Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 5, Episode 6 - Major League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - full transcript
The creators give us the best 60 seconds in TV history! Plus find out how the ice cream sundae was created; what having "Spider-sense" is really like, and if the Keebler Elves can defend ...
It's alive!
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the
best 60 seconds in television history.
Aaaaah!
Aaaah!
Okay, Lorraine, let's
meet your suitors.
Bachelor number one
is a peeping tom.
Bachelor number two is
an attempted rapist.
And bachelor number
three is your own son.
I'm becoming a nun.
Hey, thanks for playing, Marty.
My spider sense is
tingling, but why?!
Is it the green goblin?!
The lizard?!
Aunt may having another stroke?!
Nothing? Okay.
Oh, the milk went bad.
Um, thanks, spider sense?
Uh-oh, spider sense tingling!
Oh, no... Those kids!
You tingled me over a puddle?!
Face it, tiger...
You're gonna get laid.
Yes!
After tonight, the vulture can't
call me a virgin ever again!
No, no! Shoo, shoo!
Come on, let another part
of me tingle for once!
Uh-oh!
Be more specific!
Of course I'm in danger!
I'm hundreds of feet
above manhat... Ugh!
Whatever.
Well, Mr. Parker, it looks
like you broke your ankle.
Also, x-rays show a tumor at the
base of your skull that is, for
lack of a better word, tingling.
Remove it. Remove it now.
Time of death... 3:47 P.M.
I'm gonna make it rain!
So, I told the Oompa-Loompas,
"come live with me in peace and
safety, away from all the Wangdoodles and
the Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers
and rotten Vernicious knids."
Aaaaaaah!
And 5, 6, 7, 8!
♪ Oompa-Loompa, doopity ♪
Arms, people!
It's all in the arms! Come on!
♪ Oompa-Loompa ♪
Hey, you... you there!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this dance too
challenging for you?
Are you tired?
You feeling faint?
Why don't you just
take a load off, okay?
Aaaah!
All right, people,
here we go again.
This time, with feeling!
And 5, 6, 7, 8!
Welcome back to "Unwrapped."
You know, nearly everyone has
enjoyed an ice-cream sundae on a
hot day, but the origins of this
tasty treat may just surprise you.
It's commonly accepted that the
sundae was invented in Evanston,
Illinois, circa 1890.
We went to Dr. Peter Yarbourgh
for the real scoop.
Here's how [bleep] dumb these
[bleep] heads in Illinois were.
The ice-cream soda had
just been invented.
Teenagers liked them.
So, these [bleep] religious
numbnuts sat around jacking off
in church all day, thinking
about how much they just hated
teenagers and decided... true
[bleep] story, people... that
God therefore must
hate ice-cream sodas.
That's right!
These Illinois [bleep] knobs
concluded that God, creator of
the infinite universe who
probably had a trillion [bleep]
better things to do, actually
had an opinion about mother
[bleep] ice-cream sodas!
So the state of Illinois banned
ice-cream sodas on Sundays, you
know, I guess so God wouldn't
make it rain crickets or some
ridiculous [bleep] horse [bleep]
Long story short, every Sunday,
the [bleep] ice-cream stores,
they'd just... ta da!... They'd just leave
out the soda part,
and these Illinois [bleep] sat
around, jacked off, thinking
about how much they had pleased
their invisible master, who
lives on a [bleep] flying cloud
or wherever the [bleep] he lives!
That's how ice-cream sundaes were invented...
dumb [bleep] Illinois assholes!
Up next, Skittles.
Oh [bleep] Skittles!
Can't we try
missionary just once?
Krabby patties are
made out of crabs!
Everyone knows krabby patties are
me family's secret recipe, boy.
Then explain this!
You said you fired Carl, the night
janitor, but this is his tattoo!
You little yellow bastard!
I treated you like
a son, me boy!
And it's not just crabs!
Squidward, those calamari
rings are squid!
And your chicken-of-the-sea
salad... ha!... Tuna!
Chicken of the sea is tuna!
You fed us to us!
You let us pay you to kill us?!
You're disgusting!
No!
I'm the last honest
man in bikini bottom!
We're all animals,
boys and girls!
Eating each other is
what nature intended!
I'm just glad nothing
disgusting happens to a sponge.
Okay, just got to scrub deep within
your rolls of fat, and we're done.
I said nothing disgusting
ever happens to a sponge!
Ugh, I hope that's
pudding in there.
I sure was lucky to get a job after
my first two nights at the museums.
Oh, hell, no!
Today, I consider meself...The Lou
Gehrig-est man on the face of the earth.
Well, if
it isn't this loser.
Snarf, snarf!
Oh, man, please don't
let this fool start talking to me.
What are you hiding under that pointy
hat, feeb... he-man's spray tanner?
Snarf, snarf!
This pathetic jackass can't even go one
sentence without saying his own name.
Nice bathrobe, douche!
Snarf, snarf.
What if I had a vocal
affectation that annoying?
Hope it doesn't rain today.
Orko, orko!
Would you like fries with that?
Orko, orko!
I'd end up in a shallow grave.
Asshole.
Snarf.
Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, okay.
Snarf, snarf.
Speak English, you half-wit!
Snarf, snarf!
Uh-huh, yeah.
I see.
Kill me, kill me, kill me.
Oh, crap!
Do not turn around, please,
you son of a bitch!
Oh, no, do not turn around!
Don't turn around!
Gleek, it's me... Andy Richter!
Oh, seeing you here reminds
me of a great Conan story.
A wonderful day to make cookies...
cookies with the finest ingredients, the
smoothest chocolate.
Oh, that I lived
to see this day.
Are you sure, Ernest?
Yes.
Listen to the voice
upon the wind.
You will know it to be true.
Cookie.
Cookie!
Cookie!
Hold!
Hold!
Hold!
I owed them overtime.
Uh, b-b-b-but you owe me
overtime, which is no big deal.
Cookie!
Cookie!
Cookie!
I didn't sign up for this!
I just wanted to make cookies!
I'm making cookies in
my pants right now!
They're shaped like poo!
Aah!
Cookie!
Agh! Unh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Aaaaah!
Now give the monster
what he wants!
Diabetes?
Good comment on modern
culture, but no... cookies!
Faster, buckets!
Pack that fudge!
Pack that fudge, damn it!
Save your immaturity for when
we're not about to be killed,
you idiot!
Fudge.
Cookie monster can't stop...
can't stop eating cookies!
They didn't know he
have cookie addiction!
It like they feed
heroin to junkie!
It was a home invasion!
They acted in self-defense!
Order, please! Order!
The court finds in favor
of Keebler incorporated!
I guess that's the way
the cookie crumbles.
Me son is dead and you make pun?!
Me kill you!
Me [bleep] kill you!
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the
best 60 seconds in television history.
Aaaaah!
Aaaah!
Okay, Lorraine, let's
meet your suitors.
Bachelor number one
is a peeping tom.
Bachelor number two is
an attempted rapist.
And bachelor number
three is your own son.
I'm becoming a nun.
Hey, thanks for playing, Marty.
My spider sense is
tingling, but why?!
Is it the green goblin?!
The lizard?!
Aunt may having another stroke?!
Nothing? Okay.
Oh, the milk went bad.
Um, thanks, spider sense?
Uh-oh, spider sense tingling!
Oh, no... Those kids!
You tingled me over a puddle?!
Face it, tiger...
You're gonna get laid.
Yes!
After tonight, the vulture can't
call me a virgin ever again!
No, no! Shoo, shoo!
Come on, let another part
of me tingle for once!
Uh-oh!
Be more specific!
Of course I'm in danger!
I'm hundreds of feet
above manhat... Ugh!
Whatever.
Well, Mr. Parker, it looks
like you broke your ankle.
Also, x-rays show a tumor at the
base of your skull that is, for
lack of a better word, tingling.
Remove it. Remove it now.
Time of death... 3:47 P.M.
I'm gonna make it rain!
So, I told the Oompa-Loompas,
"come live with me in peace and
safety, away from all the Wangdoodles and
the Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers
and rotten Vernicious knids."
Aaaaaaah!
And 5, 6, 7, 8!
♪ Oompa-Loompa, doopity ♪
Arms, people!
It's all in the arms! Come on!
♪ Oompa-Loompa ♪
Hey, you... you there!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this dance too
challenging for you?
Are you tired?
You feeling faint?
Why don't you just
take a load off, okay?
Aaaah!
All right, people,
here we go again.
This time, with feeling!
And 5, 6, 7, 8!
Welcome back to "Unwrapped."
You know, nearly everyone has
enjoyed an ice-cream sundae on a
hot day, but the origins of this
tasty treat may just surprise you.
It's commonly accepted that the
sundae was invented in Evanston,
Illinois, circa 1890.
We went to Dr. Peter Yarbourgh
for the real scoop.
Here's how [bleep] dumb these
[bleep] heads in Illinois were.
The ice-cream soda had
just been invented.
Teenagers liked them.
So, these [bleep] religious
numbnuts sat around jacking off
in church all day, thinking
about how much they just hated
teenagers and decided... true
[bleep] story, people... that
God therefore must
hate ice-cream sodas.
That's right!
These Illinois [bleep] knobs
concluded that God, creator of
the infinite universe who
probably had a trillion [bleep]
better things to do, actually
had an opinion about mother
[bleep] ice-cream sodas!
So the state of Illinois banned
ice-cream sodas on Sundays, you
know, I guess so God wouldn't
make it rain crickets or some
ridiculous [bleep] horse [bleep]
Long story short, every Sunday,
the [bleep] ice-cream stores,
they'd just... ta da!... They'd just leave
out the soda part,
and these Illinois [bleep] sat
around, jacked off, thinking
about how much they had pleased
their invisible master, who
lives on a [bleep] flying cloud
or wherever the [bleep] he lives!
That's how ice-cream sundaes were invented...
dumb [bleep] Illinois assholes!
Up next, Skittles.
Oh [bleep] Skittles!
Can't we try
missionary just once?
Krabby patties are
made out of crabs!
Everyone knows krabby patties are
me family's secret recipe, boy.
Then explain this!
You said you fired Carl, the night
janitor, but this is his tattoo!
You little yellow bastard!
I treated you like
a son, me boy!
And it's not just crabs!
Squidward, those calamari
rings are squid!
And your chicken-of-the-sea
salad... ha!... Tuna!
Chicken of the sea is tuna!
You fed us to us!
You let us pay you to kill us?!
You're disgusting!
No!
I'm the last honest
man in bikini bottom!
We're all animals,
boys and girls!
Eating each other is
what nature intended!
I'm just glad nothing
disgusting happens to a sponge.
Okay, just got to scrub deep within
your rolls of fat, and we're done.
I said nothing disgusting
ever happens to a sponge!
Ugh, I hope that's
pudding in there.
I sure was lucky to get a job after
my first two nights at the museums.
Oh, hell, no!
Today, I consider meself...The Lou
Gehrig-est man on the face of the earth.
Well, if
it isn't this loser.
Snarf, snarf!
Oh, man, please don't
let this fool start talking to me.
What are you hiding under that pointy
hat, feeb... he-man's spray tanner?
Snarf, snarf!
This pathetic jackass can't even go one
sentence without saying his own name.
Nice bathrobe, douche!
Snarf, snarf.
What if I had a vocal
affectation that annoying?
Hope it doesn't rain today.
Orko, orko!
Would you like fries with that?
Orko, orko!
I'd end up in a shallow grave.
Asshole.
Snarf.
Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, okay.
Snarf, snarf.
Speak English, you half-wit!
Snarf, snarf!
Uh-huh, yeah.
I see.
Kill me, kill me, kill me.
Oh, crap!
Do not turn around, please,
you son of a bitch!
Oh, no, do not turn around!
Don't turn around!
Gleek, it's me... Andy Richter!
Oh, seeing you here reminds
me of a great Conan story.
A wonderful day to make cookies...
cookies with the finest ingredients, the
smoothest chocolate.
Oh, that I lived
to see this day.
Are you sure, Ernest?
Yes.
Listen to the voice
upon the wind.
You will know it to be true.
Cookie.
Cookie!
Cookie!
Hold!
Hold!
Hold!
I owed them overtime.
Uh, b-b-b-but you owe me
overtime, which is no big deal.
Cookie!
Cookie!
Cookie!
I didn't sign up for this!
I just wanted to make cookies!
I'm making cookies in
my pants right now!
They're shaped like poo!
Aah!
Cookie!
Agh! Unh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Aaaaah!
Now give the monster
what he wants!
Diabetes?
Good comment on modern
culture, but no... cookies!
Faster, buckets!
Pack that fudge!
Pack that fudge, damn it!
Save your immaturity for when
we're not about to be killed,
you idiot!
Fudge.
Cookie monster can't stop...
can't stop eating cookies!
They didn't know he
have cookie addiction!
It like they feed
heroin to junkie!
It was a home invasion!
They acted in self-defense!
Order, please! Order!
The court finds in favor
of Keebler incorporated!
I guess that's the way
the cookie crumbles.
Me son is dead and you make pun?!
Me kill you!
Me [bleep] kill you!