Rhoda (1974–1978): Season 1, Episode 24 - Ida, the Elf - full transcript
Rhoda and Joe are both so busy that what ends up not happening consistently is housework. Neither of them mind as they fit in the cooking and cleaning as need be when it works for one or the other. In seeing what is happening, Ida becomes worried that Rhoda not being the perfect housewife will eventually lead to Joe divorcing her. To satisfy her own need for Rhoda and Joe's apartment to be clean in an effort to "save their marriage", Ida comes in one day and cleans their apartment and cooks them dinner, doing the same for Brenda while she's there anyway. Joe doesn't mind what Ida has done, but he also assures her that the state of his and Rhoda's marriage is no way in trouble because of the housework not being done. Rhoda on the other hand does not want her mother interfering by doing the housework, especially when not asked. An off handed comment by Joe to the group changes the mind of one side, but in turn causes a greater rift between mother and daughters, which can only be resolved by understanding the reason for that change. On an associated topic, Rhoda, to free up her time, needs Myrna to take more hands on responsibility at the office, especially in meeting with clients. Rhoda, however, isn't sure if she likes the way Myrna goes about it.
- MY NAME
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- OH, YEAH, ROY, LISTEN,
I GOT TO DO AN EASTER WINDOW
FOR MARTINDALE'S.
I HOPE YOU STILL HAVE
SOME EASTER STUFF LEFT.
THAT'S GREAT, OK, ALL
RIGHT, HERE'S MY ORDER, ROY.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
- OH, HOLD ON.
WILL YA?
THERE'S SOMEONE AT MY DOOR.
MA?
- HI, DEAR, I WAS IN
THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND I--
- ONE SECOND.
I'M ON THE TELEPHONE.
ROY, YEAH, LISTEN, WHAT I NEED
IS, UM, WELL, THE BIGGEST
RABBIT YOU'VE GOT.
I NEED 9 DOZEN EGGS,
8 DUCKS, AND 14 CHICKENS.
- WHAT, ARE YOU HAVING
COMPANY TONIGHT?
- THANKS, ROY.
- RHODA, HAVE YOU
SEEN MY BLUE JACKET?
- OH, JOE, IT'S STILL
AT THE CLEANERS.
I DIDN'T HAVE TIME
YESTERDAY TO PICK IT UP.
- OH, WELL, I'LL PICK IT UP
ON MY WAY TO WORK THEN.
- GOOD.
- OH, HI, IDA.
- HI, JOE.
- LISTEN, MA.
EXCUSE ME, JOE.
- YEAH?
- IF YOU'RE GOING
TO THE CLEANERS,
YOU CAN TAKE ALL
THIS STUFF.
- OH, SURE.
- HUH? DROP IT OFF.
- UH-HUH.
- SO, JOE, COULD I MAKE
YOU A LITTLE BREAKFAST?
- NO, THANKS, IDA, I'LL GRAB
A CUP OF COFFEE AND A DOUGHNUT,
LIKE I USUALLY DO.
OH.
THANKS, IDA.
SO, RHODA, WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO DO ABOUT DINNER, HUH?
WHY DON'T I CALL YOU AT YOUR
OFFICE AND LET YOU KNOW.
- THAT'S FINE.
- ALL RIGHT, OK.
- BYE, LOVE.
- OK. OOH.
- GOT IT? OK?
- OOH, I FORGOT TO MAKE LUNCH.
AH, I'LL GRAB IT ON THE WAY.
- OH, ALL RIGHT.
HERE, THERE YOU GO.
- OH, BOY. AH.
- TAKE CARE.
- RIGHT.
- OH, THAT JOE IS SUCH A DOLL.
- YEAH.
- IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE
GONNA LOSE HIM.
- WHAT?
- RHODA, ARE YOU BLIND?
DON'T YOU SEE
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I MEAN, THE MAN DOESN'T
TAKE OUT THE LAUNDRY.
THE WOMAN DOES.
- GEE, I MUST'VE MISSED THAT
IN THE WIFE'S HANDBOOK.
- YOU LET HIM RACE OUT OF HERE
WITHOUT ANY BREAKFAST,
THEN YOU SAY MAYBE YOU'LL BE
ABLE TO THROW SOMETHING TOGETHER
FOR DINNER AND HE SAYS
HE'S GONNA GRAB SOMETHING
FOR LUNCH.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HE'S GONNA
GRAB, RHODA, ANOTHER WOMAN.
- MA.
- A CHICK, RHODA, A CHICK
THAT'LL COOK, CLEAN, AND TAKE
OUT THE LAUNDRY.
- MA, ARE YOU THREATENING
TO TAKE JOE AWAY FROM ME?
- I HAVE BEEN A MARRIED
WOMAN FOR 35 YEARS.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN DOING IT?
- 6 MONTHS.
- OH, 6 MONTHS AND LOOK
AT THE DIRT IN THIS PLACE.
WHAT'S IT GONNA LOOK
LIKE AFTER 35 YEARS?
- OH, MA, COME ON,
IT'S NOT DIRTY.
IT'S NOT DIRT.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE
CLUTTERED, IS ALL.
BESIDES, I'VE HAD
A TERRIBLE SCHEDULE.
I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY.
AND WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE AT 9:00
IN THE MORNING, ANYWAY?
- WELL, I THOUGHT THE TWO OF US
COULD SPEND THE DAY TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW, SHOPPING,
HAVE A LITTLE LUNCH.
- AW, THAT SOUNDS NICE.
IT REALLY SOUNDS LOVELY,
BUT I CAN'T.
I GOT TO GO TO WORK.
SORRY.
LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU
CALL UP AUNT ROSE?
GO SHOPPING WITH HER.
- OH, NO, YOUR AUNT ROSE IS
VISITING YOUR COUSIN JOYCE
IN CHICAGO.
- OH.
- SHE HAD ANOTHER
BABY, NUMBER 6.
- OH, SHE STOPPED
NAMING THEM, HUH?
LISTEN, MA, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO SHOPPING BY YOURSELF?
- OH, NO, I DO
THAT ALL THE TIME.
- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO
THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART?
- NO, THEIR FLOORS
ARE TOO SLIPPERY.
- MA, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO DO
TODAY? OK, I'M GONNA TELL YOU
THE SAME THING YOU USED TO
TELL ME WHEN I WAS COMPLAINING
ABOUT NOTHING TO DO...
GO RIDE YOUR BIKE.
- HEY, BABE, I'M SORRY,
BUT I JUST REMEMBERED I CAN'T
TAKE THIS STUFF
TO THE CLEANERS.
MY JOB'S IN THE
OPPOSITE DIRECTION.
- OH, WELL, LISTEN, I'M LATE
FOR THE APPOINTMENT NOW.
I CAN'T TAKE IT.
- AH, WE'LL LEAVE IT.
WORRY ABOUT IT LATER.
- ALL RIGHT.
- BYE-BYE, JOE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I CAN TAKE YOUR LAUNDRY.
- MA, I DON'T WANT YOU
TAKING MY LAUNDRY.
- DARLING, IT ISN'T ANY TROUBLE
FOR ME TO DO THIS FOR YOU.
- DROP IT.
OUT!
THERE, LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF.
IT'S ALL FOR MARTINDALE AND I
HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THAT
OWNER OF THE NEW SHOP
ON 3rd AVENUE,
YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT
MAKES THE LEATHER CLOTHES.
- OH, DR. JACKET AND MR. HYDE?
- YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.
MYRNA, WHY DON'T
YOU GO FOR ME?
YEAH, PLEASE TAKE
THAT APPOINTMENT.
- OH, I'M NOT READY
TO MEET ANYBODY.
ANYWAY, YOU KNOW THEM.
I DON'T.
- MYRNA, I DON'T KNOW THEM.
I JUST TALKED TO HYDE
A FEW TIMES ON THE PHONE.
NOW, MYRNA, YOU KNOW, YOU CAME
IN HERE WANTING TO LEARN
THE WINDOW DRESSING TRADE AND
SO FAR YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN OUT
OF THIS OFFICE. NOT ONCE.
NOW, I'M NOT MINIMIZING
WHAT YOU'VE DONE HERE.
IT'S TERRIFIC.
REALLY, YOU'VE ORGANIZED
THE WHOLE PLACE, BROUGHT ME
BACK MY SANITY, BUT
THAT'S ONLY HALF THE JOB.
THE OTHER HALF IS GETTING OUT
THERE, MEETING THE PEOPLE,
DRUMMING UP BUSINESS, GETTING
ON THE STREETS, HUSTLING.
- I COULDN'T HUSTLE.
- MYRNA, YOU GOT TO.
I MEAN,
YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE
AND SHOW 'EM YOUR STUFF.
I HAVE TO.
- YEAH, BUT YOUR STUFF
IS BETTER THAN MINE.
- OH, STOP IT, MYRNA,
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
LISTEN, I WOULD CONSIDER IT
A PERSONAL FAVOR IF YOU
WOULD DO THIS.
I MEAN, I'D GET HOME
AT A DECENT HOUR.
MAYBE HAVE DINNER
WITH MY HUSBAND.
CLEAN UP MY APARTMENT. MAYBE--
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO.
- GREAT, THANK YOU.
- UH, WHAT DO I SAY TO HIM,
TO MR. HYDE?
- WELL, HE'LL TELL YOU WHAT
HE WANTS US TO DO AND HOW MUCH
HE WANTS TO PAY AND THEN IF IT
FEELS GOOD TO YOU, WE'LL DO IT.
- UH, DO YOU THINK I
SHOULD WEAR SOMETHING MORE
BUSINESS-LIKE?
- OH, BOY, BOY, WHATEVER
THEY'RE COOKING ACROSS
THE HALL SURE SMELLS GOOD.
- THEN HOW COME IT
JUST GOT STRONGER WHEN
WE OPENED OUR DOOR?
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
THE LAUNDRY'S GONE.
- I KNOW.
- AND THE PAPERS AND THE
CLOTHES FOR THE CLEANERS.
- JOE, I GOT A FLASH FOR YA.
- WHAT?
- YOU KNOW WHAT WE SMELL
COOKING ACROSS THE HALL?
- YEAH?
- IT'S COOKING HERE.
- RHODA, RHODA, JOE,
WHILE I WAS AT WORK
MY APARTMENT WAS HIT.
- NOW, BRENDA,
JUST CALM DOWN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- DID THEY GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING?
- JUST SOME DIRT AND TRASH.
MY PLACE
IS IMMACULATE...
LIKE YOURS.
- WELL, YOU GOT TO KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED HERE.
IDA THE ELF STRUCK AGAIN.
- MA?
OF COURSE, IT HAD TO BE MA.
WHO ELSE WOULD'VE
WASHED MY LIGHT BULBS?
- OH, BOY, I CAN'T GET OVER
HOW GREAT THIS PLACE LOOKS.
THAT'S REALLY SWEET OF HER.
YOU KNOW?
- SWEET, NOTHING.
JOE, YOU'VE NEVER SEEN
MY MOTHER WHEN SHE GETS IN ONE
OF HER CLEANING BINGES.
IT'S TERRIFYING.
- AW, COME ON, WHAT'S SO
BAD ABOUT YOUR MOTHER
WANTING TO HELP YOU OUT?
- JOE, IF WE LET HER
DO IT THIS ONE TIME,
SHE'LL WANT
TO DO IT FULL TIME.
REALLY, SHE'LL BE HERE
CLEANING, COOKING.
DO YOU WANT IDA MORGENSTERN
HOLDING A FORK FULL OF PEAS
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE SAYING,
"OPEN THE TUNNEL.
HERE COMES THE CHOO-CHOO,
WOO-WOO!"
- MA MUST'VE UPDATED
HER MATERIAL FOR ME.
I GOT,
"OPEN THE HANGAR.
HERE COMES THE BLIMP."
- OH, BRENDA, I KNOW
SHE DID THIS OUT OF LOVE,
BUT I CAN'T HAVE IT.
I WON'T HAVE MY MOTHER
MESSING UP MY LIFE BY CLEANING
UP MY MESS.
MA, WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
- YOU NOTICED THAT I TIDIED UP.
- TIDIED UP?
YOU POLISHED MY PEEPHOLE.
MA, YOU CLEANED UP SO WELL,
I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING.
- WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
DARLING, IF THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU CAN'T FIND, JUST CALL ME.
I KNOW WHERE YOU KEEP
EVERYTHING NOW.
EVERYTHING.
RHODA, I THOUGHT IT
WOULD BE A NICE TOUCH
IF JOE THOUGHT THAT YOU STOPPED
AND BOUGHT HIS FAVORITE FLOWER.
- OH, I DON'T HAVE
A FAVORITE FLOWER, IDA.
- YOU DO NOW, JOE.
- MA, I DON'T WANT
YOU TO DO THIS.
DO YOU HEAR WHAT
I'M SAYING TO YOU?
I DO NOT WANT YOU TO
DO THIS EVER AGAIN.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU TWO GIRLS.
I REALLY DON'T.
I MEAN, ALL
I DID WAS DROP BY
AND GIVE YOUR APARTMENTS
A QUICK GOING OVER.
I CLEANED YOUR SHAVER.
- UH, MISS, DON'T BE GETTING
TIDY WITH MY HUSBAND.
- MA, WE'RE NOT CHILDREN.
WE CAN TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES.
- WELL, THIS FROM A CHILD
WHO DIDN'T MAKE HER BED
THIS MORNING?
- MA, I WAS LATE FOR WORK
AND, BESIDES,
NO ONE WAS GOING
TO SEE IT.
- GOD WILLING.
- SO, JOE, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF MY MODERN YOUNG
WOMEN, HUH?
YOU TRY TO DO SOMETHING
NICE FOR THEM,
THEY DON'T APPRECIATE IT.
YOU TRY TO SAVE
A MARRIAGE, THEY GET MAD.
- MA, MY MARRIAGE
ISN'T IN DANGER.
REALLY, THE MARRIAGE VOW
WAS NOT TILL DIRT DO US PART.
JOE, PLEASE TELL HER.
- WELL, SHE'S RIGHT, IDA.
- OH, COME ON, JOE,
YOU CAN LEVEL WITH ME.
YOU KNOW RHODA'S WORKING SO
HARD THAT SHE DOESN'T GET
TO DO ALL THE THINGS THAT A GOOD
WIFE SHOULD DO AND IT'S EATING
YOU UP INSIDE.
- NO, IDA, REALLY, IT ISN'T.
I'M REALLY GLAD
ABOUT RHODA'S CAREER.
YOU SEE,
IT'S SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL.
IT'S WHAT MAKES HER
MORE INTERESTING.
IF SHE WAS JUST CONTENT TO,
I DON'T KNOW, STAY HOME AND
DO HOUSEWORK,
IT WOULDN'T BE RHODA.
I DON'T THINK
I WOULD'VE MARRIED HER.
- I SEE.
SO, IN OTHER WORDS,
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS I'M DULL.
- NO!
- MA, HE DIDN'T SAY THAT!
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
- HE DID NOT SAY THAT!
- DID HE SAY THAT?
- NO, JUST A SECOND NOW.
- THIS IS SOMETHING I'D LIKE
TO GET STRAIGHTENED OUT.
I AM NOT THE KIND OF WOMAN YOU
WOULD PICK TO MARRY, RIGHT?
- OH, MA, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- MA, YOU CAN'T MAKE JOE
ANSWER A QUESTION LIKE THAT.
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL JUST
GO BACK UP TO THE BRONX
AND DO WHAT I DO BEST,
BORE YOUR FATHER.
- AW, MA, PLEASE.
- MA, HERE, LET ME
HELP YOU WITH THIS.
- I DON'T NEED ANY HELP.
- MA!
- LEAVE ME ALONE.
- LISTEN, IT'S KNOTTED.
I'LL GET A PAIR OF SCISSORS.
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO HELP
ME GET ANY KNOTS OUT!
- COME ON, MA!
- WOULD YOU STOP THAT!
- STOP IT, YOU TWO.
IF YOU'LL HOLD STILL,
I'LL JUST CUT IT.
- I DON'T NEED YOU
TO GET ME OUT OF THIS!
- NOW, WHERE IS SHE
GOING TO FIND A KNOTSMITH
OPEN THIS TIME OF NIGHT?
- GOOD MORNING.
- MYRNA, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I MEAN, YOU'VE NEVER
BEEN THIS LATE BEFORE.
DO YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER'S
CALLED THIS MORNING
FOUR TIMES ALREADY?
SHE'S VERY WORRIED.
SHE SAID SHE TRIED YOU
ALL LAST NIGHT AT HOME
AND YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE PHONE.
WHERE WERE YOU?
- LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.
WE GOT THE JOB.
- MYRNA!
MYRNA?
DID--DID--DID--DID YOU...
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
YOU COULDN'T.
- DR. JACKET
AND MR. HYDE IS OURS.
- MYRNA. NO, MYRNA, MYRNA,
THE DAY IS PAST, THANK GOD,
WHERE A WOMAN HAS TO DO THIS
KIND OF THING TO GET WORK.
I MEAN, LISTEN TO ME,
NOW, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
I NEVER WANT YOU TO
DO THIS AGAIN, OK?
- OK.
- OK.
- BUT WHAT IF HE'S NICE?
- DR. JACKET IS NICE?
- MR. HYDE.
HIS REAL NAME IS OZZY,
OZZY DREXLER, AND HE'S NOT
AT ALL WHAT YOU THINK, RHODA.
HE HAS A VERY TASTEFUL PAD.
- HMM, WELL, LISTEN, MAYBE
I JUMPED TO CONCLUSIONS HERE.
I MEAN, BUT, GOSH, ANYBODY
THAT CALLS HIMSELF MR. HYDE.
I MEAN, I PICTURED AN
ALL-SUEDE APARTMENT. YOU KNOW?
- OH, IT IS, RHODA,
YOU SHOULD SEE IT.
IT'S A PENTHOUSE
WITH WALL-TO-WALL LEATHER.
- SOUNDS TERRIFIC, LIKE
LIVING IN A PURSE WITH A VIEW.
MA, I WAS JUST CALLING YOU.
I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU
ALL MORNING.
I WAS REALLY WORRIED.
- WHAT WERE YOU
WORRIED ABOUT, DARLING?
- ABOUT LAST NIGHT,
WHAT I SAID.
I REALLY--I DIDN'T MEAN
TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
- DON'T BE SORRY.
YOU OPENED MY EYES.
I CAME TO THANK YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- WELL, I MEAN, RHODA,
WHAT IS MY LIFE ANYWAY?
I GET UP IN THE MORNING.
I COOK YOUR FATHER'S
BREAKFAST.
WE EAT.
HE LEAVES, I DUST, VACUUM,
MAKE THE BEDS,
AND IT'S 9:00 AM.
AND I HAVE THE WHOLE DAY
STARING ME IN THE FACE
TILL 4:00 PM WHEN IT'S
TIME TO PUT THE BRISKET IN.
IT'S NOT A FULL LIFE, RHODA.
IT'S CLEAN, BUT IT'S EMPTY.
- AW, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT HERE?
I MEAN, YOU MAKE PA VERY HAPPY.
YOU DO.
- IN WHAT WAY?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
GEE, MA, I'M NOT WITH YOU
EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY.
- WELL, I AM, RHODA,
AND BELIEVE ME, I'M BORING.
IF I'D JUST BEEN BORN
A LITTLE BIT LATER SO I COULD BE
A MEMBER OF THE SISTERHOOD.
I WANT TO BURN A BRA.
- MA, I DON'T THINK THEY'RE
DOING THAT ANYMORE, BUT IF IT
MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD,
GO AHEAD AND DO IT.
- NO, YOU CAN'T BURN
A LONG-LINE BRA.
THE STAYS WON'T MELT.
- OH, HELLO.
- MA, YOU REMEMBER
MYRNA MORGENSTEIN.
- OH, YES, OF COURSE.
HOW ARE YA, MYRNA?
WELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE
YOU AND RHODA GRADUATED
HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER.
I REMEMBER YOU GAVE
THE VALEDICTORY SPEECH UP
ON THE STAGE AND RHODA AND
HER FRIEND WERE CUTTING UP
IN THE BACK ROW.
AH, YOUR MOTHER
AND I SAT TOGETHER.
SHE WAS SO PROUD.
I WAS SO HUMILIATED.
- ROSIE GALLAGHER STARTED IT.
- HMM. SO, MYRNA,
HOW'S YOUR MOTHER?
- OH, SHE'S FINE, HAPPY.
- OH, GOOD, WELL, I'LL HAVE
TO CALL HER ONE DAY.
WE'LL GO SHOPPING.
- OH, YOU BETTER MAKE IT
ON THE WEEKENDS OR AT NIGHT.
SHE WORKS.
- OH. WELL, I'LL CALL HER
DURING MY LUNCH HOUR.
- LUNCH HOUR?
JUST--WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I'M TALKING
ABOUT LIFE, RHODA.
MY LIFE.
YOU'VE RAISED MY CONSCIOUSNESS.
I'M GOING TO DO
SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE.
I'M GOING TO BE USEFUL.
I'M GOING TO GO GET A JOB...
AND A BRA THAT'LL BURN.
[THUNDER]
[HORNS HONKING]
- RHO, DO YOU KNOW
IF MA'S FOUND A JOB YET?
- NO, I DON'T KNOW IF SHE HAS.
- NO? YEAH, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
FIND HER SOMETHING AT THE BANK
BUT THE ONLY OPENING
IS FOR A GUARD.
I CAN SEE HER NOW.
GREAT UNIFORM,
PEARLS, AND A GUN.
[BUZZER]
- OH.
YEAH, CARLTON?
- YEAH, THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
BE INTERESTED IN KNOWING
IT'S RAINING OUT.
- I'M INTERESTED IN KNOWING WHY
YOU'RE GIVING ME THIS TIDBIT
OF INFORMATION.
- 'CAUSE YOUR MOTHER WAS ALL
WET WHEN SHE JUST WENT BY.
- I SEE,
OK, THANKS, CARLTON.
- YOU MIGHT GET SOME
TOWELS AND A SPONGE OUT.
YOU KNOW, FOR A LITTLE PERSON
SHE SURE MAKES BIG PUDDLES.
- THANK YOU.
OH, HIYA, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE AT THIS HOUR?
- WELL, YOUR FATHER WAS WORKING
LATE AND I WASN'T SO, UH,
I THOUGHT I'D DO A LITTLE
SHOPPING WHEN I GOT THROUGH
WITH MY WORK AT THE JOB.
AHEM.
BRENDA, I BROUGHT
YOU SOMETHING.
A LITTLE GIFT.
- WHAT GIFT?
- THIS.
- OH, MA. I ALREADY
HAVE AN UMBRELLA.
- YES, WELL, A PERSON CAN'T
HAVE TOO MANY UMBRELLAS.
I MEAN, LOOK WHAT
HAPPENED TO ME TODAY.
I LEFT MINE AT HOME WHERE
I DON'T WORK AND AT MY JOB,
I DIDN'T HAVE ONE...
WHERE I DO WORK.
- OK, OK, I JUST HAVE TO
COME RIGHT OUT AND ASK YA.
- ASK ME WHAT?
- MA, WHERE DO YOU WORK?
- OH, GIRLS, WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
I MEAN,
THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT
I HAVE A JOB
AND I FEEL FULFILLED
AND MY FEET
ARE KILLING ME.
- HEY, UNDER THOSE
LITTLE RAIN BOOTS,
DO I SEE WHITE
SHOES, HUH?
- ALL SHOES LOOK
WHITE THROUGH PLASTIC.
- RED ONES DON'T.
- WHITE, WHITE,
OK, MA, COME CLEAN.
YOU'RE EITHER A GOOD
HUMOR MAN, A DENTIST,
OR A YACHT CAPTAIN.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YA.
LET ME TAKE MY TIME.
- MA, YOU'RE A BARBIE DOLL.
- I HAVE BEEN SPENDING MY
TIME AT SINAI THESE DAYS.
- SINAI?
THE MOUNTAIN OR
THE HOSPITAL, HUH?
- I AM A CANDY STRIPER,
AND I LOVE IT.
I GET TO HELP THE NURSES,
READ TO THE PATIENTS,
HELP SERVE THE FOOD.
I HAND OUT BOOKS, MAGAZINES.
OH, LISTEN IF YOU HAVE
ANY OLD BOOKS OR MAGAZINES,
WE CAN USE 'EM.
- DEE DEE, THAT'S--
THAT'S YOUR BADGE, HUH?
OH, I KNOW. YOUR STAGE NAME.
- DEE DEE IS THE
GIRL I REPLACED.
I NEEDED SOMETHING TO KEEP
MY HANDKERCHIEF IN PLACE.
- MA, MA, I AM SORRY
THAT I'M LAUGHING,
BUT EVERY TIME
I LOOK AT YOU...
I MEAN...I MEAN,
CANDY STRIPERS ARE
USUALLY 16 OR 17-YEAR-OLD KIDS.
- THAT'S TRUE.
OF ALL THE GIRLS IN YOUR GROUP,
YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE
WHO DOESN'T HAVE
A DATE TO THE PROM.
- ARE YOU THROUGH
WITH YOUR LITTLE JOKES?
- OH, MA, COME ON.
LISTEN, MA, THIS
IS REALLY CUTE.
IT IS. IT'S VERY SWEET
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
- IT'S ADORABLE, MA.
- IT'S NOT CUTE AND
IT IS NOT ADORABLE!
IT'S MY JOB.
MY CAREER.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T BE
A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST FOR YOU TWO.
- OH, COME ON, MA, LISTEN.
- NOTHING I DO
SATISFIES YOU, DOES IT?
WELL, IT'S JUST TOO BAD,
BECAUSE THIS IS MY CAREER.
- MA, PLEASE, WE'RE SORRY.
- BREN, ARE YOU
GOING OUT TONIGHT?
- NO.
- CAN I BORROW YOUR UMBRELLA?
- OH, MA, WE'RE SORRY.
MA!
- OH. OH, RHO...
I THINK WE JUST HURT
DEE DEE'S FEELINGS.
- HI, MICKEY,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
- I TOLD YOU I DON'T
WANT ANY BEETS!
- DID YOU TASTE 'EM?
- I DON'T HAVE TO TASTE 'EM.
I HATE BEETS!
- HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU HATE
THEM IF YOU DIDN'T TASTE THEM?
- COME ON, COME ON.
- I DON'T WANNA!
- YES, YOU'RE GONNA TRY A FEW.
COME ON, ALL RIGHT,
I'LL TASTE SOME FIRST.
MMM, NUM, NUM,
IS THAT GOOD.
OK, NOW YOU TRY.
- YOU DIDN'T REALLY TASTE 'EM!
- I'M NOT REALLY SICK.
YOU ARE, NOW, COME ON.
CHEW!
THAT'S BETTER.
- HI, MA.
- OH, HELLO.
- HELLO.
- LISTEN, YOU MENTIONED
THAT YOU NEEDED BOOKS HERE
AT THE HOSPITAL SO
WE FIGURED WE'D COME DOWN
AND BRING YOU A FEW.
- YEAH, HERE, MA.
- "JOY OF COOKING"...
"EVERY WOMAN CAN"...
"HOW TO AVOID PROBATE."
- WELL, MA, SEE, WE JUST
PICKED 'EM AT RANDOM.
THEY'RE AN EXCUSE.
WE REALLY--WE CAME TO SEE YOU.
- OH, YOU NEEDED
ANOTHER GOOD LAUGH, HUH?
- NO, MA, WE CAME
TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU.
WE'RE REALLY
SORRY WE HURT YOU.
WE REALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO
GIVE YOU SUCH A HARD TIME.
- ME EITHER, DEE DEE.
YOU GIRLS, WHO ARE PICKED,
DO A GREAT JOB.
- WELL, THANKS, MICKEY.
NOW, YOU DO ME
A FAVOR, WILL YA?
- YOU NAME IT.
- BUTTON IT UP, WE'RE
GONNA HAVE A LITTLE TALK.
- MA, CAN WE GO SOME PLACE
AND TALK IN PRIVATE?
- OH, SURE. COME ON.
- LOOK, MA, WE THINK IT'S REALLY
SWEET OF YOU TO BE DOING
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
- WELL, DON'T MAKE
ME SOUND SO NOBLE.
I WANT TO TELL YOU BOTH
SOMETHING I'VE NEVER TOLD
ANYBODY IN MY LIFE,
INCLUDING YOUR FATHER.
WELL, UH...
WHEN I WAS
IN HIGH SCHOOL I, UH...
WHEN I WAS A SENIOR
IN HIGH SCHOOL,
THE WAR WAS REALLY
RAGING IN EUROPE THEN,
SO I TOOK A JOB
IN A DEFENSE PLANT
SO I COULD SERVE MY
COUNTRY AND HOPEFULLY MEET
A COUPLE OF CUTE GUYS, YOU KNOW.
BUT, UH, THINGS HAPPEN
DURING WAR TIME AND, WELL,
I DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE DO THINGS
THAT THEY DON'T ORDINARILY DO
UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
THINGS THAT THEY HAVE TO LIVE
WITH ALL THROUGH THEIR LIVES.
OH, IF YOUR FATHER EVER FINDS
OUT ABOUT THIS, IT'LL KILL HIM.
- MA, WHAT IS IT?
JUST WHATEVER IT IS,
YOU TELL US.
- YES.
- YES.
- THE UGLY TRUTH OF IT IS...
I NEVER FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL.
- AW, MA, IS THAT WHAT
THIS IS ALL ABOUT?
OH, WOW.
- BUT, WAIT A MINUTE,
WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE STORIES
ABOUT YOU DANCING
WITH JOHNNY DELVECCHIO
TO "THE HUT SUT SONG"?
- DO YOU THINK
I LIKE THIS LIFE?
LIVING THIS LIE?
- OHH.
- OH, MA, IT'S NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED OF.
POP LOVES YOU.
WE LOVE YOU.
A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA
DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
- WELL, NOW AT LEAST
YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE.
I NEEDED A JOB TO BE COMPLETE
AND WITHOUT
A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA,
I WAS LUCKY TO GET THIS.
- BUT, MA, YOU WORKED
BEFORE YOU WERE MARRIED.
- YEAH, BUT THERE AREN'T
TOO MANY OPENINGS
FOR WHAT I USED TO DO.
- WHAT'D YOU DO?
- I WAS A BOMB SITE INSPECTOR.
- MA, YOU KNOW, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS...
JUST BECAUSE SOME WOMEN FEEL
THEY HAVE TO HAVE A CAREER.
- YEAH, BRENDA'S RIGHT.
SEE, MA, FOR ME, I DON'T KNOW,
IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT FOR ME
NOT TO HAVE A CAREER, BUT
IF IT'S RIGHT FOR YOU NOT TO,
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
- AND YOU TWO WOULD STILL
THINK THAT I WAS COMPLETE?
- OH, ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU ARE THE MOST
COMPLETE WOMAN I KNOW.
- ANY MORE COMPLETE
AND YOU'D BE TWO PEOPLE.
- REALLY?
- REALLY.
- OHH.
OH, ABSOLUTELY.
COME ON, NOW.
AND LISTEN, IF YOU
DON'T LIKE THIS JOB...
OH, THANKS, MA, WHAT
I'D DO WITHOUT YOU...
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS JOB,
YOU CAN QUIT,
ANY TIME YOU WANT.
- QUIT?
- SURE.
- QUIT A VITAL JOB LIKE THIS?
I'M DOING THINGS HERE
I NEVER EVEN GOT TO DO
AS A MOTHER
OR A HOUSEWIFE.
WELL, MICKEY, DID YOU
CLEAN OFF YOUR PLATE?
- WELL, I LEFT A FEW CARROTS.
- UH-HUH, WELL, OPEN THE
PAD, HERE COMES THE ROCKET.
- MICKEY, DO YOURSELF
A FAVOR, EAT THE CARROTS.
- OR THERE'LL BE NO TV.
- RIGHT, MA?
- OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
- HI, RHODA.
- HIYA, MA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH ALL THE BOOKS?
YOU GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL?
- NO, HIGH SCHOOL, NIGHTS.
I MEAN, I CAN'T BE
A CANDY STRIPER FOREVER.
ANYWAY, I'VE GOT AMBITIONS
AND I ONLY NEED THREE CLASSES
TO GET MY DIPLOMA.
LATIN, AMERICAN
HISTORY, AND GYM.
- HA HA, TERRIFIC.
- HELLO, EVERYBODY.
- HI.
- HIYA, MYRNA.
- WOW, MYRNA,
THAT'S VERY LEATHERY.
- OZZY GAVE IT TO ME.
- GEE, I LIKE THAT A LOT.
YOU THINK YOU
COULD GET ME ONE?
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
I COULD GET YOU A DOZEN.
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- OH, YEAH, ROY, LISTEN,
I GOT TO DO AN EASTER WINDOW
FOR MARTINDALE'S.
I HOPE YOU STILL HAVE
SOME EASTER STUFF LEFT.
THAT'S GREAT, OK, ALL
RIGHT, HERE'S MY ORDER, ROY.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
- OH, HOLD ON.
WILL YA?
THERE'S SOMEONE AT MY DOOR.
MA?
- HI, DEAR, I WAS IN
THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND I--
- ONE SECOND.
I'M ON THE TELEPHONE.
ROY, YEAH, LISTEN, WHAT I NEED
IS, UM, WELL, THE BIGGEST
RABBIT YOU'VE GOT.
I NEED 9 DOZEN EGGS,
8 DUCKS, AND 14 CHICKENS.
- WHAT, ARE YOU HAVING
COMPANY TONIGHT?
- THANKS, ROY.
- RHODA, HAVE YOU
SEEN MY BLUE JACKET?
- OH, JOE, IT'S STILL
AT THE CLEANERS.
I DIDN'T HAVE TIME
YESTERDAY TO PICK IT UP.
- OH, WELL, I'LL PICK IT UP
ON MY WAY TO WORK THEN.
- GOOD.
- OH, HI, IDA.
- HI, JOE.
- LISTEN, MA.
EXCUSE ME, JOE.
- YEAH?
- IF YOU'RE GOING
TO THE CLEANERS,
YOU CAN TAKE ALL
THIS STUFF.
- OH, SURE.
- HUH? DROP IT OFF.
- UH-HUH.
- SO, JOE, COULD I MAKE
YOU A LITTLE BREAKFAST?
- NO, THANKS, IDA, I'LL GRAB
A CUP OF COFFEE AND A DOUGHNUT,
LIKE I USUALLY DO.
OH.
THANKS, IDA.
SO, RHODA, WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO DO ABOUT DINNER, HUH?
WHY DON'T I CALL YOU AT YOUR
OFFICE AND LET YOU KNOW.
- THAT'S FINE.
- ALL RIGHT, OK.
- BYE, LOVE.
- OK. OOH.
- GOT IT? OK?
- OOH, I FORGOT TO MAKE LUNCH.
AH, I'LL GRAB IT ON THE WAY.
- OH, ALL RIGHT.
HERE, THERE YOU GO.
- OH, BOY. AH.
- TAKE CARE.
- RIGHT.
- OH, THAT JOE IS SUCH A DOLL.
- YEAH.
- IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE
GONNA LOSE HIM.
- WHAT?
- RHODA, ARE YOU BLIND?
DON'T YOU SEE
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I MEAN, THE MAN DOESN'T
TAKE OUT THE LAUNDRY.
THE WOMAN DOES.
- GEE, I MUST'VE MISSED THAT
IN THE WIFE'S HANDBOOK.
- YOU LET HIM RACE OUT OF HERE
WITHOUT ANY BREAKFAST,
THEN YOU SAY MAYBE YOU'LL BE
ABLE TO THROW SOMETHING TOGETHER
FOR DINNER AND HE SAYS
HE'S GONNA GRAB SOMETHING
FOR LUNCH.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HE'S GONNA
GRAB, RHODA, ANOTHER WOMAN.
- MA.
- A CHICK, RHODA, A CHICK
THAT'LL COOK, CLEAN, AND TAKE
OUT THE LAUNDRY.
- MA, ARE YOU THREATENING
TO TAKE JOE AWAY FROM ME?
- I HAVE BEEN A MARRIED
WOMAN FOR 35 YEARS.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN DOING IT?
- 6 MONTHS.
- OH, 6 MONTHS AND LOOK
AT THE DIRT IN THIS PLACE.
WHAT'S IT GONNA LOOK
LIKE AFTER 35 YEARS?
- OH, MA, COME ON,
IT'S NOT DIRTY.
IT'S NOT DIRT.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE
CLUTTERED, IS ALL.
BESIDES, I'VE HAD
A TERRIBLE SCHEDULE.
I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY.
AND WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE AT 9:00
IN THE MORNING, ANYWAY?
- WELL, I THOUGHT THE TWO OF US
COULD SPEND THE DAY TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW, SHOPPING,
HAVE A LITTLE LUNCH.
- AW, THAT SOUNDS NICE.
IT REALLY SOUNDS LOVELY,
BUT I CAN'T.
I GOT TO GO TO WORK.
SORRY.
LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU
CALL UP AUNT ROSE?
GO SHOPPING WITH HER.
- OH, NO, YOUR AUNT ROSE IS
VISITING YOUR COUSIN JOYCE
IN CHICAGO.
- OH.
- SHE HAD ANOTHER
BABY, NUMBER 6.
- OH, SHE STOPPED
NAMING THEM, HUH?
LISTEN, MA, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO SHOPPING BY YOURSELF?
- OH, NO, I DO
THAT ALL THE TIME.
- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO
THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART?
- NO, THEIR FLOORS
ARE TOO SLIPPERY.
- MA, YOU NEED SOMETHING TO DO
TODAY? OK, I'M GONNA TELL YOU
THE SAME THING YOU USED TO
TELL ME WHEN I WAS COMPLAINING
ABOUT NOTHING TO DO...
GO RIDE YOUR BIKE.
- HEY, BABE, I'M SORRY,
BUT I JUST REMEMBERED I CAN'T
TAKE THIS STUFF
TO THE CLEANERS.
MY JOB'S IN THE
OPPOSITE DIRECTION.
- OH, WELL, LISTEN, I'M LATE
FOR THE APPOINTMENT NOW.
I CAN'T TAKE IT.
- AH, WE'LL LEAVE IT.
WORRY ABOUT IT LATER.
- ALL RIGHT.
- BYE-BYE, JOE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I CAN TAKE YOUR LAUNDRY.
- MA, I DON'T WANT YOU
TAKING MY LAUNDRY.
- DARLING, IT ISN'T ANY TROUBLE
FOR ME TO DO THIS FOR YOU.
- DROP IT.
OUT!
THERE, LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF.
IT'S ALL FOR MARTINDALE AND I
HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THAT
OWNER OF THE NEW SHOP
ON 3rd AVENUE,
YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT
MAKES THE LEATHER CLOTHES.
- OH, DR. JACKET AND MR. HYDE?
- YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.
MYRNA, WHY DON'T
YOU GO FOR ME?
YEAH, PLEASE TAKE
THAT APPOINTMENT.
- OH, I'M NOT READY
TO MEET ANYBODY.
ANYWAY, YOU KNOW THEM.
I DON'T.
- MYRNA, I DON'T KNOW THEM.
I JUST TALKED TO HYDE
A FEW TIMES ON THE PHONE.
NOW, MYRNA, YOU KNOW, YOU CAME
IN HERE WANTING TO LEARN
THE WINDOW DRESSING TRADE AND
SO FAR YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN OUT
OF THIS OFFICE. NOT ONCE.
NOW, I'M NOT MINIMIZING
WHAT YOU'VE DONE HERE.
IT'S TERRIFIC.
REALLY, YOU'VE ORGANIZED
THE WHOLE PLACE, BROUGHT ME
BACK MY SANITY, BUT
THAT'S ONLY HALF THE JOB.
THE OTHER HALF IS GETTING OUT
THERE, MEETING THE PEOPLE,
DRUMMING UP BUSINESS, GETTING
ON THE STREETS, HUSTLING.
- I COULDN'T HUSTLE.
- MYRNA, YOU GOT TO.
I MEAN,
YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE
AND SHOW 'EM YOUR STUFF.
I HAVE TO.
- YEAH, BUT YOUR STUFF
IS BETTER THAN MINE.
- OH, STOP IT, MYRNA,
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
LISTEN, I WOULD CONSIDER IT
A PERSONAL FAVOR IF YOU
WOULD DO THIS.
I MEAN, I'D GET HOME
AT A DECENT HOUR.
MAYBE HAVE DINNER
WITH MY HUSBAND.
CLEAN UP MY APARTMENT. MAYBE--
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO.
- GREAT, THANK YOU.
- UH, WHAT DO I SAY TO HIM,
TO MR. HYDE?
- WELL, HE'LL TELL YOU WHAT
HE WANTS US TO DO AND HOW MUCH
HE WANTS TO PAY AND THEN IF IT
FEELS GOOD TO YOU, WE'LL DO IT.
- UH, DO YOU THINK I
SHOULD WEAR SOMETHING MORE
BUSINESS-LIKE?
- OH, BOY, BOY, WHATEVER
THEY'RE COOKING ACROSS
THE HALL SURE SMELLS GOOD.
- THEN HOW COME IT
JUST GOT STRONGER WHEN
WE OPENED OUR DOOR?
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
THE LAUNDRY'S GONE.
- I KNOW.
- AND THE PAPERS AND THE
CLOTHES FOR THE CLEANERS.
- JOE, I GOT A FLASH FOR YA.
- WHAT?
- YOU KNOW WHAT WE SMELL
COOKING ACROSS THE HALL?
- YEAH?
- IT'S COOKING HERE.
- RHODA, RHODA, JOE,
WHILE I WAS AT WORK
MY APARTMENT WAS HIT.
- NOW, BRENDA,
JUST CALM DOWN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- DID THEY GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING?
- JUST SOME DIRT AND TRASH.
MY PLACE
IS IMMACULATE...
LIKE YOURS.
- WELL, YOU GOT TO KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED HERE.
IDA THE ELF STRUCK AGAIN.
- MA?
OF COURSE, IT HAD TO BE MA.
WHO ELSE WOULD'VE
WASHED MY LIGHT BULBS?
- OH, BOY, I CAN'T GET OVER
HOW GREAT THIS PLACE LOOKS.
THAT'S REALLY SWEET OF HER.
YOU KNOW?
- SWEET, NOTHING.
JOE, YOU'VE NEVER SEEN
MY MOTHER WHEN SHE GETS IN ONE
OF HER CLEANING BINGES.
IT'S TERRIFYING.
- AW, COME ON, WHAT'S SO
BAD ABOUT YOUR MOTHER
WANTING TO HELP YOU OUT?
- JOE, IF WE LET HER
DO IT THIS ONE TIME,
SHE'LL WANT
TO DO IT FULL TIME.
REALLY, SHE'LL BE HERE
CLEANING, COOKING.
DO YOU WANT IDA MORGENSTERN
HOLDING A FORK FULL OF PEAS
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE SAYING,
"OPEN THE TUNNEL.
HERE COMES THE CHOO-CHOO,
WOO-WOO!"
- MA MUST'VE UPDATED
HER MATERIAL FOR ME.
I GOT,
"OPEN THE HANGAR.
HERE COMES THE BLIMP."
- OH, BRENDA, I KNOW
SHE DID THIS OUT OF LOVE,
BUT I CAN'T HAVE IT.
I WON'T HAVE MY MOTHER
MESSING UP MY LIFE BY CLEANING
UP MY MESS.
MA, WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
- YOU NOTICED THAT I TIDIED UP.
- TIDIED UP?
YOU POLISHED MY PEEPHOLE.
MA, YOU CLEANED UP SO WELL,
I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING.
- WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
DARLING, IF THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU CAN'T FIND, JUST CALL ME.
I KNOW WHERE YOU KEEP
EVERYTHING NOW.
EVERYTHING.
RHODA, I THOUGHT IT
WOULD BE A NICE TOUCH
IF JOE THOUGHT THAT YOU STOPPED
AND BOUGHT HIS FAVORITE FLOWER.
- OH, I DON'T HAVE
A FAVORITE FLOWER, IDA.
- YOU DO NOW, JOE.
- MA, I DON'T WANT
YOU TO DO THIS.
DO YOU HEAR WHAT
I'M SAYING TO YOU?
I DO NOT WANT YOU TO
DO THIS EVER AGAIN.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU TWO GIRLS.
I REALLY DON'T.
I MEAN, ALL
I DID WAS DROP BY
AND GIVE YOUR APARTMENTS
A QUICK GOING OVER.
I CLEANED YOUR SHAVER.
- UH, MISS, DON'T BE GETTING
TIDY WITH MY HUSBAND.
- MA, WE'RE NOT CHILDREN.
WE CAN TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES.
- WELL, THIS FROM A CHILD
WHO DIDN'T MAKE HER BED
THIS MORNING?
- MA, I WAS LATE FOR WORK
AND, BESIDES,
NO ONE WAS GOING
TO SEE IT.
- GOD WILLING.
- SO, JOE, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF MY MODERN YOUNG
WOMEN, HUH?
YOU TRY TO DO SOMETHING
NICE FOR THEM,
THEY DON'T APPRECIATE IT.
YOU TRY TO SAVE
A MARRIAGE, THEY GET MAD.
- MA, MY MARRIAGE
ISN'T IN DANGER.
REALLY, THE MARRIAGE VOW
WAS NOT TILL DIRT DO US PART.
JOE, PLEASE TELL HER.
- WELL, SHE'S RIGHT, IDA.
- OH, COME ON, JOE,
YOU CAN LEVEL WITH ME.
YOU KNOW RHODA'S WORKING SO
HARD THAT SHE DOESN'T GET
TO DO ALL THE THINGS THAT A GOOD
WIFE SHOULD DO AND IT'S EATING
YOU UP INSIDE.
- NO, IDA, REALLY, IT ISN'T.
I'M REALLY GLAD
ABOUT RHODA'S CAREER.
YOU SEE,
IT'S SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL.
IT'S WHAT MAKES HER
MORE INTERESTING.
IF SHE WAS JUST CONTENT TO,
I DON'T KNOW, STAY HOME AND
DO HOUSEWORK,
IT WOULDN'T BE RHODA.
I DON'T THINK
I WOULD'VE MARRIED HER.
- I SEE.
SO, IN OTHER WORDS,
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS I'M DULL.
- NO!
- MA, HE DIDN'T SAY THAT!
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
- HE DID NOT SAY THAT!
- DID HE SAY THAT?
- NO, JUST A SECOND NOW.
- THIS IS SOMETHING I'D LIKE
TO GET STRAIGHTENED OUT.
I AM NOT THE KIND OF WOMAN YOU
WOULD PICK TO MARRY, RIGHT?
- OH, MA, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- MA, YOU CAN'T MAKE JOE
ANSWER A QUESTION LIKE THAT.
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL JUST
GO BACK UP TO THE BRONX
AND DO WHAT I DO BEST,
BORE YOUR FATHER.
- AW, MA, PLEASE.
- MA, HERE, LET ME
HELP YOU WITH THIS.
- I DON'T NEED ANY HELP.
- MA!
- LEAVE ME ALONE.
- LISTEN, IT'S KNOTTED.
I'LL GET A PAIR OF SCISSORS.
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO HELP
ME GET ANY KNOTS OUT!
- COME ON, MA!
- WOULD YOU STOP THAT!
- STOP IT, YOU TWO.
IF YOU'LL HOLD STILL,
I'LL JUST CUT IT.
- I DON'T NEED YOU
TO GET ME OUT OF THIS!
- NOW, WHERE IS SHE
GOING TO FIND A KNOTSMITH
OPEN THIS TIME OF NIGHT?
- GOOD MORNING.
- MYRNA, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I MEAN, YOU'VE NEVER
BEEN THIS LATE BEFORE.
DO YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER'S
CALLED THIS MORNING
FOUR TIMES ALREADY?
SHE'S VERY WORRIED.
SHE SAID SHE TRIED YOU
ALL LAST NIGHT AT HOME
AND YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE PHONE.
WHERE WERE YOU?
- LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.
WE GOT THE JOB.
- MYRNA!
MYRNA?
DID--DID--DID--DID YOU...
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
YOU COULDN'T.
- DR. JACKET
AND MR. HYDE IS OURS.
- MYRNA. NO, MYRNA, MYRNA,
THE DAY IS PAST, THANK GOD,
WHERE A WOMAN HAS TO DO THIS
KIND OF THING TO GET WORK.
I MEAN, LISTEN TO ME,
NOW, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
I NEVER WANT YOU TO
DO THIS AGAIN, OK?
- OK.
- OK.
- BUT WHAT IF HE'S NICE?
- DR. JACKET IS NICE?
- MR. HYDE.
HIS REAL NAME IS OZZY,
OZZY DREXLER, AND HE'S NOT
AT ALL WHAT YOU THINK, RHODA.
HE HAS A VERY TASTEFUL PAD.
- HMM, WELL, LISTEN, MAYBE
I JUMPED TO CONCLUSIONS HERE.
I MEAN, BUT, GOSH, ANYBODY
THAT CALLS HIMSELF MR. HYDE.
I MEAN, I PICTURED AN
ALL-SUEDE APARTMENT. YOU KNOW?
- OH, IT IS, RHODA,
YOU SHOULD SEE IT.
IT'S A PENTHOUSE
WITH WALL-TO-WALL LEATHER.
- SOUNDS TERRIFIC, LIKE
LIVING IN A PURSE WITH A VIEW.
MA, I WAS JUST CALLING YOU.
I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU
ALL MORNING.
I WAS REALLY WORRIED.
- WHAT WERE YOU
WORRIED ABOUT, DARLING?
- ABOUT LAST NIGHT,
WHAT I SAID.
I REALLY--I DIDN'T MEAN
TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
- DON'T BE SORRY.
YOU OPENED MY EYES.
I CAME TO THANK YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- WELL, I MEAN, RHODA,
WHAT IS MY LIFE ANYWAY?
I GET UP IN THE MORNING.
I COOK YOUR FATHER'S
BREAKFAST.
WE EAT.
HE LEAVES, I DUST, VACUUM,
MAKE THE BEDS,
AND IT'S 9:00 AM.
AND I HAVE THE WHOLE DAY
STARING ME IN THE FACE
TILL 4:00 PM WHEN IT'S
TIME TO PUT THE BRISKET IN.
IT'S NOT A FULL LIFE, RHODA.
IT'S CLEAN, BUT IT'S EMPTY.
- AW, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT HERE?
I MEAN, YOU MAKE PA VERY HAPPY.
YOU DO.
- IN WHAT WAY?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
GEE, MA, I'M NOT WITH YOU
EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY.
- WELL, I AM, RHODA,
AND BELIEVE ME, I'M BORING.
IF I'D JUST BEEN BORN
A LITTLE BIT LATER SO I COULD BE
A MEMBER OF THE SISTERHOOD.
I WANT TO BURN A BRA.
- MA, I DON'T THINK THEY'RE
DOING THAT ANYMORE, BUT IF IT
MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD,
GO AHEAD AND DO IT.
- NO, YOU CAN'T BURN
A LONG-LINE BRA.
THE STAYS WON'T MELT.
- OH, HELLO.
- MA, YOU REMEMBER
MYRNA MORGENSTEIN.
- OH, YES, OF COURSE.
HOW ARE YA, MYRNA?
WELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE
YOU AND RHODA GRADUATED
HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER.
I REMEMBER YOU GAVE
THE VALEDICTORY SPEECH UP
ON THE STAGE AND RHODA AND
HER FRIEND WERE CUTTING UP
IN THE BACK ROW.
AH, YOUR MOTHER
AND I SAT TOGETHER.
SHE WAS SO PROUD.
I WAS SO HUMILIATED.
- ROSIE GALLAGHER STARTED IT.
- HMM. SO, MYRNA,
HOW'S YOUR MOTHER?
- OH, SHE'S FINE, HAPPY.
- OH, GOOD, WELL, I'LL HAVE
TO CALL HER ONE DAY.
WE'LL GO SHOPPING.
- OH, YOU BETTER MAKE IT
ON THE WEEKENDS OR AT NIGHT.
SHE WORKS.
- OH. WELL, I'LL CALL HER
DURING MY LUNCH HOUR.
- LUNCH HOUR?
JUST--WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I'M TALKING
ABOUT LIFE, RHODA.
MY LIFE.
YOU'VE RAISED MY CONSCIOUSNESS.
I'M GOING TO DO
SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE.
I'M GOING TO BE USEFUL.
I'M GOING TO GO GET A JOB...
AND A BRA THAT'LL BURN.
[THUNDER]
[HORNS HONKING]
- RHO, DO YOU KNOW
IF MA'S FOUND A JOB YET?
- NO, I DON'T KNOW IF SHE HAS.
- NO? YEAH, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
FIND HER SOMETHING AT THE BANK
BUT THE ONLY OPENING
IS FOR A GUARD.
I CAN SEE HER NOW.
GREAT UNIFORM,
PEARLS, AND A GUN.
[BUZZER]
- OH.
YEAH, CARLTON?
- YEAH, THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
BE INTERESTED IN KNOWING
IT'S RAINING OUT.
- I'M INTERESTED IN KNOWING WHY
YOU'RE GIVING ME THIS TIDBIT
OF INFORMATION.
- 'CAUSE YOUR MOTHER WAS ALL
WET WHEN SHE JUST WENT BY.
- I SEE,
OK, THANKS, CARLTON.
- YOU MIGHT GET SOME
TOWELS AND A SPONGE OUT.
YOU KNOW, FOR A LITTLE PERSON
SHE SURE MAKES BIG PUDDLES.
- THANK YOU.
OH, HIYA, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE AT THIS HOUR?
- WELL, YOUR FATHER WAS WORKING
LATE AND I WASN'T SO, UH,
I THOUGHT I'D DO A LITTLE
SHOPPING WHEN I GOT THROUGH
WITH MY WORK AT THE JOB.
AHEM.
BRENDA, I BROUGHT
YOU SOMETHING.
A LITTLE GIFT.
- WHAT GIFT?
- THIS.
- OH, MA. I ALREADY
HAVE AN UMBRELLA.
- YES, WELL, A PERSON CAN'T
HAVE TOO MANY UMBRELLAS.
I MEAN, LOOK WHAT
HAPPENED TO ME TODAY.
I LEFT MINE AT HOME WHERE
I DON'T WORK AND AT MY JOB,
I DIDN'T HAVE ONE...
WHERE I DO WORK.
- OK, OK, I JUST HAVE TO
COME RIGHT OUT AND ASK YA.
- ASK ME WHAT?
- MA, WHERE DO YOU WORK?
- OH, GIRLS, WHAT
DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
I MEAN,
THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT
I HAVE A JOB
AND I FEEL FULFILLED
AND MY FEET
ARE KILLING ME.
- HEY, UNDER THOSE
LITTLE RAIN BOOTS,
DO I SEE WHITE
SHOES, HUH?
- ALL SHOES LOOK
WHITE THROUGH PLASTIC.
- RED ONES DON'T.
- WHITE, WHITE,
OK, MA, COME CLEAN.
YOU'RE EITHER A GOOD
HUMOR MAN, A DENTIST,
OR A YACHT CAPTAIN.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YA.
LET ME TAKE MY TIME.
- MA, YOU'RE A BARBIE DOLL.
- I HAVE BEEN SPENDING MY
TIME AT SINAI THESE DAYS.
- SINAI?
THE MOUNTAIN OR
THE HOSPITAL, HUH?
- I AM A CANDY STRIPER,
AND I LOVE IT.
I GET TO HELP THE NURSES,
READ TO THE PATIENTS,
HELP SERVE THE FOOD.
I HAND OUT BOOKS, MAGAZINES.
OH, LISTEN IF YOU HAVE
ANY OLD BOOKS OR MAGAZINES,
WE CAN USE 'EM.
- DEE DEE, THAT'S--
THAT'S YOUR BADGE, HUH?
OH, I KNOW. YOUR STAGE NAME.
- DEE DEE IS THE
GIRL I REPLACED.
I NEEDED SOMETHING TO KEEP
MY HANDKERCHIEF IN PLACE.
- MA, MA, I AM SORRY
THAT I'M LAUGHING,
BUT EVERY TIME
I LOOK AT YOU...
I MEAN...I MEAN,
CANDY STRIPERS ARE
USUALLY 16 OR 17-YEAR-OLD KIDS.
- THAT'S TRUE.
OF ALL THE GIRLS IN YOUR GROUP,
YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE
WHO DOESN'T HAVE
A DATE TO THE PROM.
- ARE YOU THROUGH
WITH YOUR LITTLE JOKES?
- OH, MA, COME ON.
LISTEN, MA, THIS
IS REALLY CUTE.
IT IS. IT'S VERY SWEET
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
- IT'S ADORABLE, MA.
- IT'S NOT CUTE AND
IT IS NOT ADORABLE!
IT'S MY JOB.
MY CAREER.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T BE
A NUCLEAR PHYSICIST FOR YOU TWO.
- OH, COME ON, MA, LISTEN.
- NOTHING I DO
SATISFIES YOU, DOES IT?
WELL, IT'S JUST TOO BAD,
BECAUSE THIS IS MY CAREER.
- MA, PLEASE, WE'RE SORRY.
- BREN, ARE YOU
GOING OUT TONIGHT?
- NO.
- CAN I BORROW YOUR UMBRELLA?
- OH, MA, WE'RE SORRY.
MA!
- OH. OH, RHO...
I THINK WE JUST HURT
DEE DEE'S FEELINGS.
- HI, MICKEY,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
- I TOLD YOU I DON'T
WANT ANY BEETS!
- DID YOU TASTE 'EM?
- I DON'T HAVE TO TASTE 'EM.
I HATE BEETS!
- HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU HATE
THEM IF YOU DIDN'T TASTE THEM?
- COME ON, COME ON.
- I DON'T WANNA!
- YES, YOU'RE GONNA TRY A FEW.
COME ON, ALL RIGHT,
I'LL TASTE SOME FIRST.
MMM, NUM, NUM,
IS THAT GOOD.
OK, NOW YOU TRY.
- YOU DIDN'T REALLY TASTE 'EM!
- I'M NOT REALLY SICK.
YOU ARE, NOW, COME ON.
CHEW!
THAT'S BETTER.
- HI, MA.
- OH, HELLO.
- HELLO.
- LISTEN, YOU MENTIONED
THAT YOU NEEDED BOOKS HERE
AT THE HOSPITAL SO
WE FIGURED WE'D COME DOWN
AND BRING YOU A FEW.
- YEAH, HERE, MA.
- "JOY OF COOKING"...
"EVERY WOMAN CAN"...
"HOW TO AVOID PROBATE."
- WELL, MA, SEE, WE JUST
PICKED 'EM AT RANDOM.
THEY'RE AN EXCUSE.
WE REALLY--WE CAME TO SEE YOU.
- OH, YOU NEEDED
ANOTHER GOOD LAUGH, HUH?
- NO, MA, WE CAME
TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU.
WE'RE REALLY
SORRY WE HURT YOU.
WE REALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO
GIVE YOU SUCH A HARD TIME.
- ME EITHER, DEE DEE.
YOU GIRLS, WHO ARE PICKED,
DO A GREAT JOB.
- WELL, THANKS, MICKEY.
NOW, YOU DO ME
A FAVOR, WILL YA?
- YOU NAME IT.
- BUTTON IT UP, WE'RE
GONNA HAVE A LITTLE TALK.
- MA, CAN WE GO SOME PLACE
AND TALK IN PRIVATE?
- OH, SURE. COME ON.
- LOOK, MA, WE THINK IT'S REALLY
SWEET OF YOU TO BE DOING
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
- WELL, DON'T MAKE
ME SOUND SO NOBLE.
I WANT TO TELL YOU BOTH
SOMETHING I'VE NEVER TOLD
ANYBODY IN MY LIFE,
INCLUDING YOUR FATHER.
WELL, UH...
WHEN I WAS
IN HIGH SCHOOL I, UH...
WHEN I WAS A SENIOR
IN HIGH SCHOOL,
THE WAR WAS REALLY
RAGING IN EUROPE THEN,
SO I TOOK A JOB
IN A DEFENSE PLANT
SO I COULD SERVE MY
COUNTRY AND HOPEFULLY MEET
A COUPLE OF CUTE GUYS, YOU KNOW.
BUT, UH, THINGS HAPPEN
DURING WAR TIME AND, WELL,
I DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE DO THINGS
THAT THEY DON'T ORDINARILY DO
UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
THINGS THAT THEY HAVE TO LIVE
WITH ALL THROUGH THEIR LIVES.
OH, IF YOUR FATHER EVER FINDS
OUT ABOUT THIS, IT'LL KILL HIM.
- MA, WHAT IS IT?
JUST WHATEVER IT IS,
YOU TELL US.
- YES.
- YES.
- THE UGLY TRUTH OF IT IS...
I NEVER FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL.
- AW, MA, IS THAT WHAT
THIS IS ALL ABOUT?
OH, WOW.
- BUT, WAIT A MINUTE,
WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE STORIES
ABOUT YOU DANCING
WITH JOHNNY DELVECCHIO
TO "THE HUT SUT SONG"?
- DO YOU THINK
I LIKE THIS LIFE?
LIVING THIS LIE?
- OHH.
- OH, MA, IT'S NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED OF.
POP LOVES YOU.
WE LOVE YOU.
A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA
DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
- WELL, NOW AT LEAST
YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE.
I NEEDED A JOB TO BE COMPLETE
AND WITHOUT
A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA,
I WAS LUCKY TO GET THIS.
- BUT, MA, YOU WORKED
BEFORE YOU WERE MARRIED.
- YEAH, BUT THERE AREN'T
TOO MANY OPENINGS
FOR WHAT I USED TO DO.
- WHAT'D YOU DO?
- I WAS A BOMB SITE INSPECTOR.
- MA, YOU KNOW, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS...
JUST BECAUSE SOME WOMEN FEEL
THEY HAVE TO HAVE A CAREER.
- YEAH, BRENDA'S RIGHT.
SEE, MA, FOR ME, I DON'T KNOW,
IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT FOR ME
NOT TO HAVE A CAREER, BUT
IF IT'S RIGHT FOR YOU NOT TO,
THAT'S TERRIFIC.
- AND YOU TWO WOULD STILL
THINK THAT I WAS COMPLETE?
- OH, ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU ARE THE MOST
COMPLETE WOMAN I KNOW.
- ANY MORE COMPLETE
AND YOU'D BE TWO PEOPLE.
- REALLY?
- REALLY.
- OHH.
OH, ABSOLUTELY.
COME ON, NOW.
AND LISTEN, IF YOU
DON'T LIKE THIS JOB...
OH, THANKS, MA, WHAT
I'D DO WITHOUT YOU...
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS JOB,
YOU CAN QUIT,
ANY TIME YOU WANT.
- QUIT?
- SURE.
- QUIT A VITAL JOB LIKE THIS?
I'M DOING THINGS HERE
I NEVER EVEN GOT TO DO
AS A MOTHER
OR A HOUSEWIFE.
WELL, MICKEY, DID YOU
CLEAN OFF YOUR PLATE?
- WELL, I LEFT A FEW CARROTS.
- UH-HUH, WELL, OPEN THE
PAD, HERE COMES THE ROCKET.
- MICKEY, DO YOURSELF
A FAVOR, EAT THE CARROTS.
- OR THERE'LL BE NO TV.
- RIGHT, MA?
- OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
- HI, RHODA.
- HIYA, MA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH ALL THE BOOKS?
YOU GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL?
- NO, HIGH SCHOOL, NIGHTS.
I MEAN, I CAN'T BE
A CANDY STRIPER FOREVER.
ANYWAY, I'VE GOT AMBITIONS
AND I ONLY NEED THREE CLASSES
TO GET MY DIPLOMA.
LATIN, AMERICAN
HISTORY, AND GYM.
- HA HA, TERRIFIC.
- HELLO, EVERYBODY.
- HI.
- HIYA, MYRNA.
- WOW, MYRNA,
THAT'S VERY LEATHERY.
- OZZY GAVE IT TO ME.
- GEE, I LIKE THAT A LOT.
YOU THINK YOU
COULD GET ME ONE?
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
I COULD GET YOU A DOZEN.