Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012–2015): Season 1, Episode 9 - The Tale of the Golden Doctor's Note - full transcript
¶ Go, ninja! ¶
[Randy] I was chosen
to protect my school
from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
¶ Smoke bomb ¶
Hmm?
[gasps]
All I'm saying is
a ninja sword cannot
cut through a bulldozer.
Come on! It slices through
Robo-Apes, Robo-Lizards,
- Robo-Donkeys Robo-Birds...
- That's great!
Can it slice through
a bulldozer?
'Cause I'm pretty sure I
didn't hear you say "bulldozer."
Not falling for it.
I don't care how hard you try,
there is no way...
How do you like your 'dozer?
Sliced, diced.
Shoe string, waffle cut?
- O'Brien?
- Ninja's choice.
Yah! [gasps] Oh, no.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
I did tell you it wouldn't
cut through a bulldozer.
I can fix this.
Just find a bag
and start scooping.
And, there.
You know, this actually
looked worse than it was.
- [sneezes]
- [gasps] I am so busted.
[groans]
Just say it was
like that when you found it.
[laughing]
You don't even
have to say anything.
I broke my sword and I am
really, really sorry.
[beeping]
[Randy]
"In the realm of the ninja,
a swordsmith crafts blades
in a cauldron of fire."
Cracked blade,
cauldron of fire, love it.
- [grunts]
- And I promise
I will not break this one!
Ooh! Oh, man.
This time I know I did it!
Come on, give them here.
- Ow!
- [grunts]
- Try again, Brent.
- Ooh.
How am I supposed to
master the ancient art
of metalwork,
if all I'm making
is corn holders?
Boy, you ain't making
no corn holders,
you making corn droppers.
Why you fussing
with corn, anyways?
This ain't no dang
old Home Ec.
- Brent, do it again.
- Oh, no. I am done!
I am out of here!
Mmm-mm-mmm. I'm getting
too old for this shop.
[grumbling]
Ding-dang corncob.
- Ah!
- Watch it, Weinerman!
OK, the realm of the ninja
has to be the school,
but where is there
a cauldron of fire?
This chili's a cauldron
of fire going in
and coming out.
- [belching]
- Aah!
"S. Ward Smith"?
Sword... smith.
Swordsmith!
Oh-uh! Boom!
- Cracked it!
- [burps]
Um, Mr. Smith?
Mr. S. Ward Smith?
I'm looking for a swordsmith.
Why you smithing around
my metal shop?
[clears throat]
Greetings, swordsmith
of Norrisville, 'tis I...
I know you the ninja.
Caught a whiff of you
the second you walked in.
- Ow!
- You reek of smoke bombs.
Those things
smell like farts.
[grunting] Check it out!
- I made dents.
- Mmm, let me get
a feel on those.
Mr. Smith wouldn't have
made you his protoge
if he didn't see
something in you.
Just apologize
for using your mad words,
and make the best dang
cob holders ever!
Mmm-hmm. This is some
quality work, son.
He replaced me with...
Weinerman!
Quality work? Really?
No, they're dents!
A donkey can do that.
Donkey's can't
hold hammers.
And back to the
reason I'm here.
So I kinda, sort of,
might have, in a way,
in a sense, might have,
could have...
You broke your
sword, didn't you?
Wait a sec,
how did you...?
Ninja swords can cut through
anything, except stupid.
Cut stupid? No, no, no, no.
I wasn't cutting stupid, friend.
I was cutting a bulldozer.
OK... I see
what you're saying.
Bulldozer? No wonder
your sword broke.
Ninja weapons
are for ninja business.
- [gasps]
- You need to learn
how to honor your tools.
So Bruce! Whoa.
Stupid Weinerman. [crying]
- Listen to that.
- [squeaking]
The muted thud
of rejection.
The angry clank
of failure.
All coming together
in a glorious symphony
of shame.
- [clanging continues]
- Hang on.
Here comes my favorite part.
- [loud clang]
- Exquisite.
Mmm? [shouting]
[roars]
I've been crafting swords
for the ninja my whole life.
When used properly,
a swordsmith signature
sword is the most
powerful weapon
in the ninja's arsenal.
Totally.
I was thinking my new sword
should have two blades,
a touch screen and Wi-Fi.
- Wi-Fi, Wi-Fi. [grumbles]
- [laughing]
Um, that's a clown balloon.
- That better?
- No!
That's not better,
that's worse!
I'm a ninja.
I need a real sword.
Ninjas get swords,
clowns get balloons.
Until you prove to me
you can be responsible
for your weapons,
- this is your sword.
- No problem.
I can be responsible
for a balloon,
that's baby stuff.
So... I'm gonna need
another sword, please.
Cunningham,
you're my best friend,
but no way can you handle
an assignment this heavy.
Please, I'm a ninja.
I can keep a
balloon from popping.
- Seriously?
- [groans]
New rule: Don't get
the sword near
anything that'll pop it.
OK, class.
Who's ready...
...for blindfolded archery?
[both] Hmm?
See, Howard?
Responsible. Me.
Hey, a balloon!
I'm gonna pop it!
- No!
- [balloon pops]
I'm starting to think
you don't even want a sword.
[groans]
[growling]
Yeah. [cackling]
New, new rule:
I'm not letting go
of this balloon.
No matter what.
As a special treat,
we're going to spend
a fascinating 45 minutes
walking through the poorly lit
and completely unmarked
Norrisville High cactus maze.
It's a-maz-ingly
educational.
Hmm?
[Randy] This isn't that bad.
I was wrong! There's so many...
So many pointy things! All
of them hurt all over my body!
Aah, my balloon!
My balloon is all I care about!
Howard, do not push me.
Howard! Ooh!
Now I'm gonna push you...
I missed! I missed and
my face is touching it.
Mmm-mm-mm.
I'm gonna do it. Ow.
I'm gonna show Ward Smith
that I'm not an
irresponsible shoob. Ow.
And I'm gonna get
that new sword. [groans]
Which is why I promise
nothing will happen to you.
This is painful.
You know you're
talking to a balloon, right?
It's not a balloon, Howard.
It is my sword,
and it is my
responsibility.
Could you do that
at another table,
'cause you're kind of
weirding me out. [yelling]
[growling] Weinerman!
- [shouting]
- [panting, gasps]
Don't worry. I'm
coming for you, buddy.
- [growling]
- [screams]
You have no skill.
I don't know what
you're talking about,
but it's probably true.
- [grunting]
- [Howard screaming]
[rumbling]
- [growling]
- [shuddering]
- [yelling]
- Me apprentice!
Him not apprentice.
How come you have
such trouble with grammar,
but you can say
"apprentice."
- Ninja leap!
- Please tell me you're not
going to fight this guy
with a balloon!
Howard, I'm not going to
fight this guy with a balloon.
Well, then, what are
you going to fight him with?
The heart and soul
of a responsible ninja.
Oh, great, I'm dead.
I'm dead.
Ninja flash!
- Ninja-size.!
- [growling]
Yah! Hi-yah!
- [growling]
- [grunts] Ah...
Ninja comet.
Ninja chain-sicle.
- [growls]
- Uh... Ninja rings?
What the juice?
Nothing's working.
I could really use
a sword right now.
[Ward] Until you prove to me
you can be responsible
- for your weapons...
- This is my sword.
- Ninja...
- Uh...
[growling]
Yah! Ninja bat!
Feel the inflated wrath
of my ninja sword.
Ninja, what do you
think you're doing?
I know what you were telling me.
This is my sword,
and I'm gonna ninja with it.
What? That's not a sword,
it's a metaphor.
Are you trying
to get yourself killed?
Oh, no. I wasn't
behaving like a clown,
I was behaving like a ninja,
and you all saw it.
- All you guys saw it.
- No duh.
Why do you think
I made you this?
Yeah!
Ah, yes! So Bruce!
Now that sword would
cut through a bulldozer.
Yeah, it would.
Don't even think about it!
Now get in there
- and poke that monster!
- [growling]
Let's do this. Yah!
[shouting]
[yells]
I'll be slicing that.
- Yah. Yah!
- [grunting]
Ho-ho-ho!
[moaning]
Hey. Hello?
No, no, no. No, no.
- No. No!
- [squeaking]
Howard, I'm never
abusing my sword again.
From now on, the ninja
sword is for ninja business.
Yeah... Besides,
these are way better.
Hmm?
You better not be
toasting marshmallows
- over my sacred fire pit.
- [both] Run!
This is big, Cunningham.
first day of Home Ec.
We're already partners in
Science, Gym, Spanish and lunch.
When we're officially
logged as baking buddies,
we'll be partners
in every class!
We will have achieved
the freshman class-fecta.
You guys are idiots.
[speaking gibberish]
I took the liberty,
hope you don't mind.
Those are
ridiculously awesome!
After you,
Chef Cunningham.
Oh, no, no, no.
Chef Weinerman, I insist.
[both grunting]
Greetings, fellow foodies.
Mr. D's teaching
a few classes,
so he can take me
on a tan line optional cruise.
Don't tell him I know,
it's supposed to be a surprise.
That skeleton's gonna
teach us how to cook?
Well, she sure isn't.
Look at me, I'm all bones!
[chuckling]
Delicious zing, Mr. D.
Before you pick
your baking buddies,
I'd like to introduce our
foreign exchange student.
Put your oven mitts together
for the new kid, Franz Nukid.
I am Franz. I was just enrolled
in your education factory.
- Hallo.
- [crickets chirping]
Now you say "hallo."
- Um...
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Or something.
That was excellent "hallo."
That guy is so weird.
What is up with that
shoobtastic hat?
Howard, he's new.
Give him a chance.
Not everybody has it
as locked down as we do.
Let's get rolling. Time
to pick your baking buddies.
- What are you doing?
- NinjaNomicon.
It could be important.
Nothing is more important
than the class-fecta.
Just tell Mr. D
we're partners.
I don't have to
be there for that, right?
Just wait two seconds,
buddy up with me,
then go into the book.
- Give me the Nomicon.
- No.
- Give me the Nomicon.
- [grunting]
- Class-fecta.
- Class-fecta
isn't a real thing.
[gasps]
I'm the ninja.
I like being the ninja.
It's my duty,
but I wouldn't expect
you to understand what
it means to have a duty.
One, [laughs], duty.
- And, two... How dare you?
- Whatever.
[grunts]
What the juice, Nomicon?
Howard is so wrong
on this one. Right?
"The most dangerous enemy often
wears the mask of an ally."
Ha!
Thank you. Howard is totally
being a huge enemy right now.
The second I [gust]
out of here,
I'm gonna
tell that guy what's up.
- [chuckling]
- Ah, what's up?
[screams, grunts]
[Franz] I will just look
in this cabinet for the
dill weed.
Hey, you found
the dill weed.
Hallo!
Howard, why is Nukid,
the new kid, wearing my hat?
What new kid? Oh, you mean
my baking buddy, Franz!
Hallo! Now you say, "Hallo."
You just blew the
class-fecta on that guy?
Ho-ho! Look who
suddenly gives a squirt
- about the class-fecta.
- [bell rings]
Howard, the buns
are ready, yah?
- [moans]
- Excuse me.
I have buns to butter.
- [grumbling]
- [squeaking]
[humming]
What's with all
the fuzz, Viceroy?
Mother told me these
shorts were too short.
- I should've listened.
- Ew!
And I was
talking about them!
Oh, that. That's my latest
plan to take down the ninja.
It doesn't seem very deadly.
It's the exact
opposite of deadly.
Through genetic engineering,
I extracted the adorability
of a bunny,
the naivete of a koala,
and the weaselyness of a weasel.
Then I encoded it into
a robotic exchange student!
[yawning] I'm sorry.
I must've checked out
during the part where
you talked about
destroying the ninja!
He's not a destroy-bot,
he's a befriend-bot.
Hallo!
Thanks to his extremely high LQ,
or lovability quotient,
my robot will have
no trouble collecting
voice samples from
every student at Norrisville.
Then, we compare the voices
to the sample we have
on file for the ninja.
Say hello to my ninja eye poke!
Say hello to my ninja eye poke!
Once we find a match,
we'll know who the ninja is.
- And then we'll destroy him?
- And then we destroy him.
Ooh! This is my best plan yet!
Please, sir.
You're scaring the koala.
- [laughing]
- Makes me think that
some people can't...
...the way that
they say they can.
I'm Franz Nukid.
Hallo.
- Now you say "hallo."
- Uh! Oh, me? Hello.
Hello.
[Randy] Say hello
to my ninja eye poke!
[man] Voice match negative.
Not the ninja.
- Excellent "hallo." You win!
- I do? Hooray!
I can't help
but love this guy.
[all laugh]
Howard, I'm willing
to forgive you... Franz!
Why is Nukid
sitting in my seat?
Oh, this is awkward.
My ex-lunch partner just
caught me with my new
lunch partner.
Franz is teaching us
a fascinating game
from his homeland.
- So Bruce!
- Now you say "hallo."
- Hallo. Was that OK?
- OK? It was excellent "hallo."
- You win!
- [laughter]
[grumbles] How could you
replace me with that guy?
Hey! You were busy with
your big, fat, hairy duty.
But me not understand duty,
me stupid.
Me just want
friend to eat with.
I am not the one
acting like an enemy here.
You are. The Nomicon
even said so.
Well, maybe you
should have lunch
with the Nomicon.
I'm gonna go abuse
my friend Franz's
exchange student
discount at the snack cart.
[yodeling]
Hey! What are you
supposed to be, huh?
- Tell me!
- [gasps]
I am Franz Nukid. Hallo.
Now you say "hallo."
- Ha-llo?
- That was excellent "hallo."
- You win!
- Yeah! I win.
Ha! I love this guy.
I don't know why,
but I love him!
Come here
you little munchkin!
[cheering]
- Hallo.
- Hallo.
- Hallo.
- Hallo.
- Hallo.
- Excellent "hallo."
- [laughter]
- Who cares... saying "hallo."
[grumbling]
Check, one, two.
Two. Check, check.
Oh, hallo!
Now you say "hallo."
Franz, I know you think
Howard's your new best friend
and all, but actually
he's my best friend.
We're just kind of having
a thing right now,
and you got caught up
in the middle of it.
So, it'd be the cheese
if you could find someone
else to "hallo" with.
[Randy] Say hello
to my ninja eye poke!
[man] Ninja identified.
Hallo, ninja.
- What did you just say?
- I said, hello, ninja.
[gasps]
[man] Ninja identified.
- Who is it?
- [man] Ninja identified.
I heard you the first time,
who is it?
- [man] Ninja identified.
- Who is the ninja?!
[man] Ninja identi... fied.
[groaning]
I just got an alert!
The ninja's been...
- Oh, Hannibal, you didn't.
- It was like this
when I found it.
Ah! Send the chainsaw werewolves
to retrieve Franz.
But I can rebuild
the Franz later...
Send in the chainsaw werewolves!
But I'm not the ninja.
But you are the ninja,
I know this.
You told Franz? I can't believe
you're trying to jack my BFF.
No, Howard, he just
figured it out.
Franz, OK?
You can't tell anybody.
But I must,
it is my duty.
[chuckles] Ah, duty.
[gasps]
[all screaming]
- Oh, hallo.
- Take him to McFist.
They're Franz-napping him!
McFist can force him
to give up my true identity.
This kid doesn't know
how much trouble he's in.
- [grunts]
- [girls scream]
Sorry!
Ninja rings!
[all growling]
[screams]
[yells] Ofta.
See, Franz. This is why
you shouldn't know my secret.
It puts you in danger.
No, ninja.
It's you who is in danger.
[both] You're a robot?
"The most dangerous enemy
often wears
the mask of an ally."
Oh! You're the enemy the
Nomicon was warning me about.
[clears throat] Anything
you'd like to say to me?
[grunts, yelps]
There. Fixed it.
We can still download
the ninja's true identity.
Well, push it!
Hiyah! [grunts]
McFist is uploading my data.
I win!
- [groans]
- [bubbling]
[Howard screams]
- Goodbye, ninja.
- [gasping]
Now you say goodbye.
Hey, Nukid.
Hello, Howard.
What are you doing?
I wouldn't expect you
to understand this,
'cause you're a robot,
but I also have a duty
as a friend.
Also [laughs] duty.
Yah!
[screaming]
Hallo... Hallo...
[slow-motion] Hallo...
Well, I guess you have to
know the difference
between your Franz
and your enemies.
Ugh, too soon,
Ninja, too soon.
[grumbling]
The ninja's identity is...
[man] Transmission terminated.
- [grunting]
- [chittering]
Sir, please release
the weasel.
[continues grumbling]
Howard, I acted
like a total shoob.
I thought my only duty was being
the ninja, but I was wrong.
I have two duties. A ninja duty,
and a best friend duty.
- [chuckling]
- No, you can laugh.
I said "duty" a lot of times.
You did! You said it
like 100 times!
It was awesome!
Hey, so what do you say?
Baking buddies?
- [both] Class-fecta!
- [ringing]
[scoffs]
You guys are idiots.
[rock music plays]
Chirp.
[Randy] I was chosen
to protect my school
from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
¶ Smoke bomb ¶
Hmm?
[gasps]
All I'm saying is
a ninja sword cannot
cut through a bulldozer.
Come on! It slices through
Robo-Apes, Robo-Lizards,
- Robo-Donkeys Robo-Birds...
- That's great!
Can it slice through
a bulldozer?
'Cause I'm pretty sure I
didn't hear you say "bulldozer."
Not falling for it.
I don't care how hard you try,
there is no way...
How do you like your 'dozer?
Sliced, diced.
Shoe string, waffle cut?
- O'Brien?
- Ninja's choice.
Yah! [gasps] Oh, no.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
I did tell you it wouldn't
cut through a bulldozer.
I can fix this.
Just find a bag
and start scooping.
And, there.
You know, this actually
looked worse than it was.
- [sneezes]
- [gasps] I am so busted.
[groans]
Just say it was
like that when you found it.
[laughing]
You don't even
have to say anything.
I broke my sword and I am
really, really sorry.
[beeping]
[Randy]
"In the realm of the ninja,
a swordsmith crafts blades
in a cauldron of fire."
Cracked blade,
cauldron of fire, love it.
- [grunts]
- And I promise
I will not break this one!
Ooh! Oh, man.
This time I know I did it!
Come on, give them here.
- Ow!
- [grunts]
- Try again, Brent.
- Ooh.
How am I supposed to
master the ancient art
of metalwork,
if all I'm making
is corn holders?
Boy, you ain't making
no corn holders,
you making corn droppers.
Why you fussing
with corn, anyways?
This ain't no dang
old Home Ec.
- Brent, do it again.
- Oh, no. I am done!
I am out of here!
Mmm-mm-mmm. I'm getting
too old for this shop.
[grumbling]
Ding-dang corncob.
- Ah!
- Watch it, Weinerman!
OK, the realm of the ninja
has to be the school,
but where is there
a cauldron of fire?
This chili's a cauldron
of fire going in
and coming out.
- [belching]
- Aah!
"S. Ward Smith"?
Sword... smith.
Swordsmith!
Oh-uh! Boom!
- Cracked it!
- [burps]
Um, Mr. Smith?
Mr. S. Ward Smith?
I'm looking for a swordsmith.
Why you smithing around
my metal shop?
[clears throat]
Greetings, swordsmith
of Norrisville, 'tis I...
I know you the ninja.
Caught a whiff of you
the second you walked in.
- Ow!
- You reek of smoke bombs.
Those things
smell like farts.
[grunting] Check it out!
- I made dents.
- Mmm, let me get
a feel on those.
Mr. Smith wouldn't have
made you his protoge
if he didn't see
something in you.
Just apologize
for using your mad words,
and make the best dang
cob holders ever!
Mmm-hmm. This is some
quality work, son.
He replaced me with...
Weinerman!
Quality work? Really?
No, they're dents!
A donkey can do that.
Donkey's can't
hold hammers.
And back to the
reason I'm here.
So I kinda, sort of,
might have, in a way,
in a sense, might have,
could have...
You broke your
sword, didn't you?
Wait a sec,
how did you...?
Ninja swords can cut through
anything, except stupid.
Cut stupid? No, no, no, no.
I wasn't cutting stupid, friend.
I was cutting a bulldozer.
OK... I see
what you're saying.
Bulldozer? No wonder
your sword broke.
Ninja weapons
are for ninja business.
- [gasps]
- You need to learn
how to honor your tools.
So Bruce! Whoa.
Stupid Weinerman. [crying]
- Listen to that.
- [squeaking]
The muted thud
of rejection.
The angry clank
of failure.
All coming together
in a glorious symphony
of shame.
- [clanging continues]
- Hang on.
Here comes my favorite part.
- [loud clang]
- Exquisite.
Mmm? [shouting]
[roars]
I've been crafting swords
for the ninja my whole life.
When used properly,
a swordsmith signature
sword is the most
powerful weapon
in the ninja's arsenal.
Totally.
I was thinking my new sword
should have two blades,
a touch screen and Wi-Fi.
- Wi-Fi, Wi-Fi. [grumbles]
- [laughing]
Um, that's a clown balloon.
- That better?
- No!
That's not better,
that's worse!
I'm a ninja.
I need a real sword.
Ninjas get swords,
clowns get balloons.
Until you prove to me
you can be responsible
for your weapons,
- this is your sword.
- No problem.
I can be responsible
for a balloon,
that's baby stuff.
So... I'm gonna need
another sword, please.
Cunningham,
you're my best friend,
but no way can you handle
an assignment this heavy.
Please, I'm a ninja.
I can keep a
balloon from popping.
- Seriously?
- [groans]
New rule: Don't get
the sword near
anything that'll pop it.
OK, class.
Who's ready...
...for blindfolded archery?
[both] Hmm?
See, Howard?
Responsible. Me.
Hey, a balloon!
I'm gonna pop it!
- No!
- [balloon pops]
I'm starting to think
you don't even want a sword.
[groans]
[growling]
Yeah. [cackling]
New, new rule:
I'm not letting go
of this balloon.
No matter what.
As a special treat,
we're going to spend
a fascinating 45 minutes
walking through the poorly lit
and completely unmarked
Norrisville High cactus maze.
It's a-maz-ingly
educational.
Hmm?
[Randy] This isn't that bad.
I was wrong! There's so many...
So many pointy things! All
of them hurt all over my body!
Aah, my balloon!
My balloon is all I care about!
Howard, do not push me.
Howard! Ooh!
Now I'm gonna push you...
I missed! I missed and
my face is touching it.
Mmm-mm-mm.
I'm gonna do it. Ow.
I'm gonna show Ward Smith
that I'm not an
irresponsible shoob. Ow.
And I'm gonna get
that new sword. [groans]
Which is why I promise
nothing will happen to you.
This is painful.
You know you're
talking to a balloon, right?
It's not a balloon, Howard.
It is my sword,
and it is my
responsibility.
Could you do that
at another table,
'cause you're kind of
weirding me out. [yelling]
[growling] Weinerman!
- [shouting]
- [panting, gasps]
Don't worry. I'm
coming for you, buddy.
- [growling]
- [screams]
You have no skill.
I don't know what
you're talking about,
but it's probably true.
- [grunting]
- [Howard screaming]
[rumbling]
- [growling]
- [shuddering]
- [yelling]
- Me apprentice!
Him not apprentice.
How come you have
such trouble with grammar,
but you can say
"apprentice."
- Ninja leap!
- Please tell me you're not
going to fight this guy
with a balloon!
Howard, I'm not going to
fight this guy with a balloon.
Well, then, what are
you going to fight him with?
The heart and soul
of a responsible ninja.
Oh, great, I'm dead.
I'm dead.
Ninja flash!
- Ninja-size.!
- [growling]
Yah! Hi-yah!
- [growling]
- [grunts] Ah...
Ninja comet.
Ninja chain-sicle.
- [growls]
- Uh... Ninja rings?
What the juice?
Nothing's working.
I could really use
a sword right now.
[Ward] Until you prove to me
you can be responsible
- for your weapons...
- This is my sword.
- Ninja...
- Uh...
[growling]
Yah! Ninja bat!
Feel the inflated wrath
of my ninja sword.
Ninja, what do you
think you're doing?
I know what you were telling me.
This is my sword,
and I'm gonna ninja with it.
What? That's not a sword,
it's a metaphor.
Are you trying
to get yourself killed?
Oh, no. I wasn't
behaving like a clown,
I was behaving like a ninja,
and you all saw it.
- All you guys saw it.
- No duh.
Why do you think
I made you this?
Yeah!
Ah, yes! So Bruce!
Now that sword would
cut through a bulldozer.
Yeah, it would.
Don't even think about it!
Now get in there
- and poke that monster!
- [growling]
Let's do this. Yah!
[shouting]
[yells]
I'll be slicing that.
- Yah. Yah!
- [grunting]
Ho-ho-ho!
[moaning]
Hey. Hello?
No, no, no. No, no.
- No. No!
- [squeaking]
Howard, I'm never
abusing my sword again.
From now on, the ninja
sword is for ninja business.
Yeah... Besides,
these are way better.
Hmm?
You better not be
toasting marshmallows
- over my sacred fire pit.
- [both] Run!
This is big, Cunningham.
first day of Home Ec.
We're already partners in
Science, Gym, Spanish and lunch.
When we're officially
logged as baking buddies,
we'll be partners
in every class!
We will have achieved
the freshman class-fecta.
You guys are idiots.
[speaking gibberish]
I took the liberty,
hope you don't mind.
Those are
ridiculously awesome!
After you,
Chef Cunningham.
Oh, no, no, no.
Chef Weinerman, I insist.
[both grunting]
Greetings, fellow foodies.
Mr. D's teaching
a few classes,
so he can take me
on a tan line optional cruise.
Don't tell him I know,
it's supposed to be a surprise.
That skeleton's gonna
teach us how to cook?
Well, she sure isn't.
Look at me, I'm all bones!
[chuckling]
Delicious zing, Mr. D.
Before you pick
your baking buddies,
I'd like to introduce our
foreign exchange student.
Put your oven mitts together
for the new kid, Franz Nukid.
I am Franz. I was just enrolled
in your education factory.
- Hallo.
- [crickets chirping]
Now you say "hallo."
- Um...
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Or something.
That was excellent "hallo."
That guy is so weird.
What is up with that
shoobtastic hat?
Howard, he's new.
Give him a chance.
Not everybody has it
as locked down as we do.
Let's get rolling. Time
to pick your baking buddies.
- What are you doing?
- NinjaNomicon.
It could be important.
Nothing is more important
than the class-fecta.
Just tell Mr. D
we're partners.
I don't have to
be there for that, right?
Just wait two seconds,
buddy up with me,
then go into the book.
- Give me the Nomicon.
- No.
- Give me the Nomicon.
- [grunting]
- Class-fecta.
- Class-fecta
isn't a real thing.
[gasps]
I'm the ninja.
I like being the ninja.
It's my duty,
but I wouldn't expect
you to understand what
it means to have a duty.
One, [laughs], duty.
- And, two... How dare you?
- Whatever.
[grunts]
What the juice, Nomicon?
Howard is so wrong
on this one. Right?
"The most dangerous enemy often
wears the mask of an ally."
Ha!
Thank you. Howard is totally
being a huge enemy right now.
The second I [gust]
out of here,
I'm gonna
tell that guy what's up.
- [chuckling]
- Ah, what's up?
[screams, grunts]
[Franz] I will just look
in this cabinet for the
dill weed.
Hey, you found
the dill weed.
Hallo!
Howard, why is Nukid,
the new kid, wearing my hat?
What new kid? Oh, you mean
my baking buddy, Franz!
Hallo! Now you say, "Hallo."
You just blew the
class-fecta on that guy?
Ho-ho! Look who
suddenly gives a squirt
- about the class-fecta.
- [bell rings]
Howard, the buns
are ready, yah?
- [moans]
- Excuse me.
I have buns to butter.
- [grumbling]
- [squeaking]
[humming]
What's with all
the fuzz, Viceroy?
Mother told me these
shorts were too short.
- I should've listened.
- Ew!
And I was
talking about them!
Oh, that. That's my latest
plan to take down the ninja.
It doesn't seem very deadly.
It's the exact
opposite of deadly.
Through genetic engineering,
I extracted the adorability
of a bunny,
the naivete of a koala,
and the weaselyness of a weasel.
Then I encoded it into
a robotic exchange student!
[yawning] I'm sorry.
I must've checked out
during the part where
you talked about
destroying the ninja!
He's not a destroy-bot,
he's a befriend-bot.
Hallo!
Thanks to his extremely high LQ,
or lovability quotient,
my robot will have
no trouble collecting
voice samples from
every student at Norrisville.
Then, we compare the voices
to the sample we have
on file for the ninja.
Say hello to my ninja eye poke!
Say hello to my ninja eye poke!
Once we find a match,
we'll know who the ninja is.
- And then we'll destroy him?
- And then we destroy him.
Ooh! This is my best plan yet!
Please, sir.
You're scaring the koala.
- [laughing]
- Makes me think that
some people can't...
...the way that
they say they can.
I'm Franz Nukid.
Hallo.
- Now you say "hallo."
- Uh! Oh, me? Hello.
Hello.
[Randy] Say hello
to my ninja eye poke!
[man] Voice match negative.
Not the ninja.
- Excellent "hallo." You win!
- I do? Hooray!
I can't help
but love this guy.
[all laugh]
Howard, I'm willing
to forgive you... Franz!
Why is Nukid
sitting in my seat?
Oh, this is awkward.
My ex-lunch partner just
caught me with my new
lunch partner.
Franz is teaching us
a fascinating game
from his homeland.
- So Bruce!
- Now you say "hallo."
- Hallo. Was that OK?
- OK? It was excellent "hallo."
- You win!
- [laughter]
[grumbles] How could you
replace me with that guy?
Hey! You were busy with
your big, fat, hairy duty.
But me not understand duty,
me stupid.
Me just want
friend to eat with.
I am not the one
acting like an enemy here.
You are. The Nomicon
even said so.
Well, maybe you
should have lunch
with the Nomicon.
I'm gonna go abuse
my friend Franz's
exchange student
discount at the snack cart.
[yodeling]
Hey! What are you
supposed to be, huh?
- Tell me!
- [gasps]
I am Franz Nukid. Hallo.
Now you say "hallo."
- Ha-llo?
- That was excellent "hallo."
- You win!
- Yeah! I win.
Ha! I love this guy.
I don't know why,
but I love him!
Come here
you little munchkin!
[cheering]
- Hallo.
- Hallo.
- Hallo.
- Hallo.
- Hallo.
- Excellent "hallo."
- [laughter]
- Who cares... saying "hallo."
[grumbling]
Check, one, two.
Two. Check, check.
Oh, hallo!
Now you say "hallo."
Franz, I know you think
Howard's your new best friend
and all, but actually
he's my best friend.
We're just kind of having
a thing right now,
and you got caught up
in the middle of it.
So, it'd be the cheese
if you could find someone
else to "hallo" with.
[Randy] Say hello
to my ninja eye poke!
[man] Ninja identified.
Hallo, ninja.
- What did you just say?
- I said, hello, ninja.
[gasps]
[man] Ninja identified.
- Who is it?
- [man] Ninja identified.
I heard you the first time,
who is it?
- [man] Ninja identified.
- Who is the ninja?!
[man] Ninja identi... fied.
[groaning]
I just got an alert!
The ninja's been...
- Oh, Hannibal, you didn't.
- It was like this
when I found it.
Ah! Send the chainsaw werewolves
to retrieve Franz.
But I can rebuild
the Franz later...
Send in the chainsaw werewolves!
But I'm not the ninja.
But you are the ninja,
I know this.
You told Franz? I can't believe
you're trying to jack my BFF.
No, Howard, he just
figured it out.
Franz, OK?
You can't tell anybody.
But I must,
it is my duty.
[chuckles] Ah, duty.
[gasps]
[all screaming]
- Oh, hallo.
- Take him to McFist.
They're Franz-napping him!
McFist can force him
to give up my true identity.
This kid doesn't know
how much trouble he's in.
- [grunts]
- [girls scream]
Sorry!
Ninja rings!
[all growling]
[screams]
[yells] Ofta.
See, Franz. This is why
you shouldn't know my secret.
It puts you in danger.
No, ninja.
It's you who is in danger.
[both] You're a robot?
"The most dangerous enemy
often wears
the mask of an ally."
Oh! You're the enemy the
Nomicon was warning me about.
[clears throat] Anything
you'd like to say to me?
[grunts, yelps]
There. Fixed it.
We can still download
the ninja's true identity.
Well, push it!
Hiyah! [grunts]
McFist is uploading my data.
I win!
- [groans]
- [bubbling]
[Howard screams]
- Goodbye, ninja.
- [gasping]
Now you say goodbye.
Hey, Nukid.
Hello, Howard.
What are you doing?
I wouldn't expect you
to understand this,
'cause you're a robot,
but I also have a duty
as a friend.
Also [laughs] duty.
Yah!
[screaming]
Hallo... Hallo...
[slow-motion] Hallo...
Well, I guess you have to
know the difference
between your Franz
and your enemies.
Ugh, too soon,
Ninja, too soon.
[grumbling]
The ninja's identity is...
[man] Transmission terminated.
- [grunting]
- [chittering]
Sir, please release
the weasel.
[continues grumbling]
Howard, I acted
like a total shoob.
I thought my only duty was being
the ninja, but I was wrong.
I have two duties. A ninja duty,
and a best friend duty.
- [chuckling]
- No, you can laugh.
I said "duty" a lot of times.
You did! You said it
like 100 times!
It was awesome!
Hey, so what do you say?
Baking buddies?
- [both] Class-fecta!
- [ringing]
[scoffs]
You guys are idiots.
[rock music plays]
Chirp.