT.
ON THE JOB, ALL THE GUYS CALL ME
GIL.

ON THE JOB, ALL THE GUYS CALL ME
GIL.
FIREMEN HAVE TO HAVE SHORT

GIL.
FIREMEN HAVE TO HAVE SHORT
NAMES, LIKE GIL OR GREG OR SKIP

FIREMEN HAVE TO HAVE SHORT
NAMES, LIKE GIL OR GREG OR SKIP
OR ZEKE.

NAMES, LIKE GIL OR GREG OR SKIP
OR ZEKE.
THEY CAN'T HAVE LONG NAMES.

OR ZEKE.
THEY CAN'T HAVE LONG NAMES.
MONTGOMERY'S A BAD NAME FOR A

THEY CAN'T HAVE LONG NAMES.
MONTGOMERY'S A BAD NAME FOR A
FIREMAN.

MONTGOMERY'S A BAD NAME FOR A
FIREMAN.
"HEY, MONTGOMERY, GET ME THAT

FIREMAN.
"HEY, MONTGOMERY, GET ME THAT
HOSE!"

"HEY, MONTGOMERY, GET ME THAT
HOSE!"
NO GOOD.

HOSE!"
NO GOOD.
TAKES TOO LONG, AND A PERSON

NO GOOD.
TAKES TOO LONG, AND A PERSON
COULD DIE.

TAKES TOO LONG, AND A PERSON
COULD DIE.
I LOVE BEING A FIREMAN,

COULD DIE.
I LOVE BEING A FIREMAN,
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THE

I LOVE BEING A FIREMAN,
ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THE
CAMARADERIE ALL THE GUYS HAVE.

ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THE
CAMARADERIE ALL THE GUYS HAVE.
EVERYONE'S ALWAYS FRIENDLY AND

CAMARADERIE ALL THE GUYS HAVE.
EVERYONE'S ALWAYS FRIENDLY AND
NICE BECAUSE WE KNOW WE MIGHT

EVERYONE'S ALWAYS FRIENDLY AND
NICE BECAUSE WE KNOW WE MIGHT
BE THE LAST PEOPLE WE EVER SEE.

NICE BECAUSE WE KNOW WE MIGHT
BE THE LAST PEOPLE WE EVER SEE.
NOW HERE'S SOME TIPS ON FIRE

BE THE LAST PEOPLE WE EVER SEE.
NOW HERE'S SOME TIPS ON FIRE
PREVENTION.

NOW HERE'S SOME TIPS ON FIRE
PREVENTION.
DON'T OVERLOAD YOUR PLUGS.

PREVENTION.
DON'T OVERLOAD YOUR PLUGS.
DON'T LIGHT MATCHES FOR FUN.

DON'T OVERLOAD YOUR PLUGS.
DON'T LIGHT MATCHES FOR FUN.
AND WHEN YOU'RE COOKING OVER A

DON'T LIGHT MATCHES FOR FUN.
AND WHEN YOU'RE COOKING OVER A
GAS STOVE, DON'T WEAR A JAPANESE

AND WHEN YOU'RE COOKING OVER A
GAS STOVE, DON'T WEAR A JAPANESE
BATHROBE.

GAS STOVE, DON'T WEAR A JAPANESE
BATHROBE.
SLEEVES HANG DOWN, AND THEY

BATHROBE.
SLEEVES HANG DOWN, AND THEY
COULD CATCH FIRE.

SLEEVES HANG DOWN, AND THEY
COULD CATCH FIRE.
DON'T LEAVE OILY RAGS LYING

COULD CATCH FIRE.
DON'T LEAVE OILY RAGS LYING
AROUND IN YOUR LIVING ROOM, AND

DON'T LEAVE OILY RAGS LYING
AROUND IN YOUR LIVING ROOM, AND
DON'T KICK OVER AN OIL LAMP IN A

AROUND IN YOUR LIVING ROOM, AND
DON'T KICK OVER AN OIL LAMP IN A
BARN.

DON'T KICK OVER AN OIL LAMP IN A
BARN.
AND BE VERY CAREFUL WITH OLD

BARN.
AND BE VERY CAREFUL WITH OLD
PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAY CAKES.

AND BE VERY CAREFUL WITH OLD
PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAY CAKES.
MAYBE IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU

PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAY CAKES.
MAYBE IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU
JUST SENT THEM A CARD.

MAYBE IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU
JUST SENT THEM A CARD.
AND DON'T FORGET... NEVER SMOKE

JUST SENT THEM A CARD.
AND DON'T FORGET... NEVER SMOKE
IN A SUBWAY OR AN ELEVATOR.

AND DON'T FORGET... NEVER SMOKE
IN A SUBWAY OR AN ELEVATOR.
I'M NOT SURE WHY, BUT IT'S

IN A SUBWAY OR AN ELEVATOR.
I'M NOT SURE WHY, BUT IT'S
AGAINST THE LAW, SO DON'T DO IT.

I'M NOT SURE WHY, BUT IT'S
AGAINST THE LAW, SO DON'T DO IT.
I'M GLAD I'M A FIREMAN.

AGAINST THE LAW, SO DON'T DO IT.
I'M GLAD I'M A FIREMAN.
AND I'VE WRITTEN A LITTLE POEM

I'M GLAD I'M A FIREMAN.
AND I'VE WRITTEN A LITTLE POEM
ABOUT IT.

AND I'VE WRITTEN A LITTLE POEM
ABOUT IT.
I GOT IT HERE.

ABOUT IT.
I GOT IT HERE.
"THE FIREMAN'S JOB IS A JOB

I GOT IT HERE.
"THE FIREMAN'S JOB IS A JOB
WORTH KEEPING.

"THE FIREMAN'S JOB IS A JOB
WORTH KEEPING.
WE'RE ALL UP, WHILE YOU'RE ALL

WORTH KEEPING.
WE'RE ALL UP, WHILE YOU'RE ALL
SLEEPING.

WE'RE ALL UP, WHILE YOU'RE ALL
SLEEPING.
SOUND THE ALARM, AND WE'RE ON

SLEEPING.
SOUND THE ALARM, AND WE'RE ON
OUR TOES...

SOUND THE ALARM, AND WE'RE ON
OUR TOES...
SLIDING DOWN POLES AND ALERTING

OUR TOES...
SLIDING DOWN POLES AND ALERTING
OUR NOSE.

SLIDING DOWN POLES AND ALERTING
OUR NOSE.
THE NOBLEST OF JOBS, TO SNIFF

OUR NOSE.
THE NOBLEST OF JOBS, TO SNIFF
OUT FIRES...

THE NOBLEST OF JOBS, TO SNIFF
OUT FIRES...
IN WATERPROOF COATS THAT MAKE

OUT FIRES...
IN WATERPROOF COATS THAT MAKE
YOU PERSPIRE.

IN WATERPROOF COATS THAT MAKE
YOU PERSPIRE.
YES, WE'VE GOT OUTFITS, GLOVES

YOU PERSPIRE.
YES, WE'VE GOT OUTFITS, GLOVES
AND HATS...

YES, WE'VE GOT OUTFITS, GLOVES
AND HATS...
BOOTS, DALMATIANS, CHECKERS, AND

AND HATS...
BOOTS, DALMATIANS, CHECKERS, AND
CHESS.

BOOTS, DALMATIANS, CHECKERS, AND
CHESS.
YEAH, WE'RE THE GUYS THAT SAVE

CHESS.
YEAH, WE'RE THE GUYS THAT SAVE
YOUR LIVES.

YEAH, WE'RE THE GUYS THAT SAVE
YOUR LIVES.
AND WE DON'T USE GUNS OR CLUBS

YOUR LIVES.
AND WE DON'T USE GUNS OR CLUBS
OR KNIVES...

AND WE DON'T USE GUNS OR CLUBS
OR KNIVES...
OR BATS."

OR KNIVES...
OR BATS."
AND, REMEMBER...

OR BATS."
AND, REMEMBER...
IF YOU'RE PLAYING BINGO, SIT

AND, REMEMBER...
IF YOU'RE PLAYING BINGO, SIT
NEAR AN EXIT.

Announcer: COME WITH US NOW,
FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM

FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM
THE ROTTING FOREST TO THE

THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM
THE ROTTING FOREST TO THE
STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND

THE ROTTING FOREST TO THE
STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND
OF GORCH.

STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND
OF GORCH.
OHH.

OF GORCH.
OHH.
OHH!

OHH.
OHH!
WELL, HOW'S THE MIGRAINE,

OHH!
WELL, HOW'S THE MIGRAINE,
YOUR CROTCHETINESS?

WELL, HOW'S THE MIGRAINE,
YOUR CROTCHETINESS?
IT'S NO BETTER THAN THE LAST

YOUR CROTCHETINESS?
IT'S NO BETTER THAN THE LAST
TIME YOU ASKED, SCRED.

IT'S NO BETTER THAN THE LAST
TIME YOU ASKED, SCRED.
OHH.

TIME YOU ASKED, SCRED.
OHH.
HMM!

OHH.
HMM!
YEAH, WELL, YOU HAVEN'T LOST

HMM!
YEAH, WELL, YOU HAVEN'T LOST
YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR, I SEE.

YEAH, WELL, YOU HAVEN'T LOST
YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR, I SEE.
[GROANS]

YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR, I SEE.
[GROANS]
WHY CAN'T SOMEBODY GET RID OF

[GROANS]
WHY CAN'T SOMEBODY GET RID OF
THIS HEADACHE, SCRED?

WHY CAN'T SOMEBODY GET RID OF
THIS HEADACHE, SCRED?
OH, BUT, SIRE, EVERYONE HAS

THIS HEADACHE, SCRED?
OH, BUT, SIRE, EVERYONE HAS
ASSEMBLED, YOUR IRRITANCE, EACH

OH, BUT, SIRE, EVERYONE HAS
ASSEMBLED, YOUR IRRITANCE, EACH
WITH HIS OWN CURE FOR YOUR ROYAL

ASSEMBLED, YOUR IRRITANCE, EACH
WITH HIS OWN CURE FOR YOUR ROYAL
HEADACHE.

WITH HIS OWN CURE FOR YOUR ROYAL
HEADACHE.
WELL, JUST GET ON WITH IT.

HEADACHE.
WELL, JUST GET ON WITH IT.
JUST GET ON WITH IT.

WELL, JUST GET ON WITH IT.
JUST GET ON WITH IT.
AH, YOUR LOVELY WIFE, PEUTA,

JUST GET ON WITH IT.
AH, YOUR LOVELY WIFE, PEUTA,
HERE BELIEVES SHE CAN SOOTHE

AH, YOUR LOVELY WIFE, PEUTA,
HERE BELIEVES SHE CAN SOOTHE
YOUR THROBBING HEAD WITH A SONG.

HERE BELIEVES SHE CAN SOOTHE
YOUR THROBBING HEAD WITH A SONG.
GOOD GRIEF.

YOUR THROBBING HEAD WITH A SONG.
GOOD GRIEF.
YOU'RE GONNA SING?

GOOD GRIEF.
YOU'RE GONNA SING?
YES. ARE YOU READY, DEAR?

YOU'RE GONNA SING?
YES. ARE YOU READY, DEAR?
UH, NO, J-J-JUST A MINUTE

YES. ARE YOU READY, DEAR?
UH, NO, J-J-JUST A MINUTE
HERE.

UH, NO, J-J-JUST A MINUTE
HERE.
YES.

HERE.
YES.
OKAY.

YES.
OKAY.
MAESTRO, S'IL VOUS PLAIT!

OKAY.
MAESTRO, S'IL VOUS PLAIT!
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]

MAESTRO, S'IL VOUS PLAIT!
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ CELESTIAL AIDA ♪

[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ CELESTIAL AIDA ♪
♪ YOUR RADIANT MAIDEN ♪

♪ CELESTIAL AIDA ♪
♪ YOUR RADIANT MAIDEN ♪
♪ CELESTIAL AIDA ♪

♪ YOUR RADIANT MAIDEN ♪
♪ CELESTIAL AIDA ♪
AAH!

♪ CELESTIAL AIDA ♪
AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
[GROANS]

AAH!
[GROANS]
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.

[GROANS]
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.
MOVING RIGHT ALONG, YOUR

WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.
MOVING RIGHT ALONG, YOUR
WRIGGLING REGALSHIP, TO EASE

MOVING RIGHT ALONG, YOUR
WRIGGLING REGALSHIP, TO EASE
YOUR MONARCHLY MIGRAINE, HERE'S

WRIGGLING REGALSHIP, TO EASE
YOUR MONARCHLY MIGRAINE, HERE'S
THE LOVELY, THE CHARMING, THE

YOUR MONARCHLY MIGRAINE, HERE'S
THE LOVELY, THE CHARMING, THE
SENSUOUS, THE DELIGHTFUL, OUR

THE LOVELY, THE CHARMING, THE
SENSUOUS, THE DELIGHTFUL, OUR
OWN DANCING SENSATION...

SENSUOUS, THE DELIGHTFUL, OUR
OWN DANCING SENSATION...
THE LOVELY VASH.

OWN DANCING SENSATION...
THE LOVELY VASH.
OH, PLOOBIS, I HAVE BEEN

THE LOVELY VASH.
OH, PLOOBIS, I HAVE BEEN
WORKING ON A LITTLE DANCE, WHICH

OH, PLOOBIS, I HAVE BEEN
WORKING ON A LITTLE DANCE, WHICH
I HOPE WILL MAKE YOUR HEADACHE

WORKING ON A LITTLE DANCE, WHICH
I HOPE WILL MAKE YOUR HEADACHE
GO AWAY.

I HOPE WILL MAKE YOUR HEADACHE
GO AWAY.
AND I HOPE YOU WILL FEEL BETTER

GO AWAY.
AND I HOPE YOU WILL FEEL BETTER
REAL SOON.

AND I HOPE YOU WILL FEEL BETTER
REAL SOON.
[Mumbling] OKAY.

REAL SOON.
[Mumbling] OKAY.
HIT IT, BOYS.

[Mumbling] OKAY.
HIT IT, BOYS.
[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYS]

UH...
UH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

UH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!
CUT, CUT.

HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!
CUT, CUT.
UH... NOT TONIGHT, VASH.

CUT, CUT.
UH... NOT TONIGHT, VASH.
I GOT A HEADACHE.

UH... NOT TONIGHT, VASH.
I GOT A HEADACHE.
OH, SHUCKS.

I GOT A HEADACHE.
OH, SHUCKS.
[Mumbling] OKAY.

OH, SHUCKS.
[Mumbling] OKAY.
SCRED!

[Mumbling] OKAY.
SCRED!
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU

SCRED!
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU
FEEL ABOUT IT...

WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU
FEEL ABOUT IT...
YEAH...

FEEL ABOUT IT...
YEAH...
[HUMMING]

YEAH...
[HUMMING]
WHY CAN'T ANYONE COME UP WITH

[HUMMING]
WHY CAN'T ANYONE COME UP WITH
A CURE?

WHY CAN'T ANYONE COME UP WITH
A CURE?
I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY TEAM.

A CURE?
I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY TEAM.
WELL, LOOK WHAT I'VE JUST

I'VE GOT MORONS ON MY TEAM.
WELL, LOOK WHAT I'VE JUST
FOUND.

WELL, LOOK WHAT I'VE JUST
FOUND.
IT'S A DO-IT-YOURSELF

FOUND.
IT'S A DO-IT-YOURSELF
ACUPUNCTURE BOOK, AND IT HAS THE

IT'S A DO-IT-YOURSELF
ACUPUNCTURE BOOK, AND IT HAS THE
NEEDLES AND EVERYTHING.

ACUPUNCTURE BOOK, AND IT HAS THE
NEEDLES AND EVERYTHING.
I'LL TRY ANYTHING, SCRED.

NEEDLES AND EVERYTHING.
I'LL TRY ANYTHING, SCRED.
OKAY, LET'S SEE.

I'LL TRY ANYTHING, SCRED.
OKAY, LET'S SEE.
I HAVE TO FIND "MIGRAINE."

OKAY, LET'S SEE.
I HAVE TO FIND "MIGRAINE."
"MANGANITE POISONING, MILADIES

I HAVE TO FIND "MIGRAINE."
"MANGANITE POISONING, MILADIES
MALAISE, MARQUIS' MALADY."

"MANGANITE POISONING, MILADIES
MALAISE, MARQUIS' MALADY."
HERE IT IS... MIGRAINE.

MALAISE, MARQUIS' MALADY."
HERE IT IS... MIGRAINE.
OH!

HERE IT IS... MIGRAINE.
OH!
IT SAYS HERE THAT MIGRAINE

OH!
IT SAYS HERE THAT MIGRAINE
HEADACHES ARE EXTREMELY PAINFUL!

IT SAYS HERE THAT MIGRAINE
HEADACHES ARE EXTREMELY PAINFUL!
I KNOW! I KNOW!

HEADACHES ARE EXTREMELY PAINFUL!
I KNOW! I KNOW!
UNH!

I KNOW! I KNOW!
UNH!
OH, MY NOSE.

UNH!
OH, MY NOSE.
UH, LET'S SEE.

OH, MY NOSE.
UH, LET'S SEE.
OKAY.

UH, LET'S SEE.
OKAY.
TAKE A NEEDLE RIGHT THERE.

OKAY.
TAKE A NEEDLE RIGHT THERE.
TAKING ANY NEEDLE AT ALL.

TAKE A NEEDLE RIGHT THERE.
TAKING ANY NEEDLE AT ALL.
I TAKE A NEEDLE?

TAKING ANY NEEDLE AT ALL.
I TAKE A NEEDLE?
YEAH.

I TAKE A NEEDLE?
YEAH.
NOW, LET'S SEE... "THE FIRST

YEAH.
NOW, LET'S SEE... "THE FIRST
NEEDLE SHOULD BE PLACED IN THE

NOW, LET'S SEE... "THE FIRST
NEEDLE SHOULD BE PLACED IN THE
UPPER SNOUT."

NEEDLE SHOULD BE PLACED IN THE
UPPER SNOUT."
YES, "THRUST IT INTO THE NOSE,

UPPER SNOUT."
YES, "THRUST IT INTO THE NOSE,
WITH A FIRM, STEADY PRESSURE."

YES, "THRUST IT INTO THE NOSE,
WITH A FIRM, STEADY PRESSURE."
YOU DO WHAT?

WITH A FIRM, STEADY PRESSURE."
YOU DO WHAT?
LOOK, SAYS RIGHT HERE,

YOU DO WHAT?
LOOK, SAYS RIGHT HERE,
"THRUST IT INTO THE NOSE WITH A

LOOK, SAYS RIGHT HERE,
"THRUST IT INTO THE NOSE WITH A
FIRM, STEADY PRESSURE."

"THRUST IT INTO THE NOSE WITH A
FIRM, STEADY PRESSURE."
WELL, IF IT SAYS SO IN THE

FIRM, STEADY PRESSURE."
WELL, IF IT SAYS SO IN THE
BOOK, I GUESS...

WELL, IF IT SAYS SO IN THE
BOOK, I GUESS...
[GRUNTING]

BOOK, I GUESS...
[GRUNTING]
AAH!

[GRUNTING]
AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
AH, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

AAH!
AH, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
IT LOOKS GREAT!

AH, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
IT LOOKS GREAT!
IT HURTS LIKE HELL!

IT LOOKS GREAT!
IT HURTS LIKE HELL!
THEN MOVE RIGHT ALONG.

IT HURTS LIKE HELL!
THEN MOVE RIGHT ALONG.
SECOND NEEDLE... TAKE THE SECOND

THEN MOVE RIGHT ALONG.
SECOND NEEDLE... TAKE THE SECOND
NEEDLE, SIRE.

SECOND NEEDLE... TAKE THE SECOND
NEEDLE, SIRE.
TAKE A WHAT?

NEEDLE, SIRE.
TAKE A WHAT?
SECOND NEEDLE.

TAKE A WHAT?
SECOND NEEDLE.
SECOND NEEDLE GOES... LET'S SEE.

SECOND NEEDLE.
SECOND NEEDLE GOES... LET'S SEE.
IT'S PLACED IN THE LOWER LIP

SECOND NEEDLE GOES... LET'S SEE.
IT'S PLACED IN THE LOWER LIP
JUST ABOVE THE DERMAL CARAPACE.

IT'S PLACED IN THE LOWER LIP
JUST ABOVE THE DERMAL CARAPACE.
THAT LOOKS LIKE IN THE PICTURE,

JUST ABOVE THE DERMAL CARAPACE.
THAT LOOKS LIKE IN THE PICTURE,
YEAH.

THAT LOOKS LIKE IN THE PICTURE,
YEAH.
RIGHT THERE?

YEAH.
RIGHT THERE?
MM-HMM.

RIGHT THERE?
MM-HMM.
YAAH!

MM-HMM.
YAAH!
AAH! AAH!

YAAH!
AAH! AAH!
UH, LET'S SEE.

AAH! AAH!
UH, LET'S SEE.
MOVING RIGHT ALONG...

UH, LET'S SEE.
MOVING RIGHT ALONG...
HURRY, SCRED!

MOVING RIGHT ALONG...
HURRY, SCRED!
OH, OKAY, OKAY.

HURRY, SCRED!
OH, OKAY, OKAY.
THE THIRD NEEDLE... PLACE THE

OH, OKAY, OKAY.
THE THIRD NEEDLE... PLACE THE
THIRD NEEDLE IN THE UPPER LIP.

THE THIRD NEEDLE... PLACE THE
THIRD NEEDLE IN THE UPPER LIP.
YEAH?

THIRD NEEDLE IN THE UPPER LIP.
YEAH?
I GUESS THAT MUST BE

YEAH?
I GUESS THAT MUST BE
SOMEWHERE ABOVE THE LOWER LIP.

I GUESS THAT MUST BE
SOMEWHERE ABOVE THE LOWER LIP.
[Mumbling] THIS OKAY?

SOMEWHERE ABOVE THE LOWER LIP.
[Mumbling] THIS OKAY?
MM-HMM.

[Mumbling] THIS OKAY?
MM-HMM.
[GRUNTING]

MM-HMM.
[GRUNTING]
AAH!

[GRUNTING]
AAH!
AAAH!

AAH!
AAAH!
UH, MOVING RIGHT ALONG.

AAAH!
UH, MOVING RIGHT ALONG.
HERE'S THE FOURTH AND LAST

UH, MOVING RIGHT ALONG.
HERE'S THE FOURTH AND LAST
NEEDLE.

HERE'S THE FOURTH AND LAST
NEEDLE.
OKAY, THE FOURTH AND LAST NEEDLE

NEEDLE.
OKAY, THE FOURTH AND LAST NEEDLE
SHOULD BE PLACED AT THE BASE OF

OKAY, THE FOURTH AND LAST NEEDLE
SHOULD BE PLACED AT THE BASE OF
THE BRAIN.

SHOULD BE PLACED AT THE BASE OF
THE BRAIN.
HUH?

THE BRAIN.
HUH?
IF YOU CAN FIND IT.

HUH?
IF YOU CAN FIND IT.
AAH!

IF YOU CAN FIND IT.
AAH!
NO, NO, NO, I JUST MEAN,

AAH!
NO, NO, NO, I JUST MEAN,
SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU'RE WORKING

NO, NO, NO, I JUST MEAN,
SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU'RE WORKING
BY YOURSELF, IT'S DIFFICULT TO

SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU'RE WORKING
BY YOURSELF, IT'S DIFFICULT TO
SEE.

BY YOURSELF, IT'S DIFFICULT TO
SEE.
YEAH, LET'S SEE.

SEE.
YEAH, LET'S SEE.
YEAH, THAT LOOKS LIKE IN THE

YEAH, LET'S SEE.
YEAH, THAT LOOKS LIKE IN THE
BOOK.

YEAH, THAT LOOKS LIKE IN THE
BOOK.
OKAY, NOW, THE FOURTH... THAT'S

BOOK.
OKAY, NOW, THE FOURTH... THAT'S
GOOD.

OKAY, NOW, THE FOURTH... THAT'S
GOOD.
THE FOURTH AND FINAL NEEDLE

GOOD.
THE FOURTH AND FINAL NEEDLE
SHOULD BE PLACED WITH EXTREME

THE FOURTH AND FINAL NEEDLE
SHOULD BE PLACED WITH EXTREME
CAUTION, USING A SMOOTH,

SHOULD BE PLACED WITH EXTREME
CAUTION, USING A SMOOTH,
EASY-FLOWING MOVEMENT...

CAUTION, USING A SMOOTH,
EASY-FLOWING MOVEMENT...
LIKE THIS.

EASY-FLOWING MOVEMENT...
LIKE THIS.
AAAAAAAH!

LIKE THIS.
AAAAAAAH!
AAAH!

AAAAAAAH!
AAAH!
OHHHH!

AAAH!
OHHHH!
HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

OHHHH!
HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
AAAAAAH!

HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
AAAAAAH!
[CHOKING]

AAAAAAH!
[CHOKING]
DO YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO SEEK

[CHOKING]
DO YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO SEEK
SOMEBODY ELSE'S ADVICE?

DO YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO SEEK
SOMEBODY ELSE'S ADVICE?
AAAH!

SOMEBODY ELSE'S ADVICE?
AAAH!
UH, UH, MAYBE YOUR WIFE,

AAAH!
UH, UH, MAYBE YOUR WIFE,
PEUTA'S, ADVICE.

UH, UH, MAYBE YOUR WIFE,
PEUTA'S, ADVICE.
AAAH!

PEUTA'S, ADVICE.
AAAH!
NO, NO, NO, NO!

AAAH!
NO, NO, NO, NO!
MAYBE, UH... MAYBE VASH'S

NO, NO, NO, NO!
MAYBE, UH... MAYBE VASH'S
ADVICE!

MAYBE, UH... MAYBE VASH'S
ADVICE!
AAH!

ADVICE!
AAH!
UH, THE GREAT GOD FAVOG.

AAH!
UH, THE GREAT GOD FAVOG.
OH, THANK GOD.

UH, THE GREAT GOD FAVOG.
OH, THANK GOD.
AAH!

OH, THANK GOD.
AAH!
I'LL GUIDE YOU.

AAH!
I'LL GUIDE YOU.
OKAY, THIS WAY, THIS WAY.

I'LL GUIDE YOU.
OKAY, THIS WAY, THIS WAY.
LOOK OUT FOR THE BIG CRATER

OKAY, THIS WAY, THIS WAY.
LOOK OUT FOR THE BIG CRATER
THERE.

LOOK OUT FOR THE BIG CRATER
THERE.
DON'T... OOH!

THERE.
DON'T... OOH!
I'M SORRY.

DON'T... OOH!
I'M SORRY.
DON'T STEP IN THE GREEN STUFF.

I'M SORRY.
DON'T STEP IN THE GREEN STUFF.
[GONG BANGS]

DON'T STEP IN THE GREEN STUFF.
[GONG BANGS]
AAH!

[GONG BANGS]
AAH!
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.

AAH!
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
AAH! SCRED...

THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
AAH! SCRED...
I'LL TELL HIM.

AAH! SCRED...
I'LL TELL HIM.
I'LL TELL HIM.

I'LL TELL HIM.
I'LL TELL HIM.
THE CHIEF HAS A PROBLEM!

I'LL TELL HIM.
THE CHIEF HAS A PROBLEM!
OH.

THE CHIEF HAS A PROBLEM!
OH.
UH, NOT TONIGHT.

OH.
UH, NOT TONIGHT.
I GOT A HEADACHE.

UH, NOT TONIGHT.
I GOT A HEADACHE.
AAH!

OH, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF MY
TIME IS SPENT TOURING THE
COUNTRY PLAYING A LOT OF

TIME IS SPENT TOURING THE
COUNTRY PLAYING A LOT OF
COLLEGES.

COUNTRY PLAYING A LOT OF
COLLEGES.
PROBABLY THE MOST UNUSUAL SCHOOL

COLLEGES.
PROBABLY THE MOST UNUSUAL SCHOOL
I PLAYED WAS THE

PROBABLY THE MOST UNUSUAL SCHOOL
I PLAYED WAS THE
AIR FORCE ACADEMY, MOSTLY

I PLAYED WAS THE
AIR FORCE ACADEMY, MOSTLY
BECAUSE THEY ALL WORE THE SAME

AIR FORCE ACADEMY, MOSTLY
BECAUSE THEY ALL WORE THE SAME
THING, WHICH IS A MINDBLOWER

BECAUSE THEY ALL WORE THE SAME
THING, WHICH IS A MINDBLOWER
FROM THE STAGE LOOKING OUT AT

THING, WHICH IS A MINDBLOWER
FROM THE STAGE LOOKING OUT AT
3,600 OF THEM.

FROM THE STAGE LOOKING OUT AT
3,600 OF THEM.
IT LOOKS LIKE A MOVING BRILLO

3,600 OF THEM.
IT LOOKS LIKE A MOVING BRILLO
PAD.

IT LOOKS LIKE A MOVING BRILLO
PAD.
THEY'RE VERY TOGETHER.

PAD.
THEY'RE VERY TOGETHER.
EASY TO TIME THE SHOW.

THEY'RE VERY TOGETHER.
EASY TO TIME THE SHOW.
A VERY GOOD AUDIENCE,

EASY TO TIME THE SHOW.
A VERY GOOD AUDIENCE,
THE AIR FORCE ACADEMY.

A VERY GOOD AUDIENCE,
THE AIR FORCE ACADEMY.
PREPARE TO LAUGH!

THE AIR FORCE ACADEMY.
PREPARE TO LAUGH!
HUP!

PREPARE TO LAUGH!
HUP!
LAUGH! HO! HO!

HUP!
LAUGH! HO! HO!
SORT OF EASY... PREPARE FOR

LAUGH! HO! HO!
SORT OF EASY... PREPARE FOR
MR. KLEIN'S NEXT JOKE.

SORT OF EASY... PREPARE FOR
MR. KLEIN'S NEXT JOKE.
SET UP PUNCH LINE!

MR. KLEIN'S NEXT JOKE.
SET UP PUNCH LINE!
SMALL CHUCKLE!

SET UP PUNCH LINE!
SMALL CHUCKLE!
HA... HA...

SMALL CHUCKLE!
HA... HA...
YOU KNOW, IT'S SORT OF EASY TO

HA... HA...
YOU KNOW, IT'S SORT OF EASY TO
GET THE... I WENT TO A SMALL

YOU KNOW, IT'S SORT OF EASY TO
GET THE... I WENT TO A SMALL
SCHOOL IN WESTERN NEW YORK

GET THE... I WENT TO A SMALL
SCHOOL IN WESTERN NEW YORK
CALLED ALFRED UNIVERSITY, AND I

SCHOOL IN WESTERN NEW YORK
CALLED ALFRED UNIVERSITY, AND I
WENT THERE BECAUSE OF THE

CALLED ALFRED UNIVERSITY, AND I
WENT THERE BECAUSE OF THE
BROCHURE MORE THAN ANYTHING

WENT THERE BECAUSE OF THE
BROCHURE MORE THAN ANYTHING
ELSE.

BROCHURE MORE THAN ANYTHING
ELSE.
IT WAS A BEAUTY.

ELSE.
IT WAS A BEAUTY.
YOU KNOW, REALLY HEALTHY-LOOKING

IT WAS A BEAUTY.
YOU KNOW, REALLY HEALTHY-LOOKING
PEOPLE WALKING ON THE CAMPUS

YOU KNOW, REALLY HEALTHY-LOOKING
PEOPLE WALKING ON THE CAMPUS
WITH BOOKS.

PEOPLE WALKING ON THE CAMPUS
WITH BOOKS.
YOU KNOW...

WITH BOOKS.
YOU KNOW...
IN BROCHURES, PEOPLE ALWAYS LOOK

YOU KNOW...
IN BROCHURES, PEOPLE ALWAYS LOOK
UP AT THE FUTURE.

IN BROCHURES, PEOPLE ALWAYS LOOK
UP AT THE FUTURE.
THEY'RE ALWAYS HAPPY.

UP AT THE FUTURE.
THEY'RE ALWAYS HAPPY.
THERE ARE NEVER PICTURES IN THE

THEY'RE ALWAYS HAPPY.
THERE ARE NEVER PICTURES IN THE
BROCHURE LIKE...

THERE ARE NEVER PICTURES IN THE
BROCHURE LIKE...
"I'M GONNA FLUNK OUT OF THIS

BROCHURE LIKE...
"I'M GONNA FLUNK OUT OF THIS
PLACE."

"I'M GONNA FLUNK OUT OF THIS
PLACE."
"I LOST $200 IN A CARD GAME."

PLACE."
"I LOST $200 IN A CARD GAME."
"I'M PREGNANT."

"I LOST $200 IN A CARD GAME."
"I'M PREGNANT."
YOU NEVER SEE THOSE PICTURES,

"I'M PREGNANT."
YOU NEVER SEE THOSE PICTURES,
JUST THE... CAN I GET A DRINK

YOU NEVER SEE THOSE PICTURES,
JUST THE... CAN I GET A DRINK
HERE?

JUST THE... CAN I GET A DRINK
HERE?
I'M SO THIRSTY.

HERE?
I'M SO THIRSTY.
WANT TO SEE SCIENCE?

I'M SO THIRSTY.
WANT TO SEE SCIENCE?
I LOVE SCIENCE, AND IT WAS MY

WANT TO SEE SCIENCE?
I LOVE SCIENCE, AND IT WAS MY
FAVORITE SUBJECT...

I LOVE SCIENCE, AND IT WAS MY
FAVORITE SUBJECT...
IN SCHOOL.

FAVORITE SUBJECT...
IN SCHOOL.
I TOOK ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY.

IN SCHOOL.
I TOOK ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY.
YOU EVER TAKE THAT?

I TOOK ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY.
YOU EVER TAKE THAT?
BEAUTIFUL COURSE.

YOU EVER TAKE THAT?
BEAUTIFUL COURSE.
NO MORE THEORETICAL STUFF.

BEAUTIFUL COURSE.
NO MORE THEORETICAL STUFF.
THERE THEY ARE IN FRONT OF

NO MORE THEORETICAL STUFF.
THERE THEY ARE IN FRONT OF
YOU... SICK PEOPLE.

THERE THEY ARE IN FRONT OF
YOU... SICK PEOPLE.
A 500-PAGE TEXTBOOK WITH 600

YOU... SICK PEOPLE.
A 500-PAGE TEXTBOOK WITH 600
PICTURES, ALL BEAUTIES.

A 500-PAGE TEXTBOOK WITH 600
PICTURES, ALL BEAUTIES.
OF COURSE, WE WERE SERIOUS ABOUT

PICTURES, ALL BEAUTIES.
OF COURSE, WE WERE SERIOUS ABOUT
IT.

OF COURSE, WE WERE SERIOUS ABOUT
IT.
WE DIDN'T... "LOOK AT THE FREAK

IT.
WE DIDN'T... "LOOK AT THE FREAK
ON PAGE 238."

WE DIDN'T... "LOOK AT THE FREAK
ON PAGE 238."
WE HAD A LITTLE...

ON PAGE 238."
WE HAD A LITTLE...
ONE THING THAT STAYS IN MY MIND

WE HAD A LITTLE...
ONE THING THAT STAYS IN MY MIND
ABOUT THE ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY

ONE THING THAT STAYS IN MY MIND
ABOUT THE ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY
COURSE... THERE WAS A MAN IN THE

ABOUT THE ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY
COURSE... THERE WAS A MAN IN THE
TRAUMA SECTION.

COURSE... THERE WAS A MAN IN THE
TRAUMA SECTION.
HE WAS HURT IN A RAILROAD

TRAUMA SECTION.
HE WAS HURT IN A RAILROAD
ACCIDENT.

HE WAS HURT IN A RAILROAD
ACCIDENT.
PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER THIS.

ACCIDENT.
PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER THIS.
IN 1905, A STEEL SPIKE, FOUR

PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER THIS.
IN 1905, A STEEL SPIKE, FOUR
FEET LONG, EXPLODED, WENT UP IN

IN 1905, A STEEL SPIKE, FOUR
FEET LONG, EXPLODED, WENT UP IN
THE AIR, WENT THROUGH THE TOP OF

FEET LONG, EXPLODED, WENT UP IN
THE AIR, WENT THROUGH THE TOP OF
HIS HEAD... THIS IS TRUE.

THE AIR, WENT THROUGH THE TOP OF
HIS HEAD... THIS IS TRUE.
WENT THROUGH HIS BRAIN, CAME OUT

HIS HEAD... THIS IS TRUE.
WENT THROUGH HIS BRAIN, CAME OUT
THE BOTTOM HERE.

WENT THROUGH HIS BRAIN, CAME OUT
THE BOTTOM HERE.
IT LODGED, AND HE HAD TO LIVE

THE BOTTOM HERE.
IT LODGED, AND HE HAD TO LIVE
THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH THAT

IT LODGED, AND HE HAD TO LIVE
THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH THAT
THING IN THERE.

THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH THAT
THING IN THERE.
AND THEY FOLLOWED HIS LIFE VERY

THING IN THERE.
AND THEY FOLLOWED HIS LIFE VERY
CLOSELY AND COMPILED THOUSANDS

AND THEY FOLLOWED HIS LIFE VERY
CLOSELY AND COMPILED THOUSANDS
OF PAGES OF SCIENTIFIC DATA AND

CLOSELY AND COMPILED THOUSANDS
OF PAGES OF SCIENTIFIC DATA AND
FOUND OUT EXTRAORDINARY THINGS.

OF PAGES OF SCIENTIFIC DATA AND
FOUND OUT EXTRAORDINARY THINGS.
FOR EXAMPLE, HE WAS MUCH MORE

FOUND OUT EXTRAORDINARY THINGS.
FOR EXAMPLE, HE WAS MUCH MORE
IRRITABLE...

FOR EXAMPLE, HE WAS MUCH MORE
IRRITABLE...
LOSS OF APPETITE...

IRRITABLE...
LOSS OF APPETITE...
DIFFICULTY SLEEPING.

LOSS OF APPETITE...
DIFFICULTY SLEEPING.
I LOVE SCIENCE.

DIFFICULTY SLEEPING.
I LOVE SCIENCE.
IS THAT UNDERSTATEMENT?

I LOVE SCIENCE.
IS THAT UNDERSTATEMENT?
IT'S NOT ALL GOOD SCIENCE.

IS THAT UNDERSTATEMENT?
IT'S NOT ALL GOOD SCIENCE.
THEY DID SOME EXPERIMENTS WITH

IT'S NOT ALL GOOD SCIENCE.
THEY DID SOME EXPERIMENTS WITH
MARIJUANA AT TULANE UNIVERSITY.

THEY DID SOME EXPERIMENTS WITH
MARIJUANA AT TULANE UNIVERSITY.
IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE FIND OUT

MARIJUANA AT TULANE UNIVERSITY.
IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE FIND OUT
WHAT MARIJUANA IS BECAUSE A LOT

IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE FIND OUT
WHAT MARIJUANA IS BECAUSE A LOT
OF PEOPLE DEAL WITH IT AND DON'T

WHAT MARIJUANA IS BECAUSE A LOT
OF PEOPLE DEAL WITH IT AND DON'T
REALLY KNOW.

OF PEOPLE DEAL WITH IT AND DON'T
REALLY KNOW.
AND I'M NOT... I DON'T KNOW WHAT

REALLY KNOW.
AND I'M NOT... I DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT DOES OR DOESN'T DO!

AND I'M NOT... I DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT DOES OR DOESN'T DO!
I HAVE NO IDEA.

IT DOES OR DOESN'T DO!
I HAVE NO IDEA.
I'M NOT ABOUT TO TELL YOU... I

I HAVE NO IDEA.
I'M NOT ABOUT TO TELL YOU... I
DON'T KNOW.

I'M NOT ABOUT TO TELL YOU... I
DON'T KNOW.
BUT THEY TOOK ABOUT 40 RHESUS

DON'T KNOW.
BUT THEY TOOK ABOUT 40 RHESUS
MONKEYS... LISTEN TO THIS

BUT THEY TOOK ABOUT 40 RHESUS
MONKEYS... LISTEN TO THIS
EXPERIMENT... ABOUT 40 RHESUS

MONKEYS... LISTEN TO THIS
EXPERIMENT... ABOUT 40 RHESUS
MONKEYS, AND THEY PUT THIS STEEL

EXPERIMENT... ABOUT 40 RHESUS
MONKEYS, AND THEY PUT THIS STEEL
CONFINING APPARATUS ON THEM.

MONKEYS, AND THEY PUT THIS STEEL
CONFINING APPARATUS ON THEM.
THEY COULDN'T MOVE THEIR ARMS

CONFINING APPARATUS ON THEM.
THEY COULDN'T MOVE THEIR ARMS
AND LEGS.

THEY COULDN'T MOVE THEIR ARMS
AND LEGS.
PUT ELECTRODES IN THEIR BRAIN.

AND LEGS.
PUT ELECTRODES IN THEIR BRAIN.
MAKE THEM COMFORTABLE.

PUT ELECTRODES IN THEIR BRAIN.
MAKE THEM COMFORTABLE.
RIGHT OUT OF THE JUNGLE TO THIS,

MAKE THEM COMFORTABLE.
RIGHT OUT OF THE JUNGLE TO THIS,
RIGHT?

RIGHT OUT OF THE JUNGLE TO THIS,
RIGHT?
THESE MONKEYS... THEY WEIGH

RIGHT?
THESE MONKEYS... THEY WEIGH
ABOUT 18 POUNDS EACH.

THESE MONKEYS... THEY WEIGH
ABOUT 18 POUNDS EACH.
THESE MONKEYS HAD TO SMOKE THEIR

ABOUT 18 POUNDS EACH.
THESE MONKEYS HAD TO SMOKE THEIR
BODY WEIGHT IN MARIJUANA EVERY

THESE MONKEYS HAD TO SMOKE THEIR
BODY WEIGHT IN MARIJUANA EVERY
DAY FOR FOUR MONTHS...

BODY WEIGHT IN MARIJUANA EVERY
DAY FOR FOUR MONTHS...
WHICH IS THE EQUIVALENT TO

DAY FOR FOUR MONTHS...
WHICH IS THE EQUIVALENT TO
DRINKING A BOTTLE OF CLOROX.

WHICH IS THE EQUIVALENT TO
DRINKING A BOTTLE OF CLOROX.
WELL, THEY FOUND OUT SOME

DRINKING A BOTTLE OF CLOROX.
WELL, THEY FOUND OUT SOME
INCREDIBLE THINGS.

WELL, THEY FOUND OUT SOME
INCREDIBLE THINGS.
THEY WERE MUCH MORE IRRITABLE...

INCREDIBLE THINGS.
THEY WERE MUCH MORE IRRITABLE...
LOSS OF... SCIENCE MARCHES ON.

THEY WERE MUCH MORE IRRITABLE...
LOSS OF... SCIENCE MARCHES ON.
[HUMS MARCHING MUSIC]

LOSS OF... SCIENCE MARCHES ON.
[HUMS MARCHING MUSIC]
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER

[HUMS MARCHING MUSIC]
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER
THIS FILMED MESSAGE.

INFLATIONARY PRICES GETTING
YOU DOWN?
THEN GET DOWN ON INFLATIONARY

YOU DOWN?
THEN GET DOWN ON INFLATIONARY
PRICES WITH THE NEW

THEN GET DOWN ON INFLATIONARY
PRICES WITH THE NEW
PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN FROM

PRICES WITH THE NEW
PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN FROM
K-PUT.

PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN FROM
K-PUT.
SIMPLY SNAP IN A K-PUT PRICE TAG

K-PUT.
SIMPLY SNAP IN A K-PUT PRICE TAG
ROLL, ADJUST THE FINGERTIP

SIMPLY SNAP IN A K-PUT PRICE TAG
ROLL, ADJUST THE FINGERTIP
CONTROL PRICE DIAL, AIM YOUR

ROLL, ADJUST THE FINGERTIP
CONTROL PRICE DIAL, AIM YOUR
PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN OVER THE

CONTROL PRICE DIAL, AIM YOUR
PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN OVER THE
REGULAR MARKING, PULL THE

PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN OVER THE
REGULAR MARKING, PULL THE
TRIGGER, AND PRESTO!

REGULAR MARKING, PULL THE
TRIGGER, AND PRESTO!
LOOK AT THIS... A WHOLE

TRIGGER, AND PRESTO!
LOOK AT THIS... A WHOLE
WATERMELON FOR ONLY 3 CENTS.

LOOK AT THIS... A WHOLE
WATERMELON FOR ONLY 3 CENTS.
A 12-POUND TURKEY FOR JUST

WATERMELON FOR ONLY 3 CENTS.
A 12-POUND TURKEY FOR JUST
4 CENTS.

A 12-POUND TURKEY FOR JUST
4 CENTS.
SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.

4 CENTS.
SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
FEED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR

SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
FEED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR
PENNIES A DAY.

FEED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR
PENNIES A DAY.
SHOP FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

PENNIES A DAY.
SHOP FOR YOUR FRIENDS.
IT'S FUN AND EASY.

SHOP FOR YOUR FRIENDS.
IT'S FUN AND EASY.
ONE TRIP TO THE STORE, AND YOUR

IT'S FUN AND EASY.
ONE TRIP TO THE STORE, AND YOUR
K-PUT STAMP GUN WILL PAY FOR

ONE TRIP TO THE STORE, AND YOUR
K-PUT STAMP GUN WILL PAY FOR
ITSELF.

K-PUT STAMP GUN WILL PAY FOR
ITSELF.
BUY EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED.

THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO STRETCH

YOUR SHOPPING DOLLARS.

K-PUT'S PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN,

A STEAL AT ONLY $49.95 WHILE

THEY LAST.

THAT'S $49.95 TO...

VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW.

♪ WHEN I DIE ♪
♪ AND IT WON'T BE LONG ♪
♪ HEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY ♪

♪ AND IT WON'T BE LONG ♪
♪ HEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY ♪
♪ THAT YOU TREATED ME WRONG ♪

♪ HEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY ♪
♪ THAT YOU TREATED ME WRONG ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY ♪

♪ THAT YOU TREATED ME WRONG ♪
♪ YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY ♪
♪ THAT YOU TREATED ME BAD ♪

♪ YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY ♪
♪ THAT YOU TREATED ME BAD ♪
♪ YES, AND IF THERE'S AN

♪ THAT YOU TREATED ME BAD ♪
♪ YES, AND IF THERE'S AN
AFTERLIFE ♪

♪ YES, AND IF THERE'S AN
AFTERLIFE ♪
♪ I'LL GLOAT, AND I'LL BE GLAD ♪

AFTERLIFE ♪
♪ I'LL GLOAT, AND I'LL BE GLAD ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT BE A PLANE

♪ I'LL GLOAT, AND I'LL BE GLAD ♪
♪ YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT BE A PLANE
CRASH ♪

♪ YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT BE A PLANE
CRASH ♪
♪ OR SOME SORT OF O.D. ♪

CRASH ♪
♪ OR SOME SORT OF O.D. ♪
♪ HEY, THERE'S GONNA BE A

♪ OR SOME SORT OF O.D. ♪
♪ HEY, THERE'S GONNA BE A
PHOTOGRAPH ♪

♪ HEY, THERE'S GONNA BE A
PHOTOGRAPH ♪
♪ WITH MY OBITUARY ♪

PHOTOGRAPH ♪
♪ WITH MY OBITUARY ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA SEE IT, AND

♪ WITH MY OBITUARY ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA SEE IT, AND
YOU'LL CRY A LOT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA SEE IT, AND
YOU'LL CRY A LOT ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO WEAR

YOU'LL CRY A LOT ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO WEAR
BLACK ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO WEAR
BLACK ♪
♪ HEY, I'LL BE DEAD, BUT YOU CAN

BLACK ♪
♪ HEY, I'LL BE DEAD, BUT YOU CAN
BET YOUR LIFE ♪

♪ HEY, I'LL BE DEAD, BUT YOU CAN
BET YOUR LIFE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK ♪

BET YOUR LIFE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK ♪
♪ I'M TIRED OF BEING ♪

♪ I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK ♪
♪ I'M TIRED OF BEING ♪
♪ LEFT UP ON YOUR SHELF ♪

♪ I'M TIRED OF BEING ♪
♪ LEFT UP ON YOUR SHELF ♪
♪ I MIGHT NOT WAIT AROUND ♪

♪ LEFT UP ON YOUR SHELF ♪
♪ I MIGHT NOT WAIT AROUND ♪
♪ I MIGHT KILL MYSELF ♪

♪ I MIGHT NOT WAIT AROUND ♪
♪ I MIGHT KILL MYSELF ♪
♪ NOT ONLY WOULD YOU MISS ME ♪

♪ I MIGHT KILL MYSELF ♪
♪ NOT ONLY WOULD YOU MISS ME ♪
♪ BUT YOU'D FEEL GUILTY, TOO ♪

♪ NOT ONLY WOULD YOU MISS ME ♪
♪ BUT YOU'D FEEL GUILTY, TOO ♪
♪ OH, I'D BE DEAD, BUT IT'D BE

♪ BUT YOU'D FEEL GUILTY, TOO ♪
♪ OH, I'D BE DEAD, BUT IT'D BE
TOO LATE ♪

♪ OH, I'D BE DEAD, BUT IT'D BE
TOO LATE ♪
♪ THE JOKE WOULD BE ON YOU ♪

TOO LATE ♪
♪ THE JOKE WOULD BE ON YOU ♪
♪ HA HA HA HA ♪

♪ THE JOKE WOULD BE ON YOU ♪
♪ HA HA HA HA ♪
♪ HO HO HO HO ♪

♪ HA HA HA HA ♪
♪ HO HO HO HO ♪
♪ CHUCKLE CHUCKLE CHUCKLE

♪ HO HO HO HO ♪
♪ CHUCKLE CHUCKLE CHUCKLE
CHUCKLE ♪

♪ CHUCKLE CHUCKLE CHUCKLE
CHUCKLE ♪
♪ SNICKER SNICKER SNICKER

CHUCKLE ♪
♪ SNICKER SNICKER SNICKER
SNICKER ♪

♪ SNICKER SNICKER SNICKER
SNICKER ♪
♪ GUFFAW GUFFAW GUFFAW GUFFAW ♪

SNICKER ♪
♪ GUFFAW GUFFAW GUFFAW GUFFAW ♪
♪ YUK YUK YUK YUK ♪

♪ GUFFAW GUFFAW GUFFAW GUFFAW ♪
♪ YUK YUK YUK YUK ♪
♪ CHORTLE CHORTLE CHORTLE ♪

♪ YUK YUK YUK YUK ♪
♪ CHORTLE CHORTLE CHORTLE ♪
♪ CHORTLE CHORTLE CHORTLE

♪ CHORTLE CHORTLE CHORTLE ♪
♪ CHORTLE CHORTLE CHORTLE
CHORTLE CHORTLE ♪

♪ CHORTLE CHORTLE CHORTLE
CHORTLE CHORTLE ♪
♪ SO YOU BETTER TAKE WARNING ♪

CHORTLE CHORTLE ♪
♪ SO YOU BETTER TAKE WARNING ♪
♪ AND START TREATING ME GOOD ♪

♪ SO YOU BETTER TAKE WARNING ♪
♪ AND START TREATING ME GOOD ♪
♪ START DOING THE THINGS ♪

♪ AND START TREATING ME GOOD ♪
♪ START DOING THE THINGS ♪
♪ THAT I THINK YOU SHOULD ♪

♪ START DOING THE THINGS ♪
♪ THAT I THINK YOU SHOULD ♪
♪ AND YOU BETTER NOT... POUT ♪

♪ THAT I THINK YOU SHOULD ♪
♪ AND YOU BETTER NOT... POUT ♪
♪ AND YOU BETTER NOT CRY ♪

♪ AND YOU BETTER NOT... POUT ♪
♪ AND YOU BETTER NOT CRY ♪
♪ HEY, THE GRIM REAPER IS COMING

♪ AND YOU BETTER NOT CRY ♪
♪ HEY, THE GRIM REAPER IS COMING
TO TOWN ♪

♪ HEY, THE GRIM REAPER IS COMING
TO TOWN ♪
♪ AND I JUST MIGHT DIE ♪

TO TOWN ♪
♪ AND I JUST MIGHT DIE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ AND I JUST MIGHT DIE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

GOOD EVENING.
WELCOME TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN, AND

WELCOME TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN, AND
OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS

I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN, AND
OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS
EMILY LITELLA, NOTED AUTHORESS

OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS
EMILY LITELLA, NOTED AUTHORESS
OF THE FAMED "TINY" SERIES OF

EMILY LITELLA, NOTED AUTHORESS
OF THE FAMED "TINY" SERIES OF
CHILDREN'S BOOKS, SUCH AS

OF THE FAMED "TINY" SERIES OF
CHILDREN'S BOOKS, SUCH AS
"TINY GARDEN," "TINY PRINCE,"

CHILDREN'S BOOKS, SUCH AS
"TINY GARDEN," "TINY PRINCE,"
"TINY TREE HOUSE,"

"TINY GARDEN," "TINY PRINCE,"
"TINY TREE HOUSE,"
"TINY SCHOOLHOUSE."

"TINY TREE HOUSE,"
"TINY SCHOOLHOUSE."
AND EMILY HAS JUST COMPLETED HER

"TINY SCHOOLHOUSE."
AND EMILY HAS JUST COMPLETED HER
LATEST BOOK, "TINY KINGDOM."

AND EMILY HAS JUST COMPLETED HER
LATEST BOOK, "TINY KINGDOM."
EMILY, TELL US WHAT

LATEST BOOK, "TINY KINGDOM."
EMILY, TELL US WHAT
"TINY KINGDOM" IS ALL ABOUT.

EMILY, TELL US WHAT
"TINY KINGDOM" IS ALL ABOUT.
WELL, IT'S ALL ABOUT A

"TINY KINGDOM" IS ALL ABOUT.
WELL, IT'S ALL ABOUT A
BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WHO LIVES IN

WELL, IT'S ALL ABOUT A
BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WHO LIVES IN
A LITTLE, TEENY, TINY, ITTY,

BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WHO LIVES IN
A LITTLE, TEENY, TINY, ITTY,
BITTY, WEENY...

A LITTLE, TEENY, TINY, ITTY,
BITTY, WEENY...
CASTLE?

BITTY, WEENY...
CASTLE?
YES.

CASTLE?
YES.
EMILY.

YES.
EMILY.
AND ONE DAY...

EMILY.
AND ONE DAY...
A HANDSOME PRINCE COMES RIDING

AND ONE DAY...
A HANDSOME PRINCE COMES RIDING
UP IN A LITTLE, TEENY, TINY,

A HANDSOME PRINCE COMES RIDING
UP IN A LITTLE, TEENY, TINY,
ITTY, BITTY...

UP IN A LITTLE, TEENY, TINY,
ITTY, BITTY...
CARRIAGE.

ITTY, BITTY...
CARRIAGE.
YES.

CARRIAGE.
YES.
EMILY.

YES.
EMILY.
AND...

EMILY.
AND...
THE PRINCESS AND THE PRINCE GO

AND...
THE PRINCESS AND THE PRINCE GO
OFF TO LIVE IN A LITTLE, TINY,

THE PRINCESS AND THE PRINCE GO
OFF TO LIVE IN A LITTLE, TINY,
TEENY, ITTY, BITTY...

OFF TO LIVE IN A LITTLE, TINY,
TEENY, ITTY, BITTY...
KINGDOM.

TEENY, ITTY, BITTY...
KINGDOM.
YES.

KINGDOM.
YES.
"TINY KINGDOM," OF COURSE.

YES.
"TINY KINGDOM," OF COURSE.
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER

"TINY KINGDOM," OF COURSE.
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER
AFTER.

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER
AFTER.
[SIGHS] WELL, THANK YOU...

AFTER.
[SIGHS] WELL, THANK YOU...
NO.

[SIGHS] WELL, THANK YOU...
NO.
NO?

NO.
NO?
NO.

NO?
NO.
NO?

NO.
NO?
NO.

NO?
NO.
YOU SEE, WHEN THE BEAUTIFUL

NO.
YOU SEE, WHEN THE BEAUTIFUL
PRINCESS AND THE HANDSOME PRINCE

YOU SEE, WHEN THE BEAUTIFUL
PRINCESS AND THE HANDSOME PRINCE
WENT TO THE TINY KINGDOM, ONE

PRINCESS AND THE HANDSOME PRINCE
WENT TO THE TINY KINGDOM, ONE
NIGHT, THE PRINCESS FOUND OUT

WENT TO THE TINY KINGDOM, ONE
NIGHT, THE PRINCESS FOUND OUT
THAT THE PRINCE HAD A LITTLE,

NIGHT, THE PRINCESS FOUND OUT
THAT THE PRINCE HAD A LITTLE,
TEENY, TINY, ITTY, BITTY, WEENY

THAT THE PRINCE HAD A LITTLE,
TEENY, TINY, ITTY, BITTY, WEENY
MOTHER.

TEENY, TINY, ITTY, BITTY, WEENY
MOTHER.
YES.

MOTHER.
YES.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

YES.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
EMILY.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
EMILY.
AND HE USED TO GO TO BED

EMILY.
AND HE USED TO GO TO BED
EARLIER THAN SHE DID.

AND HE USED TO GO TO BED
EARLIER THAN SHE DID.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN OUR

EARLIER THAN SHE DID.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN OUR
GUEST WILL BE MAX BARTON

JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN OUR
GUEST WILL BE MAX BARTON
DISCUSSING "BEHEMOTHIC

GUEST WILL BE MAX BARTON
DISCUSSING "BEHEMOTHIC
BUILDINGS."

DISCUSSING "BEHEMOTHIC
BUILDINGS."
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

SANDWICHES AGAIN TONIGHT?
YOU KNOW I CAN'T STRETCH THE
FOOD BUDGET ANY FURTHER.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T STRETCH THE
FOOD BUDGET ANY FURTHER.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER JOB?

FOOD BUDGET ANY FURTHER.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER JOB?
ARE YOU STUCK IN A

WHY DON'T YOU GET A BETTER JOB?
ARE YOU STUCK IN A
GO-NOWHERE, DO-NOTHING JOB?

ARE YOU STUCK IN A
GO-NOWHERE, DO-NOTHING JOB?
IF SO, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO

GO-NOWHERE, DO-NOTHING JOB?
IF SO, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO
START AN EXCITING CAREER IN THE

IF SO, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO
START AN EXCITING CAREER IN THE
WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY

START AN EXCITING CAREER IN THE
WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY
AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A FOREIGN

WORLD OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY
AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A FOREIGN
COUNTRY BY ENROLLING NOW AT THE

AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A FOREIGN
COUNTRY BY ENROLLING NOW AT THE
AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE.

COUNTRY BY ENROLLING NOW AT THE
AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE.
AMBASSADORS LIVE IN LUXURY AND

AMBASSADOR TRAINING INSTITUTE.
AMBASSADORS LIVE IN LUXURY AND
GET TO MINGLE WITH GLAMOROUS

AMBASSADORS LIVE IN LUXURY AND
GET TO MINGLE WITH GLAMOROUS
CELEBRITIES, ROYALTY, AND THE

GET TO MINGLE WITH GLAMOROUS
CELEBRITIES, ROYALTY, AND THE
SOCIAL ELITE.

CELEBRITIES, ROYALTY, AND THE
SOCIAL ELITE.
AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP

SOCIAL ELITE.
AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP
AFTER THEMSELVES.

AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP
AFTER THEMSELVES.
AMBASSADORS HAVE A LOT OF

AFTER THEMSELVES.
AMBASSADORS HAVE A LOT OF
PRESTIGE AND INFLUENCE.

AMBASSADORS HAVE A LOT OF
PRESTIGE AND INFLUENCE.
THEY PUT IN LONG HOURS WITHOUT

PRESTIGE AND INFLUENCE.
THEY PUT IN LONG HOURS WITHOUT
WORKING HARD, AND THEY'RE OFTEN

THEY PUT IN LONG HOURS WITHOUT
WORKING HARD, AND THEY'RE OFTEN
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

WORKING HARD, AND THEY'RE OFTEN
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
AND THE FOOD?

THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
AND THE FOOD?
FANTASTIC!

AND THE FOOD?
FANTASTIC!
AMBASSADORS DINE ON THE FINEST

FANTASTIC!
AMBASSADORS DINE ON THE FINEST
GOURMET FOOD AT BIG, FANCY

AMBASSADORS DINE ON THE FINEST
GOURMET FOOD AT BIG, FANCY
DINNER PARTIES IN PALACES AND

GOURMET FOOD AT BIG, FANCY
DINNER PARTIES IN PALACES AND
EMBASSIES AND TRADE CENTERS.

DINNER PARTIES IN PALACES AND
EMBASSIES AND TRADE CENTERS.
TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR A

EMBASSIES AND TRADE CENTERS.
TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR A
CAREER IN DIPLOMACY, TAKE THIS

TO SEE IF YOU QUALIFY FOR A
CAREER IN DIPLOMACY, TAKE THIS
EASY TEST RIGHT NOW IN THE

CAREER IN DIPLOMACY, TAKE THIS
EASY TEST RIGHT NOW IN THE
PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME.

EASY TEST RIGHT NOW IN THE
PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME.
LISTEN CLOSELY.

PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME.
LISTEN CLOSELY.
YOU ARE HAVING DINNER WITH SOME

LISTEN CLOSELY.
YOU ARE HAVING DINNER WITH SOME
FOREIGN DIGNITARIES, AND SOMEONE

YOU ARE HAVING DINNER WITH SOME
FOREIGN DIGNITARIES, AND SOMEONE
SAYS SOMETHING ANTI-AMERICAN.

FOREIGN DIGNITARIES, AND SOMEONE
SAYS SOMETHING ANTI-AMERICAN.
YOU...

YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY
PEOPLE SAY "A."
BUT IF YOU SAID "B," THEN YOU

PEOPLE SAY "A."
BUT IF YOU SAID "B," THEN YOU
HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE QUICK

BUT IF YOU SAID "B," THEN YOU
HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE QUICK
DECISIONS ON YOUR FEET.

HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE QUICK
DECISIONS ON YOUR FEET.
WHEN YOU ENROLL AT AMBASSADOR

DECISIONS ON YOUR FEET.
WHEN YOU ENROLL AT AMBASSADOR
TRAINING INSTITUTE, YOU'LL LEARN

WHEN YOU ENROLL AT AMBASSADOR
TRAINING INSTITUTE, YOU'LL LEARN
HOW TO ACCEPT GIFTS GRACIOUSLY,

TRAINING INSTITUTE, YOU'LL LEARN
HOW TO ACCEPT GIFTS GRACIOUSLY,
HOW TO PROPOSE TOASTS.

HOW TO ACCEPT GIFTS GRACIOUSLY,
HOW TO PROPOSE TOASTS.
YOU'LL USE PHRASES LIKE,

HOW TO PROPOSE TOASTS.
YOU'LL USE PHRASES LIKE,
"DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN,"

YOU'LL USE PHRASES LIKE,
"DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN,"
"I'LL ASK THE SECRETARY OF

"DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN,"
"I'LL ASK THE SECRETARY OF
STATE," AND "PASS THE SWEET AND

"I'LL ASK THE SECRETARY OF
STATE," AND "PASS THE SWEET AND
SOUR SHRIMP."

STATE," AND "PASS THE SWEET AND
SOUR SHRIMP."
NOW, HERE'S HOW TO GET YOUR FREE

SOUR SHRIMP."
NOW, HERE'S HOW TO GET YOUR FREE
BOOKLET.

JUST SEND $300,000 AND THE NAME

OF THE COUNTRY TO WHICH YOU'D

LIKE TO BE AMBASSADOR TO...

GIVE ME SOME BLUES!
[BLUES MUSIC PLAYS]

[HARMONICA PLAYS]

♪ I CAN'T STOP MY LEG ♪
♪ I CAN'T STOP MY LEG, PRETTY
BABE ♪

♪ I CAN'T STOP MY LEG, PRETTY
BABE ♪
♪ I CAN'T STOP MY LEG ♪

BABE ♪
♪ I CAN'T STOP MY LEG ♪
♪ I CAN'T STOP MY LEG, PRETTY

♪ I CAN'T STOP MY LEG ♪
♪ I CAN'T STOP MY LEG, PRETTY
BABE ♪

♪ I CAN'T STOP MY LEG, PRETTY
BABE ♪
♪ CAN YOU STOP MY LEG? ♪

BABE ♪
♪ CAN YOU STOP MY LEG? ♪
[MUSIC ENDS]

♪ CAN YOU STOP MY LEG? ♪
[MUSIC ENDS]
♪ MY LEG STOPPED ♪

[MUSIC ENDS]
♪ MY LEG STOPPED ♪
♪ OOOH, OOOH HOOOO ♪

♪ MY LEG STOPPED ♪
♪ OOOH, OOOH HOOOO ♪
♪ THANK YOU, LORD ♪

♪ OOOH, OOOH HOOOO ♪
♪ THANK YOU, LORD ♪
♪ I WANT TO THANK THE LORD FOR

♪ THANK YOU, LORD ♪
♪ I WANT TO THANK THE LORD FOR
STOPPING MY LEG ♪

♪ I WANT TO THANK THE LORD FOR
STOPPING MY LEG ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO, YEAH ♪

STOPPING MY LEG ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO, YEAH ♪
♪ THERE IT GOES AGAIN ♪

♪ WHOO-HOO, YEAH ♪
♪ THERE IT GOES AGAIN ♪
[MUSIC RESUMES]

♪ THERE IT GOES AGAIN ♪
[MUSIC RESUMES]
♪ THERE, THERE IT GOES AGAIN ♪

[MUSIC RESUMES]
♪ THERE, THERE IT GOES AGAIN ♪
♪ THERE, THERE, THERE IT GOES ♪

♪ THERE, THERE IT GOES AGAIN ♪
♪ THERE, THERE, THERE IT GOES ♪
♪ THERE IT GOES ♪

[ABBA'S "WATERLOO" PLAYS]
♪ MY, MY ♪
♪ AT WATERLOO NAPOLEON DID

♪ MY, MY ♪
♪ AT WATERLOO NAPOLEON DID
SURRENDER ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ AND I HAVE MET MY DESTINY IN

QUITE A SIMILAR WAY ♪

♪ THE HISTORY BOOK ON THE

SHELF ♪

♪ IS ALWAYS REPEATING ITSELF ♪

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ I WAS DEFEATED, YOU WON THE
WAR ♪

♪ I WAS DEFEATED, YOU WON THE
WAR ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪

WAR ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ PROMISE TO LOVE YOU

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ PROMISE TO LOVE YOU
FOREVERMORE ♪

♪ PROMISE TO LOVE YOU
FOREVERMORE ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪

FOREVERMORE ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ COULDN'T ESCAPE IF I WANTED

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ COULDN'T ESCAPE IF I WANTED
TO ♪

♪ COULDN'T ESCAPE IF I WANTED
TO ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪

TO ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ KNOWING MY FATE IS TO BE WITH

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ KNOWING MY FATE IS TO BE WITH
YOU ♪

♪ KNOWING MY FATE IS TO BE WITH
YOU ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪

YOU ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ FINALLY FACING MY WATERLOO ♪

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ FINALLY FACING MY WATERLOO ♪
♪ MY, MY ♪

♪ FINALLY FACING MY WATERLOO ♪
♪ MY, MY ♪
♪ I TRIED TO HOLD YOU BACK ♪

♪ MY, MY ♪
♪ I TRIED TO HOLD YOU BACK ♪
♪ BUT YOU WERE STRONGER ♪

♪ I TRIED TO HOLD YOU BACK ♪
♪ BUT YOU WERE STRONGER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪

♪ BUT YOU WERE STRONGER ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ AND NOW IT SEEMS MY ONLY

♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ AND NOW IT SEEMS MY ONLY
CHANCE IS GIVING UP THE FIGHT ♪

♪ AND NOW IT SEEMS MY ONLY
CHANCE IS GIVING UP THE FIGHT ♪
♪ AND HOW COULD I EVER REFUSE? ♪

CHANCE IS GIVING UP THE FIGHT ♪
♪ AND HOW COULD I EVER REFUSE? ♪
♪ I FEEL LIKE I WIN WHEN I

♪ AND HOW COULD I EVER REFUSE? ♪
♪ I FEEL LIKE I WIN WHEN I
LOSE ♪

♪ I FEEL LIKE I WIN WHEN I
LOSE ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪

LOSE ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ I WAS DEFEATED, YOU WON THE

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ I WAS DEFEATED, YOU WON THE
WAR ♪

♪ I WAS DEFEATED, YOU WON THE
WAR ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪

WAR ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ PROMISE TO LOVE YOU

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ PROMISE TO LOVE YOU
FOREVERMORE ♪

♪ PROMISE TO LOVE YOU
FOREVERMORE ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪

FOREVERMORE ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ COULDN'T ESCAPE IF I WANTED

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ COULDN'T ESCAPE IF I WANTED
TO ♪

♪ COULDN'T ESCAPE IF I WANTED
TO ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪

TO ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ KNOWING MY FATE IS TO BE WITH

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ KNOWING MY FATE IS TO BE WITH
YOU ♪

♪ KNOWING MY FATE IS TO BE WITH
YOU ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪

YOU ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ FINALLY FACING MY WATERLOO ♪

♪ WATERLOO ♪
♪ FINALLY FACING MY WATERLOO ♪
♪ SO HOW COULD I EVER REFUSE? ♪

WELL, WE HAD A WONDERFUL
TIME.
I LOVE THIS BATHROBE THEY GOT

TIME.
I LOVE THIS BATHROBE THEY GOT
ME.

I LOVE THIS BATHROBE THEY GOT
ME.
THEY APPARENTLY PICKED IT UP

ME.
THEY APPARENTLY PICKED IT UP
FROM A STATE INSTITUTION.

THEY APPARENTLY PICKED IT UP
FROM A STATE INSTITUTION.
IT WAS OWNED BY AN OLD GUY WHO

FROM A STATE INSTITUTION.
IT WAS OWNED BY AN OLD GUY WHO
WENT LIKE THIS.

IT WAS OWNED BY AN OLD GUY WHO
WENT LIKE THIS.
I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE.

WENT LIKE THIS.
I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE.
OUR GUESTS... ABBA,

I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE.
OUR GUESTS... ABBA,
LOUDON WAINWRIGHT... THE CAST,

OUR GUESTS... ABBA,
LOUDON WAINWRIGHT... THE CAST,
AND EVERYONE.

LOUDON WAINWRIGHT... THE CAST,
AND EVERYONE.
HAVE A GOOD WEEK, AND THANK YOU

AND EVERYONE.
HAVE A GOOD WEEK, AND THANK YOU
FOR WATCHING.

HAVE A GOOD WEEK, AND THANK YOU
FOR WATCHING.
GOOD NIGHT.

FOR WATCHING.
GOOD NIGHT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]