Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 6, Episode 4 - Poisoned by Relatives - full transcript
The truth behind Osama Bin Laden's death according to Robot Chicken; The Shirt Tales take to the skies in WWII; King Don rules with an iron fist and creamy goodness.
It's alive!
I saw Springsteen from the back
row, and he still crushed it.
Shame about Clarence Clemons.
Eh, saxophone is like the
parsley of rock 'n' roll.
A normal conversation between two men.
But is it normal? No!
Because...their dicks are out.
We meet again, Ryu, only this
time we fight to the death!
Actually, no.
It's to knockout.
Best two out of three.
Remember?
It was...all...covered in the packet.
Um, sorry. The what, now?
The packet I spent weeks
putting together?
You don't have your packet?
Oh, right! Right!
No, I have it.
Yeah, it's just, uh -- it's in the bag.
Yeah?
Well, Ken, if your opponent's
late, you give him a call.
There's a contact sheet in the packet.
Let's see -- contact sheet, contact sheet...
No, I don't see it.
You must have forgotten to put it in.
Fine. I'll get it for you.
Hold on.
What's the problem, guile?
I'll tell you the problem --
E. Honda's venue is a bathhouse,
like a full-on "We're all guys
here, so let's get naked"
bathhouse.
What?
In my culture, it's a familiar setting.
And no one told me I'd be
fighting with all these sushi
rolls hanging out!
It was all described in the
pa-- oh, hold on a minute.
What is it?
No! Don't you scream at me.
It's specifically noted that
your hotel doesn't allow pets.
We -- ohh! What?!
It's been 20 minutes.
I don't think e. Honda's coming.
E. Honda?
You're not fighting e. Honda.
You're fighting Honda.
I'm fighting a car?
Yes.
That's the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.
It was in the packet!
You know what?
From now on, you lose your packet,
you are out of the tournament.
Fine, fine.
I'm punching the car.
Oh. He's not hitting back.
How exciting!
Wow. What a great idea.
Hey...hey, this is kind of fun.
Shoryuken!
Shoryuken!
Tiger! Tiger!
Oh, man!
I accidentally just
tiger-punched my packet, dude!
That is classic sagat.
I mean, I don't know
what happened there.
This better be good, M. Bison.
I think I got the wrong packet, man.
Where I come from, pop means soda.
That reminds me of the time I drank
20 sodas in an hour back in college.
Don't even get me started
on the college days.
"Saved by the Bell: The College
Years" was my favorite show.
We must hide from the Autobots.
Quickly, Megatron! In here!
Aah!
Where's our escort?
The Germans are cutting us to pieces!
We're saved, boys!
Here come the red tails!
Somebody order some
backup, sweethearts?
Wait a minute!
Those aren't the red tails!
Those are the shirt tales!
Let's go get them, guys!
Doing!
Oh, goodness.
I sure hope we win.
Digger, they're on our side!
Eh?
Digger, no!
Whoo-hoo! I'm killing it!
We've been had, boys.
The shirt tales are
working for the Jerries.
Wait, wait.
We're on your side, sweethearts!
That Jerry's trying to fool us with
a Humphrey bogart impression, boys.
No mercy!
We're Americans!
We're goddamn Americans!
They were just zoo animals.
How'd they even make it
through ground school?
Count of three, take bin
laden alive if we can.
One, two, three.
Go, go, go, go, move!
Commander?
Lieutenant Edwards.
Dead when we got here, sir.
An auto-erotic asphyxiation accident.
He's...in a dress.
Well, that's when you choke
yourself to cut off the blood
supply to your brain as
you masturbate, sir.
It intensifies orgasm.
Oh, it does, but it's
dangerous, sir, obviously.
Yes, I do understand how it
would look if the history books
told future generations that a
porn-loving jerkoff enthusiast
had gotten the upper
hand on America, yeah.
Understood. Yes, sir.
Move it, people.
Come on! Go, go, go, go.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Sal, I don't know how I'm gonna do it,
but I'm gonna [Bleep] that thing.
Everything in the heavens is here,
moving as the heavens move.
This predicts the coming
of the great conjunction?
No!
This tracks Aughra's ovulation.
Not many more chances has Aughra.
She must find a man before the
great moon sets in the east.
What does this have to do with me?
I think you know all
too well, Gelfling.
Ohh. You've got crabs.
Oh, but I use the cream!
Quick! Come with me!
I'll protect you and
your precious seed.
Uh...
I'd like the morning-after
pill, please.
King don, you have driven our
lands into ruin and bankruptcy.
Given that you are a talking
snack cake, I suppose we should
not have been surprised.
To the guillotine with him!
He doesn't fit!
Oh, is this really not happening?
We'll do this the old-fashioned way.
Off with his head!
Uh, head?
Just cut him in half
somewhere above the arms!
Well, it's not gonna
be one clean stroke.
This could get messy.
I have a royal proclamation--
You are all dumb [bleep]
All right, all right.
New plan. Any last words?
I Your sister.
Let's do it!
Hmm.
Uh, you don't suppose he really
[Bleep] my sister, do you?
How are you still alive?!
I'm 80% preservatives.
I'm essentially immortal.
The rebel leader's sister, as
you requested, your majesty.
This is less about sex and more
about tying up loose ends.
Wow.
What a staggeringly
unromantic thing to say.
Eh. I'm a talking snack cake.
Johnny! Time for dinner!
Oh, boy! Chicken night!
What Johnny's mother doesn't
know is that every Wednesday
night when she serves chicken,
Johnny imagines he's eating the
cast of the Disney cartoon "Ducktales."
Who's laughing now, launchpad?
You freaking idiot.
What was that, dear?
Nothing, mom!
Hey, let's grab dinner
while we're out, honey.
It's -- ugh!
Oh, man.
Honey?!
Honey, where'd you go?!
What? Baby, I'm right here.
Oh, dear lord.
You're looking right at me.
I can't see you!
Here I am!
Here, baby! I'm right here!
I'm being attacked by
some sort of poltergeist!
Aah!
Previously on "The Fattest Fat
Loser," the contestants got real.
Moi has always considered
moi's self pleasantly plump.
That is until I shattered
Kermit's pelvis.
Get off of me you [Bleep]
Wildebeest!
My brother
Luigi and me -- we used to be
the same.
But after a few years... if I
don't change my ways, this
is what the doctors
project I will look like.
I've gained so much weight, I
can't even fit in rabbit's hole
anymore.
What?
I just want to lick my balls
one more time or at least be
able to see them.
Wait, wait -- I mean, I hate Mondays.
♪ Follow your heart ♪
♪ baby, you're a star ♪
♪ a disgusting fat star ♪
"The Fattest Fat Loser."
Gross!
I've made little girls
self-conscious about their
bodies for decades.
That makes me the perfect
trainer for this show.
Of course, I am hungry all the
time, so I can get a little
irritable.
Double time, super lardio!
I can-a do this all day!
Then why are you still fat?!
So sorry.
Follow your dreams, you fat [Bleep]
Sorry!
Find your shining star!
Vous would like to spar with moi?
I am a 4th-degree black belt, sweetie.
You have to shatter their
delusions before you can reach
them, the way my delusion of
ever eating another tiramisu was
shattered at age 12!
If you thought fitness-trainer
Barbie was a hard-ass, you
haven't seen Kung-Fu Barbie.
Oh, yeah?!
Oh, moi has to go to the bathroom!
I don't care how you lose weight.
We've had a real breakthrough
here today, miss piggy!
You'll push a wheelbarrow full
of your trigger food up to
the top of this hill, where
you'll dump your payload into
the fire, symbolically saying
goodbye to your former fat-ass
lives and giving you the strength to
leave your co-dependent relationship.
You hear that, Ken?!
I don't need you anymore!
Please call me.
Last fall, Eeyore lost his
long battle with depression.
For you, Eeyore!
Hung himself with his own tail.
And...go!
Wow! I'm in the lead!
I have lost weight.
This is rewriting the book on Mondays.
Oh! My balls!
H-hey! There's nothing in here!
Jon, you mondayed my balls!
I won! I won!
Whew! I'm roasting out here.
Oh!
Is-a that-a my mama's prosciutto?
Just-a one taste, mama!
I want a bite!
No! This is my prosciutto, mama!
Oh, stuff and fluff!
Wait!
Let-a her cook.
Well, she does smell delicious.
Miss piggy, your final
weight loss is 174 pounds!
The rest of you have gained
a combined 174 pounds.
Miss piggy, you are the
fattest fat loser!
Gross!
♪ Lift up your dreams
and follow your heart ♪
♪ baby, you're a star ♪
♪ a disgusting fat star ♪
Gross!
I saw Springsteen from the back
row, and he still crushed it.
Shame about Clarence Clemons.
Eh, saxophone is like the
parsley of rock 'n' roll.
A normal conversation between two men.
But is it normal? No!
Because...their dicks are out.
We meet again, Ryu, only this
time we fight to the death!
Actually, no.
It's to knockout.
Best two out of three.
Remember?
It was...all...covered in the packet.
Um, sorry. The what, now?
The packet I spent weeks
putting together?
You don't have your packet?
Oh, right! Right!
No, I have it.
Yeah, it's just, uh -- it's in the bag.
Yeah?
Well, Ken, if your opponent's
late, you give him a call.
There's a contact sheet in the packet.
Let's see -- contact sheet, contact sheet...
No, I don't see it.
You must have forgotten to put it in.
Fine. I'll get it for you.
Hold on.
What's the problem, guile?
I'll tell you the problem --
E. Honda's venue is a bathhouse,
like a full-on "We're all guys
here, so let's get naked"
bathhouse.
What?
In my culture, it's a familiar setting.
And no one told me I'd be
fighting with all these sushi
rolls hanging out!
It was all described in the
pa-- oh, hold on a minute.
What is it?
No! Don't you scream at me.
It's specifically noted that
your hotel doesn't allow pets.
We -- ohh! What?!
It's been 20 minutes.
I don't think e. Honda's coming.
E. Honda?
You're not fighting e. Honda.
You're fighting Honda.
I'm fighting a car?
Yes.
That's the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.
It was in the packet!
You know what?
From now on, you lose your packet,
you are out of the tournament.
Fine, fine.
I'm punching the car.
Oh. He's not hitting back.
How exciting!
Wow. What a great idea.
Hey...hey, this is kind of fun.
Shoryuken!
Shoryuken!
Tiger! Tiger!
Oh, man!
I accidentally just
tiger-punched my packet, dude!
That is classic sagat.
I mean, I don't know
what happened there.
This better be good, M. Bison.
I think I got the wrong packet, man.
Where I come from, pop means soda.
That reminds me of the time I drank
20 sodas in an hour back in college.
Don't even get me started
on the college days.
"Saved by the Bell: The College
Years" was my favorite show.
We must hide from the Autobots.
Quickly, Megatron! In here!
Aah!
Where's our escort?
The Germans are cutting us to pieces!
We're saved, boys!
Here come the red tails!
Somebody order some
backup, sweethearts?
Wait a minute!
Those aren't the red tails!
Those are the shirt tales!
Let's go get them, guys!
Doing!
Oh, goodness.
I sure hope we win.
Digger, they're on our side!
Eh?
Digger, no!
Whoo-hoo! I'm killing it!
We've been had, boys.
The shirt tales are
working for the Jerries.
Wait, wait.
We're on your side, sweethearts!
That Jerry's trying to fool us with
a Humphrey bogart impression, boys.
No mercy!
We're Americans!
We're goddamn Americans!
They were just zoo animals.
How'd they even make it
through ground school?
Count of three, take bin
laden alive if we can.
One, two, three.
Go, go, go, go, move!
Commander?
Lieutenant Edwards.
Dead when we got here, sir.
An auto-erotic asphyxiation accident.
He's...in a dress.
Well, that's when you choke
yourself to cut off the blood
supply to your brain as
you masturbate, sir.
It intensifies orgasm.
Oh, it does, but it's
dangerous, sir, obviously.
Yes, I do understand how it
would look if the history books
told future generations that a
porn-loving jerkoff enthusiast
had gotten the upper
hand on America, yeah.
Understood. Yes, sir.
Move it, people.
Come on! Go, go, go, go.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Sal, I don't know how I'm gonna do it,
but I'm gonna [Bleep] that thing.
Everything in the heavens is here,
moving as the heavens move.
This predicts the coming
of the great conjunction?
No!
This tracks Aughra's ovulation.
Not many more chances has Aughra.
She must find a man before the
great moon sets in the east.
What does this have to do with me?
I think you know all
too well, Gelfling.
Ohh. You've got crabs.
Oh, but I use the cream!
Quick! Come with me!
I'll protect you and
your precious seed.
Uh...
I'd like the morning-after
pill, please.
King don, you have driven our
lands into ruin and bankruptcy.
Given that you are a talking
snack cake, I suppose we should
not have been surprised.
To the guillotine with him!
He doesn't fit!
Oh, is this really not happening?
We'll do this the old-fashioned way.
Off with his head!
Uh, head?
Just cut him in half
somewhere above the arms!
Well, it's not gonna
be one clean stroke.
This could get messy.
I have a royal proclamation--
You are all dumb [bleep]
All right, all right.
New plan. Any last words?
I Your sister.
Let's do it!
Hmm.
Uh, you don't suppose he really
[Bleep] my sister, do you?
How are you still alive?!
I'm 80% preservatives.
I'm essentially immortal.
The rebel leader's sister, as
you requested, your majesty.
This is less about sex and more
about tying up loose ends.
Wow.
What a staggeringly
unromantic thing to say.
Eh. I'm a talking snack cake.
Johnny! Time for dinner!
Oh, boy! Chicken night!
What Johnny's mother doesn't
know is that every Wednesday
night when she serves chicken,
Johnny imagines he's eating the
cast of the Disney cartoon "Ducktales."
Who's laughing now, launchpad?
You freaking idiot.
What was that, dear?
Nothing, mom!
Hey, let's grab dinner
while we're out, honey.
It's -- ugh!
Oh, man.
Honey?!
Honey, where'd you go?!
What? Baby, I'm right here.
Oh, dear lord.
You're looking right at me.
I can't see you!
Here I am!
Here, baby! I'm right here!
I'm being attacked by
some sort of poltergeist!
Aah!
Previously on "The Fattest Fat
Loser," the contestants got real.
Moi has always considered
moi's self pleasantly plump.
That is until I shattered
Kermit's pelvis.
Get off of me you [Bleep]
Wildebeest!
My brother
Luigi and me -- we used to be
the same.
But after a few years... if I
don't change my ways, this
is what the doctors
project I will look like.
I've gained so much weight, I
can't even fit in rabbit's hole
anymore.
What?
I just want to lick my balls
one more time or at least be
able to see them.
Wait, wait -- I mean, I hate Mondays.
♪ Follow your heart ♪
♪ baby, you're a star ♪
♪ a disgusting fat star ♪
"The Fattest Fat Loser."
Gross!
I've made little girls
self-conscious about their
bodies for decades.
That makes me the perfect
trainer for this show.
Of course, I am hungry all the
time, so I can get a little
irritable.
Double time, super lardio!
I can-a do this all day!
Then why are you still fat?!
So sorry.
Follow your dreams, you fat [Bleep]
Sorry!
Find your shining star!
Vous would like to spar with moi?
I am a 4th-degree black belt, sweetie.
You have to shatter their
delusions before you can reach
them, the way my delusion of
ever eating another tiramisu was
shattered at age 12!
If you thought fitness-trainer
Barbie was a hard-ass, you
haven't seen Kung-Fu Barbie.
Oh, yeah?!
Oh, moi has to go to the bathroom!
I don't care how you lose weight.
We've had a real breakthrough
here today, miss piggy!
You'll push a wheelbarrow full
of your trigger food up to
the top of this hill, where
you'll dump your payload into
the fire, symbolically saying
goodbye to your former fat-ass
lives and giving you the strength to
leave your co-dependent relationship.
You hear that, Ken?!
I don't need you anymore!
Please call me.
Last fall, Eeyore lost his
long battle with depression.
For you, Eeyore!
Hung himself with his own tail.
And...go!
Wow! I'm in the lead!
I have lost weight.
This is rewriting the book on Mondays.
Oh! My balls!
H-hey! There's nothing in here!
Jon, you mondayed my balls!
I won! I won!
Whew! I'm roasting out here.
Oh!
Is-a that-a my mama's prosciutto?
Just-a one taste, mama!
I want a bite!
No! This is my prosciutto, mama!
Oh, stuff and fluff!
Wait!
Let-a her cook.
Well, she does smell delicious.
Miss piggy, your final
weight loss is 174 pounds!
The rest of you have gained
a combined 174 pounds.
Miss piggy, you are the
fattest fat loser!
Gross!
♪ Lift up your dreams
and follow your heart ♪
♪ baby, you're a star ♪
♪ a disgusting fat star ♪
Gross!