Rick and Morty (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Anatomy Park - full transcript
It's Christmas. Rick shrinks Morty, injecting him into a homeless man to save Anatomy Park. Jerry tries to have a Christmas free of electronic devices, but regrets his decision when his parents introduce him to their new friend.
♪ Last King Christmas
last arrived ♪
♪ On the Christmas Christmas ♪
Mmm.
Jerry, you are really
giving it to this ham.
Um, Merry Christmas.
Hello?
My parents are coming over
for the first time in years.
Can we stow the
gadgets and look alive?
Alive?
For your parents?
Mm, good one.
Hey, man! You "Hey, man!"
This holiday is about humanity.
You know, I thought it was
about being born half-god or something.
Whatever.
All electronic items are going
in the stocking... now.
Dad, I'm not
giving you my phone.
Put it in the stocking, Summer,
or I'm joining Facebook.
A-ho, ho, ho, everybody.
More like
"Whoa, whoa, whoa."
What is this?
My parents are coming!
Calm down, Jerry.
This is Reuben, an old friend.
Pearl Harbor.
I check in on him once a year
and give him a little
medical evaluation.
Aww!
Dad, that is so sweet!
Yeah, it is.
I don't get it.
Korea.
Don't worry about your
C-Christmas, Jerry.
I'll be with Reuben in
my workshop while you guys are
having another day in
Phil Collins' proverbial paradise.
Huh.
You think you know a guy.
Okay, there's my parents.
Now, remember...
no TV, no phones, no laptops.
We are connecting this Christmas,
like old-school
Jews on a Saturday.
Hey, hey!
Merry Christmas, son.
Uh, hi.
Can I help you?
Jerry, this is Jacob.
Didn't you get our text message?
No!
You must be Jerry.
That's a fine-looking apron.
Williams-Sonoma?
I wish!
But thank you.
So, you're a...
friend of the family?
Uh, the way we see it,
he's a part of the family.
Wow.
After your father's brush with
cancer and losing your uncle,
we looked at life and wondered,
how have we spent it,
and how do we spend
the rest of it?
What are we going to
be when we die...
A list of fears and questions
or a collection
of real experiences?
Holy crap.
Joyce, that's amazing.
Then Jacob came into our lives,
and... we're learning
to live again.
All three of us.
Cool.
Eggnog?
Now we are talking!
This man's got the apron
and the eggnog, huh?
Hi, Joyce. Leonard.
Hello, there.
Merry Christmas, man.
Morty, a moment of your time?
He's in bad shape, Morty.
Aw, geez, Rick.
What'd you do?
Gee, thanks, Morty.
W-w-what kind of monster
do you think I am?
I-I-I'm sitting here trying
to save the guy's life.
I need your help.
I want you to find
Dr. Xenon Bloom.
He'll know what's going on.
Uh, w-w-w-where...
where do I find Dr. Bloom?
In Reuben.
Reuben, Minne... Minnesota?
Reuben on the table, Morty.
Look, I-I-I I don't
have time for you to wrap your
little walnut around everything.
Just hold your breath
until the process is over
or your lungs will collapse.
What proc...
Hey, Dad, where's Morty?
He's busy.
Morty, can you hear me?
Head north.
Rick, where am I?
Depending on my aim,
you should be just
south of the entrance.
Entrance to what?
Welcome, Morty.
Welcome...
to Anatomy Park!
It's a little business venture
I've been cooking up on the side
with Dr. Bloom... an amusement
park inside a human body.
Science isn't ch...
cheap, Morty.
This should really help
put a dent in the overhead.
Oh, my God!
This is insane!
Spleen Mountain?
Bladder Falls?
Pirates of the Pancreas?
You got a problem
with that last one, Morty?
Huh? No, no.
I'm just reading 'em out loud in
the order that I'm seeing 'em.
Okay. All right.
If I sounded a little defensive,
it's because Pirates of the
Pancreas was my baby.
You know, I got...
I got a lot of pushback
when I pitched it, Morty.
I guess I'm still
a little defensive.
Let's just find Dr. Bloom,
all right?
I-I'm picking up a distress
signal in the liver, Morty.
Proceed to the liver.
Arriving at...
liver.
Ow!
Mind the gap.
It's really scary in here, Rick.
The liver's under maintenance.
Reuben's seen some
rough years, Morty.
Don't judge.
You don't agree to have a theme
park built inside you if your
life's going great.
Rick! It's a monster!
No, no, no. Morty.
The only monster here is
alco ... ...holism.
That is an animatronic werewolf.
Who are you?!
Answer me!
Where'd you come from?
My... my... my
grandpa Rick sent me!
Poncho!
That's quite enough.
Morty, that's Poncho.
This is Roger and Annie.
And I am Dr. Xenon Bloom.
Hey, Bloom, it's Rick.
What the hell's going on here?
I don't know why, but the entire
security system has shut down,
and I'm afraid...
the exhibits are unlocked.
Exhibits?
Anatomy Park's greatest
attraction, young man,
isn't the music
or the food or the...
Pirates of the Pancreas.
Watch it.
It is, first and foremost, a
living museum of humanity's most
noble and ferocious diseases.
Diseases?
Hey, doc.
I got news for you.
Your living museum is
officially a wild safari!
Hepatitis A!
Run!
Oh, the food goes
in your mouth, girl.
Oh, Jacob.
l-I'm sorry, Jacob.
I-I guess I'm still confused
about the precise nature and
origin of your relationship
with my parents.
Are you, like, uh... are you,
like, their caretaker?
Is that what it is?
We can go into
detail later, son.
Now, wait.
Th-there's no point to secrecy.
Let's all live and die honestly.
Your mother and I have shared
40 years of each other, mind,
body, and soul, and when
minds and souls are joined
for eternity and when eternity
is at the door,
it's an invitation to let go of
the body and an opportunity
to share and experiment.
Dad, please.
What are you saying?
Whatever it is, it's beautiful,
Leonard, and we support you.
Hey, speak for yourself,
because it
sounds like you're about
to say Jacob is your lover.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Jacob is your mother's lover.
I watch them...
Sometimes from a chair and
sometimes from a closet,
almost always dressed
as Superman.
Oh.
Jerry, this ham has got
to be all you, right?
It's incredible.
Happy human holiday, Dad.
Aah!
Hepatitis won't follow us
into the respiratory system.
That's strange.
Airflow is down 20%.
So, the brain isn't
getting enough oxygen.
That's why security's offline.
Well, I guess we
better check it out.
Hey! Wait for me!
Put that back on!
If we got up to the
Bronchial Catwalk,
we could look for a blockage.
I'll go.
Don't be a hero, kid.
I'm not.
I'm doing it because it's fun.
We shouldn't be here.
Whatever you do, do not
fire that thing in here.
We must save Reuben.
This is my life's work.
It's all right, my dear.
Nearly all human lungs contain a
strain of these bacteria,
but the scar tissue
keeps them...
dormant.
Morty, get down!
Whoa-ho-ho!
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh, what are those things?
Tuberculosis...
coming in fast!
Not faster than a bullet!
Aah!
No!
Do you know what you've done?!
Whoa!
Get to the digestive tract!
He's coughing!
Whoaaaa!
Don't let me die!
Just take a deep breath, Reuben.
You're not gonna die!
What's your name?
My name is...
Alexand...
Rick... R-R-Reuben's got
tuberculosis!
Oh, great work, Morty.
Okay, I'll just
cure it and then...
Okay.
Well, I can't cure death.
This is bad, Morty.
You're trapped in a dead man.
Listen, if the situation
keeps darkening,
do yourself a favor and pop by
Pirates of the Pancreas.
Obviously I'm biased,
but I think it's great, Morty.
It's a bunch of
pirates running around a
pancreas.
We don't whitewash it,
either, Morty.
I mean, the pirates
are really rapey.
The top priority is to get,
you know, you guys out of there,
but I'm just saying, if that
becomes impossible, please,
you gotta treat yourself.
Oh, man.
W-w-w-what is
that horrible smell?
You mean the Panda Express?
Kidding. I-I'm kidding.
The body is beginning to
constrict and fill with gas.
We're inside a corpse, my boy.
Anatomy Park is doomed.
Forget about the park, doctor!
How do we get out?
The digestive tract is the
evacuation route.
Get it?
There's an emergency station in
the colon with a ray that can
enlarge us all.
Everybody, head for the colon!
Now I'm taking orders
from a 12-year-old boy?
Morty, the scar sacs containing
the tuberculosis were sabotaged.
This disaster was an inside job.
Keep your eye on Annie.
She was written up several times
by her manager
at the Churro Stand.
Intestines are ahead to the
left, then to the right,
then left, ET cetera.
Hey, just so you know,
l-I-I'm actually 14.
So, you know...
what?
Not 12.
Okay.
You know, because
he just said I was 12.
Oh.
Good for you.
Oof. Ugh. Morty.
Strike one.
♪ It's a road of wonder ♪
♪ A trail of food ♪
♪ It's a pathway to break
up the bad and good ♪
♪ It's a tube that digests
and then sends out the rest ♪
♪ It's a small,
small intestine ♪
Lt goes on like this for miles.
Then we get to the
large intestine!
Shh!
I hear something.
Don't move.
Gonorrhea can't see
us if we don't move.
Wait, I was wrong.
I was thinking of a T. Rex.
Move!
We're sitting ducks!
Doc, didn't you say that the
body was filling with gas?
Yes. Why?
Kid, you're a genius.
Are you mad?!
Everybody, in here!
Hey, Gonorrhea!
How's this for a
burning sensation?
Huh.
♪ Drummer drum drum
drum drum drum ♪
♪ Drum drum drum
drum drum drum ♪
♪ Christmas drums ♪
Oh, sing it, Summer.
♪ Christmas drums being played
by a b-o-o-o-y ♪
Oh, I love to hear you sing.
Jerry, come on.
This is what you wanted.
I get it, Beth.
Be careful what you wish for.
I'm being punished
for taking your iPad.
What?
Jerry, let that stuff go, okay?
I'm sorry I was a bitch earlier.
Let's just be here.
Summer!
Ethan?
What are you doing here?
I've been texting you for hours!
What the hell?!
I don't have my phone!
I'm doing a human holiday!
Well, did you even consider
how that might make me feel?!
How you feel?!
Why is everything always
happening to you?!
Summer, do you have a boyfriend?
Yeah, do you, Summer?
I don't know, Ethan.
Do I?!
Jerry, no disrespect,
but you really need to
connect more with
your family, man.
I should be able to access the
backup generator to get the
growth ray online.
If it works, we'll be
regular-sized in a few minutes.
I just hope Reuben's not in a
room with white carpets
or upholstery.
What the hell is that?
The Sphincter Dam.
We built it when Reuben became
incontinent,
but it was not designed
to hold a corpse load.
I've almost got it.
Everybody, move
inside the circle.
Poncho?
What is this in your backpack?
That's Bubonic plague!
What are you doing
with that, Poncho?
Everybody, get back!
Poncho, you son of a bitch!
You released the tuberculosis
so you could steal from me?
That's right, baby.
A lot of people
would pay top dollar
to decimate the population.
I'll take the highest bidder...
Al-Qaeda, North Korea,
Republicans, Shriners, balding
men that work out,
people on the internet that are
only turned on by cartoons
of Japanese teenagers...
Anything is better than working
for you, you pompous, negligent,
iTunes-gift-card-as-a-holiday-
bonus-giving mother...
Come on!
Aah!
Get off!
You guys!
It's gonna burst! Go!
Go, go, go!
My foot is stuck.
No! It's okay!
It's okay. Just go.
Tell my family I love them.
They may be hard to find 'cause
my wife kept her last name and
she made the kids take it, too,
so, I-I don't know, you can...
No!
Let me ask you a question,
Ethan.
Where's the anger
coming from, man?
From Summer being a total bitch!
Where's the anger coming from?
My brother... took me fishing
once ...in the bushes...
I can't... I can't...
He made me feel like a girl!
I... he made me a girl!
He didn't make
you anything, man.
You are who you are.
She is who she is.
Now, you go to her... brand-new.
Come here, right now.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry, Ethan!
I love you!
I love you so much.
Um...
You did it again, cubbie.
Come here.
No! Stop! I hate this!
Well, Christmas doesn't revolve
around what you hate, son.
Well, then I hate Christmas!
Enjoy being human!
You guys are gross and lame.
My name's Reuben Ridley.
You're inside me right now, but
by the end of this journey...
Whoopsie.
I'll be inside all of you.
My story begins during
the dot-com crash
in the early '90s.
You can put your fingers
wherever you want.
Morty, you want to put it
on mute or something?
I'm... I'm trying to
concentrate.
Uh... Rick?
Not now, Jerry.
I've got much,
much smaller fish to fry.
I wanted to say I'm sorry
I ever judged you.
Right now,
you're my sanest relative.
Relative.
R-relative size!
Jerry, hand me a scalpel
and a bundle of dynamite.
Morty, can you get
to the left nipple?
Are you kidding?
I'm hoping I can get
to both of 'em, Rick.
No, Morty, I'm talking about
Reuben's left nipple.
We need to get
to the left nipple!
The body is decaying.
The arterial transit
system is useless.
We can try the service shuttle.
It's connected to
the skeletal system.
That's why we call
it the bone train.
Would you like to ride
the bone train, Miss?
If it'll get us out of here.
How about you, Morty?
Would you like to
ride the bone train?
Why are you doing this bit?
We're gonna die! Let's go!
Well... I can see you're busy.
Merry Christmas, Rick.
There's no autopilot.
One of us will have to stay
here and operate it manually.
- Uh, well...
- No, you're... you're right.
I-It was a dick move for me
to even pause like that.
This is all my fault.
You go on.
What the hell is that?
E. Coli outbreak.
Hurry!
Wait, there isan autopilot.
Wait!
It's okay! Never mind!
I wanted to sacrifice
myself anyway!
They're... they're chewing
through the doors!
We're in the areola, Rick...
almost to the nipple, but we're
also in a really bad situation!
I'm almost there, Morty!
Reports from all over the
country have been coming in
about what appears
to be a giant,
naked man over the
continental United States.
We now go to Tom Randolph
in New York. Tom?
Well, the eyes aren't twinkling
and the dimples aren't merry,
but I'm standing under a
nose like a 70-mile cherry.
Thank you, Tom.
Let's go now to Eric McMahan
in Los Angeles.
We've got feet here on
the West Coast, Bill...
giant feet,
even relative to the
giant man's size,
and you know what
they say about that.
Well, if the old adage is true,
one can only wonder what's going
down in the Rocky Mountains.
Wha?
Oh my God, the track!
It's Hepatitis A!
Aaaah!
The nipple hole.
It's beautiful.
Oh, no!
Holy crap!
Whoa! It's Hepatitis C!
Um... wait...
Did we have some sort of
relationship with him?
I think they're just like that?
I think they're just good guys.
Oh. Huh.
Where's Dr. Bloom?
I'm sorry, Rick, but he's dead.
God damn it, Morty.
I ask you to do one thing!
Jerry doesn't know
what he's missing.
He'll come around, Beth.
Christmas is a special time.
It has funny ways of
bringing families together.
I don't know, Jacob.
Jerry got an invitation to be
alive today, and he rejected it.
I don't know if
our marriage will...
It's raining blood!
Oh, shit. Find Jerry.
Oh, God.
Jerry!
It's all right.
The TV says there's
nothing to worry about.
The giant, naked sky
Santa has exploded.
Blood and chunks of viscera are
raining down on the country.
Everything should be fine.
Oh, yes.
Dad, can I have my phone back?
A sure, sweetie. Here.
Everybody, take a device.
It'll help you relax.
This is nice.
Yeah.
Look, I guess we really learned
something this Christmas, Jacob.
No, we didn't, Dad.
No, we didn't.
Too bad about Dr. Bloom.
He was a genius...
the only man capable of
creating a new Anatomy Park.
Actually, I studied
Dr. Bloom's work.
I-I-I-I believe I have the
knowledge necessary to create
an entirely new,
much safer park.
What about...
Pirates of the Pancreas?
I think it was one of the
most underrated attractions.
Boo-yah!
Hold your breath.
Hey, w-w-what the hell,
Rick?!
What the hell, man! I liked her!
I really had something
going there, Rick!
Yeah, so I heard.
you dodged a bullet,
Morty... trust me.
Puffy vagina.
W-what's wrong with that?
That doesn't sound
like a problem to me.
I don't know.
Come on,
let's get some stuffing.
I'm starving.
Oh, unbelievable.
We got... we got a bunch of
robot, computer people,
sitting around with their faces
stuffed into computer screens.
Do you guys realize that
Christ was born today?
Jesus Christ, our savior,
was born today.
Are... are... are
you people even human?
What kind of Christmas is this?
Hey, Rick? Rick, can you hear me?
Loud and clear, Annie.
Great.
We're also on with Alejandro,
our Chief Imaginarian.
Hey, Rick.
Natalie Jacobs and Chris Deseter
from Microscopic Marketing,
Zack from Organ Concepts,
and Jamie from New Media.
Hey, everybody.
Hi, how's it going? Hi, Rick.
So, Pirates of the Pancreas.
Yeah. Talk to me.
Hey, Rick.
It's Alejandro speaking.
Um, so, we asked ourselves,
internally...
we asked ourselves over here,
"Okay, what does
a pancreas do?"
and the answer was,
"Does it make pirates?"
No, it makes insulin, you know?
So, we're starting with a new...
Those guys are inside me, huh?
Like, building a park?
Those guys are inside you
building a piece of shit, Ethan!
They're inside you building
a monument to compromise!
Fuck 'em.
Fuck those people.
Fuck this whole thing, Ethan.
Cool.
And who pays me?
Did you get any of that?
It's a good-a show!
last arrived ♪
♪ On the Christmas Christmas ♪
Mmm.
Jerry, you are really
giving it to this ham.
Um, Merry Christmas.
Hello?
My parents are coming over
for the first time in years.
Can we stow the
gadgets and look alive?
Alive?
For your parents?
Mm, good one.
Hey, man! You "Hey, man!"
This holiday is about humanity.
You know, I thought it was
about being born half-god or something.
Whatever.
All electronic items are going
in the stocking... now.
Dad, I'm not
giving you my phone.
Put it in the stocking, Summer,
or I'm joining Facebook.
A-ho, ho, ho, everybody.
More like
"Whoa, whoa, whoa."
What is this?
My parents are coming!
Calm down, Jerry.
This is Reuben, an old friend.
Pearl Harbor.
I check in on him once a year
and give him a little
medical evaluation.
Aww!
Dad, that is so sweet!
Yeah, it is.
I don't get it.
Korea.
Don't worry about your
C-Christmas, Jerry.
I'll be with Reuben in
my workshop while you guys are
having another day in
Phil Collins' proverbial paradise.
Huh.
You think you know a guy.
Okay, there's my parents.
Now, remember...
no TV, no phones, no laptops.
We are connecting this Christmas,
like old-school
Jews on a Saturday.
Hey, hey!
Merry Christmas, son.
Uh, hi.
Can I help you?
Jerry, this is Jacob.
Didn't you get our text message?
No!
You must be Jerry.
That's a fine-looking apron.
Williams-Sonoma?
I wish!
But thank you.
So, you're a...
friend of the family?
Uh, the way we see it,
he's a part of the family.
Wow.
After your father's brush with
cancer and losing your uncle,
we looked at life and wondered,
how have we spent it,
and how do we spend
the rest of it?
What are we going to
be when we die...
A list of fears and questions
or a collection
of real experiences?
Holy crap.
Joyce, that's amazing.
Then Jacob came into our lives,
and... we're learning
to live again.
All three of us.
Cool.
Eggnog?
Now we are talking!
This man's got the apron
and the eggnog, huh?
Hi, Joyce. Leonard.
Hello, there.
Merry Christmas, man.
Morty, a moment of your time?
He's in bad shape, Morty.
Aw, geez, Rick.
What'd you do?
Gee, thanks, Morty.
W-w-what kind of monster
do you think I am?
I-I-I'm sitting here trying
to save the guy's life.
I need your help.
I want you to find
Dr. Xenon Bloom.
He'll know what's going on.
Uh, w-w-w-where...
where do I find Dr. Bloom?
In Reuben.
Reuben, Minne... Minnesota?
Reuben on the table, Morty.
Look, I-I-I I don't
have time for you to wrap your
little walnut around everything.
Just hold your breath
until the process is over
or your lungs will collapse.
What proc...
Hey, Dad, where's Morty?
He's busy.
Morty, can you hear me?
Head north.
Rick, where am I?
Depending on my aim,
you should be just
south of the entrance.
Entrance to what?
Welcome, Morty.
Welcome...
to Anatomy Park!
It's a little business venture
I've been cooking up on the side
with Dr. Bloom... an amusement
park inside a human body.
Science isn't ch...
cheap, Morty.
This should really help
put a dent in the overhead.
Oh, my God!
This is insane!
Spleen Mountain?
Bladder Falls?
Pirates of the Pancreas?
You got a problem
with that last one, Morty?
Huh? No, no.
I'm just reading 'em out loud in
the order that I'm seeing 'em.
Okay. All right.
If I sounded a little defensive,
it's because Pirates of the
Pancreas was my baby.
You know, I got...
I got a lot of pushback
when I pitched it, Morty.
I guess I'm still
a little defensive.
Let's just find Dr. Bloom,
all right?
I-I'm picking up a distress
signal in the liver, Morty.
Proceed to the liver.
Arriving at...
liver.
Ow!
Mind the gap.
It's really scary in here, Rick.
The liver's under maintenance.
Reuben's seen some
rough years, Morty.
Don't judge.
You don't agree to have a theme
park built inside you if your
life's going great.
Rick! It's a monster!
No, no, no. Morty.
The only monster here is
alco ... ...holism.
That is an animatronic werewolf.
Who are you?!
Answer me!
Where'd you come from?
My... my... my
grandpa Rick sent me!
Poncho!
That's quite enough.
Morty, that's Poncho.
This is Roger and Annie.
And I am Dr. Xenon Bloom.
Hey, Bloom, it's Rick.
What the hell's going on here?
I don't know why, but the entire
security system has shut down,
and I'm afraid...
the exhibits are unlocked.
Exhibits?
Anatomy Park's greatest
attraction, young man,
isn't the music
or the food or the...
Pirates of the Pancreas.
Watch it.
It is, first and foremost, a
living museum of humanity's most
noble and ferocious diseases.
Diseases?
Hey, doc.
I got news for you.
Your living museum is
officially a wild safari!
Hepatitis A!
Run!
Oh, the food goes
in your mouth, girl.
Oh, Jacob.
l-I'm sorry, Jacob.
I-I guess I'm still confused
about the precise nature and
origin of your relationship
with my parents.
Are you, like, uh... are you,
like, their caretaker?
Is that what it is?
We can go into
detail later, son.
Now, wait.
Th-there's no point to secrecy.
Let's all live and die honestly.
Your mother and I have shared
40 years of each other, mind,
body, and soul, and when
minds and souls are joined
for eternity and when eternity
is at the door,
it's an invitation to let go of
the body and an opportunity
to share and experiment.
Dad, please.
What are you saying?
Whatever it is, it's beautiful,
Leonard, and we support you.
Hey, speak for yourself,
because it
sounds like you're about
to say Jacob is your lover.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Jacob is your mother's lover.
I watch them...
Sometimes from a chair and
sometimes from a closet,
almost always dressed
as Superman.
Oh.
Jerry, this ham has got
to be all you, right?
It's incredible.
Happy human holiday, Dad.
Aah!
Hepatitis won't follow us
into the respiratory system.
That's strange.
Airflow is down 20%.
So, the brain isn't
getting enough oxygen.
That's why security's offline.
Well, I guess we
better check it out.
Hey! Wait for me!
Put that back on!
If we got up to the
Bronchial Catwalk,
we could look for a blockage.
I'll go.
Don't be a hero, kid.
I'm not.
I'm doing it because it's fun.
We shouldn't be here.
Whatever you do, do not
fire that thing in here.
We must save Reuben.
This is my life's work.
It's all right, my dear.
Nearly all human lungs contain a
strain of these bacteria,
but the scar tissue
keeps them...
dormant.
Morty, get down!
Whoa-ho-ho!
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh, what are those things?
Tuberculosis...
coming in fast!
Not faster than a bullet!
Aah!
No!
Do you know what you've done?!
Whoa!
Get to the digestive tract!
He's coughing!
Whoaaaa!
Don't let me die!
Just take a deep breath, Reuben.
You're not gonna die!
What's your name?
My name is...
Alexand...
Rick... R-R-Reuben's got
tuberculosis!
Oh, great work, Morty.
Okay, I'll just
cure it and then...
Okay.
Well, I can't cure death.
This is bad, Morty.
You're trapped in a dead man.
Listen, if the situation
keeps darkening,
do yourself a favor and pop by
Pirates of the Pancreas.
Obviously I'm biased,
but I think it's great, Morty.
It's a bunch of
pirates running around a
pancreas.
We don't whitewash it,
either, Morty.
I mean, the pirates
are really rapey.
The top priority is to get,
you know, you guys out of there,
but I'm just saying, if that
becomes impossible, please,
you gotta treat yourself.
Oh, man.
W-w-w-what is
that horrible smell?
You mean the Panda Express?
Kidding. I-I'm kidding.
The body is beginning to
constrict and fill with gas.
We're inside a corpse, my boy.
Anatomy Park is doomed.
Forget about the park, doctor!
How do we get out?
The digestive tract is the
evacuation route.
Get it?
There's an emergency station in
the colon with a ray that can
enlarge us all.
Everybody, head for the colon!
Now I'm taking orders
from a 12-year-old boy?
Morty, the scar sacs containing
the tuberculosis were sabotaged.
This disaster was an inside job.
Keep your eye on Annie.
She was written up several times
by her manager
at the Churro Stand.
Intestines are ahead to the
left, then to the right,
then left, ET cetera.
Hey, just so you know,
l-I-I'm actually 14.
So, you know...
what?
Not 12.
Okay.
You know, because
he just said I was 12.
Oh.
Good for you.
Oof. Ugh. Morty.
Strike one.
♪ It's a road of wonder ♪
♪ A trail of food ♪
♪ It's a pathway to break
up the bad and good ♪
♪ It's a tube that digests
and then sends out the rest ♪
♪ It's a small,
small intestine ♪
Lt goes on like this for miles.
Then we get to the
large intestine!
Shh!
I hear something.
Don't move.
Gonorrhea can't see
us if we don't move.
Wait, I was wrong.
I was thinking of a T. Rex.
Move!
We're sitting ducks!
Doc, didn't you say that the
body was filling with gas?
Yes. Why?
Kid, you're a genius.
Are you mad?!
Everybody, in here!
Hey, Gonorrhea!
How's this for a
burning sensation?
Huh.
♪ Drummer drum drum
drum drum drum ♪
♪ Drum drum drum
drum drum drum ♪
♪ Christmas drums ♪
Oh, sing it, Summer.
♪ Christmas drums being played
by a b-o-o-o-y ♪
Oh, I love to hear you sing.
Jerry, come on.
This is what you wanted.
I get it, Beth.
Be careful what you wish for.
I'm being punished
for taking your iPad.
What?
Jerry, let that stuff go, okay?
I'm sorry I was a bitch earlier.
Let's just be here.
Summer!
Ethan?
What are you doing here?
I've been texting you for hours!
What the hell?!
I don't have my phone!
I'm doing a human holiday!
Well, did you even consider
how that might make me feel?!
How you feel?!
Why is everything always
happening to you?!
Summer, do you have a boyfriend?
Yeah, do you, Summer?
I don't know, Ethan.
Do I?!
Jerry, no disrespect,
but you really need to
connect more with
your family, man.
I should be able to access the
backup generator to get the
growth ray online.
If it works, we'll be
regular-sized in a few minutes.
I just hope Reuben's not in a
room with white carpets
or upholstery.
What the hell is that?
The Sphincter Dam.
We built it when Reuben became
incontinent,
but it was not designed
to hold a corpse load.
I've almost got it.
Everybody, move
inside the circle.
Poncho?
What is this in your backpack?
That's Bubonic plague!
What are you doing
with that, Poncho?
Everybody, get back!
Poncho, you son of a bitch!
You released the tuberculosis
so you could steal from me?
That's right, baby.
A lot of people
would pay top dollar
to decimate the population.
I'll take the highest bidder...
Al-Qaeda, North Korea,
Republicans, Shriners, balding
men that work out,
people on the internet that are
only turned on by cartoons
of Japanese teenagers...
Anything is better than working
for you, you pompous, negligent,
iTunes-gift-card-as-a-holiday-
bonus-giving mother...
Come on!
Aah!
Get off!
You guys!
It's gonna burst! Go!
Go, go, go!
My foot is stuck.
No! It's okay!
It's okay. Just go.
Tell my family I love them.
They may be hard to find 'cause
my wife kept her last name and
she made the kids take it, too,
so, I-I don't know, you can...
No!
Let me ask you a question,
Ethan.
Where's the anger
coming from, man?
From Summer being a total bitch!
Where's the anger coming from?
My brother... took me fishing
once ...in the bushes...
I can't... I can't...
He made me feel like a girl!
I... he made me a girl!
He didn't make
you anything, man.
You are who you are.
She is who she is.
Now, you go to her... brand-new.
Come here, right now.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry, Ethan!
I love you!
I love you so much.
Um...
You did it again, cubbie.
Come here.
No! Stop! I hate this!
Well, Christmas doesn't revolve
around what you hate, son.
Well, then I hate Christmas!
Enjoy being human!
You guys are gross and lame.
My name's Reuben Ridley.
You're inside me right now, but
by the end of this journey...
Whoopsie.
I'll be inside all of you.
My story begins during
the dot-com crash
in the early '90s.
You can put your fingers
wherever you want.
Morty, you want to put it
on mute or something?
I'm... I'm trying to
concentrate.
Uh... Rick?
Not now, Jerry.
I've got much,
much smaller fish to fry.
I wanted to say I'm sorry
I ever judged you.
Right now,
you're my sanest relative.
Relative.
R-relative size!
Jerry, hand me a scalpel
and a bundle of dynamite.
Morty, can you get
to the left nipple?
Are you kidding?
I'm hoping I can get
to both of 'em, Rick.
No, Morty, I'm talking about
Reuben's left nipple.
We need to get
to the left nipple!
The body is decaying.
The arterial transit
system is useless.
We can try the service shuttle.
It's connected to
the skeletal system.
That's why we call
it the bone train.
Would you like to ride
the bone train, Miss?
If it'll get us out of here.
How about you, Morty?
Would you like to
ride the bone train?
Why are you doing this bit?
We're gonna die! Let's go!
Well... I can see you're busy.
Merry Christmas, Rick.
There's no autopilot.
One of us will have to stay
here and operate it manually.
- Uh, well...
- No, you're... you're right.
I-It was a dick move for me
to even pause like that.
This is all my fault.
You go on.
What the hell is that?
E. Coli outbreak.
Hurry!
Wait, there isan autopilot.
Wait!
It's okay! Never mind!
I wanted to sacrifice
myself anyway!
They're... they're chewing
through the doors!
We're in the areola, Rick...
almost to the nipple, but we're
also in a really bad situation!
I'm almost there, Morty!
Reports from all over the
country have been coming in
about what appears
to be a giant,
naked man over the
continental United States.
We now go to Tom Randolph
in New York. Tom?
Well, the eyes aren't twinkling
and the dimples aren't merry,
but I'm standing under a
nose like a 70-mile cherry.
Thank you, Tom.
Let's go now to Eric McMahan
in Los Angeles.
We've got feet here on
the West Coast, Bill...
giant feet,
even relative to the
giant man's size,
and you know what
they say about that.
Well, if the old adage is true,
one can only wonder what's going
down in the Rocky Mountains.
Wha?
Oh my God, the track!
It's Hepatitis A!
Aaaah!
The nipple hole.
It's beautiful.
Oh, no!
Holy crap!
Whoa! It's Hepatitis C!
Um... wait...
Did we have some sort of
relationship with him?
I think they're just like that?
I think they're just good guys.
Oh. Huh.
Where's Dr. Bloom?
I'm sorry, Rick, but he's dead.
God damn it, Morty.
I ask you to do one thing!
Jerry doesn't know
what he's missing.
He'll come around, Beth.
Christmas is a special time.
It has funny ways of
bringing families together.
I don't know, Jacob.
Jerry got an invitation to be
alive today, and he rejected it.
I don't know if
our marriage will...
It's raining blood!
Oh, shit. Find Jerry.
Oh, God.
Jerry!
It's all right.
The TV says there's
nothing to worry about.
The giant, naked sky
Santa has exploded.
Blood and chunks of viscera are
raining down on the country.
Everything should be fine.
Oh, yes.
Dad, can I have my phone back?
A sure, sweetie. Here.
Everybody, take a device.
It'll help you relax.
This is nice.
Yeah.
Look, I guess we really learned
something this Christmas, Jacob.
No, we didn't, Dad.
No, we didn't.
Too bad about Dr. Bloom.
He was a genius...
the only man capable of
creating a new Anatomy Park.
Actually, I studied
Dr. Bloom's work.
I-I-I-I believe I have the
knowledge necessary to create
an entirely new,
much safer park.
What about...
Pirates of the Pancreas?
I think it was one of the
most underrated attractions.
Boo-yah!
Hold your breath.
Hey, w-w-what the hell,
Rick?!
What the hell, man! I liked her!
I really had something
going there, Rick!
Yeah, so I heard.
you dodged a bullet,
Morty... trust me.
Puffy vagina.
W-what's wrong with that?
That doesn't sound
like a problem to me.
I don't know.
Come on,
let's get some stuffing.
I'm starving.
Oh, unbelievable.
We got... we got a bunch of
robot, computer people,
sitting around with their faces
stuffed into computer screens.
Do you guys realize that
Christ was born today?
Jesus Christ, our savior,
was born today.
Are... are... are
you people even human?
What kind of Christmas is this?
Hey, Rick? Rick, can you hear me?
Loud and clear, Annie.
Great.
We're also on with Alejandro,
our Chief Imaginarian.
Hey, Rick.
Natalie Jacobs and Chris Deseter
from Microscopic Marketing,
Zack from Organ Concepts,
and Jamie from New Media.
Hey, everybody.
Hi, how's it going? Hi, Rick.
So, Pirates of the Pancreas.
Yeah. Talk to me.
Hey, Rick.
It's Alejandro speaking.
Um, so, we asked ourselves,
internally...
we asked ourselves over here,
"Okay, what does
a pancreas do?"
and the answer was,
"Does it make pirates?"
No, it makes insulin, you know?
So, we're starting with a new...
Those guys are inside me, huh?
Like, building a park?
Those guys are inside you
building a piece of shit, Ethan!
They're inside you building
a monument to compromise!
Fuck 'em.
Fuck those people.
Fuck this whole thing, Ethan.
Cool.
And who pays me?
Did you get any of that?
It's a good-a show!