Reba (2001–2007): Season 5, Episode 5 - No Good Deed - full transcript

Hey. Hey, Barbra Jean.

Where you been for the last couple
of days? And when you goin' back?

Forgive me for not dropping by
as much as we would both like,

but since the hurricane, I have been
swamped with my volunteer duties...

as head of the Save
the Dog campaign,

or as I like to call it, S.T.D.

Oh, so how's your little foster
puppy working out? Oh, great.

He's so cute. Jake's been
playing with him all morning.

And Van's so jealous that he
put bacon fat behind his ear.

That's how I got Brock.

[Clears Throat] Listen,
we got a problem.



- What's up?
- The dog's family saw
the picture I put online,

and, after the hurricane, they
were bused here to Houston,

so they're gonna be
here in about 10 minutes.

Oh, well, we knew it
was gonna happen.

It just happened sooner
than we expected.

We better go break the news to
Jake. This isn't gonna be easy.

I think I'm gonna
call him Jake Junior.

I love him so much. I
want him to be my son.

Oh, Lord.

Reba, this is the most
painful part of S.T.D.

Hey, Jake, we have some
great news about the dog.

You know how we talked about
the best situation would be...

if his family found him and
could come get him? Mm-hmm.

Well, they have, and they're
coming by to pick him up today.



You gonna be okay with
this? Mom, it's not about me.

Jake Junior's gonna
be with his family.

That's why we did this.

My sweet, sweet little man.

You understand charity.

Even though it's hard on us,
we always help those in need.

And you get that, which
reflects well on me.

[Doorbell Rings]

It's them. Okay, now remember,
these people have had a tough time.

Let's make sure that we
stay upbeat and positive,

and not dwell on everything
that they've been through.

- Van. ♪♪ [Hums] - [Chuckles]

Hi. I'm Ruby Jackson, and
this is my grandson, Darnell.

Oh, you poor, miserable
wretches. [Crying]

You were almost
swallowed up by the sea.

Barbra Jean, let 'em go.
They suffered enough.

Hi. I'm Reba Hart. Hi, Reba.

Grandma, it's Jambalaya!

This is so kind
of you, Reba. Oh.

Well, Ruby, actually,
the kindness was mine.

Hi. I'm Barbra Jean Hart,
and I'm the face of S.T.D.

Well, thank you all for
taking care of our dog.

We were very happy
to. We're very glad that

Jambalaya gets to go
home with his family.

Well, unfortunately, he's not.

We're staying down at the
shelter, and they don't take pets.

But a kennel has
volunteered to take him.

A kennel? You mean doggy jail?

No. A shelter, like the one that
we're living in, except for dogs.

But thank you for pointing
out the similarities to jail.

Come on, baby. We got to
get back to the shelter now.

Okay, you know what?

We have plenty of room.

Why don't y'all just stay
here with us, all of ya?

Oh, no, Reba. That's
asking too much.

No, it's not really. Really,
we can make room.

Stay with us. Don't go back
down there to that shelter.

Yeah. It's horrible and cold...

and... and full of
homeless people.

Does she live here? No!

Then we'll stay.

Oh, that stupid copy machine
breaks down every other day.

And so I took the
flier, I put it in the fax

machine, but then the
fax machine jammed.

So we don't have any fliers
for our open house tomorrow.

You think you had it rough? I had
to listen to you all the way home.

I'm sorry, Van. I'm
just in a terrible mood.

I really shouldn't be
around people today.

[Chattering]

Mrs. H, do you see 'em too?

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are
planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life
is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom
who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her
kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪♪

Hey, black people.

Oh, Ruby girl, you so crazy.

Yo, Rebs, Van.
What's up? [Laughs]

Hey, Barbra Jean.

What is goin' on
here? A miracle.

Grandma Ruby finally
got in touch with her family,

and she was gonna meet them at
the shelter, but I said, "That's silly.

There's tons more
room at Reba's house."

Barbra Jean, did you do
something with your hair?

Yeah, yeah. Do you like it?

Felicia did it. I won't have
to wash my hair for a month.

Look. Look. [Laughs]

Something smells
great, and I'm hungry.

What an awesome
convergence of circumstances.

I feel ya, V. There's
food in the kitchen.

Know what I'm sayin'?

- No. No, I don't.
- Well, I do. Word.

Hello.

Barbra Jean, I don't have enough
room here for all these people.

First off, they're called
my peeps. [Laughs]

And they're only here for
dinner, so chill, girlfriend.

[Vocalizing]

I love that. [Laughs]

Barbra Jean, you're the whitest
person in Texas. Stop talking like that.

Oh, no, she didn't.

Well, everybody,
make yourself at home.

- Hey, Brock.
- Hey, Reba.

Aren't you gonna ask me why I have
20 black people in my living room?

I noticed you had
a lot of people.

I didn't notice the
color of their skin.

There he is. There's my
little piece of white chocolate.

Oh, good, Barbra
Jean. You did your hair.

And just in time for our
formal dinner at the club.

Oh, that's right. I
gotta get my bling-bling.

Keep it true, y'all. Lates.

Oh, I totally know what you
guys must be going through.

I have been through some
really hard stuff myself.

First, I got pregnant
in high school.

And on top of that, I got
myself a drinking problem.

[Sighs]

You know, but I guess every
family has problems like that.

Okay, girls, take that
into the other room

and make sure that
everyone has enough to eat.

And keep away from her.

This is so good.
What is it? Jambalaya.

[Screams]

What? Why would you
do that? I loved that dog!

Van, the dog's outside in the
yard. Then what dog is this?

We went to the store and
bought some food and cooked it.

Oh. Well, it's really good.

So you guys wore the
same clothes for two weeks?

Yep. That's awesome.

The most I've ever gone is three
days. That's when I was at my dad's.

You know, Reba, I want
to thank you for everything,

but we're all goin' back to the
shelter tonight, including Darnell and I.

Oh. Are you sure
you're gonna be okay?

Oh, yeah. Now that my family's
back together, we gonna be fine.

Mom, can't they stay?

Well, honey, it'll be a little
crowded if everybody stays.

But remember what
you said about charity.

Even though it's hard on us,
we always help those in need.

[Chuckles] Did I say that?

Yeah. Yesterday.

Yeah. Yeah.

I did say that. [Laughs]

You can't remember to change your shirt
for three days, but you remembered that.

- So, can they all stay?
- Yeah, Grandma, can we?

You know, Jake, honey, your...
your mama's already done enough,

and who knows how
long this might go on.

That doesn't matter.
She does this all the time.

She took me in, and I've
been here for four years.

So, Mom, can they stay?
Please, please, please?

- Please?
- Please, with Jambalaya on top?

What am I gonna say, "no"?

Can I say no?

Of course they can.

Yeah! This is gonna be great.

Hey, wouldn't it be fun if your
family stayed here for four years?

[Laughing]

Whoo! Something smells good.

Hey, no cuttin'!

What are you talking about? The
line for breakfast forms right here.

[Chuckles] Honey, I don't
have time to wait in line.

Oh, yeah, whitey
jumps to the front.

Get over here. Save my spot.

Look, I'm sorry, but
I've been late for work...

because I couldn't get in the
bathroom because there was such a line.

And when I did get in, all the towels
were wet, so I couldn't take a shower.

Oh, that's a very sad story. If it
only had a dramatic ending like,

"And then I was pulled off the roof from
my submerged home by a helicopter."

Yeah. I'm not
trying to be difficult.

It's just that I've been late for
work for the last three mornings.

Oh. That is a very
sad story, Mrs. H.

If it only had a
dramatic ending like,

"The next thing I knew, I was floating
down Main Street in a laundry basket."

Knock it off, Van. Oh,
there you are, Reba.

I brought you a plate. We were running
out of sausage. I wanted you to have some.

- Oh, man. That's my favorite.
- Darnell!

Sorry. You can have it,
Mrs. Hart. We're very grateful.

Yeah, well, thanks, Ruby, but I'll
just get a bagel on the way to work.

Thanks. Dibs.

- Hey!
- Shut up, Darnell!

Ruby, this is so delicious.

You can practically taste the South and
the Cajun influence. What do you call 'em?

Eggos.

That is so cute. Here
we call 'em "waffles."

Okay, guys. If you need me, I'll be
at the office. I really gotta get going.

Oh, okay. You want me to call you
a cab, or you gonna take the bus?

I was thinking about taking my
car, but is there a line for it too?

Yeah, kinda. See, I lent it
to Cassandra and Felicia.

They have to go downtown and
file a claim with the government,

pick up a temporary cell phone,

and then on the way back, I'm
treating them to hair extensions.

Mom, it's very important
for their self-esteem.

- Hey, you should get some.
- Shut up, Van. I have gorgeous hair.

Okay, the bus it is. I'm
gonna be late for work again.

Oh, it's a very sad story.
If it only had a dramatic...

Van!

I will pull your tongue out!

[Groans]

Dog food is so gross.

I know. It's like you cooked it.

Man, I need an aspirin.

I don't know what it is, but
I've got a horrible headache.

- [Dogs Barking] - [Reba]
Get back! Get down!

Look, there's a cat.

Barbra Jean, how come I've
got a whole house full of people,

and all you've got is
just a yard full of dogs?

Well, I invited Ruby and her family
to stay with me, but they all said no.

All at once.

You know, Cheyenne,
maybe you, me and the

baby should stay over
here for a little while.

- What are you talking about?
- Oh, you know. 'Cause living
at your house is hell.

- It is not!
- It is too, Mom.

There's way too many people. I
could never get to the bathroom.

I can never watch what I want
on TV, and Van's been snoring.

You think this has been easy on
me? They're killing me at dominoes!

Well, I, for one,
am disappointed.

I think you two should take a
page from your mother's book...

and learn how to
be a good person.

- I want 'em gone!
- What?

I can't help it. I've got people
everywhere in my house...

and they're all thanking me.

And the whole time I'm thinking to
myself, "You're welcome. Now get out!"

I see.

Is it because we're black?

Barbra Jean, you're white. You're
the whitest person in Holland.

You know, this charity thing is so
much harder when you have to live it.

I mean, why can't I just write a
check and go on about my business?

'Cause you don't
have any money, Mom.

Just kick 'em out
of the house, Mrs. H.

I can't do that! Not after
everything they've been through.

Well, then do something that
will make 'em want to leave.

Play that country
music you like so much.

So you want me to kick
those poor people out

of my house because
we're not comfortable?

People, are we all
really that shallow?

Some of us, yes.

Well, I can't do it. Even though
it's gonna make us miserable,

we're gonna help those people,
and we're gonna be happy doin' it!

- I agree with, Reba.
- Oh, stick a sock in it,
Snoop Dogg!

Don't be a hater,
"Re-Bizzle," okay?

[Vocalizing]

- Hey, Ruby.
- Oh, hey, Reba.

Wow, you forget how big this
place is until you see it empty.

I know. Sent everybody down
to the park so the kids could play.

- Oh, that was a nice idea.
- Nice ain't got nothin'
to do with it.

- They were driving me nuts.
- [Laughs]

You know, Reba, ever since that
hurricane, all I've heard is noise.

Every day, all day... just noise!
Do you know what that's like?

Have you met Barbra Jean?

Yeah. That whole "new wife
hangin' around all the time" situation...

Is that a white thing,
or are you just crazy?

I guess I'm just crazy.

Well, if you wasn't, you wouldn't
have 18 strangers moving in on you.

So I thank God that all your
screws aren't tight, Reba.

- Hey, Ruby, we need to talk.
- This is what you miss.

- What?
- This picture of your family.

Now it might sound crazy, but
it's not the house or the furniture...

or all that big
stuff that you miss.

It's the pictures.

That little old jewelry box that Darnell
made me out of tongue depressors.

[Laughs Softly]

Well, that and my
La-Z-Boy recliner.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Jake once made me a pot
holder made out of paper towels.

- Bet you saved it.
- No. It burst into flames.

What'd you want to
talk to me about, Reba?

Ah, nothing. I'm fine.

Reba, you got 18 people
living in your house,

and there's nothing you
need to talk to me about?

Okay, I'm not fine.
I'm losing my mind.

I should be happy doin' this. I should
have joy in my heart, but I'm miserable!

Of course you are. Girl,
if Uncle Tyrone leaves

one more wet towel
in a ball on the floor,

I'm gonna slap the
black off him myself!

[Laughs]

So it's okay that
this isn't easy?

Reba.

Honey, we had a disaster. Yeah.

Tends not to be easy.

But I got something I
need to tell you. What?

And that's why I sent
everybody down to the park.

We're leaving. No. No.
It's not that tough on us.

You gotta stay.
Reba, my son called.

He's comin' tonight. And
we goin' back to New Orleans.

He's gonna work for that Habitat for
Humanity. We gonna rebuild our city.

So you're goin' back?
It's gonna be hard.

Well, it ain't no harder than
living with a crazy white family.

You know, the problem with all
this is there's no instruction manual.

Really? No.

Come here, Reba. Read
your Bible right there.

"I was hungry and you
gave me something to eat.

"I was thirsty and you
gave me something to drink.

I was a stranger"...

"And you invited me in."

Oh, Ruby, I'm gonna
miss you. I really am.

I'm gonna miss you too, Reba.

The blonde with the
braids, not so much. [Laughs]

Here. Here.

Here's a picture of your crazy
white family to go in your new home.

[Siren Wailing In Distance]

I'm guessin' your neighbors have noticed
there are 18 black people down at the park.

Gonna straighten
that out. [Laughing]

Hey, Reba.

Barbra Jean, it's
been three weeks.

When are you gonna get
rid of those silly cornrows?

Reba, I like how this looks.

I like what it says about me.

And plus, I can't!

I've tried and tried.
I think they're stuck.

I think I'm gonna
have to shave my head.

All right. I'll go out to the
garage and get my Weedwhacker.

Don't! [Door Opens]

Hey, Mom, we got
a letter from Ruby.

Oh. Ooh. Let's read it.

"Dear Reba, we're back in New Orleans
and working with Habitat for Humanity.

"It's so beautiful seeing
hundreds of strangers pitching in...

"and building house after house.

You should come down here. It's
something to see. Plus, we miss you."

Reba, we should go down there.
I would really love to help out.

- Barbra Jean, I don't think
that's a good idea.
- Well, why not?

I'm gonna say this
as delicately as I can.

She didn't like you.

"But if you do come down, please
be sure to bring Barbra Jean with you."

See?

"I've told all these people about
her, and no one believes me."

Acme! [Coughing]