Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 7, Episode 6 - Birthday Gift - full transcript
Rigby is on a quest for the best birthday gift for Mordecai instead of usual lame ones.
[♪♪♪]
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I got you a present ♪
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I give the best presents ♪
Dude, you can't rhyme "present"
with "presents."
Yeah. That's just
careless rapping.
Pssh! Whatever, man.
Your birthday present
is so great!
You don't even know!
Ha-ha, yeah.
I'm sure, man. Thanks.
Don't thank me yet.
Thank me when you open it and
love it, which I know you will.
I gotta use it.
Oh, yeah! Perfect hiding place
for a perfect gift!
Mordecai's gonna love it.
I give the best gifts.
MORDECAI:
Man, I hate to say it,
but Rigby gives the worst gifts.
Huh?
SKIPS:
Really? It sounded like
he got you something
really good this time.
He never puts thought into them.
They're usually just gifts
he gets for himself.
It's cool.
I've gotten used to it.
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I got you a present ♪
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I give the best presents ♪
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I got you a present ♪
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I give the best presents ♪
My presents aren't that bad,
are they?
Oh, no. I gotta get him
something better.
What to get Mordecai?
Mordecai.
Mor...de...cai...
Gift for Mordecai,
Mordecai for gift.
Hmm.
Hmmm...
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
[LONG GROAN]
That's it!
Mordecai likes things I like.
I like video games.
And Mordecai likes video games.
I'll get Mordecai
a video game.
[♪♪♪]
"Violent Fist 2,"
the new game from Tendindo!
Sold! What, 60 bucks?
Do you have
anything cheaper?
I guess you're not
into quality.
Feel free to rifle through
the discount bin like a peasant.
Ugh!
[MUTTERING]
These games are lame!
"Dog-cart Racing" for $49?
I can't afford any of these!
I guess our interaction
is done then.
[SLURPS]
Hey, Rigby.
What's got you down?
I was trying to find Mordecai
a birthday gift,
but I think I might just
have to give him this one.
You know you can't give him
that, right?
Ugh! I want to get him a video
game, but they're expensive!
Then why don't you just make
a video game?
Allow me
to introduce myself.
I am Zax-- oop.
Uh, I am Zaxon!
What if I told you
you can make
your very own interactive world
with your mind?
Observe!
[VOICEOVER ON TV]
Zaxon!
Oh, hello.
I didn't see you there.
But I felt your presence.
I'm here to show you an exciting
new program I have developed.
It's called ZIPGIDZ!
ZIPGIDZ:
Zaxon's Intelligent Player to
Game Interface Design by Zaxon.
I first developed the program
while working at Tendindo Games,
the top company leading the way
in a video-game renaissance.
You guys,
I got a great idea!
What if there
was a program
where you could make
your own video game?
What? You're just a janitor.
You can't make video games.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Anybody can make
a video game!
I'll show you!
I'll show all of you!
And I did show them.
Sure, any hotshot "programmer"
can make a video game,
but with my easy-to-use
software,
any so-and-so
with a free afternoon
can make one of their own,
even you!
Even me?
BOTH: Yes, you!
With my high-tech
futuristic equipment,
the electrodes in your
cerebral imagination cortex
can formulate
your own virtual world.
So sit back
and let your mind do the work.
[SLURPS]
Ahh!
[STATIC CRACKLES]
That was uninformative
and poorly produced.
There's no way
anyone would fall for that.
[CHUCKLING]
[HORN HONKS]
Except my boyfriend.
RIGBY:
Whoa!
You made all of these?
Are you a wizard?
Of sorts.
But I know no tricks,
only truth.
The truth of the matter
is you promised
you'd give your friend an
amazing birthday gift tonight,
so let's get to it!
So I just think up
a game and that's it?
Yes, but first we must run
very intense
physical and mental tests.
Aw, what?
Let the intense
training montage begin!
[♪♪♪]
[BEEPS]
The results are in.
The physical portion of your
test was most impressive.
In fact, it was off the charts.
Yes!
The I.Q. portion
is off the charts as well,
but in a bad way.
Like, literally it's so low
that it's not even
on the chart.
I think I've eaten walnuts
with a higher intellect.
Does that mean
I can't make a game?
No. Don't you remember
my promotional VHS?
Anybody can make
a video game.
Time to put on a really cool
helmet that I invented myself!
These helmets will virtually
transport us into your head.
Once we're in, you can make
the game with your mind.
However, because
of your low I.Q.,
there will be bugs
in the system.
Bugs?
But fear not.
When the time comes,
I will help you face them.
By the way,
these could kill us.
Wait, what?
Ugh, uh, aah!
Whoa! So this is
what my mind looks like.
Yes, but think about what
you want the game to be.
Uh...I want it to be
at the park, I guess.
Whoa!
Now I want Mordecai
and Skips to be in it.
And they've got
a birthday cake!
Hey, dude!
Come up and eat
some birthday ca-a-ake!
Now add
some obstacles.
Like jumps and holes and stuff?
Aah! No, no, no!
That's not what I meant!
[RUMBLING]
[♪♪♪]
Aw, man!
"Aw, man" is right!
Now all you have to do
is get to the cake at the end
and the video game
will be made.
Just remember
your training.
All right.
Let's do this.
Aah! the bugs! run!
Aah!
Why are there so many?
Actually, based on your I.Q.,
I was expecting more.
Quick! up here!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH PANTING]
[BOTH GRUNT]
[GROANING]
We're almost there!
[SCREAMS]
[MUTTERING]
Go. I'll hold them off.
No!
I can't just leave you.
Your friend only has
a birthday once a year.
Finish this game so you can
give him the best gift ever!
[YELLING]
Oh, and, Rigby, prove to them
that anyone can make
a video game, even you!
Zaxon!
[YELPS AND THEN GROWLS]
[GROANS]
Rigby is my friend.
I am Skips,
and I have all the answers!
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
No!
[SCREAMING]
Remember your training.
[♪♪♪]
Not this year.
[YELLS TRIUMPHANTLY]
[RIGBY GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
MAN:
You win!
Have some cake, best friend!
Aw, yeah! Piece of cake!
Aw, man.
Zaxon!
You fought well,
old friend.
[GASPS]
I'm not really dead,
just "video game" dead.
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Game complete.
Man, I give the best gifts.
Mordecai!
Dude, where have you been?
You went to the bathroom
and never came back.
You missed my birthday!
I know my gifts
have always been lame,
but I really tried
this time.
Happy birthday, man.
A video game?
Made by yours truly!
What? No way.
You didn't make this.
No, but my mind did.
[BEEPING]
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
"Cake Quest!"
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC IN GAME]
[RISING MUSICAL TONES]
Whoa!
That was awful!
You really did make this, huh?
Yep.
This is the best gift
you've given me.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I got you a present ♪
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I give the best presents ♪
Dude, you can't rhyme "present"
with "presents."
Yeah. That's just
careless rapping.
Pssh! Whatever, man.
Your birthday present
is so great!
You don't even know!
Ha-ha, yeah.
I'm sure, man. Thanks.
Don't thank me yet.
Thank me when you open it and
love it, which I know you will.
I gotta use it.
Oh, yeah! Perfect hiding place
for a perfect gift!
Mordecai's gonna love it.
I give the best gifts.
MORDECAI:
Man, I hate to say it,
but Rigby gives the worst gifts.
Huh?
SKIPS:
Really? It sounded like
he got you something
really good this time.
He never puts thought into them.
They're usually just gifts
he gets for himself.
It's cool.
I've gotten used to it.
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I got you a present ♪
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I give the best presents ♪
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I got you a present ♪
♪ Yo, it's your birthday
I give the best presents ♪
My presents aren't that bad,
are they?
Oh, no. I gotta get him
something better.
What to get Mordecai?
Mordecai.
Mor...de...cai...
Gift for Mordecai,
Mordecai for gift.
Hmm.
Hmmm...
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
[LONG GROAN]
That's it!
Mordecai likes things I like.
I like video games.
And Mordecai likes video games.
I'll get Mordecai
a video game.
[♪♪♪]
"Violent Fist 2,"
the new game from Tendindo!
Sold! What, 60 bucks?
Do you have
anything cheaper?
I guess you're not
into quality.
Feel free to rifle through
the discount bin like a peasant.
Ugh!
[MUTTERING]
These games are lame!
"Dog-cart Racing" for $49?
I can't afford any of these!
I guess our interaction
is done then.
[SLURPS]
Hey, Rigby.
What's got you down?
I was trying to find Mordecai
a birthday gift,
but I think I might just
have to give him this one.
You know you can't give him
that, right?
Ugh! I want to get him a video
game, but they're expensive!
Then why don't you just make
a video game?
Allow me
to introduce myself.
I am Zax-- oop.
Uh, I am Zaxon!
What if I told you
you can make
your very own interactive world
with your mind?
Observe!
[VOICEOVER ON TV]
Zaxon!
Oh, hello.
I didn't see you there.
But I felt your presence.
I'm here to show you an exciting
new program I have developed.
It's called ZIPGIDZ!
ZIPGIDZ:
Zaxon's Intelligent Player to
Game Interface Design by Zaxon.
I first developed the program
while working at Tendindo Games,
the top company leading the way
in a video-game renaissance.
You guys,
I got a great idea!
What if there
was a program
where you could make
your own video game?
What? You're just a janitor.
You can't make video games.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Anybody can make
a video game!
I'll show you!
I'll show all of you!
And I did show them.
Sure, any hotshot "programmer"
can make a video game,
but with my easy-to-use
software,
any so-and-so
with a free afternoon
can make one of their own,
even you!
Even me?
BOTH: Yes, you!
With my high-tech
futuristic equipment,
the electrodes in your
cerebral imagination cortex
can formulate
your own virtual world.
So sit back
and let your mind do the work.
[SLURPS]
Ahh!
[STATIC CRACKLES]
That was uninformative
and poorly produced.
There's no way
anyone would fall for that.
[CHUCKLING]
[HORN HONKS]
Except my boyfriend.
RIGBY:
Whoa!
You made all of these?
Are you a wizard?
Of sorts.
But I know no tricks,
only truth.
The truth of the matter
is you promised
you'd give your friend an
amazing birthday gift tonight,
so let's get to it!
So I just think up
a game and that's it?
Yes, but first we must run
very intense
physical and mental tests.
Aw, what?
Let the intense
training montage begin!
[♪♪♪]
[BEEPS]
The results are in.
The physical portion of your
test was most impressive.
In fact, it was off the charts.
Yes!
The I.Q. portion
is off the charts as well,
but in a bad way.
Like, literally it's so low
that it's not even
on the chart.
I think I've eaten walnuts
with a higher intellect.
Does that mean
I can't make a game?
No. Don't you remember
my promotional VHS?
Anybody can make
a video game.
Time to put on a really cool
helmet that I invented myself!
These helmets will virtually
transport us into your head.
Once we're in, you can make
the game with your mind.
However, because
of your low I.Q.,
there will be bugs
in the system.
Bugs?
But fear not.
When the time comes,
I will help you face them.
By the way,
these could kill us.
Wait, what?
Ugh, uh, aah!
Whoa! So this is
what my mind looks like.
Yes, but think about what
you want the game to be.
Uh...I want it to be
at the park, I guess.
Whoa!
Now I want Mordecai
and Skips to be in it.
And they've got
a birthday cake!
Hey, dude!
Come up and eat
some birthday ca-a-ake!
Now add
some obstacles.
Like jumps and holes and stuff?
Aah! No, no, no!
That's not what I meant!
[RUMBLING]
[♪♪♪]
Aw, man!
"Aw, man" is right!
Now all you have to do
is get to the cake at the end
and the video game
will be made.
Just remember
your training.
All right.
Let's do this.
Aah! the bugs! run!
Aah!
Why are there so many?
Actually, based on your I.Q.,
I was expecting more.
Quick! up here!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH PANTING]
[BOTH GRUNT]
[GROANING]
We're almost there!
[SCREAMS]
[MUTTERING]
Go. I'll hold them off.
No!
I can't just leave you.
Your friend only has
a birthday once a year.
Finish this game so you can
give him the best gift ever!
[YELLING]
Oh, and, Rigby, prove to them
that anyone can make
a video game, even you!
Zaxon!
[YELPS AND THEN GROWLS]
[GROANS]
Rigby is my friend.
I am Skips,
and I have all the answers!
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
No!
[SCREAMING]
Remember your training.
[♪♪♪]
Not this year.
[YELLS TRIUMPHANTLY]
[RIGBY GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
MAN:
You win!
Have some cake, best friend!
Aw, yeah! Piece of cake!
Aw, man.
Zaxon!
You fought well,
old friend.
[GASPS]
I'm not really dead,
just "video game" dead.
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Game complete.
Man, I give the best gifts.
Mordecai!
Dude, where have you been?
You went to the bathroom
and never came back.
You missed my birthday!
I know my gifts
have always been lame,
but I really tried
this time.
Happy birthday, man.
A video game?
Made by yours truly!
What? No way.
You didn't make this.
No, but my mind did.
[BEEPING]
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
"Cake Quest!"
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC IN GAME]
[RISING MUSICAL TONES]
Whoa!
That was awful!
You really did make this, huh?
Yep.
This is the best gift
you've given me.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLING]