Sam & Cat (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 7 - #GoomerSitting - full transcript

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Yeah! Best day ever, so much fun!

Hey!

Kid! Would you stop breaking glasses!

Not really.

Katie, Katie, Katie, please, please
stop, no swiveling in the house!

Hey, you! Off my bike!

Sam!

Sam!

What?!

We've lost control!



No duh, you can't...

I thought it would be fun
if we babysat all these kids!

I tried to get him off your bike.

- Ah!
- Ah!

Hey! Please. Please!

Trick or treat!

It's not Halloween!

Oh. Ow! Ow!

Owie! Ow! Ow! Oh.

Run away, run away!

Where ya going!

Snatched.

Cat?

Cat?



Cat!

Cat where are you? I
saw you come in here...

Cat? You can't hide in here
forever, you're gonna have to...

Marco.

Polo.

Go out there.

I'm too frazzled to
babysit anymore tonight.

I just... I just can't.

Sure you can.

Because I'll make you.

Sam, please...

Why are we babysitting five
kids on the same night?!

Because. I thought it'd be fun.

But it's not.

It's the opposite of fun.

Nuf?

I don't get it.

"Fun" backwards... nuf.

Ah ha ha ha ha...

Oh, I get it now.

Look, we just gotta get through tonight,

and then we got three straight
days of no babysitting.

But I love babysitting.

But don't you think we deserve a break?

Yeah.

Well, let's just hang out
here for a little while

and wait for the kids to
settle down before we go...

Ah!

No big deal.

- I wonder what that was.
- Hard to say.

There's a problem with your microwave.

♪ I'm never that far.

♪ No matter where you are.

♪ Believe it, we
can make it come true.

♪ And I, I, I, I...

♪ I'll never say, never.

♪ As long as we keep it together.

♪ Oh!

♪ It's the life that we choose,
and we still break the rules.

♪ But it's all gonna be just fine.

♪ Just fine.

♪ You and me we're gonna be just fine.

♪ Oh.

Come on keep your
hands up! Side to side!

Fast hands, fast hands! Nice!

Wait. Wait! Wait wait.

What?

What do eggs do for fun?

I dunno, what do eggs do for fun?

Kari-yolk-ee.

Okay, that's funny.

Will you explain it to me?

- Hi.
- You know what I'm here for.

Yeah. Goomer, go relax.

'Kay. I'm gonna go take a wizzle.

You got the stuff?

Do I got the stuff?

What am I gonna do, not get the stuff?

- Yes!
- What'd ya get her?

Yerbanian hot sauce.

The hottiest hot sauce
of all hot sauces.

Ah!

My brother puts hot sauce on everything.

Like, all of his food?

No, never on his food.

Well I'm gonna try this
stuff on some food right now.

Hey buddy, you done with that pizza?

- No, I'm starving.
- Thanks.

All right, time to
heat up mamma's tongue.

Okay, now, I have eaten a
lot of hot sauce in my day.

- But Sam Puckett...
- It's smoking.

Holy pizza.

Holy plate.

Ah, man.

That was a good wizzle.

Ooh, pizza!

No no no no no no, bad Goomer!

Hands out.

Owie.

No pizza 'til after the big fight.

Maybe you should listen to your manager.

Is he here?

I'm your manager.

Will you get me some pizza?

No!

Hey, when is Goomer's next fight?

This weekend. He's
fighting John Zakappa.

- The skull crusher?
- Huh?

Shh.

Why do they call him the skull crusher?

- Because he was fighting a few years ago.
- Sam...

And he got this dude in a headlock,
and he was like booj booj booj booj!

- Puckett...
- And the guy he kept hitting was all

"ehnnn ehnnn, my skull, my
skull, you're crushing it!"

"Wah!"

Goomer, go outside for a minute.

And do what?

Catch a bird.

I'll try my best.

Oh, if he catches a bird
can we keep him as a pet?

I just didn't want him to hear
what you were saying about Zakappa

because I don't want him to be scared.

He should be scared.
Zakappa's undefeated.

Oh my gosh, that's so inspirational.

What?

A professional fighter with no feet?

Ah, suck on this crust.

Anyway, Goomer's been
getting better and better,

and I think he's got
a real shot at winning.

I got one!

Yay!

Oh! Woo!

Woo! Ooh!

Oh!

- Hey, you okay?
- Mmm hmm.

That's good sauce.

What's that thing?

Something I bought online!

It's a machine!

- Please don't show me what it does.
- Watch what it does!

See?

I flipped the switch, and then the machine
flipped it back to its original position.

Please don't show me again.

Watch again!

It never gets old!

Coming in with a problem.

- You need our help?
- Yes!

- No.
- Dude...

I told ya...

We got three days off from babysitting,
so me and Cat are relaxing and that's it.

- Aw man.
- Wait.

Dice is our friend and he
needs help. Whatcha need?

I need you to babysit someone.

- Get out!
- Out!

It's not a kid!

- Then what is it?
- Is it a goat?

I ain't babysitting another goat.

It's Goomer.

How about a goat?

Come on, I gotta leave town, and I won't
be back 'til just before his big fight.

Leave town for what?

Okay I don't like to talk about this much,
because it's a little embarrassing, but...

I'm a hair model.

What is a "hair model"?

My mom hired an Agent that
books me for magazine shoots...

For companies that make, ya
know, hair-related products.

And you just need us to watch
Goomer for ya while you're gone?

- Yeah!
- No.

Sam...

Come on! He gets lonely, and there's
this medicine he's gotta take.

It's just for one night. Please?

I want five more bottles
of that hot sauce.

- One bottle.
- Five.

- Three.
- Five.

- Okay, four bottles.
- Five.

- How about five?
- Six.

Deal.

Wait.

I want five things! I'm a person!

What do you want?

I want...

Five...

Yo-yo's?

You can have one yo-yo.

- Five!
- Four.

- Three!
- Two.

- One!
- Okay one yo-yo.

Yeah! Ha ha, suckaaaa!

Now, both of you, make sure
you read my instructions.

- Humma?
- Check your email.

"The proper care and feeding of Goomer".

That's me!

Bah bah.

Okay Goom, Sam and Cat are in
charge. You do what they tell ya.

'Kay kay.

I'll be back tomorrow to watch you
win the biggest fight of your life.

Yay!

Be good.

- Love ya man.
- I love you.

Oh Goomer, are you feeling emotional?

Why?

I'm just so proud of his hair.

- Hello.
- Yeah.

There.

- Woo!
- Woo!

- Go, Goomer!
- Yeah!

- Go, Goomer, go!
- Yeah!

- Goomer, go!
- Yeah!

- Woo!
- Woo-hoo!

- Go, Goomer! Go, Goomer!
- Yeah! Ya did it.

Why did I do it?

Because carrying us is good exercise.

And now you can have
a nice big sandwich.

Thank you.

- No, Goomer, stop.
- Whoa! Whoa!

We meant we'll buy you a sandwich.

So what do I do with this one?

Give it back to that boy.

I mighta got some mouth juice on that.

Hey, there's a good booth.

Oh yeah, but I think that
family's gonna go sit there.

Uh-huh.

They had an appointment.

Isn't this a cool restaurant?

Yeah. Why do they call it Bots?

Because the waiters here
are... oh. There, that's why.

Holy cheese, it's a
red man from the future!

Get under the table!

That was a robot, they
bring your food here.

Because they probably killed
all the people-waiters.

Would ya let her up?

Have fun under there?

Yeah. Look, I took a pic of your knees.

Why would ya take a pic of my...

Man, my knees are hot.

Hey, Goomer, you wanna order?

What's that?!

Relax...

It's just the menu, stupid.

Oh.

I want ooh...

Some fried pork fingers.

Those sound good.

No fried pork fingers.

Dice's email said Goomer is only
allowed to eat healthy foods.

Well, the finger happens to be
the healthiest part of the pork.

Yeah.

Ah! There's another robot coming!

- No, that's just Zerp!
- Ah!

- Hello, hello.
- Ah!

Large pork fingers.

- Ah!
- Love me.

Can we split some fries?

One large fries.

It's okay, I got you!

What the...?!

Ah!

Goomer! You just killed Cat.

- Huh?
- Ah!

Ooh!

I was...

I was going to the light!

Goomer, why aren't you out
there on the couch, sleeping?

I had a bad dream!

- What was it about?
- No, no, no, don't ask him that!

- Why not?
- Because he'll answer!

We'll talk later.

Yes, Ma'am.

Wait.

I'm supposed to take my medicine.

Ulch.

Oh, yeah, your drops. Take a seat.

'Kay kay.

All right.

Now.

Right eye first.

Ping!

And now, the left eye.

- Schloop!
- Yay.

There ya go.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

- What happened?!
- Gimme that bottle!

These aren't for his eyes!
They go on his tongue!

I can't see!

I can't see!

I can't see!

I cant... what is this?!

I can't see!

I can't see!

'Night.

You still can't see anything?!

Not really.

- Read me what it says.
- 'Kay um...

It says "flush eyes gently with milk".

Got it.

What are you doing to my fighter?!

Oh my God, you super-poofed your head!

He's not supposed to drink milk!

I wasn't dumping it down his throat,
I was gently flushing his eyeballs.

Why?

I can't see nothing.

What do you mean you
can't... what does he mean?!

Yeah, uh, we have an iss-you.

What kind of iss-you?

Well, I don't wanna name
names or point fingers.

But someone put his tongue-drops
in his eyes and that someone...

Is named Cat.

So... how was Phoenix?

You've ruined my life!

He's got the biggest fight
of his life in, two hours!

Okay, okay. Um...

When fighting, how important is vision?

Extremely!

- Got it.
- Ugh, just cancel the fight.

If I cancel the fight now, they'll kick him
out of the CFC and he'll never fight again!

You owe us four bucks for the milk.

And!

And!

Now!

Now!

Live from the Los
Angeles sports place...

Fighting out of the red corner...

The undefeated heavyweight
from Slovenia...

John! The skull crusher!

Zakappa!

Zakappa!

Yeah! I crush skull!

I am skull crusher!

This is what I do!

- Ya ready Goom?
- No! I can't see nothing.

This is such a big pretzel.

And... fighting out of the blue corner!

An up-and-coming
light-heavyweight!

Making his first
appearance here at the CFC!

Tonight!

Currently facing the wrong way!

Currently facing the wrong way!

Gooooooo...

Merrrrrrr!

- Woo!
- Yeah!

- Ready in the red corner?
- Yeah.

- Ready in the blue corner?
- No.

- Huh?
- Uh, one sec!

Come on man, you can do this!

Can I feel your hair for luck?

Sure.

Oh.

What is this?

Come on! Just go out
there and take that guy!

You can do it, Goomer! You're an animal!

A big... blind animal!

Remember what they say!

You can't spell
"champion" without cham...

And pyun.

Pyun? I will pyun on him!

Let's get it on!

Come on!

No no no no no!

Fight!

- Go Goomer!
- Turn around!

Come on, man. Come on, this way.

Well, he showed that ref who's boss.

Did he win?!

I don't wanna go back out there.

Yeah ya do!

I... I really don't.

Here, drink water.

And here, have some Cotton Candy.

A fighter can't eat Cotton
Candy in the middle of a fight!

Thirty seconds to round two!

I don't think I'm doing too good.

- I'm gonna tell the ref we quit.
- No!

He can't see! How's he gonna win?!

Uh...

I don't like Cotton
Candy stuck to my face.

All right, I got a plan! Goomer...

Hi.

You can't see, but we can.

So listen, I'm gonna be
in charge of your fists.

Ooh, that's good! And I'll
be in charge of your feet!

So when I yell "left punch" or "right
punch" you punch hard with that hand.

Okay.

And when I yell "kick left" or "kick
right" you kick hard with that foot.

I'll try my best.

Wait, I wanna be in charge
of one of his body parts...

I'm a person!

You tell him when to duck or run away!

Yay, I'm participating!

Here we go! Round two is up.

Let's fight!

- Go get him!
- Remember the plan!

Play ball!

Punch left!

What?

Ooh! Ah!

- Duck duck!
- Kick right, kick right!

Punch left!

Oh, definitely a low blow.

What was that?

Take a minute.

- What happened?
- Goomer got hit with a low blow.

I don't get it.

He got hit in the goomers.

It was a cheap shot!

Hey, ref! Take a point
away from that guy!

Hey... I'm starting to see some light...

Come on! Let's go, punk!

You're the punk!

Ooh! Look at little boy!

With big, stupid hair!

You listen.

You can punch me in my face...

And you can kick me in my niblets...

But you will not make fun of my little
friend's beautiful, beautiful hair.

Fight!

Punch right!

Kick left!

Jack him up!

That's it.

Goomer, now teeing off on Zakappa.

That's it! That's it!

It's over!

- He did it!
- Yes!

Oh my God.

- Come on!
- Oh my God.

I want re-match!

You lost, get outta here.

You hear me, punk?

- Excuse me.
- I want re-match now!

Ah! Jeez.

- Ow! No!
- You like that?

- You like that?
- No!

- You like that? You like that?
- No!

- You like that? You like that?
- No!

Get her off of me! Get her off!

Help me, please!

Did he win?

No?

Anybody want a drink?

Churro?

Sweet Mexican Churro?