Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 7, Episode 12 - Just Friends - full transcript

[♪♪♪]

In the battleground

of the future, you'll need...

Laser-sharp vision,

laser-fast reflexes.

[PANTING, GRUNTS]

And most of all, you'll need

to know how fire a laser!

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!

[ROBOTIC VOICE]

Critical damage!



Beep, beep!

[IMITATES POWERING DOWN]

[ALL LAUGHING]

Aw, yeah! who's ready

for Laser-pocalypse?

That's so cool you got

a four-for-one pass.

Yeah, Laser-pocalypse

gave them to us

after I did that piece:

"Laser Tag,

Fun Game or Funnest Game?"

This is gonna be fun! It's been

so long since we hung out.



[PHONE RINGS]

Yeah?

Let me guess, you forgot.

Forgot what?

Your brother's Judo ceremony!

Taekwondo, Sherm.

Whatever!

Oh, is that tonight?

Don't you use the "was

that tonight?" excuse on me.

I taught you that!

Now, look...

If I gotta be here,

you gotta be here!

All right, all right!

Your dad? Tell him I said hi.

Eileen says hi.

Hi, Eileen!

Hi, Eileen!

ALL:

Hi, Eileen!

Ugh! I gotta go to Don's

Taekwon-dumb thing tonight

for his stupid black belt.

Oh, that's right.

I embroidered this celebratory

headband for him.

[♪♪♪]

I think it could

use more dragons.

Come on. Don't want

to keep Sherm waiting.

[GROANS]

Rigby, can I talk

to you for a sec?

Dude! What the heck?

You can't leave me

with Margaret.

It's fine. You're

hanging out as friends.

I don't know if

she's cool with that.

Are you okay

being alone with Mordecai?

I think so.

We haven't hung out

in a while, so...

So...?

Hey, whatever happens, happens.

Well, either way...

BOTH:

Be strong.

This is familiar, right?

Yeah, last time

we were at the movies

together, we were...

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

But tonight, we're friends

on a fun night out.

Heh-heh, right.

Margaret Smith reporting live

on location of a fun night out.

Uh... No cameras.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[BOTH SIGH]

Okay, let's see

what we got here.

Hmm...

Hmm...

Ooh! I've heard good things

about Lovey Shovey.

[GROANS]

How about...that one?

Carter and Briggs, Heavily

Armed: The Violencetown Files?

All right.

Yo! Got some popcorn.

Nice!

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

MARGARET:

It's starting.

MAN [IN MOVIE]:

Carter...Briggs...7...

Heavily Armed...

[GUN COCKS, GUNFIRE]

[ACTION MUSIC PLAYS]

Whoo! Yeah.

Yes!

All right!

[MECHANICAL CLUNK,

MOTOR SLOWS]

Wha--?

[AUDIENCE SHOUTING]

Sorry, everybody.

Our print of

Carter and Briggs 7

has just

spontaneously combusted.

[ALL BOOING]

In its place, we will screen

Carter and Briggs 6:

The Heart-Shaped Badge.

Enjoy!

[FILM WHIRRING]

[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS]

Ooh! I've never seen

this one.

[CARIBBEAN MUSIC PLAYS]

Ah, Vacation.

No crime, no guns.

Briggs, there goes

that cute waitress again.

[GROANS]

Don't worry, Carter.

Over the next three

and a half hours,

I'll help you get with her.

She definitely

still likes you.

All you gotta do

is give her a sign.

[GASPS]

I think I've seen this one.

Let's go.

Okay...

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Nothing romantic here.

Dudes driving fast,

fumes, noisy engines.

What's that?

Exactly.

ANNOUNCER:

If I could have

your attention.

Tonight ain't just any night

here at Kartin' Safari,

'cause tonight's

my 15-year anniversary

to my beautiful Mary-Lee.

Ain't nobody make

my engine rev like you, darlin'.

I love you, baby!

I love you, Wayne!

In honor

of this blessed occasion,

for the rest of the night,

it'll be "Laps Fer Lovers."

So strap in and snuggle up.

Uh, I don't know.

It looks pretty tight.

I call driver's seat!

Your turn, stringbean.

Come on, Mordecai.

Let's hit the track.

Oh! Now, don't be shy.

She won't bite!

Aah!

Go ahead, now.

Scooch together.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

Uh, maybe try

putting your arm around him?

Like this?

Now pull his leg in.

Uh... I need to go

to the bathroom.

[♪♪♪]

[CROWD CHEERING]

WOMAN:

Yeah! Take him down!

Now, there's a son

I can be proud of!

[PHONE RINGS]

Yeah?

Dude, this whole "friends" thing

is not working out.

What? Why?

I'm trying to do friend stuff,

and it keeps turning romantic.

Awesome!

No, not awesome.

Margaret's still into me.

Sure, sure.

I need a break from the drama.

You do what you gotta do.

Oh! here comes

the best part!

Hey, man, I gotta go, but have

fun with Margaret tonight.

[CROWD CHEERING]

ALL [CHANTING]:

Don! Don! Don! Don!

♪ Rollin' hard with my boys

You know how we do ♪

♪ Tear it up at the club

Out till 1:00 or maybe 2:00 ♪

♪ Except that it's Tuesday

My day, Tuesday ♪

♪ At home with my lady ♪

♪ Playin' board games

And cuddlin' by the fire... ♪

[TIRES SCREECH]

Whoa! Whoa, Mordecai!

Uh, so...

See any place you wanna eat?

Oh, hey!

There's Steak Me Amadeus.

I don't know.

Last time didn't go so well.

Right.

Or...Mr. Yakihana-sama.

That place where they

grill the food in front of you?

Isn't it really smoky

in there?

You can barely see

the person sitting next to you.

Works for me.

[BRAKES SQUEAK]

[♪♪♪]

So, where should we sit?

How about...there?

Uh, the one

with the super-old chef

in unflatteringly

harsh lighting?

Yeah, the one right by

the bathroom. Let's go.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[SNORING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hai! I am Daisuke.

Pleased to serve you tonight.

Eh? Eh?

[SPATULA CLATTERS]

So...let me guess.

[SIZZLES]

Anniversary?

What? no!

Aha.

First date.

Oh, n-n-n-n-n-n-no.

What is this?

I see one boy and one girl.

We are

a boy and a girl,

but we're

boy and girl friends.

Ha, ha...

I mean --

Sound like

you don't know what you are.

Tell you what, I will do

the romantic show

for you free of charge.

And whatever

happens, happens.

No, no, no,

no, no --

[GULPS]

Hey, what the --

I said no --

[COUGHS]

I could silence you

with shrimp all night.

It's just dinner,

Mordecai.

Yes, keep up romantic farce

just for dessert.

Ugh, fine.

But only 'cause I'm --

[GULPS]

Hungry.

[♪♪♪]

That's it!

Why does the whole universe

want us to get together?

You noticed it too?

I've been keeping track

of the weird stuff.

I'm a reporter.

What could it mean?

I like lists. Sorry.

[SIGHS]

What is going on, Margaret?

What do you want

to be going on?

Wow. You two

are pretty messed up.

I only know you for one hour,

and already, I'm tired

of the "will they

or won't they" tension.

BOTH: Sorry.

What if there was a way

to see what would happen

if you got together?

Wouldn't your choice

be clear then? Eh?

An onion?

It's not the onion

that is clever.

It is the sauce.

[♪♪♪]

Look at the happy couple.

Whoa. It's us.

[LAUGHS]

Margaret,

will you marry me?

Yes!

Sweet!

Our very own houseboat!

ALL:

Whoa!

We have to be

fiscally responsible.

[CASH REGISTER DINGS]

Mallory!

Don't forget your lunch.

Are you carpooling

today?

DAISUKE:

Your children will

become a pro video-game team

and support you

well into old age.

And finally,

after 50 wonderful

years together,

you die peacefully.

BOTH:

Uh...

You...don't like?

It's just a lot

to take in.

Margaret,

you're really cool,

and our future looks

like it could be cool too,

but after seeing all that,

I'm sure of what I want now.

I think it would be best

if we were just friends.

[SIGHS]

I am so relieved

to hear you say that.

I thought I knew

what I wanted,

but we're still young,

Mordecai.

And I'm definitely

not ready for all that.

I mean,

I have a career.

I think

I just want to...

BOTH:

Live in the moment.

Take it easy right now.

It's best for both of us.

[DAISUKE CLEARS THROAT]

Thanks for wasting my time.

Am I going to have to throw

this couples sundae in trash?

Last chance.

Couple? Just friends?

Couple?

Just friends?

BOTH:

Just friends.

[♪♪♪]

I am okay with that.

Now, take the soft-serve cones

of friendship.

Would you like

the sprinkles of friendship?

Yes!

Yeah!

[GRUNTS]

This has been a great

friends' night out.

Agreed.

Separate checks, when you ready.

Mordo.

What is it, Margie?

They're just friends!

Do you think they can

really be just friends forever?

Only time will tell.

Let's get back

to our retirement.

BOTH:

Mwah!

[♪♪♪]

[BOTH CHUCKLING]