Riverdale (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 18 - Chapter Seventy-Five: Lynchian - full transcript

"Lynchian." Adjective to
describe something inspired

by the noted American
filmmaker, David Lynch.

And/or to describe
something that is both

incredibly macabre
and incredibly mundane.

Also, Riverdale's status quo,
reaching new depths of perversion

with the discovery of a videotape in

which someone wearing a mask of me

is bludgeoned to death by someone
wearing a mask of my girlfriend.

Hey, what are you guys watching?

Jellybean, you gotta get out of here.

Sorry, this is NC-17 stuff.



Fine. Whatever.

Okay, so that was dropped
off at the sheriff's station,

in a bin with all of
the other Voyeur tapes?

Yeah, but all the other Voyeur
tapes were just static shots

of people's houses at a distance.

This is clearly an escalation.

It's a recreation of whatever someone
thinks happened to me in the woods.

And the big questions
are: Who is doing this

- and what are we gonna do about it?
- Me?

Nothing. No. I'm not getting
pulled into some creepy new mystery.

But you can feel free to get
sucked into this one, okay?

I could always use an extra set
of eyes and ears, little brother.

You're unusually chipper today, Daddy.

Mija, I just closed a
major distribution deal.



As of this morning, I'll
be supplying all the rum

for the Grande family's
chain of casinos,

up and down the Eastern seaboard.

You're doing business
with Elio shady ass again?

All I'm doing is selling rum, mija.

And beating you to a market
you hadn't even considered.

I did consider it. Weeks ago.

Instead, Red Raven is expanding
into a heretofore untapped market.

The college crowd.

With an affordable version
of our product, Maple Claw.

Good luck with that.

- What's up?
- What's up, Reggie?

What's up is I hear you
two have some scam going

where you're bringing
in some serious bank.

Are you dealing again, Fangs?

No. Are you?

No. That's why I'm broke.

And I want in on whatever you're doing.

So, what's the scam?

- We make tickle videos for a guy named Terry.
- Hmm?

And before you assume the
worst, it's not sexual.

No clothes come off at any time.

It's like an endurance sport.

And this Terry guy pays you?

Yeah.

And a lot more than dealing.

That's weird as hell, boys.

But do you think Terry
could use a guy like me?

"Dear diary, today I fell in
love with the boy next door.

He has red hair and freckles

and a scar on his eyebrow that he
got when he fell off his bicycle.

His name is Archie Andrews,

and he has a dog named Vegas,

who is super cute, but
not as cute as Archie."

Hey.

Hi.

What are you reading?

Just looking at one of my old diaries.

Oh, fifth grade. That's juicy.

- Mom, seriously.
- I'm sorry.

Oh, honey, you're so grown up.

I can't believe you're gonna be
leaving for Yale in a few months.

My precious little girl.

Mom, please, do not cry. If
you cry, I'm going to cry.

I'm sorry.

What could you possibly
cry about, honey?

You have your whole life ahead of you.

Three cases, as ordered.

Your party will be the
hit of frat row, boys.

Would be a bigger hit if you two came.

You ladies supply
anything other than booze?

Ew! Get out of my sight.

Bye!

Honestly, Veronica, what
happened to "quality always"?

Oh, great. The cast of
Swamp Thing just got here.

Welcome. I don't have any more
orders scheduled for pick-up,

but can I help you?

Actually, little lady, we're just,
uh, checking out the competition.

Jinx Malloy, of the Malloy family.

Maybe you gals have heard of us.

No, I'm afraid I canceled my
subscription to Truckers Weekly.

That's funny. You know what's not funny?

You bitches are cutting
into our profits.

You see, we Malloys have been running

the Maple Moonshine
business for generations.

And one of our most lucrative
markets is the college scene.

But recently we've been getting
wind of a new product that's...

eating into our customer base.

Maple Claw.

Let's say that's true.

What exactly would you
like us to do about that?

Just pull your product.

I don't think so.

See, I can guess who you boys work for.

And you can tell him

that Veronica Lodge and Cheryl Blossom

do not back down from a fight.

Now, if you'll excuse us,

we have bottles to fill.

Don't say we didn't warn you.

Veronica, what the hell was that?

That was a bluff.

Trust me, Cheryl, this
is typical of my father.

Last year, he sent thugs in
gargoyle masks to beat up on Reggie.

This year, it's hillbillies who
claim to produce Maple Moonshine.

Well, the good news
is, both drop-off boxes,

the one at the sheriff's
station and the one upstairs,

are under surveillance 24/7.

So maybe we can identify the person
who dropped off this faux snuff film.

Yeah, well, it's hours of footage.

Does this place have any popcorn?

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

What? Do you recognize someone?

Uh, maybe.

But I think I'm gonna check this
lead out alone. Is that cool?

Jughead's working late with Charles.

The videotapes.

Veronica's with Cheryl.

Doing her maple rum thing.

Archie...

why are we here?

I don't know.

But it's nice.

Right?

It is, but it's not like
we can do anything...

more than this.

What do you mean?

We're just hanging out.

I love Jughead.

And I love Veronica.

But this is nice, right?

What would you say
if you were here, Dad?

Probably something corny
like, "Follow your heart."

The problem is, I have no
idea where it's pointed.

And I don't want to hurt anyone.

I'm just...

I'm just missing you a lot.

Ethel, do you have a
moment to talk in private?

Jughead, sure.

This is so unexpected.

Yeah, what can I say, it's
been a pretty weird year.

I actually wanted to talk to you
about some of those creepy video tapes.

You dropped off a couple
at the station, right?

I did, yeah. It was just
hours and hours of our house.

Nothing new.

Well, there actually was
something new on one of them.

It was footage of someone
dressed up as Betty,

murdering someone dressed
up as me, with a rock.

- Oh, my God!
- You don't know anything about that, do you?

What? No. Of course not.

It's just that you're the only
person who has a direct connection

to Betty and me who dropped off a tape.

I didn't. I swear.

I'm just trying to keep my head down

and make it out of
Riverdale in one piece.

I didn't make any tape.

"Dear diary, today was the
happiest day of my life.

After walking home from school,

little Archie proposed to me.

Of course I want to marry Archie,
but I know we're too young.

So I told him that he should
ask me again when we're both 18

and in high school."

Everything all right, Betty?

Yeah. Sorry, I was
just thinking about...

Simpler times.

Simpler times.

Betty Cooper to the principal's office.

Betty Cooper to the principal's office.

- I really hate Mr. Honey.
- Likewise.

I wonder what I did this time.

I'm confused. What is this for?

For the yearbook.

You are editor-in-chief, aren't you?

Appointed last year.

Um, yes.

In between being attacked by
the Black Hood at junior prom

and being hunted by the Gargoyle
King before the Farm was raptured,

I volunteered to be in
charge of the yearbook.

Wonderful. So, tick-tock.

So, did you solve the case?

Unfortunately not.

I had a hunch, but it didn't pan out.

But I did have another thought,

that maybe our suspect is not a Voyeur.

Maybe they're a filmmaker.

Whoever made that video in the woods
had to know what they were doing,

and they even hired actors.

Plus, the fact that
it's all on videotape,

that's the hallmark of a cinephile.

Let's start at the Bijou theater.

Yeah. There's also Paramecium
Records and Blue Velvet Video.

Okay, that was seriously one of
the best videos we've made yet.

Good work. Especially you, Reggie.

You have a great laugh.

Nice and deep.

Keep this up and, uh, we're
all gonna make a lot of money.

We should go into business on our own,

and ditch this Terry
dude. We don't need him.

This is Terry's operation, Reggie.

If we act as our own distributor,

we don't have to cut anyone in

on our hard-earned bank.

We'll make our own website
and put it behind a pay wall.

You know, it's not a bad idea, Kevin.

Look, all you have to do
is let Terry down easy.

I'll take care of the
rest. Getting the equipment,

recruiting us some new talent.

This is gonna pay for our
community college education, boys.

I can't believe places
like this still exist.

Yeah. Open 24 hours, too.

Can I help you, gentlemen?

Yes, actually. This is quite
the retro vibe you got going on.

- FBI. Can we ask you a couple of questions?
- Sure can.

We're assuming you know about the
videotapes being delivered around town?

- Sure do.
- Have you heard anything about them?

Any of your customers acting suspicious?

They all act suspicious.

Can we check all your
records? Who's rented what?

Happy to oblige.

That's old school. I like it.

Each customer gets a page.

The first column is the date
when they checked out a tape.

Second column is the
date they returned it.

Who is E. Muggs?

Looks like they rented
Friday the 13th 16 times.

Oh, that's Ethel Muggs.
She's one of my regulars.

Well, heck, you may know
her. Goes to Riverdale High.

She's a senior, I believe.

Things aren't looking good
for your pal, Ethel Muggs.

I admit that renting Friday the
13th over ten times is excessive,

but it's not a sign of guilt.

I mean, I've seen Eraserhead
more times than I can count,

it doesn't mean I'm
the man in the planet.

She has a predilection for horror films.

She dropped off a
videotape at the station.

You said yourself that she
was obsessed with you, Jughead.

In my book, that makes
her a prime suspect.

Charles, I'm telling you, it finally
seems like Ethel is in a good place.

And there's more than 100 tapes.

I don't think she has the
bandwidth or even the equipment

for that kind of operation.

Let's just move on.

Cheryl.

You need to get to the Maple
Club right the hell now!

Oh, my God. What the
hell happened in here?

We were invaded

by those mountain men
you insisted on provoking.

- Who, the Malloys?
- Yes.

I was sleeping in my secret
room behind the office,

and heard the door being kicked in.

It's only by the grace of God they
didn't find and molest my mumzie.

Miss Blossom, I am so
sorry this happened to you.

I swear, I am going to murder my father.

You were out early, mija.

No. I was out late.

All night.

Cleaning up the Maple Club after you

sent those hillbilly
Malloys to trash it.

What? I did no such thing.

I would never do
business with the Malloys.

They're ruthless competitors.
They're dangerous.

Did Jinx's boys threaten you?

- If he threatened you...
- No, no. If you didn't start this,

then it's none of your concern, okay?

Do not underestimate the Malloys.

I've tangled with them.

Let me help you deal with this.

Okay? I'll settle whatever
dispute you have with them.

Absolutely not, Daddy.

This is my business, my war,

and I'm gonna win it on my terms.

Besides, if the Malloys are as
dangerous as you're insinuating,

you may not be strong
enough to go up against them.

"Dear Diary, today
was the best day ever.

Archie asked if I wanted to
come over and listen to records.

I said yes, of course."

♪ We used to laugh with style ♪

"Turns out the records were his dad's,

but they were still pretty cool."

Archie, what are you doing here?

Kev told me that Honey's
making you do the yearbook.

- I wanna help you.
- No.

Arch, you're not helping
me with the yearbook,

and that's not why you're here.

Okay, you're right. Honestly, I
can't stop thinking about you, Betty.

I've tried, but it's impossible.

Archie, we can't do this.

Not here.

Wait, "not here"?

- So that means you...
- I can't stop thinking about you either.

- So maybe...
- We meet tonight.

- At the bunker, maybe.
- No. Not... Not... Not tonight.

Tomorrow night.

So we have time to think about this.

And make sure it's what we really want.

Tomorrow night.

That actually gives me a little time
to do something. Finish something.

Okay.

Hi, Miss Bell. Now, as a senior,
I should probably know this,

but does this school have an AV Club?

We do, Mr. Jones.

Can anyone get access to the equipment?

I mean, I assume they have
like video cameras and VCRs.

Oh, yes, but only AV Club
members are allowed to use it.

Is Ethel Muggs a member of the AV Club?

She's the president.

How funny. You're the second
person to ask me that today.

The first was a handsome FBI agent.

Where is he now?

I believe I saw him leaving with Ethel.

Thanks for meeting with me, Terry.

Look, I appreciate all the
opportunities you've given me.

But I think it's time that I
stop making videos with you.

Why? You're in your prime.

I just...

I'm stressed that somehow
my dad is gonna find out.

And with graduation and college
coming up, I just, I want to be done.

That's all.

Okay, Kev.

Okay, I understand.

But if you change your mind,

you know where to find me.

So like we'd be tickling each other?

- Exactly.
- I don't know, dude.

Sounds kind of weird.

It's not, believe me.

And, fellas, we are talking
some serious money here.

Maybe if it was like... co-ed,

we could be down.

I think that could be arranged.

No freakin' way.

I'm not letting your mangy
Bulldogs paw my girlfriend's Vixens,

while she's dealing with a maple crisis.

- She would kill me.
- Fine.

If you want to laugh in the face
of cold, hard cash, be my guest.

Hold on a second, Reggie.

I have a counter proposal.

How about the Vixens tickle
the Bulldogs exclusively?

And that way, the
girls will be in charge.

Like it should be.

All right!

It is time to choose
our first contestant.

Our first lucky Bulldog on defense is...

Jimmy.

Okay, and the first Vixen

doing the tickling is...

Audrey.

Okay.

Let the tickle games begin.

Audrey, Jimmy, follow me
to the tickle suite, please.

Hunter Malloy.

You threatening my daughter,

you hillbilly scum?

Who?

You mean that sweet rum-runner girl?

I mean, we tried talking to her.

But what can I say?

Some tramps need more
of a hands-on approach.

Yeah?

Okay, man. I'm sorry.

- Face the wall.
- I'm just kidd...

Hey, hey, hey.

Don't do it, please don't do it.

You're Hiram Lodge, right?
I know all about you.

Please. We won't mess with you again.

We'll leave your daughter alone.

We won't disrespect
you again, man, please.

Please.

Thank you. Thank you.

You and your entire clan, you stay
away from my daughter and her friends.

- Are we clear?
- Yes, sir.

Where the hell have you been?

Where's Ethel?

At home, with her parents.

I told you that she's not our Voyeur.

What is this?

We searched Ethel's
house and we found it.

Watch it.

Then we can talk about whether or not
you still believe Ethel's innocent.

Mom? Dad?

Daddy?

Oh, my God!

What happened, Daddy?

What did you do?

I was weak, mija.

I had one of the Malloy
boys in my sights.

I could have taken him
out, but I showed mercy.

A weakness of will that
I quickly came to regret.

Daddy, it's okay.

I'm always here for you.

"Dear Diary, I hate,
hate, hate Cheryl Blossom.

She made Archie kiss
her at school today.

She said it's because
they both have red hair,

which makes absolutely no sense."

Lost in reverie, Cousin?

Hey, Cheryl, did you come to
drop off your yearbook photos?

Yes, and about that,
I'll be needing two pages.

Uh, it's one page per senior.

Yes, and for average
humans that would suffice.

But I'd like to pay tribute to Jay-Jay.

Okay, fine, whatever.

What's wrong, Cousin?

Trip down memory lane gotten you blue?

Cheryl, give it back.

My goodness.

I had no idea how much you
hated me back in the day.

And all because I snuck a kiss with...

Wait.

I was right, wasn't I?

When I said you and Archie we're
doing more than just pretending to date

- when Jughead was dead?
- No.

That was obviously pretend.

- But have you...
- No!

No, we haven't.

I think a part of me has been in love
with Archie for ten years, Cheryl.

False.

You've been in love
with the idea of Archie.

The idea of the perfect romance.

But... that wasn't real.

That was fantasy.

But in this town of nightmares,

you and Jughead found each other.

That's real.

That's maybe even,
dare I say, "endgame"?

Who knows?

People stray, it happens.

The trick is... stop straying
before anyone gets hurt.

Or even better, stop
before you even start.

What the hell?

You've been a naughty boy, Kevin.

- Terry.
- You lied to me.

You weren't getting out
of the tickle business,

you were setting up your own shop.

We don't want to make trouble.

Mmm. You already did.

So...

Here's how you're going to fix this.

You and your buddies...

will give us 40% of your profits.

I'll have to talk to my partners.

Forty percent.

Or you'll never tickle
anyone ever again.

Okay, okay. Terry, I get it. Jeez.

Hey, Ethel, got a minute?

This is a sex tape of
me and my girlfriend,

filmed without our
consent at Stonewall Prep.

And Charles found it
while searching your house.

I stood up for you, Ethel.

I believed you, and you had
this tape the whole time?

- Where did you even get this? From Bret?
- No.

There's a place in the back
of the Blue Velvet Video Store.

A secret place. It's
called the Scarlet Suite.

Uh-huh. And what's
in this Scarlet Suite?

Tapes. Rougher ones.
Weirder ones. Homemade.

Like the Voyeur tapes?

And darker stuff. Like... sex tapes.

Maybe even snuff films, I heard.

And that's where this was?

The video was called Ponytail Playmate.

I thought it sounded fun.

But the second I saw what it
was, I swear, I turned it off.

And I kept it because I didn't want
anyone else to get their hands on it.

Please, you have to believe me.

Go to the Scarlet Suite, Jughead.

You'll find what you're looking for.

Shut everything down ASAP.

We can't. Our videos
are already uploaded.

We're a hit, bro. A
big, fat, stinking hit.

Then we need to give Terry a cut.

- No.
- No, just a taste.

No way. This is our thing, not his.

And I know how to handle Terry.

All I need you to do is set up a
meeting with him at the Five Seasons.

I got your back, bro. Trust me.

How can I help you, fellas?

Keep out of our way, we have
a warrant to search the store.

Uh...

What?

What is it, Jughead?

Only 18 and over allowed back here.

Where the hell did you get this?

People come in selling and
trading all kinds of tapes.

It's a video of Clifford Blossom
shooting his son Jason Blossom.

It's an actual snuff film.

This is making a lot more sense now.

You boys better have my 40%.

You know, if you'd asked for 10%, maybe.

But you got greedy,
so, here are our terms.

You get zilch.

And if any of your goons so much

as touch a hair on my boy Kevin's head,

me and the 'dogs will break
a lot more than your fingers.

You boys just made a big mistake.

I'm so sorry about your Dad,

but I got into this business for
fun, to do something fun with you.

And it was, for a while.

But some families have
rum in their veins,

and other families have maple syrup.

And some blood types
simply are incompatible.

In other words, partner, I
want out, effective immediately.

Okay.

You asked to see us, Mr. Honey?

I did.

Earlier, I received a
troubling phone call,

alerting me of a clandestine
online "tickling ring,"

apparently being operated by
students from Riverdale High.

You care to comment on this?

Was this some Terry guy who called you?

It doesn't matter who it
was, Mr. Mantle, is it true?

You know what, Mr. Honey,

yeah, we did produce the videos.

And there is nothing wrong with
it, because it's just tickling.

And what we did doesn't break any laws.

Yeah, and we were all wearing clothes.

Yes, you were, Mr. Mantle. In
fact, some of you were wearing

Bulldog jerseys and
Vixen practice uniforms,

putting you in violation of at least
a dozen legal and copyright laws.

Not to mention, under
my direct jurisdiction.

Which means, I want your
degenerate website taken down

immediately before it tarnishes
the reputation of this school.

Do I make myself clear?

Yes, sir.

Good.

Now, get out of my sight.

I wanted to share something with you.

What is it?

It's a song I wrote for you.

♪ The snow morning when
everything changes ♪

♪ You let down your guard and I ♪

♪ Saw something strange I thought ♪

♪ She's not made for this world ♪

♪ And neither am I ♪

♪ 'Cause you make me... ♪

Stop.

What? What is it? You don't like it?

No, this... It's... It's us.

I love Jughead.

And you love Veronica, don't you?

But then, what has this all been about?

I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe it's
because everything's changing...

in the next few weeks.

And you and I feel safe with
each other, we always have.

I don't know.

And I do not want to
hurt or lose Jughead.

I don't want to lose or
hurt Veronica either. I...

So whatever this is, or it was...

It's just over.

I love that song, Archie.

Sounds like you wrote
it for someone special.

Has Veronica heard it yet?

Uh, no, not yet. It's a surprise.

Well, she's going to love it.

Hey, Mom, if it's not too late...

I'm ready to get serious
about the Naval Academy.

That's wonderful news, Archie.

And, uh, I know I've
been kinda flaky lately,

but I'm all in now. I promise.

I think it's time for a
completely fresh start.

Well, I will call Brooke
and tell her the good news.

Elizabeth, what are you doing, honey?

Exorcising my demons.

Oh. But these are your diaries.

These are your childhood
memories, honey. They're precious.

And that's all they are, Mom.

Memories.

Why don't we save this one?

It's okay to keep one, if you want.

Yeah. Right, one is fine.

Thank you.

So, what's next?

Graduation. Carnegie Mellon.

So, I got into the
University of Pittsburgh.

You did?

You wanna go there? Why?

Because they gave me a scholarship.

And because it's close
to Carnegie Mellon.

I wonder what it would
be like for us to date

somewhere that's not in Riverdale.

I've been... I've been
wondering that, too.

And... maybe we find out.

Yeah, maybe we do.

Mmm... So...

Do you think Reggie was right that
it was Terry that called Mr. Honey?

Probably.

I mean, how else would
Mr. Honey find out

about a clandestine tickling ring?

Sorry, Holden. The Scarlet Suite's
closed until further notice.

- What happened?
- The FBI raided me.

All my contraband's been confiscated.

I was just released myself.

I'm sorry to hear that, David.

Well...

It's probably for the best.

I must admit, I'm surprised.

I know it's been a while since I
last came to you asking for money,

but... this will allow me to buy
Cheryl out of the maple rum business.

You refused my help
numerous times, as I recall.

Yes. But the reasons I didn't
want to get into business

with you were your immoral ways.

What happened when you
spared that Malloy troll...

you said it revealed that you were weak.

But I think it did the exact opposite.

It took strength for you to
not go back to your old habits,

and I'm proud of you for it.

I shouldn't have gone after
one of your sons, Jinx.

Was out of line.

Hiram Lodge, you outta know by now,

you never turn your back on a Malloy.

Lesson learned.

It showed me that you have finally,

truly, turned over a new leaf.

I have, mija.

And, might I add, it's a pleasure
doing business with you again.

It was actually called
Ponytail Playmate?

Yeah.

Just when we thought Bret Weston Wallis

couldn't be any more of a creep, huh?

Cheryl's calling me.

Hello?

Yeah, I'll be right there.

Cheryl just got sent another
tape. She wants me to come over.

- Oh, wow.
- Oh.

- I know you swore off mysteries, but...
- No.

- I'm in.
- Well, well.

Dream team back together again?

It was sitting on my
doormat when we got home.

We thought it was gonna be
like the other tapes at first.

Why me?

Why are they coming after me?

It's not just you, Cheryl.

I got one, too.

I have a feeling we're only the first.