Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 8, Episode 19 - Terror Tales of the Park VI - full transcript

It's great

that even in space

we can all get together

and have our Halloween party.

So what's your costume again?

You know, I'm that guy

in that one movie.

There's a time machine.

What, like the one with the car?

No, there was, like,

a storage locker.



It kind of looks like you put on

whatever was in your closet.

No, no.

You know the one.

It was a little indie.

Got a lot of critical acclaim.

All right, guys.

The dome's on autopilot

to the Halloween nebula.

[ALL CHEER]

Well, Sally,

I'm really digging this.

A real work of art.

Her enigmatic smile



reminds me of the secrets

we all carry within us.

What are you

supposed to be?

You know, cool guy,

ranch costume.

Think about it.

Uhh, I hate thinker costumes.

Recap, you excited about

your first Halloween?

I don't feel excitement,

but I had a fear-o-meter

installed

just for today.

What's it at so far?

Negative four fears,

Mordecai.

Well, you've never had

Halloween with these guys.

They tell

the scariest stories.

Anyone have a good one?

I have a story.

It's called "Fear Planet."

[SIREN BEEPS]

What's going on?

COMPUTER: Low fuel.

Computer,

where can we get gas?

The nearest fuel

is on Fear Planet,

a planet that makes

your innermost fears

come to life.

Fear Planet, huh?

Sounds dangerous.

I mean,

it'll probably be fine.

BENSON: Looks like

we don't have a choice.

Emergency landing activated.

[ALL SCREAM]

[ALL GRUNT]

Huh? Uhh.

Of course we'd have to land

this far from the gas station.

Guess it's up to me

to get the gas.

Benson, maybe

we shouldn't go outside.

Why? I don't see anything

out there.

[SIGHS]

Of all the ridiculous things.

Planet that makes fears

come to life. So silly.

I mean, the only thing

I'm afraid of is sharks, anyway,

and this place is bone-dry.

Huh? What was that?

Heh. See, guys?

What did I tell you... oh.

Just figments of my imagination.

They can't hurt me, right?

[SCREAMS]

[DING]

Somebody's got to go

get that gas can.

I'll do it.

If I can keep my mind clear,

no fears will appear.

Heh heh. That's pretty good.

If I keep my mind clear,

no fears will appear.

If I keep my mind clear,

no fears will appear.

Whoa. Look at him.

He's really doing it.

Nothing's happened.

No fears will appear.

I wonder what Skips

is afraid of.

If I can keep my mind clear--

Hey, Skips.

What are you afraid of?

Bro, go long.

No. No flying-disc freestylers.

Hey, wait.

What are you-- Stay back.

No, please. Stop.

I'm afraid of the dark.

Quick, Pops. Go through

the alphabet and name cookies.

Anise cookies,

butter cookies...

That'll keep him busy

for a while.

Rock, paper, scissors

for who goes out next?

fortune cookies...

Uhh. All right.

Fine. I'll go.

But if I see anything,

it'll be way worse,

so I'm gonna close my eyes

and you'll have to guide me.

All right, you're doing good.

Keep going straight.

POPS: Kookie

but spelled with a "K"...

You're doing great, buddy.

Almost there.

So far,

I've kept my mind clear.

Quarzamali cookies...

Oh, no.

Dude, I'm really sorry.

What did you do, Rigby?

It just popped into my head.

My greatest fear--

amusement-park mascots.

What? Aah.

[PANTING]

A shark?

One of Benson's fears.

I'm scared of

other people's fears now, too.

Like flying-disc freestylers.

Skips was right.

They are creepy.

[SCREAMS]

[PANTS]

Go, go, go, go, go.

What? Where's the key?

Where's the key?

[ALL SCREAM]

And then more

flying-disc freestylers show up,

and they hit them,

they hit them,

and they hit them.

Skips, was this

just your way of saying

you don't like

flying-disc freestylers?

They're wobbly

and unpredictable.

Who knows where

that disc will end up?

Did it scare you, Recap?

My fear-o-meter

gave it two fears.

Wow. Two out of four fears.

That's a lot.

Two out of 1,000 fears.

This is more scared

than I've ever been.

I'm very impressed

and thankful. Good night.

Wait. Hold on.

I think you'll have a hard time

turning your "bat" on this one.

I don't own any bats,

and it seems they would be

very hard to steer.

No, it's-- N-Never mind.

So there we were

trick-or-treating,

and things were going great.

What a great haul. People

seem to mostly be giving out

quinoa, gorp,

and toothbrushes.

It's not ideal to me,

but like Eileen always says...

ALL: You can't put a price

on proper dental hygiene.

Ha ha.

Oh, you guys.

I still want candy, though,

'cause that's a core part

of who I am.

[GASPS] Dude, check it out.

[WOLF HOWLS]

"King-size candy bars inside"?

But what about that other sign?

"Dome quarantined."

"Umpire infestation"?

That's perfect. Baseball games

have tons of great food,

and this place

has king-size candy.

That's four peanut butter cups

per pack instead of two.

Oh, yeah. That's true.

Wow. Great value.

That's a pretty good deal.

Hmm. Wait up.

Trick-or-treat.

Hello?

We're here

for your candy, bro.

If you say

you have a free thing,

it's illegal

not to give it out.

You guys, I don't know

if this is a good idea.

I'm not leaving without those

king-size peanut butter cups

I was kind of promised.

Let's try the kitchen.

Something

doesn't seem right.

It could be the late-1400s

Eastern European

gothic stylings,

but maybe I'm mistaking

the media's vilification

of certain

architectural elements

as my own opinion.

I think it's cosy.

Kind of reminds me

of my mom's place,

but with more mosquitoes.

Mosquitoes?

Yeah...

like that one

that just landed on my neck.

[GASPS]

I don't understand

single-use kitchenware.

Why get a tiny skillet

that can only cook one egg

when you can get

a normal skillet

that can cook

a lot of things?

Aah.

That sign on the gate

didn't say "umpires."

It said "vampires."

Wha-a-a-t?

Come on.

Garlic. We need garlic.

Wait. Perfect.

[HISSES]

[ALL SCREAM]

Quick, take these.

Garlic mashed potato-o-oes.

[BOTH HISS]

[BATS SQUEAKING]

Huh? Mashed potatoes

with chives?

[GRUNTS AND SCREAMS]

ALL: Skips.

Huh?

Everybody, weapon up.

An eye patch, Rigby?

Yeah.

I'm kind of feeling it.

[BOTH HISS]

Run.

[HISSES]

It's the king-size candy bars.

[VAMPIRES GROWL]

No, Rigby.

It's too dangerous.

We came all this way.

I'm not leaving without 'em.

Dude, get me two. I don't care

what the sign says.

[HISSES]

No.

[GRUNTS]

Huh? What?

Aah.

[HISSES]

[GROWLS]

[LAUGHS]

[BATS SQUEAKING]

Rigby.

I got the peanut butter cups.

Wait.

These aren't king-size.

They're count-size.

No. No.

No-o-o.

Okay, but so then

you are an umpire?

I was, but now I am

a vampire umpire. A vumpire.

Oh, I get it.

Sure, that makes sense.

Man, this candy

doesn't taste good at all.

Yeah, once you're a vampire,

you pretty much only want blood.

Cashews are good, too.

Oh, yeah. Also cashews.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

CHILDREN: Trick-or-treat.

Are you ready

for some real tasty treats?

Are we ever.

[ALL LAUGH]

And then we all realized

the moral implications

of what we were doing

and decided to work out a deal

with the local blood bank.

The end.

What do you think, Recap?

Well, I don't have any blood,

so I couldn't really find

an entry point for me

in the story.

My fear-o-meter

seems to be stuck at two.

[ALARM BLARING]

What was that?

To the bridge.

What the...

We're off course.

Something's

affecting our path.

That's just not possible.

Unless...

COMPUTER: Warning.

Collision with black hole

imminent.

Uh, that's a little scarier

than Eileen's story.

[ALARM BLARING]

Oka-a-ay.

So I already know this is bad,

but what are we looking at?

It's a black hole, Rigby.

We'll be pulled into

the event horizon in 15 minutes

if we don't regain control.

On it.

Oh, this is terrible.

What happen if we're sucked into

a black hole?

Well, one theory says

that we would just travel to

another part of the universe.

Another is that

as we approach the singularity,

we'll be stretched as thin

as strands of spaghetti.

This spaghettification,

as it were,

would be horrible agony

and pain forever.

Hey, who wants to hear

another story?

This is a story about

the scariest thing of all--

a lousy roommate.

The dome space-cred balance

had dwindled to almost zero,

and times

were only getting tougher.

Bros, there's

eight hungry people living here.

Did you seriously

just split that "O" once?

The only way we could see

out of this rough patch

was to bring in

some extra income.

But finding a roommate

wasn't easy.

So, do you have

a lot of guests over?

I mean, we're not opposed

to visitors.

It's that we have a lot of

people in the house already,

so...

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

I'm pregnant.

Would you spend

a lot of time out on the town,

or are you at home more?

More time at home.

I'm really into scrapbooking.

I always keep a lock of hair

from the roommates I eat.

What kind of activities

do you enjoy?

Who knew there so many ways

to be unacceptable?

Well, that's

the last of 'em.

All in favour

of robbing the space bank

in lieu of getting

a new roommate?

ALL: Aye.

Hey, it looks like

there's one more.

Oh, hello.

Okay, let's get down to

the interview, then.

Do you have any weird habits

we should know about?

Do you, like, play the bassoon

in the middle of the night

or anything?

Can you pay the rent?

Huddle.

I don't know.

She seems kind of creepy.

Doesn't seem to be

the most articulate, either.

But she can pay the rent.

That's all that matters.

Yes.

When can you move in?

So, we're gonna need the deposit

up front.

Shannon had everything

we were looking for

in a roommate,

but it didn't take long

for us to realize

that we might've made

a mistake.

[SHOWER RUNNING]

Hello? Shannon?

Do you think

you might be finished

with your shower soon?

Yeah.

Don't make me wash my chimis

in the kitchen sink, amiga.

Can someone please tell me

why there's a soda can

in the trash

and soiled tissues

in recycling?

Aw.

[FLUSHES]

[GRUNTS]

Hey, has anyone seen

my sandwich nibblers

or my chippy squares

or my creamy nugs?

[BELCHES]

You know, the plunger's

right next to the toilet

and not that complicated.

[SIREN WAILS]

I can't believe this.

All she ever does

is binge-watch

Carter and Briggs.

I haven't been able to do

any of my TV stuff all week.

Shannon tried to make up

her shortcomings

in other ways.

[SHOWER RUNNING]

[ROARS]

But it wasn't enough.

It was time to kick her out.

MAN: Carter and Briggs...

Shannon, we're not gonna take

your dirty money anymore.

We've got to talk to you

about a few things.

[GROWLS]

Hey, Shannon.

We're trying to talk to you.

You have to leave,

Shannon.

Uhh, she's not

listening to us at all.

Carter--

[ROARS]

[SHRIEKS]

Stay back.

[Both scream]

Hey, guys. Just wanted to

get some face... time?

[TAIL STABS; GRUNTS]

Whoa. Chance, you okay?

Well, as a "hole,"

I've definitely felt better.

That chick

really likes her TV.

Uhh. We got to find her.

Let's split up.

[SING-SONG] Hello?

Uh, Shannon?

Uh, Shannon?

Look, we really need you

to leave, all right?

BENSON: We'll even give you

your full deposit back.

Ha. Darn.

Shannon!

Hey, there's a note.

Let's see.

"Dear roommates,

"I'm sorry for all the trouble

I've caused.

"I've been really uncool,

and that wasn't cool of me.

Please accept

my heartfelt apologies."

Pretty cool of her

to admit that.

"Turn over for more.

Just kidding."

[STAMMERS]

[SNARLS]

[SCREAMS]

[CLANKING]

[WHIMPERS]

Bad show.

[GASPING]

Are you all right?

What happened?

[PANTING] T-The robot.

Shannon disassembled him,

but then she disappeared.

[CRYING]

There's miles of ductwork

in the dome.

Uhh. She'll be here forever.

Great. Not only is she

a murderous monster,

she's a squatter now, too.

This has gone far enough.

Desperate times

call for desperate measures.

[♪♪♪]

All right.

Everyone ready?

Ready.

Ready.

Phase 16 is a go.

[♪♪♪]

No.

Aah.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[GROWLS]

[SIRENS WAILING]

Come on.

Come on.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

Target is in place.

Move. Move.

Hm-hm.

[SIREN WAILS]

[SNARLS]

[GROWLING AND SNARLING]

[SNARLING]

She's gaining, dude. Hurry.

I'm going.

I'm going.

[SNARLING]

We're almost

at the minidome.

[SIREN WAILS]

[SHRIEKS]

Flame on.

[SHRIEKS]

There's the airlock. Jump.

[SNARLING]

Carter and Briggs.

Now.

Huh?

Open the external door

to suck her out into space.

Uh, why didn't anything happen?

[GROWLS]

[LAUGHS]

Huh? But I pressed the...

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

Her acid

melted the wires.

No.

Now we're

stuck with her forever.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Hey, Shannon,

you're being evicted.

Let me show you the door.

[SNARLS AND GRUNTS]

Muscle Man!

I didn't have time to

think this all the way through.

I kind of wish

I didn't do this now.

Nobody touch my stu-u-u-ff.

RIGBY: Muscle Man's sacrifice

was noble.

Shannon was finally gone,

but we were left with

a dilemma.

Now we needed two roommates.

[♪♪♪]

You know, I think this time,

we made the right decision.

Definitely.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

You're gonna be a great mom.

The end. Well?

Eh, I don't know.

It was kind of scary.

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

Guys, Guys.

Guys.

We weren't able to steer away

from the black hole.

We're going in.

[ALL SCREAMING]

BENSON: Huh?

Are we alive?

It's spaghettification.

This is what happens

in a black hole.

Could be worse.

Doesn't hurt.

Yeah, it's not that bad.

But wait. Where's Pops?

Yoo-hoo-hoo.

Over here.

Spaghetti-

and-meatballification.

Cool. Huh?

It's...

[SNIFFS] Parmesan... cheese?

[ALL SCREAMING]

Good evening.

I'm astrophysicist

Neil deGrasse Tyson.

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

Oh, you can't be saved now.

You see, when you entered

the black hole's event horizon,

your destiny

was sealed by science

and then finished up by me,

Neil deGrasse Tyson.

ALL: No.

Sorry, guys.

It's nothing personal.

This is just how

the universe works.

Spaghettification is real.

And delicious. Happy Halloween.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[BOTH CHUCKLE]