Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 5, Episode 7 - Schindler's Bucket List - full transcript
Baby needs-a-name, from Strawberry Shortcake, gets a name no one will ever forget; a roast for Cobra Commander has a surprise ending and the creators finally reveal the secret of what happened to Skeeter from Muppet Babies.
[ Thunder crashing ]
[ Drilling, sawing ]
[ Electricity crackling ]
It's alive!
♪ Bass with a bass, bass ♪
♪ bass with a bass, come on ♪
♪ bass with a bass, bass ♪
Kristi?
Jamal?
Come on, you guys!
This isn't funny!
Aaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming continues ]
[ Screaming stops ]
Kristi?
Jamal?
Come on, you guys!
This isn't funny!
Aaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[ Upbeat rock music plays ]
[ Bicycle bell dings ]
All right, Jason! Yeah!
[ Music continues ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Neck cracks ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Growls ]
Unh!
Where does rain come from?
It's God just pissing
on your dumbass head.
What are you doing with my son?
So, with housing starts the
lowest they've been since 2003,
I thought the interest-only
loan was viable.
I mean, did you know the financial
crisis of 2008 was caused by unregulated
derivatives as much as housing...
Excuse me. Hello? Yeah.
My eyes are up here.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, listen, what more can I say about
a guy who put "commander" in his name?
Hey, we get it.
[ Chuckles ]
No, but seriously, you're
a great Cobra Commander.
You've always been there for
me, and I appreciate it.
[ All chuckle ]
That was funny.
Hey, thanks for coming out, everybody.
Baroness, I promise I'll make
this quick so you can get back
to sucking Destro's [bleep]
[ Nervous laughter ]
I swear, if he wore that helmet on his
[bleep] she'd have lead poisoning.
Am I right?
Hey, Xamot, I hear you experience
everything Tomax does.
I guess that means you know what
my [bleep] tastes like, too.
I see you over there, Serpentor.
Didn't Dr. Mindbender give you the memo?
The hunt's over.
You can stop gathering DNA.
Arr! Arr! Arr!
Nice outfit, by the way.
If it were any louder, I'd have to
wear earplugs when you suck my [bleep]
Gee, I wonder what he wanted to say.
[ As Mindbender ] "I vant to bend your
mind into letting me suck your [bleep]"
[ Laughs ]
Don't worry.
I haven't forgotten
about you, Cobra Commander.
It is your night, after all.
The ruthless terrorist organizer
determined to suck my [bleep]
How dare you!
Hey, is your voice okay?
Let me get you something
for your throat.
My [bleep]
My [bleep]
[ All shouting angrily ]
It's working.
Wild Bill's disguise worked!
We ruined Cobra Commander's roast!
All right!
[ Gunshot ]
Bill?
[ Coughs ]
Start the van.
First division, cha-a-a-rge!
[ Guns cock ]
General!
Major!
No! Outranked!
Captain.
Colonel.
Nah!
Son of a... Ha ha ha!
Sergeant!
Sergeant!
Damn it!
Aw, come on!
Ha ha! Major!
Die!
Oh, please!
I'm... I'm just a scout!
[ Sizzling ]
[ Gun cocks ]
Captain!
Surely, one bomb can't
detonate three t... Aah!
Victory will be ours!
Huh?
H-hey, guys, I got it!
I got their flag!
We win!
W-what?!
You don't win!
We're creaming you guys!
[ Singsong voice ] I got your flag!
That means we win!
That's total crap!
I used a way better strategy!
But I used a better stratego.
[ Ting! ]
Baby needs a name,
your wish came true.
You have a pet of your berry own.
Yes, strawberry shortcake.
But I have another wish.
I want to have a name
of my very own, too.
We should give you a name soon
and not leave it open to debate.
Strawberry land is berry
sheltered, but it's big world
out there, and others might have
berry different opinions about
what constitutes an appropriate name.
I'm not worried.
Well, I'm just...
[ Door bangs ]
Oh.
Hello, bitch pudding.
Whassup, hoes?
[ Farts ]
[ Scoffs ]
[ Tab pops ]
[ Door slams ]
[ Door slams ]
Whew!
Anyway, I'm sure that one day, someone
will give you a name... Blam!
Your name is [Bleep] Face!
You [bleep] [Bleep] Face!
Blam!
[Bleep] Face!
Blam!
[Bleep] Face!
Blam, bitches!
♪ Da-da-daaaa daaaa ♪
Bitch pudding!
[ Door slams ]
[ Crash ]
[ Door slams ]
[ Sighs ]
I am so sorry.
I think she has
Asperger's or something.
But don't take it personally,
baby needs a name.
No, no.
Call me [Bleep] Face.
Mommy, what are eggs?
Baby chickens, sweetie.
Do all babies come from eggs?
Yes, they do.
Did I come from an egg?
You sure did, dear.
Is the mama chicken sad that
we're eating her babies?
God, I hope so.
A chicken killed your father!
Aaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
I'm trying to read!
[ Crash, scuffling ]
Ugh! A rock lord?!
Seriously?!
[Bleep] you both.
You know, in some countries, little
boys are grateful for rock lords.
Oh, yeah? What countries?
Oh, a rock lord!
Thank you, mother!
Thank you, father!
I am so very grateful to have
such thoughtful parents.
[ Trilling ]
Rock lords!
They hurt like a [bleep]
[ Trilling ]
For my next feat, I will
walk across hot coals while
explaining what the hell I am.
No.
For your next feat, you die!
Aaah!
[ Sizzling ]
Gonzo died as he lived, and our
family will never be whole again.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Steve Martin!
Yaaay!
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down...
Ooh!
Are we burying him in a Sybian?
[ Clucking ]
You know, the last time a
Muppet died was... Excuse me!
Don't you mean...
"Excu-u-u-u-se me!"
No! This is a funeral!
I'm working!
Do I come to where you work and
knock the [bleep] out of your mouth?
Wow. Steve's working blue.
But he's right.
We vowed never to talk about...
That night.
[ Eerie music plays ]
[ Speaking Swedish ]
And then the dad says,
"The Aristocrats!"
Wakka wakka!
Hey, Fozzie, why did
the bear turn red?
I don't know, stranger.
Because he was "em-bear-rassed."
[ Unenthusiastic ] Wakka, wakka.
Then how about this... because
I [bleep] stabbed him!
Waa-haa!
What a showstopper.
[ Groans ]
See?
I told you the bear was
gonna die onstage tonight.
[ Both laugh ]
Hey, guys... can you stop laughing
and call me an ambulance?
You're an ambulance!
[ Both laugh ]
[ Scraping ]
[ Scuffling, Fozzie screaming ]
[ Squeak ]
First Gonzo, now Fozzie.
- Could we be paying the price for what we
did to... - Don't say that name, Kermie!
Oh!
Miss Piggy's telling me what to do!
Wow! Hey, everybody! Come here!
You got to come see this!
Piggy's telling me what to do!
Wow!
Must be a day that ends in "y"!
Hey, uh, Scooter.
Oh, hey, there, boss.
We need to talk about Skeeter's death.
Why, sure.
I love talking about my twin sister.
If not for that tragic accident...
You know, I'm gonna stop you right there.
I got something I got to tell you.
Let's play "The Little Mermaid"!
Let's question Kermit's sexuality!
Wakka wakka!
Holon.
Let me grab my floaties.
What a nerd.
[ Clears throat ]
Moi will play La Petite Mermaid.
Mermaids aren't fat!
Wha... Yikes!
Skeeter, if you only take my
advice once in your natural
life, take it now.
Walk away.
Ohh!
Nanny!
Skeeter's hitting us again!
Yeah, who's the homo now?
[ Groans ]
Unh!
If we do this thing, it's
our secret forever.
[ Muffled screaming ]
[ Screaming stops ]
All: Nanny!
You killed my sister?!
Yeah, well, it was
60% self-defense, but we' kind
of burying the lead here.
We think Skeeter's come back
from the grave for revenge!
Oh, Skeeter will
have her revenge.
[ "Psycho" theme plays ]
Both: Aaaah!
15 seconds till your death!
Hyah!
Wha... Here it comes!
Showtime!
[ Clucking ]
You can't shoot me.
Chickens don't even have fingers.
Ohh!
That bit never gets old.
[ Banjo music plays ]
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[ Upbeat rock music plays ]
[ Drilling, sawing ]
[ Electricity crackling ]
It's alive!
♪ Bass with a bass, bass ♪
♪ bass with a bass, come on ♪
♪ bass with a bass, bass ♪
Kristi?
Jamal?
Come on, you guys!
This isn't funny!
Aaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[ Screaming ]
[ Screaming continues ]
[ Screaming stops ]
Kristi?
Jamal?
Come on, you guys!
This isn't funny!
Aaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[ Upbeat rock music plays ]
[ Bicycle bell dings ]
All right, Jason! Yeah!
[ Music continues ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Neck cracks ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Growls ]
Unh!
Where does rain come from?
It's God just pissing
on your dumbass head.
What are you doing with my son?
So, with housing starts the
lowest they've been since 2003,
I thought the interest-only
loan was viable.
I mean, did you know the financial
crisis of 2008 was caused by unregulated
derivatives as much as housing...
Excuse me. Hello? Yeah.
My eyes are up here.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, listen, what more can I say about
a guy who put "commander" in his name?
Hey, we get it.
[ Chuckles ]
No, but seriously, you're
a great Cobra Commander.
You've always been there for
me, and I appreciate it.
[ All chuckle ]
That was funny.
Hey, thanks for coming out, everybody.
Baroness, I promise I'll make
this quick so you can get back
to sucking Destro's [bleep]
[ Nervous laughter ]
I swear, if he wore that helmet on his
[bleep] she'd have lead poisoning.
Am I right?
Hey, Xamot, I hear you experience
everything Tomax does.
I guess that means you know what
my [bleep] tastes like, too.
I see you over there, Serpentor.
Didn't Dr. Mindbender give you the memo?
The hunt's over.
You can stop gathering DNA.
Arr! Arr! Arr!
Nice outfit, by the way.
If it were any louder, I'd have to
wear earplugs when you suck my [bleep]
Gee, I wonder what he wanted to say.
[ As Mindbender ] "I vant to bend your
mind into letting me suck your [bleep]"
[ Laughs ]
Don't worry.
I haven't forgotten
about you, Cobra Commander.
It is your night, after all.
The ruthless terrorist organizer
determined to suck my [bleep]
How dare you!
Hey, is your voice okay?
Let me get you something
for your throat.
My [bleep]
My [bleep]
[ All shouting angrily ]
It's working.
Wild Bill's disguise worked!
We ruined Cobra Commander's roast!
All right!
[ Gunshot ]
Bill?
[ Coughs ]
Start the van.
First division, cha-a-a-rge!
[ Guns cock ]
General!
Major!
No! Outranked!
Captain.
Colonel.
Nah!
Son of a... Ha ha ha!
Sergeant!
Sergeant!
Damn it!
Aw, come on!
Ha ha! Major!
Die!
Oh, please!
I'm... I'm just a scout!
[ Sizzling ]
[ Gun cocks ]
Captain!
Surely, one bomb can't
detonate three t... Aah!
Victory will be ours!
Huh?
H-hey, guys, I got it!
I got their flag!
We win!
W-what?!
You don't win!
We're creaming you guys!
[ Singsong voice ] I got your flag!
That means we win!
That's total crap!
I used a way better strategy!
But I used a better stratego.
[ Ting! ]
Baby needs a name,
your wish came true.
You have a pet of your berry own.
Yes, strawberry shortcake.
But I have another wish.
I want to have a name
of my very own, too.
We should give you a name soon
and not leave it open to debate.
Strawberry land is berry
sheltered, but it's big world
out there, and others might have
berry different opinions about
what constitutes an appropriate name.
I'm not worried.
Well, I'm just...
[ Door bangs ]
Oh.
Hello, bitch pudding.
Whassup, hoes?
[ Farts ]
[ Scoffs ]
[ Tab pops ]
[ Door slams ]
[ Door slams ]
Whew!
Anyway, I'm sure that one day, someone
will give you a name... Blam!
Your name is [Bleep] Face!
You [bleep] [Bleep] Face!
Blam!
[Bleep] Face!
Blam!
[Bleep] Face!
Blam, bitches!
♪ Da-da-daaaa daaaa ♪
Bitch pudding!
[ Door slams ]
[ Crash ]
[ Door slams ]
[ Sighs ]
I am so sorry.
I think she has
Asperger's or something.
But don't take it personally,
baby needs a name.
No, no.
Call me [Bleep] Face.
Mommy, what are eggs?
Baby chickens, sweetie.
Do all babies come from eggs?
Yes, they do.
Did I come from an egg?
You sure did, dear.
Is the mama chicken sad that
we're eating her babies?
God, I hope so.
A chicken killed your father!
Aaaah!
Aaaaaaaaaaah!
I'm trying to read!
[ Crash, scuffling ]
Ugh! A rock lord?!
Seriously?!
[Bleep] you both.
You know, in some countries, little
boys are grateful for rock lords.
Oh, yeah? What countries?
Oh, a rock lord!
Thank you, mother!
Thank you, father!
I am so very grateful to have
such thoughtful parents.
[ Trilling ]
Rock lords!
They hurt like a [bleep]
[ Trilling ]
For my next feat, I will
walk across hot coals while
explaining what the hell I am.
No.
For your next feat, you die!
Aaah!
[ Sizzling ]
Gonzo died as he lived, and our
family will never be whole again.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Steve Martin!
Yaaay!
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down...
Ooh!
Are we burying him in a Sybian?
[ Clucking ]
You know, the last time a
Muppet died was... Excuse me!
Don't you mean...
"Excu-u-u-u-se me!"
No! This is a funeral!
I'm working!
Do I come to where you work and
knock the [bleep] out of your mouth?
Wow. Steve's working blue.
But he's right.
We vowed never to talk about...
That night.
[ Eerie music plays ]
[ Speaking Swedish ]
And then the dad says,
"The Aristocrats!"
Wakka wakka!
Hey, Fozzie, why did
the bear turn red?
I don't know, stranger.
Because he was "em-bear-rassed."
[ Unenthusiastic ] Wakka, wakka.
Then how about this... because
I [bleep] stabbed him!
Waa-haa!
What a showstopper.
[ Groans ]
See?
I told you the bear was
gonna die onstage tonight.
[ Both laugh ]
Hey, guys... can you stop laughing
and call me an ambulance?
You're an ambulance!
[ Both laugh ]
[ Scraping ]
[ Scuffling, Fozzie screaming ]
[ Squeak ]
First Gonzo, now Fozzie.
- Could we be paying the price for what we
did to... - Don't say that name, Kermie!
Oh!
Miss Piggy's telling me what to do!
Wow! Hey, everybody! Come here!
You got to come see this!
Piggy's telling me what to do!
Wow!
Must be a day that ends in "y"!
Hey, uh, Scooter.
Oh, hey, there, boss.
We need to talk about Skeeter's death.
Why, sure.
I love talking about my twin sister.
If not for that tragic accident...
You know, I'm gonna stop you right there.
I got something I got to tell you.
Let's play "The Little Mermaid"!
Let's question Kermit's sexuality!
Wakka wakka!
Holon.
Let me grab my floaties.
What a nerd.
[ Clears throat ]
Moi will play La Petite Mermaid.
Mermaids aren't fat!
Wha... Yikes!
Skeeter, if you only take my
advice once in your natural
life, take it now.
Walk away.
Ohh!
Nanny!
Skeeter's hitting us again!
Yeah, who's the homo now?
[ Groans ]
Unh!
If we do this thing, it's
our secret forever.
[ Muffled screaming ]
[ Screaming stops ]
All: Nanny!
You killed my sister?!
Yeah, well, it was
60% self-defense, but we' kind
of burying the lead here.
We think Skeeter's come back
from the grave for revenge!
Oh, Skeeter will
have her revenge.
[ "Psycho" theme plays ]
Both: Aaaah!
15 seconds till your death!
Hyah!
Wha... Here it comes!
Showtime!
[ Clucking ]
You can't shoot me.
Chickens don't even have fingers.
Ohh!
That bit never gets old.
[ Banjo music plays ]
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[ Upbeat rock music plays ]