Raven's Home (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - Friend-Ship - full transcript

¶¶

-(heavy breathing)
-(suspenseful music playing)

(snoring)

No, no, no.
Please, please.

No more pictures, everybody.

All right. Fine, fine.
Get my good side.

(music intensifies)

(screams)

Yes, I'll design a line
for you, Michael B. Jordan.

(screaming)

(stuttering):
Mom, Mom, Mom!



It's a-- It's
a ch-chupacabra in there!

(all screaming)

Get behind me, babies!

-Raven: Okay.
-(screaming)

(all whimpering)

Choke on some
Tropical Glaze, you creep!

-(coughing)
-All: Levi?

Levi, what are you wearing
and why are you interrupting

my nightly date
with Michael B. Jordan?

Sorry. I've been having
trouble sleeping lately.

This stuff helps.

That stuff makes you look
cray-cray in the day-day.

Poor Levi.

He's been clinging on
to things his mom sent him
from the cruise.



Now he just smells
like cheap air freshener.

Levi...

I think I know
what's going on.

You miss your mama.

What? I don't miss
my mom at all.

Then why do you have
a shirt with her face on it?

This is a plain T-shirt.

If you see my mom,
that means you miss her.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna put on
my matching pants.

¶ Oh! ¶

-¶ Hey ¶
-¶ Yo ¶

¶ Let me tell you somethin' ¶

¶ Had my vision
all worked out ¶

¶ But then life
had other plans ¶

¶ Tell 'em, Rae ¶

¶ It's crazy when things
turn upside down ¶

¶ But ya gotta get up
and take that chance ¶

-¶ Maybe I'm
just finding my way ¶
-¶ Learning how to fly ¶

-¶ Yeah, we're gonna be okay ¶
-¶ Ya know I got you, right? ¶

¶ It might be wild, but ya
know that we make it work ¶

¶ We're just kids
caught up in a crazy world ¶

-¶ Come on! ¶
-¶ It's Raven's Home ¶

-¶ We get loud! ¶
-¶ It's Raven's Home ¶

¶ It's our crowd! ¶

¶ Might be tough, but together
we make it look good ¶

¶ Down for each other
like family should ¶

¶ It's Raven's Home ¶

¶ When it's tough ¶

¶ It's Raven's Home ¶

¶ We got love ¶

¶ 'Cause no matter the weather,
ya know we gon' shine ¶

¶ There for each other,
ya know it's our time ¶

(Raven laughs)

Yep! That's us.

(Chelsea laughing)

You save me some
sunscreen, Nikos.

Hey, Rae.

Uh-uh, girl. Don't you
"Hey, Raven" me.

We need to talk
about your son.

Who? Levi?

Do you have another son

that another best friend
is raising?

Listen, Levi...
he's lost without you.

-Chelsea: What do you mean?
-Here's what I mean.

All right, Mom.
I need you to sign
my permission slip.

Here you go.

Just sign right here.

Thank you.

It's okay, Rae.
I've encouraged Levi
to talk to plants.

It helps them grow.

And besides,
he's with you.

I know you wouldn't let
anything happen to my baby.

Chels, you know I have
your back, but I think I've done
all I can do.

I mean, I've wiped,
I've wiped noses, I've wiped...

so many things.

When you coming back?

We need you
and we miss you.

I miss you too.

But, you know, these seminars,
they're a hit.

It's-- It's just--
it's really hard for me
to leave right now.

Chels. Oh, no.
I see those eyes, Chels.

I see them. They shifty.
What you not telling me?

(scoffs) Well, I--

I can't disappoint
my Schmoppies.

Schmoppies?
What is that, a mop cult?

What about me?

Well, there's only one of you.

You know?
There's trillions of them.

In fact, there's a seminar
starting right now.

Gotta go, love you! Bye!

Man, that was close.

I almost spilled the beans.

I knew it! I knew it!

I knew the shifty eyes.

What beans aren't you
telling me?

Booker:
Mom, you better come here!

It sounds like you have
an emergency, Rae.

You better go! Love you, bye!

Okay, here's the first one.

This is when my mom
took me to the zoo.

Levi, it's just a black screen.

Yeah, she left the lens cap on.

Mom.

(whispering):
Just roll with it.

-What's going on?
-Nia: Hey.

Mom, Levi...

is giving us a slide show
of family photos
with Aunt Chelsea.

Oh, snap. I'm starting
to see it.

Levi, admit it.
You miss your mom.

Miss my mom?

Don't make me laugh.
(forced laughter)

Mom. Mom, I'm scared.

Okay, okay.
Listen, listen.

Let me just talk to Levi
really fast, okay?

Um, Levi...

I'm gonna go take you
to see you mom.

Yes! Finally!

I've been acting out
for weeks.

I've already got
my suitcase packed.

-I even packed for Booker.
-But what'd you pack?

Whatever was clean.

So I packed very light.

Levi...

If you wanted to see your mom,
all you had to do was ask.

Auntie Rae,

will you please take me
to see my mom?

Yes.

Yes!

Okay, then I'll ask.

-Can I come?
-No.

But you will get
a souvenir.

because you're gonna do
the most important job.

You're gonna
water my plants.

(grunting)

-Nah! Uh!
-Booker, if your foot
touches me

-one more time--
-Tess (on phone):
Back off, homie!

You're crowing us.

You're not even
in the car!

(crunching)

Gary, this is what happens
when you take a shared Scut

from Chicago to Indiana.

(giggles) This is what happens.

Levi, why is your elbow
all the way over here?

I spread when I sit.

Well, spread to Nia's
side of the car.

Wow, you think you're space
is more important than mine,

just like you think
your New York itinerary
is more important than mine.

Uh, it is.
First, we're going
to Yankee Stadium.

Then we're going to get
a slice of pizza,

and then we're going to wait
outside Rihanna's brownstone.

Simple!

No. First, we're going
to Broadway,

and then we're gonna see
the Statue of Liberty,

and then, we're going to go
wait outside Michael B. Jordan's
apartment.

Really? (squealing)

I track his location.

Hey, hey, hey.

First, we're going to the boat

to drop me off so I can
spend the week with my mom.

Well, look at that.

The little one is the most
responsible in the back seat.

Well, what you guys
ought to do--

No, Tess. No, Tess.
What you ought to do

is go water the plants
'cause we about to go
see Michael B. Jordan.

-Okay?
-(Nia giggling)

Bye!

All right, Gary.

(clears throat)
Welcome to Gary... Indiana.

-Thank you riding with--
Can you take me with you?
-Gary: No.

-Bye, Gary.
-Booker: Great, he's gone.

Can I sit in the front seat now?

Nope. If anyone gets
to sit in the front seat,
it should be me.

-I'm the oldest.
-(mocking laughter)

-By two minutes!
-Listen, listen, listen.

-Do y'all want souvenirs?
-All: Yes.

Okay, well, then leaving an open
seat for the Scut passenger

is how we get
our souvenirs money, okay?

Well, how about you guys
leave some room for me?

Booker:
Aah! Levi, move over!

Booker, I warned you.
One more time
and that foot is mine.

-Oh this foot?
-Yes, this one!

What Mom Commandments
are you breaking right now?

Thou shalt not use
an outside voice
inside of the car.

Thou shalt not kick
the back of thy mother's seat.

But to be fair,

I wouldn't have to kick
the back of your seat

-if I could get
some room back here.
-(tires screech)

-(kids arguing)
-Don't make me pull
this car over!

(whimpering):
Don't make me do it.

¶ ¶

Welcome! Whoo! Oh!

Thank you all so much
for being here.

I'm Chelsea Grayson,
and I am the inventor
of the Schmop.

And I'm here to help all
of you find your inspiration

and become the inventor
you've always wanted to be.

(giggles) Okay.

Are there any questions
before we get started?

First you have
to make a mess.

-Okay?
-Excuse me.

Oh, Miss Bertha, back again.

Have you thought
of shuffleboard?

Or the, um, "How To Get
Your Groove Back" seminar, huh?

I think it starts
in like 10 minutes.

(clears throats)
Okay. What's your question?

Well, it says here
on this flyer that
I get a free Schmop.

Miss Bertha, hey.
That wasn't a question.

(giggling)

It says here on this flyer
that I get a free Schmop,

doesn't it?

Okay, there we go.
All right.

-(clears throat)
-Can I have hers?

What? But you already
have three.

Well, can I have another one?
Ain't nobody else here.

Raven/Booker/Levi:
¶ We're gettin' cray-cray ¶

-¶ Booker: What?
-¶ In the day-day ¶

-¶ Uh ¶
-¶ And we can't stop-stop ¶

-¶ So we drop-drop ¶
-¶ Woo! ¶

¶ Going side by side ¶

¶ Our hearts open wide-wide ¶

¶ Everything's bizarre ¶

¶ Watch out for
that cat, rawr-rawr! ¶

¶ Ah! 'kay-'kay ¶

Man, I'm having so much fun,

I don't even want to know
if we're there yet!

Man, are we there yet?

No, sweetheart.
We're not there.

-But we are in Maumee.
-Mommy?

-Yeah. Maumee, Ohio.
-(tire pops)

-Oh no! What's happening?
-(tire warbling)

I think we have a flat.

Well, there's nothing flat
about this situation!

Are we there yet?

Booker (sighs): No.

But we got a flat,
but it's no big deal,

right... Maumee?

(laughing)

Y'all got jokes.

Let's see if y'all
still laughing

when I cancel Christmas.

Ha-ha!
Joke's on her.

We not gon' be laughing.

(guffaws)

All right, y'all, listen.

(grunts)

Bad news is,
is that we have a flat.

The good news is,
is I have a spare.

So we change your tire
and get going?

No, no. You didn't
let me finish.

The worst news is,
I used the spare last week
so we're gonna need a tow.

(whooshing)

Oh, Rae! Help me!

(whooshing)

(gasps)

I need a tow
and I need a miracle.

¶ ¶

Operator (over phone):
Your call is very
important to us

and will be answered
in the next 62 minutes.

Please stay on the line.

Where else would I go?

Auntie Rae, we've been waiting
for two hours.

Are you gonna make it
to my mom in time?

Calm down, sweetheart,
of course we are.

We're just gonna get
the tire fixed,

we're gonna get back
on the road,

-we're gonna save your mom.
-Save my mom?

Did I say save?

I didn't mean-- I meant to say
we're gonna see your mom.

I switched up words
for a reason.

Did I say
"for a reason"?

I meant for no rea--
(laughs nervously)

We're not gonna make it.

(panting):
Is it just me

or is this car
getting smaller

-and smaller?
-Hold up, hold up, now, Levi.

Levi, stay with me, okay?

Look at all the extra
room you have.

-Look at all that.
-Yeah, with all
that breathing room,

you should relax
and take your mind
off of it.

Fine. I'll just look out
the window.

It will soothe me.

Uh, I can't see.
I need a window seat.

Booker,
switch seats with him.

-Mom--
-Now, boy!

(grunts)

Okay.

Corn.

-Cow.
-(cow mooing)

Tess. Tow truck.

Hold up. Wait, wait, wait.
Hold up. Did you say Tess?

-Yeah, hold up.
Did you say tow truck?
-(honking)

How's it going family?

Who wants a tuna sandwich?

-Oh!
-Oh!

Hey, Chelsea!
What's Schmopping?

(both laughing)

Thanks for clearing out
so I can do my Lip Kitty
presentation.

Lip Kitties!
(kisses) Meow, meow!

Okay, Tabby, Calico,
lip gloss over here.

Whiskers, Socks,
swag bags over there.

You know, considering
cats don't have lips,

the concept of Lip Kitties
is so inspired.

Can you believe my dad
didn't want to hire them?

It's like, you only lent me
a measly one million dollars

to start this company.

(scoffs)
A little help here, Dad!

Wow. I started the Schmop
with 5.99

and a magic eight ball.
You know, like,

"Will the Schmop work?"
Whaaa!

Ah! "Odds are in your favor!"

It's just so hard running
your own company.

Hey, catnip eyeliner
next to the kitty glitter.

I have to do everything.
Rawr!

Yeah, I mean,
run your own business
and this Inventors' Cruise.

I mean, it's...
it's almost like
you have nine lives.

(both laughing)

You know what else
is like, so weird?

-What?
-Like how you were
my idol,

and now I'm your boss.

And I'm like, way younger
than you are.

So, Chelsea, how many
Schmops have you sold?

Oh, I'm not doing too
great today, actually.

You've been here
six months.

You need to pick it up
with her seminar
and your sales.

Yeah. Actually, um,
you know one customer
couldn't get enough.

She was, you know,
picking them up faster
than I could put them down.

Miss Bertha does not count.

Chelsea Grayson,
you have done this before.

You need to figure out
what success means
to you now,

and then don't let anything
get in your way.

Yeah.

Actually, my... my son Levi
getting in the way

was my inspiration
for the Schmop.

(chuckles)
Gosh, he was
such a messy kid.

Actually, this one time
he spilled apple sauce
all over the floor--

Aw. I don't relate to that.

Chelsea, listen to me.

In order to sell the Schmop,

you need to love the Schmop.

-Yeah.
-Do you love the Schmop?

Yes! Of course I do.

Great. Then don't let anything
get in between you
and what you love.

(kisses)
Ciao meow.

(kisses)
Mow-chow.

-Thanks, Uncle Jimmy!
-(honking)

Okay, let's go.

Hey, wait, I thought
your dad's name was Jimmy.

Yeah, Chicago Jimmy.

That was Ohio Jimmy.

And he didn't mind
helping out

since he's on his way
to visit Staten Island Jimmy.

Well, it was nice of
your uncle to help out.

But I don't think
we're gonna make it in time.

Oh, Levi, stop worrying.

Tess, thanks for coming.

Nia, thanks for
texting Tess to come.

And, Booker, stop hoarding
the tuna sandwiches.

Oh no, I, uh,
I already ate all them.

Oh, then you're
sweating it out, boo.

-Put your shoes back on.
-Nia: Ew!

It's so gross.

All right, everybody,
buckle up!

Seat belts.

All righty, let's get going.

-Great.
-(giggles)

Wait, how come Tess
gets to sit in the front?

(sighs)
Thou shalt not ask Mama
no more questions

-this trip.
-That's not fair!

(kids arguing)

- ¶ So quiet and I wanna know ¶
-¶ Why, ooh ¶

-¶ Ooh! Yeah! ¶
-¶ Love is like a jumbo jet ¶

- ¶ Why don't we just fly it? ¶
-¶ Fly, fly, fly, fly ¶

-¶ Don't want to see you fret ¶
-¶ Yeah ¶

- ¶ So shy, shy, shy ¶
-¶ So shy, shy, shy ¶

(phone ringing)

(vocalizing)

-Hey, Chels. What's up?
-Hey!

Hey, where's Levi?

He is strapped
to the roof of the car.

(laughs) That was
only funny once, Rae.

(laughing)
I'm still laughing, Chels.

Still laughing.

Uh, no. They're asleep.
Everybody's asleep.
What's going on?

I...

I want to come home.

But we're bring Levi to you.

No. No, Rae.

This is over.

It's time for me
to come home.

Oh, okay. Well...

You know what that means.

We're really gonna
have to strap Levi
to the top of the car.

Come on, Rae!
I'm serious.

Is that you mom?

(gasps) Hi! Levi!
Is that my baby boy?

I can't wait to see you!

Chelsea: Oh, honey.
Oh, I can't wait to...

(static crackles):
e e-aah-oh-aah
...you either.

Pedal to the metal,
Auntie Rae!

I need to "ee-aah-oh-aah"
my mom!

Oh, okay. All right.

¶ ¶

Guys, this is it!

The Inspired Inventors'
Cruise!

We made it just in time.

Whoa!

Look at how big
that boat is.

Chill, Booker,
you acting brand-new.

Oh, so. You've been
on a cruise before?

We're talking about you.

Guys, where's my mom?

I wanna be the first one
to see her. Where is she?

Oh! There she is.

Mom! Mom! Here I am!

Levi! Levi!

Kids, go get him.
Those chicken legs run fast.
Go ahead.

Excuse me, um, have
you seen my best friend?

She's about yea tall,
super bossy--

Lady, I don't know where--

(both screaming)

-Oh, I missed you so much.
-I know!

Chels, listen. I think
I had a vision of you
falling off the boat.

(gasps) You know what?

I did trip on the way over here
to meet you, but I'm fine.

-Okay.
-(giggling)

-Where's Levi?
-Oh, he got so excited,
he ran up the ramp.

The kids are getting him.
Then, before we head home,
we're gonna see the sights.

We're gonna see
the Statue of Liberty,
we're gonna see Times Square,

and try some of that so-called
"pizza" they got here.

Oh, it's been so long
since I've seen Levi.

I can't wait to hug him
and kiss him and squeeze him.

I missed him so much.
(giggles)

-I... I missed
the twins too.
-Oh, yeah.

And that girl
across the hall.

-You know what else
you missed?
-What?

Mr. Protein Shake
across the street
just bought a brand--

(horn blaring)

-What about the--
-(horn blaring)

-And when he made--
-(horn blaring)

Chelsea, watch your mouth!

-No! That's
three horns, Rae.
-Huh?

Which means
the ship's leaving.

Both:
Oh! What are we gonna do?

-(ships horn blares)
-Mom! Mom!

Whoa. Not Mom. Not Mom.

Guys, where's my mom?
I don't see her.

There she is! Mom!

Aunt Chelsea! Hi!

Hey, why is the dock
moving away from the ship?

It's not the dock
that's moving,
it's us!

Somebody stop that boat!
Somebody stop that boat!

I need to see my baby!

Calm down Chels.
Calm down. It'll be okay.

-No!
-Okay, wait.

(phone rings)

-Mom?
-Raven (over phone): Kids!

Don't worry.
Everything's gonna be okay.

-We'll find a way
to get to you somehow.
-Yeah.

Okay, Mom.

Hey, Levi.
Are you okay?

I-I can't see her.
I can't see her!

Chelsea (over phone):
It's okay, honey.
Mommy's right here!

I can hear her.

(gasps) I can hear her!

But I need to see her!

Mom! Can you see me?

I'm gonna be honest,
Levi, honey!

No, not really!

Chels, what are
we gonna do?

Can't they stop the boat?
Our kids are on that boat.

No. Once the boat leaves port,
it never backs up.

They tried it once
with the Titanic,

you know, and we all know
how that turned out.

Okay, Mom. We will just
go to Aunt Chelsea's cabin

and wait for you to tell us
what to do next.

Okay, Chels.
What do they do next?

Listen, kids.
I'm in cabin 4002.

Just stay there
and wait for Raven and I

to drive up and meet you
at the next port.

Oh, what's that?
Like Staten Island?

It's not a ferry, Raven.
It's a cruise ship.

The next stop is Miami.

All:
Miami?

Chels, how long is it
gonna take us to get to Miami?

Uh, by car about 20 hours.

By cruise ship?

-Five days.
-Kids and Raven: Five days!

-Oh, no.
-Jeez!

What are we gonna do?
We don't have any money.

And any deodorant.

No underwear.

-Oh.
-I know.

Chelsea:
Listen, kids.
You'll be fine.

There's 24-hour buffets.

There's a tween disco,
you know?

There's games, prizes,

contests, you know.
It's-- it's...

Well, it's a paradise.

Chels, it's a paradise
for paying customers.

-That's right.
-We brought Levi to see you.

He's the only one
with a ticket.

-I know.
-My babies are stowaways.

Listen, kids,
just stick with Levi.

His wristband will help you
get anything you need, okay?

Mom, I miss you.

Oh, Levi.

Levi, I--

Well, I guess we're just gonna
have to be by ourselves

for the next five days.

I am so freaking out
right now.

I know, Booker.
Look, we're gonna be okay.

I just-- I just don't know
what to do.

I mean, dance, eat,
swim, win a prize.

I mean, there are just
so many choice in paradise.

(giggling) Hey!

-Maybe I should get
a pair of maracas.
-Yeah!

Five days?

Our kids can't be alone
on a boat for five days.

-I know.
-I barely trust them
to be alone

for five minutes.

What are we gonna do, Rae?
I mean,

how are we even gonna
catch up to them?

I don't know.
I don't know.

(mouths)

Hold on tight, Chels!

Can you do this, Raven?

Of course I can!
It's for the kids.

Now stop talking
and hold down my wig!

(both screaming)

¶ ¶

¶ Yep ¶