Reba (2001–2007): Season 5, Episode 8 - Grannies Gone Wild - full transcript

Okay, Mrs. H, are you
ready for a healthy breakfast?

I got egg whites, plain wheat
toast, an assortment of fruit.

You're gonna love this. This is
really good to lower your cholesterol.

And it's all... [Sneezes]

You like doughnuts?
Doughnuts are good.

Mom, I can't go to
school. I'm sick. Oh, honey.

Wow.

A hundred and twenty.

Yeah, that is high.

Wow, that sounds serious. You
know, we'd better double-check.

Okay, Jake,



bend over.

Yep. Bend over.

I'm goin' to school!

Hey, guys. Is Cheyenne
still here? Yeah.

You didn't tell her about
the internship, did you?

No, no. I was waitin'
on you and Barbra Jean.

Where's Barbra
Jean? Oh, don't tell me.

The circus came
and recaptured her.

No, she's getting
ready for jury duty.

Oh, man. Too bad Barbra Jean is
gonna miss the look on Cheyenne's face...

when you ask her to
intern at your office.

I think it's gonna be like
this. [Squeals, Moans]

Or this. Or this.
[Sputters, Sobs]

Or a combination of the two... when
Miss U.S.A. wins, like, the award,



and she's all happy
and then sad. [Squeals]

[Moans]

Oh, y'all, here's Cheyenne.

- [Brock] Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, hottie.

- [Cheyenne] What's goin' on?
- Tell her, Brock.

Well, we all know how important
an internship is for dental school,

so, um, here's the thing.

- How would you like
to intern at my office?
- [Squeals]

Honey?

Why am I the only
one makin' this face?

What's the matter,
Cheyenne? Aren't you excited?

Well, um, I'm not sure that I'm
gonna have time for an internship.

- Why not?
- Well, I've been spending
a lot of time volunteering...

down at the senior center.

Well, what do you think an
internship is? I wasn't gonna pay you.

Yeah, about that. I'm...

- I'm not sure that I want
to be a dentist anymore.
- What?

Wait, wait. I got a
face for this. D'huh?

What do you mean you
don't want to be a dentist?

Well, becoming a dentist just seems
like something you do to just make money.

And I kinda think that I might
want to help people instead.

Oh, you... you don't
think dentists help people?

Yeah, guess it's time to show
you the gingivitis video again.

[Vehicle Horn Honks] [Barbra
Jean] Brock, justice waits for no one!

[Sighs] I have to take
my wife to jury duty,

and after that, I am
gonna go to the office,

where I will help people fight
deadly gum disease... and win!

[Door Closes] Chey...

Cheyenne, you're springin'
a lot on everybody here. So...

What is goin' on in that
pretty head of yours, woman?

Okay. I was on my way home
from another boring day at school...

where I spent hours
studying biology,

and I thought to myself, "What
does that have to do with life?"

So I was driving, and this old lady in
a walker just darted out in front of me.

So I hung up the phone,
and I thought to myself,

"Somebody has got to do
somethin' about these old people."

I think nature takes
care of that, honey.

Okay, look. Well, I walked
her home to the center,

and the whole place
was just crawlin' with 'em.

And I looked at
their faces, and...

All of a sudden, I just... I knew that
there was something that I could do.

But, honey, givin'
up on dentistry,

after all the work that you put
into it, seems a little impulsive.

Yeah. What happened
to our 10-year plan,

where we work and save enough
money to afford our own place?

Ten-year?

- It's not all about money, Van.
- [Laughs]

Look, after we helped those
people who were in the hurricane,

I realized why people do it.

It felt really good.

I think that maybe this
is what I'm meant to do.

- Wow. It sounds like
you really mean it.
- [Coughing] Baloney!

Did you just cough "baloney"?

Yeah. I might have caught somethin'
when you were off ruinin' our lives!

- Oh, Van!
- No! I'm her husband,

and you do not make
decisions like this alone.

Well, the only reason
I didn't tell you is

'cause I knew you'd
overreact and storm off!

Well, a lot you know.
I'm not stormin' off!

I'm gonna stand my ground
and forbid you from makin'...

this knuckleheaded
decision to help old people.

Fine, Van. Well, I have important
work to do, so I'm storming off.

Oh, yeah? Well, you
storm off like a girl!

What are you doin'?
Trying to save our future.

You're going about it wrong.

What she's doin' is
crazy. We need to stop her.

Which is why we're gonna go down to the
center and see what's she's up to. Okay.

Either what she's doin' is a really
good thing, or it's silly and pointless.

Then we'll calmly talk
her out of it. All right. Fine.

But don't expect me to be all
Miss U.S.A. and... [Squeals]

No. It's not gonna happen.

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom
who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Thanks for walkin' me
to my jury service, honey.

Yeah, well, if you wind
up getting sequestered,

I just want the guys here
to know that you're taken.

I love it that
you're so jealous.

Wouldn't it be great if some guy
looked at me, you beat him with a chair,

and then I was on your jury?

Yeah, that'd be great. Listen.

Barbra Jean... uh, uh,
uh. Call me by my number.

Barbra Jean, I'm not
gonna... Not hearing you.

Okay, Juror Number 1536, listen.

During selection, it's
important you say the

right thing to get out
of being put on a jury.

But I want to serve. Come on. The
guy's on trial for stealing a garden gnome.

You're not supposed
to know that.

Now shoo. [Muttering]
No one's goin' to prison.

Hi. Excuse me. Hi.

Thank you all for coming.

We're going to begin the selection
process. Oh, this is so excitin'.

I hope I get picked. I wore
my lucky bra. [Chuckles]

Juror Number 1322.

- Did you say 1536?
- No.

Okay.

- Juror Number...
- 1536?

Let me say it.

Juror Number 1242.

Oh! I hate my stupid number.
What number you got?

Juror Number 1289.

Oh, that's your number.
Switch with me. Come on. Yeah.

1289. That's me. That's me.

- I thought you were 1536.
- No, this loser's 1536.

I'm foreman. I call it. Ha!

Okay, if anybody
asks why we're here,

we're signing you up
for a ceramics class.

What?

We're signing you up for
ceramics class, Grandma!

[Chuckles] How you doin'?

Van, we don't have to sneak in
here. Cheyenne's expecting us.

Hey, guys. [Quietly] Ow.

Thanks for callin'. [Strains]

Man. I can't wait to see what would
make someone give up the dental dream.

Oh, Brock, get off your high horse.
You're just a glorified toothbrush.

Man, I hate places like this.
Reminds me how one day I'll be old.

One day?

Ha, ha. You're gonna be old one day
too, Van. Let's see who's laughin' then.

- Well, it won't be you,
'cause you'll be dead.
- You...

Come on, guys.
Let's knock it off.

Oh! [Gasps]

As I live and breath,

Errol Flynn! [Giggles]

[Woman] It's...
It's Errol Flynn.

Hi. Can I help you?

Oh, yes. We're here
to see Cheyenne, my

daughter. She says she's
been volunteering here.

You're here to take her home.
Great, I'll get her. Oh, no. No, no.

No, no, no. No, we're just... We just
come down to see what she's up to.

Oh. And then you'll
take her home?

Oh, hey, guys. I'm
so glad you're here.

Yeah, we're so excited.
We're here to be supportive...

and not push you in any
one direction. Oh. [Chuckles]

Okay, I've gotta show you
some of the work I've been doing.

You are gonna be so proud.

- I'm sure we will, honey.
- Look, we need to keep
an open mind.

There's a very good possibility
that Cheyenne could be doin'...

something very
meaningful with her life here.

Florence, Ida, ladies,
come on out. [Giggles]

You're so beautiful.

Okay, now will
you take her home?

Ooh, lovely, lovely. [Giggles]

See, Florence? Slimming.

Oh, and, Ida, that lipstick is
really gonna show off your teeth...

once you put 'em in.

Van, Van. Check it out.

That nice old lady's got
"workin' it" on her butt.

You don't think she's got a
thong under there, do you?

Cheyenne has been
giving them makeovers...

from top to saggy bottom.

Do the ladies like this?

Oh, yeah. They like it, and
the men like it, and I hate it.

See, two weeks ago,
someone would yell "bingo,"

and they'd all have tea and take
naps, and I had the afternoon off.

And now Cheyenne
gets 'em all dolled up, and

it's like Grannies
Gone Wild around here.

Sorry. Excuse me one second.

Dickie, no! No, Dickie. No.

No, Dickie. U-turn.

- No, Dickie.
- [No Audible Dialogue]

So, what do you think?

Yeah, Reba, what do we think?

Well, we think that
it's... Oh, it's so great.

You should have seen
them before I got here.

I really feel like I've
found my calling.

- I-I don't know how to describe
the feeling, other than it's...
- It's stupid.

It's the dumbest thing ever.

No, wait, I take that back. You
givin' up dentistry to do this...

is the dumbest thing ever.

[Shudders]

Well, that was interesting.

Ladies, I'm gonna be giving a
seminar, on, um, waterproof mascara.

Meet me in the sunroom.

And then we moved to Lubbock,
which was tough on my family.

But it didn't matter, because I
still made the volleyball team.

And we went 11 and 0, which is how
I got the nickname "White Thunder."

And... So, in answer
to the question...

"Have you ever been
accused of committing a crime?"

the answer would be no.

Yes. Although, I was accused of
"stealing the show" in the school play.

- I was Tevye. And...
- Miss Hart...

[No Audible Dialogue]

If you're trying to get
out of your jury duty...

by being annoying,
it's not going to work.

But that's not what
I'm trying to do.

Your Honor, I want nothing
more than to serve on this jury.

I am a huge John Grisham fan.

And I've seen every
episode of Law and Order,

and my favorite
part is the Order.

Okay.

Now I would like to ask a
question... to any other juror.

- Request a sidebar.
- What?

Your Honor, you
said if we had anything

personal to discuss, we
could request a sidebar.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, now I regret saying that.

I regret my whole career
choice. Approach the bench.

What?

[Whispers] Nothing.

I just always wanted to be
involved in a sidebar. Miss Hart...

Uh, uh, uh. Call
me by my number.

Remember what I told you
earlier about being annoying...

would not get you
dismissed from service? Yes.

I'm changin' my mind.

What? No, you can't do that.
I thought justice was blind.

Yeah, but unfortunately
it's not deaf.

You win. You are
dismissed from service.

[Whining] But I don't
wanna go. Bailiff Ron.

[Huffs] Okay... You
better watch it, mister.

Okay. You know what? You know,
this jury will be nothing without me.

You know, I declare a mistrial!

Okay, you know what? My boob
just popped out of my lucky bra.

Cheyenne hasn't
made it back yet? No.

She's probably settin' up a
wet shawl contest by now.

Look, I know what Cheyenne's
doin' over there is kind of... Ridiculous.

- Laughable. Insane.
- Yes.

But, you have to admit that it made
those little old ladies pretty happy.

Hi, Mom. Hey.

You don't get a
"hi." Oh, look, Mrs. H.

- It's Mother Teresa
with lip gloss.
- Aw, clever, Van.

But just for your information, Mother
Teresa knew nothing about makeup.

[Gasps] Really?

What a loser.

Come on, guys. But, Cheyenne, we do
have to talk about what you're gonna do...

before you make
any big decisions.

Oh, I already made my
decision. To do what?

Write "workin' it" on old ladies'
butts? That's a great idea.

That's a great idea. You could have a
whole series of inspirational butt sayings.

Eventually, I want to be a
drug and alcohol counselor.

I was only doing it to see if
liked helping people, and I do.

But, Cheyenne, why did you
have to pick somethin' so... Insane?

- Van.
- Wait, I didn't pick it. The ladies did.

I was down there
talking to them,

and they were telling me how
long it's been since they felt pretty.

- They asked me to do it.
- Oh.

Being a drug counselor... you're gonna
have to have a lot of training for that.

No, I know. I know. And if I
change my major to social work now,

I can still graduate in
two and a half years.

Do you know that for a fact? Yes. I
already planned it out with my counselor.

Oh, terrific. You're getting
advice from the school counselor.

Do you see the cars they drive?

So wait a minute.

You've actually thought
this out? Yes, I have.

Well, Van, we may have to face
the fact that Cheyenne has changed.

Yeah, don't you think I know
she's changed? Well, guess what?

I liked her the way
she was... hot and ditzy.

I was never ditzy, Van. I mean,
what does "ditzy" even mean?

Okay.

All right. Listen
to me, both of you.

I'm gonna give you the
secret to a long marriage.

You?

Well, forgive me, Mrs. H,
but I find that slightly ironic.

I thought you might say that. But
I am the person to learn this from.

See, Brock and I had
to learn it the hard way.

People change. They grow.

But if the people grow
and the marriage doesn't,

that's when you
sprout a Barbra Jean.

Mom, it is so cool that the tragedy
that is your life can help others.

Right back at ya.

Now, I'll leave
and let you two talk.

So, you feel better now that you
know I actually thought it through?

No. I feel worse.

Where was I during this big process?
When were you gonna allow me in the loop?

Well, I was definitely gonna tell
you, Van. I just... I wanted to be sure.

- Look, I been going through
a lot of changes lately.
- I know.

And these changes are taking you
farther and farther away from me.

You talk to everybody about
your problems at your meetings.

You talk to your school
counselor about your future.

What is there left for you to talk
to me about? Where do I fit in?

Van, I'm sorry.

But I'm really happy
with my decision. [Sighs]

Look, for me, it's about this:

I want to become
a better person.

Well, for me, it's about this:

What if this better
person doesn't want me?

[Door Closes]

[Snoring]

Van.

Happy birthday, Van.

[Muttering, Hawks]

Oh.

I think I soiled myself. Aw.

Okay. Van, It's your 80th
birthday today. What?

You know what you
want for a present?

Yeah.

Oh, Van. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't you ever want
anything else? Ah.

You're the one who's got
"workin' it" on your butt.

[Laughing]

So, Van,

you're 80 today, and
that means you're old.

You're an old man, and I'm alive
to see it. So who's laughin' now?

[Laughs Loudly, Stops]

Oh, crap.

Huh. Did you see that, Mother?

He died.

That miserable old coot
got what he deserved.

[Laughs]

Who's laughin' now?

I'm laughin'. [Laughs, Wheezes]

Crap.

Jake?

Jake, get in here.
I think Van died.

I think we better make sure.

Acme! [Coughing]