Sam & Cat (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 6 - #BabysitterWar - full transcript

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Stupid, uncomfortable couch.

Now be comfortable!

Cat...

Whoa, you really need a bath.

Cat... Cat!

Dog?!

Rovaire!

Rovaire, get over here!

- Dude, it's almost three in the morning...
- I know. I know.

How many times are you gonna let your
big dumb dog break into our apartment?!



I'm sorry!

Hey, you got any salsa?

Out!

Go on, go on. Faster, faster.

Ugh!

I hate neighbors.

Aw!

Ugh.

Mm.

Oh!

What? What?

What the... was there an earthquake?

Yep, big one.

I think it was an eight-point
shut up and lemme sleep.



Wait, why are you in my bed?

Because I'm tired.

Well, I can dump somebody outta bed too.

Uh!

Ah!

Just a question of leverage...

Oh!

Will you struggle quieter?

You can't just bed-jack me!

Well, I can't sleep on
that couch out there!

And our neighbor's big
dumb dog got in again!

- Rovaire?
- Yeah!

Hey, how come you get this
whole big bedroom, anyway?

Because it was my Nona's,
and I lived here first.

- No, ya didn't.
- Yes, I did!

- Yes, you did!
- No, I didn't!

- True!
- False!

- Right!
- Left!

- Crunchy!
- Smooth! What?!

Look, there is no way I'm gonna
sleep in that comfortable bed!

You are too!

Well, okay, but you're
staying in here with me!

Oh no, I'm not!

You trickered me, right?

I did.

Well, it won't be the last time.

No, it won't.

♪ I'm never that far.

♪ No matter where you are.

♪ Believe it, we
can make it come true.

♪ We'll do it our way,
no matter what they say.

♪ Because no one's
gonna do it for you.

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah!

♪ But I, I, I, I...

♪ I'll never say, never.

♪ As long as we keep it together.

♪ Oh!

♪ If you're living a dream,
and you know what it means.

♪ Then you can't let
them change your mind.

♪ It's the life that we choose,
and we still break the rules.

♪ But it's all gonna be just fine.

♪ Just fine.

♪ Yeah, we're all gonna be just fine.

♪ You and me we're gonna be just fine.

♪ Oh.

♪Rap so hot yeah, I spit that fire.

♪Live so good even
my driver got a driver.

♪Wrist so ice got
bling that'll blind ya.

♪And a pink candy coupe
call it sweet and low rider.

♪Yeah, woo!

♪And I'm living that good
life, baby can't ya see?

♪Yeah, yeah!

♪Big bossin' on the corner
they got all eyes on me.

♪And I'm back for the thrill of it.

♪Folks they say I'm killing it, fact I'm
just a little bit short of many millions.

♪Rap is what I'm stickin' with
that is how I'm getting rich.

♪So I bust a little bit
about how I be living it.

♪And I'm living that good
life, baby can't ya see?

♪Big bossin' on the corner
they got all eyes on me.

Ding dong! I'ma get it.

Aw dang, I was just
getting my swerve on.

- Oh hi, Ms. Poopley.
- Hi.

Bennie, your mom's here to pick you up.

No, I wanna stay and play with you guys!

Aw, that's so sweet.

Yeah. Pay us.

Right. Here.

- Cool.
- Thanks.

- Bye.
- Bye guys.

- Bye, Bennie.
- Thanks girls.

You're the best babysitter ever!

Aw. That makes me feel so special.

What does?

That Bennie thinks I'm
the best babysitter ever.

Yeah, um...

He said that to me.

Uh, I'm pretty sure he was
looking at me when he said it.

No. He was looking near you...

Because I was standing near
you when he said it to me.

But I gave him a cupcake and it
was my idea to play rap attack.

And when he cut his finger,
I'm the one who got him the rag.

No, I got him the rag! You
just told him to suck it!

That's how you get your
blood back in your system.

Well, we're both good babysitters,
and that's all that matters.

True.

And I'm sorry that Bennie thinks
I'm just a little better than you.

- Take that back!
- No returns.

Dang it!

Look, we're babysitting
again tomorrow, right?

I know our schedule.

- How many kids?
- Three.

Okay, so when we're done babysitting,

we'll ask the kids which of us
is their favorite babysitter.

Yes. Let's do that.

And...

Just to make it interesting...

Already pretty interesting to me.

Winner gets the big bedroom.

I notice your mouth fell open.

I was just...

Airing out my tongue.

So, favorite babysitter
gets the big bedroom?

Yep. It's on, Puckle.

My last name is Puckett.

I thought it was Puckle.

Nope.

But I've been saying
Puckle for weeks now.

And I keep telling ya it's Puckett.

Why do I keep thinking it's Puckle?

No one knows.

Weird.

Yeah.

Coming...

Why look!

It's my favorite three kids
in the whole wide world!

But you've never met my kids before.

Well, that doesn't mean I
can't do a cartwheel for them!

Now come on in and let the fun begin!

All right, you guys, I'll
be back to pick you up later.

- 'Kay.
- Bye daddy.

Bye!

Yay! So tell me your names.

- I'm Daisy.
- I'm Jarvis, this is Sophie.

Wow! Awesome names!

My name is Cat, easy to remember.

Cat, like the sweet, little
furry animals we all love.

Try saying it.

Cat.

Yes! There you go!

You just won a prize!

Cookie necklace for Daisy...

Cookie necklace for Jarvis...

And cookie necklace for...

This one.

Now, whenever you want a cookie,
all you have to do is look...

Hey!

I heard a rumor that
we got three super cool

kids hanging here with us tonight, yeah!

Excuse me, Sam, but we were
just in the middle of...

Hey! Oh, who wants to play with
this super-awesome fireworks machine!

All right. Come on kids, come on!

Whoa!

Yeah! Nothing's cooler
than fireworks, right guys?

- Totally!
- Heck yeah!

Unless one of the fireworks
lands on your pet and kills it.

That could never happen.

In theory it could.

Which is why it's illegal to set off
fireworks without a special permit.

Oh, you mean like...

This special permit?

- Yes!
- Wow!

Now watch this!

Ooooooo.

- Yeah, let's hit that sky again, huh!
- Yeah.

Oh.

Ahhhhhhhh.

Well, they're just
fireworks, you know, "kaboom"!

Been there, seen that.

But have you seen this?

Saaaammmm.

I'll be back in a sec!

- Weren't those fireworks amazing?
- That was so cool!

I love this next...

Dice! Dice, I need your help!

Whoa, look at those
fireworks! Aren't they amazing?

No! Stop being impressed by them!

What are you all cranked up about?

I'm trying to beat Sam in a contest
and I need Jarvis, Daisy, and...

Their little sibling to like me best!

Oooooooo.

Stop fan-girling over Sam's fireworks!

Help me come up with something
those kids will think is even cooler!

I dunno if there is anything cooler.

Come on! I don't like
sleeping on couches!

Okay okay!

Uh... ooh!

There's a really cool new restaurant
that just opened up, down by the beach!

The name! Gimme the
name of the restaurant!

Bots!

- What'd ya say?
- Bots.

What?

Hey! Hey! Get in here! You guys!

Who wants to go have dinner at a
restaurant where the waiters are robots?!

- Me!
- We do!

Yeah, I know you do!

I never heard of a
restaurant with robot waiters.

Well, I have!

Because part of being
a great babysitter,

is making sure I'm always aware of
new things that children might love!

Say yay, kids!

- Yay!
- Yay!

Ooh! Who wants to ride to the
restaurant on the back of my motorcycle?!

- Me!
- I do!

No, because that's not safe
unless they have helmets!

You mean helmets like...

These?

- Yay!
- Yay!

Aw, come on!

Woo-hoo! Yeah!

Bet you didn't expect
these babies, did ya?

Cheese.

I will now turn left and scoot away.

Hello pretty.

Fist bump?

Ooh. Sure.

Nice one.

Woo-hoo! Yeah!

Okay kids, you can have a seat there, and
there, and ah, I don't care where you sit.

Whoa...

This is the coolest
restaurant I've ever seen!

I knew you guys'd love this place.
That's why I wanted to take you here.

But I thought it was Cat's
idea to bring us here.

Oh, no.

See, Cat wanted to take
you guys to the dentist...

A mean dentist named Doctor Painblood.

- Ewe.
- Yeah, you're welcome.

How you doing?

J'ellooo?

Hey yo...

She doesn't talk much.

Well, I think that's awesome.

Yeah, you love me.

Oh!

You guys!

You were supposed to come back
and get me on your motorcycle!

Why would you think that?

Because you said, "Cat, I'm gonna come
back and get you on my motorcycle!"

For what?

So I can come have dinner with you guys!

Oh. I thought you hated children.

No!

I need to talk to you.

You're not playing fair!

All we said was by the end of tonight,

the kids have to pick
their favorite babysitter.

But you don't even care about
being the best babysitter,

you just wanna win the big bedroom.

That is exactly correct.

Well, I'm gonna win.

I don't think so.

- Look! Naked robot!
- What...?

Hi kids!

Is everybody having a
fun time here at Bots,

this restaurant that it was my idea to
come to which is why we're all here now?!

- Yeah!
- It's so fun!

Good.

There was no naked robot.

- Can I please have an orange soda?
- Yes!

She asked me. Sure you can. Orange soda!

Look. It says "push to order".

Oh.

- Wow.
- Oh, look at that.

Hey, hand me that Pear Pad
and I'll order your soda.

- Thanks.
- I wanna order it!

- No, it's okay.
- She's my little...

- Thank you.
- No redheads can use the Pear Pads.

- It was my idea.
- You can't do it.

- It was my idea.
- Oh, oh, oh, please.

- Let go.
- Sam, I wanna order.

- Robots! Help me!
- Hey, look, kids. Look at...

Help me, you're my only hope.

Hello. I bring your food.

Food. Yay!

Okay.

Yes. Take your foods from my tray.

- Thank you.
- Food is good.

- Thank you, Tandy.
- The food is all right.

Is there anything else I can get you?

Um, can I please have some ketchup?

I don't understand your question.

Sorry.

I just want some ketchup.

Searching the web.

There are three pet shops near you.

No, I don't want a pet shop.
I just want some ketchup.

Enjoy your meal.

Well, that was frustrating.

Well, I'm having a great time at
this place, how about you kids?

- It's awesome!
- Yeah!

How about you?

Here, eat a pork finger.

Hello. Is everyone enjoying
their foods and beverages?

- Yeah, it's really good.
- Yeah, it's very good chips.

Hey, that little red-headed
girl is done with her food.

Understood.

But! No! What? No!

No don't go!

You lied to a robot.

Yep. Pretty funny, right guys?

- Yeah!
- Awesome!

No, it's not!

I mean, yay!

Yay for lying and wasting food!

Yay!

Wow! Look who's here with
something fun for us to play with.

It's me.

Here with the Blow
Master Turbo Gas Cannon.

That's so cool!

- Isn't it?
- Wow.

Okay, what's this about?

Oh, I just called Dice and
asked him to bring over the

coolest thing in the world
for the kids to play with.

So I brought a Cannon!

- Yes!
- Wow.

Man.

How does it work?

Well...

We take this frozen turkey...

And drop it down the
barrel of the Cannon...

And now we push the Cannon
outside to the patio,

and we can shoot the frozen turkey
into the swimming pool next door!

- That's amazing!
- Fun!

Hey, this is what good babysitters do.

- Come on, Jarvis, let's push thi...
- Ah! That's for me!

Come on in, Justin.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,
oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!

Wow Daisy, you seem so excited and
happy that I got Justin here for ya.

That's not really Justin Bieber!

So?

Daisy, meet my friend, Justin Fever.

- Swage.
- Swag.

Swag.

Oh wow!

Don't say oh wow! He's not a real pop
star, he probably tours with his mother!

Shush! Go on Justin do your thing.

Swag.

♪And we could get away ay ay.

- ♪Spend together every day ay ay.
- Come on Jarvis!

Let's go outside and blow this turkey...

Uh!

Fever!

I was never here.

You turkey-blasted Justin Fever!

Yeah, he's not so swag now.

Ah...

Hi, I'm here to pick up my...

- Is he alive?
- Hard to say.

Swag.

- Well, here's your money for babysitting.
- Cool.

Come on, guys, your mom's
waiting downstairs in the car.

- Okay dad.
- Coming daddy.

Um, hey you guys, could
you just wait one sec?

Hold on, hold up!

Um, we wanna know...

Who's your favorite babysitter?

- You guys are.
- Yeah, you two.

No like, if you had
to choose one of us...

Which of us is your favorite babysitter?

- Sam.
- Boom!

- Cat.
- Pow!

Aw great, it's a stupid tie.

- I didn't vote.
- Oh, my...

She talked.

Yeah.

Sophie...

Which of us is your favorite babysitter?

Me...

Or her?

Why does it have to be a competition?

I think you're both great babysitters.

Either one of you
would be great alone...

But together you make one
great babysitting team.

Sure, you both have your good
qualities and bad qualities.

But the important thing is...

You care about your work.

And you're roommates.

And friends.

Isn't that what really matters?

Yeah, but who's better?!

Maybe it doesn't matter who's better.

You wanna share the big bedroom?

Do you?

Do I get my own bed?

Sure.

Wait, you promise you won't do
weird things to my stuffed animals?

Do you promise not to sing
songs to your stuffed animals?

What about on their birthdays?

Oh God, they have birthdays?!

Okay, I'll put my bed right over here...

- And I'll put mine over here...
- I'll put a fridge over there...

And I can have my stuffed
animals over here...

I'm seeing swords and other
weapons on this wall here...

And we can paint the
whole room bright pink...

Or black...

Yeah. Or pink.

And we'll get a big pink shag rug!

- Glitter all over the walls.
- Cat, Cat, no, no.

- And glow-in-the-dark stars and smileys.
- There's too much glitter.

- We'll have a rainbow on the door...
- Ah! No...

I'm not living in a pretty pink room

that looks like a thousand
fairy princesses threw up.

Well, I'm not living in a
room that looks like a den

for teenage boys and dirty hoodlums.

It looks amazing, don't ya think?

I guess.

But I like my side.

- Whatevs. Let's get some sleep.
- Kay.

Sam?

What's that thing on your wall?

Boy toilet.

'Night.

Um...

We can't use it can we?

It'd be difficult...

But not impossible.

♪And I'm living that good
life, baby can't ya see?

♪Yeah, yeah!

♪Big bossin' on the corner
they got all eyes on me.

♪And I'm back for the thrill of it.

♪Folks they say I'm killing it, fact I'm
just a little bit short of many millions.

♪Rap is what I'm stickin' with
that is how I'm getting rich.

♪So I bust a little bit
about how I be living it.

♪And I'm living that good
life, baby can't ya see?