Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 8, Episode 21 - The Key to the Universe - full transcript
The Ice Tape: The guys need to play a very special VHS tape. / The Key To The Universe: The guys learn something super important.
[SIGHS] Like I've been saying,
Pops is the Chosen One.
He must begin his training
immediately,
or Anti-Pops will destroy him
and the universe as we know it.
Why should we believe
any of this nonsense?
How do we even know
you're telling the truth?
Yeah, are you sure our Pops
is the Chosen One?
Maybe you, uh,
maybe you got the wrong guy.
I mean, look at him.
Ooh. Ha ha ha.
Huh? Oh, hello.
Pops is much stronger
than he looks.
You cannot begin to comprehend
the power he has within him.
What kind of fighting style
are you gonna teach Pops?
I think you should teach him
Krav Maga.
Or Death Kwon Do.
Pops has no need
for such insignificant--
Maybe he could use
the Fist of Justice.
Is Pops gonna get
cool powers and stuff?
Oh. Is he gonna shoot fire
out of his fingers?
That's not a thing.
What kind of award
does Pops get if he wins?
Yeah. We got to go--
Is he gonna have to
go somewhere?
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
[GROANING]
Enough! We need
to take this seriously.
Pops and Anti-Pops
are the reason for the universe
as we know it.
Everything that exists
is but a battleground
for their celestial forms.
Every 14 billion years,
they battle for dominance,
but they are two sides
of the same coin,
their powers
in perfect balance.
Every time,
the battle ends in stalemate,
and the universe resets anew.
But this time,
it can be different.
With my help,
Pops can break the cycle
and save this universe.
ALL: Whoa.
Titan? Universe?
I'm just Pops.
This doesn't seem right.
I don't know, Pops.
This sounds really serious.
I think
you have to do this.
But I don't want to
fight anyone.
You can and will.
Wait a minute. How do we know
this isn't all a load?
Yeah. We want proof.
Oh, you want proof?
Every time
the cycle starts over,
I get a tattoo on my...
What's happening right now?
body.
Frankly,
I'm running out of space.
I will unlock your power, Pops.
Training starts now.
Let us begin.
Socks?
Yes.
My socks, Pops.
We must fold them.
Okay.
Chase the rabbit
'round the tail,
then insert his fluffy--
No.
Aah.
Do as I do.
Now you try.
Fold, tuck,
then place in hamper.
[WHIMPERS]
[GROANS]
Again. Again.
What the heck?
This is lame.
Yeah. Where's the cool training
we were promised?
BOTH: Hmm.
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
Now it is time
to make lemonade.
That sounds delightful.
No. Not delightful.
Grab a lemon.
Now squeeze it.
[GRUNTS]
Clear your mind.
The lemon is your foe.
He does not want to yield
his precious golden fluids,
so you must crush him.
[GRUNTING]
Good. Yes.
Now do that
a million times.
[GROANS]
Ah.
Pops, look at these bushes.
So unkempt.
Now simply do as I do.
[KARATE GRUNT]
You see? Easy.
But I don't want to hit
a tree.
Just do it.
[WHIMPERS]
Okay, okay.
This feels like a good place
to take a ten-minute break.
But before we resume,
I want you to ponder
this ancient haiku.
Darkness ahead strong.
My body frail like dried leaves.
Wise master so cool.
Okay.
This guy is full of it.
Yeah. I think Earl's
a big, fat fraud.
Oh, you got
something to say?
Yeah. When are you gonna
teach him something useful?
I am.
Whatever, dude.
While you're folding socks,
Anti-Pops is probably
off somewhere
learning how to shoot fire
out of his fingers.
You're really hung up on that
fire-out-of-the-fingers thing.
Because it's cool.
Remind me again--
how many intergalactic champions
have you trained, huh?
Is it zero? It's zero.
Right? Right?
Knock it off, dude.
Ha ha ha ha.
I bet you couldn't even
knock this lemonade
out of my hand.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
[♪♪♪]
[SCREAMS]
Haah.
Aah-- Huh?
Waah.
[GRUNTS]
Ha ha ha ha.
I could stand here all day.
You make a nice foot stool.
Aah. Ooh.
Huuh. Ha ha ha ha.
[STRAINED] Okay. You're legit.
Ha ha.
I don't want to let you down.
But I'll never
be as strong as Anti-Pops.
Stop talking to
that sad picture.
Break's over.
[LAUGHS]
Wax apply, wax remove.
Wax apply, wax remove.
[PANTING]
Now let's try it
with water in the buckets.
[GRUNTS]
Aah. Ooh.
[SQUEAKS]
Mmm. Time to freshen my cup.
Keep folding my undershirts.
It is a very important part
of your training.
RIGBY: Psst. Pops.
Huh?
How's training going?
Terrible.
Earl hasn't taught me anything.
EARL: Haven't taught you
anything?
[GASPS]
Busted.
Uh... I'm sorry,
but it's the truth.
Your training makes no sense.
I think you're simply too lazy
to do your own chores,
and I'm fed up with
being your personal chambermaid.
Also, I think you are
thoroughly unpleasant.
Oh, snap.
Dang.
Oh, no, he didn't.
I don't want
any part of this.
You can fight Anti-Pops,
for all I care.
Even if I wanted to, I cannot.
You are the Chosen One.
I don't want to be
the Chosen One.
If you do not become stronger
than Anti-Pops,
he will erase everything
you hold near and dear
from existence.
I refuse to train.
[GROANS]
Pops, I understand
your frustration.
It is good
that your will is strong.
I was going to wait
to show you this,
in fear that it would be
too overwhelming.
But this is my last resort
to convince you.
What is that?
A fragment
from a previous universe.
It will show the consequences
of your decisions.
[GASPS]
Where am I?
Oh, my.
It's... It's... me.
Yeah. Go.
Go, Titan Pops.
Remember our training.
[GASPS] Anti-Pops?
[GROWLS]
[GROWLS]
Stop.
Stop fighting.
[ROARS]
Rarr.
Bad show.
Aah.
No.
[STRAINING]
Uhh.
Aah.
[SQUEALS]
[ROARING]
Oh, dang it.
This part always hurts.
Aah.
Huh? Fellows.
The universe--it's vanishing.
No.
[WHINES]
Aah.
Bad show. Bad show.
Pops, are you okay?
What happened?
Are you okay?
I just want things
to go back to how they were.
[CRYING]
Pops, wait.
[DOOR CLOSES]
What did you show him?
Only the truth.
Not cool, Earl.
Sometimes the truth is not cool.
Uch. Whatever.
Let's go get Pops.
Get to my safe place.
Get to my safe place.
Get to my safe place.
Get to my safe place.
[CRYING]
ALL: Pops.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
Pops.
Pops.
Pops.
Pops.
Hey, what's that?
Pops.
Dude, over there.
Hey, Pops. You okay?
What is this place?
I brought my things here
when my room was turned into
the control room.
I've been coming here
to get away from
all this destiny nonsense.
[SIGHS]
Everything's changing,
and it's up to me to stop it,
but what if I can't?
What if I can't do it?
It's okay
to be scared, Pops.
We're all scared.
Yeah.
I'm, like, super-scared.
I'm not gonna pretend
that we can relate,
but we know you can do this,
and we'll be with you
every step of the way.
That goes for all of us.
Yeah, we got your back, Pops.
Yes, Pops.
We are all here to help you.
You needn't be afraid.
Hey, Pops.
Yes?
Catch.
Aah.
[GRUNTING]
[ALL GASP]
Cool.
What the...
[LAUGHS] Very good.
Now your real training
can begin.
That's way cooler
than Krav Maga.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Pops is the Chosen One.
He must begin his training
immediately,
or Anti-Pops will destroy him
and the universe as we know it.
Why should we believe
any of this nonsense?
How do we even know
you're telling the truth?
Yeah, are you sure our Pops
is the Chosen One?
Maybe you, uh,
maybe you got the wrong guy.
I mean, look at him.
Ooh. Ha ha ha.
Huh? Oh, hello.
Pops is much stronger
than he looks.
You cannot begin to comprehend
the power he has within him.
What kind of fighting style
are you gonna teach Pops?
I think you should teach him
Krav Maga.
Or Death Kwon Do.
Pops has no need
for such insignificant--
Maybe he could use
the Fist of Justice.
Is Pops gonna get
cool powers and stuff?
Oh. Is he gonna shoot fire
out of his fingers?
That's not a thing.
What kind of award
does Pops get if he wins?
Yeah. We got to go--
Is he gonna have to
go somewhere?
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
[GROANING]
Enough! We need
to take this seriously.
Pops and Anti-Pops
are the reason for the universe
as we know it.
Everything that exists
is but a battleground
for their celestial forms.
Every 14 billion years,
they battle for dominance,
but they are two sides
of the same coin,
their powers
in perfect balance.
Every time,
the battle ends in stalemate,
and the universe resets anew.
But this time,
it can be different.
With my help,
Pops can break the cycle
and save this universe.
ALL: Whoa.
Titan? Universe?
I'm just Pops.
This doesn't seem right.
I don't know, Pops.
This sounds really serious.
I think
you have to do this.
But I don't want to
fight anyone.
You can and will.
Wait a minute. How do we know
this isn't all a load?
Yeah. We want proof.
Oh, you want proof?
Every time
the cycle starts over,
I get a tattoo on my...
What's happening right now?
body.
Frankly,
I'm running out of space.
I will unlock your power, Pops.
Training starts now.
Let us begin.
Socks?
Yes.
My socks, Pops.
We must fold them.
Okay.
Chase the rabbit
'round the tail,
then insert his fluffy--
No.
Aah.
Do as I do.
Now you try.
Fold, tuck,
then place in hamper.
[WHIMPERS]
[GROANS]
Again. Again.
What the heck?
This is lame.
Yeah. Where's the cool training
we were promised?
BOTH: Hmm.
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
Now it is time
to make lemonade.
That sounds delightful.
No. Not delightful.
Grab a lemon.
Now squeeze it.
[GRUNTS]
Clear your mind.
The lemon is your foe.
He does not want to yield
his precious golden fluids,
so you must crush him.
[GRUNTING]
Good. Yes.
Now do that
a million times.
[GROANS]
Ah.
Pops, look at these bushes.
So unkempt.
Now simply do as I do.
[KARATE GRUNT]
You see? Easy.
But I don't want to hit
a tree.
Just do it.
[WHIMPERS]
Okay, okay.
This feels like a good place
to take a ten-minute break.
But before we resume,
I want you to ponder
this ancient haiku.
Darkness ahead strong.
My body frail like dried leaves.
Wise master so cool.
Okay.
This guy is full of it.
Yeah. I think Earl's
a big, fat fraud.
Oh, you got
something to say?
Yeah. When are you gonna
teach him something useful?
I am.
Whatever, dude.
While you're folding socks,
Anti-Pops is probably
off somewhere
learning how to shoot fire
out of his fingers.
You're really hung up on that
fire-out-of-the-fingers thing.
Because it's cool.
Remind me again--
how many intergalactic champions
have you trained, huh?
Is it zero? It's zero.
Right? Right?
Knock it off, dude.
Ha ha ha ha.
I bet you couldn't even
knock this lemonade
out of my hand.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
[♪♪♪]
[SCREAMS]
Haah.
Aah-- Huh?
Waah.
[GRUNTS]
Ha ha ha ha.
I could stand here all day.
You make a nice foot stool.
Aah. Ooh.
Huuh. Ha ha ha ha.
[STRAINED] Okay. You're legit.
Ha ha.
I don't want to let you down.
But I'll never
be as strong as Anti-Pops.
Stop talking to
that sad picture.
Break's over.
[LAUGHS]
Wax apply, wax remove.
Wax apply, wax remove.
[PANTING]
Now let's try it
with water in the buckets.
[GRUNTS]
Aah. Ooh.
[SQUEAKS]
Mmm. Time to freshen my cup.
Keep folding my undershirts.
It is a very important part
of your training.
RIGBY: Psst. Pops.
Huh?
How's training going?
Terrible.
Earl hasn't taught me anything.
EARL: Haven't taught you
anything?
[GASPS]
Busted.
Uh... I'm sorry,
but it's the truth.
Your training makes no sense.
I think you're simply too lazy
to do your own chores,
and I'm fed up with
being your personal chambermaid.
Also, I think you are
thoroughly unpleasant.
Oh, snap.
Dang.
Oh, no, he didn't.
I don't want
any part of this.
You can fight Anti-Pops,
for all I care.
Even if I wanted to, I cannot.
You are the Chosen One.
I don't want to be
the Chosen One.
If you do not become stronger
than Anti-Pops,
he will erase everything
you hold near and dear
from existence.
I refuse to train.
[GROANS]
Pops, I understand
your frustration.
It is good
that your will is strong.
I was going to wait
to show you this,
in fear that it would be
too overwhelming.
But this is my last resort
to convince you.
What is that?
A fragment
from a previous universe.
It will show the consequences
of your decisions.
[GASPS]
Where am I?
Oh, my.
It's... It's... me.
Yeah. Go.
Go, Titan Pops.
Remember our training.
[GASPS] Anti-Pops?
[GROWLS]
[GROWLS]
Stop.
Stop fighting.
[ROARS]
Rarr.
Bad show.
Aah.
No.
[STRAINING]
Uhh.
Aah.
[SQUEALS]
[ROARING]
Oh, dang it.
This part always hurts.
Aah.
Huh? Fellows.
The universe--it's vanishing.
No.
[WHINES]
Aah.
Bad show. Bad show.
Pops, are you okay?
What happened?
Are you okay?
I just want things
to go back to how they were.
[CRYING]
Pops, wait.
[DOOR CLOSES]
What did you show him?
Only the truth.
Not cool, Earl.
Sometimes the truth is not cool.
Uch. Whatever.
Let's go get Pops.
Get to my safe place.
Get to my safe place.
Get to my safe place.
Get to my safe place.
[CRYING]
ALL: Pops.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
Pops.
Pops.
Pops.
Pops.
Hey, what's that?
Pops.
Dude, over there.
Hey, Pops. You okay?
What is this place?
I brought my things here
when my room was turned into
the control room.
I've been coming here
to get away from
all this destiny nonsense.
[SIGHS]
Everything's changing,
and it's up to me to stop it,
but what if I can't?
What if I can't do it?
It's okay
to be scared, Pops.
We're all scared.
Yeah.
I'm, like, super-scared.
I'm not gonna pretend
that we can relate,
but we know you can do this,
and we'll be with you
every step of the way.
That goes for all of us.
Yeah, we got your back, Pops.
Yes, Pops.
We are all here to help you.
You needn't be afraid.
Hey, Pops.
Yes?
Catch.
Aah.
[GRUNTING]
[ALL GASP]
Cool.
What the...
[LAUGHS] Very good.
Now your real training
can begin.
That's way cooler
than Krav Maga.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLE]