Raising Hope (2010–2014): Season 4, Episode 7 - Murder, She Hoped - full transcript

What's with the new do?!

Ah, got it at the Senior Center.

I like that it's free,

what I don't like is
they give you last hair style

they remember having.

But the bigger news is
we have new back fence neighbors.

Someone moved
into the Weirdo House?

Isn't this the Weirdo House?

No, this is
the Lovable Eccentric House.

We've had a bad string of luck
with our back fence neighbors.

Everyone who's moved in there
has been really odd.



Damn it!

Another rolling blackout.

They only roll through
our neighborhood.

Bet those snobs
in the hoity-toity neighborhood

don't have to deal
with their power going out.

Jimmy, speaking of which,
that's us. Let's go home.

I can see why people like
walking around.

We have pretty interesting neighbors.

Looks like the Hoffmans
are trying to beat the heat.

Ah, Old Lady Stevens.

She's so sweet.

Oh, look,
she's got a date.

Wait.
What is that?

If she's gonna do that, she should
crochet herself some curtains.



Oh, hey, check out Elijah
the Bearded Neighbor.

I didn't know he was musical.

I'm not so sure he is.

Oh, tree root.

Sorry, buddy.

Almost stepped on your foot.

Ooh, look how normal
they look.

This is it, Burt.

We're gonna be
borrowing sugar in no time.

Oh, hello.
Can I help you?

Hi, uh, we're Virginia
and Burt,

your back fence neighbors.

Well, hi, there,
Virginia and Burt.

We're Gary and Gina.
Say hi, Gina.

Hi.

Well, we just wanted to welcome
you to the neighborhood.

We really appreciate that.
Don't we, Gina?

Yes.

Well, we should go.

Wanna come over
for dinner tonight?

Whoo... Hoo-hoo.

We'd love to.
Right, Gina?

- Yes.
- Great. It's a date.

We'll see you at 6:00,
back fence neighbors.

What the heck are you doing?

Why'd you invite them
to dinner?

What do you mean?

Gary's creepy.
What was with that smile?

It was nice.
He was being friendly.

Why didn't Gina talk?

I like that about her.

I'm a big talker,
I need a big listener.

A mute would be ideal,
but I don't want to be greedy.

And now we have to have
dinner with them. Uh!

This day couldn't
possibly get any worse.

Don't worry, buddy.
I got ya.

Burt!

Are you okay?

They did an all right job
with this cast.

You know, as a doctor,
I'm not supposed to do this

without a formal examination
and prescription,

but you're a neighbor,
so take this.

- Oh, no, thanks.
- Come on.

There we go.

Hey, look at those mitts on you.

You got some
really striking hands.

I never really
thought about it.

As a hand surgeon,
I've seen a lot in my time.

May I?

My God.

Just when you think
the fingers are the main attraction,

you've got those thumbs
that really close the show.

So, Gary, you like sports?

I know what you're getting at.

One, two, three, four,
I declare a thumb war!

So, why'd you and Gary move
to Natesville?

Everyone I know was
just born here

and doesn't have
the energy to leave.

We got tired of the big city.

Oh. You're from a big city?

No.

Come on, Burt,
Best out of seven!

Come on!
No, we should

really call it a night.
Right, Virginia?

My leg is barking.

All right. I guess it is getting
a little late.

You ready, Gina?

Yes.

Oh! Oh, okay.

Aren't you sweet?

I'm sorry, guys.

I'll never put you
through that again.

Wow.

These were already doing this,
but if they weren't,

they would be now.

All my pajamas were in
the laundry,

but I found this
in Maw Maw's closet.

Hey, back fence neighbors!

Oh, my God,
this is what we wanted!

Hi, Gary!

How you doing?

How's it going?

- Really well.
- Ooh, nice backyard.

Can you hold onto this
for a little bit for me?

Uh, yeah, I guess so.

Oh, God.
No, don't take that!

What are you doing?!

- Yeah!
- Yeah.

Hey. Hey, Burt!
Is that you in there?

Hey, Gary!
I was just trying...

What was that?!

What did he give you?

Relax, Burt.

He just wanted me to hold
a package for him.

I don't like the sound of that.

Well, get used to it,
'cause he said

there'll be more packages
delivered to us.

What's in them?

I don't know.
I didn't ask.

What the devil?

Everything is fine!
Everything is under control.

Where'd you get that?

Jimmy's old Miss Snoops-A-Lot
spy kit.

Oh, I'd forgot he went through
that weird Nancy Drew phase.

Burt!

Tell me you didn't open
Gary's package.

I would, but I'd be lying.

And I would never lie to you,
unlike Gary,

who's clearly lying to his wife.

"All my love, Carlotta."

Exactly.
His wife's name is Gina.

So either he's the world's
worst speller,

or he's having an affair
and using us to hide it.

And now he's done something
to Gina.

Burt, you're acting crazy.

It's just a watch
with someone's name on it.

What about the screams

we heard before the blinds
were closed?

People scream
for all kinds of reasons.

I scream, you scream,

we all scream for ice cream.

That's three reasons
right there.

That's the police.

We'll see what they have
to say about this.

Hello, Chances.

Auxiliary Officer Hughes
at your service.

I understand you reported
a disturbance?

I thought you said
you called the police?

I thought I did, too.
Why'd they send you?

If you really want
to know,

the "real" police won't come
here anymore

because you already hit
your 911 quota.

911.
What's your emergency?

There's a bunch of birds
outside our window!

They're just...
Oh, wait, they're gone.

Never mind.

- 911, what's your emergency?
- Someone's in my house!

It's a murderer!
You have to help me!

Look what somebody threw out.

Never mind.

So your neighbors argue, smile
and ask you to take their mail?

You got nothing!

In fact, the only crime
that's been committed here

is mail fraud,
and you two did it.

Oh, no. This is Burt's deal,
not mine.

If you don't mind,
I'm gonna take this to go.

I've got one humdinger
of a toothache,

and this is making it feel
much better.

Mom thought that maybe
we should come over,

make sure you weren't
out here acting crazy.

What have you done
with her, Gary?

You smiley-faced
son of a bitch!

Whoa, I thought
you were at work.

I was. Knock Knock Knock
is trying out theme weeks.

It's Retro Week.

It's beautiful.

I know.

I was afraid to get it dirty,

so the houses aren't very clean.

Have you been
out here peering

into Gina and Gary's house
all day?

Yeah. And do you know
who I haven't seen? Gina.

Don't you think
that's a little strange?

Maybe she's staying away
from the windows

because some weirdo's spying
on her from the next house.

No. If there was some weirdo
spying on her,

I would've seen it.

We're gonna head out of here.

You know what?
I'm gonna go over there

and settle this whole thing
right now.

Also, I want the whole neighborhood
to see me in this dress.

No, you can't.
It's not safe.

At least take one
of these walkie-talkies with you

so I can listen in,
and make sure you're okay.

Come on, Pigtails,
let's do this.

I'm approaching
the residence, over.

Hey, Virginia! My favorite
back fence neighbor!

- Look at you all gussied up.
- Aw.

If I didn't know any better,
I'd say you had a fella on the side.

Oh, Gary, you're such a card.

Is Gina home?

I wanted to know if she'd like
to join me for a walk.

- She's not home.
- Where is she?

- She went on a trip.
- Yeah, she went on a trip.

A one-way trip.

To death.

Oh, really?

Oh. Well, last night she didn't
mention anything about a trip.

How exciting.

Is she visiting family
back in... the big city?

Yes. She'll be gone a while.

Yeah, she'll be gone a while.

To death.

Oh, just one last thing.

Uh, I wonder if I could borrow
a cup of brown sugar.

I'm afraid we're all out.

Oh.

Well, good night.
You look beautiful.

- Oh, no. What are those?
- Oh, calm down.

It's just two more packages
that came for Gary.

I found 'em on the porch.

You need to relax.

I think I know just
how to do it.

Unzip me.

You're gonna love
this old-timey underwear.

I feel like my boobs
are strapped into party hats.

I like party hats, boobs
and old things.

Oh, damn these
rolling blackouts.

What do you think?

I think he's guilty.

Look at this!

Guilty of what?

Washing his dishes?

No. No, he was...

He was wrapping
an axe in newspaper.

Why would he do that?

Because he killed his wife.

He chopped her up

and now he's looking
to hide the evidence

in the only place he knows
we'll never look... the newspaper.

I'm starting to believe
Barney was right.

Those pain meds are making you

a little loopy in the old noggin.

Don't you think it's
just a little suspicious

that all of a sudden
Gina takes a trip?

Without her husband?

What business is it of yours?

Because it's everyone's business
when there's been a murder.

Burt...

Leave it alone.

Burt, did you hear that?

That sounds like
murder to me.

Oh, my God.

He killed her.

You were right, Burt.

I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

That's okay.

I'm almost never right.

You were just playing the odds.

Oh, my God, what a horror.

Oh, my God, did he hit you?

My dentist? No.

No, not since the first time.

But in his defense,
I did bite him.

Oh, the neighbors.
Oh, yeah, they're fine.

I just went over
and talked to them...

both of them.

Wait, Gina was there?

Yeah.

She was fine.
And polite.

She didn't mention anything
about all my drooling.

But Gary said
she went on a trip.

Well, maybe she got homesick
and came back early.

All perfectly legal.

Then what was he doing
burying something

in the backyard,
at night?

Yeah. He was planting
evening primroses.

He said they take better when
you plant them at night.

Shoot.

As a professional gardener,
that does add up.

Leave this thing alone
and stop calling 911.

Or next time,
they won't even send me.

Well, Gina's alive.

That is great.

Yeah.

- Phew.
- Yeah.

That is a relief.

Is it weird that
I'm a little...

- Disappointed?
- Yeah.

- Me, too.
- Are we bad people?

No. No, no.
We just got caught up.

The important
thing is...

Gina's alive.

Right.
Yes.

Right.

Still disappointed.

Virginia, have you seen
my new scratching fork?

I lost another one in here.

Just a second.

I'm just cleaning up out here.

Burt, look!

There's a woman with Gary
and it's not Gina.

I bet you it's that
slut-whore Carlotta

he's been
sleeping with.

I bet that's who Barney saw

and thought was Gina.

I knew Gina was dead!

Which is very sad.

Of course.
It's horrible.

Just dig it up, and I'll get rid
of everything in the house.

They're getting rid
of the evidence.

We have to do something
before it's all gone.

I have a plan.

Hello, Mr. Stewart.

This is, uh, Auxiliary Police Officer
Barney Hughes.

Turns out
we really could use your help

down here at the precinct,

so, if you and your wife could
come down here right away

and answer a few questions
for us,

well, that'd be just swell.

Burt, what was that accent?

I was doing Barney.

Oh. It sounded like George Bailey
from that Christmas movie

where everyone was
better off without him.

They just left.
I'm going in.

He lied.

He has a whole freaking bag.

That monster.

Jimmy?

Sabrina?

Well, hi there, neighbor.

Gary? Hey.

I know you're injured,
so I let myself in.

Although, you should really
lock your front door.

What can I do for you
at this late hour?

Yeah, sorry about that.

Was on my way out
to run some errands,

I saw your light was on,
so I thought I'd swing by

and pick up those packages
I asked Virginia to hold.

Oh, sure.

One's on the nightstand.

The other one's out
in the living room.

Thanks. Well,

I guess I'll be on my way.

Great. Good-bye.

Say... you didn't
open this, did you?

'Cause it looks like someone
ripped it open, and then...

crudely rewrapped it.

Must have come that way.
Damn post office.

Oh, and another thing.

There was an odd little man
in a child's police costume

at my house earlier
asking strange questions.

You wouldn't know anything
about that, would you?

I would not.
No.

What was that?

Oh. Uh...

Is that Little Miss Snoops-A-Lot?

I think that's Little Miss
Mind-Your-Own-Business.

Can I have that back, please?

Burt! I found something.

Gary's definitely a murderer.

What the hell is she doing
in my house?

Damn rolling blackouts!

Oh.

No!

Ooh. Help me
with the mattress.

Oh, isn't that nice?
She finally found someone.

I'm coming, Virginia!

- Virginia?!
- Burt!

Wait. Virginia! Oh.

Virginia, the slut-whore

has a gun pointed at your...

I mean, the reasonable,
classy lady

has a gun pointed at your head!

Just put the gun down,
Carlotta.

Gary, who are these people?

My crazy back-fence neighbors.

Hey, I may be crazy,
but at least I'm not a sugar liar.

I saw the bag!

Stand down.

They're just
a couple of civilians.

Huh? What?
Who the hell are you?

Agent Heidi Thompson.

Quick, get him into the van.

Why'd you do this to me, Burt?

You ruined everything!

And I loved your thumbs!

He was in Witness Protection.

The man you know
as Gary Stewart

testified
against the Russian mob.

We've been relocating witnesses
to that house for years.

That's why
it's the Weirdo House.

So, then,
who's Carlotta?

That's Gina's real name.

- Oh.
- She left when she found out

that Gary was having
his old friends send him these

mementos of his old life.

It compromised their safety.

But I saw him
with an axe.

That's an award Gary got

for his work
as a volunteer firefighter,

but it had his real name
engraved on it.

I found one more
box on the porch.

You're going to want
to look at this.

We thought these might show up.

Gary was one of the mob's
most notorious hit men.

He used to collect
his victims' thumbs as trophies.

They called him "The Hand Surgeon."

So, Burt, we were right.

Gary really is a murderer.

Oh, my God!
Virginia, think about it.

The thumb wrestling.

The thumb compliments.

If we hadn't blown
Gary's cover,

my days of doing "this guy"
jokes would be over.

Oh.

Well, someone else is
finally moving in.

Now that it's not
a witness protection house anymore,

maybe we'll finally get some
normal neighbors for once?

Let's go see who it is.

Hello.

Norman?

Who's at the door?

Nobody, Mother.

Can I help you?

Gracias, amigo.