Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Richard Pryor/Gil Scott-Heron - full transcript
The host for the episode is Richard Pryor, and the musical guest is Gil Scott-Heron. The skits for this episode are as follows: Garrett Morris tricks Chevy Chase into taking a bad fall during a skit. Richard Pryor does an opening ...
AND SO THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO
STRONGLY ABOUT YOU.
WAITER?
STRONGLY ABOUT YOU.
WAITER?
HOLD IT.
WAITER?
HOLD IT.
GARRETT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HOLD IT.
GARRETT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LOOK, MAN, LOOK.
GARRETT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LOOK, MAN, LOOK.
RICHARD PRYOR SAID...
LOOK, MAN, LOOK.
RICHARD PRYOR SAID...
GARRETT, WE'RE ON THE AIR
RICHARD PRYOR SAID...
GARRETT, WE'RE ON THE AIR
NOW.
GARRETT, WE'RE ON THE AIR
NOW.
YEAH, I KNOW, MAN, BUT...
NOW.
YEAH, I KNOW, MAN, BUT...
THIS IS THE OPENING.
YEAH, I KNOW, MAN, BUT...
THIS IS THE OPENING.
I KNOW.
THIS IS THE OPENING.
I KNOW.
RICHARD PRYOR'S HERE TONIGHT,
I KNOW.
RICHARD PRYOR'S HERE TONIGHT,
AND I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD OPEN
RICHARD PRYOR'S HERE TONIGHT,
AND I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD OPEN
THE SHOW, I MEAN, DO THE FALL.
AND I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD OPEN
THE SHOW, I MEAN, DO THE FALL.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THE SHOW, I MEAN, DO THE FALL.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I ALWAYS OPEN THE SHOW.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I ALWAYS OPEN THE SHOW.
IS IT UNDERSTOOD?
I ALWAYS OPEN THE SHOW.
IS IT UNDERSTOOD?
YEAH, YEAH, HEY, LOOK...
IS IT UNDERSTOOD?
YEAH, YEAH, HEY, LOOK...
I DO THE FALL.
YEAH, YEAH, HEY, LOOK...
I DO THE FALL.
AND I SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
I DO THE FALL.
AND I SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
AND I SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
IT'S MY TRADEMARK.
IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
IT'S MY TRADEMARK.
CHEVY, RICHARD TOLD ME TO
IT'S MY TRADEMARK.
CHEVY, RICHARD TOLD ME TO
OPEN THE SHOW.
CHEVY, RICHARD TOLD ME TO
OPEN THE SHOW.
IT'S NOT RICHARD'S SHOW.
OPEN THE SHOW.
IT'S NOT RICHARD'S SHOW.
RICHARD'S JUST THE GUEST HOST.
IT'S NOT RICHARD'S SHOW.
RICHARD'S JUST THE GUEST HOST.
HEY, MAN, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
RICHARD'S JUST THE GUEST HOST.
HEY, MAN, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
HEY, MAN, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
[CHUCKLES]
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
[CHUCKLES]
RICHARD AND WHAT ARMY, FELLA?
[CHUCKLES]
RICHARD AND WHAT ARMY, FELLA?
HEY, MAN, LOOK.
RICHARD AND WHAT ARMY, FELLA?
HEY, MAN, LOOK.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
HEY, MAN, LOOK.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
THAT ARMY.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
THAT ARMY.
UH-HUH.
THAT ARMY.
UH-HUH.
ALL RIGHT, DO THE FALL.
UH-HUH.
ALL RIGHT, DO THE FALL.
I'M GONNA DO THE FALL NOW.
ALL RIGHT, DO THE FALL.
I'M GONNA DO THE FALL NOW.
HEY, HEY, DIG THE FALL, MAN.
I'M GONNA DO THE FALL NOW.
HEY, HEY, DIG THE FALL, MAN.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.
HEY, HEY, DIG THE FALL, MAN.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.
LIVE FROM NEW...
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.
LIVE FROM NEW...
GARRETT!
LIVE FROM NEW...
GARRETT!
STAND UP A MINUTE. STAND UP.
GARRETT!
STAND UP A MINUTE. STAND UP.
THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FALL IS
STAND UP A MINUTE. STAND UP.
THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FALL IS
TO LOOK LIKE YOU HURT YOURSELF.
THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FALL IS
TO LOOK LIKE YOU HURT YOURSELF.
SO WHEN YOU SAY, "LIVE FROM
TO LOOK LIKE YOU HURT YOURSELF.
SO WHEN YOU SAY, "LIVE FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
SO WHEN YOU SAY, "LIVE FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT, '" IT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT, '" IT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST
KILLED YOURSELF, AND THEY SAY,
NIGHT, '" IT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST
KILLED YOURSELF, AND THEY SAY,
"WHAT A GREAT FALL.
KILLED YOURSELF, AND THEY SAY,
"WHAT A GREAT FALL.
THE GUY REALLY HURT HIMSELF, AND
"WHAT A GREAT FALL.
THE GUY REALLY HURT HIMSELF, AND
THEN HE'S ALL RIGHT."
THE GUY REALLY HURT HIMSELF, AND
THEN HE'S ALL RIGHT."
THAT'S THE POINT, OKAY?
THEN HE'S ALL RIGHT."
THAT'S THE POINT, OKAY?
LET ME TRY IT AGAIN.
THAT'S THE POINT, OKAY?
LET ME TRY IT AGAIN.
I'LL DO ONE FOR YOU, ALL
LET ME TRY IT AGAIN.
I'LL DO ONE FOR YOU, ALL
RIGHT?
I'LL DO ONE FOR YOU, ALL
RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, YOU DO ONE.
RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, YOU DO ONE.
AND I'LL DO THE LINE.
ALL RIGHT, YOU DO ONE.
AND I'LL DO THE LINE.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME, MAN.
AND I'LL DO THE LINE.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME, MAN.
HURRY UP.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME, MAN.
HURRY UP.
ONCE, ALL RIGHT?
HURRY UP.
ONCE, ALL RIGHT?
HURRY UP, MAN.
ONCE, ALL RIGHT?
HURRY UP, MAN.
I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW
HURRY UP, MAN.
I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW
THIS IS DONE.
I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW
THIS IS DONE.
DANNY, YOU WANT TO START IT?
THIS IS DONE.
DANNY, YOU WANT TO START IT?
AND THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO
DANNY, YOU WANT TO START IT?
AND THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO
STRONGLY ABOUT YOU.
AND THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO
STRONGLY ABOUT YOU.
WAITER?
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: STARRING...
WITH...
THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
RICHARD PRYOR!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW YOU DOING?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMING
HERE TO NEW YORK.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMING
HERE TO NEW YORK.
UH, HOPE I'M FUNNY.
HERE TO NEW YORK.
UH, HOPE I'M FUNNY.
I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS SHOW
UH, HOPE I'M FUNNY.
I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS SHOW
TO MILES DAVIS, MY FRIEND, WHO'S
I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS SHOW
TO MILES DAVIS, MY FRIEND, WHO'S
IN THE HOSPITAL, SICK.
TO MILES DAVIS, MY FRIEND, WHO'S
IN THE HOSPITAL, SICK.
BUT HE'S COOL.
IN THE HOSPITAL, SICK.
BUT HE'S COOL.
MILES ALWAYS GETS WOMEN, THOUGH,
BUT HE'S COOL.
MILES ALWAYS GETS WOMEN, THOUGH,
'CAUSE HE TALKS SO COOL.
MILES ALWAYS GETS WOMEN, THOUGH,
'CAUSE HE TALKS SO COOL.
YOU KNOW, MILES BE...
'CAUSE HE TALKS SO COOL.
YOU KNOW, MILES BE...
[Scratchy voice] "WHAT'S
YOU KNOW, MILES BE...
[Scratchy voice] "WHAT'S
HAPPENING?"
[Scratchy voice] "WHAT'S
HAPPENING?"
[Normal voice] I GET WOMEN,
HAPPENING?"
[Normal voice] I GET WOMEN,
TOO.
[Normal voice] I GET WOMEN,
TOO.
I CAN'T KEEP THEM, BUT I GET
TOO.
I CAN'T KEEP THEM, BUT I GET
THEM.
I CAN'T KEEP THEM, BUT I GET
THEM.
AND WOMEN ALWAYS LEAVE ME, MAN.
THEM.
AND WOMEN ALWAYS LEAVE ME, MAN.
I DON'T MIND THEM LEAVING, BUT
AND WOMEN ALWAYS LEAVE ME, MAN.
I DON'T MIND THEM LEAVING, BUT
THEY TELL YOU WHY.
I DON'T MIND THEM LEAVING, BUT
THEY TELL YOU WHY.
[LAUGHTER]
THEY TELL YOU WHY.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
JUST LEAVE. DON'T TELL ME WHY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
JUST LEAVE. DON'T TELL ME WHY.
'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOTHING YOU
JUST LEAVE. DON'T TELL ME WHY.
'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOTHING YOU
CAN DO BUT STAND THERE AND LOOK
'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOTHING YOU
CAN DO BUT STAND THERE AND LOOK
SILLY, RIGHT?
CAN DO BUT STAND THERE AND LOOK
SILLY, RIGHT?
YOU BE...
SILLY, RIGHT?
YOU BE...
AND THE MADDER YOU GET, WOMEN
YOU BE...
AND THE MADDER YOU GET, WOMEN
GET COOL WHEN YOU GET MAD.
AND THE MADDER YOU GET, WOMEN
GET COOL WHEN YOU GET MAD.
"WELL, GO ON AND GET OUT THEN!"
GET COOL WHEN YOU GET MAD.
"WELL, GO ON AND GET OUT THEN!"
"I'M LEAVING."
"WELL, GO ON AND GET OUT THEN!"
"I'M LEAVING."
"I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU
"I'M LEAVING."
"I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU
AGAIN!"
"I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU
AGAIN!"
"DON'T WORRY, YOU SHAN'T."
AGAIN!"
"DON'T WORRY, YOU SHAN'T."
DRIVE YOU TO DRINK, JACK, YOU
"DON'T WORRY, YOU SHAN'T."
DRIVE YOU TO DRINK, JACK, YOU
KNOW?
DRIVE YOU TO DRINK, JACK, YOU
KNOW?
I TRIED DRINKING FOR A WHILE,
KNOW?
I TRIED DRINKING FOR A WHILE,
BUT I USED TO GO INTO BARS AND
I TRIED DRINKING FOR A WHILE,
BUT I USED TO GO INTO BARS AND
CHECK OUT THE PEOPLE THAT WERE
BUT I USED TO GO INTO BARS AND
CHECK OUT THE PEOPLE THAT WERE
DRINKING, AND THEY WEREN'T
CHECK OUT THE PEOPLE THAT WERE
DRINKING, AND THEY WEREN'T
HAPPY AND THEY GET BEAT UP A
DRINKING, AND THEY WEREN'T
HAPPY AND THEY GET BEAT UP A
LOT.
HAPPY AND THEY GET BEAT UP A
LOT.
NO, DRUNKS, THEY START OUT COOL.
LOT.
NO, DRUNKS, THEY START OUT COOL.
BROTHER BE COOL AT FIRST, AND HE
NO, DRUNKS, THEY START OUT COOL.
BROTHER BE COOL AT FIRST, AND HE
GOING, "GIVE ME A SCOTCH AND
BROTHER BE COOL AT FIRST, AND HE
GOING, "GIVE ME A SCOTCH AND
SODA, PLEASE," REAL COOL.
GOING, "GIVE ME A SCOTCH AND
SODA, PLEASE," REAL COOL.
ABOUT A HOUR LATER...
SODA, PLEASE," REAL COOL.
ABOUT A HOUR LATER...
[Slurring] "WHAT?!
ABOUT A HOUR LATER...
[Slurring] "WHAT?!
WHAT YOU MEAN I'M DRUNK?
[Slurring] "WHAT?!
WHAT YOU MEAN I'M DRUNK?
HUH?
WHAT YOU MEAN I'M DRUNK?
HUH?
I WASN'T DRUNK WHEN I CAME IN
HUH?
I WASN'T DRUNK WHEN I CAME IN
HERE.
I WASN'T DRUNK WHEN I CAME IN
HERE.
AND I AIN'T GONNA LEAVE TILL I'M
HERE.
AND I AIN'T GONNA LEAVE TILL I'M
SOBER.
AND I AIN'T GONNA LEAVE TILL I'M
SOBER.
NOW, YOU CAN DIG THAT, BABY.
SOBER.
NOW, YOU CAN DIG THAT, BABY.
BARTENDER!
NOW, YOU CAN DIG THAT, BABY.
BARTENDER!
ARE YOU THE BARTENDER?
BARTENDER!
ARE YOU THE BARTENDER?
GIVE EVERYBODY IN HERE
ARE YOU THE BARTENDER?
GIVE EVERYBODY IN HERE
SOMETHING.
GIVE EVERYBODY IN HERE
SOMETHING.
GIVE THEM A BEER AND 20 STRAWS.
SOMETHING.
GIVE THEM A BEER AND 20 STRAWS.
HA HA!
GIVE THEM A BEER AND 20 STRAWS.
HA HA!
WHOOOO!
HEY! HUH?
WHAT YOU LOOKING AT, BITCH?
WHAT?
WHAT YOU LOOKING AT, BITCH?
WHAT?
NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT
WHAT?
NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT
IS.
NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT
IS.
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STOP
IS.
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STOP
MESSING WITH ME.
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STOP
MESSING WITH ME.
THAT'S WHAT TIME IT IS.
MESSING WITH ME.
THAT'S WHAT TIME IT IS.
I KNOW I'M UGLY, BUT I DON'T
THAT'S WHAT TIME IT IS.
I KNOW I'M UGLY, BUT I DON'T
LOOK LIKE NO CLOCK.
I KNOW I'M UGLY, BUT I DON'T
LOOK LIKE NO CLOCK.
THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.
LOOK LIKE NO CLOCK.
THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.
WHAT?
THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
YOU THE BARTENDER.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
YOU THE BARTENDER.
IF I SAY SOMETHING TO THIS PIECE
YOU THE BARTENDER.
IF I SAY SOMETHING TO THIS PIECE
OF WOOD, THEN YOU SAY SOMETHING.
IF I SAY SOMETHING TO THIS PIECE
OF WOOD, THEN YOU SAY SOMETHING.
OTHERWISE, YOU CAN FREEZE ON
OF WOOD, THEN YOU SAY SOMETHING.
OTHERWISE, YOU CAN FREEZE ON
YOUR THING, BABY.
OTHERWISE, YOU CAN FREEZE ON
YOUR THING, BABY.
YOU KNOW 'CAUSE I'LL BUST YOU
YOUR THING, BABY.
YOU KNOW 'CAUSE I'LL BUST YOU
APART.
YOU KNOW 'CAUSE I'LL BUST YOU
APART.
HA HA!
APART.
HA HA!
WHOOO!
HA HA!
WHOOO!
WHAT YOU WANT, BIG OL' DUDE?
WHOOO!
WHAT YOU WANT, BIG OL' DUDE?
APOLOGIZE TO WHO?
WHAT YOU WANT, BIG OL' DUDE?
APOLOGIZE TO WHO?
FOR WHAT?
APOLOGIZE TO WHO?
FOR WHAT?
I DON'T CARE IF SHE YOUR MA...
FOR WHAT?
I DON'T CARE IF SHE YOUR MA...
HEY, MAN!
I DON'T CARE IF SHE YOUR MA...
HEY, MAN!
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN!
HEY, MAN!
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN!
I'M JUST KIDDING, MAN, WHAT YOU
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN!
I'M JUST KIDDING, MAN, WHAT YOU
DOING?
I'M JUST KIDDING, MAN, WHAT YOU
DOING?
YOU DONE KICKED ME IN THE ASS,
DOING?
YOU DONE KICKED ME IN THE ASS,
BABY!
YOU DONE KICKED ME IN THE ASS,
BABY!
YOU IN A WORLD OF TROUBLE NOW!
BABY!
YOU IN A WORLD OF TROUBLE NOW!
NO, DON'T HOLD HIM.
YOU IN A WORLD OF TROUBLE NOW!
NO, DON'T HOLD HIM.
LET HIM GO, BABY.
NO, DON'T HOLD HIM.
LET HIM GO, BABY.
COME ON, YOU WANT SOME OF ME?
LET HIM GO, BABY.
COME ON, YOU WANT SOME OF ME?
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.
COME ON, YOU WANT SOME OF ME?
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.
I'M ONLY KIDDING, YOU KNOW."
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.
I'M ONLY KIDDING, YOU KNOW."
[Imitates vomiting]
I'M ONLY KIDDING, YOU KNOW."
[Imitates vomiting]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S WHY...
THAT'S WHY I DON'T DRINK SO
MUCH...
THAT'S WHY I DON'T DRINK SO
MUCH...
OR TAKE ACID, EITHER.
MUCH...
OR TAKE ACID, EITHER.
WHITE DUDES TAKE ACID.
OR TAKE ACID, EITHER.
WHITE DUDES TAKE ACID.
THEY DO.
WHITE DUDES TAKE ACID.
THEY DO.
THEY TAKE ACID AND GO SEE
THEY DO.
THEY TAKE ACID AND GO SEE
"THE EXORCIST."
THEY TAKE ACID AND GO SEE
"THE EXORCIST."
THEY'RE CRAZY.
"THE EXORCIST."
THEY'RE CRAZY.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME ACID
THEY'RE CRAZY.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME ACID
ONCE AT A PARTY, TOO, JACK.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME ACID
ONCE AT A PARTY, TOO, JACK.
AND I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY BEFORE
ONCE AT A PARTY, TOO, JACK.
AND I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY BEFORE
I TOOK IT.
AND I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY BEFORE
I TOOK IT.
IT SANED ME RIGHT UP.
I TOOK IT.
IT SANED ME RIGHT UP.
DUDE SAY, "THIS IS FAR OUT."
IT SANED ME RIGHT UP.
DUDE SAY, "THIS IS FAR OUT."
I SAID, "WHAT?"
DUDE SAY, "THIS IS FAR OUT."
I SAID, "WHAT?"
HE SAYS, "IT'S FAR OUT."
I SAID, "WHAT?"
HE SAYS, "IT'S FAR OUT."
I TOOK IT, JACK.
HE SAYS, "IT'S FAR OUT."
I TOOK IT, JACK.
"YOU'RE GONNA BE TRIPPING."
I TOOK IT, JACK.
"YOU'RE GONNA BE TRIPPING."
ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER, I WAS AT
"YOU'RE GONNA BE TRIPPING."
ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER, I WAS AT
THE PARTY, YOU KNOW.
ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER, I WAS AT
THE PARTY, YOU KNOW.
"HEY, BLOOD, WHAT'S HAPPENING,
THE PARTY, YOU KNOW.
"HEY, BLOOD, WHAT'S HAPPENING,
HOMEY?
"HEY, BLOOD, WHAT'S HAPPENING,
HOMEY?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
HOMEY?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EVERYTHING IS COOL.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EVERYTHING IS COOL.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME STUFF,
EVERYTHING IS COOL.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME STUFF,
TALKING ABOUT I'M GONNA BE
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME STUFF,
TALKING ABOUT I'M GONNA BE
TRIPPING!
TALKING ABOUT I'M GONNA BE
TRIPPING!
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T GOING NO PLACE
TRIPPING!
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T GOING NO PLACE
WITHOUT MY LUGGAGE.
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T GOING NO PLACE
WITHOUT MY LUGGAGE.
BELIEVE THAT."
WITHOUT MY LUGGAGE.
BELIEVE THAT."
[LAUGHTER]
"LOOK AT THIS, MAN!
I CAN CATCH MY HAND!
WHAAAAAAAAAA-AWWWWWW-AAAAAHHHH-
I CAN CATCH MY HAND!
WHAAAAAAAAAA-AWWWWWW-AAAAAHHHH-
OHHHHHH!
WHAAAAAAAAAA-AWWWWWW-AAAAAHHHH-
OHHHHHH!
UH-OH.
OHHHHHH!
UH-OH.
[Slowly] I'VE GOT TO GET OUT
UH-OH.
[Slowly] I'VE GOT TO GET OUT
OF HERE.
[Slowly] I'VE GOT TO GET OUT
OF HERE.
WHAAAAAAAA!
OF HERE.
WHAAAAAAAA!
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO BREATHE!
WHAAAAAAAA!
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO BREATHE!
I CAN'T BREATHE!
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO BREATHE!
I CAN'T BREATHE!
1, 2, 3.
I CAN'T BREATHE!
1, 2, 3.
AIN'T NOTHING HAPPENING, MAN!"
1, 2, 3.
AIN'T NOTHING HAPPENING, MAN!"
"I TOLD YOU IT WAS FAR OUT!"
AIN'T NOTHING HAPPENING, MAN!"
"I TOLD YOU IT WAS FAR OUT!"
"I'M GONNA DIE!
"I TOLD YOU IT WAS FAR OUT!"
"I'M GONNA DIE!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.
"I'M GONNA DIE!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.
I'M GONNA DIE!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
WHOA, YEAH!
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-HI-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-HI-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-HI-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
[Chanting] HEY, HEY, HO, HO,
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
[Chanting] HEY, HEY, HO, HO,
HO, HO, HO, HO!
[Chanting] HEY, HEY, HO, HO,
HO, HO, HO, HO!
[Slowly] WHAT IN THE WORLD IS
HO, HO, HO, HO!
[Slowly] WHAT IN THE WORLD IS
HAPPENING TO ME?"
[Slowly] WHAT IN THE WORLD IS
HAPPENING TO ME?"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER
EDITION OF "SAMURAI HOTEL."
[GONG BANGS]
EDITION OF "SAMURAI HOTEL."
[GONG BANGS]
[MUMBLING, SHOUTING
[GONG BANGS]
[MUMBLING, SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY]
EXCUSE ME?
EXCUSE ME.
I'D LIKE A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT,
EXCUSE ME.
I'D LIKE A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT,
PLEASE.
I'D LIKE A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT,
PLEASE.
[Imitating Japanese]
PLEASE.
[Imitating Japanese]
ACTUALLY, I'LL BE STAYING
[Imitating Japanese]
ACTUALLY, I'LL BE STAYING
THROUGH TILL PROBABLY TUESDAY.
ACTUALLY, I'LL BE STAYING
THROUGH TILL PROBABLY TUESDAY.
[Imitating Japanese]
THROUGH TILL PROBABLY TUESDAY.
[Imitating Japanese]
DO YOU HAVE A KING-SIZE BED,
[Imitating Japanese]
DO YOU HAVE A KING-SIZE BED,
ONE WITH A KING-SIZE BED?
DO YOU HAVE A KING-SIZE BED,
ONE WITH A KING-SIZE BED?
[Imitating Japanese]
ONE WITH A KING-SIZE BED?
[Imitating Japanese]
[CHUCKLES]
[Imitating Japanese]
[CHUCKLES]
[Imitating Japanese]
[CHUCKLES]
[Imitating Japanese]
IF I COULD JUST PERHAPS GET A
[Imitating Japanese]
IF I COULD JUST PERHAPS GET A
ROOM WITH, UH... YOU KNOW WHAT
IF I COULD JUST PERHAPS GET A
ROOM WITH, UH... YOU KNOW WHAT
I'D LIKE?
ROOM WITH, UH... YOU KNOW WHAT
I'D LIKE?
A ROOM OVERLOOKING THE PARK.
I'D LIKE?
A ROOM OVERLOOKING THE PARK.
ARE THE RATES HIGH FOR THAT?
A ROOM OVERLOOKING THE PARK.
ARE THE RATES HIGH FOR THAT?
AAH!
ARE THE RATES HIGH FOR THAT?
AAH!
[Imitating Japanese]
AAH!
[Imitating Japanese]
AY!
[Imitating Japanese]
AY!
[WHIMPERING]
AY!
[WHIMPERING]
DO YOU HAVE ROOM SERVICE?
[WHIMPERING]
DO YOU HAVE ROOM SERVICE?
ROOM SERVICE.
DO YOU HAVE ROOM SERVICE?
ROOM SERVICE.
[Imitating Japanese]
ROOM SERVICE.
[Imitating Japanese]
THAT'S FINE.
[Imitating Japanese]
THAT'S FINE.
[Imitating Japanese]
THAT'S FINE.
[Imitating Japanese]
WHAT'S YOUR CHECK-OUT TIME?
[Imitating Japanese]
WHAT'S YOUR CHECK-OUT TIME?
[Imitating Japanese]
AY!
AY!
COULD YOU GET A BELLBOY TO
AY!
COULD YOU GET A BELLBOY TO
GET MY BAGS, PLEASE,
COULD YOU GET A BELLBOY TO
GET MY BAGS, PLEASE,
CARRY MY BAGS UP?
GET MY BAGS, PLEASE,
CARRY MY BAGS UP?
THANK YOU.
CARRY MY BAGS UP?
THANK YOU.
[Imitating Japanese]
THANK YOU.
[Imitating Japanese]
THANK YOU.
[Imitating Japanese]
THANK YOU.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
THANK YOU.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[Imitating Japanese]
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
Both: [Imitating Japanese]
FELLAS?
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS GONNA CARRY
MY BAGS UPSTAIRS?
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS GONNA CARRY
MY BAGS UPSTAIRS?
Both: AAH!
MY BAGS UPSTAIRS?
Both: AAH!
[Imitating Japanese]
AAH!
[Imitating Japanese]
YOUR MAMA-SAN!
[Imitating Japanese]
YOUR MAMA-SAN!
MY MAMA-SAN?
YOUR MAMA-SAN!
MY MAMA-SAN?
AAAAH!
MY MAMA-SAN?
AAAAH!
WELL, I CAN DIG WHERE YOU'RE
AAAAH!
WELL, I CAN DIG WHERE YOU'RE
COMING FROM.
WELL, I CAN DIG WHERE YOU'RE
COMING FROM.
I'LL TAKE THESE BAGS UP TO THE
COMING FROM.
I'LL TAKE THESE BAGS UP TO THE
ROOM.
I'LL TAKE THESE BAGS UP TO THE
ROOM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HERE'S A MAN I WANTED ON THE
SHOW AND HIS ORGANIZATION.
HIS LATEST ALBUM,
SHOW AND HIS ORGANIZATION.
HIS LATEST ALBUM,
GIL SCOTT-HERON, AND HERE HE IS.
HIS LATEST ALBUM,
GIL SCOTT-HERON, AND HERE HE IS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
GIL SCOTT-HERON, AND HERE HE IS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. GIL SCOTT-HERON.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. GIL SCOTT-HERON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MR. GIL SCOTT-HERON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE'D LIKE TO DO A TUNE FOR
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE'D LIKE TO DO A TUNE FOR
THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN
WE'D LIKE TO DO A TUNE FOR
THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN
SOUTH AFRICA CALLED
THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN
SOUTH AFRICA CALLED
"JOHANNESBURG."
SOUTH AFRICA CALLED
"JOHANNESBURG."
AND WHEN WE SAY, "WHAT'S THE
"JOHANNESBURG."
AND WHEN WE SAY, "WHAT'S THE
WORD?" WE'D LIKE TO HAVE Y'ALL
AND WHEN WE SAY, "WHAT'S THE
WORD?" WE'D LIKE TO HAVE Y'ALL
HELP US OUT, SAYING
WORD?" WE'D LIKE TO HAVE Y'ALL
HELP US OUT, SAYING
"JOHANNESBURG."
HELP US OUT, SAYING
"JOHANNESBURG."
LET'S GO.
"JOHANNESBURG."
LET'S GO.
[PIANO PLAYS]
LET'S GO.
[PIANO PLAYS]
HA!
[PIANO PLAYS]
HA!
HELP!
♪ I SAID, WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
♪ THEY TELL ME THAT OUR BROTHERS
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
♪ THEY TELL ME THAT OUR BROTHERS
OVER THERE ARE DEFYIN' THE MAN ♪
♪ THEY TELL ME THAT OUR BROTHERS
OVER THERE ARE DEFYIN' THE MAN ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T KNOW FOR SURE
OVER THERE ARE DEFYIN' THE MAN ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T KNOW FOR SURE
BECAUSE THE NEWS WE GET IS
♪ AND WE DON'T KNOW FOR SURE
BECAUSE THE NEWS WE GET IS
UNRELIABLE, MAN ♪
BECAUSE THE NEWS WE GET IS
UNRELIABLE, MAN ♪
♪ YES, I... I HATE IT WHEN THE
UNRELIABLE, MAN ♪
♪ YES, I... I HATE IT WHEN THE
BLOOD STARTS FLOWIN' ♪
♪ YES, I... I HATE IT WHEN THE
BLOOD STARTS FLOWIN' ♪
♪ BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE RESISTANCE
BLOOD STARTS FLOWIN' ♪
♪ BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE RESISTANCE
GROWIN' ♪
♪ BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE RESISTANCE
GROWIN' ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
GROWIN' ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
WORD? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
WORD? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
WORD? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
MAN!
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
MAN!
♪ AND I KNOW THAT THEY'RE
MAN!
♪ AND I KNOW THAT THEY'RE
STRUGGLIN' OVER THERE ♪
♪ AND I KNOW THAT THEY'RE
STRUGGLIN' OVER THERE ♪
♪ THAT AIN'T GONNA FREE ME ♪
STRUGGLIN' OVER THERE ♪
♪ THAT AIN'T GONNA FREE ME ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT WE'VE ALL GOT TO BE
♪ THAT AIN'T GONNA FREE ME ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT WE'VE ALL GOT TO BE
STRUGGLIN' ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT WE'VE ALL GOT TO BE
STRUGGLIN' ♪
♪ IF WE WANT TO BE FREE ♪
STRUGGLIN' ♪
♪ IF WE WANT TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU WANT TO BE
♪ IF WE WANT TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU WANT TO BE
FREE, FREE? ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU WANT TO BE
FREE, FREE? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, NOW ♪
♪ SOMETIMES DISTANCE BRINGS
MISUNDERSTANDING ♪
♪ SOMETIMES DISTANCE BRINGS
MISUNDERSTANDING ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT DEEP IN MY HEART,
MISUNDERSTANDING ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT DEEP IN MY HEART,
I'M DEMANDING ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT DEEP IN MY HEART,
I'M DEMANDING ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
I'M DEMANDING ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
WORD? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO GET... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO GET... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO GET... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF L.A. LIKE JOHANNESBURG ♪
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF L.A. LIKE JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF NEW YORK LIKE
♪ IF L.A. LIKE JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF NEW YORK LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF NEW YORK LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
WORD ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
WORD ♪
♪ AND I SAID WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
WORD ♪
♪ AND I SAID WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ AND I SAID WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
IF PHILADELPHIA LIKE
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
IF PHILADELPHIA LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
IF PHILADELPHIA LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF DETROIT'S LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF DETROIT'S LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF DETROIT'S LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
WORD ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
WORD ♪
♪ AIN'T NOTHING BUT A WORD ♪
WORD ♪
♪ AIN'T NOTHING BUT A WORD ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ AIN'T NOTHING BUT A WORD ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ PROVE YOU'RE YOU INSTEAD OF
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ PROVE YOU'RE YOU INSTEAD OF
ME ♪
♪ PROVE YOU'RE YOU INSTEAD OF
ME ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
ME ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SO WHAT'S THE... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SO WHAT'S THE... ♪
RIGHT HERE, BROTHERS.
♪ SO WHAT'S THE... ♪
RIGHT HERE, BROTHERS.
♪ YEAH ♪
RIGHT HERE, BROTHERS.
♪ YEAH ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GOOD EVENING!
WELCOME TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
WELCOME TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS THE AUTHOR
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS THE AUTHOR
OF SEVERAL BOOKS ON RACE IN
OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS THE AUTHOR
OF SEVERAL BOOKS ON RACE IN
AMERICA.
OF SEVERAL BOOKS ON RACE IN
AMERICA.
AND HE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT HIS
AMERICA.
AND HE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT HIS
LATEST BOOK, "WHITE LIKE ME."
AND HE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT HIS
LATEST BOOK, "WHITE LIKE ME."
WELCOME, WON'T YOU,
LATEST BOOK, "WHITE LIKE ME."
WELCOME, WON'T YOU,
JUNIOR GRIFFIN.
WELCOME, WON'T YOU,
JUNIOR GRIFFIN.
JUNIOR, WHY DON'T YOU BEGIN BY
JUNIOR GRIFFIN.
JUNIOR, WHY DON'T YOU BEGIN BY
DESCRIBING THE ORDEAL BEHIND
JUNIOR, WHY DON'T YOU BEGIN BY
DESCRIBING THE ORDEAL BEHIND
YOUR BOOK?
DESCRIBING THE ORDEAL BEHIND
YOUR BOOK?
WELL, I DECIDED THAT THE ONLY
YOUR BOOK?
WELL, I DECIDED THAT THE ONLY
WAY TO UNDERSTAND A WHITE MAN'S
WELL, I DECIDED THAT THE ONLY
WAY TO UNDERSTAND A WHITE MAN'S
PROBLEMS WAS ACTUALLY TO BECOME
WAY TO UNDERSTAND A WHITE MAN'S
PROBLEMS WAS ACTUALLY TO BECOME
A WHITE MAN, GET WHITE SKIN, AND
PROBLEMS WAS ACTUALLY TO BECOME
A WHITE MAN, GET WHITE SKIN, AND
LIVE LIKE A WHITE MAN IN A
A WHITE MAN, GET WHITE SKIN, AND
LIVE LIKE A WHITE MAN IN A
WHITE MAN'S WORLD, YOU KNOW?
LIVE LIKE A WHITE MAN IN A
WHITE MAN'S WORLD, YOU KNOW?
AND, UH, HOW DID YOU
WHITE MAN'S WORLD, YOU KNOW?
AND, UH, HOW DID YOU
ACCOMPLISH THIS?
AND, UH, HOW DID YOU
ACCOMPLISH THIS?
SHOE POLISH.
ACCOMPLISH THIS?
SHOE POLISH.
HERE'S A COPY OF THE BOOK
SHOE POLISH.
HERE'S A COPY OF THE BOOK
WITH A PICTURE OF JUNIOR AS A
HERE'S A COPY OF THE BOOK
WITH A PICTURE OF JUNIOR AS A
WHITE MAN.
WITH A PICTURE OF JUNIOR AS A
WHITE MAN.
JUNIOR, WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO
WHITE MAN.
JUNIOR, WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO
SUDDENLY BE WHITE?
JUNIOR, WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO
SUDDENLY BE WHITE?
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT WAS
SUDDENLY BE WHITE?
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT WAS
SPOOKY.
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT WAS
SPOOKY.
I WAS WALKING AROUND WITH THE
SPOOKY.
I WAS WALKING AROUND WITH THE
CREDIT CARDS BULGING OUT OF MY
I WAS WALKING AROUND WITH THE
CREDIT CARDS BULGING OUT OF MY
WALLET, YOU KNOW?
CREDIT CARDS BULGING OUT OF MY
WALLET, YOU KNOW?
AND I'D APPLY FOR JOBS, GET
WALLET, YOU KNOW?
AND I'D APPLY FOR JOBS, GET
ACCEPTED 8 OUT OF 10 TIMES, YOU
AND I'D APPLY FOR JOBS, GET
ACCEPTED 8 OUT OF 10 TIMES, YOU
KNOW?
ACCEPTED 8 OUT OF 10 TIMES, YOU
KNOW?
AND THINGS I NEVER DREAMT OF WAS
KNOW?
AND THINGS I NEVER DREAMT OF WAS
HAPPENING TO ME, YOU KNOW?
AND THINGS I NEVER DREAMT OF WAS
HAPPENING TO ME, YOU KNOW?
IT WAS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE.
HAPPENING TO ME, YOU KNOW?
IT WAS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO
IT WAS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO
OFFEND YOU, JUNIOR, BUT I DON'T
YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO
OFFEND YOU, JUNIOR, BUT I DON'T
THINK I WOULD BELIEVE YOU WERE
OFFEND YOU, JUNIOR, BUT I DON'T
THINK I WOULD BELIEVE YOU WERE
WHITE EVEN WITH SHOE POLISH.
THINK I WOULD BELIEVE YOU WERE
WHITE EVEN WITH SHOE POLISH.
DID ANY OTHER WHITE FOLKS CATCH
WHITE EVEN WITH SHOE POLISH.
DID ANY OTHER WHITE FOLKS CATCH
ON TO YOUR GAME?
DID ANY OTHER WHITE FOLKS CATCH
ON TO YOUR GAME?
NOT A ONE.
ON TO YOUR GAME?
NOT A ONE.
THERE'S SOME DUMB HONKIES OUT
NOT A ONE.
THERE'S SOME DUMB HONKIES OUT
THERE.
THERE'S SOME DUMB HONKIES OUT
THERE.
THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON A BIT
THERE.
THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON A BIT
BECAUSE I GOT INTO IT, YOU KNOW?
THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON A BIT
BECAUSE I GOT INTO IT, YOU KNOW?
I BECAME A WHITE PERSON AND GOT
BECAUSE I GOT INTO IT, YOU KNOW?
I BECAME A WHITE PERSON AND GOT
A WHITE ATTITUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT
I BECAME A WHITE PERSON AND GOT
A WHITE ATTITUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT
I MEAN?
A WHITE ATTITUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT
I MEAN?
COULD YOU DEMONSTRATE THIS
I MEAN?
COULD YOU DEMONSTRATE THIS
FOR US?
COULD YOU DEMONSTRATE THIS
FOR US?
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
FOR US?
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
BUT, SEE, THERE'S A CERTAIN
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
BUT, SEE, THERE'S A CERTAIN
WHITE WALK THAT YOU HAVE TO
BUT, SEE, THERE'S A CERTAIN
WHITE WALK THAT YOU HAVE TO
HAVE, YOU KNOW, AND A CERTAIN
WHITE WALK THAT YOU HAVE TO
HAVE, YOU KNOW, AND A CERTAIN
WHITE TALK.
HAVE, YOU KNOW, AND A CERTAIN
WHITE TALK.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST BE LIKE
WHITE TALK.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST BE LIKE
THIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST BE LIKE
THIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YOU GOT TO GET DOWN AND SAY
THIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YOU GOT TO GET DOWN AND SAY
THINGS LIKE, "EXCUSE ME?
YOU GOT TO GET DOWN AND SAY
THINGS LIKE, "EXCUSE ME?
WOULD YOU MOVE OUT OF MY WAY?"
THINGS LIKE, "EXCUSE ME?
WOULD YOU MOVE OUT OF MY WAY?"
AND YOU WALK LIKE THIS.
WOULD YOU MOVE OUT OF MY WAY?"
AND YOU WALK LIKE THIS.
CHECK THIS WALK.
YOU GOT ME.
[LAUGHS]
TELL ME, JUNIOR, DO YOU HAVE ANY
[LAUGHS]
TELL ME, JUNIOR, DO YOU HAVE ANY
WORKS IN PROGRESS?
TELL ME, JUNIOR, DO YOU HAVE ANY
WORKS IN PROGRESS?
WELL, I'M WORKING ON A NEW
WORKS IN PROGRESS?
WELL, I'M WORKING ON A NEW
BOOK.
WELL, I'M WORKING ON A NEW
BOOK.
IT'S FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A
BOOK.
IT'S FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A
WHITE JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESS.
IT'S FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A
WHITE JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESS.
THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY
WHITE JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESS.
THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY
DIFFICULT.
THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY
DIFFICULT.
IT'S GONNA BE TRICKY, ALL
DIFFICULT.
IT'S GONNA BE TRICKY, ALL
RIGHT.
IT'S GONNA BE TRICKY, ALL
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE
A SEX-CHANGE OPERATION, AND I'M
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE
A SEX-CHANGE OPERATION, AND I'M
GONNA MARRY A DOCTOR.
A SEX-CHANGE OPERATION, AND I'M
GONNA MARRY A DOCTOR.
WELL, WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT
GONNA MARRY A DOCTOR.
WELL, WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT
THAT LATER.
WELL, WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT
THAT LATER.
GET A COUPLE KIDS, PROBABLY.
THAT LATER.
GET A COUPLE KIDS, PROBABLY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JUNIOR,
GET A COUPLE KIDS, PROBABLY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JUNIOR,
FOR BEING ON THIS SHOW, AND
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JUNIOR,
FOR BEING ON THIS SHOW, AND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FOR BEING ON THIS SHOW, AND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FILMED MESSAGE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FILMED MESSAGE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HONEY, I'M HOME!
DADDY!
HEY, PAL!
DADDY!
HEY, PAL!
[LAUGHS]
HEY, PAL!
[LAUGHS]
HOW YOU DOING?
[LAUGHS]
HOW YOU DOING?
YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME, A
HOW YOU DOING?
YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME, A
GOOD JOB, SOLID INVESTMENTS, A
YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME, A
GOOD JOB, SOLID INVESTMENTS, A
WONDERFUL FAMILY... EVERYTHING
GOOD JOB, SOLID INVESTMENTS, A
WONDERFUL FAMILY... EVERYTHING
YOU NEED FOR THE FUTURE...
WONDERFUL FAMILY... EVERYTHING
YOU NEED FOR THE FUTURE...
OR IS IT?
YOU NEED FOR THE FUTURE...
OR IS IT?
WHAT IF YOU WERE SUDDENLY OUT OF
OR IS IT?
WHAT IF YOU WERE SUDDENLY OUT OF
THE PICTURE?
WHAT IF YOU WERE SUDDENLY OUT OF
THE PICTURE?
SHOULD TRAGEDY STRIKE, WHAT
THE PICTURE?
SHOULD TRAGEDY STRIKE, WHAT
WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM?
SHOULD TRAGEDY STRIKE, WHAT
WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM?
SURE, YOU'VE PROVIDED FOR THEM
WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM?
SURE, YOU'VE PROVIDED FOR THEM
FINANCIALLY, BUT WHAT ABOUT
SURE, YOU'VE PROVIDED FOR THEM
FINANCIALLY, BUT WHAT ABOUT
THEIR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL
FINANCIALLY, BUT WHAT ABOUT
THEIR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL
NEEDS?
THEIR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL
NEEDS?
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
NEEDS?
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
HONEY, I'M HOME!
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
HONEY, I'M HOME!
DADDY!
HONEY, I'M HOME!
DADDY!
YES, IT'S "NEW DAD"... - A
DADDY!
YES, IT'S "NEW DAD"... - A
RADICALLY NEW CONCEPT IN FAMILY
YES, IT'S "NEW DAD"... - A
RADICALLY NEW CONCEPT IN FAMILY
INSURANCE COVERAGE.
RADICALLY NEW CONCEPT IN FAMILY
INSURANCE COVERAGE.
WITHIN SECONDS AFTER "OLD DAD"
INSURANCE COVERAGE.
WITHIN SECONDS AFTER "OLD DAD"
IS OUT, WE'LL HAVE "NEW DAD"
WITHIN SECONDS AFTER "OLD DAD"
IS OUT, WE'LL HAVE "NEW DAD"
THERE TO TAKE HIS PLACE.
IS OUT, WE'LL HAVE "NEW DAD"
THERE TO TAKE HIS PLACE.
IS YOUR FAMILY COMPLETELY
THERE TO TAKE HIS PLACE.
IS YOUR FAMILY COMPLETELY
COVERED... NOT JUST FINANCIALLY,
IS YOUR FAMILY COMPLETELY
COVERED... NOT JUST FINANCIALLY,
BUT IN EVERY WAY?
COVERED... NOT JUST FINANCIALLY,
BUT IN EVERY WAY?
WHY NOT CALL YOUR LOCAL
BUT IN EVERY WAY?
WHY NOT CALL YOUR LOCAL
INDEPENDENT INSURANCE AGENT
WHY NOT CALL YOUR LOCAL
INDEPENDENT INSURANCE AGENT
TODAY AND ASK HIM ABOUT OUR
INDEPENDENT INSURANCE AGENT
TODAY AND ASK HIM ABOUT OUR
"NEW DAD" POLICY BEFORE IT'S TOO
TODAY AND ASK HIM ABOUT OUR
"NEW DAD" POLICY BEFORE IT'S TOO
LATE.
"NEW DAD" POLICY BEFORE IT'S TOO
LATE.
THAT'S "NEW DAD"... THE ONLY
LATE.
THAT'S "NEW DAD"... THE ONLY
INSURANCE THAT COVERS ALL OF
THAT'S "NEW DAD"... THE ONLY
INSURANCE THAT COVERS ALL OF
THEIR NEEDS.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT NOW, MA'AM, PLEASE
DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED.
NOW, THE SUSPECTS CANNOT SEE
DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED.
NOW, THE SUSPECTS CANNOT SEE
YOU.
NOW, THE SUSPECTS CANNOT SEE
YOU.
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE MAN WHO
YOU.
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE MAN WHO
ASSAULTED YOU?
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE MAN WHO
ASSAULTED YOU?
WELL, I... I COULDN'T SEE HIM
ASSAULTED YOU?
WELL, I... I COULDN'T SEE HIM
TOO CLEARLY, BUT I'M SURE IT'S
WELL, I... I COULDN'T SEE HIM
TOO CLEARLY, BUT I'M SURE IT'S
THE ONE IN THE HANDCUFFS.
TOO CLEARLY, BUT I'M SURE IT'S
THE ONE IN THE HANDCUFFS.
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
THE ONE IN THE HANDCUFFS.
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, MR. WILSON, YOU'VE
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, MR. WILSON, YOU'VE
DONE JUST FINE ON THE RORSCHACH.
ALL RIGHT, MR. WILSON, YOU'VE
DONE JUST FINE ON THE RORSCHACH.
YOUR PAPERS ARE IN GOOD ORDER.
DONE JUST FINE ON THE RORSCHACH.
YOUR PAPERS ARE IN GOOD ORDER.
THE FILE'S FINE.
YOUR PAPERS ARE IN GOOD ORDER.
THE FILE'S FINE.
NO DIFFICULTY WITH YOUR MOTOR
THE FILE'S FINE.
NO DIFFICULTY WITH YOUR MOTOR
SKILLS.
NO DIFFICULTY WITH YOUR MOTOR
SKILLS.
AND I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY
SKILLS.
AND I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY
PRETTY READY FOR THIS JOB.
AND I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY
PRETTY READY FOR THIS JOB.
WE GOT ONE MORE KIND OF
PRETTY READY FOR THIS JOB.
WE GOT ONE MORE KIND OF
PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST WE ALWAYS DO
WE GOT ONE MORE KIND OF
PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST WE ALWAYS DO
HERE.
PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST WE ALWAYS DO
HERE.
IT'S JUST A WORD ASSOCIATION.
HERE.
IT'S JUST A WORD ASSOCIATION.
I'LL THROW YOU OUT A FEW WORDS.
IT'S JUST A WORD ASSOCIATION.
I'LL THROW YOU OUT A FEW WORDS.
ANYTHING THAT COMES TO YOUR
I'LL THROW YOU OUT A FEW WORDS.
ANYTHING THAT COMES TO YOUR
MIND, JUST THROW BACK AT ME,
ANYTHING THAT COMES TO YOUR
MIND, JUST THROW BACK AT ME,
OKAY, JUST KIND OF AN ARBITRARY
MIND, JUST THROW BACK AT ME,
OKAY, JUST KIND OF AN ARBITRARY
THING.
OKAY, JUST KIND OF AN ARBITRARY
THING.
IF I SAID, "DOG", YOU'D SAY...
THING.
IF I SAID, "DOG", YOU'D SAY...
TREE.
IF I SAID, "DOG", YOU'D SAY...
TREE.
TREE.
TREE.
TREE.
DOG.
TREE.
DOG.
TREE.
DOG.
TREE.
FAST.
TREE.
FAST.
SLOW.
FAST.
SLOW.
RAIN.
SLOW.
RAIN.
SNOW.
RAIN.
SNOW.
WHITE.
SNOW.
WHITE.
BLACK.
WHITE.
BLACK.
BEAN.
BLACK.
BEAN.
POD.
BEAN.
POD.
NEGRO.
POD.
NEGRO.
WHITEY.
NEGRO.
WHITEY.
TAR BABY.
WHITEY.
TAR BABY.
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
TAR BABY.
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
TAR BABY.
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
TAR BABY.
OFAY.
TAR BABY.
OFAY.
COLORED.
OFAY.
COLORED.
REDNECK.
COLORED.
REDNECK.
JUNGLE BUNNY.
REDNECK.
JUNGLE BUNNY.
PECKERWOOD!
JUNGLE BUNNY.
PECKERWOOD!
BURR HEAD.
PECKERWOOD!
BURR HEAD.
CRACKER!
BURR HEAD.
CRACKER!
SPEAR CHUCKER.
CRACKER!
SPEAR CHUCKER.
WHITE TRASH!
SPEAR CHUCKER.
WHITE TRASH!
JUNGLE BUNNY!
WHITE TRASH!
JUNGLE BUNNY!
HONKY!
JUNGLE BUNNY!
HONKY!
SPADE!
HONKY!
SPADE!
HONKY HONKY!
SPADE!
HONKY HONKY!
NIGGER!
HONKY HONKY!
NIGGER!
DEAD HONKY!
OKAY, MR. WILSON.
I THINK YOU'RE QUALIFIED FOR
THIS JOB.
I THINK YOU'RE QUALIFIED FOR
THIS JOB.
HOW ABOUT A STARTING SALARY OF
THIS JOB.
HOW ABOUT A STARTING SALARY OF
$5,000?
HOW ABOUT A STARTING SALARY OF
$5,000?
YOUR MAMA!
$5,000?
YOUR MAMA!
UH, $7,500 A YEAR?
YOUR MAMA!
UH, $7,500 A YEAR?
YOUR GRANDMAMA!
UH, $7,500 A YEAR?
YOUR GRANDMAMA!
$15,000, MR. WILSON... YOU'LL
YOUR GRANDMAMA!
$15,000, MR. WILSON... YOU'LL
BE THE HIGHEST-PAID JANITOR IN
$15,000, MR. WILSON... YOU'LL
BE THE HIGHEST-PAID JANITOR IN
AMERICA.
BE THE HIGHEST-PAID JANITOR IN
AMERICA.
JUST DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE.
AMERICA.
JUST DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE.
OKAY.
JUST DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE.
OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY.
YOU WANT ME TO START NOW?
OKAY.
YOU WANT ME TO START NOW?
OH, NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU WANT ME TO START NOW?
OH, NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'LL CLEAN ALL THIS UP.
OH, NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'LL CLEAN ALL THIS UP.
TAKE A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFF.
I'LL CLEAN ALL THIS UP.
TAKE A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFF.
YOU LOOK TIRED.
TAKE A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFF.
YOU LOOK TIRED.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH, I HEARD YOU GUYS LOST
TO THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO
LAST NIGHT.
TO THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO
LAST NIGHT.
WHAT WAS IT, 11 TO 2?
LAST NIGHT.
WHAT WAS IT, 11 TO 2?
YEAH, THEY HAD THIS ONE GUY
WHAT WAS IT, 11 TO 2?
YEAH, THEY HAD THIS ONE GUY
NAMED BOUCHARD WHO WAS JUST
YEAH, THEY HAD THIS ONE GUY
NAMED BOUCHARD WHO WAS JUST
AMAZING.
NAMED BOUCHARD WHO WAS JUST
AMAZING.
HE LOOKED LIKE HE PLAYED PRO
AMAZING.
HE LOOKED LIKE HE PLAYED PRO
HOCKEY OR SOMETHING.
HE LOOKED LIKE HE PLAYED PRO
HOCKEY OR SOMETHING.
ANYWAY, HE HAD A GREAT NIGHT.
HOCKEY OR SOMETHING.
ANYWAY, HE HAD A GREAT NIGHT.
SOUNDS LIKE, UH, SOUNDS...
ANYWAY, HE HAD A GREAT NIGHT.
SOUNDS LIKE, UH, SOUNDS...
SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD IT PRETTY
SOUNDS LIKE, UH, SOUNDS...
SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD IT PRETTY
ROUGH LAST NIGHT.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD IT PRETTY
ROUGH LAST NIGHT.
WELL, YEAH, BUT I SCORED A
ROUGH LAST NIGHT.
WELL, YEAH, BUT I SCORED A
GOAL.
WELL, YEAH, BUT I SCORED A
GOAL.
YOU SCORED A GOAL?
GOAL.
YOU SCORED A GOAL?
BUT YOU'RE THE GOALIE, RIGHT?
YOU SCORED A GOAL?
BUT YOU'RE THE GOALIE, RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M THE GOALIE.
BUT YOU'RE THE GOALIE, RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M THE GOALIE.
YEAH.
YEAH, I'M THE GOALIE.
YEAH.
WHAT HAPPENED WAS THIS BOUCHARD
YEAH.
WHAT HAPPENED WAS THIS BOUCHARD
HAD AN INCREDIBLE SLAP SHOT, AND
WHAT HAPPENED WAS THIS BOUCHARD
HAD AN INCREDIBLE SLAP SHOT, AND
HE... HE HIT ONE REAL HARD.
HAD AN INCREDIBLE SLAP SHOT, AND
HE... HE HIT ONE REAL HARD.
I DIDN'T SEE IT.
HE... HE HIT ONE REAL HARD.
I DIDN'T SEE IT.
HIT ME RIGHT IN THE CUP, YOU
I DIDN'T SEE IT.
HIT ME RIGHT IN THE CUP, YOU
KNOW?
HIT ME RIGHT IN THE CUP, YOU
KNOW?
WOW.
KNOW?
WOW.
YEAH, IT BOUNCED TO CENTER
WOW.
YEAH, IT BOUNCED TO CENTER
ICE AND ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE
YEAH, IT BOUNCED TO CENTER
ICE AND ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE
OTHER END, AND IT SKIPPED PAST
ICE AND ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE
OTHER END, AND IT SKIPPED PAST
THEIR GOALIE.
OTHER END, AND IT SKIPPED PAST
THEIR GOALIE.
NO KIDDING!
THEIR GOALIE.
NO KIDDING!
BOY, I WISH I HAD SEEN THAT.
NO KIDDING!
BOY, I WISH I HAD SEEN THAT.
HEY, YOUR MOUTH LOOKS PRETTY
BOY, I WISH I HAD SEEN THAT.
HEY, YOUR MOUTH LOOKS PRETTY
BAD.
HEY, YOUR MOUTH LOOKS PRETTY
BAD.
DOES THAT STILL HURT?
BAD.
DOES THAT STILL HURT?
A LITTLE.
DOES THAT STILL HURT?
A LITTLE.
THEY SAID THE STITCHES WILL BE
A LITTLE.
THEY SAID THE STITCHES WILL BE
OUT NEXT WEEK.
THEY SAID THE STITCHES WILL BE
OUT NEXT WEEK.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
OUT NEXT WEEK.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
I HEARD YOU GOT HIT WITH A
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
I HEARD YOU GOT HIT WITH A
STICK OR SOMETHING?
I HEARD YOU GOT HIT WITH A
STICK OR SOMETHING?
NO, YOU SEE THIS, UH... YOU
STICK OR SOMETHING?
NO, YOU SEE THIS, UH... YOU
KNOW, WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
NO, YOU SEE THIS, UH... YOU
KNOW, WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
WITH THIS BOUCHARD GUY DANCING
KNOW, WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
WITH THIS BOUCHARD GUY DANCING
AROUND, YOU KNOW.
WITH THIS BOUCHARD GUY DANCING
AROUND, YOU KNOW.
SO HE CAME SWOOSHING BY MY NET
AROUND, YOU KNOW.
SO HE CAME SWOOSHING BY MY NET
AFTER HE SCORED HIS EIGHTH GOAL,
SO HE CAME SWOOSHING BY MY NET
AFTER HE SCORED HIS EIGHTH GOAL,
YOU KNOW?
AFTER HE SCORED HIS EIGHTH GOAL,
YOU KNOW?
SO I JUST TAPPED HIM A LITTLE
YOU KNOW?
SO I JUST TAPPED HIM A LITTLE
BIT ON THE HEAD WITH MY STICK.
SO I JUST TAPPED HIM A LITTLE
BIT ON THE HEAD WITH MY STICK.
RIGHT.
BIT ON THE HEAD WITH MY STICK.
RIGHT.
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THIS
RIGHT.
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THIS
BOUCHARD GUY'S GOT HIS GLOVES ON
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THIS
BOUCHARD GUY'S GOT HIS GLOVES ON
THE ICE AND HE'S PUNCHING ME IN
BOUCHARD GUY'S GOT HIS GLOVES ON
THE ICE AND HE'S PUNCHING ME IN
THE MOUTH AS HARD AS HE CAN.
THE ICE AND HE'S PUNCHING ME IN
THE MOUTH AS HARD AS HE CAN.
WOW!
THE MOUTH AS HARD AS HE CAN.
WOW!
AND GET THIS... THE REF
WOW!
AND GET THIS... THE REF
THROWS ME OUT OF THE GAME
AND GET THIS... THE REF
THROWS ME OUT OF THE GAME
INSTEAD OF BOUCHARD.
THROWS ME OUT OF THE GAME
INSTEAD OF BOUCHARD.
NO KIDDING.
INSTEAD OF BOUCHARD.
NO KIDDING.
YEAH, HE WAS MAKING BAD CALLS
NO KIDDING.
YEAH, HE WAS MAKING BAD CALLS
LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT.
YEAH, HE WAS MAKING BAD CALLS
LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT.
WOW.
LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT.
WOW.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH
WOW.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH
MY SIDE OF THE MACHINE HERE.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH
MY SIDE OF THE MACHINE HERE.
WELL, LET'S PLAY ANOTHER
MY SIDE OF THE MACHINE HERE.
WELL, LET'S PLAY ANOTHER
GAME, AND WE'LL SWITCH SIDES.
WELL, LET'S PLAY ANOTHER
GAME, AND WE'LL SWITCH SIDES.
NO, I GOT TO SUIT UP FOR
GAME, AND WE'LL SWITCH SIDES.
NO, I GOT TO SUIT UP FOR
PRACTICE.
NO, I GOT TO SUIT UP FOR
PRACTICE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THE POINT IS THAT THEY
ARE TAKING OVER.
FIRST THEY BOUGHT THE SWEENEYS'
ARE TAKING OVER.
FIRST THEY BOUGHT THE SWEENEYS'
HOUSE, AND THEN THEY BOUGHT THE
FIRST THEY BOUGHT THE SWEENEYS'
HOUSE, AND THEN THEY BOUGHT THE
THOMAS' HOUSE, AND THEN THEY
HOUSE, AND THEN THEY BOUGHT THE
THOMAS' HOUSE, AND THEN THEY
BOUGHT THE SMITHS'.
THOMAS' HOUSE, AND THEN THEY
BOUGHT THE SMITHS'.
LET'S FACE FACTS HERE.
BOUGHT THE SMITHS'.
LET'S FACE FACTS HERE.
THEY'RE TAKING OVER.
LET'S FACE FACTS HERE.
THEY'RE TAKING OVER.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
THEY'RE TAKING OVER.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
OH, I'LL GET IT!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
OH, I'LL GET IT!
NO PHONE CONVERSATIONS DURING
OH, I'LL GET IT!
NO PHONE CONVERSATIONS DURING
DINNER.
NO PHONE CONVERSATIONS DURING
DINNER.
YOU KNOW THAT, POLLY.
DINNER.
YOU KNOW THAT, POLLY.
OH, COME ON, MOM.
YOU KNOW THAT, POLLY.
OH, COME ON, MOM.
I JUST KNOW IT'S STEVEN.
OH, COME ON, MOM.
I JUST KNOW IT'S STEVEN.
I KNOW HE'S GONNA ASK ME TO THE
I JUST KNOW IT'S STEVEN.
I KNOW HE'S GONNA ASK ME TO THE
CHRISTMAS DANCE!
I KNOW HE'S GONNA ASK ME TO THE
CHRISTMAS DANCE!
HE'S CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL
CHRISTMAS DANCE!
HE'S CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL
TEAM, AND HE'LL ASK JUDY IRVING
HE'S CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL
TEAM, AND HE'LL ASK JUDY IRVING
IF I DON'T GO, AND I JUST KNOW
TEAM, AND HE'LL ASK JUDY IRVING
IF I DON'T GO, AND I JUST KNOW
IT'LL RUIN MY LIFE!
IF I DON'T GO, AND I JUST KNOW
IT'LL RUIN MY LIFE!
OH, OKAY.
IT'LL RUIN MY LIFE!
OH, OKAY.
BUT MAKE IT FAST BEFORE YOUR
OH, OKAY.
BUT MAKE IT FAST BEFORE YOUR
FRUITED JELLO GETS COLD.
BUT MAKE IT FAST BEFORE YOUR
FRUITED JELLO GETS COLD.
THEY'RE TAKING OVER LIKE SOME
FRUITED JELLO GETS COLD.
THEY'RE TAKING OVER LIKE SOME
KIND OF FLU BUG!
THEY'RE TAKING OVER LIKE SOME
KIND OF FLU BUG!
FIRST ONE GUY AT THE OFFICE IS
KIND OF FLU BUG!
FIRST ONE GUY AT THE OFFICE IS
OUT WITH THE RUNS, AND THEN IT
FIRST ONE GUY AT THE OFFICE IS
OUT WITH THE RUNS, AND THEN IT
STARTS TO SPREAD.
OUT WITH THE RUNS, AND THEN IT
STARTS TO SPREAD.
MOM? DAD?
STARTS TO SPREAD.
MOM? DAD?
WOULD ANYBODY ELSE LIKE SOME
MOM? DAD?
WOULD ANYBODY ELSE LIKE SOME
NICE, COLD, FRESH, WHOLE MILK?
WOULD ANYBODY ELSE LIKE SOME
NICE, COLD, FRESH, WHOLE MILK?
NO, THANK YOU, SCOTTY.
NICE, COLD, FRESH, WHOLE MILK?
NO, THANK YOU, SCOTTY.
YOU MIND IF I'M EXCUSED FROM
NO, THANK YOU, SCOTTY.
YOU MIND IF I'M EXCUSED FROM
THE TABLE?
YOU MIND IF I'M EXCUSED FROM
THE TABLE?
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
THE TABLE?
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
THANKS.
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
THANKS.
THAT IS WHAT THIS BLACK THING
THANKS.
THAT IS WHAT THIS BLACK THING
IS LIKE... IT'S JUST LIKE THE
THAT IS WHAT THIS BLACK THING
IS LIKE... IT'S JUST LIKE THE
RUNS.
IS LIKE... IT'S JUST LIKE THE
RUNS.
IT'S LIKE SOME KIND OF FLU BUG.
RUNS.
IT'S LIKE SOME KIND OF FLU BUG.
IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, AND
IT'S LIKE SOME KIND OF FLU BUG.
IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, AND
THERE'S NOWHERE YOU CAN GO
IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, AND
THERE'S NOWHERE YOU CAN GO
EXCEPT FOR THE SOLACE OF YOUR
THERE'S NOWHERE YOU CAN GO
EXCEPT FOR THE SOLACE OF YOUR
OWN BATHROOM!
EXCEPT FOR THE SOLACE OF YOUR
OWN BATHROOM!
MOM!
OWN BATHROOM!
MOM!
HE ASKED ME!
MOM!
HE ASKED ME!
DO WE INTERRUPT WHEN YOUR
HE ASKED ME!
DO WE INTERRUPT WHEN YOUR
FATHER IS TALKING, POLLY?
DO WE INTERRUPT WHEN YOUR
FATHER IS TALKING, POLLY?
I'M SORRY.
FATHER IS TALKING, POLLY?
I'M SORRY.
IT SCARES ME, THAT'S ALL.
I'M SORRY.
IT SCARES ME, THAT'S ALL.
IT JUST SCARES ME.
IT SCARES ME, THAT'S ALL.
IT JUST SCARES ME.
ONE DAY YOU'RE LIVING NEXT DOOR
IT JUST SCARES ME.
ONE DAY YOU'RE LIVING NEXT DOOR
TO ONE, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU ARE
ONE DAY YOU'RE LIVING NEXT DOOR
TO ONE, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU ARE
WORKING FOR ONE.
TO ONE, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU ARE
WORKING FOR ONE.
I'M SORRY, MOM, BUT I SPILLED
WORKING FOR ONE.
I'M SORRY, MOM, BUT I SPILLED
THE MILK ON YOUR COUNTER.
I'M SORRY, MOM, BUT I SPILLED
THE MILK ON YOUR COUNTER.
THE COUNTER THAT I JUST
THE MILK ON YOUR COUNTER.
THE COUNTER THAT I JUST
CLEANED AND SHINED IN ONE
THE COUNTER THAT I JUST
CLEANED AND SHINED IN ONE
MOTION?
CLEANED AND SHINED IN ONE
MOTION?
GEE, MOM.
MOTION?
GEE, MOM.
HOLY CREEPERS!
GEE, MOM.
HOLY CREEPERS!
I'LL GO CLEAN IT UP.
HOLY CREEPERS!
I'LL GO CLEAN IT UP.
NO, NEVER MIND, SCOTTY.
I'LL GO CLEAN IT UP.
NO, NEVER MIND, SCOTTY.
I'LL GET IT.
NO, NEVER MIND, SCOTTY.
I'LL GET IT.
IT'S WOMAN'S WORK.
I'LL GET IT.
IT'S WOMAN'S WORK.
THANK YOU, MOM.
IT'S WOMAN'S WORK.
THANK YOU, MOM.
ONE DAY ONE'S GOVERNOR, NEXT
THANK YOU, MOM.
ONE DAY ONE'S GOVERNOR, NEXT
DAY ONE'S PRESIDENT, NEXT DAY
ONE DAY ONE'S GOVERNOR, NEXT
DAY ONE'S PRESIDENT, NEXT DAY
ONE'S BARBRA STREISAND.
DAY ONE'S PRESIDENT, NEXT DAY
ONE'S BARBRA STREISAND.
I DON'T KNOW.
ONE'S BARBRA STREISAND.
I DON'T KNOW.
OH, THANK GOODNESS.
I DON'T KNOW.
OH, THANK GOODNESS.
THE SHINE IS STILL THERE.
OH, THANK GOODNESS.
THE SHINE IS STILL THERE.
NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, DEAR?
THE SHINE IS STILL THERE.
NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, DEAR?
I WAS SAYING THEY ARE TAKING
NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, DEAR?
I WAS SAYING THEY ARE TAKING
OVER.
I WAS SAYING THEY ARE TAKING
OVER.
I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING ALL
OVER.
I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING ALL
AROUND ME.
I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING ALL
AROUND ME.
I KNOW. I'VE GOT EYES.
AROUND ME.
I KNOW. I'VE GOT EYES.
I CAN SEE.
I KNOW. I'VE GOT EYES.
I CAN SEE.
SCOTTY, WOULD YOU PASS THE
I CAN SEE.
SCOTTY, WOULD YOU PASS THE
GRITS, PLEASE?
SCOTTY, WOULD YOU PASS THE
GRITS, PLEASE?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.
NO.
CHEVY CHASE.
NO.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU MAKE NOISE.
NO.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU MAKE NOISE.
REMEMBER WHEN... I GOT TO GO.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU MAKE NOISE.
REMEMBER WHEN... I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.
REMEMBER WHEN... I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
IS STILL DEAD.
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
IS STILL DEAD.
IN AN IMPRESSIVE SHOW OF PARTY
IS STILL DEAD.
IN AN IMPRESSIVE SHOW OF PARTY
STRENGTH AND UNITY, ALL 11
IN AN IMPRESSIVE SHOW OF PARTY
STRENGTH AND UNITY, ALL 11
ANNOUNCED DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES
STRENGTH AND UNITY, ALL 11
ANNOUNCED DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES
FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION
ANNOUNCED DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES
FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION
MET IN WASHINGTON WITH THEIR
FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION
MET IN WASHINGTON WITH THEIR
CAMPAIGN MANAGERS TO DISCUSS
MET IN WASHINGTON WITH THEIR
CAMPAIGN MANAGERS TO DISCUSS
STRATEGY THIS WEEKEND.
CAMPAIGN MANAGERS TO DISCUSS
STRATEGY THIS WEEKEND.
SECRETARY OF STATE
STRATEGY THIS WEEKEND.
SECRETARY OF STATE
HENRY KISSINGER STATED TODAY
SECRETARY OF STATE
HENRY KISSINGER STATED TODAY
THAT HE IS TIRED OF USING HIS
HENRY KISSINGER STATED TODAY
THAT HE IS TIRED OF USING HIS
SILLY ACCENT IN PUBLIC AND WILL
THAT HE IS TIRED OF USING HIS
SILLY ACCENT IN PUBLIC AND WILL
SPEAK IN ENGLISH.
SILLY ACCENT IN PUBLIC AND WILL
SPEAK IN ENGLISH.
THIS WILL IN NO WAY AFFECT THE
SPEAK IN ENGLISH.
THIS WILL IN NO WAY AFFECT THE
CONTENT OF WHAT HE HAS BEEN
THIS WILL IN NO WAY AFFECT THE
CONTENT OF WHAT HE HAS BEEN
SAYING.
CONTENT OF WHAT HE HAS BEEN
SAYING.
ALSO ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL,
SAYING.
ALSO ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL,
RONALD REAGAN STATED THAT IT
ALSO ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL,
RONALD REAGAN STATED THAT IT
CERTAINLY DOESN'T SEEM ASININE
RONALD REAGAN STATED THAT IT
CERTAINLY DOESN'T SEEM ASININE
TO HIM THAT AN AMERICAN
CERTAINLY DOESN'T SEEM ASININE
TO HIM THAT AN AMERICAN
PRESIDENT COULD ONCE HAVE
TO HIM THAT AN AMERICAN
PRESIDENT COULD ONCE HAVE
STARRED IN A MOVIE CALLED
PRESIDENT COULD ONCE HAVE
STARRED IN A MOVIE CALLED
"BEDTIME FOR BONZO."
STARRED IN A MOVIE CALLED
"BEDTIME FOR BONZO."
THE CIA HAS ADMITTED THAT IT
"BEDTIME FOR BONZO."
THE CIA HAS ADMITTED THAT IT
ATTEMPTED TO ASSASSINATE CUBAN
THE CIA HAS ADMITTED THAT IT
ATTEMPTED TO ASSASSINATE CUBAN
LEADER FIDEL CASTRO BY ACTUALLY
ATTEMPTED TO ASSASSINATE CUBAN
LEADER FIDEL CASTRO BY ACTUALLY
INFILTRATING HIS BEARD WITH VERY
LEADER FIDEL CASTRO BY ACTUALLY
INFILTRATING HIS BEARD WITH VERY
SMALL COMMANDOS AND SETTING IT
INFILTRATING HIS BEARD WITH VERY
SMALL COMMANDOS AND SETTING IT
ON FIRE.
SMALL COMMANDOS AND SETTING IT
ON FIRE.
WILLIAM COLBY, HOWEVER, SAYS
ON FIRE.
WILLIAM COLBY, HOWEVER, SAYS
THAT THE STORY IS A RIDICULOUS
WILLIAM COLBY, HOWEVER, SAYS
THAT THE STORY IS A RIDICULOUS
LIE AND THAT THE ARMY HAS NOT AS
THAT THE STORY IS A RIDICULOUS
LIE AND THAT THE ARMY HAS NOT AS
YET EVEN PERFECTED THE TINY
LIE AND THAT THE ARMY HAS NOT AS
YET EVEN PERFECTED THE TINY
FLAMETHROWERS NEEDED FOR THE
YET EVEN PERFECTED THE TINY
FLAMETHROWERS NEEDED FOR THE
JOB.
FLAMETHROWERS NEEDED FOR THE
JOB.
IN SPITE OF RECENT ALLEGATIONS
JOB.
IN SPITE OF RECENT ALLEGATIONS
OF RAMPANT HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY
IN SPITE OF RECENT ALLEGATIONS
OF RAMPANT HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY
IN THE PROFESSIONAL SPORTS WORLD
OF RAMPANT HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY
IN THE PROFESSIONAL SPORTS WORLD
FROM HOCKEY TO HARNESS RACING,
IN THE PROFESSIONAL SPORTS WORLD
FROM HOCKEY TO HARNESS RACING,
MANY TEAM OWNERS AND EXECUTIVES
FROM HOCKEY TO HARNESS RACING,
MANY TEAM OWNERS AND EXECUTIVES
DENY THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH
MANY TEAM OWNERS AND EXECUTIVES
DENY THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH
PRACTICES.
DENY THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH
PRACTICES.
COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL
PRACTICES.
COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL
BOWIE KUHN AND NFL HEAD
COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL
BOWIE KUHN AND NFL HEAD
PETE ROZELLE COULD NOT BE
BOWIE KUHN AND NFL HEAD
PETE ROZELLE COULD NOT BE
REACHED FOR COMMENT THIS WEEKEND
PETE ROZELLE COULD NOT BE
REACHED FOR COMMENT THIS WEEKEND
IN THE BRIDAL SUITE AT THE
REACHED FOR COMMENT THIS WEEKEND
IN THE BRIDAL SUITE AT THE
AMERICANA HOTEL.
IN THE BRIDAL SUITE AT THE
AMERICANA HOTEL.
[LAUGHTER]
AMERICANA HOTEL.
[LAUGHTER]
IN A RELATED STORY, THE
[LAUGHTER]
IN A RELATED STORY, THE
PRESIDENT OF THE GAY ACTIVISTS
IN A RELATED STORY, THE
PRESIDENT OF THE GAY ACTIVISTS
ALLIANCE DECLINED COMMENT ON
PRESIDENT OF THE GAY ACTIVISTS
ALLIANCE DECLINED COMMENT ON
REPORTS OF WIDESPREAD
ALLIANCE DECLINED COMMENT ON
REPORTS OF WIDESPREAD
HOMOSEXUALITY WITHIN HIS
REPORTS OF WIDESPREAD
HOMOSEXUALITY WITHIN HIS
ORGANIZATION.
HOMOSEXUALITY WITHIN HIS
ORGANIZATION.
IN A SPEECH TO THE ATHENS,
ORGANIZATION.
IN A SPEECH TO THE ATHENS,
GEORGIA, CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
IN A SPEECH TO THE ATHENS,
GEORGIA, CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
YESTERDAY, PRESIDENTIAL
GEORGIA, CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
YESTERDAY, PRESIDENTIAL
CONTENDER GEORGE WALLACE SAID,
YESTERDAY, PRESIDENTIAL
CONTENDER GEORGE WALLACE SAID,
"I DON'T JUDGE A MAN ACCORDING
CONTENDER GEORGE WALLACE SAID,
"I DON'T JUDGE A MAN ACCORDING
TO THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
"I DON'T JUDGE A MAN ACCORDING
TO THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO HOW
TO THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO HOW
WELL YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE DARK
I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO HOW
WELL YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE DARK
WHEN HE SMILES."
WELL YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE DARK
WHEN HE SMILES."
[LAUGHTER]
WHEN HE SMILES."
[LAUGHTER]
AT A PRESS CONFERENCE THIS
[LAUGHTER]
AT A PRESS CONFERENCE THIS
AFTERNOON, PRESIDENT FORD
AT A PRESS CONFERENCE THIS
AFTERNOON, PRESIDENT FORD
DEMONSTRATED HOW HE LEARNED TO
AFTERNOON, PRESIDENT FORD
DEMONSTRATED HOW HE LEARNED TO
REMOVE FOOD FROM HIS MOUTH WITH
DEMONSTRATED HOW HE LEARNED TO
REMOVE FOOD FROM HIS MOUTH WITH
CHOPSTICKS ON HIS RECENT VISIT
REMOVE FOOD FROM HIS MOUTH WITH
CHOPSTICKS ON HIS RECENT VISIT
TO CHINA.
CHOPSTICKS ON HIS RECENT VISIT
TO CHINA.
TOY BOAT.
TO CHINA.
TOY BOAT.
ONE FIRST FAMILY MEMBER WHO
TOY BOAT.
ONE FIRST FAMILY MEMBER WHO
DIDN'T GO, JACK FORD, THE
ONE FIRST FAMILY MEMBER WHO
DIDN'T GO, JACK FORD, THE
PRESIDENT'S SON, RECEIVED A
DIDN'T GO, JACK FORD, THE
PRESIDENT'S SON, RECEIVED A
PICTURE POSTCARD FROM HIS FATHER
PRESIDENT'S SON, RECEIVED A
PICTURE POSTCARD FROM HIS FATHER
DURING THE TRIP.
PICTURE POSTCARD FROM HIS FATHER
DURING THE TRIP.
THE CARD READ SIMPLY, "HAVING A
DURING THE TRIP.
THE CARD READ SIMPLY, "HAVING A
WONDERFUL TIME.
THE CARD READ SIMPLY, "HAVING A
WONDERFUL TIME.
WHERE AM I?"
WONDERFUL TIME.
WHERE AM I?"
WELL, CELEBRITIES SONNY AND CHER
WHERE AM I?"
WELL, CELEBRITIES SONNY AND CHER
HAVE TEAMED UP AGAIN TO DO
WELL, CELEBRITIES SONNY AND CHER
HAVE TEAMED UP AGAIN TO DO
ANOTHER TRAGEDY VARIETY SHOW.
HAVE TEAMED UP AGAIN TO DO
ANOTHER TRAGEDY VARIETY SHOW.
CHER NOW SAYS HER MARRIAGE TO
ANOTHER TRAGEDY VARIETY SHOW.
CHER NOW SAYS HER MARRIAGE TO
ROCK STAR GREGG ALLMAN WAS ALL A
CHER NOW SAYS HER MARRIAGE TO
ROCK STAR GREGG ALLMAN WAS ALL A
HARMLESS JOKE AND THAT SHE AND
ROCK STAR GREGG ALLMAN WAS ALL A
HARMLESS JOKE AND THAT SHE AND
SONNY STILL LOVE EACH OTHER
HARMLESS JOKE AND THAT SHE AND
SONNY STILL LOVE EACH OTHER
DEEPLY FOR AT LEAST TWO SEASONS.
SONNY STILL LOVE EACH OTHER
DEEPLY FOR AT LEAST TWO SEASONS.
A TENTATIVE POSSIBLE TITLE FOR
DEEPLY FOR AT LEAST TWO SEASONS.
A TENTATIVE POSSIBLE TITLE FOR
THE SHOW IS "THE PRICE IS
A TENTATIVE POSSIBLE TITLE FOR
THE SHOW IS "THE PRICE IS
RIGHT."
THE SHOW IS "THE PRICE IS
RIGHT."
THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS
RIGHT."
THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS
BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION TODAY
THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS
BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION TODAY
ISSUED A STATEMENT CLAIMING THAT
BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION TODAY
ISSUED A STATEMENT CLAIMING THAT
THE NEAR-COLLISION LAST WEEK OF
ISSUED A STATEMENT CLAIMING THAT
THE NEAR-COLLISION LAST WEEK OF
A TWA AND UNITED AIRLINES JET
THE NEAR-COLLISION LAST WEEK OF
A TWA AND UNITED AIRLINES JET
WAS SIMPLY AN ATTEMPT AT A
A TWA AND UNITED AIRLINES JET
WAS SIMPLY AN ATTEMPT AT A
MERGER OF THE TWO AIRLINES.
WAS SIMPLY AN ATTEMPT AT A
MERGER OF THE TWO AIRLINES.
OLD SNAKE EYES IS BACK.
MERGER OF THE TWO AIRLINES.
OLD SNAKE EYES IS BACK.
J. EDGAR HOOVER, FORMER FBI
OLD SNAKE EYES IS BACK.
J. EDGAR HOOVER, FORMER FBI
CHIEF, IS THE SUBJECT OF NEXT
J. EDGAR HOOVER, FORMER FBI
CHIEF, IS THE SUBJECT OF NEXT
WEEK'S TIME MAGAZINE COVER STORY
CHIEF, IS THE SUBJECT OF NEXT
WEEK'S TIME MAGAZINE COVER STORY
ENTITLED, "THE TRUTH OF
WEEK'S TIME MAGAZINE COVER STORY
ENTITLED, "THE TRUTH OF
J. EDGAR HOOVER."
ENTITLED, "THE TRUTH OF
J. EDGAR HOOVER."
IT'S THE FIRST ONE-PAGE EDITION
J. EDGAR HOOVER."
IT'S THE FIRST ONE-PAGE EDITION
IN THE MAGAZINE'S HISTORY.
IT'S THE FIRST ONE-PAGE EDITION
IN THE MAGAZINE'S HISTORY.
WELL, IT IS RUMORED THAT THE
IN THE MAGAZINE'S HISTORY.
WELL, IT IS RUMORED THAT THE
POPE WILL FLY TO SUNNY SOUTHERN
WELL, IT IS RUMORED THAT THE
POPE WILL FLY TO SUNNY SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA TO VISIT WITH FORMER
POPE WILL FLY TO SUNNY SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA TO VISIT WITH FORMER
PRESIDENT NIXON AND EXCHANGE
CALIFORNIA TO VISIT WITH FORMER
PRESIDENT NIXON AND EXCHANGE
GIFTS.
PRESIDENT NIXON AND EXCHANGE
GIFTS.
STILL TO COME, SECRET SERVICE
GIFTS.
STILL TO COME, SECRET SERVICE
AGENTS TRAIN FOR GERALD FORD'S
STILL TO COME, SECRET SERVICE
AGENTS TRAIN FOR GERALD FORD'S
VAIL, COLORADO, SKI VACATION
AGENTS TRAIN FOR GERALD FORD'S
VAIL, COLORADO, SKI VACATION
AFTER THIS FILMED MESSAGE.
YOU'VE JUST HAD A HEAVY
SESSION OF ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY,
AND YOU'RE MORE RELAXED THAN
SESSION OF ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY,
AND YOU'RE MORE RELAXED THAN
YOU'VE BEEN IN WEEKS.
AND YOU'RE MORE RELAXED THAN
YOU'VE BEEN IN WEEKS.
ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
YOU'VE BEEN IN WEEKS.
ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
MAGICALLY WIPED AWAY, ALONG WITH
ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
MAGICALLY WIPED AWAY, ALONG WITH
MOST OF YOUR PERSONALITY.
MAGICALLY WIPED AWAY, ALONG WITH
MOST OF YOUR PERSONALITY.
NOW IS THE TIME... TIME FOR
MOST OF YOUR PERSONALITY.
NOW IS THE TIME... TIME FOR
SPUD.
NOW IS THE TIME... TIME FOR
SPUD.
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD ♪
SPUD.
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD ♪
FILLED WITH THE FULL, RICH
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD ♪
FILLED WITH THE FULL, RICH
FLAVOR OF POTATOES.
FILLED WITH THE FULL, RICH
FLAVOR OF POTATOES.
SPUD... THE BEER BREWED FOR
FLAVOR OF POTATOES.
SPUD... THE BEER BREWED FOR
PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TASTE THE
SPUD... THE BEER BREWED FOR
PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TASTE THE
DIFFERENCE.
PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TASTE THE
DIFFERENCE.
♪ WHEN YOU SAY SPUD ♪
DIFFERENCE.
♪ WHEN YOU SAY SPUD ♪
♪ JUST PUT YOUR MIND ON HOLD ♪
♪ WHEN YOU SAY SPUD ♪
♪ JUST PUT YOUR MIND ON HOLD ♪
♪ DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD ♪
♪ JUST PUT YOUR MIND ON HOLD ♪
♪ DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD ♪
♪ AND OPEN A COLD, REFRESHING
♪ DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD ♪
♪ AND OPEN A COLD, REFRESHING
SPUD ♪
♪ AND OPEN A COLD, REFRESHING
SPUD ♪
♪ JUST WATCH YOUR LIFE GO BY ♪
SPUD ♪
♪ JUST WATCH YOUR LIFE GO BY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO TRY ♪
♪ JUST WATCH YOUR LIFE GO BY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO TRY ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'VE GOT SPUD ♪
♪ NO NEED TO TRY ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'VE GOT SPUD ♪
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD ♪
SPUD... THE BEER THAT MADE
BOISE FAMOUS.
♪ WHEN YOU SAY... ♪
[LAUGHTER]
"WEEKEND UPDATE" RECOGNIZES ITS
[LAUGHTER]
"WEEKEND UPDATE" RECOGNIZES ITS
OBLIGATION TO PRESENT
"WEEKEND UPDATE" RECOGNIZES ITS
OBLIGATION TO PRESENT
RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS
OBLIGATION TO PRESENT
RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS
TO OUR EDITORIALS.
RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS
TO OUR EDITORIALS.
HERE TO REPLY TO A RECENT
TO OUR EDITORIALS.
HERE TO REPLY TO A RECENT
EDITORIAL IS MISS EMILY LITELLA.
I'M HERE TONIGHT TO SPEAK OUT
AGAINST BUSTING SCHOOLCHILDREN.
BUSTING SCHOOLCHILDREN IS A
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE THING.
I HEAR THIS IS GOING ON ALL OVER
THE COUNTRY.
MEAN POLICEMEN ARREST LITTLE
CHILDREN AND PUT THEM IN JAIL IN
THE WRONG NEIGHBORHOODS, SO THEY
CAN'T EVEN PLAY WITH THEIR
LITTLE FRIENDS.
IMAGINE, BUSTING SCHOOLCHILDREN!
THE FOOD IN JAIL ISN'T GOOD, AND
EVEN THOUGH THEY GET BREAD, I
THE FOOD IN JAIL ISN'T GOOD, AND
EVEN THOUGH THEY GET BREAD, I
DON'T BELIEVE THEY CAN GET
EVEN THOUGH THEY GET BREAD, I
DON'T BELIEVE THEY CAN GET
TOAST...
DON'T BELIEVE THEY CAN GET
TOAST...
OR NICE CAKE.
TOAST...
OR NICE CAKE.
NOW, WHO WILL TUCK THEM IN?
OR NICE CAKE.
NOW, WHO WILL TUCK THEM IN?
WHERE WILL THEY HANG THEIR
NOW, WHO WILL TUCK THEM IN?
WHERE WILL THEY HANG THEIR
LEGGINGS?
WHERE WILL THEY HANG THEIR
LEGGINGS?
WHERE WILL THEY SET UP THEIR
LEGGINGS?
WHERE WILL THEY SET UP THEIR
LITTLE LEMONADE STANDS?
WHERE WILL THEY SET UP THEIR
LITTLE LEMONADE STANDS?
WELL, THEY DON'T HAVE TOYS IN
LITTLE LEMONADE STANDS?
WELL, THEY DON'T HAVE TOYS IN
JAIL EXCEPT MAYBE "TINY TEARS"
WELL, THEY DON'T HAVE TOYS IN
JAIL EXCEPT MAYBE "TINY TEARS"
DOLLS.
JAIL EXCEPT MAYBE "TINY TEARS"
DOLLS.
AND DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE
DOLLS.
AND DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE
LITTLE HOLES IN THEIR BOTTOMS
AND DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE
LITTLE HOLES IN THEIR BOTTOMS
THERE, THE TINY TEARS?
LITTLE HOLES IN THEIR BOTTOMS
THERE, THE TINY TEARS?
AND YOU CAN... WHERE WILL
THERE, THE TINY TEARS?
AND YOU CAN... WHERE WILL
THEY...
AND YOU CAN... WHERE WILL
THEY...
MISS LITELLA?
THEY...
MISS LITELLA?
EXCUSE ME, MISS LITELLA?
MISS LITELLA?
EXCUSE ME, MISS LITELLA?
YES?
EXCUSE ME, MISS LITELLA?
YES?
I'M SORRY.
YES?
I'M SORRY.
THE EDITORIAL WAS ON BUSING
I'M SORRY.
THE EDITORIAL WAS ON BUSING
SCHOOLCHILDREN, BUSING.
THE EDITORIAL WAS ON BUSING
SCHOOLCHILDREN, BUSING.
BUSING.
SCHOOLCHILDREN, BUSING.
BUSING.
OH.
BUSING.
OH.
NOT BUSTING.
OH.
NOT BUSTING.
I'M SORRY.
NOT BUSTING.
I'M SORRY.
NEVER MIND.
I'M SORRY.
NEVER MIND.
[LAUGHTER]
UNICEF FELL UNDER ATTACK THIS
WEEK WHEN SYRIA FORMALLY
PROTESTED THE CHARITY'S NEW
WEEK WHEN SYRIA FORMALLY
PROTESTED THE CHARITY'S NEW
CHRISTMAS CARD, WHICH SAYS IN 10
PROTESTED THE CHARITY'S NEW
CHRISTMAS CARD, WHICH SAYS IN 10
DIFFERENT LANGUAGES, "LET'S KILL
CHRISTMAS CARD, WHICH SAYS IN 10
DIFFERENT LANGUAGES, "LET'S KILL
THE ARABS AND TAKE THEIR OIL!"
DIFFERENT LANGUAGES, "LET'S KILL
THE ARABS AND TAKE THEIR OIL!"
[LAUGHTER]
THE ARABS AND TAKE THEIR OIL!"
[LAUGHTER]
SPIRO AGNEW'S EAGERLY AWAITED
[LAUGHTER]
SPIRO AGNEW'S EAGERLY AWAITED
FIRST NOVEL ENTITLED "LET'S PUT
SPIRO AGNEW'S EAGERLY AWAITED
FIRST NOVEL ENTITLED "LET'S PUT
THE 'VICE' BACK INTO THE VICE
FIRST NOVEL ENTITLED "LET'S PUT
THE 'VICE' BACK INTO THE VICE
PRESIDENCY" WILL BE PUBLISHED
THE 'VICE' BACK INTO THE VICE
PRESIDENCY" WILL BE PUBLISHED
NEXT SPRING BY DREADNAUGHT
PRESIDENCY" WILL BE PUBLISHED
NEXT SPRING BY DREADNAUGHT
PRESS.
NEXT SPRING BY DREADNAUGHT
PRESS.
THE WORK WILL BYPASS THE
PRESS.
THE WORK WILL BYPASS THE
TRADITIONAL HARDCOVER AND
THE WORK WILL BYPASS THE
TRADITIONAL HARDCOVER AND
PAPERBACK EDITIONS AND WILL GO
TRADITIONAL HARDCOVER AND
PAPERBACK EDITIONS AND WILL GO
DIRECTLY TO AN EDITION PRINTED
PAPERBACK EDITIONS AND WILL GO
DIRECTLY TO AN EDITION PRINTED
ON CONFETTI.
DIRECTLY TO AN EDITION PRINTED
ON CONFETTI.
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
ON CONFETTI.
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
FRANK SINATRA CELEBRATED HIS
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
FRANK SINATRA CELEBRATED HIS
60th BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK WITH A
FRANK SINATRA CELEBRATED HIS
60th BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK WITH A
PARTY ABOARD HIS LUXURY YACHT,
60th BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK WITH A
PARTY ABOARD HIS LUXURY YACHT,
THE S.S. HOBOKEN.
PARTY ABOARD HIS LUXURY YACHT,
THE S.S. HOBOKEN.
ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... A MINOR
THE S.S. HOBOKEN.
ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... A MINOR
ACCIDENT OCCURRED WHEN THE YACHT
ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... A MINOR
ACCIDENT OCCURRED WHEN THE YACHT
STRUCK AN AUTOGRAPH SEEKER WHO
ACCIDENT OCCURRED WHEN THE YACHT
STRUCK AN AUTOGRAPH SEEKER WHO
WAS SWIMMING TOWARD IT.
STRUCK AN AUTOGRAPH SEEKER WHO
WAS SWIMMING TOWARD IT.
ALWAYS THE JOKER, OL' BLUE EYES
WAS SWIMMING TOWARD IT.
ALWAYS THE JOKER, OL' BLUE EYES
CHUCKLED LATER, "WELL, I GUESS
ALWAYS THE JOKER, OL' BLUE EYES
CHUCKLED LATER, "WELL, I GUESS
IT'S SIMPLY ANOTHER CASE OF THE
CHUCKLED LATER, "WELL, I GUESS
IT'S SIMPLY ANOTHER CASE OF THE
SHIP HITTING THE FAN."
IT'S SIMPLY ANOTHER CASE OF THE
SHIP HITTING THE FAN."
NO DAMAGE TO THE YACHT.
SHIP HITTING THE FAN."
NO DAMAGE TO THE YACHT.
THE SWIMMER WAS KILLED
NO DAMAGE TO THE YACHT.
THE SWIMMER WAS KILLED
INSTANTLY.
AND NOW AS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO
THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS WHO HAVE
DIFFICULTY WITH THEIR HEARING, I
WILL REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE
DAY, AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF
THE NEW YORK SCHOOL FOR THE
HARD-OF-HEARING,
GARRETT MORRIS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
IS STILL DEAD!
GOOD NIGHT...
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A
PLEASANT TOMORROW!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, MA'AM, NOW, IS
THIS THE MAN WHO TOOK YOUR
PURSE?
THIS THE MAN WHO TOOK YOUR
PURSE?
OH, I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF
PURSE?
OH, I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF
IT'S HIM.
OH, I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF
IT'S HIM.
COULD YOU OPEN THE ICEBOX?
EVENING, MAJOR.
TEAM ONE IS MIGHTY GLAD YOU WERE
SELECTED FOR THIS MISSION.
TEAM ONE IS MIGHTY GLAD YOU WERE
SELECTED FOR THIS MISSION.
THANK YOU, SIR.
SELECTED FOR THIS MISSION.
THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU DID A BEAUTIFUL JOB OF
THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU DID A BEAUTIFUL JOB OF
CLEANING UP PARAGUAY.
YOU DID A BEAUTIFUL JOB OF
CLEANING UP PARAGUAY.
OKAY, WHILE IN THE UKRAINE,
CLEANING UP PARAGUAY.
OKAY, WHILE IN THE UKRAINE,
YOU'LL BE USING THE FOLLOWING
OKAY, WHILE IN THE UKRAINE,
YOU'LL BE USING THE FOLLOWING
ITEMS.
YOU'LL BE USING THE FOLLOWING
ITEMS.
THIS IS A LASER-GUIDED
ITEMS.
THIS IS A LASER-GUIDED
ELECTRONIC GAFF HOOK.
THIS IS A LASER-GUIDED
ELECTRONIC GAFF HOOK.
THIS WILL HELP... THIS WILL HELP
ELECTRONIC GAFF HOOK.
THIS WILL HELP... THIS WILL HELP
YOU GET OVER THE FUEL DUMP'S
THIS WILL HELP... THIS WILL HELP
YOU GET OVER THE FUEL DUMP'S
ELECTRIC FENCE PERIMETER.
YOU GET OVER THE FUEL DUMP'S
ELECTRIC FENCE PERIMETER.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SOFTWARE ITEM.
ELECTRIC FENCE PERIMETER.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SOFTWARE ITEM.
THIS IS THE DIGISPAN TARGET
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SOFTWARE ITEM.
THIS IS THE DIGISPAN TARGET
FIGHTER, TEAM LAB ONE'S NEWEST
THIS IS THE DIGISPAN TARGET
FIGHTER, TEAM LAB ONE'S NEWEST
PIECE OF PERSONNEL ELIMINATION
FIGHTER, TEAM LAB ONE'S NEWEST
PIECE OF PERSONNEL ELIMINATION
EQUIPMENT.
PIECE OF PERSONNEL ELIMINATION
EQUIPMENT.
YOU'LL LOVE IT.
EQUIPMENT.
YOU'LL LOVE IT.
AND TAKE THAT.
YOU'LL LOVE IT.
AND TAKE THAT.
TAKE THAT PILL.
AND TAKE THAT.
TAKE THAT PILL.
OKAY, NOW, THE CHOPPER WILL DROP
TAKE THAT PILL.
OKAY, NOW, THE CHOPPER WILL DROP
YOU HERE IN QUADRANT "B," AND,
OKAY, NOW, THE CHOPPER WILL DROP
YOU HERE IN QUADRANT "B," AND,
UH... THAT PILL, BY THE WAY, IS
YOU HERE IN QUADRANT "B," AND,
UH... THAT PILL, BY THE WAY, IS
AN L-PILL, KILLS WITHIN 20
UH... THAT PILL, BY THE WAY, IS
AN L-PILL, KILLS WITHIN 20
SECONDS OF TIME OF CONSUMPTION.
AN L-PILL, KILLS WITHIN 20
SECONDS OF TIME OF CONSUMPTION.
POISON LAB CAME UP WITH IT.
SECONDS OF TIME OF CONSUMPTION.
POISON LAB CAME UP WITH IT.
TAKE IT IF THEY TRY TO CAPTURE
POISON LAB CAME UP WITH IT.
TAKE IT IF THEY TRY TO CAPTURE
YOU.
TAKE IT IF THEY TRY TO CAPTURE
YOU.
OKAY, OVER THE HILL HERE.
YOU.
OKAY, OVER THE HILL HERE.
WE'LL BE DROPPING HERE IN
OKAY, OVER THE HILL HERE.
WE'LL BE DROPPING HERE IN
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT.
WE'LL BE DROPPING HERE IN
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT.
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT.
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT
WILL BE CROSS... HERE.
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT
WILL BE CROSS... HERE.
WE'RE GONNA DIVIDE THE...
WILL BE CROSS... HERE.
WE'RE GONNA DIVIDE THE...
MAJOR, YOU LISTENING?
WE'RE GONNA DIVIDE THE...
MAJOR, YOU LISTENING?
THIS IS A LIFE-AND-DEATH MATTER
MAJOR, YOU LISTENING?
THIS IS A LIFE-AND-DEATH MATTER
HERE.
THIS IS A LIFE-AND-DEATH MATTER
HERE.
NOW LISTEN.
HERE.
NOW LISTEN.
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO HERE...
NOW LISTEN.
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO HERE...
THIS IS VITAL, MAJOR.
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO HERE...
THIS IS VITAL, MAJOR.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION.
THIS IS VITAL, MAJOR.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: COME WITH US NOW
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: COME WITH US NOW
FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
Announcer: COME WITH US NOW
FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
THE SULFUROUS WASTELANDS, FROM
FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
THE SULFUROUS WASTELANDS, FROM
THE ROTTING FORESTS TO THE
THE SULFUROUS WASTELANDS, FROM
THE ROTTING FORESTS TO THE
STAGNANT NORTHLANDS, TO THE LAND
THE ROTTING FORESTS TO THE
STAGNANT NORTHLANDS, TO THE LAND
OF GORCH.
[Slurring] ♪ I'M RETIRED,
AND I WANT TO GO TO BED ♪
PLOOBIS!
AND I WANT TO GO TO BED ♪
PLOOBIS!
PLOOBIS!
PLOOBIS!
PLOOBIS!
I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ON
PLOOBIS!
I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ON
THAT.
I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ON
THAT.
COME TO BED!
THAT.
COME TO BED!
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
COME TO BED!
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
YOU'RE STILL DRUNK!
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
YOU'RE STILL DRUNK!
AND YOU'RE STILL UGLY.
YOU'RE STILL DRUNK!
AND YOU'RE STILL UGLY.
WE'RE EVEN.
AND YOU'RE STILL UGLY.
WE'RE EVEN.
HA, HA, HAAA!
WE'RE EVEN.
HA, HA, HAAA!
WE'RE EVEN, HA.
HA, HA, HAAA!
WE'RE EVEN, HA.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
WE'RE EVEN, HA.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
HIYA, CHIEF.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
HIYA, CHIEF.
I GOT THE ICE AND THE BEER NUTS,
HIYA, CHIEF.
I GOT THE ICE AND THE BEER NUTS,
BUT THEY'RE ALL OUT OF
I GOT THE ICE AND THE BEER NUTS,
BUT THEY'RE ALL OUT OF
LAMPSHADES.
BUT THEY'RE ALL OUT OF
LAMPSHADES.
LISTEN, SCRED.
LAMPSHADES.
LISTEN, SCRED.
HA... HAVE A DRINK.
LISTEN, SCRED.
HA... HAVE A DRINK.
I HATE TO DRINK ALONE, SCRED.
HA... HAVE A DRINK.
I HATE TO DRINK ALONE, SCRED.
OH, NO, COME ON.
I HATE TO DRINK ALONE, SCRED.
OH, NO, COME ON.
I'M SEEING DOUBLE ALREADY.
OH, NO, COME ON.
I'M SEEING DOUBLE ALREADY.
WELL, THEN, BOTH OF YOU HAVE
I'M SEEING DOUBLE ALREADY.
WELL, THEN, BOTH OF YOU HAVE
A DRINK.
WELL, THEN, BOTH OF YOU HAVE
A DRINK.
COME ON HERE.
A DRINK.
COME ON HERE.
THERE, THERE... THERE YOU GO.
COME ON HERE.
THERE, THERE... THERE YOU GO.
MMM, THERE YOU GO.
THERE, THERE... THERE YOU GO.
MMM, THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A MAN,
MMM, THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A MAN,
SCRED.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A MAN,
SCRED.
[COUGHS]
SCRED.
[COUGHS]
DRUNK LIKE A MAN.
[COUGHS]
DRUNK LIKE A MAN.
NO, YOU FORGET WHAT PLANET
DRUNK LIKE A MAN.
NO, YOU FORGET WHAT PLANET
YOU'RE ON.
NO, YOU FORGET WHAT PLANET
YOU'RE ON.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A SNIRCH!
YOU'RE ON.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A SNIRCH!
[LAUGHS]
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A SNIRCH!
[LAUGHS]
OH, YEAH, I FORGET HOW THEM
[LAUGHS]
OH, YEAH, I FORGET HOW THEM
SNIRCHES DRINK.
OH, YEAH, I FORGET HOW THEM
SNIRCHES DRINK.
YES, INDEED.
SNIRCHES DRINK.
YES, INDEED.
YOU KNOW YOU...
YES, INDEED.
YOU KNOW YOU...
YOU'RE CAUGHT ON ME THERE,
YOU KNOW YOU...
YOU'RE CAUGHT ON ME THERE,
SCRED.
YOU'RE CAUGHT ON ME THERE,
SCRED.
LET GO OF ME.
SCRED.
LET GO OF ME.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
LET GO OF ME.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
DRINK, THOUGH.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
DRINK, THOUGH.
YEAH, YOU SHOULD JUST LAY OFF OF
DRINK, THOUGH.
YEAH, YOU SHOULD JUST LAY OFF OF
THAT STUFF!
YEAH, YOU SHOULD JUST LAY OFF OF
THAT STUFF!
ALL RIGHT.
THAT STUFF!
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE FIRED!
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE FIRED!
YOU GET THAT?
YOU'RE FIRED!
YOU GET THAT?
YOU GOT TO LAY OFF THE STUFF.
YOU GET THAT?
YOU GOT TO LAY OFF THE STUFF.
YOU SEE THAT?
YOU GOT TO LAY OFF THE STUFF.
YOU SEE THAT?
[LAUGHS]
YOU SEE THAT?
[LAUGHS]
OH, YES, INDEED.
[LAUGHS]
OH, YES, INDEED.
SCRED? SCRED?
OH, YES, INDEED.
SCRED? SCRED?
YEAH?
SCRED? SCRED?
YEAH?
YOU KNOW WHY I DRINK?
YEAH?
YOU KNOW WHY I DRINK?
NO.
YOU KNOW WHY I DRINK?
NO.
IT'S BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF.
NO.
IT'S BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF.
OH.
IT'S BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF.
OH.
THAT EXPLAINS WHY I DRINK.
OH.
THAT EXPLAINS WHY I DRINK.
I HATE YOU, TOO!
THAT EXPLAINS WHY I DRINK.
I HATE YOU, TOO!
SCRED! UGH!
I HATE YOU, TOO!
SCRED! UGH!
[CLANGING]
SCRED! UGH!
[CLANGING]
ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY, I'M
[CLANGING]
ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY, I'M
ONLY KIDDING.
ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY, I'M
ONLY KIDDING.
YOU'RE MY VERY FAVORITE.
ONLY KIDDING.
YOU'RE MY VERY FAVORITE.
YEAH?
YOU'RE MY VERY FAVORITE.
YEAH?
YEAH.
YEAH?
YEAH.
I JUST LOVE BLOATED GREEN
YEAH.
I JUST LOVE BLOATED GREEN
THINGS.
I JUST LOVE BLOATED GREEN
THINGS.
SCRED!
THINGS.
SCRED!
I LIKE YOU, TOO, SEE, SCRED.
SCRED!
I LIKE YOU, TOO, SEE, SCRED.
I LIKE... I LIKE THE WAY YOUR
I LIKE YOU, TOO, SEE, SCRED.
I LIKE... I LIKE THE WAY YOUR
NECK AND MY HAND ARE A PERFECT
I LIKE... I LIKE THE WAY YOUR
NECK AND MY HAND ARE A PERFECT
FIT.
NECK AND MY HAND ARE A PERFECT
FIT.
UGH!
FIT.
UGH!
[CHOKING]
UGH!
[CHOKING]
HOW CONVENIENT!
[CHOKING]
HOW CONVENIENT!
WAIT A MINUTE, SCRED.
HOW CONVENIENT!
WAIT A MINUTE, SCRED.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE, SCRED.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT?
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT?
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T... WHY
WHAT?
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T... WHY
DON'T... LISTEN, WHY DON'T...
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T... WHY
DON'T... LISTEN, WHY DON'T...
WHY... WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T WE
DON'T... LISTEN, WHY DON'T...
WHY... WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T WE
GO SEE THE MIGHTY FAVOG?
WHY... WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T WE
GO SEE THE MIGHTY FAVOG?
OH, NO!
GO SEE THE MIGHTY FAVOG?
OH, NO!
I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
OH, NO!
I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
WHAT'S THAT?
I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
WHAT'S THAT?
YEAH, WHY DON'T WE GO SEE THE
WHAT'S THAT?
YEAH, WHY DON'T WE GO SEE THE
MIGHTY FAVOG?
YEAH, WHY DON'T WE GO SEE THE
MIGHTY FAVOG?
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
MIGHTY FAVOG?
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
OH, IT'S NOT THAT WAY.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
OH, IT'S NOT THAT WAY.
IT'S THE OTHER WAY.
OH, IT'S NOT THAT WAY.
IT'S THE OTHER WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
IT'S THE OTHER WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
♪ SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME ♪
SHOW ME THE WAY.
♪ SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME ♪
♪ I'M TIRED, AND I WANT TO GO TO
♪ SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME ♪
♪ I'M TIRED, AND I WANT TO GO TO
BED ♪
♪ I'M TIRED, AND I WANT TO GO TO
BED ♪
[GONG BANGS]
BED ♪
[GONG BANGS]
UH-OH.
[GONG BANGS]
UH-OH.
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
UH-OH.
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
THAT IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
THAT IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
YEAH, SURE IS.
THAT IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
YEAH, SURE IS.
[LAUGHS]
YEAH, SURE IS.
[LAUGHS]
HEY, MIGHTY FAVOG!
[LAUGHS]
HEY, MIGHTY FAVOG!
ME AND MY LITTLE DOG TOTO HERE
HEY, MIGHTY FAVOG!
ME AND MY LITTLE DOG TOTO HERE
WANT TO GO BACK TO KANSAS!
ME AND MY LITTLE DOG TOTO HERE
WANT TO GO BACK TO KANSAS!
[BOTH LAUGH]
WANT TO GO BACK TO KANSAS!
[BOTH LAUGH]
YOU GUYS BEEN HITTING THE
[BOTH LAUGH]
YOU GUYS BEEN HITTING THE
SAUCE AGAIN.
YOU GUYS BEEN HITTING THE
SAUCE AGAIN.
LISTEN, UH...
SAUCE AGAIN.
LISTEN, UH...
NO, I JUST HAD A COUPLE OF
LISTEN, UH...
NO, I JUST HAD A COUPLE OF
DRINKS.
NO, I JUST HAD A COUPLE OF
DRINKS.
YEAH, YEAH, LIGHTEN IT UP
DRINKS.
YEAH, YEAH, LIGHTEN IT UP
THERE, STONE FACE!
YEAH, YEAH, LIGHTEN IT UP
THERE, STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
THERE, STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
YEAH, HE'S GOT A FACE THAT WOULD
STONE FACE!
YEAH, HE'S GOT A FACE THAT WOULD
STOP A CLOCK!
YEAH, HE'S GOT A FACE THAT WOULD
STOP A CLOCK!
[LAUGHS]
STOP A CLOCK!
[LAUGHS]
STONE FACE?
[LAUGHS]
STONE FACE?
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE FACE OF
STONE FACE?
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE FACE OF
THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN!
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE FACE OF
THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN!
[THUNDER CRASHES]
THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN!
[THUNDER CRASHES]
HA.
[THUNDER CRASHES]
HA.
THE MIGHTY OZ HAS SPOKEN.
HA.
THE MIGHTY OZ HAS SPOKEN.
[GONG BANGS]
THE MIGHTY OZ HAS SPOKEN.
[GONG BANGS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, NOW, MA'AM, WHICH MAN
IS THE ONE WHO ALLEGEDLY ROBBED
YOUR LIQUOR STORE?
IS THE ONE WHO ALLEGEDLY ROBBED
YOUR LIQUOR STORE?
UH, THAT'S HIM, THE ONE WITH
YOUR LIQUOR STORE?
UH, THAT'S HIM, THE ONE WITH
THE MUSTACHE.
UH, THAT'S HIM, THE ONE WITH
THE MUSTACHE.
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM,
THE MUSTACHE.
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM,
THEN.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[THEME FROM "THE EXORCIST"
PLAYS]
[THEME FROM "THE EXORCIST"
PLAYS]
FATHERS, I'M SO GLAD YOU
[PLAYS]
FATHERS, I'M SO GLAD YOU
COULD COME.
FATHERS, I'M SO GLAD YOU
COULD COME.
EXCUSE THE STAIN ON THE RUG.
COULD COME.
EXCUSE THE STAIN ON THE RUG.
YES.
EXCUSE THE STAIN ON THE RUG.
YES.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, MY
YES.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, MY
CHILD.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, MY
CHILD.
HAVE FAITH.
CHILD.
HAVE FAITH.
THIS IS BROTHER KARRAS.
HAVE FAITH.
THIS IS BROTHER KARRAS.
I'M FATHER KARRAS.
THIS IS BROTHER KARRAS.
I'M FATHER KARRAS.
[Demonic voice] MERRIN.
I'M FATHER KARRAS.
[Demonic voice] MERRIN.
WHERE'S YOUR FAITH, FATHER?
[Demonic voice] MERRIN.
WHERE'S YOUR FAITH, FATHER?
IT'S IN THE CAR.
WHERE'S YOUR FAITH, FATHER?
IT'S IN THE CAR.
I'M GONNA GET IT.
IT'S IN THE CAR.
I'M GONNA GET IT.
WHERE IS SHE?
I'M GONNA GET IT.
WHERE IS SHE?
UPSTAIRS.
WHERE IS SHE?
UPSTAIRS.
SHE DID THAT TO YOU?
UPSTAIRS.
SHE DID THAT TO YOU?
OH.
[MOANING, GROWLING]
I COMMAND YOU, DEMON...
DEMON, BE GONE!
I COMMAND YOU, DEMON...
DEMON, BE GONE!
WOW, THAT'S SOMETHING,
DEMON, BE GONE!
WOW, THAT'S SOMETHING,
FATHER.
WOW, THAT'S SOMETHING,
FATHER.
YES.
FATHER.
YES.
YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU WE HAD
YES.
YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU WE HAD
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU WE HAD
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
LET'S TALK TO THE CHILD.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
LET'S TALK TO THE CHILD.
YES, YOU TALK TO HER.
LET'S TALK TO THE CHILD.
YES, YOU TALK TO HER.
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
AAH!
DID YOU DO THAT, LITTLE GIRL?
LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA.
DID YOU DO THAT, LITTLE GIRL?
LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA.
YOU MUSTN'T LISTEN TO
LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA.
YOU MUSTN'T LISTEN TO
ANYTHING SHE HAS TO SAY.
YOU MUSTN'T LISTEN TO
ANYTHING SHE HAS TO SAY.
I'M NOT LISTENING.
ANYTHING SHE HAS TO SAY.
I'M NOT LISTENING.
YOU'RE A LIAR AND A CHEAT AND
I'M NOT LISTENING.
YOU'RE A LIAR AND A CHEAT AND
A CHILD MOLESTER.
YOU'RE A LIAR AND A CHEAT AND
A CHILD MOLESTER.
YOU FRENCH-KISS YOUR DOG IN THE
A CHILD MOLESTER.
YOU FRENCH-KISS YOUR DOG IN THE
MOUTH!
YOU FRENCH-KISS YOUR DOG IN THE
MOUTH!
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
MOUTH!
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
AAH, AAH!
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
AAH, AAH!
THE BED... STOP THE BED!
AAH, AAH!
THE BED... STOP THE BED!
STOP THE BED!
THE BED... STOP THE BED!
STOP THE BED!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR.
STOP THE BED!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR.
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR.
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
Both: THE BED MUST BE ON THE
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
Both: THE BED MUST BE ON THE
FLOOR!
Both: THE BED MUST BE ON THE
FLOOR!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
FLOOR!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[SPEAKING LATIN]
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[SPEAKING LATIN]
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[SPEAKING LATIN]
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
OH, FATHER, THE BED IS ON MY
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
OH, FATHER, THE BED IS ON MY
FOOT!
OH, FATHER, THE BED IS ON MY
FOOT!
YOU MUST CONTINUE, FATHER.
FOOT!
YOU MUST CONTINUE, FATHER.
OH!
YOU MUST CONTINUE, FATHER.
OH!
I MUST REST.
OH!
I MUST REST.
YOU MUST REST?!
I MUST REST.
YOU MUST REST?!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
YOU MUST REST?!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
HUNGRY.
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
HUNGRY.
COULDN'T YOU GIVE ME SOME PEA
HUNGRY.
COULDN'T YOU GIVE ME SOME PEA
SOUP?
COULDN'T YOU GIVE ME SOME PEA
SOUP?
IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
SOUP?
IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
OH, JEEPERS, I'M SORRY.
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
OH, JEEPERS, I'M SORRY.
OH, THANK YOU, LITTLE GIRL.
OH, JEEPERS, I'M SORRY.
OH, THANK YOU, LITTLE GIRL.
WHEW!
OH, THANK YOU, LITTLE GIRL.
WHEW!
YOU'RE SUCH A NICE LITTLE GIRL.
WHEW!
YOU'RE SUCH A NICE LITTLE GIRL.
I KNEW IT ALL THE TIME.
YOU'RE SUCH A NICE LITTLE GIRL.
I KNEW IT ALL THE TIME.
HERE'S YOUR PEA SOUP.
I KNEW IT ALL THE TIME.
HERE'S YOUR PEA SOUP.
MAYBE NOW WE CAN BE FRIENDS,
HERE'S YOUR PEA SOUP.
MAYBE NOW WE CAN BE FRIENDS,
HUH?
MAYBE NOW WE CAN BE FRIENDS,
HUH?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
HUH?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
[Demonic voice] SUCKER!
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
[Demonic voice] SUCKER!
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
[Demonic voice] SUCKER!
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
SORRY.
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
SORRY.
LET'S MAKE UP.
SORRY.
LET'S MAKE UP.
HERE, HAVE A FLOWER.
LET'S MAKE UP.
HERE, HAVE A FLOWER.
OH, WHAT A SWEET GESTURE.
HERE, HAVE A FLOWER.
OH, WHAT A SWEET GESTURE.
YOU'RE A SWEET LITTLE GIRL.
OH, WHAT A SWEET GESTURE.
YOU'RE A SWEET LITTLE GIRL.
[Demonic voice] JIVE
YOU'RE A SWEET LITTLE GIRL.
[Demonic voice] JIVE
TURKEY!
[Demonic voice] JIVE
TURKEY!
I HAVE FAITH.
TURKEY!
I HAVE FAITH.
I HAVE FAITH.
I HAVE FAITH.
I HAVE FAITH.
YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE GIRL.
I HAVE FAITH.
YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE GIRL.
YOUR MOTHER EATS KITTY
YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE GIRL.
YOUR MOTHER EATS KITTY
LITTER!
SAY WHAT?
YOUR MAMA EATS KITTY LITTER!
DON'T NOBODY TALK ABOUT MY
YOUR MAMA EATS KITTY LITTER!
DON'T NOBODY TALK ABOUT MY
MAMA!
DON'T NOBODY TALK ABOUT MY
MAMA!
FATHER!
MAMA!
FATHER!
WHAT?
FATHER!
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT!
TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA!
SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT!
TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA!
[Child's voice] OH, FATHER,
TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA!
[Child's voice] OH, FATHER,
THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
[Child's voice] OH, FATHER,
THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
HE WAS HURTING ME.
THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
HE WAS HURTING ME.
YES.
HE WAS HURTING ME.
YES.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU SAY
YES.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT MY MAMA!
I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT MY MAMA!
SHE'S SUCH AN INNOCENT CHILD.
SOMETHING ABOUT MY MAMA!
SHE'S SUCH AN INNOCENT CHILD.
[Demonic voice] YOUR MOTHER
SHE'S SUCH AN INNOCENT CHILD.
[Demonic voice] YOUR MOTHER
SEWS SOCKS THAT SMELL!
[Demonic voice] YOUR MOTHER
SEWS SOCKS THAT SMELL!
WHAT DID YOU SAY, LITTLE
SEWS SOCKS THAT SMELL!
WHAT DID YOU SAY, LITTLE
GIRL?
WHAT DID YOU SAY, LITTLE
GIRL?
YOUR MAMA SEWS SOCKS THAT
GIRL?
YOUR MAMA SEWS SOCKS THAT
SMELL!
YOUR MAMA SEWS SOCKS THAT
SMELL!
FATHER, FATHER, FATHER!
SMELL!
FATHER, FATHER, FATHER!
PLEASE, FATHER!
FATHER, FATHER, FATHER!
PLEASE, FATHER!
LET ME HELP YOU!
PLEASE, FATHER!
LET ME HELP YOU!
[CHOKING]
LET ME HELP YOU!
[CHOKING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALBERT BROOKS IS SICK THIS
WEEK, SO HE SENT HIS FILM IN.
AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM
WEEK, SO HE SENT HIS FILM IN.
AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM
BY OUR FRIEND ALBERT BROOKS.
AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM
BY OUR FRIEND ALBERT BROOKS.
[COUGHS]
BY OUR FRIEND ALBERT BROOKS.
[COUGHS]
HELLO. I'M SICK THIS WEEK.
[COUGHS]
HELLO. I'M SICK THIS WEEK.
AND, UH, I APOLOGIZE BECAUSE I
HELLO. I'M SICK THIS WEEK.
AND, UH, I APOLOGIZE BECAUSE I
KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE
AND, UH, I APOLOGIZE BECAUSE I
KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE
ACTION MOVIES.
KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE
ACTION MOVIES.
BUT I... I CAN GIVE YOU SOME
ACTION MOVIES.
BUT I... I CAN GIVE YOU SOME
ACTION.
BUT I... I CAN GIVE YOU SOME
ACTION.
I HAVE THIS REMOTE-CONTROL ZOOM
ACTION.
I HAVE THIS REMOTE-CONTROL ZOOM
DEVICE THAT CAN BRING THE LENS
I HAVE THIS REMOTE-CONTROL ZOOM
DEVICE THAT CAN BRING THE LENS
BACK AND FORTH.
DEVICE THAT CAN BRING THE LENS
BACK AND FORTH.
I CAN'T MOVE THE CAMERA THIS
BACK AND FORTH.
I CAN'T MOVE THE CAMERA THIS
TIME FROM SIDE TO SIDE BECAUSE
I CAN'T MOVE THE CAMERA THIS
TIME FROM SIDE TO SIDE BECAUSE
I DON'T HAVE A CREW HERE.
TIME FROM SIDE TO SIDE BECAUSE
I DON'T HAVE A CREW HERE.
I WOULDN'T INFECT 12 PEOPLE FOR
I DON'T HAVE A CREW HERE.
I WOULDN'T INFECT 12 PEOPLE FOR
ANY MOVIE.
BUT THE ZOOM IS EFFECTIVE 'CAUSE
A LOT OF TIMES, WITHOUT RAISING
YOUR VOICE, YOU CAN MAKE YOUR
VOICE SEEM TO GROW LOUDER WHEN
YOU WANT TO MAKE A POINT WHEN
YOU BRING IT IN TIGHT.
AND THEN, ONCE YOU'RE IN, AFTER
YOU MADE YOUR POINT, YOU CAN
COME BACK OUT.
SO, I'LL USE THIS AT MY
DISCRETION.
I ALSO HAVE ON THE SPEAKERPHONE
A GUEST WITH ME THIS EVENING.
THIS IS DR. JOSEPH SCHUSTER.
A GUEST WITH ME THIS EVENING.
THIS IS DR. JOSEPH SCHUSTER.
DR. SCHUSTER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
THIS IS DR. JOSEPH SCHUSTER.
DR. SCHUSTER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
YES.
DR. SCHUSTER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
YES.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS MY
YES.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS MY
PHYSICIAN.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS MY
PHYSICIAN.
WOULD YOU TELL THEM NOW WHAT YOU
PHYSICIAN.
WOULD YOU TELL THEM NOW WHAT YOU
TOLD ME TWO DAYS AGO?
WOULD YOU TELL THEM NOW WHAT YOU
TOLD ME TWO DAYS AGO?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY TO PUT IT
TOLD ME TWO DAYS AGO?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY TO PUT IT
IN LAYMAN'S LANGUAGE AS MUCH AS
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY TO PUT IT
IN LAYMAN'S LANGUAGE AS MUCH AS
I CAN, MR. BROOKS.
IN LAYMAN'S LANGUAGE AS MUCH AS
I CAN, MR. BROOKS.
BASICALLY, YOU ARE OVERWORKED.
I CAN, MR. BROOKS.
BASICALLY, YOU ARE OVERWORKED.
I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE
BASICALLY, YOU ARE OVERWORKED.
I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE
MOTION-PICTURE BUSINESS, BUT IT
I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE
MOTION-PICTURE BUSINESS, BUT IT
SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE DOING
MOTION-PICTURE BUSINESS, BUT IT
SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE DOING
THE WORK OF ABOUT 30 PEOPLE.
SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE DOING
THE WORK OF ABOUT 30 PEOPLE.
FRANKLY, I'M SURPRISED YOU'VE
THE WORK OF ABOUT 30 PEOPLE.
FRANKLY, I'M SURPRISED YOU'VE
BEEN ABLE TO DO WHAT YOU'VE DONE
FRANKLY, I'M SURPRISED YOU'VE
BEEN ABLE TO DO WHAT YOU'VE DONE
SO FAR.
BEEN ABLE TO DO WHAT YOU'VE DONE
SO FAR.
30 PEOPLE.
SO FAR.
30 PEOPLE.
YES.
30 PEOPLE.
YES.
ALL RIGHT, HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE
YES.
ALL RIGHT, HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE
TO SEE ANY OF MY OTHER FILMS?
ALL RIGHT, HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE
TO SEE ANY OF MY OTHER FILMS?
YES, I HAVE.
TO SEE ANY OF MY OTHER FILMS?
YES, I HAVE.
AND IT'S A MIRACLE YOU'RE STILL
YES, I HAVE.
AND IT'S A MIRACLE YOU'RE STILL
ALIVE.
AND IT'S A MIRACLE YOU'RE STILL
ALIVE.
THAT'S VERY NICE.
ALIVE.
THAT'S VERY NICE.
THANK YOU, DR. SCHUSTER.
THAT'S VERY NICE.
THANK YOU, DR. SCHUSTER.
LET ME ASK YOU ONE MORE
THANK YOU, DR. SCHUSTER.
LET ME ASK YOU ONE MORE
QUESTION.
LET ME ASK YOU ONE MORE
QUESTION.
MM-HMM.
QUESTION.
MM-HMM.
I HAVE ONE FILM LEFT IN THIS
MM-HMM.
I HAVE ONE FILM LEFT IN THIS
PRESENT CONTRACT.
I HAVE ONE FILM LEFT IN THIS
PRESENT CONTRACT.
WHEN DO YOU THINK...
PRESENT CONTRACT.
WHEN DO YOU THINK...
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
WHEN DO YOU THINK...
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
YOU WHAT?
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
YOU WHAT?
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
YOU WHAT?
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
IT'S NOT A MATTER OF "WOULD"
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
IT'S NOT A MATTER OF "WOULD"
OR "WOULDN'T."
IT'S NOT A MATTER OF "WOULD"
OR "WOULDN'T."
I HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE IT'S A
OR "WOULDN'T."
I HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE IT'S A
CONTRACT.
I HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE IT'S A
CONTRACT.
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
CONTRACT.
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, NOW.
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, NOW.
THAT'S DR. SCHUSTER SAYING THAT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, NOW.
THAT'S DR. SCHUSTER SAYING THAT.
YOU WOULDN'T DO IT UNDER ANY
THAT'S DR. SCHUSTER SAYING THAT.
YOU WOULDN'T DO IT UNDER ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES?
YOU WOULDN'T DO IT UNDER ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES?
NO, SIR, I WOULD NOT.
CIRCUMSTANCES?
NO, SIR, I WOULD NOT.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
NO, SIR, I WOULD NOT.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
APPARENTLY...
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
APPARENTLY...
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
APPARENTLY...
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
YES?
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
YES?
WAIT.
YES?
WAIT.
WHAT?
WAIT.
WHAT?
HELLO?
WHAT?
HELLO?
NO, IT'S THE DOOR.
HELLO?
NO, IT'S THE DOOR.
WHAT?
NO, IT'S THE DOOR.
WHAT?
BROASTED CHICKEN!
WHAT?
BROASTED CHICKEN!
CAN YOU LET YOURSELF IN?
BROASTED CHICKEN!
CAN YOU LET YOURSELF IN?
I'M SICK.
CAN YOU LET YOURSELF IN?
I'M SICK.
IT'S BROASTED CHICKEN,
I'M SICK.
IT'S BROASTED CHICKEN,
DR. SCHUSTER.
IT'S BROASTED CHICKEN,
DR. SCHUSTER.
OH, FINE.
DR. SCHUSTER.
OH, FINE.
I THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR
OH, FINE.
I THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR
JOINING ME THIS EVENING.
I THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR
JOINING ME THIS EVENING.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE WELCOME.
JOINING ME THIS EVENING.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND, UH, I'LL BE IN...
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND, UH, I'LL BE IN...
[Dial tone]
AND, UH, I'LL BE IN...
[Dial tone]
A LITTLE BIT LATER.
[Dial tone]
A LITTLE BIT LATER.
HERE'S YOUR CHICKEN.
A LITTLE BIT LATER.
HERE'S YOUR CHICKEN.
THANKS.
HERE'S YOUR CHICKEN.
THANKS.
WHAT YOU MAKING?
THANKS.
WHAT YOU MAKING?
MAKING A MOVIE.
WHAT YOU MAKING?
MAKING A MOVIE.
OH, YEAH?
MAKING A MOVIE.
OH, YEAH?
WHERE'S THE GIRL?
OH, YEAH?
WHERE'S THE GIRL?
GET AWAY FROM THERE, WOULD
WHERE'S THE GIRL?
GET AWAY FROM THERE, WOULD
YOU?
GET AWAY FROM THERE, WOULD
YOU?
GET AWAY.
YOU?
GET AWAY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
GET AWAY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THE GIRL WILL BE HERE LATER.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THE GIRL WILL BE HERE LATER.
JUST STAY OUT OF THE CAMERA,
THE GIRL WILL BE HERE LATER.
JUST STAY OUT OF THE CAMERA,
OKAY?
JUST STAY OUT OF THE CAMERA,
OKAY?
'CAUSE I HAVE TO PAY YOU A LOT
OKAY?
'CAUSE I HAVE TO PAY YOU A LOT
OF MONEY IF NOT.
'CAUSE I HAVE TO PAY YOU A LOT
OF MONEY IF NOT.
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU FOR THE
OF MONEY IF NOT.
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU FOR THE
CHICKEN?
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU FOR THE
CHICKEN?
$3.99.
CHICKEN?
$3.99.
OKAY.
$3.99.
OKAY.
[COUGHS]
OKAY.
[COUGHS]
HERE'S $4.
[COUGHS]
HERE'S $4.
LET'S SEE, THIS WILL BE PROPS,
HERE'S $4.
LET'S SEE, THIS WILL BE PROPS,
BROASTED CHICKEN.
LET'S SEE, THIS WILL BE PROPS,
BROASTED CHICKEN.
LET ME HAVE THE RECEIPT. OKAY.
BROASTED CHICKEN.
LET ME HAVE THE RECEIPT. OKAY.
WHY DO THEY CALL THIS STUFF
LET ME HAVE THE RECEIPT. OKAY.
WHY DO THEY CALL THIS STUFF
"BROASTED," DO YOU KNOW?
WHY DO THEY CALL THIS STUFF
"BROASTED," DO YOU KNOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
"BROASTED," DO YOU KNOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
A LADY AT THE PLACE TOLD ME
I DON'T KNOW.
A LADY AT THE PLACE TOLD ME
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO USE LESS FAT
A LADY AT THE PLACE TOLD ME
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO USE LESS FAT
WHEN THEY FRY BROASTED THAN
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO USE LESS FAT
WHEN THEY FRY BROASTED THAN
REGULAR.
WHEN THEY FRY BROASTED THAN
REGULAR.
BUT HERE'S BROASTED I GOT THIS
REGULAR.
BUT HERE'S BROASTED I GOT THIS
MORNING, AND HERE'S REGULAR I
BUT HERE'S BROASTED I GOT THIS
MORNING, AND HERE'S REGULAR I
HAD LAST NIGHT.
MORNING, AND HERE'S REGULAR I
HAD LAST NIGHT.
IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME AMOUNT OF
HAD LAST NIGHT.
IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME AMOUNT OF
FAT, DOESN'T IT?
IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME AMOUNT OF
FAT, DOESN'T IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
FAT, DOESN'T IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHY DO... WHY SHOULD
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHY DO... WHY SHOULD
I EVEN EAT THIS?
I MEAN, WHY DO... WHY SHOULD
I EVEN EAT THIS?
IF I PUT IT RIGHT OVER MY HEART,
I EVEN EAT THIS?
IF I PUT IT RIGHT OVER MY HEART,
IT'LL GET THERE FASTER, WON'T
IF I PUT IT RIGHT OVER MY HEART,
IT'LL GET THERE FASTER, WON'T
IT?
IT'LL GET THERE FASTER, WON'T
IT?
YOU'RE ALBERT BROOKS, AREN'T
IT?
YOU'RE ALBERT BROOKS, AREN'T
YOU?
YOU'RE ALBERT BROOKS, AREN'T
YOU?
YES. YES, I AM.
YOU?
YES. YES, I AM.
MAN, I REALLY LIKE YOUR NEW
YES. YES, I AM.
MAN, I REALLY LIKE YOUR NEW
RECORD.
MAN, I REALLY LIKE YOUR NEW
RECORD.
IT'S GREAT.
RECORD.
IT'S GREAT.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY, VERY
IT'S GREAT.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY, VERY
NICE.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY, VERY
NICE.
WHAT RECORD ARE YOU TALKING
NICE.
WHAT RECORD ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
WHAT RECORD ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
A [BLEEP] ON A [BLEEP]
ABOUT?
A [BLEEP] ON A [BLEEP]
RECORDS AND TAPES.
A [BLEEP] ON A [BLEEP]
RECORDS AND TAPES.
OH, YES, THANK YOU.
RECORDS AND TAPES.
OH, YES, THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
OH, YES, THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE KNOW
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE KNOW
ABOUT IT?
WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE KNOW
ABOUT IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
ABOUT IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
WHY DOESN'T YOUR RECORD
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
WHY DOESN'T YOUR RECORD
COMPANY TAKE OUT ADS?
WHY DOESN'T YOUR RECORD
COMPANY TAKE OUT ADS?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
COMPANY TAKE OUT ADS?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT DO THEY DO,
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT DO THEY DO,
SPEND ALL THEIR MONEY PROMOTING
I MEAN, WHAT DO THEY DO,
SPEND ALL THEIR MONEY PROMOTING
THE EAGLES?
SPEND ALL THEIR MONEY PROMOTING
THE EAGLES?
I DON'T KNOW.
THE EAGLES?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
[SNEEZES]
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
[SNEEZES]
IT'S SURE A GREAT ALBUM.
[SNEEZES]
IT'S SURE A GREAT ALBUM.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
IT'S SURE A GREAT ALBUM.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
SAY... SAY HELLO, WILL YOU?
THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
SAY... SAY HELLO, WILL YOU?
YOU CAN SAY HELLO. GO AHEAD.
SAY... SAY HELLO, WILL YOU?
YOU CAN SAY HELLO. GO AHEAD.
HELLO!
YOU CAN SAY HELLO. GO AHEAD.
HELLO!
OKAY. LET YOURSELF OUT.
HELLO!
OKAY. LET YOURSELF OUT.
THANK YOU.
OKAY. LET YOURSELF OUT.
THANK YOU.
SURE.
THANK YOU.
SURE.
WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL A
SURE.
WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL A
LITTLE BETTER.
WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL A
LITTLE BETTER.
I HAVE A MINUTE LEFT, AND...
LITTLE BETTER.
I HAVE A MINUTE LEFT, AND...
OH, A FRIEND OF MINE WANTED
I HAVE A MINUTE LEFT, AND...
OH, A FRIEND OF MINE WANTED
ME TO ASK...
OH, A FRIEND OF MINE WANTED
ME TO ASK...
YEAH?
ME TO ASK...
YEAH?
WHAT'S THE CATALOG NUMBER
YEAH?
WHAT'S THE CATALOG NUMBER
ON THAT?
WHAT'S THE CATALOG NUMBER
ON THAT?
OH, TELL YOUR FRIEND HE
ON THAT?
OH, TELL YOUR FRIEND HE
DOESN'T NEED THE CATALOG
OH, TELL YOUR FRIEND HE
DOESN'T NEED THE CATALOG
NUMBER.
DOESN'T NEED THE CATALOG
NUMBER.
JUST ASK FOR [BLEEP] ON A
NUMBER.
JUST ASK FOR [BLEEP] ON A
[BLEEP] RECORDS.
JUST ASK FOR [BLEEP] ON A
[BLEEP] RECORDS.
TELL HIM IT MAKES A GREAT
[BLEEP] RECORDS.
TELL HIM IT MAKES A GREAT
HANUKKAH GIFT.
TELL HIM IT MAKES A GREAT
HANUKKAH GIFT.
RIGHT ON!
HANUKKAH GIFT.
RIGHT ON!
OKAY.
RIGHT ON!
OKAY.
I'M JUST ABOUT THROUGH HERE
OKAY.
I'M JUST ABOUT THROUGH HERE
TONIGHT.
I'M JUST ABOUT THROUGH HERE
TONIGHT.
BEFORE I GO, I'D LIKE TO SAY ONE
TONIGHT.
BEFORE I GO, I'D LIKE TO SAY ONE
THING.
BEFORE I GO, I'D LIKE TO SAY ONE
THING.
YOU KNOW, MAKING FILM IS A
THING.
YOU KNOW, MAKING FILM IS A
COOPERATIVE EFFORT.
YOU KNOW, MAKING FILM IS A
COOPERATIVE EFFORT.
IT TAKES A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE
COOPERATIVE EFFORT.
IT TAKES A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE
WILLING TO PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
IT TAKES A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE
WILLING TO PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
THERE'S BEEN ONE GENTLEMAN WHO
WILLING TO PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
THERE'S BEEN ONE GENTLEMAN WHO
WORKS AT A VERY LARGE FILM
THERE'S BEEN ONE GENTLEMAN WHO
WORKS AT A VERY LARGE FILM
PROCESSING HOUSE HERE IN
WORKS AT A VERY LARGE FILM
PROCESSING HOUSE HERE IN
LOS ANGELES.
PROCESSING HOUSE HERE IN
LOS ANGELES.
I ASKED HIM TO WATCH TONIGHT.
LOS ANGELES.
I ASKED HIM TO WATCH TONIGHT.
HE'S NEVER PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
I ASKED HIM TO WATCH TONIGHT.
HE'S NEVER PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
I'M NOT GONNA MENTION HIS NAME.
HE'S NEVER PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
I'M NOT GONNA MENTION HIS NAME.
OH, YES, I WILL.
I'M NOT GONNA MENTION HIS NAME.
OH, YES, I WILL.
JACK STANTON IS HIS NAME.
OH, YES, I WILL.
JACK STANTON IS HIS NAME.
NOW, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING OF
JACK STANTON IS HIS NAME.
NOW, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING OF
THESE FILMS, HE'S THE MAN WHO
NOW, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING OF
THESE FILMS, HE'S THE MAN WHO
SAYS, "THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
THESE FILMS, HE'S THE MAN WHO
SAYS, "THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
SAYS, "THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
YOU SAY TO HIM, "JACK, IT'S TOO
THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
YOU SAY TO HIM, "JACK, IT'S TOO
RED."
YOU SAY TO HIM, "JACK, IT'S TOO
RED."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
RED."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
"IT'S TOO GREEN."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
"IT'S TOO GREEN."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
"IT'S TOO GREEN."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
WELL, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
WELL, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, JACK.
WELL, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, JACK.
MAYBE THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, JACK.
MAYBE THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
BUT IF THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT, I'M
MAYBE THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
BUT IF THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT, I'M
SURE THEY'LL NEVER SEE THIS
BUT IF THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT, I'M
SURE THEY'LL NEVER SEE THIS
EITHER, JACK.
SURE THEY'LL NEVER SEE THIS
EITHER, JACK.
I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN IN THREE
EITHER, JACK.
I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN IN THREE
WEEKS.
I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN IN THREE
WEEKS.
I HOPE TO BE BETTER BY THAT
WEEKS.
I HOPE TO BE BETTER BY THAT
TIME.
I HOPE TO BE BETTER BY THAT
TIME.
I FOR...
TIME.
I FOR...
[COUGHS]
I FOR...
[COUGHS]
I...
[COUGHS]
I...
[COUGHS]
I...
[COUGHS]
I CAN'T TALK.
[COUGHS]
I CAN'T TALK.
[COUGHS]
I CAN'T TALK.
[COUGHS]
OH, NO!
[COUGHS]
OH, NO!
[COUGHS]
THANK YOU.
WE'D LIKE TO SAY THAT...
RICHARD!
WE'D LIKE TO SAY THAT...
RICHARD!
TELL THE TRUTH!
RICHARD!
TELL THE TRUTH!
TELL THE TRUTH!
TELL THE TRUTH!
TELL THE TRUTH!
I HAVE PROOF!
TELL THE TRUTH!
I HAVE PROOF!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I HAVE PROOF!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THERE WERE TWO ASSASSINS IN
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THERE WERE TWO ASSASSINS IN
DALLAS.
THERE WERE TWO ASSASSINS IN
DALLAS.
THERE WERE TWO!
DALLAS.
THERE WERE TWO!
I HAVE PROOF.
THERE WERE TWO!
I HAVE PROOF.
I HAVE TRUE PROOF.
I HAVE PROOF.
I HAVE TRUE PROOF.
OSWALD COLLABORATED WITH THE CIA
I HAVE TRUE PROOF.
OSWALD COLLABORATED WITH THE CIA
ONE MONTH BEFORE THE
OSWALD COLLABORATED WITH THE CIA
ONE MONTH BEFORE THE
ASSASSINATION.
ONE MONTH BEFORE THE
ASSASSINATION.
THERE WERE SHOTS FIRED FROM THE
ASSASSINATION.
THERE WERE SHOTS FIRED FROM THE
GRASSY KNOLL AREA!
THERE WERE SHOTS FIRED FROM THE
GRASSY KNOLL AREA!
[GUNSHOT]
GRASSY KNOLL AREA!
[GUNSHOT]
UH, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH
[GUNSHOT]
UH, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH
THIS.
UH, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH
THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
DICK GREGORY STARTED THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
DICK GREGORY STARTED THIS.
I DIDN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT THIS.
DICK GREGORY STARTED THIS.
I DIDN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT THIS.
I DON'T CARE WHO KILLED WHO.
Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, SHELLEY PRYOR.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GENTLEMEN, SHELLEY PRYOR.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW, THIS BEING THE
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW, THIS BEING THE
SEASON TO BE JOLLY AND
YOU KNOW, THIS BEING THE
SEASON TO BE JOLLY AND
EVERYTHING, I'VE WRITTEN A
SEASON TO BE JOLLY AND
EVERYTHING, I'VE WRITTEN A
LITTLE STORY TO HELP YOU GET
EVERYTHING, I'VE WRITTEN A
LITTLE STORY TO HELP YOU GET
YOUR JOLLIES.
LITTLE STORY TO HELP YOU GET
YOUR JOLLIES.
AND IT'S ABOUT MY MOST FAVORITE
YOUR JOLLIES.
AND IT'S ABOUT MY MOST FAVORITE
PLACE IN THE WORLD, THE CAROUSEL
AND IT'S ABOUT MY MOST FAVORITE
PLACE IN THE WORLD, THE CAROUSEL
IN CENTRAL PARK.
PLACE IN THE WORLD, THE CAROUSEL
IN CENTRAL PARK.
[CALLIOPE MUSIC PLAYS]
IN CENTRAL PARK.
[CALLIOPE MUSIC PLAYS]
YOU SEE, ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE
[CALLIOPE MUSIC PLAYS]
YOU SEE, ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE
WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WHITE
YOU SEE, ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE
WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WHITE
CAROUSEL WITH TWO HORSES IN
WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WHITE
CAROUSEL WITH TWO HORSES IN
LOVE.
CAROUSEL WITH TWO HORSES IN
LOVE.
NOW HERE'S THEIR STORY I TELL.
LOVE.
NOW HERE'S THEIR STORY I TELL.
NOW, THE BOY'S NAME WAS CHING,
NOW HERE'S THEIR STORY I TELL.
NOW, THE BOY'S NAME WAS CHING,
AND THE GIRL'S NAME WAS JING,
NOW, THE BOY'S NAME WAS CHING,
AND THE GIRL'S NAME WAS JING,
AND THEIR LOVE WAS ABOUNDING,
AND THE GIRL'S NAME WAS JING,
AND THEIR LOVE WAS ABOUNDING,
A MOST WONDERFUL THING...
AND THEIR LOVE WAS ABOUNDING,
A MOST WONDERFUL THING...
UNTIL ONE DAY...
A MOST WONDERFUL THING...
UNTIL ONE DAY...
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
UNTIL ONE DAY...
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING WAS A
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING WAS A
CAROUSEL HORSE.
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING WAS A
CAROUSEL HORSE.
NOW, HE WAS ONE OUT OF ONE
CAROUSEL HORSE.
NOW, HE WAS ONE OUT OF ONE
DOZEN.
NOW, HE WAS ONE OUT OF ONE
DOZEN.
BUT HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN,
DOZEN.
BUT HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN,
LIKE HIS UNCLES OR HIS COUSINS.
BUT HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN,
LIKE HIS UNCLES OR HIS COUSINS.
WELL, THIS MADE CHING VERY, VERY
LIKE HIS UNCLES OR HIS COUSINS.
WELL, THIS MADE CHING VERY, VERY
SAD...
WELL, THIS MADE CHING VERY, VERY
SAD...
BECAUSE GOING UP AND DOWN MADE
SAD...
BECAUSE GOING UP AND DOWN MADE
CHILDREN GLAD.
BECAUSE GOING UP AND DOWN MADE
CHILDREN GLAD.
AND EVERY SUNDAY THEY WOULD RUN
CHILDREN GLAD.
AND EVERY SUNDAY THEY WOULD RUN
TO THE PARK
AND EVERY SUNDAY THEY WOULD RUN
TO THE PARK
AND RIDE ON THE CAROUSEL
TO THE PARK
AND RIDE ON THE CAROUSEL
UNTIL WAY AFTER DARK.
AND RIDE ON THE CAROUSEL
UNTIL WAY AFTER DARK.
BUT THEY WOULDN'T RIDE CHING.
UNTIL WAY AFTER DARK.
BUT THEY WOULDN'T RIDE CHING.
NOW, THAT, OF COURSE, IS A VERY
BUT THEY WOULDN'T RIDE CHING.
NOW, THAT, OF COURSE, IS A VERY
SAD THING.
NOW, THAT, OF COURSE, IS A VERY
SAD THING.
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING USED TO BE
SAD THING.
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING USED TO BE
ABLE TO GO UP AND DOWN
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING USED TO BE
ABLE TO GO UP AND DOWN
UNTIL ONE DAY THIS FAT LADY
ABLE TO GO UP AND DOWN
UNTIL ONE DAY THIS FAT LADY
ROLLED INTO TOWN.
UNTIL ONE DAY THIS FAT LADY
ROLLED INTO TOWN.
AND SHE HEARD THE MUSIC, AND SHE
ROLLED INTO TOWN.
AND SHE HEARD THE MUSIC, AND SHE
COULD TELL THAT THE MUSIC CAME
AND SHE HEARD THE MUSIC, AND SHE
COULD TELL THAT THE MUSIC CAME
FROM THE CAROUSEL, AND CAROUSELS
COULD TELL THAT THE MUSIC CAME
FROM THE CAROUSEL, AND CAROUSELS
WERE HER FAVORITE THING.
FROM THE CAROUSEL, AND CAROUSELS
WERE HER FAVORITE THING.
SO SHE RAN TO THE PARK, WHERE
WERE HER FAVORITE THING.
SO SHE RAN TO THE PARK, WHERE
SHE SAW LITTLE CHING,
SO SHE RAN TO THE PARK, WHERE
SHE SAW LITTLE CHING,
AND SHE JUMPED ON CHING...
SHE SAW LITTLE CHING,
AND SHE JUMPED ON CHING...
AND BROKE HIS SPRING.
AND SHE JUMPED ON CHING...
AND BROKE HIS SPRING.
AND THAT WAS THE END OF HIS
AND BROKE HIS SPRING.
AND THAT WAS THE END OF HIS
UP-AND-DOWN THING.
AND THAT WAS THE END OF HIS
UP-AND-DOWN THING.
WELL, THEN... THEN THE GROWN-UP
UP-AND-DOWN THING.
WELL, THEN... THEN THE GROWN-UP
PEOPLE CAME, AND THEY TOOK CHING
WELL, THEN... THEN THE GROWN-UP
PEOPLE CAME, AND THEY TOOK CHING
OFF THE CAROUSEL TO THIS TUNNEL
PEOPLE CAME, AND THEY TOOK CHING
OFF THE CAROUSEL TO THIS TUNNEL
UNDERGROUND.
OFF THE CAROUSEL TO THIS TUNNEL
UNDERGROUND.
AND THEY STRIPPED HIS WHITE
UNDERGROUND.
AND THEY STRIPPED HIS WHITE
PAINT, AND THEY COLORED HIM
AND THEY STRIPPED HIS WHITE
PAINT, AND THEY COLORED HIM
BROWN.
PAINT, AND THEY COLORED HIM
BROWN.
AND THEY TIED A LITTLE COWBOY
BROWN.
AND THEY TIED A LITTLE COWBOY
SCARF AROUND HIS NECK, AND THEY
AND THEY TIED A LITTLE COWBOY
SCARF AROUND HIS NECK, AND THEY
NAILED A LITTLE METAL BOX TO HIS
SCARF AROUND HIS NECK, AND THEY
NAILED A LITTLE METAL BOX TO HIS
SIDE.
NAILED A LITTLE METAL BOX TO HIS
SIDE.
AND HE CARRIED THIS SIGN THAT
SIDE.
AND HE CARRIED THIS SIGN THAT
SAID, "10 CENTS A RIDE."
AND HE CARRIED THIS SIGN THAT
SAID, "10 CENTS A RIDE."
AND THEY PUT HIM IN FRONT OF A
SAID, "10 CENTS A RIDE."
AND THEY PUT HIM IN FRONT OF A
SUPERMARKET ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
AND THEY PUT HIM IN FRONT OF A
SUPERMARKET ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
TOWN...
SUPERMARKET ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
TOWN...
AND NOW HE JUST ROCKS BACK AND
TOWN...
AND NOW HE JUST ROCKS BACK AND
FORTH.
AND NOW HE JUST ROCKS BACK AND
FORTH.
HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN.
FORTH.
HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
JING-A-LING... SHE STILL LOVED
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
JING-A-LING... SHE STILL LOVED
HIM VERY, VERY MUCH, EVEN THOUGH
JING-A-LING... SHE STILL LOVED
HIM VERY, VERY MUCH, EVEN THOUGH
HER FRIENDS WOULD ALL FIDDLE.
HIM VERY, VERY MUCH, EVEN THOUGH
HER FRIENDS WOULD ALL FIDDLE.
"NOW, LISTEN, YOU CAN'T LOVE A
HER FRIENDS WOULD ALL FIDDLE.
"NOW, LISTEN, YOU CAN'T LOVE A
HORSE LIKE HIM.
"NOW, LISTEN, YOU CAN'T LOVE A
HORSE LIKE HIM.
I MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE A
HORSE LIKE HIM.
I MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE A
SPRING.
I MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE A
SPRING.
NOW, THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS.
SPRING.
NOW, THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS.
THEY'LL BE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE."
NOW, THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS.
THEY'LL BE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE."
WELL, COME ON.
THEY'LL BE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE."
WELL, COME ON.
I MEAN, STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
WELL, COME ON.
I MEAN, STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A
I MEAN, STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A
SPRING?
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A
SPRING?
NOW, WHY SHOULD TRUE FRIENDS
SPRING?
NOW, WHY SHOULD TRUE FRIENDS
BE WORRIED ABOUT SUCH A THING?
NOW, WHY SHOULD TRUE FRIENDS
BE WORRIED ABOUT SUCH A THING?
OR WAS IT THAT HE LIVED ON THE
BE WORRIED ABOUT SUCH A THING?
OR WAS IT THAT HE LIVED ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...
OR WAS IT THAT HE LIVED ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...
AND THAT SHE WAS WHITE...
OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...
AND THAT SHE WAS WHITE...
AND HE WAS BROWN?
AND THAT SHE WAS WHITE...
AND HE WAS BROWN?
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY VERY
AND HE WAS BROWN?
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY VERY
FUNNY THAT EVEN TO THIS DAY SOME
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY VERY
FUNNY THAT EVEN TO THIS DAY SOME
CAROUSEL HORSES AND PONIES THAT
FUNNY THAT EVEN TO THIS DAY SOME
CAROUSEL HORSES AND PONIES THAT
ROCK AND, YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE,
CAROUSEL HORSES AND PONIES THAT
ROCK AND, YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE,
TOO, ARE STILL IN SHOCK.
ROCK AND, YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE,
TOO, ARE STILL IN SHOCK.
I MEAN, IT REALLY IS A SHAME
TOO, ARE STILL IN SHOCK.
I MEAN, IT REALLY IS A SHAME
THAT NO ONE EVER UNDERSTOOD
I MEAN, IT REALLY IS A SHAME
THAT NO ONE EVER UNDERSTOOD
THAT UNDERNEATH THEIR PAINT,
THAT NO ONE EVER UNDERSTOOD
THAT UNDERNEATH THEIR PAINT,
THEY WERE ALL MADE OF WOOD.
THAT UNDERNEATH THEIR PAINT,
THEY WERE ALL MADE OF WOOD.
BUT I, UH, I GUESS THAT'S A
THEY WERE ALL MADE OF WOOD.
BUT I, UH, I GUESS THAT'S A
HORSE OF ANOTHER COLOR, HUH?
BUT I, UH, I GUESS THAT'S A
HORSE OF ANOTHER COLOR, HUH?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE PICTURES THAT YOU SAW ON
THE TV BETWEEN THE
COMMERCIALS... THAT'S MY FAMILY.
THE TV BETWEEN THE
COMMERCIALS... THAT'S MY FAMILY.
THAT'S MY GRANDMOTHER... THE
COMMERCIALS... THAT'S MY FAMILY.
THAT'S MY GRANDMOTHER... THE
LAST ONE.
THAT'S MY GRANDMOTHER... THE
LAST ONE.
YEAH.
LAST ONE.
YEAH.
[APPLAUSE]
YEAH.
[APPLAUSE]
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I WAS
[APPLAUSE]
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I WAS
SELLING MY FAMILY OR NOTHING,
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I WAS
SELLING MY FAMILY OR NOTHING,
YOU KNOW.
SELLING MY FAMILY OR NOTHING,
YOU KNOW.
GRANDMOTHER RAISED ME.
YOU KNOW.
GRANDMOTHER RAISED ME.
USED TO SEND ME TO CHURCH AND
GRANDMOTHER RAISED ME.
USED TO SEND ME TO CHURCH AND
STUFF SO I'D BE GOOD.
USED TO SEND ME TO CHURCH AND
STUFF SO I'D BE GOOD.
BUT I LIKED TO HANG WITH THE
STUFF SO I'D BE GOOD.
BUT I LIKED TO HANG WITH THE
WINOS... I DID... 'CAUSE WINOS
BUT I LIKED TO HANG WITH THE
WINOS... I DID... 'CAUSE WINOS
KNOW JESUS PERSONALLY... VERY
WINOS... I DID... 'CAUSE WINOS
KNOW JESUS PERSONALLY... VERY
RELIGIOUS.
KNOW JESUS PERSONALLY... VERY
RELIGIOUS.
EVERY WINO... YOU ASK 'EM,
RELIGIOUS.
EVERY WINO... YOU ASK 'EM,
"WHERE'S JESUS?"
EVERY WINO... YOU ASK 'EM,
"WHERE'S JESUS?"
"JESUS?!
"WHERE'S JESUS?"
"JESUS?!
HE LIVE OVER THERE IN THE
"JESUS?!
HE LIVE OVER THERE IN THE
PROJECTS!"
HE LIVE OVER THERE IN THE
PROJECTS!"
[LAUGHTER]
PROJECTS!"
[LAUGHTER]
AND I'D STAND AROUND WATCHING
[LAUGHTER]
AND I'D STAND AROUND WATCHING
THEM DIRECT TRAFFIC EARLY SUNDAY
AND I'D STAND AROUND WATCHING
THEM DIRECT TRAFFIC EARLY SUNDAY
MORNING.
THEM DIRECT TRAFFIC EARLY SUNDAY
MORNING.
WINOS ARE GREAT AT DIRECTING
MORNING.
WINOS ARE GREAT AT DIRECTING
TRAFFIC, YOU KNOW?
WINOS ARE GREAT AT DIRECTING
TRAFFIC, YOU KNOW?
KIND OF LIKE...
TRAFFIC, YOU KNOW?
KIND OF LIKE...
[WHISTLES]
KIND OF LIKE...
[WHISTLES]
"HEY, FOOL!
[WHISTLES]
"HEY, FOOL!
YOU BETTER SLOW THAT CAR DOWN!
"HEY, FOOL!
YOU BETTER SLOW THAT CAR DOWN!
DON'T COME DRIVING DOWN THROUGH
YOU BETTER SLOW THAT CAR DOWN!
DON'T COME DRIVING DOWN THROUGH
HERE LIKE YOU CRAZY!
DON'T COME DRIVING DOWN THROUGH
HERE LIKE YOU CRAZY!
THIS A NEIGHBORHOOD!
HERE LIKE YOU CRAZY!
THIS A NEIGHBORHOOD!
THIS AIN'T NO RESIDENTIAL
THIS A NEIGHBORHOOD!
THIS AIN'T NO RESIDENTIAL
DISTRICT!
THIS AIN'T NO RESIDENTIAL
DISTRICT!
YOU COULD HAVE KILLED THAT SIGN,
DISTRICT!
YOU COULD HAVE KILLED THAT SIGN,
ANYTHING!
YOU COULD HAVE KILLED THAT SIGN,
ANYTHING!
I AIN'T A-PLAYING WITH YOU.
ANYTHING!
I AIN'T A-PLAYING WITH YOU.
I'LL PUT A HURTING ON YOU, BOY.
I AIN'T A-PLAYING WITH YOU.
I'LL PUT A HURTING ON YOU, BOY.
MESS WITH ME.
I'LL PUT A HURTING ON YOU, BOY.
MESS WITH ME.
I DON'T... DAMN!
MESS WITH ME.
I DON'T... DAMN!
I LIKE 'EM LOW, BUT... MAN."
[LAUGHTER]
"WHOO!
BUDDY, BUDDY!
"WHOO!
BUDDY, BUDDY!
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
BUDDY, BUDDY!
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ JESUS ON MY MIND ♪"
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ JESUS ON MY MIND ♪"
[LAUGHTER]
♪ JESUS ON MY MIND ♪"
[LAUGHTER]
[BLOWING]
[LAUGHTER]
[BLOWING]
[LAUGHTER]
[BLOWING]
[LAUGHTER]
"I AIN'T GOOD AS I USED TO BE.
[LAUGHTER]
"I AIN'T GOOD AS I USED TO BE.
NOW, LOOK AT HIM.
"I AIN'T GOOD AS I USED TO BE.
NOW, LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK AT THAT BOY, STANDIN' IN
NOW, LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK AT THAT BOY, STANDIN' IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.
LOOK AT THAT BOY, STANDIN' IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.
THE BOY'S A STONED JUNKIE.
THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.
THE BOY'S A STONED JUNKIE.
LOOK AT HIM.
THE BOY'S A STONED JUNKIE.
LOOK AT HIM.
USED TO BE A GENIUS.
LOOK AT HIM.
USED TO BE A GENIUS.
USED TO BOOK THE NUMBERS.
USED TO BE A GENIUS.
USED TO BOOK THE NUMBERS.
DIDN'T NEED PAPER OR PENCIL.
USED TO BOOK THE NUMBERS.
DIDN'T NEED PAPER OR PENCIL.
LOOK AT HIM.
DIDN'T NEED PAPER OR PENCIL.
LOOK AT HIM.
NOW HE CAN'T REMEMBER WHO HE
LOOK AT HIM.
NOW HE CAN'T REMEMBER WHO HE
IS.
NOW HE CAN'T REMEMBER WHO HE
IS.
[WHISTLES]
IS.
[WHISTLES]
HEY, JUNEBUG!
[WHISTLES]
HEY, JUNEBUG!
GET OUT OF THE STREET, BOY!
HEY, JUNEBUG!
GET OUT OF THE STREET, BOY!
NIGGER, YOU AIN'T NO STOP SIGN!
GET OUT OF THE STREET, BOY!
NIGGER, YOU AIN'T NO STOP SIGN!
GET OUT OF THE STREET!
NIGGER, YOU AIN'T NO STOP SIGN!
GET OUT OF THE STREET!
JUNIOR!"
GET OUT OF THE STREET!
JUNIOR!"
[LAUGHTER]
JUNIOR!"
[LAUGHTER]
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?
[LAUGHTER]
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HEY!
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HEY!
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HEY!
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I KNOW SOMETHIN' HAPPENIN'
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I KNOW SOMETHIN' HAPPENIN'
'CAUSE EVERYTHING MOVIN'.
I KNOW SOMETHIN' HAPPENIN'
'CAUSE EVERYTHING MOVIN'.
HEY, OLD DUDE! POPS!
'CAUSE EVERYTHING MOVIN'.
HEY, OLD DUDE! POPS!
YOU GOT ANYTHING?
HEY, OLD DUDE! POPS!
YOU GOT ANYTHING?
I FEEL BAD ENOUGH TO DRINK SOME
YOU GOT ANYTHING?
I FEEL BAD ENOUGH TO DRINK SOME
MILK."
I FEEL BAD ENOUGH TO DRINK SOME
MILK."
"YEAH, I GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YA,
MILK."
"YEAH, I GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YA,
BOY!
"YEAH, I GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YA,
BOY!
COME ON OUT THE STREET.
BOY!
COME ON OUT THE STREET.
THAT NARCOTIC DONE MADE YOU NULL
COME ON OUT THE STREET.
THAT NARCOTIC DONE MADE YOU NULL
AND VOID.
THAT NARCOTIC DONE MADE YOU NULL
AND VOID.
COME HERE, BOY. COME HERE.
AND VOID.
COME HERE, BOY. COME HERE.
NASTY, STINKIN' DEVIL, YOU.
COME HERE, BOY. COME HERE.
NASTY, STINKIN' DEVIL, YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB, BOY, GO
NASTY, STINKIN' DEVIL, YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB, BOY, GO
TO WORK?"
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB, BOY, GO
TO WORK?"
"GET A JOB?
TO WORK?"
"GET A JOB?
GO TO WORK?
"GET A JOB?
GO TO WORK?
YOU TALKIN' TO THE KID, BABY.
GO TO WORK?
YOU TALKIN' TO THE KID, BABY.
I WORKED FIVE YEARS IN A ROW
YOU TALKIN' TO THE KID, BABY.
I WORKED FIVE YEARS IN A ROW
WHEN I WAS IN THE JOINT.
I WORKED FIVE YEARS IN A ROW
WHEN I WAS IN THE JOINT.
I DID A NICKEL, BABY.
WHEN I WAS IN THE JOINT.
I DID A NICKEL, BABY.
AND I CAN WORK MY TAIL OFF, MAN,
I DID A NICKEL, BABY.
AND I CAN WORK MY TAIL OFF, MAN,
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.
AND I CAN WORK MY TAIL OFF, MAN,
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT WHERE ARE NIGGERS GONNA GET
THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT WHERE ARE NIGGERS GONNA GET
A JOB OUT HERE PRESSIN' LICENSE
BUT WHERE ARE NIGGERS GONNA GET
A JOB OUT HERE PRESSIN' LICENSE
PLATES?
A JOB OUT HERE PRESSIN' LICENSE
PLATES?
HUH?
PLATES?
HUH?
I WENT TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
HUH?
I WENT TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
BUREAU... DAMN."
I WENT TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
BUREAU... DAMN."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUREAU... DAMN."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"WAS I THROUGH?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"WAS I THROUGH?
I WALKED TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
"WAS I THROUGH?
I WALKED TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
BUREAU, WALKED DOWNTOWN...
I WALKED TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
BUREAU, WALKED DOWNTOWN...
CLEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BUREAU, WALKED DOWNTOWN...
CLEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WALKED UP TO THE LADY SITTIN' IN
CLEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WALKED UP TO THE LADY SITTIN' IN
THERE WITH AN OLD TIARA ON HER
WALKED UP TO THE LADY SITTIN' IN
THERE WITH AN OLD TIARA ON HER
HEAD, TYPING... 'TIP TIP TIP TIP
THERE WITH AN OLD TIARA ON HER
HEAD, TYPING... 'TIP TIP TIP TIP
TIP.'
HEAD, TYPING... 'TIP TIP TIP TIP
TIP.'
I SAID, 'HEY!'
TIP.'
I SAID, 'HEY!'
SHE SAID, 'OOH, OOH!'
I SAID, 'HEY!'
SHE SAID, 'OOH, OOH!'
I SAID, 'HEY! WHAT'S HAPPENING?'
SHE SAID, 'OOH, OOH!'
I SAID, 'HEY! WHAT'S HAPPENING?'
SHE LOOKED AT MY PAPER."
I SAID, 'HEY! WHAT'S HAPPENING?'
SHE LOOKED AT MY PAPER."
"YOU GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD."
SHE LOOKED AT MY PAPER."
"YOU GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD."
"I SAID, 'I KNOW THAT!
"YOU GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD."
"I SAID, 'I KNOW THAT!
I'M A CRIMINAL!
"I SAID, 'I KNOW THAT!
I'M A CRIMINAL!
TELL ME SOMETHIN' I DON'T KNOW,
I'M A CRIMINAL!
TELL ME SOMETHIN' I DON'T KNOW,
LIKE WHERE I'M GONNA GET A JOB
TELL ME SOMETHIN' I DON'T KNOW,
LIKE WHERE I'M GONNA GET A JOB
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.'
LIKE WHERE I'M GONNA GET A JOB
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.'
I SLAPPED THE YOU KNOW WHAT.
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.'
I SLAPPED THE YOU KNOW WHAT.
SHE GOT ALL UPSET.
I SLAPPED THE YOU KNOW WHAT.
SHE GOT ALL UPSET.
'OHH, OHH, OHH, OHH!
SHE GOT ALL UPSET.
'OHH, OHH, OHH, OHH!
DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME!'
'OHH, OHH, OHH, OHH!
DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME!'
'I AIN'T GONNA... BE COOL, OLD
DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME!'
'I AIN'T GONNA... BE COOL, OLD
LADY, YOU KNOW?'
'I AIN'T GONNA... BE COOL, OLD
LADY, YOU KNOW?'
I AIN'T GONNA TAKE NO BUST FOR
LADY, YOU KNOW?'
I AIN'T GONNA TAKE NO BUST FOR
NO OLD LADY.
I AIN'T GONNA TAKE NO BUST FOR
NO OLD LADY.
OLD NIGGER WITH A GUN DOWN
NO OLD LADY.
OLD NIGGER WITH A GUN DOWN
THERE.
OLD NIGGER WITH A GUN DOWN
THERE.
'HEY, WHAT'S THE TROUBLE, BUDDY?
THERE.
'HEY, WHAT'S THE TROUBLE, BUDDY?
COME ON, WHAT'S GOING ON?
'HEY, WHAT'S THE TROUBLE, BUDDY?
COME ON, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?'
COME ON, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?'
'HEY, YOU THE TROUBLE, TEX!
WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?'
'HEY, YOU THE TROUBLE, TEX!
WHO YOU SUPPOSED TO BE...
'HEY, YOU THE TROUBLE, TEX!
WHO YOU SUPPOSED TO BE...
JESSE JAMES?'
WHO YOU SUPPOSED TO BE...
JESSE JAMES?'
IT MADE ME SICK, MAN.
JESSE JAMES?'
IT MADE ME SICK, MAN.
I THREW UP ON THE FLOOR.
IT MADE ME SICK, MAN.
I THREW UP ON THE FLOOR.
HE TALKING 'BOUT, 'CLEAN IT UP.
I THREW UP ON THE FLOOR.
HE TALKING 'BOUT, 'CLEAN IT UP.
CLEAN IT UP.'
HE TALKING 'BOUT, 'CLEAN IT UP.
CLEAN IT UP.'
'I AIN'T CLEANIN' NO NOTHIN'.
CLEAN IT UP.'
'I AIN'T CLEANIN' NO NOTHIN'.
IF I WANTED IT, I'D A-KEPT IT.'"
'I AIN'T CLEANIN' NO NOTHIN'.
IF I WANTED IT, I'D A-KEPT IT.'"
[LAUGHTER]
IF I WANTED IT, I'D A-KEPT IT.'"
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
"BUT I'M HURTIN', BABY, YOU
[APPLAUSE]
"BUT I'M HURTIN', BABY, YOU
KNOW?
"BUT I'M HURTIN', BABY, YOU
KNOW?
I WENT HOME, YOU KNOW?
KNOW?
I WENT HOME, YOU KNOW?
MAMA CALLED ME A DOG.
I WENT HOME, YOU KNOW?
MAMA CALLED ME A DOG.
MA DID. SHE DID.
MAMA CALLED ME A DOG.
MA DID. SHE DID.
DADDY SAY HE DON'T WANNA SEE ME
MA DID. SHE DID.
DADDY SAY HE DON'T WANNA SEE ME
IN THE VICINITY...
DADDY SAY HE DON'T WANNA SEE ME
IN THE VICINITY...
JUST 'CAUSE I STOLE HIS
IN THE VICINITY...
JUST 'CAUSE I STOLE HIS
TELEVISION.
JUST 'CAUSE I STOLE HIS
TELEVISION.
WASN'T NOTHIN' ON IT."
TELEVISION.
WASN'T NOTHIN' ON IT."
[LAUGHTER]
WASN'T NOTHIN' ON IT."
[LAUGHTER]
"CAN YOU HELP ME OUT, OLD DUDE?
[LAUGHTER]
"CAN YOU HELP ME OUT, OLD DUDE?
PLEASE? I'M SICK, MAN.
"CAN YOU HELP ME OUT, OLD DUDE?
PLEASE? I'M SICK, MAN.
♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE
PLEASE? I'M SICK, MAN.
♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE
NIGHT ♪"
♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE
NIGHT ♪"
"I'M GONNA HELP YOU, BOY, 'CAUSE
NIGHT ♪"
"I'M GONNA HELP YOU, BOY, 'CAUSE
I BELIEVE YOU GOT POTENTIAL.
"I'M GONNA HELP YOU, BOY, 'CAUSE
I BELIEVE YOU GOT POTENTIAL.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I BELIEVE YOU GOT POTENTIAL.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN BE SOMEBODY 'CAUSE
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN BE SOMEBODY 'CAUSE
YOU'RE SHARP, YOU KNOW WHAT I
YOU CAN BE SOMEBODY 'CAUSE
YOU'RE SHARP, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?
YOU'RE SHARP, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?
TRY SOME OF THAT.
MEAN?
TRY SOME OF THAT.
DON'T YOU DROP IT, NIGGER!
TRY SOME OF THAT.
DON'T YOU DROP IT, NIGGER!
PUT... PUT...
DON'T YOU DROP IT, NIGGER!
PUT... PUT...
SLOW DOWN.
PUT... PUT...
SLOW DOWN.
JUST TAKE A SIP. GO AHEAD.
SLOW DOWN.
JUST TAKE A SIP. GO AHEAD.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT
JUST TAKE A SIP. GO AHEAD.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT
FOOTBALL, DON'T YOU?
YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT
FOOTBALL, DON'T YOU?
PASS IT!"
FOOTBALL, DON'T YOU?
PASS IT!"
[LAUGHTER]
PASS IT!"
[LAUGHTER]
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS,
[LAUGHTER]
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS,
JUNIOR?
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS,
JUNIOR?
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH
JUNIOR?
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH
THE WHITE MAN.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH
THE WHITE MAN.
YOU GOT A WHITE-MAN COMPLEX.
THE WHITE MAN.
YOU GOT A WHITE-MAN COMPLEX.
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM.
YOU GOT A WHITE-MAN COMPLEX.
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM.
THAT'S WHY I'M IN THE POSITION
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM.
THAT'S WHY I'M IN THE POSITION
I'M IN TODAY."
THAT'S WHY I'M IN THE POSITION
I'M IN TODAY."
[LAUGHTER]
I'M IN TODAY."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE.
[CHEERS]
[INTRO TO "A LOVELY DAY"
PLAYS]
I GOT A SONG FOR YOU ABOUT
[PLAYS]
I GOT A SONG FOR YOU ABOUT
BRIGHT DAYS AND SUNSHINE.
I GOT A SONG FOR YOU ABOUT
BRIGHT DAYS AND SUNSHINE.
♪ IT'S ON A BRIGHT SPRING
BRIGHT DAYS AND SUNSHINE.
♪ IT'S ON A BRIGHT SPRING
MORNING ♪
♪ IT'S ON A BRIGHT SPRING
MORNING ♪
♪ THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE
MORNING ♪
♪ THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE
SKY ♪
♪ THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE
SKY ♪
♪ AND IT'S GOT ME OUT HERE
SKY ♪
♪ AND IT'S GOT ME OUT HERE
WALKING ♪
♪ AND IT'S GOT ME OUT HERE
WALKING ♪
♪ AND WAVING TO THE LADIES AS
WALKING ♪
♪ AND WAVING TO THE LADIES AS
THEY STROLL BY ♪
♪ AND WAVING TO THE LADIES AS
THEY STROLL BY ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T FORGOT FOR A
THEY STROLL BY ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T FORGOT FOR A
MOMENT ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T FORGOT FOR A
MOMENT ♪
♪ THE OTHER THINGS I NEED TO
MOMENT ♪
♪ THE OTHER THINGS I NEED TO
DO ♪
♪ THE OTHER THINGS I NEED TO
DO ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I SEE THAT OLD SUN
DO ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I SEE THAT OLD SUN
SHINING ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I SEE THAT OLD SUN
SHINING ♪
♪ I FEEL LIKE I CAN MAKE IT,
SHINING ♪
♪ I FEEL LIKE I CAN MAKE IT,
TOO ♪
♪ I FEEL LIKE I CAN MAKE IT,
TOO ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
TOO ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ IS THAT THE PROBLEMS COME AND
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ IS THAT THE PROBLEMS COME AND
GO ♪
♪ IS THAT THE PROBLEMS COME AND
GO ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
GO ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
STAY ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
STAY ♪
♪ AND JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
STAY ♪
♪ AND JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ AND JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
BANG.
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
BANG.
♪ THE FLOWERS WOKE UP BLOOMING ♪
BANG.
♪ THE FLOWERS WOKE UP BLOOMING ♪
♪ AND PUT ON A COLOR SHOW JUST
♪ THE FLOWERS WOKE UP BLOOMING ♪
♪ AND PUT ON A COLOR SHOW JUST
FOR ME ♪
♪ AND PUT ON A COLOR SHOW JUST
FOR ME ♪
AND I APPRECIATE IT.
FOR ME ♪
AND I APPRECIATE IT.
BANG.
AND I APPRECIATE IT.
BANG.
♪ THE SHADOWS, DARK AND GLOOMY ♪
BANG.
♪ THE SHADOWS, DARK AND GLOOMY ♪
♪ I TOLD THEM ALL TO KEEP THE
♪ THE SHADOWS, DARK AND GLOOMY ♪
♪ I TOLD THEM ALL TO KEEP THE
HELL AWAY FROM ME ♪
♪ I TOLD THEM ALL TO KEEP THE
HELL AWAY FROM ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE
HELL AWAY FROM ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE
BELIEVING ♪
♪ BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE
BELIEVING ♪
♪ EVERYTHING I DO IS GONNA TURN
BELIEVING ♪
♪ EVERYTHING I DO IS GONNA TURN
OUT WRONG ♪
♪ EVERYTHING I DO IS GONNA TURN
OUT WRONG ♪
♪ WHEN THE VIBRATIONS I'M
OUT WRONG ♪
♪ WHEN THE VIBRATIONS I'M
RECEIVING ♪
♪ WHEN THE VIBRATIONS I'M
RECEIVING ♪
♪ SAY, "HOLD ON, BROTHER, JUST
RECEIVING ♪
♪ SAY, "HOLD ON, BROTHER, JUST
YOU BE STRONG" ♪
♪ SAY, "HOLD ON, BROTHER, JUST
YOU BE STRONG" ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
YOU BE STRONG" ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ IS THAT MY PROBLEMS COME AND
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ IS THAT MY PROBLEMS COME AND
GO ♪
♪ IS THAT MY PROBLEMS COME AND
GO ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
GO ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
STAY ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
STAY ♪
♪ AND, HEY ♪
STAY ♪
♪ AND, HEY ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ AND, HEY ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ AND SOMETIMES ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ AND SOMETIMES ♪
♪ IT RAINS ♪
♪ AND SOMETIMES ♪
♪ IT RAINS ♪
♪ AND YOU AND I FEEL ♪
♪ IT RAINS ♪
♪ AND YOU AND I FEEL ♪
♪ KIND OF STRANGE ♪
♪ AND YOU AND I FEEL ♪
♪ KIND OF STRANGE ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE MY
♪ KIND OF STRANGE ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE MY
PROBLEMS BEGIN ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE MY
PROBLEMS BEGIN ♪
♪ WITHOUT THE SUNSHINE ON WHICH
PROBLEMS BEGIN ♪
♪ WITHOUT THE SUNSHINE ON WHICH
I DEPEND ♪
♪ WITHOUT THE SUNSHINE ON WHICH
I DEPEND ♪
♪ AND ALL THAT MAKES ME FEEL ♪
I DEPEND ♪
♪ AND ALL THAT MAKES ME FEEL ♪
♪ LIKE I'M NEEDING, YEAH, THE
♪ AND ALL THAT MAKES ME FEEL ♪
♪ LIKE I'M NEEDING, YEAH, THE
SUN ♪
♪ LIKE I'M NEEDING, YEAH, THE
SUN ♪
♪ SAYING, HEY ♪
SUN ♪
♪ SAYING, HEY ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ SAYING, HEY ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE SHOW,
[LAUGHTER]
IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE SHOW,
WE HOPE YOU MADE LOVE.
IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE SHOW,
WE HOPE YOU MADE LOVE.
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.
WE HOPE YOU MADE LOVE.
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: THE MUPPETS ARE
FRANK OZ, JERRY NELSON,
ALICE TWEEDY, RICHARD HUNT, AND
JIM HENSON.
ALSO FEATURED IN TONIGHT'S
CAST... KATHY McKEY AND
TOM SCHILLER.
THIS IS DON PARDO SAYING, "WHO
DO I HAVE TO SHAKE HANDS WITH TO
GET OFF THIS SHOW?"
GOOD NIGHT.
STRONGLY ABOUT YOU.
WAITER?
STRONGLY ABOUT YOU.
WAITER?
HOLD IT.
WAITER?
HOLD IT.
GARRETT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HOLD IT.
GARRETT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LOOK, MAN, LOOK.
GARRETT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LOOK, MAN, LOOK.
RICHARD PRYOR SAID...
LOOK, MAN, LOOK.
RICHARD PRYOR SAID...
GARRETT, WE'RE ON THE AIR
RICHARD PRYOR SAID...
GARRETT, WE'RE ON THE AIR
NOW.
GARRETT, WE'RE ON THE AIR
NOW.
YEAH, I KNOW, MAN, BUT...
NOW.
YEAH, I KNOW, MAN, BUT...
THIS IS THE OPENING.
YEAH, I KNOW, MAN, BUT...
THIS IS THE OPENING.
I KNOW.
THIS IS THE OPENING.
I KNOW.
RICHARD PRYOR'S HERE TONIGHT,
I KNOW.
RICHARD PRYOR'S HERE TONIGHT,
AND I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD OPEN
RICHARD PRYOR'S HERE TONIGHT,
AND I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD OPEN
THE SHOW, I MEAN, DO THE FALL.
AND I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD OPEN
THE SHOW, I MEAN, DO THE FALL.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THE SHOW, I MEAN, DO THE FALL.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I ALWAYS OPEN THE SHOW.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I ALWAYS OPEN THE SHOW.
IS IT UNDERSTOOD?
I ALWAYS OPEN THE SHOW.
IS IT UNDERSTOOD?
YEAH, YEAH, HEY, LOOK...
IS IT UNDERSTOOD?
YEAH, YEAH, HEY, LOOK...
I DO THE FALL.
YEAH, YEAH, HEY, LOOK...
I DO THE FALL.
AND I SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
I DO THE FALL.
AND I SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
AND I SAY, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
IT'S MY TRADEMARK.
IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"
IT'S MY TRADEMARK.
CHEVY, RICHARD TOLD ME TO
IT'S MY TRADEMARK.
CHEVY, RICHARD TOLD ME TO
OPEN THE SHOW.
CHEVY, RICHARD TOLD ME TO
OPEN THE SHOW.
IT'S NOT RICHARD'S SHOW.
OPEN THE SHOW.
IT'S NOT RICHARD'S SHOW.
RICHARD'S JUST THE GUEST HOST.
IT'S NOT RICHARD'S SHOW.
RICHARD'S JUST THE GUEST HOST.
HEY, MAN, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
RICHARD'S JUST THE GUEST HOST.
HEY, MAN, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
HEY, MAN, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
[CHUCKLES]
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
[CHUCKLES]
RICHARD AND WHAT ARMY, FELLA?
[CHUCKLES]
RICHARD AND WHAT ARMY, FELLA?
HEY, MAN, LOOK.
RICHARD AND WHAT ARMY, FELLA?
HEY, MAN, LOOK.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
HEY, MAN, LOOK.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
THAT ARMY.
[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
THAT ARMY.
UH-HUH.
THAT ARMY.
UH-HUH.
ALL RIGHT, DO THE FALL.
UH-HUH.
ALL RIGHT, DO THE FALL.
I'M GONNA DO THE FALL NOW.
ALL RIGHT, DO THE FALL.
I'M GONNA DO THE FALL NOW.
HEY, HEY, DIG THE FALL, MAN.
I'M GONNA DO THE FALL NOW.
HEY, HEY, DIG THE FALL, MAN.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.
HEY, HEY, DIG THE FALL, MAN.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.
LIVE FROM NEW...
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.
LIVE FROM NEW...
GARRETT!
LIVE FROM NEW...
GARRETT!
STAND UP A MINUTE. STAND UP.
GARRETT!
STAND UP A MINUTE. STAND UP.
THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FALL IS
STAND UP A MINUTE. STAND UP.
THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FALL IS
TO LOOK LIKE YOU HURT YOURSELF.
THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FALL IS
TO LOOK LIKE YOU HURT YOURSELF.
SO WHEN YOU SAY, "LIVE FROM
TO LOOK LIKE YOU HURT YOURSELF.
SO WHEN YOU SAY, "LIVE FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
SO WHEN YOU SAY, "LIVE FROM
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT, '" IT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST
NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY
NIGHT, '" IT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST
KILLED YOURSELF, AND THEY SAY,
NIGHT, '" IT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST
KILLED YOURSELF, AND THEY SAY,
"WHAT A GREAT FALL.
KILLED YOURSELF, AND THEY SAY,
"WHAT A GREAT FALL.
THE GUY REALLY HURT HIMSELF, AND
"WHAT A GREAT FALL.
THE GUY REALLY HURT HIMSELF, AND
THEN HE'S ALL RIGHT."
THE GUY REALLY HURT HIMSELF, AND
THEN HE'S ALL RIGHT."
THAT'S THE POINT, OKAY?
THEN HE'S ALL RIGHT."
THAT'S THE POINT, OKAY?
LET ME TRY IT AGAIN.
THAT'S THE POINT, OKAY?
LET ME TRY IT AGAIN.
I'LL DO ONE FOR YOU, ALL
LET ME TRY IT AGAIN.
I'LL DO ONE FOR YOU, ALL
RIGHT?
I'LL DO ONE FOR YOU, ALL
RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, YOU DO ONE.
RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, YOU DO ONE.
AND I'LL DO THE LINE.
ALL RIGHT, YOU DO ONE.
AND I'LL DO THE LINE.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME, MAN.
AND I'LL DO THE LINE.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME, MAN.
HURRY UP.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME, MAN.
HURRY UP.
ONCE, ALL RIGHT?
HURRY UP.
ONCE, ALL RIGHT?
HURRY UP, MAN.
ONCE, ALL RIGHT?
HURRY UP, MAN.
I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW
HURRY UP, MAN.
I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW
THIS IS DONE.
I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW
THIS IS DONE.
DANNY, YOU WANT TO START IT?
THIS IS DONE.
DANNY, YOU WANT TO START IT?
AND THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO
DANNY, YOU WANT TO START IT?
AND THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO
STRONGLY ABOUT YOU.
AND THAT IS WHY I FEEL SO
STRONGLY ABOUT YOU.
WAITER?
LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: STARRING...
WITH...
THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
RICHARD PRYOR!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HOW YOU DOING?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMING
HERE TO NEW YORK.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMING
HERE TO NEW YORK.
UH, HOPE I'M FUNNY.
HERE TO NEW YORK.
UH, HOPE I'M FUNNY.
I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS SHOW
UH, HOPE I'M FUNNY.
I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS SHOW
TO MILES DAVIS, MY FRIEND, WHO'S
I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS SHOW
TO MILES DAVIS, MY FRIEND, WHO'S
IN THE HOSPITAL, SICK.
TO MILES DAVIS, MY FRIEND, WHO'S
IN THE HOSPITAL, SICK.
BUT HE'S COOL.
IN THE HOSPITAL, SICK.
BUT HE'S COOL.
MILES ALWAYS GETS WOMEN, THOUGH,
BUT HE'S COOL.
MILES ALWAYS GETS WOMEN, THOUGH,
'CAUSE HE TALKS SO COOL.
MILES ALWAYS GETS WOMEN, THOUGH,
'CAUSE HE TALKS SO COOL.
YOU KNOW, MILES BE...
'CAUSE HE TALKS SO COOL.
YOU KNOW, MILES BE...
[Scratchy voice] "WHAT'S
YOU KNOW, MILES BE...
[Scratchy voice] "WHAT'S
HAPPENING?"
[Scratchy voice] "WHAT'S
HAPPENING?"
[Normal voice] I GET WOMEN,
HAPPENING?"
[Normal voice] I GET WOMEN,
TOO.
[Normal voice] I GET WOMEN,
TOO.
I CAN'T KEEP THEM, BUT I GET
TOO.
I CAN'T KEEP THEM, BUT I GET
THEM.
I CAN'T KEEP THEM, BUT I GET
THEM.
AND WOMEN ALWAYS LEAVE ME, MAN.
THEM.
AND WOMEN ALWAYS LEAVE ME, MAN.
I DON'T MIND THEM LEAVING, BUT
AND WOMEN ALWAYS LEAVE ME, MAN.
I DON'T MIND THEM LEAVING, BUT
THEY TELL YOU WHY.
I DON'T MIND THEM LEAVING, BUT
THEY TELL YOU WHY.
[LAUGHTER]
THEY TELL YOU WHY.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
JUST LEAVE. DON'T TELL ME WHY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
JUST LEAVE. DON'T TELL ME WHY.
'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOTHING YOU
JUST LEAVE. DON'T TELL ME WHY.
'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOTHING YOU
CAN DO BUT STAND THERE AND LOOK
'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOTHING YOU
CAN DO BUT STAND THERE AND LOOK
SILLY, RIGHT?
CAN DO BUT STAND THERE AND LOOK
SILLY, RIGHT?
YOU BE...
SILLY, RIGHT?
YOU BE...
AND THE MADDER YOU GET, WOMEN
YOU BE...
AND THE MADDER YOU GET, WOMEN
GET COOL WHEN YOU GET MAD.
AND THE MADDER YOU GET, WOMEN
GET COOL WHEN YOU GET MAD.
"WELL, GO ON AND GET OUT THEN!"
GET COOL WHEN YOU GET MAD.
"WELL, GO ON AND GET OUT THEN!"
"I'M LEAVING."
"WELL, GO ON AND GET OUT THEN!"
"I'M LEAVING."
"I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU
"I'M LEAVING."
"I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU
AGAIN!"
"I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU
AGAIN!"
"DON'T WORRY, YOU SHAN'T."
AGAIN!"
"DON'T WORRY, YOU SHAN'T."
DRIVE YOU TO DRINK, JACK, YOU
"DON'T WORRY, YOU SHAN'T."
DRIVE YOU TO DRINK, JACK, YOU
KNOW?
DRIVE YOU TO DRINK, JACK, YOU
KNOW?
I TRIED DRINKING FOR A WHILE,
KNOW?
I TRIED DRINKING FOR A WHILE,
BUT I USED TO GO INTO BARS AND
I TRIED DRINKING FOR A WHILE,
BUT I USED TO GO INTO BARS AND
CHECK OUT THE PEOPLE THAT WERE
BUT I USED TO GO INTO BARS AND
CHECK OUT THE PEOPLE THAT WERE
DRINKING, AND THEY WEREN'T
CHECK OUT THE PEOPLE THAT WERE
DRINKING, AND THEY WEREN'T
HAPPY AND THEY GET BEAT UP A
DRINKING, AND THEY WEREN'T
HAPPY AND THEY GET BEAT UP A
LOT.
HAPPY AND THEY GET BEAT UP A
LOT.
NO, DRUNKS, THEY START OUT COOL.
LOT.
NO, DRUNKS, THEY START OUT COOL.
BROTHER BE COOL AT FIRST, AND HE
NO, DRUNKS, THEY START OUT COOL.
BROTHER BE COOL AT FIRST, AND HE
GOING, "GIVE ME A SCOTCH AND
BROTHER BE COOL AT FIRST, AND HE
GOING, "GIVE ME A SCOTCH AND
SODA, PLEASE," REAL COOL.
GOING, "GIVE ME A SCOTCH AND
SODA, PLEASE," REAL COOL.
ABOUT A HOUR LATER...
SODA, PLEASE," REAL COOL.
ABOUT A HOUR LATER...
[Slurring] "WHAT?!
ABOUT A HOUR LATER...
[Slurring] "WHAT?!
WHAT YOU MEAN I'M DRUNK?
[Slurring] "WHAT?!
WHAT YOU MEAN I'M DRUNK?
HUH?
WHAT YOU MEAN I'M DRUNK?
HUH?
I WASN'T DRUNK WHEN I CAME IN
HUH?
I WASN'T DRUNK WHEN I CAME IN
HERE.
I WASN'T DRUNK WHEN I CAME IN
HERE.
AND I AIN'T GONNA LEAVE TILL I'M
HERE.
AND I AIN'T GONNA LEAVE TILL I'M
SOBER.
AND I AIN'T GONNA LEAVE TILL I'M
SOBER.
NOW, YOU CAN DIG THAT, BABY.
SOBER.
NOW, YOU CAN DIG THAT, BABY.
BARTENDER!
NOW, YOU CAN DIG THAT, BABY.
BARTENDER!
ARE YOU THE BARTENDER?
BARTENDER!
ARE YOU THE BARTENDER?
GIVE EVERYBODY IN HERE
ARE YOU THE BARTENDER?
GIVE EVERYBODY IN HERE
SOMETHING.
GIVE EVERYBODY IN HERE
SOMETHING.
GIVE THEM A BEER AND 20 STRAWS.
SOMETHING.
GIVE THEM A BEER AND 20 STRAWS.
HA HA!
GIVE THEM A BEER AND 20 STRAWS.
HA HA!
WHOOOO!
HEY! HUH?
WHAT YOU LOOKING AT, BITCH?
WHAT?
WHAT YOU LOOKING AT, BITCH?
WHAT?
NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT
WHAT?
NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT
IS.
NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT
IS.
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STOP
IS.
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STOP
MESSING WITH ME.
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO STOP
MESSING WITH ME.
THAT'S WHAT TIME IT IS.
MESSING WITH ME.
THAT'S WHAT TIME IT IS.
I KNOW I'M UGLY, BUT I DON'T
THAT'S WHAT TIME IT IS.
I KNOW I'M UGLY, BUT I DON'T
LOOK LIKE NO CLOCK.
I KNOW I'M UGLY, BUT I DON'T
LOOK LIKE NO CLOCK.
THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.
LOOK LIKE NO CLOCK.
THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.
WHAT?
THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
YOU THE BARTENDER.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
YOU THE BARTENDER.
IF I SAY SOMETHING TO THIS PIECE
YOU THE BARTENDER.
IF I SAY SOMETHING TO THIS PIECE
OF WOOD, THEN YOU SAY SOMETHING.
IF I SAY SOMETHING TO THIS PIECE
OF WOOD, THEN YOU SAY SOMETHING.
OTHERWISE, YOU CAN FREEZE ON
OF WOOD, THEN YOU SAY SOMETHING.
OTHERWISE, YOU CAN FREEZE ON
YOUR THING, BABY.
OTHERWISE, YOU CAN FREEZE ON
YOUR THING, BABY.
YOU KNOW 'CAUSE I'LL BUST YOU
YOUR THING, BABY.
YOU KNOW 'CAUSE I'LL BUST YOU
APART.
YOU KNOW 'CAUSE I'LL BUST YOU
APART.
HA HA!
APART.
HA HA!
WHOOO!
HA HA!
WHOOO!
WHAT YOU WANT, BIG OL' DUDE?
WHOOO!
WHAT YOU WANT, BIG OL' DUDE?
APOLOGIZE TO WHO?
WHAT YOU WANT, BIG OL' DUDE?
APOLOGIZE TO WHO?
FOR WHAT?
APOLOGIZE TO WHO?
FOR WHAT?
I DON'T CARE IF SHE YOUR MA...
FOR WHAT?
I DON'T CARE IF SHE YOUR MA...
HEY, MAN!
I DON'T CARE IF SHE YOUR MA...
HEY, MAN!
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN!
HEY, MAN!
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN!
I'M JUST KIDDING, MAN, WHAT YOU
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN!
I'M JUST KIDDING, MAN, WHAT YOU
DOING?
I'M JUST KIDDING, MAN, WHAT YOU
DOING?
YOU DONE KICKED ME IN THE ASS,
DOING?
YOU DONE KICKED ME IN THE ASS,
BABY!
YOU DONE KICKED ME IN THE ASS,
BABY!
YOU IN A WORLD OF TROUBLE NOW!
BABY!
YOU IN A WORLD OF TROUBLE NOW!
NO, DON'T HOLD HIM.
YOU IN A WORLD OF TROUBLE NOW!
NO, DON'T HOLD HIM.
LET HIM GO, BABY.
NO, DON'T HOLD HIM.
LET HIM GO, BABY.
COME ON, YOU WANT SOME OF ME?
LET HIM GO, BABY.
COME ON, YOU WANT SOME OF ME?
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.
COME ON, YOU WANT SOME OF ME?
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.
I'M ONLY KIDDING, YOU KNOW."
WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.
I'M ONLY KIDDING, YOU KNOW."
[Imitates vomiting]
I'M ONLY KIDDING, YOU KNOW."
[Imitates vomiting]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S WHY...
THAT'S WHY I DON'T DRINK SO
MUCH...
THAT'S WHY I DON'T DRINK SO
MUCH...
OR TAKE ACID, EITHER.
MUCH...
OR TAKE ACID, EITHER.
WHITE DUDES TAKE ACID.
OR TAKE ACID, EITHER.
WHITE DUDES TAKE ACID.
THEY DO.
WHITE DUDES TAKE ACID.
THEY DO.
THEY TAKE ACID AND GO SEE
THEY DO.
THEY TAKE ACID AND GO SEE
"THE EXORCIST."
THEY TAKE ACID AND GO SEE
"THE EXORCIST."
THEY'RE CRAZY.
"THE EXORCIST."
THEY'RE CRAZY.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME ACID
THEY'RE CRAZY.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME ACID
ONCE AT A PARTY, TOO, JACK.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME ACID
ONCE AT A PARTY, TOO, JACK.
AND I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY BEFORE
ONCE AT A PARTY, TOO, JACK.
AND I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY BEFORE
I TOOK IT.
AND I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY BEFORE
I TOOK IT.
IT SANED ME RIGHT UP.
I TOOK IT.
IT SANED ME RIGHT UP.
DUDE SAY, "THIS IS FAR OUT."
IT SANED ME RIGHT UP.
DUDE SAY, "THIS IS FAR OUT."
I SAID, "WHAT?"
DUDE SAY, "THIS IS FAR OUT."
I SAID, "WHAT?"
HE SAYS, "IT'S FAR OUT."
I SAID, "WHAT?"
HE SAYS, "IT'S FAR OUT."
I TOOK IT, JACK.
HE SAYS, "IT'S FAR OUT."
I TOOK IT, JACK.
"YOU'RE GONNA BE TRIPPING."
I TOOK IT, JACK.
"YOU'RE GONNA BE TRIPPING."
ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER, I WAS AT
"YOU'RE GONNA BE TRIPPING."
ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER, I WAS AT
THE PARTY, YOU KNOW.
ABOUT 20 MINUTES LATER, I WAS AT
THE PARTY, YOU KNOW.
"HEY, BLOOD, WHAT'S HAPPENING,
THE PARTY, YOU KNOW.
"HEY, BLOOD, WHAT'S HAPPENING,
HOMEY?
"HEY, BLOOD, WHAT'S HAPPENING,
HOMEY?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
HOMEY?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EVERYTHING IS COOL.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EVERYTHING IS COOL.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME STUFF,
EVERYTHING IS COOL.
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME STUFF,
TALKING ABOUT I'M GONNA BE
WHITE DUDE GAVE ME SOME STUFF,
TALKING ABOUT I'M GONNA BE
TRIPPING!
TALKING ABOUT I'M GONNA BE
TRIPPING!
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T GOING NO PLACE
TRIPPING!
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T GOING NO PLACE
WITHOUT MY LUGGAGE.
YOU KNOW, I AIN'T GOING NO PLACE
WITHOUT MY LUGGAGE.
BELIEVE THAT."
WITHOUT MY LUGGAGE.
BELIEVE THAT."
[LAUGHTER]
"LOOK AT THIS, MAN!
I CAN CATCH MY HAND!
WHAAAAAAAAAA-AWWWWWW-AAAAAHHHH-
I CAN CATCH MY HAND!
WHAAAAAAAAAA-AWWWWWW-AAAAAHHHH-
OHHHHHH!
WHAAAAAAAAAA-AWWWWWW-AAAAAHHHH-
OHHHHHH!
UH-OH.
OHHHHHH!
UH-OH.
[Slowly] I'VE GOT TO GET OUT
UH-OH.
[Slowly] I'VE GOT TO GET OUT
OF HERE.
[Slowly] I'VE GOT TO GET OUT
OF HERE.
WHAAAAAAAA!
OF HERE.
WHAAAAAAAA!
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO BREATHE!
WHAAAAAAAA!
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO BREATHE!
I CAN'T BREATHE!
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO BREATHE!
I CAN'T BREATHE!
1, 2, 3.
I CAN'T BREATHE!
1, 2, 3.
AIN'T NOTHING HAPPENING, MAN!"
1, 2, 3.
AIN'T NOTHING HAPPENING, MAN!"
"I TOLD YOU IT WAS FAR OUT!"
AIN'T NOTHING HAPPENING, MAN!"
"I TOLD YOU IT WAS FAR OUT!"
"I'M GONNA DIE!
"I TOLD YOU IT WAS FAR OUT!"
"I'M GONNA DIE!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.
"I'M GONNA DIE!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.
I'M GONNA DIE!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
I'M GONNA DIE!
WHOA, YEAH!
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
WHOA, YEAH!
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-HI-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-HI-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE-HI-DIE-DIE-DIE ♪
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
♪ I'M GONNA DIE ♪
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
[Chanting] HEY, HEY, HO, HO,
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
[Chanting] HEY, HEY, HO, HO,
HO, HO, HO, HO!
[Chanting] HEY, HEY, HO, HO,
HO, HO, HO, HO!
[Slowly] WHAT IN THE WORLD IS
HO, HO, HO, HO!
[Slowly] WHAT IN THE WORLD IS
HAPPENING TO ME?"
[Slowly] WHAT IN THE WORLD IS
HAPPENING TO ME?"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER
EDITION OF "SAMURAI HOTEL."
[GONG BANGS]
EDITION OF "SAMURAI HOTEL."
[GONG BANGS]
[MUMBLING, SHOUTING
[GONG BANGS]
[MUMBLING, SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY]
EXCUSE ME?
EXCUSE ME.
I'D LIKE A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT,
EXCUSE ME.
I'D LIKE A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT,
PLEASE.
I'D LIKE A ROOM FOR THE NIGHT,
PLEASE.
[Imitating Japanese]
PLEASE.
[Imitating Japanese]
ACTUALLY, I'LL BE STAYING
[Imitating Japanese]
ACTUALLY, I'LL BE STAYING
THROUGH TILL PROBABLY TUESDAY.
ACTUALLY, I'LL BE STAYING
THROUGH TILL PROBABLY TUESDAY.
[Imitating Japanese]
THROUGH TILL PROBABLY TUESDAY.
[Imitating Japanese]
DO YOU HAVE A KING-SIZE BED,
[Imitating Japanese]
DO YOU HAVE A KING-SIZE BED,
ONE WITH A KING-SIZE BED?
DO YOU HAVE A KING-SIZE BED,
ONE WITH A KING-SIZE BED?
[Imitating Japanese]
ONE WITH A KING-SIZE BED?
[Imitating Japanese]
[CHUCKLES]
[Imitating Japanese]
[CHUCKLES]
[Imitating Japanese]
[CHUCKLES]
[Imitating Japanese]
IF I COULD JUST PERHAPS GET A
[Imitating Japanese]
IF I COULD JUST PERHAPS GET A
ROOM WITH, UH... YOU KNOW WHAT
IF I COULD JUST PERHAPS GET A
ROOM WITH, UH... YOU KNOW WHAT
I'D LIKE?
ROOM WITH, UH... YOU KNOW WHAT
I'D LIKE?
A ROOM OVERLOOKING THE PARK.
I'D LIKE?
A ROOM OVERLOOKING THE PARK.
ARE THE RATES HIGH FOR THAT?
A ROOM OVERLOOKING THE PARK.
ARE THE RATES HIGH FOR THAT?
AAH!
ARE THE RATES HIGH FOR THAT?
AAH!
[Imitating Japanese]
AAH!
[Imitating Japanese]
AY!
[Imitating Japanese]
AY!
[WHIMPERING]
AY!
[WHIMPERING]
DO YOU HAVE ROOM SERVICE?
[WHIMPERING]
DO YOU HAVE ROOM SERVICE?
ROOM SERVICE.
DO YOU HAVE ROOM SERVICE?
ROOM SERVICE.
[Imitating Japanese]
ROOM SERVICE.
[Imitating Japanese]
THAT'S FINE.
[Imitating Japanese]
THAT'S FINE.
[Imitating Japanese]
THAT'S FINE.
[Imitating Japanese]
WHAT'S YOUR CHECK-OUT TIME?
[Imitating Japanese]
WHAT'S YOUR CHECK-OUT TIME?
[Imitating Japanese]
AY!
AY!
COULD YOU GET A BELLBOY TO
AY!
COULD YOU GET A BELLBOY TO
GET MY BAGS, PLEASE,
COULD YOU GET A BELLBOY TO
GET MY BAGS, PLEASE,
CARRY MY BAGS UP?
GET MY BAGS, PLEASE,
CARRY MY BAGS UP?
THANK YOU.
CARRY MY BAGS UP?
THANK YOU.
[Imitating Japanese]
THANK YOU.
[Imitating Japanese]
THANK YOU.
[Imitating Japanese]
THANK YOU.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
THANK YOU.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[Imitating Japanese]
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
[Imitating Japanese]
Both: [Imitating Japanese]
FELLAS?
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS GONNA CARRY
MY BAGS UPSTAIRS?
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS GONNA CARRY
MY BAGS UPSTAIRS?
Both: AAH!
MY BAGS UPSTAIRS?
Both: AAH!
[Imitating Japanese]
AAH!
[Imitating Japanese]
YOUR MAMA-SAN!
[Imitating Japanese]
YOUR MAMA-SAN!
MY MAMA-SAN?
YOUR MAMA-SAN!
MY MAMA-SAN?
AAAAH!
MY MAMA-SAN?
AAAAH!
WELL, I CAN DIG WHERE YOU'RE
AAAAH!
WELL, I CAN DIG WHERE YOU'RE
COMING FROM.
WELL, I CAN DIG WHERE YOU'RE
COMING FROM.
I'LL TAKE THESE BAGS UP TO THE
COMING FROM.
I'LL TAKE THESE BAGS UP TO THE
ROOM.
I'LL TAKE THESE BAGS UP TO THE
ROOM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HERE'S A MAN I WANTED ON THE
SHOW AND HIS ORGANIZATION.
HIS LATEST ALBUM,
SHOW AND HIS ORGANIZATION.
HIS LATEST ALBUM,
GIL SCOTT-HERON, AND HERE HE IS.
HIS LATEST ALBUM,
GIL SCOTT-HERON, AND HERE HE IS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
GIL SCOTT-HERON, AND HERE HE IS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. GIL SCOTT-HERON.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. GIL SCOTT-HERON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MR. GIL SCOTT-HERON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE'D LIKE TO DO A TUNE FOR
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE'D LIKE TO DO A TUNE FOR
THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN
WE'D LIKE TO DO A TUNE FOR
THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN
SOUTH AFRICA CALLED
THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN
SOUTH AFRICA CALLED
"JOHANNESBURG."
SOUTH AFRICA CALLED
"JOHANNESBURG."
AND WHEN WE SAY, "WHAT'S THE
"JOHANNESBURG."
AND WHEN WE SAY, "WHAT'S THE
WORD?" WE'D LIKE TO HAVE Y'ALL
AND WHEN WE SAY, "WHAT'S THE
WORD?" WE'D LIKE TO HAVE Y'ALL
HELP US OUT, SAYING
WORD?" WE'D LIKE TO HAVE Y'ALL
HELP US OUT, SAYING
"JOHANNESBURG."
HELP US OUT, SAYING
"JOHANNESBURG."
LET'S GO.
"JOHANNESBURG."
LET'S GO.
[PIANO PLAYS]
LET'S GO.
[PIANO PLAYS]
HA!
[PIANO PLAYS]
HA!
HELP!
♪ I SAID, WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
♪ THEY TELL ME THAT OUR BROTHERS
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
♪ THEY TELL ME THAT OUR BROTHERS
OVER THERE ARE DEFYIN' THE MAN ♪
♪ THEY TELL ME THAT OUR BROTHERS
OVER THERE ARE DEFYIN' THE MAN ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T KNOW FOR SURE
OVER THERE ARE DEFYIN' THE MAN ♪
♪ AND WE DON'T KNOW FOR SURE
BECAUSE THE NEWS WE GET IS
♪ AND WE DON'T KNOW FOR SURE
BECAUSE THE NEWS WE GET IS
UNRELIABLE, MAN ♪
BECAUSE THE NEWS WE GET IS
UNRELIABLE, MAN ♪
♪ YES, I... I HATE IT WHEN THE
UNRELIABLE, MAN ♪
♪ YES, I... I HATE IT WHEN THE
BLOOD STARTS FLOWIN' ♪
♪ YES, I... I HATE IT WHEN THE
BLOOD STARTS FLOWIN' ♪
♪ BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE RESISTANCE
BLOOD STARTS FLOWIN' ♪
♪ BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE RESISTANCE
GROWIN' ♪
♪ BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE RESISTANCE
GROWIN' ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
GROWIN' ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
WORD? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
WORD? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
WORD? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
♪ TELL ME, BROTHER, HAVE YOU
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
MAN!
HEARD FROM JOHANNESBURG? ♪
MAN!
♪ AND I KNOW THAT THEY'RE
MAN!
♪ AND I KNOW THAT THEY'RE
STRUGGLIN' OVER THERE ♪
♪ AND I KNOW THAT THEY'RE
STRUGGLIN' OVER THERE ♪
♪ THAT AIN'T GONNA FREE ME ♪
STRUGGLIN' OVER THERE ♪
♪ THAT AIN'T GONNA FREE ME ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT WE'VE ALL GOT TO BE
♪ THAT AIN'T GONNA FREE ME ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT WE'VE ALL GOT TO BE
STRUGGLIN' ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT WE'VE ALL GOT TO BE
STRUGGLIN' ♪
♪ IF WE WANT TO BE FREE ♪
STRUGGLIN' ♪
♪ IF WE WANT TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU WANT TO BE
♪ IF WE WANT TO BE FREE ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU WANT TO BE
FREE, FREE? ♪
♪ AND DON'T YOU WANT TO BE
FREE, FREE? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY, YEAH ♪
♪ YEAH, NOW ♪
♪ SOMETIMES DISTANCE BRINGS
MISUNDERSTANDING ♪
♪ SOMETIMES DISTANCE BRINGS
MISUNDERSTANDING ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT DEEP IN MY HEART,
MISUNDERSTANDING ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT DEEP IN MY HEART,
I'M DEMANDING ♪
♪ YEAH, BUT DEEP IN MY HEART,
I'M DEMANDING ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
I'M DEMANDING ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
WORD? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHAT'S THE
WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO GET... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO GET... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO GET... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF L.A. LIKE JOHANNESBURG ♪
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF L.A. LIKE JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF NEW YORK LIKE
♪ IF L.A. LIKE JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF NEW YORK LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF NEW YORK LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
WORD ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
WORD ♪
♪ AND I SAID WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
WORD ♪
♪ AND I SAID WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ AND I SAID WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SAY, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD? ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
IF PHILADELPHIA LIKE
HAPPENING IN JOHANNESBURG ♪
IF PHILADELPHIA LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
IF PHILADELPHIA LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF DETROIT'S LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF DETROIT'S LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ IF DETROIT'S LIKE
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
WORD ♪
♪ FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT A
WORD ♪
♪ AIN'T NOTHING BUT A WORD ♪
WORD ♪
♪ AIN'T NOTHING BUT A WORD ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ AIN'T NOTHING BUT A WORD ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ PROVE YOU'RE YOU INSTEAD OF
♪ LET ME SEE YOUR I.D. ♪
♪ PROVE YOU'RE YOU INSTEAD OF
ME ♪
♪ PROVE YOU'RE YOU INSTEAD OF
ME ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
ME ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SO WHAT'S THE... ♪
♪ JOHANNESBURG ♪
♪ SO WHAT'S THE... ♪
RIGHT HERE, BROTHERS.
♪ SO WHAT'S THE... ♪
RIGHT HERE, BROTHERS.
♪ YEAH ♪
RIGHT HERE, BROTHERS.
♪ YEAH ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GOOD EVENING!
WELCOME TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
WELCOME TO "LOOKS AT BOOKS."
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS THE AUTHOR
I'M YOUR HOST, JANE CURTIN.
OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS THE AUTHOR
OF SEVERAL BOOKS ON RACE IN
OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS THE AUTHOR
OF SEVERAL BOOKS ON RACE IN
AMERICA.
OF SEVERAL BOOKS ON RACE IN
AMERICA.
AND HE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT HIS
AMERICA.
AND HE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT HIS
LATEST BOOK, "WHITE LIKE ME."
AND HE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT HIS
LATEST BOOK, "WHITE LIKE ME."
WELCOME, WON'T YOU,
LATEST BOOK, "WHITE LIKE ME."
WELCOME, WON'T YOU,
JUNIOR GRIFFIN.
WELCOME, WON'T YOU,
JUNIOR GRIFFIN.
JUNIOR, WHY DON'T YOU BEGIN BY
JUNIOR GRIFFIN.
JUNIOR, WHY DON'T YOU BEGIN BY
DESCRIBING THE ORDEAL BEHIND
JUNIOR, WHY DON'T YOU BEGIN BY
DESCRIBING THE ORDEAL BEHIND
YOUR BOOK?
DESCRIBING THE ORDEAL BEHIND
YOUR BOOK?
WELL, I DECIDED THAT THE ONLY
YOUR BOOK?
WELL, I DECIDED THAT THE ONLY
WAY TO UNDERSTAND A WHITE MAN'S
WELL, I DECIDED THAT THE ONLY
WAY TO UNDERSTAND A WHITE MAN'S
PROBLEMS WAS ACTUALLY TO BECOME
WAY TO UNDERSTAND A WHITE MAN'S
PROBLEMS WAS ACTUALLY TO BECOME
A WHITE MAN, GET WHITE SKIN, AND
PROBLEMS WAS ACTUALLY TO BECOME
A WHITE MAN, GET WHITE SKIN, AND
LIVE LIKE A WHITE MAN IN A
A WHITE MAN, GET WHITE SKIN, AND
LIVE LIKE A WHITE MAN IN A
WHITE MAN'S WORLD, YOU KNOW?
LIVE LIKE A WHITE MAN IN A
WHITE MAN'S WORLD, YOU KNOW?
AND, UH, HOW DID YOU
WHITE MAN'S WORLD, YOU KNOW?
AND, UH, HOW DID YOU
ACCOMPLISH THIS?
AND, UH, HOW DID YOU
ACCOMPLISH THIS?
SHOE POLISH.
ACCOMPLISH THIS?
SHOE POLISH.
HERE'S A COPY OF THE BOOK
SHOE POLISH.
HERE'S A COPY OF THE BOOK
WITH A PICTURE OF JUNIOR AS A
HERE'S A COPY OF THE BOOK
WITH A PICTURE OF JUNIOR AS A
WHITE MAN.
WITH A PICTURE OF JUNIOR AS A
WHITE MAN.
JUNIOR, WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO
WHITE MAN.
JUNIOR, WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO
SUDDENLY BE WHITE?
JUNIOR, WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO
SUDDENLY BE WHITE?
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT WAS
SUDDENLY BE WHITE?
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT WAS
SPOOKY.
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT WAS
SPOOKY.
I WAS WALKING AROUND WITH THE
SPOOKY.
I WAS WALKING AROUND WITH THE
CREDIT CARDS BULGING OUT OF MY
I WAS WALKING AROUND WITH THE
CREDIT CARDS BULGING OUT OF MY
WALLET, YOU KNOW?
CREDIT CARDS BULGING OUT OF MY
WALLET, YOU KNOW?
AND I'D APPLY FOR JOBS, GET
WALLET, YOU KNOW?
AND I'D APPLY FOR JOBS, GET
ACCEPTED 8 OUT OF 10 TIMES, YOU
AND I'D APPLY FOR JOBS, GET
ACCEPTED 8 OUT OF 10 TIMES, YOU
KNOW?
ACCEPTED 8 OUT OF 10 TIMES, YOU
KNOW?
AND THINGS I NEVER DREAMT OF WAS
KNOW?
AND THINGS I NEVER DREAMT OF WAS
HAPPENING TO ME, YOU KNOW?
AND THINGS I NEVER DREAMT OF WAS
HAPPENING TO ME, YOU KNOW?
IT WAS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE.
HAPPENING TO ME, YOU KNOW?
IT WAS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO
IT WAS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO
OFFEND YOU, JUNIOR, BUT I DON'T
YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO
OFFEND YOU, JUNIOR, BUT I DON'T
THINK I WOULD BELIEVE YOU WERE
OFFEND YOU, JUNIOR, BUT I DON'T
THINK I WOULD BELIEVE YOU WERE
WHITE EVEN WITH SHOE POLISH.
THINK I WOULD BELIEVE YOU WERE
WHITE EVEN WITH SHOE POLISH.
DID ANY OTHER WHITE FOLKS CATCH
WHITE EVEN WITH SHOE POLISH.
DID ANY OTHER WHITE FOLKS CATCH
ON TO YOUR GAME?
DID ANY OTHER WHITE FOLKS CATCH
ON TO YOUR GAME?
NOT A ONE.
ON TO YOUR GAME?
NOT A ONE.
THERE'S SOME DUMB HONKIES OUT
NOT A ONE.
THERE'S SOME DUMB HONKIES OUT
THERE.
THERE'S SOME DUMB HONKIES OUT
THERE.
THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON A BIT
THERE.
THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON A BIT
BECAUSE I GOT INTO IT, YOU KNOW?
THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON A BIT
BECAUSE I GOT INTO IT, YOU KNOW?
I BECAME A WHITE PERSON AND GOT
BECAUSE I GOT INTO IT, YOU KNOW?
I BECAME A WHITE PERSON AND GOT
A WHITE ATTITUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT
I BECAME A WHITE PERSON AND GOT
A WHITE ATTITUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT
I MEAN?
A WHITE ATTITUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT
I MEAN?
COULD YOU DEMONSTRATE THIS
I MEAN?
COULD YOU DEMONSTRATE THIS
FOR US?
COULD YOU DEMONSTRATE THIS
FOR US?
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
FOR US?
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
BUT, SEE, THERE'S A CERTAIN
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
BUT, SEE, THERE'S A CERTAIN
WHITE WALK THAT YOU HAVE TO
BUT, SEE, THERE'S A CERTAIN
WHITE WALK THAT YOU HAVE TO
HAVE, YOU KNOW, AND A CERTAIN
WHITE WALK THAT YOU HAVE TO
HAVE, YOU KNOW, AND A CERTAIN
WHITE TALK.
HAVE, YOU KNOW, AND A CERTAIN
WHITE TALK.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST BE LIKE
WHITE TALK.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST BE LIKE
THIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST BE LIKE
THIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YOU GOT TO GET DOWN AND SAY
THIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YOU GOT TO GET DOWN AND SAY
THINGS LIKE, "EXCUSE ME?
YOU GOT TO GET DOWN AND SAY
THINGS LIKE, "EXCUSE ME?
WOULD YOU MOVE OUT OF MY WAY?"
THINGS LIKE, "EXCUSE ME?
WOULD YOU MOVE OUT OF MY WAY?"
AND YOU WALK LIKE THIS.
WOULD YOU MOVE OUT OF MY WAY?"
AND YOU WALK LIKE THIS.
CHECK THIS WALK.
YOU GOT ME.
[LAUGHS]
TELL ME, JUNIOR, DO YOU HAVE ANY
[LAUGHS]
TELL ME, JUNIOR, DO YOU HAVE ANY
WORKS IN PROGRESS?
TELL ME, JUNIOR, DO YOU HAVE ANY
WORKS IN PROGRESS?
WELL, I'M WORKING ON A NEW
WORKS IN PROGRESS?
WELL, I'M WORKING ON A NEW
BOOK.
WELL, I'M WORKING ON A NEW
BOOK.
IT'S FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A
BOOK.
IT'S FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A
WHITE JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESS.
IT'S FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A
WHITE JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESS.
THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY
WHITE JEWISH AMERICAN PRINCESS.
THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY
DIFFICULT.
THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY
DIFFICULT.
IT'S GONNA BE TRICKY, ALL
DIFFICULT.
IT'S GONNA BE TRICKY, ALL
RIGHT.
IT'S GONNA BE TRICKY, ALL
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE
A SEX-CHANGE OPERATION, AND I'M
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE
A SEX-CHANGE OPERATION, AND I'M
GONNA MARRY A DOCTOR.
A SEX-CHANGE OPERATION, AND I'M
GONNA MARRY A DOCTOR.
WELL, WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT
GONNA MARRY A DOCTOR.
WELL, WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT
THAT LATER.
WELL, WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT
THAT LATER.
GET A COUPLE KIDS, PROBABLY.
THAT LATER.
GET A COUPLE KIDS, PROBABLY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JUNIOR,
GET A COUPLE KIDS, PROBABLY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JUNIOR,
FOR BEING ON THIS SHOW, AND
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, JUNIOR,
FOR BEING ON THIS SHOW, AND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FOR BEING ON THIS SHOW, AND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FILMED MESSAGE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FILMED MESSAGE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
HONEY, I'M HOME!
DADDY!
HEY, PAL!
DADDY!
HEY, PAL!
[LAUGHS]
HEY, PAL!
[LAUGHS]
HOW YOU DOING?
[LAUGHS]
HOW YOU DOING?
YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME, A
HOW YOU DOING?
YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME, A
GOOD JOB, SOLID INVESTMENTS, A
YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME, A
GOOD JOB, SOLID INVESTMENTS, A
WONDERFUL FAMILY... EVERYTHING
GOOD JOB, SOLID INVESTMENTS, A
WONDERFUL FAMILY... EVERYTHING
YOU NEED FOR THE FUTURE...
WONDERFUL FAMILY... EVERYTHING
YOU NEED FOR THE FUTURE...
OR IS IT?
YOU NEED FOR THE FUTURE...
OR IS IT?
WHAT IF YOU WERE SUDDENLY OUT OF
OR IS IT?
WHAT IF YOU WERE SUDDENLY OUT OF
THE PICTURE?
WHAT IF YOU WERE SUDDENLY OUT OF
THE PICTURE?
SHOULD TRAGEDY STRIKE, WHAT
THE PICTURE?
SHOULD TRAGEDY STRIKE, WHAT
WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM?
SHOULD TRAGEDY STRIKE, WHAT
WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM?
SURE, YOU'VE PROVIDED FOR THEM
WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM?
SURE, YOU'VE PROVIDED FOR THEM
FINANCIALLY, BUT WHAT ABOUT
SURE, YOU'VE PROVIDED FOR THEM
FINANCIALLY, BUT WHAT ABOUT
THEIR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL
FINANCIALLY, BUT WHAT ABOUT
THEIR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL
NEEDS?
THEIR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL
NEEDS?
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
NEEDS?
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
HONEY, I'M HOME!
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
HONEY, I'M HOME!
DADDY!
HONEY, I'M HOME!
DADDY!
YES, IT'S "NEW DAD"... - A
DADDY!
YES, IT'S "NEW DAD"... - A
RADICALLY NEW CONCEPT IN FAMILY
YES, IT'S "NEW DAD"... - A
RADICALLY NEW CONCEPT IN FAMILY
INSURANCE COVERAGE.
RADICALLY NEW CONCEPT IN FAMILY
INSURANCE COVERAGE.
WITHIN SECONDS AFTER "OLD DAD"
INSURANCE COVERAGE.
WITHIN SECONDS AFTER "OLD DAD"
IS OUT, WE'LL HAVE "NEW DAD"
WITHIN SECONDS AFTER "OLD DAD"
IS OUT, WE'LL HAVE "NEW DAD"
THERE TO TAKE HIS PLACE.
IS OUT, WE'LL HAVE "NEW DAD"
THERE TO TAKE HIS PLACE.
IS YOUR FAMILY COMPLETELY
THERE TO TAKE HIS PLACE.
IS YOUR FAMILY COMPLETELY
COVERED... NOT JUST FINANCIALLY,
IS YOUR FAMILY COMPLETELY
COVERED... NOT JUST FINANCIALLY,
BUT IN EVERY WAY?
COVERED... NOT JUST FINANCIALLY,
BUT IN EVERY WAY?
WHY NOT CALL YOUR LOCAL
BUT IN EVERY WAY?
WHY NOT CALL YOUR LOCAL
INDEPENDENT INSURANCE AGENT
WHY NOT CALL YOUR LOCAL
INDEPENDENT INSURANCE AGENT
TODAY AND ASK HIM ABOUT OUR
INDEPENDENT INSURANCE AGENT
TODAY AND ASK HIM ABOUT OUR
"NEW DAD" POLICY BEFORE IT'S TOO
TODAY AND ASK HIM ABOUT OUR
"NEW DAD" POLICY BEFORE IT'S TOO
LATE.
"NEW DAD" POLICY BEFORE IT'S TOO
LATE.
THAT'S "NEW DAD"... THE ONLY
LATE.
THAT'S "NEW DAD"... THE ONLY
INSURANCE THAT COVERS ALL OF
THAT'S "NEW DAD"... THE ONLY
INSURANCE THAT COVERS ALL OF
THEIR NEEDS.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT NOW, MA'AM, PLEASE
DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED.
NOW, THE SUSPECTS CANNOT SEE
DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED.
NOW, THE SUSPECTS CANNOT SEE
YOU.
NOW, THE SUSPECTS CANNOT SEE
YOU.
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE MAN WHO
YOU.
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE MAN WHO
ASSAULTED YOU?
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE MAN WHO
ASSAULTED YOU?
WELL, I... I COULDN'T SEE HIM
ASSAULTED YOU?
WELL, I... I COULDN'T SEE HIM
TOO CLEARLY, BUT I'M SURE IT'S
WELL, I... I COULDN'T SEE HIM
TOO CLEARLY, BUT I'M SURE IT'S
THE ONE IN THE HANDCUFFS.
TOO CLEARLY, BUT I'M SURE IT'S
THE ONE IN THE HANDCUFFS.
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
THE ONE IN THE HANDCUFFS.
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, MR. WILSON, YOU'VE
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, MR. WILSON, YOU'VE
DONE JUST FINE ON THE RORSCHACH.
ALL RIGHT, MR. WILSON, YOU'VE
DONE JUST FINE ON THE RORSCHACH.
YOUR PAPERS ARE IN GOOD ORDER.
DONE JUST FINE ON THE RORSCHACH.
YOUR PAPERS ARE IN GOOD ORDER.
THE FILE'S FINE.
YOUR PAPERS ARE IN GOOD ORDER.
THE FILE'S FINE.
NO DIFFICULTY WITH YOUR MOTOR
THE FILE'S FINE.
NO DIFFICULTY WITH YOUR MOTOR
SKILLS.
NO DIFFICULTY WITH YOUR MOTOR
SKILLS.
AND I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY
SKILLS.
AND I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY
PRETTY READY FOR THIS JOB.
AND I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY
PRETTY READY FOR THIS JOB.
WE GOT ONE MORE KIND OF
PRETTY READY FOR THIS JOB.
WE GOT ONE MORE KIND OF
PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST WE ALWAYS DO
WE GOT ONE MORE KIND OF
PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST WE ALWAYS DO
HERE.
PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST WE ALWAYS DO
HERE.
IT'S JUST A WORD ASSOCIATION.
HERE.
IT'S JUST A WORD ASSOCIATION.
I'LL THROW YOU OUT A FEW WORDS.
IT'S JUST A WORD ASSOCIATION.
I'LL THROW YOU OUT A FEW WORDS.
ANYTHING THAT COMES TO YOUR
I'LL THROW YOU OUT A FEW WORDS.
ANYTHING THAT COMES TO YOUR
MIND, JUST THROW BACK AT ME,
ANYTHING THAT COMES TO YOUR
MIND, JUST THROW BACK AT ME,
OKAY, JUST KIND OF AN ARBITRARY
MIND, JUST THROW BACK AT ME,
OKAY, JUST KIND OF AN ARBITRARY
THING.
OKAY, JUST KIND OF AN ARBITRARY
THING.
IF I SAID, "DOG", YOU'D SAY...
THING.
IF I SAID, "DOG", YOU'D SAY...
TREE.
IF I SAID, "DOG", YOU'D SAY...
TREE.
TREE.
TREE.
TREE.
DOG.
TREE.
DOG.
TREE.
DOG.
TREE.
FAST.
TREE.
FAST.
SLOW.
FAST.
SLOW.
RAIN.
SLOW.
RAIN.
SNOW.
RAIN.
SNOW.
WHITE.
SNOW.
WHITE.
BLACK.
WHITE.
BLACK.
BEAN.
BLACK.
BEAN.
POD.
BEAN.
POD.
NEGRO.
POD.
NEGRO.
WHITEY.
NEGRO.
WHITEY.
TAR BABY.
WHITEY.
TAR BABY.
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
TAR BABY.
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
TAR BABY.
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
TAR BABY.
OFAY.
TAR BABY.
OFAY.
COLORED.
OFAY.
COLORED.
REDNECK.
COLORED.
REDNECK.
JUNGLE BUNNY.
REDNECK.
JUNGLE BUNNY.
PECKERWOOD!
JUNGLE BUNNY.
PECKERWOOD!
BURR HEAD.
PECKERWOOD!
BURR HEAD.
CRACKER!
BURR HEAD.
CRACKER!
SPEAR CHUCKER.
CRACKER!
SPEAR CHUCKER.
WHITE TRASH!
SPEAR CHUCKER.
WHITE TRASH!
JUNGLE BUNNY!
WHITE TRASH!
JUNGLE BUNNY!
HONKY!
JUNGLE BUNNY!
HONKY!
SPADE!
HONKY!
SPADE!
HONKY HONKY!
SPADE!
HONKY HONKY!
NIGGER!
HONKY HONKY!
NIGGER!
DEAD HONKY!
OKAY, MR. WILSON.
I THINK YOU'RE QUALIFIED FOR
THIS JOB.
I THINK YOU'RE QUALIFIED FOR
THIS JOB.
HOW ABOUT A STARTING SALARY OF
THIS JOB.
HOW ABOUT A STARTING SALARY OF
$5,000?
HOW ABOUT A STARTING SALARY OF
$5,000?
YOUR MAMA!
$5,000?
YOUR MAMA!
UH, $7,500 A YEAR?
YOUR MAMA!
UH, $7,500 A YEAR?
YOUR GRANDMAMA!
UH, $7,500 A YEAR?
YOUR GRANDMAMA!
$15,000, MR. WILSON... YOU'LL
YOUR GRANDMAMA!
$15,000, MR. WILSON... YOU'LL
BE THE HIGHEST-PAID JANITOR IN
$15,000, MR. WILSON... YOU'LL
BE THE HIGHEST-PAID JANITOR IN
AMERICA.
BE THE HIGHEST-PAID JANITOR IN
AMERICA.
JUST DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE.
AMERICA.
JUST DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE.
OKAY.
JUST DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE.
OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY.
YOU WANT ME TO START NOW?
OKAY.
YOU WANT ME TO START NOW?
OH, NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU WANT ME TO START NOW?
OH, NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'LL CLEAN ALL THIS UP.
OH, NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'LL CLEAN ALL THIS UP.
TAKE A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFF.
I'LL CLEAN ALL THIS UP.
TAKE A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFF.
YOU LOOK TIRED.
TAKE A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFF.
YOU LOOK TIRED.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH, I HEARD YOU GUYS LOST
TO THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO
LAST NIGHT.
TO THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO
LAST NIGHT.
WHAT WAS IT, 11 TO 2?
LAST NIGHT.
WHAT WAS IT, 11 TO 2?
YEAH, THEY HAD THIS ONE GUY
WHAT WAS IT, 11 TO 2?
YEAH, THEY HAD THIS ONE GUY
NAMED BOUCHARD WHO WAS JUST
YEAH, THEY HAD THIS ONE GUY
NAMED BOUCHARD WHO WAS JUST
AMAZING.
NAMED BOUCHARD WHO WAS JUST
AMAZING.
HE LOOKED LIKE HE PLAYED PRO
AMAZING.
HE LOOKED LIKE HE PLAYED PRO
HOCKEY OR SOMETHING.
HE LOOKED LIKE HE PLAYED PRO
HOCKEY OR SOMETHING.
ANYWAY, HE HAD A GREAT NIGHT.
HOCKEY OR SOMETHING.
ANYWAY, HE HAD A GREAT NIGHT.
SOUNDS LIKE, UH, SOUNDS...
ANYWAY, HE HAD A GREAT NIGHT.
SOUNDS LIKE, UH, SOUNDS...
SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD IT PRETTY
SOUNDS LIKE, UH, SOUNDS...
SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD IT PRETTY
ROUGH LAST NIGHT.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD IT PRETTY
ROUGH LAST NIGHT.
WELL, YEAH, BUT I SCORED A
ROUGH LAST NIGHT.
WELL, YEAH, BUT I SCORED A
GOAL.
WELL, YEAH, BUT I SCORED A
GOAL.
YOU SCORED A GOAL?
GOAL.
YOU SCORED A GOAL?
BUT YOU'RE THE GOALIE, RIGHT?
YOU SCORED A GOAL?
BUT YOU'RE THE GOALIE, RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M THE GOALIE.
BUT YOU'RE THE GOALIE, RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M THE GOALIE.
YEAH.
YEAH, I'M THE GOALIE.
YEAH.
WHAT HAPPENED WAS THIS BOUCHARD
YEAH.
WHAT HAPPENED WAS THIS BOUCHARD
HAD AN INCREDIBLE SLAP SHOT, AND
WHAT HAPPENED WAS THIS BOUCHARD
HAD AN INCREDIBLE SLAP SHOT, AND
HE... HE HIT ONE REAL HARD.
HAD AN INCREDIBLE SLAP SHOT, AND
HE... HE HIT ONE REAL HARD.
I DIDN'T SEE IT.
HE... HE HIT ONE REAL HARD.
I DIDN'T SEE IT.
HIT ME RIGHT IN THE CUP, YOU
I DIDN'T SEE IT.
HIT ME RIGHT IN THE CUP, YOU
KNOW?
HIT ME RIGHT IN THE CUP, YOU
KNOW?
WOW.
KNOW?
WOW.
YEAH, IT BOUNCED TO CENTER
WOW.
YEAH, IT BOUNCED TO CENTER
ICE AND ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE
YEAH, IT BOUNCED TO CENTER
ICE AND ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE
OTHER END, AND IT SKIPPED PAST
ICE AND ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE
OTHER END, AND IT SKIPPED PAST
THEIR GOALIE.
OTHER END, AND IT SKIPPED PAST
THEIR GOALIE.
NO KIDDING!
THEIR GOALIE.
NO KIDDING!
BOY, I WISH I HAD SEEN THAT.
NO KIDDING!
BOY, I WISH I HAD SEEN THAT.
HEY, YOUR MOUTH LOOKS PRETTY
BOY, I WISH I HAD SEEN THAT.
HEY, YOUR MOUTH LOOKS PRETTY
BAD.
HEY, YOUR MOUTH LOOKS PRETTY
BAD.
DOES THAT STILL HURT?
BAD.
DOES THAT STILL HURT?
A LITTLE.
DOES THAT STILL HURT?
A LITTLE.
THEY SAID THE STITCHES WILL BE
A LITTLE.
THEY SAID THE STITCHES WILL BE
OUT NEXT WEEK.
THEY SAID THE STITCHES WILL BE
OUT NEXT WEEK.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
OUT NEXT WEEK.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
I HEARD YOU GOT HIT WITH A
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
I HEARD YOU GOT HIT WITH A
STICK OR SOMETHING?
I HEARD YOU GOT HIT WITH A
STICK OR SOMETHING?
NO, YOU SEE THIS, UH... YOU
STICK OR SOMETHING?
NO, YOU SEE THIS, UH... YOU
KNOW, WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
NO, YOU SEE THIS, UH... YOU
KNOW, WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
WITH THIS BOUCHARD GUY DANCING
KNOW, WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
WITH THIS BOUCHARD GUY DANCING
AROUND, YOU KNOW.
WITH THIS BOUCHARD GUY DANCING
AROUND, YOU KNOW.
SO HE CAME SWOOSHING BY MY NET
AROUND, YOU KNOW.
SO HE CAME SWOOSHING BY MY NET
AFTER HE SCORED HIS EIGHTH GOAL,
SO HE CAME SWOOSHING BY MY NET
AFTER HE SCORED HIS EIGHTH GOAL,
YOU KNOW?
AFTER HE SCORED HIS EIGHTH GOAL,
YOU KNOW?
SO I JUST TAPPED HIM A LITTLE
YOU KNOW?
SO I JUST TAPPED HIM A LITTLE
BIT ON THE HEAD WITH MY STICK.
SO I JUST TAPPED HIM A LITTLE
BIT ON THE HEAD WITH MY STICK.
RIGHT.
BIT ON THE HEAD WITH MY STICK.
RIGHT.
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THIS
RIGHT.
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THIS
BOUCHARD GUY'S GOT HIS GLOVES ON
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THIS
BOUCHARD GUY'S GOT HIS GLOVES ON
THE ICE AND HE'S PUNCHING ME IN
BOUCHARD GUY'S GOT HIS GLOVES ON
THE ICE AND HE'S PUNCHING ME IN
THE MOUTH AS HARD AS HE CAN.
THE ICE AND HE'S PUNCHING ME IN
THE MOUTH AS HARD AS HE CAN.
WOW!
THE MOUTH AS HARD AS HE CAN.
WOW!
AND GET THIS... THE REF
WOW!
AND GET THIS... THE REF
THROWS ME OUT OF THE GAME
AND GET THIS... THE REF
THROWS ME OUT OF THE GAME
INSTEAD OF BOUCHARD.
THROWS ME OUT OF THE GAME
INSTEAD OF BOUCHARD.
NO KIDDING.
INSTEAD OF BOUCHARD.
NO KIDDING.
YEAH, HE WAS MAKING BAD CALLS
NO KIDDING.
YEAH, HE WAS MAKING BAD CALLS
LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT.
YEAH, HE WAS MAKING BAD CALLS
LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT.
WOW.
LIKE THAT ALL NIGHT.
WOW.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH
WOW.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH
MY SIDE OF THE MACHINE HERE.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH
MY SIDE OF THE MACHINE HERE.
WELL, LET'S PLAY ANOTHER
MY SIDE OF THE MACHINE HERE.
WELL, LET'S PLAY ANOTHER
GAME, AND WE'LL SWITCH SIDES.
WELL, LET'S PLAY ANOTHER
GAME, AND WE'LL SWITCH SIDES.
NO, I GOT TO SUIT UP FOR
GAME, AND WE'LL SWITCH SIDES.
NO, I GOT TO SUIT UP FOR
PRACTICE.
NO, I GOT TO SUIT UP FOR
PRACTICE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND THE POINT IS THAT THEY
ARE TAKING OVER.
FIRST THEY BOUGHT THE SWEENEYS'
ARE TAKING OVER.
FIRST THEY BOUGHT THE SWEENEYS'
HOUSE, AND THEN THEY BOUGHT THE
FIRST THEY BOUGHT THE SWEENEYS'
HOUSE, AND THEN THEY BOUGHT THE
THOMAS' HOUSE, AND THEN THEY
HOUSE, AND THEN THEY BOUGHT THE
THOMAS' HOUSE, AND THEN THEY
BOUGHT THE SMITHS'.
THOMAS' HOUSE, AND THEN THEY
BOUGHT THE SMITHS'.
LET'S FACE FACTS HERE.
BOUGHT THE SMITHS'.
LET'S FACE FACTS HERE.
THEY'RE TAKING OVER.
LET'S FACE FACTS HERE.
THEY'RE TAKING OVER.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
THEY'RE TAKING OVER.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
OH, I'LL GET IT!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
OH, I'LL GET IT!
NO PHONE CONVERSATIONS DURING
OH, I'LL GET IT!
NO PHONE CONVERSATIONS DURING
DINNER.
NO PHONE CONVERSATIONS DURING
DINNER.
YOU KNOW THAT, POLLY.
DINNER.
YOU KNOW THAT, POLLY.
OH, COME ON, MOM.
YOU KNOW THAT, POLLY.
OH, COME ON, MOM.
I JUST KNOW IT'S STEVEN.
OH, COME ON, MOM.
I JUST KNOW IT'S STEVEN.
I KNOW HE'S GONNA ASK ME TO THE
I JUST KNOW IT'S STEVEN.
I KNOW HE'S GONNA ASK ME TO THE
CHRISTMAS DANCE!
I KNOW HE'S GONNA ASK ME TO THE
CHRISTMAS DANCE!
HE'S CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL
CHRISTMAS DANCE!
HE'S CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL
TEAM, AND HE'LL ASK JUDY IRVING
HE'S CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL
TEAM, AND HE'LL ASK JUDY IRVING
IF I DON'T GO, AND I JUST KNOW
TEAM, AND HE'LL ASK JUDY IRVING
IF I DON'T GO, AND I JUST KNOW
IT'LL RUIN MY LIFE!
IF I DON'T GO, AND I JUST KNOW
IT'LL RUIN MY LIFE!
OH, OKAY.
IT'LL RUIN MY LIFE!
OH, OKAY.
BUT MAKE IT FAST BEFORE YOUR
OH, OKAY.
BUT MAKE IT FAST BEFORE YOUR
FRUITED JELLO GETS COLD.
BUT MAKE IT FAST BEFORE YOUR
FRUITED JELLO GETS COLD.
THEY'RE TAKING OVER LIKE SOME
FRUITED JELLO GETS COLD.
THEY'RE TAKING OVER LIKE SOME
KIND OF FLU BUG!
THEY'RE TAKING OVER LIKE SOME
KIND OF FLU BUG!
FIRST ONE GUY AT THE OFFICE IS
KIND OF FLU BUG!
FIRST ONE GUY AT THE OFFICE IS
OUT WITH THE RUNS, AND THEN IT
FIRST ONE GUY AT THE OFFICE IS
OUT WITH THE RUNS, AND THEN IT
STARTS TO SPREAD.
OUT WITH THE RUNS, AND THEN IT
STARTS TO SPREAD.
MOM? DAD?
STARTS TO SPREAD.
MOM? DAD?
WOULD ANYBODY ELSE LIKE SOME
MOM? DAD?
WOULD ANYBODY ELSE LIKE SOME
NICE, COLD, FRESH, WHOLE MILK?
WOULD ANYBODY ELSE LIKE SOME
NICE, COLD, FRESH, WHOLE MILK?
NO, THANK YOU, SCOTTY.
NICE, COLD, FRESH, WHOLE MILK?
NO, THANK YOU, SCOTTY.
YOU MIND IF I'M EXCUSED FROM
NO, THANK YOU, SCOTTY.
YOU MIND IF I'M EXCUSED FROM
THE TABLE?
YOU MIND IF I'M EXCUSED FROM
THE TABLE?
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
THE TABLE?
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
THANKS.
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
THANKS.
THAT IS WHAT THIS BLACK THING
THANKS.
THAT IS WHAT THIS BLACK THING
IS LIKE... IT'S JUST LIKE THE
THAT IS WHAT THIS BLACK THING
IS LIKE... IT'S JUST LIKE THE
RUNS.
IS LIKE... IT'S JUST LIKE THE
RUNS.
IT'S LIKE SOME KIND OF FLU BUG.
RUNS.
IT'S LIKE SOME KIND OF FLU BUG.
IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, AND
IT'S LIKE SOME KIND OF FLU BUG.
IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, AND
THERE'S NOWHERE YOU CAN GO
IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK, AND
THERE'S NOWHERE YOU CAN GO
EXCEPT FOR THE SOLACE OF YOUR
THERE'S NOWHERE YOU CAN GO
EXCEPT FOR THE SOLACE OF YOUR
OWN BATHROOM!
EXCEPT FOR THE SOLACE OF YOUR
OWN BATHROOM!
MOM!
OWN BATHROOM!
MOM!
HE ASKED ME!
MOM!
HE ASKED ME!
DO WE INTERRUPT WHEN YOUR
HE ASKED ME!
DO WE INTERRUPT WHEN YOUR
FATHER IS TALKING, POLLY?
DO WE INTERRUPT WHEN YOUR
FATHER IS TALKING, POLLY?
I'M SORRY.
FATHER IS TALKING, POLLY?
I'M SORRY.
IT SCARES ME, THAT'S ALL.
I'M SORRY.
IT SCARES ME, THAT'S ALL.
IT JUST SCARES ME.
IT SCARES ME, THAT'S ALL.
IT JUST SCARES ME.
ONE DAY YOU'RE LIVING NEXT DOOR
IT JUST SCARES ME.
ONE DAY YOU'RE LIVING NEXT DOOR
TO ONE, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU ARE
ONE DAY YOU'RE LIVING NEXT DOOR
TO ONE, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU ARE
WORKING FOR ONE.
TO ONE, AND THE NEXT DAY YOU ARE
WORKING FOR ONE.
I'M SORRY, MOM, BUT I SPILLED
WORKING FOR ONE.
I'M SORRY, MOM, BUT I SPILLED
THE MILK ON YOUR COUNTER.
I'M SORRY, MOM, BUT I SPILLED
THE MILK ON YOUR COUNTER.
THE COUNTER THAT I JUST
THE MILK ON YOUR COUNTER.
THE COUNTER THAT I JUST
CLEANED AND SHINED IN ONE
THE COUNTER THAT I JUST
CLEANED AND SHINED IN ONE
MOTION?
CLEANED AND SHINED IN ONE
MOTION?
GEE, MOM.
MOTION?
GEE, MOM.
HOLY CREEPERS!
GEE, MOM.
HOLY CREEPERS!
I'LL GO CLEAN IT UP.
HOLY CREEPERS!
I'LL GO CLEAN IT UP.
NO, NEVER MIND, SCOTTY.
I'LL GO CLEAN IT UP.
NO, NEVER MIND, SCOTTY.
I'LL GET IT.
NO, NEVER MIND, SCOTTY.
I'LL GET IT.
IT'S WOMAN'S WORK.
I'LL GET IT.
IT'S WOMAN'S WORK.
THANK YOU, MOM.
IT'S WOMAN'S WORK.
THANK YOU, MOM.
ONE DAY ONE'S GOVERNOR, NEXT
THANK YOU, MOM.
ONE DAY ONE'S GOVERNOR, NEXT
DAY ONE'S PRESIDENT, NEXT DAY
ONE DAY ONE'S GOVERNOR, NEXT
DAY ONE'S PRESIDENT, NEXT DAY
ONE'S BARBRA STREISAND.
DAY ONE'S PRESIDENT, NEXT DAY
ONE'S BARBRA STREISAND.
I DON'T KNOW.
ONE'S BARBRA STREISAND.
I DON'T KNOW.
OH, THANK GOODNESS.
I DON'T KNOW.
OH, THANK GOODNESS.
THE SHINE IS STILL THERE.
OH, THANK GOODNESS.
THE SHINE IS STILL THERE.
NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, DEAR?
THE SHINE IS STILL THERE.
NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, DEAR?
I WAS SAYING THEY ARE TAKING
NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, DEAR?
I WAS SAYING THEY ARE TAKING
OVER.
I WAS SAYING THEY ARE TAKING
OVER.
I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING ALL
OVER.
I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING ALL
AROUND ME.
I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING ALL
AROUND ME.
I KNOW. I'VE GOT EYES.
AROUND ME.
I KNOW. I'VE GOT EYES.
I CAN SEE.
I KNOW. I'VE GOT EYES.
I CAN SEE.
SCOTTY, WOULD YOU PASS THE
I CAN SEE.
SCOTTY, WOULD YOU PASS THE
GRITS, PLEASE?
SCOTTY, WOULD YOU PASS THE
GRITS, PLEASE?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.
NO.
CHEVY CHASE.
NO.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU MAKE NOISE.
NO.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU MAKE NOISE.
REMEMBER WHEN... I GOT TO GO.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU MAKE NOISE.
REMEMBER WHEN... I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.
REMEMBER WHEN... I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU'RE NOT.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
IS STILL DEAD.
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
IS STILL DEAD.
IN AN IMPRESSIVE SHOW OF PARTY
IS STILL DEAD.
IN AN IMPRESSIVE SHOW OF PARTY
STRENGTH AND UNITY, ALL 11
IN AN IMPRESSIVE SHOW OF PARTY
STRENGTH AND UNITY, ALL 11
ANNOUNCED DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES
STRENGTH AND UNITY, ALL 11
ANNOUNCED DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES
FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION
ANNOUNCED DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES
FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION
MET IN WASHINGTON WITH THEIR
FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION
MET IN WASHINGTON WITH THEIR
CAMPAIGN MANAGERS TO DISCUSS
MET IN WASHINGTON WITH THEIR
CAMPAIGN MANAGERS TO DISCUSS
STRATEGY THIS WEEKEND.
CAMPAIGN MANAGERS TO DISCUSS
STRATEGY THIS WEEKEND.
SECRETARY OF STATE
STRATEGY THIS WEEKEND.
SECRETARY OF STATE
HENRY KISSINGER STATED TODAY
SECRETARY OF STATE
HENRY KISSINGER STATED TODAY
THAT HE IS TIRED OF USING HIS
HENRY KISSINGER STATED TODAY
THAT HE IS TIRED OF USING HIS
SILLY ACCENT IN PUBLIC AND WILL
THAT HE IS TIRED OF USING HIS
SILLY ACCENT IN PUBLIC AND WILL
SPEAK IN ENGLISH.
SILLY ACCENT IN PUBLIC AND WILL
SPEAK IN ENGLISH.
THIS WILL IN NO WAY AFFECT THE
SPEAK IN ENGLISH.
THIS WILL IN NO WAY AFFECT THE
CONTENT OF WHAT HE HAS BEEN
THIS WILL IN NO WAY AFFECT THE
CONTENT OF WHAT HE HAS BEEN
SAYING.
CONTENT OF WHAT HE HAS BEEN
SAYING.
ALSO ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL,
SAYING.
ALSO ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL,
RONALD REAGAN STATED THAT IT
ALSO ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL,
RONALD REAGAN STATED THAT IT
CERTAINLY DOESN'T SEEM ASININE
RONALD REAGAN STATED THAT IT
CERTAINLY DOESN'T SEEM ASININE
TO HIM THAT AN AMERICAN
CERTAINLY DOESN'T SEEM ASININE
TO HIM THAT AN AMERICAN
PRESIDENT COULD ONCE HAVE
TO HIM THAT AN AMERICAN
PRESIDENT COULD ONCE HAVE
STARRED IN A MOVIE CALLED
PRESIDENT COULD ONCE HAVE
STARRED IN A MOVIE CALLED
"BEDTIME FOR BONZO."
STARRED IN A MOVIE CALLED
"BEDTIME FOR BONZO."
THE CIA HAS ADMITTED THAT IT
"BEDTIME FOR BONZO."
THE CIA HAS ADMITTED THAT IT
ATTEMPTED TO ASSASSINATE CUBAN
THE CIA HAS ADMITTED THAT IT
ATTEMPTED TO ASSASSINATE CUBAN
LEADER FIDEL CASTRO BY ACTUALLY
ATTEMPTED TO ASSASSINATE CUBAN
LEADER FIDEL CASTRO BY ACTUALLY
INFILTRATING HIS BEARD WITH VERY
LEADER FIDEL CASTRO BY ACTUALLY
INFILTRATING HIS BEARD WITH VERY
SMALL COMMANDOS AND SETTING IT
INFILTRATING HIS BEARD WITH VERY
SMALL COMMANDOS AND SETTING IT
ON FIRE.
SMALL COMMANDOS AND SETTING IT
ON FIRE.
WILLIAM COLBY, HOWEVER, SAYS
ON FIRE.
WILLIAM COLBY, HOWEVER, SAYS
THAT THE STORY IS A RIDICULOUS
WILLIAM COLBY, HOWEVER, SAYS
THAT THE STORY IS A RIDICULOUS
LIE AND THAT THE ARMY HAS NOT AS
THAT THE STORY IS A RIDICULOUS
LIE AND THAT THE ARMY HAS NOT AS
YET EVEN PERFECTED THE TINY
LIE AND THAT THE ARMY HAS NOT AS
YET EVEN PERFECTED THE TINY
FLAMETHROWERS NEEDED FOR THE
YET EVEN PERFECTED THE TINY
FLAMETHROWERS NEEDED FOR THE
JOB.
FLAMETHROWERS NEEDED FOR THE
JOB.
IN SPITE OF RECENT ALLEGATIONS
JOB.
IN SPITE OF RECENT ALLEGATIONS
OF RAMPANT HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY
IN SPITE OF RECENT ALLEGATIONS
OF RAMPANT HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY
IN THE PROFESSIONAL SPORTS WORLD
OF RAMPANT HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY
IN THE PROFESSIONAL SPORTS WORLD
FROM HOCKEY TO HARNESS RACING,
IN THE PROFESSIONAL SPORTS WORLD
FROM HOCKEY TO HARNESS RACING,
MANY TEAM OWNERS AND EXECUTIVES
FROM HOCKEY TO HARNESS RACING,
MANY TEAM OWNERS AND EXECUTIVES
DENY THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH
MANY TEAM OWNERS AND EXECUTIVES
DENY THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH
PRACTICES.
DENY THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH
PRACTICES.
COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL
PRACTICES.
COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL
BOWIE KUHN AND NFL HEAD
COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL
BOWIE KUHN AND NFL HEAD
PETE ROZELLE COULD NOT BE
BOWIE KUHN AND NFL HEAD
PETE ROZELLE COULD NOT BE
REACHED FOR COMMENT THIS WEEKEND
PETE ROZELLE COULD NOT BE
REACHED FOR COMMENT THIS WEEKEND
IN THE BRIDAL SUITE AT THE
REACHED FOR COMMENT THIS WEEKEND
IN THE BRIDAL SUITE AT THE
AMERICANA HOTEL.
IN THE BRIDAL SUITE AT THE
AMERICANA HOTEL.
[LAUGHTER]
AMERICANA HOTEL.
[LAUGHTER]
IN A RELATED STORY, THE
[LAUGHTER]
IN A RELATED STORY, THE
PRESIDENT OF THE GAY ACTIVISTS
IN A RELATED STORY, THE
PRESIDENT OF THE GAY ACTIVISTS
ALLIANCE DECLINED COMMENT ON
PRESIDENT OF THE GAY ACTIVISTS
ALLIANCE DECLINED COMMENT ON
REPORTS OF WIDESPREAD
ALLIANCE DECLINED COMMENT ON
REPORTS OF WIDESPREAD
HOMOSEXUALITY WITHIN HIS
REPORTS OF WIDESPREAD
HOMOSEXUALITY WITHIN HIS
ORGANIZATION.
HOMOSEXUALITY WITHIN HIS
ORGANIZATION.
IN A SPEECH TO THE ATHENS,
ORGANIZATION.
IN A SPEECH TO THE ATHENS,
GEORGIA, CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
IN A SPEECH TO THE ATHENS,
GEORGIA, CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
YESTERDAY, PRESIDENTIAL
GEORGIA, CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
YESTERDAY, PRESIDENTIAL
CONTENDER GEORGE WALLACE SAID,
YESTERDAY, PRESIDENTIAL
CONTENDER GEORGE WALLACE SAID,
"I DON'T JUDGE A MAN ACCORDING
CONTENDER GEORGE WALLACE SAID,
"I DON'T JUDGE A MAN ACCORDING
TO THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
"I DON'T JUDGE A MAN ACCORDING
TO THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO HOW
TO THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO HOW
WELL YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE DARK
I JUDGE HIM ACCORDING TO HOW
WELL YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE DARK
WHEN HE SMILES."
WELL YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE DARK
WHEN HE SMILES."
[LAUGHTER]
WHEN HE SMILES."
[LAUGHTER]
AT A PRESS CONFERENCE THIS
[LAUGHTER]
AT A PRESS CONFERENCE THIS
AFTERNOON, PRESIDENT FORD
AT A PRESS CONFERENCE THIS
AFTERNOON, PRESIDENT FORD
DEMONSTRATED HOW HE LEARNED TO
AFTERNOON, PRESIDENT FORD
DEMONSTRATED HOW HE LEARNED TO
REMOVE FOOD FROM HIS MOUTH WITH
DEMONSTRATED HOW HE LEARNED TO
REMOVE FOOD FROM HIS MOUTH WITH
CHOPSTICKS ON HIS RECENT VISIT
REMOVE FOOD FROM HIS MOUTH WITH
CHOPSTICKS ON HIS RECENT VISIT
TO CHINA.
CHOPSTICKS ON HIS RECENT VISIT
TO CHINA.
TOY BOAT.
TO CHINA.
TOY BOAT.
ONE FIRST FAMILY MEMBER WHO
TOY BOAT.
ONE FIRST FAMILY MEMBER WHO
DIDN'T GO, JACK FORD, THE
ONE FIRST FAMILY MEMBER WHO
DIDN'T GO, JACK FORD, THE
PRESIDENT'S SON, RECEIVED A
DIDN'T GO, JACK FORD, THE
PRESIDENT'S SON, RECEIVED A
PICTURE POSTCARD FROM HIS FATHER
PRESIDENT'S SON, RECEIVED A
PICTURE POSTCARD FROM HIS FATHER
DURING THE TRIP.
PICTURE POSTCARD FROM HIS FATHER
DURING THE TRIP.
THE CARD READ SIMPLY, "HAVING A
DURING THE TRIP.
THE CARD READ SIMPLY, "HAVING A
WONDERFUL TIME.
THE CARD READ SIMPLY, "HAVING A
WONDERFUL TIME.
WHERE AM I?"
WONDERFUL TIME.
WHERE AM I?"
WELL, CELEBRITIES SONNY AND CHER
WHERE AM I?"
WELL, CELEBRITIES SONNY AND CHER
HAVE TEAMED UP AGAIN TO DO
WELL, CELEBRITIES SONNY AND CHER
HAVE TEAMED UP AGAIN TO DO
ANOTHER TRAGEDY VARIETY SHOW.
HAVE TEAMED UP AGAIN TO DO
ANOTHER TRAGEDY VARIETY SHOW.
CHER NOW SAYS HER MARRIAGE TO
ANOTHER TRAGEDY VARIETY SHOW.
CHER NOW SAYS HER MARRIAGE TO
ROCK STAR GREGG ALLMAN WAS ALL A
CHER NOW SAYS HER MARRIAGE TO
ROCK STAR GREGG ALLMAN WAS ALL A
HARMLESS JOKE AND THAT SHE AND
ROCK STAR GREGG ALLMAN WAS ALL A
HARMLESS JOKE AND THAT SHE AND
SONNY STILL LOVE EACH OTHER
HARMLESS JOKE AND THAT SHE AND
SONNY STILL LOVE EACH OTHER
DEEPLY FOR AT LEAST TWO SEASONS.
SONNY STILL LOVE EACH OTHER
DEEPLY FOR AT LEAST TWO SEASONS.
A TENTATIVE POSSIBLE TITLE FOR
DEEPLY FOR AT LEAST TWO SEASONS.
A TENTATIVE POSSIBLE TITLE FOR
THE SHOW IS "THE PRICE IS
A TENTATIVE POSSIBLE TITLE FOR
THE SHOW IS "THE PRICE IS
RIGHT."
THE SHOW IS "THE PRICE IS
RIGHT."
THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS
RIGHT."
THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS
BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION TODAY
THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS
BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION TODAY
ISSUED A STATEMENT CLAIMING THAT
BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION TODAY
ISSUED A STATEMENT CLAIMING THAT
THE NEAR-COLLISION LAST WEEK OF
ISSUED A STATEMENT CLAIMING THAT
THE NEAR-COLLISION LAST WEEK OF
A TWA AND UNITED AIRLINES JET
THE NEAR-COLLISION LAST WEEK OF
A TWA AND UNITED AIRLINES JET
WAS SIMPLY AN ATTEMPT AT A
A TWA AND UNITED AIRLINES JET
WAS SIMPLY AN ATTEMPT AT A
MERGER OF THE TWO AIRLINES.
WAS SIMPLY AN ATTEMPT AT A
MERGER OF THE TWO AIRLINES.
OLD SNAKE EYES IS BACK.
MERGER OF THE TWO AIRLINES.
OLD SNAKE EYES IS BACK.
J. EDGAR HOOVER, FORMER FBI
OLD SNAKE EYES IS BACK.
J. EDGAR HOOVER, FORMER FBI
CHIEF, IS THE SUBJECT OF NEXT
J. EDGAR HOOVER, FORMER FBI
CHIEF, IS THE SUBJECT OF NEXT
WEEK'S TIME MAGAZINE COVER STORY
CHIEF, IS THE SUBJECT OF NEXT
WEEK'S TIME MAGAZINE COVER STORY
ENTITLED, "THE TRUTH OF
WEEK'S TIME MAGAZINE COVER STORY
ENTITLED, "THE TRUTH OF
J. EDGAR HOOVER."
ENTITLED, "THE TRUTH OF
J. EDGAR HOOVER."
IT'S THE FIRST ONE-PAGE EDITION
J. EDGAR HOOVER."
IT'S THE FIRST ONE-PAGE EDITION
IN THE MAGAZINE'S HISTORY.
IT'S THE FIRST ONE-PAGE EDITION
IN THE MAGAZINE'S HISTORY.
WELL, IT IS RUMORED THAT THE
IN THE MAGAZINE'S HISTORY.
WELL, IT IS RUMORED THAT THE
POPE WILL FLY TO SUNNY SOUTHERN
WELL, IT IS RUMORED THAT THE
POPE WILL FLY TO SUNNY SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA TO VISIT WITH FORMER
POPE WILL FLY TO SUNNY SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA TO VISIT WITH FORMER
PRESIDENT NIXON AND EXCHANGE
CALIFORNIA TO VISIT WITH FORMER
PRESIDENT NIXON AND EXCHANGE
GIFTS.
PRESIDENT NIXON AND EXCHANGE
GIFTS.
STILL TO COME, SECRET SERVICE
GIFTS.
STILL TO COME, SECRET SERVICE
AGENTS TRAIN FOR GERALD FORD'S
STILL TO COME, SECRET SERVICE
AGENTS TRAIN FOR GERALD FORD'S
VAIL, COLORADO, SKI VACATION
AGENTS TRAIN FOR GERALD FORD'S
VAIL, COLORADO, SKI VACATION
AFTER THIS FILMED MESSAGE.
YOU'VE JUST HAD A HEAVY
SESSION OF ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY,
AND YOU'RE MORE RELAXED THAN
SESSION OF ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY,
AND YOU'RE MORE RELAXED THAN
YOU'VE BEEN IN WEEKS.
AND YOU'RE MORE RELAXED THAN
YOU'VE BEEN IN WEEKS.
ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
YOU'VE BEEN IN WEEKS.
ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
MAGICALLY WIPED AWAY, ALONG WITH
ALL THOSE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
MAGICALLY WIPED AWAY, ALONG WITH
MOST OF YOUR PERSONALITY.
MAGICALLY WIPED AWAY, ALONG WITH
MOST OF YOUR PERSONALITY.
NOW IS THE TIME... TIME FOR
MOST OF YOUR PERSONALITY.
NOW IS THE TIME... TIME FOR
SPUD.
NOW IS THE TIME... TIME FOR
SPUD.
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD ♪
SPUD.
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD ♪
FILLED WITH THE FULL, RICH
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD ♪
FILLED WITH THE FULL, RICH
FLAVOR OF POTATOES.
FILLED WITH THE FULL, RICH
FLAVOR OF POTATOES.
SPUD... THE BEER BREWED FOR
FLAVOR OF POTATOES.
SPUD... THE BEER BREWED FOR
PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TASTE THE
SPUD... THE BEER BREWED FOR
PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TASTE THE
DIFFERENCE.
PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TASTE THE
DIFFERENCE.
♪ WHEN YOU SAY SPUD ♪
DIFFERENCE.
♪ WHEN YOU SAY SPUD ♪
♪ JUST PUT YOUR MIND ON HOLD ♪
♪ WHEN YOU SAY SPUD ♪
♪ JUST PUT YOUR MIND ON HOLD ♪
♪ DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD ♪
♪ JUST PUT YOUR MIND ON HOLD ♪
♪ DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD ♪
♪ AND OPEN A COLD, REFRESHING
♪ DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD ♪
♪ AND OPEN A COLD, REFRESHING
SPUD ♪
♪ AND OPEN A COLD, REFRESHING
SPUD ♪
♪ JUST WATCH YOUR LIFE GO BY ♪
SPUD ♪
♪ JUST WATCH YOUR LIFE GO BY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO TRY ♪
♪ JUST WATCH YOUR LIFE GO BY ♪
♪ NO NEED TO TRY ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'VE GOT SPUD ♪
♪ NO NEED TO TRY ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'VE GOT SPUD ♪
♪ OHHHHH, SPUD ♪
SPUD... THE BEER THAT MADE
BOISE FAMOUS.
♪ WHEN YOU SAY... ♪
[LAUGHTER]
"WEEKEND UPDATE" RECOGNIZES ITS
[LAUGHTER]
"WEEKEND UPDATE" RECOGNIZES ITS
OBLIGATION TO PRESENT
"WEEKEND UPDATE" RECOGNIZES ITS
OBLIGATION TO PRESENT
RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS
OBLIGATION TO PRESENT
RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS
TO OUR EDITORIALS.
RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS
TO OUR EDITORIALS.
HERE TO REPLY TO A RECENT
TO OUR EDITORIALS.
HERE TO REPLY TO A RECENT
EDITORIAL IS MISS EMILY LITELLA.
I'M HERE TONIGHT TO SPEAK OUT
AGAINST BUSTING SCHOOLCHILDREN.
BUSTING SCHOOLCHILDREN IS A
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE THING.
I HEAR THIS IS GOING ON ALL OVER
THE COUNTRY.
MEAN POLICEMEN ARREST LITTLE
CHILDREN AND PUT THEM IN JAIL IN
THE WRONG NEIGHBORHOODS, SO THEY
CAN'T EVEN PLAY WITH THEIR
LITTLE FRIENDS.
IMAGINE, BUSTING SCHOOLCHILDREN!
THE FOOD IN JAIL ISN'T GOOD, AND
EVEN THOUGH THEY GET BREAD, I
THE FOOD IN JAIL ISN'T GOOD, AND
EVEN THOUGH THEY GET BREAD, I
DON'T BELIEVE THEY CAN GET
EVEN THOUGH THEY GET BREAD, I
DON'T BELIEVE THEY CAN GET
TOAST...
DON'T BELIEVE THEY CAN GET
TOAST...
OR NICE CAKE.
TOAST...
OR NICE CAKE.
NOW, WHO WILL TUCK THEM IN?
OR NICE CAKE.
NOW, WHO WILL TUCK THEM IN?
WHERE WILL THEY HANG THEIR
NOW, WHO WILL TUCK THEM IN?
WHERE WILL THEY HANG THEIR
LEGGINGS?
WHERE WILL THEY HANG THEIR
LEGGINGS?
WHERE WILL THEY SET UP THEIR
LEGGINGS?
WHERE WILL THEY SET UP THEIR
LITTLE LEMONADE STANDS?
WHERE WILL THEY SET UP THEIR
LITTLE LEMONADE STANDS?
WELL, THEY DON'T HAVE TOYS IN
LITTLE LEMONADE STANDS?
WELL, THEY DON'T HAVE TOYS IN
JAIL EXCEPT MAYBE "TINY TEARS"
WELL, THEY DON'T HAVE TOYS IN
JAIL EXCEPT MAYBE "TINY TEARS"
DOLLS.
JAIL EXCEPT MAYBE "TINY TEARS"
DOLLS.
AND DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE
DOLLS.
AND DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE
LITTLE HOLES IN THEIR BOTTOMS
AND DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE
LITTLE HOLES IN THEIR BOTTOMS
THERE, THE TINY TEARS?
LITTLE HOLES IN THEIR BOTTOMS
THERE, THE TINY TEARS?
AND YOU CAN... WHERE WILL
THERE, THE TINY TEARS?
AND YOU CAN... WHERE WILL
THEY...
AND YOU CAN... WHERE WILL
THEY...
MISS LITELLA?
THEY...
MISS LITELLA?
EXCUSE ME, MISS LITELLA?
MISS LITELLA?
EXCUSE ME, MISS LITELLA?
YES?
EXCUSE ME, MISS LITELLA?
YES?
I'M SORRY.
YES?
I'M SORRY.
THE EDITORIAL WAS ON BUSING
I'M SORRY.
THE EDITORIAL WAS ON BUSING
SCHOOLCHILDREN, BUSING.
THE EDITORIAL WAS ON BUSING
SCHOOLCHILDREN, BUSING.
BUSING.
SCHOOLCHILDREN, BUSING.
BUSING.
OH.
BUSING.
OH.
NOT BUSTING.
OH.
NOT BUSTING.
I'M SORRY.
NOT BUSTING.
I'M SORRY.
NEVER MIND.
I'M SORRY.
NEVER MIND.
[LAUGHTER]
UNICEF FELL UNDER ATTACK THIS
WEEK WHEN SYRIA FORMALLY
PROTESTED THE CHARITY'S NEW
WEEK WHEN SYRIA FORMALLY
PROTESTED THE CHARITY'S NEW
CHRISTMAS CARD, WHICH SAYS IN 10
PROTESTED THE CHARITY'S NEW
CHRISTMAS CARD, WHICH SAYS IN 10
DIFFERENT LANGUAGES, "LET'S KILL
CHRISTMAS CARD, WHICH SAYS IN 10
DIFFERENT LANGUAGES, "LET'S KILL
THE ARABS AND TAKE THEIR OIL!"
DIFFERENT LANGUAGES, "LET'S KILL
THE ARABS AND TAKE THEIR OIL!"
[LAUGHTER]
THE ARABS AND TAKE THEIR OIL!"
[LAUGHTER]
SPIRO AGNEW'S EAGERLY AWAITED
[LAUGHTER]
SPIRO AGNEW'S EAGERLY AWAITED
FIRST NOVEL ENTITLED "LET'S PUT
SPIRO AGNEW'S EAGERLY AWAITED
FIRST NOVEL ENTITLED "LET'S PUT
THE 'VICE' BACK INTO THE VICE
FIRST NOVEL ENTITLED "LET'S PUT
THE 'VICE' BACK INTO THE VICE
PRESIDENCY" WILL BE PUBLISHED
THE 'VICE' BACK INTO THE VICE
PRESIDENCY" WILL BE PUBLISHED
NEXT SPRING BY DREADNAUGHT
PRESIDENCY" WILL BE PUBLISHED
NEXT SPRING BY DREADNAUGHT
PRESS.
NEXT SPRING BY DREADNAUGHT
PRESS.
THE WORK WILL BYPASS THE
PRESS.
THE WORK WILL BYPASS THE
TRADITIONAL HARDCOVER AND
THE WORK WILL BYPASS THE
TRADITIONAL HARDCOVER AND
PAPERBACK EDITIONS AND WILL GO
TRADITIONAL HARDCOVER AND
PAPERBACK EDITIONS AND WILL GO
DIRECTLY TO AN EDITION PRINTED
PAPERBACK EDITIONS AND WILL GO
DIRECTLY TO AN EDITION PRINTED
ON CONFETTI.
DIRECTLY TO AN EDITION PRINTED
ON CONFETTI.
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
ON CONFETTI.
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
FRANK SINATRA CELEBRATED HIS
OUR FINAL STORY TONIGHT...
FRANK SINATRA CELEBRATED HIS
60th BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK WITH A
FRANK SINATRA CELEBRATED HIS
60th BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK WITH A
PARTY ABOARD HIS LUXURY YACHT,
60th BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK WITH A
PARTY ABOARD HIS LUXURY YACHT,
THE S.S. HOBOKEN.
PARTY ABOARD HIS LUXURY YACHT,
THE S.S. HOBOKEN.
ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... A MINOR
THE S.S. HOBOKEN.
ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... A MINOR
ACCIDENT OCCURRED WHEN THE YACHT
ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... A MINOR
ACCIDENT OCCURRED WHEN THE YACHT
STRUCK AN AUTOGRAPH SEEKER WHO
ACCIDENT OCCURRED WHEN THE YACHT
STRUCK AN AUTOGRAPH SEEKER WHO
WAS SWIMMING TOWARD IT.
STRUCK AN AUTOGRAPH SEEKER WHO
WAS SWIMMING TOWARD IT.
ALWAYS THE JOKER, OL' BLUE EYES
WAS SWIMMING TOWARD IT.
ALWAYS THE JOKER, OL' BLUE EYES
CHUCKLED LATER, "WELL, I GUESS
ALWAYS THE JOKER, OL' BLUE EYES
CHUCKLED LATER, "WELL, I GUESS
IT'S SIMPLY ANOTHER CASE OF THE
CHUCKLED LATER, "WELL, I GUESS
IT'S SIMPLY ANOTHER CASE OF THE
SHIP HITTING THE FAN."
IT'S SIMPLY ANOTHER CASE OF THE
SHIP HITTING THE FAN."
NO DAMAGE TO THE YACHT.
SHIP HITTING THE FAN."
NO DAMAGE TO THE YACHT.
THE SWIMMER WAS KILLED
NO DAMAGE TO THE YACHT.
THE SWIMMER WAS KILLED
INSTANTLY.
AND NOW AS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO
THOSE OF OUR VIEWERS WHO HAVE
DIFFICULTY WITH THEIR HEARING, I
WILL REPEAT THE TOP STORY OF THE
DAY, AIDED BY THE HEADMASTER OF
THE NEW YORK SCHOOL FOR THE
HARD-OF-HEARING,
GARRETT MORRIS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...
GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO
IS STILL DEAD!
GOOD NIGHT...
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A
PLEASANT TOMORROW!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, MA'AM, NOW, IS
THIS THE MAN WHO TOOK YOUR
PURSE?
THIS THE MAN WHO TOOK YOUR
PURSE?
OH, I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF
PURSE?
OH, I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF
IT'S HIM.
OH, I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF
IT'S HIM.
COULD YOU OPEN THE ICEBOX?
EVENING, MAJOR.
TEAM ONE IS MIGHTY GLAD YOU WERE
SELECTED FOR THIS MISSION.
TEAM ONE IS MIGHTY GLAD YOU WERE
SELECTED FOR THIS MISSION.
THANK YOU, SIR.
SELECTED FOR THIS MISSION.
THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU DID A BEAUTIFUL JOB OF
THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU DID A BEAUTIFUL JOB OF
CLEANING UP PARAGUAY.
YOU DID A BEAUTIFUL JOB OF
CLEANING UP PARAGUAY.
OKAY, WHILE IN THE UKRAINE,
CLEANING UP PARAGUAY.
OKAY, WHILE IN THE UKRAINE,
YOU'LL BE USING THE FOLLOWING
OKAY, WHILE IN THE UKRAINE,
YOU'LL BE USING THE FOLLOWING
ITEMS.
YOU'LL BE USING THE FOLLOWING
ITEMS.
THIS IS A LASER-GUIDED
ITEMS.
THIS IS A LASER-GUIDED
ELECTRONIC GAFF HOOK.
THIS IS A LASER-GUIDED
ELECTRONIC GAFF HOOK.
THIS WILL HELP... THIS WILL HELP
ELECTRONIC GAFF HOOK.
THIS WILL HELP... THIS WILL HELP
YOU GET OVER THE FUEL DUMP'S
THIS WILL HELP... THIS WILL HELP
YOU GET OVER THE FUEL DUMP'S
ELECTRIC FENCE PERIMETER.
YOU GET OVER THE FUEL DUMP'S
ELECTRIC FENCE PERIMETER.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SOFTWARE ITEM.
ELECTRIC FENCE PERIMETER.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SOFTWARE ITEM.
THIS IS THE DIGISPAN TARGET
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SOFTWARE ITEM.
THIS IS THE DIGISPAN TARGET
FIGHTER, TEAM LAB ONE'S NEWEST
THIS IS THE DIGISPAN TARGET
FIGHTER, TEAM LAB ONE'S NEWEST
PIECE OF PERSONNEL ELIMINATION
FIGHTER, TEAM LAB ONE'S NEWEST
PIECE OF PERSONNEL ELIMINATION
EQUIPMENT.
PIECE OF PERSONNEL ELIMINATION
EQUIPMENT.
YOU'LL LOVE IT.
EQUIPMENT.
YOU'LL LOVE IT.
AND TAKE THAT.
YOU'LL LOVE IT.
AND TAKE THAT.
TAKE THAT PILL.
AND TAKE THAT.
TAKE THAT PILL.
OKAY, NOW, THE CHOPPER WILL DROP
TAKE THAT PILL.
OKAY, NOW, THE CHOPPER WILL DROP
YOU HERE IN QUADRANT "B," AND,
OKAY, NOW, THE CHOPPER WILL DROP
YOU HERE IN QUADRANT "B," AND,
UH... THAT PILL, BY THE WAY, IS
YOU HERE IN QUADRANT "B," AND,
UH... THAT PILL, BY THE WAY, IS
AN L-PILL, KILLS WITHIN 20
UH... THAT PILL, BY THE WAY, IS
AN L-PILL, KILLS WITHIN 20
SECONDS OF TIME OF CONSUMPTION.
AN L-PILL, KILLS WITHIN 20
SECONDS OF TIME OF CONSUMPTION.
POISON LAB CAME UP WITH IT.
SECONDS OF TIME OF CONSUMPTION.
POISON LAB CAME UP WITH IT.
TAKE IT IF THEY TRY TO CAPTURE
POISON LAB CAME UP WITH IT.
TAKE IT IF THEY TRY TO CAPTURE
YOU.
TAKE IT IF THEY TRY TO CAPTURE
YOU.
OKAY, OVER THE HILL HERE.
YOU.
OKAY, OVER THE HILL HERE.
WE'LL BE DROPPING HERE IN
OKAY, OVER THE HILL HERE.
WE'LL BE DROPPING HERE IN
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT.
WE'LL BE DROPPING HERE IN
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT.
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT.
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT
WILL BE CROSS... HERE.
SECTORS FIVE, SEVEN, AND EIGHT
WILL BE CROSS... HERE.
WE'RE GONNA DIVIDE THE...
WILL BE CROSS... HERE.
WE'RE GONNA DIVIDE THE...
MAJOR, YOU LISTENING?
WE'RE GONNA DIVIDE THE...
MAJOR, YOU LISTENING?
THIS IS A LIFE-AND-DEATH MATTER
MAJOR, YOU LISTENING?
THIS IS A LIFE-AND-DEATH MATTER
HERE.
THIS IS A LIFE-AND-DEATH MATTER
HERE.
NOW LISTEN.
HERE.
NOW LISTEN.
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO HERE...
NOW LISTEN.
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO HERE...
THIS IS VITAL, MAJOR.
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO HERE...
THIS IS VITAL, MAJOR.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION.
THIS IS VITAL, MAJOR.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: COME WITH US NOW
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Announcer: COME WITH US NOW
FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
Announcer: COME WITH US NOW
FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
THE SULFUROUS WASTELANDS, FROM
FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO
THE SULFUROUS WASTELANDS, FROM
THE ROTTING FORESTS TO THE
THE SULFUROUS WASTELANDS, FROM
THE ROTTING FORESTS TO THE
STAGNANT NORTHLANDS, TO THE LAND
THE ROTTING FORESTS TO THE
STAGNANT NORTHLANDS, TO THE LAND
OF GORCH.
[Slurring] ♪ I'M RETIRED,
AND I WANT TO GO TO BED ♪
PLOOBIS!
AND I WANT TO GO TO BED ♪
PLOOBIS!
PLOOBIS!
PLOOBIS!
PLOOBIS!
I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ON
PLOOBIS!
I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ON
THAT.
I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ON
THAT.
COME TO BED!
THAT.
COME TO BED!
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
COME TO BED!
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
YOU'RE STILL DRUNK!
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
YOU'RE STILL DRUNK!
AND YOU'RE STILL UGLY.
YOU'RE STILL DRUNK!
AND YOU'RE STILL UGLY.
WE'RE EVEN.
AND YOU'RE STILL UGLY.
WE'RE EVEN.
HA, HA, HAAA!
WE'RE EVEN.
HA, HA, HAAA!
WE'RE EVEN, HA.
HA, HA, HAAA!
WE'RE EVEN, HA.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
WE'RE EVEN, HA.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
HIYA, CHIEF.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
HIYA, CHIEF.
I GOT THE ICE AND THE BEER NUTS,
HIYA, CHIEF.
I GOT THE ICE AND THE BEER NUTS,
BUT THEY'RE ALL OUT OF
I GOT THE ICE AND THE BEER NUTS,
BUT THEY'RE ALL OUT OF
LAMPSHADES.
BUT THEY'RE ALL OUT OF
LAMPSHADES.
LISTEN, SCRED.
LAMPSHADES.
LISTEN, SCRED.
HA... HAVE A DRINK.
LISTEN, SCRED.
HA... HAVE A DRINK.
I HATE TO DRINK ALONE, SCRED.
HA... HAVE A DRINK.
I HATE TO DRINK ALONE, SCRED.
OH, NO, COME ON.
I HATE TO DRINK ALONE, SCRED.
OH, NO, COME ON.
I'M SEEING DOUBLE ALREADY.
OH, NO, COME ON.
I'M SEEING DOUBLE ALREADY.
WELL, THEN, BOTH OF YOU HAVE
I'M SEEING DOUBLE ALREADY.
WELL, THEN, BOTH OF YOU HAVE
A DRINK.
WELL, THEN, BOTH OF YOU HAVE
A DRINK.
COME ON HERE.
A DRINK.
COME ON HERE.
THERE, THERE... THERE YOU GO.
COME ON HERE.
THERE, THERE... THERE YOU GO.
MMM, THERE YOU GO.
THERE, THERE... THERE YOU GO.
MMM, THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A MAN,
MMM, THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A MAN,
SCRED.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A MAN,
SCRED.
[COUGHS]
SCRED.
[COUGHS]
DRUNK LIKE A MAN.
[COUGHS]
DRUNK LIKE A MAN.
NO, YOU FORGET WHAT PLANET
DRUNK LIKE A MAN.
NO, YOU FORGET WHAT PLANET
YOU'RE ON.
NO, YOU FORGET WHAT PLANET
YOU'RE ON.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A SNIRCH!
YOU'RE ON.
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A SNIRCH!
[LAUGHS]
THAT'S DRINKING LIKE A SNIRCH!
[LAUGHS]
OH, YEAH, I FORGET HOW THEM
[LAUGHS]
OH, YEAH, I FORGET HOW THEM
SNIRCHES DRINK.
OH, YEAH, I FORGET HOW THEM
SNIRCHES DRINK.
YES, INDEED.
SNIRCHES DRINK.
YES, INDEED.
YOU KNOW YOU...
YES, INDEED.
YOU KNOW YOU...
YOU'RE CAUGHT ON ME THERE,
YOU KNOW YOU...
YOU'RE CAUGHT ON ME THERE,
SCRED.
YOU'RE CAUGHT ON ME THERE,
SCRED.
LET GO OF ME.
SCRED.
LET GO OF ME.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
LET GO OF ME.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
DRINK, THOUGH.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T
DRINK, THOUGH.
YEAH, YOU SHOULD JUST LAY OFF OF
DRINK, THOUGH.
YEAH, YOU SHOULD JUST LAY OFF OF
THAT STUFF!
YEAH, YOU SHOULD JUST LAY OFF OF
THAT STUFF!
ALL RIGHT.
THAT STUFF!
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE FIRED!
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE FIRED!
YOU GET THAT?
YOU'RE FIRED!
YOU GET THAT?
YOU GOT TO LAY OFF THE STUFF.
YOU GET THAT?
YOU GOT TO LAY OFF THE STUFF.
YOU SEE THAT?
YOU GOT TO LAY OFF THE STUFF.
YOU SEE THAT?
[LAUGHS]
YOU SEE THAT?
[LAUGHS]
OH, YES, INDEED.
[LAUGHS]
OH, YES, INDEED.
SCRED? SCRED?
OH, YES, INDEED.
SCRED? SCRED?
YEAH?
SCRED? SCRED?
YEAH?
YOU KNOW WHY I DRINK?
YEAH?
YOU KNOW WHY I DRINK?
NO.
YOU KNOW WHY I DRINK?
NO.
IT'S BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF.
NO.
IT'S BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF.
OH.
IT'S BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF.
OH.
THAT EXPLAINS WHY I DRINK.
OH.
THAT EXPLAINS WHY I DRINK.
I HATE YOU, TOO!
THAT EXPLAINS WHY I DRINK.
I HATE YOU, TOO!
SCRED! UGH!
I HATE YOU, TOO!
SCRED! UGH!
[CLANGING]
SCRED! UGH!
[CLANGING]
ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY, I'M
[CLANGING]
ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY, I'M
ONLY KIDDING.
ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY, I'M
ONLY KIDDING.
YOU'RE MY VERY FAVORITE.
ONLY KIDDING.
YOU'RE MY VERY FAVORITE.
YEAH?
YOU'RE MY VERY FAVORITE.
YEAH?
YEAH.
YEAH?
YEAH.
I JUST LOVE BLOATED GREEN
YEAH.
I JUST LOVE BLOATED GREEN
THINGS.
I JUST LOVE BLOATED GREEN
THINGS.
SCRED!
THINGS.
SCRED!
I LIKE YOU, TOO, SEE, SCRED.
SCRED!
I LIKE YOU, TOO, SEE, SCRED.
I LIKE... I LIKE THE WAY YOUR
I LIKE YOU, TOO, SEE, SCRED.
I LIKE... I LIKE THE WAY YOUR
NECK AND MY HAND ARE A PERFECT
I LIKE... I LIKE THE WAY YOUR
NECK AND MY HAND ARE A PERFECT
FIT.
NECK AND MY HAND ARE A PERFECT
FIT.
UGH!
FIT.
UGH!
[CHOKING]
UGH!
[CHOKING]
HOW CONVENIENT!
[CHOKING]
HOW CONVENIENT!
WAIT A MINUTE, SCRED.
HOW CONVENIENT!
WAIT A MINUTE, SCRED.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE, SCRED.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT?
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT?
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T... WHY
WHAT?
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T... WHY
DON'T... LISTEN, WHY DON'T...
WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T... WHY
DON'T... LISTEN, WHY DON'T...
WHY... WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T WE
DON'T... LISTEN, WHY DON'T...
WHY... WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T WE
GO SEE THE MIGHTY FAVOG?
WHY... WHY DON'T... WHY DON'T WE
GO SEE THE MIGHTY FAVOG?
OH, NO!
GO SEE THE MIGHTY FAVOG?
OH, NO!
I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
OH, NO!
I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
WHAT'S THAT?
I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
WHAT'S THAT?
YEAH, WHY DON'T WE GO SEE THE
WHAT'S THAT?
YEAH, WHY DON'T WE GO SEE THE
MIGHTY FAVOG?
YEAH, WHY DON'T WE GO SEE THE
MIGHTY FAVOG?
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
MIGHTY FAVOG?
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
OH, IT'S NOT THAT WAY.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
OH, IT'S NOT THAT WAY.
IT'S THE OTHER WAY.
OH, IT'S NOT THAT WAY.
IT'S THE OTHER WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
IT'S THE OTHER WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
SHOW ME THE WAY.
♪ SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME ♪
SHOW ME THE WAY.
♪ SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME ♪
♪ I'M TIRED, AND I WANT TO GO TO
♪ SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME ♪
♪ I'M TIRED, AND I WANT TO GO TO
BED ♪
♪ I'M TIRED, AND I WANT TO GO TO
BED ♪
[GONG BANGS]
BED ♪
[GONG BANGS]
UH-OH.
[GONG BANGS]
UH-OH.
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
UH-OH.
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
THAT IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
THAT IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
YEAH, SURE IS.
THAT IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.
YEAH, SURE IS.
[LAUGHS]
YEAH, SURE IS.
[LAUGHS]
HEY, MIGHTY FAVOG!
[LAUGHS]
HEY, MIGHTY FAVOG!
ME AND MY LITTLE DOG TOTO HERE
HEY, MIGHTY FAVOG!
ME AND MY LITTLE DOG TOTO HERE
WANT TO GO BACK TO KANSAS!
ME AND MY LITTLE DOG TOTO HERE
WANT TO GO BACK TO KANSAS!
[BOTH LAUGH]
WANT TO GO BACK TO KANSAS!
[BOTH LAUGH]
YOU GUYS BEEN HITTING THE
[BOTH LAUGH]
YOU GUYS BEEN HITTING THE
SAUCE AGAIN.
YOU GUYS BEEN HITTING THE
SAUCE AGAIN.
LISTEN, UH...
SAUCE AGAIN.
LISTEN, UH...
NO, I JUST HAD A COUPLE OF
LISTEN, UH...
NO, I JUST HAD A COUPLE OF
DRINKS.
NO, I JUST HAD A COUPLE OF
DRINKS.
YEAH, YEAH, LIGHTEN IT UP
DRINKS.
YEAH, YEAH, LIGHTEN IT UP
THERE, STONE FACE!
YEAH, YEAH, LIGHTEN IT UP
THERE, STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
THERE, STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
STONE FACE!
YEAH, HE'S GOT A FACE THAT WOULD
STONE FACE!
YEAH, HE'S GOT A FACE THAT WOULD
STOP A CLOCK!
YEAH, HE'S GOT A FACE THAT WOULD
STOP A CLOCK!
[LAUGHS]
STOP A CLOCK!
[LAUGHS]
STONE FACE?
[LAUGHS]
STONE FACE?
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE FACE OF
STONE FACE?
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE FACE OF
THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN!
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE FACE OF
THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN!
[THUNDER CRASHES]
THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN!
[THUNDER CRASHES]
HA.
[THUNDER CRASHES]
HA.
THE MIGHTY OZ HAS SPOKEN.
HA.
THE MIGHTY OZ HAS SPOKEN.
[GONG BANGS]
THE MIGHTY OZ HAS SPOKEN.
[GONG BANGS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, NOW, MA'AM, WHICH MAN
IS THE ONE WHO ALLEGEDLY ROBBED
YOUR LIQUOR STORE?
IS THE ONE WHO ALLEGEDLY ROBBED
YOUR LIQUOR STORE?
UH, THAT'S HIM, THE ONE WITH
YOUR LIQUOR STORE?
UH, THAT'S HIM, THE ONE WITH
THE MUSTACHE.
UH, THAT'S HIM, THE ONE WITH
THE MUSTACHE.
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM,
THE MUSTACHE.
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM,
THEN.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[THEME FROM "THE EXORCIST"
PLAYS]
[THEME FROM "THE EXORCIST"
PLAYS]
FATHERS, I'M SO GLAD YOU
[PLAYS]
FATHERS, I'M SO GLAD YOU
COULD COME.
FATHERS, I'M SO GLAD YOU
COULD COME.
EXCUSE THE STAIN ON THE RUG.
COULD COME.
EXCUSE THE STAIN ON THE RUG.
YES.
EXCUSE THE STAIN ON THE RUG.
YES.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, MY
YES.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, MY
CHILD.
THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, MY
CHILD.
HAVE FAITH.
CHILD.
HAVE FAITH.
THIS IS BROTHER KARRAS.
HAVE FAITH.
THIS IS BROTHER KARRAS.
I'M FATHER KARRAS.
THIS IS BROTHER KARRAS.
I'M FATHER KARRAS.
[Demonic voice] MERRIN.
I'M FATHER KARRAS.
[Demonic voice] MERRIN.
WHERE'S YOUR FAITH, FATHER?
[Demonic voice] MERRIN.
WHERE'S YOUR FAITH, FATHER?
IT'S IN THE CAR.
WHERE'S YOUR FAITH, FATHER?
IT'S IN THE CAR.
I'M GONNA GET IT.
IT'S IN THE CAR.
I'M GONNA GET IT.
WHERE IS SHE?
I'M GONNA GET IT.
WHERE IS SHE?
UPSTAIRS.
WHERE IS SHE?
UPSTAIRS.
SHE DID THAT TO YOU?
UPSTAIRS.
SHE DID THAT TO YOU?
OH.
[MOANING, GROWLING]
I COMMAND YOU, DEMON...
DEMON, BE GONE!
I COMMAND YOU, DEMON...
DEMON, BE GONE!
WOW, THAT'S SOMETHING,
DEMON, BE GONE!
WOW, THAT'S SOMETHING,
FATHER.
WOW, THAT'S SOMETHING,
FATHER.
YES.
FATHER.
YES.
YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU WE HAD
YES.
YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU WE HAD
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU WE HAD
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
LET'S TALK TO THE CHILD.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
LET'S TALK TO THE CHILD.
YES, YOU TALK TO HER.
LET'S TALK TO THE CHILD.
YES, YOU TALK TO HER.
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
AAH!
DID YOU DO THAT, LITTLE GIRL?
LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA.
DID YOU DO THAT, LITTLE GIRL?
LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA.
YOU MUSTN'T LISTEN TO
LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA.
YOU MUSTN'T LISTEN TO
ANYTHING SHE HAS TO SAY.
YOU MUSTN'T LISTEN TO
ANYTHING SHE HAS TO SAY.
I'M NOT LISTENING.
ANYTHING SHE HAS TO SAY.
I'M NOT LISTENING.
YOU'RE A LIAR AND A CHEAT AND
I'M NOT LISTENING.
YOU'RE A LIAR AND A CHEAT AND
A CHILD MOLESTER.
YOU'RE A LIAR AND A CHEAT AND
A CHILD MOLESTER.
YOU FRENCH-KISS YOUR DOG IN THE
A CHILD MOLESTER.
YOU FRENCH-KISS YOUR DOG IN THE
MOUTH!
YOU FRENCH-KISS YOUR DOG IN THE
MOUTH!
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
MOUTH!
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
AAH, AAH!
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
AAH, AAH!
THE BED... STOP THE BED!
AAH, AAH!
THE BED... STOP THE BED!
STOP THE BED!
THE BED... STOP THE BED!
STOP THE BED!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR.
STOP THE BED!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR.
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR.
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
Both: THE BED MUST BE ON THE
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
Both: THE BED MUST BE ON THE
FLOOR!
Both: THE BED MUST BE ON THE
FLOOR!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
FLOOR!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED MUST BE ON THE FLOOR!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[SPEAKING LATIN]
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[SPEAKING LATIN]
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[SPEAKING LATIN]
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
OH, FATHER, THE BED IS ON MY
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
OH, FATHER, THE BED IS ON MY
FOOT!
OH, FATHER, THE BED IS ON MY
FOOT!
YOU MUST CONTINUE, FATHER.
FOOT!
YOU MUST CONTINUE, FATHER.
OH!
YOU MUST CONTINUE, FATHER.
OH!
I MUST REST.
OH!
I MUST REST.
YOU MUST REST?!
I MUST REST.
YOU MUST REST?!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
YOU MUST REST?!
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
HUNGRY.
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
HUNGRY.
COULDN'T YOU GIVE ME SOME PEA
HUNGRY.
COULDN'T YOU GIVE ME SOME PEA
SOUP?
COULDN'T YOU GIVE ME SOME PEA
SOUP?
IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
SOUP?
IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
OH, JEEPERS, I'M SORRY.
THE BED IS ON MY FOOT!
OH, JEEPERS, I'M SORRY.
OH, THANK YOU, LITTLE GIRL.
OH, JEEPERS, I'M SORRY.
OH, THANK YOU, LITTLE GIRL.
WHEW!
OH, THANK YOU, LITTLE GIRL.
WHEW!
YOU'RE SUCH A NICE LITTLE GIRL.
WHEW!
YOU'RE SUCH A NICE LITTLE GIRL.
I KNEW IT ALL THE TIME.
YOU'RE SUCH A NICE LITTLE GIRL.
I KNEW IT ALL THE TIME.
HERE'S YOUR PEA SOUP.
I KNEW IT ALL THE TIME.
HERE'S YOUR PEA SOUP.
MAYBE NOW WE CAN BE FRIENDS,
HERE'S YOUR PEA SOUP.
MAYBE NOW WE CAN BE FRIENDS,
HUH?
MAYBE NOW WE CAN BE FRIENDS,
HUH?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
HUH?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
[Demonic voice] SUCKER!
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
[Demonic voice] SUCKER!
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
[Demonic voice] SUCKER!
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
[Child's voice] OH, OH,
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
SORRY.
FATHER KARRAS, I'M EVER SO
SORRY.
LET'S MAKE UP.
SORRY.
LET'S MAKE UP.
HERE, HAVE A FLOWER.
LET'S MAKE UP.
HERE, HAVE A FLOWER.
OH, WHAT A SWEET GESTURE.
HERE, HAVE A FLOWER.
OH, WHAT A SWEET GESTURE.
YOU'RE A SWEET LITTLE GIRL.
OH, WHAT A SWEET GESTURE.
YOU'RE A SWEET LITTLE GIRL.
[Demonic voice] JIVE
YOU'RE A SWEET LITTLE GIRL.
[Demonic voice] JIVE
TURKEY!
[Demonic voice] JIVE
TURKEY!
I HAVE FAITH.
TURKEY!
I HAVE FAITH.
I HAVE FAITH.
I HAVE FAITH.
I HAVE FAITH.
YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE GIRL.
I HAVE FAITH.
YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE GIRL.
YOUR MOTHER EATS KITTY
YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE GIRL.
YOUR MOTHER EATS KITTY
LITTER!
SAY WHAT?
YOUR MAMA EATS KITTY LITTER!
DON'T NOBODY TALK ABOUT MY
YOUR MAMA EATS KITTY LITTER!
DON'T NOBODY TALK ABOUT MY
MAMA!
DON'T NOBODY TALK ABOUT MY
MAMA!
FATHER!
MAMA!
FATHER!
WHAT?
FATHER!
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT!
TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA!
SHE'S JUST AN INNOCENT!
TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA!
[Child's voice] OH, FATHER,
TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA!
[Child's voice] OH, FATHER,
THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
[Child's voice] OH, FATHER,
THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
HE WAS HURTING ME.
THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
HE WAS HURTING ME.
YES.
HE WAS HURTING ME.
YES.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU SAY
YES.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT MY MAMA!
I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT MY MAMA!
SHE'S SUCH AN INNOCENT CHILD.
SOMETHING ABOUT MY MAMA!
SHE'S SUCH AN INNOCENT CHILD.
[Demonic voice] YOUR MOTHER
SHE'S SUCH AN INNOCENT CHILD.
[Demonic voice] YOUR MOTHER
SEWS SOCKS THAT SMELL!
[Demonic voice] YOUR MOTHER
SEWS SOCKS THAT SMELL!
WHAT DID YOU SAY, LITTLE
SEWS SOCKS THAT SMELL!
WHAT DID YOU SAY, LITTLE
GIRL?
WHAT DID YOU SAY, LITTLE
GIRL?
YOUR MAMA SEWS SOCKS THAT
GIRL?
YOUR MAMA SEWS SOCKS THAT
SMELL!
YOUR MAMA SEWS SOCKS THAT
SMELL!
FATHER, FATHER, FATHER!
SMELL!
FATHER, FATHER, FATHER!
PLEASE, FATHER!
FATHER, FATHER, FATHER!
PLEASE, FATHER!
LET ME HELP YOU!
PLEASE, FATHER!
LET ME HELP YOU!
[CHOKING]
LET ME HELP YOU!
[CHOKING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALBERT BROOKS IS SICK THIS
WEEK, SO HE SENT HIS FILM IN.
AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM
WEEK, SO HE SENT HIS FILM IN.
AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM
BY OUR FRIEND ALBERT BROOKS.
AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM
BY OUR FRIEND ALBERT BROOKS.
[COUGHS]
BY OUR FRIEND ALBERT BROOKS.
[COUGHS]
HELLO. I'M SICK THIS WEEK.
[COUGHS]
HELLO. I'M SICK THIS WEEK.
AND, UH, I APOLOGIZE BECAUSE I
HELLO. I'M SICK THIS WEEK.
AND, UH, I APOLOGIZE BECAUSE I
KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE
AND, UH, I APOLOGIZE BECAUSE I
KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE
ACTION MOVIES.
KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKE
ACTION MOVIES.
BUT I... I CAN GIVE YOU SOME
ACTION MOVIES.
BUT I... I CAN GIVE YOU SOME
ACTION.
BUT I... I CAN GIVE YOU SOME
ACTION.
I HAVE THIS REMOTE-CONTROL ZOOM
ACTION.
I HAVE THIS REMOTE-CONTROL ZOOM
DEVICE THAT CAN BRING THE LENS
I HAVE THIS REMOTE-CONTROL ZOOM
DEVICE THAT CAN BRING THE LENS
BACK AND FORTH.
DEVICE THAT CAN BRING THE LENS
BACK AND FORTH.
I CAN'T MOVE THE CAMERA THIS
BACK AND FORTH.
I CAN'T MOVE THE CAMERA THIS
TIME FROM SIDE TO SIDE BECAUSE
I CAN'T MOVE THE CAMERA THIS
TIME FROM SIDE TO SIDE BECAUSE
I DON'T HAVE A CREW HERE.
TIME FROM SIDE TO SIDE BECAUSE
I DON'T HAVE A CREW HERE.
I WOULDN'T INFECT 12 PEOPLE FOR
I DON'T HAVE A CREW HERE.
I WOULDN'T INFECT 12 PEOPLE FOR
ANY MOVIE.
BUT THE ZOOM IS EFFECTIVE 'CAUSE
A LOT OF TIMES, WITHOUT RAISING
YOUR VOICE, YOU CAN MAKE YOUR
VOICE SEEM TO GROW LOUDER WHEN
YOU WANT TO MAKE A POINT WHEN
YOU BRING IT IN TIGHT.
AND THEN, ONCE YOU'RE IN, AFTER
YOU MADE YOUR POINT, YOU CAN
COME BACK OUT.
SO, I'LL USE THIS AT MY
DISCRETION.
I ALSO HAVE ON THE SPEAKERPHONE
A GUEST WITH ME THIS EVENING.
THIS IS DR. JOSEPH SCHUSTER.
A GUEST WITH ME THIS EVENING.
THIS IS DR. JOSEPH SCHUSTER.
DR. SCHUSTER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
THIS IS DR. JOSEPH SCHUSTER.
DR. SCHUSTER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
YES.
DR. SCHUSTER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
YES.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS MY
YES.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS MY
PHYSICIAN.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS MY
PHYSICIAN.
WOULD YOU TELL THEM NOW WHAT YOU
PHYSICIAN.
WOULD YOU TELL THEM NOW WHAT YOU
TOLD ME TWO DAYS AGO?
WOULD YOU TELL THEM NOW WHAT YOU
TOLD ME TWO DAYS AGO?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY TO PUT IT
TOLD ME TWO DAYS AGO?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY TO PUT IT
IN LAYMAN'S LANGUAGE AS MUCH AS
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY TO PUT IT
IN LAYMAN'S LANGUAGE AS MUCH AS
I CAN, MR. BROOKS.
IN LAYMAN'S LANGUAGE AS MUCH AS
I CAN, MR. BROOKS.
BASICALLY, YOU ARE OVERWORKED.
I CAN, MR. BROOKS.
BASICALLY, YOU ARE OVERWORKED.
I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE
BASICALLY, YOU ARE OVERWORKED.
I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE
MOTION-PICTURE BUSINESS, BUT IT
I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE
MOTION-PICTURE BUSINESS, BUT IT
SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE DOING
MOTION-PICTURE BUSINESS, BUT IT
SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE DOING
THE WORK OF ABOUT 30 PEOPLE.
SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE DOING
THE WORK OF ABOUT 30 PEOPLE.
FRANKLY, I'M SURPRISED YOU'VE
THE WORK OF ABOUT 30 PEOPLE.
FRANKLY, I'M SURPRISED YOU'VE
BEEN ABLE TO DO WHAT YOU'VE DONE
FRANKLY, I'M SURPRISED YOU'VE
BEEN ABLE TO DO WHAT YOU'VE DONE
SO FAR.
BEEN ABLE TO DO WHAT YOU'VE DONE
SO FAR.
30 PEOPLE.
SO FAR.
30 PEOPLE.
YES.
30 PEOPLE.
YES.
ALL RIGHT, HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE
YES.
ALL RIGHT, HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE
TO SEE ANY OF MY OTHER FILMS?
ALL RIGHT, HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE
TO SEE ANY OF MY OTHER FILMS?
YES, I HAVE.
TO SEE ANY OF MY OTHER FILMS?
YES, I HAVE.
AND IT'S A MIRACLE YOU'RE STILL
YES, I HAVE.
AND IT'S A MIRACLE YOU'RE STILL
ALIVE.
AND IT'S A MIRACLE YOU'RE STILL
ALIVE.
THAT'S VERY NICE.
ALIVE.
THAT'S VERY NICE.
THANK YOU, DR. SCHUSTER.
THAT'S VERY NICE.
THANK YOU, DR. SCHUSTER.
LET ME ASK YOU ONE MORE
THANK YOU, DR. SCHUSTER.
LET ME ASK YOU ONE MORE
QUESTION.
LET ME ASK YOU ONE MORE
QUESTION.
MM-HMM.
QUESTION.
MM-HMM.
I HAVE ONE FILM LEFT IN THIS
MM-HMM.
I HAVE ONE FILM LEFT IN THIS
PRESENT CONTRACT.
I HAVE ONE FILM LEFT IN THIS
PRESENT CONTRACT.
WHEN DO YOU THINK...
PRESENT CONTRACT.
WHEN DO YOU THINK...
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
WHEN DO YOU THINK...
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
YOU WHAT?
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
YOU WHAT?
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
YOU WHAT?
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
IT'S NOT A MATTER OF "WOULD"
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
IT'S NOT A MATTER OF "WOULD"
OR "WOULDN'T."
IT'S NOT A MATTER OF "WOULD"
OR "WOULDN'T."
I HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE IT'S A
OR "WOULDN'T."
I HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE IT'S A
CONTRACT.
I HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE IT'S A
CONTRACT.
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
CONTRACT.
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, NOW.
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, NOW.
THAT'S DR. SCHUSTER SAYING THAT.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, NOW.
THAT'S DR. SCHUSTER SAYING THAT.
YOU WOULDN'T DO IT UNDER ANY
THAT'S DR. SCHUSTER SAYING THAT.
YOU WOULDN'T DO IT UNDER ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES?
YOU WOULDN'T DO IT UNDER ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES?
NO, SIR, I WOULD NOT.
CIRCUMSTANCES?
NO, SIR, I WOULD NOT.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
NO, SIR, I WOULD NOT.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
APPARENTLY...
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
APPARENTLY...
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
APPARENTLY...
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
YES?
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
YES?
WAIT.
YES?
WAIT.
WHAT?
WAIT.
WHAT?
HELLO?
WHAT?
HELLO?
NO, IT'S THE DOOR.
HELLO?
NO, IT'S THE DOOR.
WHAT?
NO, IT'S THE DOOR.
WHAT?
BROASTED CHICKEN!
WHAT?
BROASTED CHICKEN!
CAN YOU LET YOURSELF IN?
BROASTED CHICKEN!
CAN YOU LET YOURSELF IN?
I'M SICK.
CAN YOU LET YOURSELF IN?
I'M SICK.
IT'S BROASTED CHICKEN,
I'M SICK.
IT'S BROASTED CHICKEN,
DR. SCHUSTER.
IT'S BROASTED CHICKEN,
DR. SCHUSTER.
OH, FINE.
DR. SCHUSTER.
OH, FINE.
I THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR
OH, FINE.
I THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR
JOINING ME THIS EVENING.
I THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR
JOINING ME THIS EVENING.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE WELCOME.
JOINING ME THIS EVENING.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND, UH, I'LL BE IN...
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND, UH, I'LL BE IN...
[Dial tone]
AND, UH, I'LL BE IN...
[Dial tone]
A LITTLE BIT LATER.
[Dial tone]
A LITTLE BIT LATER.
HERE'S YOUR CHICKEN.
A LITTLE BIT LATER.
HERE'S YOUR CHICKEN.
THANKS.
HERE'S YOUR CHICKEN.
THANKS.
WHAT YOU MAKING?
THANKS.
WHAT YOU MAKING?
MAKING A MOVIE.
WHAT YOU MAKING?
MAKING A MOVIE.
OH, YEAH?
MAKING A MOVIE.
OH, YEAH?
WHERE'S THE GIRL?
OH, YEAH?
WHERE'S THE GIRL?
GET AWAY FROM THERE, WOULD
WHERE'S THE GIRL?
GET AWAY FROM THERE, WOULD
YOU?
GET AWAY FROM THERE, WOULD
YOU?
GET AWAY.
YOU?
GET AWAY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
GET AWAY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THE GIRL WILL BE HERE LATER.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THE GIRL WILL BE HERE LATER.
JUST STAY OUT OF THE CAMERA,
THE GIRL WILL BE HERE LATER.
JUST STAY OUT OF THE CAMERA,
OKAY?
JUST STAY OUT OF THE CAMERA,
OKAY?
'CAUSE I HAVE TO PAY YOU A LOT
OKAY?
'CAUSE I HAVE TO PAY YOU A LOT
OF MONEY IF NOT.
'CAUSE I HAVE TO PAY YOU A LOT
OF MONEY IF NOT.
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU FOR THE
OF MONEY IF NOT.
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU FOR THE
CHICKEN?
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU FOR THE
CHICKEN?
$3.99.
CHICKEN?
$3.99.
OKAY.
$3.99.
OKAY.
[COUGHS]
OKAY.
[COUGHS]
HERE'S $4.
[COUGHS]
HERE'S $4.
LET'S SEE, THIS WILL BE PROPS,
HERE'S $4.
LET'S SEE, THIS WILL BE PROPS,
BROASTED CHICKEN.
LET'S SEE, THIS WILL BE PROPS,
BROASTED CHICKEN.
LET ME HAVE THE RECEIPT. OKAY.
BROASTED CHICKEN.
LET ME HAVE THE RECEIPT. OKAY.
WHY DO THEY CALL THIS STUFF
LET ME HAVE THE RECEIPT. OKAY.
WHY DO THEY CALL THIS STUFF
"BROASTED," DO YOU KNOW?
WHY DO THEY CALL THIS STUFF
"BROASTED," DO YOU KNOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
"BROASTED," DO YOU KNOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
A LADY AT THE PLACE TOLD ME
I DON'T KNOW.
A LADY AT THE PLACE TOLD ME
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO USE LESS FAT
A LADY AT THE PLACE TOLD ME
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO USE LESS FAT
WHEN THEY FRY BROASTED THAN
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO USE LESS FAT
WHEN THEY FRY BROASTED THAN
REGULAR.
WHEN THEY FRY BROASTED THAN
REGULAR.
BUT HERE'S BROASTED I GOT THIS
REGULAR.
BUT HERE'S BROASTED I GOT THIS
MORNING, AND HERE'S REGULAR I
BUT HERE'S BROASTED I GOT THIS
MORNING, AND HERE'S REGULAR I
HAD LAST NIGHT.
MORNING, AND HERE'S REGULAR I
HAD LAST NIGHT.
IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME AMOUNT OF
HAD LAST NIGHT.
IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME AMOUNT OF
FAT, DOESN'T IT?
IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME AMOUNT OF
FAT, DOESN'T IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
FAT, DOESN'T IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHY DO... WHY SHOULD
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHY DO... WHY SHOULD
I EVEN EAT THIS?
I MEAN, WHY DO... WHY SHOULD
I EVEN EAT THIS?
IF I PUT IT RIGHT OVER MY HEART,
I EVEN EAT THIS?
IF I PUT IT RIGHT OVER MY HEART,
IT'LL GET THERE FASTER, WON'T
IF I PUT IT RIGHT OVER MY HEART,
IT'LL GET THERE FASTER, WON'T
IT?
IT'LL GET THERE FASTER, WON'T
IT?
YOU'RE ALBERT BROOKS, AREN'T
IT?
YOU'RE ALBERT BROOKS, AREN'T
YOU?
YOU'RE ALBERT BROOKS, AREN'T
YOU?
YES. YES, I AM.
YOU?
YES. YES, I AM.
MAN, I REALLY LIKE YOUR NEW
YES. YES, I AM.
MAN, I REALLY LIKE YOUR NEW
RECORD.
MAN, I REALLY LIKE YOUR NEW
RECORD.
IT'S GREAT.
RECORD.
IT'S GREAT.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY, VERY
IT'S GREAT.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY, VERY
NICE.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY, VERY
NICE.
WHAT RECORD ARE YOU TALKING
NICE.
WHAT RECORD ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
WHAT RECORD ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
A [BLEEP] ON A [BLEEP]
ABOUT?
A [BLEEP] ON A [BLEEP]
RECORDS AND TAPES.
A [BLEEP] ON A [BLEEP]
RECORDS AND TAPES.
OH, YES, THANK YOU.
RECORDS AND TAPES.
OH, YES, THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
OH, YES, THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE KNOW
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE KNOW
ABOUT IT?
WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE KNOW
ABOUT IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
ABOUT IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
WHY DOESN'T YOUR RECORD
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
WHY DOESN'T YOUR RECORD
COMPANY TAKE OUT ADS?
WHY DOESN'T YOUR RECORD
COMPANY TAKE OUT ADS?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
COMPANY TAKE OUT ADS?
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT DO THEY DO,
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT DO THEY DO,
SPEND ALL THEIR MONEY PROMOTING
I MEAN, WHAT DO THEY DO,
SPEND ALL THEIR MONEY PROMOTING
THE EAGLES?
SPEND ALL THEIR MONEY PROMOTING
THE EAGLES?
I DON'T KNOW.
THE EAGLES?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
[SNEEZES]
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
[SNEEZES]
IT'S SURE A GREAT ALBUM.
[SNEEZES]
IT'S SURE A GREAT ALBUM.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
IT'S SURE A GREAT ALBUM.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
THAT'S VERY, VERY NICE.
THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
SAY... SAY HELLO, WILL YOU?
THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
SAY... SAY HELLO, WILL YOU?
YOU CAN SAY HELLO. GO AHEAD.
SAY... SAY HELLO, WILL YOU?
YOU CAN SAY HELLO. GO AHEAD.
HELLO!
YOU CAN SAY HELLO. GO AHEAD.
HELLO!
OKAY. LET YOURSELF OUT.
HELLO!
OKAY. LET YOURSELF OUT.
THANK YOU.
OKAY. LET YOURSELF OUT.
THANK YOU.
SURE.
THANK YOU.
SURE.
WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL A
SURE.
WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL A
LITTLE BETTER.
WELL, THAT MAKES ME FEEL A
LITTLE BETTER.
I HAVE A MINUTE LEFT, AND...
LITTLE BETTER.
I HAVE A MINUTE LEFT, AND...
OH, A FRIEND OF MINE WANTED
I HAVE A MINUTE LEFT, AND...
OH, A FRIEND OF MINE WANTED
ME TO ASK...
OH, A FRIEND OF MINE WANTED
ME TO ASK...
YEAH?
ME TO ASK...
YEAH?
WHAT'S THE CATALOG NUMBER
YEAH?
WHAT'S THE CATALOG NUMBER
ON THAT?
WHAT'S THE CATALOG NUMBER
ON THAT?
OH, TELL YOUR FRIEND HE
ON THAT?
OH, TELL YOUR FRIEND HE
DOESN'T NEED THE CATALOG
OH, TELL YOUR FRIEND HE
DOESN'T NEED THE CATALOG
NUMBER.
DOESN'T NEED THE CATALOG
NUMBER.
JUST ASK FOR [BLEEP] ON A
NUMBER.
JUST ASK FOR [BLEEP] ON A
[BLEEP] RECORDS.
JUST ASK FOR [BLEEP] ON A
[BLEEP] RECORDS.
TELL HIM IT MAKES A GREAT
[BLEEP] RECORDS.
TELL HIM IT MAKES A GREAT
HANUKKAH GIFT.
TELL HIM IT MAKES A GREAT
HANUKKAH GIFT.
RIGHT ON!
HANUKKAH GIFT.
RIGHT ON!
OKAY.
RIGHT ON!
OKAY.
I'M JUST ABOUT THROUGH HERE
OKAY.
I'M JUST ABOUT THROUGH HERE
TONIGHT.
I'M JUST ABOUT THROUGH HERE
TONIGHT.
BEFORE I GO, I'D LIKE TO SAY ONE
TONIGHT.
BEFORE I GO, I'D LIKE TO SAY ONE
THING.
BEFORE I GO, I'D LIKE TO SAY ONE
THING.
YOU KNOW, MAKING FILM IS A
THING.
YOU KNOW, MAKING FILM IS A
COOPERATIVE EFFORT.
YOU KNOW, MAKING FILM IS A
COOPERATIVE EFFORT.
IT TAKES A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE
COOPERATIVE EFFORT.
IT TAKES A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE
WILLING TO PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
IT TAKES A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE
WILLING TO PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
THERE'S BEEN ONE GENTLEMAN WHO
WILLING TO PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
THERE'S BEEN ONE GENTLEMAN WHO
WORKS AT A VERY LARGE FILM
THERE'S BEEN ONE GENTLEMAN WHO
WORKS AT A VERY LARGE FILM
PROCESSING HOUSE HERE IN
WORKS AT A VERY LARGE FILM
PROCESSING HOUSE HERE IN
LOS ANGELES.
PROCESSING HOUSE HERE IN
LOS ANGELES.
I ASKED HIM TO WATCH TONIGHT.
LOS ANGELES.
I ASKED HIM TO WATCH TONIGHT.
HE'S NEVER PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
I ASKED HIM TO WATCH TONIGHT.
HE'S NEVER PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
I'M NOT GONNA MENTION HIS NAME.
HE'S NEVER PUT OUT GOOD WORK.
I'M NOT GONNA MENTION HIS NAME.
OH, YES, I WILL.
I'M NOT GONNA MENTION HIS NAME.
OH, YES, I WILL.
JACK STANTON IS HIS NAME.
OH, YES, I WILL.
JACK STANTON IS HIS NAME.
NOW, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING OF
JACK STANTON IS HIS NAME.
NOW, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING OF
THESE FILMS, HE'S THE MAN WHO
NOW, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING OF
THESE FILMS, HE'S THE MAN WHO
SAYS, "THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
THESE FILMS, HE'S THE MAN WHO
SAYS, "THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
SAYS, "THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
YOU SAY TO HIM, "JACK, IT'S TOO
THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
YOU SAY TO HIM, "JACK, IT'S TOO
RED."
YOU SAY TO HIM, "JACK, IT'S TOO
RED."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
RED."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
"IT'S TOO GREEN."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
"IT'S TOO GREEN."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
"IT'S TOO GREEN."
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
WELL, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
"THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT."
WELL, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, JACK.
WELL, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, JACK.
MAYBE THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, JACK.
MAYBE THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
BUT IF THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT, I'M
MAYBE THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT.
BUT IF THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT, I'M
SURE THEY'LL NEVER SEE THIS
BUT IF THEY'LL NEVER SEE IT, I'M
SURE THEY'LL NEVER SEE THIS
EITHER, JACK.
SURE THEY'LL NEVER SEE THIS
EITHER, JACK.
I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN IN THREE
EITHER, JACK.
I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN IN THREE
WEEKS.
I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN IN THREE
WEEKS.
I HOPE TO BE BETTER BY THAT
WEEKS.
I HOPE TO BE BETTER BY THAT
TIME.
I HOPE TO BE BETTER BY THAT
TIME.
I FOR...
TIME.
I FOR...
[COUGHS]
I FOR...
[COUGHS]
I...
[COUGHS]
I...
[COUGHS]
I...
[COUGHS]
I CAN'T TALK.
[COUGHS]
I CAN'T TALK.
[COUGHS]
I CAN'T TALK.
[COUGHS]
OH, NO!
[COUGHS]
OH, NO!
[COUGHS]
THANK YOU.
WE'D LIKE TO SAY THAT...
RICHARD!
WE'D LIKE TO SAY THAT...
RICHARD!
TELL THE TRUTH!
RICHARD!
TELL THE TRUTH!
TELL THE TRUTH!
TELL THE TRUTH!
TELL THE TRUTH!
I HAVE PROOF!
TELL THE TRUTH!
I HAVE PROOF!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I HAVE PROOF!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THERE WERE TWO ASSASSINS IN
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THERE WERE TWO ASSASSINS IN
DALLAS.
THERE WERE TWO ASSASSINS IN
DALLAS.
THERE WERE TWO!
DALLAS.
THERE WERE TWO!
I HAVE PROOF.
THERE WERE TWO!
I HAVE PROOF.
I HAVE TRUE PROOF.
I HAVE PROOF.
I HAVE TRUE PROOF.
OSWALD COLLABORATED WITH THE CIA
I HAVE TRUE PROOF.
OSWALD COLLABORATED WITH THE CIA
ONE MONTH BEFORE THE
OSWALD COLLABORATED WITH THE CIA
ONE MONTH BEFORE THE
ASSASSINATION.
ONE MONTH BEFORE THE
ASSASSINATION.
THERE WERE SHOTS FIRED FROM THE
ASSASSINATION.
THERE WERE SHOTS FIRED FROM THE
GRASSY KNOLL AREA!
THERE WERE SHOTS FIRED FROM THE
GRASSY KNOLL AREA!
[GUNSHOT]
GRASSY KNOLL AREA!
[GUNSHOT]
UH, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH
[GUNSHOT]
UH, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH
THIS.
UH, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH
THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
DICK GREGORY STARTED THIS.
[LAUGHTER]
DICK GREGORY STARTED THIS.
I DIDN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT THIS.
DICK GREGORY STARTED THIS.
I DIDN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT THIS.
I DON'T CARE WHO KILLED WHO.
Announcer: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, SHELLEY PRYOR.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GENTLEMEN, SHELLEY PRYOR.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW, THIS BEING THE
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YOU KNOW, THIS BEING THE
SEASON TO BE JOLLY AND
YOU KNOW, THIS BEING THE
SEASON TO BE JOLLY AND
EVERYTHING, I'VE WRITTEN A
SEASON TO BE JOLLY AND
EVERYTHING, I'VE WRITTEN A
LITTLE STORY TO HELP YOU GET
EVERYTHING, I'VE WRITTEN A
LITTLE STORY TO HELP YOU GET
YOUR JOLLIES.
LITTLE STORY TO HELP YOU GET
YOUR JOLLIES.
AND IT'S ABOUT MY MOST FAVORITE
YOUR JOLLIES.
AND IT'S ABOUT MY MOST FAVORITE
PLACE IN THE WORLD, THE CAROUSEL
AND IT'S ABOUT MY MOST FAVORITE
PLACE IN THE WORLD, THE CAROUSEL
IN CENTRAL PARK.
PLACE IN THE WORLD, THE CAROUSEL
IN CENTRAL PARK.
[CALLIOPE MUSIC PLAYS]
IN CENTRAL PARK.
[CALLIOPE MUSIC PLAYS]
YOU SEE, ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE
[CALLIOPE MUSIC PLAYS]
YOU SEE, ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE
WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WHITE
YOU SEE, ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE
WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WHITE
CAROUSEL WITH TWO HORSES IN
WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WHITE
CAROUSEL WITH TWO HORSES IN
LOVE.
CAROUSEL WITH TWO HORSES IN
LOVE.
NOW HERE'S THEIR STORY I TELL.
LOVE.
NOW HERE'S THEIR STORY I TELL.
NOW, THE BOY'S NAME WAS CHING,
NOW HERE'S THEIR STORY I TELL.
NOW, THE BOY'S NAME WAS CHING,
AND THE GIRL'S NAME WAS JING,
NOW, THE BOY'S NAME WAS CHING,
AND THE GIRL'S NAME WAS JING,
AND THEIR LOVE WAS ABOUNDING,
AND THE GIRL'S NAME WAS JING,
AND THEIR LOVE WAS ABOUNDING,
A MOST WONDERFUL THING...
AND THEIR LOVE WAS ABOUNDING,
A MOST WONDERFUL THING...
UNTIL ONE DAY...
A MOST WONDERFUL THING...
UNTIL ONE DAY...
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
UNTIL ONE DAY...
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING WAS A
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING WAS A
CAROUSEL HORSE.
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING WAS A
CAROUSEL HORSE.
NOW, HE WAS ONE OUT OF ONE
CAROUSEL HORSE.
NOW, HE WAS ONE OUT OF ONE
DOZEN.
NOW, HE WAS ONE OUT OF ONE
DOZEN.
BUT HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN,
DOZEN.
BUT HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN,
LIKE HIS UNCLES OR HIS COUSINS.
BUT HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN,
LIKE HIS UNCLES OR HIS COUSINS.
WELL, THIS MADE CHING VERY, VERY
LIKE HIS UNCLES OR HIS COUSINS.
WELL, THIS MADE CHING VERY, VERY
SAD...
WELL, THIS MADE CHING VERY, VERY
SAD...
BECAUSE GOING UP AND DOWN MADE
SAD...
BECAUSE GOING UP AND DOWN MADE
CHILDREN GLAD.
BECAUSE GOING UP AND DOWN MADE
CHILDREN GLAD.
AND EVERY SUNDAY THEY WOULD RUN
CHILDREN GLAD.
AND EVERY SUNDAY THEY WOULD RUN
TO THE PARK
AND EVERY SUNDAY THEY WOULD RUN
TO THE PARK
AND RIDE ON THE CAROUSEL
TO THE PARK
AND RIDE ON THE CAROUSEL
UNTIL WAY AFTER DARK.
AND RIDE ON THE CAROUSEL
UNTIL WAY AFTER DARK.
BUT THEY WOULDN'T RIDE CHING.
UNTIL WAY AFTER DARK.
BUT THEY WOULDN'T RIDE CHING.
NOW, THAT, OF COURSE, IS A VERY
BUT THEY WOULDN'T RIDE CHING.
NOW, THAT, OF COURSE, IS A VERY
SAD THING.
NOW, THAT, OF COURSE, IS A VERY
SAD THING.
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING USED TO BE
SAD THING.
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING USED TO BE
ABLE TO GO UP AND DOWN
WELL, YOU SEE, CHING USED TO BE
ABLE TO GO UP AND DOWN
UNTIL ONE DAY THIS FAT LADY
ABLE TO GO UP AND DOWN
UNTIL ONE DAY THIS FAT LADY
ROLLED INTO TOWN.
UNTIL ONE DAY THIS FAT LADY
ROLLED INTO TOWN.
AND SHE HEARD THE MUSIC, AND SHE
ROLLED INTO TOWN.
AND SHE HEARD THE MUSIC, AND SHE
COULD TELL THAT THE MUSIC CAME
AND SHE HEARD THE MUSIC, AND SHE
COULD TELL THAT THE MUSIC CAME
FROM THE CAROUSEL, AND CAROUSELS
COULD TELL THAT THE MUSIC CAME
FROM THE CAROUSEL, AND CAROUSELS
WERE HER FAVORITE THING.
FROM THE CAROUSEL, AND CAROUSELS
WERE HER FAVORITE THING.
SO SHE RAN TO THE PARK, WHERE
WERE HER FAVORITE THING.
SO SHE RAN TO THE PARK, WHERE
SHE SAW LITTLE CHING,
SO SHE RAN TO THE PARK, WHERE
SHE SAW LITTLE CHING,
AND SHE JUMPED ON CHING...
SHE SAW LITTLE CHING,
AND SHE JUMPED ON CHING...
AND BROKE HIS SPRING.
AND SHE JUMPED ON CHING...
AND BROKE HIS SPRING.
AND THAT WAS THE END OF HIS
AND BROKE HIS SPRING.
AND THAT WAS THE END OF HIS
UP-AND-DOWN THING.
AND THAT WAS THE END OF HIS
UP-AND-DOWN THING.
WELL, THEN... THEN THE GROWN-UP
UP-AND-DOWN THING.
WELL, THEN... THEN THE GROWN-UP
PEOPLE CAME, AND THEY TOOK CHING
WELL, THEN... THEN THE GROWN-UP
PEOPLE CAME, AND THEY TOOK CHING
OFF THE CAROUSEL TO THIS TUNNEL
PEOPLE CAME, AND THEY TOOK CHING
OFF THE CAROUSEL TO THIS TUNNEL
UNDERGROUND.
OFF THE CAROUSEL TO THIS TUNNEL
UNDERGROUND.
AND THEY STRIPPED HIS WHITE
UNDERGROUND.
AND THEY STRIPPED HIS WHITE
PAINT, AND THEY COLORED HIM
AND THEY STRIPPED HIS WHITE
PAINT, AND THEY COLORED HIM
BROWN.
PAINT, AND THEY COLORED HIM
BROWN.
AND THEY TIED A LITTLE COWBOY
BROWN.
AND THEY TIED A LITTLE COWBOY
SCARF AROUND HIS NECK, AND THEY
AND THEY TIED A LITTLE COWBOY
SCARF AROUND HIS NECK, AND THEY
NAILED A LITTLE METAL BOX TO HIS
SCARF AROUND HIS NECK, AND THEY
NAILED A LITTLE METAL BOX TO HIS
SIDE.
NAILED A LITTLE METAL BOX TO HIS
SIDE.
AND HE CARRIED THIS SIGN THAT
SIDE.
AND HE CARRIED THIS SIGN THAT
SAID, "10 CENTS A RIDE."
AND HE CARRIED THIS SIGN THAT
SAID, "10 CENTS A RIDE."
AND THEY PUT HIM IN FRONT OF A
SAID, "10 CENTS A RIDE."
AND THEY PUT HIM IN FRONT OF A
SUPERMARKET ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
AND THEY PUT HIM IN FRONT OF A
SUPERMARKET ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
TOWN...
SUPERMARKET ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
TOWN...
AND NOW HE JUST ROCKS BACK AND
TOWN...
AND NOW HE JUST ROCKS BACK AND
FORTH.
AND NOW HE JUST ROCKS BACK AND
FORTH.
HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN.
FORTH.
HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE COULDN'T GO UP AND DOWN.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
JING-A-LING... SHE STILL LOVED
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
JING-A-LING... SHE STILL LOVED
HIM VERY, VERY MUCH, EVEN THOUGH
JING-A-LING... SHE STILL LOVED
HIM VERY, VERY MUCH, EVEN THOUGH
HER FRIENDS WOULD ALL FIDDLE.
HIM VERY, VERY MUCH, EVEN THOUGH
HER FRIENDS WOULD ALL FIDDLE.
"NOW, LISTEN, YOU CAN'T LOVE A
HER FRIENDS WOULD ALL FIDDLE.
"NOW, LISTEN, YOU CAN'T LOVE A
HORSE LIKE HIM.
"NOW, LISTEN, YOU CAN'T LOVE A
HORSE LIKE HIM.
I MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE A
HORSE LIKE HIM.
I MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE A
SPRING.
I MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE A
SPRING.
NOW, THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS.
SPRING.
NOW, THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS.
THEY'LL BE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE."
NOW, THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS.
THEY'LL BE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE."
WELL, COME ON.
THEY'LL BE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE."
WELL, COME ON.
I MEAN, STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
WELL, COME ON.
I MEAN, STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A
I MEAN, STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A
SPRING?
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE A
SPRING?
NOW, WHY SHOULD TRUE FRIENDS
SPRING?
NOW, WHY SHOULD TRUE FRIENDS
BE WORRIED ABOUT SUCH A THING?
NOW, WHY SHOULD TRUE FRIENDS
BE WORRIED ABOUT SUCH A THING?
OR WAS IT THAT HE LIVED ON THE
BE WORRIED ABOUT SUCH A THING?
OR WAS IT THAT HE LIVED ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...
OR WAS IT THAT HE LIVED ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...
AND THAT SHE WAS WHITE...
OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...
AND THAT SHE WAS WHITE...
AND HE WAS BROWN?
AND THAT SHE WAS WHITE...
AND HE WAS BROWN?
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY VERY
AND HE WAS BROWN?
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY VERY
FUNNY THAT EVEN TO THIS DAY SOME
WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY VERY
FUNNY THAT EVEN TO THIS DAY SOME
CAROUSEL HORSES AND PONIES THAT
FUNNY THAT EVEN TO THIS DAY SOME
CAROUSEL HORSES AND PONIES THAT
ROCK AND, YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE,
CAROUSEL HORSES AND PONIES THAT
ROCK AND, YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE,
TOO, ARE STILL IN SHOCK.
ROCK AND, YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE,
TOO, ARE STILL IN SHOCK.
I MEAN, IT REALLY IS A SHAME
TOO, ARE STILL IN SHOCK.
I MEAN, IT REALLY IS A SHAME
THAT NO ONE EVER UNDERSTOOD
I MEAN, IT REALLY IS A SHAME
THAT NO ONE EVER UNDERSTOOD
THAT UNDERNEATH THEIR PAINT,
THAT NO ONE EVER UNDERSTOOD
THAT UNDERNEATH THEIR PAINT,
THEY WERE ALL MADE OF WOOD.
THAT UNDERNEATH THEIR PAINT,
THEY WERE ALL MADE OF WOOD.
BUT I, UH, I GUESS THAT'S A
THEY WERE ALL MADE OF WOOD.
BUT I, UH, I GUESS THAT'S A
HORSE OF ANOTHER COLOR, HUH?
BUT I, UH, I GUESS THAT'S A
HORSE OF ANOTHER COLOR, HUH?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THE PICTURES THAT YOU SAW ON
THE TV BETWEEN THE
COMMERCIALS... THAT'S MY FAMILY.
THE TV BETWEEN THE
COMMERCIALS... THAT'S MY FAMILY.
THAT'S MY GRANDMOTHER... THE
COMMERCIALS... THAT'S MY FAMILY.
THAT'S MY GRANDMOTHER... THE
LAST ONE.
THAT'S MY GRANDMOTHER... THE
LAST ONE.
YEAH.
LAST ONE.
YEAH.
[APPLAUSE]
YEAH.
[APPLAUSE]
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I WAS
[APPLAUSE]
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I WAS
SELLING MY FAMILY OR NOTHING,
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I WAS
SELLING MY FAMILY OR NOTHING,
YOU KNOW.
SELLING MY FAMILY OR NOTHING,
YOU KNOW.
GRANDMOTHER RAISED ME.
YOU KNOW.
GRANDMOTHER RAISED ME.
USED TO SEND ME TO CHURCH AND
GRANDMOTHER RAISED ME.
USED TO SEND ME TO CHURCH AND
STUFF SO I'D BE GOOD.
USED TO SEND ME TO CHURCH AND
STUFF SO I'D BE GOOD.
BUT I LIKED TO HANG WITH THE
STUFF SO I'D BE GOOD.
BUT I LIKED TO HANG WITH THE
WINOS... I DID... 'CAUSE WINOS
BUT I LIKED TO HANG WITH THE
WINOS... I DID... 'CAUSE WINOS
KNOW JESUS PERSONALLY... VERY
WINOS... I DID... 'CAUSE WINOS
KNOW JESUS PERSONALLY... VERY
RELIGIOUS.
KNOW JESUS PERSONALLY... VERY
RELIGIOUS.
EVERY WINO... YOU ASK 'EM,
RELIGIOUS.
EVERY WINO... YOU ASK 'EM,
"WHERE'S JESUS?"
EVERY WINO... YOU ASK 'EM,
"WHERE'S JESUS?"
"JESUS?!
"WHERE'S JESUS?"
"JESUS?!
HE LIVE OVER THERE IN THE
"JESUS?!
HE LIVE OVER THERE IN THE
PROJECTS!"
HE LIVE OVER THERE IN THE
PROJECTS!"
[LAUGHTER]
PROJECTS!"
[LAUGHTER]
AND I'D STAND AROUND WATCHING
[LAUGHTER]
AND I'D STAND AROUND WATCHING
THEM DIRECT TRAFFIC EARLY SUNDAY
AND I'D STAND AROUND WATCHING
THEM DIRECT TRAFFIC EARLY SUNDAY
MORNING.
THEM DIRECT TRAFFIC EARLY SUNDAY
MORNING.
WINOS ARE GREAT AT DIRECTING
MORNING.
WINOS ARE GREAT AT DIRECTING
TRAFFIC, YOU KNOW?
WINOS ARE GREAT AT DIRECTING
TRAFFIC, YOU KNOW?
KIND OF LIKE...
TRAFFIC, YOU KNOW?
KIND OF LIKE...
[WHISTLES]
KIND OF LIKE...
[WHISTLES]
"HEY, FOOL!
[WHISTLES]
"HEY, FOOL!
YOU BETTER SLOW THAT CAR DOWN!
"HEY, FOOL!
YOU BETTER SLOW THAT CAR DOWN!
DON'T COME DRIVING DOWN THROUGH
YOU BETTER SLOW THAT CAR DOWN!
DON'T COME DRIVING DOWN THROUGH
HERE LIKE YOU CRAZY!
DON'T COME DRIVING DOWN THROUGH
HERE LIKE YOU CRAZY!
THIS A NEIGHBORHOOD!
HERE LIKE YOU CRAZY!
THIS A NEIGHBORHOOD!
THIS AIN'T NO RESIDENTIAL
THIS A NEIGHBORHOOD!
THIS AIN'T NO RESIDENTIAL
DISTRICT!
THIS AIN'T NO RESIDENTIAL
DISTRICT!
YOU COULD HAVE KILLED THAT SIGN,
DISTRICT!
YOU COULD HAVE KILLED THAT SIGN,
ANYTHING!
YOU COULD HAVE KILLED THAT SIGN,
ANYTHING!
I AIN'T A-PLAYING WITH YOU.
ANYTHING!
I AIN'T A-PLAYING WITH YOU.
I'LL PUT A HURTING ON YOU, BOY.
I AIN'T A-PLAYING WITH YOU.
I'LL PUT A HURTING ON YOU, BOY.
MESS WITH ME.
I'LL PUT A HURTING ON YOU, BOY.
MESS WITH ME.
I DON'T... DAMN!
MESS WITH ME.
I DON'T... DAMN!
I LIKE 'EM LOW, BUT... MAN."
[LAUGHTER]
"WHOO!
BUDDY, BUDDY!
"WHOO!
BUDDY, BUDDY!
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
BUDDY, BUDDY!
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ JESUS ON MY MIND ♪"
♪ WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH ♪
♪ JESUS ON MY MIND ♪"
[LAUGHTER]
♪ JESUS ON MY MIND ♪"
[LAUGHTER]
[BLOWING]
[LAUGHTER]
[BLOWING]
[LAUGHTER]
[BLOWING]
[LAUGHTER]
"I AIN'T GOOD AS I USED TO BE.
[LAUGHTER]
"I AIN'T GOOD AS I USED TO BE.
NOW, LOOK AT HIM.
"I AIN'T GOOD AS I USED TO BE.
NOW, LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK AT THAT BOY, STANDIN' IN
NOW, LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK AT THAT BOY, STANDIN' IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.
LOOK AT THAT BOY, STANDIN' IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.
THE BOY'S A STONED JUNKIE.
THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.
THE BOY'S A STONED JUNKIE.
LOOK AT HIM.
THE BOY'S A STONED JUNKIE.
LOOK AT HIM.
USED TO BE A GENIUS.
LOOK AT HIM.
USED TO BE A GENIUS.
USED TO BOOK THE NUMBERS.
USED TO BE A GENIUS.
USED TO BOOK THE NUMBERS.
DIDN'T NEED PAPER OR PENCIL.
USED TO BOOK THE NUMBERS.
DIDN'T NEED PAPER OR PENCIL.
LOOK AT HIM.
DIDN'T NEED PAPER OR PENCIL.
LOOK AT HIM.
NOW HE CAN'T REMEMBER WHO HE
LOOK AT HIM.
NOW HE CAN'T REMEMBER WHO HE
IS.
NOW HE CAN'T REMEMBER WHO HE
IS.
[WHISTLES]
IS.
[WHISTLES]
HEY, JUNEBUG!
[WHISTLES]
HEY, JUNEBUG!
GET OUT OF THE STREET, BOY!
HEY, JUNEBUG!
GET OUT OF THE STREET, BOY!
NIGGER, YOU AIN'T NO STOP SIGN!
GET OUT OF THE STREET, BOY!
NIGGER, YOU AIN'T NO STOP SIGN!
GET OUT OF THE STREET!
NIGGER, YOU AIN'T NO STOP SIGN!
GET OUT OF THE STREET!
JUNIOR!"
GET OUT OF THE STREET!
JUNIOR!"
[LAUGHTER]
JUNIOR!"
[LAUGHTER]
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?
[LAUGHTER]
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HEY!
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HEY!
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HEY!
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I KNOW SOMETHIN' HAPPENIN'
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I KNOW SOMETHIN' HAPPENIN'
'CAUSE EVERYTHING MOVIN'.
I KNOW SOMETHIN' HAPPENIN'
'CAUSE EVERYTHING MOVIN'.
HEY, OLD DUDE! POPS!
'CAUSE EVERYTHING MOVIN'.
HEY, OLD DUDE! POPS!
YOU GOT ANYTHING?
HEY, OLD DUDE! POPS!
YOU GOT ANYTHING?
I FEEL BAD ENOUGH TO DRINK SOME
YOU GOT ANYTHING?
I FEEL BAD ENOUGH TO DRINK SOME
MILK."
I FEEL BAD ENOUGH TO DRINK SOME
MILK."
"YEAH, I GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YA,
MILK."
"YEAH, I GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YA,
BOY!
"YEAH, I GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YA,
BOY!
COME ON OUT THE STREET.
BOY!
COME ON OUT THE STREET.
THAT NARCOTIC DONE MADE YOU NULL
COME ON OUT THE STREET.
THAT NARCOTIC DONE MADE YOU NULL
AND VOID.
THAT NARCOTIC DONE MADE YOU NULL
AND VOID.
COME HERE, BOY. COME HERE.
AND VOID.
COME HERE, BOY. COME HERE.
NASTY, STINKIN' DEVIL, YOU.
COME HERE, BOY. COME HERE.
NASTY, STINKIN' DEVIL, YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB, BOY, GO
NASTY, STINKIN' DEVIL, YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB, BOY, GO
TO WORK?"
WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB, BOY, GO
TO WORK?"
"GET A JOB?
TO WORK?"
"GET A JOB?
GO TO WORK?
"GET A JOB?
GO TO WORK?
YOU TALKIN' TO THE KID, BABY.
GO TO WORK?
YOU TALKIN' TO THE KID, BABY.
I WORKED FIVE YEARS IN A ROW
YOU TALKIN' TO THE KID, BABY.
I WORKED FIVE YEARS IN A ROW
WHEN I WAS IN THE JOINT.
I WORKED FIVE YEARS IN A ROW
WHEN I WAS IN THE JOINT.
I DID A NICKEL, BABY.
WHEN I WAS IN THE JOINT.
I DID A NICKEL, BABY.
AND I CAN WORK MY TAIL OFF, MAN,
I DID A NICKEL, BABY.
AND I CAN WORK MY TAIL OFF, MAN,
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.
AND I CAN WORK MY TAIL OFF, MAN,
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT WHERE ARE NIGGERS GONNA GET
THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT WHERE ARE NIGGERS GONNA GET
A JOB OUT HERE PRESSIN' LICENSE
BUT WHERE ARE NIGGERS GONNA GET
A JOB OUT HERE PRESSIN' LICENSE
PLATES?
A JOB OUT HERE PRESSIN' LICENSE
PLATES?
HUH?
PLATES?
HUH?
I WENT TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
HUH?
I WENT TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
BUREAU... DAMN."
I WENT TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
BUREAU... DAMN."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUREAU... DAMN."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"WAS I THROUGH?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"WAS I THROUGH?
I WALKED TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
"WAS I THROUGH?
I WALKED TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
BUREAU, WALKED DOWNTOWN...
I WALKED TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT
BUREAU, WALKED DOWNTOWN...
CLEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
BUREAU, WALKED DOWNTOWN...
CLEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WALKED UP TO THE LADY SITTIN' IN
CLEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WALKED UP TO THE LADY SITTIN' IN
THERE WITH AN OLD TIARA ON HER
WALKED UP TO THE LADY SITTIN' IN
THERE WITH AN OLD TIARA ON HER
HEAD, TYPING... 'TIP TIP TIP TIP
THERE WITH AN OLD TIARA ON HER
HEAD, TYPING... 'TIP TIP TIP TIP
TIP.'
HEAD, TYPING... 'TIP TIP TIP TIP
TIP.'
I SAID, 'HEY!'
TIP.'
I SAID, 'HEY!'
SHE SAID, 'OOH, OOH!'
I SAID, 'HEY!'
SHE SAID, 'OOH, OOH!'
I SAID, 'HEY! WHAT'S HAPPENING?'
SHE SAID, 'OOH, OOH!'
I SAID, 'HEY! WHAT'S HAPPENING?'
SHE LOOKED AT MY PAPER."
I SAID, 'HEY! WHAT'S HAPPENING?'
SHE LOOKED AT MY PAPER."
"YOU GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD."
SHE LOOKED AT MY PAPER."
"YOU GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD."
"I SAID, 'I KNOW THAT!
"YOU GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD."
"I SAID, 'I KNOW THAT!
I'M A CRIMINAL!
"I SAID, 'I KNOW THAT!
I'M A CRIMINAL!
TELL ME SOMETHIN' I DON'T KNOW,
I'M A CRIMINAL!
TELL ME SOMETHIN' I DON'T KNOW,
LIKE WHERE I'M GONNA GET A JOB
TELL ME SOMETHIN' I DON'T KNOW,
LIKE WHERE I'M GONNA GET A JOB
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.'
LIKE WHERE I'M GONNA GET A JOB
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.'
I SLAPPED THE YOU KNOW WHAT.
PRESSIN' LICENSE PLATES.'
I SLAPPED THE YOU KNOW WHAT.
SHE GOT ALL UPSET.
I SLAPPED THE YOU KNOW WHAT.
SHE GOT ALL UPSET.
'OHH, OHH, OHH, OHH!
SHE GOT ALL UPSET.
'OHH, OHH, OHH, OHH!
DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME!'
'OHH, OHH, OHH, OHH!
DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME!'
'I AIN'T GONNA... BE COOL, OLD
DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME!'
'I AIN'T GONNA... BE COOL, OLD
LADY, YOU KNOW?'
'I AIN'T GONNA... BE COOL, OLD
LADY, YOU KNOW?'
I AIN'T GONNA TAKE NO BUST FOR
LADY, YOU KNOW?'
I AIN'T GONNA TAKE NO BUST FOR
NO OLD LADY.
I AIN'T GONNA TAKE NO BUST FOR
NO OLD LADY.
OLD NIGGER WITH A GUN DOWN
NO OLD LADY.
OLD NIGGER WITH A GUN DOWN
THERE.
OLD NIGGER WITH A GUN DOWN
THERE.
'HEY, WHAT'S THE TROUBLE, BUDDY?
THERE.
'HEY, WHAT'S THE TROUBLE, BUDDY?
COME ON, WHAT'S GOING ON?
'HEY, WHAT'S THE TROUBLE, BUDDY?
COME ON, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?'
COME ON, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?'
'HEY, YOU THE TROUBLE, TEX!
WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?'
'HEY, YOU THE TROUBLE, TEX!
WHO YOU SUPPOSED TO BE...
'HEY, YOU THE TROUBLE, TEX!
WHO YOU SUPPOSED TO BE...
JESSE JAMES?'
WHO YOU SUPPOSED TO BE...
JESSE JAMES?'
IT MADE ME SICK, MAN.
JESSE JAMES?'
IT MADE ME SICK, MAN.
I THREW UP ON THE FLOOR.
IT MADE ME SICK, MAN.
I THREW UP ON THE FLOOR.
HE TALKING 'BOUT, 'CLEAN IT UP.
I THREW UP ON THE FLOOR.
HE TALKING 'BOUT, 'CLEAN IT UP.
CLEAN IT UP.'
HE TALKING 'BOUT, 'CLEAN IT UP.
CLEAN IT UP.'
'I AIN'T CLEANIN' NO NOTHIN'.
CLEAN IT UP.'
'I AIN'T CLEANIN' NO NOTHIN'.
IF I WANTED IT, I'D A-KEPT IT.'"
'I AIN'T CLEANIN' NO NOTHIN'.
IF I WANTED IT, I'D A-KEPT IT.'"
[LAUGHTER]
IF I WANTED IT, I'D A-KEPT IT.'"
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
"BUT I'M HURTIN', BABY, YOU
[APPLAUSE]
"BUT I'M HURTIN', BABY, YOU
KNOW?
"BUT I'M HURTIN', BABY, YOU
KNOW?
I WENT HOME, YOU KNOW?
KNOW?
I WENT HOME, YOU KNOW?
MAMA CALLED ME A DOG.
I WENT HOME, YOU KNOW?
MAMA CALLED ME A DOG.
MA DID. SHE DID.
MAMA CALLED ME A DOG.
MA DID. SHE DID.
DADDY SAY HE DON'T WANNA SEE ME
MA DID. SHE DID.
DADDY SAY HE DON'T WANNA SEE ME
IN THE VICINITY...
DADDY SAY HE DON'T WANNA SEE ME
IN THE VICINITY...
JUST 'CAUSE I STOLE HIS
IN THE VICINITY...
JUST 'CAUSE I STOLE HIS
TELEVISION.
JUST 'CAUSE I STOLE HIS
TELEVISION.
WASN'T NOTHIN' ON IT."
TELEVISION.
WASN'T NOTHIN' ON IT."
[LAUGHTER]
WASN'T NOTHIN' ON IT."
[LAUGHTER]
"CAN YOU HELP ME OUT, OLD DUDE?
[LAUGHTER]
"CAN YOU HELP ME OUT, OLD DUDE?
PLEASE? I'M SICK, MAN.
"CAN YOU HELP ME OUT, OLD DUDE?
PLEASE? I'M SICK, MAN.
♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE
PLEASE? I'M SICK, MAN.
♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE
NIGHT ♪"
♪ HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE
NIGHT ♪"
"I'M GONNA HELP YOU, BOY, 'CAUSE
NIGHT ♪"
"I'M GONNA HELP YOU, BOY, 'CAUSE
I BELIEVE YOU GOT POTENTIAL.
"I'M GONNA HELP YOU, BOY, 'CAUSE
I BELIEVE YOU GOT POTENTIAL.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I BELIEVE YOU GOT POTENTIAL.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN BE SOMEBODY 'CAUSE
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN BE SOMEBODY 'CAUSE
YOU'RE SHARP, YOU KNOW WHAT I
YOU CAN BE SOMEBODY 'CAUSE
YOU'RE SHARP, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?
YOU'RE SHARP, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?
TRY SOME OF THAT.
MEAN?
TRY SOME OF THAT.
DON'T YOU DROP IT, NIGGER!
TRY SOME OF THAT.
DON'T YOU DROP IT, NIGGER!
PUT... PUT...
DON'T YOU DROP IT, NIGGER!
PUT... PUT...
SLOW DOWN.
PUT... PUT...
SLOW DOWN.
JUST TAKE A SIP. GO AHEAD.
SLOW DOWN.
JUST TAKE A SIP. GO AHEAD.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT
JUST TAKE A SIP. GO AHEAD.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT
FOOTBALL, DON'T YOU?
YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT
FOOTBALL, DON'T YOU?
PASS IT!"
FOOTBALL, DON'T YOU?
PASS IT!"
[LAUGHTER]
PASS IT!"
[LAUGHTER]
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS,
[LAUGHTER]
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS,
JUNIOR?
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS,
JUNIOR?
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH
JUNIOR?
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH
THE WHITE MAN.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH
THE WHITE MAN.
YOU GOT A WHITE-MAN COMPLEX.
THE WHITE MAN.
YOU GOT A WHITE-MAN COMPLEX.
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM.
YOU GOT A WHITE-MAN COMPLEX.
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM.
THAT'S WHY I'M IN THE POSITION
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH HIM.
THAT'S WHY I'M IN THE POSITION
I'M IN TODAY."
THAT'S WHY I'M IN THE POSITION
I'M IN TODAY."
[LAUGHTER]
I'M IN TODAY."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE.
[CHEERS]
[INTRO TO "A LOVELY DAY"
PLAYS]
I GOT A SONG FOR YOU ABOUT
[PLAYS]
I GOT A SONG FOR YOU ABOUT
BRIGHT DAYS AND SUNSHINE.
I GOT A SONG FOR YOU ABOUT
BRIGHT DAYS AND SUNSHINE.
♪ IT'S ON A BRIGHT SPRING
BRIGHT DAYS AND SUNSHINE.
♪ IT'S ON A BRIGHT SPRING
MORNING ♪
♪ IT'S ON A BRIGHT SPRING
MORNING ♪
♪ THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE
MORNING ♪
♪ THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE
SKY ♪
♪ THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE
SKY ♪
♪ AND IT'S GOT ME OUT HERE
SKY ♪
♪ AND IT'S GOT ME OUT HERE
WALKING ♪
♪ AND IT'S GOT ME OUT HERE
WALKING ♪
♪ AND WAVING TO THE LADIES AS
WALKING ♪
♪ AND WAVING TO THE LADIES AS
THEY STROLL BY ♪
♪ AND WAVING TO THE LADIES AS
THEY STROLL BY ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T FORGOT FOR A
THEY STROLL BY ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T FORGOT FOR A
MOMENT ♪
♪ AND I AIN'T FORGOT FOR A
MOMENT ♪
♪ THE OTHER THINGS I NEED TO
MOMENT ♪
♪ THE OTHER THINGS I NEED TO
DO ♪
♪ THE OTHER THINGS I NEED TO
DO ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I SEE THAT OLD SUN
DO ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I SEE THAT OLD SUN
SHINING ♪
♪ BUT WHEN I SEE THAT OLD SUN
SHINING ♪
♪ I FEEL LIKE I CAN MAKE IT,
SHINING ♪
♪ I FEEL LIKE I CAN MAKE IT,
TOO ♪
♪ I FEEL LIKE I CAN MAKE IT,
TOO ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
TOO ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ IS THAT THE PROBLEMS COME AND
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ IS THAT THE PROBLEMS COME AND
GO ♪
♪ IS THAT THE PROBLEMS COME AND
GO ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
GO ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
STAY ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
STAY ♪
♪ AND JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
STAY ♪
♪ AND JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ AND JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
BANG.
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
BANG.
♪ THE FLOWERS WOKE UP BLOOMING ♪
BANG.
♪ THE FLOWERS WOKE UP BLOOMING ♪
♪ AND PUT ON A COLOR SHOW JUST
♪ THE FLOWERS WOKE UP BLOOMING ♪
♪ AND PUT ON A COLOR SHOW JUST
FOR ME ♪
♪ AND PUT ON A COLOR SHOW JUST
FOR ME ♪
AND I APPRECIATE IT.
FOR ME ♪
AND I APPRECIATE IT.
BANG.
AND I APPRECIATE IT.
BANG.
♪ THE SHADOWS, DARK AND GLOOMY ♪
BANG.
♪ THE SHADOWS, DARK AND GLOOMY ♪
♪ I TOLD THEM ALL TO KEEP THE
♪ THE SHADOWS, DARK AND GLOOMY ♪
♪ I TOLD THEM ALL TO KEEP THE
HELL AWAY FROM ME ♪
♪ I TOLD THEM ALL TO KEEP THE
HELL AWAY FROM ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE
HELL AWAY FROM ME ♪
♪ BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE
BELIEVING ♪
♪ BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE
BELIEVING ♪
♪ EVERYTHING I DO IS GONNA TURN
BELIEVING ♪
♪ EVERYTHING I DO IS GONNA TURN
OUT WRONG ♪
♪ EVERYTHING I DO IS GONNA TURN
OUT WRONG ♪
♪ WHEN THE VIBRATIONS I'M
OUT WRONG ♪
♪ WHEN THE VIBRATIONS I'M
RECEIVING ♪
♪ WHEN THE VIBRATIONS I'M
RECEIVING ♪
♪ SAY, "HOLD ON, BROTHER, JUST
RECEIVING ♪
♪ SAY, "HOLD ON, BROTHER, JUST
YOU BE STRONG" ♪
♪ SAY, "HOLD ON, BROTHER, JUST
YOU BE STRONG" ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
YOU BE STRONG" ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ AND, YES, AND ALL I ♪
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ IS THAT MY PROBLEMS COME AND
♪ REALLY WANT TO SAY ♪
♪ IS THAT MY PROBLEMS COME AND
GO ♪
♪ IS THAT MY PROBLEMS COME AND
GO ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
GO ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
STAY ♪
♪ BUT THE SUNSHINE SEEMS TO
STAY ♪
♪ AND, HEY ♪
STAY ♪
♪ AND, HEY ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ AND, HEY ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ AND SOMETIMES ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ AND SOMETIMES ♪
♪ IT RAINS ♪
♪ AND SOMETIMES ♪
♪ IT RAINS ♪
♪ AND YOU AND I FEEL ♪
♪ IT RAINS ♪
♪ AND YOU AND I FEEL ♪
♪ KIND OF STRANGE ♪
♪ AND YOU AND I FEEL ♪
♪ KIND OF STRANGE ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE MY
♪ KIND OF STRANGE ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE MY
PROBLEMS BEGIN ♪
♪ BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE MY
PROBLEMS BEGIN ♪
♪ WITHOUT THE SUNSHINE ON WHICH
PROBLEMS BEGIN ♪
♪ WITHOUT THE SUNSHINE ON WHICH
I DEPEND ♪
♪ WITHOUT THE SUNSHINE ON WHICH
I DEPEND ♪
♪ AND ALL THAT MAKES ME FEEL ♪
I DEPEND ♪
♪ AND ALL THAT MAKES ME FEEL ♪
♪ LIKE I'M NEEDING, YEAH, THE
♪ AND ALL THAT MAKES ME FEEL ♪
♪ LIKE I'M NEEDING, YEAH, THE
SUN ♪
♪ LIKE I'M NEEDING, YEAH, THE
SUN ♪
♪ SAYING, HEY ♪
SUN ♪
♪ SAYING, HEY ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ SAYING, HEY ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ JUST LOOK AROUND ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
♪ I THINK WE FOUND ♪
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
THANK YOU.
♪ A LOVELY DAY ♪
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE SHOW,
[LAUGHTER]
IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE SHOW,
WE HOPE YOU MADE LOVE.
IF YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE SHOW,
WE HOPE YOU MADE LOVE.
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.
WE HOPE YOU MADE LOVE.
THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
[APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYS]
Announcer: THE MUPPETS ARE
FRANK OZ, JERRY NELSON,
ALICE TWEEDY, RICHARD HUNT, AND
JIM HENSON.
ALSO FEATURED IN TONIGHT'S
CAST... KATHY McKEY AND
TOM SCHILLER.
THIS IS DON PARDO SAYING, "WHO
DO I HAVE TO SHAKE HANDS WITH TO
GET OFF THIS SHOW?"
GOOD NIGHT.