Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 8, Episode 11 - Can You Ear Me Now? - full transcript
Mordecai and Rigby have to defend their case on a planet inhabited by ear people
What an awesome trip
to the Summertime planet.
Yeah, I've been dying to get
one of these Uber Soakers.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
What's next?
We're going to run
some errands.
MORDECAI AND RIGBY: Errands.
Welcome to planet Lobius,
everyone.
What are we here for exactly?
I need to pick up a roll of film
I had developed.
Why'd you come here
to get it developed?
They're the only planet
that still does it.
Whoa.
Ha ha ha.
Yaah.
Whoa.
Hey, you know how you just said
"oh" really loud?
Yeah?
Never say that on this planet.
These people
are very sensitive to sound.
So be respectful
and please keep it down.
No problem.
Easy enough.
BOTH: Whoa.
[JINGLING]
[MUTTERS] Kids these days.
[POP]
Do you mind?
Oh, sorry, ma'am.
[TWEETS]
Woof. Woof. Woof.
Oh, no. Rufus,
that is too much.
[WHIMPERS]
I'll be done in a jiffy.
I'm gonna see what they got
for hair gel.
Wonder if they've got
cinnamon toothpicks.
Huh.
Aah. Rrr.
[ALL GASP]
MAN: Oh, no.
[CELL PHONES RING]
[ALARM BLARING]
[GROANING]
What's going on?
Uh...
we should probably leave.
You're under arrest.
On what charge.
Making a ruckus.
Typical. They would
do something like this.
Hey, innocent
till proven guilty.
Oh, you know they did it.
Aw, yeah.
Who's the old lobe?
That's the Auricle.
The oldest,
most-respected ear on Lobius.
Shouldn't they call him
the Earicle?
It really seems like
a missed opportunity.
Order. Order in the court.
Prosecution will now give
its opening remarks.
Thank you, Your Honour.
Lady ears and gentle ears
of the jury.
We are here to prove
beyond a reasonable doubt
that Mordecai and Rigby
intentionally caused a ruckus
and should be punished
sev-ear-ely.
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Public defend-ear,
how do you plead?
Uh, not guilty.
All right.
Prosecut-ear,
call your first witness.
Gladly, Your Honour.
I call Mordecai to the stand.
Place your hand on the Auricle
if you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth.
I swear.
Mordecai, would you be so kind
as to tell these folks
what transpired earlier today?
You know, when you
and your friend
made that
horrible noise downtown.
We can explain.
I'm 100% ready to listen.
He really should've said,
"I'm all ears."
It's right there.
So, Rigby and I just got these
cool new Uber Soakers.
Rigby tried to squirt me,
but he missed, and--
and it was all just
a big accident, okay?
Oh. An "accident."
Why don't you tell that
to poor little Jesse
down in the ICU?
[GALLERY GASPS]
LADY EAR: Good gracious.
Jesse had already
been hit by a car,
but that loud noise
interrupted his favourite show.
Very tragic.
No more questions.
You gotta help us, man.
We're dying out there.
Don't worry.
All I've gotta do is
present these records
that prove you were
nowhere near that phone booth.
Our case doesn't have anything
to do with a phone booth.
Wait. Is this room 17?
No, it's not.
I now call Rigby to the stand.
So what would you say happened,
Mr. Rigby?
Like Mordecai said--
Uber Soaker, accident,
loud noise, boom.
[GASPING]
Watch your volume, son...
or I'll hold you in contempt.
Aw, jeez.
Come on,
can't you do something?
Uh, uh...
I'd like to call for a recess,
Your Honour.
Make it quick.
What we need is, uh...
Oh. Character witnesses.
You know,
people who would testify
that you would never
make a loud noise on purpose.
Say you're not troublemakers,
that sort of thing.
I think our friends
could do that.
Yeah. If there's anybody we can
count on, it's our friends.
So, Benson. You're Mordecai
and Rigby's boss.
Yes.
No more questions, Your Honour.
Wh-What was that?
I'm just getting 'em warmed up.
So, Mr. Benson.
Mordecai and Rigby
would never, say,
ooh, make a loud noise
like today on purpose?
MORDECAI AND RIGBY:
Whoa. USA. USA. USA.
No.
Hmm. I see.
And what is your job?
I'm a park manager.
Ah, park manager.
Park manager.
Done that all your life,
have you?
Uh, no, sir.
Mm, what was your job
before that?
Well, I don't mean to brag,
but I was
a professional drummer.
[GASPING]
We are supposed to take the word
of a drummer?
A man
of a forbidden instrument?
He knows nothing
of peace and quiet,
and, therefore, I move
to throw out his testimony.
Let it be stricken
from the record.
Eileen,
don't fail me now.
Missus-- Miss Roberts,
uh, how do you know
the defendants, Rigby?
We're dating.
Ah, really? I knew it.
This whole time,
I've been like, "Are they"--
Ahem.
In your opinion,
would Rigby
intentionally make a loud noise?
Oh, no.
Rigby might make mistakes
from time to time,
but who doesn't?
Like, sometimes he talks
when my shows are on.
But he always whispers.
And it's usually just to ask
how my day was.
ALL: Aw...
Oh, aren't they
just the cutest?
L-Let the record show
that this is adorable.
No further questions.
Boy, that Rigby
sounds like a heck of a guy.
Would you say
he's a calm person?
Heh. Uh, yes.
But how does he express himself
when he's not calm?
When he's all riled up?
Uh, well, he says, um...
It's really funny.
He says, "Stop talking."
He says it just like that,
does he?
I mean more in his voice.
How would that voice sound,
Miss Roberts, in his voice?
It would...
sound like...
Go on, Miss Roberts.
I don't know.
I think you do, Miss Roberts.
I...
We don't have all day.
I...
How does he say it?
[SHRIEKS] Stop talking!
[ALL GASP]
Mm, no more questions.
Your Honour,
I'd like to call a series
of incriminating witnesses
to the stand.
Who else
are they gonna call?
Mordecai and Rigby?
They got me caught in
one of the loudest shoot-outs
I've ever heard.
They cut the moon in twain.
Never heard such
a terrible thing in all my life.
You know what it sounds like
to hear yourself explode...
twice?
I've heard enough.
We will now have the jury
delib-ear-ate.
I really feel like
that did not go over well.
No way. That
Eileen-and-Rigby thing killed.
There's no way
they'll find you...
Guilty.
We find the defendants guilty.
Doh. Okay. Okay, okay.
Don't worry.
He'll probably just give you
a slap on the wrist.
Judge may look tough,
but it's been decades
since anyone's
been sentenced to...
Life in prison.
The penalty for your crimes
is life in prison.
What happened
to a slap on the wrist?
We don't have wrists.
We're all ears.
There it is.
Uh...
it says here
we're allowed a leniency thingy.
You know, with the Auricle.
[GASPING]
MAN EAR: Ooh. The Auricle.
Seriously?
We're gonna go all the way out
to the Auricle's house for this?
It's the law.
I feel terrible.
Ach. Cartilage is achy.
And someone keeps
messing with the thermostat.
Why don't you
take your medicine?
Oh, I hate that show.
No. I said,
"Take your medicine."
I don't like that show, either.
[SIGHS]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Oh. I think some people
are here for a pardon.
Won't that be some fun?
Nah, that show's not on tonight.
We'll have to record it.
Okay, guys.
Approach the Auricle.
Sir, my name's Mordecai,
and this is my friend Rigby.
And we were just sentenced
to life in prison
for making
a really loud noise.
We were just here
for a quick stop.
And it was
all an accident.
We didn't mean
to cause any trouble.
And, well, can you
forgive us, please?
I've heard a lot of crazy things
in my time,
but I did not hear
a lick of that.
You are gonna have to speak up.
Um, so Mordecai and I--
Closer. I won't bite you.
Mordecai and I--
Ah. Whoa.
[CLANG]
[ALL GASP]
I'm sorry.
The audacity.
First you barge in here
screaming
at the top of your lungs
and then you assault me?
It was an accident.
Please.
No pardon.
I find these two
beyond a reasonable doubt
guilty as sin
for assaulting the Auricle.
Take them away.
No.
Rigby.
Eileen. The Uber Soakers.
Unh.
Unh.
Whoa.
Stay back.
Easy, man.
Wh-What is that,
some kind of dangerous weapon?
It is absolutely
a dangerous weapon.
This has all been
one crazy misunderstanding.
Now you're gonna let us go
before-- Aah.
[DISTORTED] Aah.
[GASPS]
Auricle.
Somebody get him
an earologist.
I'm okay. I'm fine.
I don't need an earologist.
Ahh. You heard me?
Yeah, yeah. I heard you.
But your horn
is all the way over there.
[OTHERS GASP]
He can hear.
By lobe.
I haven't heard this well
since before my Woodstock days.
I used to stock wood
at my father's lumber mill.
But how?
Well, I guess, uh...
Uber Soaker.
This man right here
must've flushed out
my gutty works
when he shot me
with his water pistol.
Now I'm the Auricle,
and I knew that.
Boys,
I'm gonna let you go.
BOTH: Yeah.
However, I'm gonna need to take
your water pistol.
Heh. These works
get gutty real quick.
No way.
Leave it.
But--
ALL: Leave it.
Fine. Here, take it.
Heh heh.
Thank you kindly, child.
Well, that was pretty crazy.
Glad Recap got that film
developed, though.
Hope it was worth it.
Heh heh heh heh.
Yep, totally worth it.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
to the Summertime planet.
Yeah, I've been dying to get
one of these Uber Soakers.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
What's next?
We're going to run
some errands.
MORDECAI AND RIGBY: Errands.
Welcome to planet Lobius,
everyone.
What are we here for exactly?
I need to pick up a roll of film
I had developed.
Why'd you come here
to get it developed?
They're the only planet
that still does it.
Whoa.
Ha ha ha.
Yaah.
Whoa.
Hey, you know how you just said
"oh" really loud?
Yeah?
Never say that on this planet.
These people
are very sensitive to sound.
So be respectful
and please keep it down.
No problem.
Easy enough.
BOTH: Whoa.
[JINGLING]
[MUTTERS] Kids these days.
[POP]
Do you mind?
Oh, sorry, ma'am.
[TWEETS]
Woof. Woof. Woof.
Oh, no. Rufus,
that is too much.
[WHIMPERS]
I'll be done in a jiffy.
I'm gonna see what they got
for hair gel.
Wonder if they've got
cinnamon toothpicks.
Huh.
Aah. Rrr.
[ALL GASP]
MAN: Oh, no.
[CELL PHONES RING]
[ALARM BLARING]
[GROANING]
What's going on?
Uh...
we should probably leave.
You're under arrest.
On what charge.
Making a ruckus.
Typical. They would
do something like this.
Hey, innocent
till proven guilty.
Oh, you know they did it.
Aw, yeah.
Who's the old lobe?
That's the Auricle.
The oldest,
most-respected ear on Lobius.
Shouldn't they call him
the Earicle?
It really seems like
a missed opportunity.
Order. Order in the court.
Prosecution will now give
its opening remarks.
Thank you, Your Honour.
Lady ears and gentle ears
of the jury.
We are here to prove
beyond a reasonable doubt
that Mordecai and Rigby
intentionally caused a ruckus
and should be punished
sev-ear-ely.
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Public defend-ear,
how do you plead?
Uh, not guilty.
All right.
Prosecut-ear,
call your first witness.
Gladly, Your Honour.
I call Mordecai to the stand.
Place your hand on the Auricle
if you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth.
I swear.
Mordecai, would you be so kind
as to tell these folks
what transpired earlier today?
You know, when you
and your friend
made that
horrible noise downtown.
We can explain.
I'm 100% ready to listen.
He really should've said,
"I'm all ears."
It's right there.
So, Rigby and I just got these
cool new Uber Soakers.
Rigby tried to squirt me,
but he missed, and--
and it was all just
a big accident, okay?
Oh. An "accident."
Why don't you tell that
to poor little Jesse
down in the ICU?
[GALLERY GASPS]
LADY EAR: Good gracious.
Jesse had already
been hit by a car,
but that loud noise
interrupted his favourite show.
Very tragic.
No more questions.
You gotta help us, man.
We're dying out there.
Don't worry.
All I've gotta do is
present these records
that prove you were
nowhere near that phone booth.
Our case doesn't have anything
to do with a phone booth.
Wait. Is this room 17?
No, it's not.
I now call Rigby to the stand.
So what would you say happened,
Mr. Rigby?
Like Mordecai said--
Uber Soaker, accident,
loud noise, boom.
[GASPING]
Watch your volume, son...
or I'll hold you in contempt.
Aw, jeez.
Come on,
can't you do something?
Uh, uh...
I'd like to call for a recess,
Your Honour.
Make it quick.
What we need is, uh...
Oh. Character witnesses.
You know,
people who would testify
that you would never
make a loud noise on purpose.
Say you're not troublemakers,
that sort of thing.
I think our friends
could do that.
Yeah. If there's anybody we can
count on, it's our friends.
So, Benson. You're Mordecai
and Rigby's boss.
Yes.
No more questions, Your Honour.
Wh-What was that?
I'm just getting 'em warmed up.
So, Mr. Benson.
Mordecai and Rigby
would never, say,
ooh, make a loud noise
like today on purpose?
MORDECAI AND RIGBY:
Whoa. USA. USA. USA.
No.
Hmm. I see.
And what is your job?
I'm a park manager.
Ah, park manager.
Park manager.
Done that all your life,
have you?
Uh, no, sir.
Mm, what was your job
before that?
Well, I don't mean to brag,
but I was
a professional drummer.
[GASPING]
We are supposed to take the word
of a drummer?
A man
of a forbidden instrument?
He knows nothing
of peace and quiet,
and, therefore, I move
to throw out his testimony.
Let it be stricken
from the record.
Eileen,
don't fail me now.
Missus-- Miss Roberts,
uh, how do you know
the defendants, Rigby?
We're dating.
Ah, really? I knew it.
This whole time,
I've been like, "Are they"--
Ahem.
In your opinion,
would Rigby
intentionally make a loud noise?
Oh, no.
Rigby might make mistakes
from time to time,
but who doesn't?
Like, sometimes he talks
when my shows are on.
But he always whispers.
And it's usually just to ask
how my day was.
ALL: Aw...
Oh, aren't they
just the cutest?
L-Let the record show
that this is adorable.
No further questions.
Boy, that Rigby
sounds like a heck of a guy.
Would you say
he's a calm person?
Heh. Uh, yes.
But how does he express himself
when he's not calm?
When he's all riled up?
Uh, well, he says, um...
It's really funny.
He says, "Stop talking."
He says it just like that,
does he?
I mean more in his voice.
How would that voice sound,
Miss Roberts, in his voice?
It would...
sound like...
Go on, Miss Roberts.
I don't know.
I think you do, Miss Roberts.
I...
We don't have all day.
I...
How does he say it?
[SHRIEKS] Stop talking!
[ALL GASP]
Mm, no more questions.
Your Honour,
I'd like to call a series
of incriminating witnesses
to the stand.
Who else
are they gonna call?
Mordecai and Rigby?
They got me caught in
one of the loudest shoot-outs
I've ever heard.
They cut the moon in twain.
Never heard such
a terrible thing in all my life.
You know what it sounds like
to hear yourself explode...
twice?
I've heard enough.
We will now have the jury
delib-ear-ate.
I really feel like
that did not go over well.
No way. That
Eileen-and-Rigby thing killed.
There's no way
they'll find you...
Guilty.
We find the defendants guilty.
Doh. Okay. Okay, okay.
Don't worry.
He'll probably just give you
a slap on the wrist.
Judge may look tough,
but it's been decades
since anyone's
been sentenced to...
Life in prison.
The penalty for your crimes
is life in prison.
What happened
to a slap on the wrist?
We don't have wrists.
We're all ears.
There it is.
Uh...
it says here
we're allowed a leniency thingy.
You know, with the Auricle.
[GASPING]
MAN EAR: Ooh. The Auricle.
Seriously?
We're gonna go all the way out
to the Auricle's house for this?
It's the law.
I feel terrible.
Ach. Cartilage is achy.
And someone keeps
messing with the thermostat.
Why don't you
take your medicine?
Oh, I hate that show.
No. I said,
"Take your medicine."
I don't like that show, either.
[SIGHS]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Oh. I think some people
are here for a pardon.
Won't that be some fun?
Nah, that show's not on tonight.
We'll have to record it.
Okay, guys.
Approach the Auricle.
Sir, my name's Mordecai,
and this is my friend Rigby.
And we were just sentenced
to life in prison
for making
a really loud noise.
We were just here
for a quick stop.
And it was
all an accident.
We didn't mean
to cause any trouble.
And, well, can you
forgive us, please?
I've heard a lot of crazy things
in my time,
but I did not hear
a lick of that.
You are gonna have to speak up.
Um, so Mordecai and I--
Closer. I won't bite you.
Mordecai and I--
Ah. Whoa.
[CLANG]
[ALL GASP]
I'm sorry.
The audacity.
First you barge in here
screaming
at the top of your lungs
and then you assault me?
It was an accident.
Please.
No pardon.
I find these two
beyond a reasonable doubt
guilty as sin
for assaulting the Auricle.
Take them away.
No.
Rigby.
Eileen. The Uber Soakers.
Unh.
Unh.
Whoa.
Stay back.
Easy, man.
Wh-What is that,
some kind of dangerous weapon?
It is absolutely
a dangerous weapon.
This has all been
one crazy misunderstanding.
Now you're gonna let us go
before-- Aah.
[DISTORTED] Aah.
[GASPS]
Auricle.
Somebody get him
an earologist.
I'm okay. I'm fine.
I don't need an earologist.
Ahh. You heard me?
Yeah, yeah. I heard you.
But your horn
is all the way over there.
[OTHERS GASP]
He can hear.
By lobe.
I haven't heard this well
since before my Woodstock days.
I used to stock wood
at my father's lumber mill.
But how?
Well, I guess, uh...
Uber Soaker.
This man right here
must've flushed out
my gutty works
when he shot me
with his water pistol.
Now I'm the Auricle,
and I knew that.
Boys,
I'm gonna let you go.
BOTH: Yeah.
However, I'm gonna need to take
your water pistol.
Heh. These works
get gutty real quick.
No way.
Leave it.
But--
ALL: Leave it.
Fine. Here, take it.
Heh heh.
Thank you kindly, child.
Well, that was pretty crazy.
Glad Recap got that film
developed, though.
Hope it was worth it.
Heh heh heh heh.
Yep, totally worth it.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLE]