Richard Hammond's Workshop (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Episode #2.2 - full transcript

RICHARD: This time...

The Smallest Cog takes the lead.

..I've had another great idea!

It ain't going to be easy though.

You've already started on it,
haven't you?

A bit.
But what are the cost implications?

You've got to speculate
to accumulate.

We can't keep asking you for loans.

There's the patter of tiny feet
at the workshop.

Mice would chew the wiring.
Mice in here is a real problem.

That kills the mouse.
What, electrocute it to death?



This is a garage,
not the Green Mile.

And Anthony takes on
a very exotic repair job.

We've nearly reached
the speed limit!

Fire 'em up, let's go.

I've fulfilled a lifelong dream.

This all yours? It's all ours.

I've set up a classic car
restoration business

with automotive wonder family

Neil, Anthony
and Andrew Greenhouse...

Dad!

..but it's become a money pit.

Bad, bad, bad.
And if we don't break even soon...

Ten. But the budget's ten!
..there's a chance we may go bust.

Not going well at all, is it?



So, I've come up
with ambitious new plans.

Welcome to your club.

We've just got to push forward
into the big league.

We're even going racing
to find cars that need our help.

Now wouldn't be the time
to give him a business card.

I'm determined to turn
my lifelong obsession...

Come on, little car.

..into a thriving business.

Will it turn over? No.

Is this a good idea?

This looks good. Oh, exciting.

Go on, my son!

Listen to that transmission whine.

Just to be clear,
I'm not a sad middle-aged man

sitting watching classic car racing
when he should be leaving for work.

Well, no, I am.

But this is important research.

Because any minute now
he is going to crash.

See? That's work for us right there.

What I need for a classic car
restoration business is work,

clients, and the long-term
restoration jobs

are all well and good for prestige,
great, but useless for cash flow.

I need a source of classic cars

that get damaged, and there they are.

Richard? Yep?

Do you want a cup of tea? Coffee?

That's kind. No thank you,
I'll be leaving.

OK. That's very kind.
What you working on? Stuff.

What sort of stuff?

I'll wait till the idea's really
formed then I'll present it to you.

Do I need to be nervous? No.
Sure? Yeah.

Right. OK, I'll believe you,
millions wouldn't.

People who race,
compete in old cars, love them,

but they damage them
and they have to repair them.

So, the question then is
how to get to them?

Well, there's an idea
starting to form in my head

and it plan involves my old MGB GT.

This is the last car I drove
on Top Gear, actually.

The very last car I drove
on the show and I kept it.

And it's for the good
of the workshop.

Let's hope the guys agree.

Bit worried.

Gentlemen, come in.

Now, I am aware

some of the ideas I've had
over the last year or so

have been a bit...

Yeah. This, I believe, is a good one.

What we need
is access to passionate owners

of interesting classic cars
who have need of our services.

What if we went racing
alongside them?

In? The Smallest Cog race team.

That's why I brought you here.

Every weekend through the summer
they're out there,

"Oh, no, I dented my D-type",
"Where am I gonna get it done?"

If they're talking to us at the race,

they'll think they're the guys
for me to repair it.

I actually really like
your idea for once.

We need racing livery,
this is Team Cog!

It ain't gonna be easy though.
It's a lot of work.

Will it go? Will it start?

I've no idea. I've got the key.
We'll see if it'll go.

I think everybody wants to build
a race car, don't they,

but at the moment we're just getting
customers coming through the door,

we're doing a bit of work,
we're building up the business

and I just don't want to be
side-tracked

and spending
a load of money on something.

Ready? Go on.

No.

No, the battery's flat. Battery.

Come on Ellie, you can help me push.

Ready? Push.

And they're off!

The Smallest Cog takes the lead.

Good girl, good girl,
you're doing it.

As soon as we get that car
in the shop

and we start tearing it down
and we start ordering up the bits

and bolting it together
and creating something out of it,

making a race car,
they're gonna love it.

It's my best idea ever.
I'm convinced.

What do you reckon so far then?
Floor looks good.

Don't think it's ever gonna be
a Le Mans-winning car,

but it's solid and we can
make something out of it.

Need to lose weight,
I mean, the car. Yeah.

People see race cars

and think it's like a normal
everyday car but far from it.

Richard is impulse driven, isn't he?

Like Christopher Columbus,
gonna be off the ship

and he'll have conquered the world,

but it ain't like that
in reality to be honest.

Right.
Let's not mess about with this.

What we doing? Chrome out.

Unpick the chrome,
but careful not to bend the chrome.

OK, I know.

What?

Don't bend it. It won't go back in.
I'm not bending it!

Slide it. Neil, go away!

Just don't lean on the boot
so it closes.

I might put a slight crease in it.

It's only a very slight,
it's not really a crease.

It's barely there and I bent.

Dad! You little shit!

I've completely buggered it.

Oh, God.

I'm so sorry.

That's appalling.

Yeah, perhaps I ought to let
the lads carry on without me,

besides, I have some grown-up,
management-type things to attend to.

I've arranged a call
with Kamla the accountant.

When I say I've arranged a call,

Kamla has been nagging me for
a call and I've run out of excuses.

But it's my chance to tell her

about my brilliant idea to go racing.

I really hope
she sees the opportunity here.

Hi, Richard. Hello. I just wanted
to have a catch up with you.

How are we getting along
with the Alvis?

Are we close to invoicing?

Well. No, it's taking a lot longer
than I anticipated.

Every time they've dug
into another layer of it,

they are discovering more work.

So, we're probably
four weeks or so off.

Four weeks?
Yeah. We'll be all right.

Obviously, we'd rather have
the money now than four weeks' time.

Yeah. Very much so.

How we getting on with getting
the smaller jobs in?

Have you had more thought on it?
I have had an idea.

OK. The bunch of people

I need to get in touch with
and put The Cog in front of

are people who race classic cars and
the best way to get to these people,

I form a race team here at Cog.

But what are
the cost implications on that?

Well, I have a car we can use.

How much are you committed to this?
How far along the line are we?

I know you well, Richard.

You're probably further down
the line than you're telling me.

Realistically, it's going to cost
north of five grand.

South of ten.
It doesn't sound like a huge amount,

but considering we're not really
invoicing anyone at the moment,

cos a lot of the vehicles
you are working on are longer term.

That's gonna have a huge impact
on our cash flow.

You've got to speculate
to accumulate.

This is speculation.

I've done rather more speculation
than accumulation.

I will grant you that, Kamla.

I can't keep asking you for loans.

I feel every month when it's time
to pay the rent, to pay the wages...

..I'm ringing you
or emailing to say,

"Richard, can I have another loan?"
We can't continue to do that.

We just need to keep thinking about
this with a business head.

I will try.
Thank you. Thank you, Kamla.

Bye! Talk to you soon.

Oh, I think she was quite close
to being cross there.

Yeah, well, I'm committed.
I'm doing it now.

The thing is I'm not the only one
in the Hammond family

who dreams of going racing.

It's just that Mindy and Willow's
choice of vehicle

runs on hay not petrol.

Whenever Willow and I are left on
our own, nothing useful happens.

It just doesn't. We are useless.

And this is proof.
This is the sort of thing we'd do.

We're actually
revisiting something that,

well, it's part of her childhood.

It's embarrassing,
but it's what we did.

We'd go for a cowboy picnic.

This could go one way
or the other to be honest.

He's not gonna misbehave, is he?

He could. He's very gassy.
He's doing big farts.

Yeah, he's very gassy.
That was him, not me.

Come on.
Do you remember when you fell off?

It was here actually.
I mean, you've fallen off.

I could hear the gasp...
You did a Mummy, what she does.

I had to walk you back
to the stables

while you were
shedding a tear or two.

He's farting again, I'm sorry.
It's not me.

It's really not me, I promise.

Well, he's backfiring, that's all.

It could be running a bit lean,
or a bit retarded on the ignition.

That's a picnicky spot.
It's a lovely tree.

Yeah.
Have you seen what's in there yet?

No. Correct.

Pom Bears.
Pom Bears. I got one each.

Mini Cheds. You want one?

You have got a bit, though.
I am sorry.

It's nice this, isn't it? It is nice.

He's loving it, he's getting
all the nice grass.

If you could go anywhere
in the horse world, do anything.

Show jumping as a career,
not as a hobby.

Now, Mindy is surprisingly calm
about you taking up show jumping.

She's not. She really, it's not that
she's, like, not a fan of the idea.

Think she's just a bit nervous

cos she knows that injuries will
happen in some way, shape or form.

All right. I'm off.

In a bit. I've left my whip.
You're gonna have to get it. Yeah.

All Willow's ever wanted to do
is ride horses.

I feel that as a father, it would be
harder of me to say, no,

you can't pursue
your show jumping dream

cos I don't like it
when you hurt yourself.

Hopefully, Mindy will be
just as understanding

about my competitive ambitions.

You are into horse racing.

And have brought racehorses
and you have one now.

And I'd like to pick your brain.

What if I went racing
as the Smallest Cog?

What vehicle is it?

The MGB GT.

How much is it going to cost by
the way to make it race ready?

Ten grand.

How much? Ten grand.
Was that ten grand?

Was that ten? Ten grand? Yeah.

How much business do you think
you will get off the back of it?

A lot more than ten grand.
A lot more.

If you think about the equivalent
of horse training,

would be building the car.

That's getting the car set up
cos you need to set the car up.

So, there are similarities there.

But it still has to run as a
business and make business sense.

You still have to make money
at the end of it.

It's always bloody spreadsheets
and calculations, isn't it? It is.

Because you don't do
any of that at all.

It's boring.
You can't just shovel money

into these wacky projects and just
go, "Let's do that for fun,

I'm sure it'll work."

You have to see if it
does or does not generate income.

You've already started on it,
haven't you?

A bit. How much?

In other words,
have you finished it?

Right, so yes, good.
Thank you very much. Good talk.

Good talk.

Was it, though? Yeah, it's good.

I think I'll chalk that up as a win,

but Mindy is right about the money.

Still, on the plus side,
we've been called about a job.

This is actually a first
if you think about it.

Because this is the first time,
we've taken a trailer speculatively

to look at a job. Yeah.
That I know nothing about. No.

So, look, it's a job that's come in.
It's predominantly mechanical.

Oh, yeah? So, it's my department.
It's going to be a bit different.

Problem is, you do scare me
when you say different.

This is obviously a rare car,
amphibious?

No, it's an interesting one.

OK, well, only one way to find out.

Right.

Hello, Dan. Hello, good to see you.

I've got to introduce you
to the real owner of said thing.

Alfie. Is this your vehicle
we're coming to inspect?

Yes. I haven't told Anthony

what this is yet.
What's it going to be?

There you go.

Hey, hey Tuk-Tuk.
Both exotic and unique.

You haven't done
one of those before. I've not.

That is brilliant.

Got our own
grammatical errors in it.

Ah, that works, that's very nice,
that is very cool.

Do you want me to get it out?
It's beautiful. Yes, do.

Ah, that is superb!
Where did you bring it back from?

Back from Sri Lanka from Gaul
in the south of Sri Lanka.

And you imported this?
We imported this ourselves,

which was a struggle on its own.

Thing that got it for me was,
look at the seat covers,

Natural Resources Wales.

Oh, you haven't put that on?
That was done in Sri Lanka.

You're joking.
That was as we found it.

What are you gonna do with it?

When it first came,
I took Alfie to school in it.

The entire school came out
to see it,

showed it to the entire school.

It's from Sri Lanka, I bet they did,

it's come a long way to be here.
What does it need doing?

All the bodywork has been done,
but the engine wasn't done

and all the electricals
have failed to start.

We've taken it
to a few local garages

and they don't know what it is
or how to fix it

or they laugh and walk away.

What is the engine in one of these?
2-stroke proper, 2-stroke.

Proper little tuk-tuk-tuk-tuk.
Hence the name.

Ah, look, little baby carburettor,
look at that.

It's a fantastic vehicle but,

I'm worried where we're gonna
get the bits from,

cos my local dealer are not going
to stock stuff for that.

I've got my concerns with this one.

We'd love to do it cos

I love a vehicle that's come
a long way to be here.

And you need it to go to school.
Yeah.

In that case, we'll take it.
We'll do it.

I have a little yellow Opel Kadett
called Oliver

that I brought back from Africa

after I'd fallen in love with it
over there.

So, I get this. It's wonderful.

Thank you, Alfie,
for trusting us with it.

It'll come back working...
Yeah, I'll look after it.

..and it'll get you to school.

Thanks Alfie.
Good idea with the trailer.

We're going slowly.
We'll go at Tuk-Tuk speed.

This is before your time Anthony,
this is premixed oil in the petrol.

Two-stroke.
They're a bit smoky, but...

So, I think I have to just dive in
and have a look at the engine,

see if I can identify any issues.

While Anthony tackles
our three-wheeled curiosity,

I've got some four-legged invaders
to try and deal with.

Got a visit from the rat catcher.

Hello.

Alan. Hi, Richard. How are you?
I'm very well, thanks for coming in.

Bucket of stuff.

Let me take you
to the scene of the crime. OK.

Sequence of events was, we
opened this cupboard under the sink

and there were millions
of droppings in there.

Size of a grain of rice? Yeah.
Yeah. Mice. That suggests mice.

Yes, if it was somewhat bigger,
I'd have suggested rats.

Obviously, this is a classic car
restoration workshop.

Yeah. Mice in here
is a real problem.

Right. Let me show you around.
This is why I don't want mice.

So that's... A Bentley! ..very rare.

But I'm guessing in there,
there's rubber,

there's cloth, there's leather.
The mouse would eat the leather,

go through the leather
into the horsehair

to make up bedding and would chew
the wiring to wear down its teeth,

which are growing, constantly.

So, this extremely valuable
and precious Bentley

represents everything a mouse needs.

There's food, bedding
and a dentist in there.

Absolutely. Right.

Then we've got to get
rid of the mouse.

Easier said than done with animal
lover Neil on the premises.

What's going on here?
Are you going camping or something?

No, we need to deal
with our mouse situation.

Come have a look at what I have here.

We've got to get rid of the mice
cos they're going to eat cars.

And I've had a guy, Alan, in, who's
from the Gamekeepers Association,

so they all deal with mice
and keeping them away.

So, this one, which has batteries
in it, little mousey comes in,

bait is there, back feet there,
front feet there, completes circuit,

capacitor sends charge through,
electric kills mouse.

What do you mean capacitor?

Well, that whacks the mouse.
What do you mean, whack it?

It kills the mouse. Mouse trap.

What, electrocute it to death?

Well, it's quick.

This is a garage,
not The Green Mile.

Well, you can't do that.
You know, you can't.

I knew this was going
to be a problem.

You can't kill it.
Might have babies.

That's the problem,
they might have babies.

Yeah, but I couldn't do it.

Here's what I think we do.

We set up a little camera. Yeah?

We see what we've got.
I think that would be a good idea.

That went how I expected it to go,
I knew Neil would have a problem

and actually, you know, I admire the
guy for not wanting to kill stuff.

He's Doctor-Bloody-Dolittle
with a spanner in his hand.

He really is.

"I can't murder it!"

How's it going?
Starting to struggle a bit now,

and we're gonna need
to find some bits for it.

When was the last time
you drove through Hereford

and saw a Tuk-Tuk?

Well, OK, it's rare around here,
but not globally.

Also, it's only got about
eight moving parts.

Problem is you go on eBay

and put in Tuk-Tuk parts,
not a lot comes up.

Right, what's broken?
It's the stator.

You can see it's all burnt
and oily, and...

Right. So, stator is those coils.

And that's broken. This has had it.
So, what are you gonna do?

Well, Dan, the chap that owns it

has given me a number of a bloke
in Sri Lanka.

Hopefully, he can
supply us the part.

So, we're gonna call
a man in Sri Lanka?

Well, give it a go. Yeah.
Mate, why is nothing ever simple?

Hello, I'm Richard. This is Anthony.

We got your name from Dan.

This is his Tuk-Tuk in our workshop.

What we need...

Can you help? It's broken.

It's the control coil.
What happened to this?

Basically, no spark.

Can you help us get a new one?

Ah, you want a new one?

Yes, we need a new coil unit.

Yes, I can post to you.
Ah, perfect. Brilliant.

Bye. Have a nice day.

Warmer there than here,
it's cold here. Yeah, bye-bye.

We can get in touch with him
and get the parts.

Actually, get the parts.
Thank you, I appreciate that.

International relations
you see, you're better.

I'm going to London

cos I joined the RAC,
the Royal Automobile Club.

I was accepted some months ago
but I haven't been once.

There's 10-year-old me thinking,
wait a minute,

I'm on a train going into London,
wearing a suit, I must be grown up.

Genuinely it surprises me.

So, I'm going in
to meet with Ben Cussins,

an old mate, the chairman.

Cos I've gotta decide what racing
am I gonna do,

what's the budget gonna be? Are we
gonna be any good? I don't know.

Because if I'm going to try and get
into that world with my business,

he can probably help.

Afternoon, sir. Hello.

Hi there.

I'm here to see Ben Cussins,
I have an appointment to meet him.

I'll give him a call.
Thank you very much.

I'll loiter, and look at this
Alfa Romeo 6C.

That is the best weekend
away of your life.

Yes, my dear. I'll bring the Alfa.

Richard! Hello, Ben.
How are you? Welcome to your club.

I know! How exciting!
Thank you for laying that on for me.

Do I get to take that home?
Sadly not.

She's breath-taking. Just beautiful.
Where are we going? Upstairs.

First floor,
have a look at the library.

This building, was it built
specifically for the club?

Yep. 1908, they decided
they needed a new clubhouse

that befitted those early motorists,

they were absolute pioneers
of industry.

It's not a clubhouse, is it?
Look at it!

They all put their hands
in their own pockets

to build this place.
I mean, what vision!

So, this is our magnificent
motoring library.

One of the great things
in our archive,

we were asked to become custodians
of Stirling Moss's photo albums

that chronicles
his whole racing career.

What we've got here
is the 1955 book.

That was the year he won
the British Grand Prix at Aintree.

But most importantly,
he had his greatest race ever.

He won the Mille Miglia.
This is fabulous stuff.

I'd only want to be
a racing driver of that era,

but I would never be brave enough.

It was pretty deadly in those days.
Oh, God, yeah.

Some survived and sadly some didn't.

So, here's my plan.

I propose setting up
a small race team.

We're gonna campaign
to get in with the right people.

So, they see us, they see our work

and there's a chance
that when they stick it in the wall,

they might give it to me to repair.
What do you think?

That's a good idea.

Never been more race series,
race championships.

What would your advice be,
where do I start?

I don't have a big budget, Ben.

Well, you can't just put in
a roll bar, a set of seats

and turn up at the race and think

you're gonna be
in any way competitive.

And is there a massive
pitfall awaiting?

Is there something I could do wrong
that would ruin the business?

This is not gonna be without risk.

How do you make a small fortune
in motor racing?

I think you know the answer.
Start with a large one.

Ah, no, yeah, I suspect.

What I'm trying to work out is,
could I get this wrong

and make a mistake
and turn people off The Workshop

so they never wanna come to us?

No. Because I believe if you turn up
with a well-presented,

well-prepared car, you'll make a lot
of friends, you'll have a lot of fun

and people will come to you and say,
I like the way you operate.

Right, OK.

Let's drink to this great venture.
Yes, well...

Good luck. Thank you.
I think we're going to need it.

I think he might completely
surprise us all

and build an absolutely
bloody fabulous car.

But they're probably going to spend
more money doing it

than they budget.
That's kind of a given.

But Richard has put his money
where his mouth is

and now, I think huge credit to him.
Very few people ever do that.

So, I've done what I always do,
which is find a deadline.

There's an event in a week
and we can take the car there

and launch
our intentions, officially.

The car hasn't got to be finished,
but it's got to look right.

It can't just be an old car.

So, there's a lot
to be done, like, a lot.

And to hit that deadline,
it's going to have to really,

have to pull the guys off whatever
they're doing and put them on that.

Don't know how
they are going to feel about it.

So, MGB GT. Verdict?

Solid. Good base.

So, it's not going to take forever
to do. What's not forever?

The problem is,
we need to get work out the way

to keep paying the overheads,
but then we could do this.

We could do after hours,
couldn't we? Weekends.

It could be our baby

and we want people to see it
and people to think, yeah.

Talking about people seeing it,
I've signed us up for an opportunity

for people to see it
before we even race it.

Have you heard of
the Classic Car Restoration Show?

What, the NEC? Yes.
Yeah, we go every year.

It's a good one, isn't it? Yeah.

I've said that we could
put this car on a stand,

not our stand, but it'll be there.

It's like a launch,
we are a race team.

So, why don't we
get the outside painted?

No, no,
if you got the outside painted.

Just like that.
But you could paint it.

Make it look like a race car.
Don't have to open the bonnet.

We can make it look like a race car.
So, we can crack on. Oh, yeah.

Problem we got is, it ain't just
a few people looking at this car,

going to look at a car
that anybody's done.

It's gonna be involving
Richard Hammond.

Gotta do our best to
make it look as good as we can.

It isn't just the Smallest Cog
and Richard Hammond,

it's a reputation we've earnt
over many years between us,

and can't let it slide.

If it ain't right,
it won't be going.

I will pull it and say, it can't go.

Right now, this could
be no more humane.

You cannot object to this

cos we're going
to hunt mice with cameras.

These are motion detecting.

So, mouse comes along...

Blink, it films it. Right.

Can see what's where.

Then it has its moment on TV and
then we know what kind of humane,

non-murdering trap...
Non-murdering.

Non-murdering trap.

So, I'm going to put mine here,
so little mousey steps out.

Little does he know, he's on TV.

I'm the mousey coming down here.
You want to be able to see my hand.

Yeah? Now this...

Outside. Let's do it outside.

Micey, micey, micey.
This is exciting.

He thinks there's a chance
it's getting in there.

In that hole. So, what we could
do... Put that. Yeah.

Bit lower. There it is.

Turn the camera on and it just sits
there dormant until something moves.

Dormouse? Dormant. Right. That's on.

Wildlife. Yeah.
We'll probably get, like, a BAFTA

might get awards
for wildlife photography.

Yeah, you never know.

Finally, the new part has arrived
from Sri Lanka and it actually fits.

I bet I'm the only one
in Herefordshire now

working on a Tuk-Tuk.

Put the magneto case back on

and hopefully might be able
to fire her up then.

Right, is it done? Ready.
Really? Yeah.

Is it ready to get back
to Dan and Alfie?

Yeah. Right. Well, let's take it.
Can I confess something?

Not now that I've
got to get in the back.

I've never driven one of these.
How do I... Ignition there.

Pull that. What, is that
like a jumpstart? Yeah.

It kicked back.

Give it a good pull.
Really pull it like, pull it like...

There you go! Oh, I like that.

Right. Right, let's go. In you get.

Hey, hey!

Rich? Yeah?

Why are we driving this back?

Because it's a faff
getting it on the trailer

cos it's only got three wheels. Yeah?
Plus, it's fun!

I've got a gear left. You ready?
Go on.

I'm in top!

Put your satnav on.
It'll tell us how fast we're going.

20. Yeah!

23! Oh, my word!

25. 27! Yes!

We've nearly reached
the speed limit!

Lean.

We made it.
That's one hell of a journey.

It's back again. Hello.
Hello. Hello.

One Tuk-Tuk, repaired. Wow.

That's much better than
it ran before, that's for certain.

It's good to see it back,
isn't it Alf? It's running a treat.

How did the engine fix go?
It went well.

We didn't take the engine out.

We managed to get the stator off
in situ in the engine bay.

And I changed all the wiring.

What we got sent over
from Sri Lanka.

So, you are good to go.
Oh, fantastic. Back on the road.

Enjoy your first trip
to school in it.

We might have to have
a few beforehand.

You should test it.
We shall leave it with you.

Grubby monetary issues...

Anthony will be in charge
of sending the invoice.

Thank you very much.
Really nice to have it back.

Enjoy. Enjoy it.

Nice to see you two.
See you then! Bye-bye!

That went well. It's funny.

The crazier the vehicle, the more fun
it is handing it back. Exactly.

Rich?

I know what you're going to say,
getting home.

Yeah, I'm ahead of you.

Hi, Neil?

Yeah, we're in Kilcot.
I didn't think this through.

Can you... Yes.

We'll be on the main road. Thank you.

Should've brought me sunglasses
this morning.

That colour was the right colour.
Look at the shine on that.

Richard's going to be amazed
with that, isn't he?

I think so. Look at that though,
don't that just transform that car?

Made a hell of a difference to it.

Hello.

Wow! It looks fabulous, doesn't it?
Gonna look great as a race car.

So, are you pleased
with the way it's gone on?

Yes.
A lot of work as usual, but, yeah.

Gents, I've got a bit of a thing.

Oh, I'm a bit worried
why you're looking at me like that?

You know, we've only got
tomorrow to get it ready.

And today. Yeah.

I really want to go
horse racing tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Which means I wouldn't be here
to help at all.

Skiving? Yes.

You can skive tomorrow

if you can get the roll cage
bolted in that today.

But if you scratch the paint,
you will lose a testicle.

OK.

Right. Let's do this.

Come on, then! All right!

Just do everything very, very,
very, very, very slowly.

That's too fast. I always do.
No, that's too quickly.

Now, careful. That's it.
Grab the loop at the top.

Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.
Right.

Mind that. That's it.

Hey, that was teamwork.
Proper race team stuff that.

That's Cog team, that is. Yeah.

By the end of today
that car's got to have brakes done,

lights in it, everything we can
put on it that we've got,

cos tomorrow lunchtime,
that thing is on its way to the NEC.

Oh, bugger!
What's happened there, then?

I've scratched it. I'm going to die.
I'm basically dead.

This is a dead man you're looking at.

Come with me for a second.

Yes.

Well, luckily,
I never painted this car,

so, that'll be down
to bad workmanship.

Obviously, the paint wasn't applied
properly in that area

and then it's flaked off.

Behind me, isn't he? Yeah.

Yeah. Look what Richard's done!

Oh, what? Come on!

What happened?
Neil, you total snake.

Oh, that's all right.
Seen worse than that.

You can keep your testicles.
Thank you very much. Thank you.

I'm really sorry. I apologise.
It's all right.

That was properly evil that was.

I am aware, there's a cockerel,

it is actually quite early
in the morning,

but that's OK cos it's race day.

But not the racing, not my racing.

There are horses involved.

That said, there is prize money.

Sometimes it's quite a lot.

I've never seen a penny of it.

You've got... I've got coffee.

It's the last day
of the National Hunt season.

And our horse Farinet is entered
in quite an exciting and big race.

Whenever Farinet actually races,
I do get quite nervous.

Mind, you absolutely brick yourself.
Yeah, I do.

Although, we were expecting rain
and it didn't come.

So, actually, the likelihood of
Farinet running today is quite slim

cos he likes quite soggy ground,
and when the ground's hard,

and it doesn't suit your horse,
it's not a good idea.

Not a good idea.

You see, now Richard Hammond,
all he's thinking about is beer.

Wait a minute.

I appreciate
the majesty of the beasts

and the excitement
and thrill of the race

and the fact that
you can drink Guinness

from 11 o'clock in the morning. Yeah.

Minderella. Are you ready?
Just about. Are you prepared? Yes.

Just about. Just about. Good.

Yes. Just thinking about time.

And they're off!

Funny, funny man. Funny man.

Getting out of this house,
honestly...

It can be 25 minutes between,
let's go and going.

I shan't be rushed.

You might wanna sit down
for this one, mate.

I've literally just had
a phone call off Dad.

Yeah. Is he all right?
He's not well. What happened?

He's just feeling
really under the weather.

He's not good at all.

And I know Dad,
he normally comes in if he's...

What, he's not coming in? No.
Oh, no.

What, is it a sickness bug then?
Must be, he's not well at all.

So, you're telling me then, just me
and you, got to finish the MG

and we've gotta get it on the
trailer and get it to Birmingham

and get it on the stand.

One of those mornings when
you wish you'd just stayed in bed.

We'll just have to go there, show a
brave face and represent the company

as if Neil was there, but
I will miss not having him there.

Oh, this is nice, isn't it?
They're all champions.

I mean that,
champions means they have won,

but what have they won? Big stuff.

Look at that one. That's the best.
That's a nice one. I like that one.

Let's go and visit Farinet.

Am I going have to brace
for disappointment here?

I've got all keyed up...
Look at the weather.

If it was pouring with rain,
it would be perfect for Farinet.

Why did you buy
an amphibious racehorse?

Listen, he's a good racehorse
and he's a beautiful thing.

He's practically a duck.

Right, see if we can find him.

There he is, there's our boy.

Beautifully turned out.

But ultimately,
he's not running, is he?

Well...

It's rock hard.

So, that's it? Yeah.

He's just a horse that likes
soft ground, that's all.

Are you blaming evolution?

No, no, horses for courses.

That's where it comes from.
That's where it comes from.

That is really, really irritating.
Horses for courses.

In the meantime,
he costs money to run.

Yes, but he has won twice here and
his prize money pays for his keep.

Can we watch the racing anyway?
Yeah. We'll have a great day out.

And I am not going to be
on tenterhooks going...

Mindy, you are happier
when he's not running.

I'm happy when he runs
in the right conditions.

The conditions aren't right
includes being outside

or there is too much air in the air.
Wrong type of tree around the course.

Come on. Let's go.

Can I go to the bar? Yes.
Do you know where it is? Yes.

Will you lead me there? OK.
Thank you.

Little does this sleeping world know
that today it learns the news

that we, The Smallest Cog,
are going racing in an old MGB.

It is today we make the announcement.

Not only will we be unveiling the car

to the eagerly awaiting world today,

I haven't seen it with the decals on,

the graphics that we did, our livery.

So, I'm pretty excited. It's going
to be my first chance to see it.

Hello, mate. Right, here it is.

I haven't yet seen...
You haven't seen this car, have you?

A bit nerve wracking.

But it's not actually
opened the show yet, so we can do...

Do you want to have a sneak peek?
Yes. I'm quite scared.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

What do you reckon, Richard?
That looks great.

Oh, it's nice, isn't it?
They are lovely colours.

The colours work. Yeah.
They're brilliant. Yeah.

I'm relieved now
cos you're happy with it.

It's opening sort of now-ish.

So, we'll just stay out of the way
of it until we do our announcement.

Chaps, we've got a few minutes now,

and we said we're gonna do it
at 12, so it's coming up.

I've got this PA, so let's get this
set up. That'll be cool.

So, where do you want us?

I think if you're sort of
at the front of the car...

Me and Andrew are going
to be the showgirls.

We're gonna pull back the cover
and reveal the beast.

Right. Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
We are The Smallest Cog.

We are a new classic car
restoration business.

And we are going classic car racing.

We will be there right alongside
the people who love their cars.

And when they do damage them
in any way,

we'll be able to offer
our services to repair them.

To that end, we need a race car.
We have it here with us today.

Anthony and Andrew,
if you'd like to do duties, please,

to unveil our new car.
Three, two, one. Reveal it.

Look out for us
on the racing scene this year.

We will be there
and we hope to see you there.

It was quite a moment just
to reveal it and say to people.

Well, we're going racing,
to announce our intention

and people didn't laugh us off stage.

By and large, the response has been,
it's the right thing to do.

This is a lovely car.
Richard's on to something here.

It's a beautiful car.

So, what do you think then
of our new adventure?

Brave move. Very brave move.

It's probably a case
of keeping it simple.

You go racing, then you've got
the extra expense of fire systems

and the seats and harnesses
and all the other stuff.

Arguably you're gonna spend
20 to 30 grand

putting a car into a race series

then you're gonna have a really nice
race car at the end of it. Yeah.

Not being funny the main thing is,
I've had a few comments now saying

how expensive this is gonna be
to actually race.

My biggest concern is,
I don't think Richard understands

how expensive it's gonna be.
I don't think he understands costs.

Cos there's like
engines, gearboxes, axles, brakes,

then you've gotta get it to events,
run it. Entry fees. Yeah.

It could be 20 to 30 grand.
Great. Lovely.

The response I've had is
generally, good idea. Smart.

I can see the point. Starts off
like that. What have you learnt?

We've learnt
that racing isn't cheap.

It's going to be a bit, isn't it?

But to get to a competitive stage,
it's gonna cost money.

Can't afford to be stone-dead last.

Gotta make a vaguely competitive car.
But, hey, let's not be daft.

It was gonna cost
some money to do it.

The main message is,
people have liked the car.

Ah, that has gone down so well.

We have to chalk
the day up as a success.

But this is only a small step

along the way towards
becoming a race team.

We haven't even got our
car finished yet.

We've got a long way to go.
But it's an exciting start.

I think it's going to work.

Oh, that's a big mouse.
I think that's a rat.

We've got a really big problem.

We're at this meeting at Goodwood

cos we're literally here to find out
is this something we can do?

Is there a car behind us? No. Yeah.
You're driving a lethal weapon!