Sam & Cat (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 16 - #PeezyB - full transcript

Sam gets a job as the assistant to the huge rap star Peezy B. Cat finds babysitting much more challenging without Sam around to help.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Subs created by: David Coleman.

I don't know what you're
doing, but I love it!

Oh, see, I put a ping
pong ball in my mouth,

and then I blow, so the ping
pong ball flies up in the air...

And then I watch it land on the table.



Why'd you cover our whole
table in peanut butter?

So the balls won't roll off.

So, look! I got a new hat.
See. It says "hat" on it.

Yeah. What's up with your whole outfit?

I have an audition!

Ooh, what for?

A new music video for Peezy B!


My eyeball!

- You're seriously gonna meet Peezy B?
- Seriously!

Ah, I love that guy! I've
stolen like twenty of his songs!

Ooh, I gotta go!

Whoa whoa whuh-huh-ho-ho.


You're leaving now? While
we're babysitting a kid?

Yeah, you can handle him without me.

No way! I ain't babysitting that kid
by myself, he's a total nightmare!



Hey. What are you doing?

I told him to pick the celery
bits out of my chicken salad.

I'm using a tweezer.

Just keep picking.

Oh, and later can you read
me a story from my Bible?

Did you hear that sass?

You cannot abandon me, and leave
me alone with that little maniac.

He's not a maniac.

But wait, aren't we supposed to babysit
Max, Chloe, and Darby later today?

- Yes, and I'll be back by then.
- Abandoner!

Look, auditioning for Peezy
B is a really big deal for me.

- Well, yeah, but we're supposed to be...
- And you're my friend, right?

Yeah, sorta.

So then, shouldn't you be happy for me?

Alright, but...

Will you get Peezy B to
autograph my ping pong ball?


It's got peanut butter all over it.

Now it's got tongue juice on it.

♪ I'm never that far.

♪ No matter where you are.

♪ Believe it, we
can make it come true.

♪ We'll do it our way,
no matter what they say.

♪ Because no one's
gonna do it for you.

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah!

♪ But I, I, I, I...

♪ I'll never say, never.

♪ As long as we keep it together.

♪ Oh!

♪ If you're living a dream,
and you know what it means.

♪ Then you can't let
them change your mind.

♪ It's the life that we choose,
and we still break the rules.

♪ But it's all gonna be just fine.

♪ Just fine.

♪ Yeah, we're all gonna be just fine.

♪ You and me we're gonna be just fine.

♪ Oh.

Ah yeah.

Ah yeah.

Chili cheesy burger.

Yes. Bowl of gravy with a spoon.

I am gonna take several
bites of this sandwich.

Human beings disgust me!


- What's wrong?
- Why are you crying?

Hey, hey...

Don't cry in my gravy.

Cat, what happened?

Peezy B...

Was so mean to me!

What'd he do?

He said that my red hair...

Doesn't look natural!

And he said that I
dance like a squirrel.

And then he... he...

He what?

He... he made fun of my
hat that says "hat" on it.

That's so rude!

He ought to be ashamed of himself.

Alright, wait a second!

Did he autograph my ping pong ball?

No! He did this to it.

He squished my ball?

Where is Peezy B?

- Puff-Tone Studios.
- Robot!

Hello. How may I help you?

Bring me a pound of
butter, and one sock.

I will bring you the butter,
but we don't do socks.

So look, there I was, in
Miami... that's in Florida...

- Oh, yeah, Florida.
- Miami.

South Beach.

And I turn to Bunny, and I'm like,
yo, we need to get to the Super Bowl.

Didn't I say that, Bunny?

You sure did, boss.

But then Bunny turns to me and
he says, but wait a minute, boss,

the Super Bowl is in
New Orleans this year!

We were in the wrong city!

How we gonna get there?

That's funny. I need to
tell that on Jimmy Fallon.

Okay. Okay.

I have a root beer for J-Dog.

There you go J.

I have a Wahoo Punch for Typhoon,
and I have a Coco-juice for Bree-zay.


Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up.

Yeah, Peezy B?

You got me on some type of
pay-him-no-mind list, or something?

- Oh, I... I didn't...
- Where's my Jon-Jerale?

Oh, I thought you said
you didn't want nothing.

- Is my name Peezy B?
- Well, yeah sure, but...

And does Peezy B love
drinking' Jon-Jerale?

I... I didn't... I didn't...

I... I didn't... I didn't...

Rubber band. Mm-hmm. Yep.

- Ow!
- Oh!

- Why Peezy?
- Peezy!

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Don't make no mind
about it. I hit him with a rubber band.

It ain't no big deal. You
fired! Get on out of here!

Ya mumbling mutt! Mumbling mutt!

- Mumbling mutt.
- Where is he?

Hey there Mister Peeny.

My name's Peezy!

Who's this girl? And
who let her up in here?

Hey. You're gonna have to leave.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

She pinched me!


Y'all see that? That girl pinched
Bunny and then shoved him in the liver.

Oh, Bunny you gotta be faster.


You done hit me with my own fruits!

You were mean to my friend Cat,
and you squished my ping pong ball.

Oh, yeah, I squished
that good, didn't I?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Is this your Pear Phone?
- Yeah, that's my Pear Phone.

I got a lot of contacts in
there, which I never back up.


- What the...
- Oh!

- Whoa!
- O-M-G!

- No she didn't!
- Snap.

Now you're in big trouble!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What's your name, Goldie Locks?


- Well, guess what, Puckett?
- What?

You got swag. And you got spunk.

- You've got that swaggy-spunk!
- Yeah she does!

- Swaggy spunk!
- Yeah, that's right!

And you're gonna be my new assistant.

Your assistant?

Yeah. You know, hang out
with me, tell me I'm pretty...

And get my favorite drink, Jon-Jerale.

- She done hit me in my head.
- In your head!

She got that swaggy-spunk!

I am not swaggy.

I am not spunky.

And I'm not gonna be your assistant.

I'll give ya twelve
hundred dollars a week.

I got swaggy spunk! Yeah!

Woo! Yeah!

Darby, please!

Eating food is what keeps us from dying.

No. Max, Chloe!

- Lemon war!
- No!

No lemon war! Give peace a chance!

Hey, what's up?

Ah, good throw.

Oh, Sam! Oh my gosh, these
kids are out of control.

- Where have you been?
- With Peezy B, at his studio.

You saw Peezy B? What happened?


All of you. Take it to the back.

Yes, Ma'am.

That's right.

- Yeah.
- Remove the child.

Go faster.


So what happened with Peezy B?

Well, I slapped him with his grapes.

- Yeah? Love it.
- And I thumped him on his head.

And then I dropped his phone in his fish
tank and he hired me to be his assistant.

Yeah baby! That is...

- Wait, who did what now?
- I know, it's crazy, right?

Peezy thought I was cool, duh.

And he needed an assistant so...

But Peezy B was mean to me.

He made fun of my hat
that says "hat" on it.

It's not a great hat.

So how are you gonna babysit here
with me and be Peezy B's assistant?

Look, I don't know.
But we'll figure it out.

I'm here right now, right? Here I am.

Yeah. Maybe it could work.


Gotta roll.

- Wait! Wait! What?!
- I gotta go!

Peezy wants a tricycle, a kosher
salami, and some Mexican lip stick.

- But you can't leave!
- Dude, I...

You promised you'd babysit
here with me tonight!

Hey, remember what you
said to me this morning?

Yeah. I told you to stop
leaving little hairs on our soap.

After that, when you wanted
to go to your cool audition?

You said that if I was a good
friend I should be happy for you.

Oh, come on! Peezy said I'd get to
learn all about the music business...

And I get to meet big celebrities.

But hey...

If you want me to quit, and stay
here, and help you babysit...

You just say so, and
that's what I'll do.

I want you to quit and stay
here and help me babysit.



I got swaggy spunk! Woo!


What's this hard hair ball?

That's our soap!

Turn me up!

You hear me, Puckett? Let's go!

♪Uh, you living' a lie.

♪No rib in the sky.

♪Love in the air.

♪You feel that Karma?

♪Drama Mama. Talking to llamas.

♪I go and fly to the Bahamas!


- Let's do this! Ready?
- Yeah!

- Pull!
- Shoot!

- Woo!
- Nice!


An apartment is no place for Archery!

We do what we want!

Yeah, well you just
wait 'til Sam gets here!

- Because you're gonna be sorry...
- Cat? Cat?

- Sam?
- Yeah. What you need?

- You said you'd be home by dinner time!
- I know. I know, but uh...

♪Running' through my memory...

- I'm gonna be a little late.
- Late?

That's the fourth time
this week you've been late!

- Hey, put that down!
- Eat garbage!

Cat, I'm sorry, but Peezy wanted
me to stay and hear his new song.

Well, I want you to come
home and help me babysit!

Uh, call Dice and Goomer.
They'll help you! Great!

- Sam!
- Gotta go. Bye!



Perfect, Peezy. Let's take a break.

Ha ha! Yeah it was perfect!

Peezy perfect!


- That was hot.
- Yeah! So what y'all think?

Off the chain! Off the chain, Peezy!

- I'm a genius!
- You're a genius.

You're a genius.

Yeah. Yo Scotty, Jon-Jerale!

- Yeah, I got you, Peez.
- Yeah.

So Puckett...

What'd you think of my song-song?

Eh, it was all right.

Yeah. What?!

Uh, ya know, the chorus.
The chorus is a little weak.

You should add some sound-effects.

What kind of sound effects?

I don't know. Maybe a camel screaming.

A screaming camel?

I love it!

Camel screaming, that's genius.

- Puckett!
- Hey, I think outside the hump.

Yo Peezy, can I eat my hamburger now?

I don't care what you do, Bunny!

All right, you freaks, my friend Cat
needs me so I'm gonna go head back home...

Hey, hey, no no no!

You gotta help me with my
fishes. Come right here.

See these? These are piranha fish.

Okay. And this is my
pretending-to-care face.

Look, I got four piranha fish, and
Kanye just tweeted that he's got five.

Get to the point, Peezy.

I need you to go get me two piranha
fish, so I can have more than Kanye.

Dude, it's already after eight.

Then I guess you better Curry up then.

Yeah. You better Curry up.

She threw your hamburger
in the fish tank!

Knock knock. Who's there?

Not your hamburger!

I'm a genius!

- You a genius.
- You're a genius.


Whoa, what mess.





Little help?

- Whoa!
- My goodness!


What happened?

Oh, wait!

Let's make sure it's really Cat.




Yeah, that's her.


Oh, I can breathe, which is so much
better than not being able to breathe.

Who did this to you?

These little boys I'm
babysitting, Steven and Billy.

Well, don't you worry.

Yeah, we're here to help
you with whatever you need.

Oh, thank you.

So can somebody please
remove me from this broom?

Oh, sure just turn around.

Oh, one sec.




He said whoa twice!

So, if you could just
get this broom off of me.

Goomer, Goomer, check this out!

A phone!

No! The text from Sam!

My arms are hurting.

She says, I'm here in the parking lot...

Yay, Sam's home.

Peezy B wants two piranha fish.

Where do I get them, and
can Goomer give me a ride?

We get to help Sam do
something for Peezy B?

Yeah! And I know a place
that sells piranhas!

And I know how to drive a car!

Hey fellas...

Come on, let's go!

Wait! I still need help!

I'm on the... ah!

Aah! That's all I need.


Oh. Hello.

Look, I know you're mad at me,
and I don't even blame you, but...

Peezy B really needed me to
get him some piranha fish...

It's fine.

It's fine?

There's a chicken in the
fridge if you're hungry.

- You made me a chicken?
- Yes.

It was ready five hours ago.

You can heat it up in the
microwave if you'd like.

Well, where are the
kids we're babysitting?

- Did their parents come pick them up?
- No.

Then where are they?

Okay. We're all good.

The boys are in the
back, watching a movie.

Oh, thank you so much, Mindy.

Sure. Can I get you some hot tea?

Oh, well, if it's not too much trouble.

Oh don't be silly, it's already brewing.

What... who is she?

Oh, that's my friend, Mindy.


Yup. And she's a terrific babysitter.

When I told her I needed
help, she came right over.

I love kids.

Here's your tea.

You are so sweet.

I'm gonna get you some cookies.

I do not believe this!

I'm sorry, what's the problem?

You're here babysitting
with another girl!

Well, you're never home!

Yeah. Because I've been at work.
Working my butt off all day and night!

And then I just... I come home to
find you here with another girl?

Well, what did you expect?!

You work all the time and I have needs!


You think it's easy for me,
babysitting all by myself?

When you're out with your musician friends
'til all hours of the night?! Please!

And then you just Waltz
in here as you please,

with your breath
smelling of Jon-Jerale!

You get that chick out of here!

No. I don't think I will.

All right then. Hey Mindy...

- Hi!
- Let me see your elbow.

Oh, sure. Why do you wanna see my elbow?

- Good night Mindy.
- It's not my bedtime.


You made Mindy go non-conscious!

Oh no! Now who will bring us tea?

Geez. Don't start crying.

I can't help it.


Puckett, let's roll!

Aah! He's here!

Look, it's the little red-haired
girl that dances like a squirrel.

Peezy, it's late, what
are you doing here?

I came to get you so
we can go to Acapulco!

What? Why?

So I can get this crazy animal!

It's a tree biscuit.

And he lives in Acapulco.

I gotta get me a tree biscuit!


Go to puck-a-doo-plo.


I quit.

What? What'd she just say to me?

Look look look. Nobody
quits on me, okay?

I quit on you.

Okay, bye.

Don't do that to me, Puckett!

Oh! You're the best
assistant I ever had! Please!

You got Bunny.

Oh, Bunny's no good.

Dang Peez, that hurt.

Look, I'll find you a new assistant.

Where you going to find me
a new assistant, huh? Where?


My friend Mindy makes really good tea.


I hear tea tastes good.

Well, Mindy is right
over there, on the floor.

Bunny, go get my new assistant.

- Okay, Peez.
- Mm hmm.

Are you Peezy B?

- Yeah.
- Aah!

- What the...
- Where we going?

To Acapulco!

Okay, sorry.

Oh, Bunny, you upset me
in ways I can't understand!

You like my hat.

It's an okay hat.

The movie's over! Let's
break some more plates!

- Yeah! Woo hoo!
- Yeah!

Boys, boys, boys, inside voices, please.

Hey, let me.

Uh, you guys wanna play a little game?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Let me see your elbows.
- Sure!

Now say goodnight to Cat.

- Oh!
- Ow!

I missed you.


Now why don't you go
heat me up some chicken.

♪Uh you're living a lie.

♪No rib in the sky.

♪No love in the air.

♪Rib in the sky, Peezy stare!

♪You living the lie.

♪The Karma, the drama your Mama.

♪The time that I seen them llamas.

♪Y'all seen them llamas?