Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 1 - Maxin' and Relaxin' - full transcript
When Mordecai offers to pick up a mix tape from his parent's house, CJ decides to go with him and meet his parents. But, from past memories, Mordecai worries that his Mom will embarrass him.
[♪♪♪]
♪ Whoomp! There it is ♪
♪ Whoomp! There it is! ♪
♪ Whoomp! There it is! ♪
Breakdown.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Fun fact about me,
I did a color-guard routine
to this in the 9th grade.
Huh. Fun fact about me,
this song was on a mixtape
I made in the 7th grade
titled "Maxin' and Relaxin'."
I was the master at mixtapes.
I'd pick a title, then put
together the perfect mix,
like "Good Vibes
and High Fives,"
"TV Watchin',
Pizza Noshin',"
"Mad Schoolin',
Straight Foolin'."
Wow.
You were pretty cool, Mordecai.
Yeah, I was.
I'd play 'em
for you, but
tapes are all
at my Mom and Dad's.
Dude, we should
listen to them!
Sure. I could get them
tomorrow, maybe.
I'd love to come along.
You want to...
...come along to your
parents' house!
We can get the tapes.
I could meet your parents.
[GASPS]
I can meet your Mom!
M-my Mom?
Ha ha!
I mean, why not?
We've been going out
for a few months now.
Why wouldn't you want
to meet my Mom?
I mean
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
it's not like I can keep
my Mom from you forever.
[LAUGHS
NERVOUSLY]
[HYPERVENTILATING]
Great!
Thanks for the dinner/movie.
Yeah.
I can't wait for you
to meet my Mom!
She can't meet
my Mom, dude.
What's the big deal?
Your Mom's totally cool.
She's totally psycho.
What?!
She'd always go out
of her way to embarrass me
whenever I had
a girl over.
Yeah, but how many times
did you have
a girl over? Zero?
Was it zero times?
No.
Remember Daphne Gonzales?
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
Music?
Uh, yea-ah.
It's loud.
So, what did you get
for question 12?
Hey, kids!
Sorry I had to kick
the door open.
It was closed
for some reason.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, this music.
What's going on?
A dance party?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
MOM:
Come on, Mordy!
Shake what
your mama gave you.
Your butt, Mordy.
I'm talking about your butt!
What do you want,
Mom?!
I made some snacky-wackies
for my wittle study buddies.
Pigs in a blanket
and, uh, prunes.
Prunes are
for Mordy, hon.
Keeps him regular.
Mo-o-o-m!
What? It does.
Ugh!
Okay, Mom! Fine!
Just leave now,
all right?! Gosh!
Okay, okay, Mordy.
I'll leave. It's just--
Daphne, thank you.
For what?
For being the first girl
Mordecai's ever brought over.
It's going on the tape!
So, tell me, how do you like
studying with my son?
Tell me for the tape.
I got to go!
Uhh!
So, that's why
Daphne wrote,
"I hope you're still
eating your prunes, ha ha!"
in your yearbook.
Molly Sherman, Bernice Chan,
Sasha Diaz, none of them
lasted a day with my Mom.
Sounds rough, man.
[VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS]
[RINGS]
Well, if it isn't
my favorite and only son.
Uh, hey, Dad.
I'm thinking about
coming by the house
with my girlfriend
so I can grab one
of my old mixtapes.
Girlfriend, eh?
I'm sure your Mom
will love that.
That's kind
of the problem.
She gets weird when
I bring girls home.
It's embarrassing!
Wait.
You've brought girls home?
How many times?
Was it zero times?
Anyway, I know Mom
can go overboard sometimes,
but I'm not sure what you
want me to do about that.
Just-- Is there a time I can
come by when Mom won't be home?
Well, she does have punchercize
tomorrow night, but--
Look, I know
it's messed up,
but please don't tell her
we're coming.
Uhp, uhp!
I can't lie to that woman.
Haven't in 25 years.
Except if she asks
if she could still pass
as a college student.
Then you lie.
Otherwise, no lies!
Just don't tell her.
Dad, I'm here!
Ah, there's my boy!
Ha. Hi, Dad.
And you must be C.J.
I'm William.
Nice to
meet you, sir.
Please,
call me "Will."
"Sir" is
my boss' name.
Unfortunately,
Mordecai's Mom
isn't around
at the moment.
Mom's not here?!
Darn it! Life's so unfair!
Oh, well.
Next time or whatever.
Anyway, I'm just gonna run up
and grab that tape so we can--
[BLAM!]
[SCREAMS]
Where's my little champion?
Mom! You're home!
Of course I am.
You don't think I'd miss
my handsome gent
coming home,
do you?
And when
your Dad told me
you were bringing
a new sweetie over,
I decided to take the
afternoon punchercize class
so I could run right home
to see you two.
25 years, no lies.
And you...wow!
Gorgeous!
Yep.
I'm smart and funny, too.
And modest.
She's the whole
package.
Mordy, tell me
you and this bombshell
will be staying
for dinner.
Actually, we--
Pshaw!
I insist!
Besides, I already whipped up
something special
before punchercize.
You two sit tight.
It'll be ready
in a jiff.
Can't wait.
Sorry my Mom's
so weird.
What?
She's totally sweet!
Here's my room.
Whoa!
Yep. Yep. You can tell
a lot about a man
from the room
he grew up in.
I think my mixtapes
are in the closet.
Hmm.
They aren't here.
MOM:
Mordecai! Mordecai,
I need you
right now!
Ugh!
I'll see what she wants.
Mordecai!
What? What is it, Mom?
Is C.J. a vegetarian?
That's what you
called me down for?
No, Mom. no, she isn't.
[LAUGHING] Oh, good!
She can have some
of my prized meatloaf.
Can you just
be normal?
Normal?
Yeah, normal!
Ever heard of it?
Let's not go nuts here, okay?
Don't worry.
Let me show you the dessert.
[MUSIC OF DOOM]
[GASPS]
See, the berries spell out--
Hey, stop!
What are you doing?!
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry.
It just looked so good,
you know, I couldn't wait.
You've still got it, Mom.
You're lucky
I have a backup!
[DOOM MUSIC]
Think she'll like it?
It was hard to get
all her features.
Gelatin is such
an unforgiving medium.
But, luckily, I got a bunch
of her photos off the internet.
C.J., C.J., we got--
We got to go!
What? Why?
We just gotta, before...
MOM:
Dinner's ready, kids!
[GROANS]
Never mind.
[CLOCK TICKING]
He kept running and running.
And he shoots the ball
into the other team's basket!
[LAUGHTER]
[GASPS DRAMATICALLY]
[LAUGHING]
Oh, memories.
I've been collecting them,
you know, C.J.
Yeah. I'm collecting
a few interesting
ones myself.
No, I mean on tape.
It's called...
[ECHOING]
Mordy Moments.
Okay! Who's ready for
some Mordy Moments?
[IMITATES MOVIE FANFARE]
20th century Mom presents
Mordy Moments!
Yeah! [SCREAMS]
[LAUGHTER]
Just think
a happy thought,
and you can
fly, too!
[CRASH]
[LAUGHTER]
Pasketti everywhere!
MOM: Pasketti on your tushy.
[SCHOOL BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHTER]
[DISTORTED LAUGHTER]
MOM:
You remember that tape,
Mordy?
Oh, yeah. mm-hmm.
You know, you two
should stay for a bit longer.
We could eat the special
dessert I made for C.J.
then we could watch the tape!
Now, where
did I put it?
I think you put it
in the basement.
I'll intercept--
I mean, look for it.
Oh, C.J., you're in
for a real treat.
[♪♪♪]
Yes!
Jackpot.
C.J.:
so, why do you guys
have so many prunes again?
MOM:
Once Mordy brings up the tape,
I'll show you why.
Sorry, Mom.
[SCREAMS IN PAIN]
[SPIRITS MOANING]
Aaah!
Whoa!
Ahh! Where's
the mixtape?
Oh, you mean
this mixtape?
MORDECAI:
Hey, give it back!
What the heck?!
Who are you?
Whoa. You're all me!
Brilliant. Grab him.
Ohh! Get off!
Aah! Help!
C.J.! Mom!
Pfft! Yeah, right.
Why would Mom want
to help you after tonight?
What the heck
does that mean?
[SAXOPHONE HONKS]
Yeah. It means that
while you were busy
looking for your dumb
little mixtape,
we put together a little
mixtape of our own.
Stop!
[GASPS DRAMATICALLY]
Can you just be normal?
Normal?
All right, fine.
I admit I haven't
been supernice
to Mom tonight.
but of all people,
can't you understand?
She humiliated us.
She put our most embarrassing
moments on tape,
and now you're stuck
like this forever!
You have to learn
to let go, dude.
Embarrassing moments
make us who we are.
The problem isn't that
we're stuck like this
on Mordy Moments.
it's that
we're stuck
like this in here.
Besides,
Mom can be really cool.
Remember after I got caught
in the diving slide?
Oh, yeah!
To make me feel better,
she took me out
for the biggest
sundae I ever saw.
I guess that was
pretty cool of her.
Ugh! I'm free!
Yeah. She had to pull
a lot of strings
to find a good doctor
to remove that saxophone.
[NOTE PLAYS]
Yea-ah!
And after
the play,
she hunted around
for weeks to find me
me a new pair of
rocketship underwear.
Aw, man.
You guys are right.
Mom's totally rad,
and I've been a complete
jerk to her all night
just because I wanted C.J.
to think I was cool.
Dude, C.J. does
think you're cool.
[ZAP]
But girls don't dig guys
who are jerks to their Mom.
You're right, guys.
Thanks. I needed that.
Glad to help,
bro.
ALL:
See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!
[CHUCKLES]
I guess that stuff
is pretty funny.
[♪♪♪]
Mordecai, did you find
Mordy Moments?
Oh, good.
Come on.
Everybody's in the living room.
Uh, Mordy, we don't have to
watch if you don't want to.
Is it embarrassing for you?
Do I embarrass you?
Mom, you don't
embarrass me.
I've been acting
totally crazy.
Sorry about being
a jerk tonight.
Aww.
My boy could never
be a jerk.
Well, look
who it is.
You found it?
Yep.
And here's
dessert.
Wow! It's like looking
in a jelly mirror.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! This one's
a keeper, Mordecai.
Okay, okay, everybody.
Settle down.
Welcome to the 10th annual
screening of Mordy Moments.
I need everybody to turn off
their cellphones,
and no food or drink
in the theater.
Except Mom's dessert.
[LAUGHTER]
And I'm gonna
need everybody
to sign a nondisclosure
agreement.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHS]
♪ bum bum bum-bum bum bum ♪
This is way cooler
than a mixtape.
...Mordy Moments!
MORDECAI:
Yeah! [SCREAMS]
Pasketti everywhere!
[LAUGHTER]
[♪♪♪]
♪ Whoomp! There it is ♪
♪ Whoomp! There it is! ♪
♪ Whoomp! There it is! ♪
Breakdown.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Fun fact about me,
I did a color-guard routine
to this in the 9th grade.
Huh. Fun fact about me,
this song was on a mixtape
I made in the 7th grade
titled "Maxin' and Relaxin'."
I was the master at mixtapes.
I'd pick a title, then put
together the perfect mix,
like "Good Vibes
and High Fives,"
"TV Watchin',
Pizza Noshin',"
"Mad Schoolin',
Straight Foolin'."
Wow.
You were pretty cool, Mordecai.
Yeah, I was.
I'd play 'em
for you, but
tapes are all
at my Mom and Dad's.
Dude, we should
listen to them!
Sure. I could get them
tomorrow, maybe.
I'd love to come along.
You want to...
...come along to your
parents' house!
We can get the tapes.
I could meet your parents.
[GASPS]
I can meet your Mom!
M-my Mom?
Ha ha!
I mean, why not?
We've been going out
for a few months now.
Why wouldn't you want
to meet my Mom?
I mean
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
it's not like I can keep
my Mom from you forever.
[LAUGHS
NERVOUSLY]
[HYPERVENTILATING]
Great!
Thanks for the dinner/movie.
Yeah.
I can't wait for you
to meet my Mom!
She can't meet
my Mom, dude.
What's the big deal?
Your Mom's totally cool.
She's totally psycho.
What?!
She'd always go out
of her way to embarrass me
whenever I had
a girl over.
Yeah, but how many times
did you have
a girl over? Zero?
Was it zero times?
No.
Remember Daphne Gonzales?
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
Music?
Uh, yea-ah.
It's loud.
So, what did you get
for question 12?
Hey, kids!
Sorry I had to kick
the door open.
It was closed
for some reason.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, this music.
What's going on?
A dance party?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
MOM:
Come on, Mordy!
Shake what
your mama gave you.
Your butt, Mordy.
I'm talking about your butt!
What do you want,
Mom?!
I made some snacky-wackies
for my wittle study buddies.
Pigs in a blanket
and, uh, prunes.
Prunes are
for Mordy, hon.
Keeps him regular.
Mo-o-o-m!
What? It does.
Ugh!
Okay, Mom! Fine!
Just leave now,
all right?! Gosh!
Okay, okay, Mordy.
I'll leave. It's just--
Daphne, thank you.
For what?
For being the first girl
Mordecai's ever brought over.
It's going on the tape!
So, tell me, how do you like
studying with my son?
Tell me for the tape.
I got to go!
Uhh!
So, that's why
Daphne wrote,
"I hope you're still
eating your prunes, ha ha!"
in your yearbook.
Molly Sherman, Bernice Chan,
Sasha Diaz, none of them
lasted a day with my Mom.
Sounds rough, man.
[VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS]
[RINGS]
Well, if it isn't
my favorite and only son.
Uh, hey, Dad.
I'm thinking about
coming by the house
with my girlfriend
so I can grab one
of my old mixtapes.
Girlfriend, eh?
I'm sure your Mom
will love that.
That's kind
of the problem.
She gets weird when
I bring girls home.
It's embarrassing!
Wait.
You've brought girls home?
How many times?
Was it zero times?
Anyway, I know Mom
can go overboard sometimes,
but I'm not sure what you
want me to do about that.
Just-- Is there a time I can
come by when Mom won't be home?
Well, she does have punchercize
tomorrow night, but--
Look, I know
it's messed up,
but please don't tell her
we're coming.
Uhp, uhp!
I can't lie to that woman.
Haven't in 25 years.
Except if she asks
if she could still pass
as a college student.
Then you lie.
Otherwise, no lies!
Just don't tell her.
Dad, I'm here!
Ah, there's my boy!
Ha. Hi, Dad.
And you must be C.J.
I'm William.
Nice to
meet you, sir.
Please,
call me "Will."
"Sir" is
my boss' name.
Unfortunately,
Mordecai's Mom
isn't around
at the moment.
Mom's not here?!
Darn it! Life's so unfair!
Oh, well.
Next time or whatever.
Anyway, I'm just gonna run up
and grab that tape so we can--
[BLAM!]
[SCREAMS]
Where's my little champion?
Mom! You're home!
Of course I am.
You don't think I'd miss
my handsome gent
coming home,
do you?
And when
your Dad told me
you were bringing
a new sweetie over,
I decided to take the
afternoon punchercize class
so I could run right home
to see you two.
25 years, no lies.
And you...wow!
Gorgeous!
Yep.
I'm smart and funny, too.
And modest.
She's the whole
package.
Mordy, tell me
you and this bombshell
will be staying
for dinner.
Actually, we--
Pshaw!
I insist!
Besides, I already whipped up
something special
before punchercize.
You two sit tight.
It'll be ready
in a jiff.
Can't wait.
Sorry my Mom's
so weird.
What?
She's totally sweet!
Here's my room.
Whoa!
Yep. Yep. You can tell
a lot about a man
from the room
he grew up in.
I think my mixtapes
are in the closet.
Hmm.
They aren't here.
MOM:
Mordecai! Mordecai,
I need you
right now!
Ugh!
I'll see what she wants.
Mordecai!
What? What is it, Mom?
Is C.J. a vegetarian?
That's what you
called me down for?
No, Mom. no, she isn't.
[LAUGHING] Oh, good!
She can have some
of my prized meatloaf.
Can you just
be normal?
Normal?
Yeah, normal!
Ever heard of it?
Let's not go nuts here, okay?
Don't worry.
Let me show you the dessert.
[MUSIC OF DOOM]
[GASPS]
See, the berries spell out--
Hey, stop!
What are you doing?!
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry.
It just looked so good,
you know, I couldn't wait.
You've still got it, Mom.
You're lucky
I have a backup!
[DOOM MUSIC]
Think she'll like it?
It was hard to get
all her features.
Gelatin is such
an unforgiving medium.
But, luckily, I got a bunch
of her photos off the internet.
C.J., C.J., we got--
We got to go!
What? Why?
We just gotta, before...
MOM:
Dinner's ready, kids!
[GROANS]
Never mind.
[CLOCK TICKING]
He kept running and running.
And he shoots the ball
into the other team's basket!
[LAUGHTER]
[GASPS DRAMATICALLY]
[LAUGHING]
Oh, memories.
I've been collecting them,
you know, C.J.
Yeah. I'm collecting
a few interesting
ones myself.
No, I mean on tape.
It's called...
[ECHOING]
Mordy Moments.
Okay! Who's ready for
some Mordy Moments?
[IMITATES MOVIE FANFARE]
20th century Mom presents
Mordy Moments!
Yeah! [SCREAMS]
[LAUGHTER]
Just think
a happy thought,
and you can
fly, too!
[CRASH]
[LAUGHTER]
Pasketti everywhere!
MOM: Pasketti on your tushy.
[SCHOOL BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHTER]
[DISTORTED LAUGHTER]
MOM:
You remember that tape,
Mordy?
Oh, yeah. mm-hmm.
You know, you two
should stay for a bit longer.
We could eat the special
dessert I made for C.J.
then we could watch the tape!
Now, where
did I put it?
I think you put it
in the basement.
I'll intercept--
I mean, look for it.
Oh, C.J., you're in
for a real treat.
[♪♪♪]
Yes!
Jackpot.
C.J.:
so, why do you guys
have so many prunes again?
MOM:
Once Mordy brings up the tape,
I'll show you why.
Sorry, Mom.
[SCREAMS IN PAIN]
[SPIRITS MOANING]
Aaah!
Whoa!
Ahh! Where's
the mixtape?
Oh, you mean
this mixtape?
MORDECAI:
Hey, give it back!
What the heck?!
Who are you?
Whoa. You're all me!
Brilliant. Grab him.
Ohh! Get off!
Aah! Help!
C.J.! Mom!
Pfft! Yeah, right.
Why would Mom want
to help you after tonight?
What the heck
does that mean?
[SAXOPHONE HONKS]
Yeah. It means that
while you were busy
looking for your dumb
little mixtape,
we put together a little
mixtape of our own.
Stop!
[GASPS DRAMATICALLY]
Can you just be normal?
Normal?
All right, fine.
I admit I haven't
been supernice
to Mom tonight.
but of all people,
can't you understand?
She humiliated us.
She put our most embarrassing
moments on tape,
and now you're stuck
like this forever!
You have to learn
to let go, dude.
Embarrassing moments
make us who we are.
The problem isn't that
we're stuck like this
on Mordy Moments.
it's that
we're stuck
like this in here.
Besides,
Mom can be really cool.
Remember after I got caught
in the diving slide?
Oh, yeah!
To make me feel better,
she took me out
for the biggest
sundae I ever saw.
I guess that was
pretty cool of her.
Ugh! I'm free!
Yeah. She had to pull
a lot of strings
to find a good doctor
to remove that saxophone.
[NOTE PLAYS]
Yea-ah!
And after
the play,
she hunted around
for weeks to find me
me a new pair of
rocketship underwear.
Aw, man.
You guys are right.
Mom's totally rad,
and I've been a complete
jerk to her all night
just because I wanted C.J.
to think I was cool.
Dude, C.J. does
think you're cool.
[ZAP]
But girls don't dig guys
who are jerks to their Mom.
You're right, guys.
Thanks. I needed that.
Glad to help,
bro.
ALL:
See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!
[CHUCKLES]
I guess that stuff
is pretty funny.
[♪♪♪]
Mordecai, did you find
Mordy Moments?
Oh, good.
Come on.
Everybody's in the living room.
Uh, Mordy, we don't have to
watch if you don't want to.
Is it embarrassing for you?
Do I embarrass you?
Mom, you don't
embarrass me.
I've been acting
totally crazy.
Sorry about being
a jerk tonight.
Aww.
My boy could never
be a jerk.
Well, look
who it is.
You found it?
Yep.
And here's
dessert.
Wow! It's like looking
in a jelly mirror.
Oh-ho-ho-ho! This one's
a keeper, Mordecai.
Okay, okay, everybody.
Settle down.
Welcome to the 10th annual
screening of Mordy Moments.
I need everybody to turn off
their cellphones,
and no food or drink
in the theater.
Except Mom's dessert.
[LAUGHTER]
And I'm gonna
need everybody
to sign a nondisclosure
agreement.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHS]
♪ bum bum bum-bum bum bum ♪
This is way cooler
than a mixtape.
...Mordy Moments!
MORDECAI:
Yeah! [SCREAMS]
Pasketti everywhere!
[LAUGHTER]
[♪♪♪]