Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 6, Episode 10 - Collateral Damage in Gang Turf War - full transcript
We see what happens when E.T. takes over an E.R.; Our minds put Harry Potter in a not-so-magical situation; Find out why The Avengers keep Black Widow and Hawkeye on the team.
It's alive!
Now, "Top Chef: Sweden"!
Bork! Bork! Bork!
Bork! Bork!
Your challenge is --
Your challenge -- your
challenge is to prepare the
traditional Scandinavian
dish known as lutefisk!
Bork!
Step aside, dudes.
Time for a shell spin!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Turtle power!
Hey, hey.
Hey, dudes, little, uh...
Little help here!
Leo?
Little help!
So, Loki like, "Please have mercy!"
And I was all, "Sorry, pal.
Can't hear a thing in this helmet."
Ba-da-boom!
Chest-mounted unibeam, baby.
You is the man!
Got a story from the
fight, jolly green?
Well, hulk smash.
And hulk smash.
But then...Hulk smash!
No freaking way, man!
Swearsies.
Okay, well, okay, so, I-I kicked this
guy, and I shot him with my pistols.
And it turns out that he was, uh,
bulletproof and also kick-proof.
Oh, God!
I'm, like, the lamest one on this team!
I don't even know why you
guys keep me around.
Ohhhh, yeah.
♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ Mm ♪
Don't talk like that.
You're a critical
component of this team.
Right, fellas?
Absolutely, uh-huh.
Yeah. Sure.
I guess whoever we fight next better
watch out for the black widow, huh?!
Yeah!
Black Widow's gone now, but
she leaves behind the gift of
knowledge -- the knowledge
that you cannot defeat
demogorge the God-eater
with a karate kick.
But I almost got him with my arrows.
Right -- right, guys?
What am I saying?!
I don't even know why you
guys keep me around!
♪ Ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Ohhh, yeah.
Next Thursday on NBS... flatline!
We're losing him!
O-o-o-ouch!
...a suicide victim will be saved...
Hooray! He's alive!
Damn it! I'm alive!
...by the hospital's
most talented physician.
But when Dr. E.T.'s old demons
come back to haunt him...
I'll put it ri-i-i-ght here.
Hey, prick, that's my girlfriend!
Step off.
O-o-ouch!
...he'll face his
greatest challenge yet.
He's dying.
You have to do something... doctor.
I'll be ri-i-i-i-ght back.
Hey, that's my bike!
Step off, bro.
Thursday on an all-new
"E.T.-- Emergency Terrestrial."
Yeah!
Bachelor party!
I'm buying you a lap dance, buddy!
You wait right there, Harry.
I'm gonna change into
something more comfortable.
Dongus stoutus!
Oh, come on.
Uh, beefus girthus?
Poleus maximus?
Aaaaaah!
Stalkus minimus!
Stalkus minimus!
Stalkus minimus!
Now let me see what the famous
Harry Potter's packing.
Why do you have a vadge?
I-is he gone?
Oh, phew!
Dude's a [Bleep] stalker.
The royal family!
They're coming our way!
Ohh, aren't they just adorable?
Greatest...moment... of my life.
Oh, and I've been totally
needing a new bra.
What are you --
Aah!
Aaaaah!
I want one!
Mommy! Daddy!
Check it out -- pasties!
Aaaagh!
Now, girls, remember, we're
only here to browse.
Daddy, no!
I want them!
You heard me!
Let's go!
This is so unfair.
It's like he doesn't even
care how cruel he is!
Godzilla has left the nation in ruins!
Oh, no!
California's most treasured landmark!
Oh, no!
California's most treasured
landmark despite what those
a-holes down in Los Angeles think.
Godzilla is pulling some hot
stripper-pole action on the
sears tower or whatever the
[Bleep] we call it these days.
What is it?
Wil-- Willis Tower?
I'm hearing Willis Tower.
And after destroying Manhattan, Godzilla
is finally headed back out to sea.
Oh!
Total dick move by Godzilla.
Nowhere near water is safe!
It has never been a better
time to be a landlocked state.
Tourism here in Des Moines
is through the roof!
We're all rich!
This is the mayor's assistant, Mr. G.
Your check is in the mail.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, how the hell am I
supposed to cash this?
Disneyland is a magical place
that's fun for the whole family.
Even teenagers.
Because at Disneyland, there are
dozens of secret places for
young people to give
each other hand jobs.
Come ride "The Many Adventures
of Winnie the Pooh."
And when you exit, make a left
at the water fountain and find
the perfect nook to give
or receive a hand job.
Fill your hand job passport with
stamps from locations like...
Behind the dumpster
next to the Matterhorn.
Under the baby-changing
station in critter country.
Or under the president's desk in
"Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln."
Because as Walt Disney said... Disneyland
is the happiest place on earth...
For teenagers to jizz all over
each other's young, Aryan hands.
Presto changeo!
Ugh, I say presto changeo,
not pesto changeo!
And that's when the female Starbuck
got in the shower with me.
Ooh!
But from the neck down,
she was dirk Benedict.
Ooh.
And when I woke up, I still had wood.
Ooh.
Watch me scare those nerds!
Munson!
Munson might be going to prison.
Dirk Benedict!
Ow!
Where is everybody?
Hello-o-o-o?
"Don't dead, open inside."
Epic typography fail.
Oh, my gosh, that's Courtney!
Aah!
Aaaaah!
Oh, phew.
You're not a walker.
What? I-I'm not a what?
It means zombie without
having to say "zombie."
It's just one of the little details
that makes Robert Kirkman's
"The Walking Dead" such an
intelligent and original -- Aah!
Come with me!
Apocalyptic crises tend to break
down social barriers, so it's
totally likely that you
and I will fall in love.
Whoa!
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm all yours, boys!
Aah!
Oh, dang.
What caused the zombie outbreak?
Let's consult the zombie
backstory generator!
"Supervirus."
Oh, wait a minute.
They all say "supervirus."
Munson!
Those used to be people, you monster!
Don't use them for target practice!
Wipe the crap out of
your eyes, Dickstain.
That's my mom's car!
Knock it off!
Uh-oh!
Oh, come on!
All those gunshots attracted them!
We need to get out of here!
Hey, turd burglars!
Oh, yeah! The key!
Hey, throw me that hacksaw!
Thanks!
Munson!
Throw me another hacksaw.
There are no more hacksaws.
This is all we have left.
How the [Bleep] does this help me?
How did they get out of
this on "The Walking Dead"?
Well, actually, in episode three--
No, no, no, don't tell me!
I still have like a zillion
episodes on my DVR!
Oh, man, I bet the show has tons of
clever tips for defeating zombies.
We do!
Wow!
"Walking Dead" creator Robert Kirkman!
So...can we have a tip?
Here's a tip.
Season two of "The Walking Dead"
is now available on blu-ray and DVD!
Aah! Ow! Ow! Aah!
Oh! Wait a minute!
I never wanted to see
what that looks like!
Aaah!
Uh-oh.
Ew!
Gross!
It's like zombie camouflage.
Just keep acting like
zombies -- no matter what.
Oh, hey there, Courtney!
Meeeeeeh, meeeh.
Uhhhh... meeeeeeeh!
Uhhhhh...
I can't believe you're gonna
nail a cheerleader tonight!
I wonder if zombie boobs
still feel like boobs.
I call dibs.
Ugh.
Does anyone have a ziplock?
Now, "Top Chef: Sweden"!
Bork! Bork! Bork!
Bork! Bork!
Your challenge is --
Your challenge -- your
challenge is to prepare the
traditional Scandinavian
dish known as lutefisk!
Bork!
Step aside, dudes.
Time for a shell spin!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Turtle power!
Hey, hey.
Hey, dudes, little, uh...
Little help here!
Leo?
Little help!
So, Loki like, "Please have mercy!"
And I was all, "Sorry, pal.
Can't hear a thing in this helmet."
Ba-da-boom!
Chest-mounted unibeam, baby.
You is the man!
Got a story from the
fight, jolly green?
Well, hulk smash.
And hulk smash.
But then...Hulk smash!
No freaking way, man!
Swearsies.
Okay, well, okay, so, I-I kicked this
guy, and I shot him with my pistols.
And it turns out that he was, uh,
bulletproof and also kick-proof.
Oh, God!
I'm, like, the lamest one on this team!
I don't even know why you
guys keep me around.
Ohhhh, yeah.
♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ Mm ♪
Don't talk like that.
You're a critical
component of this team.
Right, fellas?
Absolutely, uh-huh.
Yeah. Sure.
I guess whoever we fight next better
watch out for the black widow, huh?!
Yeah!
Black Widow's gone now, but
she leaves behind the gift of
knowledge -- the knowledge
that you cannot defeat
demogorge the God-eater
with a karate kick.
But I almost got him with my arrows.
Right -- right, guys?
What am I saying?!
I don't even know why you
guys keep me around!
♪ Ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Ohhh, yeah.
Next Thursday on NBS... flatline!
We're losing him!
O-o-o-ouch!
...a suicide victim will be saved...
Hooray! He's alive!
Damn it! I'm alive!
...by the hospital's
most talented physician.
But when Dr. E.T.'s old demons
come back to haunt him...
I'll put it ri-i-i-ght here.
Hey, prick, that's my girlfriend!
Step off.
O-o-ouch!
...he'll face his
greatest challenge yet.
He's dying.
You have to do something... doctor.
I'll be ri-i-i-i-ght back.
Hey, that's my bike!
Step off, bro.
Thursday on an all-new
"E.T.-- Emergency Terrestrial."
Yeah!
Bachelor party!
I'm buying you a lap dance, buddy!
You wait right there, Harry.
I'm gonna change into
something more comfortable.
Dongus stoutus!
Oh, come on.
Uh, beefus girthus?
Poleus maximus?
Aaaaaah!
Stalkus minimus!
Stalkus minimus!
Stalkus minimus!
Now let me see what the famous
Harry Potter's packing.
Why do you have a vadge?
I-is he gone?
Oh, phew!
Dude's a [Bleep] stalker.
The royal family!
They're coming our way!
Ohh, aren't they just adorable?
Greatest...moment... of my life.
Oh, and I've been totally
needing a new bra.
What are you --
Aah!
Aaaaah!
I want one!
Mommy! Daddy!
Check it out -- pasties!
Aaaagh!
Now, girls, remember, we're
only here to browse.
Daddy, no!
I want them!
You heard me!
Let's go!
This is so unfair.
It's like he doesn't even
care how cruel he is!
Godzilla has left the nation in ruins!
Oh, no!
California's most treasured landmark!
Oh, no!
California's most treasured
landmark despite what those
a-holes down in Los Angeles think.
Godzilla is pulling some hot
stripper-pole action on the
sears tower or whatever the
[Bleep] we call it these days.
What is it?
Wil-- Willis Tower?
I'm hearing Willis Tower.
And after destroying Manhattan, Godzilla
is finally headed back out to sea.
Oh!
Total dick move by Godzilla.
Nowhere near water is safe!
It has never been a better
time to be a landlocked state.
Tourism here in Des Moines
is through the roof!
We're all rich!
This is the mayor's assistant, Mr. G.
Your check is in the mail.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, how the hell am I
supposed to cash this?
Disneyland is a magical place
that's fun for the whole family.
Even teenagers.
Because at Disneyland, there are
dozens of secret places for
young people to give
each other hand jobs.
Come ride "The Many Adventures
of Winnie the Pooh."
And when you exit, make a left
at the water fountain and find
the perfect nook to give
or receive a hand job.
Fill your hand job passport with
stamps from locations like...
Behind the dumpster
next to the Matterhorn.
Under the baby-changing
station in critter country.
Or under the president's desk in
"Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln."
Because as Walt Disney said... Disneyland
is the happiest place on earth...
For teenagers to jizz all over
each other's young, Aryan hands.
Presto changeo!
Ugh, I say presto changeo,
not pesto changeo!
And that's when the female Starbuck
got in the shower with me.
Ooh!
But from the neck down,
she was dirk Benedict.
Ooh.
And when I woke up, I still had wood.
Ooh.
Watch me scare those nerds!
Munson!
Munson might be going to prison.
Dirk Benedict!
Ow!
Where is everybody?
Hello-o-o-o?
"Don't dead, open inside."
Epic typography fail.
Oh, my gosh, that's Courtney!
Aah!
Aaaaah!
Oh, phew.
You're not a walker.
What? I-I'm not a what?
It means zombie without
having to say "zombie."
It's just one of the little details
that makes Robert Kirkman's
"The Walking Dead" such an
intelligent and original -- Aah!
Come with me!
Apocalyptic crises tend to break
down social barriers, so it's
totally likely that you
and I will fall in love.
Whoa!
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm all yours, boys!
Aah!
Oh, dang.
What caused the zombie outbreak?
Let's consult the zombie
backstory generator!
"Supervirus."
Oh, wait a minute.
They all say "supervirus."
Munson!
Those used to be people, you monster!
Don't use them for target practice!
Wipe the crap out of
your eyes, Dickstain.
That's my mom's car!
Knock it off!
Uh-oh!
Oh, come on!
All those gunshots attracted them!
We need to get out of here!
Hey, turd burglars!
Oh, yeah! The key!
Hey, throw me that hacksaw!
Thanks!
Munson!
Throw me another hacksaw.
There are no more hacksaws.
This is all we have left.
How the [Bleep] does this help me?
How did they get out of
this on "The Walking Dead"?
Well, actually, in episode three--
No, no, no, don't tell me!
I still have like a zillion
episodes on my DVR!
Oh, man, I bet the show has tons of
clever tips for defeating zombies.
We do!
Wow!
"Walking Dead" creator Robert Kirkman!
So...can we have a tip?
Here's a tip.
Season two of "The Walking Dead"
is now available on blu-ray and DVD!
Aah! Ow! Ow! Aah!
Oh! Wait a minute!
I never wanted to see
what that looks like!
Aaah!
Uh-oh.
Ew!
Gross!
It's like zombie camouflage.
Just keep acting like
zombies -- no matter what.
Oh, hey there, Courtney!
Meeeeeeh, meeeh.
Uhhhh... meeeeeeeh!
Uhhhhh...
I can't believe you're gonna
nail a cheerleader tonight!
I wonder if zombie boobs
still feel like boobs.
I call dibs.
Ugh.
Does anyone have a ziplock?