Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 7, Episode 16 - Crazy Fake Plan - full transcript
Rigby has to create a massively crazy fake plan in order to surprise Eileen for the first time ever.
[♪♪♪]
ANNOUNCER:
And now commentary from RGB2.
If you ask this old-timer,
TV peaked in the '80s.
Why don't shows have
laugh tracks anymore?
Sorry to keep you
guys waiting.
I know you're hungry,
but my famous peanut butter
and celery appetizers
will be out in a jiffy.
Daringly modern.
Contrapposto.
Avant-garde.
These are all words
you might say
when you gaze upon my piece,
Seeds of Agony.
You won't want to miss
this cultural event
before it is taken by blimp
back to my minimalist
Parisian studio
and destroyed.
The venue?
[LAUGHS]
A transitional locale between
the realms of light and dreams.
ANNOUNCER:
Off of Spruce and I-95
at dusk by the Cheezers.
Saturday only.
JONNO:
Whimsical!
Wow. That looks crazy.
[LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]
Crazy enough to work!
Dude, what are you
talking about?
Can you guys
keep a secret?
I'm taking Eileen
to see that tomorrow.
and you guys
are coming with!
And you're not gonna
ruin the surprise!
What?
It sounds a little intense.
And why's it got
to be a surprise?
Is it a special occasion
or something?
No, and that's the point.
She'd be expecting
something if it was.
I've made her laugh, cry,
scream with terror when
she fell into that cave hole.
All the big emotions.
but she's too smart
to be surprised.
No way.
If there's a mystery,
she has to solve it.
Whenever I try
to surprise Eileen,
she figures it out
immediately.
[COCKNEY ACCENT]
Good evening, my lady.
I'm 'ere to warn you
that trouble's afoot.
You see,
there's been a mur--
Aah! You're taking me to
a murder mystery, right?
Uh, yes.
Great! I already picked out
a dress a week ago!
Surprise!
I'm taking you--
To the conjunction of the Moon
and Mars up on Lookout Mountain?
I know!
I'm so excited!
Hello--
You're taking me
to the biannual mating season
of the hermit crabs?
You're the best!
She's smart
like that, dude.
so I thought up a plan so crazy
she'll never figure it out.
Will you guys help
drive us around?
Dude, you're being
kind of crazy,
but at least it's a nice
kind of crazy.
I think that's sweet, Rigby.
Of course we'll help you.
Who wants celery
and peanut butter?
Wait, I smell
a surprise brewing.
No! You don't!
You're taking me
to a movie after this!
Ha! No!
Is there even
a surprise at all?
Who's to say?
Hello, Eileen.
I have something for you.
[GASPS]
Wait.
I'm gonna say, based on
your beach casual look,
combined with formal
jacket and corsage,
we're going to...
beach prom!
that's the most
fun party of the year!
Oh, Eileen,
Eileen, Eileen.
I have a different
surprise in store for you.
And this time, you're never
gonna be able to guess it.
Now, ditch the apron.
We're heading out.
Wait, but I still
have to work.
Talked to your boss.
It's taken care of.
Hey.
50 years from now,
are you gonna remember
bussing tables
or the greatest
adventure of your life?
Now, get out of here,
you crazy kids.
Rigby,
I don't know who that is.
He's a guy who gets it.
But don't worry.
I did talk to your boss.
Hmm.
If it's not beach prom,
are we going
to Costa Rica?
No need to guess.
Just enjoy the surprise.
Maybe your outfit
is a red herring.
Whoa. Crazy running
into you guys.
So random.
Need a lift?
but that could also be
a red herring
of said red herring,
meaning...
beach prom!
Just get
in the car!
I'd say we're about 15 miles
outside of downtown,
heading northwest.
The temperature has dropped
approximately three degrees,
which puts us near
that shoe store I like.
but...
Yep, we'd overshoot it
by about 900 feet.
Ah!
Sea Turtle Fan Club!
I just paid my dues.
That's so nice, Rigby.
[WATCH BEEPS]
And time to turn around.
Huh?
Uh, make a u-turn up here.
Okay...
[BRAKES SQUEAK]
All right, everyone get out
and go behind the house.
Hmm...
[BEEPING]
[♪♪♪]
I've got it.
You're building
a hot-air balloon
with all this stuff
for us to ride in.
That stuff's for a birthday
at the park later,
which you guys
better be back for.
I'm not working it by myself
after last time.
Look, I'm sorry
about that brush fire,
but I don't think
we'll make it back in time.
Rigby's plan
might last all month.
Speaking of which,
round 'em up! Back in the car!
[PANTING]
Not cool, bros!
[♪♪♪]
Rigby, I have to say
this is the best surprise
you've ever done.
But that doesn't mean
I won't figure out what it is.
Well, you won't, unless
you know what's that way!
Uh, that seems
kind of shady.
Yeah. Very shady.
Is there even time?
We might not make it
if we go this way.
Oh, no. We'll make it.
Trust me.
[♪♪♪]
Dude,
the sun's going down.
That thing that we're trying
to do is gonna end soon.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!
Trust me.
Now go over that hill.
Come on, man.
We got to turn around.
We have no business
being here.
Mordecai, chill.
These guys are probably cool.
We just need to drive past.
We'll blend right in.
[ALL GRUMBLING]
Okay. All right.
Just keep driving. Just...
[MOTORCYCLES REVVING]
Not okay.
Not all right!
[BRAKES SQUEAK]
Wow. I honestly
don't know what's next.
I am terrified
beyond all reason, though.
[MOTORCYCLE REVS]
Um, can I help you?
I'd say y'all
don't blend right in.
Where are you headed?
Sorry. Can't tell you.
Trying to surprise
my girlfriend.
You understand.
Oh, a surprise, huh?
[BONES CRACK]
You know, my old man
surprised me once.
Now he's dead...
[ALL GASP]
...set on never
surprising me again!
[BONES CRACK]
Long story short,
you best be telling me
where you're going.
No surprises on the road.
That's the biker law.
No! It's a surprise!
Rigby, come on.
Yeah, here.
I can just act surprised later.
[GASPS]
Rigby! Oh, my gosh!
I love it!
That's not
a real surprise face!
Yeah, pathetic!
Rigby, just tell him.
Dude, it's over.
No! Never!
Tell me!
These aren't
rational guys, Rigby.
Uh, sir, I can tell you.
We're gonna--
No! I want to hear it
from this guy!
[SCREAM]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
[SCREAM]
Withhold information,
we throw you off the cliff.
Second biker law.
[MUFFLED]
My exterior!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
BIKER: You gonna tell us now?
RIGBY: No!
How about now?!
No!
Maybe you should
tell them, Rigby.
I'd really like to live
to see the surprise.
But telling them wouldn't
make it a surprise anymore.
I've been at this for too long.
I'm not giving up now.
Get 'em out of the car!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[BIRD SCREECHES]
Now, come on, boy.
This is your last chance.
I'd really like to know
what that surprise is.
You and everyone else!
I'd rather die
than give up the one thing
that might surprise Eileen.
I'll never break.
So be it.
You're gonna get it.
Rigby!
[GASPS]
BIKER:
All right! Ladies first!
BIKER: Aah!
[EILEEN SCREAMS]
I don't want to die!
[TAPE RIPPING]
RIGBY:
All right! You win!
I'll tell you!
[♪♪♪]
[MOTORCYCLES DEPARTING]
EILEEN:
Guys? Guys!
Surprise!
I brought you to see
a giant strawberry!
What?!
I can't believe it!
Seeds of Agony by Jonno?
[SCREAMS]
I'm really here!
But-- but there was
the Sea Turtle Club,
the balloon at the park,
the observatory...
but then we ended up here.
What does it all mean?
Nothing!
[CHUCKLES]
You guys, too?
I knew it!
You slippery devil.
Brilliant.
I knew I couldn't outsmart you,
so I had to out-crazy you
with the craziest
fake plan of all time!
Are you surprised?
Yes, I'm surprised!
And I'm sorry I couldn't
just go with the flow.
My critical mind
is a blessing and a curse.
Thanks
for sticking with me.
I really love this surprise,
Rigby.
Ahh.
Also, who are these guys?
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Oh, we're the troupe
from the murder mystery
you attended.
We wanted to help Rigby
after you guessed the culprit
within seconds of arrival.
So we just threw on our old
[DEEP VOICE]
Motorcycle gang voices
[BRITISH ACCENT]
a-and lent a hand.
Yes, it was a delight
to reprise our roles.
Oh, I thought
you looked familiar,
but I was too paralyzed
with fear to guess.
[SLURPS]
Anybody want anything
from the car?
Yeah. Surprise me.
Ha.
Dude, I can't believe
your plan worked.
Yeah, it was sweet.
Then it was terrifying.
But now it's sweet again.
I wish you would have told us
about that motorcycle gang.
Part of the surprise.
What are you gonna do?
Rgardless, I'm still really
impressed you did all that.
Well, it's Eileen.
♪ It's Eileen ♪
♪ It's Eileen ♪
♪ It's Eileen ♪
♪ It's Eileen ♪
We also do musicals!
[♪♪♪]
[LAUGHING]
ANNOUNCER:
And now commentary from RGB2.
If you ask this old-timer,
TV peaked in the '80s.
Why don't shows have
laugh tracks anymore?
Sorry to keep you
guys waiting.
I know you're hungry,
but my famous peanut butter
and celery appetizers
will be out in a jiffy.
Daringly modern.
Contrapposto.
Avant-garde.
These are all words
you might say
when you gaze upon my piece,
Seeds of Agony.
You won't want to miss
this cultural event
before it is taken by blimp
back to my minimalist
Parisian studio
and destroyed.
The venue?
[LAUGHS]
A transitional locale between
the realms of light and dreams.
ANNOUNCER:
Off of Spruce and I-95
at dusk by the Cheezers.
Saturday only.
JONNO:
Whimsical!
Wow. That looks crazy.
[LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]
Crazy enough to work!
Dude, what are you
talking about?
Can you guys
keep a secret?
I'm taking Eileen
to see that tomorrow.
and you guys
are coming with!
And you're not gonna
ruin the surprise!
What?
It sounds a little intense.
And why's it got
to be a surprise?
Is it a special occasion
or something?
No, and that's the point.
She'd be expecting
something if it was.
I've made her laugh, cry,
scream with terror when
she fell into that cave hole.
All the big emotions.
but she's too smart
to be surprised.
No way.
If there's a mystery,
she has to solve it.
Whenever I try
to surprise Eileen,
she figures it out
immediately.
[COCKNEY ACCENT]
Good evening, my lady.
I'm 'ere to warn you
that trouble's afoot.
You see,
there's been a mur--
Aah! You're taking me to
a murder mystery, right?
Uh, yes.
Great! I already picked out
a dress a week ago!
Surprise!
I'm taking you--
To the conjunction of the Moon
and Mars up on Lookout Mountain?
I know!
I'm so excited!
Hello--
You're taking me
to the biannual mating season
of the hermit crabs?
You're the best!
She's smart
like that, dude.
so I thought up a plan so crazy
she'll never figure it out.
Will you guys help
drive us around?
Dude, you're being
kind of crazy,
but at least it's a nice
kind of crazy.
I think that's sweet, Rigby.
Of course we'll help you.
Who wants celery
and peanut butter?
Wait, I smell
a surprise brewing.
No! You don't!
You're taking me
to a movie after this!
Ha! No!
Is there even
a surprise at all?
Who's to say?
Hello, Eileen.
I have something for you.
[GASPS]
Wait.
I'm gonna say, based on
your beach casual look,
combined with formal
jacket and corsage,
we're going to...
beach prom!
that's the most
fun party of the year!
Oh, Eileen,
Eileen, Eileen.
I have a different
surprise in store for you.
And this time, you're never
gonna be able to guess it.
Now, ditch the apron.
We're heading out.
Wait, but I still
have to work.
Talked to your boss.
It's taken care of.
Hey.
50 years from now,
are you gonna remember
bussing tables
or the greatest
adventure of your life?
Now, get out of here,
you crazy kids.
Rigby,
I don't know who that is.
He's a guy who gets it.
But don't worry.
I did talk to your boss.
Hmm.
If it's not beach prom,
are we going
to Costa Rica?
No need to guess.
Just enjoy the surprise.
Maybe your outfit
is a red herring.
Whoa. Crazy running
into you guys.
So random.
Need a lift?
but that could also be
a red herring
of said red herring,
meaning...
beach prom!
Just get
in the car!
I'd say we're about 15 miles
outside of downtown,
heading northwest.
The temperature has dropped
approximately three degrees,
which puts us near
that shoe store I like.
but...
Yep, we'd overshoot it
by about 900 feet.
Ah!
Sea Turtle Fan Club!
I just paid my dues.
That's so nice, Rigby.
[WATCH BEEPS]
And time to turn around.
Huh?
Uh, make a u-turn up here.
Okay...
[BRAKES SQUEAK]
All right, everyone get out
and go behind the house.
Hmm...
[BEEPING]
[♪♪♪]
I've got it.
You're building
a hot-air balloon
with all this stuff
for us to ride in.
That stuff's for a birthday
at the park later,
which you guys
better be back for.
I'm not working it by myself
after last time.
Look, I'm sorry
about that brush fire,
but I don't think
we'll make it back in time.
Rigby's plan
might last all month.
Speaking of which,
round 'em up! Back in the car!
[PANTING]
Not cool, bros!
[♪♪♪]
Rigby, I have to say
this is the best surprise
you've ever done.
But that doesn't mean
I won't figure out what it is.
Well, you won't, unless
you know what's that way!
Uh, that seems
kind of shady.
Yeah. Very shady.
Is there even time?
We might not make it
if we go this way.
Oh, no. We'll make it.
Trust me.
[♪♪♪]
Dude,
the sun's going down.
That thing that we're trying
to do is gonna end soon.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!
Trust me.
Now go over that hill.
Come on, man.
We got to turn around.
We have no business
being here.
Mordecai, chill.
These guys are probably cool.
We just need to drive past.
We'll blend right in.
[ALL GRUMBLING]
Okay. All right.
Just keep driving. Just...
[MOTORCYCLES REVVING]
Not okay.
Not all right!
[BRAKES SQUEAK]
Wow. I honestly
don't know what's next.
I am terrified
beyond all reason, though.
[MOTORCYCLE REVS]
Um, can I help you?
I'd say y'all
don't blend right in.
Where are you headed?
Sorry. Can't tell you.
Trying to surprise
my girlfriend.
You understand.
Oh, a surprise, huh?
[BONES CRACK]
You know, my old man
surprised me once.
Now he's dead...
[ALL GASP]
...set on never
surprising me again!
[BONES CRACK]
Long story short,
you best be telling me
where you're going.
No surprises on the road.
That's the biker law.
No! It's a surprise!
Rigby, come on.
Yeah, here.
I can just act surprised later.
[GASPS]
Rigby! Oh, my gosh!
I love it!
That's not
a real surprise face!
Yeah, pathetic!
Rigby, just tell him.
Dude, it's over.
No! Never!
Tell me!
These aren't
rational guys, Rigby.
Uh, sir, I can tell you.
We're gonna--
No! I want to hear it
from this guy!
[SCREAM]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
[SCREAM]
Withhold information,
we throw you off the cliff.
Second biker law.
[MUFFLED]
My exterior!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
BIKER: You gonna tell us now?
RIGBY: No!
How about now?!
No!
Maybe you should
tell them, Rigby.
I'd really like to live
to see the surprise.
But telling them wouldn't
make it a surprise anymore.
I've been at this for too long.
I'm not giving up now.
Get 'em out of the car!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[BIRD SCREECHES]
Now, come on, boy.
This is your last chance.
I'd really like to know
what that surprise is.
You and everyone else!
I'd rather die
than give up the one thing
that might surprise Eileen.
I'll never break.
So be it.
You're gonna get it.
Rigby!
[GASPS]
BIKER:
All right! Ladies first!
BIKER: Aah!
[EILEEN SCREAMS]
I don't want to die!
[TAPE RIPPING]
RIGBY:
All right! You win!
I'll tell you!
[♪♪♪]
[MOTORCYCLES DEPARTING]
EILEEN:
Guys? Guys!
Surprise!
I brought you to see
a giant strawberry!
What?!
I can't believe it!
Seeds of Agony by Jonno?
[SCREAMS]
I'm really here!
But-- but there was
the Sea Turtle Club,
the balloon at the park,
the observatory...
but then we ended up here.
What does it all mean?
Nothing!
[CHUCKLES]
You guys, too?
I knew it!
You slippery devil.
Brilliant.
I knew I couldn't outsmart you,
so I had to out-crazy you
with the craziest
fake plan of all time!
Are you surprised?
Yes, I'm surprised!
And I'm sorry I couldn't
just go with the flow.
My critical mind
is a blessing and a curse.
Thanks
for sticking with me.
I really love this surprise,
Rigby.
Ahh.
Also, who are these guys?
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Oh, we're the troupe
from the murder mystery
you attended.
We wanted to help Rigby
after you guessed the culprit
within seconds of arrival.
So we just threw on our old
[DEEP VOICE]
Motorcycle gang voices
[BRITISH ACCENT]
a-and lent a hand.
Yes, it was a delight
to reprise our roles.
Oh, I thought
you looked familiar,
but I was too paralyzed
with fear to guess.
[SLURPS]
Anybody want anything
from the car?
Yeah. Surprise me.
Ha.
Dude, I can't believe
your plan worked.
Yeah, it was sweet.
Then it was terrifying.
But now it's sweet again.
I wish you would have told us
about that motorcycle gang.
Part of the surprise.
What are you gonna do?
Rgardless, I'm still really
impressed you did all that.
Well, it's Eileen.
♪ It's Eileen ♪
♪ It's Eileen ♪
♪ It's Eileen ♪
♪ It's Eileen ♪
We also do musicals!
[♪♪♪]
[LAUGHING]