Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 4, Episode 3 - I'm Trapped - full transcript
Witness the aftermath of Pluto Nash box office.
[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
Oh, looks like he was saying,
''Grape, Grape Ape.''
Now l understand.
l didn't hear the ''g,'' though.
Did anybody hear the ''g''?
♪ Well, there are words
that you can say ♪
like nouns, adjectives,
and verbs.
♪ And there are things
you just can't say ♪
Like curses and racist remarks.
♪ And people say it's not okay ♪
To ever confuse the two.
♪ 'Cause it makes them frown ♪
[ taser buzzes ]
♪ But l think it's profound ♪
♪ 'Cause my teacher tells
my folks l've got tourettes ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪
♪ l say ''bitch'' and ''pussy,''
but l really mean
two of my pets ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪
♪ l can say ''ass''
'cause it's something l saw ♪
♪ some say it's a curse ♪
♪ l say, ''hee-haw'' ♪
♪ l talk in a way
that no one gets ♪
♪ 'Cause there are words that
sound the same ♪
like ''dam'' and ''pecker''
and ''gay.''
♪ and then some words are
spelled the same ♪
like ''knockers'' and ''cock''
and ''snatch.''
♪ So people really can't complain
when l use them as l please ♪
♪ 'Cause they're homonyms ♪
♪ Yes, they're homonyms ♪
♪ So, when l yell out ''fag''
and ''chink'' and ''dike'' ♪
♪ They mean different things,
so l'm clearly within my right ♪
♪ l could just yell out ''homonym,''
but l prefer the ''homo'' spin ♪
♪ l'm teaching the world
'bout homo-nyms ♪
Yeah!
ALL:
♪ l'm teaching the world
'bout homo-nyms ♪
Everybody!
ALL:
♪ l'm teaching the world ♪
♪ let class begin ♪
Ahh, Afghanistan!
An appearance
by the vice president
should really
perk up the troops.
Sir, l'm concerned about
the security risks.
Don't be such
a bed-wetting a-hole!
We're totally incognito!
[ rockets fire ]
Aa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-h!
Mr. American Vice President,
you have suffered
a severe heart attack!
35 and counting, Jafar.
l had to construct a pacemaker
to keep your heart beating.
l'm afraid l did not have
much to work with,
but on the bright side,
you can play Simon on it.
[ beeping ]
Ha ha ha, that's very funny.
Could keep yourself occupied
for hours.
Ugh!
Now you will use
your American military secrets
to build us weapons or die!
Look, l made one already!
Aah!
l call it the Cheney special.
We'll take 1 ,000.
Mr. Vice President,
is that really you?
Who wants to know?
l'm Tony Stark.
l've built weapons for
the U.S. military for decades.
Don't worry.
l have a plan.
l've spent the last month
secretly building
this battle armor
right under their noses.
l'll wear the armor,
fight my way out of here,
cross the desert, find civilization,
and get you rescued!
Ah-h-h.
[ clang! ]
Booyah.
[ crash! ]
[ crash! ]
Go fuck yourselves!
[ all scream ]
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Fuck yourself!
Fuck yourself!
Fuck yourself!
Fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
[ screaming ]
[ gun cocks ]
Aah!
Eh, thought he was a bird.
Me Chunk. Me friend!
Me friend!
Unh!
Huh?
[ gobbles ]
[ screaming ]
No, stop it!
Aah, aah!
Sloth love Chunk!
[ screams ]
l was wrong about you,
Christmas Jones.
How so?
l thought Christmas only came
once a year.
[ giggles ]
Oh, James.
There he is!
Oh, l heard you saved
the world -- again!
So you and Christmas Jones,
huh?
l can't believe
you're tapping that!
Sorry to break it to you, boys --
Miss Jones is already
yesterday's news.
This is me, up on the left.
Oh, that's odd.
l'd have thought you lived
on 34th street.
Oh, right, because of...
my name.
Ha.
All right, love,
time to dick your halls.
Could you maybe stop doing
the pun thing?
l can't believe l made it
this far into Christmas
without wrapping my present.
Wha-- wait a second!
l'm not on the pill!
Well, l hope you've been
dreaming of a white Christmas.
Ugh!
l just got a headache.
So, when do l get to meet
your friends?
Uh...
So l said, ''l thought Christmas
only came once a year.''
James...
This guy's a tool.
He's got a really cool car.
You're breaking up with me?
There's nothing wrong
with you, James.
Maybe it's just an age thing.
What, you think l'm too old
for Christmas?
lf that helps you, yes.
[ sobbing ]
[ pen clicks ]
Oh, come on!
One of these fucking things
has to be loaded!
[ groans, cries ]
So l just looked at her,
and l said,
''well, l'm sorry, dear,
but l'm canceling Christmas.''
Oh, you dog!
You're always
humping and dumping.
You're the best, James!
Ah, you know me --
l got to be James.
[ chuckles, whimpers ]
Did you enjoy the movie, sir?
[ all screaming ]
Delete, delete!
[ screaming continues ]
l'm on fire!
[ all choking ]
[ gunshots ]
[ both screaming ]
l've got the weekend
box-office numbers, sir.
[ sighs ]
[ screams, laughs ]
Who wants to see
where daddy works?
Me, me! l do, l do!
[ all scream ]
The box-office returns from
''The Adventures of Pluto Nash''
claimed over 57 lives.
ln 2003,
the United States Congress
memorialized
the terrible tragedy
by establishing
August 16th as Pluto Nash day.
Who packed my chute?
l did.
Why? Don't you trust me?
Are we gonna jump,
or are we just gonna
jerk each other off?
[ door clangs shut ]
Behold!
An invitation to King Randor's
birthday party!
This is our chance to conquer
Castle Grayskull
once and for all!
l'm sure we're not on
the guest list, Skeletor.
Of course not,
you stupid twat
but what if we had a magical
clone of He-Man?
Well, l suppose,
hypothetically.
Unh-unh-unh, we do!
We have a magical clone
of He-Man.
♪ Da da-da daa ♪
What the hell is this,
Beast Man?
He's blue!
Well, l'm half-dog.
Everything's shades of gray
to me.
Me He-Man!
Oh, and his personal pronouns
are all fucked up.
l mean, where's the verb
in that sentence?
[ groans ]
Eh, l'm a gambler.
That's the thing
about feudal agriculture.
[ crash! ]
[ all gasp ]
Hey, just who the heck do you
think you --
Out my way, homo!
He hit that nail on the head.
[ gobbling ]
[ gasps ]
He-Man!
What a pleasant surprise!
We weren't expecting you.
Nice boobies!
Oh!
Oh, my.
Thank you, He-Man.
He-man, you look cold!
l brought you some piping-hot --
Aah, aah!
My eyes are blistering!
Why-y-y?!
[ laughter ]
We'll see about this!
Ha!
[ muffled shouting ]
[ laughs ]
You hear that?
Faker must be going all
blood-crazy on their asses!
♪ Let's have a party ♪
[ up-tempo music plays ]
What did l miss?
He-man pulled the stick out
of his butt,
and he's whipping
this party's ass with it!
Whoo!
What the hell, man?
[ all gasp ]
Well, what do you have to say
for yourself?
[ all gasp ]
♪ Let's have a party ♪
[ crowd chants ''He-Man'' ]
Oh, poopie.
[ music continues ]
Hey, everybody!
l'm here!
lt's me, the real He-Man!
[ music stops ]
Aah! Aah!
You little turds!
Those -- those were
my archenemies!
How dare you!
ALL:
Two He-Mans?
Wouldn't the plural be
He-Men?
ALL:
Which one is the real
He-Men?
Citizens of Eternia, l am
shocked at this behavior!
Excessive violence?
Binge drinking?
Haven't l set a better example
than that?
[ crowd jeers ]
You stink!
This He-Man sure sucks
the fun out of a room.
You're ruining my party!
- l --
- l'll make this simple.
Everyone who thinks this is the
real He-Man, raise your hands!
Everyone who thinks this is
the real He-Man,
raise your hands!
Well, then it's settled.
♪ Let's have a party ♪
Dance, dance, dance!
Oh, yeah, l boogie, boogie!
Dance, dance, dance!
Well done, Prince Adam!
Who Prince Adam?
Oops!
Boogie, boogie, boogie!
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ Don't you be tardy ♪
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ Don't be a smarty ♪
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Aa-a-a-a-h!
Booyah!
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
Oh, looks like he was saying,
''Grape, Grape Ape.''
Now l understand.
l didn't hear the ''g,'' though.
Did anybody hear the ''g''?
♪ Well, there are words
that you can say ♪
like nouns, adjectives,
and verbs.
♪ And there are things
you just can't say ♪
Like curses and racist remarks.
♪ And people say it's not okay ♪
To ever confuse the two.
♪ 'Cause it makes them frown ♪
[ taser buzzes ]
♪ But l think it's profound ♪
♪ 'Cause my teacher tells
my folks l've got tourettes ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪
♪ l say ''bitch'' and ''pussy,''
but l really mean
two of my pets ♪
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪
♪ l can say ''ass''
'cause it's something l saw ♪
♪ some say it's a curse ♪
♪ l say, ''hee-haw'' ♪
♪ l talk in a way
that no one gets ♪
♪ 'Cause there are words that
sound the same ♪
like ''dam'' and ''pecker''
and ''gay.''
♪ and then some words are
spelled the same ♪
like ''knockers'' and ''cock''
and ''snatch.''
♪ So people really can't complain
when l use them as l please ♪
♪ 'Cause they're homonyms ♪
♪ Yes, they're homonyms ♪
♪ So, when l yell out ''fag''
and ''chink'' and ''dike'' ♪
♪ They mean different things,
so l'm clearly within my right ♪
♪ l could just yell out ''homonym,''
but l prefer the ''homo'' spin ♪
♪ l'm teaching the world
'bout homo-nyms ♪
Yeah!
ALL:
♪ l'm teaching the world
'bout homo-nyms ♪
Everybody!
ALL:
♪ l'm teaching the world ♪
♪ let class begin ♪
Ahh, Afghanistan!
An appearance
by the vice president
should really
perk up the troops.
Sir, l'm concerned about
the security risks.
Don't be such
a bed-wetting a-hole!
We're totally incognito!
[ rockets fire ]
Aa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-h!
Mr. American Vice President,
you have suffered
a severe heart attack!
35 and counting, Jafar.
l had to construct a pacemaker
to keep your heart beating.
l'm afraid l did not have
much to work with,
but on the bright side,
you can play Simon on it.
[ beeping ]
Ha ha ha, that's very funny.
Could keep yourself occupied
for hours.
Ugh!
Now you will use
your American military secrets
to build us weapons or die!
Look, l made one already!
Aah!
l call it the Cheney special.
We'll take 1 ,000.
Mr. Vice President,
is that really you?
Who wants to know?
l'm Tony Stark.
l've built weapons for
the U.S. military for decades.
Don't worry.
l have a plan.
l've spent the last month
secretly building
this battle armor
right under their noses.
l'll wear the armor,
fight my way out of here,
cross the desert, find civilization,
and get you rescued!
Ah-h-h.
[ clang! ]
Booyah.
[ crash! ]
[ crash! ]
Go fuck yourselves!
[ all scream ]
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Fuck yourself!
Fuck yourself!
Fuck yourself!
Fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
[ screaming ]
[ gun cocks ]
Aah!
Eh, thought he was a bird.
Me Chunk. Me friend!
Me friend!
Unh!
Huh?
[ gobbles ]
[ screaming ]
No, stop it!
Aah, aah!
Sloth love Chunk!
[ screams ]
l was wrong about you,
Christmas Jones.
How so?
l thought Christmas only came
once a year.
[ giggles ]
Oh, James.
There he is!
Oh, l heard you saved
the world -- again!
So you and Christmas Jones,
huh?
l can't believe
you're tapping that!
Sorry to break it to you, boys --
Miss Jones is already
yesterday's news.
This is me, up on the left.
Oh, that's odd.
l'd have thought you lived
on 34th street.
Oh, right, because of...
my name.
Ha.
All right, love,
time to dick your halls.
Could you maybe stop doing
the pun thing?
l can't believe l made it
this far into Christmas
without wrapping my present.
Wha-- wait a second!
l'm not on the pill!
Well, l hope you've been
dreaming of a white Christmas.
Ugh!
l just got a headache.
So, when do l get to meet
your friends?
Uh...
So l said, ''l thought Christmas
only came once a year.''
James...
This guy's a tool.
He's got a really cool car.
You're breaking up with me?
There's nothing wrong
with you, James.
Maybe it's just an age thing.
What, you think l'm too old
for Christmas?
lf that helps you, yes.
[ sobbing ]
[ pen clicks ]
Oh, come on!
One of these fucking things
has to be loaded!
[ groans, cries ]
So l just looked at her,
and l said,
''well, l'm sorry, dear,
but l'm canceling Christmas.''
Oh, you dog!
You're always
humping and dumping.
You're the best, James!
Ah, you know me --
l got to be James.
[ chuckles, whimpers ]
Did you enjoy the movie, sir?
[ all screaming ]
Delete, delete!
[ screaming continues ]
l'm on fire!
[ all choking ]
[ gunshots ]
[ both screaming ]
l've got the weekend
box-office numbers, sir.
[ sighs ]
[ screams, laughs ]
Who wants to see
where daddy works?
Me, me! l do, l do!
[ all scream ]
The box-office returns from
''The Adventures of Pluto Nash''
claimed over 57 lives.
ln 2003,
the United States Congress
memorialized
the terrible tragedy
by establishing
August 16th as Pluto Nash day.
Who packed my chute?
l did.
Why? Don't you trust me?
Are we gonna jump,
or are we just gonna
jerk each other off?
[ door clangs shut ]
Behold!
An invitation to King Randor's
birthday party!
This is our chance to conquer
Castle Grayskull
once and for all!
l'm sure we're not on
the guest list, Skeletor.
Of course not,
you stupid twat
but what if we had a magical
clone of He-Man?
Well, l suppose,
hypothetically.
Unh-unh-unh, we do!
We have a magical clone
of He-Man.
♪ Da da-da daa ♪
What the hell is this,
Beast Man?
He's blue!
Well, l'm half-dog.
Everything's shades of gray
to me.
Me He-Man!
Oh, and his personal pronouns
are all fucked up.
l mean, where's the verb
in that sentence?
[ groans ]
Eh, l'm a gambler.
That's the thing
about feudal agriculture.
[ crash! ]
[ all gasp ]
Hey, just who the heck do you
think you --
Out my way, homo!
He hit that nail on the head.
[ gobbling ]
[ gasps ]
He-Man!
What a pleasant surprise!
We weren't expecting you.
Nice boobies!
Oh!
Oh, my.
Thank you, He-Man.
He-man, you look cold!
l brought you some piping-hot --
Aah, aah!
My eyes are blistering!
Why-y-y?!
[ laughter ]
We'll see about this!
Ha!
[ muffled shouting ]
[ laughs ]
You hear that?
Faker must be going all
blood-crazy on their asses!
♪ Let's have a party ♪
[ up-tempo music plays ]
What did l miss?
He-man pulled the stick out
of his butt,
and he's whipping
this party's ass with it!
Whoo!
What the hell, man?
[ all gasp ]
Well, what do you have to say
for yourself?
[ all gasp ]
♪ Let's have a party ♪
[ crowd chants ''He-Man'' ]
Oh, poopie.
[ music continues ]
Hey, everybody!
l'm here!
lt's me, the real He-Man!
[ music stops ]
Aah! Aah!
You little turds!
Those -- those were
my archenemies!
How dare you!
ALL:
Two He-Mans?
Wouldn't the plural be
He-Men?
ALL:
Which one is the real
He-Men?
Citizens of Eternia, l am
shocked at this behavior!
Excessive violence?
Binge drinking?
Haven't l set a better example
than that?
[ crowd jeers ]
You stink!
This He-Man sure sucks
the fun out of a room.
You're ruining my party!
- l --
- l'll make this simple.
Everyone who thinks this is the
real He-Man, raise your hands!
Everyone who thinks this is
the real He-Man,
raise your hands!
Well, then it's settled.
♪ Let's have a party ♪
Dance, dance, dance!
Oh, yeah, l boogie, boogie!
Dance, dance, dance!
Well done, Prince Adam!
Who Prince Adam?
Oops!
Boogie, boogie, boogie!
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ Don't you be tardy ♪
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ Don't be a smarty ♪
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Go fuck yourself!
Aa-a-a-a-h!
Booyah!