Rhoda (1974–1978): Season 1, Episode 23 - A Nice Warm Rut - full transcript
Brenda giving up a date with a man she just met to spend her birthday with Rhoda and Joe on Joe's urging - time with family being admittedly a more comfortable situation for Brenda - ends up being a bone of contention between Rhoda and Joe. Joe believes Brenda should be able to make her own decisions, while Rhoda believes Brenda should not use her and Joe and the rest of their family as a crutch to hide from life. The process of Rhoda and Joe's argument may also be a bone of contention, the two items which place a strain in their marriage. Regardless of what Brenda decides to do about her birthday, Rhoda still wants to encourage Brenda to not be afraid of life, and to get out and experience it without them. Brenda tries to take Rhoda's advice to heart, which results in Brenda making a life altering decision. The question becomes will Rhoda be able to abide by that decision despite she not agreeing with it?
- MY NAME
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- COME ON, BOARDWALK.
MY LUCK'S GONNA CHANGE.
YOU WATCH. GIVE ME A 7!
- 4.
- HI, BABE.
- OH, JOE, HI.
- HI, BREN.
- HI.
- OH, BOY, YOU GOT ME WHAT
I WANTED FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
THE WORLD'S GREATEST
SHOWER NOZZLE.
- YOU TOTALLY RUINED THE
WHOLE SURPRISE, YOU KNOW THAT?
WE HAD SUCH A CUTE WAY
OF GIVING THIS TO YOU.
WE HAD IT ALL PLANNED.
- OH, YEAH? TELL ME.
- TELL HER.
- WELL,
IT WASN'T THAT CUTE.
- TELL HER.
- HE'S ONLY SAYING THAT
BECAUSE IT WAS HIS IDEA.
IT'S PLENTY CUTE.
HE WAS GONNA SNEAK DOWN
TO YOUR APARTMENT WHEN YOU
WEREN'T HOME AND INSTALL THIS.
THEN I WAS GONNA SAY, BRENDA,
WHY DON'T YOU GO
TAKE A SHOWER?
WELL, MAYBE IT
WASN'T ALL THAT CUTE.
- HEY,
BREN, HOW 'BOUT COMING OVER
OF HER OWN FOR THAT NIGHT.
BY THE WAY, THIS IS TERRIFIC.
I WANT TO SHOW
YOU THE SETTINGS.
THEY HAVE, SEE, COURSE,
FINE, NEEDLE, AND ABUSE.
- SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY,
BREN, MONDAY NIGHT, HUH?
- JOE,
LISTEN, I DON'T WANT HER TO FEEL
SHE HAS TO COME HERE
FOR HER BIRTHDAY, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN,
IF THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
YOU'D RATHER DO, GO AHEAD.
- WELL,
ACTUALLY, THERE WAS A LITTLE
SOMETHING I WAS GOING TO DO.
- OH.
- BUT LET ME SEE IF
I CAN GET OUT OF IT.
CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?
- BRENDA, IT'S FOOLISH
TO TRY AND GET OUT OF IT.
I MEAN,
WE SEE SO MUCH OF EACH OTHER
ALL THE TIME.
IF YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO DO ON YOUR BIRTHDAY,
GO AHEAD AND DO IT AS PLANNED.
- IT'S BRENDA'S BIRTHDAY.
LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS.
- JOE, DO YOU MIND?
I JUST WANTED
TO TELL HER THAT SHE--
- HELLO, MAY I PLEASE
SPEAK TO CHET DEVEROE?
- BRENDA, YOU GONNA CALL OFF
AN EVENING YOU PLANNED
TO BE WITH US?
GO OUT.
DO WHAT YOU PLANNED.
- SHH.
- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE
EVER SHUSHED ME BEFORE.
SINCE WHEN HAS SHUSHING
ENTERED THIS RELATIONSHIP?
- OH, SURE, I'LL HOLD.
YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S HE DOING?
WELL, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
FOR HIM TO HOT COMB HIS HAIR?
- JOE,
NOW LISTEN TO ME, I THINK
BRENDA, IT WOULD BE BETTER
IF SHE SEES AN OLD FRIEND
AND ISN'T SO DEPENDENT
ON US ALL THE TIME.
- YEAH,
WELL, MAYBE BRENDA WOULD
RATHER BE WITH US. HUH?
- OH, JOE, I'M TALKING LOW
IN HOPES THAT YOU
ALSO TALK LOW.
- LISTEN, CHET,
SOMETHING CAME UP
AND I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
ABLE TO GO TO THE PARTY
WITH YOU ON MONDAY.
- BRENDA, HOLD ON.
I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS.
IT IS SILLY FOR YOU
NOT TO GO TO A PARTY.
- RHODA,
YOU ARE BEING SILLY.
BRENDA, IF YOU WANT TO
COME HERE, COME HERE.
WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU.
THAT'S ALL.
- I SAID I CAN'T GO TO
THE PARTY ON MONDAY.
MAYBE YOU COULD STOP
HOT COMBING YOUR HAIR
FOR A SECOND.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE
AT THE CRUCIAL POINT?
OH, COVERING THE SPOTS.
I LIKE THE SPOT.
YEAH, IT'S REALLY GOOD.
SO, LISTEN, UM, CAN
I HAVE A RAIN CHECK?
NO?
[CLICK]
- WHY DID YOU
DO THAT, BREN?
- WELL,
I HAD A CHOICE ON MY BIRTHDAY
TO EITHER HAVE FUN WITH PEOPLE
I'M COMFORTABLE WITH OR HAVE
CHET TAKE ME TO A SQUARE
DANCE PARTY AT HIS LAW FIRM.
THE 84-YEAR-OLD SENIOR PARTNER
IS CALLING THE DO SE DOS.
- BRENDA, DON'T
WORRY ABOUT A THING.
I MEAN,
YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU MADE
THE RIGHT DECISION, REALLY.
- SURE,
WHERE WOULD I HAVE A BETTER
TIME THAN WITH MY OWN
FLESH AND BLOOD...
AND FLESH AND BLOOD-IN-LAW?
- LISTEN, WE'RE GONNA
MAKE YOU A GREAT MEAL.
- TERRIFIC, HEY, COOK
SOMETHING FATTENING 'CAUSE
THERE'S ONLY TWO TIMES
I LET MYSELF GO.
ON MY BIRTHDAY AND SATURDAYS.
- YOU KNOW, SOMETHING CRAZY
JUST WENT THROUGH MY HEAD,
LIKE MAYBE YOU
WERE MAD AT ME.
- I'M NOT MAD.
I'M NOT.
I'M NOT MAD.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS CRAZY.
- SURE, WALK AWAY.
OK, OK, IF YOU'RE
SO ANXIOUS TO FIGHT.
COME ON, BUT LET'S
AT LEAST DO IT RIGHT.
- DO IT RIGHT?
- YES,
THE RIGHT WAY, JOE.
I'M TELLING YA. YEAH.
I'VE BEEN READING A LOT OF
BOOKS, YOU KNOW, ON MODERN
MARRIAGE AND THERE A LOT OF
VERY WISE PEOPLE OUT THERE
WRITING BOOKS TELLING
OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO FIGHT.
- OK,
RHODA, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO HELP ME OUT, BECAUSE
THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO
FIGHT IS TO KEEP YELLING UNTIL
SOMEONE TELLS YOU YOU WIN.
- UH,
HERE'S HOW IT GOES.
SO NEITHER PERSON MISSES
WHAT THE OTHER SAYS,
ONLY ONE PERSON TALKS AT
A TIME AND THE ONE WHO IS
TALKING HAS THE FLOOR.
THE OTHER CANNOT INTERRUPT.
THAT IS A CIVILIZED
WAY TO FIGHT.
- OK, RHODA, GO AHEAD.
- YOU'RE A JERK.
NOW, IT IS YOUR TURN.
- WHAT?
- NOW, IT'S MY TURN.
I...I'M WORRIED.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT BRENDA.
YEAH, SHE'S SO DEPENDENT
ON US, JOE, THAT SHE'S NOT
BUILDING A LIFE FOR HERSELF.
I DON'T WANT HER TO WAKE UP
ONE DAY AND REALIZE THAT
THE BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT
SHE MADE WAS TO SELL
300 MASTER CHARGES.
- OK,
IT'S MY TURN, IT'S MY TURN.
NOW, I THINK YOU ARE
MAKING A MISTAKE, RHODA,
BECAUSE IT'S JUST ONE DAY.
IT IS NOT HER LIFE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONE DAY?
SHE'S HERE ALL THE TIME.
I KNOW. IT'S YOUR TURN.
I SPOKE, I INTERRUPTED.
I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO CONTINUE.
I--I WANTED BRENDA TO HAVE
HER BIRTHDAY THE WAY SHE
PLANNED IT AND YOU SHUSHED ME.
YOU DID, YOU
BRUSHED ME OFF, JOE.
- NOW,
IS IT MY TURN?
- YES!
- LET'S DROP IT.
- AH,
YOU'RE DOING IT, RIGHT?
WELL, I TELL YOU
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I'M GOING DOWN TO MY SISTER'S
RIGHT NOW AND I'M GONNA TELL
HER SHE HAS TO BE
MORE INDEPENDENT.
- SWELL.
- I AM,
I'M GOING TO DO THAT.
- SO,
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
MY BLESSING?
- HA HA HA HA.
GIVE ME YOUR BLESSING.
NO, HUH?
ALL RIGHT.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- COME ON IN, RHO.
- BRENDA, YOU GOT
TO BE MORE INDEPENDENT.
- OK.
YOU KNOW, RHO, I'M
REALLY GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT
AN OUTFIT FOR MONDAY.
THEY'RE PUTTING IN A NEW
SECURITY CAMERA AT MY BANK
AND I WANT TO LOOK GREAT.
- YOU DON'T NEED ME.
COME ON,
JUST LET ME SEE WHAT YOU
PICKED OUT FOR YOURSELF.
- OHH. WELL, UM...
THIS SKIRT WITH THIS TOP.
- OH.
- YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
DO YOU LIKE IT?
- YES?
WAIT, WAIT, I'M NOT SURE.
- BRENDA, DON'T TRY
TO READ MY FACE.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
- WELL, I BOUGHT IT.
- I'M NOT GOING TO
TELL YOU WHAT TO WEAR.
COME ON.
- I'LL GO TO WORK NAKED.
NO, THAT'S GONNA
MAKE ME LOOK FAT.
- BRENDA, LOOK, MAYBE
I'LL COME BACK TOMORROW,
YOU KNOW, TO DISCUSS
THE THING I CAME UP FOR.
I JUST HAD THIS THING WITH JOE
AND I'M A LITTLE CRAZY NOW,
SO I'LL SEE--
- NO, WAIT, WAIT.
YOU GOT ME CURIOUS.
WHY NOT TELL ME NOW?
- WELL, I'M AFRAID TO TELL YA
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS AGREE
WITH EVERYTHING I SAY.
- NO, I DON'T, RHODA.
I DON'T. I DON'T.
- YOU DON'T?
- I DON'T.
- OK,
JUST NOW UPSTAIRS YOU DECIDED
TO PLAY IT SAFE ON YOUR
BIRTHDAY RATHER THAN GO INTO
A NEW SITUATION WHERE
YOU MIGHT MEET SOME
INTERESTING PEOPLE.
BRENDA, YOU GOT TO GROW.
- OH, IS THIS TRUE
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
- I MEAN, LISTEN, I HAD TO
RUN ALL THE WAY TO MINNEAPOLIS
BEFORE I FINALLY
STARTED TO GROW.
REALLY. I MEAN,
I WAS 23 YEARS OLD
BEFORE I BOUGHT A PAIR
OF SHOES WITHOUT
MA FEELING THE TOES FIRST.
SO, I KNOW, I KNOW IT'S
EXACTLY THE SAME FOR YOU.
- I'M GOING TO START
BEING INDEPENDENT
AND TAKING CHANCES RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT NOW. I AM GOING
TO WEAR THIS ON MONDAY.
OR NOT.
- I CAN'T FUNCTION ON SUNDAY
WITHOUT A SUNDAY PAPER.
EVEN IF I'M NOT READING IT,
IT'S NOT SUNDAY WITHOUT
A PAPER LYING AROUND.
- I FEEL WONDERFUL, JOE.
I MEAN, YOU HAD ME
AT A DISADVANTAGE HERE.
I FEEL JUST TERRIFIC
AND YOU SEEM TO BE MAD.
- I DON'T HAVE A SUNDAY PAPER,
BUT I HAVE SOME HOT NEWS HERE.
YOU FEEL TERRIFIC, HUH?
- IT'S FADING.
UH, OK, I WANT TO
KNOW WHY YOU'RE UPSET.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M UPSET, RHODA.
THOSE CRAZY RULES YOU
MADE UP FOR US TO FIGHT BY.
I NEVER FELT SO, UM...
- FRUSTRATED?
- NO, NOT FRUSTRATED.
SO, UH, NOT HAVING
AN OUTLET FOR WHAT I FEEL.
- WELL,
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, JOE,
THOSE RULES--
THEY'RE NOT MINE.
NO, THE BOOK STATED VERY
CLEARLY THERE ARE NO RULES.
IN FACT,
THAT WAS RULE NUMBER 4--
THERE ARE NO RULES.
- I FAILED TO GET ACROSS
IN THAT ARGUMENT
IS THAT YOU WERE
ABSOLUTELY WRONG.
- JOE,
IF I MAY POINT OUT...
IT'S NOT TERRIBLY MATURE
TO BE HUNG UP ON WHO'S RIGHT
AND WHO'S WRONG, BUT IF YOU'RE
INTERESTED IN THE SUBSTANCE
OF LAST NIGHT'S ARGUMENT,
BRENDA AGREED THAT SHE HAS TO
BECOME MORE INDEPENDENT,
WHICH MEANS YOU'RE WRONG,
I'M RIGHT, I WIN.
- STILL NO PAPER.
CARLTON?
- HELLO, THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- CARLTON,
THIS IS JOE GERARD.
HAVE YOU SEEN
OUR SUNDAY PAPER?
- ARE YOU ACCUSING
ME OF STEALING IT?
- NO, I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU.
I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU
OF ANYTHING, CARLTON.
- WELL, YOU SHOULD BECAUSE
I STOLE IT YESTERDAY.
- WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
- I WAS COLD.
- FORGET IT, CARLTON, I'LL
GO DOWN AND BUY ANOTHER ONE.
- THANK YOU.
- JOE?
- WHAT?
- NOTHING.
I'LL MISS YOU.
- HI, JOE.
- OH, HI, BREN.
- HI.
- HI.
IS EVERYTHING OK?
- I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
I'M DECIDING WHAT
TO HAVE FOR BREAKFAST.
THE CHOICE IS BETWEEN FUDGE
RIPPLE AND ROCKY ROAD.
- COME ON, RHO, EATING ISN'T
GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING.
LOOK AT ME.
THAT'S HOW FAR I'VE
COME IN JUST ONE DAY.
I'M GIVING YOU ADVICE
AND ABOUT EATING.
RHO, I'VE GOT A PRETTY BIG
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE,
BUT I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS
THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL YOU.
- IS IT GOOD NEWS?
- YEAH.
- THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME.
- WELL,
SO FAR THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST
INCREDIBLE DAY OF MY LIFE.
- YEAH?
- IT STARTED OUT WITH ME
DOING SOMETHING I'VE NEVER
DONE BEFORE.
I WOKE UP AT 5:30 THIS MORNING
AND I JUST STARTED WALKING ALL
OVER THE CITY AND
I WASN'T AFRAID.
- THAT'S WONDERFUL.
BRENDA, IT'S WONDERFUL.
DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S NOT SMART.
- WHY, I JUST KEPT ON THINKING
ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID, RHO.
I KEPT ON THINKING I WAS
GOING TO MAKE A BIG DECISION.
MAYBE CHANGE IT ALL,
RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
- BOY,
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
- OH, IT WAS WONDERFUL.
FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS AND
THEN SOME GUY CAME UP TO ME,
INTRODUCED HIMSELF AND INVITED
ME TO BE HIS GUEST
AT AN ADULT BOOKSTORE.
USUALLY SOMETHING LIKE
THAT WOULD SEND ME RUNNING
STRAIGHT FOR HOME.
- BUT NOT THIS MORNING?
- RIGHT.
- TERRIFIC. BRENDA,
IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.
JUST WONDERFUL.
- WELL,
ANYWAY, I FINALLY FOUND
IN TIMES SQUARE
SOMEBODY TO TALK TO.
A MARINE RECRUITER WHO TOLD ME
HE TRAVELED OVER 2 MILLION
MILES AND WITH A CREW CUT.
- WOW.
- RHO,
I BEGAN TO WONDER WHAT'S
KEEPING ME IN NEW YORK.
RHO, I'M GONNA MOVE
TO SAN FRANCISCO.
HOW COME YOU STOPPED
SAYING WONDERFUL?
- DID I?
- YEAH.
- WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.
I--I-IT WAS A SURPRISE.
- I'M GONNA DO IT.
- TERRIFIC.
- WELL, YOU HELPED, RHO.
I MEAN, YOU REALLY
STARTED ME THINKING.
- OH,
YEAH, I CAN'T FORGET THAT.
- WELL,
I GUESS I BETTER GO TALK
TO CARLTON AND SEE HOW
SOON HE CAN RENT OUT
MY APARTMENT.
- YEAH, TERRIFIC,
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.
YOU ARE MAKING
ME PROUD, BREN.
- YEAH.
- KEEP IT UP.
- RIGHT.
- RIGHT.
- I DON'T CARE.
- THAT DON'T BOTHER YOU?
WELL, YOU CAN
BELIEVE ONE THING,
IT'S THE LAST TIME I'M
WORKING A WRECKING JOB
WITH YOU WHEN YOU'RE HAVING
A FIGHT WITH RHODA.
- HEY, WILL YOU STOP
EXAGGERATING?
IT WASN'T THAT BAD.
- IT WASN'T THAT BAD?
IT WAS THE WORST DAY I'VE EVER
HAD IN THE WRECKING BUSINESS.
THIS WAS WORSE THAN THE TIME
WE TORE DOWN
THAT FERTILIZER FACTORY.
- HEY, JUST LAY OFF.
WILL YA?
IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME THIS
WAY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF?
WHAT ARE YOU
HANGING AROUND FOR?
- I'D LOVE TO GO,
BUT I'M WAITING FOR A CALL
FROM MY WIFE.
- HEY,
JOE, WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT I
DO WHEN I HAVE
A FIGHT WITH MY WIFE?
- WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I LOSE.
- HEY, LOOK, IT'S
NOT THE FIGHT.
IT'S WHAT RHODA DID HERE.
SHE GETS AN IDEA IN HER HEAD
AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW
BRENDA'S MOVING
TO SAN FRANCISCO.
BRENDA DOESN'T HAVE A JOB
THERE, SHE DOESN'T HAVE
A PLACE TO LIVE THERE.
I MEAN,
THE WHOLE FAMILY IS SCREWED UP
AND RHODA'S TELLING
ME THAT WE FIGHT GOOD?
- HEY, WELL, DO YOU WANT
THE FIGHT TO BE OVER?
- YEAH.
- JUST BE NICE TO HER.
REALLY, THE ONLY FIGHT THAT
CAN'T BE SOLVED WITH A KISS
AND A SMILE IS THE ONE WHERE--
WHERE A GUY STARTS OFF
BY BREAKING THE BEER
BOTTLE ACROSS YOUR HEAD.
- HI, JOE. HELLO, JUSTIN.
HEY, HOW DID YOU
GET LIKE THAT?
YOU GUYS BEEN SWIMMING
IN THE HUDSON RIVER TODAY?
- HEY, I'D LOVE
TO LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.
I REALLY WOULD, YOU KNOW,
ESPECIALLY WITH WHAT YOU'VE
BEEN GOING THROUGH, BUT I'M
WAITING FOR A CALL FROM MY WIFE.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- THE THING BETWEEN
YOU AND RHODA.
- I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- UH,
WELL, I HOPE SHE CALLS SOON.
- WELL, I CAN TELL YOU WHAT'S
GOING ON WITH ME IN CASE
ANYBODY'S INTERESTED.
- YEAH, I'M INTERESTED.
- OK,
WELL, FOR STARTERS, IT'S KIND
OF DIFFICULT BECAUSE
I AM TALKING TO TWO MEN
WHO ARE COVERED
WITH A BUILDING.
ONE OF THEM
IS VERY ANGRY WITH ME,
BUT HE'S GONNA HAVE TO BE
MAD AT SOME OTHER TIME
BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I NEED HIM.
- OK, I'M NOT MAD ANYMORE.
WHAT'D YOU DO?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT IS IT?
- OH,
JOE, I DON'T WANT BRENDA TO GO
TO SAN FRANCISCO.
I MEAN,
I'M SORRY I EVER INTERFERED
IN HER LIFE
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
YOU WERE SO RIGHT.
I JUST GOT TO GET OVER THIS
THING WHERE I'M TRYING TO MAKE
BRENDA'S LIFE PERFECT FOR HER.
FROM NOW ON IT'S
HANDS OFF COMPLETELY.
BESIDES, LOOK WHAT
IT'S DOING TO ME.
IT'S COMPLETELY WIPING US OUT.
I MEAN, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WHEN
WE WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT.
- SHE SHOULD BE
CALLING SHORTLY.
- LISTEN, RHODA, LISTEN TO ME
BECAUSE I THINK I CAN CLEAR
THIS WHOLE THING UP
BECAUSE I'M NOT
AS EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED
AS YOU ARE.
- OK, JOE.
- NOW,
YOU WANT BRENDA TO STAY.
- YEAH.
- NOW, I'VE GOT A HUNCH THAT
SHE WANTS TO STAY, ONLY
YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING
BECAUSE YOU'RE
ON THIS HANDS OFF KICK,
BUT I THINK THAT
YOU DON'T HURT ANYONE
BY LETTING 'EM KNOW
THAT YOU LOVE THEM.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
- HELLO?
OH, HI, HONEY, LET
ME CALL YOU BACK.
- SO...
SO, INSTEAD OF STANDING
ON THE SIDELINES LIKE
YOU'VE BEEN DOING,
IF YOU COULD JUST TALK TO HER
LIKE YOU USED TO TALK TO HER,
BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME THAT
UP UNTIL THE LAST FEW DAYS
THAT EVERYTHING BETWEEN YOU
IS GOING REAL GOOD.
- BOY,
JOE, IT'S INCREDIBLE.
AFTER A HARD DAY'S WORK YOU
STAND THERE AND YOU COME UP
WITH AN ANSWER LIKE THAT.
- OH,
NO, I'VE KNOWN THAT FOR DAYS.
- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
- BECAUSE IT WASN'T MY TURN.
- OH, JOE. UGH!
UGH!
IT'S WORTH IT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- BRENDA, YOU IN THERE?
- COME ON IN.
- OH,
THIS IS YOUR FIRST NON-CAKE.
- RHODA, IT LOOKS LIKE
A WONDERFUL CAKE.
- NO, THIS IS NOT A CAKE.
- OH.
- THIS IS A DIET CAKE.
- NO WAY, COME ON,
IT CAN'T BE.
- IT SURE IS.
10 PERCENT SWEET 'N LOW
AND 90 PERCENT AIR.
SO, WHEN YOU BLOW IT OUT,
YOU BETTER BE VERY CAREFUL.
YAY!
WHAT'D YOU WISH FOR?
- I WISHED IT WAS
THE REAL THING.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN WORKING HERE,
SORTING OUT ALL MY STUFF
FOR MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE I FORGOT TO EAT.
HMM, NO, I DIDN'T.
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT?
I REALLY AM CHANGING.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE
KIND OF PERSON WHO COULD LEAVE
FOOD ON MY PLATE.
IT'S SO ELEGANT.
- BRENDA, LISTEN, UM,
I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
- NO, YOU DON'T.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IT
IS I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR?
- YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
- WILL YOU STOP THAT?
PLEASE LET ME
APOLOGIZE TO YOU.
I AM SORRY.
I'VE MADE THE INCREDIBLE
PRESUMPTION
THAT BECAUSE I'VE BEEN
AROUND A COUPLE MORE YEARS
THAN YOU THAT I HAVE
SOME KIND OF IDEA
HOW YOU SHOULD RUN YOUR LIFE.
I'M NOT GOING TO DO
THAT ANY MORE...
AFTER THIS.
HOW...LET ME PHRASE THIS RIGHT.
TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL
ABOUT GOING TO SAN FRANCISCO.
- I DON'T WANT TO GO.
- WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO GO?
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHY I BOUGHT THIS SHIRT.
I DON'T THINK I LIKE OWLS.
I'VE BEEN EASING UP A LITTLE
BIT ON MY DECISION TO GO.
- NO KIDDING?
- YEAH, I MEAN,
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN REACTING
IN A VERY FUNNY WAY
SINCE I'VE BEEN
SAYING I'M GOING.
LIKE THERE WAS TALK ABOUT
A FAREWELL PARTY AT MY BANK
AND FROM MY TELLERS CAGE
I HEARD THE SOUND OF PEOPLE
CHIPPING IN FOR A GIFT.
- OH, THAT'S NICE.
- YEAH, AND ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS
ARE NAUSEOUS WITH GRIEF.
AND YOU KNOW, CHET DEVEROE,
THE HOT COMB NUMBER,
WE TOOK A LONG WALK TOGETHER
AND, RHODA, HE MUST REALLY CARE
BECAUSE IT WAS A WINDY DAY
AND HE WAS NOT WEARING A HAT.
SO, I DON'T KNOW.
I MAY NOT BE GROWING HERE,
BUT I'M HAPPY.
- GOOD THINKING, MORGENSTERN.
AND LISTEN, BY THE WAY,
FOR THE RECORD, I HAVE BEEN
EASING UP ON A LOT
OF THE STUFF I TOLD YOU BEFORE.
- WELL, RHODA,
IF YOU'RE EASING--
- WAIT A MINUTE, THE FACT THAT
I'M EASING HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH YOUR DECISION.
BRENDA, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO
DISAGREE WITH ME OR I'LL HAVE
TO WATCH EVERY WORD
I SAY TO YOU.
SO WILL YOU PLEASE
NOT AGREE WITH ME?
- YEAH.
- I MEAN, STARTING RIGHT NOW.
- OK, YOU GOT IT.
- OK.
BRENDA, I THINK YOU SHOULD
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO.
- TOO BAD. I'M NOT GOING.
- VERY GOOD.
- OK.
- HEY,
BRENDA, WE GOT TO TELL CARLTON
YOU'RE NOT MOVING.
- OH, YEAH.
- BEFORE HE RENTS
YOUR APARTMENT.
- RIGHT.
- HELLO, CARLTON?
- HELLO, THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- NOW, CARLTON, LISTEN,
I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
BRENDA IS STAYING.
- WONDERFUL.
I HOPE SHE ENJOYS
LIVING WITH THE ENGINEER
I JUST RENTED
HER PLACE TO.
- CARLTON, NO ENGINEER IS
MOVING IN HERE WITH MY SISTER.
- WAIT A MINUTE, NOT SO HASTY.
- UH, CARLTON, HOW MUCH DID
THE ENGINEER GIVE YOU?
- I BELIEVE IT WOULD BE
LACKING OF INTEGRITY
TO DISCUSS MY BRIBES.
- WELL,
MAYBE WE'RE PREPARED TO BUY
THE APARTMENT BACK, UH...
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?
- UH, YOU MEAN, HOW
MUCH MONEY DO I WANT?
- HOW MUCH MONEY DO
YOU WANT, CARLTON?
- THIS IS THE MOST
WONDERFUL DAY OF MY LIFE.
LET'S SEE...CAN I
CALL MY ACCOUNTANT?
- WE DON'T HAVE TIME.
- IT WON'T TAKE LONG.
HE'S LYING AT THE CURB.
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- COME ON, BOARDWALK.
MY LUCK'S GONNA CHANGE.
YOU WATCH. GIVE ME A 7!
- 4.
- HI, BABE.
- OH, JOE, HI.
- HI, BREN.
- HI.
- OH, BOY, YOU GOT ME WHAT
I WANTED FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
THE WORLD'S GREATEST
SHOWER NOZZLE.
- YOU TOTALLY RUINED THE
WHOLE SURPRISE, YOU KNOW THAT?
WE HAD SUCH A CUTE WAY
OF GIVING THIS TO YOU.
WE HAD IT ALL PLANNED.
- OH, YEAH? TELL ME.
- TELL HER.
- WELL,
IT WASN'T THAT CUTE.
- TELL HER.
- HE'S ONLY SAYING THAT
BECAUSE IT WAS HIS IDEA.
IT'S PLENTY CUTE.
HE WAS GONNA SNEAK DOWN
TO YOUR APARTMENT WHEN YOU
WEREN'T HOME AND INSTALL THIS.
THEN I WAS GONNA SAY, BRENDA,
WHY DON'T YOU GO
TAKE A SHOWER?
WELL, MAYBE IT
WASN'T ALL THAT CUTE.
- HEY,
BREN, HOW 'BOUT COMING OVER
OF HER OWN FOR THAT NIGHT.
BY THE WAY, THIS IS TERRIFIC.
I WANT TO SHOW
YOU THE SETTINGS.
THEY HAVE, SEE, COURSE,
FINE, NEEDLE, AND ABUSE.
- SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY,
BREN, MONDAY NIGHT, HUH?
- JOE,
LISTEN, I DON'T WANT HER TO FEEL
SHE HAS TO COME HERE
FOR HER BIRTHDAY, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN,
IF THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
YOU'D RATHER DO, GO AHEAD.
- WELL,
ACTUALLY, THERE WAS A LITTLE
SOMETHING I WAS GOING TO DO.
- OH.
- BUT LET ME SEE IF
I CAN GET OUT OF IT.
CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?
- BRENDA, IT'S FOOLISH
TO TRY AND GET OUT OF IT.
I MEAN,
WE SEE SO MUCH OF EACH OTHER
ALL THE TIME.
IF YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO DO ON YOUR BIRTHDAY,
GO AHEAD AND DO IT AS PLANNED.
- IT'S BRENDA'S BIRTHDAY.
LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS.
- JOE, DO YOU MIND?
I JUST WANTED
TO TELL HER THAT SHE--
- HELLO, MAY I PLEASE
SPEAK TO CHET DEVEROE?
- BRENDA, YOU GONNA CALL OFF
AN EVENING YOU PLANNED
TO BE WITH US?
GO OUT.
DO WHAT YOU PLANNED.
- SHH.
- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE
EVER SHUSHED ME BEFORE.
SINCE WHEN HAS SHUSHING
ENTERED THIS RELATIONSHIP?
- OH, SURE, I'LL HOLD.
YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S HE DOING?
WELL, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
FOR HIM TO HOT COMB HIS HAIR?
- JOE,
NOW LISTEN TO ME, I THINK
BRENDA, IT WOULD BE BETTER
IF SHE SEES AN OLD FRIEND
AND ISN'T SO DEPENDENT
ON US ALL THE TIME.
- YEAH,
WELL, MAYBE BRENDA WOULD
RATHER BE WITH US. HUH?
- OH, JOE, I'M TALKING LOW
IN HOPES THAT YOU
ALSO TALK LOW.
- LISTEN, CHET,
SOMETHING CAME UP
AND I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
ABLE TO GO TO THE PARTY
WITH YOU ON MONDAY.
- BRENDA, HOLD ON.
I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS.
IT IS SILLY FOR YOU
NOT TO GO TO A PARTY.
- RHODA,
YOU ARE BEING SILLY.
BRENDA, IF YOU WANT TO
COME HERE, COME HERE.
WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU.
THAT'S ALL.
- I SAID I CAN'T GO TO
THE PARTY ON MONDAY.
MAYBE YOU COULD STOP
HOT COMBING YOUR HAIR
FOR A SECOND.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE
AT THE CRUCIAL POINT?
OH, COVERING THE SPOTS.
I LIKE THE SPOT.
YEAH, IT'S REALLY GOOD.
SO, LISTEN, UM, CAN
I HAVE A RAIN CHECK?
NO?
[CLICK]
- WHY DID YOU
DO THAT, BREN?
- WELL,
I HAD A CHOICE ON MY BIRTHDAY
TO EITHER HAVE FUN WITH PEOPLE
I'M COMFORTABLE WITH OR HAVE
CHET TAKE ME TO A SQUARE
DANCE PARTY AT HIS LAW FIRM.
THE 84-YEAR-OLD SENIOR PARTNER
IS CALLING THE DO SE DOS.
- BRENDA, DON'T
WORRY ABOUT A THING.
I MEAN,
YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU MADE
THE RIGHT DECISION, REALLY.
- SURE,
WHERE WOULD I HAVE A BETTER
TIME THAN WITH MY OWN
FLESH AND BLOOD...
AND FLESH AND BLOOD-IN-LAW?
- LISTEN, WE'RE GONNA
MAKE YOU A GREAT MEAL.
- TERRIFIC, HEY, COOK
SOMETHING FATTENING 'CAUSE
THERE'S ONLY TWO TIMES
I LET MYSELF GO.
ON MY BIRTHDAY AND SATURDAYS.
- YOU KNOW, SOMETHING CRAZY
JUST WENT THROUGH MY HEAD,
LIKE MAYBE YOU
WERE MAD AT ME.
- I'M NOT MAD.
I'M NOT.
I'M NOT MAD.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS CRAZY.
- SURE, WALK AWAY.
OK, OK, IF YOU'RE
SO ANXIOUS TO FIGHT.
COME ON, BUT LET'S
AT LEAST DO IT RIGHT.
- DO IT RIGHT?
- YES,
THE RIGHT WAY, JOE.
I'M TELLING YA. YEAH.
I'VE BEEN READING A LOT OF
BOOKS, YOU KNOW, ON MODERN
MARRIAGE AND THERE A LOT OF
VERY WISE PEOPLE OUT THERE
WRITING BOOKS TELLING
OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO FIGHT.
- OK,
RHODA, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO HELP ME OUT, BECAUSE
THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO
FIGHT IS TO KEEP YELLING UNTIL
SOMEONE TELLS YOU YOU WIN.
- UH,
HERE'S HOW IT GOES.
SO NEITHER PERSON MISSES
WHAT THE OTHER SAYS,
ONLY ONE PERSON TALKS AT
A TIME AND THE ONE WHO IS
TALKING HAS THE FLOOR.
THE OTHER CANNOT INTERRUPT.
THAT IS A CIVILIZED
WAY TO FIGHT.
- OK, RHODA, GO AHEAD.
- YOU'RE A JERK.
NOW, IT IS YOUR TURN.
- WHAT?
- NOW, IT'S MY TURN.
I...I'M WORRIED.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT BRENDA.
YEAH, SHE'S SO DEPENDENT
ON US, JOE, THAT SHE'S NOT
BUILDING A LIFE FOR HERSELF.
I DON'T WANT HER TO WAKE UP
ONE DAY AND REALIZE THAT
THE BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT
SHE MADE WAS TO SELL
300 MASTER CHARGES.
- OK,
IT'S MY TURN, IT'S MY TURN.
NOW, I THINK YOU ARE
MAKING A MISTAKE, RHODA,
BECAUSE IT'S JUST ONE DAY.
IT IS NOT HER LIFE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONE DAY?
SHE'S HERE ALL THE TIME.
I KNOW. IT'S YOUR TURN.
I SPOKE, I INTERRUPTED.
I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO CONTINUE.
I--I WANTED BRENDA TO HAVE
HER BIRTHDAY THE WAY SHE
PLANNED IT AND YOU SHUSHED ME.
YOU DID, YOU
BRUSHED ME OFF, JOE.
- NOW,
IS IT MY TURN?
- YES!
- LET'S DROP IT.
- AH,
YOU'RE DOING IT, RIGHT?
WELL, I TELL YOU
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I'M GOING DOWN TO MY SISTER'S
RIGHT NOW AND I'M GONNA TELL
HER SHE HAS TO BE
MORE INDEPENDENT.
- SWELL.
- I AM,
I'M GOING TO DO THAT.
- SO,
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
MY BLESSING?
- HA HA HA HA.
GIVE ME YOUR BLESSING.
NO, HUH?
ALL RIGHT.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- COME ON IN, RHO.
- BRENDA, YOU GOT
TO BE MORE INDEPENDENT.
- OK.
YOU KNOW, RHO, I'M
REALLY GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT
AN OUTFIT FOR MONDAY.
THEY'RE PUTTING IN A NEW
SECURITY CAMERA AT MY BANK
AND I WANT TO LOOK GREAT.
- YOU DON'T NEED ME.
COME ON,
JUST LET ME SEE WHAT YOU
PICKED OUT FOR YOURSELF.
- OHH. WELL, UM...
THIS SKIRT WITH THIS TOP.
- OH.
- YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
DO YOU LIKE IT?
- YES?
WAIT, WAIT, I'M NOT SURE.
- BRENDA, DON'T TRY
TO READ MY FACE.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
- WELL, I BOUGHT IT.
- I'M NOT GOING TO
TELL YOU WHAT TO WEAR.
COME ON.
- I'LL GO TO WORK NAKED.
NO, THAT'S GONNA
MAKE ME LOOK FAT.
- BRENDA, LOOK, MAYBE
I'LL COME BACK TOMORROW,
YOU KNOW, TO DISCUSS
THE THING I CAME UP FOR.
I JUST HAD THIS THING WITH JOE
AND I'M A LITTLE CRAZY NOW,
SO I'LL SEE--
- NO, WAIT, WAIT.
YOU GOT ME CURIOUS.
WHY NOT TELL ME NOW?
- WELL, I'M AFRAID TO TELL YA
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS AGREE
WITH EVERYTHING I SAY.
- NO, I DON'T, RHODA.
I DON'T. I DON'T.
- YOU DON'T?
- I DON'T.
- OK,
JUST NOW UPSTAIRS YOU DECIDED
TO PLAY IT SAFE ON YOUR
BIRTHDAY RATHER THAN GO INTO
A NEW SITUATION WHERE
YOU MIGHT MEET SOME
INTERESTING PEOPLE.
BRENDA, YOU GOT TO GROW.
- OH, IS THIS TRUE
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
- I MEAN, LISTEN, I HAD TO
RUN ALL THE WAY TO MINNEAPOLIS
BEFORE I FINALLY
STARTED TO GROW.
REALLY. I MEAN,
I WAS 23 YEARS OLD
BEFORE I BOUGHT A PAIR
OF SHOES WITHOUT
MA FEELING THE TOES FIRST.
SO, I KNOW, I KNOW IT'S
EXACTLY THE SAME FOR YOU.
- I'M GOING TO START
BEING INDEPENDENT
AND TAKING CHANCES RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT NOW. I AM GOING
TO WEAR THIS ON MONDAY.
OR NOT.
- I CAN'T FUNCTION ON SUNDAY
WITHOUT A SUNDAY PAPER.
EVEN IF I'M NOT READING IT,
IT'S NOT SUNDAY WITHOUT
A PAPER LYING AROUND.
- I FEEL WONDERFUL, JOE.
I MEAN, YOU HAD ME
AT A DISADVANTAGE HERE.
I FEEL JUST TERRIFIC
AND YOU SEEM TO BE MAD.
- I DON'T HAVE A SUNDAY PAPER,
BUT I HAVE SOME HOT NEWS HERE.
YOU FEEL TERRIFIC, HUH?
- IT'S FADING.
UH, OK, I WANT TO
KNOW WHY YOU'RE UPSET.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M UPSET, RHODA.
THOSE CRAZY RULES YOU
MADE UP FOR US TO FIGHT BY.
I NEVER FELT SO, UM...
- FRUSTRATED?
- NO, NOT FRUSTRATED.
SO, UH, NOT HAVING
AN OUTLET FOR WHAT I FEEL.
- WELL,
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, JOE,
THOSE RULES--
THEY'RE NOT MINE.
NO, THE BOOK STATED VERY
CLEARLY THERE ARE NO RULES.
IN FACT,
THAT WAS RULE NUMBER 4--
THERE ARE NO RULES.
- I FAILED TO GET ACROSS
IN THAT ARGUMENT
IS THAT YOU WERE
ABSOLUTELY WRONG.
- JOE,
IF I MAY POINT OUT...
IT'S NOT TERRIBLY MATURE
TO BE HUNG UP ON WHO'S RIGHT
AND WHO'S WRONG, BUT IF YOU'RE
INTERESTED IN THE SUBSTANCE
OF LAST NIGHT'S ARGUMENT,
BRENDA AGREED THAT SHE HAS TO
BECOME MORE INDEPENDENT,
WHICH MEANS YOU'RE WRONG,
I'M RIGHT, I WIN.
- STILL NO PAPER.
CARLTON?
- HELLO, THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- CARLTON,
THIS IS JOE GERARD.
HAVE YOU SEEN
OUR SUNDAY PAPER?
- ARE YOU ACCUSING
ME OF STEALING IT?
- NO, I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU.
I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU
OF ANYTHING, CARLTON.
- WELL, YOU SHOULD BECAUSE
I STOLE IT YESTERDAY.
- WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
- I WAS COLD.
- FORGET IT, CARLTON, I'LL
GO DOWN AND BUY ANOTHER ONE.
- THANK YOU.
- JOE?
- WHAT?
- NOTHING.
I'LL MISS YOU.
- HI, JOE.
- OH, HI, BREN.
- HI.
- HI.
IS EVERYTHING OK?
- I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
I'M DECIDING WHAT
TO HAVE FOR BREAKFAST.
THE CHOICE IS BETWEEN FUDGE
RIPPLE AND ROCKY ROAD.
- COME ON, RHO, EATING ISN'T
GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING.
LOOK AT ME.
THAT'S HOW FAR I'VE
COME IN JUST ONE DAY.
I'M GIVING YOU ADVICE
AND ABOUT EATING.
RHO, I'VE GOT A PRETTY BIG
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE,
BUT I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS
THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL YOU.
- IS IT GOOD NEWS?
- YEAH.
- THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME.
- WELL,
SO FAR THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST
INCREDIBLE DAY OF MY LIFE.
- YEAH?
- IT STARTED OUT WITH ME
DOING SOMETHING I'VE NEVER
DONE BEFORE.
I WOKE UP AT 5:30 THIS MORNING
AND I JUST STARTED WALKING ALL
OVER THE CITY AND
I WASN'T AFRAID.
- THAT'S WONDERFUL.
BRENDA, IT'S WONDERFUL.
DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S NOT SMART.
- WHY, I JUST KEPT ON THINKING
ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID, RHO.
I KEPT ON THINKING I WAS
GOING TO MAKE A BIG DECISION.
MAYBE CHANGE IT ALL,
RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
- BOY,
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
- OH, IT WAS WONDERFUL.
FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS AND
THEN SOME GUY CAME UP TO ME,
INTRODUCED HIMSELF AND INVITED
ME TO BE HIS GUEST
AT AN ADULT BOOKSTORE.
USUALLY SOMETHING LIKE
THAT WOULD SEND ME RUNNING
STRAIGHT FOR HOME.
- BUT NOT THIS MORNING?
- RIGHT.
- TERRIFIC. BRENDA,
IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.
JUST WONDERFUL.
- WELL,
ANYWAY, I FINALLY FOUND
IN TIMES SQUARE
SOMEBODY TO TALK TO.
A MARINE RECRUITER WHO TOLD ME
HE TRAVELED OVER 2 MILLION
MILES AND WITH A CREW CUT.
- WOW.
- RHO,
I BEGAN TO WONDER WHAT'S
KEEPING ME IN NEW YORK.
RHO, I'M GONNA MOVE
TO SAN FRANCISCO.
HOW COME YOU STOPPED
SAYING WONDERFUL?
- DID I?
- YEAH.
- WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.
I--I-IT WAS A SURPRISE.
- I'M GONNA DO IT.
- TERRIFIC.
- WELL, YOU HELPED, RHO.
I MEAN, YOU REALLY
STARTED ME THINKING.
- OH,
YEAH, I CAN'T FORGET THAT.
- WELL,
I GUESS I BETTER GO TALK
TO CARLTON AND SEE HOW
SOON HE CAN RENT OUT
MY APARTMENT.
- YEAH, TERRIFIC,
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.
YOU ARE MAKING
ME PROUD, BREN.
- YEAH.
- KEEP IT UP.
- RIGHT.
- RIGHT.
- I DON'T CARE.
- THAT DON'T BOTHER YOU?
WELL, YOU CAN
BELIEVE ONE THING,
IT'S THE LAST TIME I'M
WORKING A WRECKING JOB
WITH YOU WHEN YOU'RE HAVING
A FIGHT WITH RHODA.
- HEY, WILL YOU STOP
EXAGGERATING?
IT WASN'T THAT BAD.
- IT WASN'T THAT BAD?
IT WAS THE WORST DAY I'VE EVER
HAD IN THE WRECKING BUSINESS.
THIS WAS WORSE THAN THE TIME
WE TORE DOWN
THAT FERTILIZER FACTORY.
- HEY, JUST LAY OFF.
WILL YA?
IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME THIS
WAY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF?
WHAT ARE YOU
HANGING AROUND FOR?
- I'D LOVE TO GO,
BUT I'M WAITING FOR A CALL
FROM MY WIFE.
- HEY,
JOE, WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT I
DO WHEN I HAVE
A FIGHT WITH MY WIFE?
- WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I LOSE.
- HEY, LOOK, IT'S
NOT THE FIGHT.
IT'S WHAT RHODA DID HERE.
SHE GETS AN IDEA IN HER HEAD
AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW
BRENDA'S MOVING
TO SAN FRANCISCO.
BRENDA DOESN'T HAVE A JOB
THERE, SHE DOESN'T HAVE
A PLACE TO LIVE THERE.
I MEAN,
THE WHOLE FAMILY IS SCREWED UP
AND RHODA'S TELLING
ME THAT WE FIGHT GOOD?
- HEY, WELL, DO YOU WANT
THE FIGHT TO BE OVER?
- YEAH.
- JUST BE NICE TO HER.
REALLY, THE ONLY FIGHT THAT
CAN'T BE SOLVED WITH A KISS
AND A SMILE IS THE ONE WHERE--
WHERE A GUY STARTS OFF
BY BREAKING THE BEER
BOTTLE ACROSS YOUR HEAD.
- HI, JOE. HELLO, JUSTIN.
HEY, HOW DID YOU
GET LIKE THAT?
YOU GUYS BEEN SWIMMING
IN THE HUDSON RIVER TODAY?
- HEY, I'D LOVE
TO LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.
I REALLY WOULD, YOU KNOW,
ESPECIALLY WITH WHAT YOU'VE
BEEN GOING THROUGH, BUT I'M
WAITING FOR A CALL FROM MY WIFE.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- THE THING BETWEEN
YOU AND RHODA.
- I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- UH,
WELL, I HOPE SHE CALLS SOON.
- WELL, I CAN TELL YOU WHAT'S
GOING ON WITH ME IN CASE
ANYBODY'S INTERESTED.
- YEAH, I'M INTERESTED.
- OK,
WELL, FOR STARTERS, IT'S KIND
OF DIFFICULT BECAUSE
I AM TALKING TO TWO MEN
WHO ARE COVERED
WITH A BUILDING.
ONE OF THEM
IS VERY ANGRY WITH ME,
BUT HE'S GONNA HAVE TO BE
MAD AT SOME OTHER TIME
BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I NEED HIM.
- OK, I'M NOT MAD ANYMORE.
WHAT'D YOU DO?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT IS IT?
- OH,
JOE, I DON'T WANT BRENDA TO GO
TO SAN FRANCISCO.
I MEAN,
I'M SORRY I EVER INTERFERED
IN HER LIFE
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
YOU WERE SO RIGHT.
I JUST GOT TO GET OVER THIS
THING WHERE I'M TRYING TO MAKE
BRENDA'S LIFE PERFECT FOR HER.
FROM NOW ON IT'S
HANDS OFF COMPLETELY.
BESIDES, LOOK WHAT
IT'S DOING TO ME.
IT'S COMPLETELY WIPING US OUT.
I MEAN, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WHEN
WE WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT.
- SHE SHOULD BE
CALLING SHORTLY.
- LISTEN, RHODA, LISTEN TO ME
BECAUSE I THINK I CAN CLEAR
THIS WHOLE THING UP
BECAUSE I'M NOT
AS EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED
AS YOU ARE.
- OK, JOE.
- NOW,
YOU WANT BRENDA TO STAY.
- YEAH.
- NOW, I'VE GOT A HUNCH THAT
SHE WANTS TO STAY, ONLY
YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING
BECAUSE YOU'RE
ON THIS HANDS OFF KICK,
BUT I THINK THAT
YOU DON'T HURT ANYONE
BY LETTING 'EM KNOW
THAT YOU LOVE THEM.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
- HELLO?
OH, HI, HONEY, LET
ME CALL YOU BACK.
- SO...
SO, INSTEAD OF STANDING
ON THE SIDELINES LIKE
YOU'VE BEEN DOING,
IF YOU COULD JUST TALK TO HER
LIKE YOU USED TO TALK TO HER,
BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME THAT
UP UNTIL THE LAST FEW DAYS
THAT EVERYTHING BETWEEN YOU
IS GOING REAL GOOD.
- BOY,
JOE, IT'S INCREDIBLE.
AFTER A HARD DAY'S WORK YOU
STAND THERE AND YOU COME UP
WITH AN ANSWER LIKE THAT.
- OH,
NO, I'VE KNOWN THAT FOR DAYS.
- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
- BECAUSE IT WASN'T MY TURN.
- OH, JOE. UGH!
UGH!
IT'S WORTH IT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- BRENDA, YOU IN THERE?
- COME ON IN.
- OH,
THIS IS YOUR FIRST NON-CAKE.
- RHODA, IT LOOKS LIKE
A WONDERFUL CAKE.
- NO, THIS IS NOT A CAKE.
- OH.
- THIS IS A DIET CAKE.
- NO WAY, COME ON,
IT CAN'T BE.
- IT SURE IS.
10 PERCENT SWEET 'N LOW
AND 90 PERCENT AIR.
SO, WHEN YOU BLOW IT OUT,
YOU BETTER BE VERY CAREFUL.
YAY!
WHAT'D YOU WISH FOR?
- I WISHED IT WAS
THE REAL THING.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN WORKING HERE,
SORTING OUT ALL MY STUFF
FOR MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE I FORGOT TO EAT.
HMM, NO, I DIDN'T.
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT?
I REALLY AM CHANGING.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE
KIND OF PERSON WHO COULD LEAVE
FOOD ON MY PLATE.
IT'S SO ELEGANT.
- BRENDA, LISTEN, UM,
I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
- NO, YOU DON'T.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IT
IS I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR?
- YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
- WILL YOU STOP THAT?
PLEASE LET ME
APOLOGIZE TO YOU.
I AM SORRY.
I'VE MADE THE INCREDIBLE
PRESUMPTION
THAT BECAUSE I'VE BEEN
AROUND A COUPLE MORE YEARS
THAN YOU THAT I HAVE
SOME KIND OF IDEA
HOW YOU SHOULD RUN YOUR LIFE.
I'M NOT GOING TO DO
THAT ANY MORE...
AFTER THIS.
HOW...LET ME PHRASE THIS RIGHT.
TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL
ABOUT GOING TO SAN FRANCISCO.
- I DON'T WANT TO GO.
- WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO GO?
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHY I BOUGHT THIS SHIRT.
I DON'T THINK I LIKE OWLS.
I'VE BEEN EASING UP A LITTLE
BIT ON MY DECISION TO GO.
- NO KIDDING?
- YEAH, I MEAN,
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN REACTING
IN A VERY FUNNY WAY
SINCE I'VE BEEN
SAYING I'M GOING.
LIKE THERE WAS TALK ABOUT
A FAREWELL PARTY AT MY BANK
AND FROM MY TELLERS CAGE
I HEARD THE SOUND OF PEOPLE
CHIPPING IN FOR A GIFT.
- OH, THAT'S NICE.
- YEAH, AND ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS
ARE NAUSEOUS WITH GRIEF.
AND YOU KNOW, CHET DEVEROE,
THE HOT COMB NUMBER,
WE TOOK A LONG WALK TOGETHER
AND, RHODA, HE MUST REALLY CARE
BECAUSE IT WAS A WINDY DAY
AND HE WAS NOT WEARING A HAT.
SO, I DON'T KNOW.
I MAY NOT BE GROWING HERE,
BUT I'M HAPPY.
- GOOD THINKING, MORGENSTERN.
AND LISTEN, BY THE WAY,
FOR THE RECORD, I HAVE BEEN
EASING UP ON A LOT
OF THE STUFF I TOLD YOU BEFORE.
- WELL, RHODA,
IF YOU'RE EASING--
- WAIT A MINUTE, THE FACT THAT
I'M EASING HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH YOUR DECISION.
BRENDA, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO
DISAGREE WITH ME OR I'LL HAVE
TO WATCH EVERY WORD
I SAY TO YOU.
SO WILL YOU PLEASE
NOT AGREE WITH ME?
- YEAH.
- I MEAN, STARTING RIGHT NOW.
- OK, YOU GOT IT.
- OK.
BRENDA, I THINK YOU SHOULD
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO.
- TOO BAD. I'M NOT GOING.
- VERY GOOD.
- OK.
- HEY,
BRENDA, WE GOT TO TELL CARLTON
YOU'RE NOT MOVING.
- OH, YEAH.
- BEFORE HE RENTS
YOUR APARTMENT.
- RIGHT.
- HELLO, CARLTON?
- HELLO, THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- NOW, CARLTON, LISTEN,
I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
BRENDA IS STAYING.
- WONDERFUL.
I HOPE SHE ENJOYS
LIVING WITH THE ENGINEER
I JUST RENTED
HER PLACE TO.
- CARLTON, NO ENGINEER IS
MOVING IN HERE WITH MY SISTER.
- WAIT A MINUTE, NOT SO HASTY.
- UH, CARLTON, HOW MUCH DID
THE ENGINEER GIVE YOU?
- I BELIEVE IT WOULD BE
LACKING OF INTEGRITY
TO DISCUSS MY BRIBES.
- WELL,
MAYBE WE'RE PREPARED TO BUY
THE APARTMENT BACK, UH...
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?
- UH, YOU MEAN, HOW
MUCH MONEY DO I WANT?
- HOW MUCH MONEY DO
YOU WANT, CARLTON?
- THIS IS THE MOST
WONDERFUL DAY OF MY LIFE.
LET'S SEE...CAN I
CALL MY ACCOUNTANT?
- WE DON'T HAVE TIME.
- IT WON'T TAKE LONG.
HE'S LYING AT THE CURB.