Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 7, Episode 7 - Cat Videos - full transcript
Mordecai and Rigby must get Benson to stop watching cat videos.
[♪♪♪]
RIGBY:
You guys haven't seen
Blargh.avi yet?
We're watching it.
Go!
Blargh!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Caught you!
ALL: Aah!
We were using the computer
for business!
You don't think I know about
funny video Fridays, but I know.
Oh-ho, you're gonna get
such a write-up.
Quick, put something on
Benson will like.
[MEOWS]
Wha--?
Heh, it's a cat video, Benson.
Cat...video?
Here's another one.
[TRILLS]
[BELL JINGLING]
Whoa.
When did they start
making these?
A long time ago, Benson.
There's millions of them.
People just put up videos
of their cats on the internet?
That's right, man.
So just sit down for an hour
or two and catch up.
I...love cats.
So all I do
is click on these cats?
Yep. Focus on the cats
and not on the write-ups.
Write-- Wha--?
Exactly.
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHING]
Sorry. I know I'm late
to the morning meeting.
Don't sweat it.
Benson isn't even here yet.
That's weird.
Yeah, he's never late.
[YAWNS]
[SMACKS LIPS]
Did you stay up all night
watching cat videos?
Sure did, heh!
Did you know there are
Internet cat celebrities?
There's Fat Cat,
Rat-a-tat Cat,
And Mari, the Japanese cat
that likes boxes.
But my person fave
is Curmudgeon Cat.
[MEOWS]
[PHONE BEEPING]
Ugh! Piece of junk.
[GASPS]
I've gotta get a new phone.
Uh...
Uh, Benson,
we need our assignments.
Oh, right. Pops,
you're in charge for the day.
I'm assigning you
all old-timey dances.
[HUMMING]
This is bad.
And Mordecai and Rigby
are responsible.
What are you talking about?
You got Benson into cat videos.
You get him out.
Those are the rules.
Hey, I got an idea.
Let's just wait
until Benson snaps out of it.
My legs feel like wet noodles.
We better go
check up on him.
MAN [OVER PHONE]:
Come on, Curmudgeon Cat,
eat your food.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, that's my food!
[GROWLS]
[MEOWS]
McFluffin, I'm trying to watch
a video about cats.
Hey!
I wasn't done with that.
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[GULPING]
Now, where were we?
[MEOWING]
Aw, he thinks he's people.
Have you ever dreamed
of meeting Curmudgeon cat?
Hi, I'm Cat Masterson,
auteur director
and visionary behind
such classic cat videos
as "I Hate Weekdays,"
"Curmudgeon Capers"
and "Kitty Kitty Bang Bang."
Well, if you "feline" meeting
Curmudgeon Cat in person,
Then come on down
to Masterson Studios
to attend a live taping
of his next video.
You here for the live taping?
Yes, I am, Mr. Masterson.
I'm a big fan.
Big, big, big, big,
really big fan.
Ha-ha, I like your manic,
sweaty energy. Right this way.
Now, first we gotta
get you suited up in --
In your viewing suit.
What's this?
Standard industry practice.
Okay...
[GROANS]
Ooh, that's good.
Nice, snug fit.
Now let's get this show
on the road.
You know, I gotta ask, in
"Ball of Yarn" at 2:38, Curmu--
Wait, why is it
all dark in there?
Standard industry practice.
Wha--
Where's Curmudgeon Cat?
Huh?
MASTERSON:
Go ahead, play with your toy.
I -- I don't think
I'm comfortable with this.
Ugh. Do we have a diva
on our hands here?
I think we have a diva.
Uh...
MASTERSON: Bat the mouse!
Uh...
Bat the mouse!
[BELL JINGLING]
Yes, yes.
[LAUGHS]
Benson?
Hey, man, we got wings.
[♪♪♪]
This isn't good.
MASTERSON [OVER PHONE]:
...come on down
to Masterson Studios
to attend a live taping
of his next video.
Let's go.
Hey, we're looking
for our friend, Benson.
Sweaty guy, looks like
he hasn't slept in days.
One moment.
Security!
[BOTH GASP, BOTH GROAN]
MASTERSON [OVER SPEAKER]:
Wakey, wakey.
Huh?
Where are we?
Dude, are we
in a Ping-Pong factory?
Welcome to my studio.
What'd you do with Benson?
Benson? I made him a star.
You see, for years, I tried
using real cats in my videos,
but they always fell short
of my vision.
Have you ever tried
to direct a cat?
It almost made me lose my mind!
So instead I built this highly
advanced visual effects studio
that allows actors
to play the cats.
So Curmudgeon Cat's
some guy in a suit?
Precisely!
Here's the real Curmudgeon Cat,
aka Randall Tate.
BOTH: Ew.
Unfortunately, he died
while filming his latest video,
"Trapeze Kitty."
They say cats
always land on their feet...
but overweight middle-aged men,
not so much.
So I need to find new stars,
and, uh, I like your look.
No way. We're not gonna
be motion-capture puppets.
Oh-ho-ho, this isn't mo-cap.
This is "mo-cat."
Dale!
BOTH:
Wha--?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I introduce you
to the newest
Internet cat sensations:
Stretch and...uh, Runty.
Hey!
And roll camera.
DALE:
"Stretch and Runty," take one.
And action!
We're not gonna
act like cats.
Aw! not even a little?
Show us where Benson is!
Fine.
[♪♪♪]
MASTERSON:
If you don't want
to act like cats,
then why are you being
so adorable?
Stop playing games,
Masterson.
MASTERSON:
But this is great footage.
Oh, look at that!
Ooh, who let these drapes
In here?
I guess you're just gonna
have to climb them.
Seriously?
Hmm, you kitties
getting sweaty?
Heh-heh, looks like
it's bath time.
[BOTH SCREAM]
[GASPS]
Quick, the door!
Why are you resisting?
You guys should just play
with some yarn for a while.
Ah, you know what?
Fine. Go through that door.
You might not like
what you find.
Dude, where are we?
I think it's a laundry room.
[BOTH SCREAM]
Cuteness.
Cuteness has a face.
Benson?
But you must make a friend
of cuteness.
Cuteness and horror
are your friends.
[CRUNCHING]
He's gone crazy.
Benson!
My name is Lil Benny now.
Stop it!
We're here to rescue you.
Dude, he's out of it.
[MASTERSON LAUGHS]
Stretch and Runty,
why don't you join Lil Benny?
You'll get full veterinary
and dental.
Dude, you're sick!
Let's get you out
of here, Benson.
We're coming to get you,
Masterson!
They're headed for
the control room. Cut?
No. No, no, no.
Keep rolling.
Cue the pointer.
Cueing pointer.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING]
Ooh, it's the laser pointer!
Hey! Where are we going?
We're supposed to play
with the laser!
Is Mr. Masterson trying
to hurt us with the laser?
Yes, Benson.
Yes, he is.
[♪♪♪]
I remember.
My name is Benson.
And you guys are
Mordecai and Rigby.
You guys look adorable.
How do we get out of here?
Look, the control room!
Cue the antagonists.
Cueing antagonists.
I'd like to introduce you to
some of my favorite scenarios.
Stuart 2.0, a toddler with no
boundaries and sticky fingers.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
Lucy, a Shiba
that's always
getting "Inu" trouble.
[BARKING LAUGHTER]
And the vacuum cleaner.
[LAUGHS OMINOUSLY]
And...action!
[LAUGHS]
[BARKING]
[LAUGHS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
I'm the feline Fellini, baby!
Scatter!
[LAUGHS]
I'm the tabby Tarantino!
BENSON:
Come on!
On the count of three.
One...
I am, uh...
Two...
Uh, C.M.?
Not now.
I'm the, uh...
Three!
I am the kitty Kubrick!
Aah!
Oh, this is great!
You gotta get this on tape.
The climax of my magnum opus!
I'm pretty sure
they want to beat you up.
No, see? That's real.
I want you to capture it.
Okay, you, get over there.
G-g-get the wides.
And I'll... I'll get the P.O.V.
Okay.
Okay, truck in.
And...action!
Ah! Pile up on me!
Ha, ha, ha, adorable!
Aww.
I mean, you're really getting
hurt but... Aww.
Dramatic music swells and--
Ooh! Music swells higher.
Up shot, protagonists in.
Special lighting illuminates
their perplexed faces.
Twist ending.
Cut to black.
That's a wrap, people.
Ah, that twist
came out of nowhere.
He didn't set
that up at all.
I'll call
Animal Control.
There he is.
MASTERSON: Okay, cancel my 5:00.
See if I can get equipment
in the slammer.
Benson, bubelah, call me.
Look, Benson, sorry
for, like, getting you
addicted to cat videos.
We're cool now, right?
[GROANING]
You are lucky
I didn't suffer
any permanent
psychological damage!
Let's go.
RIGBY:
Shotgun!
MORDECAI:
Don't run!
[SLURPING]
Hold up, guys.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
RIGBY:
You guys haven't seen
Blargh.avi yet?
We're watching it.
Go!
Blargh!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Caught you!
ALL: Aah!
We were using the computer
for business!
You don't think I know about
funny video Fridays, but I know.
Oh-ho, you're gonna get
such a write-up.
Quick, put something on
Benson will like.
[MEOWS]
Wha--?
Heh, it's a cat video, Benson.
Cat...video?
Here's another one.
[TRILLS]
[BELL JINGLING]
Whoa.
When did they start
making these?
A long time ago, Benson.
There's millions of them.
People just put up videos
of their cats on the internet?
That's right, man.
So just sit down for an hour
or two and catch up.
I...love cats.
So all I do
is click on these cats?
Yep. Focus on the cats
and not on the write-ups.
Write-- Wha--?
Exactly.
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHING]
Sorry. I know I'm late
to the morning meeting.
Don't sweat it.
Benson isn't even here yet.
That's weird.
Yeah, he's never late.
[YAWNS]
[SMACKS LIPS]
Did you stay up all night
watching cat videos?
Sure did, heh!
Did you know there are
Internet cat celebrities?
There's Fat Cat,
Rat-a-tat Cat,
And Mari, the Japanese cat
that likes boxes.
But my person fave
is Curmudgeon Cat.
[MEOWS]
[PHONE BEEPING]
Ugh! Piece of junk.
[GASPS]
I've gotta get a new phone.
Uh...
Uh, Benson,
we need our assignments.
Oh, right. Pops,
you're in charge for the day.
I'm assigning you
all old-timey dances.
[HUMMING]
This is bad.
And Mordecai and Rigby
are responsible.
What are you talking about?
You got Benson into cat videos.
You get him out.
Those are the rules.
Hey, I got an idea.
Let's just wait
until Benson snaps out of it.
My legs feel like wet noodles.
We better go
check up on him.
MAN [OVER PHONE]:
Come on, Curmudgeon Cat,
eat your food.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, that's my food!
[GROWLS]
[MEOWS]
McFluffin, I'm trying to watch
a video about cats.
Hey!
I wasn't done with that.
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[GULPING]
Now, where were we?
[MEOWING]
Aw, he thinks he's people.
Have you ever dreamed
of meeting Curmudgeon cat?
Hi, I'm Cat Masterson,
auteur director
and visionary behind
such classic cat videos
as "I Hate Weekdays,"
"Curmudgeon Capers"
and "Kitty Kitty Bang Bang."
Well, if you "feline" meeting
Curmudgeon Cat in person,
Then come on down
to Masterson Studios
to attend a live taping
of his next video.
You here for the live taping?
Yes, I am, Mr. Masterson.
I'm a big fan.
Big, big, big, big,
really big fan.
Ha-ha, I like your manic,
sweaty energy. Right this way.
Now, first we gotta
get you suited up in --
In your viewing suit.
What's this?
Standard industry practice.
Okay...
[GROANS]
Ooh, that's good.
Nice, snug fit.
Now let's get this show
on the road.
You know, I gotta ask, in
"Ball of Yarn" at 2:38, Curmu--
Wait, why is it
all dark in there?
Standard industry practice.
Wha--
Where's Curmudgeon Cat?
Huh?
MASTERSON:
Go ahead, play with your toy.
I -- I don't think
I'm comfortable with this.
Ugh. Do we have a diva
on our hands here?
I think we have a diva.
Uh...
MASTERSON: Bat the mouse!
Uh...
Bat the mouse!
[BELL JINGLING]
Yes, yes.
[LAUGHS]
Benson?
Hey, man, we got wings.
[♪♪♪]
This isn't good.
MASTERSON [OVER PHONE]:
...come on down
to Masterson Studios
to attend a live taping
of his next video.
Let's go.
Hey, we're looking
for our friend, Benson.
Sweaty guy, looks like
he hasn't slept in days.
One moment.
Security!
[BOTH GASP, BOTH GROAN]
MASTERSON [OVER SPEAKER]:
Wakey, wakey.
Huh?
Where are we?
Dude, are we
in a Ping-Pong factory?
Welcome to my studio.
What'd you do with Benson?
Benson? I made him a star.
You see, for years, I tried
using real cats in my videos,
but they always fell short
of my vision.
Have you ever tried
to direct a cat?
It almost made me lose my mind!
So instead I built this highly
advanced visual effects studio
that allows actors
to play the cats.
So Curmudgeon Cat's
some guy in a suit?
Precisely!
Here's the real Curmudgeon Cat,
aka Randall Tate.
BOTH: Ew.
Unfortunately, he died
while filming his latest video,
"Trapeze Kitty."
They say cats
always land on their feet...
but overweight middle-aged men,
not so much.
So I need to find new stars,
and, uh, I like your look.
No way. We're not gonna
be motion-capture puppets.
Oh-ho-ho, this isn't mo-cap.
This is "mo-cat."
Dale!
BOTH:
Wha--?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I introduce you
to the newest
Internet cat sensations:
Stretch and...uh, Runty.
Hey!
And roll camera.
DALE:
"Stretch and Runty," take one.
And action!
We're not gonna
act like cats.
Aw! not even a little?
Show us where Benson is!
Fine.
[♪♪♪]
MASTERSON:
If you don't want
to act like cats,
then why are you being
so adorable?
Stop playing games,
Masterson.
MASTERSON:
But this is great footage.
Oh, look at that!
Ooh, who let these drapes
In here?
I guess you're just gonna
have to climb them.
Seriously?
Hmm, you kitties
getting sweaty?
Heh-heh, looks like
it's bath time.
[BOTH SCREAM]
[GASPS]
Quick, the door!
Why are you resisting?
You guys should just play
with some yarn for a while.
Ah, you know what?
Fine. Go through that door.
You might not like
what you find.
Dude, where are we?
I think it's a laundry room.
[BOTH SCREAM]
Cuteness.
Cuteness has a face.
Benson?
But you must make a friend
of cuteness.
Cuteness and horror
are your friends.
[CRUNCHING]
He's gone crazy.
Benson!
My name is Lil Benny now.
Stop it!
We're here to rescue you.
Dude, he's out of it.
[MASTERSON LAUGHS]
Stretch and Runty,
why don't you join Lil Benny?
You'll get full veterinary
and dental.
Dude, you're sick!
Let's get you out
of here, Benson.
We're coming to get you,
Masterson!
They're headed for
the control room. Cut?
No. No, no, no.
Keep rolling.
Cue the pointer.
Cueing pointer.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINING]
Ooh, it's the laser pointer!
Hey! Where are we going?
We're supposed to play
with the laser!
Is Mr. Masterson trying
to hurt us with the laser?
Yes, Benson.
Yes, he is.
[♪♪♪]
I remember.
My name is Benson.
And you guys are
Mordecai and Rigby.
You guys look adorable.
How do we get out of here?
Look, the control room!
Cue the antagonists.
Cueing antagonists.
I'd like to introduce you to
some of my favorite scenarios.
Stuart 2.0, a toddler with no
boundaries and sticky fingers.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
Lucy, a Shiba
that's always
getting "Inu" trouble.
[BARKING LAUGHTER]
And the vacuum cleaner.
[LAUGHS OMINOUSLY]
And...action!
[LAUGHS]
[BARKING]
[LAUGHS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
I'm the feline Fellini, baby!
Scatter!
[LAUGHS]
I'm the tabby Tarantino!
BENSON:
Come on!
On the count of three.
One...
I am, uh...
Two...
Uh, C.M.?
Not now.
I'm the, uh...
Three!
I am the kitty Kubrick!
Aah!
Oh, this is great!
You gotta get this on tape.
The climax of my magnum opus!
I'm pretty sure
they want to beat you up.
No, see? That's real.
I want you to capture it.
Okay, you, get over there.
G-g-get the wides.
And I'll... I'll get the P.O.V.
Okay.
Okay, truck in.
And...action!
Ah! Pile up on me!
Ha, ha, ha, adorable!
Aww.
I mean, you're really getting
hurt but... Aww.
Dramatic music swells and--
Ooh! Music swells higher.
Up shot, protagonists in.
Special lighting illuminates
their perplexed faces.
Twist ending.
Cut to black.
That's a wrap, people.
Ah, that twist
came out of nowhere.
He didn't set
that up at all.
I'll call
Animal Control.
There he is.
MASTERSON: Okay, cancel my 5:00.
See if I can get equipment
in the slammer.
Benson, bubelah, call me.
Look, Benson, sorry
for, like, getting you
addicted to cat videos.
We're cool now, right?
[GROANING]
You are lucky
I didn't suffer
any permanent
psychological damage!
Let's go.
RIGBY:
Shotgun!
MORDECAI:
Don't run!
[SLURPING]
Hold up, guys.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLING]