Sabrina, the Animated Series (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 9 - No Time to Be a Hero - full transcript

But why don't you want to see it?

It's not like Leo DiWolf does
a live stage play every day.

Look. I know girls love Leo...

...but I'd be the only guy in the audience.
I can tell from the title.

What's wrong with Moonlight-Drenched
Nights of Smooching Enchantment?

Right off,
you know nothing's gonna blow up.

Besides, if any of the guys
ever saw me coming out of there...

...they'd TP me to my bike.

Now, come on. We'll be late for school.
What a lousy day to walk to school.

Wait up. My shoe's untied.

Whoa. I never saw the bridge
so close to the water.



-The river's really high.
-Think it's safe to cross?

Sure. This bridge has been here
a hundred years. Unh!

See? Solid as a rock.

Uh-oh. Aah!

-Harvey! Harvey, where are you?
-Aah!

Whoa! Unh!

Oh, my gosh. I'm coming, Harvey!

Whoa! Oof!

-Sabrina?
-Harvey, are you okay?

Sabrina. You--

-You saved me.
-Huh?

Last thing I remember
was falling in the water.

Now here we are.

You must have dived in and saved me.
I can't believe how brave that was.



What? Oh, no, Harvey. I didn't.

Whew. We almost went right through
those broken boards.

Hey. There's Harvey and Sabrina.

Guys, are you okay?

We're fine. Sabrina just saved my life.

-But, Harvey, I didn't--
-She did what?

She dove into that raging river
and pulled me out, that's what!

Look, you got it all wrong.

Wow, it's just like when my hamster
fell in the toilet...

...except it's Harvey and not a toilet.

Sabrina, you're a hero.

No. No, I'm not.

She's just modest.

I tell you. I was going down
for the third time.

Next thing I knew,
she had me here on the riverbank.

Hello?

Is anyone listening? I did not.

Wait. Let me say something first.

I owe you my life.

So if you want to go
to that Leo DiWolf play...

...well, then I'd be honored
to go with you.

-Now, what were you gonna say?
-Um-- Uh, me?

Oh. Um, nothing. Nothing at all.

And then she dived off the bridge...

...and swam a mile underwater
to rescue him.

I saw the whole thing.

I hear she had to fight off two sharks...

...a submarine,
and swim through a minefield.

Get real.
There's no sharks in Greendale.

Gem, did you hear how Sabrina
saved Harvey this morning?

It's all anyone is talking about.

Oh, give me a break. Save Harvey?

Spellman couldn't save string.

It's good to be warm and dry again.

-That river was freezing.
-Was it?

What do you mean, "Was it?"
You jumped in, too.

Um, look, Harvey, about that.

See, I didn't exactly--

Sabrina, over here!

Um, earth to Callista...

...this is the cheerleader table.
She can't sit here.

She's a hero.

That's almost as good as cheerleader.

I say we give her
special permission.

Come on, Sabrina. You, too, Harvey.

Me? You want me at your table?

I know it's a big honor...

...but since you risked your life
this morning...

-...you're practically popular.
-Oh, well.

-I don't know that I risked my life exactly.
-Come on, Sabrina. You were awesome.

Look at her blush. She's so modest.

And with so much to be modest about.

Tell me, Spellman,
exactly how did you save Harvey?

Uh, well, you see--

There she is!

Ah! As a girl, I once spoke to Gandhi.

That was the greatest
moment of my life...

...next to that weekend
with the fire-eater.

But now I'm prouder to know Sabrina
than anyone I ever met.

Gee, thanks, Mrs. Bleachstain.

It just proves that great heroes
can come in small packages.

Yep. Small.
And feeling smaller by the second.

There's our little hero.

-Sabrina, we heard the news.
-We're so proud of you.

You're a very special person, Sabrina...

...so I got you a very special gift.

Something you've been wanting
for a long time.

Yee-haw! A new mountain bike?

Oh, Uncle Quigley, it's beautiful.

Well, today, you certainly earned it,
saving Harvey's life.

Oh. Uh, no.

No. I can't accept this.

Look. There's something
I've got to tell you all.

I knew you'd want to make a statement.
That's why I got a reporter over here.

A reporter?

Eddie Woodrow, Greendale Gazette,
and you're tomorrow's front page.

Front page?

I told him the whole story.

How you had to dive to the bottom
of the river...

...to save Harvey from the jaws
of a giant sponge.

But that's not what-- Ugh!

Let's get another with your aunts.
And try not to blink, will you?

This is the proudest moment
in Spellman family history.

-It is?
-Sure.

We haven't had a real hero
in the family...

...since Uncle Finbar
gave Genghis Khan a noogie.

Ah, ha, ha. When those Mongol hordes
finished with him...

-...he was known as Finbar the Flat.
-Ha-ha-ha.

Well, it's great to do
a story on a real hero.

Not like that jerk last year who faked a
rescue just to get his picture in the paper.

No kidding! Why, anyone who lies
about a thing like that...

...ought to be tarred and feathered!

Now, you want to make a statement
for the press, Miss Spellman?

Yeah, I do.

This hero business
they told you about...

...uh, well, what I did-- Ugh.

I'm sure a lot of people
would have done it.

Well, I know I would have. Keeping
your mouth shut was a smart move.

Think so? I'm not so sure.

Yeah, I see your point.

You got a date with Harvey,
a new bike...

...your picture in the paper
and the respect of everyone at school.

Hey, who wouldn't be ticked off?

But I can't enjoy any of it
because I'm a fake, a fraud, a phony!

And that's a bad thing, right?

I mean, it's not like I told a lie,
exactly.

But I didn't tell the truth,
and that's just as bad.

You know, maybe it's not too late.

Maybe I can still tell them what
really happened.

Ooh, good thinking.

You'll get that warm,
fuzzy feeling from being honest.

Of course, you'll also get grounded,
expelled...

...Harvey will never speak to you again,
and you'll be branded for life.

Yep. Sounds like the way to go.

You--? You really think Harvey
would hate me?

After making him look like a complete
onion dip for calling you a hero?

Come on, girl. Give yourself a break.

I mean, you would have saved him
if you'd had the chance, right?

Hey, wait a minute! That's it!

If I could go back in time to this morning
right before Harvey fell in...

-...maybe I really could save him.
-Sure. Just jump right in.

Then we'll have two drowning doofuses.

Oh, and don't look
for me to pull you out.

I don't do water.

No, I mean, I could stop him
from falling in in the first place.

That means no danger to Harvey,
no one mistaking me for a hero...

...and no embarrassing confession.

Hmm. Could work.

And if I go back to this morning,
I get two breakfasts.

Salem, what have we got
for time travel?

Well, there's this old thing.

The second hand's a little slow,
but it does the job.

Just think when you want
us to arrive, then turn it over.

Great! Thanks, Salem.

You're sure this will work?

Hey, we're just changing history.

What could go wrong?

Oh, my gosh!

-I've only got two seconds to save him.
-Just remember, I don't swim.

Sure. This thing's been here
a hundred years.

-Harvey, no!
-Oof.

Ow! I think I bent my kidney.

Oh, no.

-Harvey, you're safe.
-Unh. From what?

Look out! The bridge is collapsing!

Harvey!

Aah!

Oh, no! I stopped Harvey from falling
through, so now the school bus did!

Whoa!

Did I mention I hate height, also?

Help!

Aah!

-Sabrina!
-Harvey, I--

-Everybody jump for your lives!
-Aah!

Sabrina?

Hi.

Uh, I can explain.

Sabrina! That was incredible
the way you jumped on that bumper...

-...and kept the bus from falling over!
-Huh?

He's right! We'd all have fallen in
if it wasn't for you!

-Wait a minute.
-No, you don't--

She saved 10 people!

What a hero!

- The bravest girl I ever met!
- Call the papers!

She's gonna be famous!

Oh, man.

Great. Just great.

By stopping Harvey's accident,
I ended up causing an even bigger one.

What are you complaining about?

I'm the one who took the unscheduled
flight to Duluth.

Anyway, no one on the bus got hurt.

Right. So now I'm 10 times the hero
I was last time...

...but I still didn't do anything heroic.

Sabrina, over here!

I don't care how many people
she supposedly saved.

I'm not sitting with her.
Either she goes, or I do.

Great idea.

I hear they have an opening
at the nerd table.

What?

Ugh!

Here, Sabrina. You can have
Gem's seat permanently.

Now, tell us the whole story
from the beginning.

Sabrina, you know that Leo DiWolf play
you wanted me to see with you?

Well, I went over to the theater
to get us tickets--

-What?
-Oh, Harvey.

And while I was there, I ran into someone
who wants to meet you personally.

Leo DiWolf!

Sabrina Spellman, you are the most
incredible girl I've ever met.

Wha--? What?

Please, everybody,
you're making too much of this.

-You guys don't owe me anything.
-Attention, students.

In honor of our hometown hero
Sabrina Spellman...

...I declare today a school holiday!

Sabrina! Sabrina! Sabrina! Sabrina!

Sabrina! Sabrina!
Sabrina! Sabrina!

Sabrina!

There's our little hero.
I have something for you.

Uncle Quigley, please tell me
you didn't buy me a new bike.

A bike for saving
an entire busload of kids?

Ah! You got me a horse?

Oh, Uncle Quigley!

Back off, Mr. Ed.
This stays with the outfit.

We're so proud of you, Sabrina.

We arranged everything
for your interview.

Zelda, please.
I don't want to talk to the newspaper.

Who said anything about a newspaper?

-TV?
-Live via satellite to all the talk shows.

Now, don't be nervous.

Just forget 50 million people
are watching you.

Whoa, mama.
When you change history, you do it right.

Yes, sir, you can be
proud and loud.

Proud? This is even worse than before.

I'm a bigger hero than ever
and I still don't deserve any of it.

I'll never get it.

It must be one of those mortal things.

All right. There's only one thing to do.

This time, we're going all the way back
to sunrise this morning...

...and make that bridge collapse
when no one's around.

That way, there's no Harvey to save
and no bus to save.

Ooh! Collapsing a bridge.
One of my favorite spells.

Okay, Salem. What's your great spell
for making a bridge fall down?

"Let the waters wash away the span
so I can finish up my plan."

-Is it working?
-I hear it...

...but nothing's happening to the bridge.

Salem, what exactly is a span, anyway?

It means a bridge.

Or a dam.

Huh?

A dam?

Maybe we should have been
more specific?

Oh, no!

Run for you lives!
The dam is breaking!

Get to high ground!

Ohh. Just another 5 minutes.

Come on. This way, everyone.

Aah!

By jingo, it's a miracle no one was killed.

Well, Sabrina, you did it.

I-- I didn't mean to. Honest.

You just saved everyone in town!

Oh, man.

And when we rebuild our school...

...it will be named
Sabrina Spellman Junior High.

Oh, wow, Sabrina.

We are, like, so yours to command.

Tell us what to do. We'll do it.

Just shoot me now.

I know. We'll start by
giving Gem a wedgie.

What? You-- You wouldn't dare!

And I'm buying you a limo
with your own driver.

Oh, sure, I'll have to cash in
my life insurance policy.

But nothing's too good for our hero.

It's the president for you.

He wants to put your face on the nickel.

Hold out for the dime.

Sabrina, when we grow up,
will you marry me?

Oh, no! No, no, no!

Please, somebody,
tell me this is a bad dream.

You know, I would, but I'm really
loving that limo idea.

Frankly, I didn't think
you could top yourself...

...but you hit the jackpot.

-Now you're a hero to the whole country.
-Hero?

Heroes don't cause bus accidents.

Heroes don't flood their town.

What are you complaining about?

-It washed away the bridge, didn't it?
-Oh, that stupid bridge!

Why couldn't they have built it
out of something stronger than wood?

Wait a minute.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

I could go for some tuna.

No. I mean, we make sure
that the bridge never falls down.

Ordinarily, I'd advise against this...

...but you're on a hot streak. Okay!

Take us back a hundred years
to when that wood bridge first appeared.

I need a spell to turn this bridge into stone.

-Nothing else. Got it?
-Sheesh.

A person would think
you didn't trust me.

I got just what you need.

Okay.

"Bridge made out of flimsy wood...

...be made of stone the way you should."

Uh, you don't think turning a bridge
to stone...

...would change anything a hundred years
from now, do you?

Sabrina, don't be so paranoid.

Let's go home and get some lunch.

By jingo, did you see that?

She talks with cats,
transforms our bridge to stone...

...and her name is Sabrina!

Uh-oh!

A poster?

And a statue?

"Sabrina Gas"?

"Sabrina Burger"?

Sabrinaville?
What happened to Greendale?

I don't know, but if a bunch of munchkins
come out singing and dancing...

-...I'm out of here.
-Uh--

Are you sure we're back
to the present?

Maybe we broke the hourglass
or something.

-No. It's the right date.
-Ugh!

Say, does that statue
make me look fat?

They say bronze always adds
10 pounds, but, oh--

How could one little bridge
change the whole town?

Good heavens! It's her. Ha!

Sabrina, our magical protector...

...who conjured up our bridge of stone.

I've waited a hundred years
for the day when I'd see her again.

That answer your question?

All hail the ageless Sabrina...

...worker of miracles!

All hail the ageless Sabrina!

He saw me change the bridge!

That's why everything's named after me.

Listen to Miss Modest.
I'm sure not everything is named after you.

O worker of miracles,
I'm Sabrina Flan.

I'm Sabrina Bleachstain,
and this is Sabrina Fujitaki...

...and Sabrina Horowitz.

I take it back.

They even name
their babies after you. Ugh.

-I'm Sabrina Kinkle.
-Even the boy babies.

And this is Sabrina Stone.

For some reason,
I've never liked this name.

Somebody boil some tar.

Yikes! Aah!

Be wise with us.
Be good with us.

Please, let us touch you.

Turn something to stone.

We love you! Please!

- Touch us!
- Sabrina!

Enough with the adulation.
Salem, give me the hourglass.

But you did so great this time.
Sure you want to push your luck?

No. No more time travel.

There's only one way out of this mess.

We're home! Everything's back
to normal again.

I hope.

Oh, Mr. Woodrow, good.
You're still here.

Hey, Sabrina. Just came by to give
a quote about you for the newspaper.

And I'd just love to hear
how you managed to catch up to Harvey...

...in such a strong current.

Well, there's a simple answer.

- I didn't.
- Huh?

-D'oh!
-You-- You dove in at the same time?

I didn't dive in at all.

I found Harvey unconscious
on the riverbank.

I was soaked, and when he came to,
he just assumed I had saved him.

I meant to tell him the truth, really...

...but when he said he'd take me
to the play, I decided not to.

I didn't lie, exactly.

But not telling the whole truth
is just as bad.

After that, things just kind of
got out of hand.

I hope Mrs. Bleachstain
gives you double detention.

Furthermore, you're now
on my permanent snub list.

Oh, great.

Now all I have for the front page
is a condemned bridge.

I know you're disappointed...

...but you wouldn't want to be
on the front page with a phony story.

We understand, Sabrina.

It's okay. Really.

I guess I'd better start looking
for a paper route...

...so I can pay Quigley back
for that bike.

-You must be pretty mad at me.
-No. I kind of jumped to conclusions.

Besides, if you have the guts to do
what you just did...

...I guess I can face two hours
of Leomania.

-You mean you'll still go with me?
-What?

-Oh, Harvey. You're the best.
-Hey, take it easy.

I didn't promise I was gonna like it.

Freaks.