Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 7, Episode 13 - Benson's Pig - full transcript
Benson gets a pet pig, and asks Rigby and Mordecai to look after it for him.
[♪♪♪]
All right, listen up.
I've got a lot of meetings today
so I need you --
[HORN HONKS]
Got a delivery for Benson.
[GASPS]
He's here!
Ha, ha! He's here!
"He"?
[BENSON SQUEALS, LAUGHS]
Oh, hello there.
I'm Benson.
Can you say "Benson"?
[OINKS]
Oh-ho-ho.
Guys, meet Applesauce!
I adopted him through
the Oink Foundation.
It cost a fortune to overnight
him to the park.
Who's an expensive
little guy?
I thought you were
more of a cat person.
No, I'm done with cats.
I'm a pig person now.
It'll be great to have
company around the house.
Isn't that right, little guy?
Oh, what an amiable
little swine.
Applesauce is my favorite food.
I see why you named him that.
MUSCLE MAN:
Look! He even has
a little apple on his arm.
That's a birthmark.
Mordecai and Rigby,
change of plans.
I'm stuck here until noon,
so I want you
to take Applesauce
back to my apartment
and watch him.
His pen is already set up.
Just make sure he
stays out of trouble.
Whoa! All we gotta do is
watch a pig for three hours?
Heck, yeah,
we can do that!
I'll see you in
a little while, Applesauce!
Say "bye-bye!
Bye-bye, Benson."
Bye-bye!
Bye, bye, bye!
Agh! I can't believe we have
to sit in Benson's apartment.
It smells like
a hospital in there.
Dude, we don't have to be
there for three hours.
Whoa!
Free pass!
What do you say, Applesauce?
You want to hang out with us
until you spend
your life with Benson?
Oink!
I'll take that as a "yes."
BOTH:
Hangin' with Applesauce!
[♪♪♪]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
BOTH:
Whoa!
Dude, we're like
cool uncles.
Wanna get something to eat?
Oink!
Aw, nice! they have
bacon-wrapped hot dogs!
You can't give that to
Applesauce. That's his people.
Oh, yeah.
I'm a terrible uncle.
Veggie dog, then, Applesauce?
Applesauce?
Where'd he go?
He was here a second ago.
BOTH:
Applesauce?
Huh?
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey, Benson. What's up?
Hey, I'm gonna be here
longer than I thought,
but I should be home
by 12:30 at the latest.
May I speak to Applesauce?
Uh... Just a sec.
[WHIMPERS, SNORTS]
Oh, ho, ho.
Hello, Applesauce. Hello!
I have a pig now.
[SNORTING]
All right,
that's enough.
I want you guys to know
how much it means to me
that you're taking care
of my little Applesauce.
I don't know what I'd do
if something happened to him.
[♪♪♪]
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYS]
Why, hello, there,
little pig.
You want a bite?
Aah! Rabid pig!
Rabid pig!
[APPLESAUCE SQUEALING]
[SCREAMS]
Gotcha!
BENSON: What's all that noise?
Uh, we gotta go.
See you later,
Benson. Come on!
[ENGINE STARTS,
TIRES SCREECH]
Wait! Stop!
Oh, man!
[♪♪♪]
They brought in
a pig a few minutes ago.
I hear he attacked a woman
and trashed a doughnut shop.
He's just a pig.
He doesn't know any better.
We gotta get him
to Benson's by 12:30,
or he's gonna fire us!
All right, I'll see
what I can do.
That place had
the best doughnuts.
That's the kind of thing
cops take personally.
[♪♪♪]
All right, a lot of innocent
doughnuts went to waste today.
Why'd you do it?
This little piggy's goin'
"wee, wee, wee"
all the way to jail
if he doesn't start talking!
What do we got, boys?
It's no use, Low Fives.
This piggy
ain't squealin'.
Well, he's just a pig.
They can't talk, right?
OFFICER 1:
That's what they
want you to think, then, bam,
they slip
through your fingers!
OFFICER 2:
You'll have to excuse Merv.
He's a little fired up.
Give us a couple hours
and we'll get some answers.
Yeah. Until then,
he ain't goin' nowheres!
[OINKS]
[♪♪♪]
[ALERT BUZZES]
Oink!
RIGBY: Dude, there he is!
Low Fives got him out.
Come on, we gotta
get you home.
Well, I think that was
enough fun for one day.
You gave us a run
for our money, little guy.
We thought you were
some criminal for a second.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
[ALARM BLARING]
Uh, what are you
doing, Applesauce?
Uh, Mordecai?
[PANTING]
Unh! Floor it, Leroy!
Leroy?
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[RIGBY AND MORDECAI SCREAM]
All units -- We have
two escaped convicts
heading east
in a golf cart.
I knew you'd come back for me,
Leroy. Took you long enough.
Now we can get back
to the way things were.
What?
Didn't he tell you?
Me and him were the best
bank robbers in the country.
Everybody get down
on the ground!
See, I was the brawn
and Leroy was the brains.
We were a team, me and him,
and, like most teams,
we had our differences.
Loose cannon?
I ain't no loose cannon!
[SQUEALING]
Fine! you wanna
bail, then bail!
I don't need you!
I don't need anybody!
I can do this myself!
Unfortunately, I could not.
[GRUNTING]
Oh!
I had no one else to turn to,
so I used my one
phone call on Leroy.
I knew he'd come up
with some scheme
to bust me out of jail
'cause no one would suspect
a cute little pig.
So Applesauce
smashed up that shop
so he could get arrested?
Yep, he got into jail
so he could get me out.
Now I'm a free man.
Whoo! Ha!
Whoa, whoa! Chill, dude.
We don't want any trouble.
We just want to get the pig back
to our boss' apartment.
Your boss' apartment?
[SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE]
[GROANING]
[PHONE RINGS]
Hey, Benson.
Yeah, we're at the apartment.
Applesauce is fine.
Good. I'll be there
in 15 minutes.
Did Applesauce get
into any trouble?
No. No trouble.
Good.
Don't break anything!
Dude, Benson's coming.
He told us not
to break anything.
Breaking news:
Bank robber Harry Roughauser
has just escaped from jail.
While the subject
has never been convicted
of any violent crimes,
he seems to break
everything in his path.
[TV SHUTS OFF]
Benson's gonna be here soon.
Gotta get this guy out
before he breaks everything.
Go talk to him.
What?
And get my face smashed in?
Ugh! fine, I'll do it.
Hey, man, I don't want
to be pushy or anything,
but our boss is
gonna be here soon.
Could you, like, leave?
I see how it is.
Come on, Leroy,
let's go.
Leroy?
[SNORTS]
Huh?
You want to stay here?
But we're a team!
Oink.
A normal life?
This is what split
us up in the first place!
Here I am, thinkin' we
got another shot, but, no,
Leroy wants
a normal life.
Well, how's this
for normal? Agh!
[GROANS]
[SNORTS]
Bustin' me out
isn't enough!
I wanna rob
some banks! Argh!
[GASPS]
[OINKS]
I'm perfectly calm!
Why don't you calm down? Argh!
[YELPS]
[GROANING ANGRILY]
[GASPING]
[GRUNTING]
Dude, Applesauce
made his decision.
Just let him go!
You're right.
[GRUNTS]
I wouldn't be much
of a partner
if I didn't respect
Leroy's wishes.
You sure this is what
you want, old friend?
[OINKS]
Fine. I understand.
My love of breakin' things
has clearly broken
this team apart.
Sorry for the trouble.
I'll be on my way now.
Dude,
we pulled it off.
Applesauce is here
and nothing got broken.
Yeah!
BOTH:
Hoo-ah!
Uh, there's a bunch
of cops outside.
[SIRENS WAILING]
[WHIRRING NOISE]
What's that sound?
Everybody, get down!
[BOTH GROAN]
[SCREAMS]
This is it, Roughauser!
Come out with your hands up!
Never! I'm not goin'
down without a fight!
Then you leave us no choice!
All units!
[MENACINGLY]
Bring in more bean bags.
[ALL GASP]
Huh? Uh-oh.
[GROANING]
[OINKING]
[YELLS, GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
[OINKS]
No, Leroy.
Just let me go.
It's too late for me.
Those nonlethal bean bags
really hurt.
If anybody deserves
a life of luxury
in this beautiful
one-bedroom apartment, it's you.
[OINKS]
I'll never forget you.
Goodbye, partner.
[♪♪♪]
[GRUNTING]
Sorry about the mess.
All right, guys, let's go.
[WHISTLING]
Hey, hey,
where's my little gu--?
Benson, we gotta talk
to you about Applesauce.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
All right, listen up.
I've got a lot of meetings today
so I need you --
[HORN HONKS]
Got a delivery for Benson.
[GASPS]
He's here!
Ha, ha! He's here!
"He"?
[BENSON SQUEALS, LAUGHS]
Oh, hello there.
I'm Benson.
Can you say "Benson"?
[OINKS]
Oh-ho-ho.
Guys, meet Applesauce!
I adopted him through
the Oink Foundation.
It cost a fortune to overnight
him to the park.
Who's an expensive
little guy?
I thought you were
more of a cat person.
No, I'm done with cats.
I'm a pig person now.
It'll be great to have
company around the house.
Isn't that right, little guy?
Oh, what an amiable
little swine.
Applesauce is my favorite food.
I see why you named him that.
MUSCLE MAN:
Look! He even has
a little apple on his arm.
That's a birthmark.
Mordecai and Rigby,
change of plans.
I'm stuck here until noon,
so I want you
to take Applesauce
back to my apartment
and watch him.
His pen is already set up.
Just make sure he
stays out of trouble.
Whoa! All we gotta do is
watch a pig for three hours?
Heck, yeah,
we can do that!
I'll see you in
a little while, Applesauce!
Say "bye-bye!
Bye-bye, Benson."
Bye-bye!
Bye, bye, bye!
Agh! I can't believe we have
to sit in Benson's apartment.
It smells like
a hospital in there.
Dude, we don't have to be
there for three hours.
Whoa!
Free pass!
What do you say, Applesauce?
You want to hang out with us
until you spend
your life with Benson?
Oink!
I'll take that as a "yes."
BOTH:
Hangin' with Applesauce!
[♪♪♪]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
BOTH:
Whoa!
Dude, we're like
cool uncles.
Wanna get something to eat?
Oink!
Aw, nice! they have
bacon-wrapped hot dogs!
You can't give that to
Applesauce. That's his people.
Oh, yeah.
I'm a terrible uncle.
Veggie dog, then, Applesauce?
Applesauce?
Where'd he go?
He was here a second ago.
BOTH:
Applesauce?
Huh?
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey, Benson. What's up?
Hey, I'm gonna be here
longer than I thought,
but I should be home
by 12:30 at the latest.
May I speak to Applesauce?
Uh... Just a sec.
[WHIMPERS, SNORTS]
Oh, ho, ho.
Hello, Applesauce. Hello!
I have a pig now.
[SNORTING]
All right,
that's enough.
I want you guys to know
how much it means to me
that you're taking care
of my little Applesauce.
I don't know what I'd do
if something happened to him.
[♪♪♪]
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYS]
Why, hello, there,
little pig.
You want a bite?
Aah! Rabid pig!
Rabid pig!
[APPLESAUCE SQUEALING]
[SCREAMS]
Gotcha!
BENSON: What's all that noise?
Uh, we gotta go.
See you later,
Benson. Come on!
[ENGINE STARTS,
TIRES SCREECH]
Wait! Stop!
Oh, man!
[♪♪♪]
They brought in
a pig a few minutes ago.
I hear he attacked a woman
and trashed a doughnut shop.
He's just a pig.
He doesn't know any better.
We gotta get him
to Benson's by 12:30,
or he's gonna fire us!
All right, I'll see
what I can do.
That place had
the best doughnuts.
That's the kind of thing
cops take personally.
[♪♪♪]
All right, a lot of innocent
doughnuts went to waste today.
Why'd you do it?
This little piggy's goin'
"wee, wee, wee"
all the way to jail
if he doesn't start talking!
What do we got, boys?
It's no use, Low Fives.
This piggy
ain't squealin'.
Well, he's just a pig.
They can't talk, right?
OFFICER 1:
That's what they
want you to think, then, bam,
they slip
through your fingers!
OFFICER 2:
You'll have to excuse Merv.
He's a little fired up.
Give us a couple hours
and we'll get some answers.
Yeah. Until then,
he ain't goin' nowheres!
[OINKS]
[♪♪♪]
[ALERT BUZZES]
Oink!
RIGBY: Dude, there he is!
Low Fives got him out.
Come on, we gotta
get you home.
Well, I think that was
enough fun for one day.
You gave us a run
for our money, little guy.
We thought you were
some criminal for a second.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
[ALARM BLARING]
Uh, what are you
doing, Applesauce?
Uh, Mordecai?
[PANTING]
Unh! Floor it, Leroy!
Leroy?
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[RIGBY AND MORDECAI SCREAM]
All units -- We have
two escaped convicts
heading east
in a golf cart.
I knew you'd come back for me,
Leroy. Took you long enough.
Now we can get back
to the way things were.
What?
Didn't he tell you?
Me and him were the best
bank robbers in the country.
Everybody get down
on the ground!
See, I was the brawn
and Leroy was the brains.
We were a team, me and him,
and, like most teams,
we had our differences.
Loose cannon?
I ain't no loose cannon!
[SQUEALING]
Fine! you wanna
bail, then bail!
I don't need you!
I don't need anybody!
I can do this myself!
Unfortunately, I could not.
[GRUNTING]
Oh!
I had no one else to turn to,
so I used my one
phone call on Leroy.
I knew he'd come up
with some scheme
to bust me out of jail
'cause no one would suspect
a cute little pig.
So Applesauce
smashed up that shop
so he could get arrested?
Yep, he got into jail
so he could get me out.
Now I'm a free man.
Whoo! Ha!
Whoa, whoa! Chill, dude.
We don't want any trouble.
We just want to get the pig back
to our boss' apartment.
Your boss' apartment?
[SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE]
[GROANING]
[PHONE RINGS]
Hey, Benson.
Yeah, we're at the apartment.
Applesauce is fine.
Good. I'll be there
in 15 minutes.
Did Applesauce get
into any trouble?
No. No trouble.
Good.
Don't break anything!
Dude, Benson's coming.
He told us not
to break anything.
Breaking news:
Bank robber Harry Roughauser
has just escaped from jail.
While the subject
has never been convicted
of any violent crimes,
he seems to break
everything in his path.
[TV SHUTS OFF]
Benson's gonna be here soon.
Gotta get this guy out
before he breaks everything.
Go talk to him.
What?
And get my face smashed in?
Ugh! fine, I'll do it.
Hey, man, I don't want
to be pushy or anything,
but our boss is
gonna be here soon.
Could you, like, leave?
I see how it is.
Come on, Leroy,
let's go.
Leroy?
[SNORTS]
Huh?
You want to stay here?
But we're a team!
Oink.
A normal life?
This is what split
us up in the first place!
Here I am, thinkin' we
got another shot, but, no,
Leroy wants
a normal life.
Well, how's this
for normal? Agh!
[GROANS]
[SNORTS]
Bustin' me out
isn't enough!
I wanna rob
some banks! Argh!
[GASPS]
[OINKS]
I'm perfectly calm!
Why don't you calm down? Argh!
[YELPS]
[GROANING ANGRILY]
[GASPING]
[GRUNTING]
Dude, Applesauce
made his decision.
Just let him go!
You're right.
[GRUNTS]
I wouldn't be much
of a partner
if I didn't respect
Leroy's wishes.
You sure this is what
you want, old friend?
[OINKS]
Fine. I understand.
My love of breakin' things
has clearly broken
this team apart.
Sorry for the trouble.
I'll be on my way now.
Dude,
we pulled it off.
Applesauce is here
and nothing got broken.
Yeah!
BOTH:
Hoo-ah!
Uh, there's a bunch
of cops outside.
[SIRENS WAILING]
[WHIRRING NOISE]
What's that sound?
Everybody, get down!
[BOTH GROAN]
[SCREAMS]
This is it, Roughauser!
Come out with your hands up!
Never! I'm not goin'
down without a fight!
Then you leave us no choice!
All units!
[MENACINGLY]
Bring in more bean bags.
[ALL GASP]
Huh? Uh-oh.
[GROANING]
[OINKING]
[YELLS, GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
[OINKS]
No, Leroy.
Just let me go.
It's too late for me.
Those nonlethal bean bags
really hurt.
If anybody deserves
a life of luxury
in this beautiful
one-bedroom apartment, it's you.
[OINKS]
I'll never forget you.
Goodbye, partner.
[♪♪♪]
[GRUNTING]
Sorry about the mess.
All right, guys, let's go.
[WHISTLING]
Hey, hey,
where's my little gu--?
Benson, we gotta talk
to you about Applesauce.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH CHUCKLING]