Saturday Night Live (1975–…): Season 1, Episode 14 - Desi Arnaz/Desi Arnaz, Jr. - full transcript

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
COME IN.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. PRESIDENT.

COME IN.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. PRESIDENT.
AFTERNOON, DR. SPECK.

GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. PRESIDENT.
AFTERNOON, DR. SPECK.
YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY

AFTERNOON, DR. SPECK.
YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT THESE SESSIONS HAVE BEEN

YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT THESE SESSIONS HAVE BEEN
GREAT FOR ME, AND I'M FEELING

THAT THESE SESSIONS HAVE BEEN
GREAT FOR ME, AND I'M FEELING
MUCH MORE CLEAR-HEADED ALREADY.

GREAT FOR ME, AND I'M FEELING
MUCH MORE CLEAR-HEADED ALREADY.
WELL, I'M VERY GLAD TO HEAR

MUCH MORE CLEAR-HEADED ALREADY.
WELL, I'M VERY GLAD TO HEAR
THAT, MR. PRESIDENT.

WELL, I'M VERY GLAD TO HEAR
THAT, MR. PRESIDENT.
THANK YOU.

THAT, MR. PRESIDENT.
THANK YOU.
IF YOU'D JUST LIKE TO LIE

THANK YOU.
IF YOU'D JUST LIKE TO LIE
DOWN, WE CAN GET ON WITH THE



IF YOU'D JUST LIKE TO LIE
DOWN, WE CAN GET ON WITH THE
SESSION.

DOWN, WE CAN GET ON WITH THE
SESSION.
WONDERFUL. THANK YOU.

SESSION.
WONDERFUL. THANK YOU.
OH, BOY.

WONDERFUL. THANK YOU.
OH, BOY.
UH, MR. PRESIDENT, IT MIGHT

OH, BOY.
UH, MR. PRESIDENT, IT MIGHT
GO A LITTLE EASIER IF YOU'D JUST

UH, MR. PRESIDENT, IT MIGHT
GO A LITTLE EASIER IF YOU'D JUST
LIE ON THE COUCH AS YOU USUALLY

GO A LITTLE EASIER IF YOU'D JUST
LIE ON THE COUCH AS YOU USUALLY
DO.

LIE ON THE COUCH AS YOU USUALLY
DO.
AH. MM-HMM.

DO.
AH. MM-HMM.
SORRY.

AH. MM-HMM.
SORRY.
UH, MIGHT I SUGGEST,

SORRY.
UH, MIGHT I SUGGEST,
MR. PRESIDENT, THAT THINGS MIGHT

UH, MIGHT I SUGGEST,
MR. PRESIDENT, THAT THINGS MIGHT
FLOW A LITTLE EASIER IF YOU LIE

MR. PRESIDENT, THAT THINGS MIGHT
FLOW A LITTLE EASIER IF YOU LIE
WITH YOUR FACE UP HERE AND YOUR

FLOW A LITTLE EASIER IF YOU LIE
WITH YOUR FACE UP HERE AND YOUR
BODY LENGTHWISE ON THE COUCH?



WITH YOUR FACE UP HERE AND YOUR
BODY LENGTHWISE ON THE COUCH?
VERY GOOD, DOCTOR.

BODY LENGTHWISE ON THE COUCH?
VERY GOOD, DOCTOR.
I'M SORRY.

VERY GOOD, DOCTOR.
I'M SORRY.
OKAY, WE TALKED ABOUT DREAMS

I'M SORRY.
OKAY, WE TALKED ABOUT DREAMS
LAST TIME.

OKAY, WE TALKED ABOUT DREAMS
LAST TIME.
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER TO YOUR

LAST TIME.
I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER TO YOUR
LAST DREAM, EITHER LAST NIGHT OR

I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER TO YOUR
LAST DREAM, EITHER LAST NIGHT OR
THE NIGHT BEFORE.

LAST DREAM, EITHER LAST NIGHT OR
THE NIGHT BEFORE.
JUST LAY BACK AND TELL ME WHAT

THE NIGHT BEFORE.
JUST LAY BACK AND TELL ME WHAT
YOU SEE, ALL RIGHT?

JUST LAY BACK AND TELL ME WHAT
YOU SEE, ALL RIGHT?
I SEE... I SEE WHITE SQUARES.

YOU SEE, ALL RIGHT?
I SEE... I SEE WHITE SQUARES.
UH-HUH.

I SEE... I SEE WHITE SQUARES.
UH-HUH.
BLACK DOTS.

UH-HUH.
BLACK DOTS.
UH-HUH.

BLACK DOTS.
UH-HUH.
KIND OF FORMING A PATTERN.

UH-HUH.
KIND OF FORMING A PATTERN.
THE... THE DOTS AND THE SQUARES.

KIND OF FORMING A PATTERN.
THE... THE DOTS AND THE SQUARES.
THE SQUARES SEEM TO BE LIKE

THE... THE DOTS AND THE SQUARES.
THE SQUARES SEEM TO BE LIKE
WHITE TILE.

THE SQUARES SEEM TO BE LIKE
WHITE TILE.
UH, MR. PRESIDENT...

WHITE TILE.
UH, MR. PRESIDENT...
DOTS.

UH, MR. PRESIDENT...
DOTS.
THAT'S THE CEILING, I

DOTS.
THAT'S THE CEILING, I
THINK, YOU'RE LOOKING AT.

THAT'S THE CEILING, I
THINK, YOU'RE LOOKING AT.
AH.

THINK, YOU'RE LOOKING AT.
AH.
NEVER MIND.

AH.
NEVER MIND.
AH, YES.

NEVER MIND.
AH, YES.
LET'S TRY A LITTLE FREE

AH, YES.
LET'S TRY A LITTLE FREE
ASSOCIATION, OKAY?

LET'S TRY A LITTLE FREE
ASSOCIATION, OKAY?
MM-HMM.

ASSOCIATION, OKAY?
MM-HMM.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

MM-HMM.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
THAT'S WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
THAT'S WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO
PAY FOR IT, ISN'T IT?

THAT'S WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO
PAY FOR IT, ISN'T IT?
THAT'S VERY, VERY FUNNY,

PAY FOR IT, ISN'T IT?
THAT'S VERY, VERY FUNNY,
MR. PRESIDENT.

THAT'S VERY, VERY FUNNY,
MR. PRESIDENT.
THANK YOU.

MR. PRESIDENT.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, FREE ASSOCIATION MEANS THAT

ALL RIGHT.
NOW, FREE ASSOCIATION MEANS THAT
I'LL SAY A WORD AND YOU SAY A

NOW, FREE ASSOCIATION MEANS THAT
I'LL SAY A WORD AND YOU SAY A
WORD... WHATEVER WORD POPS INTO

I'LL SAY A WORD AND YOU SAY A
WORD... WHATEVER WORD POPS INTO
YOUR HEAD, OKAY?

WORD... WHATEVER WORD POPS INTO
YOUR HEAD, OKAY?
YES.

YOUR HEAD, OKAY?
YES.
OKAY. APPLE.

YES.
OKAY. APPLE.
APPLE.

OKAY. APPLE.
APPLE.
HOUSE.

APPLE.
HOUSE.
HOUSE.

HOUSE.
HOUSE.
NO, NO, NO.

HOUSE.
NO, NO, NO.
YOU CAN SAY A DIFFERENT WORD

NO, NO, NO.
YOU CAN SAY A DIFFERENT WORD
FROM THE ONE I SAY, OKAY?

YOU CAN SAY A DIFFERENT WORD
FROM THE ONE I SAY, OKAY?
YES, OF COURSE. I'M SORRY.

FROM THE ONE I SAY, OKAY?
YES, OF COURSE. I'M SORRY.
APPLE.

YES, OF COURSE. I'M SORRY.
APPLE.
APPLES.

APPLE.
APPLES.
IT CAN BE A COMPLETELY

APPLES.
IT CAN BE A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT CONCEPT, YOU KNOW.

IT CAN BE A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT CONCEPT, YOU KNOW.
ALL RIGHT?

DIFFERENT CONCEPT, YOU KNOW.
ALL RIGHT?
I'M SORRY. DIFFERENT WORD?

ALL RIGHT?
I'M SORRY. DIFFERENT WORD?
YES, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

I'M SORRY. DIFFERENT WORD?
YES, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
APPLE.

YES, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
APPLE.
CIDER.

APPLE.
CIDER.
GOOD.

CIDER.
GOOD.
BAD.

GOOD.
BAD.
NO.

BAD.
NO.
YES.

NO.
YES.
STOP.

YES.
STOP.
GO.

STOP.
GO.
RUG.

GO.
RUG.
TRIP.

RUG.
TRIP.
COFFEE.

TRIP.
COFFEE.
SPILL.

COFFEE.
SPILL.
CAR.

SPILL.
CAR.
CRASH.

CAR.
CRASH.
HEAD.

CRASH.
HEAD.
BUMP.

HEAD.
BUMP.
SNOW.

BUMP.
SNOW.
SLIP.

SNOW.
SLIP.
PRIMARY.

SLIP.
PRIMARY.
LOSE.

PRIMARY.
LOSE.
REAGAN.

LOSE.
REAGAN.
HAIR DYE.

REAGAN.
HAIR DYE.
CHINA.

HAIR DYE.
CHINA.
PARDON.

CHINA.
PARDON.
DR. SPECK, I WONDER... I'M NOT

PARDON.
DR. SPECK, I WONDER... I'M NOT
FEELING TOO WELL TODAY.

DR. SPECK, I WONDER... I'M NOT
FEELING TOO WELL TODAY.
I SORT OF GOT OUT OF BED ON THE

FEELING TOO WELL TODAY.
I SORT OF GOT OUT OF BED ON THE
WRONG SIDE, AND I WONDERED IF

I SORT OF GOT OUT OF BED ON THE
WRONG SIDE, AND I WONDERED IF
MAYBE WE COULD CONTINUE THIS

WRONG SIDE, AND I WONDERED IF
MAYBE WE COULD CONTINUE THIS
TOMORROW.

MAYBE WE COULD CONTINUE THIS
TOMORROW.
CERTAINLY. CERTAINLY.

TOMORROW.
CERTAINLY. CERTAINLY.
WE ALL DO IT.

CERTAINLY. CERTAINLY.
WE ALL DO IT.
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

WE ALL DO IT.
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
SURE. OKAY.

THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
SURE. OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, THEN.

SURE. OKAY.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, THEN.
FINE.

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT"!
[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: STARRING...

WITH...

AND SPECIAL GUEST...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
DESI ARNAZ!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

DESI ARNAZ!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!
MY PLEASURE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.

GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.
OH, AREN'T YOU NICE?

THANK YOU.
OH, AREN'T YOU NICE?
GOD BLESS YOU.

OH, AREN'T YOU NICE?
GOD BLESS YOU.
IT'S REALLY A GREAT PLEASURE FOR

GOD BLESS YOU.
IT'S REALLY A GREAT PLEASURE FOR
ME TO BE HOSTING NBC's

IT'S REALLY A GREAT PLEASURE FOR
ME TO BE HOSTING NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT," MAINLY BECAUSE

ME TO BE HOSTING NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT," MAINLY BECAUSE
IT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS,

"SATURDAY NIGHT," MAINLY BECAUSE
IT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS,
AND ALSO BECAUSE THIS IS THE

IT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS,
AND ALSO BECAUSE THIS IS THE
FIRST TIME THAT I HAVE BEEN LIVE

AND ALSO BECAUSE THIS IS THE
FIRST TIME THAT I HAVE BEEN LIVE
SINCE I WAS CUBAN.

FIRST TIME THAT I HAVE BEEN LIVE
SINCE I WAS CUBAN.
AND WORKING WITH THIS GROUP

SINCE I WAS CUBAN.
AND WORKING WITH THIS GROUP
HERE... I MEAN, I HAVEN'T HAD A

AND WORKING WITH THIS GROUP
HERE... I MEAN, I HAVEN'T HAD A
WEEK LIKE THIS IN A LONG, LONG

HERE... I MEAN, I HAVEN'T HAD A
WEEK LIKE THIS IN A LONG, LONG
TIME.

WEEK LIKE THIS IN A LONG, LONG
TIME.
IT'S BEEN JUST GREAT FUN.

TIME.
IT'S BEEN JUST GREAT FUN.
AND THE PLAYERS... YOU KNOW,

IT'S BEEN JUST GREAT FUN.
AND THE PLAYERS... YOU KNOW,
ESOS QUE NO ESTáN LISTOS PARA EL

AND THE PLAYERS... YOU KNOW,
ESOS QUE NO ESTáN LISTOS PARA EL
PRIME TIME YET...

ESOS QUE NO ESTáN LISTOS PARA EL
PRIME TIME YET...
THEY'RE WONDERFUL, AND DON'T YOU

PRIME TIME YET...
THEY'RE WONDERFUL, AND DON'T YOU
LET THEM KID YOU.

THEY'RE WONDERFUL, AND DON'T YOU
LET THEM KID YOU.
THEY'RE READY FOR ANYTHING,

LET THEM KID YOU.
THEY'RE READY FOR ANYTHING,
THESE KIDS.

THEY'RE READY FOR ANYTHING,
THESE KIDS.
AND THEY'RE SO SWEET BESIDES.

THESE KIDS.
AND THEY'RE SO SWEET BESIDES.
YOU KNOW, THEY KNEW THAT I LIKE

AND THEY'RE SO SWEET BESIDES.
YOU KNOW, THEY KNEW THAT I LIKE
CIGARS, SO THE FIRST DAY OF

YOU KNOW, THEY KNEW THAT I LIKE
CIGARS, SO THE FIRST DAY OF
REHEARSAL, THEY GOT TOGETHER,

CIGARS, SO THE FIRST DAY OF
REHEARSAL, THEY GOT TOGETHER,
AND THEY PRESENTED ME WITH A BOX

REHEARSAL, THEY GOT TOGETHER,
AND THEY PRESENTED ME WITH A BOX
OF CIGARS.

AND THEY PRESENTED ME WITH A BOX
OF CIGARS.
I HAVE NEVER HEARD THE BRAND

OF CIGARS.
I HAVE NEVER HEARD THE BRAND
BEFORE.

I HAVE NEVER HEARD THE BRAND
BEFORE.
IT'S CALLED ACAPULCO GOLD.

BEFORE.
IT'S CALLED ACAPULCO GOLD.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S CALLED ACAPULCO GOLD.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I HAVEN'T SMOKED ANYTHING ELSE

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I HAVEN'T SMOKED ANYTHING ELSE
SINCE, AND AS SOON AS I PASS IT

I HAVEN'T SMOKED ANYTHING ELSE
SINCE, AND AS SOON AS I PASS IT
AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

SINCE, AND AS SOON AS I PASS IT
AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[APPLAUSE]

HI.
YOU MAY NOT RECOGNIZE MY FACE.
I WAS A TOP MIDDLEWEIGHT

YOU MAY NOT RECOGNIZE MY FACE.
I WAS A TOP MIDDLEWEIGHT
CONTENDER, AND I'VE SPENT THE

I WAS A TOP MIDDLEWEIGHT
CONTENDER, AND I'VE SPENT THE
PAST SEVEN YEARS IN JAIL FOR

CONTENDER, AND I'VE SPENT THE
PAST SEVEN YEARS IN JAIL FOR
SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO.

PAST SEVEN YEARS IN JAIL FOR
SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO.
I'VE GOTTEN A LOT OF PUBLICITY

SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO.
I'VE GOTTEN A LOT OF PUBLICITY
LATELY.

I'VE GOTTEN A LOT OF PUBLICITY
LATELY.
JOAN BAEZ IS MY FRIEND, AND

LATELY.
JOAN BAEZ IS MY FRIEND, AND
BOB DYLAN WRITES SONGS ABOUT ME,

JOAN BAEZ IS MY FRIEND, AND
BOB DYLAN WRITES SONGS ABOUT ME,
BUT STILL A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T

BOB DYLAN WRITES SONGS ABOUT ME,
BUT STILL A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T
KNOW WHO I AM.

BUT STILL A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T
KNOW WHO I AM.
THAT'S WHY I CARRY THIS.

KNOW WHO I AM.
THAT'S WHY I CARRY THIS.
A NATIONAL EXPRESS CARD, THE

THAT'S WHY I CARRY THIS.
A NATIONAL EXPRESS CARD, THE
MOST HONORED CREDIT CARD THE

A NATIONAL EXPRESS CARD, THE
MOST HONORED CREDIT CARD THE
WORLD OVER.

MOST HONORED CREDIT CARD THE
WORLD OVER.
AND IF I EVER GET OUT OF HERE,

WORLD OVER.
AND IF I EVER GET OUT OF HERE,
I'M GONNA USE IT AT HOTELS,

AND IF I EVER GET OUT OF HERE,
I'M GONNA USE IT AT HOTELS,
RESTAURANTS, AND AIRPORTS ALL

I'M GONNA USE IT AT HOTELS,
RESTAURANTS, AND AIRPORTS ALL
OVER THE WORLD.

RESTAURANTS, AND AIRPORTS ALL
OVER THE WORLD.
LOOK, HARRY BELAFONTE MAY NOT

OVER THE WORLD.
LOOK, HARRY BELAFONTE MAY NOT
NEED IDENTIFICATION, BUT YOU AND

LOOK, HARRY BELAFONTE MAY NOT
NEED IDENTIFICATION, BUT YOU AND
I DO.

NEED IDENTIFICATION, BUT YOU AND
I DO.
DON'T GO ANYPLACE WITHOUT IT.

I DO.
DON'T GO ANYPLACE WITHOUT IT.
I KNOW I DON'T.

LOOK, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL BAD ABOUT
IT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL BAD ABOUT
IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO

IT.
YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SAY THAT.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SAY THAT.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

SAY THAT.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO ALL

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO ALL
MEN.

THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO ALL
MEN.
[SIGHS]

MEN.
[SIGHS]
WELL, IT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME

[SIGHS]
WELL, IT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME
BEFORE.

WELL, IT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME
BEFORE.
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD

BEFORE.
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD
THAT EXTRA DRINK ON THE WAY

MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD
THAT EXTRA DRINK ON THE WAY
HOME.

THAT EXTRA DRINK ON THE WAY
HOME.
LISTEN, IF ALL IT TAKES IS

HOME.
LISTEN, IF ALL IT TAKES IS
ONE EXTRA DRINK, I MUST BE

LISTEN, IF ALL IT TAKES IS
ONE EXTRA DRINK, I MUST BE
GETTING PRETTY OLD, DON'T YOU

ONE EXTRA DRINK, I MUST BE
GETTING PRETTY OLD, DON'T YOU
THINK?

GETTING PRETTY OLD, DON'T YOU
THINK?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

THINK?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
YOU WORK TOO HARD.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
YOU WORK TOO HARD.
YOU NEVER GET ENOUGH EXERCISE.

YOU WORK TOO HARD.
YOU NEVER GET ENOUGH EXERCISE.
NO WONDER YOU COULDN'T DO YOUR

YOU NEVER GET ENOUGH EXERCISE.
NO WONDER YOU COULDN'T DO YOUR
BEST.

NO WONDER YOU COULDN'T DO YOUR
BEST.
LOOK, I'M 40 YEARS OLD TODAY.

BEST.
LOOK, I'M 40 YEARS OLD TODAY.
MAYBE I JUST WANTED TO PROVE I

LOOK, I'M 40 YEARS OLD TODAY.
MAYBE I JUST WANTED TO PROVE I
CAN STILL...

MAYBE I JUST WANTED TO PROVE I
CAN STILL...
WELL, I JUST DIDN'T THINK IT

CAN STILL...
WELL, I JUST DIDN'T THINK IT
HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.

WELL, I JUST DIDN'T THINK IT
HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.
COME ON. I CAME HOME EARLY.

HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.
COME ON. I CAME HOME EARLY.
I SAW YOU STANDING HERE, AND

COME ON. I CAME HOME EARLY.
I SAW YOU STANDING HERE, AND
YOUR DRESS IS HALF UNZIPPED.

I SAW YOU STANDING HERE, AND
YOUR DRESS IS HALF UNZIPPED.
IT TURNED ME ON.

YOUR DRESS IS HALF UNZIPPED.
IT TURNED ME ON.
YEAH, BUT YOU PICKED THE

IT TURNED ME ON.
YEAH, BUT YOU PICKED THE
WRONG MOMENT.

YEAH, BUT YOU PICKED THE
WRONG MOMENT.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE

WRONG MOMENT.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE
SPONTANEITY?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE
SPONTANEITY?
YOU THREW ME, THAT'S ALL.

SPONTANEITY?
YOU THREW ME, THAT'S ALL.
I JUST WASN'T IN THE MOOD.

YOU THREW ME, THAT'S ALL.
I JUST WASN'T IN THE MOOD.
I HAD PLANS FOR THIS EVENING.

I JUST WASN'T IN THE MOOD.
I HAD PLANS FOR THIS EVENING.
BUT, NO, YOU COME IN HERE, YOU

I HAD PLANS FOR THIS EVENING.
BUT, NO, YOU COME IN HERE, YOU
BURST IN HERE, YOU THROW ME ON

BUT, NO, YOU COME IN HERE, YOU
BURST IN HERE, YOU THROW ME ON
THE BED, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO

BURST IN HERE, YOU THROW ME ON
THE BED, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO
RESPOND.

THE BED, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO
RESPOND.
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

RESPOND.
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I WANTED TODAY TO BE SPECIAL.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I WANTED TODAY TO BE SPECIAL.
WELL... COME ON.

I WANTED TODAY TO BE SPECIAL.
WELL... COME ON.
IT'S NOT OVER YET.

WELL... COME ON.
IT'S NOT OVER YET.
THERE'S STILL A FEW HOURS LEFT.

IT'S NOT OVER YET.
THERE'S STILL A FEW HOURS LEFT.
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD HAVE

THERE'S STILL A FEW HOURS LEFT.
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD HAVE
SOME FRIENDS OVER, MAYBE HAVE A

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD HAVE
SOME FRIENDS OVER, MAYBE HAVE A
LITTLE CELEBRATION.

SOME FRIENDS OVER, MAYBE HAVE A
LITTLE CELEBRATION.
I'M SORRY IF I SPOILED YOUR

LITTLE CELEBRATION.
I'M SORRY IF I SPOILED YOUR
PLANS.

I'M SORRY IF I SPOILED YOUR
PLANS.
I GUESS IT WAS KIND OF THE WRONG

PLANS.
I GUESS IT WAS KIND OF THE WRONG
TIME.

I GUESS IT WAS KIND OF THE WRONG
TIME.
I'M SORRY, TOO.

TIME.
I'M SORRY, TOO.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETHEART.

I'M SORRY, TOO.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETHEART.
THANKS.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETHEART.
THANKS.
SURPRISE!

[Italian accent] HELLO.
I AM LUCIANA VERMICELLI.
I WAS AN UGLY CHILD...

I AM LUCIANA VERMICELLI.
I WAS AN UGLY CHILD...
A HIDEOUS TEENAGER...

I WAS AN UGLY CHILD...
A HIDEOUS TEENAGER...
WITH FUR ON MY EARS AND WEBBED

A HIDEOUS TEENAGER...
WITH FUR ON MY EARS AND WEBBED
FINGERS.

WITH FUR ON MY EARS AND WEBBED
FINGERS.
[CHUCKLES]

FINGERS.
[CHUCKLES]
BUT NOW I AM YOUNG AND

[CHUCKLES]
BUT NOW I AM YOUNG AND
BEAUTIFUL.

BUT NOW I AM YOUNG AND
BEAUTIFUL.
HOW DID I DO IT?

BEAUTIFUL.
HOW DID I DO IT?
THE ANSWER IS IN THIS...

HOW DID I DO IT?
THE ANSWER IS IN THIS...
MY "BEAUTY REGIMEN" BOOK.

THE ANSWER IS IN THIS...
MY "BEAUTY REGIMEN" BOOK.
MY BOOK TELLS HOW I DRINK THE

MY "BEAUTY REGIMEN" BOOK.
MY BOOK TELLS HOW I DRINK THE
BLOOD OF GIRL SCOUTS AND

MY BOOK TELLS HOW I DRINK THE
BLOOD OF GIRL SCOUTS AND
BROWNIES.

BLOOD OF GIRL SCOUTS AND
BROWNIES.
IT TELLS HOW I EAT THE FACE OF

BROWNIES.
IT TELLS HOW I EAT THE FACE OF
YOUNG VIRGINS.

IT TELLS HOW I EAT THE FACE OF
YOUNG VIRGINS.
IT EVEN TELL HOW I HAVE ALL MY

YOUNG VIRGINS.
IT EVEN TELL HOW I HAVE ALL MY
BONES REPLACED WITH THOSE OF

IT EVEN TELL HOW I HAVE ALL MY
BONES REPLACED WITH THOSE OF
CHEERLEADERS AND POM-POM GIRLS.

BONES REPLACED WITH THOSE OF
CHEERLEADERS AND POM-POM GIRLS.
YES, FOR OVER 5,000 YEARS, AN

CHEERLEADERS AND POM-POM GIRLS.
YES, FOR OVER 5,000 YEARS, AN
EGYPTIAN PRIEST HAS KEPT ALL OF

YES, FOR OVER 5,000 YEARS, AN
EGYPTIAN PRIEST HAS KEPT ALL OF
MY BODY INTACT AND SOME OF MY

EGYPTIAN PRIEST HAS KEPT ALL OF
MY BODY INTACT AND SOME OF MY
MIND.

MY BODY INTACT AND SOME OF MY
MIND.
KAZARKA, THE MOON IS OVER THE

MIND.
KAZARKA, THE MOON IS OVER THE
VALLEY OF THE JACKALS.

KAZARKA, THE MOON IS OVER THE
VALLEY OF THE JACKALS.
KAZARKA?

VALLEY OF THE JACKALS.
KAZARKA?
YOU CAN IGNITE THE ETERNAL

KAZARKA?
YOU CAN IGNITE THE ETERNAL
LEAVES NOW.

YOU CAN IGNITE THE ETERNAL
LEAVES NOW.
KAZARKA, GIVE ME A SIGN.

LEAVES NOW.
KAZARKA, GIVE ME A SIGN.
I'LL CUT THE BIRD IN TWO.

KAZARKA, GIVE ME A SIGN.
I'LL CUT THE BIRD IN TWO.
[CHOKING]

Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER
INSTALLMENT OF
"LITERARY RECITAL."

INSTALLMENT OF
"LITERARY RECITAL."
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO

"LITERARY RECITAL."
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO
"LITERARY RECITAL."

GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO
"LITERARY RECITAL."
EACH WEEK WE PRESENT A CLASSIC

"LITERARY RECITAL."
EACH WEEK WE PRESENT A CLASSIC
PIECE OF LITERATURE RECITED BY A

EACH WEEK WE PRESENT A CLASSIC
PIECE OF LITERATURE RECITED BY A
DISTINGUISHED SCHOLAR WHO CAN

PIECE OF LITERATURE RECITED BY A
DISTINGUISHED SCHOLAR WHO CAN
BEST CONVEY THE ESSENCE, PULSE,

DISTINGUISHED SCHOLAR WHO CAN
BEST CONVEY THE ESSENCE, PULSE,
AND SUBSTANCE OF THE WORK OF ART

BEST CONVEY THE ESSENCE, PULSE,
AND SUBSTANCE OF THE WORK OF ART
WE'VE CHOSEN.

AND SUBSTANCE OF THE WORK OF ART
WE'VE CHOSEN.
TONIGHT'S PROGRAM DEDICATES

WE'VE CHOSEN.
TONIGHT'S PROGRAM DEDICATES
ITSELF TO LEWIS CARROLL.

TONIGHT'S PROGRAM DEDICATES
ITSELF TO LEWIS CARROLL.
HOLDING HIS PLACE AMONGST THE

ITSELF TO LEWIS CARROLL.
HOLDING HIS PLACE AMONGST THE
GIANTS OF LITERATURE, CARROLL'S

HOLDING HIS PLACE AMONGST THE
GIANTS OF LITERATURE, CARROLL'S
WORKS HESITATE TO BE TRANSLATED

GIANTS OF LITERATURE, CARROLL'S
WORKS HESITATE TO BE TRANSLATED
TO THE SPOKEN WORD, BUT WE ARE

WORKS HESITATE TO BE TRANSLATED
TO THE SPOKEN WORD, BUT WE ARE
INDEED HONORED THIS EVENING TO

TO THE SPOKEN WORD, BUT WE ARE
INDEED HONORED THIS EVENING TO
HAVE WITH US A MAN WHO IS MOST

INDEED HONORED THIS EVENING TO
HAVE WITH US A MAN WHO IS MOST
EQUAL TO THE TASK OF CAPTURING

HAVE WITH US A MAN WHO IS MOST
EQUAL TO THE TASK OF CAPTURING
CARROLL'S STYLE AND DELIVERING

EQUAL TO THE TASK OF CAPTURING
CARROLL'S STYLE AND DELIVERING
IT IN A WAY THAT WOULD AWE THE

CARROLL'S STYLE AND DELIVERING
IT IN A WAY THAT WOULD AWE THE
AUTHOR HIMSELF.

IT IN A WAY THAT WOULD AWE THE
AUTHOR HIMSELF.
TONIGHT'S SELECTION IS

AUTHOR HIMSELF.
TONIGHT'S SELECTION IS
LEWIS CARROLL'S IMMORTAL POEM

TONIGHT'S SELECTION IS
LEWIS CARROLL'S IMMORTAL POEM
"JABBERWOCKY" RECITED BY THE

LEWIS CARROLL'S IMMORTAL POEM
"JABBERWOCKY" RECITED BY THE
MOST ESTEEMED DESMOND ARNAZ.

"JABBERWOCKY" RECITED BY THE
MOST ESTEEMED DESMOND ARNAZ.
[APPLAUSE]

MOST ESTEEMED DESMOND ARNAZ.
[APPLAUSE]
"HABBERWOCKY."

[APPLAUSE]
"HABBERWOCKY."
BY LEWIS CARROLLE.

"HABBERWOCKY."
BY LEWIS CARROLLE.
"IT WAS BRILLIG, AND THE

BY LEWIS CARROLLE.
"IT WAS BRILLIG, AND THE
SLEETHY TOVES DID GYRE AND

"IT WAS BRILLIG, AND THE
SLEETHY TOVES DID GYRE AND
GIMBLE IN THE WAYBEE.

SLEETHY TOVES DID GYRE AND
GIMBLE IN THE WAYBEE.
ALL MIMSY WERE THE BOROGROVES,

GIMBLE IN THE WAYBEE.
ALL MIMSY WERE THE BOROGROVES,
AND THE MOME RATH OUTGRAYBEE.

ALL MIMSY WERE THE BOROGROVES,
AND THE MOME RATH OUTGRAYBEE.
'BEWARE THE HABBERWOCK, MY SON!

AND THE MOME RATH OUTGRAYBEE.
'BEWARE THE HABBERWOCK, MY SON!
THE JAWS THAT BITE, THE CLAWS

'BEWARE THE HABBERWOCK, MY SON!
THE JAWS THAT BITE, THE CLAWS
THAT CATCH!

THE JAWS THAT BITE, THE CLAWS
THAT CATCH!
BEWARE THE HUBHUB BIRD, AND SHUN

THAT CATCH!
BEWARE THE HUBHUB BIRD, AND SHUN
THE FRUMIOUS BANDERSNATCH!'

BEWARE THE HUBHUB BIRD, AND SHUN
THE FRUMIOUS BANDERSNATCH!'
HE TOOK HIS VORPAL SWORD IN

THE FRUMIOUS BANDERSNATCH!'
HE TOOK HIS VORPAL SWORD IN
HAND: LONG TIME THE MANXOME FOE

HE TOOK HIS VORPAL SWORD IN
HAND: LONG TIME THE MANXOME FOE
HE SOUGHT... SO RESTED HE BY THE

HAND: LONG TIME THE MANXOME FOE
HE SOUGHT... SO RESTED HE BY THE
TOOMTOOM TREE, AND STOOD AWHILE

HE SOUGHT... SO RESTED HE BY THE
TOOMTOOM TREE, AND STOOD AWHILE
IN THOUGHT."

TOOMTOOM TREE, AND STOOD AWHILE
IN THOUGHT."
WHO THE HELL TALKS LIKE THIS?

IN THOUGHT."
WHO THE HELL TALKS LIKE THIS?
"ONE, TWO! ONE, TWO!

WHO THE HELL TALKS LIKE THIS?
"ONE, TWO! ONE, TWO!
AND THROUGH AND THROUGH THE

"ONE, TWO! ONE, TWO!
AND THROUGH AND THROUGH THE
WORPAL BLADE WENT SNICKER-SNACK!

AND THROUGH AND THROUGH THE
WORPAL BLADE WENT SNICKER-SNACK!
HE LEFT IT DEAD, AND WITH ITS

WORPAL BLADE WENT SNICKER-SNACK!
HE LEFT IT DEAD, AND WITH ITS
HEAD HE WENT GALUMPHING BACK."

HE LEFT IT DEAD, AND WITH ITS
HEAD HE WENT GALUMPHING BACK."
GALUMPHING?

HEAD HE WENT GALUMPHING BACK."
GALUMPHING?
YO CREO QUE UN GRINGO LOCO

GALUMPHING?
YO CREO QUE UN GRINGO LOCO
ESCRIBló ESTA COSA PORQUE

YO CREO QUE UN GRINGO LOCO
ESCRIBló ESTA COSA PORQUE
NADIE... NADIE SE HABLA ASí.

ESCRIBló ESTA COSA PORQUE
NADIE... NADIE SE HABLA ASí.
"'AND HAS THOU SLAIN THE

NADIE... NADIE SE HABLA ASí.
"'AND HAS THOU SLAIN THE
HABBERWOCK?

"'AND HAS THOU SLAIN THE
HABBERWOCK?
COME TO MY ARM, MY BEAMISH BOY!

HABBERWOCK?
COME TO MY ARM, MY BEAMISH BOY!
OH, FRYOUS DAY!

COME TO MY ARM, MY BEAMISH BOY!
OH, FRYOUS DAY!
CALLOOH! CALLAY!"

OH, FRYOUS DAY!
CALLOOH! CALLAY!"
CALLOOH, CALLAY?

CALLOOH! CALLAY!"
CALLOOH, CALLAY?
MIRE QUE USTED TIENE COSAS.

CALLOOH, CALLAY?
MIRE QUE USTED TIENE COSAS.
YO NO QUIERO LEER.

MIRE QUE USTED TIENE COSAS.
YO NO QUIERO LEER.
MIRE, NO.

YO NO QUIERO LEER.
MIRE, NO.
A Mí NO ME DE ESAS COSAS MáS

MIRE, NO.
A Mí NO ME DE ESAS COSAS MáS
USTED PORQUE YO NO Sé LO QUE

A Mí NO ME DE ESAS COSAS MáS
USTED PORQUE YO NO Sé LO QUE
QUIERE DECIR ESE NEGOCIO.

THANK YOU.
JOIN US NEXT TIME WHEN WE PAY
TRIBUTE TO CHAUCER'S...

JOIN US NEXT TIME WHEN WE PAY
TRIBUTE TO CHAUCER'S...
A Mí, NO.

TRIBUTE TO CHAUCER'S...
A Mí, NO.
TO CHAUCER'S

A Mí, NO.
TO CHAUCER'S
"CANTERBURY TALES," RECITED BY

TO CHAUCER'S
"CANTERBURY TALES," RECITED BY
CHARO.

Announcer: LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, MR. VERY WHITE.

[MID-TEMPO DISCO MUSIC PLAYS]

OH, BABY.
[INHALES SHARPLY]
OOH, BABY, BABY, BABY.

[INHALES SHARPLY]
OOH, BABY, BABY, BABY.
YOU KNOW, YOU PUT ME THROUGH

OOH, BABY, BABY, BABY.
YOU KNOW, YOU PUT ME THROUGH
S-S-S-S-SO MANY CHANGES.

YOU KNOW, YOU PUT ME THROUGH
S-S-S-S-SO MANY CHANGES.
OH, NO, BABY, DON'T CRY, LITTLE

S-S-S-S-SO MANY CHANGES.
OH, NO, BABY, DON'T CRY, LITTLE
GIRL.

OH, NO, BABY, DON'T CRY, LITTLE
GIRL.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW I KNOW YOU KNOW

GIRL.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW I KNOW YOU KNOW
I KNOW YOU KNOW I KNOW THAT I

BECAUSE YOU KNOW I KNOW YOU KNOW
I KNOW YOU KNOW I KNOW THAT I
DIG YOU AND YOU DIG ME.

I KNOW YOU KNOW I KNOW THAT I
DIG YOU AND YOU DIG ME.
AND, BABY... I REMEMBER... I

DIG YOU AND YOU DIG ME.
AND, BABY... I REMEMBER... I
REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I SAW

AND, BABY... I REMEMBER... I
REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I SAW
YOU.

REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I SAW
YOU.
YOU WERE DOWN ON A BEACH,

YOU.
YOU WERE DOWN ON A BEACH,
ENTERTAINING THE VANDERCAMPS.

YOU WERE DOWN ON A BEACH,
ENTERTAINING THE VANDERCAMPS.
AND I WAS AT THE TENNIS CLUB,

ENTERTAINING THE VANDERCAMPS.
AND I WAS AT THE TENNIS CLUB,
LOOKING FOR A FOURTH FOR MIXED

AND I WAS AT THE TENNIS CLUB,
LOOKING FOR A FOURTH FOR MIXED
DOUBLES.

LOOKING FOR A FOURTH FOR MIXED
DOUBLES.
AND, BABY, I-I FEEL LIKE I GOT

DOUBLES.
AND, BABY, I-I FEEL LIKE I GOT
TO SING TO YOU NOW.

AND, BABY, I-I FEEL LIKE I GOT
TO SING TO YOU NOW.
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]

TO SING TO YOU NOW.
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
♪ OH, BABY ♪

[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
♪ OH, BABY ♪
♪ MMM ♪

♪ OH, BABY ♪
♪ MMM ♪
BUT, BABY...

♪ MMM ♪
BUT, BABY...
BABY...

BUT, BABY...
BABY...
I'M GONNA SING ABOUT THE LOVE

BABY...
I'M GONNA SING ABOUT THE LOVE
AND THE MUSIC... INCESSANT,

I'M GONNA SING ABOUT THE LOVE
AND THE MUSIC... INCESSANT,
RAMBLING MUSIC WITH NO BEGINNING

AND THE MUSIC... INCESSANT,
RAMBLING MUSIC WITH NO BEGINNING
AND NO END, BABY, LIKE OUR LOVE,

RAMBLING MUSIC WITH NO BEGINNING
AND NO END, BABY, LIKE OUR LOVE,
AND YOU WILL KNOW, BABY, BECAUSE

AND NO END, BABY, LIKE OUR LOVE,
AND YOU WILL KNOW, BABY, BECAUSE
IT'S MUSIC WITH NO... NO SOUL...

AND YOU WILL KNOW, BABY, BECAUSE
IT'S MUSIC WITH NO... NO SOUL...
AND WITH ABSOLUTELY NO ARTISTIC

IT'S MUSIC WITH NO... NO SOUL...
AND WITH ABSOLUTELY NO ARTISTIC
REDEEMING VALUE, MY LOVE.

AND WITH ABSOLUTELY NO ARTISTIC
REDEEMING VALUE, MY LOVE.
OOH, BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY.

REDEEMING VALUE, MY LOVE.
OOH, BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY.
BECAUSE DEEP DOWN... DEEP, DEEP,

OOH, BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY.
BECAUSE DEEP DOWN... DEEP, DEEP,
DEEP DOWN... IN MY VERY HEART,

BECAUSE DEEP DOWN... DEEP, DEEP,
DEEP DOWN... IN MY VERY HEART,
MY VERY SIMPLE, SIMPLE MIND, I

DEEP DOWN... IN MY VERY HEART,
MY VERY SIMPLE, SIMPLE MIND, I
FEEL SO... SO STRANGE, BABY...

MY VERY SIMPLE, SIMPLE MIND, I
FEEL SO... SO STRANGE, BABY...
SO STRANGE TALKING TO YOU THIS

FEEL SO... SO STRANGE, BABY...
SO STRANGE TALKING TO YOU THIS
WAY IN FRONT OF ALL THESE

SO STRANGE TALKING TO YOU THIS
WAY IN FRONT OF ALL THESE
PEOPLE.

WAY IN FRONT OF ALL THESE
PEOPLE.
BUT, BABY, I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT

PEOPLE.
BUT, BABY, I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT
TO... I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT TO

BUT, BABY, I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT
TO... I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT TO
SING TO YOU NOW, AND I-I FEEL

TO... I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT TO
SING TO YOU NOW, AND I-I FEEL
LIKE YOU'VE GOT TO HEAR ME IN MY

SING TO YOU NOW, AND I-I FEEL
LIKE YOU'VE GOT TO HEAR ME IN MY
HEART.

LIKE YOU'VE GOT TO HEAR ME IN MY
HEART.
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]

HEART.
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
♪ OH, BABY, LISTEN TO ME ♪

[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
♪ OH, BABY, LISTEN TO ME ♪
AH-CHOO!

♪ OH, BABY, LISTEN TO ME ♪
AH-CHOO!
EXCUSE ME, BABY, FOR LOVING YOU

AH-CHOO!
EXCUSE ME, BABY, FOR LOVING YOU
SO MUCH.

EXCUSE ME, BABY, FOR LOVING YOU
SO MUCH.
[INHALES SHARPLY]

SO MUCH.
[INHALES SHARPLY]
BECAUSE, BABY, YOU LOOKED SO

[INHALES SHARPLY]
BECAUSE, BABY, YOU LOOKED SO
FINE IN THAT DRESS WHEN I SAW

BECAUSE, BABY, YOU LOOKED SO
FINE IN THAT DRESS WHEN I SAW
YOU COMING OUT OF THE

FINE IN THAT DRESS WHEN I SAW
YOU COMING OUT OF THE
WALDORF-ASTORIA AT THAT

YOU COMING OUT OF THE
WALDORF-ASTORIA AT THAT
INTERNATIONAL DEBUTANTE BALL,

WALDORF-ASTORIA AT THAT
INTERNATIONAL DEBUTANTE BALL,
AND I WAS JUST TALKING LIKE

INTERNATIONAL DEBUTANTE BALL,
AND I WAS JUST TALKING LIKE
THIS, INCESSANTLY, AND YOU

AND I WAS JUST TALKING LIKE
THIS, INCESSANTLY, AND YOU
LOOKED UP AT ME...

THIS, INCESSANTLY, AND YOU
LOOKED UP AT ME...
AND YOU SAID, "MMMMMMMMM.

LOOKED UP AT ME...
AND YOU SAID, "MMMMMMMMM.
UH-AH-UH-AH-OW-UH."

AND YOU SAID, "MMMMMMMMM.
UH-AH-UH-AH-OW-UH."
IT WAS VERY UNUSUAL TO ME TO

UH-AH-UH-AH-OW-UH."
IT WAS VERY UNUSUAL TO ME TO
HEAR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

IT WAS VERY UNUSUAL TO ME TO
HEAR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SO I FIGURED... I FIGURED, BABY,

HEAR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
SO I FIGURED... I FIGURED, BABY,
WE MUST BE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER,

SO I FIGURED... I FIGURED, BABY,
WE MUST BE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER,
MEANT TO... MEANT TO SING

WE MUST BE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER,
MEANT TO... MEANT TO SING
TOGETHER...

MEANT TO... MEANT TO SING
TOGETHER...
MEANT FOR ME TO TALK TO YOU

TOGETHER...
MEANT FOR ME TO TALK TO YOU
FOREVER AND EVER AND FOR YOU TO

MEANT FOR ME TO TALK TO YOU
FOREVER AND EVER AND FOR YOU TO
LISTEN TO ME, SO I FIGURED WHY

FOREVER AND EVER AND FOR YOU TO
LISTEN TO ME, SO I FIGURED WHY
NOT SING TO YOU NOW?

LISTEN TO ME, SO I FIGURED WHY
NOT SING TO YOU NOW?
WHY NOT SING WITH ALL MY HEART

NOT SING TO YOU NOW?
WHY NOT SING WITH ALL MY HEART
AND ALL MY BREATH AND SING SO

WHY NOT SING WITH ALL MY HEART
AND ALL MY BREATH AND SING SO
YOU CAN HEAR ME, BABY?

AND ALL MY BREATH AND SING SO
YOU CAN HEAR ME, BABY?
AND I WANT YOU TO.

YOU CAN HEAR ME, BABY?
AND I WANT YOU TO.
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]

AND I WANT YOU TO.
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
♪ WHOA ♪

[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
♪ WHOA ♪
♪ MMM, BABY ♪

♪ WHOA ♪
♪ MMM, BABY ♪
♪ OOH ♪

♪ MMM, BABY ♪
♪ OOH ♪
♪ WELL, LISTEN TO ME, BABY ♪

♪ OOH ♪
♪ WELL, LISTEN TO ME, BABY ♪
♪ OHH ♪

♪ WELL, LISTEN TO ME, BABY ♪
♪ OHH ♪
♪ OHH ♪

♪ OHH ♪
♪ OHH ♪
BABY...

♪ OHH ♪
BABY...
YOU KNOW I LOVE MYSELF SO MUCH.

BABY...
YOU KNOW I LOVE MYSELF SO MUCH.
I LOVE MY VOICE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NO SECRET THAT
"I LOVE LUCY" WAS A VERY
SUCCESSFUL SHOW ON TELEVISION.

"I LOVE LUCY" WAS A VERY
SUCCESSFUL SHOW ON TELEVISION.
BUT IT HAS BEEN ON FOR SO LONG

SUCCESSFUL SHOW ON TELEVISION.
BUT IT HAS BEEN ON FOR SO LONG
NOW...

BUT IT HAS BEEN ON FOR SO LONG
NOW...
[APPLAUSE]

NOW...
[APPLAUSE]
I WILL TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY

[APPLAUSE]
I WILL TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY
ABOUT THAT.

I WILL TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY
ABOUT THAT.
IT'S BEEN ON FOR SO LONG NOW AND

ABOUT THAT.
IT'S BEEN ON FOR SO LONG NOW AND
IN SO MANY DIFFERENT FORMS THAT

IT'S BEEN ON FOR SO LONG NOW AND
IN SO MANY DIFFERENT FORMS THAT
I'VE ALMOST FORGOTTEN HOW WE

IN SO MANY DIFFERENT FORMS THAT
I'VE ALMOST FORGOTTEN HOW WE
ARRIVED AT THE IDEA.

I'VE ALMOST FORGOTTEN HOW WE
ARRIVED AT THE IDEA.
YOU SEE, FIRST YOU TRY A LOT OF

ARRIVED AT THE IDEA.
YOU SEE, FIRST YOU TRY A LOT OF
DIFFERENT THINGS FOR THE PILOT,

YOU SEE, FIRST YOU TRY A LOT OF
DIFFERENT THINGS FOR THE PILOT,
AND IF THE PILOT SELLS, THEN IT

DIFFERENT THINGS FOR THE PILOT,
AND IF THE PILOT SELLS, THEN IT
BECOMES A SERIES, SO WE TRIED...

AND IF THE PILOT SELLS, THEN IT
BECOMES A SERIES, SO WE TRIED...
IT'S JUST REALLY MORE OF TRIAL

BECOMES A SERIES, SO WE TRIED...
IT'S JUST REALLY MORE OF TRIAL
AND ERROR, YOU KNOW, AND WE HAD

IT'S JUST REALLY MORE OF TRIAL
AND ERROR, YOU KNOW, AND WE HAD
TO FIND SOMETHING THAT WOULD

AND ERROR, YOU KNOW, AND WE HAD
TO FIND SOMETHING THAT WOULD
REALLY PRESENT LUCY THE RIGHT

TO FIND SOMETHING THAT WOULD
REALLY PRESENT LUCY THE RIGHT
WAY.

REALLY PRESENT LUCY THE RIGHT
WAY.
AND WE TRIED SEVERAL IDEAS, AND

WAY.
AND WE TRIED SEVERAL IDEAS, AND
WE WERE VERY FORTUNATE TO FIND A

AND WE TRIED SEVERAL IDEAS, AND
WE WERE VERY FORTUNATE TO FIND A
PRINT OF SOME OF THOSE EARLY

WE WERE VERY FORTUNATE TO FIND A
PRINT OF SOME OF THOSE EARLY
PILOTS, SO, DAVE, IF YOU'RE

PRINT OF SOME OF THOSE EARLY
PILOTS, SO, DAVE, IF YOU'RE
READY, WILL YOU RUN THE FIRST

PILOTS, SO, DAVE, IF YOU'RE
READY, WILL YOU RUN THE FIRST
ONE, PLEASE?

READY, WILL YOU RUN THE FIRST
ONE, PLEASE?
[THEME TO "I LOVE LUCY" PLAYS]

LUCY!
HONEY, IT'S ME... RICKY!
CAN YOU HEAR ME?!

HONEY, IT'S ME... RICKY!
CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
LUCY, I'M UP HERE!

CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
LUCY, I'M UP HERE!
SHUCKS. SHE NEVER LOOKS UP.

HELLO, FRED? OH, ETHEL, HI.
HI. IS FRED THERE?
GOOD. LET ME TALK TO HIM.

HI. IS FRED THERE?
GOOD. LET ME TALK TO HIM.
YEAH, YOU TOO.

GOOD. LET ME TALK TO HIM.
YEAH, YOU TOO.
YEAH, I JUST SAW LUCY AGAIN,

YEAH, YOU TOO.
YEAH, I JUST SAW LUCY AGAIN,
FRED, HUH?

YEAH, I JUST SAW LUCY AGAIN,
FRED, HUH?
YEAH, DOWN ON THE STREET.

FRED, HUH?
YEAH, DOWN ON THE STREET.
NO, SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

YEAH, DOWN ON THE STREET.
NO, SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN SEE ME.

NO, SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN SEE ME.
YEAH, SHE WAS JUST WALKING BY.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN SEE ME.
YEAH, SHE WAS JUST WALKING BY.
OKAY. BYE-BYE.

YEAH, SHE WAS JUST WALKING BY.
OKAY. BYE-BYE.
[SIGHS]

OKAY. BYE-BYE.
[SIGHS]
WELL... MAYBE IF I GO DOWN TO THE

[SIGHS]
WELL... MAYBE IF I GO DOWN TO THE
CLUB WITH LITTLE RICKY I'LL SEE

WELL... MAYBE IF I GO DOWN TO THE
CLUB WITH LITTLE RICKY I'LL SEE
HER HANGING AROUND ON THE

CLUB WITH LITTLE RICKY I'LL SEE
HER HANGING AROUND ON THE
SIDEWALK OR SOMETHING.

HER HANGING AROUND ON THE
SIDEWALK OR SOMETHING.
NO Sé.

SIDEWALK OR SOMETHING.
NO Sé.
[THEME TO "I LOVE LUCY" PLAYS]

THE PROBLEM WITH "I SAW LUCY"
SEEMED OBVIOUS AFTER THE FIRST
FILMING.

SEEMED OBVIOUS AFTER THE FIRST
FILMING.
WE NEVER ACTUALLY GOT TO SEE

FILMING.
WE NEVER ACTUALLY GOT TO SEE
LUCY, AND WE FELT THAT THAT

WE NEVER ACTUALLY GOT TO SEE
LUCY, AND WE FELT THAT THAT
PROBABLY WOULD WORK AGAINST US.

LUCY, AND WE FELT THAT THAT
PROBABLY WOULD WORK AGAINST US.
SO, IT DIDN'T GIVE LUCY A FAIR

PROBABLY WOULD WORK AGAINST US.
SO, IT DIDN'T GIVE LUCY A FAIR
CRACK AT THE SHOW, IN ALL

SO, IT DIDN'T GIVE LUCY A FAIR
CRACK AT THE SHOW, IN ALL
HONESTY, SO WE TRIED ANOTHER

CRACK AT THE SHOW, IN ALL
HONESTY, SO WE TRIED ANOTHER
IDEA.

HONESTY, SO WE TRIED ANOTHER
IDEA.
[THEME TO "I LOVE LUCY" PLAYS]

LUCY, HONEY, I'M HOME!
HI, HONEY.
HI, HONEY.

HI, HONEY.
HI, HONEY.
OHH. YOU LOOK PRETTY.

HI, HONEY.
OHH. YOU LOOK PRETTY.
HOW ARE THINGS AT THE CLUB,

OHH. YOU LOOK PRETTY.
HOW ARE THINGS AT THE CLUB,
HONEY?

HOW ARE THINGS AT THE CLUB,
HONEY?
OH, GREAT.

HONEY?
OH, GREAT.
YOU KNOW, MAURICE CHEVALIER'S

OH, GREAT.
YOU KNOW, MAURICE CHEVALIER'S
GONNA BE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT,

YOU KNOW, MAURICE CHEVALIER'S
GONNA BE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT,
AND HE'S REHEARSING RIGHT NOW.

GONNA BE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT,
AND HE'S REHEARSING RIGHT NOW.
OH, THAT'S GREAT, HONEY,

AND HE'S REHEARSING RIGHT NOW.
OH, THAT'S GREAT, HONEY,
REALLY.

OH, THAT'S GREAT, HONEY,
REALLY.
YEAH, ISN'T THAT GREAT?

REALLY.
YEAH, ISN'T THAT GREAT?
YEAH. [CHUCKLES]

YEAH, ISN'T THAT GREAT?
YEAH. [CHUCKLES]
GET ME A DRINK, WILL YOU, HONEY?

YEAH. [CHUCKLES]
GET ME A DRINK, WILL YOU, HONEY?
OH, SURE THING, HONEY. SURE.

GET ME A DRINK, WILL YOU, HONEY?
OH, SURE THING, HONEY. SURE.
[SIGHS]

OH, SURE THING, HONEY. SURE.
[SIGHS]
HERE, HONEY.

[SIGHS]
HERE, HONEY.
OH, THANK YOU.

HERE, HONEY.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GONNA ASK

OH, THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GONNA ASK
FRED AND ETHEL TO COME SEE THE

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M GONNA ASK
FRED AND ETHEL TO COME SEE THE
SHOW TONIGHT.

FRED AND ETHEL TO COME SEE THE
SHOW TONIGHT.
YOU CAN STAY HOME AND BE VERY

SHOW TONIGHT.
YOU CAN STAY HOME AND BE VERY
LONELY, HUH?

YOU CAN STAY HOME AND BE VERY
LONELY, HUH?
OKAY.

LONELY, HUH?
OKAY.
YEAH. [CHUCKLES]

OKAY.
YEAH. [CHUCKLES]
HEY, HOW'S LITTLE RICKY'S COLD?

YEAH. [CHUCKLES]
HEY, HOW'S LITTLE RICKY'S COLD?
OH, IT'S MUCH BETTER.

HEY, HOW'S LITTLE RICKY'S COLD?
OH, IT'S MUCH BETTER.
OH, GOOD, GOOD.

OH, IT'S MUCH BETTER.
OH, GOOD, GOOD.
YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE SCOTCH.

OH, GOOD, GOOD.
YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE SCOTCH.
YOU DON'T?

YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE SCOTCH.
YOU DON'T?
HONEY, I'LL GET YOU ANOTHER

YOU DON'T?
HONEY, I'LL GET YOU ANOTHER
DRINK.

HONEY, I'LL GET YOU ANOTHER
DRINK.
OH, THANK YOU.

DRINK.
OH, THANK YOU.
OH, COME HERE, BABY.

OH, THANK YOU.
OH, COME HERE, BABY.
COME HERE, COME HERE.

OH, COME HERE, BABY.
COME HERE, COME HERE.
[SMOOCHES]

COME HERE, COME HERE.
[SMOOCHES]
[LAUGHS]

[SMOOCHES]
[LAUGHS]
ETHEL! ETHEL!

[LAUGHS]
ETHEL! ETHEL!
[THEME TO "I LOVE LUCY" PLAYS]

UH...
THE WEAR AND TEAR WAS TOO MUCH
FOR LUCY, YOU SEE, SO,

THE WEAR AND TEAR WAS TOO MUCH
FOR LUCY, YOU SEE, SO,
EXHAUSTED, SHE CAME TO US AND

FOR LUCY, YOU SEE, SO,
EXHAUSTED, SHE CAME TO US AND
ASKED US TO COME UP WITH

EXHAUSTED, SHE CAME TO US AND
ASKED US TO COME UP WITH
SOMETHING... ANOTHER VEHICLE,

ASKED US TO COME UP WITH
SOMETHING... ANOTHER VEHICLE,
SOMETHING LESS DEMANDING.

SOMETHING... ANOTHER VEHICLE,
SOMETHING LESS DEMANDING.
[THEME TO "I LOVE LUCY" PLAYS]

HONEY, I'M HOME!
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]

[As Louie Armstrong] HI,
HONEY!
YOU WANT DINNER NOW, OR SHOULD I

HONEY!
YOU WANT DINNER NOW, OR SHOULD I
PLAY A NUMBER FIRST?

YOU WANT DINNER NOW, OR SHOULD I
PLAY A NUMBER FIRST?
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]

UH-HUH.
WELL, OF COURSE, "I LOVE LOUIE"
HAD ITS SHARE OF PROBLEMS, YOU

WELL, OF COURSE, "I LOVE LOUIE"
HAD ITS SHARE OF PROBLEMS, YOU
SEE.

HAD ITS SHARE OF PROBLEMS, YOU
SEE.
CONTRACTUALLY, LOUIE ARMSTRONG

SEE.
CONTRACTUALLY, LOUIE ARMSTRONG
BELONGED TO ANOTHER STUDIO, AND

CONTRACTUALLY, LOUIE ARMSTRONG
BELONGED TO ANOTHER STUDIO, AND
IT WAS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO GET

BELONGED TO ANOTHER STUDIO, AND
IT WAS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO GET
HIM EVERY WEEK, SO WE TRIED

IT WAS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO GET
HIM EVERY WEEK, SO WE TRIED
ANOTHER IDEA.

HIM EVERY WEEK, SO WE TRIED
ANOTHER IDEA.
[THEME TO "I LOVE LUCY" PLAYS]

HONEY, I'M HOME!

I BET YOU CAN'T GUESS WHO'S

GONNA DO THE SHOW TONIGHT, HUH?

NO, IT'S ERNIE KOVACS, YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH.

HE SAID HE'D DO THE SHOW IF WE

CAN GET A CHAINSAW AND A

CARDBOARD MOCK-UP OF A GRAND

PIANO.

MM-HMM.

GEE, HONEY, YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK

GREAT, HUH?

[THEME TO "I LOVE LUCY" PLAYS]

THE MAIN PROBLEM WITH THIS
ONE WAS KEEPING THE VEGETABLES
FRESH UNDER THE VERY HOT STUDIO

ONE WAS KEEPING THE VEGETABLES
FRESH UNDER THE VERY HOT STUDIO
LIGHTS, AND THE BUDGET WAS

FRESH UNDER THE VERY HOT STUDIO
LIGHTS, AND THE BUDGET WAS
OVERWHELMING.

LIGHTS, AND THE BUDGET WAS
OVERWHELMING.
WE TRIED LETTUCE AND BROCCOLI.

OVERWHELMING.
WE TRIED LETTUCE AND BROCCOLI.
AGAIN, THEY ALL KEPT SHRIVELING

WE TRIED LETTUCE AND BROCCOLI.
AGAIN, THEY ALL KEPT SHRIVELING
AND WILTING AWAY, YOU KNOW?

AGAIN, THEY ALL KEPT SHRIVELING
AND WILTING AWAY, YOU KNOW?
AND, AGAIN, NO LUCY.

AND WILTING AWAY, YOU KNOW?
AND, AGAIN, NO LUCY.
SO, FINALLY, WE HIT ON THIS.

AND, AGAIN, NO LUCY.
SO, FINALLY, WE HIT ON THIS.
[THEME TO "I LOVE LUCY" PLAYS]

HONEY, I'M HOME!
HI, HONEY!
HI, HONEY!

HI, HONEY!
HI, HONEY!
HEY! GUESS WHAT!

HI, HONEY!
HEY! GUESS WHAT!
IS DINNER READY?

HEY! GUESS WHAT!
IS DINNER READY?
BECAUSE IF IT IS, CESAR ROMERO'S

IS DINNER READY?
BECAUSE IF IT IS, CESAR ROMERO'S
ON HIS WAY HERE.

BECAUSE IF IT IS, CESAR ROMERO'S
ON HIS WAY HERE.
CESAR ROMERO COMING HERE?

ON HIS WAY HERE.
CESAR ROMERO COMING HERE?
YEAH, ISN'T THAT TERRIFIC?

CESAR ROMERO COMING HERE?
YEAH, ISN'T THAT TERRIFIC?
YEAH.

YEAH, ISN'T THAT TERRIFIC?
YEAH.
SO IF YOU CAN MAKE A

YEAH.
SO IF YOU CAN MAKE A
FANTASTIC DINNER FOR HIM

SO IF YOU CAN MAKE A
FANTASTIC DINNER FOR HIM
TONIGHT, I THINK WE CAN GET HIM

FANTASTIC DINNER FOR HIM
TONIGHT, I THINK WE CAN GET HIM
ON THE SHOW.

TONIGHT, I THINK WE CAN GET HIM
ON THE SHOW.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

ON THE SHOW.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'VE BEEN COOKING ALL AFTERNOON

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'VE BEEN COOKING ALL AFTERNOON
FROM THIS NEW FRENCH COOKBOOK

I'VE BEEN COOKING ALL AFTERNOON
FROM THIS NEW FRENCH COOKBOOK
THAT ETHEL GAVE ME.

FROM THIS NEW FRENCH COOKBOOK
THAT ETHEL GAVE ME.
WE'RE HAVING BEEF STROGANOFF,

THAT ETHEL GAVE ME.
WE'RE HAVING BEEF STROGANOFF,
BEEF WELLINGTON, AND CHOCOLATE

WE'RE HAVING BEEF STROGANOFF,
BEEF WELLINGTON, AND CHOCOLATE
MOUSSE.

BEEF WELLINGTON, AND CHOCOLATE
MOUSSE.
I HAD A HECK OF A TIME GETTING

MOUSSE.
I HAD A HECK OF A TIME GETTING
THE MOOSE THROUGH THE KITCHEN

I HAD A HECK OF A TIME GETTING
THE MOOSE THROUGH THE KITCHEN
DOOR.

THE MOOSE THROUGH THE KITCHEN
DOOR.
OH, NO! THAT BOOK!

DOOR.
OH, NO! THAT BOOK!
THAT WAS A JOKE COOKBOOK I GAVE

OH, NO! THAT BOOK!
THAT WAS A JOKE COOKBOOK I GAVE
FRED AS A PRACTICAL JOKE!

THAT WAS A JOKE COOKBOOK I GAVE
FRED AS A PRACTICAL JOKE!
OH, NO!

FRED AS A PRACTICAL JOKE!
OH, NO!
OH, NO. WHAT DO WE DO?

OH, NO!
OH, NO. WHAT DO WE DO?
[DOORBELL RINGS]

OH, NO. WHAT DO WE DO?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
UH-OH! THAT'S CESAR!

[DOORBELL RINGS]
UH-OH! THAT'S CESAR!
UH-OH!

UH-OH! THAT'S CESAR!
UH-OH!
[THEME TO "I LOVE LUCY" PLAYS]

AND WE... WE TRIED
EVERYTHING... "I LOVE FRED AND
ETHEL," "I LOVE LOOSE CHANGE,"

EVERYTHING... "I LOVE FRED AND
ETHEL," "I LOVE LOOSE CHANGE,"
"I LOVE GAS-TURBINE ENGINES," "I

ETHEL," "I LOVE LOOSE CHANGE,"
"I LOVE GAS-TURBINE ENGINES," "I
MARRIED LUCY," AND EVEN

"I LOVE GAS-TURBINE ENGINES," "I
MARRIED LUCY," AND EVEN
"OUR MISS LUCY."

MARRIED LUCY," AND EVEN
"OUR MISS LUCY."
NONE OF THEM WORKED.

"OUR MISS LUCY."
NONE OF THEM WORKED.
AND THE ANSWER WAS OBVIOUS... A

NONE OF THEM WORKED.
AND THE ANSWER WAS OBVIOUS... A
SHOW WITH MY WIFE CALLED

AND THE ANSWER WAS OBVIOUS... A
SHOW WITH MY WIFE CALLED
"I LOVE LUCY."

SHOW WITH MY WIFE CALLED
"I LOVE LUCY."
AND NOW I GOT A WONDERFUL

"I LOVE LUCY."
AND NOW I GOT A WONDERFUL
SURPRISE FOR YOU.

AND NOW I GOT A WONDERFUL
SURPRISE FOR YOU.
PERHAPS SOME OF YOU ARE A LITTLE

SURPRISE FOR YOU.
PERHAPS SOME OF YOU ARE A LITTLE
BIT AHEAD OF ME.

PERHAPS SOME OF YOU ARE A LITTLE
BIT AHEAD OF ME.
SO, UH, NO USE WAITING ANYMORE.

BIT AHEAD OF ME.
SO, UH, NO USE WAITING ANYMORE.
LET'S INTRODUCE HIM RIGHT NOW.

SO, UH, NO USE WAITING ANYMORE.
LET'S INTRODUCE HIM RIGHT NOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE

LET'S INTRODUCE HIM RIGHT NOW.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE
WELCOME MR. WILLIE DAY.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE
WELCOME MR. WILLIE DAY.
[APPLAUSE]

WILLIE IS THE PROPMAN ON NBC's
"SATURDAY NIGHT."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

"SATURDAY NIGHT."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS
MESSAGE.

Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND
UPDATE" WITH CHEVY CHASE.
SUBSTITUTING FOR VACATIONING

UPDATE" WITH CHEVY CHASE.
SUBSTITUTING FOR VACATIONING
CHEVY CHASE...

SUBSTITUTING FOR VACATIONING
CHEVY CHASE...
IS HIS SISTER, RITA.

CHEVY CHASE...
IS HIS SISTER, RITA.
ACTUALLY, RITA IS ON

IS HIS SISTER, RITA.
ACTUALLY, RITA IS ON
VACATION.

ACTUALLY, RITA IS ON
VACATION.
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

VACATION.
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
HONEY, IT'S NOT WHAT TUNE YOU

I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
HONEY, IT'S NOT WHAT TUNE YOU
HUM, IT'S JUST HOW YOU HUM.

GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU... YOU
ARE MERELY A STATISTIC.

I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND YOU... YOU
ARE MERELY A STATISTIC.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN

ARE MERELY A STATISTIC.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE TODAY,

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE TODAY,
PRESIDENT FORD SAID CONFIDENTLY

NEW HAMPSHIRE TODAY,
PRESIDENT FORD SAID CONFIDENTLY
THAT HE WILL NOT ONLY WIN THE

PRESIDENT FORD SAID CONFIDENTLY
THAT HE WILL NOT ONLY WIN THE
PRIMARY BUT HE WILL GO ON TO WIN

THAT HE WILL NOT ONLY WIN THE
PRIMARY BUT HE WILL GO ON TO WIN
THE SECONDARY.

PRIMARY BUT HE WILL GO ON TO WIN
THE SECONDARY.
DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE FRED HARRIS

THE SECONDARY.
DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE FRED HARRIS
APPEARS TO BE A SURE BET OVER

DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE FRED HARRIS
APPEARS TO BE A SURE BET OVER
BIRCH BAYH AND A POSSIBLE WINNER

APPEARS TO BE A SURE BET OVER
BIRCH BAYH AND A POSSIBLE WINNER
IN NEW HAMPSHIRE.

BIRCH BAYH AND A POSSIBLE WINNER
IN NEW HAMPSHIRE.
THOUGH UDALL AND CARTER DO LOOK

IN NEW HAMPSHIRE.
THOUGH UDALL AND CARTER DO LOOK
STRONGER, HARRIS IS DECIDEDLY

THOUGH UDALL AND CARTER DO LOOK
STRONGER, HARRIS IS DECIDEDLY
MORE LIBERAL THAN THE GEORGIA

STRONGER, HARRIS IS DECIDEDLY
MORE LIBERAL THAN THE GEORGIA
GOVERNOR AND HAS COMMENTED THAT

MORE LIBERAL THAN THE GEORGIA
GOVERNOR AND HAS COMMENTED THAT
HE JUST CAN'T SEE EYE TO EYE

GOVERNOR AND HAS COMMENTED THAT
HE JUST CAN'T SEE EYE TO EYE
WITH UDALL.

HE JUST CAN'T SEE EYE TO EYE
WITH UDALL.
HARRIS VISITED A STATE PRISON IN

WITH UDALL.
HARRIS VISITED A STATE PRISON IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE TODAY.

HARRIS VISITED A STATE PRISON IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE TODAY.
HE IS SHOWN HERE SINGING

NEW HAMPSHIRE TODAY.
HE IS SHOWN HERE SINGING
"I WALK THE LINE" AS PART OF HIS

HE IS SHOWN HERE SINGING
"I WALK THE LINE" AS PART OF HIS
JOHNNY CASH IMPRESSION.

"I WALK THE LINE" AS PART OF HIS
JOHNNY CASH IMPRESSION.
SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY

JOHNNY CASH IMPRESSION.
SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY
ANNOUNCED AT A PRESS CONFERENCE

SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY
ANNOUNCED AT A PRESS CONFERENCE
TODAY THAT HE IS STILL NOT A

ANNOUNCED AT A PRESS CONFERENCE
TODAY THAT HE IS STILL NOT A
CANDIDATE, AND IN CASE ANY OF

TODAY THAT HE IS STILL NOT A
CANDIDATE, AND IN CASE ANY OF
HIS SUPPORTERS MAY HAVE

CANDIDATE, AND IN CASE ANY OF
HIS SUPPORTERS MAY HAVE
FORGOTTEN, HE WILL REPEAT THE

HIS SUPPORTERS MAY HAVE
FORGOTTEN, HE WILL REPEAT THE
ANNOUNCEMENT AT EACH PRIMARY

FORGOTTEN, HE WILL REPEAT THE
ANNOUNCEMENT AT EACH PRIMARY
THIS YEAR TO REMIND ANYBODY WHO

ANNOUNCEMENT AT EACH PRIMARY
THIS YEAR TO REMIND ANYBODY WHO
MIGHT CONSIDER WRITING HIM IN.

THIS YEAR TO REMIND ANYBODY WHO
MIGHT CONSIDER WRITING HIM IN.
[CHUCKLES]

MIGHT CONSIDER WRITING HIM IN.
[CHUCKLES]
A NUMBER OF JEWISH GROUPS HAVE

[CHUCKLES]
A NUMBER OF JEWISH GROUPS HAVE
BEEN BOYCOTTING TRAVEL TO MEXICO

A NUMBER OF JEWISH GROUPS HAVE
BEEN BOYCOTTING TRAVEL TO MEXICO
AFTER ITS U.N. ANTI-ZIONIST VOTE

BEEN BOYCOTTING TRAVEL TO MEXICO
AFTER ITS U.N. ANTI-ZIONIST VOTE
LAST DECEMBER BUT HAVE NOW

AFTER ITS U.N. ANTI-ZIONIST VOTE
LAST DECEMBER BUT HAVE NOW
LIFTED THE BOYCOTT SINCE THE

LAST DECEMBER BUT HAVE NOW
LIFTED THE BOYCOTT SINCE THE
MEXICAN GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCED

LIFTED THE BOYCOTT SINCE THE
MEXICAN GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCED
THIS WEEK THAT IT DOES NOT

MEXICAN GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCED
THIS WEEK THAT IT DOES NOT
EQUATE ZIONISM WITH TOURISM.

THIS WEEK THAT IT DOES NOT
EQUATE ZIONISM WITH TOURISM.
MUHAMMAD ALI EASILY RETAINED HIS

EQUATE ZIONISM WITH TOURISM.
MUHAMMAD ALI EASILY RETAINED HIS
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE LAST

MUHAMMAD ALI EASILY RETAINED HIS
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE LAST
NIGHT BY KNOCKING OUT

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE LAST
NIGHT BY KNOCKING OUT
JEAN-PIERRE COOPMAN IN THE 5th

NIGHT BY KNOCKING OUT
JEAN-PIERRE COOPMAN IN THE 5th
ROUND OF THEIR BOUT.

JEAN-PIERRE COOPMAN IN THE 5th
ROUND OF THEIR BOUT.
IN THE WAKE OF THE VICTORY, THE

ROUND OF THEIR BOUT.
IN THE WAKE OF THE VICTORY, THE
CHAMP TOOK TIME OUT TO DENY

IN THE WAKE OF THE VICTORY, THE
CHAMP TOOK TIME OUT TO DENY
ALLEGATIONS THAT MOST OF HIS

CHAMP TOOK TIME OUT TO DENY
ALLEGATIONS THAT MOST OF HIS
RECENT FIGHTS HAVE BEEN WITH

ALLEGATIONS THAT MOST OF HIS
RECENT FIGHTS HAVE BEEN WITH
EASY OPPONENTS WHO OFFER LITTLE

RECENT FIGHTS HAVE BEEN WITH
EASY OPPONENTS WHO OFFER LITTLE
OPPOSITION, INSISTING THAT ALL

EASY OPPONENTS WHO OFFER LITTLE
OPPOSITION, INSISTING THAT ALL
OF HIS FIGHTS WERE AGAINST ABLE

OPPOSITION, INSISTING THAT ALL
OF HIS FIGHTS WERE AGAINST ABLE
AND WORTHY OPPONENTS.

OF HIS FIGHTS WERE AGAINST ABLE
AND WORTHY OPPONENTS.
THE CHAMP MADE THESE REMARKS AT

AND WORTHY OPPONENTS.
THE CHAMP MADE THESE REMARKS AT
A PRESS CONFERENCE TO ANNOUNCE

THE CHAMP MADE THESE REMARKS AT
A PRESS CONFERENCE TO ANNOUNCE
THE SCHEDULING OF ALI'S NEXT

A PRESS CONFERENCE TO ANNOUNCE
THE SCHEDULING OF ALI'S NEXT
TITLE DEFENSE AGAINST

THE SCHEDULING OF ALI'S NEXT
TITLE DEFENSE AGAINST
HELEN HAYES IN THE EARLY SPRING.

TITLE DEFENSE AGAINST
HELEN HAYES IN THE EARLY SPRING.
THE SOUTH VIETNAMESE GOVERNMENT

HELEN HAYES IN THE EARLY SPRING.
THE SOUTH VIETNAMESE GOVERNMENT
HAS SEIZED MORE THAN 100,000

THE SOUTH VIETNAMESE GOVERNMENT
HAS SEIZED MORE THAN 100,000
BOOKS, CALENDARS WITH NUDE

HAS SEIZED MORE THAN 100,000
BOOKS, CALENDARS WITH NUDE
PICTURES, AND PLAYBOY MAGAZINES

BOOKS, CALENDARS WITH NUDE
PICTURES, AND PLAYBOY MAGAZINES
AS PART OF A CAMPAIGN TO

PICTURES, AND PLAYBOY MAGAZINES
AS PART OF A CAMPAIGN TO
"ERADICATE THE DEPRAVED CULTURE

AS PART OF A CAMPAIGN TO
"ERADICATE THE DEPRAVED CULTURE
BROUGHT IN BY THE AMERICANS."

"ERADICATE THE DEPRAVED CULTURE
BROUGHT IN BY THE AMERICANS."
THEY HAVE ALSO FORBIDDEN ANY

BROUGHT IN BY THE AMERICANS."
THEY HAVE ALSO FORBIDDEN ANY
VIETNAMESE TO LOCK HIMSELF IN A

THEY HAVE ALSO FORBIDDEN ANY
VIETNAMESE TO LOCK HIMSELF IN A
BATHROOM.

VIETNAMESE TO LOCK HIMSELF IN A
BATHROOM.
IT WAS REVEALED TODAY THAT THE

BATHROOM.
IT WAS REVEALED TODAY THAT THE
RECENT DEATH OF TEDDY THE KOALA

IT WAS REVEALED TODAY THAT THE
RECENT DEATH OF TEDDY THE KOALA
BEAR WAS A SUICIDE.

RECENT DEATH OF TEDDY THE KOALA
BEAR WAS A SUICIDE.
ZOO OFFICIALS CLOSE TO THE BEAR

BEAR WAS A SUICIDE.
ZOO OFFICIALS CLOSE TO THE BEAR
SAY HE REALLY DID HATE QANTAS

ZOO OFFICIALS CLOSE TO THE BEAR
SAY HE REALLY DID HATE QANTAS
AND THAT HE WAS DESPONDENT OVER

SAY HE REALLY DID HATE QANTAS
AND THAT HE WAS DESPONDENT OVER
THE CONTINUING DEATH OF

AND THAT HE WAS DESPONDENT OVER
THE CONTINUING DEATH OF
FRANCISCO FRANCO.

THE CONTINUING DEATH OF
FRANCISCO FRANCO.
THE AIRLINE GAVE TEDDY A

FRANCISCO FRANCO.
THE AIRLINE GAVE TEDDY A
"NO-FRILLS BURIAL CONSISTING OF

THE AIRLINE GAVE TEDDY A
"NO-FRILLS BURIAL CONSISTING OF
NO DINNER, NO MOVIE, NO OXYGEN,

"NO-FRILLS BURIAL CONSISTING OF
NO DINNER, NO MOVIE, NO OXYGEN,
AND A SOFT DRINK."

NO DINNER, NO MOVIE, NO OXYGEN,
AND A SOFT DRINK."
DESPITE OIL-COMPANY OBJECTIONS,

AND A SOFT DRINK."
DESPITE OIL-COMPANY OBJECTIONS,
THE CALIFORNIA AIR RESOURCES

DESPITE OIL-COMPANY OBJECTIONS,
THE CALIFORNIA AIR RESOURCES
BOARD THURSDAY APPROVED A

THE CALIFORNIA AIR RESOURCES
BOARD THURSDAY APPROVED A
PROGRAM THAT WOULD VIRTUALLY

BOARD THURSDAY APPROVED A
PROGRAM THAT WOULD VIRTUALLY
ELIMINATE HARMFUL ADDITIVES FROM

PROGRAM THAT WOULD VIRTUALLY
ELIMINATE HARMFUL ADDITIVES FROM
MOTOR FUEL OVER THE NEXT FOUR

ELIMINATE HARMFUL ADDITIVES FROM
MOTOR FUEL OVER THE NEXT FOUR
YEARS.

MOTOR FUEL OVER THE NEXT FOUR
YEARS.
THEIR CATCHY SLOGAN... "GET THE

YEARS.
THEIR CATCHY SLOGAN... "GET THE
LEAD OUT OF YOUR GAS."

THEIR CATCHY SLOGAN... "GET THE
LEAD OUT OF YOUR GAS."
STILL TO COME, GEORGE WALLACE

LEAD OUT OF YOUR GAS."
STILL TO COME, GEORGE WALLACE
PICKS A RUNNING MATE AFTER THIS

STILL TO COME, GEORGE WALLACE
PICKS A RUNNING MATE AFTER THIS
MESSAGE.

Announcer: MEET
ELLEN SHERMAN, CLEVELAND
HOUSEWIFE AND MOTHER.

ELLEN SHERMAN, CLEVELAND
HOUSEWIFE AND MOTHER.
HI. I'M A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST

HOUSEWIFE AND MOTHER.
HI. I'M A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST
AND COMMISSIONER OF CONSUMER

HI. I'M A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST
AND COMMISSIONER OF CONSUMER
AFFAIRS.

AND COMMISSIONER OF CONSUMER
AFFAIRS.
IN MY SPARE TIME, I DO

AFFAIRS.
IN MY SPARE TIME, I DO
NEEDLEPOINT, READ, SCULPT, TAKE

IN MY SPARE TIME, I DO
NEEDLEPOINT, READ, SCULPT, TAKE
RIDING LESSONS, AND BRUSH UP ON

NEEDLEPOINT, READ, SCULPT, TAKE
RIDING LESSONS, AND BRUSH UP ON
MY KNOWLEDGE OF CURRENT EVENTS.

RIDING LESSONS, AND BRUSH UP ON
MY KNOWLEDGE OF CURRENT EVENTS.
THURSDAY'S MY DAY AT THE DAYCARE

MY KNOWLEDGE OF CURRENT EVENTS.
THURSDAY'S MY DAY AT THE DAYCARE
CENTER, AND THEN THERE'S MY WORK

THURSDAY'S MY DAY AT THE DAYCARE
CENTER, AND THEN THERE'S MY WORK
WITH THE DEAF, BUT I STILL HAVE

CENTER, AND THEN THERE'S MY WORK
WITH THE DEAF, BUT I STILL HAVE
TIME LEFT OVER TO DO ALL MY OWN

WITH THE DEAF, BUT I STILL HAVE
TIME LEFT OVER TO DO ALL MY OWN
BAKING AND PRACTICE MY BACKHAND

TIME LEFT OVER TO DO ALL MY OWN
BAKING AND PRACTICE MY BACKHAND
EVEN THOUGH I'M ON CALL 24 HOURS

BAKING AND PRACTICE MY BACKHAND
EVEN THOUGH I'M ON CALL 24 HOURS
A DAY AS A LEGAL AIDE...

EVEN THOUGH I'M ON CALL 24 HOURS
A DAY AS A LEGAL AIDE...
Announcer: HOW DOES

A DAY AS A LEGAL AIDE...
Announcer: HOW DOES
ELLEN SHERMAN DO IT ALL?

Announcer: HOW DOES
ELLEN SHERMAN DO IT ALL?
SHE'S SMART. SHE TAKES SPEED.

ELLEN SHERMAN DO IT ALL?
SHE'S SMART. SHE TAKES SPEED.
SPEED... THE TINY BLUE DIET PILL

SHE'S SMART. SHE TAKES SPEED.
SPEED... THE TINY BLUE DIET PILL
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE OVERWEIGHT

SPEED... THE TINY BLUE DIET PILL
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE OVERWEIGHT
TO NEED.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE OVERWEIGHT
TO NEED.
AND I COLLECT THESE PAPER

TO NEED.
AND I COLLECT THESE PAPER
BAGS, AND I HAVE THEM RIGHT

AND I COLLECT THESE PAPER
BAGS, AND I HAVE THEM RIGHT
HERE, ALL FOLDED AND EVERYTHING.

BAGS, AND I HAVE THEM RIGHT
HERE, ALL FOLDED AND EVERYTHING.
IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS A PAPER

HERE, ALL FOLDED AND EVERYTHING.
IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS A PAPER
BAG, I HAVE ONE BECAUSE I FOLD

IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS A PAPER
BAG, I HAVE ONE BECAUSE I FOLD
THEM NEATLY, YOU KNOW.

BAG, I HAVE ONE BECAUSE I FOLD
THEM NEATLY, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T JUST FOLD THEM JUST ANY

THEM NEATLY, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T JUST FOLD THEM JUST ANY
OLD WAY...

I DON'T JUST FOLD THEM JUST ANY
OLD WAY...
Announcer: WHY NOT ASK YOUR

OLD WAY...
Announcer: WHY NOT ASK YOUR
FAMILY DOCTOR FOR A PRESCRIPTION

Announcer: WHY NOT ASK YOUR
FAMILY DOCTOR FOR A PRESCRIPTION
TODAY?

FAMILY DOCTOR FOR A PRESCRIPTION
TODAY?
AND WHEN THAT RUNS OUT, YOU CAN

TODAY?
AND WHEN THAT RUNS OUT, YOU CAN
ASK YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOCTOR AND

AND WHEN THAT RUNS OUT, YOU CAN
ASK YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOCTOR AND
YOUR MOTHER'S DOCTOR AND YOUR

ASK YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOCTOR AND
YOUR MOTHER'S DOCTOR AND YOUR
COLLEGE ROOMMATE'S DOCTOR AND

YOUR MOTHER'S DOCTOR AND YOUR
COLLEGE ROOMMATE'S DOCTOR AND
YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM HIGH

COLLEGE ROOMMATE'S DOCTOR AND
YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM HIGH
SCHOOL'S DOCTOR AND YOUR

YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM HIGH
SCHOOL'S DOCTOR AND YOUR
BABYSITTER'S DOCTOR.

SCHOOL'S DOCTOR AND YOUR
BABYSITTER'S DOCTOR.
THIS WEEK, ANSWERING FORD'S

BABYSITTER'S DOCTOR.
THIS WEEK, ANSWERING FORD'S
STATEMENT THAT HE WAS TOO

THIS WEEK, ANSWERING FORD'S
STATEMENT THAT HE WAS TOO
CONSERVATIVE TO BE A PRESIDENT,

STATEMENT THAT HE WAS TOO
CONSERVATIVE TO BE A PRESIDENT,
RONALD REAGAN SAID THAT FORD HAD

CONSERVATIVE TO BE A PRESIDENT,
RONALD REAGAN SAID THAT FORD HAD
TWICE OFFERED HIM POSTS IN THE

RONALD REAGAN SAID THAT FORD HAD
TWICE OFFERED HIM POSTS IN THE
ADMINISTRATION BEFORE.

TWICE OFFERED HIM POSTS IN THE
ADMINISTRATION BEFORE.
SOURCES REVEAL THAT THE POSTS

ADMINISTRATION BEFORE.
SOURCES REVEAL THAT THE POSTS
WERE SECRETARY OF WITCHCRAFT AND

SOURCES REVEAL THAT THE POSTS
WERE SECRETARY OF WITCHCRAFT AND
DIRECTOR OF PONY EXPRESS.

WERE SECRETARY OF WITCHCRAFT AND
DIRECTOR OF PONY EXPRESS.
ANGERED OVER THE DECISION BY

DIRECTOR OF PONY EXPRESS.
ANGERED OVER THE DECISION BY
CONGRESS NOT TO GIVE HIM JULIE'S

ANGERED OVER THE DECISION BY
CONGRESS NOT TO GIVE HIM JULIE'S
WEDDING DRESS, RICHARD NIXON HAS

CONGRESS NOT TO GIVE HIM JULIE'S
WEDDING DRESS, RICHARD NIXON HAS
MOVED HIS FAMILY AND STAFF TO

WEDDING DRESS, RICHARD NIXON HAS
MOVED HIS FAMILY AND STAFF TO
CHINA...

MOVED HIS FAMILY AND STAFF TO
CHINA...
BOARDING A PLANE BEARING A

CHINA...
BOARDING A PLANE BEARING A
TRUCKLOAD OF GIFTS FOR THE

BOARDING A PLANE BEARING A
TRUCKLOAD OF GIFTS FOR THE
CHINESE, INCLUDING BOXES OF OLD

TRUCKLOAD OF GIFTS FOR THE
CHINESE, INCLUDING BOXES OF OLD
TAPE RECORDINGS AND PRIVATE

CHINESE, INCLUDING BOXES OF OLD
TAPE RECORDINGS AND PRIVATE
RECORDS OF CAMPAIGN

TAPE RECORDINGS AND PRIVATE
RECORDS OF CAMPAIGN
CONTRIBUTIONS, ALL OF WHICH HE

RECORDS OF CAMPAIGN
CONTRIBUTIONS, ALL OF WHICH HE
CLAIMS ARE OF UNIQUE HISTORICAL

CONTRIBUTIONS, ALL OF WHICH HE
CLAIMS ARE OF UNIQUE HISTORICAL
VALUE.

CLAIMS ARE OF UNIQUE HISTORICAL
VALUE.
NIXON SMILED GOODBYE TO THE

VALUE.
NIXON SMILED GOODBYE TO THE
PRESS FOR THE LAST TIME, SAYING,

NIXON SMILED GOODBYE TO THE
PRESS FOR THE LAST TIME, SAYING,
"I AM NOT CLUCK."

IOWA GOVERNOR ROBERT D. RAY
YESTERDAY SIGNED THE LEGISLATION
BANNING PAY TOILETS IN HIS

YESTERDAY SIGNED THE LEGISLATION
BANNING PAY TOILETS IN HIS
STATE.

BANNING PAY TOILETS IN HIS
STATE.
BUDGET-CONSCIOUS IOWANS WHO HAD

STATE.
BUDGET-CONSCIOUS IOWANS WHO HAD
BEEN HOLDING OUT FOR FIVE YEARS

BUDGET-CONSCIOUS IOWANS WHO HAD
BEEN HOLDING OUT FOR FIVE YEARS
BREATHED A COLLECTIVE SIGH OF

BEEN HOLDING OUT FOR FIVE YEARS
BREATHED A COLLECTIVE SIGH OF
RELIEF AND CELEBRATED IN THE

BREATHED A COLLECTIVE SIGH OF
RELIEF AND CELEBRATED IN THE
ONLY WAY THEY KNEW HOW.

RELIEF AND CELEBRATED IN THE
ONLY WAY THEY KNEW HOW.
WELL, HENRY KISSINGER WAS TAKEN

ONLY WAY THEY KNEW HOW.
WELL, HENRY KISSINGER WAS TAKEN
OUT AND SHOT TODAY BY A

WELL, HENRY KISSINGER WAS TAKEN
OUT AND SHOT TODAY BY A
BRAZILIAN FIRING SQUAD.

OUT AND SHOT TODAY BY A
BRAZILIAN FIRING SQUAD.
THE CHARGE? OVERWEIGHT.

BRAZILIAN FIRING SQUAD.
THE CHARGE? OVERWEIGHT.
THE TRIAL OF 22-YEAR-OLD

THE CHARGE? OVERWEIGHT.
THE TRIAL OF 22-YEAR-OLD
NEWSPAPER HEIRESS

THE TRIAL OF 22-YEAR-OLD
NEWSPAPER HEIRESS
PATRICIA HEARST CONTINUES.

NEWSPAPER HEIRESS
PATRICIA HEARST CONTINUES.
YESTERDAY PATTY APPEARED IN

PATRICIA HEARST CONTINUES.
YESTERDAY PATTY APPEARED IN
COURT MODESTLY DRESSED IN A

YESTERDAY PATTY APPEARED IN
COURT MODESTLY DRESSED IN A
SIMPLE 2-PIECE FLORAL-PRINT

COURT MODESTLY DRESSED IN A
SIMPLE 2-PIECE FLORAL-PRINT
OUTFIT, HER NAILS NEATLY

SIMPLE 2-PIECE FLORAL-PRINT
OUTFIT, HER NAILS NEATLY
MANICURED.

OUTFIT, HER NAILS NEATLY
MANICURED.
ASKED TO COMMENT ON HER NEW

MANICURED.
ASKED TO COMMENT ON HER NEW
WELL-GROOMED IMAGE, PATTY

ASKED TO COMMENT ON HER NEW
WELL-GROOMED IMAGE, PATTY
TENSELY REPLIED, "I WAS AFRAID

WELL-GROOMED IMAGE, PATTY
TENSELY REPLIED, "I WAS AFRAID
THAT IF I DIDN'T LOOK NICE, MY

TENSELY REPLIED, "I WAS AFRAID
THAT IF I DIDN'T LOOK NICE, MY
MOTHER WOULD KILL ME."

THAT IF I DIDN'T LOOK NICE, MY
MOTHER WOULD KILL ME."
REPORTING FROM SAN FRANCISCO IS

MOTHER WOULD KILL ME."
REPORTING FROM SAN FRANCISCO IS
CORRESPONDENT HORST BUCHHOLZ.

[Nasal voice] PATRICIA

HEARST'S CHIEF PROSECUTOR ASKED

HER ONE QUESTION TOO MANY TODAY,

INADVERTENTLY OPENING THE DOOR

TO TESTIMONY FOR THE DEFENDANT,

DESCRIBING TO A HERETOFORE

UNINFORMED JURY HOW THE HEARST

ESTATE HAS BEEN BOMBED AND

THREATS HAVE BEEN MADE ON HER

LIFE AND THE LIVES OF HER

PARENTS IF THEY DID NOT PUT

$250,000 INTO A DEFENSE FUND FOR

WILLIAM AND EMILY HARRIS.

AS A HUSHED COURTROOM LISTENED,

PATTY RESPONDED TO THE QUESTION,

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MISS HEARST?"

FOLLOWING HER ANSWER TO AN

EARLIER QUESTION IN WHICH SHE

SAID, "IT'S HAPPENING IN THE

STREETS RIGHT NOW."

THE DEFENDANT WAS REFERRING TO

FURTHER S.L.A. ACTIVITY THAT HAS

BEEN TAKING PLACE IN SPITE OF

THE BELIEF BY SOME MEMBERS THAT

THE TERRORIST GROUP ARE ALL

EITHER IN CUSTODY OR DEAD.

THIS IS CORRESPONDENT
HORST BUCHHOLZ REPORTING FROM
SAN...

HORST BUCHHOLZ REPORTING FROM
SAN...
[Normal voice] FRANCISCO.

SAN...
[Normal voice] FRANCISCO.
WELL, THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT.

[Normal voice] FRANCISCO.
WELL, THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

WELL, THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT
TOMORROW.

YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS PRODUCED
A LOT OF SHOWS BESIDES
"I LOVE LUCY."

A LOT OF SHOWS BESIDES
"I LOVE LUCY."
DESILU PRODUCTIONS PUT ON SUCH

"I LOVE LUCY."
DESILU PRODUCTIONS PUT ON SUCH
CLASSICS AS "THE WHIRLYBIRDS,"

DESILU PRODUCTIONS PUT ON SUCH
CLASSICS AS "THE WHIRLYBIRDS,"
"PETE AND GLADYS,"

CLASSICS AS "THE WHIRLYBIRDS,"
"PETE AND GLADYS,"
"DECEMBER BRIDE," AND

"PETE AND GLADYS,"
"DECEMBER BRIDE," AND
"THE UNTOUCHABLES," JUST TO NAME

"DECEMBER BRIDE," AND
"THE UNTOUCHABLES," JUST TO NAME
A FEW.

"THE UNTOUCHABLES," JUST TO NAME
A FEW.
AND, YOU KNOW, DAD REALLY THREW

A FEW.
AND, YOU KNOW, DAD REALLY THREW
HIMSELF INTO EVERYTHING.

AND, YOU KNOW, DAD REALLY THREW
HIMSELF INTO EVERYTHING.
FOR EXAMPLE, ON

HIMSELF INTO EVERYTHING.
FOR EXAMPLE, ON
"THE WHIRLYBIRDS," DAD CREATED

FOR EXAMPLE, ON
"THE WHIRLYBIRDS," DAD CREATED
ALL THE HELICOPTER SOUND EFFECTS

"THE WHIRLYBIRDS," DAD CREATED
ALL THE HELICOPTER SOUND EFFECTS
WITH HIS LIPS.

ALL THE HELICOPTER SOUND EFFECTS
WITH HIS LIPS.
[IMITATING HELICOPTER BLADES

WITH HIS LIPS.
[IMITATING HELICOPTER BLADES
WHIRRING]

[IMITATING HELICOPTER BLADES
WHIRRING]
THAT'S NOT EASY TO DO.

[WHIRRING]
THAT'S NOT EASY TO DO.
FOR "PETE AND GLADYS," DAD

THAT'S NOT EASY TO DO.
FOR "PETE AND GLADYS," DAD
DESIGNED HARRY MORGAN'S MAKEUP.

FOR "PETE AND GLADYS," DAD
DESIGNED HARRY MORGAN'S MAKEUP.
BUT ON "THE UNTOUCHABLES,"

DESIGNED HARRY MORGAN'S MAKEUP.
BUT ON "THE UNTOUCHABLES,"
BECAUSE OF HIS ACCENT, DAD NEVER

BUT ON "THE UNTOUCHABLES,"
BECAUSE OF HIS ACCENT, DAD NEVER
GOT ANY SPEAKING ROLES ON THE

BECAUSE OF HIS ACCENT, DAD NEVER
GOT ANY SPEAKING ROLES ON THE
SHOW... UNTIL TONIGHT.

[As Walter Winchell] AT

4:26 P.M. ON FEBRUARY 21, 1936,

IN A WAREHOUSE ON THE NORTH SIDE

OF CHICAGO, RAOUL NITTI AND HIS

BOYS WERE TURNING OUT

AMPHETAMINES TO BE SOLD

ILLEGALLY AT A NEARBY HIGH

SCHOOL.

OKAY, KIDDO.
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN
GOOD, SEE?

NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN
GOOD, SEE?
YOU GIVE TWO OF THESE TO EVERY

GOOD, SEE?
YOU GIVE TWO OF THESE TO EVERY
GUY ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM BEFORE

YOU GIVE TWO OF THESE TO EVERY
GUY ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM BEFORE
THE GAME.

GUY ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM BEFORE
THE GAME.
YOU'LL BE A BIG MAN ON CAMPUS,

THE GAME.
YOU'LL BE A BIG MAN ON CAMPUS,
HUH?

YOU'LL BE A BIG MAN ON CAMPUS,
HUH?
JEEZ, THANKS, MR. NITTI.

HUH?
JEEZ, THANKS, MR. NITTI.
I'LL RUN RIGHT OVER.

JEEZ, THANKS, MR. NITTI.
I'LL RUN RIGHT OVER.
GOODBYE.

I'LL RUN RIGHT OVER.
GOODBYE.
[CHUCKLES]

GOODBYE.
[CHUCKLES]
WELL, FELLAS, LET'S GO OVER TO

[CHUCKLES]
WELL, FELLAS, LET'S GO OVER TO
THE CLUB, GET A BITE TO EAT, AND

WELL, FELLAS, LET'S GO OVER TO
THE CLUB, GET A BITE TO EAT, AND
SEE IF THE OWNER HAS WISED UP

THE CLUB, GET A BITE TO EAT, AND
SEE IF THE OWNER HAS WISED UP
AND SCRAPED TOGETHER OUR

SEE IF THE OWNER HAS WISED UP
AND SCRAPED TOGETHER OUR
PROTECTION MONEY.

AND SCRAPED TOGETHER OUR
PROTECTION MONEY.
[LAUGHS EVILLY]

PROTECTION MONEY.
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHS EVILLY]
[LAUGHTER]
SHUT UP. GET GOING.

[LAUGHTER]
SHUT UP. GET GOING.
MEANWHILE, IN A

SHUT UP. GET GOING.
MEANWHILE, IN A
MEDICINE-CABINET WAREHOUSE

MEANWHILE, IN A
MEDICINE-CABINET WAREHOUSE
ACROSS THE STREET, ELIOT NESS

MEDICINE-CABINET WAREHOUSE
ACROSS THE STREET, ELIOT NESS
AND HIS UNTOUCHABLES WATCHED THE

ACROSS THE STREET, ELIOT NESS
AND HIS UNTOUCHABLES WATCHED THE
MOBSTERS' EVERY MOVE.

AND HIS UNTOUCHABLES WATCHED THE
MOBSTERS' EVERY MOVE.
RICO, I CAN SEE THEM.

MOBSTERS' EVERY MOVE.
RICO, I CAN SEE THEM.
THERE'S A BLUE JAY, A RED

RICO, I CAN SEE THEM.
THERE'S A BLUE JAY, A RED
WARBLER OVER THERE.

THERE'S A BLUE JAY, A RED
WARBLER OVER THERE.
LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!

WARBLER OVER THERE.
LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
NITTI AND A COUPLE OF HIS GOONS

LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
NITTI AND A COUPLE OF HIS GOONS
ARE COMING OUT OF THAT

NITTI AND A COUPLE OF HIS GOONS
ARE COMING OUT OF THAT
WAREHOUSE.

ARE COMING OUT OF THAT
WAREHOUSE.
I THINK HE'S MAKING HIS MOVE.

WAREHOUSE.
I THINK HE'S MAKING HIS MOVE.
YOU SAY THEY'RE MAKING THEIR

I THINK HE'S MAKING HIS MOVE.
YOU SAY THEY'RE MAKING THEIR
MOVE, ELIOT?

YOU SAY THEY'RE MAKING THEIR
MOVE, ELIOT?
RIGHT. RICO, LET'S TRAIL 'EM.

MOVE, ELIOT?
RIGHT. RICO, LET'S TRAIL 'EM.
I WANT TO TEACH MR. NITTI A

RIGHT. RICO, LET'S TRAIL 'EM.
I WANT TO TEACH MR. NITTI A
LESSON HE'LL HAVE A LONG TIME TO

I WANT TO TEACH MR. NITTI A
LESSON HE'LL HAVE A LONG TIME TO
FORGET.

LESSON HE'LL HAVE A LONG TIME TO
FORGET.
ELIOT, LOOK.

FORGET.
ELIOT, LOOK.
A REDWING BLACKBIRD.

ELIOT, LOOK.
A REDWING BLACKBIRD.
AT 5:37 THAT AFTERNOON, NITTI

A REDWING BLACKBIRD.
AT 5:37 THAT AFTERNOON, NITTI
AND HIS HENCHMEN WERE

AT 5:37 THAT AFTERNOON, NITTI
AND HIS HENCHMEN WERE
THREATENING THE OWNER OF A

AND HIS HENCHMEN WERE
THREATENING THE OWNER OF A
SOUTH SIDE RESTAURANT WHO OWED

THREATENING THE OWNER OF A
SOUTH SIDE RESTAURANT WHO OWED
HIM EXTORTION MONEY.

SOUTH SIDE RESTAURANT WHO OWED
HIM EXTORTION MONEY.
PLEASE, MR. NITTI.

HIM EXTORTION MONEY.
PLEASE, MR. NITTI.
I KNOW I'VE BEEN LATE, BUT

PLEASE, MR. NITTI.
I KNOW I'VE BEEN LATE, BUT
BUSINESS HAS BEEN BAD.

I KNOW I'VE BEEN LATE, BUT
BUSINESS HAS BEEN BAD.
YEAH, WELL, YOU AIN'T SEEN

BUSINESS HAS BEEN BAD.
YEAH, WELL, YOU AIN'T SEEN
NOTHING YET.

YEAH, WELL, YOU AIN'T SEEN
NOTHING YET.
WAIT TILL THE WORD GETS AROUND

NOTHING YET.
WAIT TILL THE WORD GETS AROUND
THAT EVERY CUSTOMER IN YOUR

WAIT TILL THE WORD GETS AROUND
THAT EVERY CUSTOMER IN YOUR
JOINT IS GONNA GET KILLED.

THAT EVERY CUSTOMER IN YOUR
JOINT IS GONNA GET KILLED.
[LAUGHS]

JOINT IS GONNA GET KILLED.
[LAUGHS]
ANGEL.

[LAUGHS]
ANGEL.
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

ANGEL.
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
ENJOYING YOUR MEAL?

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
ENJOYING YOUR MEAL?
YES, THE MEAL IS ALL RIGHT,

ENJOYING YOUR MEAL?
YES, THE MEAL IS ALL RIGHT,
BUT THE WINE COULD BE A BIT

YES, THE MEAL IS ALL RIGHT,
BUT THE WINE COULD BE A BIT
DRIER.

BUT THE WINE COULD BE A BIT
DRIER.
WELL, I'M SORRY TO HEAR IT.

DRIER.
WELL, I'M SORRY TO HEAR IT.
[GUNSHOT]

WELL, I'M SORRY TO HEAR IT.
[GUNSHOT]
OOH!

[GUNSHOT]
OOH!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU

OOH!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
WIN.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
WIN.
I'LL HAVE IT BY TOMORROW.

WIN.
I'LL HAVE IT BY TOMORROW.
THAT'S MUCH BETTER.

I'LL HAVE IT BY TOMORROW.
THAT'S MUCH BETTER.
LISTEN, DO YOU MIND IF I USE THE

THAT'S MUCH BETTER.
LISTEN, DO YOU MIND IF I USE THE
TELEPHONE?

LISTEN, DO YOU MIND IF I USE THE
TELEPHONE?
NO PROBLEM. HERE'S A NICKEL.

TELEPHONE?
NO PROBLEM. HERE'S A NICKEL.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NO PROBLEM. HERE'S A NICKEL.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OKAY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OKAY.
HOW 'BOUT YOU?

OKAY.
HOW 'BOUT YOU?
YOU ENJOYING YOUR MEAL TONIGHT?

HOW 'BOUT YOU?
YOU ENJOYING YOUR MEAL TONIGHT?
OH, YEAH, TERRIFIC.

YOU ENJOYING YOUR MEAL TONIGHT?
OH, YEAH, TERRIFIC.
GREAT. COULDN'T BE BETTER.

OH, YEAH, TERRIFIC.
GREAT. COULDN'T BE BETTER.
I FIGURED YOU LIKED IT.

GREAT. COULDN'T BE BETTER.
I FIGURED YOU LIKED IT.
[CHUCKLES]

I FIGURED YOU LIKED IT.
[CHUCKLES]
HELLO. LUCY?

[CHUCKLES]
HELLO. LUCY?
HOW'S LITTLE NITTI?

HELLO. LUCY?
HOW'S LITTLE NITTI?
THAT'S GOOD.

HOW'S LITTLE NITTI?
THAT'S GOOD.
LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO MEET ME IN

THAT'S GOOD.
LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO MEET ME IN
THE WAREHOUSE IN ABOUT HALF AN

LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO MEET ME IN
THE WAREHOUSE IN ABOUT HALF AN
HOUR, AND BRING MY MACHINE GUN

THE WAREHOUSE IN ABOUT HALF AN
HOUR, AND BRING MY MACHINE GUN
WITH YOU, BUT BRING THE ONE WITH

HOUR, AND BRING MY MACHINE GUN
WITH YOU, BUT BRING THE ONE WITH
THE REAL BULLETS.

WITH YOU, BUT BRING THE ONE WITH
THE REAL BULLETS.
DON'T BRING THE ONE WITH THE

THE REAL BULLETS.
DON'T BRING THE ONE WITH THE
BLANKS, ALL RIGHT?

DON'T BRING THE ONE WITH THE
BLANKS, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, HONEY. I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

BLANKS, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, HONEY. I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
MEANWHILE, ACROSS THE STREET

OKAY, HONEY. I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
MEANWHILE, ACROSS THE STREET
IN THE WESTINGHOUSE BUILDING,

MEANWHILE, ACROSS THE STREET
IN THE WESTINGHOUSE BUILDING,
ELIOT NESS AND HIS UNTOUCHABLES

IN THE WESTINGHOUSE BUILDING,
ELIOT NESS AND HIS UNTOUCHABLES
MAINTAIN THEIR VIGIL.

ELIOT NESS AND HIS UNTOUCHABLES
MAINTAIN THEIR VIGIL.
AH, I SEE A DUTCH FREIGHTER

MAINTAIN THEIR VIGIL.
AH, I SEE A DUTCH FREIGHTER
FLYING TWO... NO, THREE...

AH, I SEE A DUTCH FREIGHTER
FLYING TWO... NO, THREE...
FLAGS.

FLYING TWO... NO, THREE...
FLAGS.
THERE'S A RUSSIAN OIL TANKER.

FLAGS.
THERE'S A RUSSIAN OIL TANKER.
WELL, NITTI HASN'T LEFT THE

THERE'S A RUSSIAN OIL TANKER.
WELL, NITTI HASN'T LEFT THE
RESTAURANT YET.

WELL, NITTI HASN'T LEFT THE
RESTAURANT YET.
RICO, SURE IS A STRANGE PLACE.

RESTAURANT YET.
RICO, SURE IS A STRANGE PLACE.
WHAT DID YOU SAY THEY CALL THIS

RICO, SURE IS A STRANGE PLACE.
WHAT DID YOU SAY THEY CALL THIS
PLACE?

WHAT DID YOU SAY THEY CALL THIS
PLACE?
SAID IT WAS THE KITCHEN OF

PLACE?
SAID IT WAS THE KITCHEN OF
THE FUTURE.

SAID IT WAS THE KITCHEN OF
THE FUTURE.
YEAH.

THE FUTURE.
YEAH.
LEE! LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!

YEAH.
LEE! LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
LOOKS LIKE NITTI'S LEAVING.

LEE! LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
LOOKS LIKE NITTI'S LEAVING.
YOUNGBLOOD! LEE!

LOOKS LIKE NITTI'S LEAVING.
YOUNGBLOOD! LEE!
STOP PLAYING WITH THOSE OVEN

YOUNGBLOOD! LEE!
STOP PLAYING WITH THOSE OVEN
MITTS.

STOP PLAYING WITH THOSE OVEN
MITTS.
WE'RE A STEP CLOSER TO

MITTS.
WE'RE A STEP CLOSER TO
TIGHTENING THE NOOSE AROUND THAT

WE'RE A STEP CLOSER TO
TIGHTENING THE NOOSE AROUND THAT
RAT'S NECK.

TIGHTENING THE NOOSE AROUND THAT
RAT'S NECK.
ELIOT, LOOK!

RAT'S NECK.
ELIOT, LOOK!
A FIREBOAT.

ELIOT, LOOK!
A FIREBOAT.
THERE.

A FIREBOAT.
THERE.
AT 6:09, NITTI WAS BACK AT

THERE.
AT 6:09, NITTI WAS BACK AT
THE WAREHOUSE.

AT 6:09, NITTI WAS BACK AT
THE WAREHOUSE.
HIS FEMALE COMPANION, LUCY, HAD

THE WAREHOUSE.
HIS FEMALE COMPANION, LUCY, HAD
JUST ARRIVED BEARING SOME BAD

HIS FEMALE COMPANION, LUCY, HAD
JUST ARRIVED BEARING SOME BAD
NEWS.

JUST ARRIVED BEARING SOME BAD
NEWS.
AHHH, HELLO, SWEETHEART.

NEWS.
AHHH, HELLO, SWEETHEART.
OH, YOU REMEMBERED MY GUN.

AHHH, HELLO, SWEETHEART.
OH, YOU REMEMBERED MY GUN.
ISN'T THAT NICE OF YOU, DEAR?

OH, YOU REMEMBERED MY GUN.
ISN'T THAT NICE OF YOU, DEAR?
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

ISN'T THAT NICE OF YOU, DEAR?
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
YOU LOOK UPSET.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
YOU LOOK UPSET.
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!

YOU LOOK UPSET.
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!
WHAT HAPPENED?

WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!
WHAT HAPPENED?
DID YOU DENT THE CAR?

WHAT HAPPENED?
DID YOU DENT THE CAR?
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!

DID YOU DENT THE CAR?
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!
DID THE CAPONE PEOPLE KIDNAP

WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!
DID THE CAPONE PEOPLE KIDNAP
LITTLE NITTI?

DID THE CAPONE PEOPLE KIDNAP
LITTLE NITTI?
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!

LITTLE NITTI?
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU CRYING

WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU CRYING
ABOUT?

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU CRYING
ABOUT?
[Crying] THEY KNOCKED OFF

ABOUT?
[Crying] THEY KNOCKED OFF
FRED AND ETHEL.

[Crying] THEY KNOCKED OFF
FRED AND ETHEL.
OHHH.

FRED AND ETHEL.
OHHH.
IT'S ABOUT TIME.

OHHH.
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
AT THAT MOMENT, ELIOT NESS

IT'S ABOUT TIME.
AT THAT MOMENT, ELIOT NESS
AND HIS UNTOUCHABLES WERE MAKING

AT THAT MOMENT, ELIOT NESS
AND HIS UNTOUCHABLES WERE MAKING
THEIR FINAL STAKEOUT IN THE

AND HIS UNTOUCHABLES WERE MAKING
THEIR FINAL STAKEOUT IN THE
MEDICINE-CABINET WAREHOUSE

THEIR FINAL STAKEOUT IN THE
MEDICINE-CABINET WAREHOUSE
ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE NITTI

MEDICINE-CABINET WAREHOUSE
ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE NITTI
HIDEAWAY.

ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE NITTI
HIDEAWAY.
ELIOT.

HIDEAWAY.
ELIOT.
THEY'RE MAKING THEIR MOVE.

ELIOT.
THEY'RE MAKING THEIR MOVE.
WHO? NITTI?

THEY'RE MAKING THEIR MOVE.
WHO? NITTI?
NO, THOSE TWO DAMES

WHO? NITTI?
NO, THOSE TWO DAMES
SUNBATHING ON THE ROOF.

NO, THOSE TWO DAMES
SUNBATHING ON THE ROOF.
OKAY, MEN.

SUNBATHING ON THE ROOF.
OKAY, MEN.
IT'S TIME TO PUT THE STOPPER ON

OKAY, MEN.
IT'S TIME TO PUT THE STOPPER ON
MR. NITTI.

IT'S TIME TO PUT THE STOPPER ON
MR. NITTI.
ALL RIGHT.

MR. NITTI.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GO IN THERE, POSING AS THAT

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GO IN THERE, POSING AS THAT
TWO-BIT DRUG DEALER WE GRILLED

I'LL GO IN THERE, POSING AS THAT
TWO-BIT DRUG DEALER WE GRILLED
LAST WEEK, AND YOU GUYS COME IN

TWO-BIT DRUG DEALER WE GRILLED
LAST WEEK, AND YOU GUYS COME IN
FROM THE REAR.

LAST WEEK, AND YOU GUYS COME IN
FROM THE REAR.
LET'S SYNCHRONIZE OUR WATCHES.

FROM THE REAR.
LET'S SYNCHRONIZE OUR WATCHES.
WHAT TIME IS IT, ANYHOW?

LET'S SYNCHRONIZE OUR WATCHES.
WHAT TIME IS IT, ANYHOW?
THE TIME WAS 6:16.

WHAT TIME IS IT, ANYHOW?
THE TIME WAS 6:16.
OKAY, 6:16.

THE TIME WAS 6:16.
OKAY, 6:16.
YOU GUYS GIVE ME THREE MINUTES

OKAY, 6:16.
YOU GUYS GIVE ME THREE MINUTES
AND THEN COME IN.

YOU GUYS GIVE ME THREE MINUTES
AND THEN COME IN.
IS THAT THREE MINUTES FROM NOW,

AND THEN COME IN.
IS THAT THREE MINUTES FROM NOW,
WHEN HE LEFT, OR WHEN HE SAID

IS THAT THREE MINUTES FROM NOW,
WHEN HE LEFT, OR WHEN HE SAID
IT?

WHEN HE LEFT, OR WHEN HE SAID
IT?
I DON'T KNOW.

IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T HAVE A WATCH.

I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T HAVE A WATCH.
HONEY, DO YOU STILL PLAY

I DON'T HAVE A WATCH.
HONEY, DO YOU STILL PLAY
THESE STUPID DRUMS?

HONEY, DO YOU STILL PLAY
THESE STUPID DRUMS?
NO. THAT'S THE WAY WE

THESE STUPID DRUMS?
NO. THAT'S THE WAY WE
SMUGGLED THE STUFF IN FROM CUBA.

NO. THAT'S THE WAY WE
SMUGGLED THE STUFF IN FROM CUBA.
SEE?

SMUGGLED THE STUFF IN FROM CUBA.
SEE?
[CHUCKLES]

SEE?
[CHUCKLES]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[CHUCKLES]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
SEE WHO THAT IS, WILL YOU?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
SEE WHO THAT IS, WILL YOU?
MR. NITTI, MY NAME'S

SEE WHO THAT IS, WILL YOU?
MR. NITTI, MY NAME'S
PETER FONDA.

MR. NITTI, MY NAME'S
PETER FONDA.
I BELIEVE YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO

PETER FONDA.
I BELIEVE YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO
PICK UP ILLEGAL NARCOTICS.

I BELIEVE YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO
PICK UP ILLEGAL NARCOTICS.
NO, NO, I AM NOT, AND I NEVER

PICK UP ILLEGAL NARCOTICS.
NO, NO, I AM NOT, AND I NEVER
SEEN OR HEARD OF YOU BEFORE.

NO, NO, I AM NOT, AND I NEVER
SEEN OR HEARD OF YOU BEFORE.
YOU HAVEN'T?

SEEN OR HEARD OF YOU BEFORE.
YOU HAVEN'T?
NO.

YOU HAVEN'T?
NO.
LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!

NO.
LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
MUST HAVE GIVEN ME THE WRONG

LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
MUST HAVE GIVEN ME THE WRONG
INFORMATION.

MUST HAVE GIVEN ME THE WRONG
INFORMATION.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, BOSS.

INFORMATION.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, BOSS.
THIS GUY AIN'T NO DRUG DEALER.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, BOSS.
THIS GUY AIN'T NO DRUG DEALER.
THAT'S ELIOT NESS.

THIS GUY AIN'T NO DRUG DEALER.
THAT'S ELIOT NESS.
HE SENT ME UP THE RIVER FIVE

THAT'S ELIOT NESS.
HE SENT ME UP THE RIVER FIVE
YEARS AGO.

HE SENT ME UP THE RIVER FIVE
YEARS AGO.
WELL, NOW, MR. NESS, YOU'RE

YEARS AGO.
WELL, NOW, MR. NESS, YOU'RE
NOT ONLY A STUPID MAN, YOU ARE A

WELL, NOW, MR. NESS, YOU'RE
NOT ONLY A STUPID MAN, YOU ARE A
DEAD MAN.

NOT ONLY A STUPID MAN, YOU ARE A
DEAD MAN.
GIVE ME MY GUN, SWEETHEART.

DEAD MAN.
GIVE ME MY GUN, SWEETHEART.
LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!

GIVE ME MY GUN, SWEETHEART.
LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
[GUNFIRE]

LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
[GUNFIRE]
YOU BROUGHT ME THE ONE WITH

[GUNFIRE]
YOU BROUGHT ME THE ONE WITH
THE BLANKS!

YOU BROUGHT ME THE ONE WITH
THE BLANKS!
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!

THE BLANKS!
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!
AND LITTLE DID NITTI REALIZE

WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!
AND LITTLE DID NITTI REALIZE
THAT AT THAT MOMENT, THE

AND LITTLE DID NITTI REALIZE
THAT AT THAT MOMENT, THE
UNTOUCHABLES WERE CLIMBING THE

THAT AT THAT MOMENT, THE
UNTOUCHABLES WERE CLIMBING THE
BACK STAIRS TO GET THE JUMP ON

UNTOUCHABLES WERE CLIMBING THE
BACK STAIRS TO GET THE JUMP ON
NITTI AND HIS HENCHMEN.

BACK STAIRS TO GET THE JUMP ON
NITTI AND HIS HENCHMEN.
YOU HEAR THAT, BOYS?

NITTI AND HIS HENCHMEN.
YOU HEAR THAT, BOYS?
THE LOUSY COPS ARE COMING IN THE

YOU HEAR THAT, BOYS?
THE LOUSY COPS ARE COMING IN THE
BACK WAY.

THE LOUSY COPS ARE COMING IN THE
BACK WAY.
LET HIM HAVE IT!

BACK WAY.
LET HIM HAVE IT!
[GUNFIRE]

LUCY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
THIS STUFF IS AS PURE AS IT
COMES.

THIS STUFF IS AS PURE AS IT
COMES.
BEST I'VE EVER TASTED.

COMES.
BEST I'VE EVER TASTED.
TOO BAD IT'S AGAINST THE LAW.

BEST I'VE EVER TASTED.
TOO BAD IT'S AGAINST THE LAW.
WELL, THAT'S MY OWN PRIVATE

TOO BAD IT'S AGAINST THE LAW.
WELL, THAT'S MY OWN PRIVATE
STUFF, YOU KNOW.

WELL, THAT'S MY OWN PRIVATE
STUFF, YOU KNOW.
I'M GOING ON A DIET.

STUFF, YOU KNOW.
I'M GOING ON A DIET.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE PLENTY OF

I'M GOING ON A DIET.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE PLENTY OF
TIME TO DIET WHERE YOU'RE GOING,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE PLENTY OF
TIME TO DIET WHERE YOU'RE GOING,
NITTI.

TIME TO DIET WHERE YOU'RE GOING,
NITTI.
LITTLE DID NESS KNOW THAT ONE

NITTI.
LITTLE DID NESS KNOW THAT ONE
MONTH LATER, NITTI WOULD ESCAPE

LITTLE DID NESS KNOW THAT ONE
MONTH LATER, NITTI WOULD ESCAPE
FEDERAL AGENTS...

MONTH LATER, NITTI WOULD ESCAPE
FEDERAL AGENTS...
WHERE'S THAT VOICE COMING

FEDERAL AGENTS...
WHERE'S THAT VOICE COMING
FROM?

WHERE'S THAT VOICE COMING
FROM?
LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!

FROM?
LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
FIND THAT VOICE!

LEE! RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!
FIND THAT VOICE!
FOUR YEARS LATER, NESS WOULD

FIND THAT VOICE!
FOUR YEARS LATER, NESS WOULD
AGAIN PRESS HIS ARCHENEMY IN A

FOUR YEARS LATER, NESS WOULD
AGAIN PRESS HIS ARCHENEMY IN A
NURSING-HOME SCANDAL THAT ROCKED

AGAIN PRESS HIS ARCHENEMY IN A
NURSING-HOME SCANDAL THAT ROCKED
THE JEWISH COMMUNITY AND...

NURSING-HOME SCANDAL THAT ROCKED
THE JEWISH COMMUNITY AND...
[GUNFIRE]

THE JEWISH COMMUNITY AND...
[GUNFIRE]
AAH! OHH! AAH!

[GUNFIRE]
AAH! OHH! AAH!
WALTER WINCHELL WAS SHOT TODAY

AAH! OHH! AAH!
WALTER WINCHELL WAS SHOT TODAY
BY FEDERAL OFFICERS.

WALTER WINCHELL WAS SHOT TODAY
BY FEDERAL OFFICERS.
HIS CONDITION IS FATAL.

♪ LA CUCARACHA,
LA CUCARACHA ♪
♪ LA-LA LA-LA LA ♪

LA CUCARACHA ♪
♪ LA-LA LA-LA LA ♪
ETHEL, DO YOU THINK RICKY WILL

♪ LA-LA LA-LA LA ♪
ETHEL, DO YOU THINK RICKY WILL
FALL FOR IT?

ETHEL, DO YOU THINK RICKY WILL
FALL FOR IT?
OH, LUCY, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL

FALL FOR IT?
OH, LUCY, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL
RICKY IN THAT GETUP.

OH, LUCY, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL
RICKY IN THAT GETUP.
OH, BUT, ETHEL, I JUST KNOW I

RICKY IN THAT GETUP.
OH, BUT, ETHEL, I JUST KNOW I
CAN BE A SMASH AT THE TROPICANA

OH, BUT, ETHEL, I JUST KNOW I
CAN BE A SMASH AT THE TROPICANA
IF I CAN JUST GET IN THERE

CAN BE A SMASH AT THE TROPICANA
IF I CAN JUST GET IN THERE
WITHOUT RICKY RECOGNIZING ME.

IF I CAN JUST GET IN THERE
WITHOUT RICKY RECOGNIZING ME.
FORGET IT, LUCY.

WITHOUT RICKY RECOGNIZING ME.
FORGET IT, LUCY.
OH, NO.

FORGET IT, LUCY.
OH, NO.
I GOT TO GET INTO THAT BIG

OH, NO.
I GOT TO GET INTO THAT BIG
NUMBER.

I GOT TO GET INTO THAT BIG
NUMBER.
ETHEL, YOU GOT TO HELP ME.

NUMBER.
ETHEL, YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
WAIT A MINUTE.

ETHEL, YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.

WAIT A MINUTE.
I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALL THIS,

I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALL THIS,
LUCY.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALL THIS,
LUCY.
YOU KNOW WHAT A HOT TEMPER RICKY

LUCY.
YOU KNOW WHAT A HOT TEMPER RICKY
HAS.

YOU KNOW WHAT A HOT TEMPER RICKY
HAS.
I'M TELLING YOU, LUCY, RICKY

HAS.
I'M TELLING YOU, LUCY, RICKY
WILL KILL YOU!

I'M TELLING YOU, LUCY, RICKY
WILL KILL YOU!
YEAH, BUT I'VE BEEN

WILL KILL YOU!
YEAH, BUT I'VE BEEN
REHEARSING ALL WEEK!

YEAH, BUT I'VE BEEN
REHEARSING ALL WEEK!
OH, LUCY.

REHEARSING ALL WEEK!
OH, LUCY.
[Low-pitched voice] HELLO,

OH, LUCY.
[Low-pitched voice] HELLO,
MR. RICARDO.

[Low-pitched voice] HELLO,
MR. RICARDO.
I'M HERE TO PAINT THE BAND

MR. RICARDO.
I'M HERE TO PAINT THE BAND
SHELL.

I'M HERE TO PAINT THE BAND
SHELL.
DID YOU WANT IT BLACK OR BLACK?

SHELL.
DID YOU WANT IT BLACK OR BLACK?
[Normal voice] ETHEL, DO YOU

DID YOU WANT IT BLACK OR BLACK?
[Normal voice] ETHEL, DO YOU
THINK HE'LL FALL FOR IT?

[Normal voice] ETHEL, DO YOU
THINK HE'LL FALL FOR IT?
LUCY, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL RICKY

THINK HE'LL FALL FOR IT?
LUCY, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL RICKY
IN THAT GETUP.

LUCY, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL RICKY
IN THAT GETUP.
WAIT, I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.

IN THAT GETUP.
WAIT, I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.
LUCY, I'M TELLING YOU, THESE

WAIT, I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.
LUCY, I'M TELLING YOU, THESE
CRAZY SCHEMES OF YOURS NEVER

LUCY, I'M TELLING YOU, THESE
CRAZY SCHEMES OF YOURS NEVER
WORK.

CRAZY SCHEMES OF YOURS NEVER
WORK.
THIS ONE WILL WORK FOR SURE!

WORK.
THIS ONE WILL WORK FOR SURE!
WELL, YOU CAN COUNT ME OUT,

THIS ONE WILL WORK FOR SURE!
WELL, YOU CAN COUNT ME OUT,
GIRL.

WELL, YOU CAN COUNT ME OUT,
GIRL.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME THAT I'M

GIRL.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME THAT I'M
EVER GOING TO GET INVOLVED IN

THIS IS THE LAST TIME THAT I'M
EVER GOING TO GET INVOLVED IN
ANY ONE OF YOUR SCHEMES.

EVER GOING TO GET INVOLVED IN
ANY ONE OF YOUR SCHEMES.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS JUST

ANY ONE OF YOUR SCHEMES.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS JUST
CARRY ME ONTO THE STAGE.

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS JUST
CARRY ME ONTO THE STAGE.
WHERE ARE YOU, ETHEL?

CARRY ME ONTO THE STAGE.
WHERE ARE YOU, ETHEL?
I'M RIGHT HERE, LUCY.

WHERE ARE YOU, ETHEL?
I'M RIGHT HERE, LUCY.
OH.

I'M RIGHT HERE, LUCY.
OH.
OH, LUCY, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL

OH.
OH, LUCY, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL
RICKY IN THAT GETUP.

OH, LUCY, YOU'LL NEVER FOOL
RICKY IN THAT GETUP.
OHH. WAIT A MINUTE, ETHEL.

RICKY IN THAT GETUP.
OHH. WAIT A MINUTE, ETHEL.
I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.

OHH. WAIT A MINUTE, ETHEL.
I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.
THIS ONE WILL REALLY WORK FOR

I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.
THIS ONE WILL REALLY WORK FOR
SURE, BUT YOU GOT TO HELP ME.

THIS ONE WILL REALLY WORK FOR
SURE, BUT YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
IT'S THE GREATEST, BUT WE GOT TO

SURE, BUT YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
IT'S THE GREATEST, BUT WE GOT TO
HURRY, OKAY?

IT'S THE GREATEST, BUT WE GOT TO
HURRY, OKAY?
OH, LUCY!

HURRY, OKAY?
OH, LUCY!
COME ON!

OH, LUCY!
COME ON!
[RUMBA MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ THERE... ♪
♪ THAT LATIN LOTHARIO ♪
♪ BUT HAVANA HAS A NEW

♪ THAT LATIN LOTHARIO ♪
♪ BUT HAVANA HAS A NEW
SENSATION ♪

♪ BUT HAVANA HAS A NEW
SENSATION ♪
♪ HE'S REALLY A MODEST GUY ♪

SENSATION ♪
♪ HE'S REALLY A MODEST GUY ♪
♪ ALTHOUGH HE'S THE HOTTEST GUY

♪ HE'S REALLY A MODEST GUY ♪
♪ ALTHOUGH HE'S THE HOTTEST GUY
IN HAVANA ♪

♪ ALTHOUGH HE'S THE HOTTEST GUY
IN HAVANA ♪
♪ AND HERE'S WHAT HE HAS TO

IN HAVANA ♪
♪ AND HERE'S WHAT HE HAS TO
SAY ♪

♪ AND HERE'S WHAT HE HAS TO
SAY ♪
♪ THEY CALL ME CUBAN PETE ♪

SAY ♪
♪ THEY CALL ME CUBAN PETE ♪
♪ I'M THE KING OF THE RUMBA

♪ THEY CALL ME CUBAN PETE ♪
♪ I'M THE KING OF THE RUMBA
BEAT ♪

♪ I'M THE KING OF THE RUMBA
BEAT ♪
♪ WHEN I PLAY THE MARACAS, I GO,

BEAT ♪
♪ WHEN I PLAY THE MARACAS, I GO,
"CHICK, CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK,

♪ WHEN I PLAY THE MARACAS, I GO,
"CHICK, CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK,
CHICKY-BOOM" ♪

"CHICK, CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK,
CHICKY-BOOM" ♪
♪ YES, SIR, I'M CUBAN PETE ♪

CHICKY-BOOM" ♪
♪ YES, SIR, I'M CUBAN PETE ♪
♪ I'M THE CRAZE OF MY NATIVE

♪ YES, SIR, I'M CUBAN PETE ♪
♪ I'M THE CRAZE OF MY NATIVE
STREET ♪

♪ I'M THE CRAZE OF MY NATIVE
STREET ♪
♪ WHEN I START TO DANCE,

STREET ♪
♪ WHEN I START TO DANCE,
EVERYTHING GOES, "CHICK,

♪ WHEN I START TO DANCE,
EVERYTHING GOES, "CHICK,
CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK,

EVERYTHING GOES, "CHICK,
CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK,
CHICKY-BOOM" ♪

CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK,
CHICKY-BOOM" ♪
♪ THE SEÑORITAS, THEY SING ♪

CHICKY-BOOM" ♪
♪ THE SEÑORITAS, THEY SING ♪
♪ HOW THEY SWING WITH

♪ THE SEÑORITAS, THEY SING ♪
♪ HOW THEY SWING WITH
TERAMPERO ♪

♪ HOW THEY SWING WITH
TERAMPERO ♪
♪ IT'S VERY NICE ♪

TERAMPERO ♪
♪ IT'S VERY NICE ♪
♪ SO FULL OF SPICE ♪

♪ IT'S VERY NICE ♪
♪ SO FULL OF SPICE ♪
♪ AND WHEN THEY DANCE IN, THEY

♪ SO FULL OF SPICE ♪
♪ AND WHEN THEY DANCE IN, THEY
BRING A HAPPY RING, NEVER A

♪ AND WHEN THEY DANCE IN, THEY
BRING A HAPPY RING, NEVER A
CARE-O ♪

BRING A HAPPY RING, NEVER A
CARE-O ♪
♪ SINGING A SONG ♪

CARE-O ♪
♪ SINGING A SONG ♪
♪ ALL THE DAY LONG ♪

♪ SINGING A SONG ♪
♪ ALL THE DAY LONG ♪
♪ SO IF YOU LIKE THE BEAT ♪

♪ ALL THE DAY LONG ♪
♪ SO IF YOU LIKE THE BEAT ♪
♪ TAKE A LESSON FROM

♪ SO IF YOU LIKE THE BEAT ♪
♪ TAKE A LESSON FROM
CUBAN PETE ♪

♪ TAKE A LESSON FROM
CUBAN PETE ♪
♪ AND I'LL TEACH YOU TO CHICK,

CUBAN PETE ♪
♪ AND I'LL TEACH YOU TO CHICK,
CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK, CHICKY-BOOM,

♪ AND I'LL TEACH YOU TO CHICK,
CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK, CHICKY-BOOM,
CHICK, CHICKY-BOOM ♪

CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK, CHICKY-BOOM,
CHICK, CHICKY-BOOM ♪
♪ Sí, SEÑORITA, I KNOW ♪

CHICK, CHICKY-BOOM ♪
♪ Sí, SEÑORITA, I KNOW ♪
♪ THAT YOU WILL LIKE THE

♪ Sí, SEÑORITA, I KNOW ♪
♪ THAT YOU WILL LIKE THE
CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK ♪

♪ THAT YOU WILL LIKE THE
CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IT'S THE DANCE ♪

CHICKY-BOOM, CHICK ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IT'S THE DANCE ♪
♪ OF LATIN ROMANCE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE IT'S THE DANCE ♪
♪ OF LATIN ROMANCE ♪
♪ AND CUBAN PETE DOESN'T TEACH

♪ OF LATIN ROMANCE ♪
♪ AND CUBAN PETE DOESN'T TEACH
YOU IN A HURRY ♪

♪ AND CUBAN PETE DOESN'T TEACH
YOU IN A HURRY ♪
♪ LIKE ARTHUR MURRAY ♪

YOU IN A HURRY ♪
♪ LIKE ARTHUR MURRAY ♪
♪ I COME FROM HAVANA ♪

♪ LIKE ARTHUR MURRAY ♪
♪ I COME FROM HAVANA ♪
♪ AND THERE'S ALWAYS MAÑANA ♪

♪ I COME FROM HAVANA ♪
♪ AND THERE'S ALWAYS MAÑANA ♪
♪ SO, SEÑORITA, PLEASE ♪

♪ AND THERE'S ALWAYS MAÑANA ♪
♪ SO, SEÑORITA, PLEASE ♪
♪ TAKE IT EASY ♪

♪ SO, SEÑORITA, PLEASE ♪
♪ TAKE IT EASY ♪
♪ DO IT WITH EASE ♪

♪ TAKE IT EASY ♪
♪ DO IT WITH EASE ♪
♪ AND YOU'LL LOVE IT ♪

♪ DO IT WITH EASE ♪
♪ AND YOU'LL LOVE IT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU DO THE CHICK ♪

♪ AND YOU'LL LOVE IT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU DO THE CHICK ♪
♪ THE CHICKY-BOOM ♪

♪ WHEN YOU DO THE CHICK ♪
♪ THE CHICKY-BOOM ♪
♪ WITH CUBAN PE-E-E-E-E-E-TE ♪

♪ THE CHICKY-BOOM ♪
♪ WITH CUBAN PE-E-E-E-E-E-TE ♪
[FINALE PLAYS]

♪ WITH CUBAN PE-E-E-E-E-E-TE ♪
[FINALE PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[FINALE PLAYS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
[MOOS]

THANK YOU.
[MOOS]
LUCY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

[MOOS]
LUCY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?

LUCY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
[MOOS]

HERE?
[MOOS]
[RUMBA MUSIC PLAYS]

HI. EVERY WEEK "SATURDAY
NIGHT" SHOWS A FILM BY
GARY WEIS.

NIGHT" SHOWS A FILM BY
GARY WEIS.
I'M GARY WEIS.

GARY WEIS.
I'M GARY WEIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M GARY WEIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THANK YOU.
AND TONIGHT THE SUBJECT OF MY

THANK YOU.
AND TONIGHT THE SUBJECT OF MY
FILM IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN

AND TONIGHT THE SUBJECT OF MY
FILM IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN
A VERY TALENTED POET AND ACTOR,

FILM IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN
A VERY TALENTED POET AND ACTOR,
TAYLOR MEAD, AND HIS CAT.

A VERY TALENTED POET AND ACTOR,
TAYLOR MEAD, AND HIS CAT.
AND NOW A FILM BY GARY WEIS.

TAYLOR MEAD, AND HIS CAT.
AND NOW A FILM BY GARY WEIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND NOW A FILM BY GARY WEIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND I WAS THROWN OUT AT THE

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND I WAS THROWN OUT AT THE
TENDER AGE OF 32... TO FEND FOR

AND I WAS THROWN OUT AT THE
TENDER AGE OF 32... TO FEND FOR
MYSELF, AND IT'S THE SAME WITH

TENDER AGE OF 32... TO FEND FOR
MYSELF, AND IT'S THE SAME WITH
THIS CAT.

MYSELF, AND IT'S THE SAME WITH
THIS CAT.
THE POOR THING WAS THROWN OUT,

THIS CAT.
THE POOR THING WAS THROWN OUT,
ONLY A LITTLE BIT EARLIER... I

THE POOR THING WAS THROWN OUT,
ONLY A LITTLE BIT EARLIER... I
THINK AT 1 MONTH... AND, UH,

ONLY A LITTLE BIT EARLIER... I
THINK AT 1 MONTH... AND, UH,
WHEN I MOVED INTO THIS PLACE A

THINK AT 1 MONTH... AND, UH,
WHEN I MOVED INTO THIS PLACE A
YEAR AGO, HE WAS A LITTLE BABY

WHEN I MOVED INTO THIS PLACE A
YEAR AGO, HE WAS A LITTLE BABY
IN THE HALL.

YEAR AGO, HE WAS A LITTLE BABY
IN THE HALL.
AND HE WOULDN'T SPEAK TO

IN THE HALL.
AND HE WOULDN'T SPEAK TO
ANYBODY, AND, UH... SO I LET HIM

AND HE WOULDN'T SPEAK TO
ANYBODY, AND, UH... SO I LET HIM
BE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, AND

ANYBODY, AND, UH... SO I LET HIM
BE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, AND
FINALLY HE PICKED UP ON ME.

BE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, AND
FINALLY HE PICKED UP ON ME.
HE FELL MADLY IN LOVE, AS EVERY

FINALLY HE PICKED UP ON ME.
HE FELL MADLY IN LOVE, AS EVERY
CREATURE DOES...

HE FELL MADLY IN LOVE, AS EVERY
CREATURE DOES...
[LAUGHS]

CREATURE DOES...
[LAUGHS]
IN EXISTENCE AND MOVED IN.

[LAUGHS]
IN EXISTENCE AND MOVED IN.
HE SLEEPS WITH ME EVERY NIGHT,

IN EXISTENCE AND MOVED IN.
HE SLEEPS WITH ME EVERY NIGHT,
OR HE SLEEPS ABOUT THE TIME...

HE SLEEPS WITH ME EVERY NIGHT,
OR HE SLEEPS ABOUT THE TIME...
HE'LL GIVE ME EIGHT HOURS...

OR HE SLEEPS ABOUT THE TIME...
HE'LL GIVE ME EIGHT HOURS...
GIVE ME SEVEN OR EIGHT HOURS...

HE'LL GIVE ME EIGHT HOURS...
GIVE ME SEVEN OR EIGHT HOURS...
AND THEN HE JUMPS ON THE BED,

GIVE ME SEVEN OR EIGHT HOURS...
AND THEN HE JUMPS ON THE BED,
PUSHES ME, GRABS ME WITH HIS

AND THEN HE JUMPS ON THE BED,
PUSHES ME, GRABS ME WITH HIS
PAW, AND INSISTS THAT I GET UP

PUSHES ME, GRABS ME WITH HIS
PAW, AND INSISTS THAT I GET UP
AND GIVE HIM A CAN OF 9LIVES

PAW, AND INSISTS THAT I GET UP
AND GIVE HIM A CAN OF 9LIVES
SEAFOOD... I MEAN, THIS ISN'T A

AND GIVE HIM A CAN OF 9LIVES
SEAFOOD... I MEAN, THIS ISN'T A
COMMERCIAL, BUT HE'LL ONLY EAT

SEAFOOD... I MEAN, THIS ISN'T A
COMMERCIAL, BUT HE'LL ONLY EAT
ONE THING.

COMMERCIAL, BUT HE'LL ONLY EAT
ONE THING.
USUALLY I SAY, "KIKI TWEETY

ONE THING.
USUALLY I SAY, "KIKI TWEETY
TOOTIE."

USUALLY I SAY, "KIKI TWEETY
TOOTIE."
[LAUGHS]

TOOTIE."
[LAUGHS]
"TWEETY. TWEETY KIKI.

[LAUGHS]
"TWEETY. TWEETY KIKI.
WANT A KOKO?

"TWEETY. TWEETY KIKI.
WANT A KOKO?
GI-GI-GI-GI-GI.

WANT A KOKO?
GI-GI-GI-GI-GI.
ONI GUNGI GUNGI GUNGI."

GI-GI-GI-GI-GI.
ONI GUNGI GUNGI GUNGI."
HE'S UNALTERED, WHICH IS QUITE A

ONI GUNGI GUNGI GUNGI."
HE'S UNALTERED, WHICH IS QUITE A
PROBLEM BECAUSE OF THE SPRAYING

HE'S UNALTERED, WHICH IS QUITE A
PROBLEM BECAUSE OF THE SPRAYING
THING, BUT IF YOU CATCH THEM IN

PROBLEM BECAUSE OF THE SPRAYING
THING, BUT IF YOU CATCH THEM IN
THE MIDDLE OF A SPRAY AND JUST

THING, BUT IF YOU CATCH THEM IN
THE MIDDLE OF A SPRAY AND JUST
GIVE THEM A GENTLE TAP AND SAY,

THE MIDDLE OF A SPRAY AND JUST
GIVE THEM A GENTLE TAP AND SAY,
"NO, NO," IT CUTS IT DOWN ABOUT

GIVE THEM A GENTLE TAP AND SAY,
"NO, NO," IT CUTS IT DOWN ABOUT
50%.

"NO, NO," IT CUTS IT DOWN ABOUT
50%.
HE LIKES HIS MOUSE, WHICH HE

50%.
HE LIKES HIS MOUSE, WHICH HE
SLEEPS WITH SOMETIMES,

HE LIKES HIS MOUSE, WHICH HE
SLEEPS WITH SOMETIMES,
ESPECIALLY IF I SALT IT WITH

SLEEPS WITH SOMETIMES,
ESPECIALLY IF I SALT IT WITH
CATNIP.

ESPECIALLY IF I SALT IT WITH
CATNIP.
NOW, IF I...

CATNIP.
NOW, IF I...
HE LOVES HIS MOUSE.

NOW, IF I...
HE LOVES HIS MOUSE.
THE MOUSE'S NAME IS, UH... IS

HE LOVES HIS MOUSE.
THE MOUSE'S NAME IS, UH... IS
ANDY WARHOL.

THE MOUSE'S NAME IS, UH... IS
ANDY WARHOL.
IF YOU WANT YOUR CAT TO CALM

ANDY WARHOL.
IF YOU WANT YOUR CAT TO CALM
DOWN, GIVE HIM RAW CATNIP.

IF YOU WANT YOUR CAT TO CALM
DOWN, GIVE HIM RAW CATNIP.
LET HIM EAT IT.

DOWN, GIVE HIM RAW CATNIP.
LET HIM EAT IT.
THEY GET BOMBED OUT.

LET HIM EAT IT.
THEY GET BOMBED OUT.
AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST LIKE

THEY GET BOMBED OUT.
AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST LIKE
HUMAN BEINGS.

AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST LIKE
HUMAN BEINGS.
WE KNOW WHAT MAKES US BOMBED

HUMAN BEINGS.
WE KNOW WHAT MAKES US BOMBED
AND STONED AND WHEN WE NEED IT,

WE KNOW WHAT MAKES US BOMBED
AND STONED AND WHEN WE NEED IT,
AND A CAT DOES, TOO, AND HE GETS

AND STONED AND WHEN WE NEED IT,
AND A CAT DOES, TOO, AND HE GETS
HEALTHIER AND HEALTHIER.

AND A CAT DOES, TOO, AND HE GETS
HEALTHIER AND HEALTHIER.
NOW, HERE WE HAVE A GOOD THING

HEALTHIER AND HEALTHIER.
NOW, HERE WE HAVE A GOOD THING
'CAUSE HE'S...

NOW, HERE WE HAVE A GOOD THING
'CAUSE HE'S...
[Laughing] HE WILL NOW PROCEED

'CAUSE HE'S...
[Laughing] HE WILL NOW PROCEED
TO PASS OUT.

[Laughing] HE WILL NOW PROCEED
TO PASS OUT.
AND IF I WERE TO BATHE MYSELF IN

TO PASS OUT.
AND IF I WERE TO BATHE MYSELF IN
CATNIP, I WOULD BE JUST SKIN AND

AND IF I WERE TO BATHE MYSELF IN
CATNIP, I WOULD BE JUST SKIN AND
BONES IN THE MORNING.

CATNIP, I WOULD BE JUST SKIN AND
BONES IN THE MORNING.
LET'S FACE IT, CAT LOVERS.

BONES IN THE MORNING.
LET'S FACE IT, CAT LOVERS.
THEY'LL EAT US ALIVE IF THEY

LET'S FACE IT, CAT LOVERS.
THEY'LL EAT US ALIVE IF THEY
FEEL LIKE IT.

THEY'LL EAT US ALIVE IF THEY
FEEL LIKE IT.
BUT I KIND OF LIKE THEIR... I,

FEEL LIKE IT.
BUT I KIND OF LIKE THEIR... I,
OF COURSE, LOVE DOGS, BUT DOGS

BUT I KIND OF LIKE THEIR... I,
OF COURSE, LOVE DOGS, BUT DOGS
HAVE... LIKE, A FRIEND OF MINE

OF COURSE, LOVE DOGS, BUT DOGS
HAVE... LIKE, A FRIEND OF MINE
SAYS DOGS HAVE A DOG ACT.

HAVE... LIKE, A FRIEND OF MINE
SAYS DOGS HAVE A DOG ACT.
THEY PUT ON A BIG ACT FOR YOU.

SAYS DOGS HAVE A DOG ACT.
THEY PUT ON A BIG ACT FOR YOU.
CAT...

THEY PUT ON A BIG ACT FOR YOU.
CAT...
GUNGI GUNGI.

CAT...
GUNGI GUNGI.
GUNGI, GUNGI, GUNGI, GUNGI.

GUNGI GUNGI.
GUNGI, GUNGI, GUNGI, GUNGI.
GUNGI, GUNGI, GUNGI.

GUNGI, GUNGI, GUNGI, GUNGI.
GUNGI, GUNGI, GUNGI.
WHERE'S SYBIL?

GUNGI, GUNGI, GUNGI.
WHERE'S SYBIL?
WHERE ARE THE PIGEONS?

WHERE'S SYBIL?
WHERE ARE THE PIGEONS?
WHERE ARE THE OTHER KITTY CATS?

WHERE ARE THE PIGEONS?
WHERE ARE THE OTHER KITTY CATS?
[Laughing] SEE, HE'S A LITTLE

WHERE ARE THE OTHER KITTY CATS?
[Laughing] SEE, HE'S A LITTLE
TOO STONED NOW TO DO THIS WITH.

[Laughing] SEE, HE'S A LITTLE
TOO STONED NOW TO DO THIS WITH.
HE'S BOMBED OUT OF HIS MIND.

TOO STONED NOW TO DO THIS WITH.
HE'S BOMBED OUT OF HIS MIND.
BUT HE KNOWS HIS NAME.

HE'S BOMBED OUT OF HIS MIND.
BUT HE KNOWS HIS NAME.
[LAUGHS]

BUT HE KNOWS HIS NAME.
[LAUGHS]
AND HE KNOWS THE... HE LOVES

[LAUGHS]
AND HE KNOWS THE... HE LOVES
THIS WINDOW HERE, WHICH I'VE

AND HE KNOWS THE... HE LOVES
THIS WINDOW HERE, WHICH I'VE
ONLY WASHED A LITTLE PART OF THE

THIS WINDOW HERE, WHICH I'VE
ONLY WASHED A LITTLE PART OF THE
WINDOW SO THAT HE CAN SEE OUT.

ONLY WASHED A LITTLE PART OF THE
WINDOW SO THAT HE CAN SEE OUT.
[LAUGHING]

WINDOW SO THAT HE CAN SEE OUT.
[LAUGHING]
HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING

[LAUGHING]
HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING
AT THIS POINT.

HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING
AT THIS POINT.
HE'S IN HEAVEN.

AT THIS POINT.
HE'S IN HEAVEN.
[APPLAUSE]

SEND IN THE NEXT PATIENT,
PLEASE.

HI.
HOW DO YOU DO?
WELL, THAT'S FUNNY.

HOW DO YOU DO?
WELL, THAT'S FUNNY.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE CHINESE.

WELL, THAT'S FUNNY.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE CHINESE.
[CHUCKLES]

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE CHINESE.
[CHUCKLES]
NO, I'M CUBAN.

[CHUCKLES]
NO, I'M CUBAN.
OH.

NO, I'M CUBAN.
OH.
NOW, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE

OH.
NOW, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE
PROBLEM?

NOW, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE
PROBLEM?
WELL, I, UH, HAVE THESE

PROBLEM?
WELL, I, UH, HAVE THESE
MIGRAINE HEADACHES.

WELL, I, UH, HAVE THESE
MIGRAINE HEADACHES.
GETS MIGRAINE HEADACHES.

MIGRAINE HEADACHES.
GETS MIGRAINE HEADACHES.
HOW LONG DO THEY LAST?

GETS MIGRAINE HEADACHES.
HOW LONG DO THEY LAST?
OH, TWO OR THREE DAYS

HOW LONG DO THEY LAST?
OH, TWO OR THREE DAYS
SOMETIMES.

OH, TWO OR THREE DAYS
SOMETIMES.
TWO OR THREE DAYS?

SOMETIMES.
TWO OR THREE DAYS?
MM-HMM.

TWO OR THREE DAYS?
MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW, IT'S THE FIRST TIME

MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW, IT'S THE FIRST TIME
I'VE EVER BEEN TO AN

YOU KNOW, IT'S THE FIRST TIME
I'VE EVER BEEN TO AN
ACUPUNCTURIST.

I'VE EVER BEEN TO AN
ACUPUNCTURIST.
UH, TELL ME, DO THE PINS HURT?

ACUPUNCTURIST.
UH, TELL ME, DO THE PINS HURT?
I DON'T USE PINS.

UH, TELL ME, DO THE PINS HURT?
I DON'T USE PINS.
NOW, LET ME SEE, NOW.

I DON'T USE PINS.
NOW, LET ME SEE, NOW.
HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU HAD

NOW, LET ME SEE, NOW.
HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU HAD
THESE HEADACHES?

HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU HAD
THESE HEADACHES?
OH, EVER SINCE I WAS A KID.

THESE HEADACHES?
OH, EVER SINCE I WAS A KID.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T USE

OH, EVER SINCE I WAS A KID.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T USE
PINS?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T USE
PINS?
OH, I THINK YOU'RE THINKING

PINS?
OH, I THINK YOU'RE THINKING
OF CHINESE ACUPUNCTURE.

OH, I THINK YOU'RE THINKING
OF CHINESE ACUPUNCTURE.
THEY'RE THE ONES THAT USE PINS.

OF CHINESE ACUPUNCTURE.
THEY'RE THE ONES THAT USE PINS.
THIS IS CUBAN ACUPUNCTURE.

THEY'RE THE ONES THAT USE PINS.
THIS IS CUBAN ACUPUNCTURE.
WE DON'T USE PINS.

THIS IS CUBAN ACUPUNCTURE.
WE DON'T USE PINS.
NOW, ARE YOU TAKING ANY

WE DON'T USE PINS.
NOW, ARE YOU TAKING ANY
MEDICATION FOR THESE HEADACHES?

NOW, ARE YOU TAKING ANY
MEDICATION FOR THESE HEADACHES?
WHAT DO YOU USE?

MEDICATION FOR THESE HEADACHES?
WHAT DO YOU USE?
I USE CIGARS.

WHAT DO YOU USE?
I USE CIGARS.
W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU USE

I USE CIGARS.
W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU USE
CIGARS?

W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU USE
CIGARS?
I MEAN, USUALLY THEY HAVE PINS

CIGARS?
I MEAN, USUALLY THEY HAVE PINS
WHEN YOU GO TO A...

I MEAN, USUALLY THEY HAVE PINS
WHEN YOU GO TO A...
WELL, THAT'S... LIKE I TOLD

WHEN YOU GO TO A...
WELL, THAT'S... LIKE I TOLD
YOU, THAT'S CHINESE ACUPUNCTURE.

WELL, THAT'S... LIKE I TOLD
YOU, THAT'S CHINESE ACUPUNCTURE.
NOW, IF YOU WANT SOME CHINESE

YOU, THAT'S CHINESE ACUPUNCTURE.
NOW, IF YOU WANT SOME CHINESE
GENTLEMAN TO STICK PINS UP YOUR

NOW, IF YOU WANT SOME CHINESE
GENTLEMAN TO STICK PINS UP YOUR
BODY, THAT'S FINE WITH ME.

GENTLEMAN TO STICK PINS UP YOUR
BODY, THAT'S FINE WITH ME.
NO, NO.

BODY, THAT'S FINE WITH ME.
NO, NO.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO

NO, NO.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO
A DISCUSSION BETWEEN THE CIGAR

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO
A DISCUSSION BETWEEN THE CIGAR
ACUPUNCTURE AND THE PIN

A DISCUSSION BETWEEN THE CIGAR
ACUPUNCTURE AND THE PIN
ACUPUNCTURE.

ACUPUNCTURE AND THE PIN
ACUPUNCTURE.
NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

ACUPUNCTURE.
NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE

NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE
WAITING.

I HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE
WAITING.
NO, IF YOU USE CIGARS, GO

WAITING.
NO, IF YOU USE CIGARS, GO
AHEAD... USE CIGARS.

NO, IF YOU USE CIGARS, GO
AHEAD... USE CIGARS.
ALL RIGHT.

AHEAD... USE CIGARS.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO IT.

ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO IT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO IT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
OKAY.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
OKAY.
NOW, WHERE DOES IT HURT?

OKAY.
NOW, WHERE DOES IT HURT?
WELL, UM, IT'S HERE, HERE,

NOW, WHERE DOES IT HURT?
WELL, UM, IT'S HERE, HERE,
AND THEN SOMETIMES MY NECK.

WELL, UM, IT'S HERE, HERE,
AND THEN SOMETIMES MY NECK.
ALL RIGHT.

AND THEN SOMETIMES MY NECK.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, WE'RE GONNA TRY STICKING A

ALL RIGHT.
NOW, WE'RE GONNA TRY STICKING A
PANATELA IN YOUR EAR.

HOW'S THAT? ANY BETTER?
MMM, NOT REALLY, NO.
NOT REALLY, EH?

MMM, NOT REALLY, NO.
NOT REALLY, EH?
MNH-MNH.

NOT REALLY, EH?
MNH-MNH.
ALL RIGHT.

MNH-MNH.
ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL TRY A CORONA.

ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL TRY A CORONA.
SEE IF WE CAN STUFF IT UP YOUR

WE'LL TRY A CORONA.
SEE IF WE CAN STUFF IT UP YOUR
NOSTRIL.

SEE IF WE CAN STUFF IT UP YOUR
NOSTRIL.
OPEN UP YOUR NOSTRIL A LITTLE.

NOSTRIL.
OPEN UP YOUR NOSTRIL A LITTLE.
THERE YOU GO.

OPEN UP YOUR NOSTRIL A LITTLE.
THERE YOU GO.
HOW YOU FEEL NOW?

THERE YOU GO.
HOW YOU FEEL NOW?
STILL HURTS.

HOW YOU FEEL NOW?
STILL HURTS.
WELL, I TELL YOU, THERE'S A

STILL HURTS.
WELL, I TELL YOU, THERE'S A
LARGE AREA IN THERE, YOU KNOW?

WELL, I TELL YOU, THERE'S A
LARGE AREA IN THERE, YOU KNOW?
YOU GOT QUITE A HEAD.

LARGE AREA IN THERE, YOU KNOW?
YOU GOT QUITE A HEAD.
SO WE'LL, UH... WE'LL TRY

YOU GOT QUITE A HEAD.
SO WE'LL, UH... WE'LL TRY
ANOTHER PANATELA IN THIS EAR

SO WE'LL, UH... WE'LL TRY
ANOTHER PANATELA IN THIS EAR
AND ANOTHER CORONA IN THIS

ANOTHER PANATELA IN THIS EAR
AND ANOTHER CORONA IN THIS
NOSTRIL.

AND ANOTHER CORONA IN THIS
NOSTRIL.
AHH.

NOSTRIL.
AHH.
NOW WE MAKE SURE... SAY,

AHH.
NOW WE MAKE SURE... SAY,
"AHH. AHH."

NOW WE MAKE SURE... SAY,
"AHH. AHH."
AHHHH.

"AHH. AHH."
AHHHH.
WE'LL PUT IT THERE, SEE?

AHHHH.
WE'LL PUT IT THERE, SEE?
NOW...

WE'LL PUT IT THERE, SEE?
NOW...
NOW WHAT?

NOW...
NOW WHAT?
HOW 'BOUT THAT?

NOW WHAT?
HOW 'BOUT THAT?
IT STILL HURTS.

HOW 'BOUT THAT?
IT STILL HURTS.
IT STILL HURTS?

IT STILL HURTS.
IT STILL HURTS?
PATIENT DOES NOT RESPOND TO

IT STILL HURTS?
PATIENT DOES NOT RESPOND TO
TREATMENT.

PATIENT DOES NOT RESPOND TO
TREATMENT.
YEAH. I HAVEN'T GOT MANY

TREATMENT.
YEAH. I HAVEN'T GOT MANY
OPENINGS LEFT, YOU KNOW.

YEAH. I HAVEN'T GOT MANY
OPENINGS LEFT, YOU KNOW.
LISTEN, UH... LISTEN, UH...

OPENINGS LEFT, YOU KNOW.
LISTEN, UH... LISTEN, UH...
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

LISTEN, UH... LISTEN, UH...
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
UH... ARE THESE, UH, REAL

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
UH... ARE THESE, UH, REAL
CUBAN CIGARS?

UH... ARE THESE, UH, REAL
CUBAN CIGARS?
OH, YEAH, THEY'RE REAL.

CUBAN CIGARS?
OH, YEAH, THEY'RE REAL.
SEE, MY COUSIN BRINGS THEM IN

OH, YEAH, THEY'RE REAL.
SEE, MY COUSIN BRINGS THEM IN
FROM TORONTO.

SEE, MY COUSIN BRINGS THEM IN
FROM TORONTO.
OHH, RIGHT.

FROM TORONTO.
OHH, RIGHT.
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE

OHH, RIGHT.
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE
CIGARS OVER THERE?

NOW, WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE
CIGARS OVER THERE?
PUT THEM OVER THERE?

CIGARS OVER THERE?
PUT THEM OVER THERE?
YEAH. I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING

PUT THEM OVER THERE?
YEAH. I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING
DIFFERENT.

YEAH. I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING
DIFFERENT.
OKAY.

DIFFERENT.
OKAY.
JUST PUT THEM OVER THERE ON

OKAY.
JUST PUT THEM OVER THERE ON
THAT TABLE, YOU SEE?

JUST PUT THEM OVER THERE ON
THAT TABLE, YOU SEE?
SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

THAT TABLE, YOU SEE?
SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.
RELAX, RELAX.

SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.
RELAX, RELAX.
OKAY. GAH! OHH! GOD! AAH!

RELAX, RELAX.
OKAY. GAH! OHH! GOD! AAH!
NOW TELL ME WHERE IT HURTS.

OKAY. GAH! OHH! GOD! AAH!
NOW TELL ME WHERE IT HURTS.
OHH! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHERE

NOW TELL ME WHERE IT HURTS.
OHH! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHERE
IT HURTS.

OHH! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHERE
IT HURTS.
OW!

IT HURTS.
OW!
BUT, YOU SEE, THE IDEA OF

OW!
BUT, YOU SEE, THE IDEA OF
THIS THING IS TO MOVE THE

BUT, YOU SEE, THE IDEA OF
THIS THING IS TO MOVE THE
HEADACHE DOWN IN THE BODY.

THIS THING IS TO MOVE THE
HEADACHE DOWN IN THE BODY.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN?

HEADACHE DOWN IN THE BODY.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN?
GAH!

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN?
GAH!
YOU BURNED ME RIGHT IN MY LEG!

GAH!
YOU BURNED ME RIGHT IN MY LEG!
NO, NO, NO.

YOU BURNED ME RIGHT IN MY LEG!
NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA OF THIS

NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA OF THIS
SYSTEM.

THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA OF THIS
SYSTEM.
YOU SEE, WE BRING IT DOWN THE

SYSTEM.
YOU SEE, WE BRING IT DOWN THE
BODY.

YOU SEE, WE BRING IT DOWN THE
BODY.
OH, YEAH?

BODY.
OH, YEAH?
NOW THE HEADACHE THAT YOU HAD

OH, YEAH?
NOW THE HEADACHE THAT YOU HAD
IS IN YOUR LEG.

NOW THE HEADACHE THAT YOU HAD
IS IN YOUR LEG.
YEAH.

IS IN YOUR LEG.
YEAH.
NOW, YOU MIND SLIPPING OFF

YEAH.
NOW, YOU MIND SLIPPING OFF
YOUR FOOT... I MEAN YOUR SHOE?

NOW, YOU MIND SLIPPING OFF
YOUR FOOT... I MEAN YOUR SHOE?
SHOE?

YOUR FOOT... I MEAN YOUR SHOE?
SHOE?
OKAY.

SHOE?
OKAY.
I'M SORRY.

OKAY.
I'M SORRY.
WILL YOU STEP ON THAT SPOT,

I'M SORRY.
WILL YOU STEP ON THAT SPOT,
PLEASE?

WILL YOU STEP ON THAT SPOT,
PLEASE?
HERE?

PLEASE?
HERE?
YEAH.

HERE?
YEAH.
GOD! GOD! GOD!

YEAH.
GOD! GOD! GOD!
NOW... NOW WE GOT IT.

GOD! GOD! GOD!
NOW... NOW WE GOT IT.
WHAT?

NOW... NOW WE GOT IT.
WHAT?
WE GOT IT.

WHAT?
WE GOT IT.
YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT NOW.

WE GOT IT.
YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT NOW.
SEE, WE'VE MOVED THE PAIN IN

YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT NOW.
SEE, WE'VE MOVED THE PAIN IN
YOUR HEAD THROUGH YOUR BODY,

SEE, WE'VE MOVED THE PAIN IN
YOUR HEAD THROUGH YOUR BODY,
INTO THE CHIN, DOWN IN HERE, AND

YOUR HEAD THROUGH YOUR BODY,
INTO THE CHIN, DOWN IN HERE, AND
THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOT.

INTO THE CHIN, DOWN IN HERE, AND
THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOT.
NOW, IN A COUPLE OF DAYS, YOU

THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOT.
NOW, IN A COUPLE OF DAYS, YOU
SEE, THAT PAIN IN THE BOTTOM OF

NOW, IN A COUPLE OF DAYS, YOU
SEE, THAT PAIN IN THE BOTTOM OF
YOUR FOOT WILL SINK INTO THE

SEE, THAT PAIN IN THE BOTTOM OF
YOUR FOOT WILL SINK INTO THE
FLOOR.

YOUR FOOT WILL SINK INTO THE
FLOOR.
THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS ARE GONNA

FLOOR.
THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS ARE GONNA
WORRY ABOUT IT.

THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS ARE GONNA
WORRY ABOUT IT.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

WORRY ABOUT IT.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
AND YOU'LL BE JUST AS FIT AS A

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
AND YOU'LL BE JUST AS FIT AS A
VIOLIN.

AND YOU'LL BE JUST AS FIT AS A
VIOLIN.
WHAT ABOUT THE BURNS?

VIOLIN.
WHAT ABOUT THE BURNS?
OH, WELL, YOU CAN USE SOME

WHAT ABOUT THE BURNS?
OH, WELL, YOU CAN USE SOME
SOLARCAINE OR SOMETHING.

OH, WELL, YOU CAN USE SOME
SOLARCAINE OR SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW, GO TO THE DRUGSTORE.

SOLARCAINE OR SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW, GO TO THE DRUGSTORE.
I DON'T WORRY WITH THOSE LITTLE

YOU KNOW, GO TO THE DRUGSTORE.
I DON'T WORRY WITH THOSE LITTLE
DETAILS, YOU KNOW.

I DON'T WORRY WITH THOSE LITTLE
DETAILS, YOU KNOW.
AH.

DETAILS, YOU KNOW.
AH.
YEAH.

AH.
YEAH.
WHERE'S MY SHOE?

YEAH.
WHERE'S MY SHOE?
I THINK IT'S UNDER THE DESK

WHERE'S MY SHOE?
I THINK IT'S UNDER THE DESK
THERE.

I THINK IT'S UNDER THE DESK
THERE.
FINE. OKAY.

THERE.
FINE. OKAY.
WATCH AND SEE.

FINE. OKAY.
WATCH AND SEE.
YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.

WATCH AND SEE.
YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT NOTHING.

ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT NOTHING.
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT NOTHING.
THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
YOU'RE STILL LIMPING A

THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
YOU'RE STILL LIMPING A
LITTLE.

YOU'RE STILL LIMPING A
LITTLE.
YEAH, IT HURTS VERY MUCH.

LITTLE.
YEAH, IT HURTS VERY MUCH.
COUPLE OF DAYS.

YEAH, IT HURTS VERY MUCH.
COUPLE OF DAYS.
OKAY.

COUPLE OF DAYS.
OKAY.
SEND IN THE VASECTOMY

OKAY.
SEND IN THE VASECTOMY
PATIENT.

SEND IN THE VASECTOMY
PATIENT.
[SIGHS]

PATIENT.
[SIGHS]
I WONDER IF I SHOULD OFFER A

[SIGHS]
I WONDER IF I SHOULD OFFER A
TIPARILLO TO A VASECTOMY.

HOW'S EVERYTHING?
HOW'S THE MEAL?
IT'S GOOD?

HOW'S THE MEAL?
IT'S GOOD?
GREAT.

IT'S GOOD?
GREAT.
FINE.

GREAT.
FINE.
MATT, THERE'S SOMETHING I

FINE.
MATT, THERE'S SOMETHING I
WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

MATT, THERE'S SOMETHING I
WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
THERE'S A PROBLEM, I FEEL, IN

WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
THERE'S A PROBLEM, I FEEL, IN
OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND IT'S BEEN

THERE'S A PROBLEM, I FEEL, IN
OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND IT'S BEEN
BOTHERING ME FOR A LONG TIME.

OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND IT'S BEEN
BOTHERING ME FOR A LONG TIME.
I'D JUST LIKE TO KIND OF GET IT

BOTHERING ME FOR A LONG TIME.
I'D JUST LIKE TO KIND OF GET IT
OUT IN THE OPEN AND EXPRESS IT

I'D JUST LIKE TO KIND OF GET IT
OUT IN THE OPEN AND EXPRESS IT
TO YOU.

OUT IN THE OPEN AND EXPRESS IT
TO YOU.
ALL RIGHT.

TO YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I THINK OUR PROBLEM IS

ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I THINK OUR PROBLEM IS
THAT... I DON'T KNOW... WE JUST

WELL, I THINK OUR PROBLEM IS
THAT... I DON'T KNOW... WE JUST
DON'T COMMUNICATE.

THAT... I DON'T KNOW... WE JUST
DON'T COMMUNICATE.
NOW, MAYBE IT'S JUST THAT YOU'RE

DON'T COMMUNICATE.
NOW, MAYBE IT'S JUST THAT YOU'RE
A GUY AND I'M A GIRL, BUT IT'S

NOW, MAYBE IT'S JUST THAT YOU'RE
A GUY AND I'M A GIRL, BUT IT'S
LIKE WHEN YOU TALK TO ME, I

A GUY AND I'M A GIRL, BUT IT'S
LIKE WHEN YOU TALK TO ME, I
DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE

LIKE WHEN YOU TALK TO ME, I
DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING.

DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING.
WELL, NOW, I DON'T THINK

SAYING.
WELL, NOW, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S THE PROBLEM, JUDY.

WELL, NOW, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S THE PROBLEM, JUDY.
I THINK THE PROBLEM IS YOUR

THAT'S THE PROBLEM, JUDY.
I THINK THE PROBLEM IS YOUR
CROMZOID ATTITUDE.

I THINK THE PROBLEM IS YOUR
CROMZOID ATTITUDE.
WHAT?

CROMZOID ATTITUDE.
WHAT?
YOUR CROMZOID ATTITUDE...

WHAT?
YOUR CROMZOID ATTITUDE...
YOUR INCREDIBLY BLON-SNARK,

YOUR CROMZOID ATTITUDE...
YOUR INCREDIBLY BLON-SNARK,
CROMZOID ATTITUDE.

YOUR INCREDIBLY BLON-SNARK,
CROMZOID ATTITUDE.
MATT!

CROMZOID ATTITUDE.
MATT!
YOU ARE CONSTANTLY,

MATT!
YOU ARE CONSTANTLY,
CONSTANTLY INTO YOUR OWN

YOU ARE CONSTANTLY,
CONSTANTLY INTO YOUR OWN
GREEBPLARTS, IT DRIVES ME

CONSTANTLY INTO YOUR OWN
GREEBPLARTS, IT DRIVES ME
NIRKSKILL, AND I CAN'T TAKE IT.

GREEBPLARTS, IT DRIVES ME
NIRKSKILL, AND I CAN'T TAKE IT.
THIS IS JUST WHAT I'M...

NIRKSKILL, AND I CAN'T TAKE IT.
THIS IS JUST WHAT I'M...
IN ADDITION TO WHICH I HAVE

THIS IS JUST WHAT I'M...
IN ADDITION TO WHICH I HAVE
TO DEAL WITH YOUR REMARKABLY

IN ADDITION TO WHICH I HAVE
TO DEAL WITH YOUR REMARKABLY
OVERBLOWN ROOFKIES...

TO DEAL WITH YOUR REMARKABLY
OVERBLOWN ROOFKIES...
MY ROOFKIES?

OVERBLOWN ROOFKIES...
MY ROOFKIES?
YOUR RIDICULOUS

MY ROOFKIES?
YOUR RIDICULOUS
GRIPTHOIDS...

YOUR RIDICULOUS
GRIPTHOIDS...
MY GRIPTHOIDS?

GRIPTHOIDS...
MY GRIPTHOIDS?
AND YOUR UNBELIEVABLY

MY GRIPTHOIDS?
AND YOUR UNBELIEVABLY
OUTRAGEOUS PEEP SNAPPERS.

AND YOUR UNBELIEVABLY
OUTRAGEOUS PEEP SNAPPERS.
MY PEEP SNAPPERS?

OUTRAGEOUS PEEP SNAPPERS.
MY PEEP SNAPPERS?
YES, AND I'M SICK OF IT.

MY PEEP SNAPPERS?
YES, AND I'M SICK OF IT.
CROMZOID, BLON-SNARK,

YES, AND I'M SICK OF IT.
CROMZOID, BLON-SNARK,
GLEEBFREEBS, GAZORNOPLATS, AND

CROMZOID, BLON-SNARK,
GLEEBFREEBS, GAZORNOPLATS, AND
PEOPLE WONDER WHY I'M GOING

GLEEBFREEBS, GAZORNOPLATS, AND
PEOPLE WONDER WHY I'M GOING
CRAZY WITH YOU.

PEOPLE WONDER WHY I'M GOING
CRAZY WITH YOU.
WHAT'S A GAZORNOPLAT?!

CRAZY WITH YOU.
WHAT'S A GAZORNOPLAT?!
I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

WHAT'S A GAZORNOPLAT?!
I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I AM A KISTRITSKY, TOO.

I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I AM A KISTRITSKY, TOO.
DO YOU KNOW THAT?

I AM A KISTRITSKY, TOO.
DO YOU KNOW THAT?
I HAVE LUNGLUBS.

DO YOU KNOW THAT?
I HAVE LUNGLUBS.
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?

I HAVE LUNGLUBS.
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?
LOOK... YOU HAVE TO TAKE INTO

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?
LOOK... YOU HAVE TO TAKE INTO
CONSIDERATION MY LANZOID, MY

LOOK... YOU HAVE TO TAKE INTO
CONSIDERATION MY LANZOID, MY
GLEEBFREEBS, MY NORMKRUBS, MY

CONSIDERATION MY LANZOID, MY
GLEEBFREEBS, MY NORMKRUBS, MY
TROIGS.

GLEEBFREEBS, MY NORMKRUBS, MY
TROIGS.
YOUR INABIL...

TROIGS.
YOUR INABIL...
SO WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE

YOUR INABIL...
SO WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE
PROBLEM IN OUR RELATIONSHIP,

SO WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE
PROBLEM IN OUR RELATIONSHIP,
DON'T LAY IT ON MY

PROBLEM IN OUR RELATIONSHIP,
DON'T LAY IT ON MY
FRIGGA-HOY-HOYS, DARLING.

DON'T LAY IT ON MY
FRIGGA-HOY-HOYS, DARLING.
LOOK INSIDE YOUR OWN GROOVY

FRIGGA-HOY-HOYS, DARLING.
LOOK INSIDE YOUR OWN GROOVY
GRUMBA-HO-HOS, HUH?!

LOOK INSIDE YOUR OWN GROOVY
GRUMBA-HO-HOS, HUH?!
I'M GONNA GO TAKE A WAPPY-WIP.

GRUMBA-HO-HOS, HUH?!
I'M GONNA GO TAKE A WAPPY-WIP.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,

I'M GONNA GO TAKE A WAPPY-WIP.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SWEETHEART?

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SWEETHEART?
OH, ADOLFO, SOMETIMES I THINK

SWEETHEART?
OH, ADOLFO, SOMETIMES I THINK
I JUST... WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND

OH, ADOLFO, SOMETIMES I THINK
I JUST... WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND
MEN.

I JUST... WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND
MEN.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.

MEN.
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
EVERYTHING WILL BE COOPERCRIPPI.

HELLO. 200 YEARS AGO TODAY, A
YOUNG WOMAN NAMED
HESTER CATCHPOLE PUT DOWN HER

YOUNG WOMAN NAMED
HESTER CATCHPOLE PUT DOWN HER
BUTTER CHURN AND PICKED UP A

HESTER CATCHPOLE PUT DOWN HER
BUTTER CHURN AND PICKED UP A
MUSKET.

BUTTER CHURN AND PICKED UP A
MUSKET.
SHE RAISED HER WEAPON IN THE

MUSKET.
SHE RAISED HER WEAPON IN THE
CAUSE OF FREEDOM AND LEVELED IT

SHE RAISED HER WEAPON IN THE
CAUSE OF FREEDOM AND LEVELED IT
AT HER HUSBAND, DAN CATCHPOLE,

CAUSE OF FREEDOM AND LEVELED IT
AT HER HUSBAND, DAN CATCHPOLE,
WHO WAS ATTEMPTING TO PREVENT

AT HER HUSBAND, DAN CATCHPOLE,
WHO WAS ATTEMPTING TO PREVENT
HER FROM LEAVING HIM.

WHO WAS ATTEMPTING TO PREVENT
HER FROM LEAVING HIM.
WHEN HE FOUND HIMSELF STARING

HER FROM LEAVING HIM.
WHEN HE FOUND HIMSELF STARING
DOWN THE BARREL OF HIS

WHEN HE FOUND HIMSELF STARING
DOWN THE BARREL OF HIS
GRANDFATHER'S BLUNDERBUSS, DAN

DOWN THE BARREL OF HIS
GRANDFATHER'S BLUNDERBUSS, DAN
SOON RELENTED, AND HESTER RAN

GRANDFATHER'S BLUNDERBUSS, DAN
SOON RELENTED, AND HESTER RAN
OFF WITH AN ITINERANT LACEMAKER

SOON RELENTED, AND HESTER RAN
OFF WITH AN ITINERANT LACEMAKER
NAMED MARY ANN McELROY.

OFF WITH AN ITINERANT LACEMAKER
NAMED MARY ANN McELROY.
HESTER AND MARY ANN SET UP

NAMED MARY ANN McELROY.
HESTER AND MARY ANN SET UP
HOUSEKEEPING OVER A DRESSMAKER'S

HESTER AND MARY ANN SET UP
HOUSEKEEPING OVER A DRESSMAKER'S
SHOP IN BOSTON.

HOUSEKEEPING OVER A DRESSMAKER'S
SHOP IN BOSTON.
LATER, HESTER'S DAUGHTER,

SHOP IN BOSTON.
LATER, HESTER'S DAUGHTER,
MARGARET, CAME TO LIVE WITH

LATER, HESTER'S DAUGHTER,
MARGARET, CAME TO LIVE WITH
THEM.

MARGARET, CAME TO LIVE WITH
THEM.
THE COUPLE ALWAYS REGRETTED THAT

THEM.
THE COUPLE ALWAYS REGRETTED THAT
THE LAWS OF THE DAY KEPT THEM

THE COUPLE ALWAYS REGRETTED THAT
THE LAWS OF THE DAY KEPT THEM
FROM HAVING A CHURCH WEDDING.

THE LAWS OF THE DAY KEPT THEM
FROM HAVING A CHURCH WEDDING.
IN A LETTER TO HER MOTHER

FROM HAVING A CHURCH WEDDING.
IN A LETTER TO HER MOTHER
EXPLAINING HOW SHE COULD ABANDON

IN A LETTER TO HER MOTHER
EXPLAINING HOW SHE COULD ABANDON
HER HUSBAND FOR ANOTHER WOMAN,

EXPLAINING HOW SHE COULD ABANDON
HER HUSBAND FOR ANOTHER WOMAN,
HESTER CONFIDED, "ONE DAY AS I

HER HUSBAND FOR ANOTHER WOMAN,
HESTER CONFIDED, "ONE DAY AS I
WAS EMPTYING OUT THE BUTTER

HESTER CONFIDED, "ONE DAY AS I
WAS EMPTYING OUT THE BUTTER
CHURN AND THE CHAMBER POTS,

WAS EMPTYING OUT THE BUTTER
CHURN AND THE CHAMBER POTS,
SOMETHING IN MY HEAD SUDDENLY

CHURN AND THE CHAMBER POTS,
SOMETHING IN MY HEAD SUDDENLY
WENT, 'CLICK.'"

SOMETHING IN MY HEAD SUDDENLY
WENT, 'CLICK.'"
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS 200

WENT, 'CLICK.'"
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS 200
YEARS AGO TODAY.

AND THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS 200
YEARS AGO TODAY.
Announcer: THE PRECEDING HAS

YEARS AGO TODAY.
Announcer: THE PRECEDING HAS
BEEN A BISEXUAL MINUTE.

DESI HAS WRITTEN A NEW BOOK.
IT'S CALLED
"A BOOK BY DESI ARNAZ," AND

IT'S CALLED
"A BOOK BY DESI ARNAZ," AND
THERE'S A LOT IN THERE ABOUT ME.

"A BOOK BY DESI ARNAZ," AND
THERE'S A LOT IN THERE ABOUT ME.
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!

THERE'S A LOT IN THERE ABOUT ME.
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!
[RUMBA MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ BABALú ♪
♪ BABALú ♪
♪ CHARRO ♪

♪ BABALú ♪
♪ CHARRO ♪
♪ BABALú, AY ♪

♪ CHARRO ♪
♪ BABALú, AY ♪
♪ ESTá EMPEZANDO LO VELORIO ♪

♪ BABALú, AY ♪
♪ ESTá EMPEZANDO LO VELORIO ♪
♪ QUE LE HACEMOS A BABALú ♪

♪ ESTá EMPEZANDO LO VELORIO ♪
♪ QUE LE HACEMOS A BABALú ♪
♪ DAME 17 VELAS ♪

♪ QUE LE HACEMOS A BABALú ♪
♪ DAME 17 VELAS ♪
♪ PA' PONERLO EN CRUZ ♪

♪ DAME 17 VELAS ♪
♪ PA' PONERLO EN CRUZ ♪
♪ DAME UN CABO DE TABACO

♪ PA' PONERLO EN CRUZ ♪
♪ DAME UN CABO DE TABACO
MAÑIENGUE ♪

♪ DAME UN CABO DE TABACO
MAÑIENGUE ♪
♪ Y UN JARRITO DE AGUARDIENTE ♪

MAÑIENGUE ♪
♪ Y UN JARRITO DE AGUARDIENTE ♪
♪ DAME UN POCO DE DINERO

♪ Y UN JARRITO DE AGUARDIENTE ♪
♪ DAME UN POCO DE DINERO
MAÑIENGUE ♪

♪ DAME UN POCO DE DINERO
MAÑIENGUE ♪
♪ PA' QUE ME DE LA SUERTE ♪

MAÑIENGUE ♪
♪ PA' QUE ME DE LA SUERTE ♪
YEAH!

♪ PA' QUE ME DE LA SUERTE ♪
YEAH!
♪ QUIERO PEDIR ♪

YEAH!
♪ QUIERO PEDIR ♪
♪ QUE MI NEGRA ME QUIERA ♪

♪ QUIERO PEDIR ♪
♪ QUE MI NEGRA ME QUIERA ♪
♪ QUE TENGA DINERO ♪

♪ QUE MI NEGRA ME QUIERA ♪
♪ QUE TENGA DINERO ♪
♪ Y QUE NO SE MUERA ♪

♪ QUE TENGA DINERO ♪
♪ Y QUE NO SE MUERA ♪
♪ iAY! YO LE QUIERO PEDIR A

♪ Y QUE NO SE MUERA ♪
♪ iAY! YO LE QUIERO PEDIR A
BABALú ♪

♪ iAY! YO LE QUIERO PEDIR A
BABALú ♪
♪ UNA NEGRA SABROSA COMO Tú ♪

BABALú ♪
♪ UNA NEGRA SABROSA COMO Tú ♪
♪ QUE NO TENGA A OTRO NEGRO ♪

♪ UNA NEGRA SABROSA COMO Tú ♪
♪ QUE NO TENGA A OTRO NEGRO ♪
♪ PA' QUE NO SE FUERA ♪

♪ QUE NO TENGA A OTRO NEGRO ♪
♪ PA' QUE NO SE FUERA ♪
YEP!

♪ PA' QUE NO SE FUERA ♪
YEP!
♪ BABALú ♪

YEP!
♪ BABALú ♪
♪ BABALú ♪

♪ BABALú ♪
♪ BABALú ♪
♪ BABALú, AY ♪

♪ BABALú ♪
♪ BABALú, AY ♪
♪ BABALú ♪

♪ BABALú, AY ♪
♪ BABALú ♪
YEAH!

♪ BABALú ♪
YEAH!
YEAH!

YEAH!
YEAH!
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

YEAH!
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
♪ YE-E-E-E-AH ♪

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
♪ YE-E-E-E-AH ♪
♪ YE-E-E-E-AH ♪

♪ YE-E-E-E-AH ♪
♪ YE-E-E-E-AH ♪
OH, YEAH!

♪ YE-E-E-E-AH ♪
OH, YEAH!
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]

OH, YEAH!
[SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
[PERCUSSION SOLO]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!
THANK YOU!
GOOD NIGHT, LUCY!

THANK YOU!
GOOD NIGHT, LUCY!
GOOD NIGHT, MOM!

GOOD NIGHT, LUCY!
GOOD NIGHT, MOM!
WE LOVE YOU!

GOOD NIGHT, MOM!
WE LOVE YOU!
COME ON, LET'S GO!

WE LOVE YOU!
COME ON, LET'S GO!
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

COME ON, LET'S GO!
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!
WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!

WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!
WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!
WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!

WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!
WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!
WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!

WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!
WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

WH-O-O-OA, YEAH!
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

♪ OLé, OLé, OLé, OLé ♪
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
LET'S GO!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
LET'S GO!
WHOO!

LET'S GO!
WHOO!
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

OLé! HEY!
LET'S GO!
[CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]

Announcer: THE BETTY BOOP

CARTOON FILM WAS PROVIDED BY

IVY FILMS, NEW YORK CITY.

THIS HAS BEEN DON PARDO... I

MEAN, THIS HAS BEEN... IS

DON PARDO.

I MEAN, THIS HAS BEEN DON PARDO,

AND IT STILL IS, ISN'T IT?!

BY THE WAY, I'M SPEAKING TO YOU

STARK-NAKED.

GOOD NIGHT.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

HEY, MOM! HEY, MOM!

[MUSIC CONTINUES]