Samantha Who? (2007–2009): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Hockey Date - full transcript

"Be yourself."

Can't watch TV without getting
that little pearl of wisdom.

But how can you be yourself
if you don't know who you are ?

Nobody ever thinks of the amnesiacs.
We need a lobby.

So some guy is just
flying you to Rome ?

My big news today was that I remembered
what my manicurist's name was.

- Ling.
- Lee.

Well, yeah. And I know. It's Ling Lee.

Hi, Todd.

Were you running ?
I've been wanting to try running.

Maybe next time I'll go with you.



Oh, but you already have
a running buddy. Hi.

Hi.

So... What's up ?

Oh, Andrea wants to borrow
one of my tops.

Yeah, it matches the seats
of the private jet I'm taking to Rome.

Awesome.

She'll be quick. I'm really sorry
to interrupt your date.

Oh, that's OK. We were
at a good stopping point.

I'm Chloe.

Oh, hi. Sorry, I'm Todd's...

- Friend.
- Friend. I'm Todd's friend, Samantha.

- Oh. Is this one... ?
- Yeah.

Who ? Who am I ?

Wow, she really doesn't remember
anything ! Oh, you poor thing.



Oh, come here.
Yeah, yeah.

What kind of shampoo is that ?

Comfort Inn Hotel
and Meeting Center brand.

Yeah. My dad brought it back
from a chicken farming conference.

Todd, get in here, smell this.

No, I'd rather not.
We should get ready for dinner.

I'm so glad...

...I got to meet you.

Oh...

So did you mean what you said ?
That we're friends ?

Yeah. Sure.

Good. I'm glad. I'm glad. You know,
because people need friends. Buddies.

Amigos, chums.
'Ello, mate !

- 'Ello !
- How are you ?

- OK, now that's enough.
- Yeah, right. I went too far.

What are you doing ? I thought you
were getting one thing.

What do you care ? You don't
remember buying this stuff.

All right. Well, enjoy your dinner.

Sam, do you want to go with us ?

Uh... No, thank you.
No, thank you.

Date night. Yeah.

You're not the only one
with a life, you know.

You crazy kid, you. You crazy kids.

Oh ! You landed on "Get Married."
You get to put a blue peg in your car.

I don't want a blue peg.

It's a rule.
You get to marry the blue peg.

Then I call "new rule." And I say that
the blue peg and I can just be friends.

And then I'll get married when
and if that ever even happens.

You're never gonna get a date
if you stay at home all night.

- What ?
- Honey, marriage doesn't just happen.

Get out there and expose yourself to it.

Like chickenpox.

I wish I had done that with you. I'm
still worried you'll catch it and die.

I do expose myself, OK ? I go out.

Dena and I are going out on Monday.

Because appetizers are free for ladies.

Samantha, I mean this truly and deeply,
you are a very pretty girl.

But you've got maybe three years left.
Five tops. Go find a man.

- No.
- OK, fine.

Do you remember this ?

I do ! That is Samantha's
peewee hockey trophy.

That's right, Dena.
You have a good memory.

Samantha, don't you remember ? You were
the only girl with all these boys.

Jimmy Fesdin is now a girl.

You weren't afraid of anything.

Except that babysitter
with the mechanical voice box.

Now you're afraid
to go on a simple date.

I don't know anything about myself.

I would have absolutely nothing
to add to a conversation.

Stop that kind of talk.

I did not raise you
to use amnesia as an excuse.

That would have taken
enormous foresight.

Besides a date isn't an inquisition.

It's just a polite chat, about nothing.

OK. OK. Dena ? Why don't you
pretend that we're on a date ?

No. I'm not dressed for a date.

You look lovely. Now go ahead.

Why don't you ask me
what my favorite movie is ?

- What's your favorite... ?
- Hard to say.

Now ask me
where I went to summer camp.

- Where did you... ?
- No idea.

Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! Ask me
where I got this scar on my toe.

- Where'd you get that... ?
- I don't know.

So how's the date going so far ?

Not crazy about how
you keep cutting me off because...

- See ?
- A pet peeve.

I thought you were
engaging and charming.

Just don't talk about your scars.
It makes you sound like a sea captain.

- Oh !
- Whoa ! Are you all right ?

Oh, Samantha, stop fooling around and
get up off the floor. Dinner's ready.

- Howard ! She's home !
- Who's that ?

Kevin. He's just giving us an estimate
on re-doing the floors. Sit. Howard !

What's with all the yelling ?
All you do is yell.

I yell because you insist
on being in different rooms.

- Why is the table set for four ?
- Kevin !

- What are you doing ?
- Yelling. It's how she communicates.

You know, Kevin, I've made far
too much food. I hope you'll join us.

- That's really not necessary.
- I insist. Sit right there.

Isn't this nice ?

Lord, thank you for this wonderful...

Howard, we're going to be late
for the theater.

- What ?
- No. No. What are you doing ?

Your father and I completely forgot
we have tickets to go see Mamma Mia !

So you kids can just stay here and have
a lovely dinner. Howard, we have to go.

Mother. Hi.

If it's that experimental stuff
or in the round, you can count me out.

Howard, we are not going to
the theater. Just get in the car.

Well, that was... unusual.

Oh, I wish it were.

- Sorry. Moms.
- Oh, got one.

You don't have to stay.
You can take the meat if you want.

That's OK. It would get cold.

Right. Would get cold.

- So tell me about yourself.
- No.

I'm... sorry.

- You first.
- OK.

Boxer-briefs. Right foot's
a tiny bit shorter than my left.

If you're turned off by extremely
handsome, sexy, funny guys

who own their own business, then maybe
I'm not the right guy for you.

OK, your turn.

I played hockey.

- No way.
- Yeah.

With a boy who is now a girl.

Get out of here. Well, I love hockey.
Are you a Blackhawks fan ?

Nope. Just hockey.

Yeah, I know what you mean.
It's been a tough year. You any good ?

I have a trophy.

Wow. Well, tell me about that.

It's shiny.

Yeah, I mean what did you get it for ?

Hockey.

OK. A hockey fan and a smartass.

- Score.
- Score.

- Hey, morning.
- Hello.

Hey, is that my dress ?

I'm testing your clothes out for Rome.

Wanna see what gets the least attention
so I know what not to bring.

At lunch I'm going to Old Town. I wanna
see if these heels work on cobblestones.

Uh... Um... Miss Newly ? Um...

Say it already.

I told you that when you do that
it just makes her take longer.

Yes, what is it, Tracy ?

There is a guy named Kevin here.
Is it OK to send him up ?

Kevin ? Oh, God.
I don't know. Yes.

No. Wait.

OK, who is Kevin ?

This poor guy that
my mom tried to set me up with.

- What if he's here to ask me out ?
- So go out with him. Is he cute ?

Yes. But forget it.

I mean, I barely made it
through the evening.

I kept saying, "I like hockey,"
like a mental patient.

This is why I can't go out on dates,
because one dinner and I'm just sweating

and exhausted from trying to make some
stranger think I'm something I'm not.

Sweetheart, that is a date.

I'm sorry. I'm confused.

Was that a, "Yes, send him up,"
or a, "No, don't send him up."

Yes.

Um..."Yes, send him up,"
or "Yes, don't send him up ?"

Um...

Look at you.
Do you like this guy ?

I don't know. He's nice.

What I'm asking is
what does he do for a living ?

He owns a hardwood floor company.

Oh, so you hate him.

Hi, am I interrupting ?

No, come on in. Come.

Kevin, this is Andrea. Andrea, Kevin.

Hello, nice to meet you.

- Nice boots.
- Andrea can't stay.

Yes, yes, my new boyfriend
is flying me to Italy.

OK.

So... I was wondering

if you would like to go to a
Blackhawks game with me tomorrow night.

Oh, gosh, Kevin... I don't know.

OK. Well, why don't you
just think about it.

In the meantime,
I got you a little something.

A present ? Really ?

Oh, that's so sweet !

- It's got your name on the back.
- Oh.

Oh, Kevin.

Nice of you.

- So you said yes to the handyman ?
- Yes.

And I discovered something about
myself today. I like presents. A lot.

But now I need someone to teach me
everything about hockey in one day.

'Ello, mate !

You have to !
You said you were my friend.

OK, so after dating me
for three years and cheating on me,

now you want me to teach you about
hockey to impress some new guy ?

I know !
Are you a good friend or what ?

If he knows you have amnesia,

wouldn't he understand
you don't remember hockey ?

Yes.

- You didn't tell him you have amnesia.
- No.

Because ?

There are four million hot girls
in this city who don't have amnesia.

He likes me. The only thing that I have
to offer him is my passion for hockey.

- Which you don't have.
- Now you see my problem.

- Come on, let's go.
- Where ?

There's a hockey game tonight.
It's puck night,

everyone who goes gets a free puck.
Is that good ?

I can't. I have plans with Chloe.

Oh ! Going to go
for a little run, are you ?

All right, well, I guess, only one
of us gets to move on. That's cool.

But, you know, if I did
start seeing someone,

I probably wouldn't
come around here so often, so...

Let's go before they run out of pucks.

Hi, you ! Hey, I didn't know
you were partying with us.

I'm not ! I don't know you !

- Oh !
- Where's Samantha ?

- I've been trying her cell.
- She's not here yet.

- I thought you were going to Rome.
- Decided not to. What are you drinking ?

- Vodka.
- Give it.

- Why didn't you want to go ?
- I had too much work.

Oh... Yeah, but it's Rome !

- It was also my mother's birthday.
- Oh, she would've understood.

He left without me, OK ?
How stupid are you ?

- Oh, it's OK.
- Don't hug me.

Just rub my arm.

Your two best seats, please.

So what did you tell Chloe
you were doing tonight ?

Going out with the guys bowling ?

- No. I told her the truth.
- Oh.

Whatever floats your boat.

Ma'am, I can't sell you tickets.
You've been banned from this arena.

What ? What do you mean ? Wait !

What's going on ? Wait ! Wait !

I don't even know what I did !
Wait, I can walk !

OK, please, just let go.
I can walk ! I can... Oh, crap.

Oh ! Yeah.

Come on. Come on. You got it !
Get it ! Free shot !

Hey, she's not handicapped !

Oh, my God ! I can walk !

You're just jealous you didn't think...
Yeah ! Is that the best you can do ?

- Let's go.
- Oh, come on, man.

Oh, all right. OK, OK.

What about my free puck ? Huh ?

Pretending to be handicapped.

Oh, wow, if Kevin were with me tonight
he would think this was so attractive.

"Hey, you're a liar and a bad person.
You want to go to Bali ?

Wait, what's that ?
You're banned from Asia ? Sweet !"

At least I know why that wheelchair is
covered in stickers from all our teams.

No, this is good, though. This is good.

This is good, now I can
move on to my next plan,

which is to stay at home
and take care of my aging parents,

and then I'm going to get a cat
that I swear thinks it's people.

You're just gonna give up ?

Yeah. Yeah, that's
a key part of the plan.

Hey, remember the goose ?

No. And as a rallying cry,
that needs a little work.

No, last summer we were in Lincoln Park
and this goose stole your watch.

- How could a goose steal my watch ?
- You had it off.

You know, we were... You know.

- We were running ?
- Yeah. Yeah, so...

So you chased this poor, screaming bird
halfway across the park.

Trying to get my watch back.

Give me that watch !

And you refused to quit
until you got what you wanted.

That's one thing
I always admired about you.

So what happened with the goose ?

It bit you on your toe.

My scar.

Wow. I must have really
loved that watch.

It's the one you're wearing right now.

I gave it to you for your birthday.

Oh.

So... you want to throw darts ?

OK. At what ?

- You OK, now ?
- Yeah.

I'm only crying
because I'm tired, got that ?

I've been staying up
trying to get my body on Rome time.

Must be hard for somebody like you
to admit they've been jerked around.

What do you mean ?

Someone, you know,
materialistic, vain, self-absorbed.

Strong, I know.

You don't have to tell me
how awesome I am. Tell Edvard.

Well, lots of men
can't handle a strong woman.

- That's a good point, Tina.
- It's Dena.

- Really ? Has it always been ?
- Yes.

Huh. Anyway, Dena, so...
Are you sure ? That does not sound right.

- It's Dena ! Hmm-mmm.
- Dena.

OK. To strong women !

And stop taking my drinks.

Yes !

Three games in a row, Sally.

I'm fresh off a coma and I own you !

I don't know why guys
just aren't lining up at your door.

What was that ?
I don't hear you. You know why ?

Because your girly voice
is just too sweet and high.

No, but seriously, look at you.

Even with amnesia, you're fun
to be with, you're having a good time.

Yeah, with you.

Man, if only you just had amnesia,
too, we'd be the perfect couple.

Samantha ?

Kevin ! Hi !

Hey ! Were you at the game ?

Game ? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It was great. It was great. Yeah.

Yeah, I gave my free puck
to this little kid. He was so cute.

Hey, how you doing ? I'm Kevin.

Oh, right. I'm sorry, right.

This is Kevin, this is my...

- Her friend. Todd.
- My friend. Todd.

Isn't it a sad day when the Zamboni
gets more cheers than the team ?

Yeah.

Wait, isn't the Zamboni the big machine
that cleans the ice after every period ?

Duh !

Yeah, I'm teaching him
about the game. Not getting it.

I should go.

Hey, do me a favor ?
Help her get out of here.

She has a terrible sense of direction.

I am looking forward to tomorrow night.

By the way, don't get too
excited, but it is bobblehead night.

Hmm. Great. Yeah, no, I'm fired up.

OK, about that...

Yeah. OK, here it goes.

Um...

I have amnesia.

- Amnesia. In what way ?
- Hmm-mmm.

Well, in the, "I don't remember
what a bobblehead is" kind of way.

And you know what ? If that freaks
you out, I completely understand.

But you know what ? You'd be missing out,
because I have a lot to offer.

I don't know exactly what,
but some people seem to think so,

and, you know,
I'm inclined to believe them.

So don't expect me to twist myself
all up in a knot to make you like me.

Don't expect me to go tomorrow
to that hockey game.

I happen to be banned from that arena.

If you have a problem with any of this,
then I'm just not the person for you.

You're the wheelchair girl !

- Hey... !
- Ah ! I might be. So ?

I was there !
I whipped a cup at your head.

Great. Great.
So now you're what ? Appalled ?

Turned on ?

I don't know.

Well, not the first, but...

...maybe the second.

- Come on, let me buy you a drink.
- OK.

Remember I asked
how you can be yourself

when you don't know who you are ?

Well, I do know who I am. I'm
someone who happens to have amnesia.

And that's fine. Because
every day with me is an adventure.

And if someone wants to take
that ride like Karen Allen did

with Harrison Ford
in Raiders of the Lost Ark...

Wait ! OK, ask me my
favorite movie. Go ahead.

Hey, hey, hey, I'm so sorry
I forgot about appetizer night.

No calamari for you.

She's fine. Because she is strong.

Hey, why aren't you in Rome ?

Because I am strong.

Wait, what happened
with you and your handyman ?

Well, I... I told him the truth.

- Whoa.
- Yeah, I know !

So I don't have to go to that hockey
game tomorrow night, but, get this,

he's going to take me to this factory
that makes nothing but cheesecake.

- Lucky you.
- I know. I know.

- To the truth !
- To the truth !

The truth !

These two guys, they think that
we're flight attendants from Canada.

- OK.
- Oh, oh, oh ! And call me Tina.

Ah... All right, Tina.

Canada.

So what are
you guys all talking about ? Eh ?