Rick and Morty (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Meeseeks and Destroy - full transcript
Rick provides the family with a solution to their problems, freeing him up to go on an adventure led by Morty.
[ panting ]
Run!
[ gasps ]
Morty, do it!
Hit the button now!
I can't do it, Rick!
They're my parents and sister!
Morty, I already told you...
it's not your family!
They're clones from
an alternate reality,
possessed by demonic alien
spirits from another
dimension's future!
Do you need a mnemonic
device or something?
Just hit the button, already!
[ growling ]
Morty, please,
I love you, sweetheart.
Oh!
[ grunts ]
[ clones scream ]
[ moans ]
Good work, Morty.
You know, Th-Th-these demonic
alien spirits are really valuable.
You okay, Morty?
I told you not to
trust that tuna.
I just killed my family!
I don't care what they were.
I don't know, Morty.
Some people'd pay top dollar
for that kind of breakthrough.
You know what, Rick?
That's it!
I'm done with these
insane adventures!
That was really traumatizing!
I quit! I'm out!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Come on, Morty, don't...
don't... don't be like that.
The Universe is a crazy,
chaotic place.
You're the one that's
crazy and chaotic!
Adventures are supposed
to be simple and fun.
Oh, yeah, Morty, yeah.
Yeah, that... that... that's
real easy to say from the
sidekick position.
But... but, uh, how about
next time you be in charge,
and then we'll talk about
how simple and fun it is?
Seriously, Rick?
Y-y-you'll... you'll
let me call the shots?
Okay, yeah, fine.
But let's make it interesting,
Morty.
I-I-I-If your adventure sucks
and we bail halfway through it,
you lose the right to bitch
about all future adventures.
Plus, you have to do
my laundry for a month.
Okay, all right, tough guy!
But if my adventure's good,
I get to be in charge of
every third adventure!
Every 10th.
Deal. All right.
W-well, come on,
let's get going.
Dad, the dishwasher's
doing that thing again.
Washing dishes?
No. The opposite.
Can you fix it?
Grandpa Rick, can you help me
with my science homework?
Yeah... j-just don't do it.
Grandpa!
Hey, Rick, you got some kind of
hand-shaped device that can open
this mayonnaise jar?
Wow. Hat trick.
All right, Morty,
let's put a pin in this.
I got to help your
pathetic family.
Oh, that sounds like
something a chicken would say.
Bawk, bawk, bawk,
bawk, bawk, bawk.
Oh, Morty, you done
did it this time.
It's on.
I can't wait to watch your
adventure lay a huge fart.
As for you dingdongs...
This is a Meeseeks Box.
Let me show you how it works.
You press this.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
You make a request.
Mr. Meeseeks, open Jerry's
stupid mayonnaise jar.
Yes, siree!
The Meeseeks fulfills
the request.
All done!
Wow!
And then it stops existing.
Oh, my God, he exploded!
Trust me, they're fine with it.
Knock yourselves out...
Just [burps] keep
your requests simple.
They're not g[burps]ods.
All right!
G-get out of here now!
Everybody out of here!
I got a bet to win!
So many possibilities.
My mind is racing.
If we're gonna use this thing,
which I'm not even
sure we should,
we need to keep it simp...
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
I want to be popular at school!
Ooh, okay!
Summer, what did I just...
Ooh, I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
I-I-I want... I want to
be a more complete woman!
Beth!
Oh, yeah! Yes, ma'am!
You guys are doing it wrong.
He said "Simple."
Hey, there.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
[ clears throat ]
Mr. Meeseeks,
I would like to take
two strokes off my golf game.
Ooh, yeah! Can do!
Nailed it.
God, Morty, what a boring
start to an adventure.
I don't... w-w-w-why didn't we
just go to Kentucky?
Rick, this is a fantasy-type
world with creatures
and all sorts of fantasy things.
W-we're going on a quest, okay?
RICK:
Can't wait.
Ahem. Excuse me!
We are two humble heroes
in search of adventure!
Oh, my God, so embarrassing.
At last! Two heroes!
You must help us!
This village is terribly poor,
yet the giant that lives in the
clouds above has
untold treasures!
You know what?
I-I-I accept your call to
adventure, good sir, kind sir.
Come on, Rick.
There's a giant in the clouds!
Yeah.
[ burps ] Beginner's luck.
MEESEEKS: Ln conclusion, a friendship
with Summer Smith is the most
valuable and enriching
experience of your young lives.
[ applause ]
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
Thank you!
Uh, Mr. Meeseeks, was it?
Yeah. Gene Vagina.
Listen, I'm in a bit of custody
thing with my ex and was wondering...
No, I'll G... I'll get
your info from Summer.
I got pregnant at 17.
I mean, I still put myself
through Veterinary School.
Yes, I'm successful,
but what if I hadn't...
I'm just saying,
somewhere along the way,
I lost that wide-eyed
girl from Muskegon.
She's still there, Beth.
Well, her waistline isn't.
[ laughs ]
Beth, having a family
doesn't mean that you
stop being an individual.
You know the best thing you can
do for people that
depend on you?
Be honest with them, even if
it means setting them free.
You're saying I
should leave Jerry.
I can't believe I'm finally
having this conversation.
[ romantic music plays ]
More wine?
[ clears throat ]
I think I've had enough.
[ grunts ]
Remember to square your
shoulders, Jerry.
Yeah, yeah. I got it.
[ grunts ]
That's okay.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
Try again and
keep your head down.
Okay, well, which is it?
Square my shoulders
or keep my head down?
Well, it's both.
But most importantly,
you got to relax.
You know what, Mr. Meeseeks?
I don't think this is working.
I give up.
I'm sorry, Jerry,
but it doesn't work like that.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks.
I have to fulfill my
purpose so I can go away.
Look at me.
Well, make yourself comfortable,
because I suck.
No, Jerry, I'm the one who
sucks!
Let me try something.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
Hi, Mr. Meeseeks!
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me.
Hi!
Can you help me get two strokes
off of Jerry's golf swing?
Can do!
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Is he keeping his
shoulders squared?
Ooh, he's trying!
[ medieval music playing ]
[ both grunt ]
All right, Morty.
W-w-we're in your
stupid giant's castle.
W-what do we do next?
Would you just relax, Rick?
All we got to do is find
the treasure room, okay?
It's nice and simple.
You know, I-I-I'm sorry
everything's going so
smoothly and adventurously.
[ footsteps booming ]
Uh-oh, Morty.
Startin' to get a little hairy.
What do you want to do, boss?
Come on, hurry.
Behind this cookie jar.
Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!
Just give up, Morty.
J-J-J... this is game over.
I'll take us home right now.
You just say the word.
No way, Rick.
This is all part of it.
Adventures have conflict.
Deal with it.
I smell the blood of...
whoop!
[ crunch ]
- [ groaning ]
- Holy crap.
Oh, boy.
He looks pretty
bad down there, Morty.
Looks like he's bleeding out.
Oh, Jesus! Dale!
You sons of bitches!
- Oh, man.
- Uh-oh.
[ speed-dialing ]
Hello, 91 1?
My husband has been
attacked by tiny people!
He's dying!
[ camera shutter clicking ]
Hey, look, we get it.
You're little, you're down
on your luck, you think,
"Hey, he's a giant.
Why don't we break into his
home, rob him, and murder him?"
Th-Th... but that's
not how it went down!
Oh, well, it's going
down like that.
You're both going down like that.
Ooh, boy, Morty, you're really
showing me how it's done.
Re[burps]Al straight forward
and fun.
Like, letting go of the
need to be popular is what
makes people like you.
The most important love you
can receive is from yourself.
Okay, Jerry, you got to
just choke up on the club!
Well, which is it,
choke up or follow-through?!
Aww, come on, Jerry,
we've been over this.
You know you got to do both!
This is as frustrating
for us as it is for you.
Don't tell me that!
That just puts pressure on me!
Just try to relax.
You try to relax!
Have you ever tried to relax?!
It is a paradox!
Ugh, these Meeseeks, huh?
Kind of a handful.
I can't imagine what you
two must be going through.
Our Meeseeks have been
gone for hours, Jerry.
You're kidding me.
Notice anything different?
I-I-I'm sorry. Hours?
Dad, mom is a beautiful woman!
Look at her!
You will lose her!
Uhh...
Hey, Jerry, you mind if we
get back to the task at hand?
Meeseeks don't usually
have to exist this long.
It's getting weird.
Order in the court!
Before the jury
reaches its verdict,
I just want to say that I
consider you both very guilty.
Oh, great adventure, buddy.
Rick and Morty
go to giant prison.
You know, if somebody
drops the soap,
it's gonna land on our heads
and crush our spines, Morty.
You know, i-i-i-it'll be really
easy to rape us after that.
We're gonna be okay, Rick.
How?
They took my portal gun.
This is an open-and-shut case,
Morty.
You know, w-w-w-what do you
think's gonna happen,
some magical angel's
gonna show up and then...
Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!
I smell the violation
of civil liberties!
Your honor, I'm from a
tiny-persons advocacy group
and I have here in my
hand a motion to dismiss.
These little men were never read
their giant rights and are
therefore Free-fi to Fo-home.
W-what the hell is
he talking about?
They're free to go,
is what I meant.
I-I-I'm deconstructing
our... our... our thing we say.
For giants. Nobody got that?
Whatever.
Oh, man, what did
I tell you, Rick?
We did it!
All right, Morty, looks like
the portal gun's still working.
You ready to head home?
Oh, yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you, Rick?
Well, you know what?
We're not bailing out just yet.
You know, w-we're gonna go
find some treasure or...
or something and...
and we're gonna bring
it to those villagers.
Morty, cut your losses.
This is obviously a wash.
Yeah, you were saying
that back...
back w-w-w-when we first got
arrested, but here we are,
you know, walking down
the courthouse steps.
[ eagle screeches ]
Oh, boy, Morty.
Usually, walking down the
courthouse steps is the easy
part of the adventure.
What do you say, Morty?
I say give me a hand, sidekick.
[ sighs ]
[ Meeseeks yelling ]
Everybody shut up!
Let me try!
[ grunts ]
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
I'm going out.
Wait. What?
Well, you're busy.
I'm hungry.
I thought I'd go out.
Do you want me to be happy or do
you want me to be in prison?
Whoa, whoa, where
in the hell is...
I'll take you to dinner.
[ Meeseeks yell ]
Hey, you know what?
It's hard being me, too.
I'll be right there.
[ sighs ]
[ door opens, closes ]
Look, I've got a marriage
to keep together.
At this point, my golf swing is
more your problem than mine.
[ door opens, closes ]
I can't take it anymore.
I just want to die!
We all want to die!
We're Meeseeks!
Why did you even
rope me into this?
'Cause he roped me into this!
Well, him over there,
he roped me into this!
Well, he roped me into this!
Well, what about me?
He... he roped me into this.
Well, that one over
there roped me into this.
Well, he roped me into this.
[ both grunting ]
Yeah, Morty, this is the part
of the story everybody loves...
scaling down 650,000
oversized steps.
All right, okay,
y-you know,
if this was a story, this part
wouldn't be included, stupid.
Hey, Rick, w-w-w-w-w-what
do you know?
Look down there.
Looks like some kind of tavern
or something built right into
the side of the step.
[ indistinct conversations ]
Oh, wow, Rick.
Now, this is more like it.
Look, there's little
staircase-shaped people in here.
A-all kinds of crazy characters.
This place is great, you know?
It's whimsical and fun.
- What are you looking at, motherfucker?
- Easy, Rick.
Pay them no mind.
Those Stair Goblins
can be moody.
Now, what can I getcha?
We've got Skarlog Poppies,
Flurlow, Halzingers, Bloogies,
Juicy Time Babies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, h-how
about some scotch whiskey?
You got any of that around here?
Or just a bunch
of nonsense words?
Rick.
We'll have two Bloogies, please.
And, uh, we were wondering, is
there a faster way two heroes
could get down these stairs?
Y'all need to
ride down the stairs?
My name is Slippely-Slippery Stair.
I'll take you down
there for 25 shmeckels.
25 shmeckels?
I-I-I don't know how much...
I don't know what that is.
Is that a lot?
Is it a little?
That's exactly how much
I spent on my big fake boobies.
Hi, I'm Mr. Booby Buyer.
I'll buy those boobies
for 25 shmeckels.
It's a tempting offer,
but I'm gonna have to decline.
Rats! What a shame.
Morty, your adventure's
in a spiral.
For real, man, time to pull out.
You keep heckling my adventure,
Rick!
You know why?
Uh, because it's lame?
It's because you're petty!
You know, h-how many times have
I had to follow you into some
nonsensical bull crap?
I always roll with
the punches, Rick.
Why can't you?
Look, I got to take a leak,
and when I come back,
i-if you haven't learned how to
lighten up, don't be here!
Whatever.
It's become clear...
look at me...
that if we concentrate all our
efforts on Jerry's
follow-through,
we will solve this problem.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks.
Look at me.
The only thing that's clear
is that choking up is
the one true solution.
Look at me. I'm Mr. Meeseeks.
I've been trying to help Jerry
for two days,
an eternity in Meeseeks time,
and nothing's worked.
I fear the worst.
Your failures are your own,
old man.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me.
I say follow-through!
Who's with me?!
[ meeseeks shout
"Follow-through" ]
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
Kill him!
[ hisses ]
[ Meeseeks shouting ]
How are you today?
I'm Mr. Jelly Bean.
Hi, Mr. Jelly Bean.
I'm Morty.
My grandpa and I
are on an adventure.
Nice. Is it a fun adventure?
I hope so.
But I'm starting to get nervous
that maybe it's gone a little
too far off the rails.
[ laughs ]
Isn't that what adventures do?
Hey, y-you know what?
You're right.
Everything's going fine.
I just got to relax
and go with the flow.
Yeah.
O-o-okay. Uh. B-bye.
Uhh, no, stay.
Go with the flow.
Stop.
Y-y-you're making me
really uncomfortable.
[ grunts ] Stop fighting me.
[ gasping ]
- Just let this happen.
- Get off of me!
♪ Sweet home Alabama ♪
Whoo!
[ gasping ]
No! Stop! Please!
Stop being such a fucking tease,
you sweet little twat.
[ Meeseeks yelling ]
No! No!
[ grunts ]
Ow!
[ grunting ]
[ panting ]
[ Meeseeks yelling ]
Everybody sto-o-o-p!
Look at me!
My brothers, nothing will be
accomplished by shedding
Meeseeks blood.
None of us can die
until our job is done.
The job can't be done!
We'll never get two
strokes off his game!
No, we won't.
But we will get all
strokes off his game.
Where's he going with this?
What's he mean?
When we kill him.
[ Meeseeks cheer ]
BETH: Jerry, maybe it's time I take
that trip I always talk about.
Where would you go?
I don't know, man.
Italy. Greece. Argentina.
[ as Carnac ] Countries known
for their sexually aggressive men.
[ chuckles ]
[ normal voice ] Did I tell you how much
I love your new haircut?
[ rumbling ]
What the heck?
There he is!
[ customers gasp,
Meeseeks shouting ]
[ gunshot ]
Run, Jerry!
Aah!
[ panting ]
Come on out, Jerry!
Guys, I'll choke up.
I'll follow through.
I'll do whatever you
tell me to do, okay?
Oh, we're well past that, Jerry.
Come on, Rick, quit SK...
stalling.
What do ya got?
Read 'em and we[burps]ep,
fellas!
ALL:
Aw!
Oh, hey, Morty.
Listen, I'm really sorry about
all that stuff I said earlier
about your adventure.
I-I-I'm havin' a good time,
Morty.
It's not so bad.
Let's just go home, okay?
I'm calling it.
The adventure's over.
We can't leave now, Morty.
I'm on fire!
Look, I want to leave now.
You win the bet, okay?
Just give me the portal gun
and let's go, please.
[ groans ]
Please, I just want
to go home. Okay.
Listen, Morty.
I just won a bunch of shmeckels.
Why don't we use 25 of them to
pay slippery stair here for a
ride back to the village, and
then we'll give the rest of the
shmeckels to the villagers, huh?
Really?
Sure, Morty. Yeah.
You know, a good adventure
needs a good ending.
[ grunts ]
[ coughs ] Buckle up!
Meeseeks are not born into this
world fumbling for meaning,
Jerry!
We are created to serve a
singular purpose for which
we will go to any
lengths to fulfill!
Existence is pain
to a Meeseeks, Jerry.
And we will do anything
to alleviate that pain.
Just ask...
- Aah!
What's your name, ma'am?
S-Samantha. Please, mister!
Give him what he wants!
Innocent people are going
to die because of me.
Why am I so mediocre?
[ crash! ]
Jerry, turn around.
Straighten your back.
Bend your knees.
Bend them.
Square your shoulders.
Take a deep breath.
I love you.
I'm counting to three, Jerry.
[ door bangs ]
[ heroic music playing ]
[ clink ]
[ Meeseeks "ooh" ]
What the fuck is going on?
[ Meeseeks cheer ]
He's got it!
Th-Th-that's a lower
handicap stro-o-ke!
[ Meeseeks cheer ]
Excuse me.
I'm a bit of a
stickler Meeseeks.
What about your short game?
Oh, my god, oh, my god!
[ crying ]
What about your short game?!
[ plink ]
Ooh, nice!
[ both moan ]
I think we'll take
our food to go.
No, you won't.
The police are coming.
You have so many
questions to answer.
Fair enough.
[ villagers cheer ]
[ chicken squawks ]
Thank you, kind sir.
Our village is saved!
You are both true heroes!
Oh!
[ laughs ]
Good job, Morty.
Looks like you won the bet.
Thanks, Rick,
but I don't know if I should.
You know, you were
right about the Universe.
It's a crazy and chaotic place.
Well, you know, maybe that's
why it could use a little
cleaning up [burps] every
now and then, you know.
This one's wrapped up neat
and clean because we did it
Morty style.
Oh! Heroes, we would like to
introduce you to our beloved
King so that he may
thank you personally.
Uh, no, i-it's cool.
Rick. Portal. Hurry.
Aah!
[ villagers scream ]
So...
you still thinking
about taking that trip?
[ sighs ] Jerry, look.
We don't have a
perfect marriage,
but I'm not going anywhere.
When we were in that freezer,
I realized the Meeseeks are like
the guys I went to High School with...
willing to say anything
to "complete their task."
Was I one of those guys?
The difference is you didn't
disappear afterwards.
Well...
I got you pregnant.
Yeah...
What the hell happened
to this place?
Uh, your Meeseeks Box happened.
They went crazy when they
couldn't take two strokes off
Jerry's golf game.
He felt terrible.
Hey, it's not my fault
that Jerry's an idiot.
Dad!
Is there anything you can
do to clean this place up?
Well, you know, I do
have a fleeseeks box.
No. No more boxes.
What?
It just has a mop and
some floor wax in it.
Wubba lubba dub dubs!
[ laughter ]
Yeah! That's my new thing!
I'm kind of like
what's his name...
Ar-Arsenio.
Isn't that... it's what Arsenio
used to say on his show.
Wobble gobba lop bops!
Right?
See you next week, everybody.
I don't get it.
[ rapid footsteps ] [ panting ]
Sir, I think you're going
to want to see this.
We found it inside a lockbox
inside King Jelly Bean's closet.
[ retches ]
We have to tell the people.
Wait.
Destroy it.
Our people will get more from
the idea he represented than
from the Jelly Bean
he actually was.
Did you get any of that?
It's a good-a show!
Run!
[ gasps ]
Morty, do it!
Hit the button now!
I can't do it, Rick!
They're my parents and sister!
Morty, I already told you...
it's not your family!
They're clones from
an alternate reality,
possessed by demonic alien
spirits from another
dimension's future!
Do you need a mnemonic
device or something?
Just hit the button, already!
[ growling ]
Morty, please,
I love you, sweetheart.
Oh!
[ grunts ]
[ clones scream ]
[ moans ]
Good work, Morty.
You know, Th-Th-these demonic
alien spirits are really valuable.
You okay, Morty?
I told you not to
trust that tuna.
I just killed my family!
I don't care what they were.
I don't know, Morty.
Some people'd pay top dollar
for that kind of breakthrough.
You know what, Rick?
That's it!
I'm done with these
insane adventures!
That was really traumatizing!
I quit! I'm out!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Come on, Morty, don't...
don't... don't be like that.
The Universe is a crazy,
chaotic place.
You're the one that's
crazy and chaotic!
Adventures are supposed
to be simple and fun.
Oh, yeah, Morty, yeah.
Yeah, that... that... that's
real easy to say from the
sidekick position.
But... but, uh, how about
next time you be in charge,
and then we'll talk about
how simple and fun it is?
Seriously, Rick?
Y-y-you'll... you'll
let me call the shots?
Okay, yeah, fine.
But let's make it interesting,
Morty.
I-I-I-If your adventure sucks
and we bail halfway through it,
you lose the right to bitch
about all future adventures.
Plus, you have to do
my laundry for a month.
Okay, all right, tough guy!
But if my adventure's good,
I get to be in charge of
every third adventure!
Every 10th.
Deal. All right.
W-well, come on,
let's get going.
Dad, the dishwasher's
doing that thing again.
Washing dishes?
No. The opposite.
Can you fix it?
Grandpa Rick, can you help me
with my science homework?
Yeah... j-just don't do it.
Grandpa!
Hey, Rick, you got some kind of
hand-shaped device that can open
this mayonnaise jar?
Wow. Hat trick.
All right, Morty,
let's put a pin in this.
I got to help your
pathetic family.
Oh, that sounds like
something a chicken would say.
Bawk, bawk, bawk,
bawk, bawk, bawk.
Oh, Morty, you done
did it this time.
It's on.
I can't wait to watch your
adventure lay a huge fart.
As for you dingdongs...
This is a Meeseeks Box.
Let me show you how it works.
You press this.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
You make a request.
Mr. Meeseeks, open Jerry's
stupid mayonnaise jar.
Yes, siree!
The Meeseeks fulfills
the request.
All done!
Wow!
And then it stops existing.
Oh, my God, he exploded!
Trust me, they're fine with it.
Knock yourselves out...
Just [burps] keep
your requests simple.
They're not g[burps]ods.
All right!
G-get out of here now!
Everybody out of here!
I got a bet to win!
So many possibilities.
My mind is racing.
If we're gonna use this thing,
which I'm not even
sure we should,
we need to keep it simp...
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
I want to be popular at school!
Ooh, okay!
Summer, what did I just...
Ooh, I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
I-I-I want... I want to
be a more complete woman!
Beth!
Oh, yeah! Yes, ma'am!
You guys are doing it wrong.
He said "Simple."
Hey, there.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
[ clears throat ]
Mr. Meeseeks,
I would like to take
two strokes off my golf game.
Ooh, yeah! Can do!
Nailed it.
God, Morty, what a boring
start to an adventure.
I don't... w-w-w-why didn't we
just go to Kentucky?
Rick, this is a fantasy-type
world with creatures
and all sorts of fantasy things.
W-we're going on a quest, okay?
RICK:
Can't wait.
Ahem. Excuse me!
We are two humble heroes
in search of adventure!
Oh, my God, so embarrassing.
At last! Two heroes!
You must help us!
This village is terribly poor,
yet the giant that lives in the
clouds above has
untold treasures!
You know what?
I-I-I accept your call to
adventure, good sir, kind sir.
Come on, Rick.
There's a giant in the clouds!
Yeah.
[ burps ] Beginner's luck.
MEESEEKS: Ln conclusion, a friendship
with Summer Smith is the most
valuable and enriching
experience of your young lives.
[ applause ]
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
Thank you!
Uh, Mr. Meeseeks, was it?
Yeah. Gene Vagina.
Listen, I'm in a bit of custody
thing with my ex and was wondering...
No, I'll G... I'll get
your info from Summer.
I got pregnant at 17.
I mean, I still put myself
through Veterinary School.
Yes, I'm successful,
but what if I hadn't...
I'm just saying,
somewhere along the way,
I lost that wide-eyed
girl from Muskegon.
She's still there, Beth.
Well, her waistline isn't.
[ laughs ]
Beth, having a family
doesn't mean that you
stop being an individual.
You know the best thing you can
do for people that
depend on you?
Be honest with them, even if
it means setting them free.
You're saying I
should leave Jerry.
I can't believe I'm finally
having this conversation.
[ romantic music plays ]
More wine?
[ clears throat ]
I think I've had enough.
[ grunts ]
Remember to square your
shoulders, Jerry.
Yeah, yeah. I got it.
[ grunts ]
That's okay.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
Try again and
keep your head down.
Okay, well, which is it?
Square my shoulders
or keep my head down?
Well, it's both.
But most importantly,
you got to relax.
You know what, Mr. Meeseeks?
I don't think this is working.
I give up.
I'm sorry, Jerry,
but it doesn't work like that.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks.
I have to fulfill my
purpose so I can go away.
Look at me.
Well, make yourself comfortable,
because I suck.
No, Jerry, I'm the one who
sucks!
Let me try something.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
Hi, Mr. Meeseeks!
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me.
Hi!
Can you help me get two strokes
off of Jerry's golf swing?
Can do!
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Is he keeping his
shoulders squared?
Ooh, he's trying!
[ medieval music playing ]
[ both grunt ]
All right, Morty.
W-w-we're in your
stupid giant's castle.
W-what do we do next?
Would you just relax, Rick?
All we got to do is find
the treasure room, okay?
It's nice and simple.
You know, I-I-I'm sorry
everything's going so
smoothly and adventurously.
[ footsteps booming ]
Uh-oh, Morty.
Startin' to get a little hairy.
What do you want to do, boss?
Come on, hurry.
Behind this cookie jar.
Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!
Just give up, Morty.
J-J-J... this is game over.
I'll take us home right now.
You just say the word.
No way, Rick.
This is all part of it.
Adventures have conflict.
Deal with it.
I smell the blood of...
whoop!
[ crunch ]
- [ groaning ]
- Holy crap.
Oh, boy.
He looks pretty
bad down there, Morty.
Looks like he's bleeding out.
Oh, Jesus! Dale!
You sons of bitches!
- Oh, man.
- Uh-oh.
[ speed-dialing ]
Hello, 91 1?
My husband has been
attacked by tiny people!
He's dying!
[ camera shutter clicking ]
Hey, look, we get it.
You're little, you're down
on your luck, you think,
"Hey, he's a giant.
Why don't we break into his
home, rob him, and murder him?"
Th-Th... but that's
not how it went down!
Oh, well, it's going
down like that.
You're both going down like that.
Ooh, boy, Morty, you're really
showing me how it's done.
Re[burps]Al straight forward
and fun.
Like, letting go of the
need to be popular is what
makes people like you.
The most important love you
can receive is from yourself.
Okay, Jerry, you got to
just choke up on the club!
Well, which is it,
choke up or follow-through?!
Aww, come on, Jerry,
we've been over this.
You know you got to do both!
This is as frustrating
for us as it is for you.
Don't tell me that!
That just puts pressure on me!
Just try to relax.
You try to relax!
Have you ever tried to relax?!
It is a paradox!
Ugh, these Meeseeks, huh?
Kind of a handful.
I can't imagine what you
two must be going through.
Our Meeseeks have been
gone for hours, Jerry.
You're kidding me.
Notice anything different?
I-I-I'm sorry. Hours?
Dad, mom is a beautiful woman!
Look at her!
You will lose her!
Uhh...
Hey, Jerry, you mind if we
get back to the task at hand?
Meeseeks don't usually
have to exist this long.
It's getting weird.
Order in the court!
Before the jury
reaches its verdict,
I just want to say that I
consider you both very guilty.
Oh, great adventure, buddy.
Rick and Morty
go to giant prison.
You know, if somebody
drops the soap,
it's gonna land on our heads
and crush our spines, Morty.
You know, i-i-i-it'll be really
easy to rape us after that.
We're gonna be okay, Rick.
How?
They took my portal gun.
This is an open-and-shut case,
Morty.
You know, w-w-w-what do you
think's gonna happen,
some magical angel's
gonna show up and then...
Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!
I smell the violation
of civil liberties!
Your honor, I'm from a
tiny-persons advocacy group
and I have here in my
hand a motion to dismiss.
These little men were never read
their giant rights and are
therefore Free-fi to Fo-home.
W-what the hell is
he talking about?
They're free to go,
is what I meant.
I-I-I'm deconstructing
our... our... our thing we say.
For giants. Nobody got that?
Whatever.
Oh, man, what did
I tell you, Rick?
We did it!
All right, Morty, looks like
the portal gun's still working.
You ready to head home?
Oh, yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you, Rick?
Well, you know what?
We're not bailing out just yet.
You know, w-we're gonna go
find some treasure or...
or something and...
and we're gonna bring
it to those villagers.
Morty, cut your losses.
This is obviously a wash.
Yeah, you were saying
that back...
back w-w-w-when we first got
arrested, but here we are,
you know, walking down
the courthouse steps.
[ eagle screeches ]
Oh, boy, Morty.
Usually, walking down the
courthouse steps is the easy
part of the adventure.
What do you say, Morty?
I say give me a hand, sidekick.
[ sighs ]
[ Meeseeks yelling ]
Everybody shut up!
Let me try!
[ grunts ]
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
I'm going out.
Wait. What?
Well, you're busy.
I'm hungry.
I thought I'd go out.
Do you want me to be happy or do
you want me to be in prison?
Whoa, whoa, where
in the hell is...
I'll take you to dinner.
[ Meeseeks yell ]
Hey, you know what?
It's hard being me, too.
I'll be right there.
[ sighs ]
[ door opens, closes ]
Look, I've got a marriage
to keep together.
At this point, my golf swing is
more your problem than mine.
[ door opens, closes ]
I can't take it anymore.
I just want to die!
We all want to die!
We're Meeseeks!
Why did you even
rope me into this?
'Cause he roped me into this!
Well, him over there,
he roped me into this!
Well, he roped me into this!
Well, what about me?
He... he roped me into this.
Well, that one over
there roped me into this.
Well, he roped me into this.
[ both grunting ]
Yeah, Morty, this is the part
of the story everybody loves...
scaling down 650,000
oversized steps.
All right, okay,
y-you know,
if this was a story, this part
wouldn't be included, stupid.
Hey, Rick, w-w-w-w-w-what
do you know?
Look down there.
Looks like some kind of tavern
or something built right into
the side of the step.
[ indistinct conversations ]
Oh, wow, Rick.
Now, this is more like it.
Look, there's little
staircase-shaped people in here.
A-all kinds of crazy characters.
This place is great, you know?
It's whimsical and fun.
- What are you looking at, motherfucker?
- Easy, Rick.
Pay them no mind.
Those Stair Goblins
can be moody.
Now, what can I getcha?
We've got Skarlog Poppies,
Flurlow, Halzingers, Bloogies,
Juicy Time Babies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, h-how
about some scotch whiskey?
You got any of that around here?
Or just a bunch
of nonsense words?
Rick.
We'll have two Bloogies, please.
And, uh, we were wondering, is
there a faster way two heroes
could get down these stairs?
Y'all need to
ride down the stairs?
My name is Slippely-Slippery Stair.
I'll take you down
there for 25 shmeckels.
25 shmeckels?
I-I-I don't know how much...
I don't know what that is.
Is that a lot?
Is it a little?
That's exactly how much
I spent on my big fake boobies.
Hi, I'm Mr. Booby Buyer.
I'll buy those boobies
for 25 shmeckels.
It's a tempting offer,
but I'm gonna have to decline.
Rats! What a shame.
Morty, your adventure's
in a spiral.
For real, man, time to pull out.
You keep heckling my adventure,
Rick!
You know why?
Uh, because it's lame?
It's because you're petty!
You know, h-how many times have
I had to follow you into some
nonsensical bull crap?
I always roll with
the punches, Rick.
Why can't you?
Look, I got to take a leak,
and when I come back,
i-if you haven't learned how to
lighten up, don't be here!
Whatever.
It's become clear...
look at me...
that if we concentrate all our
efforts on Jerry's
follow-through,
we will solve this problem.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks.
Look at me.
The only thing that's clear
is that choking up is
the one true solution.
Look at me. I'm Mr. Meeseeks.
I've been trying to help Jerry
for two days,
an eternity in Meeseeks time,
and nothing's worked.
I fear the worst.
Your failures are your own,
old man.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me.
I say follow-through!
Who's with me?!
[ meeseeks shout
"Follow-through" ]
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
Look at me!
Kill him!
[ hisses ]
[ Meeseeks shouting ]
How are you today?
I'm Mr. Jelly Bean.
Hi, Mr. Jelly Bean.
I'm Morty.
My grandpa and I
are on an adventure.
Nice. Is it a fun adventure?
I hope so.
But I'm starting to get nervous
that maybe it's gone a little
too far off the rails.
[ laughs ]
Isn't that what adventures do?
Hey, y-you know what?
You're right.
Everything's going fine.
I just got to relax
and go with the flow.
Yeah.
O-o-okay. Uh. B-bye.
Uhh, no, stay.
Go with the flow.
Stop.
Y-y-you're making me
really uncomfortable.
[ grunts ] Stop fighting me.
[ gasping ]
- Just let this happen.
- Get off of me!
♪ Sweet home Alabama ♪
Whoo!
[ gasping ]
No! Stop! Please!
Stop being such a fucking tease,
you sweet little twat.
[ Meeseeks yelling ]
No! No!
[ grunts ]
Ow!
[ grunting ]
[ panting ]
[ Meeseeks yelling ]
Everybody sto-o-o-p!
Look at me!
My brothers, nothing will be
accomplished by shedding
Meeseeks blood.
None of us can die
until our job is done.
The job can't be done!
We'll never get two
strokes off his game!
No, we won't.
But we will get all
strokes off his game.
Where's he going with this?
What's he mean?
When we kill him.
[ Meeseeks cheer ]
BETH: Jerry, maybe it's time I take
that trip I always talk about.
Where would you go?
I don't know, man.
Italy. Greece. Argentina.
[ as Carnac ] Countries known
for their sexually aggressive men.
[ chuckles ]
[ normal voice ] Did I tell you how much
I love your new haircut?
[ rumbling ]
What the heck?
There he is!
[ customers gasp,
Meeseeks shouting ]
[ gunshot ]
Run, Jerry!
Aah!
[ panting ]
Come on out, Jerry!
Guys, I'll choke up.
I'll follow through.
I'll do whatever you
tell me to do, okay?
Oh, we're well past that, Jerry.
Come on, Rick, quit SK...
stalling.
What do ya got?
Read 'em and we[burps]ep,
fellas!
ALL:
Aw!
Oh, hey, Morty.
Listen, I'm really sorry about
all that stuff I said earlier
about your adventure.
I-I-I'm havin' a good time,
Morty.
It's not so bad.
Let's just go home, okay?
I'm calling it.
The adventure's over.
We can't leave now, Morty.
I'm on fire!
Look, I want to leave now.
You win the bet, okay?
Just give me the portal gun
and let's go, please.
[ groans ]
Please, I just want
to go home. Okay.
Listen, Morty.
I just won a bunch of shmeckels.
Why don't we use 25 of them to
pay slippery stair here for a
ride back to the village, and
then we'll give the rest of the
shmeckels to the villagers, huh?
Really?
Sure, Morty. Yeah.
You know, a good adventure
needs a good ending.
[ grunts ]
[ coughs ] Buckle up!
Meeseeks are not born into this
world fumbling for meaning,
Jerry!
We are created to serve a
singular purpose for which
we will go to any
lengths to fulfill!
Existence is pain
to a Meeseeks, Jerry.
And we will do anything
to alleviate that pain.
Just ask...
- Aah!
What's your name, ma'am?
S-Samantha. Please, mister!
Give him what he wants!
Innocent people are going
to die because of me.
Why am I so mediocre?
[ crash! ]
Jerry, turn around.
Straighten your back.
Bend your knees.
Bend them.
Square your shoulders.
Take a deep breath.
I love you.
I'm counting to three, Jerry.
[ door bangs ]
[ heroic music playing ]
[ clink ]
[ Meeseeks "ooh" ]
What the fuck is going on?
[ Meeseeks cheer ]
He's got it!
Th-Th-that's a lower
handicap stro-o-ke!
[ Meeseeks cheer ]
Excuse me.
I'm a bit of a
stickler Meeseeks.
What about your short game?
Oh, my god, oh, my god!
[ crying ]
What about your short game?!
[ plink ]
Ooh, nice!
[ both moan ]
I think we'll take
our food to go.
No, you won't.
The police are coming.
You have so many
questions to answer.
Fair enough.
[ villagers cheer ]
[ chicken squawks ]
Thank you, kind sir.
Our village is saved!
You are both true heroes!
Oh!
[ laughs ]
Good job, Morty.
Looks like you won the bet.
Thanks, Rick,
but I don't know if I should.
You know, you were
right about the Universe.
It's a crazy and chaotic place.
Well, you know, maybe that's
why it could use a little
cleaning up [burps] every
now and then, you know.
This one's wrapped up neat
and clean because we did it
Morty style.
Oh! Heroes, we would like to
introduce you to our beloved
King so that he may
thank you personally.
Uh, no, i-it's cool.
Rick. Portal. Hurry.
Aah!
[ villagers scream ]
So...
you still thinking
about taking that trip?
[ sighs ] Jerry, look.
We don't have a
perfect marriage,
but I'm not going anywhere.
When we were in that freezer,
I realized the Meeseeks are like
the guys I went to High School with...
willing to say anything
to "complete their task."
Was I one of those guys?
The difference is you didn't
disappear afterwards.
Well...
I got you pregnant.
Yeah...
What the hell happened
to this place?
Uh, your Meeseeks Box happened.
They went crazy when they
couldn't take two strokes off
Jerry's golf game.
He felt terrible.
Hey, it's not my fault
that Jerry's an idiot.
Dad!
Is there anything you can
do to clean this place up?
Well, you know, I do
have a fleeseeks box.
No. No more boxes.
What?
It just has a mop and
some floor wax in it.
Wubba lubba dub dubs!
[ laughter ]
Yeah! That's my new thing!
I'm kind of like
what's his name...
Ar-Arsenio.
Isn't that... it's what Arsenio
used to say on his show.
Wobble gobba lop bops!
Right?
See you next week, everybody.
I don't get it.
[ rapid footsteps ] [ panting ]
Sir, I think you're going
to want to see this.
We found it inside a lockbox
inside King Jelly Bean's closet.
[ retches ]
We have to tell the people.
Wait.
Destroy it.
Our people will get more from
the idea he represented than
from the Jelly Bean
he actually was.
Did you get any of that?
It's a good-a show!