Sanford and Son (1972–1977): Season 3, Episode 10 - The Blind Mellow Jelly Collection - full transcript

[♪♪♪]

♪ I was down in Georgia... ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Shake that thing ♪

♪ Oh, shake that thing ♪

♪ I'm getting sick and
tired Of telling you... ♪

♪ To shake that thing ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ All you got to do
Is shake that thing ♪

♪ Oh, shake That thing ♪

♪ Oh, shake that thing ♪



♪ Shake that... ♪

What you doing?

Pop, when I left
here this morning,

you promised me

that you'd get that
closet cleaned up.

You didn't do it, did you?

No, I didn't.

And I come home
and find you here

listening to these dumb records

and shaking your thing.

If you want to shake something,

go on up to that closet

and shake out some
of that junk in there.

Lookit... You know,
we both agreed



that we was in the business
to sell junk, not save it.

I told you this
morning to get the...

There's no place to
put anything in there.

Why didn't you do
what I asked you, Pop?

I started to, son.

I mean it, really, I did.

Look here, sit down

and let me tell you something.

See, I had to play
these records here

because they brought
back memories.

I mean, real sweet memories.

You know, St. Louis,
1933, the Club Riviera.

Prohibition had
just been repealed,

and me and your mama
was toasting each other.

We had some 3.2
beer and some wine.

See, you take that beer
and mix it with the wine

and call it Top and Bottom.

Yeah, you drink a quart of that,

you wouldn't know your
top from your bottom.

So instead of
cleaning out the closet

like you were supposed to,

you took a trip down
memory lane, huh?

You should have seen us.

Me and your mama, we
were a good-looking couple.

We could dance. We went
out stepping every night.

You know what they called us?

Ready Freddie and Busy Lizzie.

Look here, let me show
you a little demonstration.

Please... No, I'm
going to tell you...

♪ They had to have
Something new ♪

♪ Dance to do... ♪

♪ So, somebody
Started trucking ♪

♪ Trucking ♪

Hey, come on, Pop.

You were supposed to
get that closet cleaned out,

and you're still going to.

And the first thing to go

is going to be
these junky records.

They're no junky records.

That's Blind Mellow Jelly.

Blind Mellow Jelly
was the best singer

in the whole entire
world on Earth.

Well, that's the
best news I heard

since I walked through the door,

because if there's
only one like him,

and I get rid of him,

that'll be the end of it.

Wait a minute.

And I might add, the
world will be a better place

in which to live.

Aw!

Give me them Blind
Mellow Jelly records.

Listen, where are you going?

Give me that box of records.

Don't you know that
Blind Mellow Jelly

was the best blues singer

that ever lived on Earth,

in the hemisphere or the world?

Never heard of him.

You never heard of nothing.

That's what's wrong
with you young kids today.

You don't know nothing.

Never heard of nothing,
and somebody tell you,

you don't even
want to listen to it,

but if you listened to somebody,

they could tell you...
Where you going?

Listen, I'm trying to tell you

something that
makes sense to you

and help you.

You don't know nothing about

the good singers
and the good songs.

Like "Shimmy-Sha-Wabble,"

and another song called
"Wang Wang Blues,"

and "Must Be Jelly 'Cause
Jam Don't Stick Like That."

I mean, good songs.

Pop, I just put that
box on the truck.

Yeah, but that hot sun
can melt these old 78s.

Listen, come over
here and sit down.

Let me tell you something,

See, a lot of things
you don't know.

I bet you there ain't
four people in the world

that got some Blind
Mellow Jelly records.

I guess the next thing
you'll be telling me

is that they're
collector's items.

That's what I'm
going to tell you.

I wouldn't part
with these records

for nothing in the world.

If my life depended on it,

I would not part
with these records.

If they're collector's items,

they could be
worth a lot of money.

I'll part with them.

Yeah, I can see

these records really mean
a lot to you, don't they?

They do, son.

I mean, they mean so much to me,

but if you want me to sell them,

I'll get rid of them,

but I don't want
to get rid of them

because I like them,
and if you like them,

you're not supposed
to get rid of something.

I'll part with them
if you want me to,

but I don't want
to part with them...

All right!

I think I got an idea.

Come over here and sit down.

I don't want to part with them,

but I'll part with them

if you want me
to part with them,

but I don't want to.

Now, look, I think I know how
we can get rid of these records,

and keep them at the same
time, and make money besides.

You know how we do that?

Yeah, we sell them to
somebody, then steal them back.

No.

Now, this is what
rich people do.

See, I was reading
about it just the other day

in the financial section of
the Los Angeles Sentinel.

You know Gertrude Gibson's
column, "Wall Street Today"?

I read it every morning.

This is what rich people do.

See, they take
things like paintings

and books and stuff

and they donate them to a museum

or a university library,

and they become a
valuable tax deduction.

See, they take
it off their taxes.

You see what I mean?

Yeah, you want me to cheat
on my taxes like rich people do.

No, Pop, it's not cheating.

Contributions are legal.

See, you list all of the
stuff that you give away,

and it becomes a
valuable tax deduction.

That's what you do
with collector's items.

You mean like
Blind Mellow Jelly?

Well, if these records
are as rare as you say are,

they could be worth
a big deduction to us.

Well, listen,

say I give them away
and get my deduction,

how do I get them back?

Well... you don't
exactly get them back.

Well... I don't
exactly give them up.

See, you said that I
could get them back.

Well, you will, Pop.

It's just that, see,

you donate them to a museum

or a university library,

and they keep them for you,

and anytime you want to
go listen to them, you can.

Now, listen, son,

anytime that you can
give away something

and get some money for it,
and then you still got them,

I'm suspicious of
something like that.

Really.

I had an uncle,
Uncle, uh, Cluck.

Uh, Cluck Sanford is on
your father's side of the family.

Cluck Sanford, he did the
same thing with his dog.

He kept selling
his dog to people,

and the dog kept
coming back home.

Would you stop worrying, Pop?

Now, I know about these things.

Will you trust me?

Yeah, I'll trust you,

like Golda Meir
trusted King Hussein...

at night... in the
desert in a tent...

during the mating season.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you very much.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

What do we have here?

What do you mean,
what do we have here?

This is my son here.

He didn't mean
nothing by it, Pop.

Well, tell me something.

Good afternoon.

Are you the man I
spoke to on the phone

about the Blind Mellow
Jelly record collection?

Oh, yes.

You must be Mr., uh... Sanford.

Yeah, that's
S-A-N-F-O-R-D, period.

Say, listen, are you
the librarian here?

Yes, I am.

Really? When I was a kid,
librarians was always women.

Oh, not always.

Well, when I was a kid,
they was always women.

IN LOWERED VOICE:
What's the matter with you?

Well, librarians,
when I was as kid...

Librarian was
supposed to be women.

Unless this guy is...

This is quite a
collection, isn't it?

Uh, yes.

It's an authentic
assortment of rare music,

and we'd like to donate
it to the university library.

Oh, splendid.

Where ever did you
find these records?

In the closet.

We've had them for some years
in the Sanford family archives.

Uh, listen, here,

where did you say we had them?

In the archives.

Is that anything like a closet?

Go right ahead and
examine them, Mr., uh...

Archibald.

Archibald. Ha!

You can say that again.

What'd I do?

Now, look, just be quiet
and let me handle this.

The man is going to think
this is a bunch of junk,

and he ain't going to accept it.

Don't say nothing. I
can say something.

He got them things on, he
can't hear nothing I said. Watch.

Personally, I think
you're a fruitcake.

He can't hear. Listen.

You're an ugly bald-head...

Marvelous.

And you wish to donate

this entire collection to us?

Yes, we wish to do that.

Isn't that what we wish?

Well, this is very generous.

This is certainly going
to be a welcome addition

to our jazz library.

How can we possibly
ever thank you?

Well... Well, you see,

our tax consultant has requested

that we obtain an estimate
of the collection's value,

you know, for tax purposes.

Oh, I see, you wish
to claim this donation

as a tax deduction.

Now you got it.

Well, now, let me see.

I think it would be safe to say

that you have just donated
a contribution valued at $500.

You mean, these
records are worth $500?

Right.

And thank you, Mr. Sanford,

on behalf of the library,
thank you very much.

You see that, dummy?

We just gave away
$500 worth of...

I want my records back!

$500 worth!

No, I want my records! $500!

Hey, Pop, is my breakfast ready?

Yeah, dummy.

One breakfast for one
dummy, coming up.

Sit down, dummy.

Are you going to start again?

Yeah, I'm going
to start that again.

Talking me into
giving away $500 worth

of Blind Mellow Jelly records.

Pop, look, I already
told you, man.

We still get the
deduction money.

I don't want no deduction money.

I want some folding money.

Would you knock it off?

We donated those records,

and it would take a
miracle to get them back.

Well, what if I told them

that Blind Mellow
Jelly showed up

and wants his records back?

Blind Mellow Jelly is dead.

That's the miracle.

I'm going down to the
diner and get some coffee.

Look, here, son.

Wait a minute. Don't leave.

Now, you know good and well...

See, they don't even know

what Blind Mellow
Jelly looked like.

Pop, you told me yourself

Blind Mellow Jelly's been
dead for over 30 years.

Now, they know that.

Yeah, no doubt about it.

Blind Mellow
Jelly's dead all right.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hi.

But his son ain't.

Pop, what are you thinking?

I want you to do me a favor.

Don't do it. Pop, what
have you got in your mind?

Never mind, I don't
even want to know.

Me neither.

Well, it's nothing illegal,
immoral or fattening.

It can't be much fun, either.

I'll see you later, Fred.

Wait a minute, Bubba.

Lamont, you said if I
got the records back,

you'd help me sell them.

Pop, there is no way that you're
going to get those records back.

If I do get them, will
you help me sell them?

What're you and Bubba
going to do, stick up the place?

Now I know I don't
want no part of this!

Wait a minute,
Bubba. I'll see you later.

Come on, just let
me talk to you, Bubba.

Come over here and sit down.

Don't sit down there.

Go over there
and sit in my chair

where it's nice and
soft and comfortable.

Now, look, Bubba,

here's what I want you to do...

Fred, I feel awful stupid.

Good. Just keep acting natural.

Well, why do I have
to wear these glasses?

You'll see. Come on.

Hey, anybody here?

Shh!

Who are you shushing?

You just keep on
reading that stuff.

Hey. Hello, there,
Mr. Archibald.

Say, you remember me?

Oh, yes. You were
here yesterday.

The Blind Mellow
Jelly collection.

Mr... Sanford, of
Sanford and Son.

What can I do for you?

Well, I know how you people
hate to give back donations,

but what if Blind
Mellow Jelly showed up

and asked for his records back,

could he get them?

But Blind Mellow Jelly is dead.

But his son ain't.

His son ain't!

I want my daddy's records.

I beg your pardon?

I want my daddy's records.

That's all he's been able to say

since he found out

that I gave away
his daddy's records.

Are you serious?

Is this really Blind
Mellow Jelly's son?

You know Leadbelly?

Oh, yes.

Well, see, Leadbelly...

His father, Blind Mellow
Jelly, gave Leadbelly

the name Leadbelly,

and then Leadbelly
carried on the tradition

by giving Blind Mellow
Jelly's son his nickname...

uh, Potbelly.

I'm not sure I understand.

Well, see, Blind
Mellow Jelly, Jr., here,

is a friend of mine,

and he gave me
his daddy's records,

and I took them
over to my house,

because he didn't have
nothing to play them on,

so he used to come over
to my house and play them.

You're both free to come here

and play them any time.

Well, that's all
right for me, see,

but Blind Mellow Jelly
here takes after his father.

This is Blind Mellow, Jr.

See, look at them beady eyes.

See, the only two things

that his father gave him

and left him here on Earth

is those records and
these beady eyes.

I want my daddy's records.

Don't worry, Blind Mellow, Jr.,

They can take away your records

if they want to,

but one thing they won't be able

to take away from you
is them beady eyes.

Well, this is unusual.

Normally, when
something is donated,

we don't return it,

but under the circumstances,

I suppose there's
nothing else to do.

I sure want to thank
you very much,

and God bless you.

Yes.

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I'll go get the records.

I want my daddy's records!

You don't have to
say that no more.

We got them. Just cool it.

Did I say it right, Fred?

Oh, listen, you were
good, Leadbelly...

I mean, Potbelly...

I mean, you were good, Bubba.

Shh!

What is wrong with you all?

Why keep interfering with us?

♪ Oh, shake that thing ♪

♪ Can't help it If you
shake that thing ♪

♪ Goodness gracious
Won't you shake that thing... ♪

Hey, Pop, you got
the records back.

Yeah, I got them back.

I told you I would.
You didn't believe me.

You actually did
it. How'd you do it?

I'll show you. Hit it, Bubba.

I want my daddy's records!

That was good,
Bubba. Sit down. Relax.

See, Bubba went down there,

and he pretended that he
was Blind Mellow Jelly Jr.,

and the guy just had
to give them back.

That's pretty good, huh?

I don't know, Pop.

It just don't seem right.

Of course it's right.

These are my records,

and I was smart
enough to get them back.

They should to send
me to Washington.

If I was smart enough
to get these records,

I'm smart enough
to get those tapes.

I still don't like it.

Well, I don't care
if you like it or not.

I've got me $500 worth of
Blind Mellow Jelly records.

I love it.

I guess the next thing

is that you're
going to sell them?

No, I'm going to give
them to the Goodwill.

Of course I'm going
to sell them, dummy.

Here, look in here

and find one of them places

that buy collector's records.

Know what I mean?

Let your fingers

walk through the Yellow Pages.

I don't understand you, Pop.

I thought Blind Mellow Jelly
was part of your memory

and you couldn't bear to
part with your memories.

I can part with
$500 worth of them.

I mean, I don't have to
have total magnesia...

I mean, amnesia.

I see your finger
stopped walking there.

What you got?

"D and C Records.

"Specializing in
collector's items.

We pay cash."

Get them on the phone.
That's where we're going.

Let's go.

I want my daddy's records.

What're you doing, Bubba?

I'm practicing

in case you want to get
them back from this place too.

Hello?

This is Mr. Sanford of
Sanford and Son Collectors.

I have in my possession
an authentic collection

of Blind Mellow
Jelly 78 originals,

recently authenticated

by the University Department
of Ethenama-musicology.

I noticed that your
ad... How much?

I noticed that your
ad in the paper

said that you pay cash.

You ain't noticed
nothing. I noticed that.

Just ask the man
how much, dummy.

Excuse me one moment.

My staff is
preparing a delivery,

and they're rather noisy.

One moment please.

Hey, man, would you be quiet

so I can hear the man?

Just ask him how much money!

I'm awfully sorry.

Now, how much?

If they're in good condition,

anywhere from $5 to $10 apiece?

We'll take it!

We'll take it! We'll take it!

We'll take it!

Uh, we'll... Excuse me.

We'll bring them right over.

Hold on, I want
to get the address.

$10... $5, $10...

Oh, that'd be over $500,
because I got a lot of them.

Yeah, well,
listen, listen, listen,

you and Bubba load
the records on the truck,

and I'll get the directions.

Hey, Bubba, did you hear that?

$5, $10 dollars a piece!

Yeah, yeah.

I'll clean up. I'll make a
fortune with these records!

Pick them records up, Bubba.

Wait a minute,
Bubba. Hold these too.

See, I'll go around
and get something soft

to wrap them records in.

See, because I should even

be lifting them boxes
of records, you know,

on account of my arthritis.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Now, after I get off
the Harbor Freeway,

I go where?

The Slauson cutoff... Oh.

Hey, Bubba!

Better come on back in!

Lamont's getting the directions.

I feel so good.

I feel like celebrating.

I'll drink to that, Fred.

Yeah, you'll drink to anything.

Hey, Bubba, who
should we drink to?

Anybody.

Yeah, I told you that.

Look here, I'll tell you what.

We'll drink to
Blind Mellow Jelly

and Potbelly.

Yeah.

To Jelly and Belly.

Who do we drink to now?

We'll drink to your
daddy's records.

Yeah!

I want my daddy's records!

Would you all be quiet?

Oh, shut up.

Hey, how about
a shot for Lamont?

Uh-uh. He's driving.

You let him drive, and
leave the drinking to us.

Hey, look here,
Pop, come on, man.

I got the directions. Let's go.

Okay, we coming
right on out, son.

Okay, we're
drinking, now, to, uh...

Thomas Edison.

Why him?

He invented records.

Oh. To Thomas Jefferson!

Edison.

And him too.

Hey, man, would
you guys come on?

I don't have all day here.

We're coming right on out.

Bubba, you think we ought
to take the bottle with us?

Just in case, you know,

we find something on
the freeway to toast to.

That's a good idea, Fred.

Would you come on, man?

We're coming now.

You're going to be drunk.

Come on. Would you come on?

Would you get in the truck?

I'm getting in the truck.

Rushing me...
Having a celebration...

Trying to make some money.

Just get in the truck.

Get in the truck.

♪ Shake that thing ♪♪

Now, close the
door, so we can start.

Hold it! Hold it!

Now what?

I forgot to wrap my
Blind Mellow Jelly records

up in the blanket.

Oh, that's okay, Fred.

What do you mean, that's okay?

I forgot to put the
records on the truck.

You're a big, big dummy there.

I'm not kidding you,
you're a big dummy.

I have to do everything
myself around here.

[CRUNCHING]

♪ I was down in Georgia... ♪

♪ There ain't nothing
to it It's easy to do ♪

♪ They call it
Shake that thing ♪

♪ They call it
Shake That Thing ♪

♪ Oh, shake that thing ♪

♪ Shake that thing ♪

♪ I'm getting sick and
tired Of telling you ♪

♪ Shake that thing ♪♪

Pop, you were supposed to get

that closet cleaned
out again today,

and what are you
listening to anyway?

I thought these records
got broken yesterday.

They did, all but this one

that was on the record player.

Do you think that guy would
give me 10 bucks for this?

You mean to tell me

you'd sell the only
Blind Mellow Jelly record

on the west coast?

What about your memories?

Well, I've been
listening to it all morning,

so I got it pretty
well memorized.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hello, Lamont.

Hey, Bubba.

Hello, Fred.

Fred, you still mad at me?

No, I ain't mad at you.

Well, can I come in?

Come on in, Bubba.

It wasn't a total loss.

What do you mean, Fred?

Well, I had one more
record left on the machine,

and Lamont and I are
going to try to sell it.

No kidding.

Yeah. Wait a minute, Bubba!

What's the matter? What'd I do?

It's what you were about to do.

You were about to sit

on the last Blind
Mellow Jelly record

in the world on Earth today.

Oh, I'm sure glad I
didn't do that, Fred.

Yeah, me too,
because if you had,

your name would've been mud.

Sit down, Bubba.
Listen, now, right before...

[CRUNCHING]

Bubba, say hello to Mr. Mud.

[♪♪♪]

ANNOUNCER: Sanford
and Son is recorded on tape

before a live studio audience.