Rick and Morty (2013–…): Season 4, Episode 10 - Star Mort: Rickturn of the Jerri - full transcript
(BARRAGE OF GUNFIRE)
Get us out of here.
I'll hold them off.
(SCREAMING, ZAPPING)
My name is Beth Smith.
Tell your top bugs
the Defiance lives on.
I will.
I will.
I'll make you a legend.
Blade Smith.
Beth Smith.
Beth. Beth. Beth Smith.
Okay, God,
it's just such a plain...
I'm trying to come up
with a mnemonic device.
You could connect it
to not dying.
I know, I know! You think that
would sear it right in,
but it just speaks
to the sheer forgettability.
Oh, God.
I-I-I'm, uh, so sorry.
Uh, uh, oh, God.
Starts with a "B"...
Congratulations to your
government, business,
or terror cell on its
acquisition of
the NX-5 Planet Remover
by Xamaxax
in partnership with
Wrangler jeans.
The NX-5's industry-leading
tachyon beams eliminate planets
twice as fast as the NX-4S
with half the battery and zero
built-in fatal design flaws.
That's right.
No more secret hole
that blows the whole thing up
when you shoot it.
Your enemies will say
it's unfair.
- We say it's about time.
- Damn it.
We risked our lives for that?
You did your best.
Maybe you need a break.
Don't you ever miss Earth?
I don't have to miss it.
I'm technically still there.
My dad made a perfect clone
of me to take my place.
Boy, that Rick.
So, if you do go back,
what happens to the clone?
Does it have, like,
a proximity-triggered device
in its neck?
Who cares? Are we done?
Sure.
Unless you want me to remove
the proximity-triggered device
from your neck.
Think it's a bomb?
Man, what if this is
how you found out
he never wanted you back,
that he loved the clone
more than you?
How crazy would that be?
Crazy and of...
Of course soul-crushing.
For you. I actually have
something for that.
Y-You want some?
They're nonaddictive.
That's not true.
They're totally addictive.
I'm a terrible doctor.
I actually have something
for that, too.
You want some?
Nonaddictive. Mmm.
I'm a great doctor.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Dr. Wong had
a cancellation today.
Anybody up for a family session?
- I could do that.
- I'm... I'm down to clown.
Ooh, not sure my therapy puppet
will be done in time.
Great, because she
specifically asked you
to stop bringing puppets.
Dad?
I love therapy, family therapy
most of all,
but I am actually
disintegrating.
Oh, my God!
Whoa! Dad!
Is that really it?
We did it?
It's the invisibility belt.
Whoa-whoa-whoa!
He grazed them.
That's gonna hurt
in like 10 seconds.
Thanks, Morty.
Why should I let you use it?
You never let me use it.
Can I have the belt?
It would really piss off Morty.
Fantastic idea.
What the hell?!
You jerk! Give it!
Hey! Ow!
Share the invisibility.
Jerry?
Ooh, this looks like a job
for Mr. Nibbles.
Let me just glue
one more eye on.
I'm gonna kill you!
Woof.
Looks like you two have to fight
about why you can't
control your kids.
Good thing Dr. Wong's
got an opening.
- Bye.
- You're a bad father.
Don't let him divide us.
Garage, family therapy mode.
Ah.
Honey, you're back.
You seem surprised.
You never wrote.
And never exploded?
What I'm hearing is that
you think that's a bomb.
So does every engineer
that's seen it.
Engineer?
Princess, I'm sure every caveman
that sees a microwave calls
it a rock cabinet.
The point of inventing is
to make things that don't exist.
Then whip me up a reason
not to kill you.
Dad?
We're off to Dr. Wong's.
Scan her.
Dad?
Okay, have fun, pumpkin.
Sorry I'm a piece-of-(BLEEP)
father.
Oh, ha-ha! Well, the
self-loathing buys a lot back.
Jerry, leave the puppet.
JERRY: It's a one-way ticket
to a breakthrough, Beth.
The device in her neck
would have transferred
a database of her memories
to your device
before vaporizing her.
So much for that plan.
Why is she... it...
Why am I back with Jerry?
I thought she was a copy of me.
She is a copy of you.
If she ran back to that
dingleberry,
that's on you.
Want to grab a drink?
All the time.
Good girl.
Ooh.
(SNIFFING)
(BEEPING, WHIRRING)
- To catch a predator.
- What the hell?!
Thermal goggles, bitch.
Mom said share.
You can't share invisibility.
Take those off.
(GRUNTING)
No.
So I'll just see you
at cheerleader practice?
Should I bring a poncho?
Alright!
State your terms.
Give back the belt.
You take the goggles.
Go away.
We trade in an hour.
Deal.
(GLASS BREAKS)
How do you like that, bitch?
I liked it more
than my old belt.
"Tiny Big Man Junior"?
You shoulda shared.
What are you doing in my house?
Did I wander that far
from my console?
They should put a warning
on these things.
So, we overrode the gates,
and the slave rebellion
took the capital.
Pretty cool.
Very cool.
My daughter,
having space adventures.
They are skewing a tad
"Star Wars" -y, though.
Don't forget to have fun.
Well, I came back to murder you,
not get your notes,
but I'll remember to fart more
while I'm saving the galaxy.
Okay, I'm the one
that made this possible.
It's not a competition.
Of course not.
Just curious, though,
if it were,
would "most wanted"
be first place?
You're fighting
the Gromflomites?
Dad, they're trying
to take over the galaxy!
Everybody in the galaxy
tries to take over the galaxy.
The trick is to be left alone
by whoever succeeds.
Eh, it's your hero phase.
I had one, too.
You'll outgrow it.
No, you did.
I'm not gonna outgrow
giving a (BLEEP).
Sources tell us these aliens,
who call themselves
the Neeeew Galactic Federation,
will blow up the planet
unless some woman with a very
boring name gives herself up.
Oh, come on.
Way to give a (BLEEP).
Next time, don't wipe it
on your home planet.
Oh (BLEEP)
They're gonna track down Beth.
You mean...
Beth's clone.
Right.
Beth's clone.
What... What did I say?
It really was nice
seeing you again.
Whoo! Yeah!
Go, Honey Bees!
Good practice, girls.
And remember,
we are in a drought,
so be sure to shower
as one big group
at the exact same time.
(ALARM RINGING)
Shower fire!
The shower's on fire!
Step aside, girls!
I got this!
(MORTY WHIMPERING)
(ALARM RINGING WITHIN,
MORTY WHIMPERING)
(THUD!)
You're a monster!
Still wanna share?
(WHOOSHING)
Morty Smith, hands up.
You are under arrest
for crimes against
the New Improved
Galactic Federation.
Wait. What?
How are you doing that?
You're not a psychic, are you?
Do you have psychic powers?
- Uh, yes.
- Are they strong powers?
We're just looking
for your mother.
You can't, like,
stop our hearts, can you?
- Uh, I can.
- Okay, we surrender.
Jerry, do you agree
that the use of puppets
makes you seem dumb and crazy?
I don't think "crazy" is
a responsible word to use in...
It is now.
This is crazy.
You're being crazy.
They do it in therapy on TV.
Well, TV gives British people
prizes for baking, Jerry.
(BOOM!)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Tonya?
Tammy? Tammya? Tammya.
Hi, Mrs. Smith.
I like your hair
better this way.
How's the stomach?
What?
Hey!
I only said "hey."
It's not like I can do more
than that.
As much as I'd like to kill you,
my superiors have some questions
about the Defiance.
I don't have a...
I have a Defiance?
Oh, God, I'm a clone.
That's your defense?
No, my defense is eat me.
Hey! Ah!
We've been over this.
All I do is say "hey."
Smart guns,
white-list human life.
And the therapist.
(BLASTING)
Tammy, this is the office
where my family works
to better itself.
What, and that makes it sacred?
No, it makes it a place
I've rigged with a lot
of voice-activated
escape contingencies.
(CLEARS THROAT)
These are all good points.
I need to take a long
look at myself.
Aah!
Aah!
I'd like to discuss that.
I don't discuss problems,
I incinerate them.
Everybody in the car.
Everybody in my family,
not the world.
Jesus, Wong.
Boundaries.
I'm better than this job.
♪♪
Can't you just make a portal?
Your children are down
there invisible, Jerry.
"Make a portal"?
Father of the year back here.
Well, you're one to talk.
You told me I wasn't a clone.
Y-You're not a clone.
And who is that?
Uh, uh, a clone.
Why would you make a clone of me
just to send the clone
into space?
Well, you didn't want to go,
and I thought,
"Okay, that's cool."
But then I thought, "Well,
you know what would be even"
cooler is a space daughter,"
s-so I made one.
And I put a bomb in her neck
in case she ever came back.
Father of the year.
She wasn't supposed
to come back.
Why did she?
Well, she found a bomb
in her neck.
Wouldn't you?
Father of the year.
Shut up!
I'm tired of believing you.
- I want to talk to her.
- No, you don't.
Jerry, do something.
Hey.
He told me you're the clone.
What do you think he told me?
You're the clone?
Wow, naive and attractive.
Wow, jaded and hot.
(RICK GRUNTING)
I know this is bad parenting,
but if you stop fighting,
you both get McDonald's.
How about I just blow my brains
out, starting with hers?
Okay, Wendy's.
We love Wendy's.
I-I think they even
gave us some money.
- Drop it. Don't move!
- Freeze! Get down!
On the ground! On the ground!
Don't move!
Everybody, shut up! You're all
saying different (BLEEP)
Wait, so there are two of them?
More importantly,
which one is mine?
Uh, neither, chauvinist.
Whatever.
Take them both.
♪♪
Cool beam.
But let's bargain.
I'm the one you really want.
Excuse me?
Uh, smartest man
in the universe?
Secret to
interdimensional travel?
Ask your bosses.
My bosses are bugs, Rick.
You killed the old ones.
The new ones are half my age.
They know if you're left alone,
you're a non-threat.
Oofa!
We got the payload.
Fire up the NX-5.
Earth's going ta-ta.
You might want to do that thing
where you find a new universe
where you can (BLEEP)
yourself off.
You can't tell me what to do.
Awesome. He resisted.
We can shoot him.
Wha?
Just go with it, Jerry.
Everybody, drop your guns...
Except for Jerry!
(BLEEP) classic.
(WHOOSHING, GUNFIRE)
Holy (BLEEP) Morty.
And Summer.
W-We worked together.
That's... that's our arc.
SUMMER: We went from siblings to
invisible to working together.
It's not "Citizen Kane,"
but why compete
with whatever's going on here,
you know?
Unh!
(CRACKS)
Aah!
You made me go to a wedding.
And you killed my best friend.
I shoulda said that one first.
Congratulations, Earth,
on being destroyed by the NX-5,
brought to you by Wrangler.
(ZAPPING)
Ugh, guess the galaxy's
most-wanted mammal
needs her daddy
to come change her diapie.
Come on, kids,
we have to go do
a (BLEEP) piece of (BLEEP)
"Star Wars."
Attention, Zeta 99-2.
We know you have a stolen ship.
Stand down.
Oh, am I not a non-threat now?
(SPLATTING, GRUNTING)
Hey, you are not cleared
to land.
We will open fire.
Hold your ground, men.
You'll be heroes.
(SPLAT!)
Summer, try unlocking
that door by scanning
your high-school
friend's dead face.
Uh, I have...
I have to pee.
Pee on the floor.
It's a Death Star.
Okay, but there's rebellion
and then there's...
Here, Dad.
Perfect.
(BUZZING)
What am I doing wrong?
Ugh, her eyes are closed.
Morty, open the left one.
I've got the right.
She died the way she lived,
overserialized.
I'm gonna rescue your mom
and her clone
without revealing
which is which.
You two find the NX-5
and shut it down.
I mean, don't die trying.
There's infinite Earths.
If you can save this one,
it's gravy.
Dream team rides again!
Oh, yeah, we're like
Luke and Leia.
Uh, except no kissing part.
What's another famous
brother-sister team?
Uh, Hansel and Gretel?
Yeah, right,
those two were (BLEEP)
Dad, we need the belt.
I can't go with you guys
watching.
You're invisible.
What if the pee isn't?
You know what?
We don't need invisibility.
Working together is our belt.
That's our arc.
Let's do it.
I'm gonna go ahead and whistle.
That's how good I feel.
(WHISTLING)
Oh, God.
I knew it.
Ugh, this floor isn't level.
♪♪
Are they gonna torture us?
Unless you plan on
telling them what I know.
Last chance to guess
who was the clone.
You're his daughter.
Just something about the eyes,
the shameless abandonment
of your family.
However can I live with myself?
One theory... I was designed by
your father to live with myself,
which would mean you made
a conscious choice
to swallow your dreams with
cheap wine and dinosaur pasta.
You know that's the kind
Jerry likes,
same way I know the only
Goddamn dream you'll ever follow
is your shitty
father's approval.
You fetch your shitty
father's lemonade.
You cosplay as your
shitty father in his 30s.
Red alert. Red alert.
Rick Sanchez...
(CHOKING)
RICK: More like dead alert.
What else? What else?
I wrote some stuff down
in my Notes app.
Let me just find it.
Screw it. Beth, if... if one of
you is still alive,
you're my real daughter.
If you're both alive,
don't hurt the other one.
She's just a clone.
She's not worth it.
I'm coming, baby.
That piece of (BLEEP).
That piece of (BLEEP).
I came back kill him,
you know.
I'd like to help.
Kick me between my eyes.
From here?
Oh, you dropped yoga
so you could buy
Jerry more Flintstones Vitam...
♪♪
Oh, I do not like the looks
of this giant fight chamber.
(GAS HISSING)
(FOOTSTEPS THUDDING)
Bird Person?
It is now Phoenix Person.
You're working for them?
What did they do to you, BP?
It is now PP.
Where is Tammy?
Oh, don't worry about her.
I killed her.
I loved her.
Really? Huh.
Then can I suggest,
as an alternate name,
Crazy (BLEEP)
Whipped Person?
Aah!
(BLASTING)
Unh!
(GROANS)
(BLAST, BLOW LAND S)
Aah!
(PING!)
(COUGHS)
It's funny. I always wondered
who would win if we ever fought.
Then you were always
a bad friend.
(POWERING UP, BLASTING)
Aah!
(COCKS WEAPON)
Morty, we had one grenade.
He had a gun.
Whatever.
Come on.
Did you hear something?
Doesn't matter.
If anyone's around, they're here
to stop the laser,
and they can't do it
without us seeing them.
"Working together is our belt"?
You gave it away!
You said we didn't need it.
I wish you were never born.
You were an accident.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
How come some of
the pants are...
The NX-5 can't destroy
Wrangler jeans.
Like, it literally can't destroy
them or it's programmed not to?
Gee, what do you think?
(WHOOSHING)
(GRUNTING, FIRING,
BLOWS LANDING)
♪♪
♪♪
You kill a good bug,
for a horse doctor.
Thanks, me.
Maybe we could do, like,
a "Parent Trap" thing
together sometime.
As long as you mean
the Lindsay Lohan version.
Naturally.
What do you think they do
with all those jeans?
Make them into jackets?
It's not about conserving denim.
It's marketing.
Like, uh,
"The NX-5 destroys
the whole planet
except for
the Wrangler jeans."
Because they're so tough.
Tougher than the laser?
Stupid.
You're talking about it.
Mm, you're right.
They... they got me.
Hey, over here.
Look at me.
Did you just see a pantsless
little boy run by?
I'm not falling for that again.
I used to be invisible,
but now I'm the opposite.
Get him.
But not in a weird way.
You made it weird.
♪♪
NX-5 corporate sponsor detected.
Cannot penetrate Wranglers.
Built too tough.
Built... too... tough.
I killed them!
I-I did... I did it offscreen.
God damn it.
Morty, fix your underwear.
I saw your balls for a second.
That's on you.
Why can't I meet your parents?
Are you embarrassed of me?
No, of them.
Aww.
(EXPLOSION, SPLATTING)
♪♪
(GROANING, BANGING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Unh... ahh!
(BLASTING)
(GROANS, ENTRAILS SPLAT)
Never thought this was
how I'd die.
(SLURPS)
We're nowhere near Venice,
and you're not a dwarf
in a raincoat.
(POWERING UP)
Step back.
You're not killing him
till we kick his ass,
Bird Person.
My name is Phoenix Person.
No one's calling you that.
Dumb.
It fascinates me that
an entire family
can be this critical
and suck this much.
(BLASTING)
♪♪
Aah!
Bird Person, stop.
It's me, that Tammy girl.
Tammy, this is unexpected.
I was told you were dead.
That is ab-so-lute-ly not true.
I'm more alive than
I've ever been.
You are behaving
rather strangely.
Me? Strange?
Oh, my.
Well, who's normal, really?
Now, come here, you big
hollow-boned featherhead.
Let me give you
some of this sweet ass.
(JERRY YELPS)
(ROARING)
(POWERS DOWN)
Saved the day with puppeting.
Only one with a decent arc.
He does have his moments.
Mom, Dad!
Mom.
Uh, we did it!
Morty became super visible!
Summer put my jeans in a laser!
Morty, look
at your little balls!
I know!
Bring it in here, guys.
Damn, this thing has
twin turbines?
I'll forgive you for abandoning
us if you let me drive it.
That works for me...
I was just gonna give you
space cigarettes.
I love having two moms.
And I love having two wives.
Never gonna happen, Jerry.
You jerk-offs ready to get
the answers
to your burning questions?
What's this, Dad?
The memory of which Beth is real
and which Beth is a clone,
obviously.
You mind-blew yourself?
You...
You literally don't even know
which of your daughters is real.
Of course you don't.
Why am I surprised?
I'm sure you'd love for us
to need that from you,
but I don't care
what's in that vial.
Yeah, me neither.
You're a piece of (BLEEP)
either way.
After all this, you don't want
to know the truth?
The truth is we have more
important (BLEEP) to do
like raise our kids
and stamp out the Federation,
neither of which seem like they
want anything to do with you.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Morty? Sum-Sum? You gotta at
least wanna know
who your real mom is.
Not really, Rick.
We have two badass moms now.
It's...
That's kind of a win/win.
Yeah, Grandpa Rick, don't drag
us into your bull(BLEEP)
Just because
you're losing control.
I know what I want to do.
I want you to decide.
What?
For once in my life,
I want you to decide, Dad.
Do you want me to stay here
and be part of your life,
or do you want me to leave?
♪♪
♪♪
♪ I know you tried ♪
♪ I know you tried your best ♪
♪♪
(SIGHS)
♪ And now it's time to put this
all to rest ♪
Hup! Ho!
Big money, big money.
Eyes on the lady.
Switcheroo.
Which one's which?
(CLICKS OFF PROJECTOR)
Holy shit.
I'm a terrible father.
♪ Oh, a distant... ♪
At least I'm a pretty
good friend.
Looks like it's just you
and me, buddy.
(POWERS UP, SCREAMS)
Okay, alright, we'll give you
a little more time.
♪ ...to drag me down ♪
♪ Down ♪
♪ If you go then
I'm going with you now ♪
♪♪
♪ Don't look back,
nothing left to see ♪
♪ Just leave the shadows
in the past ♪
♪ If I let it go ♪
♪ Can I shake this feeling? ♪
♪♪
♪ Just like that ♪
♪ Tomorrow's one day
that I'm never getting back ♪
♪ I can feel you though ♪
♪ Wake me from this dreaming ♪
Ah, goodbye, old friend.
We've had our fun,
but I'm ready to be seen again.
- What the (BLEEP)?!
- Oh, my God! Where did I go?
Oh, shitskis.
Aah!
Slow down!
There's an invisible
garbage truck
in the road!
Yeah, right.
I'm alive.
I survi...
(EXPLOSION)
(SANITATION WORKERS SCREAMING)
I mean, when in Rome.
♪ Invisible Garbage Truck
Jerry ♪
♪ It's a new franchise ♪
(MOTOR HUMMING)
Bitch, your job is to have
intercourse with strangers
and give me the money.
Sorry I called you a bitch,
it's a vocational term.
It's not how I feel
about you personally.
(WHIRRING)
What the... what... what... aah!
Aah!
Somebody call for a pickup?
Let's go take out the trash.
♪ Invisible
Garbage Truck Jerry ♪
♪ It's a new franchise ♪
♪ Until he runs out of gas ♪
(SIGHS)
Well, we had a good run.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Did you get any of that?
(WHOOSHING)
(WILLIAMS STREET
THEME TONE PLAYING)
Get us out of here.
I'll hold them off.
(SCREAMING, ZAPPING)
My name is Beth Smith.
Tell your top bugs
the Defiance lives on.
I will.
I will.
I'll make you a legend.
Blade Smith.
Beth Smith.
Beth. Beth. Beth Smith.
Okay, God,
it's just such a plain...
I'm trying to come up
with a mnemonic device.
You could connect it
to not dying.
I know, I know! You think that
would sear it right in,
but it just speaks
to the sheer forgettability.
Oh, God.
I-I-I'm, uh, so sorry.
Uh, uh, oh, God.
Starts with a "B"...
Congratulations to your
government, business,
or terror cell on its
acquisition of
the NX-5 Planet Remover
by Xamaxax
in partnership with
Wrangler jeans.
The NX-5's industry-leading
tachyon beams eliminate planets
twice as fast as the NX-4S
with half the battery and zero
built-in fatal design flaws.
That's right.
No more secret hole
that blows the whole thing up
when you shoot it.
Your enemies will say
it's unfair.
- We say it's about time.
- Damn it.
We risked our lives for that?
You did your best.
Maybe you need a break.
Don't you ever miss Earth?
I don't have to miss it.
I'm technically still there.
My dad made a perfect clone
of me to take my place.
Boy, that Rick.
So, if you do go back,
what happens to the clone?
Does it have, like,
a proximity-triggered device
in its neck?
Who cares? Are we done?
Sure.
Unless you want me to remove
the proximity-triggered device
from your neck.
Think it's a bomb?
Man, what if this is
how you found out
he never wanted you back,
that he loved the clone
more than you?
How crazy would that be?
Crazy and of...
Of course soul-crushing.
For you. I actually have
something for that.
Y-You want some?
They're nonaddictive.
That's not true.
They're totally addictive.
I'm a terrible doctor.
I actually have something
for that, too.
You want some?
Nonaddictive. Mmm.
I'm a great doctor.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Dr. Wong had
a cancellation today.
Anybody up for a family session?
- I could do that.
- I'm... I'm down to clown.
Ooh, not sure my therapy puppet
will be done in time.
Great, because she
specifically asked you
to stop bringing puppets.
Dad?
I love therapy, family therapy
most of all,
but I am actually
disintegrating.
Oh, my God!
Whoa! Dad!
Is that really it?
We did it?
It's the invisibility belt.
Whoa-whoa-whoa!
He grazed them.
That's gonna hurt
in like 10 seconds.
Thanks, Morty.
Why should I let you use it?
You never let me use it.
Can I have the belt?
It would really piss off Morty.
Fantastic idea.
What the hell?!
You jerk! Give it!
Hey! Ow!
Share the invisibility.
Jerry?
Ooh, this looks like a job
for Mr. Nibbles.
Let me just glue
one more eye on.
I'm gonna kill you!
Woof.
Looks like you two have to fight
about why you can't
control your kids.
Good thing Dr. Wong's
got an opening.
- Bye.
- You're a bad father.
Don't let him divide us.
Garage, family therapy mode.
Ah.
Honey, you're back.
You seem surprised.
You never wrote.
And never exploded?
What I'm hearing is that
you think that's a bomb.
So does every engineer
that's seen it.
Engineer?
Princess, I'm sure every caveman
that sees a microwave calls
it a rock cabinet.
The point of inventing is
to make things that don't exist.
Then whip me up a reason
not to kill you.
Dad?
We're off to Dr. Wong's.
Scan her.
Dad?
Okay, have fun, pumpkin.
Sorry I'm a piece-of-(BLEEP)
father.
Oh, ha-ha! Well, the
self-loathing buys a lot back.
Jerry, leave the puppet.
JERRY: It's a one-way ticket
to a breakthrough, Beth.
The device in her neck
would have transferred
a database of her memories
to your device
before vaporizing her.
So much for that plan.
Why is she... it...
Why am I back with Jerry?
I thought she was a copy of me.
She is a copy of you.
If she ran back to that
dingleberry,
that's on you.
Want to grab a drink?
All the time.
Good girl.
Ooh.
(SNIFFING)
(BEEPING, WHIRRING)
- To catch a predator.
- What the hell?!
Thermal goggles, bitch.
Mom said share.
You can't share invisibility.
Take those off.
(GRUNTING)
No.
So I'll just see you
at cheerleader practice?
Should I bring a poncho?
Alright!
State your terms.
Give back the belt.
You take the goggles.
Go away.
We trade in an hour.
Deal.
(GLASS BREAKS)
How do you like that, bitch?
I liked it more
than my old belt.
"Tiny Big Man Junior"?
You shoulda shared.
What are you doing in my house?
Did I wander that far
from my console?
They should put a warning
on these things.
So, we overrode the gates,
and the slave rebellion
took the capital.
Pretty cool.
Very cool.
My daughter,
having space adventures.
They are skewing a tad
"Star Wars" -y, though.
Don't forget to have fun.
Well, I came back to murder you,
not get your notes,
but I'll remember to fart more
while I'm saving the galaxy.
Okay, I'm the one
that made this possible.
It's not a competition.
Of course not.
Just curious, though,
if it were,
would "most wanted"
be first place?
You're fighting
the Gromflomites?
Dad, they're trying
to take over the galaxy!
Everybody in the galaxy
tries to take over the galaxy.
The trick is to be left alone
by whoever succeeds.
Eh, it's your hero phase.
I had one, too.
You'll outgrow it.
No, you did.
I'm not gonna outgrow
giving a (BLEEP).
Sources tell us these aliens,
who call themselves
the Neeeew Galactic Federation,
will blow up the planet
unless some woman with a very
boring name gives herself up.
Oh, come on.
Way to give a (BLEEP).
Next time, don't wipe it
on your home planet.
Oh (BLEEP)
They're gonna track down Beth.
You mean...
Beth's clone.
Right.
Beth's clone.
What... What did I say?
It really was nice
seeing you again.
Whoo! Yeah!
Go, Honey Bees!
Good practice, girls.
And remember,
we are in a drought,
so be sure to shower
as one big group
at the exact same time.
(ALARM RINGING)
Shower fire!
The shower's on fire!
Step aside, girls!
I got this!
(MORTY WHIMPERING)
(ALARM RINGING WITHIN,
MORTY WHIMPERING)
(THUD!)
You're a monster!
Still wanna share?
(WHOOSHING)
Morty Smith, hands up.
You are under arrest
for crimes against
the New Improved
Galactic Federation.
Wait. What?
How are you doing that?
You're not a psychic, are you?
Do you have psychic powers?
- Uh, yes.
- Are they strong powers?
We're just looking
for your mother.
You can't, like,
stop our hearts, can you?
- Uh, I can.
- Okay, we surrender.
Jerry, do you agree
that the use of puppets
makes you seem dumb and crazy?
I don't think "crazy" is
a responsible word to use in...
It is now.
This is crazy.
You're being crazy.
They do it in therapy on TV.
Well, TV gives British people
prizes for baking, Jerry.
(BOOM!)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Tonya?
Tammy? Tammya? Tammya.
Hi, Mrs. Smith.
I like your hair
better this way.
How's the stomach?
What?
Hey!
I only said "hey."
It's not like I can do more
than that.
As much as I'd like to kill you,
my superiors have some questions
about the Defiance.
I don't have a...
I have a Defiance?
Oh, God, I'm a clone.
That's your defense?
No, my defense is eat me.
Hey! Ah!
We've been over this.
All I do is say "hey."
Smart guns,
white-list human life.
And the therapist.
(BLASTING)
Tammy, this is the office
where my family works
to better itself.
What, and that makes it sacred?
No, it makes it a place
I've rigged with a lot
of voice-activated
escape contingencies.
(CLEARS THROAT)
These are all good points.
I need to take a long
look at myself.
Aah!
Aah!
I'd like to discuss that.
I don't discuss problems,
I incinerate them.
Everybody in the car.
Everybody in my family,
not the world.
Jesus, Wong.
Boundaries.
I'm better than this job.
♪♪
Can't you just make a portal?
Your children are down
there invisible, Jerry.
"Make a portal"?
Father of the year back here.
Well, you're one to talk.
You told me I wasn't a clone.
Y-You're not a clone.
And who is that?
Uh, uh, a clone.
Why would you make a clone of me
just to send the clone
into space?
Well, you didn't want to go,
and I thought,
"Okay, that's cool."
But then I thought, "Well,
you know what would be even"
cooler is a space daughter,"
s-so I made one.
And I put a bomb in her neck
in case she ever came back.
Father of the year.
She wasn't supposed
to come back.
Why did she?
Well, she found a bomb
in her neck.
Wouldn't you?
Father of the year.
Shut up!
I'm tired of believing you.
- I want to talk to her.
- No, you don't.
Jerry, do something.
Hey.
He told me you're the clone.
What do you think he told me?
You're the clone?
Wow, naive and attractive.
Wow, jaded and hot.
(RICK GRUNTING)
I know this is bad parenting,
but if you stop fighting,
you both get McDonald's.
How about I just blow my brains
out, starting with hers?
Okay, Wendy's.
We love Wendy's.
I-I think they even
gave us some money.
- Drop it. Don't move!
- Freeze! Get down!
On the ground! On the ground!
Don't move!
Everybody, shut up! You're all
saying different (BLEEP)
Wait, so there are two of them?
More importantly,
which one is mine?
Uh, neither, chauvinist.
Whatever.
Take them both.
♪♪
Cool beam.
But let's bargain.
I'm the one you really want.
Excuse me?
Uh, smartest man
in the universe?
Secret to
interdimensional travel?
Ask your bosses.
My bosses are bugs, Rick.
You killed the old ones.
The new ones are half my age.
They know if you're left alone,
you're a non-threat.
Oofa!
We got the payload.
Fire up the NX-5.
Earth's going ta-ta.
You might want to do that thing
where you find a new universe
where you can (BLEEP)
yourself off.
You can't tell me what to do.
Awesome. He resisted.
We can shoot him.
Wha?
Just go with it, Jerry.
Everybody, drop your guns...
Except for Jerry!
(BLEEP) classic.
(WHOOSHING, GUNFIRE)
Holy (BLEEP) Morty.
And Summer.
W-We worked together.
That's... that's our arc.
SUMMER: We went from siblings to
invisible to working together.
It's not "Citizen Kane,"
but why compete
with whatever's going on here,
you know?
Unh!
(CRACKS)
Aah!
You made me go to a wedding.
And you killed my best friend.
I shoulda said that one first.
Congratulations, Earth,
on being destroyed by the NX-5,
brought to you by Wrangler.
(ZAPPING)
Ugh, guess the galaxy's
most-wanted mammal
needs her daddy
to come change her diapie.
Come on, kids,
we have to go do
a (BLEEP) piece of (BLEEP)
"Star Wars."
Attention, Zeta 99-2.
We know you have a stolen ship.
Stand down.
Oh, am I not a non-threat now?
(SPLATTING, GRUNTING)
Hey, you are not cleared
to land.
We will open fire.
Hold your ground, men.
You'll be heroes.
(SPLAT!)
Summer, try unlocking
that door by scanning
your high-school
friend's dead face.
Uh, I have...
I have to pee.
Pee on the floor.
It's a Death Star.
Okay, but there's rebellion
and then there's...
Here, Dad.
Perfect.
(BUZZING)
What am I doing wrong?
Ugh, her eyes are closed.
Morty, open the left one.
I've got the right.
She died the way she lived,
overserialized.
I'm gonna rescue your mom
and her clone
without revealing
which is which.
You two find the NX-5
and shut it down.
I mean, don't die trying.
There's infinite Earths.
If you can save this one,
it's gravy.
Dream team rides again!
Oh, yeah, we're like
Luke and Leia.
Uh, except no kissing part.
What's another famous
brother-sister team?
Uh, Hansel and Gretel?
Yeah, right,
those two were (BLEEP)
Dad, we need the belt.
I can't go with you guys
watching.
You're invisible.
What if the pee isn't?
You know what?
We don't need invisibility.
Working together is our belt.
That's our arc.
Let's do it.
I'm gonna go ahead and whistle.
That's how good I feel.
(WHISTLING)
Oh, God.
I knew it.
Ugh, this floor isn't level.
♪♪
Are they gonna torture us?
Unless you plan on
telling them what I know.
Last chance to guess
who was the clone.
You're his daughter.
Just something about the eyes,
the shameless abandonment
of your family.
However can I live with myself?
One theory... I was designed by
your father to live with myself,
which would mean you made
a conscious choice
to swallow your dreams with
cheap wine and dinosaur pasta.
You know that's the kind
Jerry likes,
same way I know the only
Goddamn dream you'll ever follow
is your shitty
father's approval.
You fetch your shitty
father's lemonade.
You cosplay as your
shitty father in his 30s.
Red alert. Red alert.
Rick Sanchez...
(CHOKING)
RICK: More like dead alert.
What else? What else?
I wrote some stuff down
in my Notes app.
Let me just find it.
Screw it. Beth, if... if one of
you is still alive,
you're my real daughter.
If you're both alive,
don't hurt the other one.
She's just a clone.
She's not worth it.
I'm coming, baby.
That piece of (BLEEP).
That piece of (BLEEP).
I came back kill him,
you know.
I'd like to help.
Kick me between my eyes.
From here?
Oh, you dropped yoga
so you could buy
Jerry more Flintstones Vitam...
♪♪
Oh, I do not like the looks
of this giant fight chamber.
(GAS HISSING)
(FOOTSTEPS THUDDING)
Bird Person?
It is now Phoenix Person.
You're working for them?
What did they do to you, BP?
It is now PP.
Where is Tammy?
Oh, don't worry about her.
I killed her.
I loved her.
Really? Huh.
Then can I suggest,
as an alternate name,
Crazy (BLEEP)
Whipped Person?
Aah!
(BLASTING)
Unh!
(GROANS)
(BLAST, BLOW LAND S)
Aah!
(PING!)
(COUGHS)
It's funny. I always wondered
who would win if we ever fought.
Then you were always
a bad friend.
(POWERING UP, BLASTING)
Aah!
(COCKS WEAPON)
Morty, we had one grenade.
He had a gun.
Whatever.
Come on.
Did you hear something?
Doesn't matter.
If anyone's around, they're here
to stop the laser,
and they can't do it
without us seeing them.
"Working together is our belt"?
You gave it away!
You said we didn't need it.
I wish you were never born.
You were an accident.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
How come some of
the pants are...
The NX-5 can't destroy
Wrangler jeans.
Like, it literally can't destroy
them or it's programmed not to?
Gee, what do you think?
(WHOOSHING)
(GRUNTING, FIRING,
BLOWS LANDING)
♪♪
♪♪
You kill a good bug,
for a horse doctor.
Thanks, me.
Maybe we could do, like,
a "Parent Trap" thing
together sometime.
As long as you mean
the Lindsay Lohan version.
Naturally.
What do you think they do
with all those jeans?
Make them into jackets?
It's not about conserving denim.
It's marketing.
Like, uh,
"The NX-5 destroys
the whole planet
except for
the Wrangler jeans."
Because they're so tough.
Tougher than the laser?
Stupid.
You're talking about it.
Mm, you're right.
They... they got me.
Hey, over here.
Look at me.
Did you just see a pantsless
little boy run by?
I'm not falling for that again.
I used to be invisible,
but now I'm the opposite.
Get him.
But not in a weird way.
You made it weird.
♪♪
NX-5 corporate sponsor detected.
Cannot penetrate Wranglers.
Built too tough.
Built... too... tough.
I killed them!
I-I did... I did it offscreen.
God damn it.
Morty, fix your underwear.
I saw your balls for a second.
That's on you.
Why can't I meet your parents?
Are you embarrassed of me?
No, of them.
Aww.
(EXPLOSION, SPLATTING)
♪♪
(GROANING, BANGING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Unh... ahh!
(BLASTING)
(GROANS, ENTRAILS SPLAT)
Never thought this was
how I'd die.
(SLURPS)
We're nowhere near Venice,
and you're not a dwarf
in a raincoat.
(POWERING UP)
Step back.
You're not killing him
till we kick his ass,
Bird Person.
My name is Phoenix Person.
No one's calling you that.
Dumb.
It fascinates me that
an entire family
can be this critical
and suck this much.
(BLASTING)
♪♪
Aah!
Bird Person, stop.
It's me, that Tammy girl.
Tammy, this is unexpected.
I was told you were dead.
That is ab-so-lute-ly not true.
I'm more alive than
I've ever been.
You are behaving
rather strangely.
Me? Strange?
Oh, my.
Well, who's normal, really?
Now, come here, you big
hollow-boned featherhead.
Let me give you
some of this sweet ass.
(JERRY YELPS)
(ROARING)
(POWERS DOWN)
Saved the day with puppeting.
Only one with a decent arc.
He does have his moments.
Mom, Dad!
Mom.
Uh, we did it!
Morty became super visible!
Summer put my jeans in a laser!
Morty, look
at your little balls!
I know!
Bring it in here, guys.
Damn, this thing has
twin turbines?
I'll forgive you for abandoning
us if you let me drive it.
That works for me...
I was just gonna give you
space cigarettes.
I love having two moms.
And I love having two wives.
Never gonna happen, Jerry.
You jerk-offs ready to get
the answers
to your burning questions?
What's this, Dad?
The memory of which Beth is real
and which Beth is a clone,
obviously.
You mind-blew yourself?
You...
You literally don't even know
which of your daughters is real.
Of course you don't.
Why am I surprised?
I'm sure you'd love for us
to need that from you,
but I don't care
what's in that vial.
Yeah, me neither.
You're a piece of (BLEEP)
either way.
After all this, you don't want
to know the truth?
The truth is we have more
important (BLEEP) to do
like raise our kids
and stamp out the Federation,
neither of which seem like they
want anything to do with you.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Morty? Sum-Sum? You gotta at
least wanna know
who your real mom is.
Not really, Rick.
We have two badass moms now.
It's...
That's kind of a win/win.
Yeah, Grandpa Rick, don't drag
us into your bull(BLEEP)
Just because
you're losing control.
I know what I want to do.
I want you to decide.
What?
For once in my life,
I want you to decide, Dad.
Do you want me to stay here
and be part of your life,
or do you want me to leave?
♪♪
♪♪
♪ I know you tried ♪
♪ I know you tried your best ♪
♪♪
(SIGHS)
♪ And now it's time to put this
all to rest ♪
Hup! Ho!
Big money, big money.
Eyes on the lady.
Switcheroo.
Which one's which?
(CLICKS OFF PROJECTOR)
Holy shit.
I'm a terrible father.
♪ Oh, a distant... ♪
At least I'm a pretty
good friend.
Looks like it's just you
and me, buddy.
(POWERS UP, SCREAMS)
Okay, alright, we'll give you
a little more time.
♪ ...to drag me down ♪
♪ Down ♪
♪ If you go then
I'm going with you now ♪
♪♪
♪ Don't look back,
nothing left to see ♪
♪ Just leave the shadows
in the past ♪
♪ If I let it go ♪
♪ Can I shake this feeling? ♪
♪♪
♪ Just like that ♪
♪ Tomorrow's one day
that I'm never getting back ♪
♪ I can feel you though ♪
♪ Wake me from this dreaming ♪
Ah, goodbye, old friend.
We've had our fun,
but I'm ready to be seen again.
- What the (BLEEP)?!
- Oh, my God! Where did I go?
Oh, shitskis.
Aah!
Slow down!
There's an invisible
garbage truck
in the road!
Yeah, right.
I'm alive.
I survi...
(EXPLOSION)
(SANITATION WORKERS SCREAMING)
I mean, when in Rome.
♪ Invisible Garbage Truck
Jerry ♪
♪ It's a new franchise ♪
(MOTOR HUMMING)
Bitch, your job is to have
intercourse with strangers
and give me the money.
Sorry I called you a bitch,
it's a vocational term.
It's not how I feel
about you personally.
(WHIRRING)
What the... what... what... aah!
Aah!
Somebody call for a pickup?
Let's go take out the trash.
♪ Invisible
Garbage Truck Jerry ♪
♪ It's a new franchise ♪
♪ Until he runs out of gas ♪
(SIGHS)
Well, we had a good run.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Did you get any of that?
(WHOOSHING)
(WILLIAMS STREET
THEME TONE PLAYING)