Rhoda (1974–1978): Season 1, Episode 12 - I'm a Little Late, Folks - full transcript
As she feels it's a little early in their marriage, Rhoda doesn't yet want to tell Joe that she's thinks she may be pregnant as she's two weeks late. Needing to tell someone, she unburdens her thoughts on Brenda, who can understand Rhoda's anxiety but who also selfishly wants to be an aunt. Eventually, Rhoda decides to tell Joe. Joe, in turn, also wants to be honest and tells Rhoda his news: that his business is going through a rough patch financially. Thus their news in combination may not be good timing. Regardless, they want to be true in their feelings about Rhoda's news, which they find is difficult as a baby is only currently a hypothetical. But an unexpected visit from Rhoda's perpetually pregnant friend, Susan Alborn, not only provides Rhoda with some information about what it's like to be pregnant and a mother, but also a quick appointment with her own doctor. The results from Rhoda's visit can turn her and Joe's discussion from a "hypothetical" to a "for certain".
- MY NAME
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- DONNIE, YOU WANT
SOMETHING ELSE TO EAT?
- NO, THANKS.
I'M FULL.
- ARE YOU SURE?
I MEAN, YOU BETTER
GET IT WHILE YOU CAN.
YOU GET BACK TO YOUR MOM,
SHE'S NOT GONNA LET YOU HAVE
ALL THIS ROTTEN JUNK FOOD.
- HEY,
DONNIE, WHY DON'T YOU GO
IN AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH,
WE'LL FINISH UP PACKING,
AND LEAVE. OK?
- BUT I BRUSHED
THEM BEFORE, DAD.
- YEAH,
WELL, YOU SHOULD ALSO BRUSH
THEM AFTER YOU EAT.
- OK.
- HE'S SO SWEET, JOE.
- YEAH, AND HE'S
CRAZY ABOUT YOU, TOO.
- I SHOULD HOPE SO.
EVERY MORNING I WAKE HIM
UP SAYING, "THIS IS
DADDY'S NEW WIFE.
DO YOU LOVE ME?"
THE SAME WAY I
WAKE YOU, JOE.
LISTEN, YOU WERE
MARRIED SIX YEARS.
DID YOU JUST WANT ONE CHILD?
- WELL,
WE HAD DONNIE AFTER WE WERE
MARRIED FIVE YEARS.
- YEAH.
- GOOD THINKING.
- ALL BRUSHED, DAD!
- HEY,
WATCH IT, DONNIE, YOU'RE
BLINDING ME.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- BRENDA?
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- HIYA.
- HI.
- I JUST STOPPED IN TO
SAY GOOD-BYE TO DONNIE.
- HEY, BREN.
LISTEN, WE'RE GONNA DROP HIM
OFF, SO HOW ABOUT IF I DROP
YOU OFF AT THE
SAME TIME, HUH?
- OH, YEAH, GREAT.
- BRENDA, MAYBE YOU'D LIKE
TO STAY AND HAVE A SECOND CUP
OF COFFEE.
- OH, NO THANKS.
A SECOND CUP OF COFFEE ALWAYS
LEADS TO THE HARD STUFF,
LIKE A PIECE OF DANISH.
- BUT I THOUGHT
WE COULD TALK A LITTLE.
- OH, OK, SURE.
THEN CAN I HAVE A DANISH?
- OK, DONNIE.
LET'S MOVE OUT.
- AH,
DONNIE, SO LONG, DARLING.
HEY, SAY HI TO MOUNT
EVEREST FOR ME, WILL YA?
- BYE, RHODA.
BYE, BRENDA.
- SEE YA, DONNIE.
- SEE YA.
- SO...
- SO.
WHAT'S ON
YOUR MIND, RHO?
- I'M TWO WEEKS LATE.
- FOR WHAT?
OOH, OH, LATE!
YOU MEAN, LATE LATE!
- YEAH, RIGHT.
IT'S MY IMAGINATION,
HUH?
- NO,
I THINK YOU'RE PREGNANT.
- OH, THANKS.
- DID YOU TELL JOE?
- TELL HIM WHAT?
JOE, I DON'T KNOW IF
I'M PREGNANT OR NOT.
THAT'S NOT ANYTHING
TO TELL A GUY.
BUT I DID WANT TO
TALK TO SOMEBODY.
- WELL, YOU CAME TO
THE RIGHT PERSON.
- AH.
BRENDA, IT'S JUST THAT
I WASN'T FIGURING ON IT
THIS SOON.
I MEAN, THIS IS SOON.
BEFORE STARTING A FAMILY
I THOUGHT WE'D WAIT
A COUPLE OF DAYS.
- HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
BEING POSSIBLY PREGNANT?
- THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
I DON'T KNOW.
MY FIRST REACTION WAS COMPLETE
AND TOTAL PANIC, AND THEN I
REMEMBERED, I'M MARRIED.
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
- OH, HI, JOE.
- HIYA, MAY.
- ANY MESSAGES?
- MM-HMM, TWO, THEY'RE
ON YOUR DESK.
- MY WIFE CALL?
- WHICH ONE?
- LOOK, MAY, TO AVOID
CONFUSION, I HAVE ONE WIFE
AND ONE EX-WIFE.
SO IF I WANT TO KNOW IF MY
WIFE CALLED, I'LL SAY, "DID MY
WIFE CALL?"
IF I WANT TO KNOW
IF MY EX-WIFE CALLED,
I'LL SAY, "DID
MY EX-WIFE CALL?" OK?
- OK.
NEITHER ONE CALLED.
YOU WANT ME TO ORDER
UP SOME LUNCH, JOE?
- OH,
NO, NO, THANKS.
- NO LUNCH?
- NAH.
- JOE,
IT'S VERY OBVIOUS THAT
SOMETHING IS BOTHERING YOU.
- YEAH,
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
- WELL,
I HOPE YOU DON'T HOLD IT
AGAINST ME IF I DON'T
ASK YOU WHAT'S WRONG.
- OK.
I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IS WRONG.
- HOLD IT.
THIS IS THE VERY REASON I
DIDN'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED.
I JUST STOPPED SMOKING.
BUT WHEN I GET NERVOUS
OR INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE'S
PROBLEMS, I CAN'T
STOP, YOU KNOW?
- THEN,
MAY, DON'T SMOKE.
- IT'S TOO LATE NOW.
OR IT WILL BE IF YOU
LIGHT MY CIGARETTE.
- MAY,
YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SEE YOU
START AGAIN.
- MMM,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I CAN
QUIT ANY TIME.
I QUIT YESTERDAY,
I CAN QUIT TODAY,
AND I'LL PROBABLY
QUIT TOMORROW.
WHAT'S BUGGING
YOU, JOE?
- WELL,
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, YOU'RE
THE BOOKKEEPER.
THINGS ARE REAL SLOW AROUND
HERE AND, WELL, I'M WORRIED
ABOUT THAT BID I SUBMITTED--
THAT DEMOLITION JOB
ON 28th STREET.
- IS THAT IT?
WELL, I'M SO GLAD
YOU TALKED TO ME,
I KNEW I'D CHEER YOU UP.
THINK POSITIVE,
YOU'LL GET THE JOB.
- BUT THAT'S WHAT
I'M AFRAID OF.
I BID TOO LOW. I GET THAT JOB,
I'M GONNA LOSE MY SHIRT.
- WHY'D YOU BID SO LOW?
- BECAUSE WE NEED THE WORK.
- AH,
JOE, I'M SURE YOU'VE BEEN
THROUGH ROUGH TIMES LIKE
THIS BEFORE, HAVEN'T YOU?
- YEAH,
YEAH, I GUESS I HAVE.
- AND I'M SURE YOU
DIDN'T THINK YOU'D FIND
A SOLUTION, RIGHT?
- HEY, THAT'S RIGHT.
- BUT YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?
- HEY, I SURE DID!
THANKS, MAY.
- OF COURSE, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A NEW WIFE TO WORRY ABOUT,
OR A BRAND-NEW APARTMENT
TO PAY FOR, OR ALL
THAT FURNITURE.
AND WAIT UNTIL YOU GET A LOAD
OF THE BILLS THAT CAME IN TODAY.
- WHEW!
- LOOK, MAY, HOLD IT.
NOW, REMIND ME NEVER TO
TELL YOU MY PROBLEMS.
- WELL,
IF YOU DON'T TELL THEM TO ME,
JOE, WHO ARE YOU
GONNA TELL THEM TO?
- WELL,
HOW ABOUT MY WIFE?
- YOU MEAN, YOU'D TELL
HER STUFF LIKE THIS?
- SURE!
- OH,
THAT'S TERRIFIC!
MODERN COUPLES TELLING
EACH OTHER EVERYTHING, HUH?
I TELL YOU, MY HUSBAND NEVER
TOLD ME A THING, THOUGH I WISH
HE HAD BECAUSE NOW THAT HE'S
DEAD I'LL NEVER KNOW WHY HE
LEFT SO MUCH MONEY
TO HIS SECRETARY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- NEW YORK WRECKING COMPANY.
HUH?
OH, SURE, YEAH, I'LL TELL HIM.
OK.
BYE.
I'VE GOT BAD NEWS, JOE.
- WHAT?
- YOU GOT THE JOB.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- IT'S ME, BRENDA!
- OH,
JUST A MINUTE.
HI.
- HI.
WELL, ANY NEWS YET?
- BRENDA, DON'T REFER
TO IT AS NEWS.
I MEAN,
I GET THE FEELING THAT
WALTER CRONKITE CLOSED WITH,
"RHODA IS STILL LATE,
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS."
- WELL,
DON'T BE TOO CONCERNED.
I ASKED SOME OF MY TOP
GIRLFRIENDS AND THEY SAID
BEING NERVOUS CAN
MAKE YOU LATE.
- YEAH?
- YEAH,
SO ARE YOU NERVOUS
ABOUT ANYTHING?
- I AM.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS
ABOUT BEING LATE.
- DID YOU MENTION
ANYTHING TO JOE YET?
- BRENDA, THIS IS NOT THE
TYPE OF THING I WOULD MENTION.
I MEAN,
YOU EITHER DROP THE BOMB
ON HIM OR YOU DON'T.
- BOY,
YOU KNOW, THIS IS A HEAVY
RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME.
I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS.
AND I AM DYING
TO TELL SOMEBODY!
- BUT THERE IS NOTHING TO
TELL, SO I DO NOT WANT YOU TO
TELL ANYBODY, NO ONE.
- OK.
I WON'T TELL A SOUL.
MUM'S THE WORD.
- RIGHT.
AND MUM INCLUDES MOM.
ALL I WOULD NEED
IS FOR HER TO HEAR.
IT WOULD BE THE FIRST TIME IN
HISTORY ANYBODY EVER SENT OUT
PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENTS.
- RHO,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.
AS OF THIS MOMENT, I'M
PUTTING IT OUT OF MY MIND.
WELL, I SEE YOU'VE MADE
A STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE.
- NOT BAD
FOR A FIRST TRY, HUH?
- NO,
IT REALLY LOOKS GREAT.
HOW DID YOU MAKE IT?
- YOU THINK I'M GONNA
GIVE AWAY MY SECRETS?
- THIS SECRET ISN'T YOURS,
IT'S SARA LEE'S.
ALL YOU DID WAS THAW
THIS OUT AND STICK SOME
STRAWBERRIES ON TOP.
IT WAS EASY.
- IT WAS NOT.
FIRST I HAD TO SCRAPE
OFF ALL THE PINEAPPLE.
- LOOK,
RHO, YOU KNOW, I STILL CAN'T
GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU'RE
A MARRIED WOMAN, NOT TO
MENTION...THE UNMENTIONABLE.
- GOOD.
- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- SURE I DO, BRENDA.
LISTEN, SOMETIMES I DON'T
REMEMBER I'M MARRIED.
- HIYA, BABE!
- HIYA, JOE!
- HIYA, BREN!
- HI, JOE.
- WELL, I GUESS I'LL BE
HITTING THE OLD STAIRS.
- HEY,
WHAT'S THE RUSH?
- OH,
WELL, YOU KNOW OUR AGREEMENT.
JUST BECAUSE WE LIVE IN THE
SAME BUILDING I WASN'T GOING
TO KEEP POPPING IN ON YOU.
- RIGHT.
AND I SAY THAT IF I WANTED
YOU TO LEAVE, I WOULD TELL YOU.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TELL ME, I'M GOING.
- BUT I WANT YOU TO STAY.
- NOT TONIGHT WHEN YOU TWO
HAVE SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.
- WHAT?
UH, RHODA?
- YEAH.
- YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU
WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?
- NOTHING THAT CAN'T
WAIT FOR A WHILE.
- WELL,
I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU ABOUT, TOO.
- WELL, THEN WHY DON'T
YOU GO FIRST, JOE?
- RHODA, THIS ISN'T AN
EASY THING TO TELL YOU.
- LISTEN, WHAT'S EASY TO
TELL ANYBODY THESE DAYS?
- WELL,
YOU KNOW THE ECONOMY IS
KIND OF DOWN AND, UH...
- YEAH.
- WELL,
THEY'RE NOT PUTTING UP AS MANY
BUILDINGS IN NEW YORK,
SO THEY'RE NOT KNOCKING
DOWN AS MANY.
SO BUSINESS IS KIND OF OFF,
AND, UM, WELL, WE MAY HAVE TO
TIGHTEN OUR BELTS.
- MMM. YEAH.
- AND THAT'S IT.
SO WHAT'S YOUR NEWS?
- WELL,
MY NEWS IS THAT IT MIGHT BE
RATHER DIFFICULT FOR ME
TO TIGHTEN MY BELT.
- HI, JOE.
- RHODA!
GOOD MORNING!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
I WAS GONNA LET YOU SLEEP.
- AH,
NO, I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE
BREAKFAST WITHOUT ME
BEFORE YOU WENT TO WORK.
- GREAT.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT?
- NOTHING.
I WILL HAVE SOME
BLACK COFFEE THOUGH.
- OK.
HEY, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S
GREAT THAT WE HAVEN'T BEEN
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME
TALKING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT
YOU'RE PREGNANT.
- YEAH.
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME
DISCUSSING SOMETHING THAT MAY
OR MAY NOT HAPPEN
WOULD BE RIDICULOUS.
- I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN
THINKING ABOUT IT.
- I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN
THINKING ABOUT IT, AT ALL.
- EXCEPT FOR NOW.
- NOW?
EVEN NOW I'M NOT
THINKING ABOUT IT.
- ME EITHER.
- THIS IS WHAT'S CALLED
A PREGNANT PAUSE.
- RHODA, HOW DO YOU
THINK IT HAPPENED?
- I THINK LIKE THEY
TAUGHT US IN BIOLOGY.
IF--IF IT HAPPENED.
IF.
- YEAH,
BUT WEREN'T YOU ON THE PILL?
- OH,
YEAH, I WAS, JOE, BUT I MIGHT
HAVE MADE A MISTAKE.
AFTER WE GOT BACK FROM THE
HONEYMOON CRUISE I NOTICED
I HAD ONE EXTRA BIRTH CONTROL
PILL, BUT I WAS SHORT ONE
SEASICKNESS PILL.
- WELL,
AT LEAST WE KNOW YOU'RE
NOT SEASICK.
- AH, JOE, LISTEN, UH...
IF--AND I'M SAYING
IF--YOU HEAR THAT?
IF IT TURNS OUT THAT I'M
PREGNANT, HOW WOULD YOU
FEEL ABOUT IT?
- WELL,
YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU ARE.
- I KNOW, BUT IF I WERE.
IF I WERE.
- WELL,
IF YOU WERE PREGNANT...
- YEAH.
- I'M NOT SURE HOW I'D FEEL.
BUT SINCE YOU'RE NOT SURE,
I KNOW I DON'T NOW
HOW I'D FEEL.
- YEAH.
HOW CAN YOU BE SURE OF AN
ANSWER WHEN I'M NOT SURE
OF THE QUESTION?
- HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?
- CONCERNED MAINLY.
THEN I'D WONDER HOW GOOD
A MOTHER I'D BE.
I MEAN,
I ALWAYS REMEMBER MY MOTHER
SAYING, "RHODA, I AM NOT GOING
MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES WITH MY
DAUGHTER THAT MY
MOTHER MADE WITH ME."
YEAH, EVERYBODY WHO EVER HAS
A KID SAYS THAT AND THEN
EVERYBODY ALWAYS MAKES
THE SAME MISTAKES.
I MEAN,
JOE, I'M SITTING HERE, I'M NOT
EVEN SURE IF I'M PREGNANT,
AND I WANT HER HOME BY 11:00.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
- NOTHING.
- WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?
- WELL, I GUESS,
A LITTLE STUNNED.
- YEAH.
- AH, COME ON!
LET'S STOP WORRYING.
- OK.
OH, I'M NOT WORRIED,
UNLESS YOU ARE.
- LIKE I SAID, LET'S
JUST STOP WORRYING, HUH?
- DON'T WORRY!
FOOL.
[BUZZER]
- YEAH?
- HI,
THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- YEAH, WHAT'S
HAPPENING, CARLTON?
- THERE'S A LADY ON HER WAY
UP TO SEE YOU AND SHE
LOOKS SUSPICIOUS.
- THEN WHY DID YOU LET HER UP?
- BECAUSE EVERYBODY IN
NEW YORK LOOKS SUSPICIOUS.
- CARLTON, I'M DISAPPOINTED,
YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING
ON THE WAGON.
- I AM ON THE WAGON.
- YOU SOUND DRUNK.
- I GUESS I'VE BEEN DRINKING
SO LONG I TALK THIS WAY
ALL THE TIME.
- I SEE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- RHODA?
- OH, SUSAN!
- HI.
- WHAT A SURPRISE!
- I KNOW.
BOY, YOU GOT SOME
WEIRD DOORMAN.
- AH,
DON'T I KNOW IT.
- HE DID EVERYTHING
BUT FRISK ME.
- WELL,
HE PROBABLY THOUGHT YOU WERE
SMUGGLING IN
A PUPPY UNDER THERE.
- AH,
I WISH IT WERE.
THE OTHER FOUR KIDS
HAVE BEEN WANTING ONE.
- SUSAN, YOU'RE
LOOKING WONDERFUL.
- RHODA.
- YES, YOU ARE.
- LISTEN, I THINK IT'S TRUE WHAT
THEY SAY ABOUT PREGNANT WOMEN
HAVING THAT SPECIAL GLOW.
- THAT SPECIAL GLOW IS
SOMETHING THAT PREGNANT WOMEN
MADE UP SO THEY'D FEEL BETTER
ABOUT LOOKING LIKE THIS.
I'M FINE.
YEAH, I'M OK.
- OK.
HOW ABOUT A CUP OF COFFEE?
- OH, I'D LOVE IT!
- DO YOU WANT A PIECE OF CAKE?
- YEAH!
- YOU'RE NOT ON
A DIET, HUH?
- NO,
I USED TO DO THAT,
BUT NO MORE.
FROM NOW ON THEY
EAT WHAT I EAT.
HEY, RHODA, I BROUGHT YOU
A SHOWER PRESENT.
- OH,
SUSAN, WHAT FOR?
- WELL, I FELT SO DUMB
BRINGING YOU DIAPERS FOR YOUR
BRIDAL SHOWER, SO I THOUGHT
I'D GET YOU SOMETHING GOOD
FOR A NEW BRIDE.
- AH.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
- GO AHEAD, OPEN IT.
- ALL RIGHT.
- RHODA, THIS IS SOME
TERRIFIC APARTMENT.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
OF COURSE, WE DON'T HAVE
ALL THE STUFF WE WANT YET.
- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
- THE ECONOMY TO GET BETTER.
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
- DO YOU REALLY LIKE IT?
- OH. OH,
IT'S TWO PIECES.
YEAH, IT'S GORGEOUS.
BUT, FRANKLY, I MIGHT HAVE
MORE USE FOR THOSE DIAPERS
THAN I DO FOR THIS.
- RHODA, HOW WONDERFUL!
I'M ALWAYS SO EXCITED TO
HEAR THAT FROM SOMEBODY ELSE.
- BUT I MIGHT NOT BE.
- EVEN BETTER.
LISTEN, RHODA, IF IT HAPPENS
YOU NEED ANYTHING IN THE WAY
OF BABY STUFF,
I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU.
IN FACT,
IF IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU'RE
NOT PREGNANT,
I'LL GIVE YOU A KID.
- THANKS, SUSIE, THANKS.
- HEY,
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, IT'S VERY
EASY TO FIND OUT IF YOU ARE.
I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT
THIS MORNING, WHY DON'T YOU
COME ALONG?
- I CAN'T DO THAT.
I'D NEED AN APPOINTMENT.
- DON'T WORRY, HE'LL
TAKE YOU, BECAUSE IF HE DOESN'T,
I PULL MY BUSINESS.
- THIS LOOKS LIKE OUR
SENIOR CLASS AT GRADUATION.
- HIYA, CHARLOTTE!
- HI, SUSAN!
YOU'RE WAY OVERDUE,
AREN'T YOU?
- NO,
I HAD THAT ONE.
THIS IS ANOTHER ONE.
- SORRY I MISSED IT.
I MUST HAVE BEEN ON VACATION.
- CHARLOTTE, CHARLOTTE,
THIS IS MY FRIEND MRS. GERARD
THAT I CALLED YOU ABOUT.
- HI, MRS. GERARD.
I'LL BE NEEDING
A LITTLE INFORMATION.
- OK.
WHAT LITTLE I KNOW I'LL
BE HAPPY TO GIVE YOU.
- LISTEN, GIRLS,
I'M GONNA GO SIT DOWN.
I'M STANDING HERE FOR TWO.
- RIGHT.
- YOUR FIRST NAME, MRS. GERARD?
- RHODA.
- HUSBAND?
- ABSOLUTELY.
- WHAT'S YOUR
HUSBAND'S FIRST NAME?
- JOE.
I MEAN, JOSEPH.
I CALL HIM JOE.
- I'M GOING TO LET YOU FILL
THE REST OF THIS OUT YOURSELF.
THERE ARE SOME VERY IMPORTANT
FACTS THAT WE HAVE TO KNOW.
CHILDHOOD DISEASES, PARENTS
MEDICAL HISTORY, AND HOW
YOU'RE GOING TO
PAY THE DOCTOR.
- OK.
- NOW,
THIS IS A QUESTIONNAIRE FROM
THE POPULATION
RESEARCH INSTITUTE.
IF YOU DON'T MIND A FEW
MORE QUESTIONS, MRS. GERARD?
- NO, NOT AT ALL.
- FINE.
DO YOU PRACTICE BIRTH CONTROL?
- I THOUGHT I DID.
- THAT MEANS YES?
- YES. YES.
- DOES THAT INCLUDE THE
TIME WHEN YOU WERE SINGLE?
- YES.
- WHAT METHOD OF BIRTH
CONTROL DID YOU USE?
A DEVICE, RHYTHM, ORALLY?
- ORALLY.
I USED TO SAY NO A LOT.
- IF YOU DISCOVERED THAT
YOU COULDN'T HAVE A CHILD,
WOULD YOU BE
WILLING TO ADOPT ONE?
- OH,
YES, I WOULD.
- WOULD YOU CONSIDER
ADOPTING A MINORITY CHILD?
- YEAH.
YEAH, SURE.
- WHICH MINORITY
WOULD YOU PREFER?
- JEWISH.
I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST JOKING.
I WAS KIDDING.
I DO THAT WHEN I'M NERVOUS.
ANY MINORITY IS FINE.
- FINE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT'LL BE ALL.
NOW IF YOU'LL TAKE THAT
TO ROOM FOUR AND DISROBE,
THE DOCTOR WILL BE WITH
YOU IN JUST A MOMENT.
- OK, THANK YOU.
I'VE BEEN SENT TO ROOM FOUR.
- ROOM FOUR?
- YEAH.
- HEY,
YOU'RE LUCKY, THAT'S THE ROOM
WITH THE HEATER.
- JOE?
- HEY, BABE.
- HI!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME
AT 1:00 IN THE AFTERNOON?
- OH,
I DON'T KNOW, I JUST CAME HOME
TO HAVE A SPECIAL
LITTLE LUNCH WITH YOU.
- THAT'S SWEET.
JOE, THAT'S SO GORGEOUS!
- WELL, IT OUGHTA BE.
IT'S PAGE 27 OF
"BRIDE" MAGAZINE.
- AHA!
I LOVE IT.
WHAT IF I DIDN'T COME HOME?
- OH,
WELL, I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU 10
MORE MINUTES AND THEN I WAS
GONNA INVITE CARLTON UP
FOR A GLASS OF WINE.
- WITH CARLTON YOU
WOULDN'T NEED A GLASS.
- SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT?
- YEAH.
JOE, ARE YOU IN A BIG HURRY?
- OH,
NO, NO, I GOT LOTS OF TIME.
- OH, GOOD.
UM, WHY DON'T WE SIP
A GLASS OF WINE FIRST?
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
OH, BOY, THIS FEELS FUNNY.
- WHAT?
- OH,
POURING WINE FOR A BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN ON A WEEKDAY AT
1:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.
IT'S LIKE WE'RE
HAVING AN AFFAIR.
- YEAH, TERRIFIC, HUH?
AND WE DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT MY HUSBAND
WALKING IN ON US.
JOE?
- YEAH.
- I WENT TO THE DOCTOR THIS
MORNING AND I TOOK A TEST.
- AND?
- AND I'M NOT.
- YOU'RE NOT.
- NO.
15 YEARS I'M OUT OF SCHOOL,
I'M STILL FLUNKING TESTS.
- RHODA, YOU'RE
NOT, UH...DISAPPOINTED?
- IN A WAY, YEAH.
BUT I'M ALSO RELIEVED.
I MEAN,
I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST
HAVING A BABY,
BUT I THINK IT'S SOMETHING
WE SHOULD PLAN FOR, JOE.
- YEAH.
- YOU KNOW?
- I MEAN,
THAT WAY WHEN IT ARRIVES,
IT'S SOMETHING THAT WE
REALLY WANT, RATHER THAN
SOMETHING WE GOT.
- SURE.
NO, I AGREE.
THAT'S FUNNY.
DISAPPOINTED AND RELIEVED.
THOSE TWO THINGS
HAPPEN TOGETHER A LOT.
YOU KNOW, THERE SHOULD BE
A SPECIAL WORD FOR IT.
- YEAH.
HOW ABOUT DISRELIEVED?
- DISRELIEVED, THAT'S FINE.
- YEAH,
LIKE THE TIME I TRIED OUT
FOR CHEERLEADERS, I WAS
DISAPPOINTED I DIDN'T MAKE IT,
BUT RELIEVED I DIDN'T HAVE
TO WEAR ONE OF THOSE
SHORT LITTLE SKIRTS.
- OH,
BY THE WAY, I'VE GOT SOME NEWS
- FOR YOU, TOO.
- YEAH?
- YEAH. YOU REMEMBER THAT BID
THAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT?
- YEAH.
- WE GOT THE JOB.
- OH, NO, JOE.
- WELL, YOU CAN'T
LOSE THEM ALL.
IN THE MEANWHILE, LET'S FORGET
ABOUT ALL THE MONEY IT'S GONNA
COST ME AND HAVE
A NICE LUNCH, HUH?
- OK,
I'M FOR THAT.
OH, JOE, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL!
- YOU LIKE IT?
- YEAH,
PASTRAMI, PICKLED HERRING,
SOUR CREAM, TONGUE,
CHEESE, SHRIMP.
HA!
- YEAH,
I GOT YOU ALL THE THINGS THAT
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD LIKE
IF YOU WERE PREGNANT.
- WE'RE IN LUCK.
THOSE ARE ALL THE THINGS I
LIKE WHEN I'M NOT PREGNANT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- IS THAT YOU, BABY SISTER?
- YES, IT IS.
- HI, COME IN.
- WOW, RHODA!
- YEAH.
- OH. OH, I'M SORRY,
WERE YOU IN BED?
- NO, NO, SILLY.
NO, I WAS JUST TRYING IT ON.
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?
- OH, SENSATIONAL!
- YEAH.
- OH, WOULD I LOVE TO BE ABLE
TO WEAR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- WELL,
WHY CAN'T YOU?
- YOU KIDDING?
I'D LOOK LIKE A FLOAT
IN THE ROSE PARADE.
- STOP IT, HUH!
[BUZZER]
- YES?
- THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- YES,
CARLTON, WHAT IS IT?
- JUST WANTED TO LET YOU
KNOW THAT YOUR HUSBAND'S
ON HIS WAY UP.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- WITH FLOWERS TO SURPRISE YA!
- THAT CARLTON DOESN'T HAVE
A DECENT BONE IN HIS BODY.
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX,
NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT
RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER
LIKING THAT LIKED ME
BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS
ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF
THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO
THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY
FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO
MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD,
AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- DONNIE, YOU WANT
SOMETHING ELSE TO EAT?
- NO, THANKS.
I'M FULL.
- ARE YOU SURE?
I MEAN, YOU BETTER
GET IT WHILE YOU CAN.
YOU GET BACK TO YOUR MOM,
SHE'S NOT GONNA LET YOU HAVE
ALL THIS ROTTEN JUNK FOOD.
- HEY,
DONNIE, WHY DON'T YOU GO
IN AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH,
WE'LL FINISH UP PACKING,
AND LEAVE. OK?
- BUT I BRUSHED
THEM BEFORE, DAD.
- YEAH,
WELL, YOU SHOULD ALSO BRUSH
THEM AFTER YOU EAT.
- OK.
- HE'S SO SWEET, JOE.
- YEAH, AND HE'S
CRAZY ABOUT YOU, TOO.
- I SHOULD HOPE SO.
EVERY MORNING I WAKE HIM
UP SAYING, "THIS IS
DADDY'S NEW WIFE.
DO YOU LOVE ME?"
THE SAME WAY I
WAKE YOU, JOE.
LISTEN, YOU WERE
MARRIED SIX YEARS.
DID YOU JUST WANT ONE CHILD?
- WELL,
WE HAD DONNIE AFTER WE WERE
MARRIED FIVE YEARS.
- YEAH.
- GOOD THINKING.
- ALL BRUSHED, DAD!
- HEY,
WATCH IT, DONNIE, YOU'RE
BLINDING ME.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- BRENDA?
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- HIYA.
- HI.
- I JUST STOPPED IN TO
SAY GOOD-BYE TO DONNIE.
- HEY, BREN.
LISTEN, WE'RE GONNA DROP HIM
OFF, SO HOW ABOUT IF I DROP
YOU OFF AT THE
SAME TIME, HUH?
- OH, YEAH, GREAT.
- BRENDA, MAYBE YOU'D LIKE
TO STAY AND HAVE A SECOND CUP
OF COFFEE.
- OH, NO THANKS.
A SECOND CUP OF COFFEE ALWAYS
LEADS TO THE HARD STUFF,
LIKE A PIECE OF DANISH.
- BUT I THOUGHT
WE COULD TALK A LITTLE.
- OH, OK, SURE.
THEN CAN I HAVE A DANISH?
- OK, DONNIE.
LET'S MOVE OUT.
- AH,
DONNIE, SO LONG, DARLING.
HEY, SAY HI TO MOUNT
EVEREST FOR ME, WILL YA?
- BYE, RHODA.
BYE, BRENDA.
- SEE YA, DONNIE.
- SEE YA.
- SO...
- SO.
WHAT'S ON
YOUR MIND, RHO?
- I'M TWO WEEKS LATE.
- FOR WHAT?
OOH, OH, LATE!
YOU MEAN, LATE LATE!
- YEAH, RIGHT.
IT'S MY IMAGINATION,
HUH?
- NO,
I THINK YOU'RE PREGNANT.
- OH, THANKS.
- DID YOU TELL JOE?
- TELL HIM WHAT?
JOE, I DON'T KNOW IF
I'M PREGNANT OR NOT.
THAT'S NOT ANYTHING
TO TELL A GUY.
BUT I DID WANT TO
TALK TO SOMEBODY.
- WELL, YOU CAME TO
THE RIGHT PERSON.
- AH.
BRENDA, IT'S JUST THAT
I WASN'T FIGURING ON IT
THIS SOON.
I MEAN, THIS IS SOON.
BEFORE STARTING A FAMILY
I THOUGHT WE'D WAIT
A COUPLE OF DAYS.
- HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
BEING POSSIBLY PREGNANT?
- THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
I DON'T KNOW.
MY FIRST REACTION WAS COMPLETE
AND TOTAL PANIC, AND THEN I
REMEMBERED, I'M MARRIED.
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
- OH, HI, JOE.
- HIYA, MAY.
- ANY MESSAGES?
- MM-HMM, TWO, THEY'RE
ON YOUR DESK.
- MY WIFE CALL?
- WHICH ONE?
- LOOK, MAY, TO AVOID
CONFUSION, I HAVE ONE WIFE
AND ONE EX-WIFE.
SO IF I WANT TO KNOW IF MY
WIFE CALLED, I'LL SAY, "DID MY
WIFE CALL?"
IF I WANT TO KNOW
IF MY EX-WIFE CALLED,
I'LL SAY, "DID
MY EX-WIFE CALL?" OK?
- OK.
NEITHER ONE CALLED.
YOU WANT ME TO ORDER
UP SOME LUNCH, JOE?
- OH,
NO, NO, THANKS.
- NO LUNCH?
- NAH.
- JOE,
IT'S VERY OBVIOUS THAT
SOMETHING IS BOTHERING YOU.
- YEAH,
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
- WELL,
I HOPE YOU DON'T HOLD IT
AGAINST ME IF I DON'T
ASK YOU WHAT'S WRONG.
- OK.
I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IS WRONG.
- HOLD IT.
THIS IS THE VERY REASON I
DIDN'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED.
I JUST STOPPED SMOKING.
BUT WHEN I GET NERVOUS
OR INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE'S
PROBLEMS, I CAN'T
STOP, YOU KNOW?
- THEN,
MAY, DON'T SMOKE.
- IT'S TOO LATE NOW.
OR IT WILL BE IF YOU
LIGHT MY CIGARETTE.
- MAY,
YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SEE YOU
START AGAIN.
- MMM,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I CAN
QUIT ANY TIME.
I QUIT YESTERDAY,
I CAN QUIT TODAY,
AND I'LL PROBABLY
QUIT TOMORROW.
WHAT'S BUGGING
YOU, JOE?
- WELL,
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, YOU'RE
THE BOOKKEEPER.
THINGS ARE REAL SLOW AROUND
HERE AND, WELL, I'M WORRIED
ABOUT THAT BID I SUBMITTED--
THAT DEMOLITION JOB
ON 28th STREET.
- IS THAT IT?
WELL, I'M SO GLAD
YOU TALKED TO ME,
I KNEW I'D CHEER YOU UP.
THINK POSITIVE,
YOU'LL GET THE JOB.
- BUT THAT'S WHAT
I'M AFRAID OF.
I BID TOO LOW. I GET THAT JOB,
I'M GONNA LOSE MY SHIRT.
- WHY'D YOU BID SO LOW?
- BECAUSE WE NEED THE WORK.
- AH,
JOE, I'M SURE YOU'VE BEEN
THROUGH ROUGH TIMES LIKE
THIS BEFORE, HAVEN'T YOU?
- YEAH,
YEAH, I GUESS I HAVE.
- AND I'M SURE YOU
DIDN'T THINK YOU'D FIND
A SOLUTION, RIGHT?
- HEY, THAT'S RIGHT.
- BUT YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?
- HEY, I SURE DID!
THANKS, MAY.
- OF COURSE, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A NEW WIFE TO WORRY ABOUT,
OR A BRAND-NEW APARTMENT
TO PAY FOR, OR ALL
THAT FURNITURE.
AND WAIT UNTIL YOU GET A LOAD
OF THE BILLS THAT CAME IN TODAY.
- WHEW!
- LOOK, MAY, HOLD IT.
NOW, REMIND ME NEVER TO
TELL YOU MY PROBLEMS.
- WELL,
IF YOU DON'T TELL THEM TO ME,
JOE, WHO ARE YOU
GONNA TELL THEM TO?
- WELL,
HOW ABOUT MY WIFE?
- YOU MEAN, YOU'D TELL
HER STUFF LIKE THIS?
- SURE!
- OH,
THAT'S TERRIFIC!
MODERN COUPLES TELLING
EACH OTHER EVERYTHING, HUH?
I TELL YOU, MY HUSBAND NEVER
TOLD ME A THING, THOUGH I WISH
HE HAD BECAUSE NOW THAT HE'S
DEAD I'LL NEVER KNOW WHY HE
LEFT SO MUCH MONEY
TO HIS SECRETARY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- NEW YORK WRECKING COMPANY.
HUH?
OH, SURE, YEAH, I'LL TELL HIM.
OK.
BYE.
I'VE GOT BAD NEWS, JOE.
- WHAT?
- YOU GOT THE JOB.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- IT'S ME, BRENDA!
- OH,
JUST A MINUTE.
HI.
- HI.
WELL, ANY NEWS YET?
- BRENDA, DON'T REFER
TO IT AS NEWS.
I MEAN,
I GET THE FEELING THAT
WALTER CRONKITE CLOSED WITH,
"RHODA IS STILL LATE,
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS."
- WELL,
DON'T BE TOO CONCERNED.
I ASKED SOME OF MY TOP
GIRLFRIENDS AND THEY SAID
BEING NERVOUS CAN
MAKE YOU LATE.
- YEAH?
- YEAH,
SO ARE YOU NERVOUS
ABOUT ANYTHING?
- I AM.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS
ABOUT BEING LATE.
- DID YOU MENTION
ANYTHING TO JOE YET?
- BRENDA, THIS IS NOT THE
TYPE OF THING I WOULD MENTION.
I MEAN,
YOU EITHER DROP THE BOMB
ON HIM OR YOU DON'T.
- BOY,
YOU KNOW, THIS IS A HEAVY
RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME.
I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS.
AND I AM DYING
TO TELL SOMEBODY!
- BUT THERE IS NOTHING TO
TELL, SO I DO NOT WANT YOU TO
TELL ANYBODY, NO ONE.
- OK.
I WON'T TELL A SOUL.
MUM'S THE WORD.
- RIGHT.
AND MUM INCLUDES MOM.
ALL I WOULD NEED
IS FOR HER TO HEAR.
IT WOULD BE THE FIRST TIME IN
HISTORY ANYBODY EVER SENT OUT
PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENTS.
- RHO,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.
AS OF THIS MOMENT, I'M
PUTTING IT OUT OF MY MIND.
WELL, I SEE YOU'VE MADE
A STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE.
- NOT BAD
FOR A FIRST TRY, HUH?
- NO,
IT REALLY LOOKS GREAT.
HOW DID YOU MAKE IT?
- YOU THINK I'M GONNA
GIVE AWAY MY SECRETS?
- THIS SECRET ISN'T YOURS,
IT'S SARA LEE'S.
ALL YOU DID WAS THAW
THIS OUT AND STICK SOME
STRAWBERRIES ON TOP.
IT WAS EASY.
- IT WAS NOT.
FIRST I HAD TO SCRAPE
OFF ALL THE PINEAPPLE.
- LOOK,
RHO, YOU KNOW, I STILL CAN'T
GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU'RE
A MARRIED WOMAN, NOT TO
MENTION...THE UNMENTIONABLE.
- GOOD.
- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- SURE I DO, BRENDA.
LISTEN, SOMETIMES I DON'T
REMEMBER I'M MARRIED.
- HIYA, BABE!
- HIYA, JOE!
- HIYA, BREN!
- HI, JOE.
- WELL, I GUESS I'LL BE
HITTING THE OLD STAIRS.
- HEY,
WHAT'S THE RUSH?
- OH,
WELL, YOU KNOW OUR AGREEMENT.
JUST BECAUSE WE LIVE IN THE
SAME BUILDING I WASN'T GOING
TO KEEP POPPING IN ON YOU.
- RIGHT.
AND I SAY THAT IF I WANTED
YOU TO LEAVE, I WOULD TELL YOU.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TELL ME, I'M GOING.
- BUT I WANT YOU TO STAY.
- NOT TONIGHT WHEN YOU TWO
HAVE SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.
- WHAT?
UH, RHODA?
- YEAH.
- YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU
WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?
- NOTHING THAT CAN'T
WAIT FOR A WHILE.
- WELL,
I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU ABOUT, TOO.
- WELL, THEN WHY DON'T
YOU GO FIRST, JOE?
- RHODA, THIS ISN'T AN
EASY THING TO TELL YOU.
- LISTEN, WHAT'S EASY TO
TELL ANYBODY THESE DAYS?
- WELL,
YOU KNOW THE ECONOMY IS
KIND OF DOWN AND, UH...
- YEAH.
- WELL,
THEY'RE NOT PUTTING UP AS MANY
BUILDINGS IN NEW YORK,
SO THEY'RE NOT KNOCKING
DOWN AS MANY.
SO BUSINESS IS KIND OF OFF,
AND, UM, WELL, WE MAY HAVE TO
TIGHTEN OUR BELTS.
- MMM. YEAH.
- AND THAT'S IT.
SO WHAT'S YOUR NEWS?
- WELL,
MY NEWS IS THAT IT MIGHT BE
RATHER DIFFICULT FOR ME
TO TIGHTEN MY BELT.
- HI, JOE.
- RHODA!
GOOD MORNING!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
I WAS GONNA LET YOU SLEEP.
- AH,
NO, I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE
BREAKFAST WITHOUT ME
BEFORE YOU WENT TO WORK.
- GREAT.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT?
- NOTHING.
I WILL HAVE SOME
BLACK COFFEE THOUGH.
- OK.
HEY, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S
GREAT THAT WE HAVEN'T BEEN
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME
TALKING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT
YOU'RE PREGNANT.
- YEAH.
SPENDING A LOT OF TIME
DISCUSSING SOMETHING THAT MAY
OR MAY NOT HAPPEN
WOULD BE RIDICULOUS.
- I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN
THINKING ABOUT IT.
- I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN
THINKING ABOUT IT, AT ALL.
- EXCEPT FOR NOW.
- NOW?
EVEN NOW I'M NOT
THINKING ABOUT IT.
- ME EITHER.
- THIS IS WHAT'S CALLED
A PREGNANT PAUSE.
- RHODA, HOW DO YOU
THINK IT HAPPENED?
- I THINK LIKE THEY
TAUGHT US IN BIOLOGY.
IF--IF IT HAPPENED.
IF.
- YEAH,
BUT WEREN'T YOU ON THE PILL?
- OH,
YEAH, I WAS, JOE, BUT I MIGHT
HAVE MADE A MISTAKE.
AFTER WE GOT BACK FROM THE
HONEYMOON CRUISE I NOTICED
I HAD ONE EXTRA BIRTH CONTROL
PILL, BUT I WAS SHORT ONE
SEASICKNESS PILL.
- WELL,
AT LEAST WE KNOW YOU'RE
NOT SEASICK.
- AH, JOE, LISTEN, UH...
IF--AND I'M SAYING
IF--YOU HEAR THAT?
IF IT TURNS OUT THAT I'M
PREGNANT, HOW WOULD YOU
FEEL ABOUT IT?
- WELL,
YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU ARE.
- I KNOW, BUT IF I WERE.
IF I WERE.
- WELL,
IF YOU WERE PREGNANT...
- YEAH.
- I'M NOT SURE HOW I'D FEEL.
BUT SINCE YOU'RE NOT SURE,
I KNOW I DON'T NOW
HOW I'D FEEL.
- YEAH.
HOW CAN YOU BE SURE OF AN
ANSWER WHEN I'M NOT SURE
OF THE QUESTION?
- HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?
- CONCERNED MAINLY.
THEN I'D WONDER HOW GOOD
A MOTHER I'D BE.
I MEAN,
I ALWAYS REMEMBER MY MOTHER
SAYING, "RHODA, I AM NOT GOING
MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES WITH MY
DAUGHTER THAT MY
MOTHER MADE WITH ME."
YEAH, EVERYBODY WHO EVER HAS
A KID SAYS THAT AND THEN
EVERYBODY ALWAYS MAKES
THE SAME MISTAKES.
I MEAN,
JOE, I'M SITTING HERE, I'M NOT
EVEN SURE IF I'M PREGNANT,
AND I WANT HER HOME BY 11:00.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
- NOTHING.
- WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?
- WELL, I GUESS,
A LITTLE STUNNED.
- YEAH.
- AH, COME ON!
LET'S STOP WORRYING.
- OK.
OH, I'M NOT WORRIED,
UNLESS YOU ARE.
- LIKE I SAID, LET'S
JUST STOP WORRYING, HUH?
- DON'T WORRY!
FOOL.
[BUZZER]
- YEAH?
- HI,
THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- YEAH, WHAT'S
HAPPENING, CARLTON?
- THERE'S A LADY ON HER WAY
UP TO SEE YOU AND SHE
LOOKS SUSPICIOUS.
- THEN WHY DID YOU LET HER UP?
- BECAUSE EVERYBODY IN
NEW YORK LOOKS SUSPICIOUS.
- CARLTON, I'M DISAPPOINTED,
YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING
ON THE WAGON.
- I AM ON THE WAGON.
- YOU SOUND DRUNK.
- I GUESS I'VE BEEN DRINKING
SO LONG I TALK THIS WAY
ALL THE TIME.
- I SEE.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- RHODA?
- OH, SUSAN!
- HI.
- WHAT A SURPRISE!
- I KNOW.
BOY, YOU GOT SOME
WEIRD DOORMAN.
- AH,
DON'T I KNOW IT.
- HE DID EVERYTHING
BUT FRISK ME.
- WELL,
HE PROBABLY THOUGHT YOU WERE
SMUGGLING IN
A PUPPY UNDER THERE.
- AH,
I WISH IT WERE.
THE OTHER FOUR KIDS
HAVE BEEN WANTING ONE.
- SUSAN, YOU'RE
LOOKING WONDERFUL.
- RHODA.
- YES, YOU ARE.
- LISTEN, I THINK IT'S TRUE WHAT
THEY SAY ABOUT PREGNANT WOMEN
HAVING THAT SPECIAL GLOW.
- THAT SPECIAL GLOW IS
SOMETHING THAT PREGNANT WOMEN
MADE UP SO THEY'D FEEL BETTER
ABOUT LOOKING LIKE THIS.
I'M FINE.
YEAH, I'M OK.
- OK.
HOW ABOUT A CUP OF COFFEE?
- OH, I'D LOVE IT!
- DO YOU WANT A PIECE OF CAKE?
- YEAH!
- YOU'RE NOT ON
A DIET, HUH?
- NO,
I USED TO DO THAT,
BUT NO MORE.
FROM NOW ON THEY
EAT WHAT I EAT.
HEY, RHODA, I BROUGHT YOU
A SHOWER PRESENT.
- OH,
SUSAN, WHAT FOR?
- WELL, I FELT SO DUMB
BRINGING YOU DIAPERS FOR YOUR
BRIDAL SHOWER, SO I THOUGHT
I'D GET YOU SOMETHING GOOD
FOR A NEW BRIDE.
- AH.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
- GO AHEAD, OPEN IT.
- ALL RIGHT.
- RHODA, THIS IS SOME
TERRIFIC APARTMENT.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
OF COURSE, WE DON'T HAVE
ALL THE STUFF WE WANT YET.
- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
- THE ECONOMY TO GET BETTER.
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
- DO YOU REALLY LIKE IT?
- OH. OH,
IT'S TWO PIECES.
YEAH, IT'S GORGEOUS.
BUT, FRANKLY, I MIGHT HAVE
MORE USE FOR THOSE DIAPERS
THAN I DO FOR THIS.
- RHODA, HOW WONDERFUL!
I'M ALWAYS SO EXCITED TO
HEAR THAT FROM SOMEBODY ELSE.
- BUT I MIGHT NOT BE.
- EVEN BETTER.
LISTEN, RHODA, IF IT HAPPENS
YOU NEED ANYTHING IN THE WAY
OF BABY STUFF,
I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU.
IN FACT,
IF IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU'RE
NOT PREGNANT,
I'LL GIVE YOU A KID.
- THANKS, SUSIE, THANKS.
- HEY,
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, IT'S VERY
EASY TO FIND OUT IF YOU ARE.
I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT
THIS MORNING, WHY DON'T YOU
COME ALONG?
- I CAN'T DO THAT.
I'D NEED AN APPOINTMENT.
- DON'T WORRY, HE'LL
TAKE YOU, BECAUSE IF HE DOESN'T,
I PULL MY BUSINESS.
- THIS LOOKS LIKE OUR
SENIOR CLASS AT GRADUATION.
- HIYA, CHARLOTTE!
- HI, SUSAN!
YOU'RE WAY OVERDUE,
AREN'T YOU?
- NO,
I HAD THAT ONE.
THIS IS ANOTHER ONE.
- SORRY I MISSED IT.
I MUST HAVE BEEN ON VACATION.
- CHARLOTTE, CHARLOTTE,
THIS IS MY FRIEND MRS. GERARD
THAT I CALLED YOU ABOUT.
- HI, MRS. GERARD.
I'LL BE NEEDING
A LITTLE INFORMATION.
- OK.
WHAT LITTLE I KNOW I'LL
BE HAPPY TO GIVE YOU.
- LISTEN, GIRLS,
I'M GONNA GO SIT DOWN.
I'M STANDING HERE FOR TWO.
- RIGHT.
- YOUR FIRST NAME, MRS. GERARD?
- RHODA.
- HUSBAND?
- ABSOLUTELY.
- WHAT'S YOUR
HUSBAND'S FIRST NAME?
- JOE.
I MEAN, JOSEPH.
I CALL HIM JOE.
- I'M GOING TO LET YOU FILL
THE REST OF THIS OUT YOURSELF.
THERE ARE SOME VERY IMPORTANT
FACTS THAT WE HAVE TO KNOW.
CHILDHOOD DISEASES, PARENTS
MEDICAL HISTORY, AND HOW
YOU'RE GOING TO
PAY THE DOCTOR.
- OK.
- NOW,
THIS IS A QUESTIONNAIRE FROM
THE POPULATION
RESEARCH INSTITUTE.
IF YOU DON'T MIND A FEW
MORE QUESTIONS, MRS. GERARD?
- NO, NOT AT ALL.
- FINE.
DO YOU PRACTICE BIRTH CONTROL?
- I THOUGHT I DID.
- THAT MEANS YES?
- YES. YES.
- DOES THAT INCLUDE THE
TIME WHEN YOU WERE SINGLE?
- YES.
- WHAT METHOD OF BIRTH
CONTROL DID YOU USE?
A DEVICE, RHYTHM, ORALLY?
- ORALLY.
I USED TO SAY NO A LOT.
- IF YOU DISCOVERED THAT
YOU COULDN'T HAVE A CHILD,
WOULD YOU BE
WILLING TO ADOPT ONE?
- OH,
YES, I WOULD.
- WOULD YOU CONSIDER
ADOPTING A MINORITY CHILD?
- YEAH.
YEAH, SURE.
- WHICH MINORITY
WOULD YOU PREFER?
- JEWISH.
I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST JOKING.
I WAS KIDDING.
I DO THAT WHEN I'M NERVOUS.
ANY MINORITY IS FINE.
- FINE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT'LL BE ALL.
NOW IF YOU'LL TAKE THAT
TO ROOM FOUR AND DISROBE,
THE DOCTOR WILL BE WITH
YOU IN JUST A MOMENT.
- OK, THANK YOU.
I'VE BEEN SENT TO ROOM FOUR.
- ROOM FOUR?
- YEAH.
- HEY,
YOU'RE LUCKY, THAT'S THE ROOM
WITH THE HEATER.
- JOE?
- HEY, BABE.
- HI!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME
AT 1:00 IN THE AFTERNOON?
- OH,
I DON'T KNOW, I JUST CAME HOME
TO HAVE A SPECIAL
LITTLE LUNCH WITH YOU.
- THAT'S SWEET.
JOE, THAT'S SO GORGEOUS!
- WELL, IT OUGHTA BE.
IT'S PAGE 27 OF
"BRIDE" MAGAZINE.
- AHA!
I LOVE IT.
WHAT IF I DIDN'T COME HOME?
- OH,
WELL, I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU 10
MORE MINUTES AND THEN I WAS
GONNA INVITE CARLTON UP
FOR A GLASS OF WINE.
- WITH CARLTON YOU
WOULDN'T NEED A GLASS.
- SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT?
- YEAH.
JOE, ARE YOU IN A BIG HURRY?
- OH,
NO, NO, I GOT LOTS OF TIME.
- OH, GOOD.
UM, WHY DON'T WE SIP
A GLASS OF WINE FIRST?
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
OH, BOY, THIS FEELS FUNNY.
- WHAT?
- OH,
POURING WINE FOR A BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN ON A WEEKDAY AT
1:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.
IT'S LIKE WE'RE
HAVING AN AFFAIR.
- YEAH, TERRIFIC, HUH?
AND WE DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT MY HUSBAND
WALKING IN ON US.
JOE?
- YEAH.
- I WENT TO THE DOCTOR THIS
MORNING AND I TOOK A TEST.
- AND?
- AND I'M NOT.
- YOU'RE NOT.
- NO.
15 YEARS I'M OUT OF SCHOOL,
I'M STILL FLUNKING TESTS.
- RHODA, YOU'RE
NOT, UH...DISAPPOINTED?
- IN A WAY, YEAH.
BUT I'M ALSO RELIEVED.
I MEAN,
I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST
HAVING A BABY,
BUT I THINK IT'S SOMETHING
WE SHOULD PLAN FOR, JOE.
- YEAH.
- YOU KNOW?
- I MEAN,
THAT WAY WHEN IT ARRIVES,
IT'S SOMETHING THAT WE
REALLY WANT, RATHER THAN
SOMETHING WE GOT.
- SURE.
NO, I AGREE.
THAT'S FUNNY.
DISAPPOINTED AND RELIEVED.
THOSE TWO THINGS
HAPPEN TOGETHER A LOT.
YOU KNOW, THERE SHOULD BE
A SPECIAL WORD FOR IT.
- YEAH.
HOW ABOUT DISRELIEVED?
- DISRELIEVED, THAT'S FINE.
- YEAH,
LIKE THE TIME I TRIED OUT
FOR CHEERLEADERS, I WAS
DISAPPOINTED I DIDN'T MAKE IT,
BUT RELIEVED I DIDN'T HAVE
TO WEAR ONE OF THOSE
SHORT LITTLE SKIRTS.
- OH,
BY THE WAY, I'VE GOT SOME NEWS
- FOR YOU, TOO.
- YEAH?
- YEAH. YOU REMEMBER THAT BID
THAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT?
- YEAH.
- WE GOT THE JOB.
- OH, NO, JOE.
- WELL, YOU CAN'T
LOSE THEM ALL.
IN THE MEANWHILE, LET'S FORGET
ABOUT ALL THE MONEY IT'S GONNA
COST ME AND HAVE
A NICE LUNCH, HUH?
- OK,
I'M FOR THAT.
OH, JOE, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL!
- YOU LIKE IT?
- YEAH,
PASTRAMI, PICKLED HERRING,
SOUR CREAM, TONGUE,
CHEESE, SHRIMP.
HA!
- YEAH,
I GOT YOU ALL THE THINGS THAT
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD LIKE
IF YOU WERE PREGNANT.
- WE'RE IN LUCK.
THOSE ARE ALL THE THINGS I
LIKE WHEN I'M NOT PREGNANT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- IS THAT YOU, BABY SISTER?
- YES, IT IS.
- HI, COME IN.
- WOW, RHODA!
- YEAH.
- OH. OH, I'M SORRY,
WERE YOU IN BED?
- NO, NO, SILLY.
NO, I WAS JUST TRYING IT ON.
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?
- OH, SENSATIONAL!
- YEAH.
- OH, WOULD I LOVE TO BE ABLE
TO WEAR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- WELL,
WHY CAN'T YOU?
- YOU KIDDING?
I'D LOOK LIKE A FLOAT
IN THE ROSE PARADE.
- STOP IT, HUH!
[BUZZER]
- YES?
- THIS IS CARLTON,
YOUR DOORMAN.
- YES,
CARLTON, WHAT IS IT?
- JUST WANTED TO LET YOU
KNOW THAT YOUR HUSBAND'S
ON HIS WAY UP.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- WITH FLOWERS TO SURPRISE YA!
- THAT CARLTON DOESN'T HAVE
A DECENT BONE IN HIS BODY.