Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 4, Episode 4 - In a DVD Factory - full transcript
Find out the only way to kill a werewolf! Discover the secret origin of Composite Santa Claus!
[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
[ upbeat pop music plays ]
Blam! Blam!
l'm Magnum P.l.
♪ l wear Hawaiian shirts,
and l got a hairy chest ♪
Blam, punk!
Vroom, vroom!
Almost time for dinner, dear.
Shut up, Higgins!
Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh,
puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh.
Howdy, Magnum.
What's up, T.C.?
l'm a helicopter.
Wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh.
There's that meddling
private investigator
who broke up my
drug-smuggling ring.
Uh, you sure about that?
Shirt, hat.
lt's got to be him.
l'm gonna teach that son of a
bitch a lesson he'll never forget!
Vroom, vroom.
Gotcha, Magnum!
All right, Magnum.
Who tipped you off?
Who's the rat
in my organization?
l want my mommy-y-y!
Okay, l'm losing faith that
this is the real Magnum.
What makes you say that?
Well, 'cause this Magnum
just crapped himself.
Wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh.
You all better let Magnum go,
suckers!
Wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh.
Holy shit!
They got a chopper!
Get us the hell out of here!
Hold on!
Oh, my God!
We ran over that kid!
Where's your air support now,
Magnum?
l want to go ho-o-o-me!
This is crazy!
Stop the car!
What are you doing?
Let go of the wheel.
[ explosion ]
l'll get you next time,
Magnum P.l.
What?
What the hell just happened?
[ whimpering ]
[ growling ]
[ laughs ]
Only a silver bullet can kill me.
- Well.
- Uh.
No! No! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Stop it! Stop it!
[ breathing heavily ]
Huh?
What the fuck!
Ow! Jesus!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[ grunting ]
[ farting sporadically ]
[ farting loudly ]
[ toilet water splashing ]
[ farting and splashing
continues ]
[ flushing ]
The book says
he's still not dead.
lt has to be a silver bullet.
But that's a bunch of crap!
Whoops!
Dr. Bruce Banner --
physician, scientist --
searching for a way to tap that.
[ vocalizing holiday music ]
There you go, baby.
Thanks for sucking
on my candy cane.
This is a lollipop.
[ telephone rings ]
[ German accent ]
Did you get Santa's DNA?
And then some.
Did you get the DNA of
Frosty the Snowman?
Uh, sure.
Sure, l did.
Excellent.
When l combine the DNA
of Santa Claus und
Frosty the Snowman,
l will create
a holiday character so alluring,
no child alive will ever again
fail to enjoy Christmas.
That's not very evil.
Christianity will reign
supreme.
Judaism, Hinduism, lslam, and
Buddhism shall wither and die.
Oh, now it's evil again.
[ thunder crashing ]
Yes! Yes!
Oh, almost forgot.
Yes!
Yes!
Now, my glorious creation,
go forth und bring Christmas
to the world!
[ laughs evilly ]
Ho.
Ho, ho.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Let's start with your gifts.
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
Mmm!
[ chuckles ]
l lo-o-ve cookies!
[ laughs ]
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Here's composite Santa!
Aah!
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Oy! Right in the matzo balls.
Ho, ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho, ho!
[ children cheering ]
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Oh, no.
He's totally mashing my mellow,
man.
Why?
Boom shacka lacka!
Are you kidding me?
l forgot the batteries?
Oh, nothing ruins Christmas
morning like -- ah.
Here we go.
''C'' cells.
Boom shacka lacka!
And the genocidal villain
known as composite Santa Claus
is currently standing trial
before a United Nations
tribunal.
A death sentence
seems a slam dunk.
Okay, okay, plan ''B.''
Go get me the DNA
of a komodo dragon
und a leprechaun.
Ah, and...Go!
[ laughter ]
[ breathing laboriously ]
This just in.
A five-alarm fire has broken out
on the corner of 101st
and Broadway.
Firefighters are working diligently,
but police say there
is a child still trapped inside.
[ beeping ]
[ tires screeching ]
[ sirens wailing ]
Somebody help!
There's a kid in there!
[ hydraulics whirring ]
[ talks indistinctly ]
l see you.
[ breathing laboriously ]
[ dog whimpering ]
[ grunting ]
[ dog yelps ]
And just as quickly
as he appeared,
the mystery man vanished.
Just another unidentifiable figure
in a city of eight
million.
Whoever you are, we thank you.
Yea-a-a-h.
[ breathes laboriously ]
Hi!
l'm selling girl scout cookies.
Would you like some?
Yeah, you got any Samoas?
Oh, no, l'm sorry.
But l have lots of Trefoils.
Oh.
Aah!
With this glaive,
l shall save
Princess Lyssa and the planet Krull
from the evil of the beast.
Ugh.
The glaive is stuck in my back,
isn't it?
An entire hit squad
taken down just like that?
lt's impossible.
Not impossible.
Daredevil.
Daredevil?
That's just a myth.
Oh, really?
[ gasps ]
Where did that come from?
Okay, if l'm gonna
do this right,
l'll need a good, let's say,
20 square feet.
That means l should
knock the thugs out...
here, here, and...
here.
Hey!
Hey!
Homeless!
l'm putting my D's here,
my big flamin' D's.
Fuck you!
Hey, what are you doing?!
That gasoline is just gonna
evaporate.
You've got a point.
Give me that sterno.
Hey, l was gonna eat that!
He--
[ clang! ]
Oh, my God!
Hannah Montana, will you sign
the latest album for me?!
Oh, sure.
Where is it?
Oh, l don't buy CDs anymore.
Sign my iTunes.
Thanks.
You're the best.
Oh! One more thing.
[ school bell rings ]
Settle down, people.
[ crying ]
Lilly, Oliver.
Why are you crying?
l'm crying because Miley --
Shh!
Lilly, we got to keep
Miley's secret.
Uh.
Miley is...
home with diarrhea.
[ laughter ]
Well, our midterm is tomorrow,
so let's hope her stool
tightens considerably.
Oh, Miley.
My darlin' baby girl.
Oh, Mr. Stewart, such a shame
about your client.
Will your daughter, Miley, be
coming by to pay her respects?
[ sobbing ]
Oh, there there.
A big hug from your daughter
will cheer you up.
l'm sure she's just
stuck in traffic.
Oh, God.
All right, come on, Lilly.
Help me.
Oliver, this feels wrong.
Hey, we were
Miley's best friends.
We got to protect her secret
at any cost.
And that means getting her
to that midterm.
[ horn honks ]
[ gasps ]
Oh, no!
l'll be right back with your
drinks, Miss Lohan
Hannah Montana?
The tabloids said you were dead.
l hate those liars!
Ha ha!
You need some hair of the dog.
Hey, waiter!
[ blows air ]
Who do l got to fuck to get
a fresh round of Minnie's Drivers
over here?!
Oh, hey, what's up?
Uh, did you happen to see a limp,
blond girl fly
through the window?
Oh, my God.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Ménage à twat!
Oh, no, Señorita Lohan.
Se puede peligro mi trabajo.
l'm sorry.
Hannah's got rehearsal.
[ laughs ]
Rehearsal, Urkel.
Let's have an adventure!
Yeah! [ laughs ]
Aa-oo-gah!
Ha! Look at me!
l'm bankrupt!
[ laughs ]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
[ screaming ]
Uh, Lindsay.
Captain Lohan!
Ah, watch out!
Smile sharks!
They want our gold!
[ dolphins chirping ]
No way.
He's a witch!
[ sizzling! ]
l got to drop some shit off
at the pool.
Let's get the hell out
of here.
Oh, what smells like a baby's
ass full of lndian food?
No talking during the test,
people.
There she is!
What's going on here?
My daughter, Miley,
who is really...
Hannah Montana!
[ indistinct shouting ]
Oliver, do something!
Run, Miley!
Run!
And that's how we'll end
''Hannah Montana''
if you ever get knocked up like
that ''Zoey 101'' whore!
Got it, Cyrus?
l won't, l won't.
l promise.
[ sobbing ]
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
[ upbeat pop music plays ]
Blam! Blam!
l'm Magnum P.l.
♪ l wear Hawaiian shirts,
and l got a hairy chest ♪
Blam, punk!
Vroom, vroom!
Almost time for dinner, dear.
Shut up, Higgins!
Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh,
puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh.
Howdy, Magnum.
What's up, T.C.?
l'm a helicopter.
Wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh.
There's that meddling
private investigator
who broke up my
drug-smuggling ring.
Uh, you sure about that?
Shirt, hat.
lt's got to be him.
l'm gonna teach that son of a
bitch a lesson he'll never forget!
Vroom, vroom.
Gotcha, Magnum!
All right, Magnum.
Who tipped you off?
Who's the rat
in my organization?
l want my mommy-y-y!
Okay, l'm losing faith that
this is the real Magnum.
What makes you say that?
Well, 'cause this Magnum
just crapped himself.
Wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh.
You all better let Magnum go,
suckers!
Wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh.
Holy shit!
They got a chopper!
Get us the hell out of here!
Hold on!
Oh, my God!
We ran over that kid!
Where's your air support now,
Magnum?
l want to go ho-o-o-me!
This is crazy!
Stop the car!
What are you doing?
Let go of the wheel.
[ explosion ]
l'll get you next time,
Magnum P.l.
What?
What the hell just happened?
[ whimpering ]
[ growling ]
[ laughs ]
Only a silver bullet can kill me.
- Well.
- Uh.
No! No! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Stop it! Stop it!
[ breathing heavily ]
Huh?
What the fuck!
Ow! Jesus!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[ grunting ]
[ farting sporadically ]
[ farting loudly ]
[ toilet water splashing ]
[ farting and splashing
continues ]
[ flushing ]
The book says
he's still not dead.
lt has to be a silver bullet.
But that's a bunch of crap!
Whoops!
Dr. Bruce Banner --
physician, scientist --
searching for a way to tap that.
[ vocalizing holiday music ]
There you go, baby.
Thanks for sucking
on my candy cane.
This is a lollipop.
[ telephone rings ]
[ German accent ]
Did you get Santa's DNA?
And then some.
Did you get the DNA of
Frosty the Snowman?
Uh, sure.
Sure, l did.
Excellent.
When l combine the DNA
of Santa Claus und
Frosty the Snowman,
l will create
a holiday character so alluring,
no child alive will ever again
fail to enjoy Christmas.
That's not very evil.
Christianity will reign
supreme.
Judaism, Hinduism, lslam, and
Buddhism shall wither and die.
Oh, now it's evil again.
[ thunder crashing ]
Yes! Yes!
Oh, almost forgot.
Yes!
Yes!
Now, my glorious creation,
go forth und bring Christmas
to the world!
[ laughs evilly ]
Ho.
Ho, ho.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Let's start with your gifts.
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
Mmm!
[ chuckles ]
l lo-o-ve cookies!
[ laughs ]
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Here's composite Santa!
Aah!
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Oy! Right in the matzo balls.
Ho, ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho, ho!
[ children cheering ]
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Oh, no.
He's totally mashing my mellow,
man.
Why?
Boom shacka lacka!
Are you kidding me?
l forgot the batteries?
Oh, nothing ruins Christmas
morning like -- ah.
Here we go.
''C'' cells.
Boom shacka lacka!
And the genocidal villain
known as composite Santa Claus
is currently standing trial
before a United Nations
tribunal.
A death sentence
seems a slam dunk.
Okay, okay, plan ''B.''
Go get me the DNA
of a komodo dragon
und a leprechaun.
Ah, and...Go!
[ laughter ]
[ breathing laboriously ]
This just in.
A five-alarm fire has broken out
on the corner of 101st
and Broadway.
Firefighters are working diligently,
but police say there
is a child still trapped inside.
[ beeping ]
[ tires screeching ]
[ sirens wailing ]
Somebody help!
There's a kid in there!
[ hydraulics whirring ]
[ talks indistinctly ]
l see you.
[ breathing laboriously ]
[ dog whimpering ]
[ grunting ]
[ dog yelps ]
And just as quickly
as he appeared,
the mystery man vanished.
Just another unidentifiable figure
in a city of eight
million.
Whoever you are, we thank you.
Yea-a-a-h.
[ breathes laboriously ]
Hi!
l'm selling girl scout cookies.
Would you like some?
Yeah, you got any Samoas?
Oh, no, l'm sorry.
But l have lots of Trefoils.
Oh.
Aah!
With this glaive,
l shall save
Princess Lyssa and the planet Krull
from the evil of the beast.
Ugh.
The glaive is stuck in my back,
isn't it?
An entire hit squad
taken down just like that?
lt's impossible.
Not impossible.
Daredevil.
Daredevil?
That's just a myth.
Oh, really?
[ gasps ]
Where did that come from?
Okay, if l'm gonna
do this right,
l'll need a good, let's say,
20 square feet.
That means l should
knock the thugs out...
here, here, and...
here.
Hey!
Hey!
Homeless!
l'm putting my D's here,
my big flamin' D's.
Fuck you!
Hey, what are you doing?!
That gasoline is just gonna
evaporate.
You've got a point.
Give me that sterno.
Hey, l was gonna eat that!
He--
[ clang! ]
Oh, my God!
Hannah Montana, will you sign
the latest album for me?!
Oh, sure.
Where is it?
Oh, l don't buy CDs anymore.
Sign my iTunes.
Thanks.
You're the best.
Oh! One more thing.
[ school bell rings ]
Settle down, people.
[ crying ]
Lilly, Oliver.
Why are you crying?
l'm crying because Miley --
Shh!
Lilly, we got to keep
Miley's secret.
Uh.
Miley is...
home with diarrhea.
[ laughter ]
Well, our midterm is tomorrow,
so let's hope her stool
tightens considerably.
Oh, Miley.
My darlin' baby girl.
Oh, Mr. Stewart, such a shame
about your client.
Will your daughter, Miley, be
coming by to pay her respects?
[ sobbing ]
Oh, there there.
A big hug from your daughter
will cheer you up.
l'm sure she's just
stuck in traffic.
Oh, God.
All right, come on, Lilly.
Help me.
Oliver, this feels wrong.
Hey, we were
Miley's best friends.
We got to protect her secret
at any cost.
And that means getting her
to that midterm.
[ horn honks ]
[ gasps ]
Oh, no!
l'll be right back with your
drinks, Miss Lohan
Hannah Montana?
The tabloids said you were dead.
l hate those liars!
Ha ha!
You need some hair of the dog.
Hey, waiter!
[ blows air ]
Who do l got to fuck to get
a fresh round of Minnie's Drivers
over here?!
Oh, hey, what's up?
Uh, did you happen to see a limp,
blond girl fly
through the window?
Oh, my God.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Ménage à twat!
Oh, no, Señorita Lohan.
Se puede peligro mi trabajo.
l'm sorry.
Hannah's got rehearsal.
[ laughs ]
Rehearsal, Urkel.
Let's have an adventure!
Yeah! [ laughs ]
Aa-oo-gah!
Ha! Look at me!
l'm bankrupt!
[ laughs ]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
[ screaming ]
Uh, Lindsay.
Captain Lohan!
Ah, watch out!
Smile sharks!
They want our gold!
[ dolphins chirping ]
No way.
He's a witch!
[ sizzling! ]
l got to drop some shit off
at the pool.
Let's get the hell out
of here.
Oh, what smells like a baby's
ass full of lndian food?
No talking during the test,
people.
There she is!
What's going on here?
My daughter, Miley,
who is really...
Hannah Montana!
[ indistinct shouting ]
Oliver, do something!
Run, Miley!
Run!
And that's how we'll end
''Hannah Montana''
if you ever get knocked up like
that ''Zoey 101'' whore!
Got it, Cyrus?
l won't, l won't.
l promise.
[ sobbing ]
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.