Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 1, Episode 13 - Peter Boyle/Al Jarreau - full transcript

["CHICAGO" PLAYS]

OH, ROGER, WHAT A LOVELY
RESTAURANT... I MEAN, THE DECOR,
THE AMBIANCE, THE FOOD, AND THAT

RESTAURANT... I MEAN, THE DECOR,
THE AMBIANCE, THE FOOD, AND THAT
WONDERFUL MAN MR. BUSHAKIS, THE

THE AMBIANCE, THE FOOD, AND THAT
WONDERFUL MAN MR. BUSHAKIS, THE
OWNER.

WONDERFUL MAN MR. BUSHAKIS, THE
OWNER.
HE'S SO NICE.

OWNER.
HE'S SO NICE.
MM-HMM, YES, AND THE

HE'S SO NICE.
MM-HMM, YES, AND THE
LOCATION, TOO.

MM-HMM, YES, AND THE
LOCATION, TOO.
YOU KNOW, ONE WOULD NEVER EXPECT

LOCATION, TOO.
YOU KNOW, ONE WOULD NEVER EXPECT
TO FIND SUCH A QUAINT PLACE

YOU KNOW, ONE WOULD NEVER EXPECT
TO FIND SUCH A QUAINT PLACE
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE

TO FIND SUCH A QUAINT PLACE
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
GARAGE AND WAREHOUSE DISTRICT OF



RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
GARAGE AND WAREHOUSE DISTRICT OF
CHICAGO.

GARAGE AND WAREHOUSE DISTRICT OF
CHICAGO.
DARLING, WAS IT SNOWING WHEN

CHICAGO.
DARLING, WAS IT SNOWING WHEN
WE CAME IN HERE?

DARLING, WAS IT SNOWING WHEN
WE CAME IN HERE?
I DON'T KNOW.

WE CAME IN HERE?
I DON'T KNOW.
I SHOULD MOVE THE CAR INTO A

I DON'T KNOW.
I SHOULD MOVE THE CAR INTO A
GARAGE, THOUGH, INSIDE.

I SHOULD MOVE THE CAR INTO A
GARAGE, THOUGH, INSIDE.
OH, NO, PLEASE, DARLING.

GARAGE, THOUGH, INSIDE.
OH, NO, PLEASE, DARLING.
THEY SAID THERE'S FREE INDOOR

OH, NO, PLEASE, DARLING.
THEY SAID THERE'S FREE INDOOR
PARKING.

THEY SAID THERE'S FREE INDOOR
PARKING.
WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE OWNER?

PARKING.
WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE OWNER?
NONSENSE.

WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE OWNER?
NONSENSE.
I CAN DO IT MYSELF.

NONSENSE.
I CAN DO IT MYSELF.
BUT YOUR MOUSSAKA WILL GET

I CAN DO IT MYSELF.
BUT YOUR MOUSSAKA WILL GET
COLD.



BUT YOUR MOUSSAKA WILL GET
COLD.
CAN I HELP YOUSE?

COLD.
CAN I HELP YOUSE?
UH, YES.

CAN I HELP YOUSE?
UH, YES.
UH, WE WERE WONDERING, SINCE

UH, YES.
UH, WE WERE WONDERING, SINCE
IT'S SNOWING, IF YOU COULD, UH,

UH, WE WERE WONDERING, SINCE
IT'S SNOWING, IF YOU COULD, UH,
MOVE OUR CAR INSIDE TO YOUR

IT'S SNOWING, IF YOU COULD, UH,
MOVE OUR CAR INSIDE TO YOUR
INDOOR PARKING FACILITY.

MOVE OUR CAR INSIDE TO YOUR
INDOOR PARKING FACILITY.
OF COURSE.

INDOOR PARKING FACILITY.
OF COURSE.
WE'VE GOT INDOOR GARAGE NEXT

OF COURSE.
WE'VE GOT INDOOR GARAGE NEXT
DOOR.

WE'VE GOT INDOOR GARAGE NEXT
DOOR.
IT'S HEATED.

DOOR.
IT'S HEATED.
JIMMY! JIMMY! COME OVER HERE.

IT'S HEATED.
JIMMY! JIMMY! COME OVER HERE.
IT'S THE GREEN PIERCE ARROW

JIMMY! JIMMY! COME OVER HERE.
IT'S THE GREEN PIERCE ARROW
SEDAN.

IT'S THE GREEN PIERCE ARROW
SEDAN.
ALL RIGHT.

SEDAN.
ALL RIGHT.
TAKE THESE KEYS, PARK THE CAR

ALL RIGHT.
TAKE THESE KEYS, PARK THE CAR
NEXT DOOR IN THE GARAGE...

TAKE THESE KEYS, PARK THE CAR
NEXT DOOR IN THE GARAGE...
THE INDOOR GARAGE ON NORTH CLARK

NEXT DOOR IN THE GARAGE...
THE INDOOR GARAGE ON NORTH CLARK
STREET... BRING BACK THE KEYS TO

THE INDOOR GARAGE ON NORTH CLARK
STREET... BRING BACK THE KEYS TO
THE NICE MAN.

STREET... BRING BACK THE KEYS TO
THE NICE MAN.
INDOOR GARAGE, BRING THE KEYS

THE NICE MAN.
INDOOR GARAGE, BRING THE KEYS
BACK.

INDOOR GARAGE, BRING THE KEYS
BACK.
RIGHT.

BACK.
RIGHT.
BRING THE KEYS BACK, HE WILL

RIGHT.
BRING THE KEYS BACK, HE WILL
TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU.

BRING THE KEYS BACK, HE WILL
TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU.
ALL RIGHT?

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU.
ALL RIGHT?
HOW'S THE OCTOPUS... GOOD?

ALL RIGHT?
HOW'S THE OCTOPUS... GOOD?
VERY, VERY GOOD. THANK YOU.

HOW'S THE OCTOPUS... GOOD?
VERY, VERY GOOD. THANK YOU.
HOW ABOUT YOU?

VERY, VERY GOOD. THANK YOU.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT HERE?

HOW ABOUT YOU?
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT HERE?
YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT HERE?
YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN
INTERESTING LEGEND ABOUT

YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN
INTERESTING LEGEND ABOUT
ST. VALENTINE'S DAY.

INTERESTING LEGEND ABOUT
ST. VALENTINE'S DAY.
300 MONKS HIDING IN THE CAVES OF

ST. VALENTINE'S DAY.
300 MONKS HIDING IN THE CAVES OF
NORTHERN GAUL IN THE YEAR 963.

300 MONKS HIDING IN THE CAVES OF
NORTHERN GAUL IN THE YEAR 963.
THE, UH, STORY HAS IT... THE

NORTHERN GAUL IN THE YEAR 963.
THE, UH, STORY HAS IT... THE
LEGEND HAS IT THAT...

THE, UH, STORY HAS IT... THE
LEGEND HAS IT THAT...
[RAPID GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE]

LEGEND HAS IT THAT...
[RAPID GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE]
THE MAKING OF CANDY...

[RAPID GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE]
THE MAKING OF CANDY...
[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]

THE MAKING OF CANDY...
[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]
YOU KNOW, DARLING, I REALLY

[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]
YOU KNOW, DARLING, I REALLY
THINK WE SHOULD GET THAT MUFFLER

YOU KNOW, DARLING, I REALLY
THINK WE SHOULD GET THAT MUFFLER
FIXED.

THINK WE SHOULD GET THAT MUFFLER
FIXED.
YES, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

FIXED.
YES, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]

YES, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]
AND THEY'LL BE THE WHOLE

[GUNFIRE CONTINUES]
AND THEY'LL BE THE WHOLE
IMAGE OF A HEART AS A SYMBOL FOR

AND THEY'LL BE THE WHOLE
IMAGE OF A HEART AS A SYMBOL FOR
THE DAY.

IMAGE OF A HEART AS A SYMBOL FOR
THE DAY.
ISN'T IT LOVELY?

THE DAY.
ISN'T IT LOVELY?
[GUNFIRE STOPS]

THANK YOU.
LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: STARRING...
WITH HIS GUEST...
THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME

WITH HIS GUEST...
THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME
PLAYERS...

AND...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PETER BOYLE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

PETER BOYLE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
CONTINUES]

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.

GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.
IT WOULDN'T BE NEW YORK WITHOUT

THANK YOU.
IT WOULDN'T BE NEW YORK WITHOUT
A LITTLE GARBAGE ON THE STAGE,

IT WOULDN'T BE NEW YORK WITHOUT
A LITTLE GARBAGE ON THE STAGE,
RIGHT?

A LITTLE GARBAGE ON THE STAGE,
RIGHT?
RIGHT.

RIGHT?
RIGHT.
IT'S TERRIFIC TO BE HERE.

RIGHT.
IT'S TERRIFIC TO BE HERE.
IT'S TERRIFIC TO BE HERE, TO BE

IT'S TERRIFIC TO BE HERE.
IT'S TERRIFIC TO BE HERE, TO BE
HERE LIVE.

IT'S TERRIFIC TO BE HERE, TO BE
HERE LIVE.
I USUALLY DO MOVIES, WHICH ARE

HERE LIVE.
I USUALLY DO MOVIES, WHICH ARE
VERY DIFFERENT KIND OF THING,

I USUALLY DO MOVIES, WHICH ARE
VERY DIFFERENT KIND OF THING,
AND WHEN I WAS A KID, MY FATHER

VERY DIFFERENT KIND OF THING,
AND WHEN I WAS A KID, MY FATHER
DID TELEVISION.

AND WHEN I WAS A KID, MY FATHER
DID TELEVISION.
I GREW UP IN LIVE TV, SO IT'S...

DID TELEVISION.
I GREW UP IN LIVE TV, SO IT'S...
WOW, IT'S REALLY INCREDIBLE.

I GREW UP IN LIVE TV, SO IT'S...
WOW, IT'S REALLY INCREDIBLE.
I THOUGHT ABOUT DOING A

WOW, IT'S REALLY INCREDIBLE.
I THOUGHT ABOUT DOING A
MONOLOGUE, YOU KNOW.

I THOUGHT ABOUT DOING A
MONOLOGUE, YOU KNOW.
IT'S SORT OF A TRADITION, BUT

MONOLOGUE, YOU KNOW.
IT'S SORT OF A TRADITION, BUT
TODAY IS... IS VALENTINE'S DAY,

IT'S SORT OF A TRADITION, BUT
TODAY IS... IS VALENTINE'S DAY,
AND THAT'S A DAY THAT MEANS LOVE

TODAY IS... IS VALENTINE'S DAY,
AND THAT'S A DAY THAT MEANS LOVE
AND ROMANCE, AND I'VE BEEN

AND THAT'S A DAY THAT MEANS LOVE
AND ROMANCE, AND I'VE BEEN
WORKING IN SHOW BUSINESS FOR A

AND ROMANCE, AND I'VE BEEN
WORKING IN SHOW BUSINESS FOR A
LONG TIME, AND SOMETIMES IT CAN

WORKING IN SHOW BUSINESS FOR A
LONG TIME, AND SOMETIMES IT CAN
BE A LITTLE GLAMOROUS AND OTHER

LONG TIME, AND SOMETIMES IT CAN
BE A LITTLE GLAMOROUS AND OTHER
TIMES IT CAN BE, FRANKLY, VERY

BE A LITTLE GLAMOROUS AND OTHER
TIMES IT CAN BE, FRANKLY, VERY
LONELY AND VERY HARD AND A

TIMES IT CAN BE, FRANKLY, VERY
LONELY AND VERY HARD AND A
LITTLE COLD AND EMPTY, AND

LONELY AND VERY HARD AND A
LITTLE COLD AND EMPTY, AND
SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENED TO

LITTLE COLD AND EMPTY, AND
SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENED TO
ME.

SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENED TO
ME.
I MET SOMEONE INCREDIBLE, AND I

ME.
I MET SOMEONE INCREDIBLE, AND I
LOVE HER, AND SHE LOVES ME, AND,

I MET SOMEONE INCREDIBLE, AND I
LOVE HER, AND SHE LOVES ME, AND,
UH, THERE'S A LOT OF GIVING AND

LOVE HER, AND SHE LOVES ME, AND,
UH, THERE'S A LOT OF GIVING AND
A LOT OF TAKING, A LOT OF

UH, THERE'S A LOT OF GIVING AND
A LOT OF TAKING, A LOT OF
SHARING, AND WE'RE ON THE SAME

A LOT OF TAKING, A LOT OF
SHARING, AND WE'RE ON THE SAME
PATH TOGETHER IN LIFE.

SHARING, AND WE'RE ON THE SAME
PATH TOGETHER IN LIFE.
WE GO THROUGH THE UPS AND DOWNS,

PATH TOGETHER IN LIFE.
WE GO THROUGH THE UPS AND DOWNS,
AND... I KNOW THIS SOUNDS A

WE GO THROUGH THE UPS AND DOWNS,
AND... I KNOW THIS SOUNDS A
LITTLE SENTIMENTAL... IT'S JUST

AND... I KNOW THIS SOUNDS A
LITTLE SENTIMENTAL... IT'S JUST
THE MOST WONDERFUL THING IN THE

LITTLE SENTIMENTAL... IT'S JUST
THE MOST WONDERFUL THING IN THE
WORLD.

THE MOST WONDERFUL THING IN THE
WORLD.
AND SHE'S SITTING RIGHT HERE.

WORLD.
AND SHE'S SITTING RIGHT HERE.
SHE'S SITTING UP THERE.

AND SHE'S SITTING RIGHT HERE.
SHE'S SITTING UP THERE.
I THINK YOU CAN SEE HER.

SHE'S SITTING UP THERE.
I THINK YOU CAN SEE HER.
LORRAINE? HI, HI.

I THINK YOU CAN SEE HER.
LORRAINE? HI, HI.
HONEY, I LOVE YOU.

LORRAINE? HI, HI.
HONEY, I LOVE YOU.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUSE]

HONEY, I LOVE YOU.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUSE]
SO...

[AUDIENCE APPLAUSE]
SO...
SO SINCE SHE'S THERE AND I'M

SO...
SO SINCE SHE'S THERE AND I'M
HERE AND WE'RE ALL HERE AND IT'S

SO SINCE SHE'S THERE AND I'M
HERE AND WE'RE ALL HERE AND IT'S
A DAY OF LOVE AND WARMTH, I-I'D

HERE AND WE'RE ALL HERE AND IT'S
A DAY OF LOVE AND WARMTH, I-I'D
LIKE TO SING THIS SONG TO HER.

A DAY OF LOVE AND WARMTH, I-I'D
LIKE TO SING THIS SONG TO HER.
♪ MY FUNNY VALENTINE ♪

LIKE TO SING THIS SONG TO HER.
♪ MY FUNNY VALENTINE ♪
♪ SWEET, COMIC VALENTINE ♪

♪ MY FUNNY VALENTINE ♪
♪ SWEET, COMIC VALENTINE ♪
♪ YOU MAKE ME SMILE WITH MY

♪ SWEET, COMIC VALENTINE ♪
♪ YOU MAKE ME SMILE WITH MY
HEART ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME SMILE WITH MY
HEART ♪
♪ YOUR LOOKS ARE LAUGHABLE ♪

HEART ♪
♪ YOUR LOOKS ARE LAUGHABLE ♪
♪ UNPHOTOGRAPHABLE ♪

♪ YOUR LOOKS ARE LAUGHABLE ♪
♪ UNPHOTOGRAPHABLE ♪
♪ YET YOU'RE MY FAVORITE WORK OF

♪ UNPHOTOGRAPHABLE ♪
♪ YET YOU'RE MY FAVORITE WORK OF
ART ♪

♪ YET YOU'RE MY FAVORITE WORK OF
ART ♪
♪ IS YOUR FIGURE LESS THAN

ART ♪
♪ IS YOUR FIGURE LESS THAN
GREEK? ♪

♪ IS YOUR FIGURE LESS THAN
GREEK? ♪
♪ IS YOUR MOUTH A LITTLE WEAK? ♪

GREEK? ♪
♪ IS YOUR MOUTH A LITTLE WEAK? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU OPEN IT TO SPEAK ♪

♪ IS YOUR MOUTH A LITTLE WEAK? ♪
♪ WHEN YOU OPEN IT TO SPEAK ♪
♪ ARE YOU SMA-A-A-RT? ♪

♪ WHEN YOU OPEN IT TO SPEAK ♪
♪ ARE YOU SMA-A-A-RT? ♪
♪ BUT DON'T CHANGE A HAIR FOR

♪ ARE YOU SMA-A-A-RT? ♪
♪ BUT DON'T CHANGE A HAIR FOR
ME ♪

♪ BUT DON'T CHANGE A HAIR FOR
ME ♪
♪ NOT IF YOU CARE FOR ME ♪

ME ♪
♪ NOT IF YOU CARE FOR ME ♪
♪ STAY, LITTLE VALENTINE ♪

♪ NOT IF YOU CARE FOR ME ♪
♪ STAY, LITTLE VALENTINE ♪
♪ STA-A-A-A-Y ♪

♪ STAY, LITTLE VALENTINE ♪
♪ STA-A-A-A-Y ♪
♪ EACH DAY IS

♪ STA-A-A-A-Y ♪
♪ EACH DAY IS
VALENTINE'S DA-A-A-Y ♪

♪ EACH DAY IS
VALENTINE'S DA-A-A-Y ♪
I LOVE YOU, HONEY.

VALENTINE'S DA-A-A-Y ♪
I LOVE YOU, HONEY.
I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, HONEY.
I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU.

I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYS]
AS A SPANIARD, I APPRECIATE
FINE THINGS.

AS A SPANIARD, I APPRECIATE
FINE THINGS.
I LOVE TO FEEL THE WIND AND FIRE

FINE THINGS.
I LOVE TO FEEL THE WIND AND FIRE
IN MY FACE.

I LOVE TO FEEL THE WIND AND FIRE
IN MY FACE.
AND WHEN I CHOOSE A CAR, I

IN MY FACE.
AND WHEN I CHOOSE A CAR, I
CHOOSE A CAR WITH SPIRIT, A CAR

AND WHEN I CHOOSE A CAR, I
CHOOSE A CAR WITH SPIRIT, A CAR
THAT WILL MEET MY EVERY NEED.

CHOOSE A CAR WITH SPIRIT, A CAR
THAT WILL MEET MY EVERY NEED.
THE CORRIDA IS SUCH A CAR...

THAT WILL MEET MY EVERY NEED.
THE CORRIDA IS SUCH A CAR...
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

THE CORRIDA IS SUCH A CAR...
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
LUXURIOUS UPHOLSTERY STYLED FROM

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
LUXURIOUS UPHOLSTERY STYLED FROM
RICH SALAMANCA VINYL...

LUXURIOUS UPHOLSTERY STYLED FROM
RICH SALAMANCA VINYL...
ELEGANT DOORS CRAFTED FROM RARE

RICH SALAMANCA VINYL...
ELEGANT DOORS CRAFTED FROM RARE
VALENCIA CARDBOARD...

ELEGANT DOORS CRAFTED FROM RARE
VALENCIA CARDBOARD...
AND THE CLASSIC DASHBOARD CARVED

VALENCIA CARDBOARD...
AND THE CLASSIC DASHBOARD CARVED
FROM PLUSH SANTIAGO STYROFOAM.

AND THE CLASSIC DASHBOARD CARVED
FROM PLUSH SANTIAGO STYROFOAM.
AND YET I AM CONSTANTLY AMAZED

FROM PLUSH SANTIAGO STYROFOAM.
AND YET I AM CONSTANTLY AMAZED
AT THE AFFORDABILITY OF THIS

AND YET I AM CONSTANTLY AMAZED
AT THE AFFORDABILITY OF THIS
MAGNIFICENT AUTOMOBILE.

AT THE AFFORDABILITY OF THIS
MAGNIFICENT AUTOMOBILE.
THE CORRIDA...

MAGNIFICENT AUTOMOBILE.
THE CORRIDA...
JUST AS GOOD A CAR AS I AM AN

THE CORRIDA...
JUST AS GOOD A CAR AS I AM AN
ACTOR.

JUST AS GOOD A CAR AS I AM AN
ACTOR.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MISS KAUFMAN, I'M READY TO
REVIEW THE NEXT CASE.
THAT WOULD BE FUTABA vs. FUTABA.

REVIEW THE NEXT CASE.
THAT WOULD BE FUTABA vs. FUTABA.
WILL YOU SEND THEM IN, PLEASE?

Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER

EPISODE FROM...

[GONG BANGS]

WILL YOU BOTH BE SEATED,
PLEASE?
Both: [SPEAKING

PLEASE?
Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
NOW, THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
NOW, THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN
LEGALLY SEPARATED FOR ONE YEAR.

NOW, THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN
LEGALLY SEPARATED FOR ONE YEAR.
YOU KNOW IT ALWAYS GIVES ME

LEGALLY SEPARATED FOR ONE YEAR.
YOU KNOW IT ALWAYS GIVES ME
GREATER SATISFACTION TO SEE

YOU KNOW IT ALWAYS GIVES ME
GREATER SATISFACTION TO SEE
COUPLES WHO TRULY CARE FOR EACH

GREATER SATISFACTION TO SEE
COUPLES WHO TRULY CARE FOR EACH
OTHER REUNITE RATHER THAN BREAK

COUPLES WHO TRULY CARE FOR EACH
OTHER REUNITE RATHER THAN BREAK
UP.

OTHER REUNITE RATHER THAN BREAK
UP.
Both: [SPEAKING

UP.
Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
YEAH.

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
YEAH.
SEE, I TRUST THAT THE TIME THAT

YEAH.
SEE, I TRUST THAT THE TIME THAT
YOU SPENT APART HAS GIVEN YOU AN

SEE, I TRUST THAT THE TIME THAT
YOU SPENT APART HAS GIVEN YOU AN
OPPORTUNITY TO REKINDLE THE DEEP

YOU SPENT APART HAS GIVEN YOU AN
OPPORTUNITY TO REKINDLE THE DEEP
AFFECTION THAT OBVIOUSLY EXISTS

OPPORTUNITY TO REKINDLE THE DEEP
AFFECTION THAT OBVIOUSLY EXISTS
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.

AFFECTION THAT OBVIOUSLY EXISTS
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
Both: [ARGUING IN

BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
Both: [ARGUING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Both: [ARGUING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
[SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
[SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES MARITAL

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES MARITAL
DIFFICULTY IS JUST A SIMPLE LACK

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES MARITAL
DIFFICULTY IS JUST A SIMPLE LACK
OF COMMUNICATION.

DIFFICULTY IS JUST A SIMPLE LACK
OF COMMUNICATION.
Both: [ARGUING IN

OF COMMUNICATION.
Both: [ARGUING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Both: [ARGUING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
NOW, YOU HAVE, UH, CHARGED

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
NOW, YOU HAVE, UH, CHARGED
HIM WITH MENTAL ANGUISH.

NOW, YOU HAVE, UH, CHARGED
HIM WITH MENTAL ANGUISH.
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

HIM WITH MENTAL ANGUISH.
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
AND YOU, MR. FUTABA, WANT A

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
AND YOU, MR. FUTABA, WANT A
DIVORCE ON THE GROUNDS OF...

AND YOU, MR. FUTABA, WANT A
DIVORCE ON THE GROUNDS OF...
[GRUNTS]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
ADULTERY, ADULTERY.
IT'S ADULTERY HERE.

ADULTERY, ADULTERY.
IT'S ADULTERY HERE.
OKAY... ADULTERY. OKAY.

IT'S ADULTERY HERE.
OKAY... ADULTERY. OKAY.
NOW...

OKAY... ADULTERY. OKAY.
NOW...
I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING.

NOW...
I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING.
AFTER 25 YEARS ON THE BENCH,

I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING.
AFTER 25 YEARS ON THE BENCH,
I'VE SEEN MANY CASES.

AFTER 25 YEARS ON THE BENCH,
I'VE SEEN MANY CASES.
I THINK, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I'M

I'VE SEEN MANY CASES.
I THINK, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I'M
GOING TO DENY THIS DIVORCE

I THINK, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I'M
GOING TO DENY THIS DIVORCE
BECAUSE, I THINK, I DON'T WANT

GOING TO DENY THIS DIVORCE
BECAUSE, I THINK, I DON'T WANT
TO SEE THE TWO OF YOU BREAK UP.

BECAUSE, I THINK, I DON'T WANT
TO SEE THE TWO OF YOU BREAK UP.
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]

TO SEE THE TWO OF YOU BREAK UP.
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, I

[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, I
WON'T.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, I
WON'T.
YOU CAN HAVE THE DIVORCE.

WON'T.
YOU CAN HAVE THE DIVORCE.
ALL RIGHT.

YOU CAN HAVE THE DIVORCE.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
MAYBE NOT, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
MAYBE NOT, OKAY.
NOW, AS FAR AS THE DIVISION OF

MAYBE NOT, OKAY.
NOW, AS FAR AS THE DIVISION OF
POSSESSIONS GOES, UH,

NOW, AS FAR AS THE DIVISION OF
POSSESSIONS GOES, UH,
MRS. FUTABA, YOU HAVE BEEN

POSSESSIONS GOES, UH,
MRS. FUTABA, YOU HAVE BEEN
AWARDED THE CAR AND THE HOUSE,

MRS. FUTABA, YOU HAVE BEEN
AWARDED THE CAR AND THE HOUSE,
WHILE YOU, SIR, HAVE BEEN

AWARDED THE CAR AND THE HOUSE,
WHILE YOU, SIR, HAVE BEEN
AWARDED THE BOAT AND THE

WHILE YOU, SIR, HAVE BEEN
AWARDED THE BOAT AND THE
MR. COFFEE MACHINE.

AWARDED THE BOAT AND THE
MR. COFFEE MACHINE.
DOES THAT SUIT YOU BOTH?

MR. COFFEE MACHINE.
DOES THAT SUIT YOU BOTH?
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

DOES THAT SUIT YOU BOTH?
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
OKAY. NOW, THERE ARE A FEW

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
OKAY. NOW, THERE ARE A FEW
ITEMS THAT HAVE NOT BEEN

OKAY. NOW, THERE ARE A FEW
ITEMS THAT HAVE NOT BEEN
APPROPRIATED YET, SO, FIRST OF

ITEMS THAT HAVE NOT BEEN
APPROPRIATED YET, SO, FIRST OF
ALL, WE HAVE THIS CONCERTINA

APPROPRIATED YET, SO, FIRST OF
ALL, WE HAVE THIS CONCERTINA
THAT'S WORTH QUITE A FORTUNE

ALL, WE HAVE THIS CONCERTINA
THAT'S WORTH QUITE A FORTUNE
BECAUSE THIS BEING AN OLD

THAT'S WORTH QUITE A FORTUNE
BECAUSE THIS BEING AN OLD
HEIRLOOM AND THINGS LIKE THAT.

BECAUSE THIS BEING AN OLD
HEIRLOOM AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
NOW, UH, WHO... YOU DECIDED

HEIRLOOM AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
NOW, UH, WHO... YOU DECIDED
WHO'S GOING TO GET THIS?

NOW, UH, WHO... YOU DECIDED
WHO'S GOING TO GET THIS?
Both: [SPEAKING

WHO'S GOING TO GET THIS?
Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[ARGUING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[ARGUING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]

[ARGUING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]

VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
VERY WELL.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]
VERY WELL.
NOW, THIS RARE PIECE OF ART,

VERY WELL.
NOW, THIS RARE PIECE OF ART,
WHICH IS ALSO IN ITSELF

NOW, THIS RARE PIECE OF ART,
WHICH IS ALSO IN ITSELF
PRICELESS.

WHICH IS ALSO IN ITSELF
PRICELESS.
MADE ANY DECISION ON THAT?

PRICELESS.
MADE ANY DECISION ON THAT?
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

MADE ANY DECISION ON THAT?
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Both: [ARGUING IN

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Both: [ARGUING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Both: [ARGUING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GRUNTING]

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GRUNTING]
AAH!

[GRUNTING]
AAH!
[METAL CLANKING]

AAH!
[METAL CLANKING]
THIS BREAKS MY HEART BECAUSE

[METAL CLANKING]
THIS BREAKS MY HEART BECAUSE
LIFE IS A COMPROMISE, AND THE

THIS BREAKS MY HEART BECAUSE
LIFE IS A COMPROMISE, AND THE
TWO OF YOU EXEMPLIFY THAT QUITE

LIFE IS A COMPROMISE, AND THE
TWO OF YOU EXEMPLIFY THAT QUITE
BEAUTIFULLY AND UNUSUALLY.

TWO OF YOU EXEMPLIFY THAT QUITE
BEAUTIFULLY AND UNUSUALLY.
Both: [SPEAKING

BEAUTIFULLY AND UNUSUALLY.
Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
ANYWAY, WE HAVE, THROUGH THE

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
ANYWAY, WE HAVE, THROUGH THE
COURT, LIQUIDATED YOUR MUTUAL

ANYWAY, WE HAVE, THROUGH THE
COURT, LIQUIDATED YOUR MUTUAL
ASSETS, AND HERE IS A CHECK FOR

COURT, LIQUIDATED YOUR MUTUAL
ASSETS, AND HERE IS A CHECK FOR
BOTH OF YOU.

ASSETS, AND HERE IS A CHECK FOR
BOTH OF YOU.
OH, OH.

BOTH OF YOU.
OH, OH.
[GRUNTING LOUDLY]

OH, OH.
[GRUNTING LOUDLY]
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]

[GRUNTING LOUDLY]
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
[Foreign accent] OOH, OOH.

[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
[Foreign accent] OOH, OOH.
LOOK.

[Foreign accent] OOH, OOH.
LOOK.
[GRUNTS]

LOOK.
[GRUNTS]
GODZILLA! GODZILLA!

[GRUNTS]
GODZILLA! GODZILLA!
GODZILLA?

GODZILLA! GODZILLA!
GODZILLA?
OH! GODZILLA! GODZILLA!

GODZILLA?
OH! GODZILLA! GODZILLA!
AAH!

OH! GODZILLA! GODZILLA!
AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!
[GRUNTING]

AAH!
[GRUNTING]
Both: [SPEAKING IN

[GRUNTING]
Both: [SPEAKING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Both: [SPEAKING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[SIGHS]

WELL, NOW COMES THE PART THAT'S
UNDERSTANDABLY THE HARDEST...
THE DECISION AS TO WHO GETS THE

UNDERSTANDABLY THE HARDEST...
THE DECISION AS TO WHO GETS THE
CUSTODY OF YOUR DAUGHTER, BINGO.

THE DECISION AS TO WHO GETS THE
CUSTODY OF YOUR DAUGHTER, BINGO.
OH, BINGO!

CUSTODY OF YOUR DAUGHTER, BINGO.
OH, BINGO!
BINGO!

OH, BINGO!
BINGO!
OH, BINGO! NO! BINGO! BINGO!

BINGO!
OH, BINGO! NO! BINGO! BINGO!
MISS KAUFMAN, WILL YOU SEND

OH, BINGO! NO! BINGO! BINGO!
MISS KAUFMAN, WILL YOU SEND
IN THE GIRL, PLEASE?

MISS KAUFMAN, WILL YOU SEND
IN THE GIRL, PLEASE?
BINGO!

IN THE GIRL, PLEASE?
BINGO!
OH, BINGO.

BINGO!
OH, BINGO.
BINGO!

OH, BINGO.
BINGO!
OH, BINGO.

BINGO!
OH, BINGO.
MAMA-SAN! PAPA-SAN!

OH, BINGO.
MAMA-SAN! PAPA-SAN!
OH, BINGO!

MAMA-SAN! PAPA-SAN!
OH, BINGO!
BINGO!

OH, BINGO!
BINGO!
BINGO, BINGO, BINGO!

BINGO!
BINGO, BINGO, BINGO!
MAMA-SAN!

BINGO, BINGO, BINGO!
MAMA-SAN!
BINGO!

MAMA-SAN!
BINGO!
OHH!

BINGO!
OHH!
I REALIZE... THIS IS A...

OHH!
I REALIZE... THIS IS A...
BINGO, BINGO! BINGO!

I REALIZE... THIS IS A...
BINGO, BINGO! BINGO!
OH, NO, BINGO!

BINGO, BINGO! BINGO!
OH, NO, BINGO!
NO, BINGO!

OH, NO, BINGO!
NO, BINGO!
VERY, VERY HARD DECISION

NO, BINGO!
VERY, VERY HARD DECISION
FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, AND I WILL

VERY, VERY HARD DECISION
FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, AND I WILL
COUNSEL...

FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, AND I WILL
COUNSEL...
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]

COUNSEL...
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
AAH!

[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
AAH!
Both: [SPEAKING

AAH!
Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GRUNTING]

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[GRUNTING]
Both: [SPEAKING

[GRUNTING]
Both: [SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[GRUNTS LOUDLY]

Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK

FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF...

[GONG BANGS]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AS PART OF MY NEVER-ENDING
SEARCH FOR NEW TALENT, I SPENT

SEARCH FOR NEW TALENT, I SPENT
MANY LONELY HOURS IN PARKED CARS

MANY LONELY HOURS IN PARKED CARS
BESIDE SCHOOL PLAY YARDS,

BESIDE SCHOOL PLAY YARDS,
PLAYGROUNDS, LOOKING FOR YOUNG,

PLAYGROUNDS, LOOKING FOR YOUNG,
FRESH, UH... ANYWAY, UH, I'VE

FRESH, UH... ANYWAY, UH, I'VE
NEVER DATED ANY OF THESE GIRLS

NEVER DATED ANY OF THESE GIRLS
PERSONALLY, BUT THEY'RE

PERSONALLY, BUT THEY'RE
FANTASTIC, AND THEY'RE GOING TO

FANTASTIC, AND THEY'RE GOING TO
DANCE THEIR WAY INTO YOUR

DANCE THEIR WAY INTO YOUR
HEARTS.

HEARTS.
HERE ARE THE SHAPIRO SISTERS.

HERE ARE THE SHAPIRO SISTERS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO NATALIE COLE'S

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[INTRODUCTION TO NATALIE COLE'S
"THIS WILL BE (AN EVERLASTING

[INTRODUCTION TO NATALIE COLE'S
"THIS WILL BE (AN EVERLASTING
LOVE)" PLAYS]

["THIS WILL BE (AN EVERLASTING
LOVE)" PLAYS]
[Lip-synching] ♪ OOH ♪

[(LOVE)" PLAYS]
[Lip-synching] ♪ OOH ♪
♪ UH-HUH ♪

[Lip-synching] ♪ OOH ♪
♪ UH-HUH ♪
♪ OOH ♪

♪ UH-HUH ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ UH-HUH, YEAH ♪

♪ OOH ♪
♪ UH-HUH, YEAH ♪
♪ OOH, HMM, HMM, HMM, HMM ♪

[Lip-synching] ♪ THIS WILL
BE ♪
♪ AN EVERLASTING LOVE ♪

BE ♪
♪ AN EVERLASTING LOVE ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪

♪ AN EVERLASTING LOVE ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ THE ONE I'VE WAITED FOR ♪

♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ THE ONE I'VE WAITED FOR ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪

♪ THE ONE I'VE WAITED FOR ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ THE FIRST TIME ANYONE HAS

♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ THE FIRST TIME ANYONE HAS
LOVED ME-E-E ♪

♪ THE FIRST TIME ANYONE HAS
LOVED ME-E-E ♪
♪ OHH ♪

LOVED ME-E-E ♪
♪ OHH ♪
♪ I'M SO GLAD ♪

♪ OHH ♪
♪ I'M SO GLAD ♪
♪ YOU FOUND ME IN TIME ♪

♪ I'M SO GLAD ♪
♪ YOU FOUND ME IN TIME ♪
♪ AND I'M SO GLAD THAT ♪

♪ YOU FOUND ME IN TIME ♪
♪ AND I'M SO GLAD THAT ♪
♪ YOU RECTIFIED MY MIND ♪

♪ AND I'M SO GLAD THAT ♪
♪ YOU RECTIFIED MY MIND ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪

♪ YOU RECTIFIED MY MIND ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ AN EVERLASTING LOVE FOR

♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ AN EVERLASTING LOVE FOR
ME-E-E ♪

♪ AN EVERLASTING LOVE FOR
ME-E-E ♪
♪ WHOA-HO ♪

ME-E-E ♪
♪ WHOA-HO ♪
♪ LOVING YOU ♪

♪ WHOA-HO ♪
♪ LOVING YOU ♪
♪ IS KIND OF WONDERFUL ♪

♪ LOVING YOU ♪
♪ IS KIND OF WONDERFUL ♪
♪ BECAUSE YOU'VE SHOWN ME JUST

♪ IS KIND OF WONDERFUL ♪
♪ BECAUSE YOU'VE SHOWN ME JUST
HOW MUCH YOU CARE ♪

♪ BECAUSE YOU'VE SHOWN ME JUST
HOW MUCH YOU CARE ♪
♪ YOU'VE GIVEN ME THE THRILL OF

HOW MUCH YOU CARE ♪
♪ YOU'VE GIVEN ME THE THRILL OF
A LIFETIME ♪

♪ YOU'VE GIVEN ME THE THRILL OF
A LIFETIME ♪
♪ AND MADE ME BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT

A LIFETIME ♪
♪ AND MADE ME BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT
MORE THRILLS TO SPARE, OH ♪

♪ AND MADE ME BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT
MORE THRILLS TO SPARE, OH ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪

MORE THRILLS TO SPARE, OH ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ AN EVERLASTING LOVE ♪

♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ AN EVERLASTING LOVE ♪
♪ OH, YES, IT WILL, NOW ♪

♪ AN EVERLASTING LOVE ♪
♪ OH, YES, IT WILL, NOW ♪
♪ YOU BROUGHT A LOT OF SUNSHINE

♪ OH, YES, IT WILL, NOW ♪
♪ YOU BROUGHT A LOT OF SUNSHINE
INTO MY LIFE ♪

♪ YOU BROUGHT A LOT OF SUNSHINE
INTO MY LIFE ♪
♪ YOU FILLED ME WITH HAPPINESS I

INTO MY LIFE ♪
♪ YOU FILLED ME WITH HAPPINESS I
NEVER KNEW ♪

♪ YOU FILLED ME WITH HAPPINESS I
NEVER KNEW ♪
♪ YOU GAVE ME MORE JOY THAN I

NEVER KNEW ♪
♪ YOU GAVE ME MORE JOY THAN I
EVER DREAMED OF ♪

♪ YOU GAVE ME MORE JOY THAN I
EVER DREAMED OF ♪
♪ AND NO ONE, NO ONE CAN TAKE

EVER DREAMED OF ♪
♪ AND NO ONE, NO ONE CAN TAKE
THE PLACE OF YOU-OOH ♪

♪ AND NO ONE, NO ONE CAN TAKE
THE PLACE OF YOU-OOH ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪

THE PLACE OF YOU-OOH ♪
♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ YOU AND ME ♪

♪ THIS WILL BE ♪
♪ YOU AND ME ♪
♪ YES, SIRREE ♪

♪ YOU AND ME ♪
♪ YES, SIRREE ♪
♪ ETERNALLY ♪

♪ YES, SIRREE ♪
♪ ETERNALLY ♪
♪ HUGGING AND SQUEEZING AND

♪ ETERNALLY ♪
♪ HUGGING AND SQUEEZING AND
KISSING AND DREAMING ♪

♪ HUGGING AND SQUEEZING AND
KISSING AND DREAMING ♪
♪ TOGETHER FOREVER, THROUGH RAIN

KISSING AND DREAMING ♪
♪ TOGETHER FOREVER, THROUGH RAIN
OR WHATEVER ♪

♪ TOGETHER FOREVER, THROUGH RAIN
OR WHATEVER ♪
♪ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ♪

OR WHATEVER ♪
♪ LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[IRON BUTTERFLY'S
"IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA" PLAYS]

[DOORBELL BUZZING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
HEY, KIDS.

[MUSIC STOPS]
HEY, KIDS.
I'M SORRY TO BARGE IN LIKE THIS,

HEY, KIDS.
I'M SORRY TO BARGE IN LIKE THIS,
BUT I THINK I MUST HAVE GOTTEN

I'M SORRY TO BARGE IN LIKE THIS,
BUT I THINK I MUST HAVE GOTTEN
ANOTHER ONE YOUR PACKAGES BY

BUT I THINK I MUST HAVE GOTTEN
ANOTHER ONE YOUR PACKAGES BY
MISTAKE, YOU KNOW?

ANOTHER ONE YOUR PACKAGES BY
MISTAKE, YOU KNOW?
THIS IS SOMETHING FROM THE

MISTAKE, YOU KNOW?
THIS IS SOMETHING FROM THE
MOUNTAIN SNOW BABY POWDER

THIS IS SOMETHING FROM THE
MOUNTAIN SNOW BABY POWDER
COMPANY OF BOLIVIA.

MOUNTAIN SNOW BABY POWDER
COMPANY OF BOLIVIA.
THAT'S A HOT ONE.

COMPANY OF BOLIVIA.
THAT'S A HOT ONE.
[CLEARS THROAT]

THAT'S A HOT ONE.
[CLEARS THROAT]
THAT'S MINE, MAN.

[CLEARS THROAT]
THAT'S MINE, MAN.
IT'S COOL.

THAT'S MINE, MAN.
IT'S COOL.
I NEVER KNEW BOLIVIA EXPORTED

IT'S COOL.
I NEVER KNEW BOLIVIA EXPORTED
BABY POWDER.

I NEVER KNEW BOLIVIA EXPORTED
BABY POWDER.
UH, YEAH, MAN.

BABY POWDER.
UH, YEAH, MAN.
THEY HAVE A BIG MAIL-ORDER

UH, YEAH, MAN.
THEY HAVE A BIG MAIL-ORDER
BUSINESS IN, LIKE, BABY POWDER

THEY HAVE A BIG MAIL-ORDER
BUSINESS IN, LIKE, BABY POWDER
AND TALC, YOU KNOW?

BUSINESS IN, LIKE, BABY POWDER
AND TALC, YOU KNOW?
SO JUST...

AND TALC, YOU KNOW?
SO JUST...
WELL, WHAT THE HECK?

SO JUST...
WELL, WHAT THE HECK?
WHY NOT JUST BUY IT AT THE

WELL, WHAT THE HECK?
WHY NOT JUST BUY IT AT THE
CORNER DRUGSTORE?

WHY NOT JUST BUY IT AT THE
CORNER DRUGSTORE?
OH, WELL, LIKE, YOU KNOW,

CORNER DRUGSTORE?
OH, WELL, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
I HAVE THIS RASH, YOU KNOW?

OH, WELL, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
I HAVE THIS RASH, YOU KNOW?
I'M ALLERGIC.

I HAVE THIS RASH, YOU KNOW?
I'M ALLERGIC.
I NEED A SPECIAL BOLIVIAN

I'M ALLERGIC.
I NEED A SPECIAL BOLIVIAN
BABY POWDER, LIKE, YOU KNOW.

I NEED A SPECIAL BOLIVIAN
BABY POWDER, LIKE, YOU KNOW.
I HAVE TO ORDER IT SPECIAL.

BABY POWDER, LIKE, YOU KNOW.
I HAVE TO ORDER IT SPECIAL.
WELL, I ALWAYS FIGURED IT

I HAVE TO ORDER IT SPECIAL.
WELL, I ALWAYS FIGURED IT
MIGHT BE YOURS BECAUSE, YOU

WELL, I ALWAYS FIGURED IT
MIGHT BE YOURS BECAUSE, YOU
KNOW, LAST WEEK WITH THAT MIX-UP

MIGHT BE YOURS BECAUSE, YOU
KNOW, LAST WEEK WITH THAT MIX-UP
WITH THE AFGHANI ASTROTURF, YOU

KNOW, LAST WEEK WITH THAT MIX-UP
WITH THE AFGHANI ASTROTURF, YOU
KNOW?

WITH THE AFGHANI ASTROTURF, YOU
KNOW?
THAT WAS A HOT ONE.

KNOW?
THAT WAS A HOT ONE.
IT'S LIKE A SORT OF AN

THAT WAS A HOT ONE.
IT'S LIKE A SORT OF AN
ORGANIC TURF THAT, LIKE, YOU CAN

IT'S LIKE A SORT OF AN
ORGANIC TURF THAT, LIKE, YOU CAN
ONLY ORDER IN AFGHANISTAN,

ORGANIC TURF THAT, LIKE, YOU CAN
ONLY ORDER IN AFGHANISTAN,
YOU KNOW?

ONLY ORDER IN AFGHANISTAN,
YOU KNOW?
RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH.

YOU KNOW?
RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH.
WELL, YOU EXPLAINED THE LAST

RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH.
WELL, YOU EXPLAINED THE LAST
TIME ABOUT YOUR ORGANIC

WELL, YOU EXPLAINED THE LAST
TIME ABOUT YOUR ORGANIC
MINIATURE GOLF COURSE.

TIME ABOUT YOUR ORGANIC
MINIATURE GOLF COURSE.
YOU SHOULD TRY IT OUT

MINIATURE GOLF COURSE.
YOU SHOULD TRY IT OUT
SOMETIME.

YOU SHOULD TRY IT OUT
SOMETIME.
I-I'LL TAKE THIS PACKAGE HERE.

SOMETIME.
I-I'LL TAKE THIS PACKAGE HERE.
WELL, LOOK, MAYBE I SHOULD

I-I'LL TAKE THIS PACKAGE HERE.
WELL, LOOK, MAYBE I SHOULD
REALLY CHECK THIS WITH THE SUPER

WELL, LOOK, MAYBE I SHOULD
REALLY CHECK THIS WITH THE SUPER
BECAUSE IT'S ONLY ADDRESSED TO

REALLY CHECK THIS WITH THE SUPER
BECAUSE IT'S ONLY ADDRESSED TO
THE OCCUPANT.

BECAUSE IT'S ONLY ADDRESSED TO
THE OCCUPANT.
THAT'S COOL.

THE OCCUPANT.
THAT'S COOL.
IT'S ME, YOU KNOW?

THAT'S COOL.
IT'S ME, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S COOL.

IT'S ME, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S COOL.
YOU ARE THE OCCUPANT.

THAT'S COOL.
YOU ARE THE OCCUPANT.
THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU ARE THE OCCUPANT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
CHLOE, CHLOE!

THAT'S RIGHT.
CHLOE, CHLOE!
SHE'S MEDITATING, MAN.

CHLOE, CHLOE!
SHE'S MEDITATING, MAN.
OH, UH...

SHE'S MEDITATING, MAN.
OH, UH...
CHLOE?

OH, UH...
CHLOE?
SNOW WHITE'S BACK IN TOWN.

CHLOE?
SNOW WHITE'S BACK IN TOWN.
FAR OUT!

SNOW WHITE'S BACK IN TOWN.
FAR OUT!
HI, I'M BOB.

FAR OUT!
HI, I'M BOB.
OH, FAR OUT.

HI, I'M BOB.
OH, FAR OUT.
WOW, DéJà VU.

OH, FAR OUT.
WOW, DéJà VU.
LIKE, DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM

WOW, DéJà VU.
LIKE, DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM
ANOTHER LIFETIME?

LIKE, DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM
ANOTHER LIFETIME?
I THINK YOU KNOW ME FROM JUST

ANOTHER LIFETIME?
I THINK YOU KNOW ME FROM JUST
ACROSS THE HALL.

I THINK YOU KNOW ME FROM JUST
ACROSS THE HALL.
OH, FAR OUT.

ACROSS THE HALL.
OH, FAR OUT.
HEY, MAN.

OH, FAR OUT.
HEY, MAN.
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO CATCH THE

HEY, MAN.
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO CATCH THE
SLIDES OF OUR TRIP.

YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO CATCH THE
SLIDES OF OUR TRIP.
OH, WHERE DID YOU GO?

SLIDES OF OUR TRIP.
OH, WHERE DID YOU GO?
INNER SPACE, BOB.

OH, WHERE DID YOU GO?
INNER SPACE, BOB.
OH.

INNER SPACE, BOB.
OH.
WE DROPPED SOME ACID, MAN.

OH.
WE DROPPED SOME ACID, MAN.
OH, WELL, IT WILL PROBABLY

WE DROPPED SOME ACID, MAN.
OH, WELL, IT WILL PROBABLY
TURN UP SOMEWHERE.

OH, WELL, IT WILL PROBABLY
TURN UP SOMEWHERE.
HEY, I CAN'T STAY LONG.

TURN UP SOMEWHERE.
HEY, I CAN'T STAY LONG.
YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO TAKE THE

HEY, I CAN'T STAY LONG.
YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO TAKE THE
WIFE AND THE KIDS TO SEE

YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO TAKE THE
WIFE AND THE KIDS TO SEE
"THE WILDERNESS FAMILY."

WIFE AND THE KIDS TO SEE
"THE WILDERNESS FAMILY."
OH, WOW.

"THE WILDERNESS FAMILY."
OH, WOW.
IT'S A HECK OF A THING...

OH, WOW.
IT'S A HECK OF A THING...
TIMBER WOLVES AND EVERYTHING.

IT'S A HECK OF A THING...
TIMBER WOLVES AND EVERYTHING.
IF YOU'RE INTO VISUALS, MAN,

TIMBER WOLVES AND EVERYTHING.
IF YOU'RE INTO VISUALS, MAN,
YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO DIG THESE

IF YOU'RE INTO VISUALS, MAN,
YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO DIG THESE
SLIDES.

YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO DIG THESE
SLIDES.
OKAY.

SLIDES.
OKAY.
[CLICK]

OKAY.
[CLICK]
OH, WOW.

[CLICK]
OH, WOW.
THAT'S ME DRINKING WATER.

OH, WOW.
THAT'S ME DRINKING WATER.
[CLICK]

THAT'S ME DRINKING WATER.
[CLICK]
"IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA," MAN...

[CLICK]
"IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA," MAN...
THE GREATEST RECORD EVER MADE.

"IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA," MAN...
THE GREATEST RECORD EVER MADE.
IT EVEN LOOKS GREAT, YEAH.

THE GREATEST RECORD EVER MADE.
IT EVEN LOOKS GREAT, YEAH.
[CLICK]

IT EVEN LOOKS GREAT, YEAH.
[CLICK]
OH, THIS IS ME WITH MY HAND

[CLICK]
OH, THIS IS ME WITH MY HAND
ON THE WINDOWPANE.

OH, THIS IS ME WITH MY HAND
ON THE WINDOWPANE.
LIKE, I COULD REALLY FEEL THE

ON THE WINDOWPANE.
LIKE, I COULD REALLY FEEL THE
WINDOW'S PAIN... OH.

LIKE, I COULD REALLY FEEL THE
WINDOW'S PAIN... OH.
[CLICK]

WINDOW'S PAIN... OH.
[CLICK]
DIG THIS, MAN!

[CLICK]
DIG THIS, MAN!
INSIDE MY SHOE, MY FOOT IS,

DIG THIS, MAN!
INSIDE MY SHOE, MY FOOT IS,
LIKE, YOU KNOW, EVOLVING FROM

INSIDE MY SHOE, MY FOOT IS,
LIKE, YOU KNOW, EVOLVING FROM
WEBBED TO FURRY TO HOOVED TO

LIKE, YOU KNOW, EVOLVING FROM
WEBBED TO FURRY TO HOOVED TO
CLOVEN, MAN.

WEBBED TO FURRY TO HOOVED TO
CLOVEN, MAN.
[CLICK]

CLOVEN, MAN.
[CLICK]
BUT, LIKE, YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T

[CLICK]
BUT, LIKE, YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T
GET MY SHOE OFF IN TIME TO SEE

BUT, LIKE, YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T
GET MY SHOE OFF IN TIME TO SEE
IT, YOU KNOW?

GET MY SHOE OFF IN TIME TO SEE
IT, YOU KNOW?
IT EVOLVED BACK INTO A MAN'S

IT, YOU KNOW?
IT EVOLVED BACK INTO A MAN'S
FOOT.

IT EVOLVED BACK INTO A MAN'S
FOOT.
OH.

FOOT.
OH.
BUMMER.

OH.
BUMMER.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

BUMMER.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
I HAD MY BACK GO OUT ON ME LAST

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
I HAD MY BACK GO OUT ON ME LAST
TUESDAY.

I HAD MY BACK GO OUT ON ME LAST
TUESDAY.
OH, BOY.

TUESDAY.
OH, BOY.
[CLICK]

OH, BOY.
[CLICK]
THAT'S MINE.

[CLICK]
THAT'S MINE.
[CLICK]

THAT'S MINE.
[CLICK]
OH, THAT'S THE CHINESE-FOOD

[CLICK]
OH, THAT'S THE CHINESE-FOOD
DELIVERY BOY.

OH, THAT'S THE CHINESE-FOOD
DELIVERY BOY.
HE REALLY BLEW ME AWAY.

DELIVERY BOY.
HE REALLY BLEW ME AWAY.
[CLICK]

HE REALLY BLEW ME AWAY.
[CLICK]
THAT'S THE MOO GOO GAI PAN

[CLICK]
THAT'S THE MOO GOO GAI PAN
CARTON, MAN!

THAT'S THE MOO GOO GAI PAN
CARTON, MAN!
I GAZED IN THERE, YOU KNOW, AND

CARTON, MAN!
I GAZED IN THERE, YOU KNOW, AND
I SAW CONFUCIUS AND BUDDHA,

I GAZED IN THERE, YOU KNOW, AND
I SAW CONFUCIUS AND BUDDHA,
MAN.

I SAW CONFUCIUS AND BUDDHA,
MAN.
AND I SAW MAO AND TAO AND

MAN.
AND I SAW MAO AND TAO AND
LAO.

AND I SAW MAO AND TAO AND
LAO.
WHAT DID YOU SEE?

LAO.
WHAT DID YOU SEE?
I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DID YOU SEE?
I DON'T KNOW.
HOW ABOUT HUEY, DEWEY, AND

I DON'T KNOW.
HOW ABOUT HUEY, DEWEY, AND
LOUIE?

HOW ABOUT HUEY, DEWEY, AND
LOUIE?
[LAUGHS]

LOUIE?
[LAUGHS]
[CLICK]

[LAUGHS]
[CLICK]
OH, THAT'S THE CAKE I MADE

[CLICK]
OH, THAT'S THE CAKE I MADE
FOR OUR PICNIC IN THE PARK, BUT

OH, THAT'S THE CAKE I MADE
FOR OUR PICNIC IN THE PARK, BUT
IT WAS RAINING, SO WE LEFT IT

FOR OUR PICNIC IN THE PARK, BUT
IT WAS RAINING, SO WE LEFT IT
OUT ON THE FIRE ESCAPE.

IT WAS RAINING, SO WE LEFT IT
OUT ON THE FIRE ESCAPE.
WE WATCHED IT MELT FOR

OUT ON THE FIRE ESCAPE.
WE WATCHED IT MELT FOR
HOURS... ALL THE SWEET-CREAM

WE WATCHED IT MELT FOR
HOURS... ALL THE SWEET-CREAM
ICING FLOWING DOWN.

HOURS... ALL THE SWEET-CREAM
ICING FLOWING DOWN.
I'VE REALLY... I DIDN'T THINK

ICING FLOWING DOWN.
I'VE REALLY... I DIDN'T THINK
I COULD TAKE IT.

I'VE REALLY... I DIDN'T THINK
I COULD TAKE IT.
IT TOOK SO LONG TO BAKE IT.

I COULD TAKE IT.
IT TOOK SO LONG TO BAKE IT.
AND I'LL NEVER HAVE THAT

IT TOOK SO LONG TO BAKE IT.
AND I'LL NEVER HAVE THAT
RECIPE AGAIN.

AND I'LL NEVER HAVE THAT
RECIPE AGAIN.
OH, NO!

RECIPE AGAIN.
OH, NO!
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

OH, NO!
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
[CLICK]

OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
[CLICK]
THAT'S JASON RUSHING, MAN.

[CLICK]
THAT'S JASON RUSHING, MAN.
[CLICK]

THAT'S JASON RUSHING, MAN.
[CLICK]
CHLOE PEAKING, MAN.

[CLICK]
CHLOE PEAKING, MAN.
[CLICK]

CHLOE PEAKING, MAN.
[CLICK]
AND THAT'S JASON FREAKING.

[CLICK]
AND THAT'S JASON FREAKING.
OHH!

AND THAT'S JASON FREAKING.
OHH!
[CLICK]

OHH!
[CLICK]
CHLOE COMING DOWN.

[CLICK]
CHLOE COMING DOWN.
MAN, THIS TRIP WAS REALLY,

CHLOE COMING DOWN.
MAN, THIS TRIP WAS REALLY,
REALLY A TRIP.

MAN, THIS TRIP WAS REALLY,
REALLY A TRIP.
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME, LIKE, I

REALLY A TRIP.
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME, LIKE, I
DUG RAPPING WITH HER, YOU KNOW,

IT WAS THE FIRST TIME, LIKE, I
DUG RAPPING WITH HER, YOU KNOW,
AS MUCH AS I DUG LIKE,

DUG RAPPING WITH HER, YOU KNOW,
AS MUCH AS I DUG LIKE,
YOU KNOW, MAKING IT WITH HER,

AS MUCH AS I DUG LIKE,
YOU KNOW, MAKING IT WITH HER,
YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, MAKING IT WITH HER,
YOU KNOW?
IT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

YOU KNOW?
IT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
[CLICK]

IT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
[CLICK]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]

[CLICK]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
MIND BLOWER!

[TELEPHONE RINGING]
MIND BLOWER!
LIKE, THAT PICTURE'S SO

MIND BLOWER!
LIKE, THAT PICTURE'S SO
SUPERREAL, I CAN HEAR IT

LIKE, THAT PICTURE'S SO
SUPERREAL, I CAN HEAR IT
RINGING!

SUPERREAL, I CAN HEAR IT
RINGING!
I CAN HEAR IT, TOO!

RINGING!
I CAN HEAR IT, TOO!
WHAT A FLASH!

I CAN HEAR IT, TOO!
WHAT A FLASH!
HEY, THE PHONE IS RINGING.

WHAT A FLASH!
HEY, THE PHONE IS RINGING.
OH, FAR OUT.

HEY, THE PHONE IS RINGING.
OH, FAR OUT.
HELLO?

OH, FAR OUT.
HELLO?
DOG HEAD? YEAH.

HELLO?
DOG HEAD? YEAH.
UH, A BLIZZARD IN BOLIVIA.

DOG HEAD? YEAH.
UH, A BLIZZARD IN BOLIVIA.
LIGHT FLURRIES WITH A NASAL

UH, A BLIZZARD IN BOLIVIA.
LIGHT FLURRIES WITH A NASAL
MIST, MAN.

LIGHT FLURRIES WITH A NASAL
MIST, MAN.
IT'S NOT COOL NOW.

MIST, MAN.
IT'S NOT COOL NOW.
I'LL TALK LATER, MAN.

IT'S NOT COOL NOW.
I'LL TALK LATER, MAN.
UH, HEY. [CHUCKLES]

I'LL TALK LATER, MAN.
UH, HEY. [CHUCKLES]
I GOT TO RUN... THE MOVIE, THE

UH, HEY. [CHUCKLES]
I GOT TO RUN... THE MOVIE, THE
WIFE.

I GOT TO RUN... THE MOVIE, THE
WIFE.
OH, SAY, BOB, BY THE WAY, UM,

WIFE.
OH, SAY, BOB, BY THE WAY, UM,
ARE YOU INTO THE NUMBER 3 OR

OH, SAY, BOB, BY THE WAY, UM,
ARE YOU INTO THE NUMBER 3 OR
ANYTHING?

ARE YOU INTO THE NUMBER 3 OR
ANYTHING?
WELL, I GOT TO GO MEET THE

ANYTHING?
WELL, I GOT TO GO MEET THE
WIFE.

WELL, I GOT TO GO MEET THE
WIFE.
HEY, NUMBER 4's GROOVY WITH

WIFE.
HEY, NUMBER 4's GROOVY WITH
ME, TOO.

HEY, NUMBER 4's GROOVY WITH
ME, TOO.
WELL, WE'LL HAVE LUNCH

ME, TOO.
WELL, WE'LL HAVE LUNCH
SOMETIME.

WELL, WE'LL HAVE LUNCH
SOMETIME.
WE'LL GO DOWN AND GET SOME

SOMETIME.
WE'LL GO DOWN AND GET SOME
BURGERS, OKAY?

WE'LL GO DOWN AND GET SOME
BURGERS, OKAY?
OH, SAY, THAT REMINDS ME,

BURGERS, OKAY?
OH, SAY, THAT REMINDS ME,
BOB, I'M EXPECTING, LIKE, YOU

OH, SAY, THAT REMINDS ME,
BOB, I'M EXPECTING, LIKE, YOU
KNOW, THIS PACKAGE, YOU KNOW?

BOB, I'M EXPECTING, LIKE, YOU
KNOW, THIS PACKAGE, YOU KNOW?
LIKE, IT'S FROM NEPAL.

KNOW, THIS PACKAGE, YOU KNOW?
LIKE, IT'S FROM NEPAL.
IT'S FUDGE FROM NEPAL, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, IT'S FROM NEPAL.
IT'S FUDGE FROM NEPAL, YOU KNOW?
OH, ME FOR FUDGE, I'D LOVE A

IT'S FUDGE FROM NEPAL, YOU KNOW?
OH, ME FOR FUDGE, I'D LOVE A
TASTE.

OH, ME FOR FUDGE, I'D LOVE A
TASTE.
OH, IT'S A SPECIAL NEPALESE

TASTE.
OH, IT'S A SPECIAL NEPALESE
FUDGE... YOU KNOW, NO CALORIES,

OH, IT'S A SPECIAL NEPALESE
FUDGE... YOU KNOW, NO CALORIES,
MAN.

FUDGE... YOU KNOW, NO CALORIES,
MAN.
COUNT ME IN.

MAN.
COUNT ME IN.
OKAY, MAN. FAR OUT.

COUNT ME IN.
OKAY, MAN. FAR OUT.
YOU KNOW, JUST DROP IT OVER IF

OKAY, MAN. FAR OUT.
YOU KNOW, JUST DROP IT OVER IF
IT COMES TO YOUR PLACE, YOU

YOU KNOW, JUST DROP IT OVER IF
IT COMES TO YOUR PLACE, YOU
KNOW?

IT COMES TO YOUR PLACE, YOU
KNOW?
ANYWAY, LOOK, I HATE TO RUSH.

KNOW?
ANYWAY, LOOK, I HATE TO RUSH.
NICE SLIDE SHOW, WONDERFUL.

ANYWAY, LOOK, I HATE TO RUSH.
NICE SLIDE SHOW, WONDERFUL.
OH, BOB, TELL ME ONE MORE

NICE SLIDE SHOW, WONDERFUL.
OH, BOB, TELL ME ONE MORE
THING.

OH, BOB, TELL ME ONE MORE
THING.
LIKE, ARE YOU EVER HOME DURING

THING.
LIKE, ARE YOU EVER HOME DURING
THE DAY?

LIKE, ARE YOU EVER HOME DURING
THE DAY?
WELL, WHEN MY WORK ALLOWS.

THE DAY?
WELL, WHEN MY WORK ALLOWS.
YOU SEE, I'M A PAROLE OFFICER.

WELL, WHEN MY WORK ALLOWS.
YOU SEE, I'M A PAROLE OFFICER.
UH, WOULD YOU TAKE THIS DOWN

YOU SEE, I'M A PAROLE OFFICER.
UH, WOULD YOU TAKE THIS DOWN
TO THE SUPER, MAN, OKAY?

UH, WOULD YOU TAKE THIS DOWN
TO THE SUPER, MAN, OKAY?
THANKS A LOT, MAN.

TO THE SUPER, MAN, OKAY?
THANKS A LOT, MAN.
[SIGHS]

THANKS A LOT, MAN.
[SIGHS]
WOW, I COULD USE A STIFF DRINK.

[SIGHS]
WOW, I COULD USE A STIFF DRINK.
REALLY, FOR SURE.

THIS IS A VERY PLEASURABLE
OCCASION FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO
INTRODUCE THE FOLLOWING

OCCASION FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO
INTRODUCE THE FOLLOWING
GENTLEMAN.

INTRODUCE THE FOLLOWING
GENTLEMAN.
HE'S A FRIEND AND A WONDERFUL

GENTLEMAN.
HE'S A FRIEND AND A WONDERFUL
SINGER.

HE'S A FRIEND AND A WONDERFUL
SINGER.
HERE'S A VALENTINE FOR YOUR

SINGER.
HERE'S A VALENTINE FOR YOUR
EARS... AL JARREAU.

HERE'S A VALENTINE FOR YOUR
EARS... AL JARREAU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

EARS... AL JARREAU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ OH, I HARDLY HAD A

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ OH, I HARDLY HAD A
BELLYFUL ♪

♪ OH, I HARDLY HAD A
BELLYFUL ♪
♪ NEVER KNEW A NEW BICYCLE ♪

BELLYFUL ♪
♪ NEVER KNEW A NEW BICYCLE ♪
♪ HAND-ME-DOWN BOOKS AND SHOES ♪

♪ NEVER KNEW A NEW BICYCLE ♪
♪ HAND-ME-DOWN BOOKS AND SHOES ♪
♪ THEY BROUGHT THE YULETIDES IN

♪ HAND-ME-DOWN BOOKS AND SHOES ♪
♪ THEY BROUGHT THE YULETIDES IN
JULY ♪

♪ THEY BROUGHT THE YULETIDES IN
JULY ♪
♪ MMM ♪

JULY ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ I RODE A BUS, A TRAIN, AND

♪ MMM ♪
♪ I RODE A BUS, A TRAIN, AND
SOMETIMES STROLLING FOR MILES TO

♪ I RODE A BUS, A TRAIN, AND
SOMETIMES STROLLING FOR MILES TO
A MOVIE SHOW ♪

SOMETIMES STROLLING FOR MILES TO
A MOVIE SHOW ♪
♪ SINGING A SONG, SHOOBEDOO ♪

A MOVIE SHOW ♪
♪ SINGING A SONG, SHOOBEDOO ♪
♪ WHILE BIRDS AND RICH FOLKS

♪ SINGING A SONG, SHOOBEDOO ♪
♪ WHILE BIRDS AND RICH FOLKS
FLEW RIGHT ON BY ♪

♪ WHILE BIRDS AND RICH FOLKS
FLEW RIGHT ON BY ♪
♪ BUT WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y ♪

FLEW RIGHT ON BY ♪
♪ BUT WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y, YES ♪

♪ BUT WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y, YES ♪
♪ WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y ♪

♪ WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y, YES ♪
♪ WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ LORD KNOWS WE GOT BY ♪

♪ WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ LORD KNOWS WE GOT BY ♪
♪ MMM ♪

♪ LORD KNOWS WE GOT BY ♪
♪ MMM ♪
♪ WINTER WISHES WAIT TILL JUNE ♪

♪ MMM ♪
♪ WINTER WISHES WAIT TILL JUNE ♪
♪ WE BRIGHTENED JULY WITH THAT

♪ WINTER WISHES WAIT TILL JUNE ♪
♪ WE BRIGHTENED JULY WITH THAT
HOT-DOG FUN ♪

♪ WE BRIGHTENED JULY WITH THAT
HOT-DOG FUN ♪
♪ TELL YOUR MAMA YOU'RE WITH

HOT-DOG FUN ♪
♪ TELL YOUR MAMA YOU'RE WITH
SUE, BABY ♪

♪ TELL YOUR MAMA YOU'RE WITH
SUE, BABY ♪
♪ YOU'LL BRING SOME BEANS, GIRL,

SUE, BABY ♪
♪ YOU'LL BRING SOME BEANS, GIRL,
AND I'LL FIND THE WINE ♪

♪ YOU'LL BRING SOME BEANS, GIRL,
AND I'LL FIND THE WINE ♪
♪ AND THEM NEON LIGHTS WERE

AND I'LL FIND THE WINE ♪
♪ AND THEM NEON LIGHTS WERE
BRIGHT TILL 2:00 ♪

♪ AND THEM NEON LIGHTS WERE
BRIGHT TILL 2:00 ♪
♪ AND SNEAKING BACK HOME WITH

BRIGHT TILL 2:00 ♪
♪ AND SNEAKING BACK HOME WITH
THIS GIRL NAMED JO ♪

♪ AND SNEAKING BACK HOME WITH
THIS GIRL NAMED JO ♪
♪ WE HURRIED DOWN TO SAY,

THIS GIRL NAMED JO ♪
♪ WE HURRIED DOWN TO SAY,
"I DO" ♪

♪ WE HURRIED DOWN TO SAY,
"I DO" ♪
♪ AND I STARED MY FIRST

"I DO" ♪
♪ AND I STARED MY FIRST
MAN-CHILD IN THE EYE, Y'ALL ♪

♪ AND I STARED MY FIRST
MAN-CHILD IN THE EYE, Y'ALL ♪
♪ OHH, BUT WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪

MAN-CHILD IN THE EYE, Y'ALL ♪
♪ OHH, BUT WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ UNGH, WE GOT BY ♪

♪ OHH, BUT WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ UNGH, WE GOT BY ♪
♪ YE-E-E-AH, YE-E-E-S ♪

♪ UNGH, WE GOT BY ♪
♪ YE-E-E-AH, YE-E-E-S ♪
♪ GO-O-O-T B-Y-Y-Y ♪

♪ YE-E-E-AH, YE-E-E-S ♪
♪ GO-O-O-T B-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ LORD KNOWS WE GOT BY ♪

♪ GO-O-O-T B-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ LORD KNOWS WE GOT BY ♪
♪ AND SOMETIMES I BE SINGING ♪

♪ LORD KNOWS WE GOT BY ♪
♪ AND SOMETIMES I BE SINGING ♪
♪ DOO-DOO-DOO DOO-DOO DOO-DOO ♪

♪ AND SOMETIMES I BE SINGING ♪
♪ DOO-DOO-DOO DOO-DOO DOO-DOO ♪
♪ YEAH ♪

♪ DOO-DOO-DOO DOO-DOO DOO-DOO ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO-DOO-DOO DOO ♪

♪ YEAH ♪
♪ DOO DOO DOO-DOO-DOO DOO ♪
[SCATTING]

♪ DOO DOO DOO-DOO-DOO DOO ♪
[SCATTING]
♪ AND NOW BABY'S GOT A BELLYFUL,

[SCATTING]
♪ AND NOW BABY'S GOT A BELLYFUL,
Y'ALL ♪

♪ AND NOW BABY'S GOT A BELLYFUL,
Y'ALL ♪
♪ AND FINALLY HERE'S THAT NEW

Y'ALL ♪
♪ AND FINALLY HERE'S THAT NEW
BICYCLE ♪

♪ AND FINALLY HERE'S THAT NEW
BICYCLE ♪
♪ WORKING, PRAYING JUNE TO

BICYCLE ♪
♪ WORKING, PRAYING JUNE TO
JUNE ♪

♪ WORKING, PRAYING JUNE TO
JUNE ♪
♪ AND MAMA'S GOT L.A. GLEAMING

JUNE ♪
♪ AND MAMA'S GOT L.A. GLEAMING
IN HER EYE ♪

♪ AND MAMA'S GOT L.A. GLEAMING
IN HER EYE ♪
♪ OHHH, AND WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪

IN HER EYE ♪
♪ OHHH, AND WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y, YE-E-E-AH ♪

♪ OHHH, AND WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y, YE-E-E-AH ♪
♪ I MEAN TO TELL YOU ♪

♪ WE GOT B-Y-Y-Y, YE-E-E-AH ♪
♪ I MEAN TO TELL YOU ♪
♪ W-E-E-E GOT BY ♪

♪ I MEAN TO TELL YOU ♪
♪ W-E-E-E GOT BY ♪
♪ LORD KNOWS WE GOT BY ♪

♪ W-E-E-E GOT BY ♪
♪ LORD KNOWS WE GOT BY ♪
♪ YOU SEE, WE KEPT ON WALKING

♪ LORD KNOWS WE GOT BY ♪
♪ YOU SEE, WE KEPT ON WALKING
AND TALKING AND HAWKING AND

♪ YOU SEE, WE KEPT ON WALKING
AND TALKING AND HAWKING AND
OOHING AND COOING AND WOOING ♪

AND TALKING AND HAWKING AND
OOHING AND COOING AND WOOING ♪
♪ LOVING AND TUGGING AND HUGGING

OOHING AND COOING AND WOOING ♪
♪ LOVING AND TUGGING AND HUGGING
AND RUBBING AND SUFFING AND

♪ LOVING AND TUGGING AND HUGGING
AND RUBBING AND SUFFING AND
FUGGING AND LAYING AND PRAYING

AND RUBBING AND SUFFING AND
FUGGING AND LAYING AND PRAYING
AND SWAYING AND LETTING AND

FUGGING AND LAYING AND PRAYING
AND SWAYING AND LETTING AND
FRETTING AND GETTING ♪

AND SWAYING AND LETTING AND
FRETTING AND GETTING ♪
♪ LYING AND FLYING AND TRYING

FRETTING AND GETTING ♪
♪ LYING AND FLYING AND TRYING
AND DYING AND SIGHING ♪

♪ LYING AND FLYING AND TRYING
AND DYING AND SIGHING ♪
[SCATTING]

♪ GOT BY-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ YE-E-E-AH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ GOT B-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪

♪ YE-E-E-AH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ GOT B-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ WE GOT BY ♪

♪ GOT B-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y ♪
♪ WE GOT BY ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: AND NOW
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
CHEVY CHASE.
NO.

CHEVY CHASE.
NO.
NO, THAT'S... THAT'S THE

NO.
NO, THAT'S... THAT'S THE
BUTTERFLY KISS WITH THE EYELASH.

NO, THAT'S... THAT'S THE
BUTTERFLY KISS WITH THE EYELASH.
THE BUTTERFLY FLICK...

BUTTERFLY KISS WITH THE EYELASH.
THE BUTTERFLY FLICK...
I GOT TO GO.

THE BUTTERFLY FLICK...
I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING, I'M CHEVY CHASE,

I GOT TO GO.
GOOD EVENING, I'M CHEVY CHASE,
AND YOU... YOU ARE NOTHING.

GOOD EVENING, I'M CHEVY CHASE,
AND YOU... YOU ARE NOTHING.
[LAUGHTER]

AND YOU... YOU ARE NOTHING.
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, THE BIG STORY TONIGHT IS,

[LAUGHTER]
WELL, THE BIG STORY TONIGHT IS,
OF COURSE, THAT IT'S

WELL, THE BIG STORY TONIGHT IS,
OF COURSE, THAT IT'S
ST. VALENTINE'S DAY.

OF COURSE, THAT IT'S
ST. VALENTINE'S DAY.
PRESIDENT FORD CELEBRATED AT THE

ST. VALENTINE'S DAY.
PRESIDENT FORD CELEBRATED AT THE
WHITE HOUSE WITH THE FIRST

PRESIDENT FORD CELEBRATED AT THE
WHITE HOUSE WITH THE FIRST
FAMILY BY TRIMMING THE TREE,

WHITE HOUSE WITH THE FIRST
FAMILY BY TRIMMING THE TREE,
HUNTING FOR EGGS, AND VETOING A

FAMILY BY TRIMMING THE TREE,
HUNTING FOR EGGS, AND VETOING A
$6.1-BILLION PUBLIC-WORKS

HUNTING FOR EGGS, AND VETOING A
$6.1-BILLION PUBLIC-WORKS
EMPLOYMENT BILL CALLING IT, "AN

$6.1-BILLION PUBLIC-WORKS
EMPLOYMENT BILL CALLING IT, "AN
ELECTION-YEAR PORK BARREL TO THE

EMPLOYMENT BILL CALLING IT, "AN
ELECTION-YEAR PORK BARREL TO THE
CONFUSION OF EVERYONE."

ELECTION-YEAR PORK BARREL TO THE
CONFUSION OF EVERYONE."
PATRICIA HEARST TOLD HER JURORS

CONFUSION OF EVERYONE."
PATRICIA HEARST TOLD HER JURORS
AND THE WORLD THE DETAILED STORY

PATRICIA HEARST TOLD HER JURORS
AND THE WORLD THE DETAILED STORY
OF HER CAPTURE AND THE TORTURE

AND THE WORLD THE DETAILED STORY
OF HER CAPTURE AND THE TORTURE
BY THE SYMBIONESE LIBERATION

OF HER CAPTURE AND THE TORTURE
BY THE SYMBIONESE LIBERATION
ARMY.

BY THE SYMBIONESE LIBERATION
ARMY.
RHONDA COULLET REPORTS FROM

ARMY.
RHONDA COULLET REPORTS FROM
SAN FRANCISCO.

[Nasal voice] THE JURY IN THE

BANK-ROBBERY TRIAL OF

PATRICIA HEARST HEARD FOR THE

FIRST TIME TODAY DETAILS OF HER

KIDNAPPING FROM HER OWN LIPS.

THE 21-YEAR-OLD HEIRESS

DESCRIBED HOW AT 9:00 P.M. ONE

EVENING, HER APARTMENT WAS

BROKEN IN AND SHE WAS DRAGGED,

BOUND AND GAGGED, TO A WAITING

VEHICLE WHILE HER BOYFRIEND,

STEVEN WEED, WAS BEATEN.

A STUNNED COURTROOM LISTENED AS

THE DEFENDANT TEARFULLY

DESCRIBED A NIGHTMARE IN WHICH

SHE WAS LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR

MORE THAN A MONTH AND WAS TOLD

BY S.L.A. LEADER

DONALD DeFREEZE, "YOU'D BETTER

BE QUIET BEFORE WE BLOW YOUR

HEAD OFF" IF SHE DIDN'T MAKE THE

TAPES HE ASKED FOR.

WITH CUSTOMARY PERFECT TIMING,

DEFENSE COUNSEL F. LEE BAILEY

CALLED HER TO THE STAND LATE

FRIDAY AND SENT HER JURORS BACK

TO A SEQUESTERED HOTEL FOR A

LONG WEEKEND TO PONDER THE SIGHT

AND SOUND OF A WEEPING

PATRICIA HEARST.

THIS IS RHONDA COULLET
REPORTING.
[Normal voice] ALONG WITH

REPORTING.
[Normal voice] ALONG WITH
MILLIONS OF OTHER AMERICANS,

[Normal voice] ALONG WITH
MILLIONS OF OTHER AMERICANS,
PRESIDENT FORD WATCHED THE

MILLIONS OF OTHER AMERICANS,
PRESIDENT FORD WATCHED THE
OLYMPICS LAST NIGHT AND SAW

PRESIDENT FORD WATCHED THE
OLYMPICS LAST NIGHT AND SAW
DOROTHY HAMILL OF THE

OLYMPICS LAST NIGHT AND SAW
DOROTHY HAMILL OF THE
UNITED STATES WIN A GOLD MEDAL

DOROTHY HAMILL OF THE
UNITED STATES WIN A GOLD MEDAL
AS SHE LEAPED INTO A DELAYED

UNITED STATES WIN A GOLD MEDAL
AS SHE LEAPED INTO A DELAYED
AXEL, A WALLEY JUMP INTO A

AS SHE LEAPED INTO A DELAYED
AXEL, A WALLEY JUMP INTO A
DOUBLE AXEL, A DOUBLE-TOE LOOP,

AXEL, A WALLEY JUMP INTO A
DOUBLE AXEL, A DOUBLE-TOE LOOP,
A CAMEL SPIN, A DOUBLE LUTZ INTO

DOUBLE AXEL, A DOUBLE-TOE LOOP,
A CAMEL SPIN, A DOUBLE LUTZ INTO
A BACK SPIRAL, A DOUBLE AXEL, A

A CAMEL SPIN, A DOUBLE LUTZ INTO
A BACK SPIRAL, A DOUBLE AXEL, A
DOUBLE SALCHOW, A SPLIT, A

A BACK SPIRAL, A DOUBLE AXEL, A
DOUBLE SALCHOW, A SPLIT, A
DOUBLE-TOE LOOP, AND A

DOUBLE SALCHOW, A SPLIT, A
DOUBLE-TOE LOOP, AND A
BUTTERFLY, A LAYBACK SPIN, AND

DOUBLE-TOE LOOP, AND A
BUTTERFLY, A LAYBACK SPIN, AND
DELAYED DOUBLE SALCHOW, A BAUER

BUTTERFLY, A LAYBACK SPIN, AND
DELAYED DOUBLE SALCHOW, A BAUER
SPIRAL INTO A DOUBLE LUTZ, A

DELAYED DOUBLE SALCHOW, A BAUER
SPIRAL INTO A DOUBLE LUTZ, A
WALLEY, FINALLY A SPLIT, AND A

SPIRAL INTO A DOUBLE LUTZ, A
WALLEY, FINALLY A SPLIT, AND A
CAMEL SPIN INTO A SIT SPIN WITH

WALLEY, FINALLY A SPLIT, AND A
CAMEL SPIN INTO A SIT SPIN WITH
A SPIN COMING OUT.

CAMEL SPIN INTO A SIT SPIN WITH
A SPIN COMING OUT.
THE PRESIDENT WAS HEARD TO

A SPIN COMING OUT.
THE PRESIDENT WAS HEARD TO
COMMENT, "BIG DEAL.

THE PRESIDENT WAS HEARD TO
COMMENT, "BIG DEAL.
I DID THAT GETTING OUT OF MY

COMMENT, "BIG DEAL.
I DID THAT GETTING OUT OF MY
CAR THIS MORNING."

I DID THAT GETTING OUT OF MY
CAR THIS MORNING."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

CAR THIS MORNING."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THIS BULLETIN JUST IN FROM

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THIS BULLETIN JUST IN FROM
INNSBRUCK, AUSTRIA.

THIS BULLETIN JUST IN FROM
INNSBRUCK, AUSTRIA.
FOR A LIVE ON-THE-SPOT REPORT,

INNSBRUCK, AUSTRIA.
FOR A LIVE ON-THE-SPOT REPORT,
LET'S GO NOW TO THE SITE OF THE

FOR A LIVE ON-THE-SPOT REPORT,
LET'S GO NOW TO THE SITE OF THE
1976 WINTER OLYMPICS AND

LET'S GO NOW TO THE SITE OF THE
1976 WINTER OLYMPICS AND
"UPDATE" SPORTS REPORTER

1976 WINTER OLYMPICS AND
"UPDATE" SPORTS REPORTER
GARRETT MORRIS.

"UPDATE" SPORTS REPORTER
GARRETT MORRIS.
GARRETT?

GARRETT MORRIS.
GARRETT?
[WIND HOWLING]

GARRETT?
[WIND HOWLING]
GARRETT?

[WIND HOWLING]
GARRETT?
UH, I'M TRYING TO GET IN

GARRETT?
UH, I'M TRYING TO GET IN
NOW, CHEVY.

UH, I'M TRYING TO GET IN
NOW, CHEVY.
WE'RE TRYING TO GET TO

NOW, CHEVY.
WE'RE TRYING TO GET TO
GARRETT MORRIS, WHO'S NOW LIVE

WE'RE TRYING TO GET TO
GARRETT MORRIS, WHO'S NOW LIVE
AT INNSBRUCK.

GARRETT MORRIS, WHO'S NOW LIVE
AT INNSBRUCK.
GARRETT?

AT INNSBRUCK.
GARRETT?
[HOWLING CONTINUES]

GARRETT?
[HOWLING CONTINUES]
UH, WELL, THE BIG STORY HERE

[HOWLING CONTINUES]
UH, WELL, THE BIG STORY HERE
IS, OF COURSE, THE DOWNHILL,

UH, WELL, THE BIG STORY HERE
IS, OF COURSE, THE DOWNHILL,
CHEVY.

IS, OF COURSE, THE DOWNHILL,
CHEVY.
UH, THERE IS CERTAINLY PLENTY OF

CHEVY.
UH, THERE IS CERTAINLY PLENTY OF
SNOW, THE TEMPERATURE IS BRISK,

UH, THERE IS CERTAINLY PLENTY OF
SNOW, THE TEMPERATURE IS BRISK,
THOUGH NOT PAINFULLY COLD, AND

SNOW, THE TEMPERATURE IS BRISK,
THOUGH NOT PAINFULLY COLD, AND
ALL IN ALL, THE WEATHER SEEMS

THOUGH NOT PAINFULLY COLD, AND
ALL IN ALL, THE WEATHER SEEMS
IDEAL.

ALL IN ALL, THE WEATHER SEEMS
IDEAL.
YET, SOMEHOW, MYSTERIOUSLY, A

IDEAL.
YET, SOMEHOW, MYSTERIOUSLY, A
PALL HANGS OVER THE HILL HERE.

YET, SOMEHOW, MYSTERIOUSLY, A
PALL HANGS OVER THE HILL HERE.
THERE IS AN EMPTINESS, THERE IS

PALL HANGS OVER THE HILL HERE.
THERE IS AN EMPTINESS, THERE IS
AN AIR ABOUT THIS HILL THAT

THERE IS AN EMPTINESS, THERE IS
AN AIR ABOUT THIS HILL THAT
PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF IT.

AN AIR ABOUT THIS HILL THAT
PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF IT.
UNCANNILY AND CERTAINLY

PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF IT.
UNCANNILY AND CERTAINLY
UNACCOUNTABLY, THERE ARE NO

UNCANNILY AND CERTAINLY
UNACCOUNTABLY, THERE ARE NO
CROWDS HERE.

UNACCOUNTABLY, THERE ARE NO
CROWDS HERE.
THERE ARE NO THRONGS OF

CROWDS HERE.
THERE ARE NO THRONGS OF
THOUSANDS LINING THE SLOPES,

THERE ARE NO THRONGS OF
THOUSANDS LINING THE SLOPES,
WAITING FOR THAT RECORD-BREAKING

THOUSANDS LINING THE SLOPES,
WAITING FOR THAT RECORD-BREAKING
144.

WAITING FOR THAT RECORD-BREAKING
144.
AND, CHEVY, EVEN MORE OMINOUS

144.
AND, CHEVY, EVEN MORE OMINOUS
AND INEXPLICABLE, THE ATHLETES

AND, CHEVY, EVEN MORE OMINOUS
AND INEXPLICABLE, THE ATHLETES
THEMSELVES SEEM TO BE SHYING

AND INEXPLICABLE, THE ATHLETES
THEMSELVES SEEM TO BE SHYING
AWAY FROM THE DEATH-DEFYING

THEMSELVES SEEM TO BE SHYING
AWAY FROM THE DEATH-DEFYING
THRILLS WHICH ARE THE HALLMARK

AWAY FROM THE DEATH-DEFYING
THRILLS WHICH ARE THE HALLMARK
OF THIS INCREDIBLE DOWNHILL

THRILLS WHICH ARE THE HALLMARK
OF THIS INCREDIBLE DOWNHILL
BEHIND ME.

OF THIS INCREDIBLE DOWNHILL
BEHIND ME.
STRANGE BUT TRUE.

BEHIND ME.
STRANGE BUT TRUE.
THIS IS GARRETT MORRIS AT

STRANGE BUT TRUE.
THIS IS GARRETT MORRIS AT
INNSBRUCK.

THIS IS GARRETT MORRIS AT
INNSBRUCK.
GARRETT?

INNSBRUCK.
GARRETT?
GARRETT, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

GARRETT?
GARRETT, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
UH, YES, UH, READING YOU LOUD

GARRETT, CAN YOU HEAR ME?
UH, YES, UH, READING YOU LOUD
AND CLEAR, CHEVY.

UH, YES, UH, READING YOU LOUD
AND CLEAR, CHEVY.
WELL, NOW, GARRETT, I MAY BE

AND CLEAR, CHEVY.
WELL, NOW, GARRETT, I MAY BE
MISTAKEN, BUT WEREN'T THE FINALS

WELL, NOW, GARRETT, I MAY BE
MISTAKEN, BUT WEREN'T THE FINALS
IN THE DOWNHILL OVER JUST A

MISTAKEN, BUT WEREN'T THE FINALS
IN THE DOWNHILL OVER JUST A
LITTLE BIT EARLIER IN THE WEEK?

IN THE DOWNHILL OVER JUST A
LITTLE BIT EARLIER IN THE WEEK?
UH...

LITTLE BIT EARLIER IN THE WEEK?
UH...
I'LL CHECK ON THAT, CHEVY.

UH...
I'LL CHECK ON THAT, CHEVY.
IT'S AN INTERESTING POINT.

I'LL CHECK ON THAT, CHEVY.
IT'S AN INTERESTING POINT.
AND, GARRETT, WERE NOT THE

IT'S AN INTERESTING POINT.
AND, GARRETT, WERE NOT THE
ENTIRE OLYMPIC GAMES, IN FACT,

AND, GARRETT, WERE NOT THE
ENTIRE OLYMPIC GAMES, IN FACT,
OVER WITH YESTERDAY, FRIDAY THE

ENTIRE OLYMPIC GAMES, IN FACT,
OVER WITH YESTERDAY, FRIDAY THE
13th?

OVER WITH YESTERDAY, FRIDAY THE
13th?
ANOTHER POSSIBILITY.

13th?
ANOTHER POSSIBILITY.
I'LL CHECK INTO THAT, TOO.

ANOTHER POSSIBILITY.
I'LL CHECK INTO THAT, TOO.
I THINK THAT MIGHT ACCOUNT

I'LL CHECK INTO THAT, TOO.
I THINK THAT MIGHT ACCOUNT
FOR THE SCARCITY OF SPECTATORS

I THINK THAT MIGHT ACCOUNT
FOR THE SCARCITY OF SPECTATORS
AND ATHLETES THERE.

FOR THE SCARCITY OF SPECTATORS
AND ATHLETES THERE.
WOULDN'T YOU SAY THAT, GARRETT?

AND ATHLETES THERE.
WOULDN'T YOU SAY THAT, GARRETT?
HEY, MAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME

WOULDN'T YOU SAY THAT, GARRETT?
HEY, MAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO?

HEY, MAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO?
MAN, WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT SKIING

TO DO?
MAN, WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT SKIING
AND SNOW, CHEVY, HUH, AND ALL

MAN, WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT SKIING
AND SNOW, CHEVY, HUH, AND ALL
THIS BOILED GRAVY, BABY?

AND SNOW, CHEVY, HUH, AND ALL
THIS BOILED GRAVY, BABY?
I COULD HAVE BEEN COVERING THE

THIS BOILED GRAVY, BABY?
I COULD HAVE BEEN COVERING THE
GLOBETROTTERS IN ANGOLA, HONKY.

I COULD HAVE BEEN COVERING THE
GLOBETROTTERS IN ANGOLA, HONKY.
YOU KNOW, YOU AND THEM JIVE

GLOBETROTTERS IN ANGOLA, HONKY.
YOU KNOW, YOU AND THEM JIVE
MOTHERS SEND ME TO THIS ESKIMO

YOU KNOW, YOU AND THEM JIVE
MOTHERS SEND ME TO THIS ESKIMO
CLUB, MAN.

MOTHERS SEND ME TO THIS ESKIMO
CLUB, MAN.
I TOLD YOU I LIKE WARM WEATHER.

CLUB, MAN.
I TOLD YOU I LIKE WARM WEATHER.
[WHISTLING]

I TOLD YOU I LIKE WARM WEATHER.
[WHISTLING]
GARRETT MORRIS REPORTING FROM

[WHISTLING]
GARRETT MORRIS REPORTING FROM
INNSBRUCK.

GARRETT MORRIS REPORTING FROM
INNSBRUCK.
AND I GOT A...

INNSBRUCK.
AND I GOT A...
CIA DIRECTOR GEORGE BUSH HAS

AND I GOT A...
CIA DIRECTOR GEORGE BUSH HAS
DENIED REPORTS THAT THE CIA

CIA DIRECTOR GEORGE BUSH HAS
DENIED REPORTS THAT THE CIA
ACTUALLY PLANNED THE RECENT

DENIED REPORTS THAT THE CIA
ACTUALLY PLANNED THE RECENT
EARTHQUAKE IN GUATEMALA IN AN

ACTUALLY PLANNED THE RECENT
EARTHQUAKE IN GUATEMALA IN AN
ATTEMPT TO ASSASSINATE 18,000

EARTHQUAKE IN GUATEMALA IN AN
ATTEMPT TO ASSASSINATE 18,000
DICTATORS.

ATTEMPT TO ASSASSINATE 18,000
DICTATORS.
RONALD REAGAN STATED TODAY THAT

DICTATORS.
RONALD REAGAN STATED TODAY THAT
HE HAS BEEN WRONGFULLY MALIGNED

RONALD REAGAN STATED TODAY THAT
HE HAS BEEN WRONGFULLY MALIGNED
BY THE PRESS AND THE SUBJECT OF

HE HAS BEEN WRONGFULLY MALIGNED
BY THE PRESS AND THE SUBJECT OF
LIBELOUS RIDICULE AND GRATUITOUS

BY THE PRESS AND THE SUBJECT OF
LIBELOUS RIDICULE AND GRATUITOUS
DISRESPECT BY TELEVISION

LIBELOUS RIDICULE AND GRATUITOUS
DISRESPECT BY TELEVISION
NEWSMEN.

DISRESPECT BY TELEVISION
NEWSMEN.
THE WASHED-UP 65-YEAR-OLD

NEWSMEN.
THE WASHED-UP 65-YEAR-OLD
EX-ACTOR LOOKS ALMOST TOO PRETTY

THE WASHED-UP 65-YEAR-OLD
EX-ACTOR LOOKS ALMOST TOO PRETTY
FOR A MAN HIS AGE, WHO WAS

EX-ACTOR LOOKS ALMOST TOO PRETTY
FOR A MAN HIS AGE, WHO WAS
BLAND, AT BEST, IN SOME OF THE

FOR A MAN HIS AGE, WHO WAS
BLAND, AT BEST, IN SOME OF THE
MOST VIOLENT, SEXIST MOVIES EVER

BLAND, AT BEST, IN SOME OF THE
MOST VIOLENT, SEXIST MOVIES EVER
MADE, COMPLAINED OF UNFAIR

MOST VIOLENT, SEXIST MOVIES EVER
MADE, COMPLAINED OF UNFAIR
TREATMENT AT A NEWS CONFERENCE

MADE, COMPLAINED OF UNFAIR
TREATMENT AT A NEWS CONFERENCE
IN WHICH OUR SOURCES REPORT HIM

TREATMENT AT A NEWS CONFERENCE
IN WHICH OUR SOURCES REPORT HIM
AS SAYING, "TV NEWSMEN IN

IN WHICH OUR SOURCES REPORT HIM
AS SAYING, "TV NEWSMEN IN
PARTICULAR MAKE ME OUT TO BE

AS SAYING, "TV NEWSMEN IN
PARTICULAR MAKE ME OUT TO BE
SIMPLY IGNORANT ON FOREIGN

PARTICULAR MAKE ME OUT TO BE
SIMPLY IGNORANT ON FOREIGN
AFFAIRS AND FISCAL MATTERS AND A

SIMPLY IGNORANT ON FOREIGN
AFFAIRS AND FISCAL MATTERS AND A
FATUOUS COWPOKE AS A PUBLIC

AFFAIRS AND FISCAL MATTERS AND A
FATUOUS COWPOKE AS A PUBLIC
LEADER."

FATUOUS COWPOKE AS A PUBLIC
LEADER."
THE SILLY EX-GOVERNOR LEFT THE

LEADER."
THE SILLY EX-GOVERNOR LEFT THE
NEWS CONFERENCE EARLY TO GET

THE SILLY EX-GOVERNOR LEFT THE
NEWS CONFERENCE EARLY TO GET
FITTED FOR SPURS AND HAVE HIS

NEWS CONFERENCE EARLY TO GET
FITTED FOR SPURS AND HAVE HIS
HAIR POLYURETHANED.

FITTED FOR SPURS AND HAVE HIS
HAIR POLYURETHANED.
MICHAEL CARVIN, THE 20-YEAR-OLD

HAIR POLYURETHANED.
MICHAEL CARVIN, THE 20-YEAR-OLD
MAN WHO THRUST A TOY PISTOL AT

MICHAEL CARVIN, THE 20-YEAR-OLD
MAN WHO THRUST A TOY PISTOL AT
REAGAN LAST NOVEMBER, WAS

MAN WHO THRUST A TOY PISTOL AT
REAGAN LAST NOVEMBER, WAS
INDICTED BY A FEDERAL GRAND JURY

REAGAN LAST NOVEMBER, WAS
INDICTED BY A FEDERAL GRAND JURY
UPON EXAMINATION OF CARVIN'S

INDICTED BY A FEDERAL GRAND JURY
UPON EXAMINATION OF CARVIN'S
DIARY IN WHICH HE REPEATEDLY

UPON EXAMINATION OF CARVIN'S
DIARY IN WHICH HE REPEATEDLY
SCRAWLED THE SLOGAN,

DIARY IN WHICH HE REPEATEDLY
SCRAWLED THE SLOGAN,
"SQUIRT THE PIG."

SCRAWLED THE SLOGAN,
"SQUIRT THE PIG."
LET'S GO LIVE NOW TO THE

"SQUIRT THE PIG."
LET'S GO LIVE NOW TO THE
BLAINE HOTEL AND LARAINE NEWMAN.

LET'S GO LIVE NOW TO THE
BLAINE HOTEL AND LARAINE NEWMAN.
LARAINE?

BLAINE HOTEL AND LARAINE NEWMAN.
LARAINE?
CHEVY, I'M STANDING OUTSIDE A

LARAINE?
CHEVY, I'M STANDING OUTSIDE A
ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF THE

CHEVY, I'M STANDING OUTSIDE A
ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF THE
BLAINE HOTEL, WHICH IS NOW THE

ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF THE
BLAINE HOTEL, WHICH IS NOW THE
RESIDENCE OF A

BLAINE HOTEL, WHICH IS NOW THE
RESIDENCE OF A
MR. RAUL SANTIAGO, PRODUCER OF

RESIDENCE OF A
MR. RAUL SANTIAGO, PRODUCER OF
SNUFF FILMS.

MR. RAUL SANTIAGO, PRODUCER OF
SNUFF FILMS.
I'VE BEEN SPEAKING TO HIM WITH

SNUFF FILMS.
I'VE BEEN SPEAKING TO HIM WITH
REGARD TO THE RUMORS THAT HIS

I'VE BEEN SPEAKING TO HIM WITH
REGARD TO THE RUMORS THAT HIS
COMPANY'S FILMS DEPICT NOT ONLY

REGARD TO THE RUMORS THAT HIS
COMPANY'S FILMS DEPICT NOT ONLY
PORNOGRAPHIC ACTIVITIES BUT

COMPANY'S FILMS DEPICT NOT ONLY
PORNOGRAPHIC ACTIVITIES BUT
ACTUAL MURDERS OF UNFORTUNATE

PORNOGRAPHIC ACTIVITIES BUT
ACTUAL MURDERS OF UNFORTUNATE
PROSTITUTES.

ACTUAL MURDERS OF UNFORTUNATE
PROSTITUTES.
HE HAS ASSURED ME THAT HE HAS NO

PROSTITUTES.
HE HAS ASSURED ME THAT HE HAS NO
IDEA HOW THESE STORIES

HE HAS ASSURED ME THAT HE HAS NO
IDEA HOW THESE STORIES
ORIGINATED AND THAT, IN REALITY,

IDEA HOW THESE STORIES
ORIGINATED AND THAT, IN REALITY,
HE PRODUCES FILMS OF SURGICAL

ORIGINATED AND THAT, IN REALITY,
HE PRODUCES FILMS OF SURGICAL
AND AUTOPSY TECHNIQUES FOR

HE PRODUCES FILMS OF SURGICAL
AND AUTOPSY TECHNIQUES FOR
SOUTH AMERICAN MEDICAL STUDENTS

AND AUTOPSY TECHNIQUES FOR
SOUTH AMERICAN MEDICAL STUDENTS
UTILIZING MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANTS.

SOUTH AMERICAN MEDICAL STUDENTS
UTILIZING MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANTS.
WHEN ASKED WHY HE CHOSE TO TITLE

UTILIZING MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANTS.
WHEN ASKED WHY HE CHOSE TO TITLE
HIS COMPANY "SNUFF FILMS," HE

WHEN ASKED WHY HE CHOSE TO TITLE
HIS COMPANY "SNUFF FILMS," HE
EXPLAINED SIMPLY THAT SNUFFY IS

HIS COMPANY "SNUFF FILMS," HE
EXPLAINED SIMPLY THAT SNUFFY IS
THE NAME OF HIS GOLDEN RETRIEVER

EXPLAINED SIMPLY THAT SNUFFY IS
THE NAME OF HIS GOLDEN RETRIEVER
PUPPY WHO OFTEN APPEARS IN SOME

THE NAME OF HIS GOLDEN RETRIEVER
PUPPY WHO OFTEN APPEARS IN SOME
OF THE FILMS.

PUPPY WHO OFTEN APPEARS IN SOME
OF THE FILMS.
[GUNSHOT]

OF THE FILMS.
[GUNSHOT]
CUT! PRINT IT!

[GUNSHOT]
CUT! PRINT IT!
WELL, I SEE THAT MY TIME IS

CUT! PRINT IT!
WELL, I SEE THAT MY TIME IS
JUST ABOUT UP.

WELL, I SEE THAT MY TIME IS
JUST ABOUT UP.
I'LL BE SPEAKING FURTHER WITH

JUST ABOUT UP.
I'LL BE SPEAKING FURTHER WITH
MR. SANTIAGO ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR

I'LL BE SPEAKING FURTHER WITH
MR. SANTIAGO ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR
THE FUTURE, AND, WHO KNOWS,

MR. SANTIAGO ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR
THE FUTURE, AND, WHO KNOWS,
PERHAPS EVEN A SCREEN TEST.

THE FUTURE, AND, WHO KNOWS,
PERHAPS EVEN A SCREEN TEST.
THIS HAS BEEN LARAINE NEWMAN.

PERHAPS EVEN A SCREEN TEST.
THIS HAS BEEN LARAINE NEWMAN.
BACK TO YOU, CHEVY.

THIS HAS BEEN LARAINE NEWMAN.
BACK TO YOU, CHEVY.
STILL TO COME, IS AMERICA A CIA

BACK TO YOU, CHEVY.
STILL TO COME, IS AMERICA A CIA
FRONT?

STILL TO COME, IS AMERICA A CIA
FRONT?
AFTER THIS FILMED MESSAGE.

Announcer: INFLATIONARY
PRICES GETTING YOU DOWN?
THEN GET DOWN ON INFLATIONARY

PRICES GETTING YOU DOWN?
THEN GET DOWN ON INFLATIONARY
PRICES WITH THE NEW

THEN GET DOWN ON INFLATIONARY
PRICES WITH THE NEW
PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN FROM

PRICES WITH THE NEW
PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN FROM
K-PUT.

PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN FROM
K-PUT.
SIMPLY SNAP IN A K-PUT PRICE-TAG

K-PUT.
SIMPLY SNAP IN A K-PUT PRICE-TAG
ROLL, ADJUST THE

SIMPLY SNAP IN A K-PUT PRICE-TAG
ROLL, ADJUST THE
FINGERTIP-CONTROL PRICE DIAL,

ROLL, ADJUST THE
FINGERTIP-CONTROL PRICE DIAL,
AIM YOUR PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN

FINGERTIP-CONTROL PRICE DIAL,
AIM YOUR PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN
OVER THE REGULAR MARKING, PULL

AIM YOUR PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN
OVER THE REGULAR MARKING, PULL
THE TRIGGER, AND PRESTO.

OVER THE REGULAR MARKING, PULL
THE TRIGGER, AND PRESTO.
LOOK AT THIS.

THE TRIGGER, AND PRESTO.
LOOK AT THIS.
A WHOLE WATERMELON FOR ONLY

LOOK AT THIS.
A WHOLE WATERMELON FOR ONLY
3 CENTS...

A WHOLE WATERMELON FOR ONLY
3 CENTS...
A 12-POUND TURKEY FOR JUST

3 CENTS...
A 12-POUND TURKEY FOR JUST
4 CENTS.

A 12-POUND TURKEY FOR JUST
4 CENTS.
SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, FEED

4 CENTS.
SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, FEED
YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR PENNIES A

SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, FEED
YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR PENNIES A
DAY.

YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR PENNIES A
DAY.
SHOP FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

DAY.
SHOP FOR YOUR FRIENDS.
IT'S FUN AND EASY.

SHOP FOR YOUR FRIENDS.
IT'S FUN AND EASY.
ONE TRIP TO THE STORE AND YOUR

IT'S FUN AND EASY.
ONE TRIP TO THE STORE AND YOUR
K-PUT STAMP GUN WILL PAY FOR

ONE TRIP TO THE STORE AND YOUR
K-PUT STAMP GUN WILL PAY FOR
ITSELF.

K-PUT STAMP GUN WILL PAY FOR
ITSELF.
BUY EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER

ITSELF.
BUY EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER
WANTED.

BUY EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER
WANTED.
THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO STRETCH

WANTED.
THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO STRETCH
YOUR SHOPPING DOLLARS.

K-PUT'S PRICE-IS-RITE STAMP GUN.

A STEAL AT ONLY $49.95 WHILE

THEY LAST.

THAT'S $49.95 TO...

VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW.

Announcer: GUESTS ON NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT" STAY AT THE
FABULOUS BLAINE HOTEL.

"SATURDAY NIGHT" STAY AT THE
FABULOUS BLAINE HOTEL.
THE BLAINE, A TRADITION FOR MORE

FABULOUS BLAINE HOTEL.
THE BLAINE, A TRADITION FOR MORE
THAN HALF A CENTURY.

THE BLAINE, A TRADITION FOR MORE
THAN HALF A CENTURY.
[CLEARS THROAT]

THAN HALF A CENTURY.
[CLEARS THROAT]
PRESIDENT FORD, REVIEWING HIS

[CLEARS THROAT]
PRESIDENT FORD, REVIEWING HIS
DECEMBER VISIT TO PEKING, SAYS

PRESIDENT FORD, REVIEWING HIS
DECEMBER VISIT TO PEKING, SAYS
HE ISN'T SURE HE EVER MET

DECEMBER VISIT TO PEKING, SAYS
HE ISN'T SURE HE EVER MET
CHINA'S NEW PREMIER,

HE ISN'T SURE HE EVER MET
CHINA'S NEW PREMIER,
HUA GUOFENG.

CHINA'S NEW PREMIER,
HUA GUOFENG.
[LAUGHS]

HUA GUOFENG.
[LAUGHS]
AND, COINCIDENTALLY, IN PEKING,

[LAUGHS]
AND, COINCIDENTALLY, IN PEKING,
HUA GUOFENG IS QUOTED AS

AND, COINCIDENTALLY, IN PEKING,
HUA GUOFENG IS QUOTED AS
SAYING, "HE ISN'T SURE HE EVER

HUA GUOFENG IS QUOTED AS
SAYING, "HE ISN'T SURE HE EVER
MET GERALD FORD," ADDING, "ALL

SAYING, "HE ISN'T SURE HE EVER
MET GERALD FORD," ADDING, "ALL
THOSE PRESIDENTS LOOK ALIKE TO

MET GERALD FORD," ADDING, "ALL
THOSE PRESIDENTS LOOK ALIKE TO
ME."

THOSE PRESIDENTS LOOK ALIKE TO
ME."
WELL, HOWEVER, IN THE SPIRIT OF

ME."
WELL, HOWEVER, IN THE SPIRIT OF
WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY, FORD

WELL, HOWEVER, IN THE SPIRIT OF
WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY, FORD
REMARKED THAT THE UNITED STATES

WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY, FORD
REMARKED THAT THE UNITED STATES
FORMALLY FORGIVES THE CHINESE

REMARKED THAT THE UNITED STATES
FORMALLY FORGIVES THE CHINESE
FOR PEARL HARBOR.

FORMALLY FORGIVES THE CHINESE
FOR PEARL HARBOR.
RECOGNIZING OUR OBLIGATION TO

FOR PEARL HARBOR.
RECOGNIZING OUR OBLIGATION TO
PRESENT RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING

RECOGNIZING OUR OBLIGATION TO
PRESENT RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING
VIEWPOINTS TO OUR EDITORIALS,

PRESENT RESPONSIBLE OPPOSING
VIEWPOINTS TO OUR EDITORIALS,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WELCOMES

VIEWPOINTS TO OUR EDITORIALS,
"WEEKEND UPDATE" WELCOMES
MISS EMILY LITELLA WITH AN

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WELCOMES
MISS EMILY LITELLA WITH AN
EDITORIAL REPLY.

MISS EMILY LITELLA WITH AN
EDITORIAL REPLY.
WELCOME.

EDITORIAL REPLY.
WELCOME.
I BELIEVE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

WELCOME.
I BELIEVE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
ARE POURING TOO MUCH MONEY INTO

I BELIEVE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
ARE POURING TOO MUCH MONEY INTO
CANKER RESEARCH.

NOW, HOW MUCH CAN YOU LEARN

ABOUT A LITTLE, TINY SORE INSIDE

YOUR FACE?

WHY, JUST THE OTHER DAY, A

LOVELY LADY CAME TO MY DOOR AND

ASKED ME TO DONATE MONEY TO THE

AMERICAN CANKER SOCIETY.

BUT I SAID, "GOODNESS GRACIOUS,

NO!

I'M SAVING UP MY MONEY FOR MORE

IMPORTANT DISEASES."

MIND YOU, CANKERS CAN BE NASTY

LITTLE BUGGERS, BUT THEY DON'T

KILL YOU.

NOW, MY COUSIN MILDRED USED TO

GET THEM ALL THE TIME ON THE

INSIDE OF HER LIP, AND IT HURT

LIKE HELL WHEN SHE ATE

GRAPEFRUIT.

SO I TOLD HER, "MILDRED, DON'T

EAT GRAPEFRUIT."

AND IT DIDN'T COST HER A CENT!

WHY WASTE YOUR MONEY, AMERICA?

CANKERS CAN BE BEATEN.
DON'T EAT GRAPEFRUIT!
AND IF YOU DO HAVE CANKERS,

DON'T EAT GRAPEFRUIT!
AND IF YOU DO HAVE CANKERS,
DON'T PUT YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR

AND IF YOU DO HAVE CANKERS,
DON'T PUT YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR
MOUTH, AND DON'T BE FIDDLING

DON'T PUT YOUR FINGERS IN YOUR
MOUTH, AND DON'T BE FIDDLING
AROUND WITH THEM.

MOUTH, AND DON'T BE FIDDLING
AROUND WITH THEM.
YOU'LL ONLY INFECT THEM AND MAKE

AROUND WITH THEM.
YOU'LL ONLY INFECT THEM AND MAKE
THEM VERY BAD.

YOU'LL ONLY INFECT THEM AND MAKE
THEM VERY BAD.
WHAT?

THEM VERY BAD.
WHAT?
MISS LITELLA.

WHAT?
MISS LITELLA.
WHAT?

MISS LITELLA.
WHAT?
I'M SORRY.

WHAT?
I'M SORRY.
THAT'S CANCER.

I'M SORRY.
THAT'S CANCER.
THE EDITORIAL WAS IN FAVOR OF

THAT'S CANCER.
THE EDITORIAL WAS IN FAVOR OF
MONEY PROVIDED FOR CANCER

THE EDITORIAL WAS IN FAVOR OF
MONEY PROVIDED FOR CANCER
RESEARCH, NOT CANKER SORES.

MONEY PROVIDED FOR CANCER
RESEARCH, NOT CANKER SORES.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY

RESEARCH, NOT CANKER SORES.
OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY
NECESSARY.

OH, WELL, THAT'S VERY
NECESSARY.
YES, IT IS.

NECESSARY.
YES, IT IS.
NEVER MIND.

YES, IT IS.
NEVER MIND.
[APPLAUSE]

NEVER MIND.
[APPLAUSE]
WELL, TO DATE, VERY LITTLE

[APPLAUSE]
WELL, TO DATE, VERY LITTLE
HAS BEEN DISCOVERED BY

WELL, TO DATE, VERY LITTLE
HAS BEEN DISCOVERED BY
"WEEKEND UPDATE" SCIENTISTS

HAS BEEN DISCOVERED BY
"WEEKEND UPDATE" SCIENTISTS
SHOWING THAT THE SMOKING OF

"WEEKEND UPDATE" SCIENTISTS
SHOWING THAT THE SMOKING OF
MARIJUANA IS HARMFUL IN ANY WAY.

SHOWING THAT THE SMOKING OF
MARIJUANA IS HARMFUL IN ANY WAY.
WHITE RABBITS FORCED TO ROLL AND

MARIJUANA IS HARMFUL IN ANY WAY.
WHITE RABBITS FORCED TO ROLL AND
SMOKE 87 JOINTS A DAY ARE

WHITE RABBITS FORCED TO ROLL AND
SMOKE 87 JOINTS A DAY ARE
ENCOURAGED NOT TO OPERATE HEAVY

SMOKE 87 JOINTS A DAY ARE
ENCOURAGED NOT TO OPERATE HEAVY
MACHINERY OR DRIVE ON THE

ENCOURAGED NOT TO OPERATE HEAVY
MACHINERY OR DRIVE ON THE
FREEWAYS.

A REMINDER... THAT RESEARCH

LABORATORY ADDRESS WHERE VIEWERS

SHOULD SEND ANY SUSPICIOUS

CANNABIS IS "RESEARCH"... THAT'S

"RESEARCH... IN CARE OF"...

OUR FINAL NOTE THIS VALENTINE
EVENING CONCERNS THE BIRTH OF A
BABY SANDPIPER AT THE

EVENING CONCERNS THE BIRTH OF A
BABY SANDPIPER AT THE
WASHINGTON ZOO.

BABY SANDPIPER AT THE
WASHINGTON ZOO.
IT'S THE FIRST SUCH BIRTH IN

WASHINGTON ZOO.
IT'S THE FIRST SUCH BIRTH IN
CAPTIVITY ON RECORD.

IT'S THE FIRST SUCH BIRTH IN
CAPTIVITY ON RECORD.
THE BABY BIRD MADE ITS DEBUT AT

CAPTIVITY ON RECORD.
THE BABY BIRD MADE ITS DEBUT AT
9:14 THIS MORNING, WEIGHING JUST

THE BABY BIRD MADE ITS DEBUT AT
9:14 THIS MORNING, WEIGHING JUST
UNDER 14 GRAMS, AND, ACCORDING

9:14 THIS MORNING, WEIGHING JUST
UNDER 14 GRAMS, AND, ACCORDING
TO ZOO OFFICIALS, RESEMBLED ITS

UNDER 14 GRAMS, AND, ACCORDING
TO ZOO OFFICIALS, RESEMBLED ITS
MOTHER QUITE CLOSELY.

TO ZOO OFFICIALS, RESEMBLED ITS
MOTHER QUITE CLOSELY.
AND THE NAME GIVEN OUR FUZZY

MOTHER QUITE CLOSELY.
AND THE NAME GIVEN OUR FUZZY
LITTLE FRIEND... SIMPLY "CUPID."

AND THE NAME GIVEN OUR FUZZY
LITTLE FRIEND... SIMPLY "CUPID."
ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... THE BIRD

LITTLE FRIEND... SIMPLY "CUPID."
ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... THE BIRD
WAS STEPPED ON AND CRUSHED TO

ONE HUMOROUS NOTE... THE BIRD
WAS STEPPED ON AND CRUSHED TO
DEATH THIS AFTERNOON BY GOGGLES,

WAS STEPPED ON AND CRUSHED TO
DEATH THIS AFTERNOON BY GOGGLES,
THE BABY HIPPO BORN IN CAPTIVITY

DEATH THIS AFTERNOON BY GOGGLES,
THE BABY HIPPO BORN IN CAPTIVITY
LAST WEDNESDAY.

THE BABY HIPPO BORN IN CAPTIVITY
LAST WEDNESDAY.
WELL, THAT'S THE NEWS THIS

LAST WEDNESDAY.
WELL, THAT'S THE NEWS THIS
EVENING.

WELL, THAT'S THE NEWS THIS
EVENING.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT

EVENING.
GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[MARCH PLAYS]
Announcer: AND NOW, FROM THE
NATIONAL WRESTLING SUPERDOME,

Announcer: AND NOW, FROM THE
NATIONAL WRESTLING SUPERDOME,
IT'S THE THRILLS AND EXCITEMENT

NATIONAL WRESTLING SUPERDOME,
IT'S THE THRILLS AND EXCITEMENT
OF ALL-PRO WRESTLING.

IT'S THE THRILLS AND EXCITEMENT
OF ALL-PRO WRESTLING.
[BELL DINGING]

OF ALL-PRO WRESTLING.
[BELL DINGING]
AND NOW INTO THE RING WITH YOUR

[BELL DINGING]
AND NOW INTO THE RING WITH YOUR
COMMENTATOR, JOHNNY PANALUKE.

AND NOW INTO THE RING WITH YOUR
COMMENTATOR, JOHNNY PANALUKE.
[BELL DINGING]

COMMENTATOR, JOHNNY PANALUKE.
[BELL DINGING]
ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND

[BELL DINGING]
ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN-A.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN-A.
OUR FIRST ON THE CARD TONIGHT-A,

GENTLEMEN-A.
OUR FIRST ON THE CARD TONIGHT-A,
OUR FEATURE TAG-TEAM BOUT...

OUR FIRST ON THE CARD TONIGHT-A,
OUR FEATURE TAG-TEAM BOUT...
AND FIRST-A FROM GIANT ROCK-A,

OUR FEATURE TAG-TEAM BOUT...
AND FIRST-A FROM GIANT ROCK-A,
CALIFORNIA, AND WITH A

AND FIRST-A FROM GIANT ROCK-A,
CALIFORNIA, AND WITH A
COLLECTIVE WEIGHT OF 565

CALIFORNIA, AND WITH A
COLLECTIVE WEIGHT OF 565
POUNDS-A, THE CHAMPIONSHIP

COLLECTIVE WEIGHT OF 565
POUNDS-A, THE CHAMPIONSHIP
TAG TEAM OF THE BEES.

POUNDS-A, THE CHAMPIONSHIP
TAG TEAM OF THE BEES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[SCATTERED BOOS]

AND-A THEIR OPPONENTS-A FROM
APPLECREST GARDENS,
CONNECTICUT-A, WITH A COLLECTIVE

APPLECREST GARDENS,
CONNECTICUT-A, WITH A COLLECTIVE
WEIGHT OF 280 POUNDS-A, THE

CONNECTICUT-A, WITH A COLLECTIVE
WEIGHT OF 280 POUNDS-A, THE
TAG TEAM OF JOHN AND

WEIGHT OF 280 POUNDS-A, THE
TAG TEAM OF JOHN AND
PAT BREWSTER, THE WASPS!

TAG TEAM OF JOHN AND
PAT BREWSTER, THE WASPS!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

UH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
UH, YOUR REFEREE TONIGHT WILL BE
FRANK ATILANAU.

UH, YOUR REFEREE TONIGHT WILL BE
FRANK ATILANAU.
[BELL DINGING]

ALL RIGHT, FELLAS.
IT WILL BE A 15-MINUTE BOUT,
THREE PINS OR FIVE THROWS.

IT WILL BE A 15-MINUTE BOUT,
THREE PINS OR FIVE THROWS.
NO DODGING, NO KICKING BENEATH

THREE PINS OR FIVE THROWS.
NO DODGING, NO KICKING BENEATH
THE BELT.

NO DODGING, NO KICKING BENEATH
THE BELT.
NOW GO INTO YOUR CORNERS AND

THE BELT.
NOW GO INTO YOUR CORNERS AND
COME OUT WRESTLING.

NOW GO INTO YOUR CORNERS AND
COME OUT WRESTLING.
YEAH, BETTER TAKE THIS OFF...

COME OUT WRESTLING.
YEAH, BETTER TAKE THIS OFF...
OF COURSE, THEY'RE-A

YEAH, BETTER TAKE THIS OFF...
OF COURSE, THEY'RE-A
REMOVING-A THEIR-A ANTENNA HERE

OF COURSE, THEY'RE-A
REMOVING-A THEIR-A ANTENNA HERE
TONIGHT BECAUSE THEY ARE VERY

REMOVING-A THEIR-A ANTENNA HERE
TONIGHT BECAUSE THEY ARE VERY
DANGEROUS.

TONIGHT BECAUSE THEY ARE VERY
DANGEROUS.
THE BEES ARE A VERY ANGRY TEAM.

DANGEROUS.
THE BEES ARE A VERY ANGRY TEAM.
THEY'VE GOT PROWESS, THEY'VE GOT

THE BEES ARE A VERY ANGRY TEAM.
THEY'VE GOT PROWESS, THEY'VE GOT
STAMINA.

THEY'VE GOT PROWESS, THEY'VE GOT
STAMINA.
OF COURSE, THE WASPS ARE VERY,

STAMINA.
OF COURSE, THE WASPS ARE VERY,
VERY CLEVER, AND THEY'RE

OF COURSE, THE WASPS ARE VERY,
VERY CLEVER, AND THEY'RE
GOING TO TRY ALL THEY CAN...

VERY CLEVER, AND THEY'RE
GOING TO TRY ALL THEY CAN...
[GRUNTING]

GOING TO TRY ALL THEY CAN...
[GRUNTING]
UH, TO SUBDUE EACH OTHER

[GRUNTING]
UH, TO SUBDUE EACH OTHER
TONIGHT-A.

UH, TO SUBDUE EACH OTHER
TONIGHT-A.
[GRUNTING]

TONIGHT-A.
[GRUNTING]
HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

[GRUNTING]
HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET.
I'M JOHN BREWSTER.

I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET.
I'M JOHN BREWSTER.
SAY, YOU KNOW, MY WIFE AND I

I'M JOHN BREWSTER.
SAY, YOU KNOW, MY WIFE AND I
HAVE A TERRIFIC COUNTRY PLACE IN

SAY, YOU KNOW, MY WIFE AND I
HAVE A TERRIFIC COUNTRY PLACE IN
THE HAMPTONS WHERE OUR DAUGHTER

HAVE A TERRIFIC COUNTRY PLACE IN
THE HAMPTONS WHERE OUR DAUGHTER
IS MAKING HER DEBUT THIS

THE HAMPTONS WHERE OUR DAUGHTER
IS MAKING HER DEBUT THIS
WEEKEND, AND, WELL, WE THOUGHT

IS MAKING HER DEBUT THIS
WEEKEND, AND, WELL, WE THOUGHT
WE MIGHT SEND THE STATION WAGON

WEEKEND, AND, WELL, WE THOUGHT
WE MIGHT SEND THE STATION WAGON
AROUND FOR YOU AT THE AIRPORT.

WE MIGHT SEND THE STATION WAGON
AROUND FOR YOU AT THE AIRPORT.
YOU CAN JOIN THE TWINS AND I IN

AROUND FOR YOU AT THE AIRPORT.
YOU CAN JOIN THE TWINS AND I IN
THE YACHT.

YOU CAN JOIN THE TWINS AND I IN
THE YACHT.
PERHAPS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER AND

THE YACHT.
PERHAPS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER AND
I, WE CAN JUST... UGH!

PERHAPS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER AND
I, WE CAN JUST... UGH!
[GRUNTING]

I, WE CAN JUST... UGH!
[GRUNTING]
WHY, AS YOU CAN SEE-A, THE

[GRUNTING]
WHY, AS YOU CAN SEE-A, THE
WASPS ARE VERY, VERY CLEVER, AND

WHY, AS YOU CAN SEE-A, THE
WASPS ARE VERY, VERY CLEVER, AND
THEY'RE SPARING NONE OF THEIR

WASPS ARE VERY, VERY CLEVER, AND
THEY'RE SPARING NONE OF THEIR
TACTICS HERE TODAY AS THE BEES

THEY'RE SPARING NONE OF THEIR
TACTICS HERE TODAY AS THE BEES
GO FOR AN EARLY TAG-A.

TACTICS HERE TODAY AS THE BEES
GO FOR AN EARLY TAG-A.
[GRUNTING CONTINUES]

GO FOR AN EARLY TAG-A.
[GRUNTING CONTINUES]
I WAS...

[GRUNTING CONTINUES]
I WAS...
UGH!

I WAS...
UGH!
I JUST...

UGH!
I JUST...
OOGH!

I JUST...
OOGH!
I WAS...

OOGH!
I WAS...
UGHH!

I WAS...
UGHH!
I DIDN'T...

UGHH!
I DIDN'T...
OOH!

I DIDN'T...
OOH!
I-I DON'T BELIEVE YOU MET MY

OOH!
I-I DON'T BELIEVE YOU MET MY
WIFE, PAT.

I-I DON'T BELIEVE YOU MET MY
WIFE, PAT.
COME OVER HERE. PAT.

WIFE, PAT.
COME OVER HERE. PAT.
HOW DO YOU DO?

COME OVER HERE. PAT.
HOW DO YOU DO?
IT'S SO PLEASURABLE TO MEET YOU.

HOW DO YOU DO?
IT'S SO PLEASURABLE TO MEET YOU.
UGHHHHHHHHH!

IT'S SO PLEASURABLE TO MEET YOU.
UGHHHHHHHHH!
WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!

UGHHHHHHHHH!
WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE!

WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT! PUT ME DOWN!

WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT! PUT ME DOWN!
PUT ME DOWN.

WAIT! PUT ME DOWN!
PUT ME DOWN.
YOU KNOW, DEAR, OUR DAUGHTER,

PUT ME DOWN.
YOU KNOW, DEAR, OUR DAUGHTER,
BRITTA, HAS BEEN TAKING FRENCH

YOU KNOW, DEAR, OUR DAUGHTER,
BRITTA, HAS BEEN TAKING FRENCH
LESSONS, AND WE WERE THINKING OF

BRITTA, HAS BEEN TAKING FRENCH
LESSONS, AND WE WERE THINKING OF
GETTING HER A PRIVATE TUTOR.

LESSONS, AND WE WERE THINKING OF
GETTING HER A PRIVATE TUTOR.
JOHN AND I ARE THINKING IT MIGHT

GETTING HER A PRIVATE TUTOR.
JOHN AND I ARE THINKING IT MIGHT
BE TIME FOR HER TO HAVE HER...

JOHN AND I ARE THINKING IT MIGHT
BE TIME FOR HER TO HAVE HER...
UGHHH-HAH!

BE TIME FOR HER TO HAVE HER...
UGHHH-HAH!
AND A GREAT TACTIC THERE.

UGHHH-HAH!
AND A GREAT TACTIC THERE.
A BODY SLAM DELIVERED FROM THE

AND A GREAT TACTIC THERE.
A BODY SLAM DELIVERED FROM THE
NECK RIGHT ONTO THE MAT.

A BODY SLAM DELIVERED FROM THE
NECK RIGHT ONTO THE MAT.
AND THE BEES ARE GOING FOR A

NECK RIGHT ONTO THE MAT.
AND THE BEES ARE GOING FOR A
TAG.

AND THE BEES ARE GOING FOR A
TAG.
UH, YOU KNOW, OUR OTHER

TAG.
UH, YOU KNOW, OUR OTHER
DAUGHTER... WE WERE THINKING OF

UH, YOU KNOW, OUR OTHER
DAUGHTER... WE WERE THINKING OF
SENDING HER TO SWITZERLAND, BUT

DAUGHTER... WE WERE THINKING OF
SENDING HER TO SWITZERLAND, BUT
WE... HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO

SENDING HER TO SWITZERLAND, BUT
WE... HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO
BRIDGEPORT?

WE... HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO
BRIDGEPORT?
UGHH!

BRIDGEPORT?
UGHH!
WAIT! OH, NO!

UGHH!
WAIT! OH, NO!
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

WAIT! OH, NO!
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[GRUNTING]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[GRUNTING]
WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU UP

[GRUNTING]
WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU UP
FOR LUNCH IF YOU WOULDN'T

WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU UP
FOR LUNCH IF YOU WOULDN'T
TERRIBLY MIND...

FOR LUNCH IF YOU WOULDN'T
TERRIBLY MIND...
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

TERRIBLY MIND...
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
WE HAVE AN ILLEGAL SITUATION

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
WE HAVE AN ILLEGAL SITUATION
HERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WE HAVE AN ILLEGAL SITUATION
HERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WE HAVE A DEFINITE ILLEGALITY

HERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WE HAVE A DEFINITE ILLEGALITY
HERE.

WE HAVE A DEFINITE ILLEGALITY
HERE.
BOTH TEAMS ARE IN THE RING.

HERE.
BOTH TEAMS ARE IN THE RING.
THERE WAS NO TAG HERE...

BOTH TEAMS ARE IN THE RING.
THERE WAS NO TAG HERE...
ABSOLUTELY NO TAG AT ALL.

THERE WAS NO TAG HERE...
ABSOLUTELY NO TAG AT ALL.
THERE'S EXCITEMENT.

ABSOLUTELY NO TAG AT ALL.
THERE'S EXCITEMENT.
THERE'S PHYSICAL ACTION.

THERE'S EXCITEMENT.
THERE'S PHYSICAL ACTION.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THE JUDGES

THERE'S PHYSICAL ACTION.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THE JUDGES
CAN DISQUALIFY THIS.

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THE JUDGES
CAN DISQUALIFY THIS.
THERE'S A LOT OF PHYSICAL

CAN DISQUALIFY THIS.
THERE'S A LOT OF PHYSICAL
ACTION, A LOT OF EXCITEMENT.

THERE'S A LOT OF PHYSICAL
ACTION, A LOT OF EXCITEMENT.
THE STAMINA, THE PROWESS... IT'S

ACTION, A LOT OF EXCITEMENT.
THE STAMINA, THE PROWESS... IT'S
ONE OF THE GREATEST WRESTLING

THE STAMINA, THE PROWESS... IT'S
ONE OF THE GREATEST WRESTLING
EVENTS I'VE EVER SEEN.

ONE OF THE GREATEST WRESTLING
EVENTS I'VE EVER SEEN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE OUTCOME

EVENTS I'VE EVER SEEN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE OUTCOME
WILL BE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE OUTCOME
WILL BE.
WHAT CAN THEY POSSIBLY DO TO

WILL BE.
WHAT CAN THEY POSSIBLY DO TO
FINISH THIS?

WHAT CAN THEY POSSIBLY DO TO
FINISH THIS?
I DON'T KNOW.

FINISH THIS?
I DON'T KNOW.
DO THEY DARE DO IT?

I DON'T KNOW.
DO THEY DARE DO IT?
YES, THEY'VE DONE IT.

DO THEY DARE DO IT?
YES, THEY'VE DONE IT.
THEY'VE DROPPED THE COW, LADIES

YES, THEY'VE DONE IT.
THEY'VE DROPPED THE COW, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.

THEY'VE DROPPED THE COW, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.
THEY HAVE DROPPED THE COW.

AND GENTLEMEN.
THEY HAVE DROPPED THE COW.
THEY'VE DROPPED THE COW INTO THE

THEY HAVE DROPPED THE COW.
THEY'VE DROPPED THE COW INTO THE
RING.

THEY'VE DROPPED THE COW INTO THE
RING.
THE ROUND AND THE SKETCH ARE

RING.
THE ROUND AND THE SKETCH ARE
OVE-E-E-R!

THE ROUND AND THE SKETCH ARE
OVE-E-E-R!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME.
WE'RE PROUD TO PRESENT AN
HISTORIC MOMENT TONIGHT.

WE'RE PROUD TO PRESENT AN
HISTORIC MOMENT TONIGHT.
WITH US IS A DISTINGUISHED

HISTORIC MOMENT TONIGHT.
WITH US IS A DISTINGUISHED
EX-STATESMAN.

WITH US IS A DISTINGUISHED
EX-STATESMAN.
AND BECAUSE OF PREVIOUS NETWORK

EX-STATESMAN.
AND BECAUSE OF PREVIOUS NETWORK
AND LEGAL COMMITMENTS, WE'RE

AND BECAUSE OF PREVIOUS NETWORK
AND LEGAL COMMITMENTS, WE'RE
FORCED TO WITHHOLD HIS TRUE

AND LEGAL COMMITMENTS, WE'RE
FORCED TO WITHHOLD HIS TRUE
IDENTITY.

FORCED TO WITHHOLD HIS TRUE
IDENTITY.
WELCOME TO OUR SHOW, MR. "X."

IDENTITY.
WELCOME TO OUR SHOW, MR. "X."
[As Richard Nixon] I'M,

WELCOME TO OUR SHOW, MR. "X."
[As Richard Nixon] I'M,
UH... I'M VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE

[As Richard Nixon] I'M,
UH... I'M VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE
TONIGHT.

UH... I'M VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE
TONIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A VERY

TONIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A VERY
IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR US.

I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A VERY
IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR US.
UH, WELL, AS EVERYBODY KNOWS,

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR US.
UH, WELL, AS EVERYBODY KNOWS,
I-I'VE HAD A LOT OF TIME TO

UH, WELL, AS EVERYBODY KNOWS,
I-I'VE HAD A LOT OF TIME TO
REFLECT, UH, TO TAKE LONG WALKS

I-I'VE HAD A LOT OF TIME TO
REFLECT, UH, TO TAKE LONG WALKS
ON THE BEACH.

REFLECT, UH, TO TAKE LONG WALKS
ON THE BEACH.
OH, I LET MY HAIR GROW LONGER A

ON THE BEACH.
OH, I LET MY HAIR GROW LONGER A
BIT...

OH, I LET MY HAIR GROW LONGER A
BIT...
READ SOME HERMAN HESSE.

BIT...
READ SOME HERMAN HESSE.
AND, TELL ME, WHERE DID ALL

READ SOME HERMAN HESSE.
AND, TELL ME, WHERE DID ALL
THIS INTROSPECTION TAKE YOU?

AND, TELL ME, WHERE DID ALL
THIS INTROSPECTION TAKE YOU?
UH, WELL, ONE AFTERNOON, I-I

THIS INTROSPECTION TAKE YOU?
UH, WELL, ONE AFTERNOON, I-I
LOOKED DOWN AT THE SAND UNDER MY

UH, WELL, ONE AFTERNOON, I-I
LOOKED DOWN AT THE SAND UNDER MY
FEET, AND I REALIZED THAT EACH

LOOKED DOWN AT THE SAND UNDER MY
FEET, AND I REALIZED THAT EACH
GRAIN HAS ITS MOMENT IN THE SUN.

FEET, AND I REALIZED THAT EACH
GRAIN HAS ITS MOMENT IN THE SUN.
I LEARNED THAT FREEDOM IS JUST

GRAIN HAS ITS MOMENT IN THE SUN.
I LEARNED THAT FREEDOM IS JUST
ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHING LEFT TO

I LEARNED THAT FREEDOM IS JUST
ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHING LEFT TO
LOSE...

ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHING LEFT TO
LOSE...
AND, UH, I KNOW I PAID MY KARMIC

LOSE...
AND, UH, I KNOW I PAID MY KARMIC
DEBTS.

AND, UH, I KNOW I PAID MY KARMIC
DEBTS.
UH, YOUR WHAT?

DEBTS.
UH, YOUR WHAT?
MY KARMIC DEBTS.

UH, YOUR WHAT?
MY KARMIC DEBTS.
YOU KNOW, KARMA... KARMA... THE

MY KARMIC DEBTS.
YOU KNOW, KARMA... KARMA... THE
INDIAN CONCEPT OF EVERY ACTION

YOU KNOW, KARMA... KARMA... THE
INDIAN CONCEPT OF EVERY ACTION
IN THIS LIFETIME PRODUCES AN

INDIAN CONCEPT OF EVERY ACTION
IN THIS LIFETIME PRODUCES AN
ENERGY WHICH IS EITHER POSITIVE

IN THIS LIFETIME PRODUCES AN
ENERGY WHICH IS EITHER POSITIVE
OR NEGATIVE.

ENERGY WHICH IS EITHER POSITIVE
OR NEGATIVE.
COULD YOU GIVE US, UH, UH, AN

OR NEGATIVE.
COULD YOU GIVE US, UH, UH, AN
EXAMPLE OF KARMA?

COULD YOU GIVE US, UH, UH, AN
EXAMPLE OF KARMA?
UH, LET ME SAY THIS.

EXAMPLE OF KARMA?
UH, LET ME SAY THIS.
IT'S... IT'S CERTAINLY NO

UH, LET ME SAY THIS.
IT'S... IT'S CERTAINLY NO
ACCIDENT THAT BOB HALDEMAN CAN'T

IT'S... IT'S CERTAINLY NO
ACCIDENT THAT BOB HALDEMAN CAN'T
GROW A DECENT BEARD.

ACCIDENT THAT BOB HALDEMAN CAN'T
GROW A DECENT BEARD.
[Chuckling] AH, YES.

GROW A DECENT BEARD.
[Chuckling] AH, YES.
I UNDERSTAND, THOUGH, THAT YOU

[Chuckling] AH, YES.
I UNDERSTAND, THOUGH, THAT YOU
HAVE SOME DRAMATIC NEW PLANS.

I UNDERSTAND, THOUGH, THAT YOU
HAVE SOME DRAMATIC NEW PLANS.
UH, YES, JANE.

HAVE SOME DRAMATIC NEW PLANS.
UH, YES, JANE.
I'M, UH... I'M MOVING TO

UH, YES, JANE.
I'M, UH... I'M MOVING TO
RED CHINA.

I'M, UH... I'M MOVING TO
RED CHINA.
RED CHINA?

RED CHINA.
RED CHINA?
YES, THE CHINA OF CONFUCIUS,

RED CHINA?
YES, THE CHINA OF CONFUCIUS,
THE CHINA OF LAO-TZE.

YES, THE CHINA OF CONFUCIUS,
THE CHINA OF LAO-TZE.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE WALL.

THE CHINA OF LAO-TZE.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE WALL.
YES, YES, I KNOW.

YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE WALL.
YES, YES, I KNOW.
WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU PLAN TO DO

YES, YES, I KNOW.
WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU PLAN TO DO
THERE?

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU PLAN TO DO
THERE?
I'M GOING TO LIVE THE LIFE OF

THERE?
I'M GOING TO LIVE THE LIFE OF
AN ORIENTAL MONK.

I'M GOING TO LIVE THE LIFE OF
AN ORIENTAL MONK.
SO THIS MEANS THAT YOU'LL CUT

AN ORIENTAL MONK.
SO THIS MEANS THAT YOU'LL CUT
OFF ALL TIES WITH THE WEST?

SO THIS MEANS THAT YOU'LL CUT
OFF ALL TIES WITH THE WEST?
UH, NO.

OFF ALL TIES WITH THE WEST?
UH, NO.
I'LL... I'LL KEEP MY TURKEY

UH, NO.
I'LL... I'LL KEEP MY TURKEY
RANCH IN SAUGUS AND AN INTEREST

I'LL... I'LL KEEP MY TURKEY
RANCH IN SAUGUS AND AN INTEREST
IN DONALD'S USED CAR LOT IN

RANCH IN SAUGUS AND AN INTEREST
IN DONALD'S USED CAR LOT IN
ANAHEIM.

IN DONALD'S USED CAR LOT IN
ANAHEIM.
OH, THAT IS... THAT IS RONALD'S

ANAHEIM.
OH, THAT IS... THAT IS RONALD'S
USED MARINA IN OXNARD.

OH, THAT IS... THAT IS RONALD'S
USED MARINA IN OXNARD.
[CHUCKLES]

USED MARINA IN OXNARD.
[CHUCKLES]
AND YOU'LL GIVE UP EVERYTHING

[CHUCKLES]
AND YOU'LL GIVE UP EVERYTHING
ELSE?

AND YOU'LL GIVE UP EVERYTHING
ELSE?
YES, I'M... I'M TURNING

ELSE?
YES, I'M... I'M TURNING
SAN CLEMENTE INTO AN ASHRAM FOR

YES, I'M... I'M TURNING
SAN CLEMENTE INTO AN ASHRAM FOR
MY SURFER FRIENDS, A PLACE WHERE

SAN CLEMENTE INTO AN ASHRAM FOR
MY SURFER FRIENDS, A PLACE WHERE
THEY CAN COME AND HANG 10 IN

MY SURFER FRIENDS, A PLACE WHERE
THEY CAN COME AND HANG 10 IN
PEACE.

THEY CAN COME AND HANG 10 IN
PEACE.
THAT'S... THAT'S ABSOLUTELY

PEACE.
THAT'S... THAT'S ABSOLUTELY
MARVELOUS.

THAT'S... THAT'S ABSOLUTELY
MARVELOUS.
AND, YOU KNOW, I'M DELIGHTED

MARVELOUS.
AND, YOU KNOW, I'M DELIGHTED
THAT WE HAD THIS OPPORTUNITY TO

AND, YOU KNOW, I'M DELIGHTED
THAT WE HAD THIS OPPORTUNITY TO
SPEAK.

THAT WE HAD THIS OPPORTUNITY TO
SPEAK.
MY PLEASURE, JANE, AND I-I

SPEAK.
MY PLEASURE, JANE, AND I-I
SEND PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL

MY PLEASURE, JANE, AND I-I
SEND PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL
PEOPLE.

SEND PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL
PEOPLE.
OM SHANTIH, HARE KRISHNA,

PEOPLE.
OM SHANTIH, HARE KRISHNA,
HARE RAMA, O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M.

OM SHANTIH, HARE KRISHNA,
HARE RAMA, O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M.
O-O-O-O-O-O-M.

HARE RAMA, O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M.
O-O-O-O-O-O-M.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

O-O-O-O-O-O-M.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THIS IS JANE CURTIN WITH

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THIS IS JANE CURTIN WITH
"REMEMBRANCES OF THINGS PAST."

THIS IS JANE CURTIN WITH
"REMEMBRANCES OF THINGS PAST."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS

"REMEMBRANCES OF THINGS PAST."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FILMED MESSAGE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
FILMED MESSAGE.
O-O-O-O-O-M.

FILMED MESSAGE.
O-O-O-O-O-M.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

All: I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO
THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF
AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR

THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF
AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR
WHICH IT STANDS... ONE NATION

AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR
WHICH IT STANDS... ONE NATION
UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE...

WHICH IT STANDS... ONE NATION
UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE...
WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR

UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE...
WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR
ALL.

WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR
ALL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN...

[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
["DUELING BANJOS" PLAYS]
I COULD-A BEEN A CONTENDER.

["DUELING BANJOS" PLAYS]
I COULD-A BEEN A CONTENDER.
I COULD-A BEEN SOMEONE INSTEAD

I COULD-A BEEN A CONTENDER.
I COULD-A BEEN SOMEONE INSTEAD
OF A BUM, WHICH IS WHAT I AM.

I COULD-A BEEN SOMEONE INSTEAD
OF A BUM, WHICH IS WHAT I AM.
LET'S FACE IT, CHARLEY.

OF A BUM, WHICH IS WHAT I AM.
LET'S FACE IT, CHARLEY.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

LET'S FACE IT, CHARLEY.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
I COULD-A BEEN

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
I COULD-A BEEN
SENATOR CORLEONE,

I COULD-A BEEN
SENATOR CORLEONE,
GOVERNOR CORLEONE.

SENATOR CORLEONE,
GOVERNOR CORLEONE.
THERE WASN'T ENOUGH TIME,

GOVERNOR CORLEONE.
THERE WASN'T ENOUGH TIME,
MICHAEL.

THERE WASN'T ENOUGH TIME,
MICHAEL.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

MICHAEL.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
SHE LOOKED AT ME AS IF I WAS

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
SHE LOOKED AT ME AS IF I WAS
A BUG.

SHE LOOKED AT ME AS IF I WAS
A BUG.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

A BUG.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT NIGHT

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT NIGHT
IN THE GARDEN, WHEN YOU CAME

DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT NIGHT
IN THE GARDEN, WHEN YOU CAME
DOWN TO MY DRESSING ROOM AND YOU

IN THE GARDEN, WHEN YOU CAME
DOWN TO MY DRESSING ROOM AND YOU
SAID, "KID, IT AIN'T YOUR NIGHT.

DOWN TO MY DRESSING ROOM AND YOU
SAID, "KID, IT AIN'T YOUR NIGHT.
WE'RE GOING FOR THE MONEY ON

SAID, "KID, IT AIN'T YOUR NIGHT.
WE'RE GOING FOR THE MONEY ON
WILSON"?

WE'RE GOING FOR THE MONEY ON
WILSON"?
YOU REMEMBER?

WILSON"?
YOU REMEMBER?
NOT MY NIGHT?!

YOU REMEMBER?
NOT MY NIGHT?!
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

NOT MY NIGHT?!
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
SO, WHAT HAPPENS?

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
SO, WHAT HAPPENS?
HE GETS A SHOT AT THE TITLE IN

SO, WHAT HAPPENS?
HE GETS A SHOT AT THE TITLE IN
THE BALLPARK OUTDOORS.

HE GETS A SHOT AT THE TITLE IN
THE BALLPARK OUTDOORS.
I GET A ONE-WAY TICKET TO

THE BALLPARK OUTDOORS.
I GET A ONE-WAY TICKET TO
PALOOKA-VILLE.

I GET A ONE-WAY TICKET TO
PALOOKA-VILLE.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

PALOOKA-VILLE.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
SO, WE GOT IN THIS STATE A

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
SO, WE GOT IN THIS STATE A
NAPOLEONIC CODE.

SO, WE GOT IN THIS STATE A
NAPOLEONIC CODE.
SO WHAT'S THAT OF THE HUSBAND IS

NAPOLEONIC CODE.
SO WHAT'S THAT OF THE HUSBAND IS
THAT OF THE WIFE, VISA VERSA.

SO WHAT'S THAT OF THE HUSBAND IS
THAT OF THE WIFE, VISA VERSA.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

THAT OF THE WIFE, VISA VERSA.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
WHAT ARE YOU TWO, A COUPLE OF

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
WHAT ARE YOU TWO, A COUPLE OF
QUEENS?

WHAT ARE YOU TWO, A COUPLE OF
QUEENS?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

QUEENS?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
HERE LIES CAESAR!

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
HERE LIES CAESAR!
WHEN WILL COME ANOTHER?!

HERE LIES CAESAR!
WHEN WILL COME ANOTHER?!
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

WHEN WILL COME ANOTHER?!
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
GET ME THE BUTTER.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
GET ME THE BUTTER.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

GET ME THE BUTTER.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
AYE-AYE, CAPTAIN BLIGH.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
AYE-AYE, CAPTAIN BLIGH.
TOPSAILS AND MAINSAILS.

AYE-AYE, CAPTAIN BLIGH.
TOPSAILS AND MAINSAILS.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

TOPSAILS AND MAINSAILS.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
♪ LUCK BE A LADY TONIGHT ♪

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
♪ LUCK BE A LADY TONIGHT ♪
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

♪ LUCK BE A LADY TONIGHT ♪
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Both: JOHN FRIENDLY, GET OUT

[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Both: JOHN FRIENDLY, GET OUT
OF THERE!

Both: JOHN FRIENDLY, GET OUT
OF THERE!
TAKE AWAY YOUR HEATERS AND YOUR

OF THERE!
TAKE AWAY YOUR HEATERS AND YOUR
PISTOLEROS, AND YOU'RE NOTHING!

TAKE AWAY YOUR HEATERS AND YOUR
PISTOLEROS, AND YOU'RE NOTHING!
MAYBE FROM WHERE YOU'RE

PISTOLEROS, AND YOU'RE NOTHING!
MAYBE FROM WHERE YOU'RE
STANDING, BUT FROM WHERE I'M

MAYBE FROM WHERE YOU'RE
STANDING, BUT FROM WHERE I'M
STANDING, I RELIED ON MYSELF ALL

STANDING, BUT FROM WHERE I'M
STANDING, I RELIED ON MYSELF ALL
THESE YEARS!

STANDING, I RELIED ON MYSELF ALL
THESE YEARS!
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LOUSY,

THESE YEARS!
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LOUSY,
ROTTEN, LOUSY NOTHING!

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LOUSY,
ROTTEN, LOUSY NOTHING!
I'M GLAD WHAT I DONE TO YOU!

ROTTEN, LOUSY NOTHING!
I'M GLAD WHAT I DONE TO YOU!
YOU HEAR ME?!

I'M GLAD WHAT I DONE TO YOU!
YOU HEAR ME?!
I'M GLAD!!

YOU HEAR ME?!
I'M GLAD!!
STELLA!!

I'M GLAD!!
STELLA!!
STELLA!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OH!
THAT'S NOT THE SPOT... JUST A
LITTLE BIT HIGHER.

THAT'S NOT THE SPOT... JUST A
LITTLE BIT HIGHER.
YEAH?

LITTLE BIT HIGHER.
YEAH?
OH, THAT FEELS GREAT.

YEAH?
OH, THAT FEELS GREAT.
GOOD.

OH, THAT FEELS GREAT.
GOOD.
OH! HONEY.

GOOD.
OH! HONEY.
[CHUCKLING]

OH! HONEY.
[CHUCKLING]
[GASPS] THE DOOR.

[CHUCKLING]
[GASPS] THE DOOR.
THE DOOR!

[GASPS] THE DOOR.
THE DOOR!
WHAT? OH.

THE DOOR!
WHAT? OH.
HI, HONEY.

WHAT? OH.
HI, HONEY.
OHH, HI, HONEY.

HI, HONEY.
OHH, HI, HONEY.
YOU'RE HOME EARLY.

OHH, HI, HONEY.
YOU'RE HOME EARLY.
WHAT A SURPRISE!

YOU'RE HOME EARLY.
WHAT A SURPRISE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THE

WHAT A SURPRISE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING THE
HOUSEWORK FOR?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THE
HOUSEWORK FOR?
IT'S TRIXIE'S DAY OFF,

HOUSEWORK FOR?
IT'S TRIXIE'S DAY OFF,
REMEMBER?

IT'S TRIXIE'S DAY OFF,
REMEMBER?
WELL, I THOUGHT THURSDAY WAS

REMEMBER?
WELL, I THOUGHT THURSDAY WAS
TRIXIE'S DAY OFF.

WELL, I THOUGHT THURSDAY WAS
TRIXIE'S DAY OFF.
NO.

TRIXIE'S DAY OFF.
NO.
SAY, HONEY, I REALLY COULD

NO.
SAY, HONEY, I REALLY COULD
HAVE SWORN I HEARD A MAN'S VOICE

SAY, HONEY, I REALLY COULD
HAVE SWORN I HEARD A MAN'S VOICE
IN HERE WHEN I CAME IN.

HAVE SWORN I HEARD A MAN'S VOICE
IN HERE WHEN I CAME IN.
OH, WHY, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

IN HERE WHEN I CAME IN.
OH, WHY, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I'M HERE ALL BY MY LONESOME.

OH, WHY, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I'M HERE ALL BY MY LONESOME.
[CHUCKLES]

I'M HERE ALL BY MY LONESOME.
[CHUCKLES]
WELL, I GUESS I MUST HAVE

[CHUCKLES]
WELL, I GUESS I MUST HAVE
IMAGINED IT.

WELL, I GUESS I MUST HAVE
IMAGINED IT.
I-I THINK I'LL HAVE ME A COLD

IMAGINED IT.
I-I THINK I'LL HAVE ME A COLD
BEER.

I-I THINK I'LL HAVE ME A COLD
BEER.
BOY... BOY, WHAT A DAY.

BEER.
BOY... BOY, WHAT A DAY.
WHAT'S THIS?

BOY... BOY, WHAT A DAY.
WHAT'S THIS?
HOW YOU DOING?

WHAT'S THIS?
HOW YOU DOING?
WHY, SILLY, THAT'S NO "THIS."

HOW YOU DOING?
WHY, SILLY, THAT'S NO "THIS."
THAT'S NEW JANITOR IN THE

WHY, SILLY, THAT'S NO "THIS."
THAT'S NEW JANITOR IN THE
FRIDGE.

THAT'S NEW JANITOR IN THE
FRIDGE.
WELL, WHAT'S THAT?

FRIDGE.
WELL, WHAT'S THAT?
NEW JANITOR IN THE FRIDGE

WELL, WHAT'S THAT?
NEW JANITOR IN THE FRIDGE
MAKES YOUR REFRIGERATOR

NEW JANITOR IN THE FRIDGE
MAKES YOUR REFRIGERATOR
SELF-CLEANING, KEEPS SHELVES AND

MAKES YOUR REFRIGERATOR
SELF-CLEANING, KEEPS SHELVES AND
DRAWERS GLEAMING AND ODOR-FREE,

SELF-CLEANING, KEEPS SHELVES AND
DRAWERS GLEAMING AND ODOR-FREE,
KILLS HOUSEHOLD GERMS, SHINES

DRAWERS GLEAMING AND ODOR-FREE,
KILLS HOUSEHOLD GERMS, SHINES
ALL FRIDGE SURFACES WITH NO

KILLS HOUSEHOLD GERMS, SHINES
ALL FRIDGE SURFACES WITH NO
RUBBING, NO SCRUBBING, NO

ALL FRIDGE SURFACES WITH NO
RUBBING, NO SCRUBBING, NO
RINSING, NO WIPING.

RUBBING, NO SCRUBBING, NO
RINSING, NO WIPING.
FOOD STAYS FRESHER LONGER, AND

RINSING, NO WIPING.
FOOD STAYS FRESHER LONGER, AND
SO DO I.

FOOD STAYS FRESHER LONGER, AND
SO DO I.
[CHUCKLES]

SO DO I.
[CHUCKLES]
HEY, HONEY, THAT'S GREAT.

[CHUCKLES]
HEY, HONEY, THAT'S GREAT.
UH...

HEY, HONEY, THAT'S GREAT.
UH...
SEE YOU LATER.

UH...
SEE YOU LATER.
WELL, I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS

SEE YOU LATER.
WELL, I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS
THE WHATEVER THERE IS TO

WELL, I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS
THE WHATEVER THERE IS TO
EXPLAIN.

THE WHATEVER THERE IS TO
EXPLAIN.
ANYWAY, HERE, TAKE THAT, WILL

EXPLAIN.
ANYWAY, HERE, TAKE THAT, WILL
YOU, HONEY?

ANYWAY, HERE, TAKE THAT, WILL
YOU, HONEY?
OKAY, SWEETHEART.

YOU, HONEY?
OKAY, SWEETHEART.
OH, BOY.

OKAY, SWEETHEART.
OH, BOY.
HEY, WHAT'S THIS?!

OH, BOY.
HEY, WHAT'S THIS?!
WHAT IS THIS?

HEY, WHAT'S THIS?!
WHAT IS THIS?
HONEY, THAT'S NO "THIS."

WHAT IS THIS?
HONEY, THAT'S NO "THIS."
THAT'S NEW DOORMAN IN THE

HONEY, THAT'S NO "THIS."
THAT'S NEW DOORMAN IN THE
CLOSET.

THAT'S NEW DOORMAN IN THE
CLOSET.
WHAT'S THAT?

CLOSET.
WHAT'S THAT?
NEW DOORMAN IN THE CLOSET IS

WHAT'S THAT?
NEW DOORMAN IN THE CLOSET IS
THE ULTIMATE CLOSET AIDE.

NEW DOORMAN IN THE CLOSET IS
THE ULTIMATE CLOSET AIDE.
MEETS AND GREETS YOUR CLOTHES,

THE ULTIMATE CLOSET AIDE.
MEETS AND GREETS YOUR CLOTHES,
TAKES MESSAGES FOR YOUR HATS,

MEETS AND GREETS YOUR CLOTHES,
TAKES MESSAGES FOR YOUR HATS,
AND PHONES UP TO TELL YOUR

TAKES MESSAGES FOR YOUR HATS,
AND PHONES UP TO TELL YOUR
GALOSHES YOUR RAINCOAT'S HERE.

AND PHONES UP TO TELL YOUR
GALOSHES YOUR RAINCOAT'S HERE.
OH, YES, NEW DOORMAN IN THE

GALOSHES YOUR RAINCOAT'S HERE.
OH, YES, NEW DOORMAN IN THE
CLOSET REALLY MAKES YOUR CLOSET

OH, YES, NEW DOORMAN IN THE
CLOSET REALLY MAKES YOUR CLOSET
WELL HUNG.

CLOSET REALLY MAKES YOUR CLOSET
WELL HUNG.
HEY, HONEY, THAT'S... THAT'S

WELL HUNG.
HEY, HONEY, THAT'S... THAT'S
GREAT, THAT'S GREAT.

HEY, HONEY, THAT'S... THAT'S
GREAT, THAT'S GREAT.
OH, BOY.

GREAT, THAT'S GREAT.
OH, BOY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW?

OH, BOY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW?
DO WE HAVE ANYMORE OF THOSE

YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW?
DO WE HAVE ANYMORE OF THOSE
PRETZELS?

DO WE HAVE ANYMORE OF THOSE
PRETZELS?
BOY, I COULD GO FOR A PRETZEL.

PRETZELS?
BOY, I COULD GO FOR A PRETZEL.
HEY! WHAT'S THIS?!

BOY, I COULD GO FOR A PRETZEL.
HEY! WHAT'S THIS?!
DIDN'T YOU SAY TODAY WAS

HEY! WHAT'S THIS?!
DIDN'T YOU SAY TODAY WAS
TRIXIE'S DAY OFF?!

DIDN'T YOU SAY TODAY WAS
TRIXIE'S DAY OFF?!
SILLY, THAT'S NOT TRIXIE.

TRIXIE'S DAY OFF?!
SILLY, THAT'S NOT TRIXIE.
THAT'S NEW MAILMAN AND THE MAID.

SILLY, THAT'S NOT TRIXIE.
THAT'S NEW MAILMAN AND THE MAID.
WHAT... WHAT'S THAT?

THAT'S NEW MAILMAN AND THE MAID.
WHAT... WHAT'S THAT?
NEW MAILMAN AND THE MAID IS

WHAT... WHAT'S THAT?
NEW MAILMAN AND THE MAID IS
LIKE TWO PRODUCTS ROLLED UP INTO

NEW MAILMAN AND THE MAID IS
LIKE TWO PRODUCTS ROLLED UP INTO
ONE.

LIKE TWO PRODUCTS ROLLED UP INTO
ONE.
[LAUGHS]

ONE.
[LAUGHS]
IT BRINGS YOUR MAIL AND GIVES

[LAUGHS]
IT BRINGS YOUR MAIL AND GIVES
YOUR FLOORS A HARD-AS-WAX SHINE,

IT BRINGS YOUR MAIL AND GIVES
YOUR FLOORS A HARD-AS-WAX SHINE,
FIGHTS INSUFFICIENT POSTAGE AND

YOUR FLOORS A HARD-AS-WAX SHINE,
FIGHTS INSUFFICIENT POSTAGE AND
HOUSEHOLD ODORS, REMOVES

FIGHTS INSUFFICIENT POSTAGE AND
HOUSEHOLD ODORS, REMOVES
STUBBORN, GREASY GRIME, AND

HOUSEHOLD ODORS, REMOVES
STUBBORN, GREASY GRIME, AND
BRINGS YOUR BIRTHDAY CARDS,

STUBBORN, GREASY GRIME, AND
BRINGS YOUR BIRTHDAY CARDS,
DEODORIZES THANK-YOU NOTES,

BRINGS YOUR BIRTHDAY CARDS,
DEODORIZES THANK-YOU NOTES,
WEDDING INVITATIONS, AND CHAIN

DEODORIZES THANK-YOU NOTES,
WEDDING INVITATIONS, AND CHAIN
LETTERS, AND RETURNS YOUR

WEDDING INVITATIONS, AND CHAIN
LETTERS, AND RETURNS YOUR
BLENDER TO SENDER.

LETTERS, AND RETURNS YOUR
BLENDER TO SENDER.
HUH, WELL, ALL RIGHT, HONEY.

BLENDER TO SENDER.
HUH, WELL, ALL RIGHT, HONEY.
I GUESS IT'S GREAT.

HUH, WELL, ALL RIGHT, HONEY.
I GUESS IT'S GREAT.
I GUESS IT'S GREAT.

I GUESS IT'S GREAT.
I GUESS IT'S GREAT.
BOY... WHEW!

I GUESS IT'S GREAT.
BOY... WHEW!
SOME DAY, I TELL YOU.

BOY... WHEW!
SOME DAY, I TELL YOU.
WHAT THEY WON'T THINK OF NEXT.

SOME DAY, I TELL YOU.
WHAT THEY WON'T THINK OF NEXT.
LOOK, I'M GOING TO TAKE THESE

WHAT THEY WON'T THINK OF NEXT.
LOOK, I'M GOING TO TAKE THESE
PRETZELS AND THAT BEER AND HIT

LOOK, I'M GOING TO TAKE THESE
PRETZELS AND THAT BEER AND HIT
THE OLD BED AND LOOK AT A LITTLE

PRETZELS AND THAT BEER AND HIT
THE OLD BED AND LOOK AT A LITTLE
TV.

THE OLD BED AND LOOK AT A LITTLE
TV.
OH, DEAR... DEAR?

TV.
OH, DEAR... DEAR?
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]

OH, DEAR... DEAR?
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]
HEY!

[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]
HEY!
TURN OFF THAT LIGHT!

HEY!
TURN OFF THAT LIGHT!
HEY, WHO ARE YOU?!

TURN OFF THAT LIGHT!
HEY, WHO ARE YOU?!
[LAUGHING]

HEY, WHO ARE YOU?!
[LAUGHING]
HONEY, THAT'S NO "YOU."

[LAUGHING]
HONEY, THAT'S NO "YOU."
THAT'S NEW MILKMAN IN THE

HONEY, THAT'S NO "YOU."
THAT'S NEW MILKMAN IN THE
BEDROOM.

THAT'S NEW MILKMAN IN THE
BEDROOM.
WHAT'S THAT?

BEDROOM.
WHAT'S THAT?
NEW MILKMAN IN THE BEDROOM

WHAT'S THAT?
NEW MILKMAN IN THE BEDROOM
REALLY DELIVERS... FRESH, WHOLE

NEW MILKMAN IN THE BEDROOM
REALLY DELIVERS... FRESH, WHOLE
NIGHT TABLES, DELICIOUS,

REALLY DELIVERS... FRESH, WHOLE
NIGHT TABLES, DELICIOUS,
NUTRITIOUS BUREAUS, PILLOWS

NIGHT TABLES, DELICIOUS,
NUTRITIOUS BUREAUS, PILLOWS
LOADED WITH VITAMINS AND

NUTRITIOUS BUREAUS, PILLOWS
LOADED WITH VITAMINS AND
MINERALS, VANITIES RICH IN

LOADED WITH VITAMINS AND
MINERALS, VANITIES RICH IN
CALCIUM 'CAUSE YOU NEVER OUTGROW

MINERALS, VANITIES RICH IN
CALCIUM 'CAUSE YOU NEVER OUTGROW
YOUR NEED FOR FURNITURE.

CALCIUM 'CAUSE YOU NEVER OUTGROW
YOUR NEED FOR FURNITURE.
[CHUCKLES]

YOUR NEED FOR FURNITURE.
[CHUCKLES]
IT'S A REAL WIFESAVER.

[CHUCKLES]
IT'S A REAL WIFESAVER.
HEY, HONEY, THAT'S, UH...

IT'S A REAL WIFESAVER.
HEY, HONEY, THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S GREAT.

HEY, HONEY, THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S REAL GREAT.

THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S REAL GREAT.
[LOUD LAUGHTER]

THAT'S REAL GREAT.
[LOUD LAUGHTER]
[CHUCKLING]

[LOUD LAUGHTER]
[CHUCKLING]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[CHUCKLING]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
AH HA HA HA!

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
AH HA HA HA!
AH HA HA!

AH HA HA HA!
AH HA HA!
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

AH HA HA!
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
OHH, OH, GOD.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
OHH, OH, GOD.
OHH, MY GOD.

OHH, OH, GOD.
OHH, MY GOD.
[DOORBELL RINGS]

OHH, MY GOD.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[DOORBELL RINGS]
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
HEY! WHAT'S THIS?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
HEY! WHAT'S THIS?
IT'S NEW LADY IN THE HOUSE

HEY! WHAT'S THIS?
IT'S NEW LADY IN THE HOUSE
NEXT DOOR.

IT'S NEW LADY IN THE HOUSE
NEXT DOOR.
HAS LIFE GOT YOU DOWN LATELY?

NEXT DOOR.
HAS LIFE GOT YOU DOWN LATELY?
WELL, NEW LADY IN THE HOUSE NEXT

HAS LIFE GOT YOU DOWN LATELY?
WELL, NEW LADY IN THE HOUSE NEXT
DOOR CAN HELP GET YOU UP AGAIN.

WELL, NEW LADY IN THE HOUSE NEXT
DOOR CAN HELP GET YOU UP AGAIN.
IT'S FAST, AND IT'S EASY.

DOOR CAN HELP GET YOU UP AGAIN.
IT'S FAST, AND IT'S EASY.
HMM.

AND NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S
HOME MOVIE.

[APPLAUSE]

UH, DON PARDO, WILL YOU TELL THE
FOLKS AT HOME HOW THEY CAN GET
THEIR HOME MOVIES SHOWN ON

FOLKS AT HOME HOW THEY CAN GET
THEIR HOME MOVIES SHOWN ON
"SATURDAY NIGHT"?

"SATURDAY NIGHT"?
Announcer: OKAY, GILDA.

Announcer: OKAY, GILDA.
IF YOU HAVE A SUPER 8 OR

IF YOU HAVE A SUPER 8 OR
16-MILLIMETER HOME MOVIE, SEND

16-MILLIMETER HOME MOVIE, SEND
IT TO...

IT TO...
AND INCLUDE YOUR NAME AND

AND INCLUDE YOUR NAME AND
CURRENT ADDRESS.

CURRENT ADDRESS.
THERE WILL BE NO MONETARY

THERE WILL BE NO MONETARY
COMPENSATION AT ALL.
THANK YOU, DON.

COMPENSATION AT ALL.
THANK YOU, DON.
GILDA, UH...

THANK YOU, DON.
GILDA, UH...
HI, GARRETT.

GILDA, UH...
HI, GARRETT.
I THOUGHT I MIGHT AS WELL

HI, GARRETT.
I THOUGHT I MIGHT AS WELL
GIVE YOU THIS NOW SINCE IT'S

I THOUGHT I MIGHT AS WELL
GIVE YOU THIS NOW SINCE IT'S
VALENTINE'S DAY.

GIVE YOU THIS NOW SINCE IT'S
VALENTINE'S DAY.
A VALENTINE FOR ME?

VALENTINE'S DAY.
A VALENTINE FOR ME?
RIGHT.

A VALENTINE FOR ME?
RIGHT.
OH, GARRETT, I FEEL TERRIBLE.

RIGHT.
OH, GARRETT, I FEEL TERRIBLE.
I DIDN'T SEND YOU A VALENTINE.

OH, GARRETT, I FEEL TERRIBLE.
I DIDN'T SEND YOU A VALENTINE.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I DIDN'T SEND YOU A VALENTINE.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T SEND CARDS,

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T SEND CARDS,
YOU KNOW?

SOME PEOPLE DON'T SEND CARDS,
YOU KNOW?
NO, I DO SEND CARDS.

YOU KNOW?
NO, I DO SEND CARDS.
I-I JUST DIDN'T SEND YOU ONE.

NO, I DO SEND CARDS.
I-I JUST DIDN'T SEND YOU ONE.
OH, WELL, YOU'RE ONLY

I-I JUST DIDN'T SEND YOU ONE.
OH, WELL, YOU'RE ONLY
HUMAN... YOU KNOW, JUST A LITTLE

OH, WELL, YOU'RE ONLY
HUMAN... YOU KNOW, JUST A LITTLE
OVERSIGHT.

HUMAN... YOU KNOW, JUST A LITTLE
OVERSIGHT.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU KNOW?

OVERSIGHT.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU KNOW?
NO, IT WASN'T AN OVERSIGHT.

I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU KNOW?
NO, IT WASN'T AN OVERSIGHT.
I DIDN'T WANT TO SEND YOU ONE

NO, IT WASN'T AN OVERSIGHT.
I DIDN'T WANT TO SEND YOU ONE
'CAUSE I... KNOWING YOU, I

I DIDN'T WANT TO SEND YOU ONE
'CAUSE I... KNOWING YOU, I
FIGURED YOU'D GET THE WRONG

'CAUSE I... KNOWING YOU, I
FIGURED YOU'D GET THE WRONG
IDEA, YOU KNOW?

FIGURED YOU'D GET THE WRONG
IDEA, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, WHEN I SEND VALENTINES

IDEA, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, WHEN I SEND VALENTINES
TO MEN, I MEAN IT AS FRIENDSHIP,

I MEAN, WHEN I SEND VALENTINES
TO MEN, I MEAN IT AS FRIENDSHIP,
BUT YOU KNOW YOU.

TO MEN, I MEAN IT AS FRIENDSHIP,
BUT YOU KNOW YOU.
GILDA. YOU...

BUT YOU KNOW YOU.
GILDA. YOU...
GILDA, I'M CAPABLE OF A PLATONIC

GILDA. YOU...
GILDA, I'M CAPABLE OF A PLATONIC
RELATIONSHIP.

GILDA, I'M CAPABLE OF A PLATONIC
RELATIONSHIP.
I MEAN, FRIENDSHIP... THAT'S

RELATIONSHIP.
I MEAN, FRIENDSHIP... THAT'S
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I MEAN, FRIENDSHIP... THAT'S
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
YOU KNOW, A... AW, I'M HURT,

WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
YOU KNOW, A... AW, I'M HURT,
GILDA.

YOU KNOW, A... AW, I'M HURT,
GILDA.
OH, I'M SORRY, GARRETT.

GILDA.
OH, I'M SORRY, GARRETT.
HERE, READ THE CARD.

OH, I'M SORRY, GARRETT.
HERE, READ THE CARD.
COME ON, READ THE CARD.

HERE, READ THE CARD.
COME ON, READ THE CARD.
I WROTE A POEM ON HERE AND

COME ON, READ THE CARD.
I WROTE A POEM ON HERE AND
EVERYTHING.

I WROTE A POEM ON HERE AND
EVERYTHING.
FOR ME, YOU DID?

EVERYTHING.
FOR ME, YOU DID?
YEAH, RIGHT THERE.

FOR ME, YOU DID?
YEAH, RIGHT THERE.
NO, YOU READ IT TO ME,

YEAH, RIGHT THERE.
NO, YOU READ IT TO ME,
GARRETT.

NO, YOU READ IT TO ME,
GARRETT.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL. READ IT TO ME.

GARRETT.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL. READ IT TO ME.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, RIGHT.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL. READ IT TO ME.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, RIGHT.
"TO GILDA ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, RIGHT.
"TO GILDA ON VALENTINE'S DAY.
ON VALENTINE'S DAY I GIVE THIS

"TO GILDA ON VALENTINE'S DAY.
ON VALENTINE'S DAY I GIVE THIS
CARD TO THEE TO LET YOU KNOW HOW

ON VALENTINE'S DAY I GIVE THIS
CARD TO THEE TO LET YOU KNOW HOW
MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME."

CARD TO THEE TO LET YOU KNOW HOW
MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME."
OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL,

MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME."
OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL,
GARRETT.

OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL,
GARRETT.
"TO ME, YOU'RE A ROSE SO

GARRETT.
"TO ME, YOU'RE A ROSE SO
LOVELY IN BLOOM, I'D LIKE TO

"TO ME, YOU'RE A ROSE SO
LOVELY IN BLOOM, I'D LIKE TO
MOLEST YOU UPSTAIRS IN MY ROOM."

LOVELY IN BLOOM, I'D LIKE TO
MOLEST YOU UPSTAIRS IN MY ROOM."
GARRETT...

MOLEST YOU UPSTAIRS IN MY ROOM."
GARRETT...
"YOU'LL BE MY SLAVE AND BOW

GARRETT...
"YOU'LL BE MY SLAVE AND BOW
TO MY WHIMS AS I RUB CREAMS AND

"YOU'LL BE MY SLAVE AND BOW
TO MY WHIMS AS I RUB CREAMS AND
JELLIES ALL OVER YOUR LIMBS."

TO MY WHIMS AS I RUB CREAMS AND
JELLIES ALL OVER YOUR LIMBS."
OKAY, GARRETT.

JELLIES ALL OVER YOUR LIMBS."
OKAY, GARRETT.
I THINK THAT...

OKAY, GARRETT.
I THINK THAT...
"I'LL SHOW YOU FINE LOVING,

I THINK THAT...
"I'LL SHOW YOU FINE LOVING,
ON THAT YOU CAN DEPEND.

"I'LL SHOW YOU FINE LOVING,
ON THAT YOU CAN DEPEND.
YOU'LL BE BEGGING FOR MERCY.

ON THAT YOU CAN DEPEND.
YOU'LL BE BEGGING FOR MERCY.
THAT'S HOW I TREAT A FRIEND."

YOU'LL BE BEGGING FOR MERCY.
THAT'S HOW I TREAT A FRIEND."
GARRETT, THAT'S REALLY

THAT'S HOW I TREAT A FRIEND."
GARRETT, THAT'S REALLY
BEAUTIFUL.

GARRETT, THAT'S REALLY
BEAUTIFUL.
YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO SET

BEAUTIFUL.
YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO SET
YOU STRAIGHT, YOU KNOW? OKAY?

YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO SET
YOU STRAIGHT, YOU KNOW? OKAY?
OKAY, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

YOU STRAIGHT, YOU KNOW? OKAY?
OKAY, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
EVERYBODY, HERE'S AL JARREAU.

OKAY, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
EVERYBODY, HERE'S AL JARREAU.
[APPLAUSE]

EVERYBODY, HERE'S AL JARREAU.
[APPLAUSE]
[SCATTING]

♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT COUNTRY
DOWN ♪
[SCATTING RESUMES]

DOWN ♪
[SCATTING RESUMES]
♪ A LITTLE BIT FUNKY DOWN ♪

[SCATTING RESUMES]
♪ A LITTLE BIT FUNKY DOWN ♪
♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY AS A

♪ A LITTLE BIT FUNKY DOWN ♪
♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY AS A
PICTURE ♪

♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY AS A
PICTURE ♪
♪ YOU'RE WITTY, WITTY, WITTY AS

PICTURE ♪
♪ YOU'RE WITTY, WITTY, WITTY AS
YOU CAN BE ♪

♪ YOU'RE WITTY, WITTY, WITTY AS
YOU CAN BE ♪
♪ BLIND 'CAUSE YOUR EYES SEE

YOU CAN BE ♪
♪ BLIND 'CAUSE YOUR EYES SEE
ONLY GLITTER ♪

♪ BLIND 'CAUSE YOUR EYES SEE
ONLY GLITTER ♪
♪ CLOSED TO THE THINGS THAT MAKE

ONLY GLITTER ♪
♪ CLOSED TO THE THINGS THAT MAKE
YOU FREE ♪

♪ CLOSED TO THE THINGS THAT MAKE
YOU FREE ♪
♪ HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT A

YOU FREE ♪
♪ HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT A
DOWNFALL? ♪

♪ HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT A
DOWNFALL? ♪
♪ GIRL, IT HAPPENS AT THE END OF

DOWNFALL? ♪
♪ GIRL, IT HAPPENS AT THE END OF
EVERY LINE ♪

♪ GIRL, IT HAPPENS AT THE END OF
EVERY LINE ♪
♪ AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE

EVERY LINE ♪
♪ AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE
PULLED A FAST ONE ♪

♪ AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE
PULLED A FAST ONE ♪
♪ IT HAPPENS TO THE FOOLISH

PULLED A FAST ONE ♪
♪ IT HAPPENS TO THE FOOLISH
EVERY TIME ♪

♪ IT HAPPENS TO THE FOOLISH
EVERY TIME ♪
♪ AND, WHOA, SOMEBODY WATCHING

EVERY TIME ♪
♪ AND, WHOA, SOMEBODY WATCHING
YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ AND, WHOA, SOMEBODY WATCHING
YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU,

YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU,
MY GOODNESS ♪

♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU,
MY GOODNESS ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪

MY GOODNESS ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ LORDY, LORDY, LORD ♪

♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ LORDY, LORDY, LORD ♪
♪ SOMEBODY'S WATCHING YOU ♪

♪ LORDY, LORDY, LORD ♪
♪ SOMEBODY'S WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ GAMES ARE TO BE PLAYED WITH

♪ SOMEBODY'S WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ GAMES ARE TO BE PLAYED WITH
TOYS, ET CETERA ♪

♪ GAMES ARE TO BE PLAYED WITH
TOYS, ET CETERA ♪
♪ LOVE IS TO BE MADE WHEN YOU'RE

TOYS, ET CETERA ♪
♪ LOVE IS TO BE MADE WHEN YOU'RE
FOR REAL ♪

♪ LOVE IS TO BE MADE WHEN YOU'RE
FOR REAL ♪
♪ UPS AND DOWNS ARE CAUSED BY

FOR REAL ♪
♪ UPS AND DOWNS ARE CAUSED BY
LIFE IN GENERAL ♪

♪ UPS AND DOWNS ARE CAUSED BY
LIFE IN GENERAL ♪
♪ SOME ARE YOURS NO MATTER HOW

LIFE IN GENERAL ♪
♪ SOME ARE YOURS NO MATTER HOW
YOU FEEL ♪

♪ SOME ARE YOURS NO MATTER HOW
YOU FEEL ♪
♪ SHADY AS A LADY IN A

YOU FEEL ♪
♪ SHADY AS A LADY IN A
MOUSTACHE ♪

♪ SHADY AS A LADY IN A
MOUSTACHE ♪
♪ FEELINGS CAMOUFLAGED BY GROANS

MOUSTACHE ♪
♪ FEELINGS CAMOUFLAGED BY GROANS
AND GRINS ♪

♪ FEELINGS CAMOUFLAGED BY GROANS
AND GRINS ♪
♪ SECRETS HAVE A SPECIAL WAY

AND GRINS ♪
♪ SECRETS HAVE A SPECIAL WAY
ABOUT THEM ♪

♪ SECRETS HAVE A SPECIAL WAY
ABOUT THEM ♪
♪ MOVING TO AND FRO AMONG YOUR

ABOUT THEM ♪
♪ MOVING TO AND FRO AMONG YOUR
FRIENDS ♪

♪ MOVING TO AND FRO AMONG YOUR
FRIENDS ♪
♪ WHOA, SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE HERE

FRIENDS ♪
♪ WHOA, SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE HERE
WATCHING YOU, GIRL ♪

♪ WHOA, SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE HERE
WATCHING YOU, GIRL ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪

WATCHING YOU, GIRL ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW THAT THEY'RE

♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW THAT THEY'RE
WATCHING? ♪

♪ DO YOU KNOW THAT THEY'RE
WATCHING? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪

WATCHING? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪

♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
[SCATTING]

♪ SO LIVE IT UP TODAY IF YOU
WANT TO ♪
♪ LIVE IT DOWN TOMORROW

WANT TO ♪
♪ LIVE IT DOWN TOMORROW
AFTERNOON ♪

♪ LIVE IT DOWN TOMORROW
AFTERNOON ♪
♪ SUNDAY SCHOOL DON'T MAKE YOU

AFTERNOON ♪
♪ SUNDAY SCHOOL DON'T MAKE YOU
COOL FOREVER ♪

♪ SUNDAY SCHOOL DON'T MAKE YOU
COOL FOREVER ♪
♪ NEITHER DOES THE SILVER OF

COOL FOREVER ♪
♪ NEITHER DOES THE SILVER OF
YOUR SPOON ♪

♪ NEITHER DOES THE SILVER OF
YOUR SPOON ♪
♪ THE NICER THE NICE, THE HIGHER

YOUR SPOON ♪
♪ THE NICER THE NICE, THE HIGHER
THE PRICE ♪

♪ THE NICER THE NICE, THE HIGHER
THE PRICE ♪
♪ WELL, THIS IS WHAT YOU PAY FOR

THE PRICE ♪
♪ WELL, THIS IS WHAT YOU PAY FOR
WHAT YOU NEED ♪

♪ WELL, THIS IS WHAT YOU PAY FOR
WHAT YOU NEED ♪
♪ THE HIGHER THE PRICE, THE

WHAT YOU NEED ♪
♪ THE HIGHER THE PRICE, THE
NICER THE NICE ♪

♪ THE HIGHER THE PRICE, THE
NICER THE NICE ♪
♪ JEALOUS PEOPLE LOVE TO SEE YOU

NICER THE NICE ♪
♪ JEALOUS PEOPLE LOVE TO SEE YOU
BLEED ♪

♪ JEALOUS PEOPLE LOVE TO SEE YOU
BLEED ♪
♪ WHOA ♪

BLEED ♪
♪ WHOA ♪
♪ SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE GOT THEIR

♪ WHOA ♪
♪ SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE GOT THEIR
EYES ON YOU ♪

♪ SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE GOT THEIR
EYES ON YOU ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪

EYES ON YOU ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW THAT THEY'RE

♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ DO YOU KNOW THAT THEY'RE
WATCHING? ♪

♪ DO YOU KNOW THAT THEY'RE
WATCHING? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU, GIRL ♪

WATCHING? ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU, GIRL ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪

♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU, GIRL ♪
♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ WELL, I GOT MY EYES ON YOU

♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU ♪
♪ WELL, I GOT MY EYES ON YOU
WHATEVER YOU DO ♪

♪ WELL, I GOT MY EYES ON YOU
WHATEVER YOU DO ♪
♪ I GOT MY EYES ON YOU WHATEVER

WHATEVER YOU DO ♪
♪ I GOT MY EYES ON YOU WHATEVER
YOU DO ♪

♪ I GOT MY EYES ON YOU WHATEVER
YOU DO ♪
♪ NOW, WHEN YOU'RE WALKING TO

YOU DO ♪
♪ NOW, WHEN YOU'RE WALKING TO
YOUR CAR ♪

♪ NOW, WHEN YOU'RE WALKING TO
YOUR CAR ♪
♪ YOU'RE GOING NEAR AND FAR ♪

YOUR CAR ♪
♪ YOU'RE GOING NEAR AND FAR ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GOING UPSTAIRS ♪

♪ YOU'RE GOING NEAR AND FAR ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE GOING UPSTAIRS ♪
♪ YOU'RE FLOATING IN THE AIR ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE GOING UPSTAIRS ♪
♪ YOU'RE FLOATING IN THE AIR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE SMOKING THAT

♪ YOU'RE FLOATING IN THE AIR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE SMOKING THAT
GRASS, THINK YOU GONNA PASS ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE SMOKING THAT
GRASS, THINK YOU GONNA PASS ♪
[SCATTING]

♪ SOMEBODY WATCHING YOU, GIRL ♪
♪ I GOT MY EYES ON YOU, I DO ♪
♪ GONNA GRAB YOU, GIRL ♪

♪ I GOT MY EYES ON YOU, I DO ♪
♪ GONNA GRAB YOU, GIRL ♪
♪ OOH ♪

♪ GONNA GRAB YOU, GIRL ♪
♪ OOH ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, EARLIER WE STARTED
TALKING ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY
AND HEARTS AND LOVING AND GIVING

TALKING ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY
AND HEARTS AND LOVING AND GIVING
AND TAKING AND EVERYTHING, AND

AND HEARTS AND LOVING AND GIVING
AND TAKING AND EVERYTHING, AND
WE WERE JOKING A LITTLE BIT, BUT

AND TAKING AND EVERYTHING, AND
WE WERE JOKING A LITTLE BIT, BUT
WE'RE SORT OF GETTING NEAR THE

WE WERE JOKING A LITTLE BIT, BUT
WE'RE SORT OF GETTING NEAR THE
END OF THE SHOW, AND WE'D LIKE

WE'RE SORT OF GETTING NEAR THE
END OF THE SHOW, AND WE'D LIKE
TO GIVE YOU A SPECIAL TREAT.

END OF THE SHOW, AND WE'D LIKE
TO GIVE YOU A SPECIAL TREAT.
THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR

TO GIVE YOU A SPECIAL TREAT.
THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR
FILMS WE'VE EVER HAD ON THE

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR
FILMS WE'VE EVER HAD ON THE
SHOW.

FILMS WE'VE EVER HAD ON THE
SHOW.
IT'S A LOVELY FILM MADE BY

SHOW.
IT'S A LOVELY FILM MADE BY
GARY WEIS, AND IT SORT OF SUMS

IT'S A LOVELY FILM MADE BY
GARY WEIS, AND IT SORT OF SUMS
UP EVERYTHING THERE IS TO SAY

GARY WEIS, AND IT SORT OF SUMS
UP EVERYTHING THERE IS TO SAY
ABOUT LOVE.

UP EVERYTHING THERE IS TO SAY
ABOUT LOVE.
I LOVE YOU.

ABOUT LOVE.
I LOVE YOU.
♪ I'M SITTING IN THE RAILWAY

I LOVE YOU.
♪ I'M SITTING IN THE RAILWAY
STATION ♪

♪ I'M SITTING IN THE RAILWAY
STATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY

STATION ♪
♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
DESTINATION ♪

♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY
DESTINATION ♪
♪ MM-MM-MMM ♪

DESTINATION ♪
♪ MM-MM-MMM ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT STANDS,

♪ MM-MM-MMM ♪
♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT STANDS,
MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN HAND ♪

♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT STANDS,
MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN HAND ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY

MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN HAND ♪
♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
PLANNED FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN

♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY
PLANNED FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
BAND ♪

PLANNED FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN
BAND ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

BAND ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S

ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES

PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS STREAM

WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS STREAM
OF CIGARETTES AND MAGAZINES ♪

♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS STREAM
OF CIGARETTES AND MAGAZINES ♪
♪ MM-MM-MMM ♪

OF CIGARETTES AND MAGAZINES ♪
♪ MM-MM-MMM ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME

♪ MM-MM-MMM ♪
♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
TO ME, THE MOVIES AND THE

♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME
TO ME, THE MOVIES AND THE
FACTORIES ♪

TO ME, THE MOVIES AND THE
FACTORIES ♪
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I

FACTORIES ♪
♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG TO

♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I
SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG TO
BE HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG TO
BE HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪

BE HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S

ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES

PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS

WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
AGAIN ♪

♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS
AGAIN ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND

AGAIN ♪
♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
PRETEND ♪

♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND
PRETEND ♪
♪ MM-MM-MM, MM-MM-MM-MMM ♪

PRETEND ♪
♪ MM-MM-MM, MM-MM-MM-MMM ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK TO

♪ MM-MM-MM, MM-MM-MM-MMM ♪
♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK TO
ME IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪

♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK TO
ME IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪

ME IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪
♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪

♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪
♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I WISH I WAS ♪
♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S
ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S

ESCAPING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S
PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES

PLAYING ♪
♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES
WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
♪ SILENTLY FOR ME ♪
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

WE'RE RUNNING A LITTLE LATE NOW.
THERE'S A FRIEND OF MINE WHO'S
VERY DEAR TO ME WHO'S FLOWN ALL

THERE'S A FRIEND OF MINE WHO'S
VERY DEAR TO ME WHO'S FLOWN ALL
THE WAY IN FROM SAN FRANCISCO,

VERY DEAR TO ME WHO'S FLOWN ALL
THE WAY IN FROM SAN FRANCISCO,
AND I'D LIKE TO WISH HER A LOT

THE WAY IN FROM SAN FRANCISCO,
AND I'D LIKE TO WISH HER A LOT
OF LUCK AND SAY HELLO TO HER.

AND I'D LIKE TO WISH HER A LOT
OF LUCK AND SAY HELLO TO HER.
PATTY, WILL YOU STAND UP?

OF LUCK AND SAY HELLO TO HER.
PATTY, WILL YOU STAND UP?
THANK YOU.

PATTY, WILL YOU STAND UP?
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU...

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU...
WELL, THAT... THAT'S OUR

THANK YOU...
WELL, THAT... THAT'S OUR
VALENTINE'S DAY.

WELL, THAT... THAT'S OUR
VALENTINE'S DAY.
IT'S REALLY BEEN WONDERFUL WITH

VALENTINE'S DAY.
IT'S REALLY BEEN WONDERFUL WITH
THESE... HI, HAPPY VALENTINE'S

IT'S REALLY BEEN WONDERFUL WITH
THESE... HI, HAPPY VALENTINE'S
DAY.

THESE... HI, HAPPY VALENTINE'S
DAY.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

DAY.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
GOOD NIGHT, MOM!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
GOOD NIGHT, MOM!
GOOD NIGHT!

GOOD NIGHT, MOM!
GOOD NIGHT!
GOOD NIGHT, SUSAN!

GOOD NIGHT!
GOOD NIGHT, SUSAN!
GOOD NIGHT!

GOOD NIGHT, SUSAN!
GOOD NIGHT!
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!

GOOD NIGHT!
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
[APPLAUSE]

WHERE'S EMILY?
I DON'T KNOW.
EMILY!

I DON'T KNOW.
EMILY!
EMILY?

EMILY!
EMILY?
EMILY!

EMILY?
EMILY!
EMILY, COME HERE!

EMILY!
EMILY, COME HERE!
EMILY!

EMILY, COME HERE!
EMILY!
MA! HEY, MA!

EMILY!
MA! HEY, MA!
COME ON UP.

MA! HEY, MA!
COME ON UP.
HI.

COME ON UP.
HI.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: THE SHAPIRO

SISTERS MIMED TO NATALIE COLE,

SINGING ON CAPITOL RECORDS.

THIS IS DON PARDO SPEAKING.

GOOD NIGHT.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]