Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 8, Episode 17 - Mordeby and Rigbecai - full transcript
The two guys accidentally enter a teleport machine together, the results need to be reversed before it's too late
One 3-D knitter.
Check.
Five boxes
of freeze-dried taquitos.
Check.
Oh, sweet.
They got carne asada.
You want one?
No, dude.
If Benson catches us
taking a snack break
instead of doing inventory,
he's gonna flip his lid.
Now come on. What's next?
Fine. One, uh, uh--
What the heck is this thing?
I don't know.
Hmm. Hmm-hmm-hmm.
Rigby. Are you okay?
Rigby? Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, Rigby.
Dude.
Aah.
Don't do that.
Wait. How'd you get
all the way over there?
I don't know. I was over here,
there was this flash of light,
and then I was over there
in that other pod.
Dude, do you realize
what this is?
Teleporter.
[CHEERING]
Hwah.
Aah.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Hwah.
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTS]
[BOTH LAUGH]
Okay. Okay.
Oh, watch this.
No, it's my turn.
Dude,
this'll just take a sec.
No.
Ahh. Rigby...
will you chill, man?
Jeez.
No. I want to go.
Dude, I don't think we're
supposed to go through together.
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
What if we got messed up
or something?
Whatever, man. We're fine.
Still, I just don't think
it's a good-- Aah.
What?
Dude, your butt.
Aw, what? I got your butt.
Oh, great.
Now I'm the one-cheek wonder.
I don't want
your messed-up butt.
Don't make fun of my butt.
Yeah, whatever.
What are we gonna do
about this?
I don't know. Maybe if we
go again, we'll change back?
Good idea. Man, how do you
walk around with this thing?
It's all lopsided.
You're lopsided.
What is going on in here?
Look at this mess.
I knew I couldn't trust you guys
with inventory.
No, Benson.
We're almost done.
No. You are done.
And what is this?
What is what? I don't know
what you're talking about.
Yeah, Benson.
It's a free country.
Whatever.
Just go outside
and rake the leaves.
Aw, come on.
Just give us five minutes.
No, now. Move it.
[GROANS]
Of all the idiotic things
I got to deal with today.
Aw, man.
He locked the door.
We got to get Benson's keys
so we can get back in there.
NARRATOR: We all know ghosts
are totally real...
Ooh.
Aah. Carlos, get help.
and they're coming for you
on Earth.
But what about in space?
We'll find out
on tonight's episode
of "Ghosts Are Totally Real
and They're Coming for You."
Bunch of bologna.
Oh. Not you, Sammy.
You're beautiful.
Hey, what do you think
he's watching?
Dude, we're doing a thing
right now.
Get your head in the game.
Sheesh. Sorry.
Those ghosts
just look totally real
and, like,
they're coming for that guy.
It looks goo-oo-ood.
We should ask him to tape it.
Dude. Ach.
You see the keys
to the Dome-itory anywhere?
Hmm. Oh, yeah,
there they are.
They're sitting
right next to him.
Aw. You got to be
kidding me.
We're never
getting those keys.
Benson probably
sleeps with those things.
[SIGHS]
It's hopeless.
I guess we should start
getting used to these new butts.
Welp, I got to use it.
Ew. No, dude.
We're getting those keys,
and I'm getting my butt back.
iHola, bros!
What's going-- Aah.
Why are your--
Shh.
Hmm.
I think he's gone.
Bros, what happened
to your butts?
We were taking inventory
in the Dome-itory,
and we found these teleporters,
but we accidentally--
Oh. Say no more.
I'm a licensed
teleportation technician.
What?
No, you're not.
Yeah, bro.
It was part of
my Space Tree training.
You have to
calibrate the machine
when you're teleporting
more than one
sentient life form.
Uh, no doy.
Well, it doesn't matter
if we can't get those keys.
Well, you guys better hurry.
The genetic mutation
is only gonna continue
until you completely transform
into each other.
That's not gonna happen
to us, is it?
No, dude.
That's the kind of stuff
that happens in dumb movies.
This is real life.
Those kind of things
don't happen in real life.
What?
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
We got to get those keys.
NARRATOR: They feed off the fear
of the unfortunate
space-faring souls
who cross their paths.
That's-- What the... Hey.
[SCREAMS]
[LOUD CRASH]
Aw, come on. Seriously?
Hello? Is someone there?
Oof. Unh. Unh.
Hey.
Space ghosts aren't real.
Space ghosts aren't real.
I got the keys. Let's roll.
Okay, let's get this
over with already.
Muscle Man
better be right about this.
[BOTH SCREAM]
Hey, I think it worked. Uh...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Dude, now it's even worse.
I don't know, man.
I'm kind of into it.
I'm finally as tall
as my brother.
Eat it, Don,
where ever you are.
No. What? This is terrible.
Look at me, dude.
I'm a short, tiny weirdo.
Oh, so that's what
you think of me?
Aw, come on.
That's not what I meant.
Oh, I knew what you meant.
You don't like
being in my shoes.
I just want to be me again.
It's not fair.
[SIGHS] You're right,
it's not fair.
We should play punchies for it.
Huh? Unh.
I guess we'll stay like this,
then.
[GROANS] Rigby. No-o-o-o.
Come back, Rigby.
[CACKLING]
Yeah. Ha ha ha ha.
Uhh.
Unh. Stupid stubby legs.
Hey, Fives, should I
throw these astronaut diapers
in with the raw sewage?
Yeah.
Anything that has moisture.
[Grunts]
And now, through the magic
of reverse osmosis,
you'd never know
this used to be waste water.
[LAUGHING]
Did you see that?
Was there something
in the water?
I might need to replace
the filter.
[GROANS]
Ha ha ha ha ha.
[GRUNTS]
Oof. Huh?
Where did I put my keys?
Unh. Let's see,
I was watching TV...
Did they fall into the couch?
Okay, fun's over, Rigby.
Let's go back to the teleporter.
No way, man. This is great.
Come on, dude.
I don't want to be stuck in
your weak little body.
Me, neither.
[GRUNTING]
Go back.
Never.
Unbelievable. Unh.
I can't even count
how many protocols
in the teleporter code of ethics
you two are breaking right now.
We need to get you guys
switched back STAT.
Dude, I know.
Try telling Rigby that.
No way, man.
This is the new me.
I'm never
losing at punchies again.
No, bro,
this is not natural.
You see, when I became
a licensed
teleporter technician,
I took a sacred oath.
And right now,
you're making a mockery
of everything I stand for.
[YELLS]
Mordecai, get his legs.
No, no.
[GROANS] Let me go.
Shut it, Rigby.
Muscle Man, how's it going?
Almost got it.
Okay, baby, talk to me.
Let's make this right.
Dude, will you
knock it off.
Muscle Man.
Rigby, chill.
Shove him
into the teleporter.
Step back.
[DISTORTED] Huh? No, bro.
[COUGHING]
Aw, yeah.
Whoo-hoo. It worked.
Hey, Rigby, stop pouting
and get out here.
[RIGBY GROANING]
What the...
[♪♪♪]
[ROARS]
Aah.
Oh, no, bro.
[GRUNTS LIKE A MONKEY]
Play punchies?
Dude, no.
Huh?
[LAUGHING]
Whoa.
Ha ha ha ha.
[YELLS]
[MUSCLE MAN GROANS]
Muscle Man, are you okay?
Yeah.
Dude, what the heck
happened to Rigby?
I didn't calibrate the machine
for three people, bro.
Him pulling me in there
threw everything off.
We got to catch him
and switch him back
before he gets worse.
But we're gonna need some bait.
Hmm. Hmm.
I think I've got an idea.
It's better this way.
We're strong now.
No, what? No.
We're perfect.
Shh.
[GRUNTS]
[ROARS]
Huh?
[THROWS TANTRUM]
Get back here.
Yaah.
Hey, Eileen. What do you think
of my new ripped bod?
[SCREAMS]
Yeah, she loves it. Uhh.
Rarr.
Huh?
Huh?
[LAUGHS]
Waah!
[GRUNTS]
I got you, bro.
What the heck, Rigby?
You know how long it took us
to make that trap?
Not cool, dude.
I might've gotten
a little carried away.
You think? Come help us
put these teleporters back
before Benson notices
they're gone.
[SIGHS]
Yeah, I'll be right there.
I can do this.
[GROWLS]
[GRUNTING]
Uhh-uhh.
[GROANS]
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Check.
Five boxes
of freeze-dried taquitos.
Check.
Oh, sweet.
They got carne asada.
You want one?
No, dude.
If Benson catches us
taking a snack break
instead of doing inventory,
he's gonna flip his lid.
Now come on. What's next?
Fine. One, uh, uh--
What the heck is this thing?
I don't know.
Hmm. Hmm-hmm-hmm.
Rigby. Are you okay?
Rigby? Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, Rigby.
Dude.
Aah.
Don't do that.
Wait. How'd you get
all the way over there?
I don't know. I was over here,
there was this flash of light,
and then I was over there
in that other pod.
Dude, do you realize
what this is?
Teleporter.
[CHEERING]
Hwah.
Aah.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Hwah.
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTS]
[BOTH LAUGH]
Okay. Okay.
Oh, watch this.
No, it's my turn.
Dude,
this'll just take a sec.
No.
Ahh. Rigby...
will you chill, man?
Jeez.
No. I want to go.
Dude, I don't think we're
supposed to go through together.
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
What if we got messed up
or something?
Whatever, man. We're fine.
Still, I just don't think
it's a good-- Aah.
What?
Dude, your butt.
Aw, what? I got your butt.
Oh, great.
Now I'm the one-cheek wonder.
I don't want
your messed-up butt.
Don't make fun of my butt.
Yeah, whatever.
What are we gonna do
about this?
I don't know. Maybe if we
go again, we'll change back?
Good idea. Man, how do you
walk around with this thing?
It's all lopsided.
You're lopsided.
What is going on in here?
Look at this mess.
I knew I couldn't trust you guys
with inventory.
No, Benson.
We're almost done.
No. You are done.
And what is this?
What is what? I don't know
what you're talking about.
Yeah, Benson.
It's a free country.
Whatever.
Just go outside
and rake the leaves.
Aw, come on.
Just give us five minutes.
No, now. Move it.
[GROANS]
Of all the idiotic things
I got to deal with today.
Aw, man.
He locked the door.
We got to get Benson's keys
so we can get back in there.
NARRATOR: We all know ghosts
are totally real...
Ooh.
Aah. Carlos, get help.
and they're coming for you
on Earth.
But what about in space?
We'll find out
on tonight's episode
of "Ghosts Are Totally Real
and They're Coming for You."
Bunch of bologna.
Oh. Not you, Sammy.
You're beautiful.
Hey, what do you think
he's watching?
Dude, we're doing a thing
right now.
Get your head in the game.
Sheesh. Sorry.
Those ghosts
just look totally real
and, like,
they're coming for that guy.
It looks goo-oo-ood.
We should ask him to tape it.
Dude. Ach.
You see the keys
to the Dome-itory anywhere?
Hmm. Oh, yeah,
there they are.
They're sitting
right next to him.
Aw. You got to be
kidding me.
We're never
getting those keys.
Benson probably
sleeps with those things.
[SIGHS]
It's hopeless.
I guess we should start
getting used to these new butts.
Welp, I got to use it.
Ew. No, dude.
We're getting those keys,
and I'm getting my butt back.
iHola, bros!
What's going-- Aah.
Why are your--
Shh.
Hmm.
I think he's gone.
Bros, what happened
to your butts?
We were taking inventory
in the Dome-itory,
and we found these teleporters,
but we accidentally--
Oh. Say no more.
I'm a licensed
teleportation technician.
What?
No, you're not.
Yeah, bro.
It was part of
my Space Tree training.
You have to
calibrate the machine
when you're teleporting
more than one
sentient life form.
Uh, no doy.
Well, it doesn't matter
if we can't get those keys.
Well, you guys better hurry.
The genetic mutation
is only gonna continue
until you completely transform
into each other.
That's not gonna happen
to us, is it?
No, dude.
That's the kind of stuff
that happens in dumb movies.
This is real life.
Those kind of things
don't happen in real life.
What?
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
We got to get those keys.
NARRATOR: They feed off the fear
of the unfortunate
space-faring souls
who cross their paths.
That's-- What the... Hey.
[SCREAMS]
[LOUD CRASH]
Aw, come on. Seriously?
Hello? Is someone there?
Oof. Unh. Unh.
Hey.
Space ghosts aren't real.
Space ghosts aren't real.
I got the keys. Let's roll.
Okay, let's get this
over with already.
Muscle Man
better be right about this.
[BOTH SCREAM]
Hey, I think it worked. Uh...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Dude, now it's even worse.
I don't know, man.
I'm kind of into it.
I'm finally as tall
as my brother.
Eat it, Don,
where ever you are.
No. What? This is terrible.
Look at me, dude.
I'm a short, tiny weirdo.
Oh, so that's what
you think of me?
Aw, come on.
That's not what I meant.
Oh, I knew what you meant.
You don't like
being in my shoes.
I just want to be me again.
It's not fair.
[SIGHS] You're right,
it's not fair.
We should play punchies for it.
Huh? Unh.
I guess we'll stay like this,
then.
[GROANS] Rigby. No-o-o-o.
Come back, Rigby.
[CACKLING]
Yeah. Ha ha ha ha.
Uhh.
Unh. Stupid stubby legs.
Hey, Fives, should I
throw these astronaut diapers
in with the raw sewage?
Yeah.
Anything that has moisture.
[Grunts]
And now, through the magic
of reverse osmosis,
you'd never know
this used to be waste water.
[LAUGHING]
Did you see that?
Was there something
in the water?
I might need to replace
the filter.
[GROANS]
Ha ha ha ha ha.
[GRUNTS]
Oof. Huh?
Where did I put my keys?
Unh. Let's see,
I was watching TV...
Did they fall into the couch?
Okay, fun's over, Rigby.
Let's go back to the teleporter.
No way, man. This is great.
Come on, dude.
I don't want to be stuck in
your weak little body.
Me, neither.
[GRUNTING]
Go back.
Never.
Unbelievable. Unh.
I can't even count
how many protocols
in the teleporter code of ethics
you two are breaking right now.
We need to get you guys
switched back STAT.
Dude, I know.
Try telling Rigby that.
No way, man.
This is the new me.
I'm never
losing at punchies again.
No, bro,
this is not natural.
You see, when I became
a licensed
teleporter technician,
I took a sacred oath.
And right now,
you're making a mockery
of everything I stand for.
[YELLS]
Mordecai, get his legs.
No, no.
[GROANS] Let me go.
Shut it, Rigby.
Muscle Man, how's it going?
Almost got it.
Okay, baby, talk to me.
Let's make this right.
Dude, will you
knock it off.
Muscle Man.
Rigby, chill.
Shove him
into the teleporter.
Step back.
[DISTORTED] Huh? No, bro.
[COUGHING]
Aw, yeah.
Whoo-hoo. It worked.
Hey, Rigby, stop pouting
and get out here.
[RIGBY GROANING]
What the...
[♪♪♪]
[ROARS]
Aah.
Oh, no, bro.
[GRUNTS LIKE A MONKEY]
Play punchies?
Dude, no.
Huh?
[LAUGHING]
Whoa.
Ha ha ha ha.
[YELLS]
[MUSCLE MAN GROANS]
Muscle Man, are you okay?
Yeah.
Dude, what the heck
happened to Rigby?
I didn't calibrate the machine
for three people, bro.
Him pulling me in there
threw everything off.
We got to catch him
and switch him back
before he gets worse.
But we're gonna need some bait.
Hmm. Hmm.
I think I've got an idea.
It's better this way.
We're strong now.
No, what? No.
We're perfect.
Shh.
[GRUNTS]
[ROARS]
Huh?
[THROWS TANTRUM]
Get back here.
Yaah.
Hey, Eileen. What do you think
of my new ripped bod?
[SCREAMS]
Yeah, she loves it. Uhh.
Rarr.
Huh?
Huh?
[LAUGHS]
Waah!
[GRUNTS]
I got you, bro.
What the heck, Rigby?
You know how long it took us
to make that trap?
Not cool, dude.
I might've gotten
a little carried away.
You think? Come help us
put these teleporters back
before Benson notices
they're gone.
[SIGHS]
Yeah, I'll be right there.
I can do this.
[GROWLS]
[GRUNTING]
Uhh-uhh.
[GROANS]
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLE]