Samantha Who? (2007–2009): Season 1, Episode 8 - The Car - full transcript
Things are not as they seem as Samantha remembers what happened in the past after she dumps her father's car into the lake.
having amnesia is like driving an obstacle course.
I mean, I guess that's what it's like.
Since my accident, no one will let me drive.
look at you.You could be a model.
No, last time that I wore this, mom,
you said I looked cheap.
Well, you do,but in different clothes,
you could be a model.
You know what?
I think I'm just gonna wait outside for dena.
I'm serious, honey.
On sunday, I'm hosting a solution six party,
and I really need your help.
Beep, beep! Oh! She's here.
I'm serious.
You're gonna love this.
It's a revolutionary new clothing system--
6 pieces give you outfits for 60 different occasions.
It's like when jesus fed all those people
with bread and fish.
Yeah, you know, I know that I don't remember the bible,
but I doubt it was anything like that.
Well, honey, all my friends are gonna be there--
even doris janney.
Come on.
Now that you're back in my life,
I kinda wanna show you off.
Mom, that's actually sweet.
And when doris sees you model,
I'll finally have something to lord over her
and her "daughter the actress."
You know what?
I'm gonna have to pass, okay?
I really don't wanna spend my sunday
making some mother feel bad about her child.
I don't see why not.
You do it every other day.
Ugh.
come in.
Hey. How's your dog?
Well, much better.
He really perked up after he puked in my car.
Ready to party?
Hmm. You know what?
I have a better idea.
Wait here.
daddy?
Uh-oh.
Have you asked your mother?
No. Silly.
No. I was just thinking about, you know,
independence and freedom
and how those are really keys to being an american, you know?
I mean, you like america,don't ya?
You know who really loves america? Your mother.
Dad, can I please borrow your car tonight?
Not a chance.
Yes! Why not? Come on, dad.
The neurologist cleared me for driving a couple of weeks ago.
Great.Then borrow his car.
Come on, daddy. The amnesia only affected my memory.
It did not affect my driving skills.
You know what your driving skills
have gotten me in the past?
Two busted garage doors and the death of a squirrel
that was like a little pet to me.
You don't trust me.
You don't think I've changed.
Samantha,trust is not a given.
It's earned.
Look, I spend all day
explaining that to people.
I don't wanna have to convince my own parents.
doggone it.
This is why I said to ask your mother.
Ten and two is good for you.
Speeding's a thrill,
but it can surely kill.
And don't ride
the damn brake.
I don't have a rhyme for that.
Just don't do it.
whoo!
oh, my god! I'm free!
I had the car windows down all day.
You would have barely smelled anything.
Oh, come on.You should be happy.
You don't have to drive me around anymore.
I like driving you around.
That's why we're such good friends again.
Oh, is that why you're worried--
that I was just your friend for the rides?
I'm afraid of how our friendship will suffer
when we're dead.Slow down!
Okay, relax. I am in complete control right now.
Just being behind the wheel is bringing back memories
of driving and instincts,
skills--
raccoons!
Maybe raccoons, too.
No, raccoons!
Oh! Oh!
oh.
Raccoons.
are you--are you all right?
Maybe.
Was I holding a drink in my lap before the crash?
No.
Then not so much.
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this is so not my fault.
you can't see a raccoon at night.
I mean, it's--
it's wearing a mask.
See this speed?
This is a nice speed.
People don't get hurt at this speed.
My dad is never gonntrust me again.
Good-bye, independence.
Good-bye, freedom.
niCe knowing ya for...
6.2 miles.
Please don't make me ride with you again.
I mean it.I'll do anything you want.
Anything?
But I'm scared.
You said "anything."
I've never broken the law before.
This seems like an ambitious way to start.
Well, then you shouldn't have said "anything."
Now just quit whining and help me,
or else you're going in next.
you know,it's not to late to...
stop before it gets illegal.
You know, right now we're just pushing a car around a lake.
That's good, clean fun.
Just relax, all right?
This is good.
Everyone will assume
that the car was stolen out of the driveway overnight,
and the insurance will buy a new one,
and no one gets in trouble,
and most importantly,
my dad will think that he can trust me.
even though he can'T.
you're pretty judgy for someone
who just dumped a car in a lake.
wait. You are here.
So where is the car?
It's not in the driveway?
I can't believe it.
It played out exactly like I said--
car gone, insurance,
bing-bang-boom. Easy peasy.
"Dureen"?
It's dena.
Did they ask about me?
Was I implicated at all?
No, no.
And neither of us will be,
as long as we do not tell anyone else, okay?
I can do that.Okay.
I've spent a lifetime keeping everything inside.
"Siddhartha"?
Oh, it's sama--
oh, forget it. Thank you.
I've never done anything like that before.
Well, neither have I.
Yeah-huh.
Yeah, okay, but that was old sam. That was bad sam.
New sam is a good person who,
just in an isolated incident,
made a rash decision,
committed a small crime to save her dear father's heart.
Okay, because maybe it was the moonlight or something,
but you looked like something evil.
Yes, i looked like,
but i wasn't, you know?
It's like, um, you know,
it's like when a snake sheds its skin and, you know,
you look, and the skin looks like it's a snake,
but actually, it's just a, you know, it's A...
well, it's an empty shell.
I really need to work on my examples, but anyway,
what I'm saying is I'm not that person anymore.
Where were you lasnight?
Oh, my god.
We didn't meet you at 8.
We can totally explain.
I'm waiting.
Well, see, um...
we were about to leave,and I got a phone call.
From who?
My dog.
It was about her dog. She got a phone call from the vet.
Are you two keeping something from me?
No. Why?
He called on a friday night?That's apecial vet.
Well, it's a special dog.
What'd he say?
Nothing. He's a dog.
I meant the vet.
He said that we should watch the dog.
Why?
Because he's special.
So you should watch him?
I was talking about the vet.
I was talking about the dog.
What do you wanna know?
Why didn't you answer your cell?
I was on the phone.
All night?
With the vet.
Impressive.
Like I said--
he's special.
Mm-hmm.
I'm getting a latte.
what?
Thought that went really well.
ow!
Oh, for crying out loud!
Since when do we have an alarm?!
Since your father spent a fortune on one...
but refuses to pay a professional to install it.
Well, I'm not gonna pay a professional
to do something any moron could do.
Well, why are you doing it?
Criminals were in our driveway,samantha,
a few feet from where we sleep...
occasionally in the buff.
Well, all I can say is they must have been high on dope.
There was an entire pallet of tulip bulbs on the porch,
and they just left those.
Well, don't, you know,
overreact because of just one s-stolen car, you know?
I mean, cars get stolen all the time.
It's--it's practically a tradition.
Two stolen cars.
What do you mean, two?
Oh, that's right. You have that forgetting disease.
My car was stolen four years ago.
Just thinking about it
makes me need to chill some wine.
Oh, now this is just the silliest thing
that you guys have ever done.
That's not the only thing we did.
Ta-da!
Ta-da!
No.
Yes!We got you a new car!
Oh, guys, this is just way, way, way too much.
But you know what?
It's not unwrapped,so you can still return it.
Sammy, this morning
when I came out and the car wasn't here,
I was afraid you'd been in an accident.
So there you are, dead,
and your last thought would have been,
"my dad didn't trust me."
Oh, no, no, no,don't say that.
I was wrong.
You have changed.
You're not the same person that you were.
So here you go,samantha newly--
the keys to your brand-new car!
oh, you sound like that man on the game show.
Say my name.
Regina newly...
let's go inside and see what you've won.
Oh! Ooh, look,it gave me chills.
enjoy it, kid.
Yay.
the devil inside
yeah, yeah
samantha,What are you still doing out here?
Aren't you ever gonna try out your new car?
Yeah. Soon.
Just, um, was it, uh,
was it "ten and two works for you"
or "nine and three works for me"?
I just don'T...
you should see your father.He is so happy.
Oh, this morning when he thought you'd been hurt,
he told me he'd never been so worried.
I was offended.
I said, "what about that time when I had those polyps removed?
"I was under general anesthesia.
Anything could have happened.What if I had--"
I pushed the car into a lake.
You did what?!
Some invisible raccoon with a mask
made me crash into a tree,
and I didn't want dad to think that he couldn't trust me,
so I panicked,and I sank the car.
So you lied to us?
Yeah. But I confessed.
Did you see that?
I-I confessed. I mean, old sam wouldn't have done that.
Your father felt awful about not trusting you.
This is gonna break his heart.
No, no, please, please,please, please don't tell him.
Please, can trust me, okay?
I just--I just made a mistake.
Look, I couldn't stand it
if I broke his heart.
Well, I guess
we've all made mistakes.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
We all have.
And I suppose telling him is
not gonna bring the car back.
Oh, no. No, it probably won't come back at all.
You know how I hate lying to your father.
But I guess I could...
keep this from him.
Thank you. Thank you.
I just need you to do one thing for me.
Oh!
and this elegant creation,"monaco nights,"
can be easily accessorized
by sliding the detachable cowl-neck
down into... a belt.
keep smiling.Doris los like she's gonna be sick.
Ooh, was that a nice walk?
Huh? Did we have a good walk?
andrea,
what are you doing here?
Oh, I just dropped by to see how your dog is.
Oh. He's good. Thanks.
Yeah.
Don't thank me.
Thank that special vet.
Okeydoke.
Well, I, uh, I'd love to talk,
but I gotta run, so...
don't worry.
It's only gonna take a minute.
Oh, my.
Probably less.
You can't hurt me.
I have dogs.
Oh, what is this I have here? Ah.
Lemon cookies.
what do you wanna know?
sorry! Sorry! Close it!
Quickly! Sorry!
oh!
What are you guys doing here?
Guess who cracked like an egg?
No, no, no. Oh!
Get, get, get! Dena.
What happened to a lifetime of keeping things inside?
Her questions were really hard,
and plus I really enjoyed
her finally taking an interest in me.
nice scarf.
Thanks.It's also a casual skirt.
I can't believe you kept
a secret from me with her.
I tell you everything.
Okay, well, you know what?I'm sorry.
But you should be happy
that I didn't draw you into this web of deceit.
Honey, I'm an attorney.
Web of deceit is where I get my mail.
samantha.
We've still got 22 outfits left.
Oh, hi, andrea.
Oh, you know, there's a perfect dress for you in here.
It looks just as good out at night
as it does stumbling home in the morning.
Oh, oh.
What is going on in there?
nothing.
My mother is blackmailing me
to model these stupid clothes.
Blackmailing?
Okay, I cracked, too.
She knows everything.
Everybody knows?
We are going down!
Shh!
Oh, you're not going down.
Jeez!
Do you remember the night
of the sacrificial shoe?
Is that a nancy drew book?
Oh.
No, I don't remember it.
That's not really how it works.
Oh! The shoe.
Oh!
it's not moving.
Use your legs.
That's why god gave you those big calves.
Use your legs.It's your car.
You can never just do something for me, can you?
Why don't you just tell dad the truth?
Because the last time I had an accident,
he made me learn all these stupid... safety rhymes.
I'm not going through that again.
Besides...
I don't want him to not trust me.
That's the scary face
she made at the lake.
Bad sam is back.
Oh, my god!
There's my baby girl!
Oh,it's good to see you!
samantha!
What are you gonna do?
Right now I'm gonna go in there.
I'm gonna smile,
turn this tube top into a turban,
and then I'm gonna ruin her life.
Yes, mother? I'm coming.
Oh, no ?/
oh, damn it.
Hey, mom?
in here.
Look!
I'm repainting your old birdcage.
I didn't know I had any birds.
Well, you didn'T.
When you were little,
we put you in here to play.
You locked me in a cage?
Well, you loved it.
You'd eat crackers, and you'd repeat everything I said.
Oh, we had so much fun,
till you chipped your tooth on that seed cake.
Hey, you know what?
Uh, speaking of fun,
I was thinking maybe you and I could go down
to one of those places where you decorate pottery.
You know, maybe paint a little piggy bank
shaped like a cat or somethin'?
Oh, my lord. I've always wanted one of thE.
Well,what are we waiting for?
That would be wonderful.
Oh, yes, and afterwards we could go to the mall
and get our makeup done
so you won't look like a girl
who's trying so hard.
this is gonna be so much fun.
Hey, mom, do you mind driving?
You...
mom! Where you goin'?
Don't you want your little cat bank?!
who are you calling?
A tow truck.
Where are the t's?!
Oh, you mean these?
Samantha newly,
you give me those right now,or I swear--
what?What are you gonna do?
You gonna make me a dress-up doll
for some hideous convertible clothes?
that system is miracle!
No, it is not.
I looked in the bible,and it's not even close.
I did not tell you to push
your father's car into the lake.
You made that decision entirely on your own!
Yeah, but I wouldn't have
thought about it if it wasn't for you,
and then you knowingly make me
feel terrible and blackmail me?
Which makes you even worse.
Of course I am.I'm your mother!
And my mother was worse than me. You...
there is a streak of evil
that runs back in this family.
I am just praying that it gets diluted over time.
Yeah, well,based on the parking lot in lake piedmont,
I'd say it's not.
Well, you never met your great-grandmother ida.
Trust me.
Look, it is every generation's responsibility
to be better than the last.
You're lucky that I'm not perfect.
You'd have nowhere to go.
You know what?
You're right.
I should be better than you,
which is why I'm gonna do something
that you could never do,
which is tell dad the truth.
And if you had any guts,
you would do the same thing.
You're kidding.
No. It's all true.
And you did this, too,regina?
I have no idea what she's talking about.Poor thing.
Back to the neurologist, I say.
I'm really sorry, dad.
Please take my car back.
Sammy...
I spend a lot of time not thinking about my emotions.
It's hard work,
but it pays off.
Then the other morning
when I thought about you dead by the side of the road--
it just rushed in
how important you are to me.
So if it cost me a car to remember that
every time I seyou in it,
I got off cheap.
So...
then I can keep it?
Yeah.
Yes!
I just need you to do one thr g me.
if my insurance found out
what your mother did, I'd fry.
I love you, dad.
You, too, kid.
so a bonk on the head
does make you free to change who you are.
But there are curves in the road along the way,
and no matter how far you've
gone to be who you wanna be...
who you were
is always behind you...
and closer than they appear.
It's so good
taking the road
and never look back
I mean, I guess that's what it's like.
Since my accident, no one will let me drive.
look at you.You could be a model.
No, last time that I wore this, mom,
you said I looked cheap.
Well, you do,but in different clothes,
you could be a model.
You know what?
I think I'm just gonna wait outside for dena.
I'm serious, honey.
On sunday, I'm hosting a solution six party,
and I really need your help.
Beep, beep! Oh! She's here.
I'm serious.
You're gonna love this.
It's a revolutionary new clothing system--
6 pieces give you outfits for 60 different occasions.
It's like when jesus fed all those people
with bread and fish.
Yeah, you know, I know that I don't remember the bible,
but I doubt it was anything like that.
Well, honey, all my friends are gonna be there--
even doris janney.
Come on.
Now that you're back in my life,
I kinda wanna show you off.
Mom, that's actually sweet.
And when doris sees you model,
I'll finally have something to lord over her
and her "daughter the actress."
You know what?
I'm gonna have to pass, okay?
I really don't wanna spend my sunday
making some mother feel bad about her child.
I don't see why not.
You do it every other day.
Ugh.
come in.
Hey. How's your dog?
Well, much better.
He really perked up after he puked in my car.
Ready to party?
Hmm. You know what?
I have a better idea.
Wait here.
daddy?
Uh-oh.
Have you asked your mother?
No. Silly.
No. I was just thinking about, you know,
independence and freedom
and how those are really keys to being an american, you know?
I mean, you like america,don't ya?
You know who really loves america? Your mother.
Dad, can I please borrow your car tonight?
Not a chance.
Yes! Why not? Come on, dad.
The neurologist cleared me for driving a couple of weeks ago.
Great.Then borrow his car.
Come on, daddy. The amnesia only affected my memory.
It did not affect my driving skills.
You know what your driving skills
have gotten me in the past?
Two busted garage doors and the death of a squirrel
that was like a little pet to me.
You don't trust me.
You don't think I've changed.
Samantha,trust is not a given.
It's earned.
Look, I spend all day
explaining that to people.
I don't wanna have to convince my own parents.
doggone it.
This is why I said to ask your mother.
Ten and two is good for you.
Speeding's a thrill,
but it can surely kill.
And don't ride
the damn brake.
I don't have a rhyme for that.
Just don't do it.
whoo!
oh, my god! I'm free!
I had the car windows down all day.
You would have barely smelled anything.
Oh, come on.You should be happy.
You don't have to drive me around anymore.
I like driving you around.
That's why we're such good friends again.
Oh, is that why you're worried--
that I was just your friend for the rides?
I'm afraid of how our friendship will suffer
when we're dead.Slow down!
Okay, relax. I am in complete control right now.
Just being behind the wheel is bringing back memories
of driving and instincts,
skills--
raccoons!
Maybe raccoons, too.
No, raccoons!
Oh! Oh!
oh.
Raccoons.
are you--are you all right?
Maybe.
Was I holding a drink in my lap before the crash?
No.
Then not so much.
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this is so not my fault.
you can't see a raccoon at night.
I mean, it's--
it's wearing a mask.
See this speed?
This is a nice speed.
People don't get hurt at this speed.
My dad is never gonntrust me again.
Good-bye, independence.
Good-bye, freedom.
niCe knowing ya for...
6.2 miles.
Please don't make me ride with you again.
I mean it.I'll do anything you want.
Anything?
But I'm scared.
You said "anything."
I've never broken the law before.
This seems like an ambitious way to start.
Well, then you shouldn't have said "anything."
Now just quit whining and help me,
or else you're going in next.
you know,it's not to late to...
stop before it gets illegal.
You know, right now we're just pushing a car around a lake.
That's good, clean fun.
Just relax, all right?
This is good.
Everyone will assume
that the car was stolen out of the driveway overnight,
and the insurance will buy a new one,
and no one gets in trouble,
and most importantly,
my dad will think that he can trust me.
even though he can'T.
you're pretty judgy for someone
who just dumped a car in a lake.
wait. You are here.
So where is the car?
It's not in the driveway?
I can't believe it.
It played out exactly like I said--
car gone, insurance,
bing-bang-boom. Easy peasy.
"Dureen"?
It's dena.
Did they ask about me?
Was I implicated at all?
No, no.
And neither of us will be,
as long as we do not tell anyone else, okay?
I can do that.Okay.
I've spent a lifetime keeping everything inside.
"Siddhartha"?
Oh, it's sama--
oh, forget it. Thank you.
I've never done anything like that before.
Well, neither have I.
Yeah-huh.
Yeah, okay, but that was old sam. That was bad sam.
New sam is a good person who,
just in an isolated incident,
made a rash decision,
committed a small crime to save her dear father's heart.
Okay, because maybe it was the moonlight or something,
but you looked like something evil.
Yes, i looked like,
but i wasn't, you know?
It's like, um, you know,
it's like when a snake sheds its skin and, you know,
you look, and the skin looks like it's a snake,
but actually, it's just a, you know, it's A...
well, it's an empty shell.
I really need to work on my examples, but anyway,
what I'm saying is I'm not that person anymore.
Where were you lasnight?
Oh, my god.
We didn't meet you at 8.
We can totally explain.
I'm waiting.
Well, see, um...
we were about to leave,and I got a phone call.
From who?
My dog.
It was about her dog. She got a phone call from the vet.
Are you two keeping something from me?
No. Why?
He called on a friday night?That's apecial vet.
Well, it's a special dog.
What'd he say?
Nothing. He's a dog.
I meant the vet.
He said that we should watch the dog.
Why?
Because he's special.
So you should watch him?
I was talking about the vet.
I was talking about the dog.
What do you wanna know?
Why didn't you answer your cell?
I was on the phone.
All night?
With the vet.
Impressive.
Like I said--
he's special.
Mm-hmm.
I'm getting a latte.
what?
Thought that went really well.
ow!
Oh, for crying out loud!
Since when do we have an alarm?!
Since your father spent a fortune on one...
but refuses to pay a professional to install it.
Well, I'm not gonna pay a professional
to do something any moron could do.
Well, why are you doing it?
Criminals were in our driveway,samantha,
a few feet from where we sleep...
occasionally in the buff.
Well, all I can say is they must have been high on dope.
There was an entire pallet of tulip bulbs on the porch,
and they just left those.
Well, don't, you know,
overreact because of just one s-stolen car, you know?
I mean, cars get stolen all the time.
It's--it's practically a tradition.
Two stolen cars.
What do you mean, two?
Oh, that's right. You have that forgetting disease.
My car was stolen four years ago.
Just thinking about it
makes me need to chill some wine.
Oh, now this is just the silliest thing
that you guys have ever done.
That's not the only thing we did.
Ta-da!
Ta-da!
No.
Yes!We got you a new car!
Oh, guys, this is just way, way, way too much.
But you know what?
It's not unwrapped,so you can still return it.
Sammy, this morning
when I came out and the car wasn't here,
I was afraid you'd been in an accident.
So there you are, dead,
and your last thought would have been,
"my dad didn't trust me."
Oh, no, no, no,don't say that.
I was wrong.
You have changed.
You're not the same person that you were.
So here you go,samantha newly--
the keys to your brand-new car!
oh, you sound like that man on the game show.
Say my name.
Regina newly...
let's go inside and see what you've won.
Oh! Ooh, look,it gave me chills.
enjoy it, kid.
Yay.
the devil inside
yeah, yeah
samantha,What are you still doing out here?
Aren't you ever gonna try out your new car?
Yeah. Soon.
Just, um, was it, uh,
was it "ten and two works for you"
or "nine and three works for me"?
I just don'T...
you should see your father.He is so happy.
Oh, this morning when he thought you'd been hurt,
he told me he'd never been so worried.
I was offended.
I said, "what about that time when I had those polyps removed?
"I was under general anesthesia.
Anything could have happened.What if I had--"
I pushed the car into a lake.
You did what?!
Some invisible raccoon with a mask
made me crash into a tree,
and I didn't want dad to think that he couldn't trust me,
so I panicked,and I sank the car.
So you lied to us?
Yeah. But I confessed.
Did you see that?
I-I confessed. I mean, old sam wouldn't have done that.
Your father felt awful about not trusting you.
This is gonna break his heart.
No, no, please, please,please, please don't tell him.
Please, can trust me, okay?
I just--I just made a mistake.
Look, I couldn't stand it
if I broke his heart.
Well, I guess
we've all made mistakes.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
We all have.
And I suppose telling him is
not gonna bring the car back.
Oh, no. No, it probably won't come back at all.
You know how I hate lying to your father.
But I guess I could...
keep this from him.
Thank you. Thank you.
I just need you to do one thing for me.
Oh!
and this elegant creation,"monaco nights,"
can be easily accessorized
by sliding the detachable cowl-neck
down into... a belt.
keep smiling.Doris los like she's gonna be sick.
Ooh, was that a nice walk?
Huh? Did we have a good walk?
andrea,
what are you doing here?
Oh, I just dropped by to see how your dog is.
Oh. He's good. Thanks.
Yeah.
Don't thank me.
Thank that special vet.
Okeydoke.
Well, I, uh, I'd love to talk,
but I gotta run, so...
don't worry.
It's only gonna take a minute.
Oh, my.
Probably less.
You can't hurt me.
I have dogs.
Oh, what is this I have here? Ah.
Lemon cookies.
what do you wanna know?
sorry! Sorry! Close it!
Quickly! Sorry!
oh!
What are you guys doing here?
Guess who cracked like an egg?
No, no, no. Oh!
Get, get, get! Dena.
What happened to a lifetime of keeping things inside?
Her questions were really hard,
and plus I really enjoyed
her finally taking an interest in me.
nice scarf.
Thanks.It's also a casual skirt.
I can't believe you kept
a secret from me with her.
I tell you everything.
Okay, well, you know what?I'm sorry.
But you should be happy
that I didn't draw you into this web of deceit.
Honey, I'm an attorney.
Web of deceit is where I get my mail.
samantha.
We've still got 22 outfits left.
Oh, hi, andrea.
Oh, you know, there's a perfect dress for you in here.
It looks just as good out at night
as it does stumbling home in the morning.
Oh, oh.
What is going on in there?
nothing.
My mother is blackmailing me
to model these stupid clothes.
Blackmailing?
Okay, I cracked, too.
She knows everything.
Everybody knows?
We are going down!
Shh!
Oh, you're not going down.
Jeez!
Do you remember the night
of the sacrificial shoe?
Is that a nancy drew book?
Oh.
No, I don't remember it.
That's not really how it works.
Oh! The shoe.
Oh!
it's not moving.
Use your legs.
That's why god gave you those big calves.
Use your legs.It's your car.
You can never just do something for me, can you?
Why don't you just tell dad the truth?
Because the last time I had an accident,
he made me learn all these stupid... safety rhymes.
I'm not going through that again.
Besides...
I don't want him to not trust me.
That's the scary face
she made at the lake.
Bad sam is back.
Oh, my god!
There's my baby girl!
Oh,it's good to see you!
samantha!
What are you gonna do?
Right now I'm gonna go in there.
I'm gonna smile,
turn this tube top into a turban,
and then I'm gonna ruin her life.
Yes, mother? I'm coming.
Oh, no ?/
oh, damn it.
Hey, mom?
in here.
Look!
I'm repainting your old birdcage.
I didn't know I had any birds.
Well, you didn'T.
When you were little,
we put you in here to play.
You locked me in a cage?
Well, you loved it.
You'd eat crackers, and you'd repeat everything I said.
Oh, we had so much fun,
till you chipped your tooth on that seed cake.
Hey, you know what?
Uh, speaking of fun,
I was thinking maybe you and I could go down
to one of those places where you decorate pottery.
You know, maybe paint a little piggy bank
shaped like a cat or somethin'?
Oh, my lord. I've always wanted one of thE.
Well,what are we waiting for?
That would be wonderful.
Oh, yes, and afterwards we could go to the mall
and get our makeup done
so you won't look like a girl
who's trying so hard.
this is gonna be so much fun.
Hey, mom, do you mind driving?
You...
mom! Where you goin'?
Don't you want your little cat bank?!
who are you calling?
A tow truck.
Where are the t's?!
Oh, you mean these?
Samantha newly,
you give me those right now,or I swear--
what?What are you gonna do?
You gonna make me a dress-up doll
for some hideous convertible clothes?
that system is miracle!
No, it is not.
I looked in the bible,and it's not even close.
I did not tell you to push
your father's car into the lake.
You made that decision entirely on your own!
Yeah, but I wouldn't have
thought about it if it wasn't for you,
and then you knowingly make me
feel terrible and blackmail me?
Which makes you even worse.
Of course I am.I'm your mother!
And my mother was worse than me. You...
there is a streak of evil
that runs back in this family.
I am just praying that it gets diluted over time.
Yeah, well,based on the parking lot in lake piedmont,
I'd say it's not.
Well, you never met your great-grandmother ida.
Trust me.
Look, it is every generation's responsibility
to be better than the last.
You're lucky that I'm not perfect.
You'd have nowhere to go.
You know what?
You're right.
I should be better than you,
which is why I'm gonna do something
that you could never do,
which is tell dad the truth.
And if you had any guts,
you would do the same thing.
You're kidding.
No. It's all true.
And you did this, too,regina?
I have no idea what she's talking about.Poor thing.
Back to the neurologist, I say.
I'm really sorry, dad.
Please take my car back.
Sammy...
I spend a lot of time not thinking about my emotions.
It's hard work,
but it pays off.
Then the other morning
when I thought about you dead by the side of the road--
it just rushed in
how important you are to me.
So if it cost me a car to remember that
every time I seyou in it,
I got off cheap.
So...
then I can keep it?
Yeah.
Yes!
I just need you to do one thr g me.
if my insurance found out
what your mother did, I'd fry.
I love you, dad.
You, too, kid.
so a bonk on the head
does make you free to change who you are.
But there are curves in the road along the way,
and no matter how far you've
gone to be who you wanna be...
who you were
is always behind you...
and closer than they appear.
It's so good
taking the road
and never look back