Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012–2015): Season 1, Episode 8 - Attack of the Killer Potatoes - full transcript
¶ Go, ninja! ¶
[Randy] I was chosen
to protect my school
from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
¶ Smoke bomb ¶
[electronic music plays]
Hey, y'all! I'm Greg
from Greg's Gamehole!
Come on down to the hall,
and be the first in school
to get your sweaty, little mitts
on Grave Puncher 5.
Only 200 copies! Scoo-ba!
- Ooh!
- I can't believe it.
The greatest game
since Grave Puncher 4
is out today,
and we're stuck here.
"I lost my love.
He left me there.
Purple clothes of pain I wear.
I weep, I ache, I hurts, I cry.
My eyes shed tears,
my lips scream...
...why!" [sobbing]
[lisping] Is this
going to be on the test?
We gotta
get out of here.
I heard there's a code
that lets you kick graves!
- Kick graves, Cunningham!
- Way ahead of you.
All I need is some
chewed gum, a pencil,
and that thing
flute girl plays.
[gasps] My flute!
- [grunts] Hmm?
- Check it.
I'll shoot the clock, move
the hand to the end of the day,
and, boom, we'll be
co-op grave punching in no time.
That is just half
thought out enough to work!
[both] Hmm?
- [both gulp]
- [lights powering down]
Attention, students.
Due to the loss of power
and resulting spooky darkness,
classes are dismissed.
Freezer's busted!
Anyone want free
ice cream sammies?
- Whoo!
- [all shouting]
Greg's Gamehole, here we come!
Howard, let's...
Howard? Hmm?
I would've got you one,
but they ran out.
[water dripping]
- [growling]
- [laughs] Did you ever think
I could eat
15 ice cream
sandwiches?
- I didn't.
- You know those are
made of tofu, right?
Shh! Not in front
of my stomach.
[Greg] The Grave Puncher 5
is the game for you!
But you better hurry.
Only nine left!
Nine?! There were 200
five minutes ago!
Howard, baby, relax.
Nothing is going to
come between our fists
- and those sweet, sweet graves.
- [screaming]
[roaring] Tawny!
Sorry to interrupt
your rampaging,
but Norrisville High is now
a monster-free campus.
It probably missed the signage.
- [roars]
- Huh?
- Howard...
- I know what you're gonna say.
- And you're right.
- Huh?
We can get to
Greg's and back
before that monster
does anything major!
- To the Gamehole! [humming]
- Not what I was gonna say.
Come on! Slimovitz
is all over this!
Every part of my body
is either terrified
or in pain!
Sorry, buddy.
Our quest must
take a slight detour
through Ninja Town!
Man, why does everything good
have to go through Ninja Town?
Ha!
How about we just skip
the roar playing,
and just cut right
to the fun stuff?
- [exclaims]
- Yah!
Ninja charge!
- [roars, groans]
- Ah! Ow!
- [roars]
- Uh...
Ninja flip!
Ah, stank corsage.
Ninja snatch!
Mmm. Now that is a classic.
I haven't used this vintage
in quite some time.
Whoo-hoo!
What just happened?
Where am I?
You're a little
disoriented.
That's just
the stank-nesia.
In like a second
you'll remember everything.
I remember everything!
I was waiting for
my prom date to show up,
her name's Tawny,
she's a bodacious babe.
We're talking
foxy to the max here.
Sounds good. Not sure what
it means, but thumbs up.
Then she stood me up!
How totally bogus is that?
I even bought her a purple
corsage to match her dress.
I would've gotten a purple tux,
but I couldn't find one.
Can you believe it?
You can't find a
purple tux in 1985?
- 1980-what now?
- Hey nin... Hey, sharp suit.
Ninja, don't you have
somewhere to be,
like, I don't know,
a Gamehole, maybe?
Howard, this guy's
from the past.
I have to find a way
to break it to him, gently,
that he's in the future.
- I'm in the future?! Wait.
- [gasps]
Maybe they've invented
time travel.
They can pop me
right back to 1985.
Have they invented
time travel?
- No.
- [screams]
I'm stuck in the future!
Why is that
typewriter so small?
Why is that kid
wearing wheel feet?
[babbling] Ow!
Why is that tree there?
It wasn't there in 1985.
Tawny! Oh! I've
never felt so alone.
- [sobbing]
- To the Gamehole!
I can't just leave
'80s kid like this.
I have to figure out
what's going on.
- Mmm.
- Watch him until I get back.
- Smoke bomb!
- Relax, kid.
Uncle Howard's gonna tell you
everything you need to know
about the future.
First, the spaceships
are not as hard to fly
as they look.
Second, future air
is pretty rank, so
breathe through your butt,
and, finally, when you see
the monkey overlord, just bow.
- [monkeys chittering]
- Do not look him in the eye.
- Huh? Ugh! No.
- [toilet flushes]
OK, Nomicon, what
the juice is going on?
[grunts]
Ah!
"The monster in the blue tux
by the ninja of 1985."
Now we're talking.
[man] Prom night.
The last night of the year
that a ninja wants
to deal with a monster.
Then some dweeb went
and got himself stankified.
I had to make a choice.
De-stank this guy
and miss prom,
or put him on ice
and get back to the dance.
So I locked him
in the cafeteria freezer.
If you're reading this,
I guess he got out.
See you, wouldn't wanna be you.
That is some selfish
ninja-ing, right there.
It's killing my afternoon
of gameholing.
"The knot not tied unravels."
Whoa. Ninja of '85
totally left the monster
in the freezer.
Hey, where's '80s kid?
His name is Dickie,
and he hates his parents.
I'm assuming because
they named him "Dickie."
Howard, where did he go?
Uh, oh, he said he was
heading to the Gamehole.
Hey, we should go after him!
To the Gamehole!
- Hmm?
- [grunts]
- Oh, fine, he ran off that way.
- Oh, Dickie! Dickie!
[gasps] This is the door
where Tawny was gonna meet me.
Oh. Oh, but she stood me up.
[sobbing]
- [beeping]
- [ringing]
[woman] The number
you have dialed
is no longer
in this decade. Goodbye.
[beeping]
Tawny!
I made you this mix tape!
Hmm... Hairspray,
cheap cologne, acid wash.
Oh... memories.
Really takes me back.
¶ That's the
thing about stuff ¶
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
- ¶ He has no dinner ¶
- [squeaks]
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
- ¶ Whoo ¶
- [squeals]
- We're back to now, right?
- [squeaks]
Here's to old friends.
And you... get lost.
[cackling]
[sobbing]
What? Huh? [shuddering]
What's happening to me?
[growling]
Dickie? Dickie!
Why did you let him
out of your sight?
Cunningham, can we talk?
About anything else?
Nothing's gonna
happen to Dickie!
[Greg] I only got three more
copies of Grave Puncher 5!
If you don't get one now,
you'll be the only one
who didn't get one now.
Did you hear that?
We'll be the only one,
Cunningham.
- Oh!
- Tawny!
- [screaming]
- Tawny!
Nothing's gonna happen
to Dickie, huh?
- Stand still.
- [screams]
[grumbles]
- Tawny!
- [screams]
- Tawny? Not Tawny.
- [screams]
Thanks for
saving me, Ninja.
- You just spit in my eye.
- Sorry.
- You just did it again.
- [screaming]
- [girls screaming]
- [grunting]
- [Dickie] Tawny!
- [groans]
Ninja tripping balls!
Ninja hose borrow.
- [groaning]
- Something's gotta be
stanking this guy.
- Huh? OK.
- [sobbing]
It's not the photo.
What else you packing, Dickie?
Maybe it's...
I don't know what this is.
- [rumbling]
- Would you pipe down?
I'm trying to figure out
how to de-stank you.
[groaning]
Stupid, indestructible
'80s cellphone.
Yah! It wasn't any of that
'80s junk, so what is it?
- Tawny!
- [groans]
Stop saying that!
Ninja shove!
- [shouting]
- [roaring]
- [screams] Scary monster!
- Huh?
We did it!
Let's go to the hole.
I can't just leave
Dickie in a shed
for the next ninja
to deal with.
You can if you
poke holes in the top.
What am I missing? [gasps]
Wait a minute.
Tawny would be old by now.
Really old,
like teacher old.
Ninja hunch!
Ms. Ringwald,
what is your first name?
- It's Mary Elizabeth.
- Bonk.
But everyone calls me Tawny.
How do you get
"Tawny" from that?
- [screaming]
- [roaring]
Come on!
- Hey!
- Huh?
So this is either
gonna de-stank that monster,
- or...
- Excuse me, there's an "or"?
I, um... I might not
have thought this
whole thing through.
- [roaring]
- Ah!
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
- ¶ Whoo-hoo! ¶
- Dickie?
Tawny?
Oh. Oooh...
Huh.
[indistinct]
[gasps]
¶ You stank me with your love ¶
¶ Stank is forever ¶
- ¶ Here in your arms is... ¶
- [burping]
Oh! I'm pretty sure
they both tasted that one.
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
No! That is all
kinds of gross.
Smoke bomb!
Boom!
Knot not tied, tied.
- Let's bounce.
- Took you long enough.
If we hurry maybe we can
- get the last one.
- You know, you could've
gone without me.
You think I'd get the new
Grave Puncher game without you,
my best friend?
Wow. Just... wow.
You don't have
any money, do you?
- Nope.
- ¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
[Randy laughs]
[chirping]
[squeals]
[grunts] Randy Cunningham,
ninth grade phenom.
First freshman ever to ride
in the Wave Slayer relays.
Cunningham, through the shoots,
Cunningham, off the ramp.
Cunningham something, something.
- Cunningham! Cunningham!
- [Howard] Cunningham!
- What was that for?
- For fantasizing
when you're
supposed to be waxing.
- What was that for?
- For asking what that was for.
Do you want to keep going,
or do you want to do your job?
Howard, we did not join the
Wave Slayers to sit around
waxing our water craft.
- We did it to rock!
- No, that's why you did it.
I joined for the executive
snack bar privileges.
And BT Dubbs, it's quarter
past corndog. Where is Luigi?
[Italian accent]
I'm so sorry.
Luigi make it a promise.
You Slayer Waves,
you no wait in the line.
Luigi, you know what would
totally make this right?
Cheese sauce.
Right away,
Senor Weinerman.
- [feet screech]
- Mmm.
- Snack... bar... privileges.
- No. I can't take it.
I was born to ride, Howard.
- Huh?
- [Howard] What are you doing?
That's Buttermaker's
Wave Slayer.
Relax, I'm just
going to sit on it.
Then why are you
zipping that up?
- Safety?
- [grumbles]
Taking out the captain's
Slayer for a joyride
is a really bad idea.
[scoffs] Joyride?
No, no, no, no.
As team waxer,
it is my solemn duty
to make sure the wax
is evenly applied.
[chuckles]
Ah, duty.
- [revving]
- [Randy chuckles]
So Bruce!
Howard, sometimes
you just gotta say...
...what the juice.
- [crashing]
- What the juice?
When Coach Green sees this,
he'll kick us off the team!
If I lose my snack bar
privileges, so help me.
I can fix this. Aah!
Aah! I can fix this!
Just a little more wax...
Yeah, as long as
nobody looks at it,
- I don't think they'll notice.
- [approaching laughter]
[up-tempo music plays]
[humming]
Men, today we give
those Flackville handshakers
a proper thwacking!
- Yeah!
- Now, into the brine
for your preliminary
hydro zigzaggery.
- Hmm?
- Hmm?
Just go warm up.
- Shucks away!
- Yeah!
- Oh, hey, Buttermaker.
- Hey, hey, RC!
My baby waxed to the max?
Gotta get my pre-race on!
Oh, right, maybe
you could just chill
on the dock, and,
I'm just spitballing here,
you could visualize
your pre-race, right?
[chuckling]
You know my philosophy.
Slay it, don't say it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's this?
Yeah, I guess
I should tell you...
My seat! I can see
my face in it!
Oh, tasty! You, dude,
were born to buff!
Hmm.
What's you want
to tell me, RC?
- Well, I might have, um...
- [engine revving]
Taken your Slayer out and dented
it, maybe really damaged it,
but, hopefully not,
so good luck!
What?
I told him.
Besides, I mean,
it's a tiny dent.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Oh, whoa!
Steady, girl, dude!
Easy. [screaming]
No more snacks,
they go "boom, boom." Ah!
It's all good,
I'm OK.
Just get me a
fresh ride, coach.
I can still win.
Uh, Buttermaker,
I'm over here.
[groans]
Clearly your eggs have
had a sound scrambling.
I'm dry docking you
until further notice.
No!
While losing our best rider,
moments before our biggest race
is a bit of a Gulliver,
fear not.
- I have a plan B.
- Yes, plan B?
- We forfeit!
- Oh, that's wonk.
- Baby, that's wonk.
- What have I done, Howard?
Wrecked the Wave Slayer, ended
the team's chances of winning,
and Luigi's snack stand,
and... hmm...
- That was rhetorical,
wasn't it?
- Hmm? Hmm...
NinjaNomicon,
you've gotta help me.
[gurgling]
Octo-world.
"When a ninja does wrong,
he must own up to his mistakes."
Wow, that is way too Nomicon-y
for this freshman to figure out.
[scoffs]
Still not following,
but, don't worry,
I mean, I'll come up
with something. [screams]
[grunts] Coach, wait.
- You can't forfeit!
- Of course I can.
I simply inform the opposing
coach that his team wins.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, waxers are
technically part of the team,
so why can't a waxer
ride in Buttermaker's place?
Mr. Cunningham,
you are absolutely right.
Today, a waxer shall ride.
And, by the rules
of the sea,
set forth by Poseidon
himself,
substitutes are chosen
in reverse alphabetical order.
Weinerman! Prepare to taste
the face of King Neptune.
[grunts]
Stupid rules of the sea.
Listen, Coach Green,
I'm more of a landlubber.
And a meat lover,
and a cheese lover.
Perhaps my good friend,
Cunningham,
could lick Neptune's
face for you?
Senor Weinerman,
you no ride,
you no get the
snack bar privileges.
- [grunts]
- Wax boy, tend to my Slayer.
[grumbles] Wax boy... Slayer...
[moans] Can't believe I blew it.
Gotta win the race.
[alarm ringing]
What rouses me
from my afternoon slumber?
Dejection?
Or maybe it's disappointment.
Disheartenment,
doldrums.
- [squeaks]
- You're right.
They're all equally
wonderful states of misery.
Ah! Destroy...
Flackville. [grunting]
- [shouts indistinctly]
- Huh?
- [screams]
- Dude.
Nothing more refreshing
than a chaotic day at the lake.
- [cackling]
- [up-tempo music plays]
What up? It's your BF
on the beach, H-dub!
Coming at you live
from Lake Larusso.
Here's a look at the line-up.
Leading off on the tube run,
it's Hank Peterson!
Putting his feet down in the
buoys, it's Speedboat Sam Healy!
Followed by Doug the Tub
Jiminsky on the raging ramp.
And anchoring the final sprint
is our own... Howard Weinerman?!
Are we trying
to lose this thing?
Done waxing your Slayer,
Mr. Weinerman.
Hey, you didn't give it
the Buttermaker, did you?
- I'll give you
the Buttermaker.
- [whistle blows]
- Huh?
- Slayers, to the starting line.
Time to be a hero. [grunting]
Ah!
[audience cheering]
[grunts, screams]
[moans] Hmm...
On your mark,
get set, slay.
- Destroy, dude!
- [screams]
Buttermaker? Looks like
the ninja's getting wet.
- Yah!
- Huh?
- [indistinct growling]
- Huh?
[panting]
Ninja amphibious kick!
- Yah!
- Thanks, Ninja!
[grunts]
[screaming]
[grunting]
What's up?
Is this intimidating you?
'Cause I totally know
what I'm doing here.
[growling]
Ninja double hook!
Ah!
- Dude!
- Ninja expanding baton.
[shouts]
[grunting]
Ninja double expanding baton!
Hmm. That's cool.
You get a head start.
I like to keep things
interesting anyway.
- Underwater ninja punch!
- [growling]
Don't worry, Jiminsky,
I'll win this one
for the team!
[screaming]
Dude, your nose is all stanky.
- [growls]
- Ninja nose bow.
[growling]
[cackling]
- [yells]
- [grunts]
- Buttermaker, you OK?
- Ninj, how's the race going?
- Are we winning?
- What? You were
a honking monster!
Why do you care about the race?
- I let my dudes down.
- [shouting]
Never should've
crashed and gotten hurt.
- It's all my fault!
- [gasps]
When a ninja does wrong,
he must own up to his mistakes.
What if it wasn't
all your fault?
- What if it was
none your fault?
- What?
What if, and this is just
a ninja theory here, OK?
But what if one of the waxers
took your Slayer on a joyride
and accidentally damaged it.
Dude, I'd slay that little waxer
where the zinc don't go.
OK, all right.
Now, that makes sense.
But what if he was
really, really sorry?
Guess I'd just flick
him in the ear...
- Deal.
- Huh?
Let's get you
back in that race!
Ninja scarf grapple!
- Dude!
- [screams]
- Hang on, Howard!
- Back in the race, dudes!
I was like
this close to winning.
No, you weren't.
Well, now we'll
never know, will we?
No, we'll know.
We'll totally know.
[grunts]
Norrisville wins it by a nose!
And my brother,
Howard "fart power" Weinerman,
had nothing to do with it.
Big shocker there.
[all cheering]
- We did it!
- Whoo!
So, how'd Buttermaker
take it when you fessed up?
It's all good.
[throbbing]
Actually kind of stings,
but on a deeper,
more emotional level,
I feel like a sense of...
You know what would
make that sentence
more interesting?
Some buffalo knuckles.
You in?
- Hey... you go ahead.
- Hmm?
I got waxing to do.
Oh, well,
have fun with that.
[humming]
- [revving]
- [gasps]
[grunting] What?
- [crashing]
- Ah, no!
That's enough for today.
Howard, wait up!
Everything is fine here,
nothing is broken!
¶ Ain't had no dinner ¶
¶ Never seen no flicks ¶
¶ It's been a while
but we still click ¶
¶ You've been around
I've been on ice ¶
¶ But I still think
you look nice ¶
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
¶ Whoo! ¶
¶ That's the thing
about stuff... ¶
Chirp.
[Randy] I was chosen
to protect my school
from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
¶ Smoke bomb ¶
[electronic music plays]
Hey, y'all! I'm Greg
from Greg's Gamehole!
Come on down to the hall,
and be the first in school
to get your sweaty, little mitts
on Grave Puncher 5.
Only 200 copies! Scoo-ba!
- Ooh!
- I can't believe it.
The greatest game
since Grave Puncher 4
is out today,
and we're stuck here.
"I lost my love.
He left me there.
Purple clothes of pain I wear.
I weep, I ache, I hurts, I cry.
My eyes shed tears,
my lips scream...
...why!" [sobbing]
[lisping] Is this
going to be on the test?
We gotta
get out of here.
I heard there's a code
that lets you kick graves!
- Kick graves, Cunningham!
- Way ahead of you.
All I need is some
chewed gum, a pencil,
and that thing
flute girl plays.
[gasps] My flute!
- [grunts] Hmm?
- Check it.
I'll shoot the clock, move
the hand to the end of the day,
and, boom, we'll be
co-op grave punching in no time.
That is just half
thought out enough to work!
[both] Hmm?
- [both gulp]
- [lights powering down]
Attention, students.
Due to the loss of power
and resulting spooky darkness,
classes are dismissed.
Freezer's busted!
Anyone want free
ice cream sammies?
- Whoo!
- [all shouting]
Greg's Gamehole, here we come!
Howard, let's...
Howard? Hmm?
I would've got you one,
but they ran out.
[water dripping]
- [growling]
- [laughs] Did you ever think
I could eat
15 ice cream
sandwiches?
- I didn't.
- You know those are
made of tofu, right?
Shh! Not in front
of my stomach.
[Greg] The Grave Puncher 5
is the game for you!
But you better hurry.
Only nine left!
Nine?! There were 200
five minutes ago!
Howard, baby, relax.
Nothing is going to
come between our fists
- and those sweet, sweet graves.
- [screaming]
[roaring] Tawny!
Sorry to interrupt
your rampaging,
but Norrisville High is now
a monster-free campus.
It probably missed the signage.
- [roars]
- Huh?
- Howard...
- I know what you're gonna say.
- And you're right.
- Huh?
We can get to
Greg's and back
before that monster
does anything major!
- To the Gamehole! [humming]
- Not what I was gonna say.
Come on! Slimovitz
is all over this!
Every part of my body
is either terrified
or in pain!
Sorry, buddy.
Our quest must
take a slight detour
through Ninja Town!
Man, why does everything good
have to go through Ninja Town?
Ha!
How about we just skip
the roar playing,
and just cut right
to the fun stuff?
- [exclaims]
- Yah!
Ninja charge!
- [roars, groans]
- Ah! Ow!
- [roars]
- Uh...
Ninja flip!
Ah, stank corsage.
Ninja snatch!
Mmm. Now that is a classic.
I haven't used this vintage
in quite some time.
Whoo-hoo!
What just happened?
Where am I?
You're a little
disoriented.
That's just
the stank-nesia.
In like a second
you'll remember everything.
I remember everything!
I was waiting for
my prom date to show up,
her name's Tawny,
she's a bodacious babe.
We're talking
foxy to the max here.
Sounds good. Not sure what
it means, but thumbs up.
Then she stood me up!
How totally bogus is that?
I even bought her a purple
corsage to match her dress.
I would've gotten a purple tux,
but I couldn't find one.
Can you believe it?
You can't find a
purple tux in 1985?
- 1980-what now?
- Hey nin... Hey, sharp suit.
Ninja, don't you have
somewhere to be,
like, I don't know,
a Gamehole, maybe?
Howard, this guy's
from the past.
I have to find a way
to break it to him, gently,
that he's in the future.
- I'm in the future?! Wait.
- [gasps]
Maybe they've invented
time travel.
They can pop me
right back to 1985.
Have they invented
time travel?
- No.
- [screams]
I'm stuck in the future!
Why is that
typewriter so small?
Why is that kid
wearing wheel feet?
[babbling] Ow!
Why is that tree there?
It wasn't there in 1985.
Tawny! Oh! I've
never felt so alone.
- [sobbing]
- To the Gamehole!
I can't just leave
'80s kid like this.
I have to figure out
what's going on.
- Mmm.
- Watch him until I get back.
- Smoke bomb!
- Relax, kid.
Uncle Howard's gonna tell you
everything you need to know
about the future.
First, the spaceships
are not as hard to fly
as they look.
Second, future air
is pretty rank, so
breathe through your butt,
and, finally, when you see
the monkey overlord, just bow.
- [monkeys chittering]
- Do not look him in the eye.
- Huh? Ugh! No.
- [toilet flushes]
OK, Nomicon, what
the juice is going on?
[grunts]
Ah!
"The monster in the blue tux
by the ninja of 1985."
Now we're talking.
[man] Prom night.
The last night of the year
that a ninja wants
to deal with a monster.
Then some dweeb went
and got himself stankified.
I had to make a choice.
De-stank this guy
and miss prom,
or put him on ice
and get back to the dance.
So I locked him
in the cafeteria freezer.
If you're reading this,
I guess he got out.
See you, wouldn't wanna be you.
That is some selfish
ninja-ing, right there.
It's killing my afternoon
of gameholing.
"The knot not tied unravels."
Whoa. Ninja of '85
totally left the monster
in the freezer.
Hey, where's '80s kid?
His name is Dickie,
and he hates his parents.
I'm assuming because
they named him "Dickie."
Howard, where did he go?
Uh, oh, he said he was
heading to the Gamehole.
Hey, we should go after him!
To the Gamehole!
- Hmm?
- [grunts]
- Oh, fine, he ran off that way.
- Oh, Dickie! Dickie!
[gasps] This is the door
where Tawny was gonna meet me.
Oh. Oh, but she stood me up.
[sobbing]
- [beeping]
- [ringing]
[woman] The number
you have dialed
is no longer
in this decade. Goodbye.
[beeping]
Tawny!
I made you this mix tape!
Hmm... Hairspray,
cheap cologne, acid wash.
Oh... memories.
Really takes me back.
¶ That's the
thing about stuff ¶
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
- ¶ He has no dinner ¶
- [squeaks]
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
- ¶ Whoo ¶
- [squeals]
- We're back to now, right?
- [squeaks]
Here's to old friends.
And you... get lost.
[cackling]
[sobbing]
What? Huh? [shuddering]
What's happening to me?
[growling]
Dickie? Dickie!
Why did you let him
out of your sight?
Cunningham, can we talk?
About anything else?
Nothing's gonna
happen to Dickie!
[Greg] I only got three more
copies of Grave Puncher 5!
If you don't get one now,
you'll be the only one
who didn't get one now.
Did you hear that?
We'll be the only one,
Cunningham.
- Oh!
- Tawny!
- [screaming]
- Tawny!
Nothing's gonna happen
to Dickie, huh?
- Stand still.
- [screams]
[grumbles]
- Tawny!
- [screams]
- Tawny? Not Tawny.
- [screams]
Thanks for
saving me, Ninja.
- You just spit in my eye.
- Sorry.
- You just did it again.
- [screaming]
- [girls screaming]
- [grunting]
- [Dickie] Tawny!
- [groans]
Ninja tripping balls!
Ninja hose borrow.
- [groaning]
- Something's gotta be
stanking this guy.
- Huh? OK.
- [sobbing]
It's not the photo.
What else you packing, Dickie?
Maybe it's...
I don't know what this is.
- [rumbling]
- Would you pipe down?
I'm trying to figure out
how to de-stank you.
[groaning]
Stupid, indestructible
'80s cellphone.
Yah! It wasn't any of that
'80s junk, so what is it?
- Tawny!
- [groans]
Stop saying that!
Ninja shove!
- [shouting]
- [roaring]
- [screams] Scary monster!
- Huh?
We did it!
Let's go to the hole.
I can't just leave
Dickie in a shed
for the next ninja
to deal with.
You can if you
poke holes in the top.
What am I missing? [gasps]
Wait a minute.
Tawny would be old by now.
Really old,
like teacher old.
Ninja hunch!
Ms. Ringwald,
what is your first name?
- It's Mary Elizabeth.
- Bonk.
But everyone calls me Tawny.
How do you get
"Tawny" from that?
- [screaming]
- [roaring]
Come on!
- Hey!
- Huh?
So this is either
gonna de-stank that monster,
- or...
- Excuse me, there's an "or"?
I, um... I might not
have thought this
whole thing through.
- [roaring]
- Ah!
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
- ¶ Whoo-hoo! ¶
- Dickie?
Tawny?
Oh. Oooh...
Huh.
[indistinct]
[gasps]
¶ You stank me with your love ¶
¶ Stank is forever ¶
- ¶ Here in your arms is... ¶
- [burping]
Oh! I'm pretty sure
they both tasted that one.
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
No! That is all
kinds of gross.
Smoke bomb!
Boom!
Knot not tied, tied.
- Let's bounce.
- Took you long enough.
If we hurry maybe we can
- get the last one.
- You know, you could've
gone without me.
You think I'd get the new
Grave Puncher game without you,
my best friend?
Wow. Just... wow.
You don't have
any money, do you?
- Nope.
- ¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
[Randy laughs]
[chirping]
[squeals]
[grunts] Randy Cunningham,
ninth grade phenom.
First freshman ever to ride
in the Wave Slayer relays.
Cunningham, through the shoots,
Cunningham, off the ramp.
Cunningham something, something.
- Cunningham! Cunningham!
- [Howard] Cunningham!
- What was that for?
- For fantasizing
when you're
supposed to be waxing.
- What was that for?
- For asking what that was for.
Do you want to keep going,
or do you want to do your job?
Howard, we did not join the
Wave Slayers to sit around
waxing our water craft.
- We did it to rock!
- No, that's why you did it.
I joined for the executive
snack bar privileges.
And BT Dubbs, it's quarter
past corndog. Where is Luigi?
[Italian accent]
I'm so sorry.
Luigi make it a promise.
You Slayer Waves,
you no wait in the line.
Luigi, you know what would
totally make this right?
Cheese sauce.
Right away,
Senor Weinerman.
- [feet screech]
- Mmm.
- Snack... bar... privileges.
- No. I can't take it.
I was born to ride, Howard.
- Huh?
- [Howard] What are you doing?
That's Buttermaker's
Wave Slayer.
Relax, I'm just
going to sit on it.
Then why are you
zipping that up?
- Safety?
- [grumbles]
Taking out the captain's
Slayer for a joyride
is a really bad idea.
[scoffs] Joyride?
No, no, no, no.
As team waxer,
it is my solemn duty
to make sure the wax
is evenly applied.
[chuckles]
Ah, duty.
- [revving]
- [Randy chuckles]
So Bruce!
Howard, sometimes
you just gotta say...
...what the juice.
- [crashing]
- What the juice?
When Coach Green sees this,
he'll kick us off the team!
If I lose my snack bar
privileges, so help me.
I can fix this. Aah!
Aah! I can fix this!
Just a little more wax...
Yeah, as long as
nobody looks at it,
- I don't think they'll notice.
- [approaching laughter]
[up-tempo music plays]
[humming]
Men, today we give
those Flackville handshakers
a proper thwacking!
- Yeah!
- Now, into the brine
for your preliminary
hydro zigzaggery.
- Hmm?
- Hmm?
Just go warm up.
- Shucks away!
- Yeah!
- Oh, hey, Buttermaker.
- Hey, hey, RC!
My baby waxed to the max?
Gotta get my pre-race on!
Oh, right, maybe
you could just chill
on the dock, and,
I'm just spitballing here,
you could visualize
your pre-race, right?
[chuckling]
You know my philosophy.
Slay it, don't say it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's this?
Yeah, I guess
I should tell you...
My seat! I can see
my face in it!
Oh, tasty! You, dude,
were born to buff!
Hmm.
What's you want
to tell me, RC?
- Well, I might have, um...
- [engine revving]
Taken your Slayer out and dented
it, maybe really damaged it,
but, hopefully not,
so good luck!
What?
I told him.
Besides, I mean,
it's a tiny dent.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Oh, whoa!
Steady, girl, dude!
Easy. [screaming]
No more snacks,
they go "boom, boom." Ah!
It's all good,
I'm OK.
Just get me a
fresh ride, coach.
I can still win.
Uh, Buttermaker,
I'm over here.
[groans]
Clearly your eggs have
had a sound scrambling.
I'm dry docking you
until further notice.
No!
While losing our best rider,
moments before our biggest race
is a bit of a Gulliver,
fear not.
- I have a plan B.
- Yes, plan B?
- We forfeit!
- Oh, that's wonk.
- Baby, that's wonk.
- What have I done, Howard?
Wrecked the Wave Slayer, ended
the team's chances of winning,
and Luigi's snack stand,
and... hmm...
- That was rhetorical,
wasn't it?
- Hmm? Hmm...
NinjaNomicon,
you've gotta help me.
[gurgling]
Octo-world.
"When a ninja does wrong,
he must own up to his mistakes."
Wow, that is way too Nomicon-y
for this freshman to figure out.
[scoffs]
Still not following,
but, don't worry,
I mean, I'll come up
with something. [screams]
[grunts] Coach, wait.
- You can't forfeit!
- Of course I can.
I simply inform the opposing
coach that his team wins.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, waxers are
technically part of the team,
so why can't a waxer
ride in Buttermaker's place?
Mr. Cunningham,
you are absolutely right.
Today, a waxer shall ride.
And, by the rules
of the sea,
set forth by Poseidon
himself,
substitutes are chosen
in reverse alphabetical order.
Weinerman! Prepare to taste
the face of King Neptune.
[grunts]
Stupid rules of the sea.
Listen, Coach Green,
I'm more of a landlubber.
And a meat lover,
and a cheese lover.
Perhaps my good friend,
Cunningham,
could lick Neptune's
face for you?
Senor Weinerman,
you no ride,
you no get the
snack bar privileges.
- [grunts]
- Wax boy, tend to my Slayer.
[grumbles] Wax boy... Slayer...
[moans] Can't believe I blew it.
Gotta win the race.
[alarm ringing]
What rouses me
from my afternoon slumber?
Dejection?
Or maybe it's disappointment.
Disheartenment,
doldrums.
- [squeaks]
- You're right.
They're all equally
wonderful states of misery.
Ah! Destroy...
Flackville. [grunting]
- [shouts indistinctly]
- Huh?
- [screams]
- Dude.
Nothing more refreshing
than a chaotic day at the lake.
- [cackling]
- [up-tempo music plays]
What up? It's your BF
on the beach, H-dub!
Coming at you live
from Lake Larusso.
Here's a look at the line-up.
Leading off on the tube run,
it's Hank Peterson!
Putting his feet down in the
buoys, it's Speedboat Sam Healy!
Followed by Doug the Tub
Jiminsky on the raging ramp.
And anchoring the final sprint
is our own... Howard Weinerman?!
Are we trying
to lose this thing?
Done waxing your Slayer,
Mr. Weinerman.
Hey, you didn't give it
the Buttermaker, did you?
- I'll give you
the Buttermaker.
- [whistle blows]
- Huh?
- Slayers, to the starting line.
Time to be a hero. [grunting]
Ah!
[audience cheering]
[grunts, screams]
[moans] Hmm...
On your mark,
get set, slay.
- Destroy, dude!
- [screams]
Buttermaker? Looks like
the ninja's getting wet.
- Yah!
- Huh?
- [indistinct growling]
- Huh?
[panting]
Ninja amphibious kick!
- Yah!
- Thanks, Ninja!
[grunts]
[screaming]
[grunting]
What's up?
Is this intimidating you?
'Cause I totally know
what I'm doing here.
[growling]
Ninja double hook!
Ah!
- Dude!
- Ninja expanding baton.
[shouts]
[grunting]
Ninja double expanding baton!
Hmm. That's cool.
You get a head start.
I like to keep things
interesting anyway.
- Underwater ninja punch!
- [growling]
Don't worry, Jiminsky,
I'll win this one
for the team!
[screaming]
Dude, your nose is all stanky.
- [growls]
- Ninja nose bow.
[growling]
[cackling]
- [yells]
- [grunts]
- Buttermaker, you OK?
- Ninj, how's the race going?
- Are we winning?
- What? You were
a honking monster!
Why do you care about the race?
- I let my dudes down.
- [shouting]
Never should've
crashed and gotten hurt.
- It's all my fault!
- [gasps]
When a ninja does wrong,
he must own up to his mistakes.
What if it wasn't
all your fault?
- What if it was
none your fault?
- What?
What if, and this is just
a ninja theory here, OK?
But what if one of the waxers
took your Slayer on a joyride
and accidentally damaged it.
Dude, I'd slay that little waxer
where the zinc don't go.
OK, all right.
Now, that makes sense.
But what if he was
really, really sorry?
Guess I'd just flick
him in the ear...
- Deal.
- Huh?
Let's get you
back in that race!
Ninja scarf grapple!
- Dude!
- [screams]
- Hang on, Howard!
- Back in the race, dudes!
I was like
this close to winning.
No, you weren't.
Well, now we'll
never know, will we?
No, we'll know.
We'll totally know.
[grunts]
Norrisville wins it by a nose!
And my brother,
Howard "fart power" Weinerman,
had nothing to do with it.
Big shocker there.
[all cheering]
- We did it!
- Whoo!
So, how'd Buttermaker
take it when you fessed up?
It's all good.
[throbbing]
Actually kind of stings,
but on a deeper,
more emotional level,
I feel like a sense of...
You know what would
make that sentence
more interesting?
Some buffalo knuckles.
You in?
- Hey... you go ahead.
- Hmm?
I got waxing to do.
Oh, well,
have fun with that.
[humming]
- [revving]
- [gasps]
[grunting] What?
- [crashing]
- Ah, no!
That's enough for today.
Howard, wait up!
Everything is fine here,
nothing is broken!
¶ Ain't had no dinner ¶
¶ Never seen no flicks ¶
¶ It's been a while
but we still click ¶
¶ You've been around
I've been on ice ¶
¶ But I still think
you look nice ¶
¶ That's the thing
about stuff ¶
¶ Whoo! ¶
¶ That's the thing
about stuff... ¶
Chirp.