Sam & Cat (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 18 - #Twinfection - full transcript

Subs created by: David Coleman.

Yep.

Uh-uh.

Right.

Listen Nona, I'm trying to watch
something on TV could you... oi!

Yeah, Nona, sure I'd love to hear what
happened after you fell down the stairs.

Oh wow, the doctor says you may
need surgery, so interesting.

M'jiggyyyy!

Hey, I gotta call ya back.
Dice just blew himself up!

Hey, when did you get
back from magic camp?!

Last night!



Oh, I love when you wave
your hands magically.

So, are you ready to
be amazed and mystified?

Yes, yes, now please!

All right.

Examine this ordinary box.

Ordinary box.

See anything inside?

No! How'd you do that?!

I didn't do anything yet.

Oh. Well, get to it!

All right.

First, I sprinkle some
magical dust in the box.

Cool.

Next, I put the lid on the box.



Lid on the box.

And now, you take these magical beans.

And when I say;
"A-bra, k'day-bra"...

You throw the magic beans at the door.

I'll do it!

A-bra, k'day-bra!

Beans!

I did it!

Look in the box!

- Go ahead, look in it.
- Hmm.

It's a rat!

The power... of magic!

Uh-huh. How did you do that?

Easy. When you threw the magic beans,
you turned and looked at the door...

And then I just switched the boxes.

So you're not magic.

Well, not really.

You're just a liar.

A magical liar!

Yay!

♪ I'm never that far.

♪ No matter where you are.

♪ Believe it, we
can make it come true.

♪ And I, I, I, I...

♪ I'll never say, never.

♪ As long as we keep it together.

♪ Oh!

♪ It's the life that we choose,
and we still break the rules.

♪ But it's all gonna be just fine.

♪ Just fine.

♪ You and me we're gonna be just fine.

♪ Oh.

Oi...

Hey.

Hey, where you been?!

I took William to the movies.

What?

We had a babysitting
job tonight, remember?

William?

No, that's next weekend.

And he's not William.

Oh. Then who are you?

I told you, I'm Randy.

Well, what movie did you guys see?

"Blood monkeys; Chimply strikes back".

- That's rated R!
- So?

That movie messed me up, man.

Well, I know what'll
make you feel better.

Here, just step out there for a second.

There you go.

Come here come here come here! Hurry.

I'm coming. What?

I wanna do a magic trick on you!

- Wanna see a magic trick?
- No.

Please examine this ordinary box.

Alright...

Now, I'm gonna sprinkle
some magic dust inside...

Is the trick over?

Shh!

I put the lid back on the box...

Why'd you say "on" so loud?

Hush!

Now take these magic beans...

And when I say;
"A-bra, k'day-bra"...

You told me to stop
making fun of your a-bra.

Just throw the beans at
the door when I say it!

Okay, sure.

A-bra, k'day-bra!

You're supposed to look at the
door when you throw the beans!

Why?

So you can switch that
box out for another box

that looks exactly like
that box but has a rat in it?

- Ding-dang it!
- Ha!

I wanted to trick you!

Mm, sorry, kid.

You have to be really
smart to trick old Sam.

Well, I am really smart.

What? Why are you laughing?!

Wait wait wait... no, say what you
said-say it again... one more time.

I said I'm really smart.

And then, when she threw the magic
beans, she didn't even look at the door.

Ruined my whole trick!

Well, ya know, Sam's really smart.

So I'm not surprised
she didn't fall for it.

Well, I fell for it.

Uh-huh.

I fell for it three times.

Dice, will you please
teach me another trick?

One that'll work on Sam?

Hey, I know a good trick!

Oh yay, tell me!

Well, I used to sneak up on my
roommate in the middle of the night.

And then, while he was sound asleep...

I'd slap him right in the face!

He moved out.

Oh!

- What?
- What happened?

Twins! This is perfect!

Hi!

- Hello.
- Hey.

Your sons are twins!

I see that.

Well! Don't you have something
fun you wanna do today?

Ya know, by yourself?

Why?

Because I'm a professional
babysitter! See, here's my card.

Sam and Cat's super rockin'
fun-time Babysitting Service!

- Oh, well, that's a clever name.
- Right?!

Well, why don't you go have yourself
some fun, and I'll take care of your boys,

and you can pick 'em
up later at my place!

I would like to get a manicure
and maybe go visit my friends...

Yay! Come on boys! Let's go! Come with
me! This way! Here we go! Out the door!

Bye! Go go go go! Out of the
door! This'll be fun! This way.

Hey, why do they call these girly fries?

No, they're called curly fries.

Curly.

Oh, curly.

Somebody call my name?!

No.

Ah!

Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop!
Ay-yiy-yiy-yi!

Our ancestors found that hilarious.

Okay!

Sam went to Tubba Chicken, but
she should be back any minute now!

Why did you put my
brother in another room?

Because that's fun.

What are you, allergic to fun?

No, just peanuts.

- Hey yo!
- Shut up, she's home!

Hey, Sam.

Whatcha doing... walking
into our apartment?

Yeah. I just got a Tubba Chicken.

Who's the kid?

Oh, this is Myron. The boy
we're babysitting today.

- Ah.
- Yup. Take a look at his face.

Get a nice, long look.

Nice face, Myron.

Now, I'm gonna eat some chicken.

I dunno, Sam.

Haven't you read the
news about Tubba Chicken?

What news?

They say that if you eat that
stuff it messes with your brain.

Yeah...

I'm pretty worried about that.

Well, maybe you should be.

Ya know, they say that if you eat
too much chicken from Tubba Chicken...

You can get confused.

And you can forget things.

Well, I'm not confused and
I never forget anything.

Hey, where's my special chicken plate?

I think I saw it in our room.

Why would my chicken
plate be in our room?

Maybe you forgot you put it there.

Whatever. I'm gonna go get it.

Can I have a chicken puck?

- You want one of my chicken pucks?
- Uh huh.

- Just one puck?
- Yeah.

No.

Look!

It's happening!

Doh!

- What are you doing?
- Just sitting on the bed.

But...

How'd you get in here so fast?

Huh?

I said how did you...

You were just in...

Mm!

Hey, how did Myron get into our
room so fast without me seeing him?

What, you mean the little
boy we're babysitting?

Yeah, Myron. Little red-headed guy.

He's not here yet.

What?

Yeah, he is.

He was just on that couch
a minute ago, remember?

He wanted one of my chicken pucks.

Maybe you shouldn't be
licking that chicken.

Maybe licking that chicken
is making you sickin'.

All right, you don't believe me?

Go look in our bedroom
and see for yourself.

Kay-Kay.

Nothing wrong with licking my chicken.

It's open.

Hi. I'm Myron.

Are those chicken pucks?

- Yeah.
- Can I have one?

No! I already told you
that five minutes ago.

No, you didn't. I just got here.

No, you didn't just...

We were talking back in the...

You just stay right there.

Cat!

Look, Sam, I found your chicken plate.

I wanna know how the kid we're
babysitting showed up at our front door.

- Oh, Myron's here?
- Mm!

Myron was here when I got
home! And then he was in here!

And then he was knocking on our front door,
acting like he's never seen me before!

Sam, please don't eat
any more of that chicken.

- Why not?
- It's a tubba trouble.

Come with me.

There! Look! See?

There he is right there,
standing right there.

Yeah.

- Hi Myron. Nice to meet you.
- You've already met him!

No, she hasn't.

All right, somebody better
tell momma what's going on here!

We're babysitting.

Myron, would you like to
meet my stuffed animals?

I'd be honored.

Thank you. Come with me.

What are you doing to me?

Who is it?!

I'm Myron. Are you my babysitter?

Chicken. It's the chicken. The chicken!

Ah!

Mm.

I got you! I got you so good!

Sucka!

- Twins?!?
- Yup!

♪I tricked Sam. I tricked Sam.

♪I tricked Sam. Because I'm so smart!

♪I tricked Sam. I tricked Sam.

♪Who tricked Sam?
It was me that's who!

_.

Hi, this is Melanie.

Come to Los Angeles.

Sam?

You remember what we promised each
other, when we were five years old?

- I'm in the middle of exams.
- Remember the twin pact?!

We swore that if we ever needed to
use our twinosity to trick someone,

we'd always be there for each other.

- But I just... I can't...
- The twin pact!

I'll be there tomorrow.

Get ready, Cat.

Ooh, chicken puck.

What? What!?

Oh! You are?!

Okay, cool, um, uh, just wait outside.

Don't let anybody see you.
I'll be there in five minutes!

Hi!

Who's... what's happen... good morning?

Oh...

Momma's sick.

Do you have a fever?

Uh...

Whoa, yeah, a hundred and twenty.

I feel so...

Oh no. No, no no no!...

- Oh no, what is it? What's wrong?
- Look!

Look at my arm! Do you
see what's on my arm?!

All the hair?

No! The bite marks!
Look at the bite marks!

Who bit you?

I don't know. It must have been...

One of those twin boys we
were babysitting yesterday.

- Oh!
- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, remember?

I was teaching 'em how to wrestle,
and one of 'em must have bit me.

Oh, do you know what this means?!

Maybe, but probably not.

When a person gets bitten by a twin...

Bitten by a twin.

That person gets a Twinfection.

Oh my...

And then...

What! What! And then
what-what and then!?

You get your own evil twin.

Oh my God!

Sam, shut your puck hole.

I'm serious!

We could be in some real danger here!

Mm-hmm. You are so full of pudding.

You're just trying to trick me
because yesterday, I tricked you.

Oh, no. This is not a trick.

Uh-huh, sure it ain't.

I gotta shower.

Be careful! My evil
twin could be in there!

Oh, okay.

Yeah-heh-heh-yeah!

Melanie.

Hey.

What are you doing in a trash can?

You said not to let anyone see me.

Ah, right.

Now why did I have to come here?

Because I need to mess
with my roommate's head.

Okay. So I'm supposed to be you.

No.

You're gonna be evil,
insane, wild, and dangerous.

So... you.

Me times a hundred.

Wait, you mean the Twinfection thing?

Uh-huh.

Oh Sam, you know nobody's
dumb enough to fall for that.

Ah...

Lemme tell you a little
about my roommate.

Feeling better?

No.

I think my Twinfection's getting worse.

Oh Sam, give it up.

Just admit that yesterday I got you
so good, and now you're mad because...

Oh my gosh.

Oh!

- Blah!
- Oh!

Oh, oh. Oh, my gosh. Oh,
my gosh. What is happening?

No!

Oh!

Did you see that?

I saw!

That was... your evil twin!

Now do you believe me?!?

I don't know.

Oh, oh no, nuh-uh, no,
don't do that to her.

I believe!

Then she poured juice on me...

And then she ran back
in the door and started

swatting me on the
head with a tree branch!

What kinda juice?

Orange.

- What kinda tree?
- Goomer!

What? I'm not allowed to
ask follow-up questions?

- Wah!
- Ah!

Oh, no.

Ah!

What?

Why does your evil
twin always attack me?!

Poor Cat. Are you hurt?

No, I think I'm fine.

She just threw french fries
in my face and kissed me.

- But not on the lips, right?
- Yes, on the lips. Why?

Oh no. That's the same as a bite.

- If her lips touched your lips...
- What?!

You mean I'm gonna have a Twinfection?!

Okay, this is nuts. Come on
Goomer, we're going to a movie.

- Kay-Kay.
- Wait. What are you doing?

No. Put me down!

I don't wanna have an evil twin! There's
gonna be an evil Cat! Sam, what do I do?!

No, but listen! There are
ways to stop a Twinfection.

So I won't get an evil twin?!

Right.

But we don't have much time.

So I'll finish this
chili as fast as I can.

Oh!

Oof!

Aw yeah.

Oh gross.

Liquid filth.

I don't...

I don't understand why
I have to do all this.

- Do you want your own evil twin?!
- No!

Then you have to do
what the Internet says!

I do?

This remedy is your only hope.

Well, if it's my only hope.

It is.

You ready?

I suppose.

- Oh!
- Oof!

Drink the dirty sock water.

Oi!

Good! Good, now rub the
fish against your face.

Okay.

Ugh!

- Oh come on. All over, both cheeks...
- Okay. But, jeez, it's smelly.

- Now blow the ram's horn!
- Okay.

- Good! Back to one! Dirty sock water!
- Dirty sock water!

- Fish to face!
- Fish to face.

- Blow the ram horn!
- Blow the ram horn.

Good good good, faster!

- Dirty sock water!
- Sock water.

- Fish to face!
- Fish to face.

- Say hi to my twin sister, Melanie.
- Hi Melanie.

- Blow the ram's horn.
- Ram's horn!

You have a twin sister?!

She made me do this.

You...

You tricked me!

And I'm gonna sing you
a little song about it.

♪I tricked Cat. I tricked Cat.

♪I'm so cool because I tricked Cat.

♪I tricked Cat. Because
I have a twin sister.

♪Her name is Melanie.
And she's dancing, too.

- What are they doing here?
- I don't know.

- Yeah!
- Can I dance, too?

- Sure!
- Yay!

Yay. Woo, woo.

Twin sisters.

♪Sam tricked me.

♪Yes, I did.

- You're good.
- That's so fun.

Hey, you better get to Dice's.

Right. I'm just gonna toss this cup.

Yeah, just don't toss it
in that trash can it's not..

Hey.

Why'd you throw yourself in the trash!?

Uh...

Oh no! Flying monkeys!