Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 6, Episode 18 - Robot Fight Accident - full transcript
The Robot Chicken Nerd tackles the role of Little Red Riding Hood; We show you The Avengers in their new Broadway show; The Robot Chicken writers give their version of the next Aliens film.
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Laughs evilly ]
[ Sawing ]
[ Electricity crackles ]
It's alive!
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Laughs evilly ]
[ Smooch! ]
[ Laughs evilly ]
Is the word "oink"?
[ Snorts ]
Nobody cares about a movie
unless it's got a twist ending!
He's dead!
She's got a dick!
He was chasing himself!
It was a dream!
It wasn't a dream!
He was a midget!
He was two midgets!
That's what sells tickets, fellas!
You're suggesting we re-release
our hits with new twist endings?
I was just --
Do it.
Auntie Em? Uncle Henry?
Am I back in Kansas?
The good news is, yes.
The better news is, it's Kansas
3,000 years in the future.
So, how's our patient doing?
They bought it.
They'll never guess that I,
Queen Saturnax of Jupiter, sank
Titanic with my bare hands.
Uh, what are you talking about?
[ Roars ]
Jill, stop riding a jet ski in my pool!
Don't yell at me!
I'm your sister!
What are you talkin' --
what the hell is going on?
You're Jack, but you're also
Jill because the real Jill died
when she was 8 years old!
No! That's not true!
Why does Jill look exactly like you?!
No!
[ Babbling ]
Ha ha! Teacher's pet.
[ Barking ]
Hi. We're Aberzombie & Fitch, the
world's first -- and best --
zombie improv group.
Now, to start, we need
someone to suggest a thing.
Brains!
Uh, could we get something
other than brains?
Hey, guys!
We're the characters from the
TV show "Schoolhouse Rock!"
20 years ago, we taught kids
basic grammar and math with
music, but those kids grew
into illiterate adults.
So, we're back with new
songs since nobody seems to
remember the [bleep] we tried
to teach 20 years ago.
Remember me?
I sang "Conjunction Junction."
Let's talk about one way your
grammar doesn't function.
♪ Apostrophes are really fun ♪
♪ they mean something is
owned by him or her ♪
Like Michael's marker or
Stephanie's pretty dress.
Remember that?
It's really easy.
So, when you're a waitress at
a local diner and you write
"Lunch Special's" with an apostrophe...
All: Take five [bleep]
seconds to remember basic grammar,
you moronic piece of [bleep]
Ow.
Remember me?
I taught you about numbers in
the song "My Hero, Zero," yet
basic math escapes you.
♪ Plus, minus, times, divide ♪
♪ just have one shred of pride ♪
I'm a 6-year-old with down
syndrome, and I understand.
♪ So when you're struggling
to split a check and your
solution is to go high-tech ♪
All: Take five [bleep] Seconds to remember
basic math, you moronic piece of [bleep]
Aah!
Oh!
Errors like this are so commonplace.
It's probably the downfall
of the human race!
All: ♪ So take five seconds to
remember basic lessons, you
moronic piece of [bleep] ♪
Because they're really simple.
You have got to be [bleep] kidding me.
[ Smooches ]
Oh, she was alive?!
I want my money back, guys!
[ Sighs ] Is the word "oink" again?
[ Snorts ]
I really need to make some real friends.
Hey, Elroy.
How was your field trip?
Great, dad.
We studied an abandoned ship
and found a bunch of these.
Well! A foreboding alien egg!
Let's burn it until there's
nothing left but ashes.
Anyone who doesn't do exactly
that is the lowest form of fool.
Aw, dad, can't I keep it?
Well, for the sake of
entertainment, yeah, sure.
[ Growling ]
Reorge! Rad ralien! Rad ralien!
Yeah, Astro, he is a pretty rad alien.
Ro! Ranger! Ranger!
Ranger's a great name.
Good idea, boy.
Ro! Ro! Ro!
Settle down!
Go sniff another dog's butt or something.
Rassrole.
Now, Judy, your father and I are
worried about how little you
eat, so today you're having an
entire breakfast pill, young lady.
Ranger slept on my face all night,
and when I woke up, he was dead!
It makes me so sad, I feel like my heart
is gonna rip out of my -- Ggggrrrhhh!
Wow! You really are sad!
Stop him, George!
Looks like we need a strong female
role model to handle this problem.
You might want to stable
that high horse, Jane.
I'm getting some mixed signals here.
Aw, dang it.
[ Roars ]
It must have had an
inexplicably short growth span!
On the bright side, it sure does move
this story forward at a snappy pace.
Hurry up!
I've only got three whacks left!
[ Screaming ]
Tall, dark, and mysterious?
Oh, what a dreamboat!
Get away from her, you bitch!
[ Roars ]
[ Screams ]
Phew. It's over.
Reah. Rhew!
Rrraaarrrrggghh!
You know that's scary exactly once.
[ Panting, grunting ]
Happy Arbor Day, Susan.
Oh, no. Here comes bow tie.
[ As Steve Urkel ] Did I do that?
"And then Little Red Riding Hood and her
grandmother lived happily ever after.
The end."
[ Yawns ]
What a great story!
[ Yawns ]
Ugh!
Why is our uncle such a nerd?
Let's put his hand in warm water
and make him pee his pants.
Or we could cut out the
middleman and just pee on him!
Oh, a forest. Neat!
I bet I'm little red riding
hood just like in the story!
Wait a minute!
Oh, my gosh! This is way better!
♪ La la la la ♪
♪ on my way ♪
♪ granny's house ♪
It's her!
Little red riding hood!
I'll get to grandmother's house
first, just like in the story!
Fairy-tale home invasion, bitch!
[ Laughs ]
Where the [bleep] am I going?
Thanks, Mr. Squirrel!
Say, how does a squirrel afford an iPad?
[ Chittering ]
The forest creatures sold
their drilling rights?
Wow.
[ Up-tempo dance music plays ]
Wow!
[ Doorbell rings ]
Ooh, this is a pretty piss-poor disguise.
She's never gonna believe
I'm her granddaughter.
A wolf?
I ordered a [bleep] girl.
Oh, well. Get in here.
Um, so, okay.
If you just hide in the closet, then we can --
No, no.
I don't have time for any role play.
I have drinks with the girls at 6:00.
Let's just do this.
Oh, my gosh.
You look like a mole rat
sculpted out of a leather shoe!
Your pillow talk leaves
a lot to be desired.
Now, shut up and get in there, wolf!
Aah!
Hello? Granny?
It's red, from Beau Soleil.
[ Sobbing ] I want my virginity back.
[ Thunder crashes ]
Ew.
Does that rain look
yellow to anybody else?
Oh! Uh!
Oh, you little scamps.
You did the "bowl of
warm water" trick on me.
Uh, yep. We sure did.
Uh, where's the bowl?
Gee, let me guess.
Is the word "oink"?
[ Squeals ]
The word was "farm," mother[bleep]
[ Squealing ]
Hey, glad you could make
the dress rehearsal.
Well, it better be good.
Another debacle like "Spider-Man:
Turn Off The Dark" and we're ruined!
Well, I know you're gonna love
"Avengers...Musictacular Tap-Stravaganza."
Wait. It's called what?
You say this super-soldier serum
will make him run, jump, fight --
♪ And dance ♪
I've never seen anyone hoof it like that!
He's hoofin' it for America!
♪ They say only fools
ever dance in the rain ♪
♪ but Thor-tunately... ♪
♪ you're with with the
thunder go-o-o-o-d ♪
♪ I'm not a blunder God ♪
[ Thunder crashes ]
♪ Come home and slumber, broad ♪
♪ render us asunder, God ♪
♪ I spin a web of fantasy ♪
♪ through tight dresses
and whispered talk ♪
♪ but my web isn't strong
enough to catch myself ♪
♪ a hawk ♪
♪ I soared above the people ♪
♪ my arrows pierced their bones ♪
♪ but the only arrow I won't use
is the one that Cupid owns ♪
You know, in South America, they
have spiders that eat birds.
♪ I shall win ♪
♪ I shall win ♪
♪ then you're gonna sulk ♪
♪ no, you won't ♪
♪ no, you won't ♪
♪ 'cause we have a Hu-u-u-u-lk ♪
♪ they have a Hulk ♪
♪ they have a Hulk ♪
♪ did you hear? ♪
♪ they have a Hulk ♪
♪ one Hulk to beat an army ♪
♪ one Hulk to smash them all ♪
[ Screams ]
Uh, we're insured, right?
Yes, soup to nuts.
I need an ambulance!
Somebody call 911!
I can't feel my [bleep] legs!
[ Laughs evilly ]
[ Sawing ]
[ Electricity crackles ]
It's alive!
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Laughs evilly ]
[ Smooch! ]
[ Laughs evilly ]
Is the word "oink"?
[ Snorts ]
Nobody cares about a movie
unless it's got a twist ending!
He's dead!
She's got a dick!
He was chasing himself!
It was a dream!
It wasn't a dream!
He was a midget!
He was two midgets!
That's what sells tickets, fellas!
You're suggesting we re-release
our hits with new twist endings?
I was just --
Do it.
Auntie Em? Uncle Henry?
Am I back in Kansas?
The good news is, yes.
The better news is, it's Kansas
3,000 years in the future.
So, how's our patient doing?
They bought it.
They'll never guess that I,
Queen Saturnax of Jupiter, sank
Titanic with my bare hands.
Uh, what are you talking about?
[ Roars ]
Jill, stop riding a jet ski in my pool!
Don't yell at me!
I'm your sister!
What are you talkin' --
what the hell is going on?
You're Jack, but you're also
Jill because the real Jill died
when she was 8 years old!
No! That's not true!
Why does Jill look exactly like you?!
No!
[ Babbling ]
Ha ha! Teacher's pet.
[ Barking ]
Hi. We're Aberzombie & Fitch, the
world's first -- and best --
zombie improv group.
Now, to start, we need
someone to suggest a thing.
Brains!
Uh, could we get something
other than brains?
Hey, guys!
We're the characters from the
TV show "Schoolhouse Rock!"
20 years ago, we taught kids
basic grammar and math with
music, but those kids grew
into illiterate adults.
So, we're back with new
songs since nobody seems to
remember the [bleep] we tried
to teach 20 years ago.
Remember me?
I sang "Conjunction Junction."
Let's talk about one way your
grammar doesn't function.
♪ Apostrophes are really fun ♪
♪ they mean something is
owned by him or her ♪
Like Michael's marker or
Stephanie's pretty dress.
Remember that?
It's really easy.
So, when you're a waitress at
a local diner and you write
"Lunch Special's" with an apostrophe...
All: Take five [bleep]
seconds to remember basic grammar,
you moronic piece of [bleep]
Ow.
Remember me?
I taught you about numbers in
the song "My Hero, Zero," yet
basic math escapes you.
♪ Plus, minus, times, divide ♪
♪ just have one shred of pride ♪
I'm a 6-year-old with down
syndrome, and I understand.
♪ So when you're struggling
to split a check and your
solution is to go high-tech ♪
All: Take five [bleep] Seconds to remember
basic math, you moronic piece of [bleep]
Aah!
Oh!
Errors like this are so commonplace.
It's probably the downfall
of the human race!
All: ♪ So take five seconds to
remember basic lessons, you
moronic piece of [bleep] ♪
Because they're really simple.
You have got to be [bleep] kidding me.
[ Smooches ]
Oh, she was alive?!
I want my money back, guys!
[ Sighs ] Is the word "oink" again?
[ Snorts ]
I really need to make some real friends.
Hey, Elroy.
How was your field trip?
Great, dad.
We studied an abandoned ship
and found a bunch of these.
Well! A foreboding alien egg!
Let's burn it until there's
nothing left but ashes.
Anyone who doesn't do exactly
that is the lowest form of fool.
Aw, dad, can't I keep it?
Well, for the sake of
entertainment, yeah, sure.
[ Growling ]
Reorge! Rad ralien! Rad ralien!
Yeah, Astro, he is a pretty rad alien.
Ro! Ranger! Ranger!
Ranger's a great name.
Good idea, boy.
Ro! Ro! Ro!
Settle down!
Go sniff another dog's butt or something.
Rassrole.
Now, Judy, your father and I are
worried about how little you
eat, so today you're having an
entire breakfast pill, young lady.
Ranger slept on my face all night,
and when I woke up, he was dead!
It makes me so sad, I feel like my heart
is gonna rip out of my -- Ggggrrrhhh!
Wow! You really are sad!
Stop him, George!
Looks like we need a strong female
role model to handle this problem.
You might want to stable
that high horse, Jane.
I'm getting some mixed signals here.
Aw, dang it.
[ Roars ]
It must have had an
inexplicably short growth span!
On the bright side, it sure does move
this story forward at a snappy pace.
Hurry up!
I've only got three whacks left!
[ Screaming ]
Tall, dark, and mysterious?
Oh, what a dreamboat!
Get away from her, you bitch!
[ Roars ]
[ Screams ]
Phew. It's over.
Reah. Rhew!
Rrraaarrrrggghh!
You know that's scary exactly once.
[ Panting, grunting ]
Happy Arbor Day, Susan.
Oh, no. Here comes bow tie.
[ As Steve Urkel ] Did I do that?
"And then Little Red Riding Hood and her
grandmother lived happily ever after.
The end."
[ Yawns ]
What a great story!
[ Yawns ]
Ugh!
Why is our uncle such a nerd?
Let's put his hand in warm water
and make him pee his pants.
Or we could cut out the
middleman and just pee on him!
Oh, a forest. Neat!
I bet I'm little red riding
hood just like in the story!
Wait a minute!
Oh, my gosh! This is way better!
♪ La la la la ♪
♪ on my way ♪
♪ granny's house ♪
It's her!
Little red riding hood!
I'll get to grandmother's house
first, just like in the story!
Fairy-tale home invasion, bitch!
[ Laughs ]
Where the [bleep] am I going?
Thanks, Mr. Squirrel!
Say, how does a squirrel afford an iPad?
[ Chittering ]
The forest creatures sold
their drilling rights?
Wow.
[ Up-tempo dance music plays ]
Wow!
[ Doorbell rings ]
Ooh, this is a pretty piss-poor disguise.
She's never gonna believe
I'm her granddaughter.
A wolf?
I ordered a [bleep] girl.
Oh, well. Get in here.
Um, so, okay.
If you just hide in the closet, then we can --
No, no.
I don't have time for any role play.
I have drinks with the girls at 6:00.
Let's just do this.
Oh, my gosh.
You look like a mole rat
sculpted out of a leather shoe!
Your pillow talk leaves
a lot to be desired.
Now, shut up and get in there, wolf!
Aah!
Hello? Granny?
It's red, from Beau Soleil.
[ Sobbing ] I want my virginity back.
[ Thunder crashes ]
Ew.
Does that rain look
yellow to anybody else?
Oh! Uh!
Oh, you little scamps.
You did the "bowl of
warm water" trick on me.
Uh, yep. We sure did.
Uh, where's the bowl?
Gee, let me guess.
Is the word "oink"?
[ Squeals ]
The word was "farm," mother[bleep]
[ Squealing ]
Hey, glad you could make
the dress rehearsal.
Well, it better be good.
Another debacle like "Spider-Man:
Turn Off The Dark" and we're ruined!
Well, I know you're gonna love
"Avengers...Musictacular Tap-Stravaganza."
Wait. It's called what?
You say this super-soldier serum
will make him run, jump, fight --
♪ And dance ♪
I've never seen anyone hoof it like that!
He's hoofin' it for America!
♪ They say only fools
ever dance in the rain ♪
♪ but Thor-tunately... ♪
♪ you're with with the
thunder go-o-o-o-d ♪
♪ I'm not a blunder God ♪
[ Thunder crashes ]
♪ Come home and slumber, broad ♪
♪ render us asunder, God ♪
♪ I spin a web of fantasy ♪
♪ through tight dresses
and whispered talk ♪
♪ but my web isn't strong
enough to catch myself ♪
♪ a hawk ♪
♪ I soared above the people ♪
♪ my arrows pierced their bones ♪
♪ but the only arrow I won't use
is the one that Cupid owns ♪
You know, in South America, they
have spiders that eat birds.
♪ I shall win ♪
♪ I shall win ♪
♪ then you're gonna sulk ♪
♪ no, you won't ♪
♪ no, you won't ♪
♪ 'cause we have a Hu-u-u-u-lk ♪
♪ they have a Hulk ♪
♪ they have a Hulk ♪
♪ did you hear? ♪
♪ they have a Hulk ♪
♪ one Hulk to beat an army ♪
♪ one Hulk to smash them all ♪
[ Screams ]
Uh, we're insured, right?
Yes, soup to nuts.
I need an ambulance!
Somebody call 911!
I can't feel my [bleep] legs!